MSPA fan fiction 2

[paperandpencil]

Was that...Gam-Z?? Or have I just lost the plot?

[Tenebrais]

With these facts in line, on top of the suspension of disbelief being ruined, the premise basically comes down to "the kids don't give a crap about each other," which I don't think is what you were going for at all! On top of that, pesterlogs aren't a strong enough medium to carry a narrative of this weight. Everything seems very...out of left field, for the most part, especially Dave getting busted. There's no build up, it's like a friend you knew in high school just died and you find out on facebook. :\

Well, the other two parts are going to be in prose so I should hopefully be able to address the issues you and Doc bring up without it sounding forced. This first part is mainly set-up for the following two; the pesterlog format was, I feel, the best way of fast-forwarding through the years leading up to it.

[Eco-Mono]

S-someday one of us is gonna write a happy fic where Rose gets drunk

King's Game?

[Tenebrais]

Here's a quick fic I wrote just now about the Vast Glub.

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Bombs. Fire. Chaos. What were once beautiful meadows were now charred and churned into a vast expanse of churned mud, dotted with trenches and bunkers.
These fortifications had gone unused for decades, since the principality of Nolan had last fought a war. Now, war had come to it again, and it came from so far away.
The citizens were crammed into the safest places the government could find. It would not help. The trolls would find and slay every one of them. They fought only for a few more seconds of precious life.
And damn it, if we were going down, we were taking a lot of them down with us.

First the marksmurderers came. From our fortified position, our firesticks fought them off. Primitive technology to a spacefaring empire, no doubt, but more effective than they had planned for, I’m sure. After them came the infantry, armed with swords that could cut through stone. Even then, through guerrilla tactics and sheer determination, we fought them off.

Our squadron had taken losses, and we were forced to conscript from the villagers to survive. Too many of us were nervously clutching their weapons, never having harmed another being in their life. I prayed for our lives as we waited for the next attack.

The crude radar we had set up in the bunker blared. The next wave was incoming. And they were fast. Soon I heard a growl from the distance, which turned to a roar as they came into view. Through my spyglass I saw them clearly. The Cavalreapers. They rode loud two-wheeled devices that billowed smoke into our holy skies. They wielded bladed lances. We would have no chance against them. This I knew.

Without warning, the radar went haywire, showing contacts in all places at all ranges. After a few seconds, it was quiet again. The cavalreapers were already tearing down the hill, but they looked unsteady. They wobbled on their mounts, their lances dropping, and through my spyglass they appeared to be bleeding. The attack fell apart as most of them fell to the ground and twitched. It was a horrifying sight, even if it meant my prayers had been answered. Large crafts, their transports, crashed to the ground from the sky. Trolls ran out into the fields in panic, soon losing consciousness and succumbing to whatever terrible infliction befell them.

Soon it was all over. The screams had stopped, as had the bombs. The mud had turned to a rainbow of chromatic blood. Hesitantly, we emerged from our hiding holes. They were all dead. At last, the gods had answered our prayers, and exacted retribution.

[ToreaderTornado]

King's Game?

This.

Someone do this.

[Valid]

Void

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It was dark. A choking, dry dark, like one would expect on a blazing summer night but without the heat and not a pinprick of light. Despite this lack of light, the people around him were illmuinated as if in daylight, making it all the easier to discern the expressions of grief etched into each face. None of them met his eyes, or each others, instead they looked down, up, past. Just not at.

He sniffed, eyes trained on Gamzee, the only one with a remotely happy expression. He held out his arms , teeth showing in a slight grin and leaned backwards in a slow reverse somersault. An odd place this was, there was no ground, but they weren't falling, there was no gravity, yet they weren't floating away. The other troll brought himself to an elegant stop and turned to face each of his comrades, face broken into a wide grin, as if he'd just discovered the telephone.

Tavros and Nepeta were the only ones who reacted, the former cracking a slight smile, the latter clapping her hands together delicately. No echo. Another note to his ever increasing imaginary binder. He noted Equius' deepening scowl, Terezi's blankness, Vriska's disinterested deadpan.

This silence had gone on too long. He straightened his back, drawing eyes immediately. For a second he wavered, and then quickly reminded himself that he was leader and needed to take charge.

"Right." he said simply, and with that single syllable, every troll in attendance found their voice. Shouting at each other, raising fits, spitting fires. He clutched his head with anger and bellowed at them with absolutely no grace at all. "THAT WAS NOT YOUR CUE TO TALK YOU THICK SKULLED IDIOTS." somehow, despite his raised voice, he managed to stress the word 'not' with underlying venom; heads turned to face him once again.

He paused, giving each of them a scathing glare, then started again. "We need to find a way out of this."

