In the beginning, TIM BALLOONSWORTH was hungry. He attempted to eat the SUN, and promptly failed. Next, he tried eating the GRASS, and while he succeeded in eating it, he was dropped into the ABYSS below. As he fell through, he remembered that he had a SUPERPOWER, but couldn’t remember what it was. It turned out to be AMAZING ALACRITY, which TIM used to run back up to the REST OF THE GRASS. Next, he ran through the TIME STREAM to get to the FUTURE, and landed on the STAGE during an ELECTORATE’s acceptance speech. TIM declared himself a VISITOR from the PAST, and claimed to have FIRSTHAND KNOWLEDGE about past events. He was questioned about the ROBOT WAR OF 2012, and since that hadn’t happened yet in TIM’s time, he claimed that IT NEVER HAPPENED and everyone just PLAYED GOLF. However, the ELECTORATE had a VIDEOTAPE that refuted TIM’s statement, but TIM quickly knocked it from his hand. TIM tries to swap places with the ELECTORATE by stealing his VISOR, but the VISOR is SURGICALLY ATTACHED and TIM just incurs the wrath of a SECURITY GUARD. TIM dodges the SECURITY GUARD’s LASERS and one hits the ELECTORATE, who promptly disintegrates. TIM declares himself the NEW ELECTORATE, but as soon as he says so, a TERRORIST bursts in with an UZI. TIM accuses the TERRORIST of being a TIME PIRATE, confusing the TERRORIST. TIM takes the UZI while the TERRORIST whips off his BANDANA to reveal a TIME BOMB.
The POINT OF VIEW switches to GEORGE BARRACUDA, who really is a TIME PIRATE. He reveals that he had stolen an ARROWHEAD from the TERRORIST, and then sees TIM go flying into the SPACETIME CONTINUUM after removing the 1 from the TIME BOMB. GEORGE sails over to TIM and lets TIM land on his SHIP, at which point a TEMPORAL WORM rises up to attack the SHIP. GEORGE tries to TEASE the WORM with the ARROWHEAD, causing the TEMPORAL WORM to HEADBUTT GEORGE off of the SHIP. GEORGE remarks that he will probably end up in the CIVIL WAR, and TIM declares CIVIL WAR on TEMPORAL WORMS, causing GEORGE to reappear on the SHIP. TIM kills the TEMPORAL WORM with an UZI, but 40 MORE come with a WORM OVERLORD. TIM exceeds the SPEED OF LIGHT to MAN EVERY STATION AT ONCE while GEORGE handles the piloting. TIM shoots at the WORM OVERLORD, injuring it and KILLING a LOYAL WORM who blocked the shot. TIM continues shooting at the WORM OVERLORD, but one of the OTHER TEMPORAL WORMS smashes through the bottom of the SHIP. GEORGE tries to RIDE one of the TEMPORAL WORMS, but it MOVES and GEORGE falls into the SPACETIME CONTINUUM. He gets caught in a WORLD’s CHRONO-PULL as TIM gets a BLACK EYE from running into a WORM. TIM takes a SHARP PIECE OF WOOD and BISECTS the WORM, causing the SHIP to fall apart. EXHAUSTED, TIM falls asleep and wakes up in a DESERT.
TIM finds a WALKIE-TALKIE and talks to GEORGE for a while before GEORGE is accosted by a WAR CAMEL. He decides to TAME IT, and CONVINCES the CAMEL that he is HIS OWN WORST ENEMY and that HAVING A CAMEL FOR A COMPANION would help to get rid of him. GEORGE heads to the SIDEKICK DISTRICT of the NEAREST TOWN and meets up with two men named ONE-EYED FRED and SCARY BOB. GEORGE lets them both into the PARTY, and TIM reaches everyone. They POSE AS A TEAM, and an OLD MAN tells them to RESCUE his DAUGHTER from BANDITS. He hands them a MAP, showing the various PATHS to take. They consider BUYING CAMELS, but CAMELS are too EXPENSIVE, so they SPLIT UP. FRED and BOB take the LEFT PATH, where they shortly encounter an UNSAVORY CHARACTER in a TREE. BOB graphically tells the story of his MOST BRUTAL FIGHT, causing the UNSAVORY CHARACTER to become an easy TARGET. FRED throws a DAGGER and cuts his THROAT. They LOOT him and find nothing. TIM, who had been on the RIGHT PATH, runs into the side of a CAVE when looking over his SHOULDER. TIM enters the CAVE, but is attacked by a SAND GOLEM. TIM attacks the GOLEM repeatedly, eventually smashing it so only the EYES remain. The EYES glow GREEN and RE-FORM the GOLEM around them. TIM takes a ROCK and SMASHES the GOLEM’s EYE, destroying the GOLEM and revealing a DIAMOND. TIM continues. GEORGE, who has taken the CENTER ROUTE, is doing no such thing because his CAMEL is asleep and only CAMELS don’t sink in QUICKSAND. When the CAMEL wakes up, it promptly goes the WRONG WAY to meet a pack of OTHER CAMELS and FALLS IN LOVE. GEORGE jumps to ANOTHER, CALMER CAMEL and heads off while the WAR CAMEL watches jealously. Everyone meets up, and are attacked by FOUR BANDITS with SWORDS and PISTOLS. TIM disarms them and also steals a CAKE from one of the BANDITS. BOB eats it while GEORGE holds the BANDITS at GUNPOINT. FRED grabs the CAKE, which is POISONED, and uses it with the GOLEM’S EYE to create an EMO CAKE GOLEM. The EMO CAKE GOLEM kills THREE BANDITS, and GEORGE finishes the FOURTH. As TIM grabs the EYE back, FRED gives BOB the HEIMLICH MANEUVER. BOB throws up the CAKE and becomes IMMUNE TO POISON, and TIM discovers a HOLE he thinks is the ENTRANCE to the BANDIT HIDEOUT.
