MSPA fan-fiction

[The_Second_Beast]

Wee haven't had any flashbacks to John's past, so pretty much anything goes for him.

We know he got "years" of enjoyment out of his tire swing and misery out of his pogo ride. Dad was clearly living in the same neighborhood around the time the kids were "born". However, I don't think there's any reason you can't just say Dad moved away and back or they lived in a different house (I know kids who have moved to different houses, all within a mile of each other, like three times), possibly taking the swing and ride with them.

[Valter]

We know he got "years" of enjoyment out of his tire swing and misery out of his pogo ride.

They could have easily moved with him.

It's not really that important in the first place, though.

[grigori]

Because ignoring canon's okay if it's needed for a good story, but if I don't have to I'd rather avoid it, and I could change things if I really had to, but it'd work better to have him moving, so... And since sburb and the story have gotten all time loopy I don't know if maybe the house is important or something?

[conceptofzero]

No, I mean when you end dialogue, I think some of those periods should be commas. I learned that if the next words right after dialogue is that they were saying it, it's all part of the same sentence, so you don't end it with a period.

Aaaah, I figured out the issue. Those are places where there were multiple lines of description between the pieces of dialogue that I ended up erasing when editing, and I forgot that maaaybe I should check my punctuation. Thanks for the heads up!

I've got a journal over on Dreamwidth, so I'll check out that comm, and I may just take one of those invites of yours to AOOO, if that's okay!

[I-gor]

The Queen Is Dead, Alandoned, Catalyst:

Troll Log III part VI

show spoiler

hide spoiler

gardenGnostic: i mean in the game!!!
turntechGodhead: oh yeah the "game" everyone knows about
turntechGodhead: but me
ectoBiologist: its no joke dude
gardenGnostic: is there a...
gardenGnostic: "time problem"
gardenGnostic: in here??
gardenGnostic:
gardenGnostic: im confused
ectoBiologist: probably
turntechGodhead: hey a time problem
turntechGodhead: i can fix that right?
turntechGodhead: aren't i this "plumber of thyme"
carcinoGeneticist: KNIGHT OF TIME
carcinoGeneticist: IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE IN ANY CASE
carcinoGeneticist: UNLESS I CAN CONVINCE YOU HUMANS TO STOP SCREWING EVERYTHING UP
carcinoGeneticist: WHICH IS ABOUT AS FUTILE AS YOU'D IMAGINE
adiosToreador: cAN YOU CLEAN TOILETS WITH hERBS THOUGH?
carcinoGeneticist: TOILETS WITH HERBS
carcinoGeneticist: AT SOMETIMES I THINK YOU HAVE THE BRAIN OF A ZOMBIE
carcinoGeneticist: I'M OBVIOUSLY WRONG SOMETIMES
turntechGodhead: not if you just left kfc
carcinoGeneticist: YOU HAVE NO BRAIN AT ALL.
turntechGodhead: have to take an enormous dump
turntechGodhead: laced with 11 types of pain
gallowsCalibrator: Y34H S3RIOUSLY
turntechGodhead: and spices
tentacleTherapist: I have no idea how our conversation's topic drifted thus far.
ectoBiologist: beats me
turntechGodhead: its zombie troll over there
turntechGodhead: the one with the brain of a crow
turntechGodhead: fault successfully dumped
gallowsCalibrator: YOU H4V3 NO 1D34
grimAuxiliatrix: You Can't Transfer Blame Instantly With A Phrase
gallowsCalibrator: YOU C4N W1TH 4T
turntechGodhead: you can without any evidence provided you can type
grimAuxiliatrix: Your Sage Advice Is Helpful
grimAuxiliatrix: I Must Say
gallowsCalibrator: KNOW1NG H1M H3'S PROB4BLY GO1NG TO BLOG 4BOUT 1T
gallowsCalibrator: >:/
turntechGodhead: hey one day my blog will be a little memory in the backs of peoples minds
turntechGodhead: great peoples minds
turntechGodhead: and it will inspire them
turntechGodhead: against their will
turntechGodhead: and the world will be fixed
tentacleTherapist: Yes.
turntechGodhead: fixed like a horse race
tentacleTherapist: Whenever he walks down the street people whisper, "Is that the guy with the blog?"
turntechGodhead: im sure they do
turntechGodhead: maybe tomorrow or something
carcinoGeneticist: TIME TRAVEL I PRESUME
turntechGodhead: artful dodger walks up the street and asks "did you do that blog?"
turntechGodhead: and i nod slowly, like a condescending douche, and high five him, condescendingly
turntechGodhead: and then take his wallet while walking away
turntechGodhead: then i blog about it
tentacleTherapist: Such audacity.
tentacleTherapist: Fagin would be proud.
turntechGodhead: and he congratulates me the next day
turntechGodhead: people take whatever i make like its fucking diamonds wrapped in gold in an expensive martini
turntechGodhead: its uncanny
ectoBiologist: would you say its ironic?
gardenGnostic: but your stuff is so good!
ectoBiologist: yeah man
turntechGodhead: ironic yes.
turntechGodhead: its ironic that its ironic
turntechGodhead: shits double ironic
gallowsCalibrator: TH1S FROM THE S4M3 P3RSON WHOSE BROTH3R S3LLS PUPP3TS FOR 4 L1V1NG
turntechGodhead: youre high those puppets are true art
turntechGodhead: fukin picassos legacy personified
gallowsCalibrator: >8D
grimAuxiliatrix: Who Ever Picasso May Be I'm Sure He Is Rolling In His Grave
grimAuxiliatrix: No Possible Outcome Could Change This
tentacleTherapist: You may be sure.
gardenGnostic: the puppets ARE a little weird
tentacleTherapist: I for one think that certain people are already creating an alternate energy revolution
tentacleTherapist: By the careful addition of magnets and generators to artists' bodies.
turntechGodhead: you guys know the puppet hate was what i expected
turntechGodhead: you all just argued against me
turntechGodhead: into my hands
grimAuxiliatrix: Not At All
turntechGodhead: how can you be sure
carcinoGeneticist: IT'S ALL INEVITABLE
carcinoGeneticist: THERE ISN'T ANYTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE YOUR MIND IS THERE?
turntechGodhead: hey mr morbid how many kittens did you talk into suicide today
carcinoGeneticist: YOU'D BE SURPRISED
turntechGodhead: well what can i expect from someone with a cancer allusion in their name
turntechGodhead: youre either a douche or a urban goth
grimAuxiliatrix: Um
gallowsCalibrator: SOUNDS 4BOUT R1GHT
turntechGodhead: i think youre a douche though
carcinoGeneticist: LIKEWISE.
adiosToreador: eVERYONE SAYS THAT BEHIND HIS BACK
adiosToreador: wE ALL THINK IT
carcinoGeneticist: I KNOW.
turntechGodhead: same here
gardenGnostic: that isnt true!!!
turntechGodhead: exception to the rule
turntechGodhead: and i wouldnt have it any other way
ectoBiologist: yeah
ectoBiologist: youre a bit of a downer today
grimAuxiliatrix: You Like Being Discussed Unfondly Behind Your Back
turntechGodhead: is it really behind my back if i know its going on
adiosToreador: uMM,
adiosToreador: yES?
carcinoGeneticist: AT
carcinoGeneticist: MAYBE YOU SHOULD CUT YOUR HEAD OFF AND GO PLAY WITH THE EARTH BIRD THEY CALL CHICKENS.
adiosToreador: hOW WOULD i EVEN GET ONE OF THOSE
ectoBiologist: um
ectoBiologist: i dunno
ectoBiologist: shenanigans maybe?
turntechGodhead: go down to the local farm and sneak into the barn
gallowsCalibrator: TH1S 1M4G3 1NT3R3STS M3
turntechGodhead: maybe farmer jack wont even notice
turntechGodhead: shit he must get chickens all the time
turntechGodhead: every time a coyote or a shitty troll shows up he could just leave an egg unfarmed
grimAuxiliatrix: Is That How Agriculture Works?
carcinoGeneticist: HOW DO YOU THINK AT GETS INJURED SO OFTEN?
carcinoGeneticist: OF COURSE THAT'S HOW IT WORKS
grimAuxiliatrix: I Don't Take A Particular Interest In Excavating Dirt Smeared Food And Driving Workdog Livestock Into The Ground
turntechGodhead: well someones got to do it
turntechGodhead: those men are fuckin champions
turntechGodhead: digging up all your food for you
ectoBiologist: workdogs?
turntechGodhead: what are you queen of food
gallowsCalibrator: ON3 OF US 1S M41D OF T1M3
turntechGodhead: he could use the time if he spends it yelling at us for made up reasons
tentacleTherapist: Perhaps these titles have a certain propensity between us.
tentacleTherapist: Like the Knight and Maid of Time.
turntechGodhead: shit no
turntechGodhead: im not quantum leaping through time or whatever to save the ass of some rapunzel stuck in a wireless equipped tower
adiosToreador: aRE MAIDS ALWAYS STUCK IN TOWERS?
carcinoGeneticist: IN HUMAN STORYBOOKS YES.
grimAuxiliatrix: Well Stereotypically Speaking Maids Are Found Tower-stuck Much Of The Time
tentacleTherapist: Where would you stereotypically find another role, like, say, a Seer?
adiosToreador: i FORGOT WHO OUR SEER WAS
adiosToreador: dID WE EVEN HAVE ONE
gallowsCalibrator: HOW 1RON1C.
gallowsCalibrator: OR M4YB3 JUST STUP1D.
turntechGodhead: you guys sound like extreme basement nerds right here
gallowsCalibrator: SP34K FOR YOURS3LF
turntechGodhead: didnt know you LARPed on the side or whatever
turntechGodhead: somehow got together and had extreme d n d fests in someones basement
turntechGodhead: then "oh lets use it as a trolling afront"
carcinoGeneticist: IT DIDN'T QUITE WORK OUT.
turntechGodhead: what
carcinoGeneticist: YOU SEE WE'RE STUCK IN THIS LAB
carcinoGeneticist: WITH A BUNCH OF COMPUTERS ON THIS GODFORSAKEN SPACE ROCK
carcinoGeneticist: AND ATTEMPTING TO TALK TO YOU MORONS THROUGH TIME
turntechGodhead: so you say
carcinoGeneticist: TO STOP A PREORDAINED EVENT THAT WILL MOST LIKELY KILL US ALL
tentacleTherapist: The futility is obviously most evident.
tentacleTherapist: Who wouldn't believe several aliens about an apocalypse?
gardenGnostic: guys is there anyway we can summon our dave???
gardenGnostic: this one is probably causing time paradoxes or something!
turntechGodhead: yeah im ruining the universe
gallowsCalibrator: TH3 UN1V3RS3 34TS P4R4DOX3S FOR BR34KF4ST
gallowsCalibrator: DON'T WORRY YOUR H34D 4BOUT 1T
turntechGodhead: unravelling it like a cat with a ball of fucking twine
turntechGodhead: youre all dead already
adiosToreador: rEALLY NOW
carcinoGeneticist: THAT'S THE GIST OF IT.
carcinoGeneticist: AT WHAT TURNIP TRUCK HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING IN OVER THE LAST YEAR OR SO?
adiosToreador: hOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THE TURNIP TRUCK i MADE OUT OF pARTICLE bOARD?
turntechGodhead: pathetic people do pathetic things
turntechGodhead: its easy to guess
carcinoGeneticist: A FOOLISH CONSISTENCY IS THE HOBGOBLIN OF LITTLE MINDS
grimAuxiliatrix: You Can't Tell Me People Create Fake Turnip Trucks Often
carcinoGeneticist: IT'S FROM YOUR EMERSON
turntechGodhead: i see
carcinoGeneticist: NO, YOU DON'T SEE.
gallowsCalibrator: 1 R3S3NT TH4T
carcinoGeneticist: NO OFFENCE
turntechGodhead: if you are blind
turntechGodhead: which you probably arent
turntechGodhead: how are you reading what were saying
turntechGodhead: big speakers spouting monotone dribble
gallowsCalibrator: YOU MEAN YOU DON'T SPEAK IN FRAGRANT GASES
gallowsCalibrator: 4ND SM3LL 34CH OTH3RS S3NT3NC3S?
turntechGodhead: few people speak in fragrant gases
turntechGodhead: only the fat rude ones
gallowsCalibrator: L1K3 YOU?
turntechGodhead: yes all the time
ectoBiologist: oh yeah
ectoBiologist: that reminds me of something
ectoBiologist: i found this on the internet the other day
turntechGodhead: im the fucking master of communismelltion
ectoBiologist: http://i65.servimg.com/u/f65/14/55/45/97/bat310.jpg
adiosToreador: uMM
adiosToreador: wHY IS bATMAN BEING ATTACKED BY bLIND MEN
carcinoGeneticist: WHAT THE HELL JOHN
turntechGodhead: because the asshole is always talking about his bitching sight probably
turntechGodhead: "i have the eyes of the night"
turntechGodhead: what a douche
gallowsCalibrator: H3 SM3LLS L1K3 WORC3ST3RSH1R3 S4UC3
tentacleTherapist: Worcestershire sauce.
adiosToreador: aUGH iVE HAD ENOUGH WORCHESTER SAUCE
gallowsCalibrator: Y3S DON'T YOU H4V3 1T 1N YOU4 HUM4N CULTUR3?
adiosToreador: pLEASE YOU GUYS
adiosToreador: i GET a SPEECH ABOUT THIS EVERYDAY
ectoBiologist: i mean
grimAuxiliatrix: It's Your Fault
ectoBiologist: it looks like your the ringleader of that picture gc
grimAuxiliatrix: You Did Bring It Up In The First Place
adiosToreador: i WAS BULLIED INTO IT
adiosToreador: bY MYSELF
grimAuxiliatrix: From Your Future?
adiosToreador: nO JUST ME
turntechGodhead: wow youve pulled some stupid shit in the past
turntechGodhead: but this takes the cake
gallowsCalibrator: WH4T DO3S
turntechGodhead: he basically just said that he hates something he wanted to do
turntechGodhead: why is the best irony accidental?
turntechGodhead: the cosmos is wasting itself right here
ectoBiologist: yeah
adiosToreador: hOW DO YOU KNOW iT ISNT AN iRONIC jOKE?
ectoBiologist: i guess it is kind of stupid
carcinoGeneticist: NOT AS STUPID AS A BUNCH OF STUPID BLIND GUYS ATTACKING YOUR EARTH BATMAN?
carcinoGeneticist: AT, YOU'RE NOT SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND IRONY, LET ALONE MAKE AN IRONIC JOKE
turntechGodhead: yeah wait what were you even trying to prove with that
ectoBiologist: i dunno
ectoBiologist: like i just found that cover on the internet
adiosToreador: i THINK i KNOW HOW TO MAKE AN IRONIC JOKE
ectoBiologist: seemed kind of appropriate
turntechGodhead: i guess
turntechGodhead: you did pull it off at an expertly random time
carcinoGeneticist: COMPLETELY ON ACCIDENT
turntechGodhead: unless you think batman communicates with gas
adiosToreador: hOW EXACTLY DO YOU COMMUNICATE WITH GAS?
gallowsCalibrator: C4R3FULLY
ectoBiologist: but somehow involves blind guys i guess
turntechGodhead: thats pretty much how they made robot jimmy carter
turntechGodhead: with careful blind guys at the job
ectoBiologist: im still surprised they got christopher walken to do it
turntechGodhead: why wouldnt he flex his robotics degree
turntechGodhead: things better than his acting
adiosToreador: wHOS cHRISTOPHER wALKEN?
carcinoGeneticist: SOMETHING TO DO WITH THEIR JIMMY CARTER
turntechGodhead: loosely i guess
adiosToreador: hOW LOOSE
adiosToreador: lIKE ARE THEY BROTHERS OR SOEMTHING
turntechGodhead: im pretty sure chris was a tumor on jimmy carter
turntechGodhead: he was removed at birth
turntechGodhead: but the doctor who was supposed to throw it away decided to keep it
turntechGodhead: until it grew and murdered him
adiosToreador: wOW REALLY
turntechGodhead: yes
gallowsCalibrator: SOUNDS UTT3RLY D3L1GHTFUL
turntechGodhead: all actors do that
gallowsCalibrator: 4ND 1 M34N TH4T 1N 4 S4RC4ST1C W4Y
turntechGodhead: all actors are presidential tumors
turntechGodhead: fact of life
ectoBiologist: except ronald reagan
turntechGodhead: ronald reagan found a way to be his own tumor
turntechGodhead: i mean look at him
turntechGodhead: like dr brinner ghost economist or something like that
tentacleTherapist: Wasn't he an actor anyways?
ectoBiologist: yeah he was
turntechGodhead: exactly
carcinoGeneticist: REALLY
adiosToreador: aRE YOU JUST MAKING THIS UP NOW
carcinoGeneticist: IN OUR WORLD WE HAVE ACTORS THAT ARE CONSCRIPTED
carcinoGeneticist: AS HOBOES FROM SOME DUMPSTER
carcinoGeneticist: AND SHOVED ON A B-MOVIE SET
carcinoGeneticist: AND TOLD TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT AFTER GIVING THEM CASKS FULL OF VODKA OR SOMETHING
grimAuxiliatrix: Yes Because Living Tumors Are So Much More Likely Than Actor Dictators
carcinoGeneticist: AND THEN THEY TELL THEM TO COME UP WITH A NEW ACTUAL MOVIE TITLE
adiosToreador: iSNT THAT HARD
carcinoGeneticist: AND THEN THEY BECOME INEXPLICABLY RICH AND FAMOUS
carcinoGeneticist: OF COURSE THEY DON'T ALWAYS TURN OUT THAT WELL
carcinoGeneticist: HENCE AT



END PART VI

[Aerok12]

Ch.1
Ch.12

Alandoned: Chapter 13

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Hours in the past, but not many...

