MSPA fan fiction 2

[Sushi Database]

Wait, Andrew holds us in contempt? I never got that impression, I thought he encouraged fanwork.

He's addressed this in his Formspring, but he seems to have mixed feelings on us. He seems to encourage fanwork that expands the Homestuck universe, but then he says stuff like:

Really bad fanfiction is somehow more offensive to me. If I read more than a couple sentences of it I immediately feel a little tainted as a writer. I kinda believe that bad writing is something you can "catch".

Essentially he holds "bad fanfiction" in contempt, but what counts as bad and what doesn't is a mystery known only to Andrew. In all honesty I don't think it really matters. Hussie only writes Pesterchums and narration, and while he does both quite well, that's really only a drop in the bucket of all the stuff that is written in this thread.

He's also said that he strongly dislikes voice acting of the Pesterchums, which he claims were not meant to be spoken out loud... but the voice acting thread is basically the coolest thing ever. So what does he know anyway?

[Cathartes]

I sincerely doubt any of us would have written a fic that was really, really horrible. He may be talking about fanfic in general, not necessarily the fanfic here. Most of the stuff here is well-written. He just wouldn't have time to read them all. Then again, I could be completely wrong.

[beesmygod]

homestuck is a bad fanfiction of earthbound SEARCH YOUR HEART YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE

[Zuki]

Andrew's also been known, according to NAS, to not have any gog-damned idea how some of the portmanteau words and Sburb-slang he invents should actually be pronounced. It's all text and dialogue in his head, I suppose.

Besides, Andrew's personal preferences aside, he doesn't have a bee up his bonnet about fanfiction or voice-acting. He's the creator, he doesn't have to like it or read it, for any damn reason he can invent. And we can hungrily consume our fictions, arts, and audios, because we like Homestuck enough to keep wanting to make more of it in our own image.

[KarneWarrior]

Fan-fiction is a ornament on the tree of the author. And a shoddy ornament depriciates the work, whereas a great ornament rises it higher than it would originally climb.

Also, in my head, Hussie posts my fanfics on his bedroom walls and sleeps at night with my deep, chocolatey voice in his head.

Nighty night, Hussie.

[Shadow of the Lotus]

homestuck is a bad fanfiction of earthbound SEARCH YOUR HEART YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE

BRB, writing Ness/John slash.

[Ember]

Fan-fiction is a ornament on the tree of the author. And a shoddy ornament depriciates the work, whereas a great ornament rises it higher than it would originally climb.

I could not disagree more. I do not think that fanwork reflects upon or impacts the original author or work at all.

Also it is my fervent hope that Andrew Hussie has never so much as glanced at one of my fics. That way his opinion of their quality is entirely irrelevant, as it should be.

[BPrinny]

homestuck is a bad fanfiction of earthbound SEARCH YOUR HEART YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE

BRB, writing Ness/John slash.

Pffft. That's easy.

BRB writing Giygas/Lord English slash.

[Rat]

Hussie only writes Pesterchums and narration, and while he does both quite well, that's really only a drop in the bucket of all the stuff that is written in this thread.

What was that one saying about quality over quantity...?

[Red Pen]

Also it is my fervent hope that Andrew Hussie has never so much as glanced at one of my fics. That way his opinion of their quality is entirely irrelevant, as it should be.

Oh man am I ever with you there. It's not an issue of whether he likes the writing or not (although if he ever read it, I certainly hope he would). It's more that I'm writing things about HIS characters and HIS settings that are way out there and will never be canon. I guess it's a bit awkward. Oh hey Andrew, this is what I've been doing with your brainchildren when you weren't looking!

In fandoms for videogames and shows and the like, it's all created by a big studio, so it doesn't really feel like the characters belong to one specific guy who'd be weirded out ay the stuff you wrote about them.

[Solaris]

Hussie only writes Pesterchums and narration, and while he does both quite well, that's really only a drop in the bucket of all the stuff that is written in this thread.

What was that one saying about quality over quantity...?

That does not really apply here.
The point Sushi was trying to make is that this is a different genera than that of Homestuck.
As a result, unlike say, SBaHJ edits, it is easier to make your own thing and to make something good without going near the style Andrew does.
And even then, that really doesn't apply because Andrew has written more than any one here and him writing in more styles doesn't really make sense for the story.

[Ember]

Also it is my fervent hope that Andrew Hussie has never so much as glanced at one of my fics. That way his opinion of their quality is entirely irrelevant, as it should be.

Oh man am I ever with you there. It's not an issue of whether he likes the writing or not (although if he ever read it, I certainly hope he would). It's more that I'm writing things about HIS characters and HIS settings that are way out there and will never be canon. I guess it's a bit awkward. Oh hey Andrew, this is what I've been doing with your brainchildren when you weren't looking!

In fandoms for videogames and shows and the like, it's all created by a big studio, so it doesn't really feel like the characters belong to one specific guy who'd be weirded out ay the stuff you wrote about them.

This exactly.

I am fairly confident that the things I write are well-done for what they are. I am not, however, at all confident that they are in any way to Andrew's taste.

