SNATCHER (SS Let's Play)

[Superfrequency]

... How the fuck can he remember her cooking?



You're not even trying, Kojima!

Killjoy answer: They tried making a go of it as a couple for awhile before deciding they couldn't make it work. It's said in the game pretty early on.

She asks if he "still calls it that", which would be an odd thing to say two months later.

[Superfrequency]

Ok, I felt like Gillian has a lot of catching up to do in the not being a lecherous creep department. So let's go with the musical first.




You should see their production of Grease!



Denied!

Don't refuse me, woman!



Maybe musicals just aren't her thing?



Good angle, Gil! Sell the fun of it. You can get cotton candy and play overpriced games and





This doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Aside from Gillian trying to trick Jamie into stripping for him over the phone. Yes. Also apparently there is a device that can record your dreams. Ok then. Later tonight: we continue searching the apartment.

[BitVyper]

... How the fuck can he remember her cooking?



You're not even trying, Kojima!

Killjoy answer: They tried making a go of it as a couple for awhile before deciding they couldn't make it work. It's said in the game pretty early on.

She asks if he "still calls it that", which would be an odd thing to say two months later.

Not when it's a stupid cutesy word that you'd probably only use with someone you were intimately involved with. Then it would just be a subtle "dude, quit acting like we're still together." And yeah, she might be willing to entertain a date, but that doesn't mean she's ready for "pasghetti."

Edit: Hell, if you REALLY wanted to analyze it, the stupidity of the term makes some sense - maybe Gillian was overcompensating for the lost memories by doing stuff like pet names. Could very well be what screwed everything up.

[Superfrequency]

I don't want to analyze a Kojima game. Nobody wins.




Ya fuckin' fruitcake.


Are you sure you were programmed with my personality?



The question is, why are you in here with me.



Um.





Please use the toilet, Gillian.


What, do you have an endorsement deal or something? Also, no.




It is most definitely not a secret camera I installed to watch you using the toilet. That is a silly idea.

Silly.

All right what's the deal with that perfume



Ha ha! No. I don't think so.




That's my wife you're talking about.


Being a Junker is a ... dangerous line of work, Gillian.

Heh heh hehhhhh


Come clean. You're a snatcher, aren't you?


Nope. Just an asshole.



I'm not cherry picking these. Metal Gear insults Gillian at almost every opportunity. I can't say he doesn't deserve it.



You know as long as you don't count the cuckoo clock and the bottles I guess. Aside from 75% of the shelf being occupied by items other than the photograph, it's empty.

Once again, I've hit a dead end. The only thing left to do is Search the house!

LATER: We do that

[Iridium]

Gil is a smooooooth operator.

[mr. please-please]

What sort of designer would put a cuckoo clock in a fucking high-tech hotel room honestly

If it's relevant to the plot in some way I will weep openly.

[LegoTechnic]

Gillian seems to be getting a bum rap so I feel compelled to defend him a little.

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Then again... >_>

[weirdguy]

What

What would even make you say that tiny robot dude

[Superfrequency]

So he could set up a joke for me.

Big updates soon. Probably today or tomorrow.

[Fakeimposter]

This is hilarious! Keep up the good work!

[Superfrequency]

By unpopular demand, let's continue playing Snatcher.

There is nothing left to do but search the house.



We're about to find out.



This doesn't look ominous at all.



In Japan.



Regular glass? Nobody uses that stuff anymore! God, this guy is so old-fashioned! Geez! What with the, like, 40 story cues! I wonder if this is going to have any significant plot relevance, or the game is just testing my patience! Sincerely, I do!



So nobody will be able to hear me scream when I get snatched. Well that's just great.




Somehow I don't think your decapitated, exploded buddy is going to answer the door, numbnuts.

I don't want this game to drift into reverse Monkey's Paw territory.



Oh, right. Gibson is survived by his 14 18-year-old daughter.


Knock knock knock, let me in.


First I'll need to see two forms of photo ID, and for you to tell me what my measurements are.


W-


I MEAN- my birthmark. What my birthmark is. That's the ticket.


Why on earth would I know that? And ... that's not much of an improvement over the original question.


It's all there in JORDAN at the Junker HQ.


Why?!


Are you going to describe my pubescent body to me or not? Get backtracking already!


DUDE. She is so into you.


You're not helping!



You know what else is pretty embarrassing? Spelling embarrassing incorrectly!