A skunk...person? Um, a skunk person sits in, uh, hir room. What is hir name?

>Taylor Fitch

Taylor sat in hir favorite sewing chair in the center of hir room. Se was wearing nothing, preferring to be in the nude in hir own home. However, se did have a tattoo of a symbol with the appearance of a large U shape, with a line crossing the top. Se was currently stitching up one of hir pants that had been torn the previous night. Se was just finishing up when BM pestered hir.

beautifulMedic [BM] began pestering sexyDiplomat [SD] at 18:25

BM:heeey girlfriend
BM:hows it hanging
SD:excellent!(^-^)
SD:just stitchin up my jeans
SD:wild night last night
BM:ooh dish girl
BM:who was it
SD:no i cant tell you(>_<)
SD:very hush hush
SD:on the down low
SD:you know what i mean?
BM:you saying im not trustworthy
BM:that hurts my feelings
SD:yes
SD:im sure it does
SD:(¬_¬)
BM:pweeze
BM:http://bazanye.files.wordpress.com/2...y-dog-eyes.jpg
SD:not gonna get to me
SD:no way
SD:nuh uh
SD:8lip quivers8
BM:*sad music plays*
SD:alright
BM:yaaay!
SD:alex
BM:lolwut
BM:hao
BM:im gonna have to tell him about this you know
SD:yeah i know
SD:as to how
SD:i guess it's just my instincts
SD:and my pulchritude
SD:plus he's a total pushover
BM:man
BM:i wish i was as attractive as you
BM:alas
BM:i am fatty mcfatterson
SD:oh no, don't say that(~_~)
SD:you're beautiful
SD:and aren't you on a new diet plan/
BM:yeah but its not working out
SD:don't worry
SD:i'm sure you will be able to trim your waistline in no time
SD:but don't go overboard
SD:you don't want something like last time
BM:yeah okay
BM:hey did you get that new game sburb?
SD:yes1
SD:you wanna play together/
BM:do you want us to play together?
SD:haha
SD:jinx
SD:hang on i'll go get the disks
BM:ill wait here for ya

Taylor left hir room, which was completely buried in posters of people in, suggestive, poses. In the living room, there was a whole bunch of anime posters and dolls and whatnot. Hir dorky brother loved those crappy things, and would watch them all day if Tay didn't keep him busy with chores and homework.
On the table was the client copy of sburb. Tay's brother probably stole them. Typical. Se grabbed the envelope, and headed back to hir room.

SD:kay got 'em
SD:well the client copy at least
SD:my bro probably stole the server
BM:dang girl
BM:why you gotta let him into your stuff
BM:should have kept them in your room like me
SD:well i put them down to get a snack
SD:and then forgot them(-_-)
BM:define snack
SD:a bowl of cereal
SD:what'd you think
BM:nothing
BM:nothing
SD:yeah right
SD:so we doin this or not/
BM:yeah just put the disk in
SD:im not stupid
SD:i was born at night
SD:but not last night
BM:yeah yeah
SD:kay done
BM:now you have to connect with me
SD:okay seriously
SD:quit it
SD:i know your goin all motherly instincts on me
SD:but im 19
SD:i can take care of myself
SD:okay that was a little mean
BM:damn right it was
BM:that was terrible fitch
SD:listen
SD:im sorry
SD:but you need to get over it
SD:there was nothing you could have done
SD:hello/
SD:okay you relax
SD:get back to me when you can

sexydiplomat [SD] ceased pestering beautifulMedic [BM] at 18:47

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Okay, before you say anything, I did keep my promise. Nova was the last gay character. I'm pretty sure hermaphrodism doesn't count as homosexuality. :apple:
Also, this one was another short one. Maybe I should call them "segments" instead of chapters.
@coz: That was really good! That's the kind of descriptive writing I'm aiming for. Excellent job!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Alsox2: I drew a thing. It may or may not mean anything to you.

Some of these symbols were probably already done by other people, but I can't be bothered to change it. I'm leaving it uncolored for now, and I will explain the meanings of them later.

Ch.14

[I-gor]

Troll Log III, Part VII

show spoiler

hide spoiler

grimAuxiliatrix: Such Is Society
turntechGodhead: pure and simple
gallowsCalibrator: 4R3N'T YOU GL4D 1T'S 4LL OV3R NOW?
turntechGodhead: sure
turntechGodhead: why not
turntechGodhead: im pretty sure society already died
turntechGodhead: and was replaced with something even more inexplicable
grimAuxiliatrix: Ridiculous Yet Likely
adiosToreador: tHAT ISNT LIKELY
gallowsCalibrator: MOR3 DOUGL4S 4D4MS STUFF
tentacleTherapist: I'm surprised you know about him.
gallowsCalibrator: OH Y3S
gallowsCalibrator: H3'S QU1T3 F4MOUS 4ROUND TH3S3 P4RTS
turntechGodhead: maybe you mighty space aliens also got the ashes of gene roddenberry too
turntechGodhead: started a fucking church based around him
carcinoGeneticist: NO
carcinoGeneticist: WE TRIED
turntechGodhead: so did some humans im sure
gallowsCalibrator: H3 M4K3S 4N 4W3SOM3 SPR1T3
gallowsCalibrator: YOU'R3 JUST J34LOUS B3C4US3 1 STOL3 H1S CR3M4T3D 4SH3S
turntechGodhead: now youve lapsed back into nonsensical mouth diarrhea
tentacleTherapist: That's far-fetched on the boundary of incredible.
carcinoGeneticist: AND YET LIGHTYEARS AHEAD OF AT'S PRIMORDIAL DEVELOPMENT
carcinoGeneticist: HONESTLY DON'T YOU EVER GROW UP?
adiosToreador: lOOKS WHOS TALKING
adiosToreador: gREENHORNS
turntechGodhead: that was the most half assed pun ive ever heard
carcinoGeneticist: YOU'RE ASKING FOR A FACE-PUMMELING HERE
carcinoGeneticist: OR BETTER YET A FACE SICKLEING
turntechGodhead: if it was a pun
adiosToreador: iT WAS
tentacleTherapist: It doesn't really qualify
turntechGodhead: okay yes that was the most half assed pun ive ever heard
tentacleTherapist: That stretches the borders of wordplay into the land of idiocy
tentacleTherapist: And unwittingly calls upon the dragon of terrible jokes
ectoBiologist: like trogdor?
turntechGodhead: im sure ms humorless mcbetterthanitall here could write a better one
adiosToreador: dOES THAT MEAN SHES BETTER THAN STUFF SHE DOES
adiosToreador: aUGH YOUR TITLES MAKE NO SENSE
turntechGodhead: hey thats how i feel
turntechGodhead: you get a sympathy cookie
turntechGodhead: speaking of wheres jade?
tentacleTherapist: More than likely slumbering.
tentacleTherapist: Either that or busily building.
turntechGodhead: someone should buy that girl some fucking adrenaline pills or something
ectoBiologist: but why would she be sleeping
ectoBiologist: its like the middle of the day in her time zone
turntechGodhead: dude she has narcolepsy
turntechGodhead: did you not know that
turntechGodhead: arent you supposed to be from the spooky future
ectoBiologist: i mean come on
ectoBiologist: shes not like really weird or anything
tentacleTherapist: Believe it, John.
turntechGodhead: the fuck dude
turntechGodhead: you could look at a snake and think its a mouse couldnt you
gallowsCalibrator: H3 PROB4BLY COULD
gallowsCalibrator: TH4T'S PROB4BLY HOW 1 K1LL3D HIM
turntechGodhead: you better hope you have some kind of guardian angel or something making sure you dont fuck up
grimAuxiliatrix: Oh Yes The Killing Move.
grimAuxiliatrix: The Laughter Is Still Fresh In My Mind
gallowsCalibrator: TH4T W4S 4 LONG T1M3 4GO
grimAuxiliatrix: Yes It Was
adiosToreador: nOT FOR ME
ectoBiologist: but
ectoBiologist: i'm still alive
carcinoGeneticist: WHATEVER
carcinoGeneticist: I'VE GIVEN UP HOPE TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL
grimAuxiliatrix: That's Because You Have A Knight Of Time
carcinoGeneticist: ASIDE FROM SOME CRACKPOT SCHEME TO GET YOU KILLED AND MESS WITH THE TIMELINE
grimAuxiliatrix: Some People Are Easily Pleased; GC Murders People
adiosToreador: cAN ATTEST
gallowsCalibrator: SOM3T1M3S 1 L3T TH3M OFF 4FT3R ONLY M41M1NG THEM
adiosToreador: iVE BEEN MURDERED SEVERAL TIMES THOUGH
ectoBiologist: like what would you do
ectoBiologist: like to a puppy or something?
turntechGodhead: kick it
turntechGodhead: kick the dog
gallowsCalibrator: WHY WOULD 1 BOTH3R W1TH YOUR 34RTH M4MM4L P3TS?
turntechGodhead: or order its execution by firing squad
turntechGodhead: depends on the dog too
turntechGodhead: or chop its legs off
adiosToreador: i WOULD KICK IT IN THE TEETH
gallowsCalibrator: WHY WOULD 1 DO TH4T?
gallowsCalibrator: >:|
tentacleTherapist: I wonder what Jade is really up to.
ectoBiologist: yeah no kidding
turntechGodhead: probably completely forgot how to use a computer
turntechGodhead: then used it as a frisbee for her workdog or something
tentacleTherapist: Hmm
gardenGnostic: no im back!
tentacleTherapist: Oh, I see
gardenGnostic: i just had something to see to
ectoBiologist: hey jade
ectoBiologist: what was it
ectoBiologist: was it that explosion or something
gardenGnostic:
gardenGnostic: (its a secret)
turntechGodhead: hey that reminds me
ectoBiologist: oh
carcinoGeneticist: OH GOD NOT SOMETHING ELSE
gardenGnostic: wait why were you guys talking about kicking dogs?
carcinoGeneticist: DOESN'T MATTER
turntechGodhead: dog kicking techniques are important
turntechGodhead: if you ever want to be an evil dictator or just a ruthless drunk hobo
gallowsCalibrator: L1K3 4T
turntechGodhead: you need to know how to kick dogs
gardenGnostic: thats just RUDE
gardenGnostic:
ectoBiologist: yeah it kind of was
gardenGnostic: you dont need to kick dogs to be a hobo!!!!
gardenGnostic: whatever a hobo is
turntechGodhead: hobos are strange demons summoned by poverty
turntechGodhead: they eat beans and hunt coinage
gardenGnostic: these sound fake
gardenGnostic: is he tricking me?
tentacleTherapist: Don't worry too much about it, Jade
gardenGnostic: well everyone should at least admit that kicking dogs isnt funny
ectoBiologist: its not
turntechGodhead: its kind of funny
gardenGnostic: DAVE!!!
turntechGodhead: well damn
turntechGodhead: they fly like footballs
carcinoGeneticist: I HAVE TO ADMIT ITS HARD GETTING WORKED UP ABOUT EARTH ANIMALS
turntechGodhead: but they squeal like teapots while they fly
gardenGnostic: youve kicked a dog before?
turntechGodhead: no, but i can imagine it pretty well
gardenGnostic: well no use getting angry i guess
gallowsCalibrator: H4V3 YOU DR4WN SOM3 SORT OF 4BSURD COM1C 4BOUT 1T?
turntechGodhead: good idea
gallowsCalibrator: >:]
gardenGnostic: now why are we talking to the trolls again?
ectoBiologist: i dunno
ectoBiologist: something about how they knew something important or something
ectoBiologist: about some robot exploding or other
turntechGodhead: i followed one in here and found out my friends were throwin a house party
gardenGnostic: robot?
tentacleTherapist: It was all very vague and we're not quite sure how we got into these subjects of discussion in the first place.
ectoBiologist: yeah something about how your robot is supposed to explode or something
ectoBiologist: it was weird
turntechGodhead: conversational miasma
gardenGnostic: oh yeah one of them was talking about my robot exploding earlier
carcinoGeneticist: IT'S IMPORTANT BUSINESS
gardenGnostic: the angry grey one
carcinoGeneticist: THIS IS NOT BEING ANGRY
carcinoGeneticist: IT'S JUST HOW I TYPE
gardenGnostic: that one!
gardenGnostic: you are angry at me a lot though
carcinoGeneticist: FOR GOOD REASON, NO?
gardenGnostic: and you are so mean most of the time
gardenGnostic: no, not for a good reason!
gardenGnostic: you dont seem to have a reason at all.
turntechGodhead: thats what ive been saying
turntechGodhead: but they dont really care
turntechGodhead: i dont think whining gets you anywhere
gardenGnostic: im not whining!
turntechGodhead: exactly
gallowsCalibrator: 1T K33PS 4T 4L1V3 4NOTH3R D4Y
turntechGodhead: speaking of where are your other two partners in idiocy
gardenGnostic: which ones?
gallowsCalibrator: HOW SHOULD 1 KNOW
turntechGodhead: the verbose asshole and the stupid guy
turntechGodhead: sorry
turntechGodhead: stupidest guy
gallowsCalibrator: 1F TH3Y W4NT TO G4LLIV4NT THROUGH T1M3 ON PR1V4T3 BUS1N3SS TH4T'S NOT MY CONC3RN
turntechGodhead: or is it
carcinoGeneticist: OK MAYBE
turntechGodhead: do they hold contempt for you
carcinoGeneticist: NAH
turntechGodhead: if so they may be going back to throw your grandfather in a ditch
carcinoGeneticist: BEST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO HIM
turntechGodhead: and to be safe just go ahead and murder you in this time
turntechGodhead: or is this back to the future rules and your going to disappear
turntechGodhead: "great scott marty im a hyper active bitch who talks in leet and im disappearing"
turntechGodhead: "sorry doc"
turntechGodhead: the end
turntechGodhead: everyone wastes a houseful of popcorn
gardenGnostic: why dont they eat the popcorn?
ectoBiologist: yeah
ectoBiologist: that movie wasn't the best one
turntechGodhead: because they buy it as a formality
turntechGodhead: who doesnt buy popcorn at the movie?
turntechGodhead: no one
turntechGodhead: but that doesnt mean you have to eat it
gardenGnostic: thats not smart!
gardenGnostic: why would they waste time getting it in the first place
gardenGnostic:
turntechGodhead: authenticity
turntechGodhead: its like eating peanuts at a ball game
gallowsCalibrator: WHO WOULD 34T 34RTH P34NUTS?
turntechGodhead: earth idiots
ectoBiologist: i cant
ectoBiologist: last time i did i had to go to the hospital
gardenGnostic: i dont like peanuts
tentacleTherapist: I remember
tentacleTherapist: A real tragedy, that one
turntechGodhead: no one actually likes like peanuts
turntechGodhead: they eat peanuts because they think they do
gardenGnostic: why do they do that?
turntechGodhead: product placement
turntechGodhead: they ate peanuts back when they couldnt find better nuts
gardenGnostic: but dave
gardenGnostic: you said you love peanuts!!
turntechGodhead: i know
ectoBiologist: maybe the irony of it?
turntechGodhead: if it was not already obvious
ectoBiologist: all i can say is that anything that make you get rashes and stuff are really bad
turntechGodhead: though the reveal was itself ironic
turntechGodhead: well for you maybe
turntechGodhead: you and your bizarre allergy
tentacleTherapist: Peanut allergies aren't that uncommon
turntechGodhead: how many people do you know arent faking it
turntechGodhead: that you know arent faking it
ectoBiologist: i had to go to the hospital
turntechGodhead: it isnt hard to fake it
ectoBiologist: that was a real emergency there
turntechGodhead: not really talking to you john
gallowsCalibrator: 1T ST1LL W4SN'T TH3 W4Y 1 K1LL3D H1M
turntechGodhead: since when are we playing "guess the murder weapon?"
gallowsCalibrator: 1 DON'T KNOW
gardenGnostic: did you kill him with trickery?
gallowsCalibrator: S1NC3 YOU BROUGHT UP K1CK1NG 34RTH DOGS
turntechGodhead: oh yeah speaking of that
turntechGodhead: jade here i have a picture for you
gardenGnostic: what is it
turntechGodhead: http://www.hrwiki.org/w/images/9/93/lil_b.png
gardenGnostic: what is it???
turntechGodhead: its just a drawing
gardenGnostic:
gardenGnostic: of what?
turntechGodhead: look at it
gardenGnostic: i know what this is
gardenGnostic: dont make me see it you know what storm that will unleash!
turntechGodhead: no im sure you'll like it
gardenGnostic: dave no, dont make me do it
turntechGodhead: you did it didnt you
gardenGnostic:
gardenGnostic: so sadddd
ectoBiologist: what is
ectoBiologist: whats going on
gardenGnostic: bwuh huh huh
turntechGodhead: "im going to be all right jade"
turntechGodhead: "i can make it on my own"
ectoBiologist: huh?
turntechGodhead: click the link
ectoBiologist: uhm
gardenGnostic: its like i said! the heart of the.. champion
ectoBiologist: bluh huh
ectoBiologist: so sad
turntechGodhead: "im going to be a quarterback when i grow up"
ectoBiologist: bwuh huh huh huh
turntechGodhead: "im going to throw for two hundred yards"
turntechGodhead: "dont cry for me john-sophina"
tentacleTherapist: That's such a sad experience
tentacleTherapist: Is that what you think of me? A one-legged dog?
turntechGodhead: no i think of you as a one winged crow
turntechGodhead: named motorbeak
turntechGodhead: "i could power a small city with my pretentiousness"
tentacleTherapist: I
tentacleTherapist: I probably could
ectoBiologist: bwhuh huh huh
turntechGodhead: damn that was easy

