MSPA fan-fiction

[Bardic Feline]

Spoilered for sort of gross:

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whenever I used to get nosebleeds as a kid, the blood would always start a little far up my nose, not right at my nostrils. I applied the same logic to Karkat (even though i've never been punched in the nose, so i don't really know), just having the blood start up further up his nose. since he brought his hand up to inspect the damage immediately after Sollux punched him, i thought that his hand would have hidden the blood from Sollux.

hope that makes it clearer! As always, thanks everyone for your wonderful encouragement. Writing's not easy for me, but it sure is fun! tabs for everyone!

Oh, that makes sense! *has never experienced chronic nose bleeds, so didn't know it worked like that. Hasn't ever been punched in the nose, either...* Thanks for answering! I eagerly await the next installment.

...eventually...EVENTUALLY...I'm going to actually write down one of my stupid little plot bunnies, get over being intimidated by all of the awesome talent around here, and post a fic instead of just sitting around and admiring other people's creative outputs. ONE OF THESE DAYS.

That day will not be today. *slinks off*

[OracleEngineer]

EVERYONE HERE, WILL YOU MARRY ME? I PROMISE TO SHOWER YOU WITH GIFTS UNTIL I GET TIRED OF IT.

BUT I THINK I MIGHT RUN OUT OF RINGS.

And @ Bardic, I shall do the same.

I just gotta catch a plot bunny.

[CeeJay]

I WANT A MARRIAGE! *sparkle eyes*

[Bardic Feline]

I...I am not worthy of a marriage unless I have posted a fic...

*SOBS* I SHALL RETURN WHEN I AM AT LAST WORTHY! *FLEES*

[Sushi Database]

(I dont usually really do... fanfiction, like, at all, but... I dont know, I suddenly got the urge to do a thing. Whatever, submitted for approval or lack thereof.)



Stupid Karkat!

Vriska fiddled around with the Trollian client, delaying the inevitable. Of COURSE she would have to connect to Nitram. One little indiscretion, and her so-called friends had been making her pay for it for years. This was JUST like them. Okay, one indiscretion, then a murdering, and then a blinding. WHATEVER. It wasn't like she'd started it, everything she'd done had been within the confines of an innocent game, Aradia was the one who had to go and make it personal. Bluh, such a bitch! But despite all of that she had been TRYING to get back in everyone's good graces, and they go and reward her with the WORST POSSIBLE TASK EVER. Like it wasnt bad enough that she had to be on Nitram's team, now she had to be his SERVER????????

Well, whatever. These were the kinds of things Vriska had come to expect. To tell the truth, the truth she'd only tell to herself, she was most annoyed by Karkat's stupid nerd lecture on romance. Like HE was going to find a Matesprit, HONESTLY, even Sollux had had more luck in redrom than him and Sollux was SUCH a nerd. Not that redrom held any interest to her- Karkat was right about that. It all seemed kind of stupid to her. But blackrom... maybe? Someday?

But JEGUS, the nerve of him bringing up her kismesis potential. Like anyone even BELIEVES in kismesis anyway other than little girly larva trolls, so pathetic. Nemeses of the Heart, "Twue Hate"... that kind of stuff was a cheap fabrication of Troll Hollywood. The very idea, that one could have "one person" that is their exact opposite, that they are meant to hate forever and always... BLUH. Just STUPID.

But maybe... she shifted uncomfortably in her desk chair. A hatemate wasn't entirely... out of the question. Someday. If she ever found someone repugnant enough, and also strikingly handsome, and AT LEAST devious enough to trick her into a mutually-beneficial social arrangement... it could be nice. And who was Karkat to say she couldnt do it, if she wanted to? BLUH.

Vriska closed her eye and sighed. Okay. Might as well get this over with.

She double-clicked adiosToreador's trollhandle and began typing.
AG: Taaaaaaavros!
AG: So it looks like I'm on your shitty team now! Go figure, huh?
AG: Vantas says I'm supposed to help you get into your session 8efore you get crushed 8y meteors or whatever!
AG: Oh come ON I'm trying to 8e helpful here the least you could do is respond!
AG: Stop listening to your stupid imagin8ry f8iry friend and t8lk to me so we can get this over with already!!!!!!!!
AT: rUFIO ISNT A FAIRY, HE'S A LOST BOY SKYLARK FROM THE JUNGLE,
AG: Whatever already, stupid!
AG: Stupid Karkat says I have to set up your stupid session so you can get into the stupid medium before you get killed by stupid meteors.
AT: sOUNDS PRETTY,
AT: sTUPID,
AG: Yeah, pretty much!
AG: I'm not sure why he wants me to 8other, we 8oth know you're 8asically dead w8 for this team
AG: But I guess we need every lame-o loser we can get, haha!
AT: i THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BE ON THE BLUE TEAM
AG: So did I! Turns out the 8lue Team is all devious schemers, and they 8acksta88ed me!
AT: hUH,
AG: Anyway, good riddance to those guys, now that Red Team has me we're going to win despite our overwhelming handicaps
AG: And 8y our overwhelming handicaps, I'm referring specifically to your overwhelming handicap.
AT: aRE YOU INSTALLING THE SERVER CLIENT, YET?
AG: Troll Jegus, so impatient!!!!!!!! Yes, it's installing!
AT: jUST, CHECKING,
AG: ........
AG: Hey! Nitram!
AT: wHAT?
AG: Do you h8 me?
AT: uMMM,
AG: 8ecause I h8 you, truly. I h8 you as hard as I know how to hate a person.
AG: That's some pretty strong h8, right there!
AG: 8ut do you h8 me?
AT: uMMM,
AT: wELL,
AT: yOU'RE PRETTY MEAN,
AT: AND SCARY,
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
AG: Pretty, mean, and scary!
AG: You know just how to send a lady's cardial compartment a-flutter.
AT: uHHH,
AG: It's okay if you dont feel the same way, Toreasnore.
AG: I know you're only working with half the usual troll emotional range, here.
AT: hAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO,
AT: kARKAT,
AG: Whaaaaaaaat, why would you even 8ring up Karkat what would he even have to do with this convers8tion????????
AT: uHHH, WELL,
AT: hE LIKES TO TALK ABOUT, FEELINGS A LOT,
AT: aND,
AT: tHIS KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE THE SORT OF THING HE MIGHT BRING UP IN CONVERSATION,
AT: aND SOMETIMES,
AT: gO ON AND ON ABOUT WITHOUT NOTICING THAT NO ONE REALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT HE IS SAYING,
AG: Reeeeeeeeally? :::;D Have YOU 8een talking to Karkat about feelings, Nitram?
AT: uHHH,
AG: So tell me, then! Do you pity me?
AT: uMM,
AT: i DONT KNOW,
AT: i GUESS,
AG: You g8ess? What k8nd of answ8r is that????????
AG: E8ther you do 8r you dont! Uggh!
AG: You are s88888 p8th8tic Nitram I d8nt even kn8w wh8 I'd 8sk y8u a8out anything like this!
AG: I sh8uld j8st le8ve y8u to the m8te8rs for you to gu8ss y8ur w8y 8ut!!!!!!!!
AT: wELL,
AT: i GUESS YOU JUST, ALWAYS SEEM LIKE YOU'RE PUTTING FORTH A LOT OF EFFORT,
AT: aT BEING MEAN AND JUST FREAKING OUT OVER THINGS,
AT: aND,
AT: iT SEEMS LIKE THAT WOULD BE REALLY STRESSFUL,
AT: sO i GUESS i PITY YOU A LITTLE,
AT: bUT,
AT: yOU ACT THAT WAY FOR YOUR OWN REASONS,
AT: sO, i DONT KNOW,
AT: aRE YOU STILL THERE?

arachnidsGrip ceased trolling adiosToreador

Stupid Nitram. Vriska sighed. No easy answers. Kismesis only happened in the movies.

