The Grand Bachelorette! (Pilot Episode) (Pre-Round 1)

[Wojjan]

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Sex SEX SEX sex Sex sex sex sex Sex sex Sex Sex sex sex sexual intercourse sex sex

We aren't seeing nearly enough Sexlington.

[g0m]

John's thighs clenched involuntarily. Then he looked down, and saw... nothing? Normally he'd be having sex by now- sex with another person! This turn of events was pretty unprecedented. John turned to the bros, pointed a thumb in the direction Shirley [Frigid bitch] had left, and said "Pt-chuh!" He was pretty sure that meant "Women, amirite?" John had never really had to go there before. Also, he had a noticeable erection.

[TheBoyd]

..I don't think I should bump this but. I really liked this..

[Godbot]

This thread is a work of art.

[The Dr.]

Sexy art, apparently.

[Wojjan]

Where is that sunglasses apple when you need him.

[Godbot]

Where is that sunglasses apple when you need him.

You rang?

[g0m]

John was confused. It was as if time stopped... for everyone but him John decided to deal with this by sending hella telepathic signals to his twin brother Jack, whom he had just remembered existed. He did this by collapsing to the floor and vomiting a large amount of blood. Then he saw through his brother's eyes, apparently he was making out with an emo or some shit. JOHN DOESN'T EVEN CARE. He is standing up now. Everybody else is bonerfied.

[Godbot]

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yesssss

[Ixcalibur]

Cupid woke up from his overly long drunken unconsciousness to find that Shirley was sat up against one of the crates, watching him, looking bored out of her mind.
"Hey babe." He said, shakily trying to find his feet. "I love this house. It's like that M. C. Escher painting come to life. I can't wait to move in here when you come to your senses and bring a premature end to this competition." Shirley rolls her eyes. "Hey Shirles, do you think you could show me the way around the house. I figure if I went up those stairs without some kind of guide I'd probably end up on the roof or something, this house is so strange."

Shirley didn't know what the drunken idiot was going on about. This was a perfectly normal house, not some kind of bizarre maze of randomly connected rooms. "Okay." she says coldly. "I'll show you the way back to the main hall if you want."

"I'd prefer you drop the pretenses and show me the way to your bedroom, but your way works too." Cupid says. "So how do we get out of here? Some kind of secret passage?"

"Normally I just use the stairs." she says. "But you're welcome to spend a few more hours down here trying to discover a secret passage." she adds bitterly. This had been a stupid idea. In a way she kind of hoped that he would find a secret passage out of the house and save her the hassle of having to talk to him again.

"No," he says. "I'm all about the stairs. Lets do this. Lets climb these stairs." Cupid lurched uncertainly towards the stairs leading out of the cellar.

"Mind out." Shirley says automatically. "They're very steep. You could trip."

"I think I know how to climb a set of stairs." Cupid says haughtily, climbing the staircase without problem. As he neared the top he turned around and took a theatrical bow. "I was a god you know. Compared to managing the prayers of your followers stairs are easy." Then he overbalanced and fell down all those stairs.

That's it, thought Shirley. I am going to find someone less moronic to spend time with. Assuming that that is possible, she thought, as she climbed the stairs leaving the love god alone in the cellar.

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[TheBoyd]

WOOOOOOT

Only GB I read. let it live!

[The Dr.]

Then he overbalanced and fell down all those stairs.

She told you, bro.

She told you about stairs.

[Godbot]

To be fair, there was something he wanted to take a look at. As far as he knew, nobody had gone into the basement of the school, and after a few minutes of looking for the stairs down (keeping out of sight of his competitors that he passed on the way, he finally managed to find a stairwell leading down. He was a little concerned about the pitch darkness that they led to, but if anything happened, he had his tried and true method of 'shoot at it until it stops.'
He took one step down, and immediately tripped.
"Fuck!" he cried as he hit the bottom, "I fell down all those stairs!"
He couldn't really blame anybody, though. He had been warned about stairs, prior to this battle starting..

It keeps happening!