MSPA fan fiction 2

[paperandpencil]

ASKdhdsa UNHINGED! I have to admit that I've no idea if Rose will end up with Dave or John and this uncertainty has me tearing my own hair out! D8 (fingers crossed for dave) Anyway the plot is fantastic, characterization is awesome, and everything is SO GOOD, so very very good. Can't wait for the next installment!

[Orange]

I admit, guiltily, that I do keep up with Unhinged even though I need to catch up on so much other fiction. It's brilliant, and i've been reading it for a while, so I keep an eye out for it.

It doesn't disappoint. Wish I had time to say more. c: Great stuff once again, Red Pen.

[foxesforsale]

HAPPY NEW FIC THREAD!!! *streamers and balloons*

Red Pen, Unhinged just gets more awesome with every chapter you publish! Can't wait for the next one!

Scratch continues to be awesome. Keep going!

[resdaMalos]

Scratch, Chapter 3

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Dave didn't bother to use the front door, simply gliding in through the blasted hole in the wall, still remaining from John's cheatrocket escapade. Dave performed a showy backflip off of Unreal Air, sticking the landing atop Rose's bed, all the while turning the timetable. Rose slowly turned in her chair, her face sour.

"What? It's not like you didn't know I was coming."

Rose remained tight-lipped, her eyebrows raising.

"Rose?" The realization came, instantly. Dave shook his head. "No, no... Rose."

Slowly, she lifted up a finger. Her mouth opened, and Dave heard the slurred voice emanate from her lips.

"Wwwwwwwhhhhhhhhaaaaaaattttttt dddddddiiiiiii-"

Dave's knees grew weak; he stepped off her bed and sat down, head in his hands. "Fuck. Rose. I can't understand you like this. Come on now, work with me here!" He looked up - Rose was frozen in place, mouth midway between forming one sound and another, eyes unblinking. "Shit, shit, shit," Dave muttered, spinning the platter as fast as he could.

"-ddddddd yyyyyyoooooouuuuu ddddoooo?"

"Rose. No. Come on." Dave spun the record, but his palms were beginning to sweat. It was becoming a chore, turning the record, his fingers slick across the vinyl.

"Iiiiii ccccccaaannnnnttttt hhheeeeeeeeeeaaaaarrrr-"

Dave stopped, picking up his hands. Instantly the guttural, low-pitched wail ceased, and everything froze again. "Fucking bullshit," he said, pulling his hair. "I fucked this one up. God damn it, Rose!" He stood up, eyes locked on her. Her arms were raised in confusion, brow furrowed. "I needed you for this."

He took a deep breath. There had to be a way to communicate with her, properly. He stood up, stretched his legs, and walked about. He looked to her computer, ignoring her unblinking gaze. Everything was frozen - even the monitor was caught between refreshes, showing half of one screen, and half of another. The most recent window on her screen was their chat; obviously not much time had passed. He glanced at the timestamp of his last message; it had taken place only five minutes ago.

Dave stepped back. For him it had felt like almost an hour.

His eyes moved away from the monitor, to a green, bulky hairband, with an earpiece and visor attached. It was her hubtopband, he figured, though he had never seen it in person. It looked extremely unbalanced and uncomfortable - as smart as she was, her creativity with the alchemiter was lacking. Dave figured she had removed it for the time being, opting to use the standard computer interface to do the bulk of her chatting. He picked the hubtopband up, displacing it from the air around it.

Dave turned to Rose, still staring at where he used to be sitting, arms still raised, brow still wrinkled, frozen in the same moment he had left her in. Slowly, he removed her standard black hairband. Her hair behaved as it were gelled in place, the imprint of the band still apparent. Dave gingerly put the hubtopband in its place, and stepped back.

She looked exactly the same, eyes fixed, body unmoving. Her hair was a little mussed from his attempts to adjust the bands, but otherwise nothing had changed. He trembled at the thought of what he had just done. Outside of the flow of time, Rose was nothing more than a statue, a still life portrait of the friend he knew. He had changed her hairband - nothing was stopping him from doing more. Changing her clothes entirely. Changing her hair, her expression. Standing her upright, sitting her on top of her bookshelf, throwing her out the window... or onto her bed... No one around to stop him, or even question his morality. The concept was... frightening at best. He slumped back down onto the bed, as he placed two fingers atop the timetable.

He restarted time and watched Rose spring to life, his hands still turning the record. She moved with delicate grace as she reached up, feeling the effect of Dave's makeover. What was a passing look of confusion looked more like a long, thought out internal monologue under Dave's observation. He watched her chest fall, the whisper of a sigh escaping her lips. She ran her hands through her hair and removed the hubtopband again - unrestrained, her hair slowly fell, cascades of neatly cropped gold. She did her best to push it into place, and placed the hubtopband delicately back on her head.

Dave switched on his shades, and opened a chat window.

TG: so yeah
TG: um
TG: this will work better i think

Rose slowly began to smile, an accepting, "meh" sort of deal.

TT: Yes.

Dave sighed, continuing to turn the platter.

TG: pretty sure that this isnt working anymore
TG: needs to be fixed
TG: it wont spin on its own i have to do it

Rose watched his hand intently, the gears already turning in her head.

TT: I see.
TT: To me it looks like a blur of color.
TT: You're moving too fast for me to perceive you properly.

Dave humphed.

TG: okay what happens when i do this

He slowed down his hand, almost to a stop, then slowly brought it back up to speed. He watched as Rose studied his hand's movement, her own movements slowing to a full stop themselves before restarting.

TT: Dave.
TT: You stopped time there, didn't you?
TG: yeah
TG: shits fucked up

Dave watched as messages slowly came up on his screen. Rose was obviously talking very fast, messages flashing on screen faster than anyone could type, but for him the wait was frustratingly long.

TT: I would say that things like this were fundamentally impossible.
TT: But we really pitched rationality out of the window when we even started this game.
TT: I knew you were capable of at least hopping through time, I could reconcile that with even my deepest skepticism.
TT: But manipulating it to this degree...
TT: This is no ordinary device.

Dave rolled his eyes. "No shit, it's a floating gear with a record on top that fucks with time, are you surprised?"

TT: Dave, I couldn't catch that. Use the pesterlog please.
TG: im just saying that this is no time to be scientific
TG: just fix the thing
TT: To fully comprehend what I must do, I need to understand the nature of the device.
TT: Can that record be placed upside down? Does breaking it break existence?
TT: What if spinning the platter fixes nothing?
TT: What if it makes things worse? Will you still be able to control it?
TT: What if there was a way to manipulate the timestream further?
TT: How can this be turned to our advantage?

Dave facepalmed for a moment at Rose's rant, halting it mid-stream. He looked at her - she looked positively elated; her eyes were bright, her mouth curled in a small grin. This was all one big fucking discovery for her. And where did that leave him? Spinning his hand in tiny clockwise circles?

He stood up, taking the timetable with him. He walked over to Rose's frozen form. He wanted to slap her, but changed his mind quickly and restarted time instead. Yelling as loud as he could, enunciating every syllable, he vented his frustration.

"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOSE."

"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIX."

"THIIIIIIIIIIIIIS."

Rose screamed, falling out of her chair. She looked up at him. Though it wasn't clear, she could see the trace of fear in his eyes.

TT: I apologize.
TT: There is a spell that may be of use.
TT: I must consult one of my books.

Instantly, Rose's entire library of occult material appeared on the floor, and Dave was back on the bed, spinning the record, visibly frustrated. She flushed, embarrassed.

TT: I'll get on that then.

[Bardic Feline]

Yay! New fic thread!
I recently got a new keyboard, so hopefully I should actually be posting something new in the foreseeable future, and ideally before I get too busy with classes. l3

In the meantime, we don't seem to have any shortage of awesome fic! So...so...much praise I want to give...too many people to give them too...just let it be known that I love you alllllllllllllllllllllllll! *collapses* I love this fandom...

[JudgeDeadd]

"Scratch" continues to amaze.

[PaulPower]

I've never played team fortress, so I feel like i missed out on a lot of the jokes, but it was fun to read anyway.

Well, the "Meet The Team" videos sum a lot of it up (Caution, lots of cartoon violence/gore. Think "very dark Pixar movie"). I directly referenced "Meet the Demoman" with Terezi's "grey Alternian noclops" line, so it might be a good place to start if you wanted to watch them. They're all great, but the Engineer, Sniper and Spy videos are particularly awesome, and there are a few parallels with Jade, Dave and Rose in there. Anyway, planning out part 2 at the moment - still got two more intels to capture!

Anyway, great stuff everyone. Cool to see the way Unhinged and Scratch are developing.

[Sushi Database]

Yay, more Scratch! Here's hoping Rose wont make things worse.

[VagabondRaiser]

Two things:

1)You guys are hundreds of kinds of awesome. Seriously, keep up the great writing. It inspires me to continue my own stories.

2)I totally bombed this plan, so I guess I'll explain: I was going to have the next five chapters of Impermanence: HaT done in time to be able to drop them all on the last page of the old thread.

I didn't get that far (only a half chapter in), figured I'd pull an all-nighter to grind 'em out, but then the thread got closed, so I just went around playing Just Cause 2 and having a blast. (This has inspired me for another project, but that'll wait until I finish.... something.)

So, The next chapter of Impermanence is being constructed, and it's looking HUUUGE. However, I'm not going to post the whole thing just yet. Let's just say the chapters are going to be getting bigger from here on out. (I can hear you screaming in terror from here, I know.) I am, however, going to drop a 'teaser'.

That is to say, a snippet from right smack in the middle of the story. It won't spoil much (and what little it does, you'll probably see coming a mile away even without the spoiler). Without further ado:

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James Swift was an old hand on the rails. His track record was spotless, and today was his final day on the rails. He doffed his conductor's cap as he stood smoking on the caboose of the 9:20 train, running a hand through touseled salt-and-pepper hair.

Off in the distance, he could see a car on the road running parallel to the train tracks. Automobiles were a continuing fascination to him; he had a feeling they'd eventually replace trains as a means of transporting people and goods. It was just a matter of 'when'.

The car appeared to be moving rather fast, but he paid it no mind, taking a drag on his cigar and gazing up at the clouds. His wife would be glad to see him no longer running the rails... he'd been lucky enough to have only lost one finger over the years. Didn't need that left middle finger anyway.

He looked down, and almost choked on his cigar.

The car that he had seen so far off was on the tracks and catching up wtih the train rather quickly. This close, he could see that it was some sort of police vehicle--

SHKTANK!

The roof of the car suddenly had what looked like a giant letter opener poking out of it. The blade worked its' way through the roof like a can opener, and a foot launched the unlidded roof off of the car, leaving only windows and supports.

A ginger-haired young man climbed forward in the car, switching positions with the broad-shoulded fellow in the driver's seat.

The car jerked momentarily as control was passed over, but caught up with the train again, the nose of the car bumping into the back coupling of the train as the broad-shouldered fellow climbed over the windshield and helped a lovely blonde woman in a violet pantsuit up beside him. She hopped the rail with ease to land beside James, and gave him a smile that chilled him to the bone.

"Mind if we join you?" She asked in a sweet, debonair lilt. He shook his head, wide-eyed, and held up his hands.

"N-not at all," James stammered, and stepped aside as a lithe girl dressed in men's clothes with long black hair and round glasses hopped over the rail, followed shortly by the broad-shouldered man.

He looked back toward the car, and briefly wondered what the ginger-haired man was up to when he abruptly leapt up with the grace of a dancer, flipping over the windshield and rolling down the hood.

His feet planted on the front bumper as the car began to drift away from the train, and he leapt, one hand outstretched, the other gripping the hilt of a large broken sword.

The broad-shouldered man caught his hand and pulled him aboard easily, helping him over the rail.

With an air of confidence, the young man adjusted his shirt, pushed his sunglasses back up over his emeraldine eyes, and nodded a greeting to James as he opened the door.

"We'd appreciate it if ya din't tell no-one," the bespectacled girl said with a bucktoothed smile, and James found himself holding an extremely expensive-looking golden necklace studded with diamonds as the four entered the caboose.

He watched, dumbfounded, as the car veered off the tracks and down into a ditch. After a moment, he pulled the cigar from his mouth and flicked it onto the tracks.

His cigar case followed.

[raequiem]

Scratch is so amazing like whoa. As is that little snippet of Impermanence.

Both of you need to keep writing awesomeness forever.

[raequiem]

Two posts in a row. Way to go, self.

EDIT: Since crossposting is apparently frowned upon, here's the link to the Unhinged fanart I made. That's what I get for being a n00b.

[Solaris]

Two posts in a row. Way to go, self.

Anyway, crossposting this with the fanart thread. Unhinged fanart!

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Rose looking a bit haggard and trying to convince Dave she's okay. And fooling exactly no one.

