Project Amazing

[SleepingOrange]

give that Vasily square a shot of confidence. Might make him more bearable to be around.

What, really? What are you, a therapist? Don't you have anything better to do than to adjust everyone's pathetic little moods? And for what? The "greater good"? Man, Equipment Guy Mort doesn't give a crap about the greater good. Leave it to that massive weirdo, Friend Computer. Mort's business is cool, and helping out others ain't cool, man.

Unless maybe...

Action packed duo, man.

Now THAT'S what you're talking about. You can see it already: you blasting the door in, Vasily right behind you. He yells something, really hard-boiled like: "EVERYONE GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR! THIS IS MORT PATROL LOOKING FOR A COMPUTER-DAMNED SUPERSONIC TRANQUILIZER!" Yes. You need that sidekick.

Yovu give the old man some of your patented Mort Magic. His expression's a little... off... but it's probably just because silly old men aren't used to feeling so good. Your plan is working great. You can hear the lady researchers' hearts inside the room beating with anticipation already. Or maybe it's the sound of the throbbing pile of AWESOME building up inside you. Whatever that means.

Try to kick the door down.

Then kick in the door

You wind up to teach that door a lesson. A lesson about messing with the WRONG equipment guy.

The crack you just heard... It was the sound of Alpha Complex cracking with the might of your foot. Definitely not your broken toe. No way. That was broken wayyyy before that. You're way too hard-boiled to let a broken toe get in your way. You ignore the searing pain and put on your definitely genuine, not forced at all Mort-style badass face.

VASILY: Now... now THAT was a sight y'don't see often, lad. Th' way y'kicked that door has me blood boilin'. I'm ready fer ACTION, lad. Let's DO this.

Door's ain't nothin' but equipment, man. And Mort is one clone that knows his way AROUND equipment.

> look in your pack for something useful, already

Looks like it's time to whip out the 'ole sonic screwdriver.

The door is intimidated now. Quick! It's the perfect time to pull off one of your Equipment Guy Tricks (tm)! You look inside your bag for the tool that'll teach this door, and all the doors to come, that you don't just refuse Mort|R|MPA|1.

Lesse... What stands out is a Raspberry-Flavoured Blowtorch (labelled: "Now 36% less self-destructive!"), a small amount of malleable putty linked to a red button, some kind of mini-computer attached to an universal wire, and for some reason a sonic screwdriver. You have no idea what any of those are actually for, or how they work.

[GreyGabe]

>Mash everything into the putty-like substance, smack it on the door, and hit the button. This is almost definitely how these things are supposed to be used.

[Remetheus]

> Consume putty. It is most definitely one of your rations. Probably one that gives you super strength. On second thought, give it to Vasily and let him eat it as you wield the blowtorch. Then pose dramatically with the blowtorch as Vasily easily kicks the door open with his newfound strength.

[Mystify]

smash it with the sonic screwdriver

[Ixcalibur]

Ask the lying down man to open the door for you.

[Plet53]

>M: Use Raspberry flavored blowtorch on door to make a cut-out that looks exactly like you.

[Iridium]

Uh... point the sonic screwdriver at the lock and push buttons till you get some results. Mort is one clone who always gets RESULTS.

Besides. Damaging your main man FC's door wouldn't be cool.

[Andorxor]

>Inform the door that it doesn't have the clearance to stop you

[Chookster]

Remove the dead infrared's head with the blow torch, stick the head to the door with the putty, then push the red button.

[Floirt]

>Inform the door that it doesn't have the clearance to stop you

Seconded

[Konork]

Uh... point the sonic screwdriver at the lock and push buttons till you get some results. Mort is one clone who always gets RESULTS.

Seconded. Also, I bet that putty is some kind of explosive. That we need to return intact.

[Chookster]

>Inform the door that it doesn't have the clearance to stop you

Seconded

In hindsight i change my vote to this.

[sfou]

>Mash everything into the putty-like substance, smack it on the door, and hit the button. This is almost definitely how these things are supposed to be used.