[Rat]

Hussie only writes Pesterchums and narration, and while he does both quite well, that's really only a drop in the bucket of all the stuff that is written in this thread.

What was that one saying about quality over quantity...?

That does not really apply here.
The point Sushi was trying to make is that this is a different genera than that of Homestuck.
As a result, unlike say, SBaHJ edits, it is easier to make your own thing and to make something good without going near the style Andrew does.
And even then, that really doesn't apply because Andrew has written more than any one here and him writing in more styles doesn't really make sense for the story.

Oh. I was taking that bit I quoted to mean "well look at all the stuff ~us speshul fans~ wrote bluhdy bluh" and I've seen maddeningly similar arguments flung about in other fandoms to the tune of "we're better than canon!", and that particular line made me twitch. But it's text without tone, so if I really did misread it, then that's a relief.

[Solaris]

Oh. I was taking that bit I quoted to mean "well look at all the stuff ~us speshul fans~ wrote bluhdy bluh" and I've seen maddeningly similar arguments flung about in other fandoms to the tune of "we're better than canon!", and that particular line made me twitch. But it's text without tone, so if I really did misread it, then that's a relief.

I don't think anyone here thinks they can outdo Hussmiester A.
But I really enjoy reading the stories, especially those that take place in the fuzzier parts of the canon(Bad Future, Troll Session, Kid Past, ect.).

[raequiem]

I know it's been forever since I've posted, but does anyone still want to see the end of PTSD? Because I'm editing the last chapter now, and if anyone cares then I'll dump it on here tonight or tomorrow.

But if no one remembers or cares, that's fine too.

[silrini]

I know it's been forever since I've posted, but does anyone still want to see the end of PTSD? Because I'm editing the last chapter now, and if anyone cares then I'll dump it on here tonight or tomorrow.

But if no one remembers or cares, that's fine too.

OMG I would totally be interested. PTSD is one of my favorite fics on this forum. Granted, I have a lot of favorites, but still. ^__^

[VagabondRaiser]

I know it's been forever since I've posted, but does anyone still want to see the end of PTSD? Because I'm editing the last chapter now, and if anyone cares then I'll dump it on here tonight or tomorrow.

But if no one remembers or cares, that's fine too.

Y'got my vote. Drop away.

[Nanakii]

Yes Raeq, please do post the final part of PTSD .

[Domoz]

Alright so, there was this fic I wrote but never posted about Eridan and the Gods of the Outer ring. So uh, just treat these pesterlogs as if I posted that fic and Eridan got all friendly with Fluthulu and the like. (You know what I mean)

(also, how I get beta readers orz)

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--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

GA:I Have Been Meaning To Ask You
GA:About These Dark Gods You Follow So Willingly
TT:What about them?
GA:Well I Have A Lot Of Questions
GA:And All Of Them Are Very Important
GA:I'm Not Really Sure Which To Ask First
GA:I Suppose That The Most Important Would Be
GA:Are They Evil
TT:A valid question; I suppose the answer would be...
TT:Not exactly.
TT:You may see it that way, I'm sure, but to me they are very helpful.
TT:At the very worst, they are indifferent to my plight.
GA:I See
GA:Would You Please Excuse Me For Just A Moment

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

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-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] --

CA:kan
CA:wwhat is it
GA:I Have A Query For You
GA:About The Gods Of The Outer Ring
GA:You Did Speak With Them During The Course Of Our Game Correct
CA: aww fuck
CA:id really rather not about them
CA: but I guess you bein who you are wwont evver leaver me alone about it
CA:so just
CA:spit it out I guess
GA:Alright Then
GA:These Dark Gods
GA:Are They Evil
CA:of course theyre evvil
CA: you just called them dark gods for crists sake
CA:wwhat is this about anyways
CA:no wwait let me guess
CA:that crush you have
CA:the human
CA:right
GA:Uh
GA:Well Yes It Concerns The Human
GA:But I Have No Feelings Flushed Or Otherwise For Her
CA:oh sure you just keep tellin yourself that
CA:it pretty obvvious to evveryone else
GA:Anyways
GA:She Has Just Alerted Me To The Fact That The Gods Of The Furthest Ring Are Good
GA:She Says That At The Worst Of Times They Are Indifferent
GA:Which Disagrees Quite A Bit With What You Just Said
CA:wwoww
CA:these humans are really stupid
CA:shes pretty much got it completely backwwards
CA:see the gods dont care about you at the best of times
CA:after that they just try to fuck around wwith your head and screww evverythin up
GA:I Think Perhaps That Maybe The Versions Of The Gods In Her Session Are Friendlier
CA:theyre the same gods fucknuts
CA:its got nothin to do wwith sgrub
CA:or sburb wwhatevver
CA:you just dont wwant youre stupid girlfriend to be wwrong about somthin
CA:theyre probably just lurin her into a false sense of security first
CA:like they did wwith me
GA:So You Are Saying That She Is In Danger
CA:yeah pretty much
CA:i wwouldnt put it past her to just straight up go insane wwith that wweak human brain of hers
CA:fuck i almost lost it myself
GA:Oh
GA:Oh Dear
GA:This Is Not Good
CA: fuck kan
CA:look ill talk to her if it wwill make you feel better
CA:she might listen to me i guess
CA:since wwere kind of in the same situation
GA:Im Not So Sure If She Will Listen To You
GA:But I Would Very Much Appreciate It If You Tried
CA:yeah sure wwhatevver

--caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

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-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --
TT:Oh? This is interesting.
TT:You are not my usual troll.
CA:fuck i can tell that im goin to regret this already
CA:okay look
CA:kans been talkin to you right
TT:If by “kan” you mean Kanaya, then yes.
TT:I have, in fact, been communicating with her.
CA:alright good i guess
CA:she wwanted me to talk wwith you
TT: About?
CA:the gods of the outer ring
TT:Ah, yes.
TT:She seems to have been very concerned with the colloquy that I've been keeping with them.
CA:yeah she says that you said that the gods wwere good
CA:wwhich is pretty much dead wwrong
TT:Oh, do go on.
CA:wwhat kind of snarky horseshit is this
CA:its not like i dont knoww wwhat im talkin about
CA: fluthlus talked to me too you knoww
TT:Fluthulu itself spoke to you?
TT:I fail to see a reason why you should still be sane.
TT:And for that matter, why I should listen to you.
CA:wwell i did go insane
CA: i mean
CA:my dreamself did
CA:its kind of a long story
CA:fuck im ramblin here
CA:listen up you dumb ass human
CA:these gods of the outer ring are not good in any wway shape or form
CA:they pretty much exist just to make life hard for you
CA:alwways goin on about wwhat you should do in your head
CA:they nevver shut up
CA:its a huge pain in the ass
TT:I get the feeling that perhaps the gods did not like your attitude.
TT:They have been more than civil every time they've spoken to me.
CA:thats the thing
CA:you start to trust them
CA:make a few deals wwith them
CA:and at the time it seems like your gettin a good bargain
CA:then one day BANG
CA:theyve got their tentacles wwraped so tight around your brain you cant evven think for yourself
CA:thats pretty much the point at wwhich you go batshit fuckin insane
TT:I think that perhaps in the situation I'm in, that being “batshit fuckin insane” as you put it, would not be an entirely bad thing.
TT:After all, I am trying to break this game in as many ways and as hard as I possibly can.
CA:huh
CA:actually i pretty much expected this reaction from you
CA:you pretty much become flthulus puppet in your future
CA:wwel wwhat i can see of it anywways
CA:makes me fuckin sick
CA:i mean this wwhole convversation wwas a huge wwaste of time
CA:wwhitch is at a premium here
CA:i mean fuck come on
CA:CA:i wwonder wwhat it is that kan sees in you anywways


--caligulasAquarium [CA] has blocked tentacleTherapist [TT] --

[kmsumrall]

Just wanted to let you all know
Critique zone.
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...-FEELINGS-ZONE

[RogerMexico]

I know it's been forever since I've posted, but does anyone still want to see the end of PTSD? Because I'm editing the last chapter now, and if anyone cares then I'll dump it on here tonight or tomorrow.

But if no one remembers or cares, that's fine too.

raequiem, I would very much like to see the last part of PTSD. As a matter of fact, I enjoy it so much I'm posting in this thread for the first time to ask for the end.

[PaulPower]

Know I said I was taking a break, but I wrote this before I said that, so hey. Quick John/Rose pesterlog on the subject of doom and its avoidance:

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TT: John.
TT: There's something I need to talk to you about.
TT: Kanaya says she cannot see past a certain point in my timeline. The viewport goes black.
EB: well isn't that true for all of us?
TT: Mine goes black sooner, apparently.
EB: oh cool!
TT: Cool?
EB: well that must mean you get out of this whole dumb predestination business early!
EB: if the trolls can't see you.
TT: ...
TT: I love you.
EB: haha, what?
TT: You really make all this effort worthwhile.
TT: Even if the consequences of my actions lead to my doom, it'll be worth it if I can supply you with a route to safety.
EB: rose, it's not going to come to that.
EB: anyway, back up a bit.
TT: You don't mind me saying "I love you", do you?
EB: i guess not.
EB: i'm not quite sure why you said it, though!
TT: A few reasons.
TT: The unquenchable optimism. The fact that you leap with immediate certainty to the explanation that I can only pray is the correct one.
TT: The reassurance it provides is considerable.
TT: And... if I do have this wrong and I am doomed...
EB: rose, you aren't doomed!
TT: Please let me finish, John.
TT: If I am doomed, I wouldn't like to go out leaving certain things unsaid.
EB: ... you mean it, then?
TT: For what it's worth, yes.
EB: then that settles it, you definitely aren't doomed.
EB: at least, not if I can help it.
TT: John...
TT: I don't know what to say...
EB: maybe you could start by telling me what makes you think you might be doomed.
TT: According to Kanaya, because I am partially from a doomed timeline.
EB: huh?
TT: My dream self is from the timeline where you and Jade died.
TT: And it is part of the lore of the game that any surviving remnants from doomed timelines are themselves doomed.
EB: you mean the same lore of the game you're trying to break out of anyway.
EB: i mean, say you do get free will.
EB: that'd mean you wouldn't be doomed any more anyway!
TT: Did I mention I love you?
EB: um, yeah...
TT: Good.
TT: Again, it's optimistic, but if we aren't optimistic then what's the point in trying?
EB: well exactly!
TT: So that settles it, I shall continue with my plans as if nothing had happened.
EB: well... not exactly!
TT: Excuse me?
EB: rose, you just told me you love me.
EB: and... well, let's just say i'm more than ok with that.
TT: ...
EB: so if you think i'm not going with you every step of the way and doing anything i can to help you through whatever dark stuff you've got to do, then you've got another thing coming!
TT: I don't know if I want to get you mixed up in this, John.
EB: i don't care!
EB: besides, dave says that in the future i'm still me, so whatever you're doing can't hurt me too much!
TT: Hah.
EB: ?
TT: Just thinking of something I said to Kanaya.
TT: TT: Who will make sure my soul isn't forfeit in service of gods then?
TT: I think I just had that answered for me.
EB: :D

