Iji

[Tseralith]

Jump into whatever's behind you. I don't care what it is, just do it!

[Gnauga]

>Play dwarf fortress; make a stupidFUN mistake and flood the land with magma, killing everything.

[Asmodemus]

> Examine various tumbleweeds around room.

> Open drawer beneath lamp.

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

[b]

> Consume Plump helmet juice, pretending it's wine. Your parents wouldn't want you drinking alcohol, right?

Sadly, the plump helmet is a fictional form of mushroom and does not exist in the real world, therefore, you do not have any Plump helmet juice.



You do have a BOX OF GRAPE JUICE, however. You consume that, pretending that it's plump helmet juice that you're pretending is plump helmet wine.

> Play dwarf fortress; make a stupidFUN mistake and flood the land with magma, killing everything.



You boot up Dwarf Fortress and send all your miners to tunnel into a magma pipe, then pump it all outside and "accidentally" flood the world. Congratulations, you just killed off nearly everything on the planet and reduced it to a barren acidic wasteland! This is not foreshadowing in any way!



You then decide that to have even more Fun, you generate another world to do that all over again. But, this being Dwarf Fortress, it looks like this could take a while. You believe that you'll have to do something pointless to pass the time.

> Jump into whatever's behind you. I don't care what it is, just do it!
> Examine various tumbleweeds around room.



You decide to leap head-first into whatever might be behind you, which, in this case, is a trash heap of unwashed clothes, crumpled-up papers, and other such things. Despite the fact that your dad homeschools all of you, you've devoted yourself to living as if you were a frat boy, hence your pigsty of a room, ridiculous mullet hairdo, and habit of smoking things that are probably illegal in at least seven countries. And you're proud of it.

> Open drawer beneath lamp.



You then pick yourself up and go examine your cabinet.



It contains a GAY PORNOGRAPHY MAGAZINE, a BOX OF PAPERCLIPS, and a CELL PHONE, which is ringing.

[AvzinElkein]

Answer the phone!

[MrGuy]

Clip porno to phone.

[Asmodemus]

> Answer phone.

[DimJim]

>Remind yourself you're not really gay.

You love your sister, though.

[Varkarrus]

Get into closet, so you can get out later.

[ekalmid]

Let it leave a message.

[Kgummy]

Learn how to become immune to explosives.

[DimJim]

Learn how to become immune to explosives electrocution.

[Reecer6]

> Cancel Action: Do productive things for your Fortress

[Tseralith]

Hide the magazine

[Leylite]

Dan: Continue working on that constructed language you've spent the last three months developing.

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

[b]

> Hide the magazine
> Clip porno to phone.



You suddenly have an urge to hide your HUNK RUMP from any unwanted attention and clip it to your PHONE. You have created the RUMPADIAL.

> Learn how to become immune to electrocution.



Your RUBBER RAINCOAT is downstairs, numbnuts!

> Remind yourself you're not really gay.
> Get into closet, so you can get out later.



You start to wonder how on earth that got in there, since you're not gay. You decide to go into your closet anyway, in case you need to come out. You brace yourself - this can be deadly...





For this is no ordinary closet. This is your VICE CLOSET, packed with all your DRUGS and even more GAY PORNO that your have no idea how it got there. Just opening the door is enough to create a tidal wave of things you wouldn't want to be caught using.

> Answer the phone!
> Answer phone.



It's about time you answered the RUMPADIAL.

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DAN: Hello?
IJI: Is your refrigerator running?
DAN: Um, yes, I guess.
IJI: Well, you better go catch it!
DAN: Sis, is that you? Is this a prank call?
IJI: Uhm, well, well, uh, you see, uh...I TOLD YOU MAN! (hangs up)
DAN: ...
IJI: (masking voice) Hello, this is the pizza delivery service. I understand you ordered a large cheese and herb?
DAN: I think you've got the wrong number. I didn't order a pizza.
IJI: Well, we have you down on our order form. You're Mr. Dan Kataiser, yes?
DAN: That'd be me.
IJI: We'll be dropping it off right at your door any time soon. Goodbye. (hangs up)
DAN: That's odd. I didn't order a pizza...
IJI: (to herself) HE HE
IJI: HE

> Dan: Continue working on that constructed language you've spent the last three months developing.