But...

Vriska grinned to herself. The server client had finished installing. She pulled up Tavros' room and prepared to deploy an alchemiter on his recuperacoon ramp.

The heart will hate what it hates.

(unspoilered)

[northernVehemence]

(I dont usually really do... fanfiction, like, at all, but... I dont know, I suddenly got the urge to do a thing. Whatever, submitted for approval or lack thereof.)

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Stupid Karkat!

Vriska fiddled around with the Trollian client, delaying the inevitable. Of COURSE she would have to connect to Nitram. One little indiscretion, and her so-called friends had been making her pay for it for years. This was JUST like them. Okay, one indiscretion, then a murdering, and then a blinding. WHATEVER. It wasn't like she'd started it, everything she'd done had been within the confines of an innocent game, Aradia was the one who had to go and make it personal. Bluh, such a bitch! But despite all of that she had been TRYING to get back in everyone's good graces, and they go and reward her with the WORST POSSIBLE TASK EVER. Like it wasnt bad enough that she had to be on Nitram's team, now she had to be his SERVER????????

Well, whatever. These were the kinds of things Vriska had come to expect. To tell the truth, the truth she'd only tell to herself, she was most annoyed by Karkat's stupid nerd lecture on romance. Like HE was going to find a Matesprit, HONESTLY, even Sollux had had more luck in redrom than him and Sollux was SUCH a nerd. Not that redrom held any interest to her- Karkat was right about that. It all seemed kind of stupid to her. But blackrom... maybe? Someday?

But JEGUS, the nerve of him bringing up her kismesis potential. Like anyone even BELIEVES in kismesis anyway other than little girly larva trolls, so pathetic. Nemeses of the Heart, "Twue Hate"... that kind of stuff was a cheap fabrication of Troll Hollywood. The very idea, that one could have "one person" that is their exact opposite, that they are meant to hate forever and always... BLUH. Just STUPID.

But maybe... she shifted uncomfortably in her desk chair. A hatemate wasn't entirely... out of the question. Someday. If she ever found someone repugnant enough, and also strikingly handsome, and AT LEAST devious enough to trick her into a mutually-beneficial social arrangement... it could be nice. And who was Karkat to say she couldnt do it, if she wanted to? BLUH.

Vriska closed her eye and sighed. Okay. Might as well get this over with.

She double-clicked adiosToreador's trollhandle and began typing.
AG: Taaaaaaavros!
AG: So it looks like I'm on your shitty team now! Go figure, huh?
AG: Vantas says I'm supposed to help you get into your session 8efore you get crushed by meteors or whatever!
AG: Oh come ON I'm trying to be helpful here the least you could do is respond!
AG: Stop listening to your stupid imagin8ry f8iry friend and t8lk to me so we can get this over with already!!!!!!!!
AT: rUFIO ISNT A FAIRY, HE'S A LOST BOY SKYLARK FROM THE JUNGLE,
AG: Whatever already, stupid!
AG: Stupid Karkat says I have to set up your stupid session so you can get into the stupid medium before you get killed by stupid meteors.
AT: sOUNDS PRETTY,
AT: sTUPID,
AG: Yeah, pretty much!
AG: I'm not sure why he wants me to 8other, we 8oth know you're 8asically dead w8 for this team
AG: But I guess we need every lame-o loser we can get, haha!
AT: i THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BE ON THE BLUE TEAM
AG: So did I! Turns out the 8lue Team is all devious schemers, and they 8acksta88ed me!
AT: hUH,
AG: Anyway, good riddance to those guys, now that Red Team has me we're going to win despite our overwhelming handicaps
AG: And 8y our overwhelming handicaps, I'm referring specifically to your overwhelming handicap.
AT: aRE YOU INSTALLING THE SERVER CLIENT, YET?
AG: Troll Jegus, so impatient!!!!!!!! Yes, it's installing!
AT: jUST, CHECKING,
AG: ........
AG: Hey! Nitram!
AT: wHAT?
AG: Do you h8 me?
AT: uMMM,
AG: 8ecause I h8 you, truly. I h8 you as hard as I know how to hate a person.
AG: That's some pretty strong h8, right there!
AG: 8ut do you h8 me?
AT: uMMM,
AT: wELL,
AT: yOU'RE PRETTY MEAN,
AT: AND SCARY,
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
AG: Pretty, mean, and scary!
AG: You know just how to send a lady's cardial compartment a-flutter.
AT: uHHH,
AG: It's okay if you dont feel the same way, Toreasnore.
AG: I know you're only working with half the usual troll emotional range, here.
AT: hAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO,
AT: kARKAT,
AG: Whaaaaaaaat, why would you even 8ring up Karkat what would he even have to do with this convers8tion????????
AT: uHHH, WELL,
AT: hE LIKES TO TALK ABOUT, FEELINGS A LOT,
AT: aND,
AT: tHIS KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE THE SORT OF THING HE MIGHT BRING UP IN CONVERSATION,
AT: aND SOMETIMES,
AT: gO ON AND ON ABOUT WITHOUT NOTICING THAT NO ONE REALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT HE IS SAYING,
AG: Reeeeeeeeally? :::;D Have YOU 8een talking to Karkat about feelings, Nitram?
AT: uHHH,
AG: So tell me, then! Do you pity me?
AT: uMM,
AT: i DONT KNOW,
AT: i GUESS,
AG: You g8ess? What k8nd of answ8r is that????????
AG: E8ther you do 8r you dont! Uggh!
AG: You are s88888 p8th8tic Nitram I d8nt even kn8w wh8 I'd 8sk y8u ab8ut anything like this!
AG: I sh8uld j8st le8ve y8u to the m8te8rs for you to gu8ss y8ur w8y 8ut!!!!!!!!
AT: wELL,
AT: i GUESS YOU JUST, ALWAYS SEEM LIKE YOU'RE PUTTING FORTH A LOT OF EFFORT,
AT: aT BEING MEAN AND JUST FREAKING OUT OVER THINGS,
AT: aND,
AT: iT SEEMS LIKE THAT WOULD BE REALLY STRESSFUL,
AT: sO i GUESS i PITY YOU A LITTLE,
AT: bUT,
AT: yOU ACT THAT WAY FOR YOUR OWN REASONS,
AT: sO, i DONT KNOW,
AT: aRE YOU STILL THERE?

arachnidsGrip ceased trolling adiosToreador

Stupid Nitram. Vriska sighed. No easy answers. Kismesis only happened in the movies.

But...

Vriska grinned to herself. The server client had finished installing. She pulled up Tavros' room and prepared to deploy an alchemiter on his recuperacoon ramp.

