Iji

[Ariamaki]

PI: Go visit AD, you can always get a few laughs out of his senility.

this please.

Current!Ron: Find yourself stuck in one place because of TASEN SHENANIGANS.

Iji: Reboot yourself to get a more even spread-- Health, Crack, and Tasen-- And then build some insane weapon combinations. Grab some Strength too if you want, but Crack 5 should be a minimum in the final tally.
ALTERNATELY:
Iji: Repeatedly Reboot yourself to see what every skill grants at 10 ranks, then spread to Strength again-- Face-kickan shall resume!

GEOFF: Finally complete the ritual to grant yourself THE FOOL, the PERSONA 3 (and 4) Arcana of possibility, so that you can chase down your one true loves IJI & DAN KATAISER. Yeah, he said one true loves plural. Can't a polyandrous guy get any luck around here?
GEOFF: Shoot yourself in the head to establish FIRST PERSONA.
Dan: Feel an immense ripple in the CREEPER-FORCE, your personal flow of disturbing squicked-out essence.

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If you actually take those commands for Geoff, I will gladly leave the persona-picking to our illustrious author as an apology for getting another series involved.

Also, how did I forget that Expel is the holy kills and Death/Curse are the dark kills? Ah well, a holy beam suits Iji somewhat better anyways.

[HarMegidon]

Stupid Idiot McMoron: Rename yourself to Okay Alright McAverage.

[Eldrake]

Hard Right-Punchers of Death: Hey, don't forget the gang tradition! Sing the gang song before you start to try find a way to get to him.
Yuka: Recognize that song.

SIMcM: Become real, but lose your imagination powers in return.

[Ariamaki]

Stupid Idiot McMoron: Rename yourself to Okay Alright McAverage.

I am in favor of this.

Still not redacting my earlier suggestions, but I don't want to put more yet either...

[Dermonster]

Dan: Download version 31.06
While this increadibly slow computer is loading it, go read headshoots.

[Leylite]

Hard Right-Punchers of Death: Just kick the crates; they're those really flimsy ones that you can easily destroy.

Hard Right-Punchers of Death: How did Yukabacera even jump that high anyway? Maybe he's been siphoning supplies from the combat drug repository or the nanofield enhancement workshop.

==

Stupid Idiot McMoron: Land in the real world, but still be imaginary, similar to your status earlier when Krotera created you.

(Although him gaining a real body at the cost of his imaginary powers would ultimately lead to SHENANIGANS, I think it would probably open up several cans of worms, and I have doubts as to how far he could get on one leg. Holes to Yukarispace in Touhou canon (if there is such a thing) have also only been shown to teleport things around, not remove status effects. However, I'm not sure how consistent any behavior, especially cross-universe is supposed to be anyway.)

==

Dave: Go to the loading docks. Maybe you can find a way onto that spaceship and commandeer it.

Bro: The only way to regain your glory days will be to defeat Dave, that upstart. You have the upper hand in IRONY, but with your aging physique, how well can you maintain your swordsmanship?

Bro: Go find some more real or imaginary swordsmen and best them in duels.

==

Angus: Break the Elite's neck, just like that one guy. You know the guy, that guy, who ran around breaking everybody's necks, and being all cool and stuff.

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

[b]

> Iji: Onwards!

Okay, wait. Blowing up aliens will have to wait - you develop an urge to backtrack.



You take this LIFT back down. You're not leaving without your SUPERCHARGE.









You proceed through a bunch of stuff that we've all seen before and needs no introduction.



Ah, here you are. There's a destructable wall here, and your prize should be right behind it.



You smash these CRATES, stand back, and...





THIS HOLE! IT WAS MADE FOR YOU! Well, technically it was made by you, but...ah, screw it. So much for my obscure manga referencing.



And there it is. Just what you've been looking for. The SUPERCHARGE.



Yay! You've got it! Plus, there was some extra ROCKETS up here. Always a good thing.

> Iji: Repeatedly Reboot yourself to see what every skill grants at 10 ranks

Now that that's done, you're looking to explore the bonuses (bonii?) for maxing out your STATS.



You REBOOT, causing you to drop your ROCKET LAUNCHER. Ah well, you can pick it back up when you finalise your STATS, because you'll obviously throw some POINTS into TASEN there.



