MSPA fan-fiction

[A Fan]

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BARBASOOOOOOOOLLL!
BARBASOOOOOOOOLLL!

Barbasol was a shaving cream!
Er, maybe it was a bomb!
Or maybe it was just a shaving cream bomb

But it was still
BARBASOOOOLLLLL!
BARBASOOOOLLLLL!

Barbasol-ing the countryside
Barbasol-ing the lizards salamanders
Barbasol-ing salamanders
And their THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!
THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!

And the Barbasol comes in the
NIIIIIIGHT!

When all the land is in ruin,
And Barbasolation has forsaken the countryside,
Only one can will remain.
My money's on
BARBASOOOOOOOL!

[Tenebrais]

Zeke and Toaster, those were great.

This was made for the Romart thread but I think it fits here too.

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[NachoGrande96]

The first person who can guess what this came from gets a prize.

Edit: I can't consider this a fanfic, but where else would I put it?

Open Voicelog

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-- turntechGodhead [TG] opened a voice chatroom with tentacleTherapist [TT] at 04:13 PM --

TG: okay yes ill admit it
TG: last night i fell down the stairs
TG: but it doesn't make me less of a man
TG: in fact
TG: it makes me MORE of a man
TG: i fell down the stairs and i am none the worse for wear
TG: and before you asked what happened rose ill assure you i was simply being ultra manly
TG: and then i was being TOO manly and i fell down the stairs
TT: What really happened?
TG: i...um
TG: i just stood up too fast and then i passed out
TG: dont spread it out though ok
TG: its kinda UNMANLY
TT: What? There's nothing unmanly about that.
TG: i stood up too fast while exiting a HOT TUB
TT: Men go in hot tubs. They're manly.
TG: the water was dyed pink
TG: aaaand there was a sign pointing to the hot tub that said wimpy dudes in their own wimpy tears
TT: There --
TG: and i was right beneath the arrow waving to everyone who passed by
TG: huh
TG: you know what
TG: in retrospect there were already some serious concerns with how my day was going

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] left the voice chatroom at 04:14 PM --

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EDIT: Answer: Dinosaur Comics.

[Liverwurst]

The first person who can guess what this came from gets a prize.

Open Voicelog

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-- turntechGodhead [TG] opened a voice chatroom with tentacleTherapist [TT] at 04:13 PM --

TG: okay yes ill admit it
TG: last night i fell down the stairs
TG: but it doesn't make me less of a man
TG: in fact
TG: it makes me MORE of a man
TG: i fell down the stairs and i am none the worse for wear
TG: and before you asked what happened rose ill assure you i was simply being ultra manly
TG: and then i was being TOO manly and i fell down the stairs
TT: What really happened?
TG: i...um
TG: i just stood up too fast and then i passed out
TG: dont spread it out though ok
TG: its kinda UNMANLY
TT: What? There's nothing unmanly about that.
TG: i stood up too fast while exiting a HOT TUB
TT: Men go in hot tubs. They're manly.
TG: the water was dyed pink
TG: aaaand there was a sign pointing to the hot tub that said wimpy dudes in their own wimpy tears
TT: There --
TG: and i was right beneath the arrow waving to everyone who passed by
TG: huh
TG: you know what
TG: in retrospect there were already some serious concerns with how my day was going

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] left the voice chatroom at 04:14 PM --

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Easy. Dinosaur Comics. Specifically, comic 1656.

It was all over the site when it came out. Ryan North had forgotten about the warning about stairs.


Good work by the way.

[Ember]

I'm pretty sure that copying someone else's work word-for-word, reformatting it, and attributing it to different characters does not constitute fanfic.

[Lcheeseboy]

I'm pretty sure that copying someone else's work word-for-word, reformatting it, and attributing it to different characters does not constitute fanfic.

It doesn't really, but where would you suggest he put it?

[Liverwurst]

I'm pretty sure that copying someone else's work word-for-word, reformatting it, and attributing it to different characters does not constitute fanfic.

Well, we've had Dino comics with SB&HJ dialogue in the Fan-Art thread before, and it's essentially the same thing (but in reverse).

[Hollymonster]

Uh, I was told it should be okay to post this here as well as the romart thread? If not, I'll delete the post. There's art to go with it as well, but you'll have to check the romart thread if you want to see it. :B

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This wasn't supposed to happen.

He was huddled up against her, his head resting on her shoulder and his remaining arm draped lazily over her. He mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "Slit their fuckin' throats" in his sleep, shifting himself closer to her.

