MSPA fan fiction 2

[Beep]

Sushi is the best food and a darn good author too.

[toadfish]

Lurker seal of approval for Equius/Rufio.

[BPrinny]

The Note Desperation Plays, part seven (beardpull savants)

show spoiler

hide spoiler

TUESDAY

"You hear him howlin around your kitchen door,
You better not let him in.
Little old lady got mutilated late last night,
Werewolves of London again." -The Eagles


CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN.

CCG: OKAY
CCG: I CANT BELIEVE I'M DOING ANOTHER ONE OF THESE BUT HERE GOES ANYWAY
CCG: YOUR ROYAL JESTER IS PREPARED TO DANCE FOR YOUR FUCKING AMUSEMENT
CCG: FROM NOW ON TO AVOID ANY IDIOTIC TRANSTEMPORAL BICKERING OFFICIAL MEMOS WILL BE POSTED IN THE RAINBOW RECTUM ROWDYBLOCK BULLETIN OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS
CCG: AND A SPECIAL THANKS TO TEREZI FOR FINALLY GIVING ME ADMIN PRIVILEGES AND HELPING TO MAKE ALL THIS POSSIBLE
CCG: ANY OBNOXIOUS TROLLING ATTEMPTS CAN BE REDIRECTED TO MY PAST SELF WHO I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE IS A MUCH BIGGER IDIOT THAN I AM AND DESERVES THE TORMENTING
CCG: POSTING IN THIS MEMO WILL BE GRUDGINGLY ALLOWED BUT ONLY PRESENT TROLLS SHOULD BE READING THIS
CCG: IF YOU'RE FROM THE PAST THEN FRANKLY YOU WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT IS BEING DISCUSSED HERE
CCG: AND IF YOU'RE FROM THE FUTURE YOU PROBABLY ARE TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT
CGC: OUT OF R3SP3CT FOR TR4D1T1ON TH3 FLOOR W1LL NOW B3 Y13LD3D TO 4NY FUTUR3 K4RK4TS WHO W4NT TO W31GH ON TH4 S1TU4T1ON!
CCG: I JUST SAID WE AREN'T DOING THAT, LESS THAN A SECOND AGO, SPECIFICALLY. WHAT THE FUCK.
CGC: 1T'S NOT 4 M3MO 1F FUTUR3 K4RK4T DO3SN'T SHOW UP 4ND T3LL YOU WHY YOU'R3 SUCH A LOV4BL3 1D1OT >:|
CGC: 1F ON3 K4RK4T 1S 4LLOW3D IN R41NBOW RUMPUS TH3Y 4LL 4R3!
CCG: DAMMIT TEREZI I DON'T NEED TO HEAR HOW I'M FUCKING UP BEFORE I ACTUALLY DO THE THING THAT IS THE FUCK-UP, THAT'S A RIDICULOUS WAY FOR ME TO CONTINUE FUCKING UP.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 17 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: YOU'RE DOING FINE, JUST STOP LETTING YOURSELF GET DISTRACTED
CCG: WHAT.
CCG: REALLY?
FCG: YEAH, JUST WRITE THE DAMN MEMO
CCG: HUH.
CCG: WELL.
CCG: I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY KIND OF PRECEDENT FOR THIS SO I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REACT AS IF YOU WERE BEING A TOOL.
CCG banned FCG from responding to this memo
CCG: BUT THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT, I GUESS.
CCG: ANYWAY IS EVERYONE PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR?
CCG: THE BAD NEWS VAN IS PARKED AND READY TO UNLOAD ITS PRECIOUS CARGO TO THE REAR OF THE FACILITY.
CCG: AS MANY OF YOU PROBABLY KNOW BY NOW GAMZEE'S BODY WAS FOUND IN HIS BAR THIS MORNING.
CCG: AND IF YOU HADN'T ALREADY HEARD
CCG: I'LL GIVE YOU A MOMENT FOR THAT TO SINK IN.
CCC: O)( no! Is )(e going to be alright?
CCG: NO HE'S NOT GOING TO BE ALRIGHT, HE'S DEAD. THAT'S WHY I SAID GAMZEE'S BODY AND NOT GAMZEE. I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE OBVIOUS.
CCC: 38( W)(en did t)(is )(appen?
CCG: PLEASE HOLD YOUR QUESTIONS UNTIL THE END OF THE MEMO, THANK YOU.
CCG: KANAYA, DO YOU HAVE YOUR AUTOPSY REPORT READY?
CGA: Well
CGA: I Suppose It Isn't Going To Get Much More Ready Than It Is Now
CGA: I Think Perhaps I Need To Clarify That Despite My Participation In A Few Recent Surgical Procedures I Am Not Actually A Qualified Doctorturer
CGA: Or Even A Mediculler Intern
CCG: WE DONT NEED TO CHECK HIS FUCKING CHOLESTEROL, JUST TELL US WHAT YOU DO KNOW.
CGA: It Appears That He Was Stabbed Twice In The Stomach
CGA: The Cause Of Death Seems To Have Been Blood Loss
CGA: However I Could Not Find Any Fragments Of The Murder Weapon In The Wound
CGA: Make Of That What You Will
CGA: I Believe We Can Estimate That Gamzee's Death Took Place At Around Four O'Clock
CCT: D --> So we are considering this a murder, then?
CCG: WE AREN'T CONSIDERING IT ANYTHING YET.
CCG: IF ANYONE COULD ACCIDENTALLY INFLICT TWO STAB WOUNDS ON THEMSELVES GAMZEE PROBABLY COULD.
CCG: BUT YEAH, WE OBVIOUSLY AREN'T RULING THAT OUT.
CAC: :33 but who would want to hurt gamz33? he was nice to evfurryone!
CCG: I'M GOING TO PASS ON THAT FIRST STATEMENT OUT OF RESPECT FOR THE RECENTLY PASSED.
CCC: Nepeta )(as a good point, thoug)(! Gamzee may )(ave been obnoxious from time to time but I cant t)(ink of anyone among us t)(at truly )(ad any kind of personal grudge against )(im.
CCG: YEAH, THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH BLATANTLY OBVIOUS TO ANYONE THAT DOESN'T HAVE A METAL ROD LODGED IN THEIR FRONTAL CORTEX.
CCG: WHICH IS WHY WE WILL BE CONDUCTING A FULL INVESTIGATION OF THE FACILITY IN ORDER TO DETERMINE WHO WE'RE GOING TO BLAME FOR THIS.
CCG: IF ONE OF US DID THIS, WE WILL LEARN WHO AND WHY. IF SOMEONE ELSE IS IN THIS PLACE, WE WILL FIND THEM.
CCG: TEREZI WILL BE IN CHARGE OF THE INVESTIGATION AND I EXPECT EVERYONE TO GIVE HER THEIR FULL COOPERATION.
CCG: GAMZEE'S BAR WILL BE OFF-LIMITS TO ANYONE NOT PART OF THE INVESTIGATION, AT LEAST FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. IF WE CATCH YOU IN THERE WE'RE GOING TO BASICALLY ASSUME YOU'RE CONNECTED TO THE MURDER, SO JUST DONT DO IT.
CCG: NEPETA AND FISH PRINCESS, YOU TWO WILL WORK TOGETHER TO FIND OUT EXACTLY HOW GAMZEE'S RETARDED CLOWN CULT WORKED. BY THE END OF THE DAY WE'RE GOING TO GIVE HIM SOME KIND OF CORPSEMOURN CEREMONY.
CCG: ALL TROLLS WILL BE EXPECTED TO ATTEND, AND IF GAMZEE'S STUPID CULT SAYS WE HAVE TO DRESS LIKE PAINTFACED IDIOTS, YOU'D BETTER COME PREPARED TO PAINT YOURSELF UP LIKE IT'S WORKING NIGHT IN THE SCARLET ZONE.
CCG: WE ALL OWE HIM THAT MUCH.
CCG: SOLLUX, YOU'RE GOING TO HELP TEREZI WITH THE INVESTIGATION.
CCC: Sollux is still in )(is recuperacoon! I could wake )(im up but I don't t)(ink )(e'll be muc)( use rig)(t now. 3:|
CCG: RIGHT, I FORGOT. OKAY, FINE, HE CAN HAVE A FEW MORE HOURS, BUT DONT LET HIM SLEEP ALL DAY, WE'RE KIND OF IN SOME SERIOUS SHIT RIGHT NOW.