YAY
UNHINGED FANARTS
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS THINLY MENTIONED BY ZAZZERSLASH!
BUT BUT BUT
You can only post it in one place.
So you can link it to here
or link it to the Fan-arts thread.
Because of Da new Rulez

[Red Pen]

Two posts in a row. Way to go, self.

EDIT: Since crossposting is apparently frowned upon, here's the link to the Unhinged fanart I made. That's what I get for being a n00b.

That's neat, raequiem! I already gushed over it a bunch in the other thread, but, um, thank you~ It is amazingly cool that you drew a scene from my silly fanfiction.

And Solaris, a fanfic without Zazzerslash is like a gentleman without a monocle; that is to say IT CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A VERY PROPER FANFIC AT ALL.

[paperandpencil]

Oh man I am swooning and fainting and asking for towels all over the place, Scratch is INCREDIBLE.

[Metaflare]

This small fic is inspired by Derringer's cute Rose x Kanaya drawing here.

Just a Fan

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She gave a small, content sigh as she walked down the street. She had taken a week off from filming to visit a nearby small town and relax. It was great there; no one rushed up to her and demanded autographs, no paparatzi, and no bodyguards. She stopped for a second to stretch her arms above her head, when she noticed a second pair of feet stopping a split second later.

She turned around, only to see what she just passed by: a few quaint houses with their garbage cans outside. The girl raised an eyebrow and decided it was just her imagination.

But just in case...

A few minutes later she abruptly stopped for no identifyable reason. Again, a second pair of footsteps was heard before stopping along with her. She turned around and crossed her arms. "Come out, whoever's following me. I'm not so much of an imbicile to not recognise when I'm being stalked. Trust me, you wouldn't be the first."

It was silent and still for a few moments before a girl, slightly older than her, removed herself from her hiding spot behind a trashcan. Her grey skin and yellow eyes identified her as a Troll, and she was holding up a thin book up in front of her face, as if she was hiding her blush. Too bad it was so large that her entire face was a shade of pale green. "Y-You're Rose L-Lalonde, correct?"

Rose nodded slowly. Great, another fan. "Yes, I am she. May I help you?"

The Troll girl nervously approached the actress and handed her the book she was carrying. It was labled 'Autographs.' "C-could you sign this, please? I'd-I'd greatly appreciate this small favor."

Rose strained to hear her words; not only was she fairly quiet, but she was practically talking to the ground her head was bowed so low. She must be incredibly shy. Or nervous. Or maybe both. "...Sure. What's your name?" She asked as she pulled out her voilet pen.

Although she looked and sounded incredibly happy, she still didn't move her stare from the ground. "K-Kanaya. Kanaya Maryam."

Rose opened up the book in her own unique way that had become a habit to her over the years, flipping open a book from the back and thumb through it until she reached where she needed to be. This is how she caught an entire page filled with jade-green ink. The only words on the page were 'Kanaya Lalonde' in varying fonts.

She stood there dumbfounded for a moment before flipping to the first page, which was blank. A few scribblings later, she handed the book back to Kanaya, who still refused to make eye contact. "Thank you so much, Rose!" A shy smile crept up the Troll girl's face. "You have no idea how much this means to me...Goodbye!"

As Kanaya turned around to head back to her home, she heard Rose call out, "Wait!" Curious, the Troll turned around to hear what her idol had to say. Rose seemed to contemplate something for a moment before saying, "I have the week off. I wouldn't mind if you showed me around this nice town. But, that's if you don't mind yourself."

Kanaya just stood there, awed. Her idol, her favorite actress, just asked to hang out with her. For the entire week! "O-Of course!" She finally made eye contact with Rose, who was smiling gently.

"Well then, why don't we start right now?"

...I SUCK AT ANYTHING EVEN SLIGHTLY ROMANTIC ARAFKSHC

[Bardic Feline]

Meta, that was absolutely and completely adorable. Cutely romantic! And a very good written interpretation of that pic. ^_^ I liked it!

[Metaflare]

Aww, you're making me blush

[kmsumrall]

This is just a short piece to try and restart my creativity. Lately I've been just starting stories then stalling.

Secret Agent Doc Scratch!

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“So Doc Scratch, did you think you could evade me again?”

“You know, for a moment there, I really thought a I could.” I took out my revolver and took aim.

“Now come on, Scratch. Die with some dignity. I counted the shots and you are spent.”

I smiled. “Am I?” The shot rang clear, hitting the lever behind Spades Slick. He gaped at the opening bay doors as the bombs feel into the ocean. They exploded as they went under, sending water up like geysers.

“What?! No! You shot all six shots! You didn’t reload!” Slick was tearing up his hat.

“Just my secret, buddy.” If only I could see his expression under that stupid mask. I took aim again, ready to take out his legs. Slick laughed and took out a dead man’s switch.

“You really want to do that, Scratch? Do you really want to risk what this will do?” Reluctantly, I lowered my gun. He laughed again, loving to be in control. “You know what? I do.”

All around me explosions started tearing holes in the airship, sending flames and shrapnel flying at high velocity. With blinding speed the second in command Diamonds Droog grabbed the boss and the two disappeared.

Well crap.

“Snowman, I need an out!” I covered my mouth with a cloth to block the smoke.

“Didn’t know you felt that way. We have a speed-boat en route.”

“Call it off, the airship is coming down hard and fast and exploding!”

“I should have known that Spades Slick would have had that little freak wire the place to explode. One moment.”

“I don’t have a moment! I don’t have a minute or a second or any other name of time!” I started to the upper deck, jumping over flames and dodging flying pieces of metal. I banged on the door but it was fused shut.

“Doc! I’m detecting several large objects falling from the airship unrelated to the explosions!”

“Those must be the zero-point propulsion planes he stole! How am I-” A fresh explosion blew me back into a wall. I was dizzy, and my vision was blurry. I made my over the new big blue blob.

“Hey Snowman, do you think I could make a 20 foot acrobatic jump onto a falling planepod?”

“Don’t you even dar-” I cut her off, kissed my lucky cue ball, and made a wish. The air around me felt good.

[resdaMalos]

Kanaya makes the most adorable fangirl ever.

So this isn't a contentless post, I thought I'd tell you all that I'm writing chapter 4 of Scratch. I'm a little confused at myself, in retrospect, because so far it's coming off like a different story entirely. I'll let you be the judge when I post the chapter in full, probably in a few hours.

EDIT: Augh, ninja'd by an interesting fic.

I'm a little frustrated now, because this short feels like the middle of a great action film. The only problem is that I crave the backstory behind it all. kmsumrall, if you care about us at all, please write the rest of this thing.

please?

[Sushi Database]

The Esoteric Adventures of Zazzerpan the Learned, part three

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Poised before the stygian abyss, Zazzerpan paused, the dreaded pastry held aloft. Here it finally came. The chance to end Smarny's machinations once and for all. His hand trembled with trepidation and arthritis. Frigglish fought off hordes of shadow disciples, his clock necklace swinging violently from side to side.

"Finish it, Zazzerpan! Destroy it, now!"

And yet... the power. The power it held. Would that he could wield it, the knowledge he'd be able to obtain. The wisdom. It could be his... he could do such good...

"Zazzerpan!" Frigglish was bent to one knee, using one arm to cover his face and the other to fire wildly with his wand. "I cannot hold them much longer! Destroy the danish!"

After all the miles and all the dangers he faced... he deserved it. He caught his eye in the reflection of light off a shiny, glazed walnut. It should be his. Slowly, he lowered his hand.

Frigglish could only look on in horror. The prophecy of Abden-Kol had been fulfilled. The Breakfast of the Damned was upon them.

~

In every direction save for one, Rose saw nothing but darkness. Voidspace. It was deeply unsettling, but ultimately it meant a lack of monsters, of madness. She could stare at darkness, for a little while. But there was that exception, that one direction. Straight above Rose's head was the... being, for lack of a better word, that had captured her.

She had looked, once, in the first few minutes of arriving here. She dared not risk her sanity to look again but it terrified her to know that it was still there, whether she looked or not. It took up the entire field of vision, looking up, which meant it had to be either very, very close or very, very big. Neither prospect made Rose comfortable. A toxic, godlike amoebe, stretched across the darkness of the voidspace like a scab on a wound. It was covered in eyes and mouths and freakish appendages and every eye was looking straight at her.

She had spent ten minutes now, in the room with this thing above her. It had spoken once when it summoned her, and had then told her to standby for information. And then the voice had ended, like a recording, and it just started... buzzing again. She tried to calm herself down by humming at the same pitch as her needlewands, and then by playing games on Dave's computer. With time being apparently frozen inside the room (except for her), it was difficult to move Dave's chair away from his desk. But the computer was perfectly functional, somehow. Another mystery. Rose rubbed her eyes.

At no point did it occur to Rose, even ironically, to employ her supposed skills as a tentacle therapist. The fun of studying the mythology of the zoologically dubious was that one could do so from a safe distance. With no real chances of being driven mad. This thing... all she could do was wonder how big it was. As big as the sky, yes, but was that stars or galaxies or oh god stop thinking about the size

"Rose Lalonde," a voice behind her said. "You have been read your rights as a summoned servant in a manner corresponding to the way you experience time and in a language you should understand. Do you have any questions about your legal role in this matter?"

Rose breathed heavily, looking down at the floor. She dare not look at the source of the voice, not knowing what it might be. "Get me out of here, I can't... understand my rights with that thing up there. I can't think. I need to get out of here. W-what are you?"

The voice was closer now, just behind her head. "I may be able to do that."

Dave's room lunged violently to the side, almost throwing Rose off balance. She grabbed Dave's desk and held on as the room plummeted downward. Distance was impossible to determine in the voidspace but from the inertia it felt fairly fast and far.

"Where are we going?"

"The location doesn't really matter. We're moving beyond Shib-Nyugragoth's sight. His form will soon be hidden by an invisible fold in space. You're welcome."

She didn't turn around. The voice had a distinct British accent, but she had watched enough Doctor Who to not associate that with a human form. "What are you?"

"Stay calm, Rose. I'm a person."

"A real human? Not covered in eyes or anything? I really don't feel like I can handle that right now. Just... two eyes, like, tops."

"Only the two."

Slowly, Rose turned.

The man in Dave's room was older than she'd expected from his voice. Perhaps in his sixties. He had grey hair and a somewhat ridiculous waxed mustache. He wore a grey vest over a black suit. Her first impression was that of Snidely Whiplash as a wizard. She began to laugh, with only the slightest hint of hysteria.

This was still bizarre, but a poorly-dressed old man, no matter how powerful, was something her brain could wrap itself around. At least the thing was gone. She was still too afraid to look up, just in case, but she was sure she could feel it gone. "Okay. Okay, so I've been summoned. Payment for invoking the contracts of Ara'Ghola the Unmanned. But the duration of the contract only lasts as long as the services rendered. I talked to John for seventeen minutes before I... unsummoned him. So far it's been... like, twelve horrible minutes, so you get five more."

"Lalonde, you are in no position to cite contract protocols." The strange-looking man shook his head at her, smirking. "The laws of magic were not written by humans. They were created by the old gods that could destroy all of creation rolling over in their sleep. Somehow, you have gotten their attention. They have a task for you, but... for reasons that are no doubt obvious now, there is no way for them to communicate with you directly. I am here as a servant of Shib-Nyugragoth, to explain to you what they want on a level you can... relate to."

"Okay," Rose said. She was starting to feel calm again. "Who are you?"

The old man leaned forward on a cane he had been holding close to his side. "Interesting. I've never seen you this... off guard."

Rose raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "And I don't think I've ever seen you at all."

"Apparently not. One of the consequences of moving through time this way. You may call me Dr Moon."

Something about that name did sound familiar, although she couldn't pinpoint what it was. It was hard to remember things right now, though. Her head hurt, and she had spent enough awkward mornings with her mother to recognize that she was a little hung over. What's more, she was still kind of drunk. Even if this man was a ridiculous emissary of eldritch gods, she didn't want him to be able to tell that she'd been drinking. He was a grown-up. "How did you survive the Reckoning?"

"The Reckoning?" he shrugged. "I don't know anything about that. I left Earth years ago. I arrived in this realm as a result of a certain... series of events involving you and your friends. Before that, though, I was a mystic of the Order of Abramelin, and a celebrated author."

Great. More obscure information about her future. She tried her best to ignore it. No point in learning too much; it was more likely to trap her into a poor series of choices than to give her more options. Better to let things happen as they happened. "Where are we going?"

"We're reentering the incipisphere and heading into its underverse, where I will be dropping you off. That's what that weird feeling is, that 'this room is charged with energy' feeling. That's us moving through upper-dimensional space."

Underverse. This snapped Rose into business mode. "Dropping me off? To do what?"

