The Attackening: A Switch in Time

[FKOD]

You are not these guys. However, for the purposes of this narrative, let us assume for the moment that you are these guys, even though you aren't. You are not Emily, evil mastermind and totally evil villain, nor are you Verenth, Emily's right-hand man and only competent minion. You are both standing in an elevator in Emily's Super Secret Future Hideout. You traveled here from the past to avoid the rages of the one known as... Tim. And Cyz. And Janis. Those guys suck. They totally foiled your plans at the last minute! Why does that always happen? Anyway, to summarize for those who missed it, you were 'recruiting' and brainwashing brilliant scientists from across time and space to build a machine that could tunnel through time. You succeeded in that, at least. Your plan was to steal some sort of super weapon, take it back in time and then TAKE OVER THE WOOOOORRRRLLLLD! However, when you got to the future you met Verenth, the grandson of your most loyal follower. Your people live for a very long time, but one version of you gave Verenth's grandfather a mission on your/his death bed... To give past you the plans to build a machine that would allow you not to tunnel through time, but the fabric of reality itself! Apparently almost every universe revolves around an individual, or sometimes a group, that future you named a "Protagonist." These Protagonists are almost always exceptional or powerful in some way. Along with all of the research notes of several thousand years, access to technology from your future and some highly advanced clone-vats to produce hordes of thugs, you quickly set a simple but effective plan into motion...
1. Kidnap Protagonists from their home universes.
2. Brainwash them to do your bidding.
3. Take them back in time, and use them to take over the world in the past.
4. Use the time machine to skip along the time line, ensuring an unending rule of Emily.
5. Spread the Emilian Empire to every universe! Including that populated by the creators of the other universes, which themselves sometimes housed the creators of even more universes. It's all very confusing.

Anyway, you were this close to winning when your bumbling half-brother Cyz and his gaggle of moronic cohorts burst in, destroying your machine, slaughtering your thugs and just generally making a mess of the place.
So, you beat a hasty retreat to the future, possibly ripping a hole in space time as you did. When you got here, you found everything slightly different, a huge empire ruled by a family founded in the waning days of old earth!
So yes, you are kinda mad. Seeing as how you explicitly requested that your thugs in this time send back three or four of the brain-washed protagonists to aid you (communicating through time is much easier than sending matter). They never showed up! As a result you were almost turned into ground chuck by that pointy-haired murder-machine, Tim Burr!
Oh, your lackwit minions better have a good explanation for this...



"Gentlemen."

"B-boss! You're alive!"

"Yes, no thanks to you idiots."

"That's hurtful."

"Would you care to explain why, in the name of all that is evil and sinister, the help I requested failed to arrive?"

"W-well, you s-see... we kept capturing more guys, just like you s-said!"

"And the, uh, brainwashing seemed to be, uh... working, and uh..."

"Get on with it."

"W-we... k-kinda goofed?"

"The brainwashing didn't... uh... take..."

"What? That brainwashing procedure was fool-proof! Absolutely perfect! You must be mistaken. Grr! Take me to the prisoners! I'll examine them myself."

"W-weeeeelllll..."

"We don't exactly... have them. Anymore. That is. They escaped..."

"They escaped!? HOW!?"

"They just, uh..."

"M-maybe we should sh-show you the f-footage."



"Did... did you put this on YouTube?"

"Um... no?"

"And there definitely isn't also one that's edited and set to Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now.""

"Ugh."





"Well... balls."

"So, all of them escaped?"

"...Yeah. Right back to the tunneler room. One of them figured out the controls and sent them all back to their home universes."

"On a side n-note, I always said we shouldn't have left the m-manual laying right there and labeled all of the buttons."

"Why didn't you activate the emergency security system and seal off the tunneler room?"

"...We can do that?"

"Nobody ever told us that."

"YOU INCOMPETENT BUFFOONS!"

"There's no reason to yell."

"THERE IS EVERY REASON TO YELL. I AM INCREDIBLY UNHAPPY. Graah! Verenth! Kill one of them!"

"Which one?"

"Um, I don't know... the ugly one. Him."

"Hey! W-wait just a minute, I... uh-oh..."





"OMIGOD WHAT DID YOU DO TO BILLY!?"

"I should think that it's pretty obvious."

"OH, BILLY! WE WERE GROWN IN THE SAME CONING VAT BANK!"

"Well, if you don't want to be buried in the same coffin, you should probably BE MORE COMPETENT IN THE FUTURE!"

*Whimper*

"..."

"...Now that you have ruined my primary plan, I guess we'll have to go to plan B. What is the status of the secret weapon?"

"It's... uh... getting there."

"Be more specific."

==>

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Post continuing shortly.

[FKOD]

==>

"Well, we've had trouble getting a hold of all of the components... some of them are pretty hard to get, especially the power source. And we still need a proper ship to mount it on. Oh! And. Um. The focusing array is still missing most of the necessary foci."

"Verenth. I want you to oversee the retrieval of the remaining components personally."

"Of course. I'll need to allocate some funds to hire a few... specialists."