You'll start with HEALTH.

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With SUPPRESSION, your personal Nanofield gains extreme resistance to Nano-based attacks. Whenever an attack deals more than one hit point worth of damage in a single hit, the damage you receive will be reduced by one hit point.

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As a result of upgrading your Attack stat to level 10, you have gained the Special trait IMPROVED AUTOLOADING...with IMPROVED AUTOLOADING, the subroutine programming of your Nanogun is enhanced, lowering the reload time of all non-rapidfire Nanoweapons by 20%. This does not affect the time it takes to switch Nanoweapons.

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As a result of upgrading your Assimilate stat to level 10, you have gained the Special trait ADVANCED RECOVERY...with ADVANCED RECOVERY, assimilating a red Nanofield will recover one additional Hit Point, and green Nanofields will recover one Hit Point instead of none.

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As a result of upgrading your Strength stat to level 10, you have gained the Special trait CYBERNETIC ENDURANCE...with CYBERNETIC ENDURANCE, the temporary invulnerability time after being damaged is increased by 50%. You are no longer knocked to the ground by the MPFB Devastator's recoil.

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As a result of upgrading your Crack stat to level 10, you have gained the Special trait ELECTRONIC MASTERY...with ELECTRONIC MASTERY, whenever you fail to crack something, no adverse effects occur (enemies don't notice you, security crates don't break/explode on higher difficulty levels). Blue nodes no longer flicker and cracking time in increased.

But that's enough of that. You've already wasted enough time on this tomfoolery. There aren't any TASEN or KOMATO STATIONS nearby, but you already know the TASEN bonus and you can (correctly) assume that the KOMATO bonus is the same.

> Iji: Reboot yourself to get a more even spread-- Health, Crack, and Tasen-- And then build some insane weapon combinations. Grab some Strength too if you want, but Crack 5 should be a minimum in the final tally.

You think out your optimal STATS for right now and come to the conclusion that you'll put five POINTS into TASEN, five into CRACK, and the remaining two into HEALTH. However, there are no TASEN stations here! You'll have to go back and find the nearest one. For now, though you improve what you can.



However, you'll improve what you can for now.

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Unlike some of you, I'll admit that I have not memorised every single part of the level layout. Can someone point me to the nearest Tasen station here?

->Shotgun+Resonance Det. = Buckshot Amplisploder



However, you do see a NANOWEAPON STATION nearby, and you do have the requirements for one planned combination.



You plug your SHOTGUN and RESONANCE DETONATOR into the NANOWEAPON STATION and begin CRACKING.

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This devious Nanoweapon cannot deal any direct damage, but is able to reflect mass-based projectiles, such as rockets, MPFB and shocksplinter. However, it cannot reflect instant-hit weapons or the Pulse cannon weapon types.

...hey, this isn't what you wanted! I mean, sure, you could see that the ability to reflect projectiles back at people could come in handy and would be pretty neat, but you were expecting to be able to amplisplode buckshot. You put the weapons back in the STATION in a different order, try again, and move the nodes around in a different way.



Ah, there you go. You make a BUCKSHOT AMPLISPLODER. This weapon works like the SHOTGUN in that it shoots out a short-range cone of projectiles. However, these then burst into three pulses that knock things back like the RESONANCE DETONATOR. Like its materials, it uses no ammo, but it does have an even longer reload time than the RESONANCE DETONATOR does, and it won't be of use to you right now with so low STRENGTH. Later on, however, this'll be awesome.

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As a cyborg, your body and armour is run by a Nanofield, trillions of tiny machines working together. The most important aspect of the Nanofield is its ability to be reprogrammed, like a freeform supercomputer. The Nanogun is a small shapeshifting factory that builds the projectiles and firing mechanisms needed, given the right programming. Anyone with a Nanofield can even connect to another by physical contact - while this has created a "cracker" subculture, each Nanofield has a range of security measures, to the point where it simply reboots to its original state if critically threatened. As a physical armour, the Nanofield is nigh unbeatable; in fact, most weapons even able to scratch someone with a Nanofield are Nanoweapons themselves. Throwing a Nanofield into another with great force is also highly damaging, letting particularly strong users engage in melee combat with deadly results, but actual weapons revolving around this concept were found to be resource ineffective. Currently, only the Phantom Hammer is able to completely disintegrate a Nanofield.