FRED is the QUIETEST, so he LEADS the PARTY into the HIDEOUT. BOB comes next, then GEORGE, then TIM. Everyone catches MOMENTARY URGE TO DANCE SYNDROME, including SEVERAL BANDITS. When another, MUTDS-free BANDIT approaches, GEORGE claims that the PARTY came to RECRUIT. The BANDIT leads the PARTY past the CELL BLOCK and the QUEEN’S ROOM. The PARTY sneaks into the QUEEN’S ROOM, where the BANDIT QUEEN explains that she RAN AWAY instead of being KIDNAPPED and became the QUEEN. She whirls around to reveal that she has FOUR ARMS and a set of MANDIBLES. GEORGE shoots her LEG, and she topples forward, slashing FRED’s face. Both FRED and the QUEEN mutate. FRED gains two additional ARMS, and the QUEEN turns into a GIANT ANT with a LUDICROUSLY BIG ABDOMEN. The QUEEN shoots ACID at GEORGE, and TIM takes the HIT. The QUEEN tears a BOULDER from the WALL and prepares to THROW IT, causing her MANDIBLES to dissolve and fix the HUMAN/ANT BALANCE. FRED stabs the ABDOMEN with his STAFF, sending him FLYING to the SURFACE. The HIDEOUT starts to FLOOD WITH SAND. BOB and GEORGE flee while TIM climbs the AIR to get through the HOLE. The HIDEOUT becomes overtaken by the ABYSS, out of which the ABYSSAL ANT QUEEN rises. TIM takes FRED’s DAGGERS and prepares to BEHEAD the QUEEN, but she fires HATE BEAMS at TIM, who has to dodge. From his new angle, TIM cannot DECAPITATE her, so he just stabs her in the SKULL instead. The QUEEN prepares a final HATE BEAM, but SCARY BOB’s ENERGY BEAM is loaded and he finishes the QUEEN with it. The ANT MUTATIONS and ABYSSAL MUTATIONS disappear, turning the QUEEN into just a dazed GIRL. She is about to fall into the ABYSS when TIM saves her. The GIRL introduces herself as JENNY GARLAND. Then, THREE WOUNDED BANDITS emerge from the ABYSS. Some sort of DEMONIC POWER begins to mutate them. One gets a DEMONIC ARM, another an EYE, and the third a JAW. FRED begins swinging the DEMON-ARMED BANDIT around, and the DAB summons an ARMY OF ZOMBIES. TIM kicks the DEMON-EYED BANDIT, who releases a HATE BEAM and possesses the DEMON-JAWED BANDIT. The DJB begins eating a hole around JENNY and her pet rabbit, STEVE. STEVE alerts JENNY, who alerts BOB and GEORGE. BOB kicks the DJB into the FISSURE. Everyone begins killing ZOMBIES. The DJB eats JENNY in a SINGLE BITE, but STEVE, who had gained superpowers and wings from the ABYSS, tears off half of the DJB’s head to free JENNY. The PARTY begins ANNIHILATING THE ZOMBIES, so the DAB summons 400 more. The DEB gets his brain eaten, and the DAB creates a GIANT ZOMBIE GOLEM OF DOOM. The PARTY begins to be overwhelmed, but STEVE uses an ENERGIZER BUNNY attack to KILL the ZOMBIES, the DAB, and the GZGOD. JENNY salvages a HOVERCRAFT from the ABYSS, and everyone flies back to OASIPORT.
You return JENNY to the OLD MAN. JENNY does not recognize him, and the OLD MAN turns out to be WEIRDBEARD the PIRATE. TIM goes into a HUNGER HALLUCINATION and attempts to eat what he thinks is a HOT DOG. It is actually WEIRDBEARD’s SHOTGUN, and TIM gets shot in the MOUTH. He survives and snaps out of the HALLUCINATION, and JENNY gives him some CARROT SLICES. STEVE kills WEIRDBEARD, and the PARTY goes to his ship, the DELOREAN. GEORGE demands that TIM get medical attention, and STEVE helps with persuasion. Later, when TIM is healed, JENNY learns that her father, ARTHUR, was sold to HABBA THE JUTT as part of his HUMAN FURNITURE SET. JENNY demands to go to HABBA’S WORLD, but HAL, the pilot, refuses. HAL insults FRED and JENNY, so they go to get STEVE. STEVE is mesmerized by the TELEVISION, however, so GEORGE drops HAL out of an AIRLOCK and takes command himself. GEORGE’s TEMPORAL GPS leads the DELOREAN into a TREE, and in rotating away, the DELOREAN is sucked into a PARADOX GATE. The WORLD is ravaged by a PARADOX, but HABBA’S PALACE (which is inside the WORLD) is strangely fine. TIM investigates the PALACE quickly as GEORGE gets LASER UZIS for everyone. BOB guards the DELOREAN. The rest of the party finds a GUARD, then quickly disarms and kills him. They go to a CELLBLOCK and free JENNY’S FATHER, ARTHUR. However, they are surrounded by guards with LASER CANNONS. HABBA interrupts the GUARDS, telling them that he will handle the PARTY himself. He reveals his ability to DIFFUSE THROUGH SPACETIME, and FRED throws a DOOR at him. HABBA dodges, and starts knocking out the PARTY as he explains that he was responsible for the PARADOX. HABBA takes a sword to fight GEORGE, and GEORGE easily pushes him over. HABBA falls on a BUTTON that releases a TEMPORAL WORM. TIM easily kills it, but the WORM destroys the CASTLE in its DEATH THROES. Waking up, JENNY sees HABBA and pushes him over with PEPPER SPRAY. She meets with BOB and STEVE, but STEVE is just interested in WATCHING TV. HABBA attacks again and starts choking BOB, but BOB gets him to let go with a punch to the THROAT. TIM emerges unharmed. BOB begins kicking HABBA when he DIFFUSES away. BOB and TIM find ARTHUR, whose ARM is BROKEN, and take him to the SURGEON. The POINT OF VIEW switches to FRED, who is safe but buried, and then briefly to STEVE, who is foiling an assassination attempt by DIABOLUS EX MACHINA (later known as just DIABOLUS.) FRED calls out and gets BOB’s attention, and gets himself free. JENNY finds a LIFE-DETECTOR, allowing the PARTY to find GEORGE (along with a DELIRIOUS GUARD and a RAT.) GEORGE’s LEG is broken, so he is the next taken to the SURGEON, and STEVE names the rat SQUEAKY RATSON and tames it. DIABOLUS brings in an ARMY OF DEMONS to kill STEVE. STEVE notices when GENERIC PIRATE #6 is killed by the DEMON ARMY and goes to visit the DEMONS. DIABOLUS strikes STEVE, and then a HELLISH CENTURION comes in to talk with STEVE. STEVE flies to HELL and becomes the KING OF HELL.