e: also, Nthing the request for the PTSD finale.

[Isoraqathedh]

Agh.

I'm reïmporting all my stuff from here to my wiki instead of AOOO.

Actually forget that, I'm importing all my stuff here to my wiki and AOOO because I have to flip to HTML before Wikimarkup anyway.

http://pasaruconworld.wikia.com/wiki/413_Stories

Also, how do tables work herp derp.

[Renegade Electron]

First fanfic!

This came from my idea that we haven't seen Tavros really do much of anything since he got into the medium; he's flown around and communed with some underlings, but I wanted to see what else he could do.

The Rocket Chair Desperado

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Tavros looked around nervously. Still nothing.
Vriska and he had been exploring the Land of Maps and Treasure for a while when they had come upon a giclops. Tavros had used his bestial communion to send in some ogres, and Vriska made good use of her Flourite Octet, but the giclops managed to attack Vriska before they brought it down. Tavros could tell Vriska was badly injured from the attack. She had just managed to get to a sheltered spot on a small island before passing out.
Tavros had only seen a few imps and other weak underlings, which he had used the bestial communion to get onto his side. He was still on edge from the sudden appearance of the giclops and hoped nothing big would appear, at least not until Vriska was awake again.
It was not his day.

Suddenly, over the crest of a nearby hill appeared a lich. Not just any lich – Tavros could handle one of those with a few communed-with ogres – but one that had taken on the properties of Gl’Bgolyb. His chats with the other trolls had made it clear that Feferi had not used the best judgment in prototyping her monstrous lusus.
Tavros stared at the enormous, tentacled lich in abject horror. He still remembered with nightmarish clarity the overpowering monsters that had trapped him one fateful Flarp session, but this was even worse. He tried to convince the underlings he was communing with to help in the fight, but they were reluctant. Luckily, the lich’s first priority was finding consorts to maul.
Eventually, Tavros managed to get an ogre to attack the lich. Seconds later, he tried to get some more underlings to continue the work of the pile of ogre chunks. The underlings decided to go for a mass attack and soon were similarly annihilated. The lich was now staring at Tavros with eyes that were hungry yet dead, and Tavros was praying it hadn’t seen his defenseless comrade.
Speaking of Vriska, maybe she could help him…but how to distract the lich?

Tavros decided on taking an Oogonibomb and throwing it into the waters with his limited might. The lich, sensing a potential weapon, quickly turned and scanned the area. Sure the lich was going to come back any minute, Tavros flew over to Vriska and shook her shoulder until she woke.
“Nrrrrrrrrgh,” she groaned as she sat up. “What?”
“iT’S, UM, A LICH,”
“Remem8er? We went over this 8efore. Use the underlings.”
“bUT IT’S PROTOTYPED WITH GL’BGOLYB,”
Vriska’s eyes…or rather, eye…snapped open. “Gl’8goly8 as in Feferi’s lusus?”
“yEAH,”
Vriska started muttering to herself, then began to focus hard. Tavros, meanwhile, was watching the lich. It had realized the deception and, unamused by the fidusucker crawling around, intended to fight back.
“uH, i WAS THINKING, MAYBE YOU COULD USE YOUR, UH, MANIPULATION,”
Suddenly, the focus snapped out of Vriska’s expression. “I was doing that, stupid! I just need to concentr8!”
Attracted by the shout, the lich drew closer.
“uH, WHAT ABOUT, UH, THE, UH, THING WITH THE DICE,”
“The Fluorite Octet? If I take all the time to roll them, it’ll 8e too l8.”
Tavros frowned, noticing the lich had returned to its original position right by them. “wELL, IS THERE ANYTHING I COULD DO,”
“I don’t know, I just woke up! 8e 8rave, think of some idea yourseeeeeeeelf!”

Tavros looked at the lich. Then down at his rocket chair. And an idea formed in his mind.
He rose in the rocket chair, shouting to the lich, “hEY, YOU, UH, WITH THE TENTACLES,”
The lich met his eyes, hunger apparent. Tavros began to hear a faint glub sound coming from deep in the lich’s throat, a sound that – despite how quiet it was – was deeply unsettling. Tavros glared at the lich, hoping the fear wasn’t too obvious on his face.
And accelerated.
Hard.