Terezi snorted, "Hate to tell you this Karkles, but there's nothing here."

"Think optimistic thoughts mah sister, we'll soon be outta here."

"Shut up, Gamzee."

He growled, "There has to be a way." he swallowed his anger, "If we don't find a way we're going to die off one by one, whether we like it or not." he voice lowered, as if all his fight was gone, "We'll starve. We'll kill each other."

"Oh, nice to see you have faith."

"WELL IT'S TRUE." he glared at his fellow, "With no food, we ourselves are the only form of sustenance." he stood, or managed to stand, considering the lack of floor. With another glance round the circle, he set to pacing back and forth over the expanse of black, muttering to himself.

A low murmur slowly built up from the circle, each of them conferring in perfect harmony. Of course what Karkat said held truth, but none of them wanted to believe him. For the third time in ten minutes, he went over what he knew.

Alternia was gone.

Well that one was obvious.

Skaia was gone, and with it the Veil.

That one was not as obvious. None of them knew what would happen when the humans won the game, there was an underlying sense of hope that Alternia would be rebuilt, and for a time, that seemed to be the case.

But then everything collapsed folding in on itself until there was nothing.

Just a dark, heavy, black.

The Void.

AU game over? IDK. I can't write happy.

Part 1 of whatever? May or may not write more.

*Scuttles off*

[VagabondRaiser]

Hoy! Someone get a First Pwnst gif in here!

very well written, Valid. Can't wait to see more.

[silrini]

A wild SILRINI appears!

Wild SILRINI uses ADORAFIC!

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Karkat was in the middle of one of his rants about nothing that all the trolls had learned to ignore. He was in fine form, spewing out obscenities and insults vigorously when he was interrupted by giggling. He spun around.

"-AND WHAT DO YOU THINK IS SO FUN...ny?" He faltered when he saw not one of the other trolls like he expected, but a human, the one with the long black hair and glasses. She smiled at him.

"You must be CG!"

"Uh...yes, I'm him..." Karkat boggled vacantly at the human who had no business being here in the Veil, smiling at him cheerfully. She stuck out a hand.

"Nice to meet you! I'm Jade!" The young troll was still trying to get his brain to reboot, so he blinked and took the hand.

"Karkat...Karkat Vantas."

Jade giggled again. "It's really nice to finally meet you, Karkat! I've been wanting to thank you!"

Karkat had just about switched gears and was about to start a rant on what the hell she thought she was doing here when she tossed that little bombshell out. "Wha-thank me? For what?"

"For helping me! When my robot exploded, you told me to contact you so you could help me, and I haven't managed to thank you yet! So thank you!" And before Karkat could say anything, Jade had taken two steps and hugged him. The troll could feel blood rushing to his face, but before he could push her off she released him of her own accord.

"What-what the hell!" he sputtered, but Jade just laughed again.

"I have to go now, but we'll meet again! Bye for now, Karkat!" She waved at him, and then was gone.

Karkat stared at the spot she had been, and then hurried off to find something else to do, alone, where no one would see the pinkish blush still lingering on his cheeks.

Wild SILRINI flees!

Valid gains 1 !

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You can make that fic as shippy or not shippy as you want. I wasn't thinking shipping when I wrote it, but if you do, I won't stop you. ^__^

[Graven_Image]

KarkatxJade...

It's just nuts enough to work.

[Varkarrus]

What about an Inception/Homestuck combination?

Where Jade, Rose, and John infiltrate Dave's dream to try and convince to convince him to do something? And end up going to a dream inside of a dream inside of a dream inside of a dream?

[Graven_Image]

What about an Inception/Homestuck combination?

Yes please.

[nightmarechild]

Jack Noir making the moon crash was a VERY well trained projection.

[NateDude]

Skainet Computer Aided EnrichmentCenter-Stuck Introduction.

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Jade’s eyes open as the pod opens, letting in a wave of fresh air. She sits up and looks around with a confused look on her face.

"Hello?" She says, with no reply. "What’s going on?"

"Hello and again welcome to the Skaianet Computer Aided Enrichment Center. You may be wondering of your current whereabouts. Do not worry! You and your friends have been chosen to test Skainet’s newest creation, the handheld portal device."

"My friends are here?!" Jade yells alarmed

"Yes. You will all be tested in a number of life threatening challenges to see who is the strongest. In the end, only one of you will survive. The hatch will open in 30 seconds. Please proceed to the next chamber."

The machinery hisses as it opens up. Jade steps through, cold and confused. "I hope my friends are okay.."

Major Overhaul by silrini, And I'm happy with the overall quality of it now.

[kmsumrall]

remnants: jade

dave

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I wanted to tell them about what I knew, what happened when we entered this world. Everyone was so happy, felt so much relief. Who was I to spoil that?