GEORGE remembers having a TREASURE STASH, and the PARTY decides to COLLECT IT. They check the WRECKAGE of GEORGE’S OLD SHIP, and find HAL. TIM incapacitates him with a KICK and locates a TALKING MAP. The MAP leads GEORGE to the right WORLD, but GEORGE distrusts it and CLOSES it. The MAP tears itself open and releases a BASILISK. The BASILISK leads the DELOREAN through a SPIDER WEB, coating the WINDSHIELD, and SPIDERS begin attacking the DELOREAN with LASERS. BOB uses an ELBOW-SLAM on the CROSS SPIDER and CRACKS IT OPEN. The DELOREAN crashes onto a BEACH, and the remaining PARTY MEMBERS flee as the GENERIC PIRATES make REPAIRS. TIM walks onto the TROLL BRIDGE by accident and is forced to solve a RIDDLE. The TROLL forgets the RIDDLE and blames TIM, who SUPLEXES the TROLL into the RIVER, which is full of BARBED WIRE. The PARTY fixes the BRIDGE and CROSSES to reach a CAVE. TIM investigates and discovers that there is a DRAGON inside. The DRAGON is sleeping in front of the EXIT, so BOB bisects it with an ENERGY BEAM. The PARTY crosses the SHALLOW WATER to reach the VILLAGE where GEORGE grew up. GEORGE meets with the MAYOR, who is his OLD FRIEND RANDY. They start TALKING about TEMPORAL TECH when the BASILISK attacks in the NEWLY-REPAIRED DELOREAN. RANDY leads the PARTY to where the CHRYSAOR, a giant flying pig, slumbers. EVERYONE begins sneezing and the CHRYSAOR wakes up. It bursts out of the RUBBLE and charges at the DELOREAN, but is easily killed with a CANNONBALL TO THE FACE. The PARTY climbs on top of the CHRYSAOR CORPSE, and RANDY uses his ANCESTRAL MAGIC to throw CHRYSAOR RIBS at the DELOREAN. It dodges most of them, but ONE smashes through the WINDSHIELD. The BASILISK attempts to RUN OVER RANDY, but RANDY creates a MAGICAL SHIELD. At the last second, TIM pushes the DELOREAN away and saves RANDY. The DELOREAN falls into the CHRYSAOR’s CHEST CAVITY and the BASILISK detonates a CAR BOMB inside it. Everyone is knocked out and sent to the PLANE OF DREAM. The BASILISK appears, but TIM creates a WALL of HOT DOGS. The BASILISK counters with a LARGE RAVENOUS HUMANOID. FRED imagines additional arms, GEORGE imagines a curlier MUSTACHE, and BOB thinks of a CHI-AMPLIFYING CANNON. The BASILISK imagines that FRED doesn’t have his remaining EYE. GEORGE starts shooting, and BOB fires his ENERGY BEAM through the CANNON, but the BASILISK has created a FORCE FIELD. FRED kills the LARGE RAVENOUS HUMANOID, so the BASILISK makes a MASS CLONE with elements from all of the party members. GEORGE imagines a SHOTGUN. TIM attempts to attack the MASS CLONE, but it retaliates with TIM’s speed and FRED’s strength. GEORGE sneaks up on the BASILISK and kills its DREAMSELF (and thus its REALSELF) with the SHOTGUN. The PARTY unsummons the MASS CLONE as they wake up.
