MSPA fan fiction 2

[Sushi Database]

The Esoteric Adventures of Zazzerpan the Learned, part five

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The unseen force pulled Rose through the black. Rose expected everything to freak her out now, but this only lasted a few seconds. It was cold, and humid, but she didn't have enough time to think about it before it was over and she was just in another world. She felt a sort of quiet pride, like a child does the first time they get a shot without making a big deal about it.

She'd expected the land of the dead to be more dark and claustrophobic. The area around her was just a small path of land about a football field wide, and stretching forward as far as the eye could see. She couldn't tell what was over the edge, but she could guess by looking around. The sky was filled with more path, curling around and around and forming fractal patterns. She couldn't see any end to it, and couldn't follow any way to get to any particular point from her current position Gravity seemed to follow the surface of the land. She had a feeling she could walk this place forever without finding what she was here for.

The land was covered in junk. Rubble, ruins, and sometimes just trash. Shattered buildings that couldn't possibly stand lined the walking path. Some buildings were too big for the land, and they simply hung in midair, beyond reach. It was very, very quiet. Rose suddenly realized that she had no idea how to navigate this place. She held her wands like dowsing rods, trying to tune in to this plane's purpose.

I need to go down. No, that word didn't apply here. She needed to go deeper, whatever that would mean. This place was layered, and she was only seeing the outside. But was that forward? Above her head or below her feet? Was there even a difference? Rose studied the sky, looking for movement. Nothing, anywhere. Where to even begin?

She shrugged and started walking. She was working on a timer, now. She didn't really have time to sit here and think it over. She'd just have to do the best she could, as fast as she could.

The ruins here mostly looked like they'd come from Earth, or at least aEarth. There were houses, and apartment buildings, and over there she could even see half of a McDonald's. Were these structures brought here by the Reckoning somehow? They didn't seem to have anything to do with Sburb. Perhaps these were just the souls of the buildings, brought here after their deaths. It hadn't occurred to her before that buildings could have souls, but now that she was in an afterlife surrounded by them, it seemed as reasonable a conclusion as any.

She stopped. Lying across the ground in front of her was a broken statue of a giant, bearded, robed man. His head had snapped off but was right next to the rest of it. His arm, once stretched up at the sky, was missing altogether. It was her mother's horrible Zazzerpan statue. That killed the soul idea. There was no way this monstrosity had any kind of spiritual aspect to it. It was just too tacky. She looked around, digging through the nearby rubble for something else from her house but found nothing.

This is pointless.

She squinted up at the sky, trying to find the point where she'd entered this world. There. She wasn't one hundred percent sure, but it was a good estimate. It looked pretty far away from here but this place had a way of changing when you weren't paying attention. Without taking her eyes off that spot, she pointed a wand up at the sky and discharged a blast of purple energy.

Movement!

There, in the sky! She could see... she fired another blast and it happened again. Something was... mimicking her actions. Perhaps she could get its attention. She focused her eyes on the point where the movement had come from, then pointed her wands at Zazzerpan's head, levitating it into the air. With a flick of her wrist she threw the head as far as she could towards the movement.

Nothing...

She heard a whistling sound coming from behind her, getting closer. Rose turned slowly, and then jumped out of the way, barely avoiding Zazzerpan's flying head. It crashed into the spot she'd been seconds before and left a shallow, smoking crater. The head was hot to the touch. Rose stared at it dimly, slowly comprehending. She launched a few more purple flares at saw them go off in the distance. So maybe this place wasn't as big as it seemed. The land was infinite, but not necessarily big. Rose pointed her wands down and concentrated her will on repelling it away. She had had enough of paths. She lifted a few inches of the ground, then settled into a hover.

Rose drifted out away from the ground. Once you got away from the rubble and wreckage blocking your view, the pattern the paths formed wasn't as hard to follow. She squinted, letting the patterns settle into her subconscious, and picked a point that was the center of the paths. There. She flipped her wands around in her palms and blasted purple energy from them, shooting her forward like a jet.

As she closed in on the point that looked like the center, it moved, constantly shifting. Perhaps it was impossible to reach it, and she was following an optical illusion, but... the scenery around her was changing, at least slightly. Shifting. The buildings and structures were starting to look a little less human, or at least less Earth-like. The change had seemed gradual at first but now it was obvious. How many sessions of aliens had played Sburb? And had it been only in this universe? Or did Sburb stretch across all universes? Lost in thought, she almost didn't notice she was on a collision-course with one of the paths, stretching vertically through space. She redirected her wands at the last second, breaking her path just enough to miss the path...

...and then hit a completely unrelated one she hadn't seen, right behind it. The impact knocked her senseless, and she bounced across the ground to land again as the local gravity captured her. Face in the dirt, Rose tried to lift herself up. Flying around in space played hell with her sense of balance, and the sudden landing had stunned her. She dizzily sat up, and rolled over until she was sitting on the ground.

Directly in front of Rose was a large, white capsule, about twice the size of a car and the shape of an egg. It was stamped with the green spirograph pattern she coming to associate with Sburb-tech. The capsule seemed to be a standard Sburb motor pod. They showed up sometimes in places where impassible terrain blocked the way to further adventures. Dave had encountered several of them, and Rose had piloted one while searching underwater ruins for Jaspers. This one looked badly damaged, as if it had fallen from a great height. Across the front of it, a plaque had been nailed into the hull. Rose recognized the characters as Alternian script, among the Great Ancient Races in her Grimoire of the Zoologically Dubious. Supposedly the Alternians had learned to tame a horrorterror, only to eventually be destroyed by it. That was about all that was known about them, though Rose had always imagined them as humanoids. They seemed as close to good guys as she'd found among the index of Great Ancient Races.

She was hardly fluent in Alternian, but when she looked at the purple characters on the plaque the meaning seemed... obvious, as she'd be able to read it even with the script erased. It said:

GAMZEE MAKARA

He Didn't Know How
To Be Like A Better Motherfucker
Than Any Other Motherfucker

That was definitely a translation, but she had no idea what it meant. She put her hands on the capsule and looked into it with her powers. She could see...

It was a very quiet funeral. None of the... Alternians, she supposed, knew what to do. They didn't have funerals, but there were no beasts here to eat the body. They had made the decision to jettison it. Rose could see which of them cried at the funeral. She could see which of them cried later that night. She could see the one of them whose heart was broken by loss. She saw the fighting between them, the blame. These strange, grey, horned children were all that remained of their race. And still they had lost another. Rose felt she understood them.

She sat back, away from the capsule. They deserved some dignity, whoever they'd been. Some privacy, to lay at rest among the bones.

She was in unfamiliar territory. She had flown recklessly and now she was lost. Rose needed to find her way back to her own sessions graveyard and move deeper that way. She was afraid to confront the things she knew she'd find from her own session, but at least she could answer to them. What could she say to these alternians, if she met them down here?

"Hey." A voice, directly behind her. A pressure against the small of her black. Something metal, circular, small. The muzzle of a gun. "Put your hands up and don't move, okay?"

Rose swore and raised her hands, letting her wands slip into her sleeves where they could be hidden. Maybe she could shoot with her wands before the voice could shoot her with it's gun, but she'd have to turn around, and the gun was already drawn and aimed. Advantage: gun. She couldn't believe she hadn't heard anything, know that they'd caught her attention. Now she could hear things, though. She could hear them breathing. Two things about as tall as adult humans. Some kinds of pack animals breathing heavily, and behind it a large object on wheels. How had they snuck up on her like this?

The voice behind her took her hands and began tying her wrists together. It's hands and arms were green and soft, like fabric. It was like she'd been captured by muppets. The thing behind her turned her around and pushed her towards the wheeled device, which she could know see was a large wagon with a bone cage lined with straw where the cargo would be loaded. She felt a tug from her wrists, which had been tied awkwardly in front of her. These demons must be new to taking captives, apparently.

They were odd-looking creatures. The demons were green, and all about the same height. They were humanoids in that they had two arms, two legs, a head, and so on, but their skin looked more like what Rose had seen of the Dersites. And yet it was like their bodies' outer shells had been covered in a thin layer of baize, the wool fabric used to cover pool tables.

Not a bad name for them. The "Baize".

The Baize that captured Rose pulled her towards the cage door, and gestured inside. She stared it in the face. There wasn't much dignity in this... But she still had her wands and realistically could break free at any point. At least as a captive she'd be able to get a ride, and maybe even figure out the lay of the land. She walked into the cage and let the door slam and behind her.

Now that she was in the cave, she could see what the angle had hidden from her before. A little girl, perhaps eight, was sitting in the corner of the cage, buried up to her shoulders in straw. She stared at Rose and Rose returned the stare, each waiting for the other to blink so they could establish dominance and start talking. Neither blinked, and the wagon started moving, forcing Rose to grab the bone bars to keep her balance.

The little girl patted the straw next to her shyly. Rose sat down.

"Hi," she said. "What are you in for?"

[PaulPower]

Right then. Optimistic future fic, Rose gets drunk but not in a bad way. Second person, told from John's perspective, set as Jade, Dave and Rose are turning 17. Aaand I think I'll make this my last bit of shipping fic, to be honest. It's been an interesting experiment, but I should probably stop before it gets too daft . Speaking of which, John/Rose, Dave/Jade. And Dad/Mom, I guess, although that's pretty "duhh" by now. Oh and I suppose I should probably warn that I have Bro and Bec dying.

Mistletoe and Wine

The story so far

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After you ended the game and somehow saved the world - you're still not quite sure how the four of you pulled that off, you remember doing your part but all the explanation you could ever get out of the others was "shenanigans" - things moved on fairly fast. It doesn't take much persuasion to get Dad to adopt Jade. All three of you agreed that there was no way she could keep living on that island on her own, especially with Bec gone, and it made the whole siblings thing "official". It takes her a while to adjust to life in a normal suburban house, but little things - a puppy here, a greenhouse there - make all the difference. And of course she has things that she'd never had before - like a father and a brother.

You'd be the first to admit that, of the four of you, you came out of SBurb the best. There were plenty of lows - nearly getting eaten by that basilisk, Jade's dreamself dying, all those encounters with Jack Noir and Lord English, and never quite knowing if the Trolls got out of it okay the way that you four did. But you learned a lot about yourself, you finally resolved all those dumb issues you had with your Dad, you gained a sister, you discovered that you had the three best friends a guy could wish for, and you came out of the game with a lot more self-confidence than you went in with.

On the other hand, because you're the one coping best with post-SBurb life, you're the one who has to help the others through all of this. Which is fine, but it can get pretty heavy when Jade comes into your room because she still isn't used to sleeping without a dreamself, or Rose calls you up in the middle of the night because she's having flashbacks to the bad timeline and wants to be reassured that you and Jade are still alive. Or when Dave wants to talk about his brother. It was a miracle that more of you hadn't died, but losing Bro had hit Dave hard. Still, like Jade did with you, he'd found a home at the Lalondes'. Rose and her mother still aren't exactly close, but at least they see eye-to-eye now, and Dave's there to moderate any disputes. You pop back and forth there often enough - Jade's Space Bass comes in handy for this sort of thing - but you always feel that you could be there for them more. They're getting there, though.