END PART VII

[Solaris]

Troll Log III, Part VII

show spoiler

hide spoiler

grimAuxiliatrix: Such Is Society
turntechGodhead: pure and simple
gallowsCalibrator: 4R3N'T YOU GL4D 1T'S 4LL OV3R NOW?
turntechGodhead: sure
turntechGodhead: why not
turntechGodhead: im pretty sure society already died
turntechGodhead: and was replaced with something even more inexplicable
grimAuxiliatrix: Ridiculous Yet Likely
adiosToreador: tHAT ISNT LIKELY
gallowsCalibrator: MOR3 DOUGL4S 4D4MS STUFF
tentacleTherapist: I'm surprised you know about him.
gallowsCalibrator: OH Y3S
gallowsCalibrator: H3'S QU1T3 F4MOUS 4ROUND TH3S3 P4RTS
turntechGodhead: maybe you mighty space aliens also got the ashes of gene roddenberry too
turntechGodhead: started a fucking church based around him
carcinoGeneticist: NO
carcinoGeneticist: WE TRIED
turntechGodhead: so did some humans im sure
gallowsCalibrator: H3 M4K3S 4N 4W3SOM3 SPR1T3
gallowsCalibrator: YOU'R3 JUST J34LOUS B3C4US3 1 STOL3 H1S CR3M4T3D 4SH3S
turntechGodhead: now youve lapsed back into nonsensical mouth diarrhea
tentacleTherapist: That's far-fetched on the boundary of incredible.
carcinoGeneticist: AND YET LIGHTYEARS AHEAD OF AT'S PRIMORDIAL DEVELOPMENT
carcinoGeneticist: HONESTLY DON'T YOU EVER GROW UP?
adiosToreador: lOOKS WHOS TALKING
adiosToreador: gREENHORNS
turntechGodhead: that was the most half assed pun ive ever heard
carcinoGeneticist: YOU'RE ASKING FOR A FACE-PUMMELING HERE
carcinoGeneticist: OR BETTER YET A FACE SICKLEING
turntechGodhead: if it was a pun
adiosToreador: iT WAS
tentacleTherapist: It doesn't really qualify
turntechGodhead: okay yes that was the most half assed pun ive ever heard
tentacleTherapist: That stretches the borders of wordplay into the land of idiocy
tentacleTherapist: And unwittingly calls upon the dragon of terrible jokes
ectoBiologist: like trogdor?
turntechGodhead: im sure ms humorless mcbetterthanitall here could write a better one
adiosToreador: dOES THAT MEAN SHES BETTER THAN STUFF SHE DOES
adiosToreador: aUGH YOUR TITLES MAKE NO SENSE
turntechGodhead: hey thats how i feel
turntechGodhead: you get a sympathy cookie
turntechGodhead: speaking of wheres jade?
tentacleTherapist: More than likely slumbering.
tentacleTherapist: Either that or busily building.
turntechGodhead: someone should buy that girl some fucking adrenaline pills or something
ectoBiologist: but why would she be sleeping
ectoBiologist: its like the middle of the day in her time zone
turntechGodhead: dude she has narcolepsy
turntechGodhead: did you not know that
turntechGodhead: arent you supposed to be from the spooky future
ectoBiologist: i mean come on
ectoBiologist: shes not like really weird or anything
tentacleTherapist: Believe it, John.
turntechGodhead: the fuck dude
turntechGodhead: you could look at a snake and think its a mouse couldnt you
gallowsCalibrator: H3 PROB4BLY COULD
gallowsCalibrator: TH4T'S PROB4BLY HOW 1 K1LL3D HIM
turntechGodhead: you better hope you have some kind of guardian angel or something making sure you dont fuck up
grimAuxiliatrix: Oh Yes The Killing Move.
grimAuxiliatrix: The Laughter Is Still Fresh In My Mind
gallowsCalibrator: TH4T W4S 4 LONG T1M3 4GO
grimAuxiliatrix: Yes It Was
adiosToreador: nOT FOR ME
ectoBiologist: but
ectoBiologist: i'm still alive
carcinoGeneticist: WHATEVER
carcinoGeneticist: I'VE GIVEN UP HOPE TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL
grimAuxiliatrix: That's Because You Have A Knight Of Time
carcinoGeneticist: ASIDE FROM SOME CRACKPOT SCHEME TO GET YOU KILLED AND MESS WITH THE TIMELINE
grimAuxiliatrix: Some People Are Easily Pleased; GC Murders People
adiosToreador: cAN ATTEST
gallowsCalibrator: SOM3T1M3S 1 L3T TH3M OFF 4FT3R ONLY M41M1NG THEM
adiosToreador: iVE BEEN MURDERED SEVERAL TIMES THOUGH
ectoBiologist: like what would you do
ectoBiologist: like to a puppy or something?
turntechGodhead: kick it
turntechGodhead: kick the dog
gallowsCalibrator: WHY WOULD 1 BOTH3R W1TH YOUR 34RTH M4MM4L P3TS?
turntechGodhead: or order its execution by firing squad
turntechGodhead: depends on the dog too
turntechGodhead: or chop its legs off
adiosToreador: i WOULD KICK IT IN THE TEETH
gallowsCalibrator: WHY WOULD 1 DO TH4T?
gallowsCalibrator: >:|
tentacleTherapist: I wonder what Jade is really up to.
ectoBiologist: yeah no kidding
turntechGodhead: probably completely forgot how to use a computer
turntechGodhead: then used it as a frisbee for her workdog or something
tentacleTherapist: Hmm
gardenGnostic: no im back!
tentacleTherapist: Oh, I see
gardenGnostic: i just had something to see to
ectoBiologist: hey jade
ectoBiologist: what was it
ectoBiologist: was it that explosion or something
gardenGnostic:
gardenGnostic: (its a secret)
turntechGodhead: hey that reminds me
ectoBiologist: oh
carcinoGeneticist: OH GOD NOT SOMETHING ELSE
gardenGnostic: wait why were you guys talking about kicking dogs?
carcinoGeneticist: DOESN'T MATTER
turntechGodhead: dog kicking techniques are important
turntechGodhead: if you ever want to be an evil dictator or just a ruthless drunk hobo
gallowsCalibrator: L1K3 4T
turntechGodhead: you need to know how to kick dogs
gardenGnostic: thats just RUDE
gardenGnostic:
ectoBiologist: yeah it kind of was
gardenGnostic: you dont need to kick dogs to be a hobo!!!!
gardenGnostic: whatever a hobo is
turntechGodhead: hobos are strange demons summoned by poverty
turntechGodhead: they eat beans and hunt coinage
gardenGnostic: these sound fake
gardenGnostic: is he tricking me?
tentacleTherapist: Don't worry too much about it, Jade
gardenGnostic: well everyone should at least admit that kicking dogs isnt funny
ectoBiologist: its not
turntechGodhead: its kind of funny
gardenGnostic: DAVE!!!
turntechGodhead: well damn
turntechGodhead: they fly like footballs
carcinoGeneticist: I HAVE TO ADMIT ITS HARD GETTING WORKED UP ABOUT EARTH ANIMALS
turntechGodhead: but they squeal like teapots while they fly
gardenGnostic: youve kicked a dog before?
turntechGodhead: no, but i can imagine it pretty well
gardenGnostic: well no use getting angry i guess
gallowsCalibrator: H4V3 YOU DR4WN SOM3 SORT OF 4BSURD COM1C 4BOUT 1T?
turntechGodhead: good idea
gallowsCalibrator: >:]
gardenGnostic: now why are we talking to the trolls again?
ectoBiologist: i dunno
ectoBiologist: something about how they knew something important or something
ectoBiologist: about some robot exploding or other
turntechGodhead: i followed one in here and found out my friends were throwin a house party
gardenGnostic: robot?
tentacleTherapist: It was all very vague and we're not quite sure how we got into these subjects of discussion in the first place.
ectoBiologist: yeah something about how your robot is supposed to explode or something
ectoBiologist: it was weird
turntechGodhead: conversational miasma
gardenGnostic: oh yeah one of them was talking about my robot exploding earlier
carcinoGeneticist: IT'S IMPORTANT BUSINESS
gardenGnostic: the angry grey one
carcinoGeneticist: THIS IS NOT BEING ANGRY
carcinoGeneticist: IT'S JUST HOW I TYPE
gardenGnostic: that one!
gardenGnostic: you are angry at me a lot though
carcinoGeneticist: FOR GOOD REASON, NO?
gardenGnostic: and you are so mean most of the time
gardenGnostic: no, not for a good reason!
gardenGnostic: you dont seem to have a reason at all.
turntechGodhead: thats what ive been saying
turntechGodhead: but they dont really care
turntechGodhead: i dont think whining gets you anywhere
gardenGnostic: im not whining!
turntechGodhead: exactly
gallowsCalibrator: 1T K33PS 4T 4L1V3 4NOTH3R D4Y
turntechGodhead: speaking of where are your other two partners in idiocy
gardenGnostic: which ones?
gallowsCalibrator: HOW SHOULD 1 KNOW
turntechGodhead: the verbose asshole and the stupid guy
turntechGodhead: sorry
turntechGodhead: stupidest guy
gallowsCalibrator: 1F TH3Y W4NT TO G4LLIV4NT THROUGH T1M3 ON PR1V4T3 BUS1N3SS TH4T'S NOT MY CONC3RN
turntechGodhead: or is it
carcinoGeneticist: OK MAYBE
turntechGodhead: do they hold contempt for you
carcinoGeneticist: NAH
turntechGodhead: if so they may be going back to throw your grandfather in a ditch
carcinoGeneticist: BEST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO HIM
turntechGodhead: and to be safe just go ahead and murder you in this time
turntechGodhead: or is this back to the future rules and your going to disappear
turntechGodhead: "great scott marty im a hyper active bitch who talks in leet and im disappearing"
turntechGodhead: "sorry doc"
turntechGodhead: the end
turntechGodhead: everyone wastes a houseful of popcorn
gardenGnostic: why dont they eat the popcorn?
ectoBiologist: yeah
ectoBiologist: that movie wasn't the best one
turntechGodhead: because they buy it as a formality
turntechGodhead: who doesnt buy popcorn at the movie?
turntechGodhead: no one
turntechGodhead: but that doesnt mean you have to eat it
gardenGnostic: thats not smart!
gardenGnostic: why would they waste time getting it in the first place
gardenGnostic:
turntechGodhead: authenticity
turntechGodhead: its like eating peanuts at a ball game
gallowsCalibrator: WHO WOULD 34T 34RTH P34NUTS?
turntechGodhead: earth idiots
ectoBiologist: i cant
ectoBiologist: last time i did i had to go to the hospital
gardenGnostic: i dont like peanuts
tentacleTherapist: I remember
tentacleTherapist: A real tragedy, that one
turntechGodhead: no one actually likes like peanuts
turntechGodhead: they eat peanuts because they think they do
gardenGnostic: why do they do that?
turntechGodhead: product placement
turntechGodhead: they ate peanuts back when they couldnt find better nuts
gardenGnostic: but dave
gardenGnostic: you said you love peanuts!!
turntechGodhead: i know
ectoBiologist: maybe the irony of it?
turntechGodhead: if it was not already obvious
ectoBiologist: all i can say is that anything that make you get rashes and stuff are really bad
turntechGodhead: though the reveal was itself ironic
turntechGodhead: well for you maybe
turntechGodhead: you and your bizarre allergy
tentacleTherapist: Peanut allergies aren't that uncommon
turntechGodhead: how many people do you know arent faking it
turntechGodhead: that you know arent faking it
ectoBiologist: i had to go to the hospital
turntechGodhead: it isnt hard to fake it
ectoBiologist: that was a real emergency there
turntechGodhead: not really talking to you john
gallowsCalibrator: 1T ST1LL W4SN'T TH3 W4Y 1 K1LL3D H1M
turntechGodhead: since when are we playing "guess the murder weapon?"
gallowsCalibrator: 1 DON'T KNOW
gardenGnostic: did you kill him with trickery?
gallowsCalibrator: S1NC3 YOU BROUGHT UP K1CK1NG 34RTH DOGS
turntechGodhead: oh yeah speaking of that
turntechGodhead: jade here i have a picture for you
gardenGnostic: what is it
turntechGodhead: http://www.hrwiki.or/w/images/9/93/lil_b.png
gardenGnostic: what is it???
turntechGodhead: its just a drawing
gardenGnostic:
gardenGnostic: of what?
turntechGodhead: look at it
gardenGnostic: i know what this is
gardenGnostic: dont make me see it you know what storm that will unleash!
turntechGodhead: no im sure you'll like it
gardenGnostic: dave no, dont make me do it
turntechGodhead: you did it didnt you
gardenGnostic:
gardenGnostic: so sadddd
ectoBiologist: what is
ectoBiologist: whats going on
gardenGnostic: bwuh huh huh
turntechGodhead: "im going to be all right jade"
turntechGodhead: "i can make it on my own"
ectoBiologist: huh?
turntechGodhead: click the link
ectoBiologist: uhm
gardenGnostic: its like i said! the heart of the.. champion
ectoBiologist: bluh huh
ectoBiologist: so sad
turntechGodhead: "im going to be a quarterback when i grow up"
ectoBiologist: bwuh huh huh huh
turntechGodhead: "im going to throw for two hundred yards"
turntechGodhead: "dont cry for me john-sophina"
tentacleTherapist: That's such a sad experience
tentacleTherapist: Is that what you think of me? A one-legged dog?
turntechGodhead: no i think of you as a one winged crow
turntechGodhead: named motorbeak
turntechGodhead: "i could power a small city with my pretentiousness"
tentacleTherapist: I
tentacleTherapist: I probably could
ectoBiologist: bwhuh huh huh
turntechGodhead: damn that was easy

END PART VII

I can't see the link....
But anyway, awesome!
I hope you and Disk do this more!

[I-gor]

Thanks. It's been fixed. And just so you know, it's from here.

[Gabu]

Oh God, I can't stop laughing from that. It's just... oh God. We need more Homestar Runner here, all up in our fanworks.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Distortion: Chapter 9

John grumbled to himself when he finished packing his bags. Sure, he didn't have class Monday, but it didn't mean he could stay an extra day for some “birthday shenanigans”, as Rose called it. He wanted to leave on Sunday night, and that was that. He sort of realized how much he was being stupid and a dick, but thought of it even stupider to just go on as if nothing happened. He had unblocked Dave for about a week, though, and the messages Dave sent did bring a seed of doubt. They were mostly repeated messages of being sorry and asking for forgiveness, and it was conflicting with his rooted hatred for his friend.

Bec had materialized in his dorm room, and barked at John several times.

“Keep it down, Bec. Either the guards will come and ask why I have a dog, or the girls will come and pet you to no end!”

Bec appeared to shrug, and transportalized himself, John, and his luggage to the front of Dave's bro's apartment door, before transportalizing back to the dorm. Pets by young women did sound good to Bec. John knocked on the door, and after several seconds the door went through its locks to open. Bro ushered John in.

“Glad you came, man. Bro ain't doin' so good.”

“What do you mean?” John half-feigned in worry.

“He's just been in his room. He was working on dis one remix, but he hasn't been doing much of dat since Rosey left. Now he's mopin' and shit. He ain't the bro I know anymore, man. Been thinkin' about takin' him to a bud's party dis weekend t' help him snap outta it.”

“Sounds like… a nice thing to do.”

“Yeah. You'll be drivin', though.”

John had gotten to Dave's door when he heard that. “Dammit.”

He opened the door. Dave was sitting at his computer, with thick stubble, a case of acne, and a sickly pallor.

“Dave?”

Dave turned his head. “John?”

“Yeah, it's me.”

“You look… shitty.”

“I feel shitty, John. Been like one, insanely long hot summer day, yo. My clothes be stickin' to my skin, it's so hot.”

The room actually did feel hot to John, like it had no ventilation in days, and the heat and bodily stench was evident. Pity took over him, as well as a sense of duty. He dragged Dave from his room and into the shower. John turned on the faucet, and closed the door shut behind him. He heard Dave get the message when he turned on the hot water and apparently threw off his soggy clothes. John went into the living room and waited until Dave finished up in there and got dressed.

“Better, John?” It looked like Dave had shaved and found some fresh clothes.

“Much. And it looks like your hair's growing back nicely.” John noted.