The heart will hate what it hates.

That was beautiful. But please don't spoiler it -- i don't want it to get passed by! i think you did an excellent job getting into Vriska's head.

also, lol Troll Hollywood

edit: yayyy!

[love]

Can what I assume to be the embodiment of love stop posting in such a shy way?
We are not shy at all in this sub-forum.
Seriously, if you go back a few pages you will see me, Nikie and Red Pen proposing.
LOVE SHOULD BE LOUD IN THIS SUB-FORUM.
PS You don't have to if you don't want to.

love isn't shy... it just likes to present itself in a gentle manner
BUT IT WILL TRY TO USE MORE CAPS FOR YOUR LOUD AMUSEMENT

@Sushi: that was amazing ;O; you got vriska down so well, and overall i found the whole thing very clever. trollmance is such an interesting thing... xD but srsly, great job : D
and i agree with nV, you should definitely unspoiler it O:

[Bardic Feline]

Ummmm...I have something. It's just the start of something, and it's not very good...it's only a first draft, after all...but, could you guys tell me if it's at all worth continuing, please?

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Ten things that Vriska Serket hates about Tavros Nitram

1. Tavros Nitram never gets mad.

It was infuriating. No matter what she did to him, no matter what she said, he never reacted the right way. He never even TRIED to insult her back, or outright accused her of wrong doing. If she’d thought he’d had the mental capacity, she might have tried to tell herself that he was doing it just to spite her, that all that stuuuupid stuttering, uh, stuttering was just a clever front for delicious, passive aggressive rage, and that one day, one beautiful day, the front would break, and…

Meh. Stupid Karkat, and his Romcoms and romantic analysis anyway.

Like just now, for instance. She’d finally finished uploading this stupid fucking end of the world game, and through the view port, had gotten her first look at him since the “accident.” (She always put mental quotes around it.) She’d been a little shocked at his appearance…not that she would EVER admit this to anyone, EVER…his legs, much thinner and withered than she’d remembered, but his arms surprisingly toned. Oh, and he was sitting there with his stupidly tiny dead lusus laid across his lap, its rust colored blood staining through the towel he’d wrapped it in. His face looked…odd. Like he’d been crying recently.

And in spite of all of this, the Dumbass was smiling. SMILING. She would not have been smiling, she would have been raging at somebody, anybody who she could browbeat into listening. What the hell did that jackass have to smile about, everything about his life sucked. Everything about this situation sucked. She told him as much.

“yEAH, BUT” he’d typed back in that stupid style he’d adopted, “gAMZEE TOLD ME THAT I’D SEE HER AGAIN SOON, THAT WE COULD PUT HER INTO THAT, UHHH, kERNEL THING. hE SAID I COULD EVEN TALK TO HER THEN. i UHHH, WANT TO BE SMILING FOR HER WHEN SHE COMES BACK.” His eyes looked suspiciously bright while he said this. She swiped at her own eyes irriatably. Must be allergies. Stupid allergies.

“Idioooooooot.” She’d typed back. “Like it would m8k a difference…you ALWAYS smile.”

2. Tavros Nitram had absolutely no competitive drive whatsoever.

Frankly, he would have been sunk in this stupid game without her. He had no idea what he was doing. Every encounter, he had to prodded into. Prodded and pushed at and shoved and yelled. Vriska kept on having to throw bits of furniture around to protect his stupid, useless ass from imps. And nevermind the first ogre encounter; she’d had to scream at him to keep him from absconding entirely.

Later on, it would be all she could do to keep him from just sleeping all the time, and playing in his golden little fairy world dreamland. (No, she did not feel the teeniest bit of regret for doing this. Nor did it make her smile to see him enjoying the ability to fly on the moons of Prospit, on those few occasions when they were asleep at the same time. Nor did she feel the teeniest bit of pity for him when he lost his dreaming self. She was incapable of pity. Karkat was right about that. Stupid Karkat.)

And the worst thing about it, was, all her teammates seemed to worry about was that she not mistreat HIM. HIM, the absolute worst player on the Red Team. (Well, next to Gamzee…no build grist from someone who refuses to do anything with imps except eat disgusting mind altering slime pie with them.) ‘Go easy on him,’ they say. ‘He can’t get up steps so easy, quit making you crawl up them and just build him some Gog damned ramps already,’/ they said. ‘No, he didn’t have to tell us that, we KNOW how you are. And don’t build the ramps so steep, he has to wheel himself up those things.’

Hell, even members of the Blue Team were getting down her nook about this. Nepeta…of all people, NEPETA, who she knew Equius strictly forbid from speaking to her, messaged her to ask her to be kind to Tavros.

Nevermind that it was she, Vriska, who was instrumental to her team’s success. If it hadn’t been for her mind powers…but no, it was TAVROS NITRAM, the team dead weight they worried about.

As if she would deliberately sabotage a teammate when he own victory was on the line. She had far too much pride as a gamer for that. And the worst part, the WORST PART…only Tavros completely believed her.

“yOUR SO MUCH BETTER AT THIS THAN I WILL EVER BE.” He’d said, blushing brown. “i’M, UHHH, REALLY LUCKY, I THINK, TO HAVE YOU AS A TEAMMATE. sO, UMMM…THANKS.”

“Gaaaaaaaaaah, quit t8lking, and go get that gr8st, Toredo Dum8assssssss!” She’d typed back, blushing blue.

She HATED him for making her blush like that.

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I'm alright leaving this unspoilered, right?

Also, I would have colored the dialouge, but I actually couldn't figure out which blue was the right one for Vriska from that list...*is profoundly stupid about these things.*

I can't even think of the last time I tried to show any of my fanfic to anybody...*hides*

Edit: Right, I'm going to bed...Just looked at the time. Can't believe I stayed up this late writing this crap...

Oh, forgot to mention, I love your's Sushi! You nailed Vriska much better than I could ever hope to. I hope you write more in the future.

[Ale]

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Holy shit. I can't wait to read the rest in the series!

also, thanks everyone! I'm really more of a visual artist, but i'm trying to broaden my horizons into writing. YOU GUYS MAKE ME FEEL SO LOVED BLUH BLUH BLUH

paaaaart 2/?

---

Karkat clamped his hand, thankfully covering any evidence of the blood, closer against his nose, and backed away from Sollux, still sitting there with a stupefied expression on his face. He turned and ran. He had to make it to his quarters -- no, the bathroom was closer -- anywhere, just away from the rest of the trolls.

Luckily, fights were common among trolls, especially among the particular bunch that were now living together on this asteroid. Hostile words were such daily occurrence that no troll had batted an eye at Karkat berating Sollux. However, actual fistfights weren’t as common, and a few of the troll in neighboring stations were starting to take notice.

Karkat ran past Tavros’ station, not pausing to notice the quizzical look that followed him. He made it safely past Equius, Nepeta, Kanaya, and Gamzee. But Vriska looked up as he approached, and he saw her eyes gleam with a look of triumph.

“Hey -- Vantas is bleeding!”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK. He lowered his head and ran faster as Vriska’s robotic arm tore at his shirt, trying to slow him down so she could have a look. He slipped away from her steel grasp, and continued running as she howled in disappointment.