~

“See John? This thing works like the elevator pads in my house! But it targets things- like a laser gun thing! Pew pew pew! It hits them and moves them from anywhere to anywhere.”

“That’s so cool!”

“I know, right? That Equius guy is a poopy head, but he sure knows a lot about techy stuff! Once Dave and that other troll find the right timeline I can find the Earth and we can go home!”

“That’s great, Jade! That’s great...”

~

There was a big tent in the middle of the forest. The jungle was sweltering, insufferable. Just like the movie Congo. Someone had laid down some planks so I wouldn't have to try and wheel on uneven ground. I wonder if Jade thought of it. She was still kinda forgetful.

She had been really out of touch lately, but that wasn’t too surprising. She had been really busy with traveling and her two TV shows. I never figured out all the details but it turns out Jade’s Grandfather had owned the right to several patents, so she was pretty much set for life. Because she had lived by herself for so long, it wasn’t hard for her to take care of herself till she was 18. Once that hit she started traveling the world. While abroad Jade started giving money to organizations for preservation effort. She really liked those places, I guess.

I don’t know if she meant for it to get as big as it did, but when she started efforts for areas not normally protected others got involved and now ‘Bec Loves Trees’ was the biggest animal habitat conservation effort in the world.

Jade has two TV shows on the air. One a camera crew follow her from place to place and she talk to natives about the locations, and about what she was going to do to protect the area. The other show was one she put together herself call ‘Jade’s Animal Hour for Kids’, wherein she mostly just hugs animals.

The inside of the tent was filled with pictures of animals and trees and mountains and lakes and everyone she had been. Some where underwater, some where from the air, and I swear one was from inside a volcano. These photos had some power, but only just. I wonder-

“John!” shouted a chipper voice. Jade ran over but Mr Z. blocked her path. “Oh, sorry! I forgot!” I motioned and Mr Z. stepped aside.

“Nice to see you , Jade.”

“You too John. Do you want to be on TV?”

“Uh... No thanks. I’m a little tired.”

"Oh poo. How can you be tired when you are built like a good look Nic Cage?”

“Thanks. I heard you’re traveling show is ending.”

Jade shrugged. “I’ve been almost everywhere already. The director producer guy wanted me to go back to where I’ve been but I can’t do that. I got something really big planned!”

“Uh... Journey to the center of the earth?”

Jade laughed. “No silly! I’m going to the Moon!”

“Oh wow, that’s crazy.”

“I wanna see something new! I’m having my animal handler take over that one while I’m gone. She is soooo funny and is going to dress up like them. Its so cute!”

“Good for you, Jade.”

“Yeap! I’m going to see if my map is right from space.”

“Map?”

“Right here.” Jade pulled out a cardboard tube and pulled out some paper from that. “I’ve been working on it since I started. Look!”

As the paper unfolded I could almost smell nature and hear animal. It was like looking at life in action. The details were amazing. Just looking at the United State you could see the houses, the cars, trampolines, kids playing. Mountains seemed to spring from the page, snow and cold could be felt coming off of them. Rivers flowed and and springs bubbled. I would have been afraid to touch it out of fear of knocking down skyscrapers or causing earthquakes. That is, if I dared touch anything.

It was disappointing to see the paper get rolled back up. “Isn’t it great? I’m going make a Moon map too!” A loud bell rang outside. “Oh! I need to get going. Sorry John! We can meet up again tomorrow, ok?”

Once she was gone I had Mr Z. take the map and we left.

Jade would understand.

rose
john

[ASBusinessMagnet]

Skainet Computer Aided EnrichmentCenter-Stuck Introduction.

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Jades eyes open as the pod opens, Letting in a wave of fresh air.
Jade sits up and looks around, With a confused look on her face.
"Hello?" She says, With no reply. "Whats going on?"
"Hello and again welcome to the Skaianet computer aided enrichment center.
You may be wondering of your current whereabouts. Do not worry! You And your friends have been chosen to test Skainets newest creation, The handheld portal device." "My friends are here?!" Jade yells with an alarmed tome. "Yes. You will all be tested in a number of life Threatening challenges to see who is the strongest. In the end, Only one of you will survive. The Hatch will open in 30 Seconds. Please proceed to the next chamber." A large hiss is made as the machinery opens up. Jade steps out, Cold and confused. "I hope my friends are Okay.."

Im new to this, Do you think its good?

Seriously, Can't wait.

[NateDude]

Skaianet Computer Aided EnrichmentCenter-Stuck Part 1

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Dave wakes up to constant mechanical clanging.
He looks around, He's in some empty room with white tiling all across the walls and floors. He checks his captchalogue cards, And sees they've been wiped.