[VagabondRaiser]

Hey, wouldja look at that, I ain't dead after all.


IoWHoT4: The Vodka Mutiny, Part Two:
Shrödinger's Key
"That's just silly."

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"The constable will be with you momentarily, milady. He is currently handling a matter of some delicacy regarding contraband found on the docks."

"Thank you," Rose said with a nod, and the young salamander doffed his slightly rumpled top-hat, giving a charming half-bow before exiting from the dull green foyer, a sheaf of letters tucked under his arm.

Returning to where Kanaya sat primly upon a light blue settee, she calmly settled into the spot beside her, turning to glance at Dave, who was about to begin his second lap around the room, a pensive look on his face. Jade seemed somewhat restless as well, examining a large map on the far wall and bobbing on her toes.

"What is the matter, David?" She said after a moment, and he froze, straightening so quickly that his glasses almost slid off his face.

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" He swallowed hard. Why was he so antsy all of a sudden? It was almost like Captain Strider knew something was up but he couldn't figure it out. Somehow the memories of the host Strider were directly affecting his mood, like--

"You look almost as nervous as you were when we went to meet with Jade and John's parents," Rose said with a wry smile, cutting his thoughts short. He straightened himself, taking a deep breath. He felt as if something was keeping him locked out of the memory of why he should be nervous.

"I'm... fine, Rose, really. I've merely a lot on my mind," he said guardedly, and narrowed his eyes at her through his glasses when Kanaya leaned over to whisper something to Rose behind an ornate fan she had produced from God knew where. The twitch of 'his' sister's lips didn't help his disposition, either.

"Don't we all," She said simply, an unidentifiable twinkle in her eye.

The room remained silent for a few moments, save for the soft flutter of Kanaya's fan and the sound of Dave's bootheels on the oak floor. His slow pacing was more than just impatience-- he wanted to see if he could feel the pull of the key. Absently, he ran a hand across his chest, feigning a scratch while searching for any sign of a scar.

After a few moments, Rose spoke again, and it felt like someone had struck him square in the chest. Eight words that bit deep and burned like fire despite their cool tone.

"Their father died before they were born, David."

A pin could've shattered the silence that followed as he stared at her behind his glasses, beginning to feel a cold sweat coming on. Fucking hell! Why didn't I know that? His mind raced as he tried to find an answer, a reason, a way to tell if she was lying.

Wait.

She was lying.

He could remember clearly the day he met John's father, a tall man with the broad hands of a blacksmith, despite his profession as a baker. They shared a mother, John and Jade, although he never did learn of Jade's father's whereabouts.

This was akin to how David's mother was also Rose's, yet their fathers were very much not the same; there were even a select few out there that spread rumors that Rose's father wasn't human. Then again, they numbered as many as those who whispered of the elder Strider being his father, rather than his brother...

Regardless, he was getting off track. She was lying. He'd walked away from that day with a sugar headache the size of a galleon thanks to all of the various cakes John's father had forced him to try and he wasn't going to be caught in the cold on a casual test of his memory.

"I have a hard time believing that, considering how much cake I was forced to try as a child," he said flatly, his composure regained. An elegant eyebrow twitched, and that was all the response Rose was able to provide before the click of a flintlock hammer behind his head caused Dave to freeze.

"You know, David, I find it funny that such an obvious piece of contraband could slip past your ever-vigilant gaze," the man known as Constable Egbert intoned flatly, the barrel of his personal snub-nosed pistol pressed to the back of Dave's head.

"Considering what people've said of your last voyage aboard the Sweet Catch, I find myself hard pressed to believe you would be above a little pirating on the side of your more... law-abiding jobs." Kanaya looked as if she were ready to faint, although Rose was as collected as ever.

Rising from the settee, Rose swept across the room to stand at her brother's side and place her hand delicately upon his. "John, I must say I'm disappointed if you are so willing to believe the words of drunkards and layabouts over a childhood friend," she tutted in an almost motherly fashion, and Dave felt the end of the gun waver momentarily before pressing a little harder to his head.

"Loose lips sink ships," John muttered, and steeled his resolve. "And nothing loostens a man's tongue like a few drinks."

"Alcohol loostens far more than tongues and bodices, John," Dave said coolly, glancing at Jade, who stood stock still. She mouthed 'empty', and his shouldered relaxed. "And I daresay you'd have more luck with that pistol if you'd loaded it. If you planned to shoot me, you didn't plan very well."

There was a moment's confused silence before John lowered the gun with a sigh and a chuckle. "You always could figure out when I was bluffing. How do you do it, David?" He asked.

Aside from you being a piss-poor actor and all the practice I've gotten from every Rose I've met? "Magic, of course," Dave said with a self-assured grin, folding his arms across his chest.

John laughed as he released the hammer on his pistol and placed it on the table beside him. "Come now, David, you know magic doesn't exist. That's just silly."

Rose glanced to Dave, who grinned broadly, and almost shuddered at the abnormal sight as he clapped a hand to John's shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze.