The other trolls looked up at Vriska’s words. Suddenly, everyone in the lab was staring at him. He closed his eyes and clamped both of his hands up to his face -- one to cover his nose and mouth, and the other to hide the rivulets of blood trailing down his chin.

Once out in the hallway, he thought, he could get to the bathroom and wash the mess off his face. He was certain the Sollux hadn’t seen -- he just needed to wash quickly and take a few minutes to stop the bleeding. Then he could forget this ever happened. He threw open the door to the hallway and leaped out.

Unfortunately, he didn’t count on Terezi standing outside the door, apparently returning to the lab. He ran headlong into her, knocking them both to the floor. Terezi gave an angry squawk and Karkat swore loudly as she walloped him with her cane in an effort to discern what had just happened.

Terezi heard Karkat’s voice as he swore and felt his legs flail against her, trying to right himself. He was trying to escape from the lab in a hurry. His hand were curiously occupied at his face, and he wasn’t using them to try to get up. While still piecing together this information, Terezi felt something drip on her cheek.

Karkat finally stumbled to his feet and continued down the hall, cursing all the way. He didn’t realize that he had left the damning evidence right there with her.

She might have been was blind, but she wasn’t stupid. As soon as she felt the tiny drop land on her cheek, she realized what was happening. It all clicked together -- Karkat’s haste to get away from the laboratory, his hands up against his face, his blank grey anonymity. He was trying to hide his hemochrome, and she was curious.

She lay on the ground where she had fallen, listening to him run and the gradual buildup of confusion in the laboratory. She could hear Equius’ booming voice demanding that the others tell him what color Karkat’s blood was, although of course no one had actually seen it.

Gently, Terezi lifted a finger to touch her cheek where his blood had spilled. Her black lips pulled back to reveal a shark-like grin, and her teeth parted as her grey tongue inspected the bit of blood on her finger.

Her unseeing eyes widened in comprehension as she thoughtfully sucked on her finger, getting rid of any of Karkat’s leftover blood.

“Red,” she whispered, smiling maniacally. “My favorite.”

Wow, this story is really powerful. I actually felt bad for Karkat. I can't really explain what I felt reading this, but I feel like I need more. *begs you to write faster*
I was sure for a moment that he would be exposed right there in front of all of the trolls.

This fic had me thinking about how paranoid he is about his blood color. I mean he would obviously have known it was a bad color from pretty early on, but even the other low blooded trolls (Sollux, Tavros, and Aradia) proudly (?) display their colors. Nobody says anything too bad to them about their color. But Karkat appears genuinely terrified about how others might react to his blood color. I'm guessing maybe something bad happened in his past to make him feel that way. Maybe he was harrassed for it a lot when he was younger. He seems to think that the others will reject him if they knew about his 'freakish mutant blood' (granted some of them would probably).
Uck, now I'm rambling on. Sorry about that.

Your mini fics are super addictive. It made my heart rush just reading it and I really REALLY REEEEALLLY can't wait to read more!
*refreshes fan-fiction thread like crazy*

(I hope this didn't come off as being too weird/rambling. I just thought it was an interesting thought, and I can't wait to see where your fic goes next )

[Assassin of Deadpan]

@nV: Awesome, I really want to see a 3rd installment.

[CeeJay]

Sorry to cross post. I did the "listen to a song and write what it inspires" thing, and I wanted to share. It's really short so...

_____________________________________________
Song: Orange Shirt by Discovery [ LISTEN ]

Under his cool guy front Dave was on the verge of freaking out. Jade was looking at him with tears in her eyes.

"Dave I can't be late! Bec will be soooo mad I just don't know what I'm gonna do if I'm not home on time!"

He put his hands on her shoulders to steady her. "Calm down, it's gonna be okay. Take a deep breath."

The two kids inhaled simultaneously and slowly exhaled. Dave would never admit that he was doing this to calm himself down as much as to help her.

After the Homestuck incident, Jade had made it her mission to visit each of her friends for real, in the real world. Dave had pulled himself out of bed at five in the morning to get dressed and ready to meet her at the airport at nine. Despite the complaints he had grumbled it was worth it to be greeted by a flying hug when she exited the terminal.

The two spent a long day together. A very long day together. Much longer than Jade had intended. The plane would leave in three hours and the airport was on the other side of the city. If Jade missed her plane... Dave cringed internally. It was his fault. He had seen the clock, he just didn't want to give up those extra minutes.

"We still have time," he said, his voice more confident than he felt. "We'll catch the train and we'll make it to the airport. Bec will never even know you were almost late. I promise." He pulled off his sunglasses so that Jade could look him in the eyes.

She blinked away her tears and smiled. "Okay."

Dave broke his Bro's Miss Piggy bank. There would be Hell to pay later, but he pocketed the money and put the punishment out of his mind. Jade scrambled to gather her things in her bag. The two rushed out the door and down the elevator.

Dave was almost to his apartment lobby's door when he realized that Jade was no longer right behind him.

She was asleep on the lobby floor.

Dave groaned. "She couldn't have picked a better time."

He hoisted her up and carried her out of the lobby. "Thank God you aren't that heavy," he muttered, kicking the door open and starting down the sidewalk.

Jade might have been fairly light, but the nearest station was two blocks away and Dave was carrying both her and her bag. He stopped twice to catch his breath, but only briefly. If she didn't make the plane he wouldn't be able to forgive himself. He hurried down the sidewalk, girl in arms, brushing off the curious glances of fellow pedestrians.

It was sheer luck that he managed to reach the station right as the train was arriving. He paid the fair and hauled Jade into one of the cars. He placed her next to him on the seat and sat down to catch his breath.

The doors shut and the train jerked to a start. Jade's eyes flickered open. "Where are we?"

"We're on the train heading to the airport," Dave answered, hiding the breathlessness in his voice.

"Oh no I feel asleep, didn't I?" Jade looked as though she was about to break into tears again. "I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, Dave!"

"Don't worry about it. I'm here for you. You can count on me get you home before your carriage turns back into a pumpkin."

"What pumpkin?"

"Nevermind," he sighed. "You can go back to sleep if you want. It's going to be a while before we get to the airport."

She rested her head on his shoulders. "Thank you."

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I did art for it too. [ LOOK ]

[Tenebrais]

I WANT A MARRIAGE! *sparkle eyes*

After that last fic you are so getting one. And the art too! You're pretty good with a pen!

[breccia]

Spoilered for sort of gross:

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whenever I used to get nosebleeds as a kid, the blood would always start a little far up my nose, not right at my nostrils. I applied the same logic to Karkat (even though i've never been punched in the nose, so i don't really know), just having the blood start up further up his nose. since he brought his hand up to inspect the damage immediately after Sollux punched him, i thought that his hand would have hidden the blood from Sollux.

hope that makes it clearer! As always, thanks everyone for your wonderful encouragement. Writing's not easy for me, but it sure is fun! tabs for everyone!

FINALLY! A CHANCE TO USE MY NOSE BLEED SKILLZ.
Spoiler because apparently some people are grossed out by my grossness.

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I uh, get them a lot. I've even had to run to the bathroom with one when i was in middle school. I WAS THIRTEEN??