"Okay... do that? I don't know, you're the one who handles the finances. I just build terrible death machines."

"..."

"Speaking of... I had better go build some terrible death machines! Toodles!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Get to work. I'll send a new technican down to aid you soon."

"Yes, sir."

"What a jerk."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

Meanwhile...



This is you. For real, this time. You are just exiting a time portal into an unknown future.



Ah. Successful transit!



Um. What is the floor doing way down there?



Yep. This is most definitely you. Sorry about that. Your name is Cyz. You are not strong. Or smart. But you are lucky. Very lucky, in fact. It was your immense luckiness that helped you temporarily ascend to godhood, defeat a terrible Lovecraftian horror from beyond the stars, and foil all of the plots of your evil half-brother, Emily. You have just come through a portal that you constructed when you were in your god-form. You know for certain that this is pretty close, chronologically, to where Emily came out. But you don't know where he is physically. You'll have to look for him.



You appear to be in some sort of warehouse or storage area. A few boxes sit around the room. Judging by the small layer of dust on top of them, it's been a while since anyone's been in here. Across from where you're sitting is the door.

One of the boxes is shaking and hopping around a little. Little growling noises are coming out of it. It's kinda weirding you out.

So, what do you do?

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Okay, intro over. Go go go go go!

[GreyGabe]

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First post wouldn't have split into two if we hadn't moved to using portraits for speaking...

What do you guys think about the move to portraits, by the way? Good idea? Bad idea? I think it makes it easier to read.

Anyway, Yay! Part two!

Also if you missed it, Part 1 is here, but I am also working on a mirror.

[CheeseDeluxe]

YAY!

>Handle the "Handle with Care" box in a stupid manner.


Portraits, yes. But if it's too straining on you, then don't do it. I personally like it because it helps with the conversation.

[Dragon Fogel]

>Disobey the labels on every box.

[CheeseDeluxe]

>Disobey the labels on every box.

Yeah, that too. Do it as fast as possible.

[Gustave]

>Ent that box.

[Chwoka]

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What do you guys think about the move to portraits, by the way? Good idea? Bad idea? I think it makes it easier to read.

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I like it, but then again, I'm using it for my adventure too.

> Open the shaking box.

[Daedalus]

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You succeeded in that, at least. Your plan was to steal some sort of super weapon, take it back in time and then TAKE OVER THE WOOOOORRRRLLLLD!

OF COURSE!!

> Poke the shaking box

Yay!!!! Part 2 is here!!!

[Xander]

Tear into the boxes.

[snoomanwaff]

Verenth>Plot to get revenge on Tim Burr.
Technician #1>Reveal to the audience that you are actually Tappipappa deep undercover investigating the disappearance and subsequent reappearance of several protagonists from their home universes and, thus, perfectly able to survive as a skeleton.
Technician #2>Overhear bits of this and wet yourself.
---
Cyz>Do you still have all of your abilities?

[SonicLover]

>Cyz: Status/inventory check

[andanotherone]

Read the instructions on each box, then do the exact opposite of what they say.
Also sacrifice a virgin to Andy to get time-travel powers

[Kaitostrike]

>Cyz: Open the box that says "Do not eat". This is totally more important than that shaking box.

Also, I like the portraits.

[TheBoyd]

(I should not be reading this yet (and haven't to be honest, (you words scare me.. there are sooo many! (I'll get around to it.. believe me!!!)))))))))

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Now that's an obscure reference!

I am the happiest hobo now! (no. I'm not really a hobo.. but.. it sounded good I thought so.. yeah..

[eerr]

cyz: stare into the soul of that person looking at the computer!

Then eat that crate of edible food.

[PriffyViole]

> Cyz: Wonder why your parents named a boy Emily. Well, one of them.

[Bradley]

Cyz: Consider for just a moment, that the boxes were probably marked for a reason, and it would be in your best intertest to do what they say.

Forget this .3 seconds later.

[PriffyViole]

> Verenth: Fall down because of Huge Ahoge.

[Schazer]

Yaaaay

Um... no suggestions. Just popping in to say that was magical. Keep up the great work!

[Not The Author]

Take stock of your inventory.

[FKOD]

> Verenth: Fall down because of Huge Ahoge.

Verenth wonders if you have something to say about his pony-tail. He invites you to wonder if that would be a terribly wise thing to do.

Verenth>Plot to get revenge on Tim Burr.
Technician #1>Reveal to the audience that you are actually Tappipappa deep undercover investigating the disappearance and subsequent reappearance of several protagonists from their home universes and, thus, perfectly able to survive as a skeleton.
Technician #2>Overhear bits of this and wet yourself.

Just to be clear, you are still not those guys. Just sayin'. But okay, whatever...
Verenth cannot get revenge on Tim right now, what with being in the future and all. However, he does begin formulating a plan to get revenge on his descendants...
Not quite as satisfying, but it's the principle of the thing.



"OH. MY. GOD. You're actually one of the creators from one of the higher dimensions come to investigate the unexplained disappearance and then equally unexplained reappearance of protagonists from several universes and enforce your own brand of vigilante justice on the perpetrators!"

