Updated the fanart for the song. Pinary has done Five Million Words, and I have provided my own terribly-drawn contribution of Four Chekhov's Guns.
Updated the fanart for the song. Pinary has done Five Million Words, and I have provided my own terribly-drawn contribution of Four Chekhov's Guns.
I'm probably not gonna do this. Sorry.
HEY! YOU, ON THE CHAIR! YEAH, YOU! GET YOUR HAND OFF YOUR FACE AND LISTEN UP!
Diseased Imaginations contains homicide by trains, possible vampirism, dark humor, dangerous levels of testosterone, and Old Spice. Viewer discretion is advised.
Okay, I've come to a decision.
Today is the last day for sign-ups. After that, I start with however many players I've got.
So if you're interested in joining, act now!
We could always fuse this with Grand Battle Babies.
Name: The Spirit of Fine Dining (Yeager for simplicity)
Text color: Lapis Lazuli! Because it's fancy!
Ability: The ability to conjure up fanciful feasts that would only be seen in the richest households, excellent ballroom dancer, adept at wielding his spoon shaped cane, and the basic ethereal/spiritual/ghostly abilities.
Description: The Spirit of Fine Dining's form is that of a well-to-do rich manâ€˜s navy blue suit with a matching socks and top hat, collared white button up shirt underneath the suit jacket, white gloves, brown loafers, and a monocle. The apparel is situated precisely as if a human body were wearing it, but there is no visual body and instead all the onlooker sees is the clothing. A careful observer could identify the invisible moustache that Yeager has as food will occasionally get caught in the hairs. The Spirit keeps a handkerchief in his breast pocket to wipe his mouth at all times; the kerchief never seems to get dirty either. The spoon cane is both Yeager's source of magic and an effective tool for teaching etiquette.
Personality wise, the Spirit of Fine Dining has a honorable, prim, and proper attitude. He is a stickler for formalities and good manners, but that aside, Yeager is very amiable and pleasant to be around. It should be noted that he is very close (although personally he says he is married) to the Spirit of Fanciful Dancing. He looks down upon those who don't have manners and does his best, which is sometimes rather cruel, when he tries to teach them the error of their ways with his trusted cane.
Biography: The Spirit of Fine Dining is one of the several Spirits of Luxurious Luxuries. They are a rather good natured group in the spiritual hierarchy, although they have been often called ostentatious due to the nature of their abilities. In spite of this, every year on the twenty first of December the Spirits of Luxurious Luxuries hold a holiday ball at the Chateau de Claus Iye. The chateau is an ancient castle located on a hilltop not to far from Amsterdam, but has been long since abandoned. Nobody dares to go near it though as several people claim it is haunted by spirits. The castle truly isn't haunted, but because the ostentatious spirits always seem to make a rowdy scene and terrifying mess during the holiday ball every year that frightens travelers who are passing by during the holiday season. The Spirit of Fine Dining was minding his own business and preparing the holiday party feast when The Philanthropist snatched him out of the kitchen, immaculately clean suit, spoon cane, and all.
Name: The Spirit Of Fall (Autumn)
Text color: #FF8000 on black
Ability: Ultimate control over fruit. Fruit telekinesis, fruit telepathy, instantaneous fermentation, reverse fermentation, bringing fruit back to life; you name it, she can do it to a fruit.
Description: Autumn is a somewhat fat girl in a jacket and long skirt. She has shoulder-length, wavy hair, colored in a gradient from yellow to red. Personality-wise, she is generally boisterous and friendly, but has occasional intensely introverted moods. She loves animals, particularly bugs and small mammals, and finds forests very beautiful. She eats whenever possible, having a particular predilection for fruits and candies but also enjoying meat and bread; beverage-wise, fond of beer and apple cider.
Biography: Autumn is one of the spirits of the Four Seasons; at the time recruitment was occurring, Halloween was rather ill, so she was pulling double-duty for him.
Last edited by MrGuy; 09-26-2010 at 10:07 AM. Reason: Fixing(?) backgrounds
Avatar by Lankie.
Name: The Spirit of Winter Solstice
Text color: 4000BF
Ability: Solstice has a myriad abilities, from fertility to infertility to fire to frost to death to rebirth. Her entire being is so cluttered and confused, though, that whether she can use any of these abilities at any given time is a crapshoot.