You have as many tries as you want to answer her questions correctly, rendering them meaningless as a safety precaution.

I didn't backtrack because I am lazy and I don't need to be asking computers about the thighs of 14-year-old giraffes. I just looked it up.



Huge ... tracts of land.

Gillian Seed needs to reduce his dependency on foreign breasts ba dum tsh



Riiight. That's why he shouldn't stare at you.

Hey, check out all of the ugly furniture.




I used to be a navigator for Antiques Roadshow.



Playing chess and Thexder.



You mean like I'm doing right now?





He told me he was volunteering at an animal shelter!



You really are 14.



You really are 14.

How about Plato's Cavern?



You know, the sort of things nobody uses anymore?

Nice use of not a question mark isn't it.



This is a fantastic gradient from appropriate to wrong.




Cockblocked.



ISSUES: HIDEO KOJIMA HAS THEM

The American release has been toned down. Why don't you think about that. In the original when she asks to see your ID, there is apparently a command for Gillian to whip his dick out. I'm not making this up.



Ah. I suppose this is not "the house" we ought to be searching, then. Or Gibson somehow knew he was going to die and wrote this note. And somehow didn't alert the snatchers to the fact he was doing it.

Whatever I don't fucking know. You try to care about making sense of Terminator Pedophile Adventure.



I don't have to make you sick of this joke, dear readers, the game will do it for me.

That's about all this wench is gonna cough up. NEXT TIME: We investigate the rest of the house, and hopefully use some things that aren't used anymore.

[Wistaria]

Abundant natural resources, huh? Sounds like Gillian knows whether or not a lady hasn't had work done.

Yaaay Antiques Roadshow~ And I had no idea about that "extra" ID option, yikes!

I like reading this LP

[Superfrequency]

14-year-olds typically

typically

do not have fake tits.

More update later today. If people continue liking this I will continue doing it

[Fakeimposter]

I love this LP. I love it so much.

[LegoTechnic]

Fun fact: If you continually "persuade" Katrina she will eventually lose patience and throw your pervy bum ass out the door. This is annoying as she then refuses re-entry to the house until a sufficient amount of time has passed, and you need to investigate it to progress.

[Miraculous]

Worst ID check ever there, SF.

But awesome LP! Keep it up, please!

[Superfrequency]

Wow, I didn't know this dumb thing was so enjoyed. Good thing about setting your expectations low

EDIT: I should probably not make obscure musical references nobody will get

[Superfrequency]

The house: let us search it. To the study!



You never even met him!



I think maybe you would have done a little better had you not been using red checkers pieces.

No, they are not just red chess pieces, there is no logical reason for Gibson to have a red and black chess set when the game's resolution obviously does not allow the artist to show that unambiguously (and if either side is red instead of the standard colors, it is usually black). Moving on. Beyond yonder window, a garden.




Oh man, it faces north! That sucks!

Why does that suck?

Why do I bother questioning this dumb game anymore?

>LOOK DESK



A) There is no shelf anywhere in this room
B) Those three items are on SEPARATE DESKS OPPOSITE ONE ANOTHER

For fuck's SAKE. Who was asleep on the job when they were translating this part?! I am literally angry with rage. Let's just look at that damn computer they want me to investigate so badly.



Subtle! The PC-88 was one of the computers Snatcher was originally released for, and the Genesis is what I am playing this on right now.

The bottle, the bottle. What's in the bottle.



I would have suggested "read the label", but I suppose that that gets the job done. In a moronic, roundabout sort of way.



Gibson was too cheap to spring for that fancy Ultra Sunblock that allows you to literally walk on sunshine.



Gee, I dunno, have you considered the fact that people with light skin are susceptible to burning?



Not really. He is looking more like Mel Gibson. Coincidence?

I'm not done with that "chess" set.



>USE QUEEN WITH CHESS SET



You know apart from it being a checkers set.

>USE QUEEN WITH CHESS BOARD



>USE CHESS PIECE WITH CHESS SET YOU CRETIN USE IT USE IT USE IT





>PUT QUEEN ON BOARD AND STOP OVERANALYZING EVERYTHING



You are trying to drive me insane.

Once again, I have hit a roadblock manufactured from quick-drying idiocy. Let's use the fucking computer.



It's a shame our floppy is ¼ of an inch too wide to fit.



N- ... no. 5¼ inch. Floppies are 5¼ inch.



