The Grand Bachelorette! (Pilot Episode) (Pre-Round 1)

[SonicLover]

A new revolution in Grand Battle technology, it's The Grand Bachelorette! Five contestants compete over the girl of their dreams! Every round, the girl chooses the boy she was the least pleased with and sends him home, and the last one standing wins!

PLAYER LIST
Slot 1: Crysalis by Draykon (profile)
Slot 2: Cupid by Ixcalibur (profile)
Slot 3: John Sexlington by g0m (profile)
Slot 4: The Sunset by Archduke_Ferdinand (profile) (intro)
Slot 5: Aaron and Ryan by Alice and Lollipop&Rainbows (profile) (intro)

RULES FOR APPLICATION

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Applying's really easy. All you have to do is write up your character's profile following the template below and post it here. Just try to avoid copyright infringement and overpoweredness. Originality is encouraged, but be prepared to explain yourself if you're too obscure.

You will also be required to write a few paragraphs detailing your character's arrival at the contest site (all transportation is paid for by the contest organizers), just so I can see what your writing style is like. If you've got a good character, you're in. Otherwise, I'll tell you what you did wrong and give you another chance. But once the slots are full, they're full.

HOW THE GAME WORKS

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Just like the Grand Battle series, Bachelorette is all about collaborative writing and roleplaying. The participants all write about their actions, focusing on their own characters' actions but mentioning the behavior of their companions as well. Yours truly will be doing the same thing, and will be playing the girl.

Also just like the Grand Battle series, each round will take place in a different setting for a specific length of time. The estimated average length per round is five or six pages of posts, under default viewing settings. (I forget how many pages are to a post.) Your character's goal is to get on the girl's good side and/or get everyone else on her bad side.

There is no posting order; you can post in whatever order you please, as long as you're fair to other participants. It's a free-for-all. It is, however, permitted to "reserve" posts so you can take your time writing your response, but reservations have two-hour deadlines. Also, be dedicated; The Grand Battle had several dropouts due to lack of posting interest!

You will be judged first and foremost by your writing style. The better a writer you are, the more likely you are to survive to the next round and the round after that. So play fair and don't god-mode, but remember that it's not only permitted but encouraged to talk about what other characters are doing as well. Grand Battle veterans will know what I'm talking about.

There will be brief interludes between rounds where your characters can roleplay for fun, without being judged.

CHARACTER PROFILE TEMPLATE

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Name: Your character's name. Duh.
Age: How old your character is.
Gender: The girl's not homosexual, so this'll have to be male. Useless, but here for completeness's sake.
Race: What species your character is. The girl is flexible in this area.
Text color: The text/background color you're going to be making your posts in. Use something readable, but different from everyone else's. The only reserved color combination is the default black-on-transparent; I'll be using that.
Equipment: Any particular equipment your character has on you.
Skills: Any skills your character has that may or may not be of assistance in capturing the girl's heart.
Weaknesses: Nobody's perfect. In what areas does your character need work?
Appearance: What your character looks like. Pictoral references optional.
Personality: How your character generally behaves. Thoroughness encouraged.
Biography: Your character's backstory.

THE GIRL

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Name: Shirley Blackwing
Age: Just turning 21
Gender: Female
Race: Anthropomorphic fruit bat
Text color: Black text, transparent background
Equipment: Shirley carries a one-handed stainless-steel katana she calls Silverbolt. She never uses it for actual combat unless she's forced to, but practices all the time and likes to use it for intimidation. When it's not out, she keeps it in a sheath at her left hip. The sheath has her name monogrammed on it
Skills:
• Flight, obviously. As a fruit bat, Shirley can take to the skies and fly almost indefinitely, but can't go into the stratosphere or she'll get a dizzy head. Can also magically dismiss her wings into normal arms when necessary.
• A master at swordplay, particularly with Silverbolt.
• Immune to hypnosis and mind control.
Weaknesses:
• Lactose-intolerant and allergic to flower pollen. Trying to win over her with flowers and chocolate would probably be counter-productive.
• Cannot swim. She panics the instant she touches the water.
Appearance:
• Shirley's main body color is solid black. She has green eyes and brown, straight hair which reaches down to just below her shoulders. Her wings are black, too.
• She is tall and slim, and has large and pointy ears. Her breasts are of average size, and she has a tuft of fur on her chest. Her feet are similar to a hawk's talons, and can grasp and tear just as easily.
• She wears a white T-shirt with the Grand Battle logo on it, as well as a slightly short pair of blue jeans. She does not wear anything over her feet.
• When her wings are out, she lacks functional hands, as her "fingers" are elongated like a real bat's to provide support and control for her wings. Her full wingspan is about twice her height. When she dismisses her wings, she has normal hands, albeit with sharp clawed fingers.
Personality:
• Shirley is remarkably unspoiled for someone of her heritage. She's very responsible and always gets her chores done. She does rely a little too much on her servants, though.
• She hates violence. While she'll never willingly enter combat unless it's absolutely necessary, she does like throwing out the occasional intimidating threat.
• She enjoys all varieties of exercise. She only began using Silverbolt for personal recreation, in fact. She likes getting out as much as she likes staying in.
• Regarding the opposite sex, Shirley is hard to please. She looks for an even balance of smarts and skills in her boys. And she absolutely hates gimmicky pick-up lines.
Biography:
• Shirley was born and grew up surrounded by money, as her father was a multimillionaire entrepreneur who earned his fortune off the famous Grand Battle series of tournaments. Her father cared greatly about her character and took as much care as she could not to spoil her.
• The years passed. Although Shirley was an heiress of such magnitude, she tried to live as normal a life as possible. She got into the best schools and made various friends, and generally had an okay life.
• However, one thing she never had was a boyfriend. That's not to say there weren't any applicants, but most of them cared more about her money than her, which really turned her off. The rest she found other various flaws in. At age 21, she was still living with her father, and still lacked a boyfriend.
• To see what happened then, see "Introduction" below...