Description: Solstice takes the form of a voluptuous woman in a black, skintight dress. She's extremely elegant and bedecked in silver and crystal jewelry, but if you see her out of the corner of your eye, she might appear as confused and skinny, or as very fat. Or as a wolf eating the sun. Or as a large, bearded man.
Since the holiday she embodies is celebrated in so many ways by so many people across time, her personality is inconsistent and vacillating. The one that seems most present, however, appears to be influenced by a confusing mix of neopaganism and Christianity.
Biography: Solstice has been around ever since the first ur-astronomers noticed there was a time when the nights were longest. Back then, she was simply the embodiment of a concept, and didn't do or mean much, but as meaning and ceremony has been tacked onto her holiday, she too changed. A lot.
"I've found them!" the Philanthropist laughed. "I've found the perfect eight spirits to spread holiday cheer! Now, we'd better get to work!"
The Philanthropist put on his red coat and hat, and walked out into the snowy fields. He waved a hand, and the eight spirits appeared.
"Greetings, friends!" the jolly Philanthropist said. "Now, I realize this is short notice, but it's a Christmas emergency! There are seven terribly selfish people throughout the world, and if we don't teach them about the joy of giving and the true meaning of the holiday tonight, we could have a disaster on our hands! So, with that out of the way, let me introduce you all to the other spirits you'll be working with."
The Philanthropist pointed at a large floating table, filled with a lavish feast.
"This is the Spirit of Mirth. He doesn't always look like a table, it's just his main form. Mirth has the ability to conjure physical representations of joyful memories, and he also can sing songs that produce joy. And he can float and disappear and fly through things like a ghost if he wants to."
The Philanthropist then turned to the next spirit, who took the form of a salesman wearing a checked purple shirt.
"This is the Spirit of Capitalism. He can give people whatever they ask for, though he tends to ask for something else in return. Now, to be honest, I find his methods a little unorthodox, but given the problems we're facing here, I'm willing to give him a chance."
Then the Philanthropist turned to a smiling old man carrying a photo album.
"And here we have the Ghost of Christmas Nostalgia. That album he's carrying has countless photos of people enjoying themselves at past Christmases, and he keeps adding to it every year. He spreads joy by showing it to people."
The next spirit was a horse. It neighed.
"This is the Spirit of Christmas. I'm very pleased to have found him! Obviously he's going to be perfectly suited for this task!"
Capitalism coughed. "Uh, Phil, can I call ya Phil, I think you might be a bit confused there. That's a horse. The guys that raise them, y'see, they give them wacky names like Spirit of Christmas, President's Day, stuff like that..."
The Philanthropist looked a little disappointed. "So... you're saying it's just a horse?"
"Well, it's too late to find somebody else, I'm afraid. The rest of you will just have to work with him. Anyway! Here's your next teammate!"
The Philanthropist pointed to an adorable little penguin.
Capitalism groaned. "Please tell me this isn't just an ordinary penguin."
"He's soo cute!" the Philanthropist gushed. "Just look at him! I'm sure his cute exterior will help you in getting through to some of those hardened hearts."
Capitalism waved a hand. "Whatever, but I'm going to have a talk with you about my fee when this is done."
The Philanthropist ignored him and turned towards a suit, which looked like it might have a man in it but didn't.
"Moving on! Say hello to Yeager, the Spirit of Fine Dining! He can conjure up amazing feasts, and he's quite adept with that spoon-shaped cane of his. I think he and Mirth will get along quite well."
The Philanthropist then turned to the next spirit. She was a fat girl with colorful hair.
"This is the seasonal spirit Autumn. Her specialty is fruit. Pretty much anything you can think of that you can do with a fruit, she can do it. Move it, grow it fast, ripen it, unripen it... that's what she's got."
The Philanthropist turned to the last spirit, an attractive woman. At least if you looked at her directly.
"And finally, we have the Spirit of the Winter Solstice. She's got quite a few sources for her origin, and sometimes it's a bit unclear which specific one she's using. But she's got plenty of useful abilities, at least when she's the right incarnation."
He slapped his gloved hands together. "All right! That's the team. Now that you know who you're working with, it's time to start this off!
And with that, he waved his hands. Six spirits, a horse, and a penguin vanished, only to reappear elsewhere.