"Still can't see what's in front of you. Ah, well." He gestured to Rose. "My darling sister wished for a chance to speak with you, so I shall take my leave so that you might catch up with one another."

With a half-bow, he headed for the door, neatly intercepting Jade as she bounded up next to him, and opened the door for her, waving her through with a gentlemanly bow and shutting it behind himself.

John adjusted his glasses, a perplexed look on his face."...am I just over-stressed, or does David seem a little..."

"Out of character?" Rose concluded for him, and smiled faintly, before turning to address Kanaya. "Would you please leave us for a moment, Kanaya? I have urgent business with which to speak to the Constable about in private."

The look of surprise on Kanaya's face almost pained her. "B-but Mistress--"

"No buts, Kanaya, this is something I really must speak with him alone about," Rose said firmly, and the troll reacted as if she'd been slapped. Nodding, she rose stiffly from the settee and bobbed a curtsy, her eyes locked on the floor as she hurried to leave the room.

"She looked as if she were about to cry," John noted, and Rose sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Adorably submissive, fashionable, and intelligent, but sometimes unable to take a hint, sadly," she said after a moment. Opening her eyes, she leveled a simple smile at John and lead him by the hand toward his private rooms, delighting in how nervous he became at the sudden realization that they were alone in the building. "Now, about that... urgent business..."

---

"You felt it too then," Jade said softly as she and Dave quickly made their way around the back side of the small building that served as the constable's offices. It wasn't situated far from the docks, merely five minute's walking if that; if they had to run to get back to the Jade Pearl, it wouldn't be hard at all.

"Yeah. Damn near pulled hard enough to yank me off my feet. Just glad I was able to fake it into that shoulder grab," he muttered, poking his head in a window and yanking it back, biting back the urge to curse. Rose's eyes had met his over John's shoulder, and he could've sworn when it happened he heard her laugh. It felt like she was--

--inside your head, David?

He jumped.

I have him distracted. If you are going to get whatever it is you need from his office, do so now.

His eyes narrowed. How the shit are you doing that?

The same way I was able to tell that you're not the same David Strider that I have often reappropriated cargo from. Judging by the fact that you've made at least a cursory attempt at playing nicely with John's 'joke', I will assume for now that you bear no malicious intent, but I--

Look, if you're in my head, you're obviously not focusing on him, so if you're gonna help me, keep him occupied, ok?

It doesn't take much effort to smile and nod while he talks about inanities like these latest plays he's been interested in. They're absolute rubbish, but he adores them. Tell me, is it like that for your John as well?

He smirked as he and Jade slipped past the window.

Guess that's a John constant, then.

Well, while I'm ignoring him, do you mind terribly if I inquire as to your reasoning for borrowing the body and memories of my dead brother?

Not dead, but sure. Just dig around in my head, you've obviously made yourself at home already. But tell anyone about any of the shit you find in here--

Yes, yes, I know. I suppose 'keeping up appearances' is a David constant. Judging by your amusement, I'm no different from any other 'Rose'.

A Rose by any other name... Acting as a step for Jade, he hoisted her to where she could open the window to John's office on the second floor and

---

It pained her to think what might be going on in there.

It pained her to believe the concept-- the very idea-- that the constable was attempting to seduce her.

After the royal decree came down, all of the other servants left, but no. She could not. She would not. Mistress had taken her in despite being...

....she shook her head, wrung her hands, fanned at herself furiously. The sea air was leaving her rather distempered, and was certainly messing with her head.

Mistress saw the constable as a pet, a plaything. She always acted like a doting mother or a caring owner around him; did not treat him like anyone else. Certainly did not treat him like her.

She does not treat anyone like her.

No. No, she did not.

Kanaya is special in Mistress' eyes.

Right. Why would she not be? She who stuck by her side even when all of the other servants left. She who owed her life to Mistress.

Even if Mistress would rather be interested in the Constable, then?

No! She shook her head again, staring angrily at the door across from the chair she sat in. Mistress was not interested in him! He was a childhood friend, nothing more!

Childhood friends make the best lov

NO! She was not his! She owed her continued livelihood to Kanaya! It was her vision and designs that allowed Mistress to become a seamstress to the noble elite! It was her designs and Mistress' handiwork that kept them making enough money to live! She would never belong to any other so long as Kanaya stuck by her side!

But he is a Constable. He is in the employ of the Empire, and well-paid for his position.

He was a buffoon! He didn't know how lucky he was to receive her attention!

Perhaps he knows more than he lets on.

She froze. When did she enter the foyer? She found herself staring at the gun sitting on the desk. A simple short-tipped flintlock pistol, a single shot within. Designed for secrecy. Used for protection, and for assassination.

Perhaps his jokes are only partly in jest. Perhaps he knows that Mistress enjoys feeling superior, enjoys keeping him in line.

Yes, that would explain why the many times he had met with her, he was so submissive. So easily swayed by Mistress' wit and whim.

She set the fan upon the desk.

He plays her well, as well as she plays her violin. Under his guidance she sings the songs he wants to hear.

He has always been allowed to hear her beautiful voice on command. Any time that he has asked for Mistress' thoughts and attention, he has always received it.