INTRODUCTION

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"...All I'm saying, Shirley, is that you can't remain single your entire life. Now that you're 21, you should take things a bit more seriously."

Shirley Blackwing let out a sigh as she listened to her father. Today was her 21st birthday, and her normally caring father was somewhat distraught that his daughter had yet to choose a boyfriend. The two of them were conversing in the foyer of the Blackwing mansion, an interesting place that sat on a secluded island.

"But nobody's interested in me! Boys are all alike! All they care about is getting money!"

"Now, now, you know that's not true. There are lots of people out there who would think you're much more than a moneybag with breasts. Why don't consider marrying one of the Grand Battle champions?"

Shirley sighed as she glanced down at her T-shirt. The Grand Battle was a fierce regular tournament renowned throughout the universe, where participants engaged in melee combat to become number one.

"Father, you know how I feel about violence! And those brutes are all brawn and no brains! Why should I spend the rest of my life with one of them?"

Normally she was the perfect child, but there were times when Shirley just couldn't keep her mouth shut. Her father sighed and shook his head.

"Well, you don't leave me with a lot of options... but I've got an idea."

Shirley looked up. She wasn't sure she liked the sound of this, but her father always wanted the best for her.

"I've decided to arrange a special tournament just for you, in the style of the Grand Battle. The object will not be violence. It will be all about doing everything possible to please you."

"Go on," Shirley muttered cautiously.

"I've already chosen five eligible males I think will make good soulmates for you. I will send them invitations by various means, and tell them to come meet here at the Blackwing mansion. From there we'll get to know each other, then the tournament may begin."

The batgirl perked up instantly.

"Oh, Father, that's an excellent idea! Send out the invitations right away! But what are you going to call it? It can't be a Grand Battle if there's no fighting involved..."

Shirley's father just chuckled.

"I've already thought of that. I shall call it... The Grand Bachelorette."

LEGAL TOMFOOLERY

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The Grand Battle and all related concepts © cyber95. Used without explicit permission. Nothing is claimed to be owned by anyone other than their rightful owners.
This topic is in no way inspired by any similarly named TV series that SonicLover was unaware of prior to pitching this idea.
This topic has not received any prior approval, nor any explicit opinion whatsoever, from cyber95.

[MalkyTop]

Oh my god why am I so interested in this.

[bobthepen]

Okay this seems like a great idea, but I have too much to do right now to join. I will be cheering on from afar.

Edit: Wait why is she a fruit bat?

Edit Edit: Oh.

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marginally less interested now.

[Draykon]

So... she's the Director's daughter? Confusing x.x

I probably won't join, though I may follow along.

[SonicLover]

So... she's the Director's daughter? Confusing x.x

I probably won't join, though I may follow along.

Universal canon is not guaranteed.

Anyone entering?