Anyway. Yes, they typically start much further up in your nostrils where the capillaries are, unless you've been cut or somehow damaged the nostril down below. I have accidentally bashed my nose into my boyfriend's skull TWICE now since we started dating, and even then the blood starts from high up. That was obviously similar to being punched. Except it was like we both punched each other.

They don't always have to start out strongly, often if left alone it will simply drip out. They don't gush. It won't always be obvious that you have one until you see the blood, because the beginning of one may feel like your nose is running. When you touch it, you find that it's blood. For me, I haven't been able to detect the blood until it's already out of my nostril, and often in the split second I look to my fingers it's spread down my face slightly. So it can be KIND of hard to hide it, but if you immediately pinch the nose no additional blood will get out and you can hide the whole scene with one hand.

I wrote this guide for everyone who will ever write a nosebleed/erection fic in the future.

[Tenebrais]

While I'm here...

Ten things that Vriska Serket hates about Tavros Nitram

I liked this! Keep it up.
Yours too, Sushi! I love these delves into the heady mysteries of troll romance.

[CeeJay]

After that last fic you are so getting one. And the art too! You're pretty good with a pen!

Yay!

Writing a mini fic was a pretty fun exercise, especially since I've been trying to learn how to condense/shorten my fics. If I find another song that inspires me I might try again.

By the way, I'm excited about the next part in your twelve part series. I luv the John/Karkat parallels already in the story, getting Karkat-view ectobiology really appeals to me!

[nextian]

While we're talking about songfics (and CeeJay -- that song is so Dave/Jade) do any of you have the experience that you'll be working on a fic, or an original story I guess, and then be listening to a song and realize you could have just copy-pasted the lyrics? Maybe with some search-replace? I get that a lot from Andrew Bird and the New Pornographers. Andrew Bird is particularly annoying because his stuff feels so specific that it always strongly implies to me that I'm just a big musical plagiarist.

Anyway the next section of what family doesn't have its ups and downs? is brought to you by Tables and Chairs. (video link) And also by tapestries.

part 1 + family tree
part 2

When last we left our medieval heroes, Rose was braiding Jade's hair, and John said, "Are you alone?"

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"Tell him yes," says Rose. "I'll go out the back door. You should have time to talk."

"Back--?" Jade follows Rose's pointing finger to a tapestry in a corner. "Oh! Is it a passage? Where does it lead?"

"Out in the kitchens somewhere," Rose improvises, "it's for emergencies," and Jade nods seriously and gestures her in that direction, so that when John comes into the room Rose is crammed up against the back wall of a dark, cobwebby alcove and wondering if it's luck or simply inheritance that gives her such terrible ideas. She can hear him murmuring with Jade, but Jade's whisper is decidedly carrying: "She snuck out the back. There's a passage, isn't it exciting?"

"This castle is a rabbit warren," says John, and greets Becquerel, genially. "Ho, boy, down, boy. We don't have time to wrestle tonight. Anyway you'll best me and I've already been knocked over enough tonight." Bec whuffles happily. "Well, what d'you think of them?"

"I like them very much," Jade says, very troubled. "But I think they are mad. Did you know?"

"I knew. You can't trust them, Jade," he says, and she fires back, "Why? Madmen are honest, they are famous for it."

John starts too quietly for Rose to hear and she nearly falls out of the alcove leaning closer. He's saying something about training birds; she hears 'jess' and 'bell,' and then John's famous imitation of a cranky gyrfalcon berating the falconer. When Jade's stopped laughing he's louder. "When you bring them to hunt you have to starve them," he says. "For days, till they're hungry enough to strike at whatever you want them to."

"But how is it they don't strike the falconer?"

"They do," he says. "If you don't take good care of them as fledglings, or you don't hood them right and they catch sight of you coming and cut you up something awful. We had a Robert Falconer once, we thought he'd lose his arm."

In between being insulted, Rose thinks: you knew his name?

Jade is mulling this over. She says, "But what is he hunting for?"

"Oh, rivals, glory," John says. He swallows. "Me."

"John!"

"Oh-- Father wishes I was David. Mother wants me to be Rose. David and Rose want me dead. There's no end to the prey if you're looking for it."

The room is very quiet. Rose expects John to make a joke of it, but instead it's Jade who breaks the silence to say fiercely, as though it's an affront, "I still like them."

"I do too," John says. "It's the oddest thing."

There's a scratch at the door. "Lady Josephine?" That's David. Of course it's David; next will come the twelve apostles and all the saints, beginning with Becket. "Are you up?"

"Oh, my God," says Jade, and there's motion in Rose's direction. She has just enough time to shove herself into a far corner before the tapestry lifts and John is pushed inside. "Don't worry, he's only come to say goodnight."

"This is not a brotherly greeting," John hisses, but Jade has gone. "Shit!"

For a moment she cherishes the illusion that he's not going to turn at all, but then he follows Jade's progress across the room and sees her in the shadows. He startles, brushing the cloth, then mouths, Really?

Rose mouths, falcon?

"Prince David," says Jade, still blithe if a bit harried. "I'd be honored to entertain you but I've no chaperone."

"You have Becquerel," David says, good humoredly. "Anyway I hadn't thought you were the type to care about Mother's laws of propriety."

It's dark but even in this light Rose can see John roll his eyes.

Jade giggles and the door closes softly. A chair scrapes on the stone. "I brought brandywine," David says, in the tones of one whom Rose had not caught being sick all over the courtyard two weeks ago with his first taste of it. "Want some?"

"What is it?" asks Jade, as the cups are poured.

"Irish poison." Someone takes a sip. "Careful. They drug bears with it."

"They do not." Jade giggles again. This time John's eyeroll is practically an act of God. "You are a trickster."

"No, that's brother John. And Rose is the scholar, and you're obviously the lion-tamer." This presumably to Becquerel, who whines in confusion.

Jade says, "And what does that make you, Prince David?"

"I'm a prince. Haven't you heard? I have a little crown and everything." In his best nonchalant voice he adds, "A prince with a broken dynasty, of course."

"It is terrible," Jade agrees in a rush, "and I'm sure I don't know the first thing we can do to make peace about it. You've fought wars and everything."

"Not big ones," David says. "Warlets. Skirmishes, basically. I mean I didn't even lose a finger and that's de rigeur, for wars."

"You're making me laugh," Jade says mournfully. "I shouldn't be laughing about wars. Even warlets."

"Maybe I like making you laugh," Dave suggests, in his bedroom voice, and for one terrifying second Rose thinks she's going to have to listen to her brother's amorous adventures, except that Jade claps her hands together suddenly.

"I know!" she announces, proudly. "We should get married!"

Get-- Rose sneaks a look at John. Get married. John's eyes are popping, and Rose immediately is forced to stare straight ahead and cover her mouth or she'll start laughing and only stop when David arranges her execution. John nudges her and glares: it's not funny! This does not help.

John nudges her harder, this time because David is saying faintly, "What."

"Married," Jade says, brightly. "Father would have to unbanish you then. He dotes on me. And then you'd be back in the line of succession, twice over, and I'm sure he'd give you some nice part of France. I don't know why he hasn't thought of it himself."

"You're betrothed to Norway," David protests. "I'm barely fourteen. You're barely thirteen."

"I'm not asking you to lie with me," Jade says, as if this should be obvious. "I'm just asking you to marry me!"