But yes, your confidence has grown, and that's showing at school as well, as you start to put your hand up in class more, now asking questions when you don't understand things and - eventually - getting good enough to answer questions as well. Slowly your grades start to improve from Cs to Bs with even the odd A. The others helped. You and Jade would go to Rose and Dave when you needed help with English or the humanities, they'd come to you two with questions on maths and the sciences. Your particular speciality is computing: again, your skill at ~ATH really improved with all that coding you needed to do when it came to breaking SBurb.

You're not just getting better in class, either. What with all the upper body strength you developed from hammer swinging, you actually end up on your high school's rugby team*, playing inside centre. It's your job to be the "crash ball" player: that is, charge at the opposing defence with the ball and, by committing multiple defenders to the tackle, create holes that other, more skilled attackers can exploit. Seems appropriate, considering all the times you bludgeoned inroads through lines of imps while your friends weaved complex dances around you. Suddenly the nerd is also a jock, albeit a nerdy jock who keeps track of his team-mates' career try counts on a spreadsheet. And, although you'd never admit it to anyone, whenever you play there always seems to be a helpful breeze blowing towards the opposition's goalposts.

Having a cute sister also seems to help, and your team-mates always seem to be asking if she's spoken for. "Sort of," you tell them, never forgetting to mention that the "sort of" guy has dark-coloured belts in several martial arts. Dave and Jade have been blowing hot and cold for years. You'd be worried that your sister was being strung along, but for two things: firstly, this was Dave, the guy who'd saved your lives however many times. If you couldn't trust him who could you trust? And secondly, if anything it was Jade who did most of the stringing.

And of course, even though you're the nerdy jock, you've got a winning smile and an open heart so you've always got cute girls asking if you're spoken for. Again, the reply is always "sort of". You think. You hope. It's the one thing your new-found confidence wavers on, and it's ironic that it's about the person who gave you a lot of that confidence in the first place. She'd certainly appreciate the irony.

* Americans play a bit of rugby, right? Not much, but enough. I understand it's fairly popular in schools as a sort of gateway to American Football or something.

30th November, 2012

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For all the talk of Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years', there's a four-day period in the middle of all of it that's more important to you than any of it: Jade, Dave and Rose's birthdays. Every year, Dad, Jade and you all teleport to their place and spend the period at the Lalondes'. It usually means missing a few days off school, but you wouldn't miss this for the world. And you've saved the world, so it can certainly take a back seat for a week.

At the arranged time, Jade gets the Space Bass out, and plucks out a rather funky bassline based on what you've come to think of as "Dave's Chord Progression" - eight bars of octave intervals, A, D, A, B, A, D, F, B. It doesn't default to Dave's apartment any more, but his new room at Rose's house. The portal opens, and the three of you - and Halley Jr. - step through. Rose, Dave and Mom are all waiting, and soon you're all hugging each other as Halley Jr. starts chasing Vodka Mutini II. Jade and Dave kiss - clearly up the hot end of the scale right now - and Dad and Mom go through that ridiculous kiss-on-both-cheeks routine. You still wonder why they haven't tied the knot yet. Even you can see how obvious it is now. But they seem to be waiting for something...

1st December, 2012

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It's Jade's 17th birthday, and she's just unwrapping her present from Rose - a pale green hand-knitted sweater with a blue atom symbol on it. It's really well done, and you're about to congratulate Rose on her craftsmanship, but before your eyes the atom changes to a sun.

Rose smiles nervously at you. "I know you said I should destroy the Thorns after we'd finished the game - and I did - but you never said anything about the Needlewands." She turns back to Jade. "There's a little panel on the inside of the left sleeve - you can set it to a certain pattern for when you don't want people's brains exploding because your sweater just changed its design. Or, on special occasions like today, you can set it to randomise."

Jade's speechless, so on her behalf you tell Rose that it's brilliant and she's brilliant. She blushes harder than you've ever seen her blush before.

4th December, 2012

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The next three days come and go, and it turns out that Rose has special sweaters not just for Dave, but for you as well, even though it's nowhere near your birthday. "I didn't want you to feel left out," she says. You look through the designs on your sweater - the Green Slime Ghost, obviously, but also a proper Slimer, a computer, a rugby ball and goalposts, and a bunny - to name just a few. Dave's sweater designs come in both whole and broken record varieties, a katana, some cool dude in a kickass martial arts pose, a smuppet ("for ironic purposes - there's an extra setting where you can take it out of the randomiser") and so on.

And now it's her turn. That evening, the four of you sit down to dinner with your parents, Rose in an elegant lilac evening gown, Dave, Jade and you in the sweaters she's made. You can't help but grin at the contrast. Dinner goes fine, but at the end of it Rose tells you that she needs to go and freshen up. She seems fresh enough to you already, but oh well.

Half an hour later, Rose still hasn't come down. The other three of you are watching a cheesy film - your continuing campaign to get Jade educated on these matters, although she isn't paying much attention. She's too busy being curled up on the sofa with Dave. To compound things, she's found a piece of mistletoe from somewhere - well, the shops seem to think it's Christmas already - and she's teasing him with it. You feel like the only person who cares what happens to Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore.

You hear a door shut upstairs, and turn around. Rose is about to start descending the stairs, but you immediately sense that something's not quite right with her. Her pale blonde hair, normally kept under strict control by a hairband, has come loose. Actually, you like the way it frames her face, and the dreamy smile works too, but the fact her gown isn't on straight any more, and the way she's swaying, tell you enough. Suddenly even you don't care about Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore. After all, you've been warned about stairs.

Dave and Jade are still a bit tangled, so you're first up out of your chair. Quickly as you can, you're up the stairs and putting an arm round Rose to steady her. As the others vacate the sofa, you guide her over and gently lay her down. She's always told you that words have power, and as she stares up at you she giggles four words that change the world: "I love you, John."

It's the first time she's said those words, specifically those words, specifically the four letter one beginning with L and ending with E that isn't "like" - she uses that one a lot, although the lines may as well be double spaced they're so easy to read between. You know it's always been there in the background, ever since you found out she was going to try and break the game and decided you'd rather stick with her than have her go off on her own. The hugs. The hand-holding. The frank discussions. The eye contact. The odd blush. Nothing obvious, nothing unambiguous, for three and a half years, until now... but even then, did this count? She wasn't herself right now.

Still, you stroke a few loose hairs away from her grey eyes. "Um... thanks, Rose. I... I guess I love you, too."

Dave can't help but laugh at your delivery. "Hey, John, Casanova called, he wants you to give him some tips." Jade scolds him - the cold air being turned on again? But suddenly Rose is looking up past you, still smiling. You look too. Jade's holding the mistletoe over the pair of you, well-meaning mischief in her eyes, and now it's Dave's turn to scold her. But it's too late, Rose has pulled you down and has started kissing you.

Eventually you manage to pull yourself away, although the dismay on Rose's face makes you go back and hug her, harder than you've ever hugged her before, telling her that you're sorry, and you do love her, you just don't want it to happen this way. She's too important to you for it to happen this way.

At that moment Rose's mom comes down the stairs, holding an empty wine bottle, distraught with herself. Seems she'd had a glass before dinner to steady her nerves, and left the open bottle on her bedside table. Rose had found it, and... well, happy birthday. Mom is wailing about how bad of a mother she is, and Dave and Jade are doing their best to reassure her, and now Dad's getting involved. And through it all, you're still hugging Rose.

5th December, 2012

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Rose is up early with a hangover, and since you can't sleep either you offer to make her some coffee. No-one else is up yet, just you and her and the coffee pot. You hand her mug to her, and you're just turning round to clear up when Rose says, softly, "John..." You turn back and she's smiling, a more composed smile than last night. "Sit down, please," she says, indicating the chair next to her. You sit, both clasping your mugs for the protection they offer against the chill morning air.

"John, I made you deeply uncomfortable yesterday, and for that I apologise..."
"Don't worry about it. It was your birthday, loads of people gets a little carried away..."
"I haven't finished yet. I apologise, but I need to inform you that you've got the situation the wrong way around."
"Oh?"
"I didn't tell you that I love you because I'd drunk all that wine... I drunk all that wine because I wanted to tell you that I love you. Dutch courage," she says, smiling sheepishly. "I guess it didn't quite have the desired effect. Shall I try again, now I'm mostly sober?"

Mouth suddenly dry, you nod.

"I love you, John."
"I love you too, Rose."

Instinctively you both look up at the ceiling. No mistletoe. You laugh, clink your coffee mugs, and kiss anyway.

"We don't need mistletoe and wine," you say, as always unable to resist the corny reference. "Even I know Cliff Richard's a terrible singer."

Later that day, your parents announce their engagement.

[paperandpencil]

Er, thanks guys! But I should mention that I never really had any plans to do more Karkat/Sollux logs; the project I pulled that from was intended as a Sollux-centric series of conversations with different characters, I just posted that one because 1) it's topical, 2) it's one of the few finished ones I had, and 3) it's more standalone than the other conversations I was working on in the series.

It's all good in the hood, I realize that that wasn't meant to be slashy! I just meant that my shipping them is a reason why I like to see them interact, even when it's platonically! You should definitely post any other finished ones you have because the writing itself is great, regardless of specific characters!

[Assassin of Deadpan]

*fanfic equivalent to happy pills*

Now I don't need to get therapy!

[Tenebrais]

That's wonderful, Paul. Although the ending kinda gets to me. "Our kids are finally going out! Now we can make them siblings!"

[PaulPower]

That's wonderful, Paul. Although the ending kinda gets to me. "Our kids are finally going out! Now we can make them siblings!"

Well, the idea was more "Now we can marry without worrying about them growing up thinking of each other as siblings," but I appreciate it's not clear. Maybe I'm being a bit too logical on the "well if they aren't genetic relatives and they haven't grown up as siblings..." front. I dunno. Maybe I should take it out, but I wanted to address that somehow.

Now I don't need to get therapy!

My work here is done! SHAZAM!

[kmsumrall]

remnants: rose

dave
jade

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We all took something from the game. Why shouldn’t we, it made us. Dave had the beat, the time. Jade had that sense of space, location. Me, I had my- anyways, we didn’t come back the same.

How could we?

~

“We borrow the powers of the Gods of the Outer Rings. They are connected to every session in their own way, you see, some power that transcends what sBurb is. Gathering and focusing the power through the machine will give use the necessary energy needed to cross the void and reach home.”

“I’m not sure I got all that...”

“Don’t worry about that, John. Those are powers beyond most human understanding. I am gifted with knowledge in the ways of breaking the game so while this will be hard, it will not be as much of a chore as it could be. Soon, this will all be over.”

“Yea!”

~

Rose wrote. Words had always been her thing and that didn't change when we got to Earth. There was no subject she wouldn’t touch, no story she wouldn't write. Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Romance, Horror, Biography, History, you name it. I’m not sure how we didn’t see it coming. Willful ignorance, I guess. Her stories got really erratic and surreal towards the end. A here we are now.

Rose practically had the whole ward herself, but being this remote, it wasn’t surprising. I helped make sure she had all the peace and quiet and help she needed. The best care possible.

“Miss Lalonde seemed to know you were coming,” said Nurse Miriam.

“She is coherent?”

“Well... Not really. She was shouting your name.”

We got to the room and Nurse Miriam politely stepped away.

Rose was tied to her bed again. It must have been a bad one.

“Rose.”

Her eyes shot open, wildly darting about. “The end it coming! The hounds are eating my flesh and will come after you! The beast will devour you in it’s maw and the world is next!” She started getting louder and words slurred.