[Archduke_Ferdinand]

Name: The Sunset

Age: 400,000

Gender: Celestial Entity

Race: Balancer

Text color: THE SUNSET TALKS LIKE THIS

Equipment: NIGHTMARE A MASSIVE SNIPER RIFLE BUILT INTO HIS ARM

Skills: CAN REND THE FABRIC OF REALITY IN TWAIN; LIVE FOR A VERY LONG TIME

Weaknesses: WILL DIE ONE DAY AND ALSO IS REALLY HORRIFYING

Appearance, Copypasted from GBII:
A junked up, utilitarian suit of power armor with no actual living creature inhabiting it. Two gaping eyeholes fill the head, and coils and wires of various hue and fashion link together plate and steel. Through the suit's hydraulics pump a sickly purple-rust fluid, glowing and bursting with electrical fury. The suit itself looks like a junkyard mech, worn down from years of brawling, but those coils burst and pulse with something very much alive. A few smooth, perfectly kept guns adorn the arms, showing what the being had managed to keep in good condition over the years. The center of the beast was a gleaming, shining core, alight with buttons and switches that seem very out of place given the rest of the armor's state. A constant whirring of purple bursts from the device, as a gauge monitors the levels of something only the being is sure of. Occasionally a ghastly vent bursts blackish-mauve smoke, and a small meter on the centerpiece moves invisibly farther down a limited line. Beat up and battered was this entity, but something about it suggested that more held together the rust colored plates of metal than one would imagine.

Personality: IN MANNERS BENEFITING THE UNIVERSAL BALANCE. NO ENTITY MAY GAIN TOO MUCH POWER.

Biography, Also Copypasted: The Sunset fulfilled a role that was fairly unique in its world. Never before had the position been necessary, but slowly beings were beginning to accumulate power, enough that they were almost threatening to rise to the level of Balancers and other entities of great strength themselves. Such an occasion would result in a terrible overthrowing of order, and so a Balancer was wrought to deal with such things before they became out of hand. Fluid, strong, and almost terribly competent, The Sunset carried out its duty for several centuries before its inner light began to flicker and the time came for its replacement in the 'Parliament', the reigning group of Balancers. It was cast out on his own, and was very unprepared for the event. But it was true that every day its own body was decaying, as its illustrious career had given its form untold amounts of stress. It was deeply and sickly aware that it needed a way to repair itself, and quickly. Over the course of a few years, through mercenary work and pension checks, it managed to accumulate the funding to purchase a device that would, paired with a suit of armor, allow it to be bound to the suit and perpetuate itself. The price of a few more centuries was never again flowing freely, but in the end, The Sunset thought that a slow death, even one that required it to be 'motionless', was better than going out in the blink of an eye.

[MyifanW]

...
So...
You'll basically be playing the girl in a 6 way cyberforeplay?

[SonicLover]

Name: The Sunset

Age: 400,000

Gender: Celestial Entity

Race: Balancer

Text color: THE SUNSET TALKS LIKE THIS

Equipment: NIGHTMARE A MASSIVE SNIPER RIFLE BUILT INTO HIS ARM

Skills: CAN REND THE FABRIC OF REALITY IN TWAIN; LIVE FOR A VERY LONG TIME

Weaknesses: WILL DIE ONE DAY AND ALSO IS REALLY HORRIFYING

Appearance, Copypasted from GBII:
A junked up, utilitarian suit of power armor with no actual living creature inhabiting it. Two gaping eyeholes fill the head, and coils and wires of various hue and fashion link together plate and steel. Through the suit's hydraulics pump a sickly purple-rust fluid, glowing and bursting with electrical fury. The suit itself looks like a junkyard mech, worn down from years of brawling, but those coils burst and pulse with something very much alive. A few smooth, perfectly kept guns adorn the arms, showing what the being had managed to keep in good condition over the years. The center of the beast was a gleaming, shining core, alight with buttons and switches that seem very out of place given the rest of the armor's state. A constant whirring of purple bursts from the device, as a gauge monitors the levels of something only the being is sure of. Occasionally a ghastly vent bursts blackish-mauve smoke, and a small meter on the centerpiece moves invisibly farther down a limited line. Beat up and battered was this entity, but something about it suggested that more held together the rust colored plates of metal than one would imagine.

Personality: IN MANNERS BENEFITING THE UNIVERSAL BALANCE. NO ENTITY MAY GAIN TOO MUCH POWER.

Biography, Also Copypasted: The Sunset fulfilled a role that was fairly unique in its world. Never before had the position been necessary, but slowly beings were beginning to accumulate power, enough that they were almost threatening to rise to the level of Balancers and other entities of great strength themselves. Such an occasion would result in a terrible overthrowing of order, and so a Balancer was wrought to deal with such things before they became out of hand. Fluid, strong, and almost terribly competent, The Sunset carried out its duty for several centuries before its inner light began to flicker and the time came for its replacement in the 'Parliament', the reigning group of Balancers. It was cast out on his own, and was very unprepared for the event. But it was true that every day its own body was decaying, as its illustrious career had given its form untold amounts of stress. It was deeply and sickly aware that it needed a way to repair itself, and quickly. Over the course of a few years, through mercenary work and pension checks, it managed to accumulate the funding to purchase a device that would, paired with a suit of armor, allow it to be bound to the suit and perpetuate itself. The price of a few more centuries was never again flowing freely, but in the end, The Sunset thought that a slow death, even one that required it to be 'motionless', was better than going out in the blink of an eye.