There's also a LOGBOOK here, and you have a routine to uphold. This seems to be some kind of public service announcement about NANOFIELDS. This should put some stuff into perspective for you, you guess.

> Dan: Download version 31.06. While this increadibly slow computer is loading it, go read headshoots.



You're already pretty up-to-date with your copy of DWARF FORTRESS, but you will stop to read some HEADSHOOTS. It's long been over, but you still read it from time to time. You've memorised BOATMURDERED in its entirety, so you've had to move on to memorising other let's plays. You got the idea when MIA decided to memorise DeceasedCrab's famous LP of Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden.

> Hard Right-Punchers of Death: Just kick the crates; they're those really flimsy ones that you can easily destroy.



You deliver a powerful kick and easily make short work of the CRATES.

> Hard Right-Punchers of Death: How did Yukabacera even jump that high anyway? Maybe he's been siphoning supplies from the combat drug repository or the nanofield enhancement workshop.

However, you also wonder how, with these CRATES and ledges, YUKABACERA managed to get to where he did. I mean, none of you can really jump very high at all. There's no logical reason for him to have gotten up there on his own...



> Hard Right-Punchers of Death: Hey, don't forget the gang tradition! Sing the gang song before you start to try find a way to get to him.

Okay, even if you can't get to YUKABACERA, you'll at least try to taunt him. You drum up your old theme song.

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HRPo Weeeee are the Hard Right-Punchers of Deeeeath!
Yes, we are the Hard Right-Punchers of Death,
And as you shall soon be shown,
We live up to that name, as such is known!
So be afraid if you see us around your place,
because we will soon break your face,
and send you flying into space,
because we're the Hard Right-Punchers of Death.

> Yuka: Recognize that song.



Well, of course you recognise that song. You're just not afraid, because you can easily take out an ELITE. You've got countless powerful weapons, your main one being one that the KOMATO are too afraid to even use in case you guys get your hands on it, plus a FLAMETHROWER. Not that they even could get up here. The GRAVITATIONAL STABLILISERS all ELITES are fitted with should keep them from leaving the ground much at all.

> Dave: Go to the loading docks. Maybe you can find a way onto that spaceship and commandeer it.



You leave the control room and look for the loading docks, hoping that you'll be able to grab the aliens' ship. However, the door there is being guarded by a tough-looking alien. You duck behind a few CRATES in an ironically cowardly fashion. For irony, of course.

> Bro: The only way to regain your glory days will be to defeat Dave, that upstart. You have the upper hand in IRONY, but with your aging physique, how well can you maintain your swordsmanship?
> Bro: Go find some more real or imaginary swordsmen and best them in duels.



You need to practice some more if you want to live up to how you once were, so you form a plan to show your brother what you're made of and surprise him with a duel once he arrives. In order to practice, you imagine up an IMAGINARY KNIGHT to spar with.

> Angus: Break the Elite's neck, just like that one guy. You know the guy, that guy, who ran around breaking everybody's necks, and being all cool and stuff.



You snap the alien's neck with your bare hands, sending out a spurt of lavendar-coloured blood. The other two aliens show a look on their helmets that sends the impression of "oh crap what now".

> Stupid Idiot McMoron: Rename yourself to Okay Alright McAverage.
> Stupid Idiot McMoron: Land in the real world, but still be imaginary, similar to your status earlier when Krotera created you.



The portal opens, causing you to fall back into an unspecified area of the real world, though you continue to be imaginary. In an attempt to give yourself at least some credibility, you also rename yourself OKAY ALRIGHT McAVERAGE.

> PI: Go visit AD, you can always get a few laughs out of his senility.



While you're waiting, you decide to leave your room and go into the halls, so you can drop in on ACE DICK. Convienently, his room is right next to yours. You should be able to laugh a little on how he's gone a bit crazy over the years.



There he is, sitting back in the easy chair and watching some random show on the comically outdated TV and occasionally making death threats at it. He he! You suppose it may be uncharacteristically impolite to make fun of your old ally like that, but...

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Yeah, I looked up a Youtube video and it turns out that this Supercharge wasn't at all unaccessable from here in the first place. Well then!