CCG: TAVROS I WANT YOU TO PREPARE LUNCH FOR EVERYONE, YOU CAN USE THE BACK-UP KITCHEN ON THE LOWER DECKS.
CAT: i'M NOT SURE I KNOW HOW, tO COOK A THING,
CCG: IT ISN'T ROCKETSHOE SCIENCE, FIGURE IT OUT.
CCG: BUT JUST TO BE SAFE, YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO TRY AND OPERATE ANYTHING THAT CAN CATCH ON FIRE.
CCG: WHICH MEANS IF YOU CATCH ON FIRE WE'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LET THE FLAMES CONSUME YOU.
CAT: i GUESS WE'RE HAVING SANDWICHES, THEN,
CCG: FINE, GREAT.
CCG: AND VRISKA ISN'T ALLOWED NEAR THE KITCHEN.
CCG: ALL OF YOU WITH ASSIGNMENTS, KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ME OVER TROLLIAN AND TELL ME YOUR PROGRESS PERIODICALLY SO WE CAN KEEP EVERYTHING GOING SMOOTHLY.
CCG: IF YOU DONT HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT, JUST STAY OUT OF THE WAY AND TRY NOT TO FUCK ANYTHING UP.
CAG: Hey! Wh8 am I supposed to 8e doing?
CCG: I JUST ANSWERED THAT, LESS THAN A SECOND AGO, SPECIFICALLY.
CCG: DO WHATEVER YOU NORMALLY DO, WHILE TRYING TO BE AS UNTERRIBLE AS POSSIBLE, I REALLY DONT GIVE A SHIT.
CAG: I see wh8's happening here! You think I'm a suspect! Th8's why you wont let me help Tavros cook, you th8nk I'm going to do someth8ng like poison the food!
CAG: 8ig surpr8se, one little murder happens and everyone thinks Vriska did it!
CAG: I call 8ullsh8t on th8! Sneaky, prejudiced 8ullsh8t!
CCG: WHAT IS EVEN WRONG WITH YOU
CAG: Let the record show th8 I was watching a movie with Tavros and was nowhere neeeeeeeear the 8ar 8 any point last n8ght.
CAG: Seriously! This is some kind of s8t-up!
CCG: THE RECORD WILL SHOW EVERYTHING, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK FOR IT TO SHOW THINGS.
CCG: OTHERWISE IT WOULD BE A PRETTY USELESS FUCKING RECORD, WOULDN'T IT?
CCG: WHAT MOVIE WERE YOU WATCHING, ANYWAY?
CAG: How does th8 even matter?
CAG: Some stupid movie a8out gi8nt spiders or some shit, wh8's with the indigo inquisition????????
CCG: TAVROS, WHAT MOVIE DID YOU GUYS REALLY WATCH?
CAT: uMMM,
CAT: sOME MOVIE ABOUT, aN AIRPLANE AND A RABBIT,
CAT: aND A BUNCH OF GUYS, wHO HAVE A DISAGREEMENT,
CCG: WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY MOVIE IS THAT.
CCG: STUPID RABBIT AIRPLANE SCREWS THE POOCH?
CAG: Ugh, Tavros, you are so 8usting my 8ulge here!
CAT: sORRY, iT JUST SEEMED LIKE A REALLY STUPID THING TO LIE ABOUT,
CAG: Anyway it doesn't matter wh8 movie we were watching! Wh8 m8tters is th8 this is a fr8me jo8, and I had nothing to do with it! Seagrifts Honor!
CCG banned CAG from responding to this memo
CCG: NOBODY IS SAYING YOU DID IT, YOU PSYCHOTIC SPAZ. STOP DERAILING MY FUCKING MEMO.
CCG: ANYWAY
CCG: I REALIZE YOU GUYS ARE PROBABLY FLIPPING YOUR SHIT LIKE YOU NEED IT GOLDEN BROWN TOASTY ON BOTH SIDES BUT IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT NO ONE MAKES THINGS WORSE BY PANICKING OR TOSSING AROUND WILD ACCUSATIONS.
CCG: IF YOU THINK SOMEONE DID IT, GREAT, AWESOME, TELL MYSELF OR TEREZI AND CONSIDER YOUR CIVIC DUTY FUCKING DONE.
CCG: BUT IF YOU TRY TO START A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE BY YOURSELF I SWEAR TO TROLL PATRICK SWAYZE I WILL THROW YOU OUT OF THE AIRLOCK.
CGC: TH1S F4C1L1TY DO3SNT 4CTU4LLY H4V3 4N 41RLOCK >:\
CGC: PROB4BLY B3C4US3 TH3 SP4C3 B3TW33N PL4N3TS 1N TH3 M3D1UM 1S BR34TH4BL3
CCG: OKAY
CCG: I'LL FORCE ANY TROUBLEMAKERS TO BUILD AN AIRLOCK AT SCYTHEPOINT, AND THEN KILL THEM WHEN THEY FINISH AND PUT THE BODY IN THE AIRLOCK.
CCG: SEE WHAT YOU DID, YOU JUST MADE THIS WHOLE HYPOTHETICAL DISCIPLINARY SCENARIO THAT MUCH MORE HORRIBLE.
CCG: ALSO, EVERYONE IS EXPECTED TO TRAVEL WITH A BUDDY AT ALL TIMES WHEN OUTSIDE THEIR OWN ROOM, NO EXCEPTIONS, PERIOD.
CCG: UNTIL WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO GAMZEE WE AREN'T GOING TO TAKE ANY RISKS.
CCG: I'M SURE A LOT OF YOU DON'T FULLY TRUST EACH OTHER. WELL GUESS WHAT, THAT'S FINE.
CCG: THAT LITTLE GLIMMER OF PARANOIA IS YOUR REDEMPTION. ITS THE ONLY SIGN YOU HAVE GIVEN ME THAT YOU AREN'T FULLY FUCKING BRAINPAN LOBOTOMIZED, BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT, MOST OF YOU ARE SHITHIVE MAGGOT LUNATICS.
CCG: SO YEAH, KEEP YOUR GUARD UP, BECAUSE RIGHT NOW ANYONE COULD BE A SUSPECT. EXCEPT SOLLUX, I GUESS, SINCE HE WAS UNCONSCIOUS.
CCG: COME TO THINK OF IT, LIKE HALF OF US WERE PASSED OUT LAST NIGHT.
CCG: BUT YEAH, UNTIL THE INVESTIGATION IS COMPLETED, NO ONE IS FIGHTING ANYONE OR PUBLICLY ACCUSING ANYONE OR DOING ANYTHING TO ANYONE.
CCG: OKAY.
CCG: ONE FINAL NOTE AND THEN I'LL TURN THE MEMO OVER TO TEREZI.
CCG: EQUIUS
CCT: D --> What?
CCG: YOU ARE OFFICIALLY AND SPECIFICALLY FORBIDDEN FROM SMASHING ANYTHING IN YOUR GRIEF
CCG: THIS IS A DIRECT ORDER FROM YOUR MUTANT GUTTERBLOOD LEADER, KEEP YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
CCG: THE LAST THING WE NEED IS FOR YOU TO FLIP OUT AND TURN THIS SHODDY ASTEROID SHACK INTO A PILE OF RUBBLE.
CCT: D --> D001y noted. I will try to find a passive way to e%press my emotions.
CCT: D --> Perhaps a commemorative poem would show proper honor due to the memory of a noble.
CCG: THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE, BUT SURE, GO FOR IT.
CCG: SO LONG AS IT KEEPS YOU BUSY.
CCG: ALRIGHT TEREZI, IT'S YOUR SHOW FROM HERE.
CGC: TH4NKS K4RK4T
CGC: TH1S W1LL B3 BR13F S1NC3 YOU PR3TTY MUCH WOR3 OUT THE CROWD 4H34D OF T1M3. >:|
CGC: 1 KNOW TH1S 1S H1TT1NG 3V3RYON3 PR3TTY H4RD, 3SP3C14LLY S1NC3 4 LOT OF US W3R3 JUST W1TH G4MZ33 L4ST N1GHT
CGC: BUT UNFORTUN4T3LY W3 DONT H4V3 T1M3 TO S1T 4ND CRY 4BOUT 1T
CGC: 1F 4 K1LL3R 1S OUT TH3R3, 4ND 1 TH1NK 1T S33MS PR3TTY L1K3LY TH4T ON3 1S, 4NY ON3 OF US COULD B3 T4RG3T3D N3XT. W3 4R3 TH3 L4ST 3L3V3N TROLLS L3FT. 1 H4V3 NO 1NT3NT1ON OF S331NG US F4LL TO T3N.
CGC: SO ST4Y ON YOUR GU4RD! 3V3RYON3S S4F3TY 1S OUR F1RST PR1OR1TY!
CGC: 4ND 1F SOM3ON3 OUT TH3R3 1S HUNT1NG US, 1 HOP3 TH3Y C4N S33 TH1S MEMO. B3C4US3 1 W4NT YOU TO KNOW TH4T W3 4R3 LOOK1NG FOR YOU
CGC: 4ND 1'M GO1NG TO F1ND YOU
CGC: 4ND WH3N 1 DO NO FORC3 1N TH3 UN1V3RS3 W1LL S4V3 YOU FROM MY FURY.