Dave blushed, and went back to grab his hat. John admonished himself for bringing the embarrassment up, and offered Dave to take his mind off of it with some video games. Of course the wording of that John also felt was stupid, but Dave seemed to ignore it and agreed to some gaming. Bro popped in to join, and it more or less became an all-nighter of games. Dave didn't say much, but seemed to keep going until none of them could hold a controller.

The next evening, Bro drove himself, Dave and John over to the party, and within fifteen minutes got drunk, but not before telling John not to have Dave drink anything. Probably would have worked if John didn't lose track of Dave in the thick crowd. He was sitting up against the wall close to a doorway.

John sat down next to him. “Dude, why aren't you enjoying yourself?” He saw Dave's face look a bit red.

“Maybe I just ain't feeling like it. Jesus…”

“Christ, man. I want to help, but you're being all tough-guy hush-hush about this.”

“I… s-should know a lot of these people… I know who they are, but they all look and sound alike.”

“Dude, so you'll mix ‘em up. Getting drunk won't make it any better.”

Dave grumbled something to himself and guzzled some beer. John simply could not understand how people could withstand that cough syrupy sting.

“Why are you even doing this, anyway?”

“Forgettin' about forgettin'. L-like a two tiered irony sexycake. And a hot chick pops out when that's reached, a-and I can be myself.”

“Dude, you'll only make yourself worse, and Rose said something about a spiral when that happens.”

“She never had to deal wit' losin' yer face.” Dave could tell John was confused. “Ya know how t-the first thing someone a-associates wit' a name is a face? W-well, remove t-the face, and dere ya go. No biggie, right? B-but when it's yo' own, y-you… I dunno… y-ya l-lose dat one, uhh… w-what were we talkin' ‘bout?”

“Why you're unironically, yet still ironically, drinking in the first place.”

Dave sloppily grinned. “See, man? M-might as well get used to it, cuz I ain't gonna get much better.”

“Don't give me this emo shit, Dave.”

“Nah, man. I a-ain't some pansy!”

“Then why are you talking like one?”

“C-cuz… dis is all I-I'm gonna be… o-one day to the next…”

---

John and Bro had woken up the next day at around the same time. John was kind of amazed at how resilient to alcohol Bro seemed to have become, as he was up and already filming the latest smuppet film in his room.

He poked his head in when he was sure Bro wasn't filming. “Bro, it's Dave.”

Bro sighed. “Yeah?”

“He said some things last night, at the party, but he could've just been wasted or something…”

“Naw, probably the same shit he be spewin' t' me, man.”

“I'm concerned about him.”

“So am I, bro. The other day, man…”

“Yeah, Rose told me about it… been doing that lately?”

“Almost every night. It's fucking ridiculous.”

“I hear you.”

“Man, if only he took my fucking advice in the first place… y'know, I thought the same thing that happened to dad was happening to my bro.”

“What exactly happened?”

“Exactly the same thing dat happened. Dad got sick, didn't go see anyone, but it was more outta work and shit than fucking pride. So yeah, he collapsed one day, rushed him over and found fucking brain cancer and far too fucking late to do a damn thing, like when ya college types walk in to class and realize ‘oh shit, I forgot my final paper!'. Ya can't run back, grab it, and run back again. It just ain't possible.”

John felt sympathy well up in him. “Wow. That must've been really rough.”

“Fuck yeah it was. Bro couldn't wrap his little mind around it like a burrito and eat it. So when mom disappeared he shat out the idea they left to be a pimp and ho, and no matter how many times I tell him to he just won't flush that shit away.”

“Well, he is proud on a douchebag level, but…”

“Dude, I was shitting myself when I got dat call sayin' bro was in the hospital spazzin' out. I thought it was happenin' all over again! I was shittin' you guys when I said he'd come outta it. I even told ‘im dat, and how relieved I was when he did, and he just bluhs on about how dis is the best it's gonna get!”

John rationalized. “We don't know what he's thinking or trying to understa…”

“No shit. But he's really startin' to annoy me with dat crap. But… I can't show dat to him. I'mma hope he finally gets his head out of his ass and do somethin'.”

Bro trailed off and started setting up the next scene for the film, and John took this cue to leave and talk to Dave.

---

Dave simply wanted to be left alone to brood the second he woke up. The previous day was a blank, and still could not remember a single person's face. He disgusted himself for both being unable to recall anything and the way he was dealing with it, but he surmised there was no other way to deal with it.

“Hey, Dave? It's John.”

“No, bro. I ain't in the mood.”

John chuckled. “Sounds like you had too much last night.”

“Bullshit. I only drink for ironic purposes!”

“…Can I at least come in?”

“Naw. I just want to be left alone.”

“Dave, stop being all tough and mancho.”

The joke cracked a smile. “…Okay. Come in.”

John went into Dave's room. “Hey, you're not even out of bed yet!”

“So?”

“Come on, dude. Are you seriously giving up this easily?”

“Maybe. Dis ain't some shit where I can't find my goddamn keys, Egbert.”

John's voice rose. “I know, dude. But you're acting like it's never going to improve!”

Dave sighed. “It's the most realistic thing to do, man. It ain't like dis is a fantasy world where everythin' reverts to its original state and is forgotten about by the next episode.”

“You know, if I was the one with the brain injury and moping about it, you'd be telling me to fight to the death with it. Remember all those times I was having some sort of federal fucking issue with something and you kept telling me to get through it?”

Dave sat up from his bed. “…Yeah, I do. But sometimes it wasn't one of those whiny, faggy “problems”, ya know? Like dat one time ya flipped your shit and ended up locked in the nut house.”

“That's exactly what I'm trying to say, Dave. That looked impossible, and now I'm…”

“Somewhat well-adjusted?”

John nodded. “Yeah!”

“But dude, dat was just some psychological stuff goin' on.”

“I know, but still! The main thing is to fight!”

Dave sighed again. “Dat may sound easy for you, bu…”

“Horseshit, Dave! It's not, and you're being a goddamn pussy for not taking it like how a man should and instead angsting about it like some lame goth kid!”

“Yeah, but their problems are stupid and self-centered.”

John facepalmed and could only sputter half words. Dave could tell his friend was getting frustrated and very annoyed, but Dave continued to hold his stance to be true. Hell, he'd already forgotten waking up, so he considered John's point to be moot.

“Dave, we care about you, and we don't want to see you like this!”

Dave was shocked into speechlessness for several seconds, spilling out his share of nonsensical utterances. “S-so?”

“If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't have called an ambulance.”

“Then Rose would've.”

“What if she didn't?”

“Jade?”

“I doubt she has a cellphone, but if she did and did not care wouldn't have called either. You'd be DEAD.” John made sure to punctuate that last part.

Dave scoffed. “I've seen myself dead, back when we played that game.”

“And future you reminded me of the friendship we had and possibly saved my life from a giant monster.”

Dave was struggling at this point to come up with an argument to destroy John's damning evidence against him and his depressive views. To be frank, he was tiring of this. It was pointless. John couldn't convince him otherwise. So why was he shedding tears?

“Dude, are you okay?”

Dave looked at John, and seriously considered pushing his friend out of his bedroom. But he couldn't muster it up. Instead, he just lied down and covered himself up completely in his sheets, and sniffled. If anything, John should get the message and leave, but John insisted to stay. John was, however, uncertain how to approach his best friend breaking down in front of him, and was quite sure punching Dave would do nothing except cause more shit. So he just sat there and watched his best friend disintegrate in front of him.

John wasn't sure if Dave was Dave anymore.

---

EB: okay this is getting weird rose.
TT: Does it involve Dave?
EB: hell yeah it does.
EB: i'm not shitting you, he'd rather spend his goddamn time lying in bed all day.
EB: i even asked if he wanted to go play some video games and he said he didnt want to.
EB: he was crying for fuck's sake.
EB: swear to god he said to screw being manly.
EB: dave would never do such a thing. it's like some shit trope shits do.
TT: I was afraid something like this would happen. I wonder if Jade will be more than happy to relinquish her turn so I could work with him?
EB: goddammit rose this isn't some sort of psychoanalysis shit you can just pull.
TT: Dave will only continue to refuse more professional grades of treatment until he is otherwise forced to do so, if he continues at this rate.
EB: dammit I even tried the whole thing about caring and shit. nothing.
TT: It's probably time to consider the option that we're just too inexperienced to help him out on a deep level.
EB: bullshit, rose.
TT: Even with near lifelong experience, I'm afraid he may not respond to my help. Except for maybe an occasional snark or two.
EB: dammit i'll do it. fuck my birthday plans.
TT: Sounds like you've gotten over the fight several weeks back.
EB: i'm not, but i'm not gonna be a dick to him now. seriously, if you could see him now you would know.
TT: I'm sure I will, John.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I... don't know. Frankly, I got hit very badly with writer's block near the end, so it's probably nowhere near as good as I could've made it. Also, I think I'm seeing old habits pop up again, and will proceed to kill it in the next chapter.

Also, ignoring canon of Bro being Dave's dad for plot relevance. That and I had it planned out and written before relevation.

[reclusiveAmateur]

Saras, Gabu, Valter, I-Gor: I love you. Continued brilliance is continuous.

Everyone else: You are also awesome, I just have a lot of crap to post and not a lot of space/time. The Manor fic was great, the Maid of Time fic was awesome, and yes, I DO think I will be following that LJ link, conceptofzero, because holy crap.

Anyway, got an AOOO account, and will be posting up my old things as soon as I can format them and think of titles and summaries and crap. Till then, this is a new one:
http://archiveofourown.org/works/89227

Unformatted pesterlogs cut out of the above:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

tG: rose
tG: shit
tG: theres a guy here
tG: beating the shit out of a giclops
tG: with his FISTS
tT: Nice try, Strider.

tG: rose
tG: jesus christ
tG: rose
tT: What is it?
tG: it's mr egbert
tG: he wants me to tell him where john is
tG: what the fuck do i tell him rose
tG: what the fuck do i say

tG: fuuuuuck
tT: What happened?
tG: i dont know if he even believed me
tG: he might be going to go check
tG: fuck
tG: think about that
tG: it was bad enough then
tG: and now
tG: its been weeks
tT: Let's not pursue that line of thought ANY further.
tG: and this is his father
tG: fuck
tG: he cant see that
tG: he cant
tG: shit i hope he believed me
tT: I know you did all that you could.
tG: have i mentioned
tG: that this timeline can go get fucked
tG: in the ass
tG: by a warehouse full of freakish naked puppets
tT: Fortunately, that's essentially the plan.
tT: Except for the puppets.
tT: I thought, after Calsprite, one of your highest goals was to include fewer puppets in your life.
tG: goddamn right
tG: but if any timeline deserves puppets
tG: its this godforsaken hellscape
tG: christ i hope he doesnt go
tT: I'll know if he does.
tG: and youll tell me
tT: No.
tT: No, I don't think I will.
tG: if i see my bro i am kicking his goddamn ass
tG: wait what
tT: Wait.
tT: Your brother is here?
tG: yeah and your mom and jades gramps too
tG: fucking family reunion up in here
tG: goddamn imp macys thanksgiving day parade
tG: theyre really floats were fighting you know
tG: giant fugly parade floats with huge fucking fists
tG: and waitll you see the game
tT: But why haven't they contacted us?
tG: said they were waiting for us to find them
tG: for some reason were being really fucking slow
tG: after a couple months mr egbert decided hey
tG: shit is getting ridiculous
tG: maybe we should see whats taking so long
tG: cause its not like this place is dangerous or anything
tG: or like its been MONTHS
tG: guardians my ass
tG: the fuck they been guarding us from
tT: Come to think of it, those mysterious jumps in our grist levels...
tG: i dont care
tG: i just dont give a fuck
tT: You were a better liar, once.
tG: shit why do i talk to you
tG: oh yeah
tG: theres no one else left
tG: oh yeah
tG: there is they just wont talk to us
tG: because theyre fucking tools
tG: jegus chris i dont know what the fuck anymore
tT: You should get some sleep.
tT: I'll come and visit you.
tT: You can play your music loud enough to drown the screaming of entire worlds; I won't complain.
tG: i dunno
tG: maybe later
tG: im gonna go kill some shit
tG: get my grinding on
tG: practice the time bullshit
tG: cause if anything needs to never have happened its this
tT: What about the Holocaust?
tG: dont you fucking godwin me
tG: fine
tG: killing hitler is next on my list
tG: push little adolf in the river just for you
tG: but this comes first
tG: see you

Similar but ultimately unrelated ficlet I had in the same file. Before recent revelations, of course:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

So there was this:

My question is this:

When do we get to see John's Dad punch punchisize gC's face for killing his son?

It would be SO SATISFYING.

IDE/Theory: The reason Dave and Rose didn't hear from the trolls in the alternate future was because Dad got to them.

And then this happened. I should forewarn you that it is not especially triumphant. >_>

-As if the way one fell down mattered.
-When the fall is all that's left, it matters.

She was leaning against the wall when he finally emerged; he should have expected that, and he thought maybe he had, in some far corner of his mind that was still capable of rational thought. Her hair was ruffled and her suit was torn, but she looked colder than ever.

"Do you feel better now?" she asked.

He shook his head, though he didn't really have to; she already knew the answer. Lalonde never asked a question she didn't know the answer to already.

"Was it worth it?" she asked.

"Go away," he said.

"Have you stopped anything? Is anything better now? Has that little blind hussy learned her lesson?"

"Be quiet," he said. Her martini glass was nearly empty; he could smell the alcohol from here. It even came close to overpowering the scent of old blood that had been following him for hours. "You don't understand."

"I've never lost a child," she said. Mockingly. The way she said it, he suddenly wasn't entirely sure it was a lie. "So I can't possibly understand."

"Yes."

"Except you agree with every word I've said."

He closed his eyes. "...I will ask you one more time. Go. Away."

"All your heroics," she said, stepping away from the column, stepping away from him as she'd been asked, "all your manly prowess, and it's not going to change a thing. All your power, and there's nothing you can do. It must be terribly threatening. It must be humiliating, to have to leave the fulfillment of all your paternal responsibilities to a stranger. To a boy."

His fist clenched. He said nothing.

"And a little child shall lead them," she said, with a bitter laugh, and threw her martini glass against the wall. He flinched at the sound; what was it about shattering glass that could be so very-- visceral?

"I hate you," he said.

"It doesn't matter. None of this is going to have happened anyway. So that means there are no consequences, doesn't it? Whether you hit little children or say nasty things to cold-hearted bitches or decide to go fight a Denizen yourself, none of it matters. Because in a matter of weeks, it will never have happened."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because it does matter," she said. "Because it matters more than anything."

"But you just said..."

"Clean yourself up," she said. "Take this like a man. It won't be long."

She walked away, hips swinging, and he hated her, because he knew she was right.

He could take these trolls apart if he wanted. Kill every imp on this planet, wreck villages, borrow one of the kids' computers and build to the sky. Visit a Denizen himself and save himself the wait. He'd already failed in the most complete and devastating way possible. There was no reason it should matter what he did now.

But-- it did.

He stepped outside, into the chill starlight, and began to wait for the end.

So, um, yeah. I as well am likely gonna be posting several things written before the recent, er, paradigm shifts, so I don't think anyone's going to have a problem with that. ( Gabu)

[Gigoergong]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Distortion: Chapter 9

John grumbled to himself when he finished packing his bags. Sure, he didn't have class Monday, but it didn't mean he could stay an extra day for some “birthday shenanigans”, as Rose called it. He wanted to leave on Sunday night, and that was that. He sort of realized how much he was being stupid and a dick, but thought of it even stupider to just go on as if nothing happened. He had unblocked Dave for about a week, though, and the messages Dave sent did bring a seed of doubt. They were mostly repeated messages of being sorry and asking for forgiveness, and it was conflicting with his rooted hatred for his friend.

Bec had materialized in his dorm room, and barked at John several times.

“Keep it down, Bec. Either the guards will come and ask why I have a dog, or the girls will come and pet you to no end!”

Bec appeared to shrug, and transportalized himself, John, and his luggage to the front of Dave's bro's apartment door, before transportalizing back to the dorm. Pets by young women did sound good to Bec. John knocked on the door, and after several seconds the door went through its locks to open. Bro ushered John in.

“Glad you came, man. Bro ain't doin' so good.”

“What do you mean?” John half-feigned in worry.

“He's just been in his room. He was working on dis one remix, but he hasn't been doing much of dat since Rosey left. Now he's mopin' and shit. He ain't the bro I know anymore, man. Been thinkin' about takin' him to a bud's party dis weekend t' help him snap outta it.”

“Sounds like… a nice thing to do.”

“Yeah. You'll be drivin', though.”

John had gotten to Dave's door when he heard that. “Dammit.”

He opened the door. Dave was sitting at his computer, with thick stubble, a case of acne, and a sickly pallor.

“Dave?”

Dave turned his head. “John?”

“Yeah, it's me.”

“You look… shitty.”

“I feel shitty, John. Been like one, insanely long hot summer day, yo. My clothes be stickin' to my skin, it's so hot.”

The room actually did feel hot to John, like it had no ventilation in days, and the heat and bodily stench was evident. Pity took over him, as well as a sense of duty. He dragged Dave from his room and into the shower. John turned on the faucet, and closed the door shut behind him. He heard Dave get the message when he turned on the hot water and apparently threw off his soggy clothes. John went into the living room and waited until Dave finished up in there and got dressed.