"What the hell is going on here?" he says aloud. His voice echoes around the empty room, but there’s no reply.

Dave walks around the corner looking for a way out, when a machine explodes. It begins shooting and he jumps forward behind a convenient barrier. "Aww, dammit! What the hell is this?" Dave yells. He checks his specibus for a weapon, but all he has is PortalKind.

"Wait, PortalKind?" Dave gets out his weapon and examines it. It has two triggers, a blue trigger and a red trigger. He examines them carefully, And then he fires it at the robot, but nothing happens.

Intro Beta! pt. 2
Second part, because PM have a character limit. :P

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"This is a useless piece of shit!" Dave mutters to himself He runs out towards the robot and jumps behind it, preparing to tackle it. But it seems it can't turn around on its' own. Dave uses this opportunity to tackle it to the ground, Causing it to shoot wildly. It stops and powers down, So Dave sets it down and continues.

Dave walks into another room and sees a giant red button. He steps on it, cautiously, and the door opens, he gets off and the door closes.

Dave tries firing the weapon through the open door, and it flies through, impacting on the far wall. A wormhole opens up, and fluctuates rapidly.

Curiously, Dave tries pulling the other trigger on a different wall and sure enough, another wormhole opens up. But through this one he can see himself from the side, as if from down a long hallway. He peers down the hallway to the first wormhole, and sure enough, he can see himself again, a little speck of red against gray metal."So, blue is connected to red, huh? This is going to be fun."

Dave experiments with portals for a while, Even creating an infinite loop and hopping in. He of course stops himself before going too fast. He proceeds to enter the next room.

Dave enters the next chamber and looks around. Lots of pipes sticking out everywhere. He fires the PortalKind at the new, darker walls, but it doesn’t work.

Suddenly the tubes start gushing in liquid, fast!

Silrini has once again improved my fan-fix and I thank him.

[NateDude]

Seriously, Can't wait.

I honestly think it's a mediocre Fan-Fic

[geeP]

So uh I don't get into fanfiction much but here is a thing I guess? It was originally going to be part of a longer prequel sort of thing establishing some of the relationships among the trolls but it turns out that convincingly writing concise character dialogue is hard when you're trying to steer it towards specific story objectives! Also I am lazy. So I don't know if I'm ever going to finish anything else in this vein, but after the recent memo updates I figured I'd post this KK-centric bit in honor of Saint Karkat.