I'm not sure if I should bring Geoff into this or not. Part of me wants to have him be dead, because I'm worried if there are too many survivors in focus or not, and also because I've never actually played any SMT games except Nocturne, and that was a long time ago. If anyone has any strong feelings about bringing him in or not, please tell me.

And before anyone asks, I will update my List O' Stats when I get around to it. I've just been very busy lately.

[Asmodemus]

> Iji: Onwards to any log-books or other secrets you haven't gotten yet. And put all remaining points in strength instead of tasen.

> Dan: Look at Youtube and search for Deceasedcrab's let's plays, they're hilarious.

> Start scrolling down the list of videos he has until you see your name, pay attention to the video name and start watching from the beginning.

[Dermonster]

Hollistic Detective: Materialize in Dans room from overwhelming fan-ness. Go into a berzerk rage, bust out a wall, and go wail on some tasen.

[Eldrake]

>Iji: Continue.

>Yukabacera: Hey, someone sent you a message. Check it.
>RHPo Send requests for jetpacks, bucket of water, and one toilet.

>OAMcA: Your imagination power seems to be limited in the real world, but you could presumably grow a extra leg.

>Angus: Kick the two aliens so hard they split into two more aliens, making it even more confusing than it already were.

>PI: Have a good old chat with your old ally PS.

[MrGuy]

A Throw KEYS at PEEPING TOM.

[Varkarrus]

What, no Bard Quest crossover?

[Leylite]

A The air conditioner is set to far too cold a temperature! That's clearly why everyone in this building is wearing their suits and hats even in leisure activities.

A Get up, get your MEGATON KEY and go complain to the manager. The strongest man in the world will have none of this!

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

[b]

> Iji: Onwards to any log-books or other secrets you haven't gotten yet. And put all remaining points in strength instead of tasen.



You suddenly experience a resounding change of heart and go back to put all your remaining POINTS into STRENGTH instead. The BUCKSHOT AMPLISPLODER should be more useful this way.

> Iji: Continue.



You head further on.



Almost immediately after landing, you are confronted with a MACHINE GUN TURRET. You make short work of it by kicking the head off. However...





There so happens to be a TASEN SCOUT right in its path. The TURRET HEAD strikes the SCOUT in the head, killing him before he even knows what's happening.



You gaze down the shaft at the end of the room. It looks pretty deep - possibly deeper than any shaft you've faced before. You wonder if you'll make it.



...hey, this shaft isn't actually very deep at all.



You land on a small platform behind a TASEN SOLDIER. He's got his back turned to you, and doesn't seem to be aware you're here.



You see this as the perfect opportunity to test out the BUCKSHOT AMPLISPLODER, and it sure as hell works. The SOLDIER goes flying through the air and lands off the platform. Man, you're glad you went back and upgraded STRENGTH.

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Just to verify, yes, we are right in front of the poster area, and no, we don't have a weapon that can reach the barrel from the ledge below. However, the checkpoint is still active, and one Youtube user commented on using the shotgun, blowing themselves up, and respawning. We can do just that if you please, so if you're up for getting into that room, just say so.

> Dan: Look at Youtube and search for Deceasedcrab's let's plays, they're hilarious.



Speaking of DeceasedCrab, you think of passing the time by watching some of his Let's Plays. You head over to his Youtube channel.

> Start scrolling down the list of videos he has until you see your name, pay attention to the video name and start watching from the beginning.



However, you cannot find your name in any of these titles! Nor can you find the names of any other people you know or situations that might apply to you. Thus, you are unable to use any of these videos for whatever sort of divination. Wow, what a fucking waste of time!

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Yeah, in case nobody could tell, the reference to DC doing a B,SU&J:G LP wasn't hinting at a possible future LP, it was more adventures into the Celebrity Paradox. See, in our universe, DeceasedCrab did an LP of Iji, but in the Iji universe (or at least this mangled, butchered mockery of it) he Let's Played Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden instead. You may notice from the above images that he also LP'd The Sewer Goblet: The Wu-Tang Clan and the Wu-Tang Baby instead of Hero Core (which does exist as a video game here, it just came out much later. And was written by an alien.)

> Yukabacera: Hey, someone sent you a message. Check it.

Oh? Hey. It does seem that someone tried to pester you during your flamethrower whimsy. You check and see. Apparently, it's VATEILIKA.