Apparently the legendary menacing leader of the Midnight Crew, Spades Slick, was a sleep-hugger. If she'd found this out any other time, she'd have laughed herself halfway unconcious, and then laughed herself fully unconcious when he woke up and realised what he was doing. As it was now, it just made her own problem worse.

She had a nasty habit of occasionally waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, and tonight was no exception - although this wasn't the problem, or at least not the problem right now. Apart from the fact that this time it coincided with one of their angry, angry flings, anyway.

Because he had usually left by the time she woke up. And there was something about waking up to him, his breath warm on the back of her neck, that brought her to a conclusion she'd been mentally dancing around for years.

She'd swore to herself she'd have revenge for what he'd done. She'd take away a part of him he valued, as he had done to her (even if he'd repeatedly stated he didn't know what the big deal was - *bullshit*, he knew fine well what he'd done wrong). She'd already taken away his arm, and by extension his piano-playing. She knew that had hurt him, even if he'd outwardly taken it rather well.

But the fact was becoming clearer to her now, being with him without being at each other's throats, or... yeah.

After all he'd done, after all this time...

Snowman still loved him.

"...Fuck."

[Quixotic]

OKAY now I gotta catch up on commenting.

CG and John first meet.

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adiosToreador [AT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AT: I still do not get what these humans are up to. I just can not figure them out.
CG: Hello?
AT: Yeah, hey CG. I just got done trolling the human called Dave and he just... actually, I don't want to talk about it.
CG: Dave? Who is that? Who are you?
AT: Dave, the one who mentions sexuality. I don't even KNOW what kraft mayo is.
CG: Who is this?
AT: Are you ok?
CG: I don't... I don't know what just happened. What do you mean 'human' called Dave?
AT: Dave is a human, unlike us.
CG: Why were you pestering him then?
AT: Well, he's a friend of the heir and you told all of us to troll him.
CG: What? I don't even know you.
AT: Are you trying to act like them?
CG: ... What is the 'heir's' screen-name?
AT: ectoBiologist

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: Hello?
EB: There you are. Finally! I need your help you douchebag.
CG: ...
EB: I just got through the 5th gate and I'm up to my head in freaky puppet crows. Where the hell were you?
CG: Puppet crows?
EB: Yeah you idiot. You're the entire reason I'm getting fluffy shit all over the hover car.
CG: I'm.. I'm sorry?
EB: You're acting strange. Oh god, are you actually trolling me again? I thought you said you were fucking over that.
CG: I'm uh..
EB: Stop fucking around and help me.
CG: I'm not really sure where I am or what's going on.
EB: Jesus, would you stop that? You were already a shitty troll to begin with.
CG: Do you know where I am? Am I.. am I a troll or something?
EB: For fucks sake...
CG: I don't really like your attitude 'heir'
EB: Oh really. That's how you treat me when I just saved your ass.
CG: ...
EB: You are where you are because of me. I'm the one responsible for it. I KNEW linking up with you would be a horrible idea.
CG: What did you do to me? This crab thing is following me around... I was playing a game I thought.
EB: Would you knock it off already you asshole?
CG: Could you stop that really? I'm just a little lost right now
EB: ARGH. Stop shitting around. I don't have time for this. Why don't you pester Jade huh? You know, gardenGnostic. She's the one who 'fucked everything up' right?

ectoBiologist [EB] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering adiosToreador [AT]

CG: What the fuck was that all about?!
AT: ??
CG: That heir was a fucking asshole. I can't believe that guy.
AT: Hello?
CG: HE'S THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO US
AT: Do I know you? Happened to us? Do you... do you know what happened?
CG: NO
AT: I... I don't remember anything
CG: HE PROBABLY CAUSED THAT TOO
AT: Damn it! I'm all malformed. I can't remember anything at all...
CG: THAT DIRTY HUMAN DID THIS
AT: What should we do?
CG: TROLL HIS FUCKING ASS. APPARENTLY WE'RE TROLLS NOW
AT: What was his screen-name?
CG: ECTOBIOLOGIST. IT DOESN'T SEEM TO EXIST FOR SOME REASON. WHY DON'T WE BOTHER GARDENGNOSTIC INSTEAD.
AT: Uh... ok.
CG: APPARENTLY JADE IS THE ONE WHO FUCKED EVERYTHING UP
AT: Maybe we could figure out who else was involved by pestering her
CG: YES, LET'S.

Well, I guess we know it isn't quite like this now, but it's still an interesting take on the situation.