The PARTY has LUNCH, and resumes searching for the TREASURE. The POINT OF VIEW switches to ARTHUR, who is a PRISONER on the DELOREAN. He recalls being SENT TO THE CELL, and the GUARD outside conveniently has a HEART ATTACK. The GUARD falls on the DOOR, inadvertently opening it, and ARTHUR leaves to get a DOUBLE BACON CHEESEBURGER. After finding and eating it, he is accosted by TWO GUARDS who blame ARTHUR for the BASILISK’s death. After ARTHUR points out the FLAWS in the LOGIC, one GUARD challenges ARTHUR to a DUEL. ARTHUR fights with a DAPPER CANE, which gets smashed, but ARTHUR uses a PIECE OF IT to disarm the GUARD. His SENSE OF DRAMA leads him to leave himself open, allowing the GUARD to take the SWORD and nail ARTHUR’s arm to the WALL. He removes the SWORD and goes to the MEDICAL CENTER, where he ASSASSINATES the RECEPTIONIST and alerts the DOCTOR. The POINT OF VIEW goes back to the PARTY, who has decided to go NORTH. They are attacked by a YOUNG, USELESS CHRYSAORLET and ADOPT IT. The CHRYSAORLET betrays the PARTY by alerting the CHIEF OF THE EXILES to their presence. TIM falls into a TRAP and escapes EASILY, but the CHIEF EXILE knocks him back into the PIT. TIM kicks his head in half at MACH PI, then WALL JUMPS out. They CROSS the pit, then TIM is attacked by a PEELER GIBBON. As more attack, RANDY teaches the PARTY about PEELER GIBBONS, and TIM reminds everyone that HE IS COVERED IN FLESH-EATING MONKEYS. RANDY uses the EXTREMELY DISCONCERTING UGLY YODELER tactic to scare the PEELER GIBBONS. The PARTY reaches the NEXT VILLAGE and learns the DIRECTIONS to the TREASURE CAVE. They see HABBA outside, riding GEORGE’s ex-WAR CAMEL. TIM pushes HABBA off and tries to get the CAMEL to move, but it refuses. HABBA diffuses over to TIM and points a gun at him, but TIM smashes the GUN and punches HABBA. HABBA diffuses away and meets with the CHRYSAORLET. The PARTY eats a dinner of CAMEL SHISH-KEBABS and then goes to SLEEP. TIM starts SLEEPWALKING and SLEEPTIES himself to a TREE. A PREDATORY BIRD kidnaps TIM, but GEORGE shoots it and TIM falls onto GEORGE.
The party then proceeds into the CAVE. They go down a rickety ELEVATOR in the CAVE. RANDY leaves the ELEVATOR, and a SPEAR TRAP blocks the EXIT for everyone else. GEORGE gives RANDY directions, but RANDY goes the wrong way on one turn and falls into a PIT. He almost lands on some SPIKES and dies, but manages to SURVIVE. He discovers HANDHOLDS on the wall of the CHASM, climbs out, and follows the rest of the DIRECTIONS to reach a HEAVY IRON DOOR. RANDY opens it and finds the TREASURE. Everyone in the ELEVATOR works together to bend the SPEARS and get out. GEORGE activates his BYPASS MECHANISM just as RANDY returns with a LUDICROUS AMOUNT of LOOT. The rest of the TREASURE turns into a GOLD GOLEM and goes to the ENTRANCE. The PARTY has a short DANCE INTERLUDE on the way out, then leaves. BOB discovers the GOLD GOLEM, and it attacks RANDY, who was preoccupied with holding the LOOT. The GOLEM assimilates the remaining LOOT, but TIM steals its EYES and turns it into a PILE OF GOLD. TIM gets a WHEELBARROW and puts the GOLD into the WHEELBARROW. The DELOREAN swoops down towards the PARTY, but it is now in the control of ARTHUR, who picks everyone up. They drop RANDY back at his VILLAGE and fly into the SPACETIME CONTINUUM.
JENNY receives a message from STEVE, who reveals that the DEMONS he was with had stolen his powers. She tells the UNBELIEVABLY COOL PILOT to set a course for HELL, then gets a DOUBLE SWORD and practices with it. The landing awakens the REST OF THE PARTY, and JENNY gives them ABSURD WEAPONS and runs off without explaining anything. JENNY kills a lot of DEMONS, but several fall into a LAVA PIT and become HUGE and POWERFUL. The rest of the PARTY joins in, and they kill the GIANT DEMONS. After using the GIANT CORPSES as BRIDGES, the PARTY reaches the PUNISHMENT ROOM. At the FAR END, STEVE is shackled to a BOX as DIABOLUS and his one-eyed LIEUTENANT look on. The PARTY rushes toward DIABOLUS, but are stopped by a DEMON who was manning a TORTURE STATION. DIABOLUS reaches into STEVE’s BRAIN, and GEORGE holds the DEMON off while the rest of the PARTY goes for DIABOLUS. The PARTY is blocked by the LIEUTENANT, as DIABOLUS extracts a memory of STEVE’s NATIVE WORLD and decides to destroy it. TIM runs at the MEMORY, but is stopped easily by the STEVE-POWERED LIEUTENANT. As DIABOLUS and the LIEUTENANT flee, a DEMON COLONEL enters and orders the DEMONS to all attack GEORGE. TIM chases after the LIEUTENANT and DIABOLUS, while the rest of the PARTY fights the DEMONS. DIABOLUS leaves the LIEUTENANT behind to fight TIM, who commences ROUND 1.5 by charging at the LIEUTENANT. The LIEUTENANT bends forward to gore TIM on his horns, but TIM jumps over them and stabs the LIEUTENANT in the back. The LIEUTENANT whips around and slashes at TIM, who only gets a MINOR CUT but is possessed by the DEMONIC ENERGY on the BLADE. TIM fights for his mind, and as the LIEUTENANT is about to kill him, BOB headshots the LIEUTENANT with an ENERGY BEAM. TIM is surprised and accidentally gives in to the POSSESSION, which attacks BOB. JENNY, who was finishing the DEMONS, causes one to break the CEILING, and food from the larder rains down. She brings a HOT DOG to show BOB and TIM. TIM’s possession is forced out by HOTDOGCRAVING. BOB destroys the POSSESSION, TIM eats the HOT DOG, and then they run to the DELOREAN, which FRED and GEORGE are fixing up.