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-- yukaBacera YB began pestering vateiLika [VL] --

YB: Hey!
YB: Were you trying to ask me something earlier?
VL: Yuka! You're alive!
YB: Of course I'm alive.
YB: What did you think happened?
YB: Did you think that I got sent a mind-scarringly disgusting pornographic image and died from the shock of seeing it?
VL: Yes, that's exactly what I thought.
YB: Oh. Ah well.

> RHPo Send requests for jetpacks, bucket of water, and one toilet.

Meanwhile, you guys contact KROTERA over your helmet intercoms.

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ELITE: Hey, boss.
KROTERA: You guys. How are you doing?
ELITE: Well, we've ran into some difficulties.
ELITE: Namely, we can't get up to where Yuka is.
KROTERA: So what are you wanting me to do about it?
ELITE: Well, we were hoping you might send over jetpacks for us.
KROTERA: What? Do you morons have any idea what those things cost?
ELITE: But you said--
KROTERA: Fine. I'll send your jetpacks. Any other requests?
ELITE: Well, we could use some water.
KROTERA: Okay.
ELITE: Oh, and a toilet.
KROTERA: For both of you?
ELITE: No, just one toilet.
KROTERA: ...ooookay....

> OAMcA: Your imagination power seems to be limited in the real world, but you could presumably grow a extra leg.



You take advantage of still being imaginary by creating an IMAGINARY LEG. It works much like a regular leg, and you're surprised you didn't think of this earlier.

> Angus: Kick the two aliens so hard they split into two more aliens, making it even more confusing than it already were.



Leaping from your perch, you deliver a strong jump-kick to the heads of the other two aliens.



Man, now there's four of those things. Damn, what are these aliens anyway? Ameobae?

> A The air conditioner is set to far too cold a temperature! That's clearly why everyone in this building is wearing their suits and hats even in leisure activities.



Hey, wait a minute here! You clearly shouldn't be wearing your SUIT and HAT indoors like this! The temperature must have fallen again. Bah! You'll have to have a word with the manager about this.

> A Get up, get your MEGATON KEY and go complain to the manager. The strongest man in the world will have none of this!



You head out to the halls, ready to talk with the MANAGER about the problems. You won't stand for this - you're the strongest man in the world, and you've got the MEGATON KEY to prove it! And -- wait, isn't that PICKLE INSPECTOR? He must have been spying on you again!

> A Throw KEYS at PEEPING TOM.



You won't have any of that, either! It's incredibly annoying. You're retired, you should have the privacy to do as you want. You throw your BRASS KNUCKLES at PI to smack some sense into him.

> PI: Have a good old chat with your old ally PS.



Ooookaay then, that's enough of that. Maybe you should go visit PROBLEM SLEUTH instead. But... you keep forgetting where his room is!



> Swamp Wizard: Open a portal underneath the Bard's feet
> Yukaberca: Somehow accidently create a rift in time while programming.
> Bard: Well, you can guess.

INTERLUDE OF SILLINESS



You are now the SWAMP WIZARD. This BARD is annoying you, so you decide to get him out of the way as soon as you can. You create a TIME PORTAL.



Meanwhile, you are now YUKABACERA an--



--whoah! All of a sudden, some gentleman in medieval garb is teleported right into your bunker and proceeds to do a stunning LUTE SOLO! You don't know what to think of this. However, you do admire this man's CODPIECE. It rivals even yours.

END INTERLUDE OF SILLINESS

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Vark, I'm sorry about that. I didn't use your suggestion at first because I couldn't quite parse it - I wasn't sure if you wanted the Bard to go to Yuka's bunker or for Yuka to be summoned to the Bard. However, since I didn't want to let you down, I put it in here. Hope this works for you.

For the record: though this is an Interlude of Silliness, there is one part I'm taking as canon. I've come up with the idea that Yuka does actually wear a codpiece under his pants, mainly because I couldn't think of a better reason for why you're unable to kick him in the original game. In case we ever do end up fighting him, I'm sure that'd come up.

[andanotherone]

IJI:PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH A WALL

[MrGuy]

SHADY FIGURE: Attack PI.

IJI: Suicide bomb that TIKI.