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A soft glow was cast about the room, providing everything near the source a sharp contrast. The crackle of the fire soothed the large man in the leather chair, next to the fire. He slouches in his chair, feeling weary. In his left hand is a glass of bourbon, the ice cubes clinging gently on the glass. His right is empty. Slowly, he swirls the amber liquid. His gaze watches the way the light filters though the liquor. It's like this every night, the he thinks. He takes a sip from the glass, relishing the burning feeling of the alcohol streaming down his throat. He loses interest in the glass and his eyes wander about the vast room, behind their glass lenses.

He sees a vast library, it's shelves overflowing. Books lay in piles everywhere, with their yellowing pages open to the light of the fire. Upon the great oak tables, various treasures were stacked four deep in some places. The light from the fire played off the many gems and jewels that were set in the gold, jade, obsidian, and silver relics.

Above the fireplace he looks upon himself. As he was in his youth. A giant painting made in arrogance and pride. And what does it do now? It taunts him. He gets up, slowly. Not due to frailty, but an all encompassing apathy. It pulls on him, like he is walking through mud. He moves out of the library, into the cold hallway, bourbon still in hand. The light of the fireplace spills into the corridor, making it possible to navigate.

As he walks down the hall he pads through his medieval armor and mummy collections, and his Beauties, until finally he reaches the floor he wants. His big game trophies. He moves silently trough the stuffed heads of the many beasts he's killed. Memories fill his mind. Thoughts of his glory days, the golden years of his youth assault him. Swatches of past hunts and battles assail him. he reaches out with his free hand. He slows down several times as he basks in the nostalgia, a warm grin forming on the corners of his mouth.

But he remembers where he is. His face grows cold once more. Those days are past he thinks. It's been many years since he first grew tired. He no longer hunts, for what is there for him to hunt? He had already conquered the most terrible and foul beasts known to man. Every adversary that had risen to face him had been struck down. What was there left to do?

There is Jade. His granddaughter was the most important thing to him, and always would be. He had done everything to make her life as interesting and exciting as possible. He had taught her how to defend herself and to fire a rifle. If there was one thing he would not lose it was her. But she was growing up. She didn't need him around anymore. She could take care of herself, and Bec would always be there for her.

He thought about all the monsters he had slain and all the predators he had bested, and he kept arriving at one conclusion. It was, of course, the one he had come up when he was in his prime. He was the Most Dangerous Creature on Earth. In his youth he had prided him self in the title, even though at the time it had not been true. But he had worked and trained and had honed him self to perfection in
every aspect. He was the most dangerous animal alive.

And all of a sudden it dawned on him. How had he not though of it before? It was staring at him the whole time. There was one more hunt left in the world for him. He was going to hunt the most dangerous game.

Himself.

I liked this. We haven't seen a lot of Grandpa Harley, yet this seemed like something that would go well with his character. Short, elegant, and kind of insane.

Shattered Dreams

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Jade traversed the thousands of columns, leading her friends through the luminous archways and passages. Despite never actually being there, she had knew every nook and cranny from her dreams. Prospit was quite literally the Shining Planet, as it's inhabitants called it. However, John was getting anxious.
"Jade, are you sure this is the right way? It would lead us into a big square, ripe for ambush." John spoke with alarm.
He was watchguard, and if anything happened it was his fault. He simply could not handle the responsibility.
Jade turned to the terrified teenager. They were all about the same height, but John was only just taller then her. It was a bit awkward.
"John, you should know this place as well as I do. That place is heavily guarded, the agents can't get us in there."
He bit his lip and looked around. "If you say so Jade..."
Dave looked up. The four imposing towers of the Golden Cathedral loomed ahead, glowing with the kernels of their unique kernelsprites. They worshipped frogs. Dave couldn't understand why the hell they chose frogs.
"This place is the shit. It's taller then my apartment."
Their guards were alarmed at this comment. The Queen had requested their right of passage to Skaia, issuing thirteen guards - the Cathedral was their only way to ascend from this point.
"Our Grand Cathedral is not shit! It is the most beautiful structure there could be."
The carapaced creatures in vibrant armour started yelling at Dave. Rose turned and said, "My friend said THE shit, not shit. The shit is a compliment. Shit is not. She clicked her electromagnetic needles together, creating a large spark. "Anyone against us?" The comment was responded with a bunch of hushed mumblings from their protectors. Dave had a massive sigh of relief. They were safe again.

