A Beginner's Guide to the End of the Universe

[Crippledvulture]

It is morning, you know that much. You are standing in your BEDROOM. You have a NAME, which you cannot recall at the moment. You have some INTERESTS, which you advocate using the FRAMES above your BED, but you can't quite make out what's pictured from where you're standing. You also probably have a JOB of some sort, but you can't remember what it is.

You're a real mess this morning. Why don't you try to call up some of that IMPORTANT INFORMATION?

[nothingatall]

name: bander knucklehead

job: wall paint watcher

[Digamma]

Name: Leonardo Vasquez Wolfgang

Job: Amnesiac

Interests: Punctuation of the questioning variety, empty picture frames

[engineclock]

You have no NAME, you are the EVERYMAN.

Your interests are NONSPECIFIC ENTERTAINMENT and SPORTS.

You are a freelance writer.

[yellowwedge]

You have no NAME, you are the EVERYMAN.

Your interests are NONSPECIFIC ENTERTAINMENT and SPORTS.

You are a freelance astronaut.

Fix'd and seconded.

[Crippledvulture]

Of course! When you are the EVERYMAN it can be hard to keep these identity issues in order -- lacking the context available to other people and all. You enjoy SPORTS, but you admit to yourself you do so more because someone has to than out of sincere enjoyment. You spend your days monitoring various forms of WALL PAINT, to make sure they don't get out of hand.

What will you do?

[Digamma]

>Ride bed like a mechanical bull

[Phaeye]

>Have a hallucination brought on by the noxious paint fumes.

[nothingatall]

>Ride bed like a mechanical bull

[Crippledvulture]

>Have a hallucination brought on by the noxious paint fumes.

Now that's what you call breakfast! You break out your trusty PAINT BUCKETS and go to town on those fumes.



Before long, you start to feel a little funny. Your vision blurs somewhat, but you feel great! The fumes have unlocked some of the untapped creative potential hidden deep within your typically bland, archetypal psyche. You jump up on the bed and freak out just a little.

Your CREATIVITY stat has increased!

You gain 10 TOXICITY from the fumes, though.

What will you do?

[nothingatall]

>color something. the world is too grey for the everyday man.

[Crippledvulture]

>color something. the world is too grey for the everyday man.

You immediately put your CREATIVITY to work. By spending one point, you change the color of the BED.

Neat.

[engineclock]

Give yourself a manly tattoo.

[nothingatall]

>go outside

[Crippledvulture]

Give yourself a manly tattoo.

You think of the manliest thing you can and manifest that shit from the raw potential you now control with your mind. You, sir are mad with power.

Unfortunately, you only spend one CREATIVITY point.

You get the SHITTY TRIBAL TATTOO.

>go outside

Still feeling the effects of the fumes, you wander out of the BEDROOM into your pathetic APARTMENT'S tiny and generic KITCHEN. From here you can exit into the HALLWAY via the FRONT DOOR.



You exit your APARTMENT. You can't remember the last time you bothered to leave, and you're not entirely certain that's because of the PAINT.

[Crippledvulture]

Bright light spills in from the WINDOW at the far end of the HALLWAY. You meander past the other APARTMENT DOORS to gaze upon the majesty of the OUTSIDE.





Uh oh.

[Quote]

>use some creativity to create a street corner with a lamp post floating in the eather

[Crippledvulture]

>use some creativity to create a street corner with a lamp post floating in the eather

Using all of your remaining CREATIVITY, you summon up a lamp post and some BRICKS for it to sit upon. It's kind of hard to see clearly right now, but it looks pretty slapdash. You should probably commit more CREATIVITY to a project like this in the future.



Speaking of which, you have now drained all of the CREATIVITY you earned by huffing PAINT FUMES earlier. Unfortunately, you still have all 10 of the TOXICITY points you got at the same time. You feel terrible. It's as if someone secretly poisoned you except that person was you and it was your idea.

What will you do?

[Phaeye]

>Knock head against the wall a few times and hope it'll recreate the previous high.

[HoldenCricket]

>Attempt to ease stomach with breakfast of scotch and cornflakes.

[Crippledvulture]

>Knock head against the wall a few times and hope it'll recreate the previous high.

>Attempt to ease stomach with breakfast of scotch and cornflakes.

To the KITCHEN! You waste no time. In your current state, the prospect of sustenance is almost as intoxicating as the aroma of industrial chemicals.

Your inebriated flailing causes you to hit your head a couple of times on the way there. Although this fails to increase your CREATIVITY, it does subtract 2 HIT POINTS.



Tragedy! It seems someone has already consumed not only all of your SCOTCH, but the VODKA as well. Your search turns up 2 EMPTY BOTTLES.

However, you do uncover a BOX OF CORN FLAKES in the PANTRY, and proceed to snack hard.

You gorge yourself on the cereal, gaining 10 NUTRITION. You can use these points to cure some of your many AILMENTS, but at differing rates. (1 NUTRITION will restore 1 HIT POINT, but in order to reduce your TOXICITY, you will need to spend 2 NUTRITION for each point.)

You are feeling somewhat better now that you have eaten something. You're pretty confident you can at least move about without suffering further injury.

[HoldenCricket]

>Flip to least reliable news channel available with your cable package.

[Phaeye]

>Firstly, catch hiccups. That was a lot of food in a short amount of time.

Secondly, go outside. No amount of looking out of a window can replace the feeling of fresh air in your lungs.

[Crippledvulture]

>Flip to least reliable news channel available with your cable package.

>Firstly, catch hiccups. That was a lot of food in a short amount of time.

Secondly, go outside. No amount of looking out of a window can replace the feeling of fresh air in your lungs.

You decide to take a little time out to let all that whole grain goodness settle in. While you do so, you might as well catch up on the important events of the day. To the TELEVISION you go, just like the EVERYMAN you are.



Your TELEVISION, located conveniently off-camera in the BEDROOM is antiquated and unreliable.

Hold on. You can't even see a CORD or WALL OUTLET nearby.

Wait a second...



Now you are really starting to freak out.

[Digamma]

It's obviously your job, as the everyman, to invent television. Don't deny it.