"So this is the exact opposite of why I came in here--"

"That's it," John whispers grimly, "I am going to kill him," but before anyone can be discovered the door creaks open.

"David," Mathilde says, calmly. "What an unsurprising treason. You must learn that ballads are not sufficient guides to political intrigue."

There is a collapse of fabric, and David lets out a very Saxon oath.

Henry's heavy footsteps at the door. "If you won't hold still when I'm castigating-- Jade, shut the door and trap the she-wolf." He pauses. "Jade?"

David steps away from the tapestry. "She's fainted."

"No doubt from contact with my son. He is very contagious."

"He's my son too, however you poison him," Henry growls. "Don't blanch so, boy, you look like a soup."

"He is not your son," Mathilde says, and the word slides sideways and all the humor drains out of it. Rose feels John shift beside her and without thinking pivots to slap one hand over his wrist and the other on his mouth. He stills against her, his breath hot on her hand.

In the face of the silence Mathilde is still unflappable, or at least unflapped. "At least you were always my favorite bastard. Better by far than that halfwit girl you seem to have come to woo. Desperate, or merely forgiving?"

David says, "You're unoriginal in your old age. Use bastard on someone who'll lose sleep over it."

Someone sits. "You are, you know, one way or another," Mathilde says, sounding bored. "We coupled till I was sore to bear you, but I was still married to Harald at the time, whatever the Pope might say. I told Henry that my monk of a husband was too distracted to pay his duties to my skirts. That was a lie, too. Harald was a dreadful bore but he was nothing if not dutiful. And, of course, his Viking hair."

"Be quiet," says Henry. His voice is strangely raw. "For God's sake be silent. Haven't you raked at me enough."

Mathilde says, "No."

"It's the only way she can have any pleasure," Henry explains, as Bec begins to growl, quietly but with purpose. "She's done with whelping and she's left with the womanly arts, like torture. She can't leave me my traitor boys."

"Oh, you're so damn proud of him," Mathilde snaps, "you're so pleased he rebelled, you think it shows promise. Well, whose promise is it, Henry? It's eaten you up all these years. Wondering whether his unnatural birth is why he stayed with me, why he's in your jade's rooms tonight--"

Jade moans and she realizes the girl is waking up. Someone kneels by her side.

"Well, get up, boy," the king says, savagely. "If you're my son strike back for God's sake, I won't have a runt who doesn't bark."

The room is silent, except for Becquerel's noisy breath. Then David says, "If?"

"Right," says John. He gently lowers Rose's hand; pushes aside the tapestry, steps out into the room. "This stops now."

David whips round to see him, but his expression changes only when he sees Rose's white face. "Rosie," he says, "enjoying the show?"

"No one is enjoying the show," John says. His voice is ragged, but he speaks steadily. "If we speak any longer tonight we won't have a succession left to fight over. I am a traitor and David is a bastard, the queen is a shrew, and Jade is a--" He swallows. "And father's a cuckold. Can we sleep now."

If Mathilde says anything the moment will break. But she only looks at them all, and then, abruptly, sweeps out of the room. Henry follows hot on her heels. They all four listen until the sounds of their argument subside into the distance.

"Oh, God give us grace," says Rose, and sits down on Jade's rocky bed. "David--"

"What?" he growls, his head balanced on his knees. "Go ahead, tell me what it is that'll heal my troubled thoughts and balance my humours. You could bleed me. It's the popular activity today."

At another time she'd curtsey to his highness the prince of self-sympathy, or cuff him, or anything to unroll him, but she is too sick herself to offer comfort. It is Jade who kneels by him and puts her arms around him. He rears back and overbalances, but she is undeterred. "That," she says, "was awful."

Rose swipes her face. "On that we are all agreed."

"Prince David, I don't know why she thinks she should say that, but she shouldn't, and my father is-- is a brute." Jade gives her head a little shake at this display of uncharity. "I am taking you back to the convent with me where people only stab each other over who has to do the sweeping."

Somewhat hysterically, Rose asks, "With or without a wedding ring?"

"David," John says, quellingly, "will you not show my sister the ramparts?" Reluctantly he adds, "Perhaps with a chaperone?"

"I won't be dismissed by you," David says, but Jade tugs him upright and leads him gently out of the room, chattering all the way. Have you ever seen the constellation Cancer, David? I can't make it out at all, I am beginning to think it is a practical joke. Have you thought of leading armies? Have you been on Crusade? And so on till they're round the corner.

John, ostentatiously, checks behind the tapestry.

"Let the spies come," Rose says. She is exhausted. "We have no secrets left. Like glass, but indestructible."

"I'm not sure about that last," John admits, coming to sit beside her. The candlelight catches in his hair. "God, I can't see but half an inch in front of me. Not that I ever can, but -- You know Jade's as blind as I am? Worse, I think. She embroiders largely by guesswork. That's why she has the dog."

Rose smiles. "That's why she likes my tapestries."

"Do you know what I want?" John says. He stretches out, drops his head into her lap, and she looks down at him in troubled love. "I'd like us to trust each other."

"And I would like to ride a pony to Jerusalem and consult with Jesus," she says. "John, you can't trust me at all."

"I know. A Lalonde shall rule England or all shall go down trying. You've been trying for so long," he sighs, "we'll tear the kingdom to bits between us. I want David to be happy, and I want to hold England, and I want you to marry me."

She flushes. "I thought I was to marry Jade."

"You're to marry whoever will hold this country together," John says. "Or, you know. Whoever you want. I'll beat some sense into him. But if the world were fair," he says, as though this is obvious, "and I were a shepherd--"

"--a butcher more like--"

"--a fool," John says, grinning up at her, "and you some great scholar--"

"--with a false beard so as to pass in polite company--"

"Well, yes. The point is, I'd marry you."

Rose stares at him, until John's face turns horribly uncomfortable and he begins to sit up. She pushes him back down, one-handed, but can't think of a thing to say.

He tries, "Didn't you know?"

This is when she kisses him.

She isn't any good at it at first, having had no opportunity to practice, but once he figures out what's happening John is disconcertingly quick to model by example. "Oh my god," she pants, "how many servant girls exactly have you--" and he shuts her up very thoroughly. She bends herself double trying to reach him and then, with a shriek and a laugh, they tumble off the bed onto the floor.

Now he's looking down at her, with a dizzying smile. "We can't," she says, "we can't, you know we can't, 'swounds, why can't we."

"I'm not asking you to marry me," he says, in his best Jade voice, "I'm just asking you to lie with--" and then he yelps as Rose leans up and bites his ear. "What was that?!"

"Well, I'm your falcon, aren't I," Rose says breathlessly, and they both start laughing, helplessly, and John sits up and Rose wishes he hadn't.

"All right," he says. "Right as usual."

"It is the worst, being always right," she says sadly, and despite everything else that's happened tonight she means it.