She picked up the pistol. The oak and iron thing weighed heavily in her hands, yet not quite as heavy as the fan.

He controls her, and she does not see it. He feigns innocence to manipulate and destroy.

Blackness began to seep from her pupils, spreading to engulf her eyes in their entirety.

Mistress has been his slave since childhood.

The expression drained from her face, the fear and anger and sadness and hate melting away as she drew back the hammer and examined the firing point, a jet-black firing cap coalescing in its' hollow.

Kanaya was also a slave. Mistress has released her, and she now is Mistress' partner.

The wood and metal of the short pistol began to fade to a liquid black as she eased the hammer back home.

He has not released Mistress. He will not. He is an evil. An obstacle.

Her eyes faded quickly to the natural orange-yellow of a troll as she delicately tucked the gun into her cleavage and adjusted the front of her dress, picking up her fan and returning it to the small pouch at her waist.

We will have our chance to free Mistress of this evil soon.

Calmly, she turned and left the room.

Soon, we will have Mistress all to ourselves.

A pair of white eyes, slim and flat with little expression, appeared from the shadows within the open folds of a window curtain. The eyes blinked once, and faded away without a sound.

---

"Shit," Jade muttered eloquently.

Dave merely grunted in agreement, his head resting on John's desk in a clear spot among all of the official papers. They'd gone through the entire office twice, but there was no sign of the contraband. For that matter, the pulling feeling was gone. Either it ceased to exist, or it was in that office.

"Did he have it sent out already?" He muttered under his breath.

No.

"Holy--" He sat upright in a hurry, a leaf of parchment remaining attatched to his forehead, and scowled, snatching it off.

God dammit, don't do that.

I thought I would help you in your search. The contraband in question appears to resemble a wheel of some sort, with notches on the outsides.

He blinked rapidly. Wait, that meant that the key this time was the TimeTables.

Indeed. He left it underneath his desk in a hidden compartment. There's no key, it's a simple latch that opens when you push a quill into a small hole.

Quickly sliding the seat back (and wincing at the mental head-slapping he received from Rose) he peered into the shadows underneath the desk. Sure enough, there was a hole no bigger around than a pencil underneath, close to where his feet had been resting.

Lemme guess, boobytrapped?

It uses a powerful spring. If you're not careful, it'll hit on the back of the desk, which is hollow.

He smirked as he fetched an unused quill from the desk above him and held his hand against the back of the desk, pressing the quill into the hole. With the faintest click, the hatch snapped open and slapped into his hand, thankfully muffling it to little more than a painfully meaty thok.

There, in a hole little bigger than his head, sat a single TimeTable, wedged sideways. He freed it, carefully sliding it out and pushing the hatch back down.

There's a problem. He wants to give me something. He's trying to get me to come to the office with him.

He bit his lip. That wasn't good. The place was a mess.

Can you stall him for three minutes?

I will do what I can. I remember him teaching me a--

Don't explain, just stall him while we straighten up!

Another mental headslap. Urgency is no excuse to be rude.

He squat-walked backwards out from under the desk, standing and swallowing a yelp as a parrot was shoved in his face.

"Isn't he cute?" Jade gushed. "His name is Nicolas, I think." She gestured to an ornate metal bird cage in the corner with Nicolas' Cage in ornate scrollwork across the base.

"Bunny!" the bird squawked. "Bunny!" Jade giggled softly and nuzzled the bird's head, then poked it toward Dave again.

"Nicolas! Rose! Bunny!"

Dave stared flatly at the bird as it clicked its' beak.

"Cute. Could you please put the brainless feathery asshole down and help me clean up? John's on his way," he said urgently, already pushing the papers into some semblance of order.

With a salute hampered by trying to not fling the excitable parrot across the room, she bounded to the cage and returned the bird to its' perch, rounding on a pile of books that they'd moved off of a bookshelf in search of a hidden case of some sort.

Setting the TimeTable on the chair, Dave quickly began to organize the rolled maps on the navigations desk.

Quickly, I have very little left to distract him with and I believe he is beginning to suspect me.

A bowl of fruit was quickly straightened to near picture-perfect order.

"Window!" Jade hissed, and he slid it shut, jiggling the latch into place as quietly as he could.

Working on it, just a few more moments.

A globe was reassembled and re-stationed on its' axis.

You have five seconds.

"Hide!" Dave whispered urgently and pushed Jade toward a fainting couch that was laid up against a back wall with books on it. Slipping her sash from her waist and wadding it up in one hand, she quickly ducked underneath the couch and slid into the shadows under it as Dave snatched up the TimeTable and wound himself in the heavy curtains by the window, taking a deep breath and holding it just in time for the handle on the office door to rattle.

"You're going to love this," John gushed as he bounded into the room, moving as quickly as a pair of felt shoes could allow on polished hardwood flooring without sacrificing agility to cross the room and lift a large violet box from its' hiding place underneath the birdcage.

"Cute!" Nicolas squawked, flapping his wings, and John chuckled, making kissy noises at the bird. "Yes you are, my little Nicolas."

"Bunny! Bunny!" The bird responded.

"Shhh! Don't spoil it!" He repremanded, and turned to present the box with a broad grin on his face.