Since you're generating a new world, you think this would be the perfect time to work on the Dwarf Fortress mod you've been coding for the last three months. Although the language actually looks to be the easiest part, since the folks on the Bay 12 Games message board have put together a handy automatic language generator. You've been adding in a new civilisation, which you call the "Taysian". They're a warrior race of advanced semi-humanoid cyborgs from another world that are completely your own creation.

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I can't believe we're almost up to 40 images in three days. I really need to get back to working on Billy and Teddy. Also, the font colours for the conversations are supposed to be the same colours of the dialogue box borders for each character in the original game, if anyone cares.

[Tseralith]

Go get that pizza! Descend down, Dwarf Fortress style!

[DimJim]

>Dan: Become heteroerotically interested in your sister.

[Pacific]

You know, seeing you here was one of the reasons I started this so soon.

Thanks, I ...Suppose this is good, yes?

uh, commands...

> DAN: Hide gay porn in Iji's room

EDIT: Believe me, this command seemed perfectly sane when I wrote it.

[MrGuy]

Strictly speaking that would transform it into heterosexual porn.

[Varkarrus]

Please to be having update nao?

[Captain Lhurgoyf]

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Sorry about the delay, guys. It's just that I'm embarrassingly behind in progress in the actual game, and I intend to beat Extreme mode before this gets to the actual game, but I was having some difficulties (namely, STUPID SENTINEL. STUPID STUPID DUMB.) Whatever then.

Strictly speaking that would transform it into heterosexual porn.

And now, the award for "Best Quote Out Of Context" goes to...

[font=Courier]

> Go get that pizza! Descend down, Dwarf Fortress style!



You descend the stairs Dwarf Fortress style. Actually, you're not quite sure how that works, so you just pretend to open a menu to delete any forbids to their use, then squint until they resemble a ">" sign.



You head down to the foyer and move towards the door.



Wait a minute, you don't see a pizza here. Hey, what's...



AAARGH!



It appears you just fell for the old "Bucket Of Water Over The Door" gag. Your SIBLING RIVALRY-O-METER shifts out of your favour.



And there's your sister now. You just know she's never going to let you forget this moment.

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IJI: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I got you there bro! HOW HIGH do you have to be just to DO something like that?
DAN: I dunno, how high do YOU have to be to think that's funny?
IJI: I warned you about buckets bro!!!
DAN: Also, don't call me "bro". I know it's some geeky reference to that stupid comic you read, but I don't call you "Urist".
IJI: I told you dog!
DAN: Are you even listening to me?
IJI: HE HE
IJI: HE
DAN: You realise this means war.

You are so going to get back at her for this. She can be so immature sometimes.

> Dan: Become heteroerotically interested in your sister.



She is pretty hot though. Societal taboos be damned.

> DAN: Hide gay porn in Iji's room



Annnnyway, you come up with just the way to get back at her for this.



You disassemble the RUMPADIAL and, after writing a message on your sister's potted plant, leave the HUNK RUMP under the cabinet. This is even funnier than the time you set up a trade depot right under the Dwarven Atom Smasher and waited for some elves to set up!

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For the record, Pacific, rest assured that that likely won't be the weirdest suggestion posted here. This adventure will have considerably more SBaHJ quoting, office shenanigans, gorillas, and Fancy Santas than the original (which had, sadly, none of these things). I never had any expectation of following the real plot.

Also, there's a specific reason why Iji's plant is named Chuck. Anyone get it?

[bhomer2]

play Iji on ultimortal difficulty.

[TheJohns]

Check to see if Dwarf Fortress has finished generating a world.

If yes, start a fortress with 2 cat in it.

[MrGuy]

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For the record, Pacific, rest assured that that likely won't be the weirdest suggestion posted here. This adventure will have considerably more SBaHJ quoting, office shenanigans, gorillas, and Fancy Santas than the original (which had, sadly, none of these things). I never had any expectation of following the real plot.

Also, there's a specific reason why Iji's plant is named Chuck. Anyone get it?

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LucasArts in its prime, of course!

Check to see if Dwarf Fortress has finished generating a world.

If yes, start a fortress with 2 cats in it.