~

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]
CT: D --> Tavros
AT: oH,
AT: hEY EQUIUS,
AT: i CANT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME, yOU MESSAGED ME,
CT: D --> It is rarely necessary for me to seek the counsel of one such as you
CT: D --> If our discourse has been kept to a minimum it has only been because your services were, until now, not required
AT: oKAY, i UNDERSTAND THAT,
AT: bUT, aRE MY SERVICES REQUIRED RIGHT NOW,
AT: i'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT, hOW TO WORK THIS COOKALIZER,
CT: D --> Didn't Karkat say you couldn't use anything that c001d catch on fire?
AT: i KNOW, bUT,
AT: vRISKA WANTS SOMETHING TO EAT, aND SHE SAID SHE WANTED A STEAK,
AT: aND WE HAVE MEAT, sO,
AT: iT SEEMS LIKE I MIGHT AS WELL,
AT: aRE YOU GOING TO TELL KARKAT, aBOUT THIS?
CT: D --> Ahhh
CT: D --> Perhaps her influence on you is a positive one, after all.
CT: D --> No lesson is more difficult for the laboring classes to learn than when one should disobey ones commander
CT: D --> And yet you have grasped the subtle nuances of it well enough
AT: iT SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD BE OKAY, sINCE NO ONE TAKES KARKAT VERY SERIOUSLY,
CT: D --> Very good.
CT: D --> The coo%alizer has a dial on the side for temperature and a button on the top corner
AT: oH, tHAT THING,
AT: tHANKS,
CT: D --> Tell me, Tavros
CT: D --> You spoke to Gamzee often, correct?
AT: } yEAH, hE WAS A PRETTY GOOD BRO,
AT: i'M GONNA MISS HIM, bEING AROUND AND SAYING THINGS I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND,
AT: hIS RHYMES WERE DOPE AND HIS BEATS, wERE OFF THE HOOK,
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> That is what I wanted to ask about
CT: D --> How off the hook were his beats, would you say?
AT: wELL,
AT: tHEY WERE SO OFF THE HOOK, wHENEVER YOU WOULD PICK UP THE PHONE THERE'D BE, nO DIAL-TONE,
AT: aND, yOU END UP WITH A REALLY BIG PHONE BILL,
AT: lIKE, IT WOULD BE MORE THAN USUAL,
CT: D --> Would you characterize them as fresh?
AT: tHEY WERE MORE OFF THE HOOK, tHAN THEY WERE FRESH,
AT: bUT YEAH, tHEY WERE PRETTY FRESH, tOO,
CT: D --> Hmm
CT: D --> The ta% of composing verse in his memory has fallen to me
AT: yEAH, i READ THAT IN, kARKATS MEMO,
AT: hOW IS THAT GOING,
CT: D --> Slowly
CT: D --> It is difficult to find the words for the feelings within
CT: D --> Though I often found myself frustrated by his loathsome habits in his absence I find myself seized with a feeling of unchara%eristic sentimentality
CT: D --> He was a true frienemy
CT: D --> And perhaps I failed to e%press to him the degree to which I appre%iated his presence
AT: i THINK, hE PROBABLY KNEW,
AT: bECAUSE EVEN THOUGH YOU PROBABLY SAID MEAN THINGS SOMETIMES, aND TALKED ABOUT HOW HE WAS LOATHSOME, yOU WOULD TALK TO HIM,
AT: aND GAMZEE WOULDN'T THINK LESS OF YOU, nO MATTER WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SAID,
CT: D --> He was not a very good purpleb100d
AT: nO,
CT: D --> But he was a good friend
AT: yEAH,
AT: jUST STICK TO SAYING, tHINGS LIKE THAT,
CT: D --> Do you think
CT: D --> E%cuse me
CT: D --> W001d you feel uncomfortable if I asked you
CT: D --> To maybe
CT: D --> Tell me what to do
AT: i DON'T THINK I CAN,
CT: D --> Oh
AT: mY BLOOD IS TOO LOW, fOR ME TO BE GOOD AT BOSSING PEOPLE AROUND,
CT: D --> Of
CT: D --> Of course
CT: D --> I was using
CT: D --> Intentional insincerities
AT: yEAH, i KNOW,
CT: D --> Good
CT: D --> Because
CT: D --> Were such a request made in sincerity
CT: D --> Of course it would be an embarassing breach of proper conduct
AT: rIGHT,
CT: D --> More the reason it w001d be pointless for you to mention such a thing to anyone else
CT: D --> Especially your moirail
AT: i WASN'T GOING TO DO THAT,
CT: D --> Right
CT: D --> Of course not
AT: bUT,
AT: iF YOU HAD ASKED, fOR SUCH A THING,
AT: lIKE, iN SINCERITY,
AT: rUFIO IS PROBABLY HIGH-BLOOD ENOUGH,
AT: tO BE A BOSS,
CT: D --> What
CT: D --> Who is this Rufio
AT: rUFIO IS A FRIEND OF MINE,
AT: hE WAS BORN WITH PURPLE BLOOD, bUT,
AT: hE WASN'T INTO LIVING WITH HIS PRISSY LUSUS,
AT: sO HE RAN AWAY TO THE JUNGLE, wHERE HE BECAME A LEADER OF LOST ORPHANED TROLLS,
AT: aND ALSO TRAINED UNTIL HE WAS EXTRA STRONG,
CT: D --> This Rufio character seems to be an e%emplary individual
CT: D --> Is he real or is he just a fake thing
AT: hE USED TO BE A FAKE THING,
AT: lIKE, pRETEND,
AT: bUT, eVEN THOUGH HE ISN'T REAL, vRISKA HAS BEEN TEACHING ME HOW TO DRAW ON HIS STRENGTH,
AT: aND NOW, iT'S ALMOST LIKE HE IS A REAL THING,
CT: D --> And
CT: D --> And if Rufio were present
CT: D --> What do you think he would say to me
AT: i DONT KNOW,
AT: wHY DONT YOU ASK HIM,
CT: D --> Hmm
CT: D --> Rufio
CT: D --> Though I know he was a disgrace to his b100d and an unworthy tr011 I found myself inconsolable at having lost him
CT: D --> I find myself consumed by
CT: D --> Weakness
CT: D --> I need to be told what to do
AT: pULL YOURSELF TOGETHER ZAHHAK YOU WORTHLESS MAGGOT,
AT: uHH, hE SAYS,
AT: wHAT ARE YOU, a GIRL OR SOMETHING,
AT: qUIT BEING SUCH A WEAKY-WEAK BABY,
AT: i DONT HAVE ROOM FOR WEAKLINGS AMONG MY LOST BOY SKYLARKS,
CT: D --> Then
CT: D --> I should forget my grief, and focus on being strong
AT: nO, tHAT'S STUPID,
AT: yOURE STUPID,
AT: wHY WOULD YOU HIDE THAT YOU ARE SAD, iF YOU REALLY ARE SAD,
AT: wHAT ARE YOU, aFRAID,
CT: D --> Of course I am not afraid
AT: iF YOU WERE ATTACKED BY A CHOLERBEAR WHAT WOULD YOU DO,
CT: D --> I w001d do my best to avoid it, I suppose
CT: D --> It w001d not be right to injure an animal that is only afraid of you
AT: oKAY, tHAT'S TRUE,
AT: bUT IF YOU COULDN'T GET AWAY, wOULD YOU BE AFRAID OF IT,
CT: D --> No
AT: aND YOU WOULD STAND, aND FACE IT,
CT: D --> Yes
AT: tHEN,
AT: iNSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR EMOTIONS,
AT: sTAND AND FACE THEM, lIKE A TRUE BOY-SKYLARK,
AT: dONT BE AFRAID TO CRY LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING YOU,
AT: bECAUSE IN THEIR HEART, tHEY WILL WISH THEY WERE AS BRAVE AS YOU,
AT: tHAT'S WHAT TRUE STRENGTH IS,
AT: yOU GET ALL THAT, mAGGOT,
CT: D --> Uh
AT: dID I STUTTER,
AT: i ASKED YOU A DIRECT QUESTION,
AT: tHE CORRECT ANSWER SHOULD BE YES SIR THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE SIR,
CT: D --> Yes
AT: yES WHAT MAGGOT,
AT: wHAT ARE YOU A GIRL OR SOMETHING,
CT: D --> Yes sir
AT: gOOD,
AT: nOW DROP AND GIVE ME, tWENTY MINUTES OF GOOD CRYING TIME,
AT: rEALLY LET IT ALL OUT,
AT: aND REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES,
AT: mAGGOT,
AT: hEY,
AT: eQUIUS ARE YOU STILL THERE,
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> I required a washcloth
AT: i GOTTA GO NOW, vRISKA IS HUNGRY,
CT: D --> Of course
CT: D --> Thank you for indulging me
CT: D --> And than% to Rufio for the advice
CT: D --> I will try to keep it in mind
AT: tHAT'S GOOD,
CT: D --> Remember to e%ercise caution when descending the staircase to Vriska's domain
AT: iT'S OKAY,
AT: i THINK I HAVE, gOT THE HANDLE OF IT,
AT: bY NOW,
AT: lATER,
adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