The team tasked with saving Christmas found themselves outside a schoolhouse. A sign read, "Garforth Elementary", and a bell rang out from a tower at the top of the school. The Philanthropist's voice spoke around the spirits. (And horse and penguin.)
"You're looking for Mr. Meanwood. He's a teacher here, and he's given all of his students a large amount of difficult homework to do on Christmas Day! You've got to convince him to cancel the assignment, or those children will have a miserable holiday! Now, there's still an hour before school is out. The other teachers let their students out early for the holiday, although I suppose there might be a few stragglers in the hallways. Of course, Mr. Meanwood refused to do that, so his class is still working. You've got to find your way to the classroom and convince Mr. Meanwood to change his mind before the next time the bell rings! Good luck!"
Capitalism quickly leaps into action, striding briskly through the crisp snow, through the double doors of the school and turning to face the assembled crowd who were getting their bearings. Though he had stopped moving his foot still tapped incessantly. "Hey guys. What's cold and slow and not ruining this potential business opportunity for yours truly." There was only the briefest of pauses, not even long enough to take a breath before he continued. "I'll give ya all a hint. You are. Seeya. No hard feelings." And with that he closed and barricaded the double doors, shoving a nearby broom through the door handles. Maybe this was a little unfair in terms of how to behave in a friendly competition with his fellow spirits, and a pair of animals, but this was a chance to make some quick cash and if he passed up the opportunity to make quick cash just because it was a little unfair what kind of a spirit of Capitalism would he be? He would hardly be a proper spirit of Capitalism at all, that's what kind of spirit of Capitalism he would be.
He strode through the empty school, admiring the sickly sentimentality of the home made christmas decorations, though he kind of resented the fact that the cheapskate school hadn't had the decency to spring for some professionally made, reasonably priced christmas decorations. Then again if it were an ideal world they'd buy the ones manufactured with really cheap parts, designed specifically to fall apart rather than be used again. He sighed happily at this thought. But snapping back to reality he had spotted a young boy wandering the halls, clearly on his way home. As he approached the kid he knelt onto one knee. "Hey there, what's yer name kid?" He asked quickly.
"Bartleby." The kid replied. "Who are you?"
"Haven't you heard kid, it's Christmas and I'm Santa Claus." He lied through his teeth. "I know the get up is a little different this year we're trying something new. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't I don't know. I'm still waiting on the market research. Anyway the point is that I'm here to give you whatever toy you want in the whole world Bartleby. Because you've been a very good boy." Bartleby looked a little sheepish for a moment. "Look kid I don't have all day. You want somethin' or don't ya? I've got to give presents to every kid in the world you know."
"Are you really Santa?" Bartleby asked suspiciously. "Santa is fat and has a big white beard."
"Yeah I'm him." Capitalism said, his patience waning. "I went on a diet and had a shave." The boy looked skeptical. "Look kid, you want free stuff or don't ya?" Bartleby nodded eagerly.
"I want a giant fighting robot with real powers, and a ninja with throwing stars." The kid said enthusiastically.
"Sure no problem." Capitalism said. "Something that big though it's going to cost you." He paused, again only momentarily. "Say you don't happen to have any dinner money left do you?" Bartleby shook his head. "Fine I guess I'll just have to take your soul then. I hate it when I have to do this but business is business. Stand still, I promise you won't feel a thing." Capitalism clicked his fingers and suddenly two gift wrapped presents appeared. The first was a cube, only just big enough to fit in the corridor, and left little room to squeeze past. The other was tall and thin, about the size of a person. Both had gift tags on saying 'To Bartleby, from your good friend Capitalism'. Capitalism stood up, a grin spread across his face. He was going to make a fortune out of this little competition. He could just feel it. As he walked away Bartleby stood, frozen, a blank look in his eyes, completely unresponsive.