The Wayfaring Vilifier readied his sniper rifle. This would be his most dangerous assault, but with the most reward. He would pick off these annoying kids, in the Golden Cathedral none the less. They had been nothing but a pain for the Dark Kingdom - and, whilst the Light Kingdom wanted to be nice, they knew inside that they had been a pain for them too. Few could put up with the increasingly vibrant costumes that both the Kingdoms had to wear anymore, which was why some of the guards let him through. This mission was against his codes of conduct, but he swore to Skaia that these costumes were a fucking pain in the ass. If he was caught, however, it was a crime responded with a send into exile. It was a risk he was prepared to take. The King himself had asked him to do this, after repeated rebellion from his subjects. Jack Noir was a feisty one, yes. He would be awarded with control of a county on Despit, as Mayor. It had been his dream and nothing would stand in his way.

Jade herself was worried. This had not been what she had seen in her dreams. The structure seemed to ascend forever - until it met the last gate. They only had a time-frame of about four hours before they were stranded on Prospit until the next orbit at about fourty degrees from another column of rock and housing, the one John had ascended from. She had got all this information from her Grandpa - He was the most useful Sprite of all. Apparently he had been here before, when he was a bit younger, and that was where he had gathered his many trophies. It was confusing, but Jade had heard worse. Indeed, the reason she was worried was that this was not the way she thought she was going to ascend - In her dreams she flew into Skaia, while the others climbed. She was nervous, but she didn't show it. John was a nervous wreck enough, Rose was hiding her instability and Dave - Dave was trying to keep his cool, but shit had gotten real ages ago and he was all sweaty. He was a bit disgusting in that way, but they were all friends and they had more to compain about then lack of deodreant.

As the four children and their thirteen protectors filed inbetween the central columnades, he filled the cache with bullets. The Wayfaring Vilifier noted that even the bullets had turned purple. Nothing was safe from the vibrancy the kids brought with them. He picked a child - the one with long hair and large glasses - and fired. Suddenly, he felt a pang of remorse and regret - she was young, and still had yet to love. He realised the error of his ways, and decided he would turn himself in. But he would not ever forget the sight he had seen - he would supress it, but he would not forget. She fell like a rock, a large gash in her eye and shattered glass flinging everywhere. A young boy caught her, in a vibrant, green suit. The kids went bezerk, and the guards realised that something was terribly wrong. Sprites gathered around the girl, staring down at the child. But they were not unhappy, despite the ability to show emotions. They looked just above her cradled head. The Wayfaring Vilifier had no idea what they were meant to be looking at.

As Jade drifted into sleep, her friends crying above her, she realised that she could not trust the Light Kingdom. Her rash decision had ended in problems for them all, and she would pay the consequence. Her eye hurt like hell, and she could feel the blood trickling down her face. She had fucked everything up, just as the troll had said. But as she faded, she realised that she was not actually dying. In fact, the shot had slowed her descent into sleep. Her insomnia was a curse to her. She was all right, but she would have to sleep, unable to tell anyone until she awoke. If only her Dreambot hadn't been trashed...

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This story is depressing. It stemmed out of an idea I had once, Jade being shot in the eye. Slowly the story expanded into one involving WV, hired as a temporary assassin, and explains his motives for hating monarchies. It also plays upon the infamous words uttered by carcinoGeneticist...

It's an interesting concept, and I liked the idea of the rush to get to the top before Prospit pulled away from the right position in orbit. Unfortunately, sometimes I found the prose became kind of rambling, particularly when dealing with WV. His whole emotional experience there seemed to have an abrupt and kind of confusing turn around. Pruning out some of the unnecessary details would probably help.

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Was this posted in the Romart thread at some point? Because I feel like I've seen it from you before. Anyway, still as cute now as it was before.

Uh, I was told it should be okay to post this here as well as the romart thread? If not, I'll delete the post. There's art to go with it as well, but you'll have to check the romart thread if you want to see it. :B

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This wasn't supposed to happen.

He was huddled up against her, his head resting on her shoulder and his remaining arm draped lazily over her. He mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "Slit their fuckin' throats" in his sleep, shifting himself closer to her.

Apparently the legendary menacing leader of the Midnight Crew, Spades Slick, was a sleep-hugger. If she'd found this out any other time, she'd have laughed herself halfway unconcious, and then laughed herself fully unconcious when he woke up and realised what he was doing. As it was now, it just made her own problem worse.

She had a nasty habit of occasionally waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, and tonight was no exception - although this wasn't the problem, or at least not the problem right now. Apart from the fact that this time it coincided with one of their angry, angry flings, anyway.

Because he had usually left by the time she woke up. And there was something about waking up to him, his breath warm on the back of her neck, that brought her to a conclusion she'd been mentally dancing around for years.