“Better, John?” It looked like Dave had shaved and found some fresh clothes.

“Much. And it looks like your hair's growing back nicely.” John noted.

Dave blushed, and went back to grab his hat. John admonished himself for bringing the embarrassment up, and offered Dave to take his mind off of it with some video games. Of course the wording of that John also felt was stupid, but Dave seemed to ignore it and agreed to some gaming. Bro popped in to join, and it more or less became an all-nighter of games. Dave didn't say much, but seemed to keep going until none of them could hold a controller.

The next evening, Bro drove himself, Dave and John over to the party, and within fifteen minutes got drunk, but not before telling John not to have Dave drink anything. Probably would have worked if John didn't lose track of Dave in the thick crowd. He was sitting up against the wall close to a doorway.

John sat down next to him. “Dude, why aren't you enjoying yourself?” He saw Dave's face look a bit red.

“Maybe I just ain't feeling like it. Jesus…”

“Christ, man. I want to help, but you're being all tough-guy hush-hush about this.”

“I… s-should know a lot of these people… I know who they are, but they all look and sound alike.”

“Dude, so you'll mix ‘em up. Getting drunk won't make it any better.”

Dave grumbled something to himself and guzzled some beer. John simply could not understand how people could withstand that cough syrupy sting.

“Why are you even doing this, anyway?”

“Forgettin' about forgettin'. L-like a two tiered irony sexycake. And a hot chick pops out when that's reached, a-and I can be myself.”

“Dude, you'll only make yourself worse, and Rose said something about a spiral when that happens.”

“She never had to deal wit' losin' yer face.” Dave could tell John was confused. “Ya know how t-the first thing someone a-associates wit' a name is a face? W-well, remove t-the face, and dere ya go. No biggie, right? B-but when it's yo' own, y-you… I dunno… y-ya l-lose dat one, uhh… w-what were we talkin' ‘bout?”

“Why you're unironically, yet still ironically, drinking in the first place.”

Dave sloppily grinned. “See, man? M-might as well get used to it, cuz I ain't gonna get much better.”

“Don't give me this emo shit, Dave.”

“Nah, man. I a-ain't some pansy!”

“Then why are you talking like one?”

“C-cuz… dis is all I-I'm gonna be… o-one day to the next…”

---

John and Bro had woken up the next day at around the same time. John was kind of amazed at how resilient to alcohol Bro seemed to have become, as he was up and already filming the latest smuppet film in his room.

He poked his head in when he was sure Bro wasn't filming. “Bro, it's Dave.”

Bro sighed. “Yeah?”

“He said some things last night, at the party, but he could've just been wasted or something…”

“Naw, probably the same shit he be spewin' t' me, man.”

“I'm concerned about him.”

“So am I, bro. The other day, man…”

“Yeah, Rose told me about it… been doing that lately?”

“Almost every night. It's fucking ridiculous.”

“I hear you.”

“Man, if only he took my fucking advice in the first place… y'know, I thought the same thing that happened to dad was happening to my bro.”

“What exactly happened?”

“Exactly the same thing dat happened. Dad got sick, didn't go see anyone, but it was more outta work and shit than fucking pride. So yeah, he collapsed one day, rushed him over and found fucking brain cancer and far too fucking late to do a damn thing, like when ya college types walk in to class and realize ‘oh shit, I forgot my final paper!'. Ya can't run back, grab it, and run back again. It just ain't possible.”

John felt sympathy well up in him. “Wow. That must've been really rough.”

“Fuck yeah it was. Bro couldn't wrap his little mind around it like a burrito and eat it. So when mom disappeared he shat out the idea they left to be a pimp and ho, and no matter how many times I tell him to he just won't flush that shit away.”

“Well, he is proud on a douchebag level, but…”

“Dude, I was shitting myself when I got dat call sayin' bro was in the hospital spazzin' out. I thought it was happenin' all over again! I was shittin' you guys when I said he'd come outta it. I even told ‘im dat, and how relieved I was when he did, and he just bluhs on about how dis is the best it's gonna get!”

John rationalized. “We don't know what he's thinking or trying to understa…”

“No shit. But he's really startin' to annoy me with dat crap. But… I can't show dat to him. I'mma hope he finally gets his head out of his ass and do somethin'.”

Bro trailed off and started setting up the next scene for the film, and John took this cue to leave and talk to Dave.

---

Dave simply wanted to be left alone to brood the second he woke up. The previous day was a blank, and still could not remember a single person's face. He disgusted himself for both being unable to recall anything and the way he was dealing with it, but he surmised there was no other way to deal with it.

“Hey, Dave? It's John.”

“No, bro. I ain't in the mood.”

John chuckled. “Sounds like you had too much last night.”

“Bullshit. I only drink for ironic purposes!”

“…Can I at least come in?”

“Naw. I just want to be left alone.”

“Dave, stop being all tough and mancho.”

The joke cracked a smile. “…Okay. Come in.”

John went into Dave's room. “Hey, you're not even out of bed yet!”

“So?”

“Come on, dude. Are you seriously giving up this easily?”

“Maybe. Dis ain't some shit where I can't find my goddamn keys, Egbert.”

John's voice rose. “I know, dude. But you're acting like it's never going to improve!”

Dave sighed. “It's the most realistic thing to do, man. It ain't like dis is a fantasy world where everythin' reverts to its original state and is forgotten about by the next episode.”

“You know, if I was the one with the brain injury and moping about it, you'd be telling me to fight to the death with it. Remember all those times I was having some sort of federal fucking issue with something and you kept telling me to get through it?”

Dave sat up from his bed. “…Yeah, I do. But sometimes it wasn't one of those whiny, faggy “problems”, ya know? Like dat one time ya flipped your shit and ended up locked in the nut house.”

“That's exactly what I'm trying to say, Dave. That looked impossible, and now I'm…”

“Somewhat well-adjusted?”

John nodded. “Yeah!”

“But dude, dat was just some psychological stuff goin' on.”

“I know, but still! The main thing is to fight!”

Dave sighed again. “Dat may sound easy for you, bu…”

“Horseshit, Dave! It's not, and you're being a goddamn pussy for not taking it like how a man should and instead angsting about it like some lame goth kid!”

“Yeah, but their problems are stupid and self-centered.”

John facepalmed and could only sputter half words. Dave could tell his friend was getting frustrated and very annoyed, but Dave continued to hold his stance to be true. Hell, he'd already forgotten waking up, so he considered John's point to be moot.

“Dave, we care about you, and we don't want to see you like this!”

Dave was shocked into speechlessness for several seconds, spilling out his share of nonsensical utterances. “S-so?”

“If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't have called an ambulance.”

“Then Rose would've.”

“What if she didn't?”

“Jade?”

“I doubt she has a cellphone, but if she did and did not care wouldn't have called either. You'd be DEAD.” John made sure to punctuate that last part.

Dave scoffed. “I've seen myself dead, back when we played that game.”

“And future you reminded me of the friendship we had and possibly saved my life from a giant monster.”

Dave was struggling at this point to come up with an argument to destroy John's damning evidence against him and his depressive views. To be frank, he was tiring of this. It was pointless. John couldn't convince him otherwise. So why was he shedding tears?

“Dude, are you okay?”

Dave looked at John, and seriously considered pushing his friend out of his bedroom. But he couldn't muster it up. Instead, he just lied down and covered himself up completely in his sheets, and sniffled. If anything, John should get the message and leave, but John insisted to stay. John was, however, uncertain how to approach his best friend breaking down in front of him, and was quite sure punching Dave would do nothing except cause more shit. So he just sat there and watched his best friend disintegrate in front of him.

John wasn't sure if Dave was Dave anymore.

---

EB: okay this is getting weird rose.
TT: Does it involve Dave?
EB: hell yeah it does.
EB: i'm not shitting you, he'd rather spend his goddamn time lying in bed all day.
EB: i even asked if he wanted to go play some video games and he said he didnt want to.
EB: he was crying for fuck's sake.
EB: swear to god he said to screw being manly.
EB: dave would never do such a thing. it's like some shit trope shits do.
TT: I was afraid something like this would happen. I wonder if Jade will be more than happy to relinquish her turn so I could work with him?
EB: goddammit rose this isn't some sort of psychoanalysis shit you can just pull.
TT: Dave will only continue to refuse more professional grades of treatment until he is otherwise forced to do so, if he continues at this rate.
EB: dammit I even tried the whole thing about caring and shit. nothing.
TT: It's probably time to consider the option that we're just too inexperienced to help him out on a deep level.
EB: bullshit, rose.
TT: Even with near lifelong experience, I'm afraid he may not respond to my help. Except for maybe an occasional snark or two.
EB: dammit i'll do it. fuck my birthday plans.
TT: Sounds like you've gotten over the fight several weeks back.
EB: i'm not, but i'm not gonna be a dick to him now. seriously, if you could see him now you would know.
TT: I'm sure I will, John.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I... don't know. Frankly, I got hit very badly with writer's block near the end, so it's probably nowhere near as good as I could've made it. Also, I think I'm seeing old habits pop up again, and will proceed to kill it in the next chapter.

Also, ignoring canon of Bro being Dave's dad for plot relevance. That and I had it planned out and written before relevation.

I just thought that it would be appropriate to say at this time that this story is probably the only reason I've come back to this thread more than four times. That is saying something. I'm very finicky with writing in all it's forms and the other fanfictions I've read, while good, did not hold my suspense like this one does.

Anyway, I can see what you mean about the writer's block, but I'm sure that you have a way to remedy this in store. And aside from a few grammatical errors(which do not take away from the story itself), it's pretty well written.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Honestly, in the next chapter, I'm expecting John to go out and buy various types of hats to cover his hair and force Dave to figure out who he is based on his facial features; awkward staring contests ensue(and the lack of John having his father's nose saddens me greatly).

Again, my congratulations. It's obvious when story-telling is someone's strong point as it is with you. I hope to see more from you in the future.

/first post in thread

[sarasvati]

RA: ahhhhhh you posted! I basically adore this stuff. It's incredibly depressing to think of that timeline dragging on for months; I like how much of a subtle toll it's taking on Dave, especially. (Why do I love it when Dave has psychological trauma inflicted on him.) I also love the way the second story with Ms. Lalonde and Mr. Egbert was handled. The concept--the trolls getting rocked, facially--is soundly satisfying on most levels, and yet the fic makes it feel sad and hollow. Love it. Post more.

Gabu: GODDAMN YOU AND THE SUSPENSE. Can't wait for the next chapter!

I-gor:
gardenGnostic: you dont need to kick dogs to be a hobo!!!!
gardenGnostic: whatever a hobo is
turntechGodhead: hobos are strange demons summoned by poverty
turntechGodhead: they eat beans and hunt coinage
gardenGnostic: these sound fake
gardenGnostic: is he tricking me?

SO ADORABLE AUGH. Jade.

Aerok: man you are hauling ass on these things. Keep it up!

conceptofzero: I already dropped a comment on your LJ, but seriously, that was very good.

Valter: Getting to be pretty epic! Go, man, go!

[Gabu]

gardenGnostic: you dont need to kick dogs to be a hobo!!!!
gardenGnostic: whatever a hobo is
turntechGodhead: hobos are strange demons summoned by poverty
turntechGodhead: they eat beans and hunt coinage
gardenGnostic: these sound fake
gardenGnostic: is he tricking me?

They also eat these things called hobosnacks or, alternatively, spicy hobosnacks.

These of course are better known as Cheetos and Flamin' Hot Cheetos, respectively.

Also, I'm glad I'm the reason you read the thread, Gigoergong. I think I may take your idea and use it, if it's cool (thought not the exact way described, but whatever solves a writer's block).

[Aerok12]

Ch.1
Ch.13

Alandoned: Chapter 14

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Oh hey, look, we're in the future again...

A COWARDLY DWARF stares as a strange conical helicopter flies overhead. Shrugging, he ducks back into his nice, safe abode. The square room, about the size of a baseball field, was only two feet high, fortunate for the short black person. There was plenty of food inside for CD to last a lifetime. It had first been discovered by a SABLE STALKER, but they had left long before CD had shown up. He'd been living in the fort for two days now, and he was feeling good, and more importantly, safe. He rested against one of the computer monitors along the wall, relaxing for the first time in months. Life was good.

Of course, it should come as no surprise that when the monitor he was leaning on suddenly exploded with light, he jumped halfway across the room, knocking his head on the low ceiling. Luckily, CD was very resilient, and got back up almost immediately. The muscles in his limbs and spine relaxed quickly when he realized that it was only a movie. He walked up to it, and sat down, watching the scaly man glance around in fear. CD felt bad for him, and wanted to cheer him up. And look, there was a keyboard right there! On it were the little pictures that the DEFT DEMOLISHER had taught him about. CD still didn't understand most of it, and he mixed up words a lot, but he knew some. Not many, but some.

Happy on.
...
What?
Not sad become.
You mean "cheer up?"
No angry.
Um, okay.

The person on the screen began to visibly relax. CD noticed a flashing light on his monitor.

Where talk machine?
?!?!?
Be computer. Story, hear.
Talk on the computer?!?
Yes.

CD found that the person was going by the name of "AT." He could vaguely tell what he was saying, but the one called "PP" was harder. He didn't understand most of what was said, but he got the gist of it.

Hop AT not.
Okay, fine, he won't "hop." And his name is Phineas.

CD noticed a small platform with a triangly pattern on it.

Stand stand.
???
On stand stand.
Oh, you mean the platform over there.

"Phineas" stepped onto the platform, and vanished!

What.
He got transportalized. The camera will move over there shortly.

The view moved from the house to a column of earth with several platforms on it. In the distance, he found the house changing from an invisible force.

What grow build?
The server player builds the house.
Give who?
Say again?
Is giver who?
Who is the server?
Yes?
PP, or Alexander.
PP or Aler end.
You can't control Alex!
Phis Aler tell end.

CD watched as Phineas asked "Alexander" why he was building up the house, and told him about the transportalizer. According to Alex, building was a good thing. He also learned that Phineas was supposed to be building "Pat's" house.

Go pet build.
(o.O)
Build at pet.
Pat?
Yes said me.

Phineas went back through the transportalizer, opened his laptop, and started to build Pat's home. It was interesting at first, but CD lost concern after a few minutes. He looked over the keyboard, and noticed a button that looked like it didn't belong. He pressed it, and a list of his previous commands showed up on the screen. There were also a few that he didn't remember doing, but he normally had a shitty memory, so it didn't bother him. Along with the commands, there were a set on the side that looked like they were meant to be typed. There was a SHOW 1, SHOW 2, and so on, until SHOW 14. In addition, there was the "home" command. CD felt like he would like to go home, so he typed the command. A green house symbol appeared over a bunch of pictures, similar to the ones DD had taught him, but he didn't remember these ones. Most of them looked the same, except for the last one, which was changing constantly. When the last picture looked like the others, CD felt a rumbling from under the bunker. He started to panic, and ran towards the exit in the middle. He stuck his head out the top, and saw that the ground around him was moving! He walked over to the edge, the room bouncing up and down, and looked underneath to see that it had sprouted legs, and was walking! He sprinted back inside, slammed the door shut, and fainted.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Hey, look at this guy, adding the MC to his story, thinkin' he's all that and a bag o' chips.
Also, I just realized that I forgot that the terminals connect to the person's client oh well too late i guess marc dont got a exile.
Alsox2, remember that picture in my last post two days ago, with all the symbols that I said I would explain later? See spoiler below for info/spoilers.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Okay, starting at the top, going clockwise;
Ring 5: Energy, Matter, Creation, Destruction, Electricity
Ring 4: Space(supposed to be an actual spiral, but I can't draw), Death, Time, Light
Ring 3: Mind, Soul, Body
Ring 2: Power, Life
Ring 1: Harmony
I created this about 3 months ago, and I'll go more in-depth with personalities and the functions of this in their world later when I make it up in my next post.

Ch.15

[Valter]

Gabu, the kids' colors aren't in the color sidebar. You can pick them out of the source code of MSPA updates with pesterchum conversations, though. John's color is #0715cd, and Rose's color is #b536da. I am enjoying the story apart from that pet peeve, though!

So, anyway: Catalyst!

Catalyst Chapter 7: Three Royal Meetings (this one's a bit of a doozy! bring a snack)

show spoiler

hide spoiler

First Meeting

The WHITE KING sat on his make-shift throne, in one of the myriad shipwrecks littering his kingdom. They pose significant danger to Skaia's well-being, as they make horrific impacts whenever one crashes, but at least with a little effort they could be renovated for living in. Small favors.

Another week of war was drawing to a close, if it could even be called a war in the first place. More time in the last two weeks had been spent in hiding than in combat! Still, hiding was preferable to being slaughtered on the fields battling against the cursed creations of the Veil.

"Your Majesty, we have found something, or perhaps more specifically someone, that may be of interest to you."

"Hmmm? Spoke? Is Stamp with you? I wanted to make sure that survivors that stumble upon the palace's remains are shown our location, so that they know their King yet lives. I hope your find was important enough to justify leaving the ruins entirely empty."

"That'll be for you to decide in the end, Your Majesty, but we certainly thought so."