Avatar by the wonderful Pharmacy~
Autumn yawned and picked a grapefruit out of a nearby compost bin, sending it through an open window and slamming it into the broom until it snapped, then passed through the doors. There she noticed the child staring at his presents, as well as the fact that one of them was almost completely blocking the hallway. "Hey, kid, you alright?" Bartleby didn't respond, merely waiting a second more before starting to rip at the smaller box. Autumn paused a moment more. The fellow that just went in was Capitalism, so... presumably they made a trade? He certainly seems competitive, though I suppose that makes sense... She shrugged and attempted to squeeze past the large box. In addition to not being able to make it through the narrow gap, Autumn received a stomach-full of punches from the child. "Don't touch that! It's MINE!" She quickly backed off from the box, wringing her hands. "Okay, s-sorry! I... um. Have you always had such glassy eyes?" Bartleby ignored her, going back to freeing his ninja. Autumn fidgeted uncomfortably before setting off down a different corridor. Hopefully she'd find somebody more friendly before too soon.
Soon enough, she came upon a little girl eating an apple. "Hi, little girl! What's your name?" The girl stared back at her, eyes wide. "Elizabeth." Autumn smiled pleasantly. "That's a nice name! Are you looking forward to Christmas?" The girl nodded her head. "Daddy's going to give me a lot of really cool presents and I'm going to be way cooler than all the other kids and I can make fun of them because they don't have them. What are you supposed to be, anyway? Are you an elf that got kicked out for being too fat?" Autumn frowned. She had thought little girls were supposed to be nice. "No, you see, I'm... one of Santa's helpers."
"Is that an elf that's allowed to be fat? Are you going to give the other kids presents? Don't give them something nice!"
Autumn grunted briefly. "You're a very naughty girl, you know that?" She proceeded to continue walking, making sure to telekinetically chuck the girl's apple out the window, where she hoped a stray dog or something could get at it.
Last edited by MrGuy; 09-26-2010 at 10:07 AM.
Avatar by Lankie.
The Ghost of Christmas Nostalgia walked up to the Schools front door and opened them fast, hoping to see the Faces of happy children, only to see a mostly empty school save for a few, unhappy kids and a Couple of other Spirits, not being one to be unhappy, he just did what he always did when he was starting to feel unhappy, whistle a happy christmas carol.
This made a couple of kids smile a bit, but not to much, it was still a generally dreary place, and then their was one place which was even more dreary then the rest, it was a door with the words "Mr. Meanwood" on it, that was all, save for a few scratches and holes, the wood on the door was even rotten in some places, almost as if the Janitors where to afraid to clean it. It was a sad sight, but not sad enough to make a jolly spirit lose his jolliness, he simply knocked on the door, only to hear a grumpy old man yell at him from the other side, the spirit laughed and opened the photo album, and took out a picture of Mr. Meanwood when he was just a little boy, opening a christmas present with a giant smile on his face. and slid it through the door, hoping it would bring some joy to his cold old heart, all it did was make Mr. Meanwood yell out "WHAT IS IT? I AM DOING REPORT CARDS FOR THE NEXT TERM OF SCHOOL AND I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW IT'S HARD THINKING OF WAYS FOR PEOPLE TO FAIL A SCHOOL YEAR FOR NO GOOD REASON!"
The Spirit laughed at his lack of Jolliness, he wondered how it was even possible to be that grumpy and mean. He was going to need to find a better way to cheer up that old scrooge, then suddenly it hit him, he should hold a Christmas party for that rotten old man, with plenty of big presents and fun, he would HAVE to warm up to that idea!!
The Ghost of Christmas Nostalgia went on and told all of the other spirits in the building about his party idea, it was going to be the most cheerful event ever!
piester, uh. Uh.
Okay, let's start off with the continuity error. All the kids who are getting the assignment are inside Mr. Meanwood's classroom. Any other kids are either waiting for a ride home or getting their stuff together. (I also didn't plan on there being that many of them)
As for the rest... I'm just going to remind you of why I rejected your first character. Keep an eye on the tone. If you want to go for dark humor, at least try to be more subtle about it.
Penguin looked around in a daze. So much had happened so quickly. Nothing had ever happened that quickly. At least no that he could remember. Penguin wasn't so good at remembering.
Penguin looked at the horse beside him. He'd never seen a horse before. For some reason he thought the horse looked friendly.
"Hello!" Spouted Penguin, with unbridled excitement, "Let's be friends!"
Penguin got no response in return, he wasn't even sure if the horse could understand him.
"Uhm.. I'm really not sure what's going on here. We should stick together!"
With still no response, Penguin smiled as only penguins can, and started to climb onto the horses back.