[Tenebrais]

Windows: Part 2

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-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] --
CG: HEY.
TC: WhOa WhAt ThE mOtHeRfUcK yOu NeVeR oUt AnD tAlK tO mE lIkE tHaT
TC: tOtAl FuCkIn MiRaClE
TC: lEtS gO hAvE a PaRtY mAn
CG: I’M ALREADY REGRETTING IT.
CG: LISTEN, I’M JUST CURIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING.
CG: DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY YOU FIRST JOINED THAT STUPID CULT OF YOURS?
TC: UhHhHhHhHhHh
TC: NoPe
CG: YOU WERE ON A BOAT AND FOUND A DEAD BODY.
TC: Oh YeAh
TC: FuCkIn TrIp ThAt WaS
CG: DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING WEIRD THAT DAY?
CG: AFTER YOU LAID THE BODY OUT TO THE WILDS?
TC: sHiT mAn YeAh
TC: LiKe ThIs WeIrD tInGlY sHiT
TC: mAdE mE kNoW iT wAs FoR rEaL
TC: hEy WhY dO yOu AsK?
TC: yOu ThInKiN oF gEtTiN dOwN wItH tHe ClOwN?
TC: hElL fUcKiN yEaH mAn
TC: I gOtTa KiCk ThE wIcKeD eLiXiR tO tHaT oNe
TC: Aw ShIt
TC: I rAn OuT dIdNt I
TC: GuEsS tHaTs A nO gO tHeRe
CG: ARE YOU DONE YET?
CG: LOOK JUST
CG: GIVE ME A NUMBER BETWEEN ONE AND TWELVE.
TC: EiGhT
CG: THAT WAS VERY QUICK.
CG: WHY EIGHT?
TC: i JuSt RoLlEd OnE oF tHeSe DiCe HeRe
TC: So PrEtTy
TC: BeAuTiFuL
CG: OH, YOU’RE IN VRISKA’S HOUSE AREN’T YOU?
CG: DARE YOU TO BREAK SOMETHING.
TC: oH yOu ArE oN mAn
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] --

Karkat looked back to the twelve-screened computer. With no better ideas, he reached for the keypad.

======> SWITCH 8


A young girl skipped along the street. A few days ago she’d asked the boy she liked if he wanted to see a movie with her, and he said yes! It was really happening. Perhaps today she could actually admit how she really felt to him. In her mind, he already knew, and no words would need to be said. Their hands would find each other, then their heads, then their lips...
More sensible thoughts prevailed. As far as he knew, this was just a day out between friends! She supposed that if he had really thought about it he might have realised that she’d come an awfully long way to hang out with him, but again, she reasoned she probably still needed to tell him. But she was determined that something would happen tonight. By the time the sun rose, she resolved, Aradia Megido would have a boyfriend.

Sollux had arranged to meet at the cinema. There was a lot of history behind this building. There had been a cinema here since troll had first learned to rapidly burn images onto a reel of photosensitive film. Though that first cinema had long ago been destroyed (several times) another had been rebuilt, and again and again, to look identical to the original. Tall columns, detailed fornication, marble floors, right down to old-fashioned projection rooms, even though the cinema had switched to digital screens centuries ago. Aradia was excited to come here. So little of Alternian history remained intact to the modern day, so these small bastions of ancient culture thrilled her.
She found her suitor in the lobby, and they went to buy tickets. The film they were to see was entitled In Which An Archaeologist Explore Ancient Ruins Fraught With Traps; A Group Of Evil Scientists Seek The Power The Ruins Hold; etc. She didn’t particularly care what the film was. She was interested in who she was going with.
Together they bought snacks and sat in the theatre, all the while exchanging idle chatter. For historical accuracy there were no soft seats but wooden benches for the crowd to sit in. Quietly she held her hand by her side just so that it brushed his, and a chill went down her spine. Somewhere deep inside she knew he would become her moirail or even her matesprit.
The lights went down and the film started. Though she didn’t show it, she was kicking herself for going this long without telling him how she felt. She would have to do it after the film was over. She was determined. In the meantime, she settled for enjoying the movie.
Enjoy it she did. Troll Harrison Ford grabbed her attention immediately, and by the time the basics of the plot had been laid out she was in the thrall of the tale of Pandora Jones. And then there were the ruins. She knew that from a film like this they wouldn’t have any sort of historical accuracy, but already she was imagining finding a vast complex of ancient, trap-laden relics beneath her lawnring...

After the movie was over, and all the way out of the cinema, Aradia breathlessly discussed every facet of the movie with Sollux. The plot, the characters, the soundtrack, and above all, the very concept of being an action archaeologist like Pandora Jones. He didn’t quite get her enthusiasm, but he smiled and laughed along nonetheless, humouring her fantasies. Her mind was full of ideas and concepts. While in town she would get the tools she’d need to start her own dig right at her home. She just knew she’d find something exciting! Her mind full of wonder, she said goodbye and flounced off in search of a new future finding the past.

She had completely forgotten her determination to announce her love for him. She would regret it later, but for now, her head was in the clouds. She wasn’t to know, but left behind, Sollux stood with his arm outstretched for longer than he really needed to, his face a picture of disappointment.


Again, Karkat pressed the big blue button. The green goo machine fired off again, this time giving an image of the excitable young girl. He could even - if barely - make out her keen, wide eyes before the whole thing collapsed into sludge and got sucked up to fill another jar.
It was strange. He never really knew Aradia when she was alive. He knew of her, of course - Sollux would hardly shut up about her - but having only really spoken to her after her death, seeing that she was once such a passionate girl intrigued him. And, in other ways, depressed him.

[northernVehemence]

@love: whenever you post, i imagine that you're Karkat, sitting there at your computer judging me.
@Bardic Feline: more please! I'm sure you'll have trouble narrowing it down to just ten things she hates about him though!
@ale & assassin: thank you! Ale, the questions about Aradia et al. are going to be addressed not in this update but the next one.
@CJ: adorable. just like whoa.

Whew! This fanfic is shaping up to be way more than two or three parts. : /

um, this one is pretty long.

---
So, Karkat thought, he was completely justified in directing the majority of his (admittedly impressive) hatred in the direction of the blind girl. Since his fight with Sollux two days ago, Terezi hadn’t let him forget that she knew exactly what hue coursed through his veins. After he had staunched the bleeding in his quarters, she had arrived to announce that she had gotten a taste of his blood.

What Karkat couldn’t understand was how he could have been so stupid. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t noticed his bright red blood falling onto Terezi’s cheek. He had had a little bit more to worry about at the time, namely Vriska and Equius finding out, but the fact that even one of the trolls knew which hemocaste he fell into made him sick.

He had made her swear not to tell anyone, but she had just looked at him (or rather, in his general direction) and laughed.

Luckily, none of the other trolls seemed to know that Terezi had sampled Karkat’s blood. Vriska and Equius grumbled a little at the missed opportunity, and Sollux half-heartedly apologized for punching him, but the rest of the trolls seemed to have forgotten already.

Karkat, however, couldn’t relax. He knew that his secret depended on a psychotic blind girl whose grasp on social etiquette and loyalty was tenuous at best. So he did his best to hide his blossoming hatred toward her, and agreed to do whatever she said through gritted teeth.

It started small, like fetching her food and silently enduring every whack from her cane she threw his way. Then, she started demanding extended roleplaying on their downtime. She frequently interrupted his work in the lab, asking him to run errands for her or deliver giggly messages to Nepeta.

Karkat ground his teeth, wondering how long Terezi would keep this up. He could easily imagine having to act like Terezi’s housebeast for the rest of his depressingly short life. Every time that bleak thought entered his mind, he shook his head violently and glared at her with all his might, knowing she couldn’t see it.