I'm not convinced you read the rules thoroughly. One: I'm not 100% confident Shirley would fall for a living suit of armor. And two:

You will also be required to write a few paragraphs detailing your character's arrival at the contest site (all transportation is paid for by the contest organizers), just so I can see what your writing style is like.

...you don't seem to have done that.

...
So...
You'll basically be playing the girl in a 6 way cyberforeplay?

I think you're oversimplifying.

[Draykon]

The fun of the Grand Battles is the interaction between such a rich variety of characters. It kinda hurts that if Shirley's so picky.

The Sunset is so manly

[Archduke_Ferdinand]

THE SUNSET APPEARS IN A MASSIVE GROUND ZERO AT THE LOCATION WHERE WE FIGHT FOR THE WOMAN'S HEART BECAUSE HE CAN BURROW THROUGH THE UNIVERSE LIKE A KNIFE BURROWS THROUGH A BUTTERSTICK. THERE IS REQUIRED NO MORE EXPLANATION OF THIS HE FIRES NIGHTMARE AND A HOLE IN REALITY IS FORCED.

THE NICE LADY WILL FIND THE SUNSET A GOOD MASCULINE SOURCE. HE CAN PROTECT AND THINGS.

ALSO HE HAS LOTS OF LIFE EXPERIENCE.

IT IS A GOOD B PLOT: IS THERE STILL AN OUNCE OF ANTHROPOMORPHIC GAME CHARACTER BAT LEFT IN THE SUNSET'S HEART OR HAS IT ALL BURNED AWAY AND WILL SHE SEE AND LOVE WHAT IS LEFT

[Sruixan]

I can't help but think that this was a SLAGIATT moment, and thusly its application to the real world is going to be met with some possible... um...

...nevermind. Archduke's post is basically the best way of saying what it was I was going to say...

[bobthepen]

Archduke, I am now interested in this again.

[Aryogaton]

Mr. Cupris might've been a good candidate for this.

[SonicLover]

THE SUNSET APPEARS IN A MASSIVE GROUND ZERO AT THE LOCATION WHERE WE FIGHT FOR THE WOMAN'S HEART BECAUSE HE CAN BURROW THROUGH THE UNIVERSE LIKE A KNIFE BURROWS THROUGH A BUTTERSTICK. THERE IS REQUIRED NO MORE EXPLANATION OF THIS HE FIRES NIGHTMARE AND A HOLE IN REALITY IS FORCED.

THE NICE LADY WILL FIND THE SUNSET A GOOD MASCULINE SOURCE. HE CAN PROTECT AND THINGS.

ALSO HE HAS LOTS OF LIFE EXPERIENCE.

IT IS A GOOD B PLOT: IS THERE STILL AN OUNCE OF ANTHROPOMORPHIC GAME CHARACTER BAT LEFT IN THE SUNSET'S HEART OR HAS IT ALL BURNED AWAY AND WILL SHE SEE AND LOVE WHAT IS LEFT

Ouch, my ears... >_<

I can't decide whether to accept you or not.

[Lord Paradise]

Okay okay RESERVED.

Name: Raseac
Age: 23
Gender: Changes at will
Race: Some sort of sexy lizardy thing
Text Color: Probably green, because lizards
Equipment:
Overalls
Laser slingshot w/pellets
Complete works of Shakespeare
Laurel Wreath (he often wakes up wearing it upon his head)
Pocket Watch that doubles as a locket with a picture of her mother
Panflute
Largeish comb
Picnic basket in which to hold all these things
Skills:
Gender Switch
Ice Breath
All the powers of a lizard
Weaknesses: Cold blood (can heat up body by releasing the cold through Ice Breath, which is kinda sorta how heat works)
Gender switch (if she gets caught)
Looks like a lizard, which is a natural enemy of bats, maybe?
Appearance: Like a lizard, only standing up, with a handlebar mustache and no other body hair. 'Kay? ALSO HAS A TOOTH STICKING OUT OF HIS HEAD, THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER, STAY TUNED
Personality: Shakespeare enthusiast. Need I say more? Answer: no.
Biography: I made him up right now. Raseac's was born in a town full of LIZARDS. Then she hit puberty and grew a MUSTACHE. Then he studied Shakespeare for several years. Is not secretly Julius Cesar in secret disguise, at all. Joined this thing.