~

She'd known he had done it from the first moment she'd heard the news.

No, it was before then. It was when Karkat had shook her awake and she wiped the sopor from her eyes and saw his face. It had hit her, instantly. Som3th1ng h4s h4pp3n3d. And then, D4v3. N4ncho D4v3 h4s m4d3 h1s f1rst mov3.

Gamzee, though. Really? She'd climbed into the ablution trap and then dressed in a daze. All she could think was that she had screwed up. She had only been playing with John, and now he was dead and Gamzee was dead and who was going to be dead next?

After Sollux and Eridan had left, the party had continued for a while. Karkat had fallen off a stool. Nepeta had teased Terezi and Karkat for being so private about their feelings, and he hadn't even freaked out and denied it. He'd kissed her, in public! The only public display of affection she'd ever gotten from him. Of course, he had been drunk. But still... it was sweet. And by the end of the night it had looked like Gamzee was going to get a kiss, too. He had responded pretty well to Nepeta's scarlet flirtations, and the two really had a lot in common. By the time Karkat and Terezi had decided it was time to go home and sleep, Nepeta and Gamzee were sitting on the floor playing with each other's hair. Cute.

Dead. Because of Dave, because of her.

When she had left with Karkat in the morning Nepeta had still been sleeping in the corner of her room. Terezi had offered the girl her recuperacoon, but she had elected to simply coat herself in sopor and curl up in a ball on the floor. There was no way Terezi was going to let Nepeta go back to her room, not after what Dave had said. Of course that must have been misdirection... but who could say where Dave would strike next?

Kanaya had found the body. She had headed down to the bar for a early morning beanbrew. She went straight to Karkat and Karkat had gone straight to Terezi. To his credit, Karkat didn't freak out. He barked orders. Kanaya, give me an autopsy report on the body. Terezi, set me up as an admin on Rainbow Rumpus.

It had been a good memo, too. Terezi had peeked at it before Karkat started writing it, and saw that Future Karkat had actually given it his blessing. After seeing that, how could Terezi not let him post it? And he managed to mostly keep himself on track throughout it. Giving orders like a real leader. After Karkat posted it, Terezi had gone back to her room. She was the head of the investigation now, which to her seemed like a sick joke. Investigation. She knew who had done this. What worried her was the thought of Nepeta, all alone in her room, reading the memo on Terezi's computer. The thought of Dave slipping in and...

Nepeta was still there when she got back to her room, though. She was still reading the memo, or just hadn't moved since finishing it. She slowly spun around in Terezi's chair as Terezi entered the room.

"H-hey. T-terezi."

Nepeta had a glazed, glassy look in her eyes, and it was clear she had been crying. She was cleaned of sopor and dressed for the day but Terezi had a sinking feeling that she had simply licked it off. What could she say to her? "Sorry 1 4cc1d3nt4lly k1ll3d on3 of th3 hum4ns 4nd 4ttr4ct3d th3 1r3 of th1s cr4zy 4sshol3." "Sorry 1 f3ll for D4v3's m1sd1r3ct1on 4nd l3ft g4mz33 4lon3." "Sorry 1 told you to go for 1t 4nd fl1rt 1t up th3 n1ght b3for3 h3 got k1ll3d"

She didn't say any of those things. What would they mean to Nepeta anyway? She walked straight to her and hugged her. Nepeta clung to her, and began sobbing into Terezi's shirt.