"You will venture into the underverse of the Incipisphere on the behalf of my client god, and you will extract a soul for him. Then your summoning contract will be up, and you will be free to wake up. Simple enough?"

It really wasn't. "What is an underverse?"

"A pocket plane designed to collect run-off sympathetic electric impulses, or SEIs, from another universe. It's sort of an afterlife."

She stared at him. "You're sending me to Hell to steal someone's soul for your elder god."

"I really don't feel that that mythological association is necessary. It's just an afterlife, not the afterlife, and it's not meant for punishment. More like a retirement home for the deceased. Or that's what they're supposed to be, were it not for the Demon."

"Listen. Instead of saying things I dont understand, and then clarifying the statements by saying more things I don't understand, just... start basic here. You want me to go to an afterlife, Sburb's afterlife, and find a soul for you. What soul?"

Dr Moon raised his cane into the air and as he pointed it up it resized into the length of a conductor's baton, or (more likely) a very long wand. He flicked his wrist with the wand and summoned an image of a human's face into the air next to him. "This soul."

Rose stared at the image. "...I see. And if I refuse?"

"You can't refuse. The contract you bound yourself to contains a geas binding charm. If you resist it will override your will. So you really have no choice in the matter, and thus, no reason to feel guilt."

"Great." She frowned. "I feel better already."

"There is a loophole, of course. The alternative would be to run down the clock here. Time isn't frozen, after all, that would be cheating. It's just moving very, very slowly. Eventually, you could use up your entire 17 minutes, and then you would wake up. But I don't know how long it would be, and I wouldn't be able to wait through it with you."

She thought of Shib-Nyugragoth, hiding behind an invisible fold of space. "...How long would I have to wait?"

"I dunno. Maybe years. But your hands would be clean. Anyway, once you leave this room the geas will take hold of you, so it's the mission or waiting here with them." The end of his wand made a "ding!" sound uncannily similar to a hotel elevator. "And we're here."

Rose tried to imagine staying in Dave's room, with monsters scratching on the outside of the walls, overnight. She thought of eyes the size of planets staring at her. Over hundreds of nights. There was no way. She'd take her life before it came to it.

She had no choice.

"The Demon. Will I have to fight him? To get the... soul?"

"You couldn't fight the Demon, Rose. I couldn't fight him. I'm not sure Shib-Nyugragoth could. You will probably need to evade him, though. He will not want you to escape with one of his souls, and he will not like having the living crawling through his realm."

"I'll need some kind of disguise, then," Rose said.

"A disguise? Please." Dr Moon collapsed his wand-cane against his waist, and it telescoped into a small disc a few inches wide. "Like there aren't plenty of Rose Lalondes already in the underverse.

That chilled her. She waved her hand where the door to Dave's room would be, were the walls still there, and she hit wood. She fumbled and found the doorknob. "I just... go outside? And I wont die in the vacuum of space, or be melted by the gaze of an eldritch monster?" If you could just explain a little more about what I'll be encountering...

"Explain? To Lalonde the Sensible?" The old man was already tracing a summoning circle with smoke in mid-air. "I think you can handle this one alone. Just stay clear of the Demon and bring back that soul, and you'll wake up and be able to write this all of as a crazy nightmare. Fail, and... well, your mind will be taken from you and given to someone who can put it to better use."

Rose opened her mouth to argue, but Dr Moon was already disappearifying. It was too late. She was alone in a hellevator shaped like Dave's room. She sat down on Dave's bed. At the very least she could catch a few minutes to nap before she went outside, just to recover from her experiment with Ashen Albatross.

So of course, as soon as she closed her eyes, she was slapped in the face.

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Been so busy at work I haven't had time to write like hardly at all but on the bright side I have created a wicked awesome outline. This series is taking forever to write. I reserve the right to change parts of it later if I decide I hate them, too. Writing Rose is hard.

Also, I had a bad dream after falling asleep writing about Shib-Nyugragoth.

[resdaMalos]

Scratch, Chapter 4

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Rose sighed. She knew she had seen the spell before - and that's what frustrated her now, she had seen it, but simply ignored it. She licked her finger, and turned the page, revealing another spell written in ancient runes. A quick perusal of the name of the spell revealed that her search was not yet over.

It was before the game, she told herself, trying to bring up the memory. Before I even knew magic was possible. She laughed to herself for a moment; as interested in the occult as she was, even she found the spell a little too banal and useless for her tastes. "A Majyyk to Cirkumtranslate an Objekt About its Axys." A rotation spell. Who would need that?

The dark gods were really throwing her for a loop with that one.

She looked up. Dave was sitting on the bed again, idly spinning the record. He had offered to help an hour ago, but had given up when he could not make heads or tails of the runes on the page. He looks tired, she thought. If he were to fall asleep, would I even know? It's actually slightly disturbing to think about. Dave could do just about anything in this state, and I wouldn't be able to sto

Dave groaned. He was getting tired of this. He already felt a cramp in his wrist from spinning - that would take a while to wear off. So he stood up and stretched, for another fortuitous break. Rose's room didn't have a whole lot of interesting stuff to see - especially since he had already seen her two most prized possessions on an earlier occasion.

His gaze flitted across the room, finally landing on Rose's violin, gathering dust on the dresser in the corner. He walked over to it, and picked it up gingerly. Dave raised an eyebrow. Surely, if Rose could make music with this, he could play something halfway decent. He picked it up, and held it against his chin. The bow rested in his other hand as he brought it into contact with the strings. He pulled slowly, expecting a loud creak.

But, of course, Dave heard nothing. The strings could not vibrate against frozen air. He prepared to throw the violin down in disgust, but as he released it, it simply hung in place. With a resigned sigh, he put it in its place on Rose's dresser, exactly where he had found it.

Rose's dresser. Dave's teenage curiosity kicked in. Dave grinned - surely there would be something interesting or humiliating in there. And Rose couldn't stop him, either. He made his move, placing his hands around the drawer handles. Any second now, Dave would be able to laugh in Rose's face at her choice of pajamas. Or something.

But Rose wouldn't be there to be offended. She would still have her nose in a book, rereading the same page. The same word, even! Dave gritted his teeth. "This is fucking bullshit!" he yelled to himself. He fell backward onto the floor, wanting to experience something, pain, pleasure, anything. But his fall was cushioned by air, unwilling to give way, held in place temporally. He landed gently, noiselessly.

He screamed into the motionless air.

p him. Rose started - Dave had moved. She turned around in her seat to find him reposed on the floor by her dresser. Behind his shades, his skin looked wet.

TG: rose
TG: i cant take it anymore
TG: please
TG: help me

Rose's eyes widened. My god. Is he...

TT: Dave...
TT: Your eyes... have you been crying?
TG: rose
TG: if you dont find that spell
TG: i think i might just snap
TG: if you care about me at all
TG: you will find it

Dave picked himself up off of the ground, and prepared to walk back across the room to Rose's bed. Rose stood up, letting the book in her lap fall to the floor. Dave stopped, his path suddenly blocked, but before he could comment, Rose pulled him into her embrace.

Dave's fingers slipped off the timetable again, but he didn't care. Rose was still wrapped around him, still trying to make sure that he was alright. And that was okay. He wrapped his arms carefully around her waist. And for the first time, he simply let time pass by.

"Alright," Dave sighed to himself, after who knows how long, "time to stop being a little bitch." He placed his hand on top of the platter, and spun it forward, so Rose could move again.

TG: hate to admit it
TG: but i needed that
TG: john and jade will not find out about this by the way
TT: Considering the unique power you hold over me at this point in time, I am forced to agree.
TT: Back to work, then. Please be patient a little while longer.
TG: ok
TG: might screw around with your stuff a little
TT: Whatever keeps you sane.
TG: well that ruins the fun of it
TT: I will be sure to exhibit the requisite shock and indignation when you've raided my dresser drawer.
TG: thats more like it

One raided dresser drawer later, Dave was startled by the slow motion snap of a book.

TT: Dave.
TG: you found it right
TG: gog damn you have too many books
TT: We have a problem.

Those were the four words Dave was least wanting to hear.

TG: no damn it lalonde
TG: you will not say that
TG: you have to fix this bullshit
TG: dont tell me
TG: there is no spell
TT: No, it exists. It's there, in black and white, written plainly and simply.
TT: In a manner of speaking.
TT: But I can't cast it.
TG: what
TG: youve blown off the heads of imps for fucks sake
TG: and you cant cast a spell to make something spin
TT: Theoretically, it is possible.
TT: But I would need a clear view of the target.
TG: fine then i just give you the timetable and
TG: wait
TG: fuck
TT: Exactly. "Fuck."

Dave pressed his left hand against the bridge of his glasses. Of course. How could she cast a spell if time was stopped for her? And even if she were able to successfully start the spell, there were more problems. For the spell to hit the platter, time would need to be running, but in order for time to run, he'd have to have his hand on the platter, which means the spell wouldn't hit the platter. Chalk another one up to weird time bullshit.

TG: you can't just cast it while i spin the record
TT: Well, if you want to have your wrist possibly twisted off of your arm, then we can try it.
TG: damn this piece of shit
TG: i swear to god im going to kill me
TG: for giving me this stupid thing
TT: What did Future Dave say, anyway? When you told him?

Dave stopped. Perhaps it should have occurred to him that if the timetables were broken, the first guy to call would be the guy who gave them to him in the first place.

TG: you know i dont have to tell him everything
TG: i just figured you would like to be involved in my personal dilemma
TG: you enjoy getting into my shit dont you
TT: You didn't tell him, then.
TT: I see.
TT: Maybe you should try that first.

Dave looked at Rose's face. He could tell she looked angry, but at the same time, her lips showed traces of a smile.

TG: okay
TG: dont call me crazy
TG: because im about to talk to myself
TT: Hmm. I'd say you were crazy already, but good luck regardless.

For this I want the most seething criticism you guys can give me. After working on it for this long I'm still unhappy with it, yet it seemed natural to me to write it and I see no other direction to take it.

its hard
being a fanfic writer and writing stories
its hard and nobody understands

[Valter]

Scratch, Chapter 4

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Rose sighed. She knew she had seen the spell before. It was a simple thing, not really worth hinging upon, as its uses seemed minimal at the time. ("Had seemed minimal", or maybe "Had been minimal") She licked her finger, and turned the page, revealing another spell written in ancient runes. A quick perusal of the name of the spell revealed that her search was not yet over.

It was before the game, she told herself, trying to bring up the memory. Before I even knew magic was possible. She laughed to herself for a moment; even as interested in the occult as she was, when she first came across the spell, she immediately dismissed it as useless. ("She had immediately dismissed it as useless upon her first discovery of the spell") "A Majyyk to Cirkumtranslate an Objekt About its Axys." A rotation spell. Who would need that?

The dark gods were really throwing her for a loop with that one.

She looked up. Dave was sitting on the bed again, idly spinning the record. He had offered to help an hour ago, but gave up ("Had given up") when he could not make heads or tails of the runes on the page. He looks tired, she thought. If he fell asleep ("If he were to fall asleep"), would I even know? It's actually slightly disturbing to think about. Dave could do just about anything in this state, and I wouldn't be able to sto

Dave groaned. He was getting tired of this. He already felt a cramp in his wrist from spinning - that would take a while to wear off. So he stood up and stretched, for another fortuitous break. Rose's room didn't have a whole lot of interesting stuff to see - especially since he had already seen her two (Most) prized possessions on an earlier occasion.

His gaze flitted across the room, finally landing on Rose's violin, gathering dust on the dresser in the corner. He walked over to it, and picked it up gingerly. Dave raised an eyebrow. Surely, if Rose could make music with this, he could play something halfway decent. He picked it up, and held it against his chin. The bow rested in his other hand, (Unnecessary comma) as he brought it into contact with the strings. He pulled slowly, expecting a loud creak.

But, of course, Dave heard nothing. The strings could not vibrate against frozen air. He prepared to throw the violin down in disgust, but as he released it, it simply hung in place. A cooler head prevailed (Slightly awkward; some equivalent turn of phrase might fit better. A simple "He thought better, though," maybe?), and he (if you take the previous suggestion this pronoun will be redundant) replaced it on Rose's dresser. ("Replaced" makes "on Rose's dresser" redundant. I would switch to either "Placed it back on Rose's dresser", or just "Replaced it gingerly"

Rose's dresser. Dave's teenage curiosity kicked in. Dave grinned - surely there would be something interesting or humiliating in there. And Rose couldn't stop him, either. He made his move, placing his hands around the drawer handles. Any second now, Dave would be able to laugh in Rose's face at her choice of pajamas. Or something.