The PARTY flies to the DESERT WORLD where DIABOLUS was going, only to be greeted by a huge BULL DEMON. The DELOREAN shoots it to little effect, and tries PUNCHING THROUGH ITS HEAD at SUPERSONIC SPEED, which is significantly more effective. The trick behind ENERGY BEAMS is revealed to be HARNESSING AURIC ENERGY, and TIM asks to learn the TECHNIQUE. To LOOT the dead BULL DEMON, the PARTY rips off its HORN and some of its TEETH. FRED holds the TOOTH in two of his HANDS and BREAKDANCES. FRED falls into the SAND, and GEORGE finishes prying off the HORN. The HORN becomes a BATTERING RAM, and the TEETH become AMMUNITION for the CANNON. The DELOREAN chases DIABOLUS and hits him in the leg with a TOOTH. DIABOLUS retaliates with a flurry of CARROTS and TIM prepares his SPEED LAZOR BEAMS technique. He destroys DIABOLUS, returns to the DELOREAN, and fails to notice DIABOLUS regenerating. The DELOREAN enters the SPACETIME CONTINUUM, and promptly turns and leaves as BOB mentions witnessing DIABOLUS’ regeneration. HABBA’s crew, who had been shooting at the DELOREAN, misses, and HABBA sends HAL after it. GEORGE punches HAL out of the DELOREAN, causing him to land on a TEMPORAL WORM. DIABOLUS possesses the WORM and has it attack the DELOREAN, but GEORGE fires the CANNON and kills the WORM. HABBA diffuses into a secret room in the DELOREAN, as DIABOLUS regenerates the TEMPORAL WORM. HABBA gets lost and falls into the SPACETIME CONTINUUM, while DIABOLUS adds two heads to the TEMPORAL WORM. BOB kills the THREE-HEADED WORM with a WAVE BEAM, and DIABOLUS loses control of the WORM. The PARTY goes back to the DESERT WORLD to find DIABOLUS, who prepares a FIREBALL that promptly explodes in his face. Enraged, DIABOLUS uses an INFERNO BEAM that tears the DELOREAN apart, but that creates a portal to the DELOREAN POCKET of the SUBMATERIAL PLANE. DIABOLUS disappears into the DELOREAN POCKET, and as the PARTY decides to find a new TIMESHIP, a pair of BANDITS decides to attack them. Them, in this situation, is an unrelated group of rich people. The PARTY realizes that they’re in the PAST, and sneaks into the DELOREAN while the PAST PARTY fights WEIRDBEARD. They start driving and inadvertently cause a PARADOX.
The DESERT WORLD begins erupting in MAGMA, and the PAST PARTY holds onto PAST TIM as he runs up the sky. The PRESENT PARTY is freaking out, especially JENNY, who realizes that ARTHUR was still in the DESERT WORLD. She goes to the COCKPIT to tell the PILOT to drive to HABBA’s PALACE and rescue PAST ARTHUR, but the PILOT is still HAL, so JENNY kills him. This causes PRESENT HAL to pop out of EXISTENCE. PAST HAL’s corpse hits the EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN button, which shuts down the DELOREAN and calls the TIMECOPS. JENNY blurts out everything and gets sent to the OLD-FASHIONED POLICE BOAT, where the PAST PARTY is presently detained. The COP realizes that the JENNIES are the same person and arrests the remaining PARTY, except BOB, who was in the BATHROOM. FRED decides to replace his MISSING EYE with a GOLEM’s EYE and becomes a FRED GOLEM, which envelops itself in BOAT ARMOR. It kills the TIMECOP, then attacks the TIMS, who QUICKDUCK out of the way. The OTHER FRED asks for the other GOLEM’S EYE and becomes another FRED GOLEM. The GOLEMS fight, and the PRESENT FRED GOLEM wins, causing the PAST FRED GOLEM to turn into HEAVILY WOUNDED PAST FRED. A DOOMED FUTURE BOB appears and prepares a TEMPORAL REPLICOLLISION. He gives PRESENT BOB a CHANGIFYING PILL to prevent him from ceasing to exist when PAST BOB dies. The TEMPORAL REPLICOLLISION proves to be useless, and as the FRED GOLEM laughs at the futility, he knocks his GOLEM’S EYE out. PAST FRED falls into a WORLD. The PARTY decides to stop fucking around with TIME TRAVEL, except for the TIMS, who were elsewhere getting four extra versions of the PARTY. HABBA’S SHIP shows up and blows up the extra GEORGES, FREDS, BOBS, and JENNIES. FRED decides that everyone should get back to their rightful places, and the PRESENT PARTY heads to the DELOREAN.
The PARTY goes to HABBA’S PALACE, frees ARTHUR, and kills PAST HABBA. TIM takes HABBA’s hat. The PARTY leaves and encounters PRESENT HABBA, and TIM steals HABBA’s hat. HABBA takes two swords, and FRED takes four. HABBA partially disarms FRED, but GEORGE and JENNY take the swords, and GEORGE also takes TIM’s extra HAT. BOB and TIM fire a pair of AURIC ENERGY BEAMS and cause an AURIC OVERLOAD. HABBA escapes. Everyone enters the DELOREAN, only to find DIABOLUS and a FORMERLY GENERIC PIRATE with BANDAGED EYES and a CROWN. DIABOLUS explains his REVENGE-BASED PLOT and the DOUBT-KING shoots at TIM. TIM steals the DOUBT-KING’s GUN and shoots, but the DOUBT-KING removes his EYE-BANDAGES and creates SHIELDING. TIM wraps the DOUBT-KING’s face again, and FRED slices his head into five portions. The PARTY begins coordinating attacks to get DIABOLUS to move around, but DIABOLUS ends up hitting FRED with a FIRE BEAM. DIABOLUS turns the interior of the DELOREAN into a HELLISH, MAGMA-COVERED PLACE. HABBA snipes DIABOLUS from afar, and DIABOLUS dives into the MAGMA to empower himself. DIABOLUS shoots a FIREBALL at HABBA, who diffuses away. HABBA goes to steal the DELOREAN, only to discover that the INTERIOR can best be described as HELL IN A HANDBASKET. HABBA quickly leaves before DIABOLUS can attack him again. TIM starts running around DIABOLUS to freeze the magma into STONE and hold DIABOLUS in place. The rest of the PARTY follows TIM and begins ATTACKING, but DIABOLUS easily stops them. An ALTERNATE UNIVERSE STEVE randomly arrives and performs a DEUS EX MACHINA by flying through DIABOLUS’ SKULL. The DELOREAN returns to normal, as does DIABOLUS. DIABOLUS sprouts a wing (only one) and his ONE-WINGED ANGEL FORM promptly fails as GEORGE eats the WING. This causes GEORGE to float up to the CEILING and grow WINGS. TIM finishes DIABOLUS off by BISECTING his head.