“You’re right, Rose. It is almost over. Mr Z?” He took out a small pair of speakers and a cd player. Once his earplugs were in Mr Z. pressed a button and the beat started.

Instantly results could be seen. The shadows lifted from her face and her eyes lost the clouds. Recording the Beat of Time to a CD may have made it loss some of its energy, but I had too.

“J-John?”

“I’m here, Rose.”

She started struggling. “Why can’t I move?”

“We can untie you in a minute. Rose... I need the words.”

“What do you...?”

Mr Z wheeled me closer. “Your words, Rose! The words that got us here.”

“What are you planning?”

“Please Rose, the words.”

I saw comprehension dawn on her face. “That sound- You mean to-”

“I have to, Rose. I just have to. Give me the words. Getting rid of them can help you!”

She started crying. “Please don’t do this. Please. You don’t know what will happen! I see bad things...”

“Bad things? Bad things?! You don’t know what bad is! You may have gone crazy but at least you can get better! At least you don’t live in pain! We aren’t people, Rose. We are things.”

She stared at me for a moment, as if searching for something in my face. “...Ok, John. Ok. You know best.” She said the words.

Mr Z. recorded the whole conversation. “I have to go now, Rose. You’ll get better now, I promise.”

“Leave the music. Please? I feel so much better...”


Not being able to take her hand almost killed me. “I’m sorry, but I need all the power I can get.”

Mr Z. stopped the beat and Rose was gone again. But this time, maybe not as far gone as before.

Miss Miriam came running when the screams started. “I’m sorry! I was dealing with another patient. She lost half of her body to an explosion. Excuse me.”

Outside the plane was ready. Soon, I’d be back in the states, back in my lab. I had everything I needed. Every last piece.

john

[NateDude]

remnants: rose

dave
jade

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We all took something from the game. Why shouldn’t we, it made us. Dave had the beat, the time. Jade had that sense of space, location. Me, I had my- anyways, we didn’t come back the same.

How could we?

~

“We borrow the powers of the Gods of the Outer Rings. They are connected to every session in their own way, you see, some power that transcends what sBurb is. Gathering and focusing the power through the machine will give use the necessary energy needed to cross the void and reach home.”

“I’m not sure I got all that...”

“Don’t worry about that, John. Those are powers beyond most human understanding. I am gifted with knowledge in the ways of breaking the game so while this will be hard, it will not be as much of a chore as it could be. Soon, this will all be over.”

“Yea!”

~

Rose wrote. Words had always been her thing and that didn't change when we got to Earth. There was no subject she wouldn’t touch, no story she wouldn't write. Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Romance, Horror, Biography, History, you name it. I’m not sure how we didn’t see it coming. Willful ignorance, I guess. Her stories got really erratic and surreal towards the end. A here we are now.

Rose practically had the whole ward herself, but being this remote, it wasn’t surprising. I helped make sure she had all the peace and quiet and help she needed. The best care possible.

“Miss Lalonde seemed to know you were coming,” said Nurse Miriam.

“She is coherent?”

“Well... Not really. She was shouting your name.”

We got to the room and Nurse Miriam politely stepped away.

Rose was tied to her bed again. It must have been a bad one.

“Rose.”

Her eyes shot open, wildly darting about. “The end it coming! The hounds are eating my flesh and will come after you! The beast will devour you in it’s maw and the world is next!” She started getting louder and words slurred.

“You’re right, Rose. It is almost over. Mr Z?” He took out a small pair of speakers and a cd player. Once his earplugs were in Mr Z. pressed a button and the beat started.

Instantly results could be seen. The shadows lifted from her face and her eyes lost the clouds. Recording the Beat of Time to a CD may have made it loss some of its energy, but I had too.

“J-John?”

“I’m here, Rose.”

She started struggling. “Why can’t I move?”

“We can untie you in a minute. Rose... I need the words.”

“What do you...?”

Mr Z wheeled me closer. “Your words, Rose! The words that got us here.”

“What are you planning?”

“Please Rose, the words.”

I saw comprehension dawn on her face. “That sound- You mean to-”

“I have to, Rose. I just have to. Give me the words. Getting rid of them can help you!”

She started crying. “Please don’t do this. Please. You don’t know what will happen! I see bad things...”

“Bad things? Bad things?! You don’t know what bad is! You may have gone crazy but at least you can get better! At least you don’t live in pain! We aren’t people, Rose. We are things.”

She stared at me for a moment, as if searching for something in my face. “...Ok, John. Ok. You know best.” She said the words.

Mr Z. recorded the whole conversation. “I have to go now, Rose. You’ll get better now, I promise.”

“Leave the music. Please? I feel so much better...”


Not being able to take her hand almost killed me. “I’m sorry, but I need all the power I can get.”

Mr Z. stopped the beat and Rose was gone again. But this time, maybe not as far gone as before.

Miss Miriam came running when the screams started. “I’m sorry! I was dealing with another patient. She lost half of her body to an explosion. Excuse me.”

Outside the plane was ready. Soon, I’d be back in the states, back in my lab. I had everything I needed. Every last piece.

That is creepy on so many levels o.o

[KarneWarrior]

Eer... I didn't see this thread first time around... Whoops.

[DocBeard]

Paul: I feel like "The Story So Far" robs us of seeing a lot of interesting transition but I can appreciate wanting to get to the point. Nice work!

[elation2.0]

I thought Remnants was pretty cool, but now it is sort of weirding me out.

Like, Dave giving John the time tables was a pretty cool thing, but he more or less stole the item from Jade. And why does Rose get such a bad situation when the others have it fairly awesome? I guess I just have to wait for the conclusion?

[PaulPower]

I thought Remnants was pretty cool, but now it is sort of weirding me out.

Like, Dave giving John the time tables was a pretty cool thing, but he more or less stole the item from Jade. And why does Rose get such a bad situation when the others have it fairly awesome? I guess I just have to wait for the conclusion?

To be fair, regarding Rose, John's the one who's apparently so physically frail it's a bad idea for him to touch things. Even if he does apparently have a crazy awesome lab. Either way, Remnants is a strikingly creepy fic and I'm looking forward to finding out what it's all leading up to.

Paul: I feel like "The Story So Far" robs us of seeing a lot of interesting transition but I can appreciate wanting to get to the point. Nice work!

Yeah, I know what you mean, I guess could have expanded a bunch of stuff like, say, John having to work to heal the others' mental scars, buying Halley Jr. or John getting onto the rugby team (which with the "crash ball" bit goes in the same "I love crazy parallels" bucket as Orwell, Blitzkrieg and Much Ado About Nothing). A lot of that section was kind of afterthoughts: my original idea was to start out with Dad driving John and Jade across the country in Typical 50s Dad style and have John reminisce en route, until I went "hang on, Typical 50s Dad wouldn't want to keep his kids out of school any longer than necessary".

It's actually a little odd in that as a rule I find I tend to begin strongly and end weakly, and this one's sort of ended up the other way around.

Thanks, though .

[Sushi Database]

I have to say that I really like the idea of John multiclassing as a jock with his Sburb-given rugby powers. XD

[NateDude]

-Skainet computeraided enrichment center stuck part 2 is being redone completely-

[silrini]

Again, This has Mediocre written all over it

Would you like a beta? I am told my beta-ing skills are rather good.

[PaulPower]

Here's a silly short extension of the concept of John the Jock:

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Of course, one big change about playing a sport with as much contact as rugby is that glasses are a complete no-no on the field. So you've got to wear contact lenses when you play. Fair enough, but the big question now is, do you stick with your glasses when you're off the field, or do you switch to wearing contacts the whole time? Most of your team-mates say ditch the glasses, they're nerdy and you'll never pick up the chicks that way, even if you're on the team.

You ask Rose, Dave and Jade.

Rose says it's your decision, but she'd rather you keep the glasses: they're a part of who you are, and as far as she's concerned you look fine with them. Dave suggest going for a third option with prescription-lens shades. "Then you can look cool permanently by wearing shades in class - and the teacher can't complain because they're prescription." Jade agrees with Rose, but also wonders if they're called contact lenses because you wear them in contact sports.

You decide to keep the glasses.

e: there are 15 players on a Rugby Union team, and Inside Centre is number 12.

12
Eggs
Egbert

Don't you just love it when random ready-made-nickname crap like that comes up?

[NateDude]

Would you like a beta? I am told my beta-ing skills are rather good.

Wut

As I said I'm new to this, What does "Beta-Ing" a Fan-Fic mean?

[silrini]

Wut

As I said I'm new to this, What does "Beta-Ing" a Fan-Fic mean?

Haha, sorry, it means edit. If you have an beta, you have an editor. If your fic is beta'd, it's been edited, and so forth and so on. Internet-speak has rubbed off on me, I'm afraid. :P

[NateDude]

Haha, sorry, it means edit. If you have an beta, you have an editor. If your fic is beta'd, it's been edited, and so forth and so on. Internet-speak has rubbed off on me, I'm afraid. :P

Ok, Well if you'd like you could try
PM Me the results If you do. Beta all the parts for all I care, If you make it better than that's awesome

[NateDude]

silrini has been generous enough to Fix-Up my introduction.
I am awaiting a reply as to wether or not he will do the same for the rest.

[geeP]

Ok, here's that series of chatlogs I said I was working on the other night. Thanks to everyone who commented, I think your enthusiasm was infectious--it really helped shake loose a couple of blocks I'd been having and let me fit the whole thing together. There's one particular point of inspiration that will probably be obvious to the people that commented on the preview snippet, and although it might seem like a random nod rest assured that it was actually fairly crucial to fitting everything together.

The story comprises 11 chatlogs here, one conversation between Sollux and each other troll at various times (but all sequentially) before the start of Hivebent, some but not all of them dealing with first meetings and introductions. The whole thing runs rather long and I suspect that most of the good bits are towards the end, so I apologize to advance to anyone who has to trudge through the whole thing, but there is supposed to be a running story of sorts between the various conversations so I advise against skipping ahead.