[Leylite]

re: Yukabacera's attire

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(I haven't played Iji in a long time and don't have it on this computer, but I thought the tough part about kicking Yukabacera was that he had a really really high chance of ducking those kicks. But I don't know whether a successful kick actually harms him.)

==

Iji: Moral qualms regarding killing yourself

Iji: Proceed to blow yourself up anyway

Dan: Seriously freak out - that omen of death you saw earlier must have been meant to warn you about this!

Iji: Respawn

==

Vateilika: Restart the torrent download. Maybe in a few updates you'll finally have that improved MPFB, or the Y-MPFB mk. 1 as Yukabacera would probably call it.

==

4 copies of Tasen Soldier HR912:NOGL - Start shooting Angus with your machineguns already!

==

Mia: Reappear in the Featureless Plane of Death, (in)conveniently near Stewart.

Stewart: Repeat your request in a miffed fashion.

==

Okay Alright McAverage: Discover to your dismay that your new leg is actually an IMAGINARY IMAGINARY LEG, and being possessed of one greater degree of IMAGINARINESS than yourself (an IMAGINARY being), does not actually function, and thus only works in your IMAGINATION, or if you pretend that you have another leg.

Okay Alright McAverage: Swear vendetta against all incarnations and copies of Yukari Yakumo.

Okay Alright McAverage: Hop forward and look for Krotera.

[Ariamaki]

As far as Geoff goes, I think it would be A-OK to have him around, and then probably cut the survivor list (from us players, at least) right about there.
And if you are worried about not having played Persona 3, don't worry-- We are already talking about good LPs, so this spoiler will link to one of the best LPs: Persona 3 by Schildkrote.

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http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Persona3/
Contained herein is solidified awesome.

Iji: Think about methods you could use to get around this nearby ledge that feels... postery.
Dan: Realize that one of the Barkley videos has the name Dan in it, admittedly with a space between D and An, and they are part of other words... But watch a clip anyways.

Geoff: Consider whether or not you will be appearing in this whole pile of shenanigans.

[Eldrake]

HRPo Soon, your bullying tools will arrive, and you can relive the good ol' days!

Geoff: Appear briefly, then die.

[CoyoteSans]

Tasen Patrol Soldier: Accost Naotgeri in Storage Room, and demand an explanation for the water-related shenanigans within.

Naotgeri: Attempt to explain yourself. Fail miserably.

Tasen Patrol Soldier: Suggest that, were you to receive a snack, perhaps from that vending machine in the side room labeled "10", down the lift, you might forget you ever came in here.

Naotgeri: Begrudgingly accept NEW QUEST OBJECTIVE: RETRIEVE BRIBE.

[Asmodemus]

> Iji: Do exactly what is necessary to get everything in the area and every last logbook read before proceeding into next sector.

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

[b]

> Iji: Think about methods you could use to get around this nearby ledge that feels... postery.



Hmm...this one ledge you've landed on seems to be giving you some odd premonitions. As if there's something good behind that wall. But you don't have any means of clearing that BARREL in the way safely...unless...

> Iji: Moral qualms regarding killing yourself



No. You -- You can't bring yourself to do this. To kill yourself just to possibly reach something that may not even be worth it? To put your life in mortal danger just to obtain what you think might be behind there? No!

> Iji: Proceed to blow yourself up anyway
> IJI: Suicide bomb that TIKI.
> Iji: Do exactly what is necessary to get everything in the area and every last logbook read before proceeding into next sector.



Oh what the hell.



WOAH WHOAH WOAH WHAT WAS THAT. Did someone just break through your defenses? Oh belgium.

> Dan: Seriously freak out - that omen of death you saw earlier must have been meant to warn you about this!

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IJI: AaaauuuaaaAAAAGH!

Wha--what was that? Oh...oh no. IJI. It can't be. And yet it is. Oh no. There's only one explanation. She must have died. That's definately her. You'd recognise that obnoxious-yet-strangely-hilarious scream anywhere. Much like how your sister has a notoriously terrible singing voice, she's also known to scream in a way that sounds far less like a girl than a 15-year-old boy trying to sound like a girl. But this means one thing, and one thing only. You're doomed.

> Iji: Respawn



Ah, what would you do without these CHECKPOINT thingamajiggies?