"Very well. Now, who is this 'Someone'? Has one of the missing Prospitians found himself?"

"Not Prospitian at all, m'lord. He appears to be a messenger from Derse."

"Well, that is of interest." WK straightened his posture on the throne. "Send him in."

"Right away, Your Majesty."

~~~~

AM walked into the makeshift throne room nervously. He stiffened upon seeing the White King, but loosened upon getting a closer look at the massive Prospitian.

He wasn't particularly fond of royalty, but there was hardly anything kingly about this particular monarch. He wore nothing to distinguish himself from his subjects, and the scepter that marked his dominance was propped up against his "throne" (a pile of scrap fashioned to imitate a chair), unused. The only things that gave away his status were his position on the throne, and his intimidating size.

All in all he was hardly the worst King AM had ever laid his eyes upon (unlike that oafish Black King), but of course the best king was he who wasn't a king at all.

"You're a mite bit pale for a Dersian, messenger, aren't you?" the King opened, as AM entered the room.

"Er, 'e can't talk, Yer Majesty," Stamp piped up, following AM into the chamber. "Take a look at this." He passed AM's letter to WK.

"Hmmmm," WK started, after finishing his perusal of the letter, "an interesting proposal, certainly. Would this be an offer of peace? I think I could spare a scout to return with yo- eh? What is it, messenger?" AM had started waving his arms in a distracting manner.

Having secured the King's attention, AM rummaged into his pack and retrieved the carved tablet. He didn't want WK to make a decision without seeing everything there was to see, after all! WK took the tablet, and looked at the carvings.

A cowled Dersian was depicted at the top, both hands raised with one grasping a tattered standard. Several lines of Prospitians and Dersians stood beneath, mixed freely. Two lines of text adorned the bottom of the tablet in an ornate font; the first read: "ONE SKAIA", and below it: "FOR A BETTER TOMORROW".

WK's eyes widened as he scanned the tablet. "This tablet brings me great discomfort, messenger, for it reminds me of my obligation to accept your invitation, an obligation that I should not have forgotten until now. Long have I seeked a way to redeem myself, and upon being granted a method I nearly ignored it entirely.

"Are you aware of the last alliance that took place, messenger? This tablet is a relic describing that occasion. Perhaps it would be more accurate to call it a revolution, as Prospit and Derse were at that time still very much at odds with each other.

"I have lived for a very long time, and yet I feel such shame for who I was just one month ago. I was wary of the revolution, for it was led by a Dersian. I could not trust an enemy of Skaia to lead the revolution, I told myself! And so, I ignored them. Secretly I congratulated my luck, when the revolution targeted the Black King instead of me, and I sighed in relief when I heard that the revolution was crushed, even if it meant the death of my Prospitians.

"But as the weeks passed, I learned the folly of my apathy. With my help and the full support of Prospit behind them, surely they could have toppled our culture of war, and built a society of peace in its place! I would have gladly abdicated the throne for the revolution if that was their desire!

"Instead, I sat on my throne. Their leader was murdered by the Black King, and the revolution was murdered with it. I thought, in the following days and weeks, that the key to unification between Prospit and Derse had been forever lost, and that my decision to ignore the revolution had doomed Skaia to destruction.

"But now, a new key has arrived!" WK stood up, now, making his positively gargantuan size even more clear. "Spoke, Stamp, you will gather the residents of our home!"

"Er, Your Majesty?" Stamp and Spoke were now exchanging acutely nervous glances. They had never seen their king this excited before.

"For all my virtues as King, I lack patience. I wish to see the alliance created now! Sending this messenger back and forth between our empires to secure an agreement will be much too slow. No, I intend to bring Prospit's army to Derse myself!"

Spoke balked at this last statement. "You want us to travel all the way to Derse's palace? All we have is 'is word, You Majesty, no offense to 'im of course. Is that enough to make such a decision?"

WK gave a hearty laugh at this. "He seems trustworthy enough, don't you think? And I dare say at this point that if Derse is not ready for an alliance, I shall beat one out of them myself! Now, send the word out! We will leave at dawn tomorrow!"

~~~~

Second Meeting

TA entered the throne room flanked by two guards he had picked up along the way (Switch and Slump, maybe? He could never recall the names of the entire guard, despite having made several attempts to memorize them all. They all sounded so infuriatingly similar!). The Black King was already sitting on his throne, along with another pair of guards. The ghastly corpses littered throughout the room showed that the throne room had not escaped the carnage of the last day, although thankfully there were no Dersians among the dead.

"What... brings you to the throne, Adviser?"

"The palace will not hold up for another day, Your Majesty. I have sounded the call for evacuation."

"Nonsense!" The Black King cried, "As... long as these walls stand, so... shall we stay!"

"Your Majesty, attack frequency has increased dramatically in just the last 24 hours, and the behemoths aren't all that respectful about property. It's a miracle that the palace is still standing even now, really."

As if to illustrate TA's point, a nearby wall buckled and shattered as two behemoths pounded their way through it. Shrapnel flew out throughout the room, as well as a single foot-long splinter that directed itself toward the throne.

"Deal with the behemoths!" TA shouted to the two guards with him. The guards engaged and easily dispatched the two brutes. Danger secured, he then looked to the throne on which the Black King sat. The splinter had missed his face by a scant few inches.

"The King does have a talent for avoiding death, doesn't he? CA said from behind, giving TA a small jump. "If only he had a brain to match." Engineers were filing into the throne room behind CA, now, dropping papers everywhere. They had discipline, sure, but they lacked the organizational structure of the Guard.

"CA! I need a report."

"No casualties, I'm deeply sorry to say. My boys have gotten entirely too complacent recently. There's nothing like a couple dead comrades to get you properly motivated."

"...Did you salvage anything?" It was usually best to just ignore CA's constant grumpiness.

"I grabbed my plans, and so did the rest. Just designs, mind you, nothing concrete, except... Sledge! Sledge, where are you, you buffoon?!"

"I'm... here..." Sledge dragged himself into the room, dropping the sheet of metal he was carrying immediately and then dropping himself onto the ground with it to rest.

"That metal's very important, unlike the simian who carried it here. It's from that strange battleship you grabbed a sample from last week."

TA looked at the brown sheet of metal thoughtfully. "The battleship that AM came from? What's so special about it?"

"Some of my idiot subordinates decided to give it some stress testing against actual combatants. Despite their best efforts, though, no beast was willing to attack it or damage it at all. It looks like it's cut from the same cloth as AM, so to speak. Totally monster repellant."

"Excellent work, CA. And... you've given me an idea on where we can go from here! Well don-"

"What... was that?" the Black King interrupted. "I... thought I made it clear to you, Adviser. We... are not leaving the royal palace."

"There's no chance of us staying here, though! We have to mov-"

"I hate to interrupt your royal audience, TA, but we need to talk." RC had arrived with the royal guard, and the rest of the palace's residents had also turned up. The throne room was beginning to get a little bit crowded.

TA turned around with an exasperated gesture. "This isn't the time or place, RC. We can do so on the way to our destination, if it is truly that urgent. If my guess is accurate, though, we will be safer at our destination than we ever were here."

"You better be damn sure about this, TA."

"Entirely, RC. Now, everybody listen up! There's a ruined battleship located not far from the palace, notable both for its size and for the brown hue of its armor. The engineers will be tasked with renovating the interior. Once it's habitable, we should be able to operate withi-"

"You... would dare ignore a direct order from me, Adviser? If you leave, I will have you hunted down and put to death for your treachery!"

"Shut up, Your Majesty! You won't do a damned thing if I leave, and you know it! I've been running the palace for the entire time you were here. No one takes orders from you anymore. My plans don't need or even want your assistance at this poin-" *Crash*

TA looked over in irritation. "Another behemoth? Guards, deal wi- MY DESK!" The behemoth was holding the remains of TA's perfect desk. It had snapped clean in half, and was streaming papers and other objects that TA had collected during his month-and-a-week stay on the Battlefield.

TA shouldn't have cared about the desk. He hadn't intended to bring it with him anyway. Seeing it here and now, though, dumping a month's hard work onto the floor; that was the final straw, and a mind exhausted from a full day of constant interruptions and setbacks finally snapped. In a single instant, all his patience and planning deserted him, replaced with a familiar feeling of all-encompassing rage. TA unsheathed his sword, ran to the behemoth, and before any other guards had fully drawn their weapons, decapitated the monster in a single swing.

"There will be no more talking!" TA shouted. "Everybody shut up and start toward the battleship!" The order stuck, although the silence that now filled the room was more a result of the act of bloodlust that had taken place just a moment before. Only one person in the room was clueless enough to continue speaking.

"Face me, traitor!" The Black King roared. "I'll kill you myself!"

TA paused, gave a sigh, and finally turned to look at his monarch. "Well, Your Majesty, your constant whining has finally payed off. I have found a way to accommodate you to my plans after all." That said, he then grasped his sword, jumped straight at His Majesty's neck, and slit his throat, killing him and spraying blood everywhere. The Black King died as he lived: pathetically.

The TURNCOAT ASCENDANT wiped the blood from his eyes, sheathed his sword and turned to survey his men from his perch on top of the Black King's corpse. "What are you waiting for, boys? Let's get moving!"

At his words a change took place among the crowd below him, and anxiety gave way way to enthusiasm. With the King's foul presence unexpectedly gone, it was suddenly unclear why they had tolerated it in the first place. A cheer came up to welcome the change in management, and with that TA's position as the new ruler of Derse was secured.

~~~~

Third Meeting

TT: I can't help but feel that there must be another way to do this.
TT: Are you sure I won't be able to come back with you?
TG: ugh look you are opening a can of worms that you really do not want to open right now
TG: first off we can't just both mosey off the space time continuum like youre suggesting
TG: the first person to go would cut off the timeline before the other could
TG: even if we were like nanoseconds off it would fuck up
TG: we have to use different methods
TT: Are you sure?
TG: nope
TG: ive been doing this time travel bullshit for a week now
TG: and it still doesnt make a single lick of sense
TG: but i dont want to fuck up and leave you behind
TG: lets just keep going
TG: weve figured some things out at least
TT: ...Yes, I agree.
TT: There are still some matters that I know we can divine here.
TT: Such as the apparent benefits of sleeping
TG: alright lets get to work on that
TG: sorting this out without jade is going to be a huge pain in the ass
TG: since shes pretty much the uncontested master of sleeping
TG: we could use a cheat sheet
TT: We are the cheat sheets, Dave.
TG: ...
TG: i miss them
TT: I do too.
TT: All the more reason to keep going.
TG: The sooner we finish our work here, the sooner we can head back.
TG: yeah
TG: we can probably hit the third gate today if we push ourselves
TG: the sooner im out of earshot of that fucking laughing puppet
TG: the better

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Phew! That one took much more time than the rest to write, and not just because it's almost twice as long as the closest contender for size. Pinning down the White King's character was probably the hardest, because he had a lot of exposition to do, and I wanted him to act in a way that would make such exposition sound natural.

Ordering the meetings was also a bit of a question. I think TA's meeting is the strongest, so I wanted to save it for last, but in the end I decided that the Rose/Dave correspondence would be least expected, so I put it there instead. Any thoughts on that?

I've got... three chapters left to write, and then a mega-super-ending. I'm probably going to try hosting the rest on AOOO if I can, because I don't want to gum up the forum and I have completely lost my ability to write succinctly

[Summergale]

Gabu, the kids' colors aren't in the color sidebar. You can pick them out of the source code of MSPA updates with pesterchum conversations, though. John's color is #0715cd, and Rose's color is #b536da. I am enjoying the story apart from that pet peeve, though!

So, anyway.

Catalyst Chapter 1
Catalyst Chapter 6

Catalyst Chapter 7: Three Royal Meetings (this one's a bit of a doozy! bring a snack)

show spoiler

hide spoiler

First Meeting

The WHITE KING sat on his make-shift throne, in one of the myriad shipwrecks littering his kingdom. They pose significant danger to Skaia's well-being, as they make horrific impacts whenever one crashes, but at least with a little effort they could be renovated for living in. Small favors.

Another week of war was drawing to a close, if it could even be called a war in the first place. More time in the last two weeks had been spent in hiding than in combat! Still, hiding was preferable to being slaughtered on the fields battling against the cursed creations of the Veil.

"Your Majesty, we have found something, or perhaps more specifically someone, that may be of interest to you."

"Hmmm? Spoke? Is Stamp with you? I wanted to make sure that survivors that stumble upon the palace's remains are shown our location, so that they know their King yet lives. I hope your find was important enough to justify leaving the ruins entirely empty."

"That'll be for you to decide in the end, Your Majesty, but we certainly thought so."

"Very well. Now, who is this 'Someone'? Has one of the missing Prospitians found himself?"

"Not Prospitian at all, m'lord. He appears to be a messenger from Derse."

"Well, that is of interest." WK straightened his posture on the throne. "Send him in."

"Right away, Your Majesty."

~~~~

AM walked into the makeshift throne room nervously. He stiffened upon seeing the White King, but loosened upon getting a closer look at the massive Prospitian.

He wasn't particularly fond of royalty, but there was hardly anything kingly about this particular monarch. He wore nothing to distinguish himself from his subjects, and the scepter that marked his dominance was propped up against his "throne" (a pile of scrap fashioned to imitate a chair), unused. The only things that gave away his status were his position on the throne, and his intimidating size.

All in all he was hardly the worst King AM had ever laid his eyes upon (unlike that oafish Black King), but of course the best king was he who wasn't a king at all.

"You're a mite bit pale for a Dersian, messenger, aren't you?" the King opened, as AM entered the room.

"Er, 'e can't talk, Yer Majesty," Stamp piped up, following AM into the chamber. "Take a look at this." He passed AM's letter to WK.

"Hmmmm," WK started, after finishing his perusal of the letter, "an interesting proposal, certainly. Would this be an offer of peace? I think I could spare a scout to return with yo- eh? What is it, messenger?" AM had started waving his arms in a distracting manner.

Having secured the King's attention, AM rummaged into his pack and retrieved the carved tablet. He didn't want WK to make a decision without seeing everything there was to see, after all! WK took the tablet, and looked at the carvings.

A cowled Dersian was depicted at the top, both hands raised with one grasping a tattered standard. Several lines of Prospitians and Dersians stood beneath, mixed freely. Two lines of text adorned the bottom of the tablet in an ornate font; the first read: "ONE SKAIA", and below it: "FOR A BETTER TOMORROW".

WK's eyes widened as he scanned the tablet. "This tablet brings me great discomfort, messenger, for it reminds me of my obligation to accept your invitation, an obligation that I should not have forgotten until now. Long have I seeked a way to redeem myself, and upon being granted a method I nearly ignored it entirely.

"Are you aware of the last alliance that took place, messenger? This tablet is a relic describing that occasion. Perhaps it would be more accurate to call it a revolution, as Prospit and Derse were at that time still very much at odds with each other.

"I have lived for a very long time, and yet I feel such shame for who I was just one month ago. I was wary of the revolution, for it was led by a Dersian. I could not trust an enemy of Skaia to lead the revolution, I told myself! And so, I ignored them. Secretly I congratulated my luck, when the revolution targeted the Black King instead of me, and I sighed in relief when I heard that the revolution was crushed, even if it meant the death of my Prospitians.

"But as the weeks passed, I learned the folly of my apathy. With my help and the full support of Prospit behind them, surely they could have toppled our culture of war, and built a society of peace in its place! I would have gladly abdicated the throne for the revolution if that was their desire!

"Instead, I sat on my throne. Their leader was murdered by the Black King, and the revolution was murdered with it. I thought, in the following days and weeks, that the key to unification between Prospit and Derse had been forever lost, and that my decision to ignore the revolution had doomed Skaia to destruction.

"But now, a new key has arrived!" WK stood up, now, making his positively gargantuan size even more clear. "Spoke, Stamp, you will gather the residents of our home!"

"Er, Your Majesty?" Stamp and Spoke were now exchanging acutely nervous glances. They had never seen their king this excited before.

"For all my virtues as King, I lack patience. I wish to see the alliance created now! Sending this messenger back and forth between our empires to secure an agreement will be much too slow. No, I intend to bring Prospit's army to Derse myself!"

Spoke balked at this last statement. "You want us to travel all the way to Derse's palace? All we have is 'is word, You Majesty, no offense to 'im of course. Is that enough to make such a decision?"