Half Steps, part 1:

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caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CA: hey wwhats the big fuckin idea here
CA: you just ganked my kill fuckin jerk
CA: do you have any idea wwho youre dealing wwith here?
TA: no, not really. that tend2 two happen when you me22age complete 2tranger2.
TA: but iim goiing two go out on a liimb and gue22 youre that dual2car guy.
CA: fuckin right and dont forget it
CA: noww stop cheating and get back here
TA: what2 iit two you? iit2 ju2t a game.
CA: its the fuckin principle of the thing
CA: as if youd understand landdwwelling scum!
TA: eheheheh that2 a good one, liike a 2ea troll would totally have nothiing better two do than play game2 all day long.
TA: you roleplay type2 are hiilariiou2.
CA: wwhat
CA: its not a fuckin roleplay you lowwbred idiot
CA: i should have wwon fair and square
CA: im like a fuckin strategical mastermind
CA: like troll sun tzu and troll rommel had a baby and then i fuckin ganked his shit wwith my superior tactics
TA: maybe you 2hould play on one of the dediicated rp 2erver2.
TA: that way you dont have two compete wiith all the hardcore player2.
CA: go ahead and laugh it up
CA: youll rue this day
TA: 2orry bro ii dont really do roleplay2, iit2 iimpre22iive how iintwo iit you are though.
CA: i mean it
CA: ill wwipe all you dirtsuckers out
TA: good good. youre really playiing thii2 2uperviillaiin thiing up.
TA: now 2hake your fii2t and 2ay iill get you next tiime! or we wiill meet agaiin!
CA: ill do no such thing
CA: but if i evver see your sorry face again ill make sure youre banned
CA: like the wworld wwiill forcefully eject you into space youll be banned so hard
TA: yeah that2 really fa2ciinatiing. hold on.
TA: okay done.
CA: done wwith wwhat?
CA: wwait, hang on
CA: im so sick of these fuckin popup advvertisements
CA: wwhy the fuck
CA: fuck theres so many of them, wwhat the hell is going on
TA: ii dont know, iit ii2 a my2tery. jiinkiie2, 2omeone call 2coogy doo.
CA: oh you asshole
CA: you did this somehoww didnt you
CA: fuckin
CA: i swwear if i see one more popup wwindoww
CA: just kind of begging me to click their shit
CA: ill do an acrobatic fuckin pirouette off the handle
TA: by the way, you miight want two take another look around.
TA: ii thiink your next target ju2t got away.
CA: jegus i dont know wwhat she sees in you assholes
CA: as far as im concerned youre not wworth the trouble
CA: im doing this for your owwn good you knoww
TA: yeah that2 very chariitable of you, iim gettiing a lot of good out of iit.
TA: for iin2tance, beatiing you ha2 giiven me siix thousand boondollar2 and mo2t of a level up.
CA: dont think that this is ovver
CA: wwe wwill meet again!
TA: eheheheh ye2.
TA: that2 the 2piiriit.
CA: wwait
CA: fuck

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

*****

gallowsCallibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GC: I S33 WH4T YOUR3 DO1NG
GC: YOUR3 B31NG V3RY N4UGHTY
TA: yeah yeah iif ii keep doiing iit iitll make me go bliind, my lu2u2 already told me.
GC: H3H3H3H3 GROSS >:P
GC: BUT TH4TS NOT WH4T 1M T4LK1NG ABOUT
GC: 1 KNOW YOUR3 CH34T1NG 1N FL4RP
TA: ii am? oh 2hiit whoop2.
TA: how diid you even fiind thii2 account? ii 2topped publii2hiing my trollhandle a whiile ago.
GC: YOU ST1LL L1NK YOUR W3BS1T3 ON YOUR FORUM POSTS
GC: W4Y TO GO, MIST3R SMOOTH H4CK3R M4N
TA: oh yeah.
TA: 2orry about usiing tho2e cheat2, iit wa2 a mi2take.
GC: TH4TS YOUR STORY??? YOU H4CK3D YOUR FL4RP CL13NT BY 4CC1D3NT?
GC: TH3 PROS3CUT1ON 1S UN1MPR3SS3D
TA: ha ha 2tfu. ii mean ii diidnt mean two leave them turned on.
TA: thii2 2eagriift wa2 beiing a real bulgehead la2t tiime ii wa2 on 2o ii deciided two u2e a few traiiner2 ii made two teach hiim a le22on.
TA: ii dont even liike thii2 game that much, iit2 ju2t 2ometiime2 ii liike two 2crew wiith a22hole2 who try two pu2h people around liike that.
GC: >:o
GC: M3 TOO!
GC: P3OPL3 4CT L1K3 TH3Y C4N DO WH4T3V3R TH3Y W4NT 1N FL4RP JUST B3C4US3 TH3Y H4V3 4LL TH3 L3V3LS
GC: BUT 1 SHOW TH3M TH3 3RROR OF TH31R W4YS >:]
TA: eheheh yeah riight kiid. ii 2aw your character, youre liike level 9. they would cru2h you.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3 NO
GC: CH3CK OUT MY PVP ST4TS
TA: holy 2hiit, and youre gettiing on my ca2e about cheatiing.
TA: talk about the cookiing receptacle calliing the beverage re2ervoiir black.
GC: 1M OFF3ND3D BY TH4T 4CCUS4T1ON
GC: 4LL MY W1NS 4R3 L3G1T
TA: bull2hiit. you are 2hiittiing me.
TA: how many laxatiive2 do you have two take two be 2hiittiing me 2o hard.
GC: WHY 1S 1T SO H4RD TO B3L31V3?
GC: 1 JUST HAV3 TO B3 MOR3 CL3V3R TH4N TH3Y 4R3
GC: 4ND TH1S 1S TH3 1NT3RN3T W3R3 T4LK1NG ABOUT, SO 1TS NOT L1K3 TH4TS SO D1FF1CULT
TA: eheheheh thii2 ii2 true.
GC: B3S1D3S, 1 H4V3 TO US3 4 A LOW L3V3L CH4R4CT3R TO LUR3 TH3M 1N
GC: TH3YR3 DR1V1NG AROUND 1N TH31R UNM4RK3D WH1T3 V4NS
GC: WH3N TH3Y S33 MY 1NNOC3NT YOUNG L3V3L 9 TH3Y C4NNOT R3S1ST
GC: TH3N TH4TS WH3N 1 G3T 4LL TROLL CHR1S HANS3N ON TH3M >:]
TA: haha ok that2 actually pretty awe2ome. ii 2hould try that 2ometiime.
GC: H3Y!
GC: DO YOU W4NT TO T34M UP? M4YB3 W3 C4N WORK TOG3TH3R
TA: what, really?
GC: Y34H! YOU C4N R3D33M YOURS3LF BY US1NG YOUR POW3RS FOR GOOD
GC: W3 C4N B3 L1K3 4 SUP3RH3RO DUO, PROT3CT1NG FL4RP FROM 3V1LDO3RS
TA: 2ure, ii gue22. that 2ound2 liike fun.
TA: ii never really cared about playiing flarp the riight way anyhow.
GC: OH
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 W4S K1ND OF HOP1NG YOUD PLAY 1N MY R3GUL4R C4MP41GN TOO
GC: MY FR13NDS 4ND 1 N33D A 4TH
TA: oh god dammiit, what are you tryiing two drag me iintwo?
GC: COM3 OOOOOOOOOONN
GC: JUST FOR A L1TTL3 WH1L3 4T L34ST
GC: B3S1D3S
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU OW3 M3 FOR SPO1L1NG TH3 M4TCH W1TH YOUR CH34TS
TA: fiine, iif youll get off my bulge about iit.
TA: ju2t dont expect me two get intwo your fruiity rp non2en2e.
GC: D34L
GC: W3LL S33 YOU L4T3R TH3N
GC: TH3YR3 GOOD P3OPL3, YOULL L1K3 TH3M
TA: eheheheh yeah riight, 2orry.
GC: YOULL S33 >:]

gallowsCallibrator [GC] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

*****

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY ASSHOLE.
CG: ARE YOU THE GUY WHO WROTE THAT ~ATH "TWOTORIAL" ON CODEGRUBS?
CG: WHICH IS THE DUMBEST FUCKING NAME, I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK EVEN NAMES A THING THAT WAY.
TA: ok thii2 ii2 the lea2t promii2iing conver2atiion 2tart ever.
TA: but ju2t for 2ake of argument, let2 2ay ye2.
CG: WELL. I JUST WANTED TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON WRITING THE MOST USELESS PILE OF SHIT EVER.
CG: IT'S LIKE YOU WON THE NOGEL FUCKING PRIZE IN BEING THE WORST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE.
TA: awe2ome thii2 ii2 exactly what ii needed. now ii can cro22 "get yelled at by technologiical iilliiterate" off my twodo lii2t for twoday.
CG: FUCK YOU, I DON'T NEED YOUR SHITTY TUTORIAL TO BE AWESOME AT THIS.
TA: ye2 that would explaiin why youre readiing begiinner2 twoturiial2.
TA: and faiiliing at them.
CG: WHAT CAN I SAY? I HAVE A DUTY TO WATCH OUT FOR ALL THE NUBBY LESSER PROGRAMMERS OUT THERE.
CG: I'M LIKE THE GODDAMN BLACK KNIGHT, PATROLLING THE STREETS OF GOGTHAM CITY AND BEATING UP CRIMINALS WHO WRITE TERRIBLE PROGRAMMING TUTORIALS.
TA: how diid you even manage two break iit? youre probably u2iing an outdated compiiler.
TA: ii bet one of your punchcard2 got bent, or maybe a bead got 2tuck on your abacu2.
CG: HOLY SHIT I GUESS I AM SO COMPLETELY BURNED BY YOUR PATHETIC NERD INSULTS. CALL THE CASUALTY WAGON BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING BURNED.
CG: IT COMPILES FINE JACKASS.
CG: YOUR SHITTY EXAMPLE PROGRAM DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.
TA: you realiize the loop wont actually end untiil you diie.
TA: iif you want two 2peed iit up ii have 2ome 2ugge2tiion2.
CG: WOW. WHAT A FUCKING EPIPHANY, EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW.
CG: NAMELY, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST GRUBFUCKING LOSER ON THE PLANET AND EVERYTHING YOU DO IS IDIOTIC BEYOND BELIEF.
TA: ok now thii2 ii2 completely uncalled for.
CG: OH PLEASE. YOU WERE CALLING FOR IT SO HARD.
CG: RINGING ROOM SERVICE AND SAYING YES I AM A GIGANTIC FUCKING IDIOT, PLEASE SEND UP SOMEONE TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE I AM.
TA: jegu2.
TA: youre talkiing two one of the be2t programmer2 iin a language wriitten pretty much 2peciifiically for viiru2e2 and tryiing two pii22 hiim off.
TA: iit2 liike you actually want me two era2e all your na2ty wriggler porn.
TA: and replace iit wiith other na2tiier 2hiit.
CG: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A THREAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE. YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE YOUR RETARDED PROGRAM WORK WHEN I'M FOLLOWING YOUR EXACT INSTRUCTIONS.
CG: OK FINE WHATEVER. I APOLOGIZE TO ANY GRUBFUCKING LOSERS WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN OFFENDED.
CG: WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING SENSITIVE ANYHOW?
TA: nevermiind, look.
TA: try turniing the debug 2wiitch on and runniing iit agaiin, iit 2hould dump the log fiile two the root diirectory two 2ee what went wrong.
CG: OK I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
CG: NOW YOU'RE JUST MAKING THINGS UP TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK SMART. NICE TRY ASSHOLE, YOUR MADE UP WORDS DO NOT AFFECT ME.
TA: what the chrii2t, how diid you manage two get 2o fuckiing 2tupiid?
TA: iid thiink that maybe you read a twotoriial on how two be 2tupiid, except followiing the mo2t elementary iin2tructiion2 ii2 obviou2ly two hard for you.
TA: iit2 liike youre actually two 2tupiid two fiigure out how two be 2o 2tupid. a perfect miicroco2m of 2tupiidiity 2u2pended iin paradox 2pace wiithout begiinniing or end.
CG: ALRIGHT FIRST OFF NONE OF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE DUMBASS.
CG: ALSO YOU ARE WRONG BECAUSE THE STUPID ONE IS YOU.
TA: ok, 2eriiou2ly? youre 2eriiou2ly goiing two go there? youre kiiddiing me.
TA: iit2 liike every tiime you open your viile load-2pewiing mouth you 2iink two new depth2 of iimaturiity.
TA: any miinute now you are goiing two break through iintwo a va2t underground ciiviiliizatiion of iidiiot wriggler2. and then they wiill proclaiim you theiir kiing.
CG: THAT'S BECAUSE EVEN IDIOT WRIGGLERS KNOW THAT I SHOULD PRETTY MUCH BE THE ONE TO RUN EVERYTHING.
CG: WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT YOU. HOW DO YOU EVEN SEE WITH YOUR HEAD SHOVED SO FAR UP YOUR SEED FLAP?
TA: 2orry, ii cant fiit my head up there, all my huge 2exy horn2 are two biig two fiit. ii gue22 not everyone ha2 tiiny liimp horn2 liike you.
CG: FUCK YOU, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY HORNS. DOES YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE ACTUALLY CONNECT TO YOUR THOUGHT MEAT OR DOES IT JUST KIND OF FLOP AROUND AT RANDOM?
TA: eheheheh gue22 ii hiit a nerve there.
TA: what2 wiith all the lowblood slang anyhow, you act 2o fuckiing hiigh and miighty liike youre all blue or green or whatever the fuck ii2 on top.
CG: NOTHING.
CG: NOTHING IS WHAT'S WITH THE LOWBLOOD SLANG BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR IDIOTIC CASTE RULES.
CG: WATCH, THIS IS ME VALIANTLY STRUGGLING TO GIVE A SHIT AND FAILING.
CG: ALSO PURPLE IS HIGHEST ANYWAY IDIOT.
TA: whoop2 look out ii thiink you ju2t gave a 2hiit.
TA: look at you pa22iing out 2hiit2 left and riight liike 2ome kiind of 2hiit-giiviing chariity.
CG: ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MUTANT? IS BEING THE WORST EVER YOUR MUTANT POWER, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE IT IS.
TA: my power ii2 beiing able to remember ii have no obliigatiion two a22ii2t a22hole2 who cant fiind theiir own hiindseat wiith both hand2.
TA: fuck you twiice a22hole.