GEORGE decides to eat DIABOLUS’ CORPSE, retracts his wings, and puts the CADAVER in the OVEN. GENERIC PIRATE #31 accidentally spreads ACID on his BREAD and dies. GEORGE takes DIABOLUS out of the OVEN and discovers that DIABOLUS has turned to STONE. Hungry, GEORGE makes COFFEE instead. The PARTY decides to go on VACATION, and visit a NUDE BEACH in ACAPULCO. They pay the ADMISSIONS FEE and get free CENSOR BARS. Then they have a RACE, which TIM wins, and a CANNONBALL CONTEST, which GEORGE wins. Everyone except the DEMON-EYED/ARMED/JAWED BANDITS and the UNBELIEVABLY COOL PILOT then shows up at the BEACH. GEORGE realizes that the WATER is spiked with POTENT HALLUCINOGENS, so everyone GETS OUT and puts on TOWELS. A GIANT NUDE CRAB, complete with CENSOR BAR, attacks the party. TIM and BOB both attack the CENSOR BAR, causing the GIANT NUDE CRAB to CRUMBLE and causing the INCREDIBLY ANNOYING COP to fall out. The COP accuses the PARTY of PUBLIC INDECENCY, and TIM points out numerous reasons why the accusation is INCORRECT. The COP turns around and checks the HANDBOOK to see if BACKTALKING AN OFFICER is a CRIME. He is promptly crushed in the CLAW of a real GIANT NUDE CRAB. The PARTY leaves before the GIANT NUDE CRAB bursts out of the SAND. The GIANT NUDE CRAB is lonely. The author then spends SEVERAL WEEKS writing this SEVEN-PAGE, 4640-WORD RECAP.
Tl;dr: The party goes places, kills things, and occasionally dances.
Originally Posted by Castodas
On their way to Tijuana, they are met up with some kind of Time Bounty Hunter who happens to be an alternative Arthur occuring from the world trying to fix itself from all the paradoxes.
Of course he is after the group, and he is quite formidable.
Next, the DELOREAN heads for TIJUANA.
Nobody on board knows that the DELOREAN is being tailed by a fearsome TIME BOUNTY HUNTER.
A fearsome TIME BOUNTY HUNTER named ARTHUR GARLAND.
Ropono Sugrum – revengeTemplar
someday, my vengeance WILL OCCUR
Iratus Rathor – escalatingRage
YOU.K NOW.W HAT.F UCK.A LL.OF YOUU
Typtic Kontai – telegramEditor
|I wish things would go back to the old ways STOP|
Ceruci Facere / eclecticTormentor
It-woud-be-delitful-to-caus-you-pain.
Mustel Squike / technologicalRat
looq, i don’t care that much about this ==>
??? ??? / ???
jUSt KeeP dYing and i’ll KeeP getting CaSh.
Floris Uvarum / naturalRemedy
PeoPle won’+ lis+en +o you, but Plan+s will.
Mortia Idormi / necroticElation
this is awesome
Plicea Maalin / eternalNumbers
(This + equation = going to take a + while to figure + out)
Undrae Pesiom / negativeTainted
Tell –e you’re –ot seriously that du-b.
Chembe Waspan / randomExperiments
/watch this, it’s gonna be awesome\~~~
Pugnos Occido / royalNeutralizer
I’11 be h0nest. I 0n1y want t0 ki11 y0u.
Astema Takrus / railroadRevival
##I just got#an idea##
Ameora Dangan / trickytemptress
S3riously what is your probl3m with bu<k3ts?
Kashaf Tinbas / topicalNickname
I’m NOt EVEn GOINg To PRETENd THAt WAs FUNNy.
Other Stuff:
SFelt: 12 SBSURB BUT DIFFFERENT: An ironically bad fanfic, in the manner that SBAHJ is ironically bad.
Ropono Sugrum – revengeTemplar
someday, my vengeance WILL OCCUR
Iratus Rathor – escalatingRage
YOU.K NOW.W HAT.F UCK.A LL.OF YOUU
Typtic Kontai – telegramEditor
|I wish things would go back to the old ways STOP|
Ceruci Facere / eclecticTormentor
It-woud-be-delitful-to-caus-you-pain.
Mustel Squike / technologicalRat
looq, i don’t care that much about this ==>
??? ??? / ???
jUSt KeeP dYing and i’ll KeeP getting CaSh.
Floris Uvarum / naturalRemedy
PeoPle won’+ lis+en +o you, but Plan+s will.
Mortia Idormi / necroticElation
this is awesome
Plicea Maalin / eternalNumbers
(This + equation = going to take a + while to figure + out)
Undrae Pesiom / negativeTainted
Tell –e you’re –ot seriously that du-b.
Chembe Waspan / randomExperiments
/watch this, it’s gonna be awesome\~~~
Pugnos Occido / royalNeutralizer
I’11 be h0nest. I 0n1y want t0 ki11 y0u.