Roleplaying sample: Later

[Draykon]

I suppose this could be interesting if we all agree to make it as ridiculous as possible.

Name: Crysalis
Age: Been alive for 25 years, age is physically frozen at 12.
Gender: Male
Race: Magician Youkai. Similar to human, however all biological functions have been replaced with magical reactors. This magic is then used to keep their body functioning, as well as provide power for the AMID. (See below)
Text color: Nyan~
Equipment: Like all Magician Youkai, carries an AMID- Automated Magical Interface Device- which contains within it a wide variety of spells. It appears as an armband, which cannot be removed from his arm without cutting it off.
Skills: As he was a soldier for the Seekers of the Velvet Mana's army, very adept at crossdressing. Also some crazy magic shit or something I dunno. >_>
(Note that the "load preset: SUPER ATTACK NAME!" thing was in fact an interface designed by Amethyst back when she wanted to be a magical girl. Crysalis just casts spells by willing them)
Weaknesses: Mentally 'broken.' He was chosen at birth to become a soldier, and so very poor social skills. Has trouble grasping the concept of 'pants.'
Appearance: Cute shotaro boy. Long black hair, and an ornate white-and-red robe. Very easily mistaken for a cute lolita girl.
Personality: How your character generally behaves. Thoroughness encouraged.
Biography: The Seekers of the Velvet Mana were a race that--- screw it, Link: viewtopic.php?p=435777#p435777
A series of crazy events I may write into some other unwitting collab later ultimately led to the fall of the Velvetian and Azurian empires. The result was a whole bunch of Youkai and Vulcanbets with no clue what to do with their lives. Interdimensional meddler Drake Eon decided it'd be freaking hilarious if he set up one of those Youkai on a date. But searching around the multiverse, he found this competition, which he reasoned would be even more freaking hilarious. So he casually yanked a random one out of the chaos, gave him a few dating tips (Though Drake's own experience with girls was limited to a few mediocre dating sims, so this advice probably sucked) and dropped him off.

No matter what exploits in reality you find, or quantum improbably you exploit, there are some situations where conventional magic just gets the job done best.
And even still, there are some situations where a four-dimensional drill works even better.

Drake casually stepped out of his vehicle- which looked like a giant sphere to the naked eye, but in fact spiraled off along an axis most in the area couldn't see- as Crysalis fell flat on his face, extremely dizzy from the ride.

Drake took a casual glance at the man claiming to be the host of the Grand Battles, chuckled to himself, and spoke all at once.
"He looks like a little girl, but he's actually a 25 year old man. Go nuts. Send me a check for the prize money. Seeya!"
Before hopping back into his vehicle, and spinning off without giving anyone a chance to reply.

[Ixcalibur]

Name: Cupid
Age: A long time
Gender: Male
Race: Ex-God
Text color: Top right because pink was taken and this is easy to find.
Equipment: A perfectly normal bow, and some perfectly normal arrows. A rose.
Skills: No supernatural skills any more beyond immortality. Is a good shot with a bow and arrow.
Weaknesses: Is disillusioned with love. Is a complete slob. People tend to associate him with a flying baby that shoots arrows at people.

Appearance: He wears an overlarge brown fedora, has long straggly black hair, pink eyes (completely pink, not just the iris), a lot of facial hair (the amount you have when it's a bit more than stubble and a bit less than a beard). He wears a shirt and tie, though not neatly. He always looks scruffy. He wears torn denim jeans and battered shoes, with frayed laces.



In this not very good picture he is holding a rose in one hand and doffing his hat in the other. I don't know why he is doing this. This picture is not very good.

Personality: Cupid is a downcast kind of a character. He is pessimistic and inherently sarcastic. He wasn't always like this. When he was a God he was quite the opposite. Since nobody believes in him any more he has become disillusioned with the world and always expects the absolute worst out of people. He resents his own continued existence and especially hates Valentine's Day and the cartoon depictions of himself.

Biography: Cupid was the Roman God of Love. Then the Romans died out. Or moved on or something. Anyway belief in Cupid began to die out. For a few years he tried to move on and find himself new worshippers but nobody would take him seriously at that point. Eventually when people stopped believing in him altogether he became mostly human. All that remained from his time as a God was his piercing pink eyes and immortality. Since then he has tried his hand at most things; adventurer, private detective, novelist, highwayman, doctor, soldier, priest... He has been through most professions and found that none suit him. With the invention of television he found his true calling; sitting around watching TV and generally wasting his life. He has become a slob, it is not uncommon to find him drinking in the day and reading trashy magazines. It was only when Aphrodite (the greek ex-goddess of love, who he had a bit of a fling with back when she was in her prime) came to visit that she convinced him he couldn't let one incident so many years ago ruin his life, that while he would never be a god again he could still fall in love. He decided to go for it.