twinArmageddons [TA] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

twinArmageddons [TA] unblocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: al2o you probably forgot two 2et up the maiin loop. iiniitiialiize a uniiverse object and ne2t your operatiing loop iin2iide iit.
CG: OH, OK HANG ON.
CG: YEAH I THINK THAT DID THE TRICK.
CG: THANKS.
TA: ok.
CG: FUCKWAD.
TA: 2hiithead.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

*****

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

AA: s0llux
AA: y0u missed last nights game
AA: h0w c0me y0u hardly ever flarp with us anym0re?
TA: oh. uh, 2orry, ii really dont know.
AA: is it because y0u d0nt want t0 hang 0ut with us?
TA: what? of cour2e not, dont be 2tupiid.
TA: ii talk two you all the tiime out2iide of flarp, ii diidnt thiink iit would be a biig deal.
AA: s0rry, i just wanted t0 make sure
AA: i really wish y0u played m0re 0ften
TA: ii would but iit2 hard to get enthu2iia2tiic about playiing your teammate.
AA: you mean tavr0s?
AA: whats wr0ng with him?
TA: nothiing ii gue22, iit2 ju2t kiind of boriing. every tiime ii cloud for hiim he alway2 ab2cond2 from everythiing.
TA: and when he cloud2 iit2 alway2 2ome 2tupiid faiiry love fe2t.
TA: one tiime he ran a piirate 2cenariio that wa2 actually halfway decent but he had two 2top becau2e he 2aiid iit wa2 gettiing two 2cary.
AA: i wish you w0uld stick with him s0llux
AA: he has tr0uble finding pe0ple wh0 will play with him
AA: y0ure a g00d friend f0r playing al0ng
TA: ii know, iit2 ju2t. why cant ii play wiith you 2ometiime2?
AA: id really like that s0llux!
AA: but terezi and i have been playing this 0ng0ing campaign t0gether f0r sweeps, ever since 1st editi0n flarp
AA: we c0uld try t0 squeeze in s0me extra sessi0ns with just the tw0 0f us, but it w0uldnt feel right shelving her campaign
TA: yeah, youre riight. iit wa2 2tupiid of me two a2k.
AA: what? n0, n0t at all!
AA: in fact maybe we sh0uld g0 ahead and switch players f0r this weeks sessi0n
AA: we can d0 a 0ne-0ff t0gether, im sure terezi w0nt mind taking a break
TA: no really, go ahead. ii dont really miind.
TA: maybe you 2hould ju2t look for a new player, iim not really feeliing iintwo flarp lately.
AA: 0h
AA: im s0 s0rry t0 hear that s0llux
TA: oh jeez. AA, ju2t becau2e ii dont flarp wiith you doe2nt mean were goiing two 2top beiing friiend2.
TA: ii mean we 2tay up all day talkiing about everythiing wiith each other.
AA: really?
AA: actually maybe i kind 0f wanted t0 talk t0 y0u ab0ut that
TA: about what?
AA: well, the tw0 0f us are pretty cl0se right?
TA: 2ure. youre probably the clo2e2t friiend ii have.
TA: not that that2 2ayiing much. fml.
AA: 0k
AA: but I mean
AA: d0 y0u feel anything else?
TA: what?
AA: any s0rt 0f
AA: stirring sensati0ns?
TA: ii dont know. ii thiink you lo2t me there.
AA: 0h
TA: well, waiit. actually maybe.
TA: iit2 hard two descriibe but lately ii dont know, iit doe2 kiind of feel diifferent.
AA: different h0w?
TA: ii mean weve alway2 been friiend2 riight, but 2omehow talkiing two you ii feel, well, 2omethiing ju2t feel2 extra riight about iit ii gue22.
TA: that we were 2ort of made for each other. or 2omethiing.
TA: 2hiit ii dont really know how two 2ay iit.
AA: like s0ulmates?
TA: yeah ii dont know, iit probably 2ound2 kiind of dumb.
AA: n000000000000000
AA: 0h my g0d
AA: i cant believe y0u feel this way s0llux!
TA: yeah, iit2 weiird. ii never really thought about iit thii2 way before.
TA: thii2 ii2 actually pretty exciitiing.
AA: 0h w0w this changes everything
TA: yeah, ii know what you mean.
TA: iive never really been moiiraiil2 wiith 2omeone before.
TA: hey.
TA: AA?
TA: you 2till there?
TA: wa2 iit 2omethiing ii 2aiid?
TA: waiit, fuck. 2hiit 2hiit 2hiit!!
TA: how could ii be 2o den2e? of cour2e you wouldnt want two be moiiraiils wiith a lo2er liike me.
TA: ju2t how hiigh do you even have two be ju2t two 2ay 2omethiing liike that......
TA: here, let me twi2t around 2o ii can 2hove my other foot in my mouth two.
TA: that2 me, 2tuffiing my face liike iit2 a fuckiing all you can eat foot buffet, omnomnom.
AA: n0, wait! s0llux!
AA: 0_0
TA: maybe ii 2hould 2tart eatiing miind honey liike my lu2u2 2o ii can 2top beiing 2uch a fuckiing iidiiot all the tiime.
AA: really
AA: its 0k
AA: really
TA: waiit, what?
AA: i was just
AA: distracted
TA: doe2 thii2 mean youre not up2et?
AA: 0f c0urse im n0t s0llux!
AA: im 0k with it
AA: really
TA: youve 2aiid really three tiime2.
AA: s0rry, this is just a l0t t0 pr0cess! this is my first real pale r0mance
AA: but if y0u want t0 be m0irails with me thats 0k
AA: g00d tr0lls, best m0irails
AA: that will be us, right s0llux?
TA: ok phew. jegu2 ii really thought ii had fucked up there.
AA: d0nt be silly
AA: i
AA: i have t0 g0 n0w s0llux
TA: ok but youll be back onliine later riight?
AA: 0f c0urse
AA: i w0uldnt miss a minute with my new m0irail for the w0rld

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

gallowsCallibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GC: 4SSHOL3

gallowsCallibrator [GC] blocked twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: the fuck?

*****

grimAuxiliatrix [gA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GA: Hello
TA: uh hii.
GA: Hello
GA: Can You Hear Me
GA: Is Anyone There
TA: what the hell.
TA: how do you iidiiot2 even manage two plug your computer iin?
GA: I Apologize
GA: It Seems I Have Offended Somehow
GA: I Am Not Accustomed To Using This Application
TA: ok look, ii know ii end up pretty much 2iittiing around all day helpiing moron2 fiix theiir computer 2hiit.
TA: but ii need two draw the liine 2omewhere.
TA: ii mean there2 ju2t no helpiing 2ome people.
GA: That Is Just As Well
GA: I Am Not Looking For Technical Assistance
TA: oh?
GA: I Saw Your Account On The Flarp Boards
TA: what? ii havent po2ted there iin month2.
GA: I Am Trying To Help A Friend Of Mine Find A New Flarp Group
GA: She Recently Had A Falling Out With Her Flarping Partner
GA: And I Would Rather Not Involve Myself Auspisticing For Them
TA: ok here2 a 2uper 2ecret biit of techniical wiizardry for you.
TA: you 2ee how on the flarp forum2 there2 a 2ubforum called LOOKIING FOR GROUP iin biig bold letter2?
TA: cliick that liink and a magiic geniie wiill make all your wii2he2 come true.
GA: I Am Afraid It May Not Be That Simple
GA: You See
GA: My Friend May Be What You Might Call A Difficult Personality
TA: ha ha, thii2 ju2t get2 better and better.
TA: 2o a technophobe want2 me two baby2iit her autii2tiic friiend.
GA: It Was Not My Intention To Saddle You Personally With This Burden
TA: whoop2 ii thiink you may have betrayed your iintent by me22agiing me then.
GA: Your Account Lists You As One Of the Oldest And Most Prolific Posters
GA: I Had Assumed That This Would Mean You Were Well Connected
GA: And Would Be In A Position To Find Someone To Assist
TA: oh yeah duh, ii gue22 you have a poiint.
TA: 2ure iive got lot2 of friiend2.
GA: Very Good
GA: If You Could Direct Me To Some Of Them I would Be Happy To Stop Taking Up Your Time
GA: Since You Seem To Have More Pressing Matters To Attend To
TA: ye2, you wont beliieve how many iiron2 ii have iin the fiire riight now.
GA: Although I Believe You Recently Mentioned That You Pretty Much Sit Around All Day Waiting For People To Ask You To Fix Their Computer Shit
TA: eheheh 2hiit, youre more perceptiive than you let on.
GA: Am I To Assume That Your Claims Of Friendship Are Similarly Fabricated
TA: eh, ba2iically.
TA: ii gue22 ii am kiind of a lo2er when you put iit that way.
TA: ii 2uppo2e ii may be what you miight call a diiffiicult per2onaliity two.
GA: I Am Sorry
GA: I Will Try Someone Else
GA: I Apologize For Any Grief I Have Caused You
TA: waiit, actually ii thiink ii can help you.
GA: Really
TA: yeah, ii do have a couple of friiend2 who play.
TA: a2 iit happen2 they could really u2e another flarp player.
GA: This Seems Suspiciously Serendipitous
TA: hey fuck you, iim 2eriious here.
TA: iim tryiing two help you.
GA: Sorry
TA: hang on, let me 2end them a me22age.
TA: waiit, 2hiit. 2he2 got me blocked for some rea2on.
GA: I Could Not Possibly Fathom Why
TA: nevermiind, iive got AA onliine.
TA: what2 your giirlfriiend go by?
GA: Excuse Me But I Do Not Think It Is Appropriate For You To Infer A Relationship
TA: fuckiing hell no need two be 2o touchy, iit2 ju2t an expre22iion.
GA: Her Handle Is ArachnidsGrip
TA: okay, iill tell my friiend two get iin touch wiith her.
GA: Very Well
GA: I Will Assume You Are Actually Talking About A Real Person
GA: And Not Some Kind Of Fake Friend
TA: yeah thank2 a lot.
GA: I Believe This Concludes Our Conversation
TA: yeah, ok.
GA: I Hope I Have Not Caused Irreparable Insult
GA: In Spite Of Any Friction Between Us It Is My Hope We Could Be Friends Going Forward
TA: maybe, but iive got 2hiit two do now.
TA: and before you a2k ye2 iit i2 actual 2hiit and not fake made up 2hiit.
GA: The Veracity Of Your Shit Was Not Called Into Question
TA: okay, ii 2uppo2e iit2 niice two meet you.
GA: I Guess It Is Goodbye For Now Then
TA: bye.
GA: Farewell
TA: ye2, bye.
GA: It Seems We Are Finished Talking
TA: and yet youre 2till here.
GA: Sorry
GA: I Realize My Faux Pas Must Sound Awkward
TA: ye2, e2peciially 2iince ii beliieve you recently gave me 2hiit about my lack of 2ociial 2kills.
GA: It Seems I Am Having Some Difficulties
GA: How Do I Exit Program
TA: jegu2, 2ome people.