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IJI: Heh, pardon me. Just my reaction.
DAN: ...Iji?
IJI: who were you expecting.... the easter bunny>
DAN: You scared me half to death back there! I thought you were dead!
IJI: So... SHIT bro i scared you dumpass?
DAN: You know what, just go.

Anyway, you head back to where you were. Sure enough, you're able to get through.



Shortly after dropping down, you find another POSTER. You can hardly read this technobabble, but you guess it might be useful for something or other.

1/9 (you think) POSTERS UNLOCKED

In the meantime, you'll have a look around.

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I tried hacking the alien-counting machine when no-one was looking yesterday, but that show-off Yukabacera had laid down some sophisticated encryption algorithms for it. It took me a few days, but I managed to make it display "Naotgerai rules" - after which Yukabacera reprogrammed the whole thing from scratch, using a hardcoded encryption instead. I don't know which one of us is the most bored right now.

Hmm...







Hardcoded encryption, huh?

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I actually laughed out loud when I found this terminal in the original game and cracked it. Naturally I had to do this here.

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We're now officially the most bored Tasen squad in the universe. Since all we do in this remote room is keep a lookout for hostiles - of which there are none - we started shooting down the winged alien lifeforms flying by the small window in here. We programmed a simple machine, using a display taken from one of our suits, and a heat sensor from a turret. The machine, quite simply, counts the little aliens killed. I believe we've taken the expression "terminally bored" to new heights.

You'll also read this other LOGBOOK while you're here. Your immediate thought is that this is sick, cruel, and heartless, killing these poor innocent little BIRDS just to pass time. You are outraged.



Also, that sounds really fun.



But that's enough fooling around. You head downwards.

> Dan: Realize that one of the Barkley videos has the name Dan in it, admittedly with a space between D and An, and they are part of other words... But watch a clip anyways.



Well, you'll put that little incident past you. To take your mind off of it, you watch some of the Barkley LP, starting from the top.

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DC: I'm DeceasedCrab. Let's play...Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden. Barkley is an RPG for the PC. Independant game, it's free, if you haven't heard of it, stop watching, and go play it now. Google "barkley tales of game's", you'll probably find it. All right! Let's get started. There's a lot to the game, I'm going to be playing on Normal, and I'm going to be playing it my way. Seems peaceful enough. That's Charles Barkley...

> Vateilika: Restart the torrent download. Maybe in a few updates you'll finally have that improved MPFB, or the Y-MPFB mk. 1 as Yukabacera would probably call it.



You plug your NANOGUN back into the computer. You realise that you're doing this out in a main hallway where it's more visible, but you don't care. You restart NANOTORRENT.

> Tasen Patrol Soldier: Accost Naotgeri in Storage Room, and demand an explanation for the water-related shenanigans within.
> Naotgeri: Attempt to explain yourself. Fail miserably.
> Tasen Patrol Soldier: Suggest that, were you to receive a snack, perhaps from that vending machine in the side room labeled "10", down the lift, you might forget you ever came in here.

You are now NAOTGERAI. You're walking down the corridor hoping that nobody will notice your predicament an--



Dammit.

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SOLDIER: HEY! Where do you think you're going with that thing?
NAOTGERAI: It's a water cooler. The water here is clearly contaminated, and, uh, well, I was taking it to get cleaned.
SOLDIER: And why is it full of holes?
NAOTGERAI: Well...
SOLDIER: Good greif, what is it with you guys? This is our most important outpost, holding most of our population left! You'd think you'd all have the idea not to be so haphazard with all of this!
NAOTGERAI: Uh, sorry, sir...
SOLDIER: Sorry? Oh, you'll be sorry all right! Just wait until I report this to our commander, then--
*grumble*
SOLDIER: Ugh. Why'd I skip breakfast like that just to chase down a couple of punks in Sector 4? God. If only there'd be something to eat around here, maybe from those vending machines over in room 10. Then maybe I'll reconsider messing around in here and forget all about you. Dang.

> Naotgeri: Begrudgingly accept NEW QUEST OBJECTIVE: RETRIEVE BRIBE.



Well then! You know where you'll be going!

> Okay Alright McAverage: Discover to your dismay that your new leg is actually an IMAGINARY IMAGINARY LEG, and being possessed of one greater degree of IMAGINARINESS than yourself (an IMAGINARY being), does not actually function, and thus only works in your IMAGINATION, or if you pretend that you have another leg.
> Okay Alright McAverage: Swear vendetta against all incarnations and copies of Yukari Yakumo.