"...What?"

"That is how you are still alive, right!"

"What? No. Don't be ridiculous."

"Oh. Then how are you still..."

"I'm a ghost."

"Oh, that's perfectly rationaWHAT!?"

"Well, either I'm a ghost or you're nuttier than a jar of peanut butter, one."

"...Okay... um... what do I, uh... do about this?"

"Either try to avenge me, try to give me a new physical form, or make an appointment with your shrink."

"Um..."

Anyway, back to the story at hand...

> Cyz: Wonder why your parents named a boy Emily. Well, one of them.

That was actually his mother. You share a dad. A deadbeat, womanizing dad.

Take stock of your inventory.

You are currently holding:

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Normal Items:
Your Wallet
A Ham
A Brick
A Shillelagh
A Remote Control Narwhal

Key Items:
Cattache Case -- 0/15 Kittens
Portable Mug Lugger -- 0/5 Novelty Mugs

Currency:
295 Sols

Cyz: Consider for just a moment, that the boxes were probably marked for a reason, and it would be in your best intertest to do what they say.

Forget this .3 seconds later.

Done and done!

>Disobey the labels on every box.

This seems reasonable and not totally irresponsible or ridiculous.



You feel just like... someone... rebellious... Whatever.



Om nom nom!
You are a loose cannon!



"Here you go, my good box. Three sols."

"..."

"What? You want more?"

"..."



"FINE. Take the money and get out of here, you greedy son of a paper-mill!"

You lose 5 Sols.

cyz: stare into the soul of that person looking at the computer!

Bwuh?

Also sacrifice a virgin to Andy to get time-travel powers

There is nobody here. Also, the last time you tried to sacrafice someone to your heathen gods, you got a very stern talking-to from some serious men in blue uniforms.

Cyz>Do you still have all of your abilities?

You have lost the ability to ascend to god-hood. Other than that, yes.
Abilities:

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Luck Techs:
Adorable Visage--Use your high cuteness to awe your opponents/innocent bystanders/inanimate objects.
Lucky Draw -- Draw an item out of your inventory at random and utilise it in a violent fashion (usually)
Call For Help -- Call for help! Do I really have to explain this?
I'd Like to Phone A Frind, Regis -- Summons the spirit of Regis Philbin to give you a Spectral Phone, which calls one of your allies or potential allies at random.
Ace Up The Sleeve -- Pulls a card from a nearby sleeve, which has different effects based on the suit the card is from.
-----Spades: ???
-----Clubs: ???
-----Diamonds: Shield
-----Hearts: ???
Rumblin' Roulettes -- Summon up a giant mysterious roulette wheel, which can cause a number of stat effects or directly damage foes.
Slammin' Slots -- Summon up a giant mystical slot machine, which can bring forth a summonation or cast various spells.
Deus Ex Machina -- Can possibly solve a problem for you, deal massive damage to an opponent... or just ruin everything, depending on the whims of whatever deities control the universe.

Super Luck Tech:
Lux Deorum (Passive) -- Increases the effects of all LuckTechs, giving you better results!

Attribute Techs:
Strongliness: Berserker Rage -- Fueled by Undying Rage, you pulverize your enemies and speak in monosyllables.
Sexiness: Sexy Beam -- You concentrate the raw sexy power of your sexy sexiness into a destructive energy blast. Try not to think about it too hard. You'll hurt yourself.
Charm: Charming Dance -- Charm your foes through interpretative dance! Or at least make them laugh at you.
Wisdomosity: Elemental Explosion -- Allows you to strike using one of the classical elements; earth, wind, fire, water, and heart. Wait, not that last one. That would be silly. Just the first four.

>Handle the "Handle with Care" box in a stupid manner.

This is the bestest idea evar and nothing could possibly go--

You drop the box.



Umm...



"Chap!"

The unusual creature walks over and holds out one hand... nub. Thing.

You shake it. He seems thankful for being let out of that cardboard box.

"Hey there, little dude. What's your name?"

"Chapooza!"

"'Kay. Hey, do you know where we are, exactly?"

"Nope."

"Oh well. Guess it's time to make like a banana and get the heck outta here."



Whoah...


WELCOME TO... DA FUTURE!

Dang, the future is cool. They even have sweet flying cars! And weird alien dudes! And laser skirts!

You kinda feel like a bumpkin.

From what you can see of the city, there are a lot of tall buildings. And a bigger, floating building which looks like a castle.

...Maybe you should ask for directions or something.
To someplace.
Um.
You hadn't really planned much past the whole 'Go to the future' thing, really.

[Chwoka]

Grand Theft Auto.

Ask a random person to be your tour guide of the future, after you explain that you're from the past. Maybe they'll take you to see Techno-France!

[andanotherone]

>PRETEND to sacrifice a virgin to Andy and gain time travel powers.
Also go around telling people everything that has happened ever since you woke up from that octomuffin dream.

[Gustave]

>Go to the history building and read about the exciting adventure you just had.