WK gave a hearty laugh at this. "He seems trustworthy enough, don't you think? And I dare say at this point that if Derse is not ready for an alliance, I shall beat one out of them myself! Now, send the word out! We will leave at dawn tomorrow!"

~~~~

Second Meeting

TA entered the throne room flanked by two guards he had picked up along the way (Switch and Slump, maybe? He could never recall the names of the entire guard, despite having made several attempts to memorize them all. They all sounded so infuriatingly similar!). The Black King was already sitting on his throne, along with another pair of guards. The ghastly corpses littered throughout the room showed that the throne room had not escaped the carnage of the last day, although thankfully there were no Dersians among the dead.

"What... brings you to the throne, Adviser?"

"The palace will not hold up for another day, Your Majesty. I have sounded the call for evacuation."

"Nonsense!" The Black King cried, "As... long as these walls stand, so... shall we stay!"

"Your Majesty, attack frequency has increased dramatically in just the last 24 hours, and the behemoths aren't all that respectful about property. It's a miracle that the palace is still standing even now, really."

As if to illustrate TA's point, a nearby wall buckled and shattered as two behemoths pounded their way through it. Shrapnel flew out throughout the room, as well as a single foot-long splinter that directed itself toward the throne.

"Deal with the behemoths!" TA shouted to the two guards with him. The guards engaged and easily dispatched the two brutes. Danger secured, he then looked to the throne on which the Black King sat. The splinter had missed his face by a scant few inches.

"The King does have a talent for avoiding death, doesn't he? CA said from behind, giving TA a small jump. "If only he had a brain to match." Engineers were filing into the throne room behind CA, now, dropping papers everywhere. They had discipline, sure, but they lacked the organizational structure of the Guard.

"CA! I need a report."

"No casualties, I'm deeply sorry to say. My boys have gotten entirely too complacent recently. There's nothing like a couple dead comrades to get you properly motivated."

"...Did you salvage anything?" It was usually best to just ignore CA's constant grumpiness.

"I grabbed my plans, and so did the rest. Just designs, mind you, nothing concrete, except... Sledge! Sledge, where are you, you buffoon?!"

"I'm... here..." Sledge dragged himself into the room, dropping the sheet of metal he was carrying immediately and then dropping himself onto the ground with it to rest.

"That metal's very important, unlike the simian who carried it here. It's from that strange battleship you grabbed a sample from last week."

TA looked at the brown sheet of metal thoughtfully. "The battleship that AM came from? What's so special about it?"

"Some of my idiot subordinates decided to give it some stress testing against actual combatants. Despite their best efforts, though, no beast was willing to attack it or damage it at all. It looks like it's cut from the same cloth as AM, so to speak. Totally monster repellant."

"Excellent work, CA. And... you've given me an idea on where we can go from here! Well don-"

"What... was that?" the Black King interrupted. "I... thought I made it clear to you, Adviser. We... are not leaving the royal palace."

"There's no chance of us staying here, though! We have to mov-"

"I hate to interrupt your royal audience, TA, but we need to talk." RC had arrived with the royal guard, and the rest of the palace's residents had also turned up. The throne room was beginning to get a little bit crowded.

TA turned around with an exasperated gesture. "This isn't the time or place, RC. We can do so on the way to our destination, if it is truly that urgent. If my guess is accurate, though, we will be safer at our destination than we ever were here."

"You better be damn sure about this, TA."

"Entirely, RC. Now, everybody listen up! There's a ruined battleship located not far from the palace, notable both for its size and for the brown hue of its armor. The engineers will be tasked with renovating the interior. Once it's habitable, we should be able to operate withi-"

"You... would dare ignore a direct order from me, Adviser? If you leave, I will have you hunted down and put to death for your treachery!"

"Shut up, Your Majesty! You won't do a damned thing if I leave, and you know it! I've been running the palace for the entire time you were here. No one takes orders from you anymore. My plans don't need or even want your assistance at this poin-" *Crash*

TA looked over in irritation. "Another behemoth? Guards, deal wi- MY DESK!" The behemoth was holding the remains of TA's perfect desk. It had snapped clean in half, and was streaming papers and other objects that TA had collected during his month-and-a-week stay on the Battlefield.

TA shouldn't have cared about the desk. He hadn't intended to bring it with him anyway. Seeing it here and now, though, dumping a month's hard work onto the floor; that was the final straw, and a mind exhausted from a full day of constant interruptions and setbacks finally snapped. In a single instant, all his patience and planning deserted him, replaced with a familiar feeling of all-encompassing rage. TA unsheathed his sword, ran to the behemoth, and before any other guards had fully drawn their weapons, decapitated the monster in a single swing.

"There will be no more talking!" TA shouted. "Everybody shut up and start toward the battleship!" The order stuck, although the silence that now filled the room was more a result of the act of bloodlust that had taken place just a moment before. Only one person in the room was clueless enough to continue speaking.

"Face me, traitor!" The Black King roared. "I'll kill you myself!"

TA paused, gave a sigh, and finally turned to look at his monarch. "Well, Your Majesty, your constant whining has finally payed off. I have found a way to accommodate you to my plans after all." That said, he then grasped his sword, jumped straight at His Majesty's neck, and slit his throat, killing him and spraying blood everywhere.

The TURNCOAT ASCENDANT wiped the blood from his eyes, sheathed his sword and turned to survey his men from his perch on top of the Black King's corpse. "What are you waiting for, boys? Let's get moving!"

~~~~

Third Meeting

TT: I can't help but feel that there must be another way to do this.
TT: Are you sure I won't be able to come back with you?
TG: ugh look you are opening a can of worms that you really do not want to open right now
TG: first off we can't just both mosey off the space time continuum like youre suggesting
TG: the first person to go would cut off the timeline before the other could
TG: even if we were like nanoseconds off it would fuck up
TG: we have to use different methods
TT: Are you sure?
TG: nope
TG: ive been doing this time travel bullshit for a week now
TG: and it still doesnt make a single lick of sense
TG: but i dont want to fuck up and leave you behind
TG: lets just keep going
TG: weve figured some things out at least
TT: ...Yes, I agree.
TT: There are still some matters that I know we can divine here.
TT: Such as the apparent benefits of sleeping
TG: alright lets get to work on that
TG: sorting this out without jade is going to be a huge pain in the ass
TG: since shes pretty much the uncontested master of sleeping
TG: we could use a cheat sheet
TT: We are the cheat sheets, Dave.
TG: ...
TG: i miss them
TT: I do too.
TT: All the more reason to keep going.
TG: The sooner we finish our work here, the sooner we can head back.
TG: yeah
TG: we can probably hit the third gate today if we push ourselves
TG: the sooner im out of earshot of that fucking laughing puppet
TG: the better

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Phew! That one took much more time than the rest to write, and not just because it's almost twice as long as the closest contender for size. Pinning down the White King's character was probably the hardest, because he had a lot of exposition to do, and I wanted him to act in a way that would make such exposition sound natural.

Ordering the meetings was also a bit of a question. I think TA's meeting is the strongest, so I wanted to save it for last, but in the end I decided that the Rose/Dave correspondence would be least expected, so I put it there instead. Any thoughts on that?

I've got... three chapters left to write, and then a mega-super-ending. I'm probably going to try hosting the rest on AOOO if I can, because I don't want to gum up the forum and I have completely lost my ability to write succinctly

Holy.... wow. I love Catalyst.

If I can make a suggestion...

show spoiler

hide spoiler

The Black King's death seems like you just go "oh, there we go, let's move on", for lack of a better way to say it.

[Valter]

I'm hoping to elaborate on that more in the next chapter, but my goal for this chapter was something completely unexpected.

I'll see if I can make it a bit clearer (good thing about forum fanfiction? easy editing)

EDIT: hopefully that'll make it a bit better. Thanks for the advice!

[reclusiveAmateur]

Pretty much jossed a while back on several levels-- well, probably, who can tell-- but I dunno, it has a couple of redeeming features, so what the hell. I probably don't even want to think about how long it's been since I actually wrote this thing. Mostly before I joined the fora, I think. Anyway here have some angsty Dave nonsense.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Thats really scary. Why would you not trust yourself? Plus the Davesprite would also know how to play Dave really well, if not better as its prototyped with future Dave who is probably wiser and more mature.
Batshit insane theory, what if the sprites are the denziens only "sleeping" means "dormant" and when the kids reach the final gate the sprite turns round and says. "Hey guys, check these lasers!!!"

Dave wanted to ask what the hell kind of fucked-up world it was when you couldn't even trust yourself, but looking back, the whole meteor apocalypse thing had been a pretty big clue that "fair" was not a valid concept anymore.

Besides. It probably wasn't his fault. Dave stole a moment to lean against the hot brick, breathing heavily, sweating in the heat that shimmered up in slow waves from the lava below. It was probably just another goddamn sprite thing. He'd figured there'd been a reason future him had said they should take turns going through the last Gate. He'd figured there'd been a reason he'd volunteered them to go first.

But that still left him with a badass magic future crow self who was trying to kill him. And doing a pretty decent job of it, too.

He gave the end of the bowtie another yank; you couldn't really tie a tourniquet on your arm yourself, not well, and silk wasn't the best material to do it with, but maybe this would hold for long enough.

"C'mon, bro, there's no point in hiding anymore," said the Davesprite, still searching for him in the distance, but getting closer. He'd know to come to this roof. Their sense of irony wouldn't let this end anywhere else. "Don't you want this shit over with? Aren't you tired? I know I'm tired. Four goddamn months. Did I ever tell you that?"

He hadn't. He might've been less cagey than the other sprites, but that hadn't made him eager to share. He hadn't wanted to talk about it, and Dave hadn't wanted to ask. Hadn't wanted to know. He was much too close to it already.

"You try making decent gear with only three worlds to work with. John's cache barely counted, either-- didn't have a lot of time for grinding before he got his dumb ass killed. I still don't know what happened to Jade. I was talking to her and suddenly she just flipped the fuck out. Wouldn't say why. Just 'John' and 'no' and 'this wasn't supposed to happen'. Then she said goodbye. And I never heard from her again."

Why the fuck are you telling me this? All this time and now he decided to open his feathery piehole. Jesus, he really was kind of a prick.

But maybe there was a reason.

"I know you never asked, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. See, you don't get to not know this, you little prick. You're not allowed. That'd be cheating. And you know what happens to cheaters in this game."

And yeah, he hadn't asked, not about anything, but for--

--no. That wasn't true. He'd asked one question.

That was it. Of course, that was the goddamn key. He wondered if the avian asshole knew.

"One of us is gonna die here," said the Davesprite.

"I knew it was probably a bad idea to make my kernelsprite so awesome," said Dave. He knew the trick of it now; there wasn't any reason not to answer anymore.

"Trust me. Calsprite was worse. Calsprite was a feathered abomination against everything that was ever decent in this world. Even after this, you still owe me for saving you from that."

He could believe that. Another thing he'd tried very hard not to imagine. "Yeah, but no way he would've come this close to kicking my ass. That could've only been you."

"Jesus, Lalonde's got it right, I really am an insufferable narcissist. I guess you think you've got a plan, now, huh?"

Dave got to his feet, stepping out from behind the stairs; the Davesprite was at the other side of the roof, waiting. Yeah, this was definitely a sprite thing. If he'd really wanted Dave dead, he'd already be gone.

That didn't exactly help.

"Yeah," said Dave. "I think I know how this goes."

"C'mon, then," said the Davesprite. "Free shot. Bring it."

Huh; maybe he didn't know, after all. Dave didn't need a free shot. He needed a distraction.

He ejected the box of fireworks from his sylladex and sent a burst of flame after it.

"Oh, for fuck's-- tell me you're kidding," said the Davesprite, as the fireworks began over his shoulder, a roiling cloud of flame and sparks and smoke. "You can't think that's gonna hurt me."

"No," said Dave, and ducked out of the way as the sprite spread its wings, firing another one of those goddamn laser beams at him. It grazed him, of course, again, but at least it wasn't really going to bleed a lot. He pulled out his timetables just before he hit the ground; that was enough for causality's sake. As long as he had time to get the tables out, the universe usually seemed to give him the benefit of the doubt that whatever bullshit temporal reacharound he had in mind would work.

"Then what the hell are you--" said the sprite, turning to face him.

Dave looked up, half-crouching, wobbly, to watch as the Davesprite turned right into his future self, who had been hidden just enough by the smoke. His wings were still raised from his attack, leaving himself open.

so
that
sword though the heart thing
does it hurt

"I'm sorry," said Dave, taking hold of the shitty katana in the Davesprite's chest.

shit i dont even know anymore
you get used to it after awhile

And Dave pulled.

The sword came free, and the Davesprite began to fray at the edges, into glittering bits of magic as fine as dust. He looked down, confused-- and then smiled, just a little, shaking his head. "Shit. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?"

"You just got used to it," said Dave. "After a while."

"Four months or so," said his future. It took Dave a moment to figure out why.

"Goddamn metaphors." The sprite shook his head. "Sorry about trying to kill you."

"It's cool."

"Sorry about actually killing you," said his future.

"Nah, saw it coming a while back. No problem." His head was beginning to droop down, onto his fading chest. "Kinda glad to be done with it, to be honest. Whole load of miserable bullshit."

"Yeah," said Dave.

The Davesprite looked up, leaning forward, and whispered something into the future Dave's ear. Dave was too far away to hear it, but that was only a matter of time. Then he drew back, drifting backward--

And then there was a flash of red, blinding even though his shades. He blinked rapidly, shielding his eyes with his good arm as his vision slowly cleared.

The Davesprite was gone. There was a red gate in the middle of the roof. And two minutes from now, he was staring down at his old katana, which was perfectly stainless and clean-- except-- possibly, just possibly, glowing pure white.

"...Shit," he muttered, and went on Pesterchum. They'd figured John would go next, then Rose, then Jade, so it was John he called first.

TG: ok
TG: i killed the denizen
TG: or im about to
EB: this is more of that time bullshit, right?
TG: yeah that was pretty much inevitable
EB: are you okay?
TG: yeah
TG: sucked pretty hard though
TG: you should remember therell be a trick to it
EB: what's the trick?
TG: i dunno
TG: i think theyll all have a different weakness
TG: probably an ironic one
TG: and youll have to figure out what that is
EB: how am i supposed to do that??
TG: youll know
TG: youll pull it off
TG: itll be hard but youll do it
TG: and then were gonna kick someones ass
EB: whose?
TG: dont know yet
TG: but ill find out
TG: and youre going to help too
EB: oh god, is this more time bullshit?
EB: you know i'm not good at the time bullshit!
TG: no
TG: just regular bullshit
TG: see you on the flip side
EB: okay.

Dave switched off his glasses, taking a deep breath.

He hadn't wanted to think about what the other him had been through. Because if he thought about it too hard, then he'd understand, because they were only a couple months and a couple cataclysms apart. If he understood, then he'd know-- just how far he could be pushed, just how far he'd go and what he'd do--

--just how much he actually could be hurt by things, despite all his efforts to the contrary. Just how much he actually did care.

Just how much he could change.

You don't get to not know this. You're not allowed.

Dave looked up. The person he'd be two minutes from now stared back at him, just for a moment, before turning away, stepping through the final gate, and vanishing in a flash of red.

Ironic; as much shit as he'd been able to screw with through time travel, it was also teaching him that some things were inevitable.

Dave swallowed, reached out to his timetables, and-- changed.

[Zuki]

Pretty much jossed a while back on several levels-- well, probably, who can tell-- but I dunno, it has a couple of redeeming features, so what the hell. I probably don't even want to think about how long it's been since I actually wrote this thing. Mostly before I joined the fora, I think. Anyway here have some angsty Dave nonsense.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Thats really scary. Why would you not trust yourself? Plus the Davesprite would also know how to play Dave really well, if not better as its prototyped with future Dave who is probably wiser and more mature.
Batshit insane theory, what if the sprites are the denziens only "sleeping" means "dormant" and when the kids reach the final gate the sprite turns round and says. "Hey guys, check these lasers!!!"

Dave wanted to ask what the hell kind of fucked-up world it was when you couldn't even trust yourself, but looking back, the whole meteor apocalypse thing had been a pretty big clue that "fair" was not a valid concept anymore.

Besides. It probably wasn't his fault. Dave stole a moment to lean against the hot brick, breathing heavily, sweating in the heat that shimmered up in slow waves from the lava below. It was probably just another goddamn sprite thing. He'd figured there'd been a reason future him had said they should take turns going through the last Gate. He'd figured there'd been a reason he'd volunteered them to go first.

But that still left him with a badass magic future crow self who was trying to kill him. And doing a pretty decent job of it, too.

He gave the end of the bowtie another yank; you couldn't really tie a tourniquet on your arm yourself, not well, and silk wasn't the best material to do it with, but maybe this would hold for long enough.

"C'mon, bro, there's no point in hiding anymore," said the Davesprite, still searching for him in the distance, but getting closer. He'd know to come to this roof. Their sense of irony wouldn't let this end anywhere else. "Don't you want this shit over with? Aren't you tired? I know I'm tired. Four goddamn months. Did I ever tell you that?"

He hadn't. He might've been less cagey than the other sprites, but that hadn't made him eager to share. He hadn't wanted to talk about it, and Dave hadn't wanted to ask. Hadn't wanted to know. He was much too close to it already.

"You try making decent gear with only three worlds to work with. John's cache barely counted, either-- didn't have a lot of time for grinding before he got his dumb ass killed. I still don't know what happened to Jade. I was talking to her and suddenly she just flipped the fuck out. Wouldn't say why. Just 'John' and 'no' and 'this wasn't supposed to happen'. Then she said goodbye. And I never heard from her again."

Why the fuck are you telling me this? All this time and now he decided to open his feathery piehole. Jesus, he really was kind of a prick.

But maybe there was a reason.

"I know you never asked, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. See, you don't get to not know this, you little prick. You're not allowed. That'd be cheating. And you know what happens to cheaters in this game."

And yeah, he hadn't asked, not about anything, but for--

--no. That wasn't true. He'd asked one question.

That was it. Of course, that was the goddamn key. He wondered if the avian asshole knew.