She'd swore to herself she'd have revenge for what he'd done. She'd take away a part of him he valued, as he had done to her (even if he'd repeatedly stated he didn't know what the big deal was - *bullshit*, he knew fine well what he'd done wrong). She'd already taken away his arm, and by extension his piano-playing. She knew that had hurt him, even if he'd outwardly taken it rather well.

But the fact was becoming clearer to her now, being with him without being at each other's throats, or... yeah.

After all he'd done, after all this time...

Snowman still loved him.

"...Fuck."

I actually really liked this. Particularly the image of SS snuggling someone while mumbling about slitting people's throats. The juxtapose there is kind of hilarious. All together, it was a solid piece and it gets a thumbs up.

Phew, okay! People need to post in this thread more often. It's the shit.

[Layra]

Ohmygodsomuchnewstuff I'd reply to stories individually, but each reply would come out as a fairly uniform "squeeeee!"

Anyway, two lines that I wanted to work into stories, but after some thought I find that they work better without contextual clutter:

"I can't believe you tried to use "A Rose by any other name" as an excuse."

"They're not incredibly deadly bullets; they're Incredibly Deadly® bullets. It's my grandfather's company."

[Miraculous]

Hey, I got the final thrilling conclusion to this epic battle!

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But, of course, Mom and Dad didn't wage a vicious battle right in the middle of the cafe. That would have been rude. Instead, they sat down together and discussed the finer points of harlequins and wizards. They both enjoyed their drinks, alcoholic or otherwise, and nibbled on fresh pastries. They even saved a cream bun for Bec! What a marvelous time they had together.

Good guardians! Best friends!

Okay, seriously now. Here's the real final part. Hopefully, it'll meet expectations. As usual, comments appreciated!

The Safe: Part 4
Or, I'm Pretty Sure We're Breaking Several Laws and Building Regulations Here.

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"Personally, I think the timer is a tad much. Like... Overcompensation."

Dave, John and Rose nodded in agreement. Apparently, while the four kids had been busily planning their attack on Bro's safe, Bro himself had been installing a massive electronic scoreboard in the living room. It obscured much of the opposite wall, the blinking red lights mocking them, reminding the team of the remaining time until the challenge was lost.

John murmured wistfully, mesmerised by timer. "Four minutes, thirteen seconds... twelve... Ele-"

He was cut off rudely by Dave, who elbowed him out of the way and took the first step forward into the room. "Bro! I'm calling you out Bro! You wanna play this game, stop being a useless piece of shit and show yourself!"

Silence rang through the living room, like the absence of an angelic choir, or the lack of a chorus of hellish harpies. Dave sighed, tapping the tip of his katana against the floor impatiently. "Fine. You wanna make this a cakewalk, cake's gonna get walked." It was only half a dozen steps before the sound of blade-on-blade resounded in the kids' ears. Dave gritted his teeth, adjusting his grip on his weapon. Out of nowhere, Bro had taken a vicious overhead swing towards Dave. If he had any slower reactions, Dave would have become two halves of a really cool dude. "Any time you wanna help out guys!"

When John went to swing his hammer for Bro's kneecaps, both he and Dave were gone; the former now on the couch, the latter making a dash for the safe. John attempted to land an attack on Bro a second time, and he missed a second time. Attacking Bro was like trying in pull out a single atom from a thimble of water, using a pair of tongs. Thankfully, that was not the intention. As Bro reached to grab Dave in mid-dash, he was forced to tumble out of the way of a well-aimed bullet.

The timer read three minutes, fifty two seconds.

He allowed a brief scowl to flicker across his face, before quickly collecting his composure. Changing tactics, he appeared behind Jade, ready to crack the hilt of his sword over the young girl's head. But once more, he was forced to stop mid-attack and dash out of the way, this time to avoid a wicked pair of knitting needles. He attempted to lash out at Rose in a fit of revenge, but was gone a split second later. He may have been playing with kids whose skills nowhere near matched his own, but a hammer is a hammer, no matter who is wielding it.

While his friends were dealing with his brother, Dave had made it to the safe safely. Crouching down, Dave slipped the stethoscope on for the second time that day and pressed the end onto the surface of the safe. His breathing slowed down as he listened intently to the inner mechanisms of the lock and gently spun the dial this way and that. As much as he strained, it was almost impossible to hear the oh-so subtle clicks of the tumblers within with the sounds of hammers, needles, bullets and blade in the background. A living room turned battlefield was not the best place for such delicate work.

The timer read three minutes, twenty one seconds.

"Dave!" Jade let out a cry as she narrowly avoided another chop from Bro's sword, nearly tripping in the process. "I don't mean to rush you, but your brother isn't exactly a fair opponent!"