You start to get up and move around, only to find out that your IMAGINARY LEG is doubly IMAGINARY, since you are yourself an IMAGINARY KOMATO. Thus, in order to use it in the real world, you must continually pretend you have two legs. Aaargh! CURSE YOU, YUKARI!

> Okay Alright McAverage: Hop forward and look for Krotera.



With this in mind, you start moving forward in search of KROTERA so you can even the score. However, this may be difficult. You have no idea where you are in relation to him.

> 4 copies of Tasen Soldier HR912:NOGL - Start shooting Angus with your machineguns already!



Argh! The aliens suddenly open MACHINE GUN fire on you from all sides. You're tough enough to withstand it, but it's still tough to maneuver around through all of this. It's like Tohou in here. Only worse.

> SHADY FIGURE: Attack PI.

Who? Oh, that guy. No need to worry.



You've seen him around a few times, and you can verify he's harmless. That's PHILLIP HERON, one of the other residents around here. He doesn't like to talk about himself, but he's a good guy. He wears that TRENCHCOAT and the FEDORA pulled over his face all the time, so he has a reputation of being mysterious, but you're sure that he's just a regular person like one of you and not anything like a semi-retired space explorer staying here under an incredibly transparent alias or anything. Nope.

> Mia: Reappear in the Featureless Plane of Death, (in)conveniently near Stewart.
> Stewart: Repeat your request in a miffed fashion.



DEATH finally returns. Ah, just what you've been waiting for.

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DEATH: SO, WHAT WAS IT THAT YOU WANTED TO TALK ABOUT?
STEWART: Well, it's about time. We were going to play Jairhijith. You remember that?
DEATH: I DO REMEMBER THIS DISCUSSION. HOWEVER, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT JAIRHIJITH IS. WOULD YOU CARE TO INTRODUCE ME TO THIS?
STEWART: Sure... heh...

All right, it looks like DEATH isn't familiar with the rules of JAIRHIJITH. You should be able to get the upper hand, then!

> Geoff: Consider whether or not you will be appearing in this whole pile of shenanigans.



Okay. You are now "HELLA" GEOFF CARTER.

> GEOFF: Finally complete the ritual to grant yourself THE FOOL, the PERSONA 3 (and 4) Arcana of possibility, so that you can chase down your one true loves IJI & DAN KATAISER. Yeah, he said one true loves plural. Can't a polyandrous guy get any luck around here?
> GEOFF: Shoot yourself in the head to establish FIRST PERSONA.



That is utterly stupid! You know full well that that is not how shooting oneself in the head works in real life, and if you did so you would die. Besides, you don't have a GUN.

You do have a thought about your old friend IJI and her brother DAN and your feelings for them. You've persued a brief Platonic relationship with them back when you lived next to their house. Before they moved. Sadly, they're probably dead now.

> Dan: Feel an immense ripple in the CREEPER-FORCE, your personal flow of disturbing squicked-out essence.



Whoah now! You just felt something and you don't like it. Feels like there's someone else out there who you're beginning to feel becoming a bigger weirdo than you.

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Okay, we'll bring Geoff into this, because why not. However, the idea of cutting the survivor list here wouldn't work out with my plans because I did have the idea to work in another survivor, but he won't be appearing in a while. I suppose it'll be okay, though, because he won't be in the U.S. and would thus spread things out a bit. But perhaps I can cut the list here until it's time for him.

Also regarding Yukabacera's attire (that's a great term, by the way, and this gives me an excuse to use it), now that you mention it, I do remember him ducking a lot. It's just that I swear I heard someone mention that he isn't knocked back by kicks, much like Annihilators (but those don't need an explanation). Whatever, I guess it doesn't really matter.

[Asmodemus]

> Iji: Kill Tasen, read logs, get ammo, find anything else, move onwards. These have been listed in order of importance.

[Dermonster]

Andrew Hussie: Rise up with your six month in the making resistance army.

[Varkarrus]

No problem. I just thought that if we have Dave, and PI, we may as well have the Bard and maybe some of the prisoners.

In that case:

Scouts: Retreive prisoners from prison before they fuck shit up.