Penguin wasn't entirely sure how he came up with that idea. But it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Penguin wasn't making much progress, with his webbed feet, and flippers. But His determination stayed strong, as he continued to climb.
The Spirit of Christmas shook in the cold winter night
Whilst the Penguin upon his mount did alight.
He plopped his rump down, on the saddle he sat
and stroked the horse's side with a gingerly pat
"Come now friend! There are holidays to save!"
"And these children's plight is ever so grave!"
The Spirit of Christmas blinked and pawed the snow
There was nowhere it seemed he was keen to go.
"Hm. Shouldn't we follow those other few guys?"
The Penguin suggested, a gleam in his eyes
The Spirit of Christmas, however, said naught,
And proceed to walk at a leisurely trot.
He stopped by a window, now just shattered glass
And picked up an apple he found in the grass.
"Oh. That's fine. We can eat too, I guess.
But really we ought to catch up with the rest"
Suddenly the window opened out!
There was Christmas Nostalgia, who said with a shout:
"Fellow Spirits! I have an idea! Let us throw.."
But what he said next The Penguin was not to know.
With a startled neigh, on his hoofs he rose up
The Spirit of Christmas took on a gallop
Just in time, Penguin took hold of the reign
A flipper wrapped tight, a webbed foot in the mane.
With a good bit of luck, some skill, and a neigh
The Penguin guided his friend into the hallway.
And the horse, still frightened as mad as can be
Kicked in the head, that poor Bartleby.
Originally Posted by TheBoyd
Avatar by Lankie.
As The Spirit Of Autumn did traipse through the halls
She perked up to Nostalgia's earnestest calls.
"A party, eh? Perfect!" She said with a grin.
"My skills will prove perfect for making it Win!"
And just at that moment, old Penguin arrived
On The Spirit of Christmas on which he did ride.
And although little girls might have struck her as mean,
Autumn felt that birds were quite joyful and clean.
"Hello, flightless friend! I assume you did hear
Of Nostalgia's new wonderful party idea?"
The Penguin did nod, and The Spirit did stomp
His foot in his eagerness: Clompy-clomp clomp.
And the three of them scouted out rooms, so they say,
As they urgently tried to outpace the school day;
Autumn brought in fruits by the handful, and some
She gave to The Spirit; "The rest, for the bum!"
And The Penguin called their attention right inside
A nice empty gym, where he ended his ride:
He hopped from his mount, landing with a tup-tup,
And he quickly acquired a bowl and some cups.
Autumn pulled out a table, and quickly fermented
The fruits in the air, with which she cemented
The holiday cheer, "For the grown-ups, at least;"
Dumped their "juice" in the bowl, and sought old Fine Feasts.
"Animal friends, I must bid you adieu,
But I will be back with another friend new;
A table of foods both splendid and varied
Shall soon be into this gymnasium carried!"
Last edited by MrGuy; 09-26-2010 at 10:08 AM.
Avatar by Lankie.
The Spirit of Fine Dining pondered the display
Collaborate with the others and save Christmas Day
So much like a clichÃ© story one is read
During December as they are tucked into bed
The Philanthropist, a fellow ever so jolly
Yeager thought and simply shouted, â€œBolly!â€
The noble spirit his feet in the snow
Quickly decided that away he would go
There was magic in the air and music on the breeze
The Spirit of Fine Dining exhaled with a wheeze
â€œHow can he ruin the holiday for the tots?
Mr. Meanwood, what are thou having, these cruel thoughts?â€
The spirit strode into the schoolhouse after a strapping young mare
He phased through the wall and found himself there
A young little boy with no life in his eyes
Struck to the head was surrounded with toys very unwise
Yeager prodded the youth with his cane and removed his hat in dismay
This child had no soul! What a rueful holiday!
â€˜Who could've done such a cruel deed?'
The walking apparel wiped away tears as he cried
â€œI must right this wrong and teach the fiend the error of his ways!â€
â€œTally ho! Fine Dining away!â€ the spirit cried as through the walls he did phase
A trio of boys and duo of girls sat looking for the worst
Yeager placed a gloved hand reassuringly on the first
â€œDon't worry lads and lassies! The spirits of the holiday are here!â€
The children guffawed at the spectral apparel standing so near
â€œCHRISTMAS GHOST!â€ they cried together as one
Yeager cringed and loosed a dejected moan
â€œLittle ones I am no ghost, but a friend to you tonight
Please don't respond with cries of frightâ€
With a wave of his cane five lavish plates did appear
Before the children with all but the beer
â€œPlease do enjoy and do not fret over your work.â€
â€œYou're going to get rid of that jerk?â€
One boy interrupted his face stuffed full
Yeager swatted him with his cane and scolded the fool
â€œYes, but boy! Manners young lad!