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carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY ASSHOLE.
CG: ARE YOU THE GUY WHO WROTE THAT ~ATH "TWOTORIAL" ON CODEGRUBS?
CG: WHICH IS THE DUMBEST FUCKING NAME, I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK EVEN NAMES A THING THAT WAY.
TA: ok thii2 ii2 ba2iically the lea2t promii2iing conver2atiion 2tart ever.
TA: but ju2t for 2ake of argument, let2 2ay ye2.
CG: WELL. I JUST WANTED TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON WRITING THE MOST USELESS PILE OF SHIT EVER.
CG: IT'S LIKE YOU WON THE NOGEL FUCKING PRIZE IN BEING THE WORST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE.
TA: awe2ome thii2 ii2 exactly what ii needed. now ii can cro22 "get yelled at by technologiical iilliiterate" off my twodo lii2t for twoday.
CG: FUCK YOU, I DON'T NEED YOUR SHITTY TUTORIAL TO BE AWESOME AT THIS.
TA: ye2 that would explaiin why youre readiing begiinner2 twoturiial2. and faiiliing at them.
CG: WHAT CAN I SAY? I HAVE A DUTY TO WATCH OUT FOR ALL THE NUBBY LESSER PROGRAMMERS OUT THERE.
CG: I'M LIKE THE GODDAMN BLACK KNIGHT, PATROLLING THE STREETS OF GOGTHAM CITY AND BEATING UP CRIMINALS WHO WRITE TERRIBLE PROGRAMMING TUTORIALS.
TA: how diid you even manage two break iit? youre probably u2iing an outdated compiiler.
TA: ii bet one of your punchcard2 got bent, or maybe a bead got 2tuck on your abacu2.
CG: HOLY SHIT I GUESS I AM SO COMPLETELY BURNED BY YOUR PATHETIC NERD INSULTS. CALL THE CASUALTY WAGON BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING BURNED.
CG: IT COMPILES FINE JACKASS.
CG: YOUR SHITTY EXAMPLE PROGRAM DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.
TA: you realiize the loop wont actually end untiil you diie.
TA: iif you want two 2peed iit up ii have 2ome 2ugge2tiion2.
CG: WOW. WHAT A FUCKING EPIPHANY, EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW.
CG: NAMELY, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST GRUBFUCKING LOSER ON THE PLANET AND EVERYTHING YOU DO IS IDIOTIC BEYOND BELIEF.
TA: ok now thii2 ii2 completely uncalled for.
CG: OH PLEASE. YOU WERE CALLING FOR IT SO HARD.
CG: RINGING ROOM SERVICE AND SAYING YES I AM A GIGANTIC FUCKING IDIOT, PLEASE SEND UP SOMEONE TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE I AM.
TA: jegu2.
TA: youre talkiing two one of the be2t programmer2 iin a language wriitten pretty much 2peciifiically for viiru2e2 and tryiing two pii22 hiim off.
TA: iit2 liike you actually want me two era2e all your na2ty wriigler porn.
TA: and replace iit wiith other na2tiier 2hiit.
CG: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A THREAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE. YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE YOUR RETARDED PROGRAM WORK WHEN I'M FOLLOWING YOUR EXACT INSTRUCTIONS.
CG: OK FINE WHATEVER. I APOLOGIZE TO ANY GRUBFUCKING LOSERS WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN OFFENDED.
CG: WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING SENSITIVE ANYHOW?
TA: nevermiind, look.
TA: try turniing the debug 2wiitch on and runniing iit agaiin, iit 2hould dump the log fiile two the root diirectory two 2ee what went wrong.
CG: OK I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
CG: NOW YOU'RE JUST MAKING THINGS UP TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK SMART. NICE TRY ASSHOLE, YOUR MADE UP WORDS DO NOT AFFECT ME.
TA: what the chrii2t, how diid you manage two get 2o fuckiing 2tupiid?
TA: iid thiink that maybe you read a twotoriial on how two be 2tupiid, except followiing the mo2t elementary iin2tructiion2 ii2 obviou2ly two hard for you.
TA: iit2 liike youre actually two 2tupiid two fiigure out how two be 2o 2tupid. a perfect miicroco2m of 2tupiidiity 2u2pended iin paradox 2pace wiithout begiinniing or end.
CG: ALRIGHT FIRST OFF NONE OF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE DUMBASS.
CG: ALSO YOU ARE WRONG BECAUSE THE STUPID ONE IS YOU.
TA: ok, 2eriiou2ly? youre 2eriiou2ly goiing two go there? youre kiiddiing me.
TA: iit2 liike every tiime you open your viile load-2pewiing mouth you 2iink two new depth2 of iimaturiity.
TA: any miinute now you are goiing two break through iintwo a va2t underground ciiviiliizatiion of iidiiot wriigler2. and then they wiill proclaiim you theiir kiing.
CG: THAT'S BECAUSE EVEN IDIOT WRIGGLERS KNOW THAT I SHOULD PRETTY MUCH BE THE ONE TO RUN EVERYTHING.
CG: WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT YOU. HOW DO YOU EVEN SEE WITH YOUR HEAD SHOVED SO FAR UP YOUR SEED FLAP?
TA: 2orry, ii cant fiit my head up there, all my huge 2exy horn2 are two biig two fiit. ii gue22 not everyone ha2 tiiny liimp horn2 liike you.
CG: FUCK YOU, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY HORNS. DOES YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE ACTUALLY CONNECT TO YOUR THOUGHT MEAT OR DOES IT JUST KIND OF FLOP AROUND AT RANDOM?
TA: eheheheh gue22 ii hiit a nerve there.
TA: what2 wiith all the lowblood slang anyhow, you act 2o hiigh and miighty liike youre all blue or green or whatever the fuck ii2 on top.
CG: NOTHING.
CG: NOTHING IS WHAT'S WITH THE LOWBLOOD SLANG BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR IDIOTIC CASTE RULES.
CG: WATCH, THIS IS ME VALIANTLY STRUGGLING TO GIVE A SHIT AND FAILING.
CG: ALSO PURPLE IS HIGHEST ANYWAY IDIOT.
TA: whoop2 look out ii thiink you ju2t gave a 2hiit.
TA: look at you pa22iing out 2hiit2 left and riight liike 2ome kiind of 2hiit-giiviing chariity.
CG: ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MUTANT? IS BEING THE WORST EVER YOUR MUTANT POWER, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE IT IS.
TA: my power ii2 beiing able to remember ii have no obliigatiion two a22ii2t a22hole2 who cant fiind theiir own hiindseat wiith both hand2.
TA: fuck you twiice a22hole.

twinArmageddons [TA] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

twinArmageddons [TA] unblocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: al2o you probably forgot two 2et up the maiin loop. iiniitiialiize a uniiverse object and ne2t your operatiing loop iin2iide iit.
CG: OH, OK HANG ON.
CG: YEAH I THINK THAT DID THE TRICK.
CG: THANKS.
TA: ok.
CG: FUCKWAD.
TA: 2hiithead.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

I'm open to critiques in case I decide to take another crack at this sometime.