But Rose wouldn't be there to be offended. She would still have her nose in a book, reading the same page, the same word, even. ("rereading the same page. The same word, even!") Dave gritted his teeth. "This is fucking bullshit!" he yelled to himself. He fell backward onto the floor, wanting to experience something, pain, pleasure, anything. But his fall was cushioned by air, unwilling to give way, held in place temporally. He landed gently, noiselessly.

He screamed into the motionless air.

p him. She ("Rose". It's been like six paragraphs!) started - Dave had moved. She looked around, finding that Dave had chosen to repose on the floor by her dresser. ("She looked around, eventually finding Dave reposed on the floor by her dresser") Behind his shades, his skin looked wet.

TG: rose
TG: i cant take it anymore
TG: please
TG: help me

Rose's eyes widened. My god. Is he...

TT: Dave...
TT: Your eyes... have you been crying?
TG: rose
TG: if you dont find that spell
TG: i think i might just snap
TG: if you care about me at all
TG: you will find it

Dave picked himself up off of the ground, and prepared to walk back across the room to Rose's bed. Rose stood up and blocked his path. When Dave stopped, before he could comment, she pulled him into her embrace.

Dave's fingers slipped off the timetable again, but he didn't care. Rose was still wrapped around him, still trying to make sure that he was alright. And that was okay. He wrapped his arms carefully around her waist. And for the first time, he simply let time pass by.

"Alright," Dave sighed to himself, after who knows how long, "time to stop being a little bitch." He placed his hand on top of the platter, and spun it forward, so Rose could move again.

TG: hate to admit it
TG: but i needed that
TG: john and jade will not find out about this by the way
TT: Considering the unique power you hold over me at this point in time, I am forced to agree.
TT: Back to work, then. Please be patient a little while longer.
TG: ok
TG: might screw around with your stuff a little
TT: Whatever keeps you sane.
TG: well that ruins the fun of it
TT: I will be sure to exhibit the requisite shock and indignation when you've raided my dresser drawer.
TG: thats more like it

One raided dresser drawer later, Dave was startled by the slow motion snap of a book.

TT: Dave.
TG: you found it right
TG: gog damn you have too many books
TT: We have a problem.

Those were the four words Dave was least wanting to hear.

TG: no damn it lalonde
TG: you will not say that
TG: you have to fix this bullshit
TG: dont tell me
TG: there is no spell
TT: No, it exists. It's there, in black and white, written plainly and simply.
TT: In a manner of speaking.
TT: But I can't cast it.
TG: what
TG: youve blown off the heads of imps for fucks sake
TG: and you cant cast a spell to make something spin
TT: Theoretically, it is possible.
TT: But I would need a clear view of the target.
TG: fine then i just give you the timetable and
TG: wait
TG: fuck
TT: Exactly. "Fuck" is right. ("Is right" is a little bit unnecessary. I think this line would work better as just "Exactly. 'Fuck'.")

Dave pressed his left hand against the bridge of his glasses. Of course. How could she cast a spell if time was stopped for her? And even if she were able to successfully start the spell, there were more problems. For the spell to hit the platter, time would need to be running, but in order for time to run, he'd have to have his hand on the platter, which means the spell wouldn't hit the platter. Chalk another one up to weird time bullshit.

TG: you can't just cast it while i spin the record
TT: Well, if you want to have your wrist possibly twisted off of your arm, then we can try it.
TG: damn this piece of shit
TG: i swear to god im going to kill me
TG: for giving me this stupid thing
TT: What did Future Dave say, anyway? When you told him?

Dave stopped. Perhaps it should have occurred to him that if the timetables were broken, the first guy to call would be the guy who gave them to him in the first place.

TG: you know i dont have to tell him everything
TG: i just figured you would like to be involved in my personal dilemma
TG: you enjoy getting into my shit dont you
TT: You didn't tell him, then.
TT: I see.
TT: Maybe you should try that first.

Dave looked at Rose's face. He could tell she looked angry, but at the same time, her lips showed traces of a smile.

TG: okay
TG: dont call me crazy
TG: because im about to talk to myself
TT: Hmm. I'd say you were crazy already, but good luck regardless.

For this I want the most seething criticism you guys can give me.

Consider yourself seethed. Bits I think could be improved are marked in bold, with comments/suggestions in parentheses after.

[PaulPower]

Quick character piece on the Draconian Dignitary before I go to volunteering:

Plan B

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Jack always liked to think of himself as the master strategist, thought the Dignitary as he arrived back on Derse from his trip to the Veil. But he wasn't. Jack was opportunistic, impulsive and hot-headed. Admirable qualities, to be sure: when they paid off, they could produce results much faster than a carefully calculated strategy could. But it didn't make him a carefully calculated strategist.

In preparation for dealing with the humans, the Dignitary had studied some of their military history. His eye had been particularly caught by the concept of Blitzkrieg, "Lightning War". So much like Jack. Attack hard and fast, catch them off balance, do things they aren't expecting. It shouldn't have worked for the humans who tried it: they were up against a far superior military force. Human historians had even debated whether it counted as a strategy at all. It was poker, not chess, but the bluffs and the luck and the confidence mostly went their way - and it was the same for Jack. Prospit had never fallen faster than it had done today.

And yet... in the long run, through a string of errors, the humans who tried it eventually lost, and it all began with a single botched cleanup operation, that gave their enemies the strength and self-belief to keep fighting and eventually turn the tide. If Jack's strategy was Blitzkrieg, then giving the toy to the Heir was Dunkirk. The toy was a powerful artifact, and not just for the weapons it carried. The Heir was its rightful owner three times over. It had been quested for by the Knight, lovingly crafted by the Seer and Witch, and it carried the weapons of all of them. As a talisman, a symbol to bond the Chosen Four together in adversity, there could be nothing stronger.

So it was lucky, thought the Dignitary, that Jack had him. Because when Blitzkrieg fails, you need a good plan B, a proper strategy, and that's what the Dignitary did best. With a boss like Jack, someone has to be there to pick up the pieces if things don't quite go to plan. And as the fourth prototyping orb lit up and ecstatic cries rang out from the throne room, the Diginitary allowed himself a smile. Plan B had worked.

B for Bec.

[VagabondRaiser]

Watch your heads, folks.

Low ceiling on this one flyin' in on the 3:20 redeye flight straight into your brains. I pulled a much later night on this one than I usually do, mostly because I was tired of the stagnation. (This is why I don't plan shit out ahead of time. I planned a sizable part of this chapter ahead, so by the time I finished it I was more 'bluh when will this end' than 'blar I should end this here I think'. Problem is, I have to plan parts of it out. Regardless, expect lengthiness.)

But enough of my talking. I split this into two chunks, should be about the size of my standard chapters-- so don't go figuring 'Oh, I'll read the second spoiler first, it's probably Raiser just blabbing about inconsequential junk'.

Shit's gettin' real long up in here.

Impermanence: Hearts Across Time
Chapter 2: Awakening

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"An entity beyond existence has caused a disturbance, Dave."

Darkness surrounded him. He couldn't see his hands; he couldn't see anything at all.

"The Dark Gods don't have a name for it. It's different entirely from the purpose of Skaia and SBURB; something from another plane of reality altogether, outside of time and space."

Eternity, and back again, and the darkness was no longer dark. A silhouette, something akin to humanity yet altogether not, and profoundly disturbing. Did it see him? Or was this all his mind? No matter.

"Through force of will it came into being; through anger and audacity it took hold of our universe. Through our universe, it seeks to control all. It doesn't see its' mistake... yet."

The sillhouette expanded, grew, changed, became something like that which they fought and that which they never would see. Wordless voices sang colors into his mind and whispered shapes into his eyes and a dozen worlds appeared, slightly different each, save for two.

The silhouette descended, overflowing one of the two matching worlds, and began to spread from there to the others, branching out like fingers of darkness on darkness.

"We aren't the true universe, but rather one constructed as a... safety net. A parallel existence that runs alongside the prime universe. However, aspects of this one have changed; it's begun to evolve away from the true world."

Twelve worlds together alike and different, and two the same, yet one began to drift away from the other, taking the shadow with it. Its' grip on the prime world became tenuous.

"Too much longer, and this false universe, this 'second reality', will be different enough that it will recognize us for what we are. Too much longer and it will find the true universe hidden among the others."

The shadow leapt whole from the drifting planet to engulf the one untouched, and burst out in all directions, filling his vision with darkness once again.

"It seeks to control, to bend all to its' will. It will end all suffering, all hate, and all despair. It will also end all happiness, love, and joy. It is not insane. It is not angry. It merely believes that the very existence of imperfection is cause for complete annihilation."

Light swirled within his vision, coalesced, blended into something vaguely like reality and humanity

and

a world lit by a rising sun.

Dave lifted an orange-garbed arm to shield his eyes from the bright light, and a light, cheerful giggle reached his ears. He lowered his hand to blink rapidly at Jade, who sat across from him in the car's backseat, a slightly-too-large fedora on her head.

They were alone in the car, but he could hear movement behind it. He half-turned to look out the back window at the trunk lid.

"There's something in this world that will link us to the others, Dave," she said softly. He settled a confused look at her.

"Wait, what? We're--" He snapped his mouth shut at the sound of his own voice, a Texan drawl whittled down to near-nothingness by years of practice.

"We have ta find tha keys ta this puzzle, Dave. Tha answers lie elsewhere in each'a dese worlds, each'a dese alternate existences." She reached across the seat and took his hand in hers, the silken glove warm against his skin. "But we can't let on dat we are who we are."

The sound of a trunk lid shutting caused them both to jump, and she yanked her hand away with a flushed look on her face.

Dave felt like he was on autopilot, up and out of his side of the car and around to her side in the blink of an eye to hold the door open for her. Rose eyed him with a concerned air over the hood of the car, and he returned her gaze flatly. "What?"

"You're remarkably chipper for someone who was just trying to sleep off a bullet wound," Rose droned with a bemused smirk.

Raising an eyebrow, he nonchalantly doffed his jacket and tossed it onto the roof of the car. There was a heavy, leaden thump from the impact, but there was no blood on his undershirt-- not even any sort of visible hole. The inside of his jacket was lined with some sort of chain mail.

"Take three rounds in the shoulder and two in the gut and tell me you're not gonna be prepared next time you think people're gonna shoot at you," he said smugly.

John laughed, slapping Dave on the back as he started to put on his sunglasses, a pair of small round things that almost didn't cover his eyes. He almost dropped them, wincing from the blow.

"Good ol' Dave, always ready for everythin'," the broad-shouldered goof chuckled, one of the large bags shouldered. "Y'mind getting your suitcase and helping me get the other bag inside?"

Dave turned to look up at the little two story town-house that served as their impromptu 'base', and shrugged, walking around the back of the car to pick up his suitcase.

When he bent to grab the other bag, Jade snatched it up and swung it up over her shoulder, grinning at him. With a wink, she spun and marched up the drive toward the front door of the house.

Rose chuckled to herself as she walked past him. "Shown up by a lady," she said as she swished on by.

Rolling his eyes, Dave tucked the case up under his arm, pulled his garishly orange coat from the roof of the car, and followed her.

---

"Glass or diamond?" John mumbled.
A pause.
"Glass," Rose replied after a moment.
"You sure?"
"I'm certain." A soft plink followed.

Dave watched the two of them silently from the kitchen of the small home, sipping at a large mug of coffee and leaning against the counter. He had changed into a white linen button shirt and black slacks.

The sound of footsteps to his right alerted him to Jade's presence. She opened the cupboard beside him.

"Gotcha one already," He muttered over the rim of his cup.

She paused, looked down, and closed the cupboard, picking up the large blue mug and giving him a peck on the cheek before blowing steam from the top of the cup.

"So, find anything upstairs?" He mumbled, his eyes still focused on the pair sitting in the dining room hunched over a sizable pile of jewelry and broken glass. Between them sat a garbage pail with a small pile of glass in it.

"Hm-mm." She shook her head faintly, taking a sip, and made a face. "Blech! You drink it black?"

He shrugged. "No sugar, no milk. Hell, no fridge." He took another sip, and glanced over at her.

She'd not changed her clothes, opting to keep the midnight pinstripe pants and pale blue shirt, although she had gotten rid of the vest. The top two buttons of her blouse were open.

She flicked him in the arm, and he winced. "What was that for?" He muttered.

"Staring."

For another few moments, silence reigned in the small building, save for the two at the dining room table sifting through gold and jewels.

"Do we even know what we're looking for?" Dave asked after a moment.

"D'ja say somethin'?" John called, lifting his head and looking at them. Jade stifled a giggle at the sight of broad-shouldered John with a jeweller's monocle squinted in one eye.

Dave shook his head and waved a hand. "Don' mind us." He hid a smirk behind his coffee mug as John returned to his work.

"Diamond?"
"John, that's far too big to be a diamond."
"What? Maybe they made big diamonds?"
"I've been doing this for years, John. That's glass, trust me."
"Fiiine."