Roleplaying Sample:

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Cupid awoke to find himself snoozing on a private plane. It had been the business when it had picked him up from his home in Venice. Now it looked like any room in which Cupid has spent more than a couple of hours. The floor was littered with crisp packets, empty cigarette cartons and a bottle of whiskey, which was now empty but which Cupid couldn't remember finishing off. One sniff made it clear that most of it had soaked into the carpet. Well oops. Cupid was glad that this wasn't his carpet, though he wouldn't have minded the private plane. He could even fly it himself… Then again his pilot's license was probably out of date by now. And he was pretty sure that even if it hadn't been officially revoked he really wasn't supposed to fly any more. Anyway.

Cupid climbed to his feet, pausing momentarily to steady himself. He stumbled out of the room to the luxurious on board bathroom and did what came naturally. He stared at himself in the mirror. His hair was all over the place, but mostly covered up by his fedora, so that was fine. His eyes, well chicks love things that are pink and all that so they should work in his favour. His stubble was getting a bit long and he kind of wished that he had brought a razor, but never mind. This way he could test the water see if this girl liked beards and if so he was already in the running. All in all he thought he couldn't have looked much better. He was practically perfect; the kind of guy a girl would fall for in like a second. Totally. He smelt his breath. That was not pleasant. He quickly rinsed his mouth with water and was done. If she didn't like him now she was obviously gay. After all Cupid reasoned with himself, he was the god of love. If he doesn't know how to impress the ladies who does?

He made his way out of the bathroom and back through the cabin. It occurred to him that this plane was remarkably stationary, and so he made his way a little bit further to see the door open and waiting for him. He strolled out into the sunshine, finding himself on an open stretch of land, surrounded by tropical forest. In the immediate distance there was a large house. The Blackwing Mansion. Cupid shrugged and started towards the mansion.

[Alice]

Name: Aaron Smith, aka “The Bone Wolf” and Ryan Jones, aka “Obi-Wan KaBoney”

Age: 18 and 19, respectively

Gender: The BRO kind

Race: ALSO BRO

Text color: white on black

Equipment:
*Red Bull
*matching iPhones
*a crate of TROJAN MAGNUMS
*xBox
*ps3
* A MADDEN GAME FOR EVERY YEAR EVER
*Halo
*20 cans of Axe in a variety of scents
*A red convertible Ryan's dad bought them

Skills:
*headshots in any FPS game
*slam dunks
*ability to sag pants and have them not fall off
*animal magnetism
*CAN SPOT A CHICK AT 200 PACES
* Aaron: star of the Rugby team. Has mad rugby skills
*Ryan: star of the lacrosse team. Has mad rugby skills.
*Ryan: Also a life guard.

Weaknesses:
*Aaron: his bro, Jager Bombs, body shots, great white sharks, water
*Ryan: his bro, keg stands, running out of Red Solo cups, losing his bro

Appearance: see lollipopandrainbow's post

Personality :
Aaron: Aaron is a bro who is up for anything man. Anything, he isn't afraid. Unless you're like. A fucking shark. Then he'll probably just be all like "Uh yeah man, actually I'm gonna just go to the gym and work my triceps.."



But yeah, Aaron's not a coward most of the time, you know, like he's got balls up the wazoo. And! He loves to show off and just. Like. Fucking hyperbole everywhere. You don't even know. He's a got a soft side too, he guesses, otherwise he wouldn't be sure how he'd pick up so many chicks.... Other than his fuckawesome physique. And.. and.. Oh yeah!



Him and his bro, he just. Man. He can't help but have the beginnings of a manly tear when he thinks about all Ryan has done for him, of course it never shows because that would totally be unmanly. Most girls are surprised by just how much bromadery the two have, and at times, even Aaron is surprised. He can't even imagine a world without his bro, and he hope that he'll never have to.

Ryan: Ryan is a complex dude. I mean, he likes playing Halo, but he also likes his duties as the star of the lacrosse team. And on an even deeper plane, he loves checking out hot chicks.
But seriously, though he may have a perfectly tanned and ripped outside, on the inside, his deep manly bro love for his brah radiates, warming him and giving him the energy for all nighters and totally rad keggers.
He just can't be without his bro, and ever sense the incident, he gets deeply moved if his bro isn't there. Or maybe that's just the Taco Bell combo meal…no, wait, it's his love for his bro.