[ASBusinessMagnet]

I honestly think it's a mediocre Fan-Fic

I don't care as long as it is related both to Portal and Homestuck.

[Sushi Database]

So uh I don't get into fanfiction much but here is a thing I guess? It was originally going to be part of a longer prequel sort of thing establishing some of the relationships among the trolls but it turns out that convincingly writing concise character dialogue is hard when you're trying to steer it towards specific story objectives! Also I am lazy. So I don't know if I'm ever going to finish anything else in this vein, but after the recent memo updates I figured I'd post this KK-centric bit in honor of Saint Karkat.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY ASSHOLE.
CG: ARE YOU THE GUY WHO WROTE THAT ~ATH "TWOTORIAL" ON CODEGRUBS?
CG: WHICH IS THE DUMBEST FUCKING NAME, I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK EVEN NAMES A THING THAT WAY.
TA: ok thii2 ii2 ba2iically the lea2t promii2iing conver2atiion 2tart ever.
TA: but ju2t for 2ake of argument, let2 2ay ye2.
CG: WELL. I JUST WANTED TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON WRITING THE MOST USELESS PILE OF SHIT EVER.
CG: IT'S LIKE YOU WON THE NOGEL FUCKING PRIZE IN BEING THE WORST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE.
TA: awe2ome thii2 ii2 exactly what ii needed. now ii can cro22 "get yelled at by technologiical iilliiterate" off my twodo lii2t for twoday.
CG: FUCK YOU, I DON'T NEED YOUR SHITTY TUTORIAL TO BE AWESOME AT THIS.
TA: ye2 that would explaiin why youre readiing begiinner2 twoturiial2. and faiiliing at them.
CG: WHAT CAN I SAY? I HAVE A DUTY TO WATCH OUT FOR ALL THE NUBBY LESSER PROGRAMMERS OUT THERE.
CG: I'M LIKE THE GODDAMN BLACK KNIGHT, PATROLLING THE STREETS OF GOGTHAM CITY AND BEATING UP CRIMINALS WHO WRITE TERRIBLE PROGRAMMING TUTORIALS.
TA: how diid you even manage two break iit? youre probably u2iing an outdated compiiler.
TA: ii bet one of your punchcard2 got bent, or maybe a bead got 2tuck on your abacu2.
CG: HOLY SHIT I GUESS I AM SO COMPLETELY BURNED BY YOUR PATHETIC NERD INSULTS. CALL THE CASUALTY WAGON BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING BURNED.
CG: IT COMPILES FINE JACKASS.
CG: YOUR SHITTY EXAMPLE PROGRAM DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.
TA: you realiize the loop wont actually end untiil you diie.
TA: iif you want two 2peed iit up ii have 2ome 2ugge2tiion2.
CG: WOW. WHAT A FUCKING EPIPHANY, EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW.
CG: NAMELY, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST GRUBFUCKING LOSER ON THE PLANET AND EVERYTHING YOU DO IS IDIOTIC BEYOND BELIEF.
TA: ok now thii2 ii2 completely uncalled for.
CG: OH PLEASE. YOU WERE CALLING FOR IT SO HARD.
CG: RINGING ROOM SERVICE AND SAYING YES I AM A GIGANTIC FUCKING IDIOT, PLEASE SEND UP SOMEONE TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE I AM.
TA: jegu2.
TA: youre talkiing two one of the be2t programmer2 iin a language wriitten pretty much 2peciifiically for viiru2e2 and tryiing two pii22 hiim off.
TA: iit2 liike you actually want me two era2e all your na2ty wriigler porn.
TA: and replace iit wiith other na2tiier 2hiit.
CG: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A THREAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE. YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE YOUR RETARDED PROGRAM WORK WHEN I'M FOLLOWING YOUR EXACT INSTRUCTIONS.
CG: OK FINE WHATEVER. I APOLOGIZE TO ANY GRUBFUCKING LOSERS WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN OFFENDED.
CG: WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING SENSITIVE ANYHOW?
TA: nevermiind, look.
TA: try turniing the debug 2wiitch on and runniing iit agaiin, iit 2hould dump the log fiile two the root diirectory two 2ee what went wrong.
CG: OK I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
CG: NOW YOU'RE JUST MAKING THINGS UP TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK SMART. NICE TRY ASSHOLE, YOUR MADE UP WORDS DO NOT AFFECT ME.
TA: what the chrii2t, how diid you manage two get 2o fuckiing 2tupiid?
TA: iid thiink that maybe you read a twotoriial on how two be 2tupiid, except followiing the mo2t elementary iin2tructiion2 ii2 obviou2ly two hard for you.
TA: iit2 liike youre actually two 2tupiid two fiigure out how two be 2o 2tupid. a perfect miicroco2m of 2tupiidiity 2u2pended iin paradox 2pace wiithout begiinniing or end.
CG: ALRIGHT FIRST OFF NONE OF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE DUMBASS.
CG: ALSO YOU ARE WRONG BECAUSE THE STUPID ONE IS YOU.
TA: ok, 2eriiou2ly? youre 2eriiou2ly goiing two go there? youre kiiddiing me.
TA: iit2 liike every tiime you open your viile load-2pewiing mouth you 2iink two new depth2 of iimaturiity.
TA: any miinute now you are goiing two break through iintwo a va2t underground ciiviiliizatiion of iidiiot wriigler2. and then they wiill proclaiim you theiir kiing.
CG: THAT'S BECAUSE EVEN IDIOT WRIGGLERS KNOW THAT I SHOULD PRETTY MUCH BE THE ONE TO RUN EVERYTHING.
CG: WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT YOU. HOW DO YOU EVEN SEE WITH YOUR HEAD SHOVED SO FAR UP YOUR SEED FLAP?
TA: 2orry, ii cant fiit my head up there, all my huge 2exy horn2 are two biig two fiit. ii gue22 not everyone ha2 tiiny liimp horn2 liike you.
CG: FUCK YOU, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY HORNS. DOES YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE ACTUALLY CONNECT TO YOUR THOUGHT MEAT OR DOES IT JUST KIND OF FLOP AROUND AT RANDOM?
TA: eheheheh gue22 ii hiit a nerve there.
TA: what2 wiith all the lowblood slang anyhow, you act 2o hiigh and miighty liike youre all blue or green or whatever the fuck ii2 on top.
CG: NOTHING.
CG: NOTHING IS WHAT'S WITH THE LOWBLOOD SLANG BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR IDIOTIC CASTE RULES.
CG: WATCH, THIS IS ME VALIANTLY STRUGGLING TO GIVE A SHIT AND FAILING.
CG: ALSO PURPLE IS HIGHEST ANYWAY IDIOT.
TA: whoop2 look out ii thiink you ju2t gave a 2hiit.
TA: look at you pa22iing out 2hiit2 left and riight liike 2ome kiind of 2hiit-giiviing chariity.
CG: ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MUTANT? IS BEING THE WORST EVER YOUR MUTANT POWER, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE IT IS.
TA: my power ii2 beiing able to remember ii have no obliigatiion two a22ii2t a22hole2 who cant fiind theiir own hiindseat wiith both hand2.
TA: fuck you twiice a22hole.