Without etiquette you're just as bad!â€
The kids looked confused; baffled; in awe
As the spirit tipped his hat and disappeared through the wall
As if Fate alongside Time did play their card
Fine Dining fell as he was bumped into, hard
â€œOh my, myâ€¦what a blow I daresay!â€
[background=blackyiw5dv2] â€œOh there you are! Please come this way!â€
Autumn tugged firmly on Dining's cuff [/backgroundyiw5dv2]
â€œGood heavens madam, please don't be so rough!â€
Yeager held onto his hat for fear that he would lose it in their hurry
As the portly girl pulled him so quickly, the spirit began to worry
[background=blackyiw5dv2] â€œWe need to convene! Nostalgia has an excellent plan!
We hold a Christmas party for that cruel manâ€ [/backgroundyiw5dv2]
Fine Dining stroked his phantasmagoric chin
â€œIndeed my dear, a fabulous plan! Count me in!â€
The two spirits, one plump and fruity; the other suited and clean
Dashed into the gym with the horse and penguin to convene
â€œA fine start to a fine feast, but my dear did you forget the horse?
He's started eating the appetizer and will have no room for the main course!â€
The shape of immaculately clean clothes waltzed to the mare
And stroked its mane with gentlemanly care
â€œNow my good friend, be you animal or not
Manners are of importance in this scheme we have wroughtâ€
A flourish of his spoon-like cane and a wave of his hand
Yeager resembled a maestro conducting his band
A lavish feast fit for a king and his country appeared, hovering in flight
â€œAh but where's Mirth and the others! We must all gather this lovely night!â€
â€œPlease my companions move quick, make haste!
I dare not set the table with no tables and let the food waste!
Gather our friends, the teacher, and that boyâ€¦Bartelby? Yes!
A grandiose party will be held without all the mess!â€
"Ho ho ho" Chuckled Nostalgia
"What a splendid Dinner, good job to you all!"
And just like that, he dashed through the halls
Telling of all of the remaining kids in the school about the party in the gym normally!
Because Piester Can't find a word that rhymes with nostalgia;
He seriously searched everywhere,
But his searches ended up fruitless
It's like Linguists just didn't care!
But he figured that rhyme would kinda be pointless;
Anyways, back to the story,
All of the kids hollered "Oh boy!"
All of the cheers, where genuine and Jolly
Except for the one from a boy named Bartleby;
"Why are you not happy?" The spirit Questioned
The Boy Looked up snarky
"Because Presents, you did not mention"
Nostalgia Just laughed, the boy was acting.... Something that rhymes with Snarky;
Nostalgia left him and his spoiled attitude
When suddenly it hit him like a giant comet
This behaviour must have been caused by that Capitalism dude
That rotten spirit makes him want to vomit;
He returned to the gym happily
And decided to just take a nap
He decided to forget all about Bartleby
And go back to being a jolly old chap.
Penguin found himself surrounded by friends,
He decided he'd help bring the party to a successful end.
But Meanwood still needed to be confronted,
The party was grand, but the guest list was quite stunted.
Penguin saw that preparations where best left to the other spirits,
And he left into the halls, waddling to whichever room was nearest.
Penguin searched empty room after room, his way blocked with little friction,
Making it easy to find Meanwood's jurisdiction.
He walked right into the room,
Saw Meanwood's class, their minds filled with doom.
Unaware of his presence, the students worked on,
to weary to notice what was going on. (oh yeah best rhyme ever!)
But Meanwood looked up, and saw our feathered friend,
How did he react? Sorry, I've come to an end.
Did he growl, or yell? Or damn it to hell?
Did he chase Penguin? I'll never tell.
Get someone else to say how Meanwood reacted,
I'm just a noob, couldn't say how other characters acted.
Does this task fall on Dragon Fogel?
Probably not supposed to, but what the hell.
(I probably pronounced Fogel wrong didn't I?)