Ryan is the more sensitive one towards the ladies. He knows exactly what they want: to look at his hot bro body.
His life just wouldn't be the same without his bro. They are in this together forever. Fo' reals.

Biography: Long ago, when the Bros were just little bros, there were three instead of two. This third little bro was Marty "Marty Brahs" Mullberry, and the three of them were alright bros, you know, they hung around. Though nothing like the bond of bros held between The Bone Wolf and Obi-Wan Ka Boney today.



Five years ago, when Obi-Wan Ka Boney was just a padawan, there was an incident.


This incident caused Ryan to have his already deep sense of protectiveness for his bro Aaron DEEPEN EVEN MORE, and made Aaron become reduced to a little bitch in the presence of large marine animals and water.



Back in the day, on those totally rad sunny days. Days when the chicks would come out in their bikinis, they would hop on their mountain bikes and ride to the beach. Ryan was on lifeguard duty, doing it for the sweet payroll and hot chicks while Aaron and Marty were off surfing, showing off to the hot older women. But they went too far out in the water trying to impress those chicks, and they had a run in with a great white shark, which was totally uncool.



They tried to fight off the shark, bro fisting it in the nose even. But alas, it was not enough, as Marty was slain. Aaron only lived by a goat's hair, saved by Ryan who couldn't believe something could happen to his bros. He allowed one manly tear to escape his right eye, but was able to pass it off as the salt water, preserving his bad-enoughness.



Ever since, the two of them, Obi Wan KaBoney and The Bone Wolf, were closer than ever.



One dark day, Ryan got a girlfriend and he committed the most grievous of errors. He put his hoe before his bros. The bro became concerned as his bro started bailing on parties, not replying to texts right after he got them, even ditching the midnight release of Madden '05 to go on a date. She was Ryan's girlfriend, and they were 'in love', Aaron didn't approve. Hell, he didn't approve of anything that came between him and his brotime. But noooo, as their relationship went on, Ryan went less and less to parties, and spent more and more time with his girlfriend, cuddling... holding hands... Worst of all, he watched chickflicks with her. CHICKFLICKS. Yeah, and she didn't like Aaron much either. It was a mutual dislike.



One day, Ryan knew, just as his girlfriend and his bro knew, that he would have to choose.



Lose his best bro? Or keep up with a highschool relationship that had little chance of anything?



He never had a chance though, as one beach party, there was a shark in the water. A great white shark. And it ate her, and Ryan tried desperately to save her, and even Aaron, who fought his fear of water and marine predators to help his bro in need, because even if she was a bitch, she was Ryan's bitch and he loved her.

One day, as the two bros were cruising in Ryan's convertible, an ad on the radio came up. It spoke of some chick who really needed a banging. Ryan looked at his bro. Aaron looked at his bro. The bro's eyes met. Ryan grabbed the wheel, and they drove off into the sunset together, wearing their shades, knowing that whatever was to come, this would be the most totally sweet hella adventure ever.

[Lollipop&Rainbows]

Concept Art.


Alice's Character Ryan Jones

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My Character, Aaron Smith

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[g0m]

Name: John Sexlington
Age: SEX. SEXteen. N-nineteen.
Gender: Pure sexual manhoodness.
Race: All man, with a side helping of ANIMAL. I should clarify that that is not literal, and he is just a human male. Still, though. Sex.
Text color: A sexual gind of greenish. Plants turn John on. John likes having sex with girls.
Equipment: If you ask John, he'll say he needs nothing else but his red convertible that he hollowed out from a boulder that he found up on a mountain. If pressed further, he'll say it "fell off a truck", and will mumble something about a "sex bridge". Either way, he always drives with one hand on the steering wheel and one leaning out.
Skills: John has the skill of stubble. You could cut glass on that thing, dammit. John works as a millstone. Also: Sexual healing. Literally so. He also speaks French.
Weaknesses: John is not good with memory. He tends to do things, and then do some more things when those first things fail. He tends to flex too much, despite having average arms. He can also be stubborn and angry: Just try telling him that the American National Anthem is not the "National theme tune".
Appearance: Average height, but the top hat takes his height up a notch [in the bedpost]. He is quoted as saying "It's totally pimp", and "Bitches go wild for that shit". He then stared into space for thirty seconds- stared into space with beautiful pea-green eyes! One of his arms is green for a reason nobody is too sure of, and when quizzed on this, John merely raises and lowers his eyebrows while grunting. His hair is black, like some sort of sexual gorilla, but his stubble is a dark brown.
Personality: John doesn't take no shit from no-one. One time, I tried to give John shit, and he straight punched me through a waitress. He them kissed the waitress [Healing her completely] and pressed the button on his keyring that turned his can into a motorcycle. He rode off into the sunset, stopping only to TAKE NO SHIT. John's favorite TV show is House, because "Fuckin'... doctors, man."
Biography: John was raised by Lady Sexlington and Darrah Sexlington. On his fifth birthday, they left him in a field and told him "To prove yourself as a true man, you must survive the night here." When they came back, he was fully grown and surrounded by half-naked women serving him drinks. Then some things happened, possibly involving France. This was when John first learned how to shave, and also when he burned down his first barber, denouncing him as a "hellish destroyer of man parts". John travelled on, leaving a trail of sexually exhausted women and effeminate men behind him. Upon finding out about this contest, John left the room wordlessly, entered his car, drove into town, entered an opticians, bought a pair of sunglasses, left the opticians, realised his car was towed, walked to the impound lot, paid the fine, got into his car, drove back to where the person who told him about the contest was, put the sunglasses on the bridge of his nose, and pushed them up while screaming "HELL FUCKING YES!" EVERYONE AROUND HAD AN ORGASM.