R-Rezi h-he's gone and we d-didn't even who could have how"

"Shh, shh," Terezi said. "1t's ok4y, sw33t13. 1t's ok4y."

"No," Nepeta said. "No no no"

She was right. It wasn't okay. But they had to at least pretend.

"N3p3t4, 1f you w4nt you c4n go b4ck to sl33p. Dont worry 4bout th3 stuff K4rk4t w4s t4lk1ng 4bout."

Nepeta didn't saying anything at first, and she didn't let go, either. Finally, her voice muffled by Terezi's shirt, she said, "in the memo you said we couldn't waste time crying. That... we had to protect ourselves. Do... do you think someone's r33lly going to attack again?"

Terezi nodded.

"Then let's go over to Feferi's room. I n33d to get started. If we're going to... if his corpsemourn is going to be today... then I n33d to get to work. So it'll be like he would have wanted it. And then let's find the b-bastard who did this. Together."

Terezi hugged her, but she didn't say anything. She already knew who had done it. She knew that come tomorrow they could be talking about what kind of corpsemourn Nepeta would've wanted. What could she do? What could she have done?

"Ok4y. L3t's go."

~

TG: hello terezi have i threatened you yet
TG: are we star-crossed enemies by this point in time
TG: i think if we aren't by now its probably not to be
GC: 1 DUNNO 3N3MY K1ND OF L4YS 1T ON 4 L1TTL3 TH1CK
GC: 1 DO H4T3 YOU 4ND W4NT YOU TO D13 BUT 1 F33L R3LUCT4NT TO Y13LD TH3 SOC14L CONC3SS1ON OF 3N3MYSH1P TO YOU
GC: BUT YOU DO G3T H4T3PO1NTS FOR K1LL1NG TH3 S1NGL3 MOST H4RML3SS TROLL 1N OUR GROUP FOR NO R34SON 4T 4LL SO 1 GU3SS YOU'V3 34RN3D TH3 D1ST1NCT1ON
GC: CONGR4TUFUCK1NGL4T1ONS 1 SUPPOS3
TG: oh snap i've already killed gamzee already?
TG: that steps up the timetable a little
TG: but i guess that works
GC: >:\
GC: TH1S 1S YOUR F1RST M3SS4G3 TO M3 FROM YOUR P3RSP3CT1V3, TH3N?
TG: yeah
TG: i'm planning on doing my last message first, tarantino style
TG: how did it work out, was i a badass
GC: YOU WH1N3D TH4T 1 W4SNT YOUR R34L LUSUS 4ND TH4T 1 COULDNT K33P YOU FROM GO1NG TO TH3 PROM
GC: WITH TH4T CUTE OR4NG3BLOOD TURFB4LL PL4Y3R DOWN TH3 BLOCK
GC: YOUR B100 B100D3D GU4RD14N 1NS1STS TH4T YOU W3R3 M34NT FOR 4 MOR3 3L3G4NT P41R1NG BUT YOU FIND YOURS3LF LOST ST4R1NG 4T H1M
GC: TH3 W4Y H1S MUSCL3S R1PPL3 THROUGH H1S SH1RT WH3N H3 RUNS, 4ND TH3 W4Y H3 R1PS OUT THE DOUBL3QU4RTER F13LD3RS SP1N3 W1THOUT R34LLY 3V3N LOOK1NG
GC: H1S BLOOD M4Y B3 1MPUR3 BUT 1N H1S 3Y3S YOU FOUND 4CC3PT4NC3, 4ND M4YB3, JUST M4YB3, SOM3ON3 TO F1LL TH3 VOID 1N YOUR QU4DR4NTS
GC: 4ND 1N YOUR H34RT
TG: wow, what
GC: 1 W4S C4LL1NG YOU 4 G1RL 4ND 1T K1ND OF GOT 4W4Y FROM M3
TG: no not that
TG: aliens have prom
TG: never have i felt so thoroughly disappointed by the universe
GC: Y3S. W3 T4LK3D B3FOR3.
GC: YOU T4LK3D 4 LOT OF SH1T 4BOUT HOW YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO TORM3NT M3 4ND TURN MY FR13NDS 4G41NST M3 4ND BL4H BL4H BL4H
GC: 4ND TH3N YOU SNUCK ONTO OUR B4S3 SOM3HOW 4ND K1LL3D G4MZ33 1N TH3 N1GHT L1K3 TH3 COW4RD YOU 4R3
GC: D1D YOU 3V3N H4V3 4 MOT1V3 OR 1S TH1S JUST HOW YOU G3T G1RLS TO M3SS4G3 YOU B4CK
GC: BY K1LL1NG TH31R C4SU4L ACQUAINTANCES 4ND S3RV3R PL4Y3RS
TG: well it worked didn't it
GC: R34L CL4SSY
GC: WHY G4MZ33?
TG: knock knock
GC: WH4T
TG: okay this is a human joke convention we call it a knock knock joke
GC: > W3 H4V3 KNOCK KNOCK JOK3S 1 JUST DONT G3T WHY YOU'R3 T3LL1NG M3 ON3
TG: dont be a bitch about this, just say whos there
GC: NO
TG: well way to step up on my fucking punchline
TG: but to preserve the subject at hand, it was going to be
TG: orange you glad i picked gamzee and not nepeta
GC: TH4T'S GROSSLY UNF41R 4ND MOR3 TH4N 4 L1TTL3 FUCK3D UP
GC: G4MZ33 W4S 4 GOOD FR13ND
TG: objection your honor, the witness isnt answering the fucking question
TG: fess up
TG: orange you?
GC: YOU'R3 4 S1CK PUPPY D4V3
GC: OBJ3CT1ON OV3RRUL3D, PROS3CUT1ON 1S L34D1NG TH3 W1TN3SS
TG: pfft what a gyp
GC: YOU W1LL P4Y FOR TH1S. YOU DO KNOW TH4T, R1GHT?
GC: YOU R34L1Z3 N3P3T4 W1LL PROB4BLY B3 TR4UM4T1Z3D FOR L1F3
TG: yeah but how long is that even going to be
TG: what am i even threatening you with, you're going to die one way or the other
TG: if it isn't me it'll be the demon and if it isn't the demon this whole timeline is eventually going to fade away anyway
TG: when you think about it, by dooming this timeline you've already killed all of us
TG: i'm just putting you out of your misery
GC: JUST B3C4US3 1 F33L GU1LTY ABOUT G4MZ33 DO3SNT M34N 1'M TH4T N41V3
GC: YOU D1D TH1S, NOT M3. YOU 4R3 TO BL4M3, NOT M3.
GC: NOTH1NG YOU S4Y C4N M4K3 M3 TH3 B4D GUY.
GC: 4ND 1 W1LL TR4CK YOU DOWN 4ND K1LL YOUR BR41NL3SS F34TH3RY 4SS FOR HURT1NG GAMZ, M4RK MY WORDS
TG: at any rate no i had no motive for picking gamzee
TG: actually he was sort of my favorite of you guys
TG: but he was the only person i could think of who no one in your group would have a motive to kill
TG: that should make things interesting as everyone tries to figure out who did it
GC: YOU TH1NK 3V3RYON3 W1LL TURN ON 34CH OTH3R?
TG: it occurred to me
GC: D1D 1T OCCUR TO YOU TH4T 1 M1GHT JUST T3LL TH3M YOU D1D 1T, 4ND TH3N TH3 C4M3R4S W3 H4V3 4LL OV3R TH3 PL4C3 W1LL CONF1RM 1T, 4ND TH3N W3'LL 4LL WORK TOG3TH3R TO K1LL YOU 4S 4 GROUP?
TG: oh shucks golly photographic evidence
TG: its curtains for me might as well turn myself in right here and now
TG: another magnificent sleuthing job by alternia's greatest detective
TG: so yeah uh let me know how that works out for you
GC: M4YB3 NOT TH3 C4M3R4S
GC: BUT 1 B3T YOU L3FT SOM3 K1ND OF 3V1D3NC3
GC: NO ON3 4CTS TH1S 4RROG4NT W1THOUT G3TT1NG 4 L1TTL3 SLOPPY
TG: and again
TG: let me know how that works out for you
TG: but while you're running around playing csi veilami you might want to work on a few other things
TG: like, i dunno, dissuading me from killing the rest of your friends
GC: 4ND H3R3 COM3S TH3 L1ST OF D3M4NDS
GC: TH1S T3D1OUS L1TTL3 12TH P3RIG33'S L1ST OF KRUMPUS COND1T1ONS SHOULD SHOW US WH4T K1ND OF M4N14C YOU R34LLY 4R3