Dave would've groaned, laughed, or facepalmed from the ironic stupidity of it all if he weren't trying to keep a low profile.

"I remembered years ago, when we were just children, I had thrown your favorite plush bunny away when I was throwing a fit," He began.

"Asshole!" The bird supplied.

"Right, so I figured I'd... wait, what?" John turned to stare at the bird.

Nicolas flapped his wings once to adjust his position on the perch, tilted his head, and licked at his beak. "Nicolas!" He squawked.

Eyeing the bird suspiciously, John turned back. "...as... I was saying... I'd thrown your favorite bunny into the wastebin in a fit when we were children. You cried for an hour and David beat me senseless."

Dave grinned. He remembered that. Jade tried to stop him until he said why he was hitting John, at which point she shouted that he was a meanie head and kicked him in the shin.

"I remember," Rose nodded, her eyes locked on the box. He wouldn't've dared go to such lengths to reacquire it, would he?

"For weeks after that, you refused to talk to me or even let me come over to your house. So I decided I'd try and find your bunny. Well, it took some time, but I finally found it." He opened the box, withdrawing a threadbare but still fairly well intact stuffed rabbit. It bore faded white markings on its' face, as if someone had painted it to resemble a jester or something.

"A long-horned troll with a strange fixation on court jesters had found it in our garbage. Turns out he's kept good care of it all these years because he said he could 'sense the love and shit coming off of it', as he put it." He handed her the bunny. "I had it cleaned up as best I could, but the face paint seems to be almost permanent."

Rose stared at the stuffed rabbit in her hands. From the nigh impeccable 'RL' sewn into the left foot in violet embroidering thread, matching the repair stitchings that held the right arm on from when Kanaya, always a bit more mature for her age, repaired it on Rose's fifth birthday, it was clearly the bunny she'd had so long ago.

"...You went through this much trouble to get me a bunny?" She whispered. John just nodded, proud of himself.

"You're an idiot," She chuckled softly, brushing back a tear of happiness. "An unthinking, caring-too-much idiot."

"Brainless!" Nicolas cheered.

"Heh, I suppose I am--" John whipped around to stare at the bird. "I KNOW I heard it that time!" He started toward the cage, but was stopped cold when Rose's hand on his arm pulled him hard in a circle. With a surprised yelp, he had less than a tenth of a second to think, and abruptly her mouth was clamped over his, her arms thrown about his neck.

Dave resisted the urge to gag at the sight. John was shellshocked, but seemed to be getting over it in a hurry and enjoying the uncharacteristically forward display of affection.

Quit staring and get out the window while you still have time! I will mask his senses, but if you don't hurry I won't be able to ensure your escape!

Spurred into action, Dave waved urgently for Jade, who rolled out from under the fainting couch and beelined it for the window, her bare feet making the faintest of patters on the wood.

By the time she was at the window, Dave had it open, and she performed a neat flying dive through the window, rolling over in midair and landing on her feet on the lawn in a crouch.

GO![

Dave stepped out and snapped a smart salute before leaning back on the window sill, and ended his salute as he tumbled backwards out of the window, tucking his feet up so that he wouldn't kick the window and landing in a neat crouch on the back lawn.

Disengaging the kiss, Rose affected a breathless, flushed expression, leaning heavily on John for a few moments before seemingly coming to her senses. "I... my God, I'm so sorry..." She pulled away, flushing bright red and fanning herself rapidly with a hand. "I'm... not sure what came over me... I just... you..." Her back turned to John, she was able to shoot a look of pure venomous murder at the parrot.

Brainless feathery asshole indeed.

"...bluh..." was all John could manage.

"Holy shit!" Nicolas added, and began to preen.

Nuther's Aotes

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It occurs to me that this may be getting out of hand. Ah, well. Nothing like wrangling a storyline that writes itself three times larger than you planned it to be. Remember when this was just going to be a few disconnected AU Dave/Jade 'fics?

Yeah, me neither.

I WANTED THERE TO ONLY BE TWO PARTS TO THIS CHAPTER WHY IS IT GETTING BIGGER

Part three is half written, but I figured since I was a herpderp and waited like half a week to actually complete part two (plus I wanted to get in on the 'Yay sappy John/Rose' even if it's really not much of a John/Rose moment) I'd get this out there. May or may not have more occurring in the next sub-chapter-chapter, depending on how much deeper I can dig this hole to bury myself in.
Rose/Kanaya fans, don't worry, your ship hasn't sunk yet, at least in this story. Raiser's just a dick.
Shush you.
What's foreshadowing? Is that that thing where you write stories and decide you're going to imply a load of shit and then find a way to explain it semi-logically? I thought they called that 'bullshitting'? Oh, well, same thing to me.

I giggled far more than I should've (that is to say, at all) when I named the parrot.

E: Electron, I like the interaction between the two of them. Almost feels unfinished though. Probably my empty head demanding to see the aftermath of Tavros' plan. Also my overactive SHIPPING MATRIX attempting to solve for X (where X is 'how the aftermath moment could be turned into a cute Vriska/Tavros moment'). I really should get that checked.