Dave gritted his teeth and tried his hardest to drown out the battle raging behind him. As much as he wanted to help his friends in their plight, his skills were best put to use unlocking the safe and recovering their salvation. Already, he was imagining all the ways he could get Bro back for this hellish game. In the most ironic way possible, of course.

The timer read two minutes, fifty nine seconds.

Rose was getting desperate. While their plan of daisy-chaining to cancel Bro's attacks on each other was proving effective, it felt like he was getting faster and faster all the time, his attacks growing more clever and sneaky with each passing second. Either that, or she and her friends were growing tired. She let out a cry of surprise as one of her knitting needles was sent skating across the floor and slid under the couch. A smug smile crossed Bro's lips as he raised his sword once more. Just a moment before he swung and split the hemispheres of Rose's brain, he stopped to avoid a bit of hammer time, courtesy of John. Rose quickly took the momentary reprise to fumble for her lost weapon. "Hurry up Dave!"

The sound of a gunshot rang in her ears. She knew she only had mere seconds before Jade was assaulted and it was her turn to attack Bro once more. With a triumphant cry, Rose grabbed her lost knitting needle and brandished it once more... Only to be sent sprawling from a well aimed kick. She let out a gasp of surprise as her head connected with the wall , her head spinning as she sunk to the floor. Bro was changing tactics.

The timer read two minutes, thirty six seconds.

Thumping his hand on the ground in frustration, Dave jammed the earpieces in further to try and block out the sounds of his friends losing their advantage. He could hardly hear the safe's mechanism over the orchestra of war being performed by three valiant warriors and one too-fast brother. This was not good for his blood pressure.

The timer read two minutes, two seconds.

John flailed desperately in a vain attempt to get Lil' Cal off his cranium. It was bad enough dealing with Bro alone, but with that demonic dummy thrown into the mix, the battle was quickly becoming one sided. When he finally managed to throw the puppet off of his head, he found himself pinned under a pile of puppets of plush persuasion. The battle was definitely not going well.

The timer read one minute, fourty one seconds.

With a loud squeal, Jade dived behind the couch in an attempt to steal a few seconds of safety. Despite all her shooting practice with the help of Bec, nothing could have prepared Jade for the horrors of true warfare. As she fumbled through her deep pockets for more bullets, she tried to drown out the images and sounds raging inside her head; exploding mines, the sickening crunch of bones beneath a rolling tank, the look of sheer horror on her fellow soldiers' faces as the bullets riddled their bodies, sending them sprawling onto the blood soaked gro- Wait, wait... No. That was Saving Private Ryan. Or was it Pearl Harbour? No, not important right now.

The timer read one minute, eleven seconds.

Slowly, Bro surveyed his domain. Nerd McHammer was still trapped under the smothering of smuppets. He was out. Little Miss Arts and Craft was pinned to the wall, helplessly struggling against her own knitting needles in an attempt to get free. She was out. The Smallest Gunslinger on the Coral was fast asleep on his turn tables, snoring quietly. She was out too. That left just one little tyke to take care of. He turned his attention to Dave.

The timer read fourty one seconds.

Dave's hands were trembling. His heart was beating fast. Sweat was forming on his brow. part of him was grateful that his friends were too preoccupied to see his panic. There wasn't much time left. He was just one turn away from unlocking the safe, revealing the bounty within and winning the game. He was straining to hear that last, glorious click. But the sound of soft footsteps approaching behind him was throwing him off. Bro could have been within range in a second, but he was drawing it out, letting Dave squirm internally, knowing that he had won.

The timer read six seconds.

Dave knew it too, knew that the final click would never come, that he would never revel in the hidden treasure the safe kept so hidden, that he would never know the ma-

Click.

Oh.

In all his wildest dreams, Dave never even considered the true contents of the safe. He should have expected it, but the thought simply never crossed his mind. In hindsight, it made sense. Puppet magazines, erotic or otherwise. The magazines spilled out onto the floor, smuppet literature overflowing from the inside cavity of the safe. He even saw a brief glimpse of Hunk Rump. But no matter, he had won the game, hadn't he?

With a smug little grin, he turned around to face his Bro, opening his mouth to deliver the dashing one-liner he had prepared for just such an occasion. But instead, he blinked in surprise, seeing the sword still raised over Bro's head. "But... Bro, you lost. Safe's open, game's over, battle's won."

Bro just shook his head, almost sounding sorry. Almost. "Sorry little bro, but do you honestly think I would set up that scoreboard without taking the chance to rig it? You kids ran out of time about fourty seconds ago. Sucks to be you."