"No idea, but we'll know it when we see it," Jade said after a few moments, softly. "It won't look like anything from this world. They're all like that." She sighed. "Shouldn't we be helping them?"

"Rose knows what she's doing. John's just helping her 'cause he's got the hots for her. Leave it to them, they'll sort it all out."

"I do not!" John snapped indignantly, frowning at them.

"So you don't like me, John?" Rose affected a pout that Dave could tell was fake from all the way across the kitchen.

"Er, I mean, I do like you," he stammered after a moment, turning to face her.

"See? Told ya," Dave snarked, and slugged back the rest of his coffee with a grimace, rinsing the cup in the sink.

"--b-but I--"

"Really, John, I didn't think you thought of me that way," Rose responded with a purr, and the poor fellow began sweating as he spun back to look at her, the monocle popping out and rattling on the table. "Uh, I--"

"Y'better be gentle with my sister, there, Egbert, or we're gonna have words, yeah?" Dave called as he passed Jade on his way toward the stairs. The raven-haired girl huffed. "You guys! Stop confusin' him!"

"Calm down, John, I'm only joking," Rose said with a smile. "I know you're sweet for that blind girl back home. Now can we get back to separating the wheat and chaff?" She picked up the monocle and handed it to him before pulling a small fragment from the pile and scrutinizing it.

John faltered for a moment, and heaved a sigh, reaffixing the monocle and going back to the jewel he was examining.

---

Dave sat on the edge of one of the two beds in the room he and John had picked for their own, staring at his own reflection in a dusty mirror across from him. Pulling the glasses from his face, his green eyes stared into glowing orange. A half-smirk formed on his face.

"Great, I'm some sorta fuckin' vampire now. Least I'm not sparkly." He idly stroked at his chin, feeling the rough rasp of stubble. Would a goatee suit him? He couldn't see himself with facial hair, but then, he was only thirteen.

Shrugging, he slipped the sunglasses back on and stood, cracking his knuckles. "Time to get this goose chase going," he mumbled, and began to dig through the room's contents.

Nothing in the drawers... nothing under the beds... nothing in John's bags except a few open letters written in a number of bright colors... nothing in his own bags...

Five minutes of searching, and the room had been thoroughly canvassed. Dave sat down and flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. "How the hell are we supposed to find this 'key'," he said flatly, "if we don't even know if it's nearby?"

"Easy!" Jade chirped.

A weight flopped on his stomach, and he coughed in surprise, hauling himself onto his elbows. Jade was standing over him with a broad grin on her face, and nodded to his music case, now sitting atop him.

"D'you remember what was in there?" She asked, sitting beside him on the bed as he sat up. He stared at the case for a moment, trying to remember.

"...drawing a complete blank," He muttered after a moment. Looking up, he raised an eyebrow, and nodded toward the mirror. "I think we should avoid mirrors while we're at this," He suggested.

Jade tilted her head and followed his gaze to the mirror. She appeared as a blue spectral silhouette of her child self, still clad in her atom shirt and buttoned skirt. She giggled softly.

"They can't see our real reflections, silly, only we can." The sight of that older-sounding voice matched by such a young face was disconcerting. "Unless they're like us, but then they'd know anyway. Anyway! Stop getting off subject!"

She placed a hand on the case in his lap. "Gaps in our memories as to certain objects and personal belongings are the clues to where each key is," she explained softly. "You're the only one that should know what the inside of this case looks like. If you can't remember what's in it, that means it's where the key is!"

Dave frowned at the black case in his lap. "That easy, huh?" He muttered. She nodded with a smile, and folded her arms on his shoulder, watching as he flicked up the latches.

"David Strider, Rose LaLonde, Johnathan Egbert, and Jade Harley! This is the FBI! We have you surrounded!" Dave bit out an epithet, snapping the latches shut again. "Come out with your hands up!"

"What happens if we use the key and get out right now?" He asked as he stood, leaning against the back wall of the room and peering out the window at the drive. Four black FBI vehicles sat in the drive, somewhere between six and eight men hiding behind them. He couldn't get a good view of them, but one had a bullhorn and they all looked well-armed.

"Um, I think we'll just... not be here any more. The original Jade and Dave will regain control, but not remember anything we've done or said, and this world'll continue on by itself." She frowned. "I don't want Rose or John to get hurt, but we have to hurry, Dave."

He nodded, frowning. "I know, I know... I also know that I have the knowledge of Bro's training, plus what I picked up from four months of ass-kicking." He glanced back at her, and she shook her head, standing quickly.

"If you die here, we're all doomed. Don't do it, Dave," she pleaded.

He smiled. "I'm not gonna pirouette off the fucking handle, if that's what you're thinking. No, I'm going to do exactly as they say." He strode back to her and picked up the case, heading for the door. "I remember what's supposed to be in here... and I know it'll help. C'mon."

---

Rose and John were crouched in the kitchen when the two of them came downstairs. John quickly waved them over, but Dave shook his head.

"I got everything planned, bro," Dave said flatly, which earned an odd look from the two of them. "Look, I don't have time to explain. Just trust me. Follow me, keep your hands up, and hit the floor when I give the signal."

"What are you talking about, Dave?" Rose whispered harshly.

Adjusting his grip on the case, Dave peered at her over his shades. "I learned some interesting things after Kansas," He explained. "And I'm going to get us out of this situation. Now, grab as much jewelry and shit as you can fit into your clothes, and follow me."

John and Rose shared a confused look as Jade bounded to the table, deftly stuffing handfuls of rings and gems into her pockets. After a moment, they followed suit.

"This is your final warning!" The bullhorn-weilding FBI agent shouted. "Come out or we're coming in!"

Dave opened the door a crack. "I want your word that you're not gonna open fire," He shouted. "We're comin' out, we won't put up a fight, but if you try to shoot us, we're gonna take down as many of you as we can before we go."

There was a brief moment of silence before the bullhorn squawled to life again. "Keep your hands where we can see 'em and we won't shoot, Strider. You have my word on that," the voice replied.

Nodding to the others, Dave pushed the door open the rest of the way with his foot and stepped out, his case hanging by a strap from his shoulder and his hands held high. When nobody fired, Jade followed shortly after, Rose and John pulling up the rear. With the exception of Dave, each of them was visibly loaded down with gold and jewelry.

As they filed out, the cops converged on them, surrounding them. Dave took a fast mental note of each one and their assorted equipment as the head inspector sauntered up, glaring down at him.

"You really thought we weren't expecting you to pull something like this, Strider?" the man spat. "Although I gotta admit, your little bait-and-switch was well played. We almost lost you thanks to that decoy car."

Dave raised an eyebrow. "The fuck you talkin' about, decoy car? I din't have a decoy car planned." He could hear movement behind them: They already had Rose handcuffed, and were trying to get cuffs onto John's big wrists.

"Don't play dumb," the inspector smirked. "Ah, well. We'll get our answers outta you later. What's in the case?"

Dave smirked. "At the risk of being one big fuckin' cliché... your worst nightmare."

The world seemed to come to a grinding halt around him as everything happened at once.

Dropping his hands to his side, his left hand sliding down the top of the case and popping the latches open, he shouted "NOW!" as his right hand pushed open the case, reaching in and grasping familiar cold metal. He leapt backwards and pulled, the case splitting in two as the broken Caledscratch arced forward and split the revolver the inspector was bringing up vertically, the unfired bullets tumbling to the ground, slow as mollasses.

(one)
and he was arcing over Jade and John and Rose as they crouched and his halfblade licked out to slice into two more revolvers rising from holsters and twisting to strike flat against their heads
(two)
and he twisted his body, kicking two more in the shoulder as his hand came down to direct his balance and motion from atop John's back and stabbing the Caledscratch down to sever the chain binding Rose's hands
(three)
and he curled up and struck three more with the flat as he completed the flip
(four)
and his feet touched ground only to slide outward in a twirling split, his heel catching one man's leg and his shin another
(five)
he pushed off of the ground and flipped over and thrust his hand into a man's sternum and felt a crack
(six)
his feet touched ground and time was moving again as he planted one foot in another person's chest and kicked off, roundhousing him and the fellow next to him in one move.
"Go!"
John barreled forward as Jade leapt aside, bringing up both arms and bodily flinging the inspector over the hood of one of the squad cars as Rose and Jade sprinted for the farthest forward vehicle.

Dave darted forward as a man on the edge of his swath of destruction raised a rifle, and his blade arced down as the hammer of the rifle struck and the barrel was cleaved, the bullet whanging off of Caledscratch and up into the sky as he finished his spin and dropped his elbow into the crook of the man's neck, dropping him like a ragdoll.

Twirling the blade, Dave allowed himself a smirk at the gawping inspector as he walked past the downed agents and pointed the sword at him. "Keys," he barked, and the man fumbled a set from his pocket, dropping them.

Dave's knee came up as the man's head went down to pick up the keys, and he lurched backwards from the impact. Picking up the keys, Dave tapped the flat of the Caledscratch on his shoulder. "I'd suggest putting some ice on that," he snarked as he walked past the inspector, who lay on the ground clutching his nose.

With a skilled overhand lob, he passed the keys to John and hopped the broken fence, sliding into the back seat of the car as John cranked the engine. Rose stared at him, awestruck, and he raised an eyebrow at her. "Long story," he said simply as the car lurched to life and drove away.

---

Jade rubbed at her wrist as the car jerked down a long dirt road, glancing over at Dave with a worried look. He hadn't said much more than 'in a minute' every time Rose or John tried to ask a question.

He only stared at the Caledscratch's record, the blade propped upright on the floorboard with his hands on the hilt, as if he were expecting it to speak to him.

"Dave?" She reached out to place a hand on his shoulder. "Dave, if we're going to come clean about this--"

"I know." He sighed, and pulled off his sunglasses. "Rose... John... this is going to sound really fuckin' stupid, but hear me now and believe me later."

He began to relate the story of SBURB, his eventual transformation into Davesprite, and the task that the Dark Gods had given to him and to Jade. The two remained silent throughout his explanation, Rose staring at her hands in her lap, John's attention affixed on the road that they sped down.

"...so you're not... our Dave?" Rose asked when he finished.

He shook his head. "I am, but I'm not. This is his body, and his mind, but Davesprite is the one in control. Just like Jade's the same Jade as you remember, but she's being controlled by the other Jade."

"An' dat thing yah holdin', that 'Caledscratch', is tha key tah getting you two outta here?" John asked, glancing up into the rearview.

Dave's eyes met his for a moment, and he looked away; John thought he saw a flicker of orange in his eyes. "Yes."

"So how do you use this key?" Rose asked. Dave glanced over to Jade, who nodded after a moment.

"We're not entirely sure," She said, "but the key will be different in each universe. When we move from world to world, the key will go with us, and whatever it replaced will return. In this case, Dave's sword."

Silence reigned again, save for the roar of the motor.

"The key will serve to help us sever the hold the Darkness has on this world," Jade said after a moment. "That's all I know. The Gods wouldn't tell me any more, for fear of being caught."

Dave sighed, flopping back in the seat. "Great. Jus' fuckin' great. Got the key, blew our cover, don't know what to do now. Aren't I one hell of a hero."

John laughed from the frontseat, and Dave raised an eyebrow.

"We're tha bad guys, Dave, 'member? Stealin' from tha law, assaultin' tha FBI, hijackin' trains-- we're a buncha crooks," he chuckled.

Rose uttered a sigh, giving John a light slap on the arm. "We're not 'crooks', we're 'enterpreneurial opportunists', John. Crooks break the law. We simply modify the rules to suit our needs."

Dave smirked. Even in another dimension, Rose was Rose.

"Is that a train?" Jade asked abruptly.

Off in the distance, running parallel to the road, a large passenger train chugged along its' tracks, oblivious to the rest of the world. "Looks like it," John shrugged.

"Pull up to it," Dave said after a moment. Jade glanced over at him. "What're you thinking?" She asked.

"Just a hunch," he said softly.

---

James Swift was an old hand on the rails. His track record was spotless, and today was his final day on the rails. He doffed his conductor's cap as he stood smoking on the caboose of the 9:20 train, running a hand through touseled salt-and-pepper hair.

Off in the distance, he could see a car on the road running parallel to the train tracks. Automobiles were a continuing fascination to him; he had a feeling they'd eventually replace trains as a means of transporting people and goods. It was just a matter of 'when'.

The car appeared to be moving rather fast, but he paid it no mind, taking a drag on his cigar and gazing up at the clouds. His wife would be glad to see him no longer running the rails... he'd been lucky enough to have only lost one finger over the years. Didn't need that left middle finger anyway.

He looked down, and almost choked on his cigar.

The car that he had seen so far off was on the tracks and catching up wtih the train rather quickly. This close, he could see that it was some sort of police vehicle--

SHKTANK!