GC: 1 HOP3 YOU'V3 M4D3 THEM GOOD.
TG: oh man do you really have to banter at me every other thing i say
TG: i mean it started off cute but now its just a little obnoxious
TG: fish out that hot god or kill the gas to the grill already
GC: WH4T
TG: if there's one thing ive learned its that everything is some kind of courtship to you trolls
TG: be honest what idiotic quadrant are we occupying at this point
GC: TH3 QU4DR4NT FOR 4SSHOL3S WHO 4R3N'T 3V3N WORTHY R1V4LS
TG: whoa the same as your boyfriend scandalous
TG: that's the scourge sister i know
TG: terezi has all the quadrants
TG: all of them
GC: NO TH4T'S TH3 OTH3R SCOURG3 S1ST3R
GC: WHO 1S 4LSO 4 B3TT3R 3N3MY TH4N YOU.
GC: M4YB3 1F YOU COULD F1ND YOUR OWN M4T3SPR1T YOU WOULDN'T B3 SUCH 4N UPT1GHT PSYCHOP4TH
GC: SO S4YS MY 4DM1TT3DLY L1M1T3D 1NS1GHT ON TH3 M1NDS OF MURD3ROUS CR1M1N4L LUN4T1CS
TG: nah we humans keep our quadrants organized
TG: i dont really get why you trolls have so much trouble with it
TG: perhaps you are simply an inferior species
TG: only significant for having created us
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU ONLY H4D TH3 ON3 QU4DR4NT
TG: no we have all of the quadrants
GC: 4LL OF TH3M?
TG: yeah
TG: you guys dont know what youre missing not being from earth im telling you
TG: it is like quadrant discount warehouse down there all quadrants must go
TG: running around with buckets over our shoulders up and down flights of stairs like we're training for the chinese martial arts special olympics
TG: if you spill one drop our human quadrant kung fu masters stroke their magnificent fu manchu beards like its some kind of erogenous zone and hit you on the head with a cane
TG: its a hairogenous zone
GC: 1S TH1S 4 COMMON HUM4N 4CT1V1TY
GC: ST1MUL4T1NG 3XT3ND3D FOLL1CL3 3M1SS1ONS WH1L3 3NG4G1NG 1N SOM3 K1ND OF OUTL4ND1SH VOY3UR1ST1C D1SPL4Y?
TG: only among the best of our best
TG: we dont let just any old quadrant-impaired alien girl bourgeoisie into the hallowed halls of our sacred dojos okay
TG: to earn your blackrom belt you must first master the eightfold path of hate-love discipline
TG: unfortunately all those guys died when the earth got bumrushed up the fuck by meteors but terezi luckily for you i am here to bring their glorious teachings to the stars
TG: master strider, last of the beardpull savants, is here to school you in the ways of the internally refined quadrant warrior
TG: so hitch up your skirt and start whaling on that shame globe like youre a rock star and its time for your solo at madison square fucking garden
TG: cuz we're doin it
TG: we're makin it hapen
GC: >:/ HUM4NS SUR3 H4V3 SOM3 GROSS PR3OCCUP4T1ONS
TG: maybe that's because we were created by sexually disturbed alien kids
TG: but anyway down to business
TG: i don't really know what future me threatened you with but i have some ideas since i know what i'm planning on doing to you guys
GC: YOU THR34T3N3D TO SHOW3R M3 W1TH 34RTH HUM4N K1SS3S 4ND 1 W4S SO T3RR1F13D TH4T 1 SURR3ND3R3D 1MM3D14T3LY
GC: SO 1 GU3SS TH4T M34NS YOU WON, GOOD JOB!
TG: dang shot the fuck down
TG: oh well we'll just have to postpone making out over the bodies of all your dead friends
TG: i suppose i need to be more sensitive to the needs of my partner here
TG: if we really want to fill some buckets it should be over the bodies of my dead friends right
GC: W3LL 1'M NOT P1CKY, SO LONG 4S TH3 D3L1C1OUS 3ND OF TH3 SP3CTRUM 1S R3PR3S3NT3D
GC: 1 KNOW, L3T'S M4K3 OUT SURROUND3D BY D34D D4V3S! TH4T WOULD R34LLY G3T M3 GO1NG 4ND 1TS NOT L1K3 TH3Y'R3 1N SHORT SUPPLY
GC: HOW M4NY D34D D4V3S H4V3 YOU R4CK3D UP 4T TH1S PO1NT, N4NCHO D4V3? 4R3 YOU GO1NG FOR TH3 H1GH SCOR3?
TG: i dunno what happens if i win
GC: YOU DONT W1N
GC: BUT 1F 1 W1N 1 G3T 4NOTH3R D34D D4V3
TG: fun
TG: look enough bullshittery because this creepy hateflirting is really exhausting actually
GC: T1R3D 4LR34DY? 1 H4D 3XP3CT3D B3TT3R FROM 4 BL4CKROM B3LT B34RDPULL S4V4NT, 1'M B4R3LY G3TT1NG 1NTO TH1S
GC: TYP1C4L HUM4N K1SM3S1S, 4LL T4LK 4ND NO D3L1V3RY
TG: i want you to contact sollux
GC: WH4 DO3S SOLLUX H4V3 TO DO W1TH 4NYTH1NG
TG: you will ask him to write me a short snippet of code
TG: it doesnt have to be fucking complicated
GC: WHY DONT YOU M4K3 YOUR 1LL1C1T OFF3R TO H1M YOURS3LF? >
GC: 1F YOUR3 TRY1NG TO BR1NG H1M 1NTO SOM3 K1ND OF 4SH3N TRYST 1'M GO1NG TO T3LL YOU R1GHT NOW TH4T H3 USU4LLY DO3SNT SW1NG TH4T W4Y
GC: 1 TH1NK H3 4ND TH3 F1SH P3OPL3 W3R3 4 ON3-T1M3 TH1NG
TG: in all seriousness i dont understand that quadrant at all
TG: that's the threesome blackrom thing right
TG: anyway stop distracting me, i want him to write me a program in ~ath to these specifications
-- turntechGodhead [TG] sent gallowsCallibrator [GC] the file "hephaestus.doc" --
TG: if he finishes by the end of the night i wont kill anyone else
TG: that fucking easy
TG: i mean i'll still probably take my aggression out on an alternate terezi but who the fuck cares about alternates
TG: anyway if he doesnt finish he has another day and then i kill someone else etcetera etcetera
GC: SO W3 H4V3 3L3V3N D4YS?
TG: no i'll probably lose patience after a few days and just kill you all
TG: i mean really i can always find more trolls
TG: you guys made a serious mess of your alternate timelines
TG: might want to talk to your robot ghost lady about that
GC: D4V3
TG: sup
GC: 1'M GO1NG TO K1LL YOU
TG: hahahaha
TG: peace
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling gallowsCallibrator [GC]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

:O writing asshole dave Terezi is fun. dave is being like crazy forward in this one too, what is even the deal
also, as of about two hours ago it is my birthday now! Happy birthday to me.
If it isn't obvious by now, I think this story is going to be pretty long. o_o I expected it to be longer than Zazzerpan but even I underestimated how many characters I was taking on with this. And each one has a subplot! Geeeez. Too much, Sushi, too much.
Still, fun to write!