Really? Just gonna gloss right over that, huh? That's some good attention to detail there game.



That's brilliant. Except for the part where it's fucking stupid. Because it's a disk and not a fucking house.




Truly, you are a credit to the force. In his brilliance, he did not just write "check the disk". No. He made sure that if the snatchers got a hold of the note they would go after his daughter.

I hope you get snatched.

INFO DUMP

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Pray, tell us.



I think you need an apostrophe in there somewhere. And the word you are searching for is "vampiric". See me after class.



Snatcher engineers get an F. How can cells that don't multiply mutate?



Because a ROBOT wearing FAKE SKIN can somehow die because the skin somehow develops cancer.

WHY NOT



This estimate is based on what, exactly? You don't even know what snatchers are.



Shake down the cancer ward at your local hospital. They're using those particle accelerators to CALL THE MOTHERSHIP.



Sniff dark-skinned strangers indiscriminately.



Oh no. Not this shit again. SNOW-9 is the nanomachines of Snatcher.



It can also be used as a lazy contrivance to handwave gaping plot holes.



Shake down albinos and photophobes. LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED.



Yes thank you for explaining something you explained in the last sentence and several times before that when I first investigated the bottle.



In other words harass very sick people. ALL OF THOSE DOCTORS AND PSYCHS ARE IN ON IT I TELL YOU.



Thanks for not telling me where it is!

INSERT DISK 2 TO CONTINUE

What's that noise outside OHSHIT HOME INVASION



SHOOT IT SHOOT IT



It was oooonly a crow accompanied by an ominous music cue.



Finally, someone on my side.

It's really not much of a garden, is it? It has a tree. That's about it.



Oh yes. That is far, far more sensible than razor wire. You don't have to feed it or water it or make sure it gets enough sunlight or prune it or wait for it to grow back if it's burned down or dies from pests or disease or anything oh wait yes you do.



I swear, it was thiiis big!

I have exhausted this area. NEXT TIME: We make some more progress, I hope.

[LegoTechnic]

Crows and ravens are both native to Japan, actually.

[Superfrequency]

Unless wikipedia has misled me, there are no species of raven native to Japan.

EDIT: Corvus macrorhynchos (commonly known as the Jungle Crow, not the Jungle Raven), is endemic to Asia. Raven is a term reserved for larger members of the genus Corvus and does not appear to have any specific meaning other than big fat crows, but the fact remains that in the English language, THE ONE THAT THIS GAME IS SUPPOSEDLY TRANSLATED INTO, it refers to a species that is called a crow in English, and then immediately afterwards it calls it a raven. The terms are not interchangeable. It's like calling a pond a lake.

[LegoTechnic]

At the risk of outing myself as a giant flaming nerd, corvus corax kamtschaticus is a subspecies of the common raven (corvus corax) that regularly spends the coldest part of winter in northeastern Japan, typically in Hokkaido (it spends the rest of the year in Asia and elsewhere).

In retrospect, I guess seasonal visitors aren't really native, even if they are yearly regulars.

Though I think I'm getting silly, because the point is that he switched terms, which is so worthy of a facepalm that my face has already pre-imprint itself upon my hand. But then, we already knew this game didn't have any English editors, right?

[Superfrequency]

Well, it is December in-game, and apparently C. c. kamtschaticus can be seen in Honshu (Kobe is on the south end of it, quite a ways away from Hokkaido). While I condede that it is plausible that there could have been a raven in Neo Kobe, however unlikely, the issue is the game can't decide whether or not it is a crow or a raven. Which is more an issue of lazy editing and not one of biological accuracy. But thanks for teaching us something, anyway.

But then, this is the game that heavily implies that there are buffalo in Japan. And tries to pass off a checkers set (or draughts for those of you across the pond) as a chess set. Best to take anything ostensibly factual with a grain of salt.

And now I shall retroactively replace the joke so it won't make sense unless you read this erratum.

[Nopad]

Why does the dog's collar keep changing colors?

Also, obviously they regulated buffalo hunting because of all the wasted meat. I mean, why bother even killing one of them if you can only take 100 lbs. back with you?

[Superfrequency]

Why does the dog's collar keep changing colors?

A good question. I have no fucking idea.

And I do mean that it changes colors ingame and it is not some error I have unintentionally caused.

[Nopad]

Obviously, it is because things change color spontaneously in the future. Genious.