twinArmageddons [TA] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

twinArmageddons [TA] unblocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: al2o you probably forgot two 2et up the maiin loop. iiniitiialiize a uniiverse object and ne2t your operatiing loop iin2iide iit.
CG: OH, OK HANG ON.
CG: YEAH I THINK THAT DID THE TRICK.
CG: THANKS.
TA: ok.
CG: FUCKWAD.
TA: 2hiithead.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

I'm open to critiques in case I decide to take another crack at this sometime.

Wow. This has to be how Karkat and Sollux met. I found this as entertaining as any canon pesterlog between them so far.

[nextian]

I'm open to critiques in case I decide to take another crack at this sometime.

Is "I WANT MORE PUT IT IN MY EYES" a critique?? Because that is what I have to offer. I guess I could point out that you forgot a "g" in "wriigler". And that you forgot to GIVE ME BACK MY HEART AFTER YOU WERE DONE WITH IT?

[paperandpencil]

Eep, geeP! That was great! Funny, in character, and lots of fun to read! Karkat/Sollux fanmade pesterlogs are my favorite since we don't see as much canon interaction between the two as I'd like there to be. also I ship them HARD, what you got a problem with that. Very much looking forward to more of this!

[JudgeDeadd]

Tavros Plays Minecraft
(part 1)

I suck at titles ;(

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Sollux transcended the limits of time, space and dimension. Once he set up the appropriate connections and put the snarls of wire under a modicum of control, the trolls, in addition to pestering the four human kids, could access the human World Wide Web, reaching out from the timelessness of the Incipisphere to any point on the timeline around that fateful day. Interest was low though. Terezi seeked out embarrassing pictures to taunt Dave with, and Kanaya finally examined the tantalizing image links from the FAQ, but the majority of the extraterrestrial crew was disinterested in these archives of knowledge. What could a civilization so underdeveloped, which barely could lift itself off its own planet and under normal circumstances would be nothing more than another world ready for imperial conquest, possibly enthrall them with? What was the point of exploring their unimaginatively short-titled films, why care about their daily worries, especially if their species was doomed to be wiped out by juggernaut meteors?