grimAuxiliatrix [gA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

[geeP]

Half Steps, part 2:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CT: D --> You are Maryam's yel100wb100d computer associate
CT: D --> Correct?
TA: woah who the fuck want2 two know?
CT: D --> Such reprehensible language
CT: D --> But
CT: D --> It is to be e%pected
CT: D --> My name is Equius
CT: D --> Maryam said you would assist me on a project
TA: that fliighty broad 2ay2 a lot of thiing2.
CT: D --> Do you always e%hibit such an intolerable lack of deference to your superiors?
TA: what, kanaya? ii2 green hiigher than yellow, ii forget.
CT: D --> Abso100tely
CT: D --> Your ignorance is appalling but unsurprising for your rank
CT: D --> I will choose to over100k it for sake of e%pediency
TA: whatever. iit2 not liike ii have anythiing better two do than two take reque2t2 from 2tuck-up a22hole2.
CT: D --> Of course not
CT: D --> Serving your superiors is the highest ideal your kind can aspire to
CT: D --> I am trying to improve my training robots
CT: D --> I have refined their constru%ion as much as possible yet they still fail to present an a%%eptable challenge
CT: D --> You will assist me in improving their AI routines
TA: fiine. let2 2ee what youve got.

centaursTesticle [CT] sent twinArmageddons [TA] the file "COMBOT.ATH"

TA: ok ath ii2 not really iideal for thii2, youd be better off portiing two dii2*. but ii wiill 2ee what ii can do.
TA: thii2 really ii2nt very well wriitten anyhow, iit mo2tly look2 liike you copiied and pa2ted 2ome code 2niipet2.
CT: D --> I don't really know the details
CT: D --> I had Aurthour write it, he does most menial tasks for me
TA: who2 that?
CT: D --> My 100sus
TA: ok wow that ii2 actually kiind of iimpre22iive. ii mean 2ure he cant code for 2hiit but iit2 pretty awe2ome he2 actually 2mart enough two get thii2 far.
TA: miine would probably ju2t eat the computer.
CT: D --> Naturally
CT: D --> It is the privilege of the higher classes
CT: D --> An e%emplary 100sus such as Aurthour would never condescend to serve lowb100ds such as yourself
TA: hey thank2 for rubbiing iit iin a22hole, iim tryiing two help you here.
CT: D --> You should not be so angry at your lot in life
CT: D --> None of us choose the role the mother grub hatches us for
CT: D --> Nonetheless
CT: D --> I may deign to apologize if you will cease pol100ting my screen with your filthy speech
TA: wow, that2 real fuckiing magnanimou2 of you. youre completely redefiiniing noble22e obliige here.
CT: D --> As you wish
CT: D --> But you will not go very far by antagonizing your b100d superiors
TA: iit2 gotten me far enough two see there2 a bunch of problem2 iin thii2 code.
TA: there are 2ome iimportant part2 gettiing 2kiipped, and 2ome of the algoriithm2 iin the maiin loop really need two be optiimiized.
CT: D --> This would improve their performance?
TA: ye2, thii2 way they 2hould make fewer mii2take2 and react a lot fa2ter.
CT: D --> E%cellent
CT: D --> Hold nothing back, programmer
CT: D --> I want these robots to be as 100dicrously challenging as possible
TA: well iit2 a good thiing you 2aiid that, 2iince otherwii2e ii had pretty much no de2iire two program robot2 two kiick your a22.
TA: but iif you iin2ii2t.
CT: D --> Now this is an attitude is more becoming of your station
CT: D --> You should view it as a privilege when the a100f condescend to deal with you
CT: D --> That is the prerogative of the laboring classes, unlike the true gutterb100ds
TA: man iim 2tartiing two take back what ii 2aiid about your lu2u2. he2 probably ju2t makiing thiing2 wor2e iin here fuckiing around wiith no iidea what he2 doiing.
TA: waiit what2 a gutterblood?
CT: D --> Degenerate filth fit only for the culling blade
CT: D --> Just thinking about their disgusting b100d makes me
CT: D --> Sweat
TA: a2 oppo2ed two normal non-dii2gu2tiing blood ii gue22.
TA: ii mean, ii can only iimagiine how wonderful your blood mu2t be iif youre 2o hiigh on the hemo2pectrum.
TA: iit 2ure would briighten my day to 2ee lot2 of your blood, for iin2tance.
CT: D --> Your appreciation of my b100d is quite fitting
CT: D --> But now I am distracted thinking about
CT: D --> Those vile, repulsive crimson-b100ded abominations
TA: waiit youre ju2t talkiing about red blood2?
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Running 100se with their tainted hemochrome
CT: D --> E%crement like them is why I need robots to vent on
TA: woah woah woah oop2.
TA: you know what? two bad, ii dont think iim goiing to be able two help you there, thii2 2hiit ii2 way over my head.
CT: D --> Are you certain? You seemed e%tremely confident in your abilities a moment ago
TA: yeah well you know how u2 laboriing cla22e2 can be 2ometiime2.
CT: D --> Infuriating
CT: D --> It was f001ish of me to e%pect any better of you
TA: dont worry, ii got you covered. ii know a guy who would be all over thii2 2tuff.
CT: D --> You are positive that he has the skills to accomplish this?
TA: ab2olutely.
TA: you cannot hope two beat hiim iin a code off. he ii2 2iimply the be2t there ii2.
TA: he goe2 by carciinoGenetiicii2t, iit would make hii2 day two be able two a22ii2t a blueblood liike you.
CT: D --> Very well
CT: D --> I suppose this must suffice for now

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

twinArmageddons [TA] blocked centaursTesticle [CT]

TA: what a priick.

*****

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

AC: :33 < *ac spots a strange person intruding on her territory! she sneakily sneaks up on him, sizing him up*
TA: what the hell ii2 thii2?
AC: :33 < *suddenly ac pounces on the stranger, tackling him to the floor!*
AC: :33 < *but wait, it turns out he is a friend! she licks his forehead in gr33ting*
TA: the fuck?? ii thiink youre iin the wrong chat.
AC: :33 < oh sorry!
AC: :33 < someone told me you were the purrson to talk to for purrgramming help
TA: diid they al2o tell you ii liiked putting up with stupid wriiggler rpiing bull2hiit?
AC: :33 < yes he did actually!
AC: :33 < his trollhandle was carcinoGeneticist and he refurred me to you for help and fun purrtend games
AC: :33 < he said that was what friends are fur! :33
TA: oh 2hiit.
AC: :33 < *ac looks purrplexed and wrinkles her nose in confusion*
AC: :33 < what?
TA: nothiing, nevermiind.
TA: ju2t... dont lii2ten two anythiing that guy say2.
AC: :33 < why not??
TA: he2 an a22hole.
AC: :33 < hes funny!
TA: well yeah okay ii gue22 2o. but he2 2tiill an a22hole.
AC: :33 < ok well i dont know whats going on betw33n you two
AC: :33 < but my friend has this purrgram they n33d fixed i guess and i was hoping you could help!
AC: :33 < *ac looks up with the widest most adorablest kitty eyes you have ever s33n!* please :33?
TA: fuck ii gue22 ii had thii2 comiing.
TA: fiine, iill help you. ju2t knock iit off wiith the 2tupiid cat rp already.

arsenicCatnip [CT] sent twinArmageddons [TA] the file "COMBOT.ATH"

TA: waiit a miinute, iive seen thii2 fiile before.
TA: youre friiend2 wiith that centaur2te2tiicle a22hole arent you?
AC: :33 < *ac hides her face in her paws and p33ks out sh33pishly*
AC: :33 < yes :((
AC: :33 < but hes not that bad really!
TA: youve got two be kiiddiing me.
TA: he2 the biigge2t a22hole iive ever met. and ii know karkat 2o that2 2ayiing 2omethiing.
AC: :33 < i know hes grumpy a lot of the time but he can be really sw33t sometimes
TA: oh yeah youre riight ii gue22 he2 a real fuckiing 2oftiie.
TA: all hug2 and lolliipop2 and rant2 about 2laughteriing the lower ca2te2.
AC: :33 < he didnt! :OO
TA: oh ye2.
AC: :33 < oh noooooooooooooooooo
AC: :33 < sorry :(( i will have to talk to him about that
AC: :33 < i guess its ok if you dont want to help with his purrgramming :((
TA: well, what the fuck. why not.
TA: iitll be my good deed for twoday, getting all mother therega up iin thii2 2hiit.
AC: :33 < *ac ch33rs up and dances with excitement!* :33
AC: :33 < i mean
AC: :33 < if youre really ok with it??
TA: iit2 fiine. ju2t dont tell hiim who diid iit.
AC: :33 < ok
AC: :33 < what if i told him carcinoGeneticist did it fur real?
AC: :33 < he would be so furrious!
TA: eheheheheheheh, that2 funny. karkat probably would actually try two take crediit two.
AC: :33 < so his name is karkat?
AC: :33 < i like that! it sounds cute :33
TA: what?? oh god no, plea2e tell me that2 not about what ii thiink iit ii2.
TA: ii thiink ii ju2t threw up iin my mouth a liittle thiinkiing about iit.
AC: :33 < purrrrrrrrhaps :PP
TA: augh what the fuck ii2 wrong wiith you? all of you.
TA: all of u2.
TA: iim lii2teniing two 2ome kiind of p2ychotiic catgiirl cru2h on a giigantiic ragiing a22hole who ii thiink ii am iinexpliicably kiind of friiend2 wiith whiile ii debug an aii routiine for her fa2cii2t biigoted friiend.
TA: why the fuck do ii even put up wiith thii2 2hiit?
AC: :33 < well
AC: :33 < i think it is probably because you are a good purrson!
TA: 2ee? 2o fuckiing 2tupiid.
TA: ha ha, ii mean that would actually be funny iif iit werent 2o fuckiing pathetiic. you dont even know the half of iit.
AC: :33 < awwwwww thats so sad :((
AC: :33 < *ac curls up on tas lap and looks up and mews anxiously as she paws at his chest*
TA: ** 2ollux 2iigh2 and 2cratche2 ac rea22uriingly.
AC: :33 < *purrs relaxedly and rolls over to reveal her fluffy belly*
TA: ok wow ii really dont thiink thii2 ii2 my kiind of thiing.
AC: :33 < sorry :((
TA: that2 ok.
TA: actually ii thiink ii know a friiend who2 iinto thii2 2tuff, you 2hould talk to her 2ometiime.
AC: :33 < really?? that would be neat!
TA: or at lea2t 2he u2ed two be.
AC: :33 < she doesnt rp anymore?
TA: 2he2 not my friiend anymore.
TA: maybe. fuck iif ii know what2 goiing on.
AC: :33 < oh, thats too bad
AC: :33 < well maybe if i become her friend i can get her to be your friend again and then we could all be friends!
TA: ii dont thiink iit2 that 2iimple, but knock your2elf out.
TA: 2he goe2 by gallow2calliibrator. oh and by the way.

twinArmageddons [TA] sent arsenicCatnip [CT] the file "COMBOT2.ATH"

AC: :33 < yay! thank you <3<3
AC: :33 < it was nice talking to you!
TA: 2ure whatever.