Dave was about to protest, but he was too preoccupied with the sword arcing down towards him. A second later, darkness was all he knew.

The timer read zero.

[Marelo]

Anyway, this isn't part of HAHA GULLIBLE but is sort of related, so:

REMOVED BY MODERATOR

Okay, this is SUPER SUPER AFTER THE FACT.

But that is not okay at all ever. Child pornography, whether it's written or drawn, or happens in a dream or with some fantasy creatures, IS NEVER OKAY TO POST EVER.

I mean, really, why did you think it was okay to post a story about the rape of a child? No. Just, no.

I have scrubbed it from the fora to the best of my knowledge. Never do this again. All of you.

[Crilly]

At least Qukeza didn't get banned. (I think) I would ask whats in there, but I don't think I want to know.

Edit: Was that the thing with Dave's dream in chapter 9? You might want to remove that too.

[Lcheeseboy]

Edit: Was that the thing with Dave's dream in chapter 9? You might want to remove that too.

Yeah, there's a significant portion of it quoted in chapter 8 of HAHA GULLIBLE (on page 7). Not to backseat moderate, but you might want to do something about that.

[Marelo]

Thanks for the heads up.

[Crilly]

The whole thing? Is he allowed to edit the bad stuff out, and put it back in or......?

[Marelo]

At the point when I have to edit stuff like this out of a thread, the author's convenience and artistic options are no longer anywhere near my priorities.

That said, he can post it again, sans the fucked up shit, if he wants to.

[Crilly]

I do get it, I do. At least you guys are a lot less ban happy. I mean, almost any other forum he would of been banned all the way to Skaia for that.

ANYWAYS, who has some funny/dramatic story's!

[resdaMalos]

I have an idea for a story... but I was curious if the trolls had any names yet, canon or otherwise. I didn't want to come up with radically different names out of the blue.

(Read: I want to do as little work as possible here.)

[Tenebrais]

The trolls are known only by their chumhandles. They probably have real names, though, and we may well find out in the future. So be warned.

[Zuki]

I have an idea for a story... but I was curious if the trolls had any names yet, canon or otherwise. I didn't want to come up with radically different names out of the blue.

(Read: I want to do as little work as possible here.)

You could assume they all have nicknames that they go by amongst themselves, possibly derived from chumhandle, zodiac sign, or some other salient feature. Like this:

~

The gray-skinned boy pushed back from his computer, head in hand. "Fucking morons. Think they're so special, with their robots and their hammers and shit. By the time these chuckleheads finally figure their ass from their head we'll all be fucked six ways to Sunday. Again." He hissed in frustration, fingers to temples to rub out the beginnings of a headache.

The girl to his right, sitting in front of a computer desk of her own, burst out laughing. She giggled. She snorted. She wheezed and all but howled with laughter. She, unsurprisingly, fell out of her chair. "Ah-haha-ha-ha-ha, oh that's precious."

The first boy reopened one eye and scowled at his friend. "What's so funny, Scales?

"You! And Egbert," She gropes around a bit on the floor to recover her pointed red shades, reaffixing them to cover her milky unfocused eyes.

"You're both ridiculous, taking this all so seriously. I pull the disability card and he shuts right up like I've got a terminal disease. You get frustrated beyond all measure at a bunch of newbies because you're talking to them backwards. I don't know why you thought that was a good idea, Crabby."

"I told you, I have an angle! This is going to work; at least one of us needs to exploit the game's predilection for time loop and paradox. Mobius double reacharounds. Whatever you nutcases want to call them next. And don't use my shitty nickname."

"Would you prefer the stupid nickname, then?" A toothy grin of pointed mirth. "The insipid one, perhaps? You never did get around to giving us your real name so you'd better live with the consequences, Gen."

"You're a real witch sometimes, Scales."

"Nuh-uh, CG. That's Caligula, remember?" The blind girl grinned with mirth and laughed again.

~

I could have tried out a few more nicknames for gallowsCalibrator, but I just really like 'Scales'. Gen, for reference, is from carcinoGeneticist. I think that one's my favorite.

[Shadow of the Lotus]

Finally touching this thread again. I haven't really wanted to even peek in as I felt obligated to make a directory after my poll question failed to lean the way I thought made sense. I decided I don't really care anymore and have adjusted my first post accordingly. I was thinking of including some sort of 'use common sense, rules still apply' thing (which I still did) but I see Marelo added to my first post already ( ). I suppose that's all handled then and I might still edit the post later to make it more clear.