The roof of the car suddenly had what looked like a giant letter opener poking out of it. The blade worked its' way through the roof like a can opener, and a foot launched the unlidded roof off of the car, leaving only windows and supports.

A ginger-haired young man climbed forward in the car, switching positions with the broad-shoulded fellow in the driver's seat.

The car jerked momentarily as control was passed over, but caught up with the train again, the nose of the car bumping into the back coupling of the train as the broad-shouldered fellow climbed over the windshield and helped a lovely blonde woman in a violet pantsuit up beside him. She hopped the rail with ease to land beside James, and gave him a smile that chilled him to the bone.

"Mind if we join you?" She asked in a sweet, debonair lilt. He shook his head, wide-eyed, and held up his hands. "N-not at all," James stammered, and stepped aside as a lithe girl dressed in men's clothes with long black hair hopped over the rail, followed shortly by the broad-shouldered man.

He looked back toward the car, and briefly wondered what the ginger-haired man was up to when he abruptly leapt up with the grace of a dancer, flipping over the windshield and rolling down the hood. His feet planted on the front bumper as the car begain to drift away from the train, and he leapt, one hand outstretched, the other gripping the hilt of a large broken sword.

The broad-shouldered man caught his hand and pulled him aboard easily, helping him over the rail. With an air of confidence, the young man adjusted his shirt, pushed his sunglasses back up over his emeraldine eyes, and nodded a greeting to James as he opened the door.

"We'd appreciate if you didn't tell anyone," the black-haired girl said with a smile, and James found himself holding an extremely expensive-looking golden necklace studded with diamonds as the four entered the caboose.

He watched, dumbfounded, as the car veered off the tracks and down into a ditch. After a moment, he pulled the cigar from his mouth and flicked it onto the tracks.

His cigar case followed.

---

show spoiler

hide spoiler

"So why exactly are we now on a train?" Rose asked as Dave walked slowly down the hallway in the caboose, the Caledscratch held before him like a shield. He stopped, sliding the front passenger room open, and peeked inside.

"Because I have a hunch," he said at length, "that whatever we need this key for is either on the train, or will be." He stopped and looked back, stifling the urge to laugh at the sight of John taking up rather a large amount of space in the hallway.

"It's like... something was pulling, calling me here." He slid the door shut and sidled to the next passenger room further back, cracking it open. "Empty," He mumbled to himself, and shut it again.

"So--" "Ow!" "--sorry, Jade-- is dere a plan? Or do we--rrgh--just keep checking cars until we find what'cha looking for?" John wasn't really all that large, but the rail car certainly wasn't spacious. Dave looked back at him for a moment and sighed, sliding the third and final passenger room open.

"Empty," he mumbled. "I don't really have a plan," he admitted after a moment, waving for them to enter the passenger room. Rose slipped into the room easily, John scooting up to duck in and sit down next to her. Jade followed shortly after, and Dave swung into the room, sliding it shut and sitting beside Jade.

"But here's a plan anyway: you guys hang out here." He spun the Caledscratch up sideways and handed it to John, who took the hilt gingerly. "I'll poke around, see if I can find anything. No reason to drag you guys into this shit."

As he stood to go, a ruby bounced off of the back of his head, and he yelped, whipping about with an indignant glare. Rose picked it up calmly and pocketed it again.

"Trying not to 'drag us into this shit' would've helped three hours ago when you woke up," she said flatly. "However much I agree with the idea that one person searching is easier than four in a place like this, we're in this together, David, whether you like it or not." She smirked. "So deal with it."

Dave sighed, and rolled his eyes. "Right, right. I swear, you could be a fuckin' queen in one of these universes and you'll still be you, Rose," he snarked, and deflected the ruby with his hand as he swung out of the room and slammed the door shut. Wincing, he shook his hand rapidly as he picked up the ruby and dropped it into his pocket.

Sliding the door back open a crack, he poked his head in. "If I'm not back in five minutes and you don't hear any asskicking, come runnin'." With that, he left the three alone, slipping out the front of the caboose and hopping across the coupling to the next car.

---

"So, uh... what's yer relation ta Dave, in yer universe?" John asked after a few moments of silence.

Jade looked up from where she was idly examining a kumquat-sized sapphire in her hand with a surprised look on her face. "I, uh, what?" She stammered, blushing faintly.

A knowing smile played at Rose's lips. "I believe John is asking you whether you're as infatuated with your Dave as our Jade is with ours," she suggested after a moment. The smile grew with smug satisfaction as Jade's blush brightened and she began to find the pinstriping on her pants extremely interesting.

"I, well.. um... I suppose..." She began to worry at the hem of a sleeve. "I... guess I kinda did like him... a lot... he's a really cool guy, y'know? And it's not like he even really tries to do it, he just is, Like everything he ever does, he's just naturally that good."

John tilted his head. "Yeah, that seems ta be standard Dave, then," he said after a moment. "Kinda funny seein' you so bashful though, Jade. Guess yer not so outgoing in other worlds, eh?"

Rose shook her head as Jade's blush turned even deeper. "It's not that she's not outgoing," Rose said after a moment. "You're still a child in the other world, aren't you?"

Jade nodded slowly. "I'm thirteen," she said after a few seconds, her blush fading a bit. "Or I was." When she looked up, the confusion on their faces was apparent.

"Um, well... y'see, I'm kinda... dead."

Another pregnant pause, and John cleared his throat. "Kinda, um, stuffy in here," he muttered, and reached over to slide the window open.

---

Dave refused to be worried that he would be found. Someone had come into the cargo car mere moments after he entered the car; he was sprawled against the wall behind a pair of boxes. The footsteps faded toward the front of the car, and after a moment, he heard the door open, then shut again, and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Musta been that conductor," he mumbled to nobody in particular as he worked his way out from behind the boxes. He couldn't feel any sort of pull toward anything in this car... not even elsewhere in the train. Whatever drew him here, it certainly wasn't drawing him any more.

An overwhelming sense of dread began to claw its' way into his thoughts. What if he'd jumped the gun? What if he was supposed to find another way out of that situation, and not use the Caledscratch until they got to the train? Maybe this whole 'key' business was like those stupid choose-your-own-adventure games.

He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Great. Now I'm second guessing myself. Fuckin' stupid," He grumbled.

DAVE....

"What the fuck?" He whipped about, trying to find the source of the sound. It was as if it came from everywhere and nowhere at once.

WE KNEW WE WOULD FIND YOU HERE, DAVE...

"Awesome, so show yourself, whatever you are," he sneered. "Or at least quit fuckin' with me." The cargo car was too cramped; he wouldn't be able to fight properly in there. Looking around, he spotted a ceiling hatch and deftly leapt up a stack of boxes.

WE ARE AFRAID WE CAN NOT DO THAT, DAVE...

He fumbled with the lock on the hatch, and grit his teeth in frustration. "Great, so you're spoutin' fuckin' Space Oddessey quotes. I swear to whatever Gods might listen, if I have to plug my damn sword into some fucking monolith or some shit I'm gonna--"

YOUR GODS WILL NOT HELP YOU, DAVE...

"Fuck you, I don't need the help of any Gods to kick your ass. Even if you don't have an ass. I'll carve one out of your face and kick it." If he could just keep the voice occupied and talking long enough to get the damned lock open...

EVEN WITH THE KEY YOU CAN NOT DEFEAT US, DAVE... WE ARE TIMELESS, DAVE...

"And I'm the Knight of Time," he snarled, and whipped his foot up, slamming his heel into the lock in an almost vertical kick. The lock flew off the latch, rattling behind some boxes, and he swung the hatch open. "So fuck you."

YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE US, DAVE...

Climbing out onto the top of the train, he snarled. "Th'fuck's with you saying my name all the time, anyway? If you're only talking to me, whatever the hell you are, I'm pretty sure I ain't forgotten yet."

YOU HIDE YOUR FEAR WITH HUMOR, DAVE...

"Fear? Psh." He slammed the hatch shut and scrabbled toward the back of the train car. "I've heard scarier ghost stories from Egbert, and he couldn't scare spots off a zebra." A quick hop and adjustment for wind turbulence, and he was on the roof of the caboose.

THEN WHY DO YOU RUN, DAVE? WHY DO YOU AVOID YOUR FATE, DAVID STRIDER? WE ARE COMING FOR YOU... WE ARE HERE FOR YOU... WE ARE--

"Annoying the fuck outta me is what you are, now show yourself or I'm gonna WHOA!" Instinct told him to turn around. Luck dictated that he did so soon enough that he saw the tunnel looming far enough away that he was able to drop flat on the roof, stone archwork whistling by his face not twelve inches away from him.

When blackness gave way to blue skies again, he nervously sat half-up, surveying for anything else that might take his head off. No need to reenact that scene from Speed. This wasn't even his body. "Nice try, cockass," he snarled. "I'm not fallin' for that old trick."

WE WOULD NOT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY!

The rasping, gurgling black voice was coming from behind him.

He turned around just in time to see a black mass arcing up from beside the train toward him, and jerked his head to the right, a spike of darkness barely scraping his cheek. Another spike shot out from the mass, and he turned sideways to avoid taking it in the shoulder.

"That all you got?" He sneered.

The spikes converged behind him and swept down, knocking his legs from under him. With an undignified yelp, he struck the roof of the caboose.

---

"...so you're now a part of him?" Rose asked. She and John were a bit taken aback by Jade's nonchalant explanation of her death, and subsequent deal with the Dark Gods.

"...in a way, yes," Jade said after a moment. "I'm still myself, my soul is my own, but... my dreamself has merged with his. Or it did. When he became Davesprite, I was... pulled into his real body." She fidgeted. "I'm aware of how he felt about me... and feels about me, although I can't really know his thoughts. Only his feelings."

Rose tilted her head. "So then no matter what, you know how he's feeling? For instance, if he were sad, you could tell, even if he was fooling everyone else?"

Jade nodded. "I also know where he is because of it. I can sort of... feel where he is. So--" She gasped, her eyes widening.

"What? What is it?" John was on his feet and practically halfway out the door already when Jade's hand caught his. He blinked owlishly at her.

"Not that way," she said after a second. "He's above us."

As one, the three looked up toward the ceiling, just in time to hear a resounding thump.

WE HAVE YOU NOW, DAVID STRIDER!

Worried looks were exchanged. Wordlessly, John handed Jade the Caledscratch and stepped out of the way.

---

Dave didn't bother wasting time with the pain of landing hard on his shoulder. His attention snapped toward the front of the train, and toward a metal scaffolding arch that was looming close. He grit his teeth, curled up, and handsprung into the air.

It felt like time slowed again as the scaffolding whistled by underneath him. His feet touched roof and he landed in a crouch, immediately leaping into the air again as the darkness melted low to avoid the scaffold and lashed blades of shadow at his feet.

Spreading his arms, Dave let wind pressure carry him halfway to the shadow and rolled as he landed, turning his roll into a sideways tumble to avoid another lashing blade from the vaguely humanoid black mass. Avoiding it wasn't hard to do, but if he didn't find a way to fight back soon, he was going to run out of time.

YES, DAVID STRIDER... YOU ARE BEGINNING TO SEE... WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE! GIVE YOURSELF TO US, DAVID STRIDER!

"Go fuck yourself," he snarled, and hopped over another low-lashing blade; throwing his hands out for momentum, he spun himself horizontal, barely avoiding another two spikes aimed at his midsection and chest, and grabbed at the blackness.

It felt like grabbing a handful of tongue, a slimy, hot thing that slipped under his grip. Grimacing and fighting the urge to gag, he pulled hard, but the shadow pulled back even harder, and he found himself kited into the air.

With a yank, he shot down from above with a drop-kick to the center of the black mass. It felt remarkably like striking a man in the chest, and for a brief moment, the shadows gave way to the pained, frightened eyes of the inspector.

With a snarl, Dave flipped back off of the shadow mass and released the shadow tentacles, wiping his hands on his pants as he braced himself against the wind.

NOW YOU SEE, DAVID STRIDER... YOU CAN NOT DEFEAT US, EVEN WITH YOUR SO-CALLED 'KEY'... YOU CAN NOT DESTROY THAT WHICH LIES HIDDEN IN THE HEARTS OF ALL BEINGS...

"So, what, is this some Kingdom Hearts bullshit? 'Bluh bluh I'm a huge fuckin' deal, I'm the darkness in the hearts of humanity, bluh bluh' fuck you, you ain't telling me what I can and can't do," he snapped.

"Dave!" A voice barely audible over the wind, and he whipped about to see Jade running toward him with the Caledscratch in hand. She shouted a warning, and he dropped flat as a black tentacle whipped past him, wrapping around her wrist and tugging hard.