"One of us is gonna die here," said the Davesprite.

"I knew it was probably a bad idea to make my kernelsprite so awesome," said Dave. He knew the trick of it now; there wasn't any reason not to answer anymore.

"Trust me. Calsprite was worse. Calsprite was a feathered abomination against everything that was ever decent in this world. Even after this, you still owe me for saving you from that."

He could believe that. Another thing he'd tried very hard not to imagine. "Yeah, but no way he would've come this close to kicking my ass. That could've only been you."

"Jesus, Lalonde's got it right, I really am an insufferable narcissist. I guess you think you've got a plan, now, huh?"

Dave got to his feet, stepping out from behind the stairs; the Davesprite was at the other side of the roof, waiting. Yeah, this was definitely a sprite thing. If he'd really wanted Dave dead, he'd already be gone.

That didn't exactly help.

"Yeah," said Dave. "I think I know how this goes."

"C'mon, then," said the Davesprite. "Free shot. Bring it."

Huh; maybe he didn't know, after all. Dave didn't need a free shot. He needed a distraction.

He ejected the box of fireworks from his sylladex and sent a burst of flame after it.

"Oh, for fuck's-- tell me you're kidding," said the Davesprite, as the fireworks began over his shoulder, a roiling cloud of flame and sparks and smoke. "You can't think that's gonna hurt me."

"No," said Dave, and ducked out of the way as the sprite spread its wings, firing another one of those goddamn laser beams at him. It grazed him, of course, again, but at least it wasn't really going to bleed a lot. He pulled out his timetables just before he hit the ground; that was enough for causality's sake. As long as he had time to get the tables out, the universe usually seemed to give him the benefit of the doubt that whatever bullshit temporal reacharound he had in mind would work.

"Then what the hell are you--" said the sprite, turning to face him.

Dave looked up, half-crouching, wobbly, to watch as the Davesprite turned right into his future self, who had been hidden just enough by the smoke. His wings were still raised from his attack, leaving himself open.

so
that
sword though the heart thing
does it hurt

"I'm sorry," said Dave, taking hold of the shitty katana in the Davesprite's chest.

shit i dont even know anymore
you get used to it after awhile

And Dave pulled.

The sword came free, and the Davesprite began to fray at the edges, into glittering bits of magic as fine as dust. He looked down, confused-- and then smiled, just a little, shaking his head. "Shit. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?"

"You just got used to it," said Dave. "After a while."

"Four months or so," said his future. It took Dave a moment to figure out why.

"Goddamn metaphors." The sprite shook his head. "Sorry about trying to kill you."

"It's cool."

"Sorry about actually killing you," said his future.

"Nah, saw it coming a while back. No problem." His head was beginning to droop down, onto his fading chest. "Kinda glad to be done with it, to be honest. Whole load of miserable bullshit."

"Yeah," said Dave.

The Davesprite looked up, leaning forward, and whispered something into the future Dave's ear. Dave was too far away to hear it, but that was only a matter of time. Then he drew back, drifting backward--

And then there was a flash of red, blinding even though his shades. He blinked rapidly, shielding his eyes with his good arm as his vision slowly cleared.

The Davesprite was gone. There was a red gate in the middle of the roof. And two minutes from now, he was staring down at his old katana, which was perfectly stainless and clean-- except-- possibly, just possibly, glowing pure white.

"...Shit," he muttered, and went on Pesterchum. They'd figured John would go next, then Rose, then Jade, so it was John he called first.

TG: ok
TG: i killed the denizen
TG: or im about to
EB: this is more of that time bullshit, right?
TG: yeah that was pretty much inevitable
EB: are you okay?
TG: yeah
TG: sucked pretty hard though
TG: you should remember therell be a trick to it
EB: what's the trick?
TG: i dunno
TG: i think theyll all have a different weakness
TG: probably an ironic one
TG: and youll have to figure out what that is
EB: how am i supposed to do that??
TG: youll know
TG: youll pull it off
TG: itll be hard but youll do it
TG: and then were gonna kick someones ass
EB: whose?
TG: dont know yet
TG: but ill find out
TG: and youre going to help too
EB: oh god, is this more time bullshit?
EB: you know i'm not good at the time bullshit!
TG: no
TG: just regular bullshit
TG: see you on the flip side
EB: okay.

Dave switched off his glasses, taking a deep breath.

He hadn't wanted to think about what the other him had been through. Because if he thought about it too hard, then he'd understand, because they were only a couple months and a couple cataclysms apart. If he understood, then he'd know-- just how far he could be pushed, just how far he'd go and what he'd do--

--just how much he actually could be hurt by things, despite all his efforts to the contrary. Just how much he actually did care.

Just how much he could change.

You don't get to not know this. You're not allowed.

Dave looked up. The person he'd be two minutes from now stared back at him, just for a moment, before turning away, stepping through the final gate, and vanishing in a flash of red.

Ironic; as much shit as he'd been able to screw with through time travel, it was also teaching him that some things were inevitable.

Dave swallowed, reached out to his timetables, and-- changed.

This is Grade-A-Fuckin'-Mazing, by the way.

Now, let me make sure I've got the timelines right here

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Before going back in time to become Davesprite, Crapsack Future Dave goes back to the timeline right here to kill Davesprite, and then goes on to help the rest of the four kids keep playing Sburb. Our Present Dave goes back in time to go through the hellish four months of being Future Dave, and then go back in time to become Davesprite. And then die when Future Dave pulls out the sword in his chest.

I got that right? Shit, that is angsty and horrible. And awesome.

[Eco-Mono]

This is Grade-A-Fuckin'-Mazing, by the way.

Now, let me make sure I've got the timelines right here

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Before going back in time to become Davesprite, Crapsack Future Dave goes back to the timeline right here to kill Davesprite, and then goes on to help the rest of the four kids keep playing Sburb. Our Present Dave goes back in time to go through the hellish four months of being Future Dave, and then go back in time to become Davesprite. And then die when Future Dave pulls out the sword in his chest.

I got that right? Shit, that is angsty and horrible. And awesome.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I read it as the much simpler case of Present Dave going back in time to become Slightly Future Dave and kill Davesprite (that is, the only time travel he did here was to appear where he needed to be to win the fight). Not sure how the other way would work timeline-wise, since this fight never happened in the Crapsack Future timeline.

[Summergale]

Oh hey look it's a fic thing maybe i don't know

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Easy enough, unless of course you had just narrowly escaped your own Denzien.

John winced as he gave another shuddering breath and looked down at the tattered remains of his suit. The front was soaked in dark, thick blood - his blood. John knew he was dying. He just hoped this wouldn't screw things up too much for the others.

As the acrid, coppery tang of his own blood hit John's tongue, he prodded his glasses into life. One lense was completely shattered; the other was prone to hazes of static thanks to a large crack down one side. Pesterchum opened readily, the colours feeling garish and blinding to his half-closed eyes.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
EB: dave
TG: what did you do this time
TG: wait, did you listen to the troll?
TG: i told you not to do it
EB: i'm sorry

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
EB: rose?
TT: Don't say it. Dave just told me.
TT: Egbert, you... You're kind of gullible, you know that?
EB: yeah
EB: sorry

Jade was still unreachable. She'd know soon enough; he probably wouldn't be around to talk to her again. He leaned back against the rock and closed his eyes. What would it be like? Dying. You didn't know what would happen until it did. He tried to relax, but there was a soft ping as another Pesterchum window opened up.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]--
GC: H3H3H3H3
GC: 1 C4N'T B3L13V3 YOU 4CTU4LLY F3LL FOR 1T
GC: HOW STUP1D DO YOU 3V3N H4V3 TO B3?
EB: fuck you
GC: K3K3K3
GC: NOW 1 G3T TO L1ST3N TO YOU BL33D
GC: 4ND SM3LL YOU D13
EB: go away
GC: GOODBY3 JOHN
GC: 1T W4S FUN

-- gallowsCalibrator ceased trolling ectoBiologist --

John's eyelids began to flutter closed. He was so tired...

-- ectoBiologist has disconnected --

show spoiler

hide spoiler

And hold on, Present Dave going back to become Slightly Future Dave? Wat

[Eco-Mono]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

And hold on, Present Dave going back to become Slightly Future Dave? Wat

show spoiler

hide spoiler

For the combat maneuver. There's two Daves at that point in time - the Dave that walked up to the roof, and the Dave who went back two minutes to surprise Davesprite and pull the sword out of his chest. So that Dave - the one that appeared to sneak-attack Davesprite - is "slightly future Dave", in that he is two minutes ahead of Present Dave in subjective time.

Man, English really isn't equipped to describe this stuff, is it.

[nextian]

Awesome stuff as always, rA. I love your hard decisions.

Okay, so, this takes a bit of explanation. There's an iPod shuffle writing game that goes around every so often. You put your music player on shuffle and then write a story for the first ten songs that come up, and you only have until the end of the song to write it. I obviously cheated a tiny bit. But here is my iteration of this for Homestuck.

(Now with bonus Archive of our Own link!)

Ten musical interludes:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

1. Aladdin's Word -- Aladdin Soundtrack

"Oh jesus, are we really doing this? We're really doing this. This is really your idea of a good time." Dave flops down on the sofa next to John. "Look, I'm not taking off my sweet shades, but I just want you to know: my eyes are closed under here."

Rose, without moving any unnecessary muscles, slaps a hand firmly over Dave's mouth. "My apologies, John," she says. "He doesn't understand the majesty and beauty of Aladdin."

2. Thus saith my Cloris bright -- Amherst College Madrigal Singers

(with credit to Which Yet Survives)

The church, it turns out, is real. They find it a week later. The stained glass really does make patterns break and form on the floor as the sun passes overhead, and Jade really does look at rest in it. She stops smiling, the kind of stillness that comes over her when she runs out of energy and exclamation points and is left only with silent applause. Dave watches her run her fingers through the water of the communion fount.

3. Gyroscope -- The Tea Party

"You don't get it," Spades Slick says, watching Droog wriggle his arm frantically, trying to pry it loose from the lance. "You think this is a fucking joke? You don't touch her."

"Two-faced bitch, I thought what's the harm," Droog says. He strains at the pull. "You didn't use to give a shit, boss. Let me out and stitch me the fuck up."

Slick turns away and ignores the whining. Droog'll pull himself loose eventually. Or he'll lose the arm. Either way, he'll learn not to shoot when he's not wanted.

4. 2 Become 1 -- Spice Girls

She kisses him, sparkles exploding around the deck as the distinguished gentleman pilots their ship through the beautiful light of nighttime.

"Okay, that is just wrong," says a kid, and she yanks herself back. He's appeared on the prow unexpectedly, his hands on two turntables. With his shades and his cheap gear he's practically a tiny clone of her brother. "It's like, what is this, a singles cruise. We're trying to save the world here and the only two people who aren't related to each other--"

"--or possibly each other--" her daughter adds, stepping out from behind him.

"Or clones of each other, yeah," he says, nodding, "are macking on each other."

"It must be the romantic atmosphere," Rose says, dryly. "I certainly know I would dive straight for the nearest available male in the event that I was fighting for my life against a malevolent game god."

"In case you're a clone of John or Jade or John and Jade," Dave informs John's dad, "that was irony."

5. Spanish Web -- Mirrormask soundtrack

She wiggles her fingers invitingly. He stares at her. "Um, I don't really know any troll dances," he says. "Also, uh, aren't you blind?"

"Yeah yeah yeah," she says. Laughs. Whatever, it's always laughing. "Come on, John. I learned the human tango. It's fun."

"Okay I definitely don't know the human tango," he protests, backing up against the computer desk. "Also it's kind of -- really personal?" he finishes, on a squeak, because she's advancing on him with singular purpose, with an alien rose in her teeth.

6. 16 Track 16, DJ CLOS

He spins the tables--

"Yeah, no," Bro says, and takes one of his Oreos, "nice try, but I can still kick your ass, so suit the fuck up" --

and again --

"--and I can still kick your ass when there are twenty of you--"

fast-forwards, record scratches, leaves a skipping pattern in the track of time--

"I can still kick,"

"I can still,"

"I'm still kicking,"

and his Denizen's down, his loop closing up and popping out of paradox space.

Dave picks up the hat. He spins the tables.

7. Why, Andrew Bird

cG: GODDAMMIT WOULD YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME
tG: yeah sure bro
tG: im riveted
tG: i woke up this morning thinking you know what would taste sweet with these cheerios some alien insults that sound a lot like human insults
cG: NO FOR CHRIST'S SAKE
cG: YOU KNOW YOU'D THINK YOU'D EVEN BE A LITTLE ANGRY
cG: IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T APPRECIATE THE BITTER MAGNITUDE OF YOUR OWN FAILURE, BECAUSE SERIOUSLY JESUS IT IS VAST
cG: YOU ARE THE EMBODIMENT OF FAILURE IF FAILURE WAS A WHALE
tG: wow was that a fat joke
tG: you sure got me bro
tG: im a wreck here crying all over the place
tG: like a whole salty ocean for my whale self
cG: ARRRGHHHH FINE, YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK JOHN'S STUPID IDEA
cG: YOUR CHEAT CODE IS GO FUCK YOURSELF
tG: okay seriously what are you talking about
-- carcinoGeneticist has stopped trolling turntechGodhead at 04:13 --

8. Goodies, Ciara feat. Petey Pablo

"What," he says, flatly. "What. What is this that you're doing."

"Fuck yeah!" says aT. He pops and locks some more, then goes down for a headspin, which turns out to be a bad idea when his horns get snared in a wheely chair's leg.

"What's going on?" gC asks, leaning one wheely chair over. She screws up her face. "What are these noises? They smell like lemons dying."

"That Egbert kid sent them over," aT says, sitting up. "They're sick human beats!"

"Okay, let me be clear about this," cG says, massaging the base of his horns. "In a second you're going to be like 'This was ironic,' and we're all going to know you're really into this, and I'm going to want to kill myself even more than I did when I found out we're all going to die, and you're telling me that it's all that Egbert kid's fault?"

"Uh, you really need to calm down," aT says. "I was just kidding. Ha ha ha! What, this is stupid music for stupid kids!"

"Yeah, I'm trolling the fuck out of him," says cG, and kicks out a chair.

9. The Bargain, Les Miserables soundtrack

"Please," gasps the handsome detective, clutching at her dress with spindly hands as he bleeds out on the bakery floor. "Please. Raise my son."

Nanna wipes tears from her eyes. "Of course," she says, gathering the child against her chest. "He'll have the best care a forty-year-old bakery urchin can offer."

"Thank you," the detective says, his eyes closing. "One last thing..."

"Anything!"

"Don't..." the detective wheezes, the death rattle in his voice. "Don't let him grow up... to be Batman..."

10. Headsoak, Andrew Bird.

Jade uses her Tangle Buddies quilt to make the sail, and a needle from the alchemiter index as the mast, because she feels like Rose'd appreciate it. She sails for three days, her skin tanning and her hair going even darker, and Catzilla plays lookout and watches for the imaginary sharks.

On the third day, just as she runs out of provisions, she comes to the edge of the whirlpool, and anchors the raft against the pull. "It's now or never, Catzilla," she says. "You ready?"

The kitten mewls and blinks all four eyes.

"Me too," she says. She stretches up on her toes, limbers up. She takes a few steps back. She waves cheerily at Dave's invisible monitor. Then she dives.

[sarasvati]

nextian, this is huge so I'm spoilering the hell out of it:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I felt compelled to go listen to all of the songs while I read these, but good lord some of them were hard to track down. (It took me awhile, but I am a huge music whore so I was DETERMINED.)

#2 put the BIGGEST, DUMBEST GRIN ON MY FACE EVER. My day has been pretty shitty up to this point but I read this and it made me giddy. GUSHGUSHGUSH. The song to accompany it was just so pretty and fit the mood perfectly.

#6 is one where I couldn't find the song at all, which made me sad, but I still loved this one. "leaves a skipping pattern in the track of time" = STEALING IT. IT'S GONE. I'VE GOT IT NOW. You might get visitation rights.

#8 made me fucking die laughing in combination with the song. The song actually makes this one. No reading could be complete without it. Seriously guys. If you can't imagine AT breakdancing to this, you are a robot.

#10 uuuughhh she is so sweet and cute and innocent and I have no idea what she's about to do except DIE, PROBABLY. oh god.

Now I feel like running off to do this meme myself. oh my god what have you done.

Summergale: holy crap so sad. Kittens worldwide started crying at this. (Is it bad that the deep down, gnashing slash fangirl in me thought 'he messaged dave first as he was dying so morbidly adorable.')

RA: This is going to come out completely wrong, but can I kidnap you and keep you in my closet WHOOPS FUCK DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY THAT.

But seriously, this embodies like all of my weird fandom quirks. Dave? Check. Dave bleeding? Check. World-weary Dave? Check. Dave coming to huge personal revelations? Check. Dave fighting Dave? Check. This fic is like crack to me.

Valter: I would probably marry Catalyst if it was legal. There. I said it. god I am so weird. I seriously loved the pesterlog between Rose and Dave too. ("TG: since shes pretty much the uncontested master of sleeping" hahahaha looooove )

Aerok: Oh my god CD was adorable. I will probably greet people with "happy on" in the future. Like seriously. The. Cutest.