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

*****

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CC: O)( )(I SOLLUX! GLUB GLUB GLUB.
TA: hey feferii.
TA: ii know were not really that clo2e and youre probably way two bu2y priince22iing two deal wiith me.
TA: but ii thiink ii really need 2ome adviice and ii dont know who el2e two a2k.
CC: Don't be silly, Sollux! What kind of empress would I make if I couldn't spare time for my people?
CC: Especially t)(e ones w)(o are my friends!
CC: But you )(ave lots of friends, you s)(ouldn't feel like you can't get advice from t)(em.
TA: that2 ju2t iit though, iit2 kiind of about that.
TA: ii thiink ii fucked thiing2 up wiith them 2omehow. terezii2 not talkiing two me.
TA: and well iit2 compliicated.
CC: It sounds like maybe you s)(ould talk to Karkat. )(e understands relations)(ips better than anybody!
TA: ii would, but hed ju2t laugh at me and call me 2tupiid.
CC: I t)(oug)(t you were friends wit)( )(im.
TA: ii am. KK laugh2 at all hii2 friiend2 and call2 them 2tupiid.
CC: O)( yea)(! 38P
CC: So w)(at kind of )(elp did you need?
CC: I don't t)(ink I can make Terezi talk to you, if t)(at's w)(at you wanted.
TA: no that2 ok, ii ju2t need 2ome adviice.
TA: romantiic adviice.
CC: Okay, I'll do my best.
CC: WAIT! 38O
CC: T)(IS IS ABOUT KARKAT ISN'T IT?! SO T)(AT'S W)(Y YOU CAN'T ASK )(IM!
CC: O)( MY GOD T)(IS IS SO --EXCITING! I'M SOOOOO )(APPY FOR YOU TWO SOLLUX! GLUB GLUB GLUB!
CC: NO WONDER, T-ER-EZI MUST BE SOOOOOOO J-----EALOUS! 38D
TA: 2weet merciiful baby mother grub no! fuck no.
TA: calm the fuck down thii2 ii2 2eriiou2.
CC: O)( 38(
TA: fuck ii thiink ii need to cauteriize my braiin now that iive heard that.
TA: waiit, you 2aiid terezii.
TA: what doe2 2he have two do wiith it?
CC: Nooooooot)(iiiiiiiiiing...
CC: OOPSI-E!
TA: well whatever, nevermiind.
TA: look, you've got a moiiraiil riight?
CC: Yes, of course!
CC: Actually I t)(ink you've met )(im before.
TA: what? when?
CC: )(e mentioned seeing you on FLARP. )(e seemed pretty angry about somet)(ing you did t)(oug)(!
TA: eheheheh, lot2 of people there probably are.
TA: but iim gettiing 2iidetracked agaiin.
CC: See, Karkat does t)(at exact same t)(ing too! You'd go toget)(er so W--ELL!
TA: what the hell ii2 thii2.
TA: what ii2 wrong wiith you twoday. fuck.
CC: Sorry, I guess I've been talking to Nepeta a lot lately.
CC: You're lucky to )(ave met )(er, s)(e is so nice! GLUB.
CC: Even if s)(e sees t)(ings differently 38)
TA: fuck thii2 ii2 giiviing me a headache. two headache2.
TA: iit2 giiviing me all the headache2. all of them.
TA: back on topiic. moiiraiil2.
CC: Okay!
TA: iif 2omeone ever 2aiid 2omethiing bad about your moiiraiil how would you feel?
TA: liike somethiing really terriible to 2ay about 2omeone.
CC: Well, I don't know.
CC: BUT I WOULD PROBABLY )(AV-E TO GIV-E T)(-EM T)(-E TICKL-ECULLING OF A LIF-ETIM-E!
CC: GLUB GLUB GLUB! 38D
TA: iim tryiing two be 2eriiou2 here.
TA: ii mean, wouldnt you be angry?
CC: I don't know. Maybe a little bit angry?
TA: but not liike, angry enough two want two kill 2omeone.
CC: Sollux, I don't know if I've ever been angry enoug)( to want to kill someone!
TA: oh yeah.
TA: iin retro2pect maybe you werent the be2t per2on two a2k.
CC: I mean )(e's kind of my responsibility and I'm supposed to look out for )(im.
CC: But )(e is a toug)( guy inside! Even if )(e is kind of dopey sometimes 38P
CC: )(e doesn't need me to protect )(im from mean words, )(e can )(andle )(imself.
CC: I don't )(ave to defend )(is )(onor from every jerk w)(o calls )(im names, t)(at's not what moirals are really about.
TA: well, ii dont know, would that be more of a flu2hed thiing maybe?
CC: W)(y do you ask, don't you )(ave anyone to call your own? T)(at would be too bad!
TA: maybe?
TA: ii dont even know anymore.
CC: Awwwwwwwwwwwww. Glub. 38(
CC: But you s)(ould c)(eer up Sollux! You're a sweeter guy t)(an you t)(ink and I know everyt)(ing is going to work out for you in t)(e end.
CC: In fact, I )(ave it on good aut)(ority t)(at at least one very pretty girl is going to end up kissing you in t)(e future! 38) 38)
TA: ha, more of your my2tiical future bull2hiit.
TA: but ok ii gue22. thank2 feferii.
CC: You s)(ouldn't even mention it, Sollux! T)(at's w)(at friends are for!
CC: Talk to you later! GLUB GLUB.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

*****

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

TA: hey tavro2.
AT: oH, hI SOLLUX,
AT: iT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE, yOU'VE TROLLED ME,
AT: dID YOU, uHHH, mAYBE WANT TO PLAY FIDUSPAWN WITH ME,
TA: eheheh fuck no. ii cant beliieve you 2tiill play that 2tuff.
TA: fiidu2pawn ii2 for three-2weep-old2.
AT: bUT, iT'S FUN,
AT: aND THERE IS LOTS OF STRATEGY TOO, hOW YOU TRAIN YOUR FIDUSPAWN, aND, aLSO WHAT CARDS YOU USE,
AT: uHHH, aND I GUESS THERE ARE SOME THINGS ABOUT, lOYALTY, aND FRIENDSHIP,
TA: ye2, that2 you alriight.
TA: tavro2 niitram, 2uper friiend expert. he ha2 all the friiend2. all of them.
AT: }:'(
TA: fuck, 2orry. ii gue22 that wa2 pretty 2hiitty of me.
AT: iT'S OK, i GUESS,
TA: iit2 not really that ok bro. you really need two 2tart 2tandiing up for yourself.
AT: rEALLY,
AT: kANAYA WAS TELLING THAT TO ME, aLSO,
AT: sHE'S, vERY GOOD AT THAT STUFF, i THINK,
AT: mAYBE YOU SHOULD, tALK TO HER SOMETIME,
TA: what2 that 2uppo2ed two mean?
AT: wELL, i THOUGHT,
AT: uHH, mAYBE, sHE COULD HELP YOU,
AT: sO YOU DON'T DO THE THING SO MUCH WHERE, yOU YELL AT YOURSELF, aND CALL YOURSELF STUPID ALL THE TIME,
TA: ok much a2 iid liike to get p2ychoanalyzed by a creepy colorful goth giirl iive got more iimportant 2hiit two do.
TA: lii2ten, iim tryiing to get ahold of terezii. 2he2 not talkiing two me lately and AA get2 all cagey and defen2iive when ii a2k her about iit.
TA: normally ii can get around trolliian2 block2 pretty ea2ily but terezii2 2tayiing two 2tep2 ahead of me 2omehow.
TA: do you know what her deal ii2?
AT: oHH, uH, yES,
AT: tHAT THING,
TA: what? fuck, why doe2 everyone know the2e thiing2 except me?
AT: bUT, i'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU,
AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF A, sECRET THING,
AT: uH, sORRY, }:(
TA: oh that2 riich. her maje2ty2 2ecret agent, adiio2toreador.
TA: you know ii could probably ju2t glare at you kiind of hard and youd 2piill your gut2 riight?
AT: yES, i KNOW THAT'S TRUE, bUT,
AT: i WAS HOPING, yOU WOULDN'T DO THAT,
AT: tEREZI MADE ME PROMISE NOT TO TELL, aND,
AT: i'M KIND OF SCARED OF HER,
TA: what, really? youre afraiid of mii22 punii2h the wiicked and protect the iinnocent and downtrodden?
TA: ii dont thiink they get much more downtrodden than you, liittle buddy.
AT: wELL, yES BUT,
AT: sHE'S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT LAWS AND RULES ALL THE TIME,
AT: aND I'M WORRIED BECAUSE WHAT IF, mAYBE I BROKE A RULE WITHOUT KNOWING IT,
AT: lIKE THERE COULD BE A, sECRET RULE, oR SOMETHING,
AT: aND THEN SHE WOULD HAVE TO ORCHESTRATE, mY DEMISE,
TA: oh my god, thii2 ii2 hiilariou2.
AT: oNE TIME, wHEN I WAS PLAYING FIDUSPAWN AGAINST MYSELF,
AT: i, uHH, aCCIDENTALLY DREW TWO CARDS, iNSTEAD OF ONE,
AT: aND I PRETENDED NOT TO NOTICE,
AT: tHEN, aLL DAY LONG I COULDN'T SLEEP, bECAUSE,
AT: i KEPT HAVING NIGHTMARES, uHHH,
AT: tHAT TEREZI WOULD COME IN THROUGH MY WINDOW AND STEAL MY EYEBALLS, bECAUSE I CHEATED,
TA: hahahahahahahaha fuck thii2 ii2 pure gold.
AT: aND ALSO VRISKA IS THERE, wEARING, fAIRY WINGS FOR SOME REASON,
AT: aND TINKERBULL TRIES TO HELP ME, bUT, a STRANGE HORNLESS MAN WITH TAN SKIN EATS HIM,
TA: fuck ii cant 2top lmao. KK ii2 riight, youre kiind of fucked iin the head.
AT: uHH, oK,
AT: nOW THAT I TYPE THIS OUT, i, aM STARTING TO REALIZE,
AT: tHIS IS PROBABLY NOT SOMETHING THAT IS A VERY NORMAL THING TO DREAM ABOUT, i THINK,
TA: holy 2hiit iim 2tiill laughiing liike an iidiiot. jegu2 youre kiilliing me.
TA: actually iit pretty much ii2 though, ii mean that broad can be pretty fuckiing 2cary 2ometiime2.
AT: oH,
TA: 2o dont worry, ii wont get you iin trouble wiith her.
TA: can you at lea2t 2end her a me22age though? iit2 about AA.
AT: wELL I WOULD BUT, sHE'S NOT ONLINE,
AT: iT'S ALMOST TIME FOR OUR CAMPAIGN TO START TOO,
AT: aRADIA HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET AHOLD OF HER EITHER,
TA: 2hiiiiiiiiiiit. dammiit.
TA: well ii gue22 iill have to try agaiin later.
AT: oKAY,
TA: good luck wiith your campaign buddy, break a leg.
TA: tell AA ii 2aiid hii.
AT: tHANKS SOLLUX, i WILL,
AT: uHH, wAIT,
AT: aBOUT BREAKING MY LEGS, dO YOU MEAN,
AT: jUST A PRETEND THING, lIKE A FAKE,
AT: oR, BREAKING THEM FOR REAL,