But Tavros Nitram, always full of inquisitiveness, was more than eager to investigate the exploits of this another species. He first pored over their abundant amateur-produced art, depicting fairies, flight, their equivalents of Pupa Pan, and other fuel for the daydreams; then he joined a number of discussion forums and there tried, coyly, to blend in with their crowd; finally he came upon an online game, bearing the name Minecraft.

Minecraft! A concept arresting in its simplicity. An expansive, virtual clearing is provided, upon which several player, armed with unlimited amounts of blocks of various materials, erect any structures they wish. Castles, fortresses, houses, towers, dungeons deep underground or laboratories hidden in the sea, ships, walkways of glass high up in the air. Stairs, fireplaces, windows within. All of these built of nothing but cubes, yet still imposing. Hours spent on every project.

Tavros joined in, sheepishly at first. He chatted with the other players little, issuing a couple of shy welcomes upon arrival, and then beginning to build silently in some distant corner.

hiro72: huh
hiro72: adios what u building?
adiosToreador: uH,
adiosToreador: iT’S A HIVE,
adiosToreador: lIKE, A HOUSE, i GUESS,
Condemned: eh, I think its weird
hiro72: nah it looks cool
Osiris_slave: Yeah freaky but cool I guess.
hiro72: can i enter
adiosToreador: uM, SURE, FEEL FREE TO LOOK AROUND,
hiro72: whats this a swimin pool?
adiosToreador: nOT REALLY, iT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A RECUPERACOON, UMM,
adiosToreador: bUT GREEN BLOCKS LOOK BAD AS SLIME AND WATER WAS THE NEXT BEST MATERIAL,
adiosToreador: uH, i THINK HUMANS WOULD HAVE A BED IN HERE INSTEAD,
hiro72: oh i get it
hiro72: like scifi themed
Osiris_slave: Yeah man like aliens and stuff.
Osiris_slave: Haha cool
Condemned: oh cool lame rp-ing, just what I wanted ;/

The human players were surprised, but oddly mesmerized by the oblong structure. As the virtual world of Minecraft was made up of almost nothing but cubes, it resembled a ziggurat more than the desired organic shapes, but the onlookers filled in the missing curves with their imagination. The new player, apart from raising this alien edifice, also was ready to admire the other player’s handiwork and comment on how much they fascinated him.

Initially Tavros’ new activity went unnoticed among the other trolls; but soon one of his companions caught on; and the game’s overall concept was what drew her in.

grimAuxiliatrix: Tavros I Believe That You Should Lengthen This Particular Tower A Little
grimAuxiliatrix: It Will Provide Some Visual Balance Through Its Asymmetry
adiosToreador: hEY, THANKS gA,
hiro72: haha it looks prety cool
hiro72: really kinda like some ufo house
adiosToreador: uM, THANKS, i GUESS,
grimAuxiliatrix: I Must Say That Some Of Your Human Designs Are Also Quite Pleasing To The Eye
grimAuxiliatrix: I Am Mainly Referring To These Masterful Statues
Osiris_slave: You mean like mario n kirby over there ?
Osiris_slave: I just copied them from a sprite, not much to write home aboiut
Osiris_slave: But thx anyway.
Condemned: lame
Condemned: stop this and build for real, losers ;/

Kanaya and Tavros formed a perfect tandem. Tavros painstakingly layered cube upon cube, floor upon floor; Kanaya was occasionally making minor embellishments within and outside the building, but mostly she worked on the garden. Finally her landscaping skills saw their use again! The grassy surface she studded with what little virtual flora Minecraft offered; she also carved imposing trees and hedges, and diverted rivers to flow meanderingly among them.

With two parts of the auspisticism triad in the game, it took little time for a third participant to hop in. But this one seemed disinterested in meaningful contribution.

to be continued..?

[geeP]

Eep, geeP! That was great! Funny, in character, and lots of fun to read! Karkat/Sollux fanmade pesterlogs are my favorite since we don't see as much canon interaction between the two as I'd like there to be. also I ship them HARD, what you got a problem with that. Very much looking forward to more of this!

Er, thanks guys! But I should mention that I never really had any plans to do more Karkat/Sollux logs; the project I pulled that from was intended as a Sollux-centric series of conversations with different characters, I just posted that one because 1) it's topical, 2) it's one of the few finished ones I had, and 3) it's more standalone than the other conversations I was working on in the series.

[reclusiveAmateur]

Holy crap, geeP, I love it It's usually pretty hard to pull me into anything involving the trolls, but that is awesome. I have a soft spot for karkat-and-sollux, but I'm betting I'd read just about any pesterlog you wrote and be thrilled with it.