Astema Takrus / railroadRevival
##I just got#an idea##
Ameora Dangan / trickytemptress
S3riously what is your probl3m with bu<k3ts?
Kashaf Tinbas / topicalNickname
I’m NOt EVEn GOINg To PRETENd THAt WAs FUNNy.
Other Stuff:
SFelt: 12 SBSURB BUT DIFFFERENT: An ironically bad fanfic, in the manner that SBAHJ is ironically bad.
Okay, before we do any more, let's sort this out:
SCIENCE = Space travel SCIENCE = Time travel SCIENCE = Interdimensional travel science = cybernetic battle mounts
Originally Posted by Spikeball
You don't want to know what SCIENCE! is.
Originally Posted by Mystify
Try science!!!
Originally Posted by Mystify
Originally Posted by Plagorath
If you do not know your weaknesses, what are you best at? What are your strengths?
Avoiding damage. Followed by dealing it.
You find this is very effective.
Originally Posted by Mystify
You stab the clone. In the future. Which is now. That is to say, the future you, or rather the present you, with you being the past you, stabs the copy of you now, which is you future. The other you stabs the other other you, with your, or rather his, shadow chi.
Whatever mismatch of pronouns and tenses you want to use, the clone is stabbed.
Ropono Sugrum – revengeTemplar
someday, my vengeance WILL OCCUR
Iratus Rathor – escalatingRage
YOU.K NOW.W HAT.F UCK.A LL.OF YOUU
Typtic Kontai – telegramEditor
|I wish things would go back to the old ways STOP|
Ceruci Facere / eclecticTormentor
It-woud-be-delitful-to-caus-you-pain.
Mustel Squike / technologicalRat
looq, i don’t care that much about this ==>
??? ??? / ???
jUSt KeeP dYing and i’ll KeeP getting CaSh.
Floris Uvarum / naturalRemedy
PeoPle won’+ lis+en +o you, but Plan+s will.
Mortia Idormi / necroticElation
this is awesome
Plicea Maalin / eternalNumbers
(This + equation = going to take a + while to figure + out)
Undrae Pesiom / negativeTainted
Tell –e you’re –ot seriously that du-b.
Chembe Waspan / randomExperiments
/watch this, it’s gonna be awesome\~~~
Pugnos Occido / royalNeutralizer
I’11 be h0nest. I 0n1y want t0 ki11 y0u.
Astema Takrus / railroadRevival
##I just got#an idea##
Ameora Dangan / trickytemptress
S3riously what is your probl3m with bu<k3ts?
Kashaf Tinbas / topicalNickname
I’m NOt EVEn GOINg To PRETENd THAt WAs FUNNy.
Other Stuff:
SFelt: 12 SBSURB BUT DIFFFERENT: An ironically bad fanfic, in the manner that SBAHJ is ironically bad.
Enemies of the party(habba, pirates, etc): drop in unexpectedly.
Steve & Squeaky: find yourselves surrounded. Commence brawl.
George: start taking bets.
Enemies of the party(habba, pirates, etc): drop in unexpectedly. Steve & Squeaky: find yourselves surrounded. Commence brawl. George: start taking bets.
seconding bolded parts. The unbolded parts are also fine.
Originally Posted by JokingJames2
Okay, before we do any more, let's sort this out:
SCIENCE = Space travel SCIENCE = Time travel SCIENCE = Interdimensional travel science = cybernetic battle mounts
Originally Posted by Spikeball
You don't want to know what SCIENCE! is.
Originally Posted by Mystify
Try science!!!
Originally Posted by Mystify
Originally Posted by Plagorath
If you do not know your weaknesses, what are you best at? What are your strengths?
Avoiding damage. Followed by dealing it.
You find this is very effective.
Originally Posted by Mystify
You stab the clone. In the future. Which is now. That is to say, the future you, or rather the present you, with you being the past you, stabs the copy of you now, which is you future. The other you stabs the other other you, with your, or rather his, shadow chi.
Whatever mismatch of pronouns and tenses you want to use, the clone is stabbed.
Ropono Sugrum – revengeTemplar
someday, my vengeance WILL OCCUR
Iratus Rathor – escalatingRage
YOU.K NOW.W HAT.F UCK.A LL.OF YOUU
Typtic Kontai – telegramEditor
|I wish things would go back to the old ways STOP|
Ceruci Facere / eclecticTormentor
It-woud-be-delitful-to-caus-you-pain.
Mustel Squike / technologicalRat
looq, i don’t care that much about this ==>
??? ??? / ???
jUSt KeeP dYing and i’ll KeeP getting CaSh.
Floris Uvarum / naturalRemedy
PeoPle won’+ lis+en +o you, but Plan+s will.
Mortia Idormi / necroticElation
this is awesome
Plicea Maalin / eternalNumbers
(This + equation = going to take a + while to figure + out)
Undrae Pesiom / negativeTainted
Tell –e you’re –ot seriously that du-b.
Chembe Waspan / randomExperiments
/watch this, it’s gonna be awesome\~~~
Pugnos Occido / royalNeutralizer
I’11 be h0nest. I 0n1y want t0 ki11 y0u.
Astema Takrus / railroadRevival
##I just got#an idea##
Ameora Dangan / trickytemptress
S3riously what is your probl3m with bu<k3ts?
Kashaf Tinbas / topicalNickname
I’m NOt EVEn GOINg To PRETENd THAt WAs FUNNy.
Other Stuff:
SFelt: 12 SBSURB BUT DIFFFERENT: An ironically bad fanfic, in the manner that SBAHJ is ironically bad.
One preson bet on FLYING RABBIT and ATHLETIC RAT, Rest bet on GIANT NUDE CRAB.