[Raccoon]

Just a bit of cG/gC Shipping Please ignore any errors etc.. :S Feedback would be nice as well please :S

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1 Hub.
2.
3.
4 Hubs.. *sigh*
5.
The computer in each of the trolls seperate hubs were whirring away as she strolled past, hub after hub of laughter and giggling, Libra was not happy with the noise that was coming from these infernal machines as she had only ever grown accustomed to her custom made computer with braille mouse and keyboard.
6.
7.
She suddenly stopped at hub number 8 on the long hallway, She activated her red glasses that were specially made to pick up energy signals emanating from living things, She could tell from a single scan that Abel was fast asleep at his computer, probably due to one of those kids again.
9,Finally.
Hub number 9, Her hub, The hub next to her sleeping crush...
She could feel something was on her keyboard the moment she sat down in her comfortable chair, It wasn't in braille which slighlty peeved her off a bit but she could tell from smell that this was from Abel.
From no-where a pair of hands reached onto her shoulders and whispered into her ear "The note says I Love You".
Abel spun her around in her chair and lifted her out of her chair and gave her a deep passionate kiss.
Libra could not control her feelings for Abel much longer and pulled him onto the chair with her as they both passionatly kissed each other.

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Writers Note: I do not know why I called cG Abel :S But the name for gC just sounded right for her even though its her sign

[Radiation]

Zuki: I really like your writing. That's all I'm going to say. Your dialogue isn't exactly like Andrew's, but I can hear your voice very clearly, which is probably actually a good thing considering you're the one writing. And I like the nicknames.

raccoon: I'm going to be nonspecific but some of your sentence structure is awkward. and the concepts are nice, with the glasses and the braille and all, but the story is so short their mention is kind of awkward. same with the fact that you pretty much just go "PASSIONATE KISSES." I think it would be better to... work up to something more??? and maybe make it a little longer. instead of them just making out. there's my crit!!! hope you write more sometime

cg gc I can get behind this stuff

here's my entry, reposted from the RECENT UPDATE THREAD, because it's a PESTERLOG which I spent... way too long on

I've decided that gC totally plays herself up as cG's girlfriend just to tease him. hopefully the trolls will NEVER TALK TO EACH OTHER in the comic so my dreams will never be crushed...............

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GC: BOO >8O
GC: OH WOW
GC: WH4T'S TH4T WOND3RFUL GR3Y-SK1NN3D 4ROM4
GC: SM3LLS
GC: SO MUSCUL4R
GC: SO SU4V3
GC: *SWOON*
GC: COOOOULD 1T B3 MY BOYFR13333ND
GC: 44444ND H1S N3WLY PROTOTYPED ST33D
CG: NO.
CG: JUST.
CG: FUCKING. NO.
GC: >8]
CG: I MEAN OK YEAH I DID THE PROTOTYPING SHIT.
CG: BUT LET'S BE SERIOUS.
CG: I'M NOT YOUR GODDAMN BOYFRIEND, AND I NEVER WILL BE, OK?
CG: DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
GC: >8*
GC: *4NGRY K1SS3S*
CG: NO. FUCK. YOU ARE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME.
CG: I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOU.
CG: IS THAT CLEAR?
GC: SORRY
GC: W3R3 YOU S4YING SOM3TH1NG
GC: I C4NT H34R YOU OV3R TH3 OD1F3ROUS SC3NT OF P4LL1D M4NM34T
GC: S3NSORY OV3RLO4D
CG: OK FUCK YOU WIN I'M NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION NOW. I HAVE SHIT TO DO.
GC: OH NO
GC: DONT L34V3 M3 4LL 4LON3 CG
GC: 1M SO BL1ND 4ND D3F3NS3L3SS
GC: 1 WOULD T34R OUT MY AORT4
GC: 4ND PLUCK MY BLOODY H34RTSTRINGS
GC: W41L1NG
GC: CRY1NG TOO
CG: I'M LEAVING.
GC: YOU C4NT L34V3!!!! >8OOO
CG: DON'T.
GC: YOUR3 MY
CG: DON'T. DON'T. SAY IT.
GC: LOV3 L4RV43!!!!!

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

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[Raccoon]

raccoon: I'm going to be nonspecific but some of your sentence structure is awkward. and the concepts are nice, with the glasses and the braille and all, but the story is so short their mention is kind of awkward. same with the fact that you pretty much just go "PASSIONATE KISSES." I think it would be better to... work up to something more??? and maybe make it a little longer. instead of them just making out. there's my crit!!! hope you write more sometime

Thanks for the feedback I have never been the best writer but i do have good ideas sometimes i just sometimes struggle with the whole writing into story format xD

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Maybe i should try writing a story when it is not late at night and i need sleep xD