Yes. This is the greatest idea you have ever had. Let's think logically here; four tools are bound to be better than just one, yes? And it's not like anything bad could happen to Friend Computer's cutting-edge, law-protected equipment, oh no sir. You know what you're doing, after all.

You mold the Strawberry-Flavoured Blowtorch and Sonic Screwdriver into the strange putty, sticking it to the door. There's not enough of it to include the computer-thing, but you figure that not having any violent and destructive properties, it's probably pretty useless anyway. You put it back in the bag.

You press the mysterious red button. A little light starts blinking faster and faster, and a delicate female voice speaks to you.
PUTTY: Hello! You have just activated your Blast-It-In PuttyPutty Pal for the first time. My name is Lisa, and I am here to help you! Now, the first thing you might want to do is step away for a bit. I know the PuttyPutty tastes good and is soft to the touch, but when the light goes on, you gotta run! HA-HA-HA-HA!

You obey Lisa's friendly advice (and great wordplay!) and go to a safe distance. You are confident that the blowtorch and screwdriver assigned to you by Friend Computer were of no good use anyway, and that using them in this sillytotally cool manner won't hinder your mission in any way at all.

The Blast-It-In PuttyPutty goes off, emitting a bright light and a loud BANG.
LISA: Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

Well, it seems the Blast-It-In PuttyPutty actually does blast things... in. The door, screwdriver and blowtorch seem to have been absorbed into the substance.
LISA: Impressed yet? Do you like how much the PuttyPutty SUCKS? Or should I say, SUCKS IN? HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Ignoring Lisa's fabulous humor and quality tutorial, you take a peek inside the lab. The floor and part of the walls seems to be covered in that weird liquid. For a second, you think you see it slowly expanding, creeping up the walls. But, nah. It's probably just your imagination. Is that a leg on the floor, though? You're pretty sure it's a leg.

Vasily urges you to go in. This careful demeanor is not fit for a kickass leader such as yourself. You realize that you've been using your power quite a lot today, and your grip on your own mood is starting to slip away.

It seems this thing is, in fact, a severed leg. You're suddenly not sure at all that you want to be here, and you wonder what possessed you to walk into this dreaded lab anyway. You just know some kind of horrible threat is gonna pop up at any moment now.

Behind you, a BLUE scientist is yelling incoherently at Vasily.
VASILY: Need any help, ol' chap? Me an' my boy Mort here're gonna shoot yer problem. We're th' hardiest troubleshooters around, ye see.
You can't help but feel that Vasily's confident-guy mood is somewhat off the mark.
BLUE: GET OUT OF HERE! The thing... Martin's experiment... the new toothpaste... it's... it's GONE WILD!
You feel your stomach knot up. This liquid on the ground... You have a really bad feeling about it.

[Konork]

> Our equipment is destroyed, this clone is probably screwed anyway, so ask how we can help, if we can help.

[foobar]

Lick the shadows.

[Gustave]

>Brush your teeth.

[Remetheus]

>Swim in it.

[Iridium]

Do what the man says, for the love of FC! When a scientist tells you to flee for your life from "toothpaste gone mad", it's generally a good idea to listen.

[Konork]

Do what the man says, for the love of FC! When a scientist tells you to flee for your life from "toothpaste gone mad", it's generally a good idea to listen.

It doesn't matter, this clone is going to get killed off for destroying equipment anyway

[Floirt]

>His clearance is waaaay more higher than you, you should obey him. Also, you don't want to get this stuff on your jumpsuit! (*cough*Even if you just blew up a door*cough*)

[zebtrestalala]

>Brush your teeth.

I agree with this. Appeal to its nature as toothpaste!

[Drillgorg]

>Brush your teeth.

I agree with this. Appeal to its nature as toothpaste!

Do it!

[KatoHearts]

Go get that scrubot. In my experience fire always makes everything better.

[Chookster]

>Brush your teeth.

I agree with this. Appeal to its nature as toothpaste!

Do it!

[Torg]

Go get that scrubot. In my experience fire always makes everything better.

Seems sensible enough. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this.