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AT: bECAUSE THAT, aLSO, wAS IN MY DREAM TOO,
AT: uHHH, hELLO,
AT: sOLLUX,
AT: oH,
AT: bYE, i GUESS,

*****

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

TC: wHaT iS uP mY fInE mOtHeRfUcKeR?
TA: oh great, my day ii2 fuckiing complete. iit2 you.
TC: iT's Me? pHeW, tHaT's GoOd tO kNoW.
TC: I'vE bEeN hItTiNg ThE pIe PrEtTy HaRd AnD sOmEtImEs I gEt CoNfUsEd
TA: jegu2. why cant you go pe2ter KK or 2omethiing?
TC: cAn'T dO tHaT bRoThEr
TC: hE's AlReAdY bLoCkEd Me TwIcE tOdAy, DuDe NeEdS sOmE tImE tO gEt HiS cHilL bAcK oN.
TA: ok, look. iim tryiing two work through 2ome 2hiit and iit2 kiind of a biig deal.
TA: AA 2houldve been back by now but 2he2 runniing late wiith her game.
TA: 2o ii dont have tiime two put up wiith you and your antiic2.
TC: MaN i KnOw WhAt YoU fUcKiN nEeD bRo.
TA: 2top riight there.
TA: ii am not under any ciircum2tance2 goiing two 2nap iinto any eliixiir or whatever the fuck you call iit.
TC: aW mAn HaRsH :'o(
TA: and now iive got a 2ad cryiing clown two deal wiith.
TC: NaH iT's aLl CoOl bRo.
TA: maybe you thiink youre tryiing two be helpful but ju2t beliieve me.
TA: you wouldnt under2tand.
TC: pRoBaBlY RiGhT, i UsUaLlY dOn'T
TC: BuT i DoN't LeT tHaT sToP mE, i JuSt ChIlL wItH tHe FlOw AnD sHiT wOrKs ItSeLf OuT, yOu KnOw?
TC: LiKe FuCkInG mIrAcLeS.
TA: not thii2 2tuff. iim dealiing wiith grown up i22ue2 here.
TA: my love liife ii2 fucked enough wiithout you 2crewiing thiings up.
TC: HaHa, Is tHaT AlL YoU'Re wOrKeD Up aBoUt?
TA: what do you mean, ii2 that all? what the fuck ii2 wrong wiith you?
TA: a2iide from the obviiou2.
TA: the multiitudiinou2 legiion2 of the obviiou2, 2o obviiou2 a2 two be vii2iible from outer 2pace.
TA: two bliind people.
TC: lOoK DoG. iTs hArD, bEiNg a kId aNd gRoWiNg uP. iTs hArD AnD NoBoDy uNdErStAnDs.
TC: bUt tHaT'S StIlL CoOl, RiGhT, bEcAuSe iT'S JuSt aS HaRd fOr eVeRyBoDy eLsE
TC: So jUsT MoThErFuCkIn rOlL WiTh iT, yOu kNoW?
TC: CaN'T NoNe oF Us dO AnYtHiNg bUt jUsT Go wItH WhAt oUr hEaRtS TeLl uS
TA: oh 2hiit, ii2 that 2eriiou2ly all youve got?
TA: oh waiit! 2tupiid me, of cour2e iit ii2.
TC: LoVe iS A MoThErFuCkIn mIrAcLe, No uSe aNaLyZiNg tHaT ShIt
TC: i mEaN WhO ThE FuCk rEaLlY UnDeRsTaNdS HoW AnY Of tHiS RoMaNcE ShIt wOrKs?
TC: I DoN'T EvEn tHiNk kArKaT DoEs aNd hE'S LiKe a mOtHeRfUcKiN MiRaClE GeNiUs
TA: ii dont thiink 2o eiither, 2o that2 one thiing we agree on.
TC: No, LoOk, NoNe oF Us hAs a mOtHeRfUcKiN ClUe aBoUt hOw rOmAnCe wOrKs bUt sHiT GeTs sOrTeD OuT In tHe eNd, YoU KnOw?
TC: I MeAn wE WoUlDn't bE HeRe iF A CoUpLe oF TrOlLs hAdN'T MaNaGeD To gEt tHiNgS StRaIgHtEnEd oUt aNd fIlL SoMe pAiLs, Am i mOtHeRfUcKiN RiGhT?
TC: tHeY ThOuGhT ThAt sHiT WaS ToUgH ToO, bUt iF ThEy fIgUrEd iT OuT ThEn sO CaN YoU BrO
TA: wow. that2... actually kiind of iin2iightful, thank2.
TC: WoAh, ReAlLy? WeLl wHaT Do yOu fUcKiN KnOw.
TC: i wAsN'T AcTuAlLy eXpEcTiNg tHaT :o)
TA: me neiither.
TA: in fact, you miight almo2t 2ay iit wa2...
TC: cOmE On bRo, DoN'T LeAvE Me aLl hAnGiN ThErE
TA: mIiRaCle2
TC: HoNk yEaH BiTcH :o)
TA: ii actually thiink your on two 2omethiing though. maybe ii 2hould quiit worryiing and ju2t tell her how ii feel.
TA: except that 2eem2 pretty weak. ii mean 2he de2erve2 two hear iit two her face, not over the iinternet.
TC: So jUsT RoLl oVeR ThErE AnD TeLl hEr, BrO
TA: you thiink ii 2hould?
TA: but iid look pretty 2tupiid ju2t 2howiing up on her door2tep for no rea2on.
TA: ii mean fuck ii dont even know iif 2he feel2 the 2ame way.
TA: ii need two do 2omething 2peciial for her, liike ii could briing a piicniic or 2omethiing.
TA: 2hiit, ii wii2h ii knew how two cook.
TC: No wOrRiEs bRo, I GoT YoU FuCkIn cOvErEd lIkE A ChEcKeReD ClOtH
TA: um yeah ii thiink iill pa22 on that, thank2.
TA: ii thought you liived way over on the coa2t anyhow.
TC: oH YeAh, ShIt :o(
TC: BuT I ThInK YoU'Re oVeRtHiNkInG ThIs, DoG
TC: i bEt iT WoUlD LiGhT Up hEr fAcE JuSt tO SeE YoU ThErE, nO NeEd tO LoSe yOuR ChIlL PlAnNiNg sOmEtHiNg sPeCiAl
TA: you really thiink 2o?
TC: fUcK yEaH
TA: you know what? youre probably riight. ii mean 2he2 alway2 telliing me 2he want2 to 2pend more tiime wiith me.
TA: ii 2hould ju2t go over there riight now twoniight and tell her.
TA: waiit no, ii cant do that.
TC: AwW mAn WhY nOt?
TA: iit2 two far. ii have two take care of my lu2u2.
TC: ShIt bRoThEr, YoU WoRrY ToO MuCh aBoUt tHaT MoThErFuCkEr
TA: maybe youre riight. iive ju2t been u2iing that a2 an excu2e.
TA: he can take care of hiim2elf for a few hour2. fuck, he ju2t 2leep2 mo2t of the tiime.
TA: ii could u2e a break from lookiing after hiim anyhow.
TC: HeLl yEaH MoThErFuCkEr
TA: hell, maybe ii could leave hiim a liittle food and take off for a couple day2. ii thiink ii de2erve iit after all thii2 tiime.
TC: pReAcH It, BrOtHeR!
TA: everyone ii know ii2 fuckiing crazy and ii deal wiith all theiir problem2 and help fiix theiir 2hiit. ii giive and giive and never a2k anythiing iin return.
TA: ii mean look, iim puttiing up wiith your 2hiit riight now.
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN AmEn tO ThAt, BiTcH
TA: iim a regular fuckiing 2aiint. iit2 about tiime ii got back a liittle biit of happine22 for my2elf riight?
TC: HoNkLeLuJaH!
TA: the uniiver2e ha2 pretty much been 2hiittiing on me my whole liife, maybe twoniight thiing2 wiill fiinally change.
TA: although actually...
TA: iim lookiing back at all the 2hiit that2 gone wrong before.
TA: and maybe ii wa2 ju2t 2crewiing 2hiit up for my2elf wiith my own 2hiitty attiitude.
TC: I DoN'T KnOw aBoUt tHaT, yOu aRe pReTtY FuCkIn hArSh oN YoUrSeLf tHoUgH
TA: wow. jegu2, iive been 2o 2tupiid.
TA: but thii2 change2 everythiing.
TC: aW yEaH
TC: SoLlUx iN ThE MoThErFuCkIn cHiLl zOnE
TA: thiing2 are goiing two be diifferent from now on.
TA: iim not goiing two 2iit around mopiing liike a fuckiing lo2er anymore. iim goiing two go out and take charge of my own fuckiing liife!
TC: cApToR DiEm, MoThErFuCkErS!
TA: ok iim pretty 2ure what you ju2t 2aiid there ii2 not actually a real thiing.
TA: but fuck iit, were on a roll. yeah!
TC: :o)
TA: oh god, ii 2hould have done thii2 2o much earliier.
TA: but thii2 ii2 fiinally iit.
TA: thiing2 are fiinally goiing two 2tart goiing my way.
TA: iive got a good feeliing about thii2!
TC: WoNdEr oF WoNdErS
TA: for once nothiing2 goiing two fuck thii2 up.
TA: not me, not you, not any of our p2ycho friend2.
TC: hOnK!
TA: ii love her, and iim goiing over there riight now two tell her.
TA: and nothiing iin the whole fuckiing uniiverse iis goiing two stand iin my way!
TC: MiRaClE Of mIrAcLeS MoThErFuCkEr!
TA: waiit hold on. iive got 2omeone el2e me22agiing me, brb.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

AG: Heeeeeeeey Soooooooolluuuuuuuux.

[Metaflare]

geeP. geeP you are amazing.

and oh god that Aradia log was just heartbreaking

EDIT: OH SHIT NINJA'D BY PART 2. Gonna read now.

EDIT 2: Gamzee is THE BEST.

And oh god, Sollux finally getting the courage to tell Aradia how he feels and then Vriska...

[Red Pen]

Half Steps, part 2

Oh man that last line. That last line. That was chilling, geeP.

[Sushi Database]

Eeee! Yay Half Steps! This has been like getting two week's worth of troll pesterlogs all at once. @_@ And all of it is worthy of being fanon. Beautiful.

The end of it is almost heartbreaking because we know what's to come. At least he got to have his moment of determination with Gamzee first.

Daaang, and he's the one who introduced Terezi to Kanaya, and thus, Vriska. That just makes it... even more fucked up.