THE ARRIVAL:
John stood there awkwardly for several seconds, looking around. It occured to him that possibly nobody else had even had an orgasm. Out of embarrassment for them, he pocketed his sunglasses and left the room in a manner that could be considered less than sexual. He made a conscious decision to not change his pants, because he was a real man and also lazy.
Once in his car, he realised that he didn't even need to take his car- transport was provided. John's eyes grew wide with bitter shock as he realised he might be missing out on riding in a "Fuck-ass semi" or "The Playboy mansion only with wings". This quickly passed, though, as John's car had been his best friend ever since they first met. While John would love to reminisce about all the times he totally boned chicks over the hood of his car, he knew that he had to concentrate on the road. Then he started thinking about women, and the boobs that connect to them.
WHAM! The first lamppost crumpled underneath John's mighty metallic onslaught. The second lamppost flew for at least a few hundred meters before smashing through the roof of the impalings ward at the local hospital. John, not noticing, decided to speed up, because at this time he was equating going faster in his car with having sexual intercourse, for a reason even he wasn't quite sure of. The third lamppost was sturdier, and merely bent. The sudden stop of the car, followed by its sudden rapid acceleration, reminded John of, well, you know. His hand instinctively squeezed on his keyring, and he was flung straight up into the air. His car transformed swiftly into a cherry red motorcycle. John fell onto the Motorcycle, along with a cloud of [Intensly manly] vomit. Snapped back to reality, but still temporarily shocked, John squeezed on the accelerator.
John ramped off the lamppost, much like a pro skateboarder on a rocket skateboard would ramp off a lamppost. John's mind was super fucking intense now- he was not thinking about past bones, he was only thinking about the bones to come. He was like two men strapped together, only much more hetrosexual. He was like a tiger, only instead of tiger-like qualities, sex with girls. Thinking about sex, as John so often did, caused him to become angry. The motorcycle flew still, which only enraged him further. If a passer by was to look up, they would have seen an angry, yet inexplicably attractive, young man with a green arm on a motorcycle showering them with vomit. Nobody was looking up, however, as all eyes were on the towering inferno occurring in the hospital.
Several minutes later [At least three], John had gotten over his anger and changed his pants, although he maintains to this day it was just because of "Star signs, n' fung chi n' shit". Upon landing, a crater decided to occur around him. Dusting himself off, John changed his vehicle back to a car. He reached out an arm, deftly catching his hat. He was the shit. He still is the shit. I, the narrator, think it's a good idea that you understand how awesome John is. He also has a big penis. Anyway, it turned out that the edge of the crater was also exactly where the entrance to the contest was. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, John rode in.

[Aryogaton]

Holy fuck!

This post is funny when placed in the wrong context.

[SonicLover]

Wow! So many reservations, so little time...

[g0m]

This shit is going to be intense as shit.

[Draykon]

G0m's character would make my character feel inadequate.

Except he's busy staring blankly into the sky mumbling something about "No God..."

[SonicLover]

Hm. When I made this topic I didn't think the entrants would be so... kooky.

My opinions on the characters so far:
Raseac: Very skimpy on the details. Be more thorough, please. Has potential, though.
Crysalis: Approved. I like it. I'll update the first post in a moment.
John S.: I'm sorry, I just can't take this entry seriously. And, obviously, neither are you.