You write the best pesterlogs. The best.

[egregiousBass]

Anyway, this here is just a little... fic-doodle-thing. <:I Because I am so homosexual for the Midnight Crew. I love them like BURNING.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Deuce is alright.

Hell, maybe you don’t mind having him around every now and then.

When he’s feeling quiet.

Maybe.

He’s not bright. He’s not strong. He doesn’t have much in the way of innate talent or skill (besides the way he can play the oboe – even you were caught off guard by that how easily it came to him). Pretty much all he’s usually good for is blowing shit up, and that’s only because he’s too damn thick to worry to about his own hide after the fuse is lit.

You seem to get him better than Slick or Boxcars do. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t piss you off too often (relatively speaking).

But he’s alright. Maybe, if you’re feeling generous, you’ll say he’s even pretty okay sometimes.

He’s pretty much the only one of the idiots who’ll listen to you on the first go. Maybe because he’s not as independent as the others. Maybe he trusts your judgment more. Maybe he just likes you. Who knows.

And he can be useful sometimes. Like you said earlier, you know how to talk to him. If you give him the right directions, consider where he’ll probably get distracted and veer off-course and compensate for it, he can get shit done well enough. You’re the only one with the patience and foresight for him, though; Boxcars is too impatient, and Slick just doesn’t do foresight. Never has.

He even pays attention when you tell him to straighten his collar, or put on the other pair of shoes because, god damn it, brown shoes do not go with black pinstriped suits under any circumstances. (It kind of pisses you off that he makes that mistake in the first place, but, shit, it’s Deuce. You can only expect so much from him.)

So, in return, you sometimes humor him when he goes on tangents about clocks and whether or not an oboe propped up between two doors can seal them both shut, even though it’s all stupid bullshit and you really don’t care.

… Well, perhaps “humor” is too much. You tolerate it for about five minutes before telling him to shut the fuck up and go do something worthwhile for once.

Still, it’s better than you’d give anyone else. He knows that.

Awesome. I can actually really picture Deuce playing the oboe, what with it sounding like a constipated duck and all.

The world needs more Midnight Crew. I should get cracking.

[Author]

Due to a chat me and my Morail had over in Pesterchum, new fic is new.

I AM CLEARLY THE JOHN HUMAN.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Event Log 1

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You grumble, pursing your lips. You are damn well aware that you can't stop the Sloppy Interspecies Makeouts, no matter how hard you try. You have only one option left...
Break the two apart. You grin mirthlessly. Of course. And the best way to do that would be to take over that ridiculous filth's handle.
Strangely, You actually have a copy of Pesterchum. You aren't fully aware of how it got there, but you grin wickedly as you type in Egbert's screen name, and began to guess at the password.

An hour later, the entire lab hears you shout: "GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I'M FUCKING RETARDED."

And then you are logged on as ectoBiologist, under the password "somethinstrange".

Pesterlog: eB & aG

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] at 3:46 --

AG: John!!! I already told you th8t I have a 8unch of irons to deal with!!!!!!!!
EB: OKAY FIRST OFF I AM TOTALLY THE JOHN HUMAN.
AG: Hahahaha, yes you're cleeeeaaaarly John. :::: )
I'M HERE TO DO STUPID HUMAN THINGS AND MAKE STUPID JOKES WITH MY DENTED THINK PAN AS THE ETERNALLY DIMLY LIT LAMP THAT GUIDES MY POOR SENSE OF HUMOR.
EB: OR SOME OTHER HUMAN THING.
AG: Wonderful John!!!!!!!!
AG: You can send me some more movies then! :::: D
EB: WHAT, NO.
EB: YOU BEING AN INFERIOR TROLL WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND MY MOVIES.
EB: BESIDES YOU'RE A STUPID DUMBFACE TROLL.
AG: Woooooooow John!!!!!!!!
AG: You're not very nice today hahahaha!
EB: I, JOHN EGGBERT, THINK YOU ARE GROSS AND ICKY. I'D RATHER HAVE TEREZI.
EB: AT LEAST SHE'S CUTE.
AG: Ooooooooh my Karkat! You're still flushed for Terezi, eh?
EB: WHAT NO.
EB: THAT'S WRONG, AND YOU'RE STUPID VRISKA.
EB: WAIT.
EB: FUCK.
AG: hahahaha!!!!!!!! :::: D
EB: UGH FUCK YOU VRISKA.
EB: YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] has blocked arachnidsGrip [AG 4:13 --
AG: Psh, John will unblock me l8r Karkat.
AG: See ya~

Event Log 2

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You curse with rage, because right now you could shit miles of rage snake.
Miles of it.
And it doesn't help that you hear Vriska laughing her head off over at her computer, and telling everybody around here about your conversation. You start to sink under your desk.

Why on earth did you start thinking about sloppy interspecies makeouts?

[BPrinny]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Long after The Sleeper left, her presence remained, a psychic echo of alien thoughts in a realm unused to such things. Only when the echos faded did the gods of the Furthest Ring stir.

"I think that went well. I'm pretty sure that went well." said Yggkrath Suulkith, its mandibles twitching. "That was joy, right? At the end there? I'm pretty sure that was joy."

"I...I think The Sleeper may have reacted to us less favorable than the Ruler of the Prism Fluids. Perhaps we didn't use enough rainbows..." said Dosvvertath Lxxryth, countless eye-stalks blowing in a non-existent breeze like hair.

"Maybe we should have used more pie," said Cthcthlyon the Terrible Bloatness. "I mean, there was hardly any pie in that dream. Just a slice, really."

"Do you think The Sleeper appreciated the Unidolphin mount I made for it?" said Uuggrath the Face-Ripper said, stroking the space where a face should have been. "Stars died in the time it took for me to come up with that."

"Dream-Selves get hungry too, I think, maybe. Pie is always good for, you know, that." said Cthcthlyon, wishing not for the first time that it had a mouth.

"Silence about your damn pies. That's probably what disgusted it so much." said Svvgret the Sniveling, rubbing it's pincers together, the drool from it's jawless mouth keeping them slick.

"So, more rainbows next time, then?" said Dosvvertath.

"No! How do we know rainbows aren't to blame? Perhaps The Sleeper is similar to the Ender of Turtles. Perhaps we should have simply revealed ourselves to it from the start." said Svvgret, drool turning to foam.

"You dare doubt the power of rainbows!?" squealed Dosvvertath. "They worked wonders on the Ruler! They'll work just as well on the Sleeper!"

"I mean, this isn't the first time we used pies. It's just the quantity that was lacking..." said Cthcthlyon.

"Maybe the next dream we make for it should have some sort of interpretive dance." said Tsssyylcccsssee, twisting itself into a Mobius strip.

"No! The last time you did that, an entire civilization went mad trying to decipher your movements!" Vuujradft the Eye-Thresher said. "Besides, interpretive dance is terrible."

"Oh. Is that what happened? Well, now I feel bad." said Tsssyylcccsssee.