The halfblade spun into the air as she fell, and the tentacle released her, lashing out for the sword as she scrabbled at the roof of the train, momentum and wind pulling her off the side. For a brief moment, her eyes met his, and he reached out toward her futilely before she disappeared over the side.

The Caledscratch flared a bright orange and the half-blade transformed to its' full blade state as it whipped through the air, and the tentacle exploded in a haze of black upon contact.

Dave stood upright as the sword caught the wind and arced back down, and struck his hand out, catching the hilt of the sword and spinning himself to face the shadowed being with a flourish.

His eyes burned with orange heat behind his shades.

NO MATTER HOW ANGRY YOU ARE, YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT US, DAVID STRIDER!

The black mass lashed out a tentacle-spike toward him. A flick of his wrist, and it exploded in a puff of smoke as he began to walk toward the dark being.

EVEN IF YOU SHOULD BANISH US FROM THIS WORLD, WE ARE NEVERENDING. WE WILL FIND THE TRUE WORLD, DAVID STRIDER!

Another tentacle, and another flourish. Yet another puff of smoke. The blackness emanating from the man was practically nothing more than a silhouette aura as Dave stopped a few feet away, raising the Caledscratch high.

WE WILL CLEANSE ALL OF EXISTENCE OF YOUR WRETCHED KIND! EVERYTHING YOU FIGHT FOR IS IN VAIN! ALL SHALL PERISH BENEATH THE MIGHT OF--

"Shut the fuck up."

The blade came down, and the shadows exploded into nothingness.

The inspector stood, staring dumbstruck at Dave, the broken edge of the Caledscratch close enough to his face that he could feel the heat from the blade as it erupted with orange flame and transformed in his hand.

When the light faded, he held a large, ornate orange key, the head shaped like the crossguard of the Caledscratch.

He turned, pressing his shades closer to his eyes, and silently walked away from the inspector. A few feet away, he stopped, and half-turned, his eyes hidden by the glare off his shades.

"Get inside before you get scabbed off on a tunnel or something." He continued to the front of the car and hopped down.

Carefully, the inspector climbed down the ladder on the back of the car and curled into a ball on the back step of the caboose, whimpering to himself about voices and ghosts and angels and demons.

---

Dave sat in the hallway of the caboose, his arms folded on his knees and his face pressed into the cotton of his shirt. His eyes burned, and his breath was hitching in his throat. Twice, now, she'd trusted him to save her. Twice, now, he'd failed her... and this time there was no second chance, no bringing her back.

It'd torn him up to watch her die the first time. And now this... all for some stupid goddamn key... with a scream of rage, he flung the Caledkey down the hallway.

It bounced a few times and rattled to a stop at the door to their room.

He didn't look up when he heard the door slide open, or when he heard light footsteps coming his way. He pressed his sunglasses against his eyes and set his jaw. He wasn't about to let Rose see him cry.

He felt, rather than heard, the presence of someone at his side; he felt that person crouch beside him. Felt a bare hand and a silken glove take his hand and press the key into the palm.

"We can't get home if ya go throwin' these around, ya know," Jade's voice whispered into his ear.

His head snapped up, and he stared at her like a deer in headlights. She smiled, and waved the bare fingers of her left hand at him. Her glasses were missing and her hair was a mess, but she was otherwise perfectly fine.

"Good thing John couldn't breathe in that stuffy ol' room, yeah?" She said, and sat on the floor beside him, her shoulder brushing against his. "Lost a glove when he almost dropped me, but he got me in just fine. Keeps sayin' he owes me some new glasses though."

Dave stared at her for a few more moments, and she flushed. "What? Yer makin' me nervous, Dave," She mumbled, staring down at her lap.

He poked her in the shoulder, and she winced, looking at him. He poked her again. "Nyeeeeeh, stoppit," she whined, and slapped at his hand.

The next thing she knew he had pulled her practically on top of him in a crushing hug. She yelped in surprise, and after a moment returned the hug with a sigh.

"...sorry," Dave whispered into her hair, and she chuckled. "Don't be," she said softly.

---

As the train pulled into the station, four individuals slipped off of the back of the train, past a shellshocked FBI inspector with a shallow cut on his forehead and a misaligned nose. With practiced ease, the four blended into the crowds of people on the platform, eventually finding someplace to stand out of the way of prying eyes.

Dave looked down at the key in his hand, then looked up at the others, who were watching him expectantly. After a moment, he shrugged. "No idea what to do now," he admitted, and glanced at Jade, who smiled.

"Each key corresponds to a aspect of your life, Dave," she said after a moment. "With each one you find, you'll gain greater control of your power throughout the universes we'll be visiting."

He looked down at the key. "Aspects of my life, huh," he mumbled. "A sword... a key..."

"Every key needs a keyhole," Rose said, and realization dawned on Dave's face. He stepped back from the others, and held the key up to the light.

"I sure as hell hope this thing waits for me to pull it out before it changes back, or the other me's gonna have problems," he said calmly as he turned the key toward him and gripped it with both hands.

Jade placed a hand on his shoulder, and nodded to him, and he brought the Caledkey home to his chest.

John and Rose shielded their eyes from the eruption of orange light. When it died down, for a brief moment, a spectral Davesprite stood before them, Dave's body slumped on the ground with a sheathed katana in hand. Jade was curled up at his side, her head resting on his shoulder; the both of them were sleeping peacefully.

Davesprite nodded to Rose and John. Rose returned the nod and John gave a half-salute, and Davesprite disappeared in a flash of light, a single orange feather drifting lazily down onto Dave's head.

With a groan, Dave's eyes fluttered open, and he rubbed at his face. A faint noise from his shoulder told him Jade was waking up as well. Looking up, he blinked blearily at John and Rose. "What the..."

Jade stretched, yawning, and looked around. "Where are we?" She asked after a moment, patting herself down. "And where are my glasses?"

John and Rose helped them to their feet, straightening their clothes. "It's a long story," Rose said with a wry smile.

"Don't make much sense either," John chuckled. "But that's how all the good stories go, yeah?"

Dave and Jade shared a confused look as John laughed.

---

Darkness... warmth... like the embrace of a loved one... he groaned and opened his eyes, blinking at the dark ceiling. Dave looked down, raising an eyebrow at Jade, whose head rested on his chest. She was dreaming peacefully. He vaguely recalled celebrating her eighteenth birthday with John and Rose at the bowling alley downtown...

They'd gone home early, since she had pulled an all-nighter the night before on a project for work. She was practically asleep on her feet by the time they got back; he'd helped her into her bed, tucked her in, gave her a kiss on the forehead, and she was out like a light. He went to bed after making sure Mutie had water.

He remembered waking up in the middle of the night to the feeling of her crawling into the bed, making a token effort to attempt to wake her from her sleepwalking, and passing out again.

No, dammit, that's not what happened. He scrunched his eyes up as he slowly became aware of the spectral memory of everything they underwent in that... gangster-universe. It wasn't a dream... he could still feel the tingling burn from using the Caledkey on himself...

He held a hand up in the twilight, and concentrated. With an orange flicker, the Caledscratch appeared in his hand, just as it would when summoned from his Strife Specibus before. Another thought, and it was banished away.

With a sigh, he let his hand fall. He knew this was another alternate world... he supposed he could think of it as a 'save point' in this stupid little dimensional game. He glanced down at Jade, who continued to snooze peacefully, a content smile on her face.

What a fun, fucked up subconscious I have.

Well, maybe a few hours' rest wouldn't hurt.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Hmmmm, isn't it funny how when you "Go Advanced" less options are displayed than when you quick reply on this new forum?

Anyways, I decided to have a go at this "fan fiction" thing all the cool kids are talking about.

A Cautionary Tale

show spoiler

hide spoiler

My name is Zoosmell Pooplord. Don't laugh, things are about to get serious. This is a cautionary tale, written to those whom it may concern. A little hint: that's all of you looking to buy the SBURB commercial release. I know you've all probably heard the rumours of the whacky antics the various SBURB beta testers got into as well as the promises that the commercial release would be much more safe and secure. That's what I had heard too, and then I played the thing, leading to an utterly disasterous session.

I know what you're gonna say: "But Zoosmell" -I imagine there would be a pause for snickering at this point- "isn't the commercial release only due in a month?". Well, I've got some news for you: I'm writing this message to you from the future. Don't ask me how, it'll all become apparent later. What's important now is this: don't get into a session with people you don't know. To illustrate, I'll post the walkthrough I once naievely intended to write. You'll notice that it starts off quite cheerfully, written by a younger, less burdened me, only then to steadily descend into madness and despair. I hope it may serve as a word of warning, and perhaps a pleasant read for the more morbidly inclined among you. Enjoy.

================================================== =======
SBURB WALKTHROUGH
================================================== =======

Hi, my name is Zoosmell Pooplord. As you can imagine I don't have a lot of friends, so a while ago I left a notice on this very messageboard looking for other people interested in playing SBURB with me since it doesn't have a singleplayer modus (stupid designers!). Luckily I found four other people willing to play! I would have been happy with just one other person but four pretty much was the bomb! We chatted a bit on the forums but quickly added each other on Pesterchum and decided there that we would play in a chain. I insisted I'd be the first person to go in and everyone pretty much agreed since I'd organised the whole thing and everything.

Also, I informed them of my intention to make a walkthrough and everyone agreed (so no laws were infringed!). We all bought the premium SBURB package which included a nice audio CD, a grist starter package, the Gristtorrent install cd and a miniature chess set (I'm still wondering what that's about). More importantly though it included the SBURB LOG application, which keeps track of full data from your session, so you can look at it later. My intent for the data, however, was not to use it as a souvenir.

I intended to use the transcripts to manufacture this walkthrough. All I know about SBURB is just hearsay, but apparently some of the BETA testing sessions were rather hectic. The log function seemed essential since I may not have time to write while the game is running. Well, right now I do, but that might change later on. Besides, I doubt the other players can type quite as fast or as flawless as me, so they'll definitely need the log function.

In case you hadn't deduced it yet, I am now running a session of SBURB. The very first thing I did was to check out how the log function worked exactly, and it turns out it's a rather peculiar thing. Instead of booting up together with the game, it started recording before I even inserted the disc! The transcript is in an odd format as well, with me getting commands from somewhere, as if I'm not the player but the game character. I have yet to figure out what's up with that, but no doubt the gaming concept will dawn on me soon enough.

Anyways, I'm going to be leaving you now, since one of my co-players is pestering me, but I'll sync up the log with this website, so you can follow my progress. The log starts before I even typed this blurb though, so it might be a little confusing at first =s

LOG:
Your name is ZOOSMELL POOPLORD. This has led to frequent MOCKING AND RIDICULE. It has also led to a quite SECLUDED LIFESTYLE. The fact that you are UGLY AS SIN probably doesn't help much. You live in a boarded up house somewhere in suburbia which many believe to be haunted. You have a variety of INTERESTS which you use to while away time as you wait for THE INEVITABLE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH.

Things are not so bad though as you actually quite enjoy playing VIDEOGAMES all by yourself. You have a passion for ONLINE COMMUNITIES as they help compensate for the sad lack of living companions you suffer from. Apart from your pet turtle MASTER SPLINTER of course, whom you love ever so much, and oh, yeah, your dad, but let's not talk about that. You have a fondness for OLDSCHOOL CARTOONS such as Biker Mice from Mars, Darkwing Duck, Transformers or The Mask. Your room is littered with posters of said cartoons. You like to spook trespassers with a variety of SHENANIGANS, including your famous GHOST ON A STICK.

What will you do?


>Zoosmell: Quickly retrieve arms from GHOST ON A STICK.

It would be nice if you could refer to Zoosmell Pooplord more respectfully.


>Fine. ZP: Quickly retrieve arms from GHOST ON A STICK.

The GHOST doesn't have any arms, he's just the classic sheet on a stick kind. Besides, your ARMS are in your WAR CHEST.


>ZP: Quickly retrieve arms from WAR CHEST.

You open up your WAR CHEST. Ah, how many times it's helped you fend off intruders! You retrieve your FAKE SEVERED ARMS from the chest. You use these for HILARIOUS ANTICS. You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX. Hey, that's new. What's a sylladex anyways?

Whatever, there are more items in your chest.


>ZP: Examine contents of chest.

You keep a collection of frightening and slightly disturbing ARTIFACTS in your WAR CHEST. They have aided you many times in the battle against trespassers. No-one has tried to squatt your house in quite a while, but you are forever VIGILANT.

Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) FAKE SEVERED ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX] (sheesh, again with that sylladex stuff?), ONE (1) BRAIN IN A JAR (fakeness to be tested), THREE (3) LARGE RUBBER SPIDERS (definitely fake), ONE (1) HUMAN SKELETON (certified to be real), ONE (1) WEREWOLF MASK, ONE (1) PAIR OF DRACULA TEETH, SOME (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, SOME (~) FIREWORKS and your trusty SLINGSHOT.