Finally, during what was quickly shaping up to be a night-long roleplaying session with Nepeta and Tavros, Karkat couldn’t stand it anymore. He had endured the senseless errands and ignored her slacking off. He had silently watched as she had desecrated his computer terminal with her ridiculous chalk. He had even condescended to dress up as a knight and hole up in Terezi’s obscenely colorful room with an autistic retard who thought she was a cat and a clumsy cyborg with very little control over his massive mechanical limbs.

But Karkat would not tolerate this.

Terezi had thrown away the stuffed dragon head she usually wore during roleplays in favor of a disgustingly crimson gown, and had proclaimed that she was no longer the dragon High Inquisitor Terrorface Rubyfang (whom he and Tavros had just slain), but was now the Lady Terenia, whom Terrorface had captured.

Karkat knew as soon as the dragon costume was cast aside that he was in trouble. She had turned to him, her eyes unfocused but teeth as sharp as ever, and seized his hand in hers. “Now,” she cackled, “having saved his princess, the brave knight Karkalot will make Lady Terenia his one and only matesprit. The two will now recite traditional words of romance and perform the oral exchange of saliva.” She paused thoughtfully. “The mighty Tigress Leocifer can be our witness,” she finished.

“You’ve fucking lost it if you think I’m going to have your heinous, gaping bile duct anywhere near mine,” Karkat snapped. “Not only are you the last thing on this godforsaken asteroid that I’d ever want to touch me, your mouth has been fucking everywhere. I saw you lick Equius’ sweat-oozing shit-computer, you disgusting fuck.”

Terezi cocked her head, mildly annoyed. “I just wanted to see what he was typing. Besides --” she ran her tongue slowly over her sharp teeth, grinning, “I think you’ll find it’s in your best interests to go along with this roleplay.”

Tavros and Nepeta glanced at each other, confused.

Karkat trembled with rage. The sides of his nose crinkled into a snarl and his jaw shook with the unspent insults in his throat. Terezi, unseeing, smiled sweetly at him and nodded to Nepeta. “Tigress Leocifer, begin the ceremony, if you please.”

This was too much.

Before he could help himself, Karkat had launched into a truly legendary diatribe. “-- suck my mangy bone bulge, fucking blue-blooded scum --” He tore his hand from Terezi’s, who kept staring straight ahead as Karkat’s voice rose in volume and pitch. “-- dragon fucking bullshit, no wonder no one gives a slug’s shit about you --” Terezi looked askance in his direction and put her hands up to her ears. “-- raised in a fucking rotten moldy-ass tree --” Nepeta had jumped into Tavros’ arms, and the two were staring at Karkat. Neither had seen him get this worked up over something so stupid before. “-- cut your warty, slime-encrusted tongue off --”

Karkat paused to inhale deeply. He could do this all night. With all the hatred of the blind girl building up over the last two days, he had more than enough material to keep ranting into the morning. He started up again, “God knows you’ve already sprayed your bubonic shit-spit all over everything else in this fucking lab --”

But Terezi put a hand up to Karkat’s mouth (or where she thought his mouth might be, nearly poking his eye out). A slight smile crept onto her face, her useless eyes still tuned to the wall in front of them. “Frankly,” she chuckled, “I’m impressed that you even made it this long, Karkat.”

She turned to Nepeta and Tavros, who had backed up against the wall in an effort to evade Karkat’s verbal barbs and flying spittle.

“Want to know what color Karkat’s blood is?”

---

don't worry, the entire fic won't be Terezi blackmailing Karkat, as fun as that would be. >

Also, thanks to Solaris and Valter for helping me come up with exceptionally silly roleplaying names.

[Orange]

FINALLY! A CHANCE TO USE MY NOSE BLEED SKILLZ.
Spoiler because apparently some people are grossed out by my grossness.

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I uh, get them a lot. I've even had to run to the bathroom with one when i was in middle school. I WAS THIRTEEN??

Anyway. Yes, they typically start much further up in your nostrils where the capillaries are, unless you've been cut or somehow damaged the nostril down below. I have accidentally bashed my nose into my boyfriend's skull TWICE now since we started dating, and even then the blood starts from high up. That was obviously similar to being punched. Except it was like we both punched each other.

They don't always have to start out strongly, often if left alone it will simply drip out. They don't gush. It won't always be obvious that you have one until you see the blood, because the beginning of one may feel like your nose is running. When you touch it, you find that it's blood. For me, I haven't been able to detect the blood until it's already out of my nostril, and often in the split second I look to my fingers it's spread down my face slightly. So it can be KIND of hard to hide it, but if you immediately pinch the nose no additional blood will get out and you can hide the whole scene with one hand.

I wrote this guide for everyone who will ever write a nosebleed/erection fic in the future.

Y'know the science of this is actually somewhat intriguing, but I've got one question for you Breccia:

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"nosebleed/erection fic"? Obviously I stopped following somewhere along the line. XD

[Zuki]

Y'know the science of this is actually somewhat intriguing, but I've got one question for you Breccia:

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"nosebleed/erection fic"? Obviously I stopped following somewhere along the line. XD

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It is a common trope in Japanese-derived media, especially romance/harem/sex comedies that a nosebleed is a sign of considerable arousal. Think of that one scene in FLCL.

[Lexxy]

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It is a common trope in Japanese-derived media, especially romance/harem/sex comedies that a nosebleed is a sign of considerable arousal. Think of that one scene in FLCL.

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The concept behind that is all the blood rushing to your head, I think.

Which is kind of funny because that's probably not where it's going!

[Orange]

Well that makes all the more sense. I keep forgetting about that trope, as it only ever really comes to mind when I'm actually watching anime. Though if you watch Maria-Holic, it's pretty funny that that trope shows up so often! Also, spoilers are fun!

(I'm pleased to say it's only a precious little bit unnerving that two mods replied to that question.)

[Bardic Feline]

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The concept behind that is all the blood rushing to your head, I think.

Which is kind of funny because that's probably not where it's going!

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So, it's a stealthy visual pun, then? Or at least it is in English...I have NO idea if Japanese has the same dual meaning for the word "head".

Also, thanks for the encouragement, guys! *Hugs Tenebrais and nV* I was a little bit worried I was making Vriska too nice, honestly. And the real trick, I think, for the rest of it is going to be coming up with ten SPECIFIC things. Her hatred for him is just kinda all over the place. XD

nV, the latest update was amazing as always. I admit, I squealed a little bit at Nepeta jumping into Tavros's arms for protection in the background...and, of course, any chance for Terezi to be petty and playfully cruel is always fun times. She's just so GOOD at it.

Tenebrais, I'm kinda digging the Windows series so far. ^_^

[Shadow of the Lotus]

I thought that the nose-bleed thing in Japanese anime was based on an ancient tale about a monk that, instead of having blood rush to well uh, you know, it would rush to his head instead. Like, it was ironic or something because a monk was supposed to be all pure and stuff but he had a pretty noticeable way of knowing when he was uh, happy.

(Also, darn it. Getting behind again. Need to read all the stuff on this page).

Edit: Well, I read Ceejay's piece back in the romart thread. Loved it!

[Solaris]

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