Originally Posted by JokingJames2
Okay, before we do any more, let's sort this out:
SCIENCE = Space travel SCIENCE = Time travel SCIENCE = Interdimensional travel science = cybernetic battle mounts
Originally Posted by Spikeball
You don't want to know what SCIENCE! is.
Originally Posted by Mystify
Try science!!!
Originally Posted by Mystify
Originally Posted by Plagorath
If you do not know your weaknesses, what are you best at? What are your strengths?
Avoiding damage. Followed by dealing it.
You find this is very effective.
Originally Posted by Mystify
You stab the clone. In the future. Which is now. That is to say, the future you, or rather the present you, with you being the past you, stabs the copy of you now, which is you future. The other you stabs the other other you, with your, or rather his, shadow chi.
Whatever mismatch of pronouns and tenses you want to use, the clone is stabbed.
Habba: then watch fight.
Habba: leave after fight, collect winnings if there are any.
Party: wonder why Habba did not attack.
Originally Posted by JokingJames2
Okay, before we do any more, let's sort this out:
SCIENCE = Space travel SCIENCE = Time travel SCIENCE = Interdimensional travel science = cybernetic battle mounts
Originally Posted by Spikeball
You don't want to know what SCIENCE! is.
Originally Posted by Mystify
Try science!!!
Originally Posted by Mystify
Originally Posted by Plagorath
If you do not know your weaknesses, what are you best at? What are your strengths?
Avoiding damage. Followed by dealing it.
You find this is very effective.
Originally Posted by Mystify
You stab the clone. In the future. Which is now. That is to say, the future you, or rather the present you, with you being the past you, stabs the copy of you now, which is you future. The other you stabs the other other you, with your, or rather his, shadow chi.
Whatever mismatch of pronouns and tenses you want to use, the clone is stabbed.
Ropono Sugrum – revengeTemplar
someday, my vengeance WILL OCCUR
Iratus Rathor – escalatingRage
YOU.K NOW.W HAT.F UCK.A LL.OF YOUU
Typtic Kontai – telegramEditor
|I wish things would go back to the old ways STOP|
Ceruci Facere / eclecticTormentor
It-woud-be-delitful-to-caus-you-pain.
Mustel Squike / technologicalRat
looq, i don’t care that much about this ==>
??? ??? / ???
jUSt KeeP dYing and i’ll KeeP getting CaSh.
Floris Uvarum / naturalRemedy
PeoPle won’+ lis+en +o you, but Plan+s will.
Mortia Idormi / necroticElation
this is awesome
Plicea Maalin / eternalNumbers
(This + equation = going to take a + while to figure + out)
Undrae Pesiom / negativeTainted
Tell –e you’re –ot seriously that du-b.
Chembe Waspan / randomExperiments
/watch this, it’s gonna be awesome\~~~
Pugnos Occido / royalNeutralizer
I’11 be h0nest. I 0n1y want t0 ki11 y0u.
Astema Takrus / railroadRevival
##I just got#an idea##
Ameora Dangan / trickytemptress
S3riously what is your probl3m with bu<k3ts?
Kashaf Tinbas / topicalNickname
I’m NOt EVEn GOINg To PRETENd THAt WAs FUNNy.
Other Stuff:
SFelt: 12 SBSURB BUT DIFFFERENT: An ironically bad fanfic, in the manner that SBAHJ is ironically bad.
Okay, before we do any more, let's sort this out:
SCIENCE = Space travel SCIENCE = Time travel SCIENCE = Interdimensional travel science = cybernetic battle mounts
Originally Posted by Spikeball
You don't want to know what SCIENCE! is.
Originally Posted by Mystify
Try science!!!
Originally Posted by Mystify
Originally Posted by Plagorath
If you do not know your weaknesses, what are you best at? What are your strengths?
Avoiding damage. Followed by dealing it.
You find this is very effective.
Originally Posted by Mystify
You stab the clone. In the future. Which is now. That is to say, the future you, or rather the present you, with you being the past you, stabs the copy of you now, which is you future. The other you stabs the other other you, with your, or rather his, shadow chi.
Whatever mismatch of pronouns and tenses you want to use, the clone is stabbed.
Ropono Sugrum – revengeTemplar
someday, my vengeance WILL OCCUR
Iratus Rathor – escalatingRage
YOU.K NOW.W HAT.F UCK.A LL.OF YOUU
Typtic Kontai – telegramEditor
|I wish things would go back to the old ways STOP|
Ceruci Facere / eclecticTormentor
It-woud-be-delitful-to-caus-you-pain.
Mustel Squike / technologicalRat
looq, i don’t care that much about this ==>
??? ??? / ???
jUSt KeeP dYing and i’ll KeeP getting CaSh.
Floris Uvarum / naturalRemedy
PeoPle won’+ lis+en +o you, but Plan+s will.
Mortia Idormi / necroticElation
this is awesome
Plicea Maalin / eternalNumbers
(This + equation = going to take a + while to figure + out)
Undrae Pesiom / negativeTainted
Tell –e you’re –ot seriously that du-b.
Chembe Waspan / randomExperiments
/watch this, it’s gonna be awesome\~~~
Pugnos Occido / royalNeutralizer
I’11 be h0nest. I 0n1y want t0 ki11 y0u.
Astema Takrus / railroadRevival
##I just got#an idea##
Ameora Dangan / trickytemptress
S3riously what is your probl3m with bu<k3ts?
Kashaf Tinbas / topicalNickname
I’m NOt EVEn GOINg To PRETENd THAt WAs FUNNy.
Other Stuff:
SFelt: 12 SBSURB BUT DIFFFERENT: An ironically bad fanfic, in the manner that SBAHJ is ironically bad.
Originally Posted by nupanick
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