>ZP: "Captchalogue" fireworks, slingshot, brain in a jar, human skeleton, werewolf mask, blood capsules and dracula teeth. In that order.

You start stuffing your SYLLADEX with items, though your SLINGSHOT is allocated to your STRIFE SPECIBUS instead. When you get to the DRACULA TEETH the FAKE SEVERED ARMS eject out of your SYLLADEX and gore your GHOST ON A STICK. It seems your SYLLADEX only has six CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS to allocate items to. Any further items you place in the SYLLADEX will simply eject the bottom item forcefully. If you insert any further items, the FIREWORKS will eject, and that just seems like a terribly bad idea.

Your SYLLADEX'S FETCH MODUS is currently set to the DEATH'S DOORSTEP MODUS. The concept honestly puzzles you. All you know is that you can only access the top card (in this case the DRACULA TEETH), it comes with it's own health bar, and it sounds terribly ominous.

But with any hope, perhaps you will advance new, less scary FETCH MODI for your SYLLADEX in time.

You hear a notice from your COMPUTER. It seems one of your friends is messaging you. Oh wait, that's right, you don't have any friends.


>ZP: Check message

You pull up to your COMPUTER. This is where you spend most of your time. You decorated your desktop with some rather handsome GHOSTBUSTERS WALLPAPER which you made yourself. Based on the cartoon, of course, not the movies. You are really proud of it.

Your PESTERCHUM application is flashing. Someone is trying to get in touch with you.


>Open PESTERCHUM.

-- clockworkReplicator [CR] began pestering hermeticSpectre [HS] at 13:13 --

CR: Would you like to buy some insurance?
CR: I've lost twenty pounds using this fantastic new weightloss powder! You should try it too!
HS: ...I think you've got a virus
CR: Is that so? I had not noticed.
HS: Has no-one else complained?
CR: Now that you mention it, they have.
HS: So why don't you do something about it?
CR: I suppose I am afraid to damage the programming.
HS: Oh yeah, imporant files you don't want to lose. I know what that's like. I was working on this great walkthrough for Morrowind from the perspective of a ridgeracer, I mean, this was some crazy stuff, the community was going to love me for it, but then my pc crashed and I lost everything I wrote in that sitting. Which was, like, 90 pages. I never turn off my pc so one sitting can be like really long technically.
CR: I never turn off my computer either.
HS: I hear ya. Gamers to the core, right? BROFIST!
CR: Brofist.
HS: You can be a little more enthousiastic about it, man! Or woman, I suppose. But seriously,
we're about to play the most anticipated game in history, that's worth something, right? Right?
CR: Okay. Brofist!
CR: Now that we are on the subject, do you have any idea what the game will be like? The only information I have found so far online is that it is "radical" and "extreme". That is hardly precise. In fact, the most precise statement I've been able to find was "It isn't, like, as good as some other stuff I like that's better". The article also speaks of an utter lack in thrashing. Hardly encouraging.
HS: Yeah, I know, there's nothing about it online. There's rumours of some walkthroughs that appeared for the beta, but apparently they removed those from the net because they wanted to keep total secrecy or something. It's why writing a walkthrough for this game is going to be such a success!
CR: What if it is terrible?
HS: Oh, no, don't worry about that. Look, from what I gather it's like this: take all the games you've ever played, multiply that by ninethousand, and that's SBURB for ya!
CR: SBURB is 879000?
HS: Errrrr, I think you've got your math wrong =s
CR: I never get my math wrong.
HS: Wow, you've played a sick amount of games then! Now I know for sure you're not a girl!
CR: But what about the game?
HS: I suppose we'll figure it out once we get to play it =s
CR: Okay. You are aware we are all waiting for you to get started? Since you insisted to be first.
HS: Yeah, I know, but I haven't got my copy yet. It's supposed to arrive in the mail.
CR: I already received my copy. Perhaps you should go check your mailbox to see if you have as well?
HS: Alright


>ZP: Look out window

You can't look out of the window! It's boarded up. You manage to peer through the boards though. You see the view of your yard from your window.

You see your spiked castiron fence as well as the two GARGOYLES you've set up by the gate. In a haunted house's yard, a gate without gargoyles is like a proper gentleman without a top hat. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL.

And there beside the gate is the MAILBOX.


>ZP: Examine mailbox.

The little rusty arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped up!

What the hell is that thing called anyway. You do not have time for these semantics. The red flippy-lever thing means you have new mail. And that means the beta might be here!


>ZP: Go downstairs and check mailbox

You would, but... Uhm... You would have to pass through the living room. And that would mean confronting your dad. He's probably drunk. He's drunk a lot. In fact, you don't think you've ever seen him sober. Of course, you try to avoid seeing him as much as possible. If you go downstairs, he will likely beat you to a pulp. You decide to chill out up here for a while until the dust settles. Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room.


>ZP: Improvise disguise to fool dad.

You're pretty sure dad will beat up whomever walks into that room, but this does give you an idea. You could try scaring your dad silly with a scary disguise. You know, it might confuse him just long enough to rush in and out to go get the game. It's not like he's gonna take the effort of climbing the stairs just to beat your worthless ass up. You suddenly feel the urge to talk to a shrink but quickly shrug it off and merge the top three cards of your SYLLADEX to make a BLOODY TEETH WEREWOLF MASK. However, you quickly realise that the item has now sunk to the 4th card and is impossible to reach. DEATH'S DOORSTEP MODUS really sucks. Oh well, at least you've freed up two cards to clutter with some more useless shit.


>ZP: Attack dad with SLINGSHOT.

You decide to brave the hideous monster downstairs after all. Perhaps you can keep him at a distance with your slingshot? You doubt it. Still, worth a shot. Haha, get it?


>ZP: Haha. Proceed downstairs.

You quiver in your boots as you descend the rickety staircase down into the darkness of the living room. The only source of light is the television set, showing an endless series of commercials. Right now a commercial praising the virtues of TAB is passing. You hear the creature in the GREAT SLOPPY BROWN COUCH groan and see the outline of a hand extend into the light to flip the channel. The hand is lined with greying fuzz and in it, as always, rests the black TV REMOTE. You try to creep down noiselessly, but the CREAKY STEP gives you away. The creature in the GREAT SLOPPY BROWN COUCH rises. Your DAD is wearing a SWEATSTAINED WIFEBEATER and some JEANS WITH THE TOP BUTTON UNDONE. He wields a dreaded ARTIFACT OF INEBRIATION, a Duff beerbottle. He stands between you and the mail.

There is only one way to settle this.


>STRIFE!

You aim with your SLINGSHOT at the monstrosity of LIQUOR AND POOR PARENTAGE only to realise you have no SLINGSHOT AMMO!!!


>Flee!

You cannot ABSCOND! This pesky GUARDIAN is blocking your path! You will need to engineer some sort of distraction.

And now he brandishes yet another ARTIFACT OF INEBRIATION! The man is ruthless.

You'd better brace for impact.


>ABJURE!

You narrowly duck the ARTIFACT OF INEBRIATION slung at you head. Glass shatters above you.


>ZP: Load SLINGSHOT with glass

You CAPTCHALOGUE the GLASS SHARDS, but unfortunately they are not a valid choice for SLINGSHOT AMMO. Another ARTIFACT OF INEBRIATION is aimed at your head. It looks like a full one this time. This could hurt.


>ZP: Snatch it out of the air like a ninja!

You attempt to intercept the AIRBORN WEAPON, and manage, but hurt your hand severely in the progress, losing 1 HEALTHPOINT. You CAPTCHALOGUE the TEPID BREW in your top card, but it seems you can no longer access it. However, you have gained access to the 5th card in your SYLLADEX: the GLASS SHARDS. Not that that's gonna help you.


>ZP: Plee for mercy

You try to appeal to you old man's heart by saying that you've only just returned from the hospital last week, you still have bruises from his last beating, and you're the saddest little boy in the whole wide world, but you still wuv him. You combine this tech with PUPPY EYES. But that's right, you forgot, your old man has no heart. For lack of any other projectiles, he chucks the TV REMOTE at you.


>ZP: You can't let the remote get damaged! Protect the holy artifact!

Dreading the prospect of having to switch channels manually when viewing OLDSCHOOL CARTOONS, you snatch the TV REMOTE out of the air. This fills up your SYLLADEX and ejects the currently active card: the GLASS SHARDS. Your dad is met by a RAIN OF RAZORSHARP GLASS. He screams in pain and shambles back into the shadows to lick his wounds.

YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!

But you should probably avoid the living room in the future, you've only pissed him off more. Oh, and it looks like your TEPID BREW card has sunk to the 5th (and currently accessible) card. The TV REMOTE takes up the 6th and last card.


>ZP: Exit.

You exit the house.


>ZP: Check Mail.

You find the SBURB DELUXE SET crammed into your mailbox.


>ZP: CAPTCHALOGUE SBURB

You take the SBURB DELUXE SET, sending the TEPID BREW crashing into one of the SPRING LOADED TRAPS you have so carefully hidden in the grassy patch by the house. A bucket of green goop is catapulted out of the recesses of a nearby tree and splashed across the trap. Oh great, green goop doesn't grow on trees, you know!


>ZP: Load SLINGSHOT with rocks

You pick up some pebbles from the driveway and fill up your AMMO STASH with them.


>ZP: Go to bedroom.

What? Are you crazy? Didn't you read that part where it said "you should probably avoid the living room in the future"? Your DAD is going to KILL you if he sees you again before, like, a year has passed. You're pretty sure that's what happened to aunt Betty.


>ZP: Sneak upstairs.

Oh, all right, if you're really THAT sick of your life. You re-enter the house. As expected the hulking form of your father stalks towards you from the shadows. He seems to be groaning something. If you didn't know any better you'd think it was "Brains". Ah, the dozens of people you've scared off with the old "my father's a zombie" act. The truth is he's just a jerk though, and is saying something completely different. Perhaps he's describing in what horrible way he's going to murder you?

Nope, that's not it either... Oh, now you get it. He's asking for the TV REMOTE. It figures.


>ZP: Give DAD the REMOTE

You toss the TV REMOTE onto the floor and your dad jumps it like a starved animal. It seems he'd been forced to watch a moonlaunch in your absence.


>ABSCOND!

You flee to your bedroom.


>ZP: Install SBURB.

Luckily getting rid of the TV REMOTE has freed up the 5th card for the SBURB DELUXE SET to sink into it. You chuck the thing out of your SYLLADEX and tear the box open. Inside you discover ONE (1) SBURB AUDIO CD, ONE (1) SBURB DELUXE CLIENT CD, ONE SBURB SERVER CD, ONE (1) GRISTTORRENT INSTALL CD, ONE (1) MINIATURE CHESS SET and SOME (~) PACKAGING PEANUTS. No manual appears to be included. You CAPTCHALOGUE the SBURB CLIENT CD and ram it into your computer (get it? RAM!). A window appears notifying you that a hos is trying to connect with you. Excellent, all according to plan. You click enter, and the game starts loading rather sluggishly.


>ZP: Kill some time on mspaintadventures.com.

You proceed to read up on the latest exploits of Andrew Hussie, a brilliant writer and artist if you've ever seen one. His current adventure, Mansionstuck, is even better than his last one, Midnight Crew. It's pretty confusing though.

Oh, it looks like SBURB is done installing. You remember that you intended to start writing the walkthrough as soon as you got it booted up.


>ZP: Get started on walkthrough.

You start typing rapidly, your fingers flying across the keyboard FASTER THAN A NUN EXITING A MOVIE THEATRE DURING AN EROTIC FEATURE.

And now your chum is pestering you again. The clockwork of friendship turns ceaselessly, operating the swing-lever dealies of harassment in perpetuity! Except that, you know, you've only known the dude for a couple of days.


>Answer "chum"

You decide it's in your best interest to not quite alienate this newfound friend yet and answer him. You turn on the "synchronise with log" function and open up Pesterchum.

-- clockworkReplicator [CR] began pestering hermeticSpectre [HS] at 13:53 --

CR: Was the game in your mailbox?
HS: Yeah, it was there. I've already connected to my host
CR: Remind me again why that wasn't me? I am bored out of my mind here.
HS: I dunno. It was mostly on a first come first serve basis. I didn't realise back then that you were such an experienced gamer.
CR: Trade in all your gold for cash now!
HS: It looks like you've still got that virus and ... Oh, crap, you're not gonna like this, but it looks like you're last on the roster
CR: You are right. I do not like that.
HS: On the bright side, I'll be your server player. Also, if we get into trouble really bad, you can be our deus ex machina!
CR: I suppose it will be interesting to have the game's difficulty increased by having you guys fuck it up.

And fuck it up we did...

I would be very glad to see your opinions on this. Is it any good?