"I think I'll make it two Unidolphins next time, that will win it over." said Uuggrath.

"Could they have pies?" asked Cthcthlyon, the blank expanse of its face taking on a pleading shape.

"I think we have enough pies. Perhaps if we use less rainbows, I think that might work." said Yggkrath.

"Oh! Now you hate rainbows too!? Is this the part of existence where we all decide to hate rainbows?" said Dosvvertath.

"But, you can't even see rainbows, really." said Cthcthlyon.

"And you can't eat pies! Is there a point you are trying to make?" said Dosvvertath.

"Cease your blathering, all of you. It's revolting in a way that only happens when aliens are involved," said Xlxxlvxlvxlxvlvvxxxxvlxvxxvlvvvx The Unpronounceable. "The Sleeper will return here soon, and we must have a new dream bubble ready by then."

The Horrorterrors turned to one another and began using their unfathomable might to construct a dream that would sufficiently please the alien from another universe.

how i make horrorterror names


Ninja'd by delicious pesterlog and adorable karakt

[Author]

how i make horrorterror names


Ninja'd by delicious pesterlog and adorable karakt

MAKING HORROTERROR NAMES (A GUIDE TO IDIOTIC IDEAS):

Take a long name!

Nicholas

Remove the vowels!

Nchls

Add some apostrophes!

N'chl's

And put in a few vowels!

N'chal'us

DONE!

And thank you for the compliment.

[Kawa]

Xlxxlvxlvxlxvlvvxxxxvlxvxxvlvvvx The Unpronounceable

I lost it. Good job.

[BPrinny]

MAKING HORROTERROR NAMES (A GUIDE TO IDIOTIC IDEAS):

Take a long name!

Nicholas

Remove the vowels!

Nchls

Add some apostrophes!

N'chl's

And put in a few vowels!

N'chal'us

DONE!

And thank you for the compliment.

Well, that's a lot simpler than what I was doing, which was basically...


I don't know what I was doing.

[Isoraqathedh]

Here's how I would have done it:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

10,048. Into quintuple digits!

I don't think I'm going to be able to fit my whole story into 50,00 words, since I'm a fifth of the way through and my main character is still on the ground, the "prologue setting" so to speak. I'm not worrying about it, however. If I get to 50,000 words half-way through the story, I'll probably add "And then the sun went nova and everyone died. The end," and submit it.

Also, kinda regretting my decision to invent names. Obviously, it makes sense to do so since it's a sci-fi setting with no connection to Earth, but it's kind of hard to invent names. I'm trying to make them all sound like they are from the same language, but I don't really know the best way to go about that, and I end up spending way too much time thinking about it every time I have to name a character.

It's actually fairly easy to make these names:

Efeyonsa Dulonse Vide "Galtono"
Rondogūren Evinso Vido "Sinso"
Kayanstrofo Dekeyo Vido "Déltogayān"
Séviyō Dondeso Vide "Ladonořso"

I made up these names as I am typing them, and they look very consistent to me. All I have to do is to make a structure for the name (in which case first, last, tribal and honorary); and then produce random syllables in your head and transliterate them. With practice (e.g. inserting Generic Lyrics to a song *24) then you, too can become a professional namer!

*24: the act of making random syllables and attaching them to a song. It is not consistent from one song to another, as stated, BUT it is also inconsistent from one play of a song to the other, which is convenient if it's to prepare for some actual words to be put on them. The Generic Lyrics only have to fit the meter. So, for example, one for Explore would be like:

Esovuya ekimay
Loturenda sopayř, eki
Sopura isi tocigak
Sižo eke sino vilosaygo

etc.

With hyphenation:


E-so-vu-ya e-ki-may
Lo-tu-ren-da so-pay-ř, e-ki
So-pu-ra i-si to-ci-gak
Si-žo e-ke si-no vi-lo-say-go


etc.

You can combine the two: get the syllables and then mangle 'em.

(Also, I typed "ém" instead of "'em" the first time. I do have an immensely hilarious keyboard.)

[BPrinny]

Didn't you create your own language?

[RogerMexico]

Hahaha! BPrinny, this is excellent. I must say I agree with Cthcthlyon--you really can't go wrong with pie.

[toadfish]

@Isoraqathedh: actually something i've been wondering - do you pronounce it all in your head/aloud? I ask because a couple of those characters/phonemes are generally only used by staggeringly unusual languages (like the one spoken by the Górale people of central/eastern europe, haha) - not that I doubt you'd be able to do so if you wanted, haha.

[Isoraqathedh]

Yes. It does not really matter becuase the main part of vocabulary building is to get enough roots, which come from (mostly) random syllables.

@Isoraqathedh: actually something i've been wondering - do you pronounce it all in your head/aloud? I ask because a couple of those characters/phonemes are generally only used by staggeringly unusual languages (like the one spoken by the Górale people of central/eastern europe, haha) - not that I doubt you'd be able to do so if you wanted, haha.

That's a forced necessity. The conlangs are written so that they could accurately transliterate a large gamut of civilizations' speakings -- that's because they go everywhere (*27). That's why there are so many of them, the word "rare" is only an EVALUATION WORD and thus will be seen as common in other minds -- or areas.

EDIT Forgot the footnote:

(*27) By everywhere I mean everywhere: down every universe, including those that one will consider fictions.

[BPrinny]

What made you decide to make your own language?

[Isoraqathedh]

What made you decide to make your own language?

It all started two years ago when I decided "hey some of these books I have read (Harry Potter, Inheritance (judge me), The Children of Húrin, How to Train your Dragon etc. etc. etc.) have no inferred planetary structure so let's put them together into one large planet and call it a day". Then the planet started becoming not just "somewhere to put fictions not associated with a complete planet" and become "a planet that has actual people, actual places and plates and mountains and valleys and wildlife and all those Earthly things".

Logical conclusion?

Languages.

[BPrinny]

Damn.

You must have a lot of free time.

[Isoraqathedh]

I guess you can say that: when you can write 3 books, notate 30 songs, run an MSPAFA, make a chess variant and still have time for homework and derping all about it on the forums that's really using your day.

[BPrinny]

Any of your books get published?

[Isoraqathedh]

No. I haven't finished any of them yet. I did part-publish them on my wiki though.

You can check their progress over at that little sig-badge there. See that orange one labeled 2. Literature? Yeah, those are the three.

[BPrinny]

To be honest, your sig scares me a little.

[Graven_Image]

Yeah. It's kind of sprawling.



I think it just blinked at me.

[Magpie]

Sushi is the best food and a darn good author too.

Good food, best fanfic writer.

[Isoraqathedh]

Yeah. It's kind of sprawling.



I think it just blinked at me.

That will be the part where the Appreciation Badge .gif changes from Zuki to Andrew, eh? Yeah. For some reason Zuki's station indicator was drawn one pixel up from the norm, and thus the "blinking" effect.

...

It's like I can explain more things than usual.

[kmsumrall]

Wasteland Alternia

Part 1

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“Fuckshitcrap!”

Karkat spit out a mouthful of sand and stood up. All around was dirt and desert, dull and dusty. Wreckage from the near failed escape was all around him, dotting the landscape with pockets of blue-grey metal, but there was no other living thing in sight. The sun was threatening to peek over the horizon and it would be daylight soon.

“Damnit...” Karkat muttered. He was looking at the larger chunks, sizing them up to see if they could be turned into shelter, when a loud clang made him jump. With a quick mental command he summoned the Clawsickle. But nothing it didn’t come.

Scowling, the troll attempted to bring out the Regisickle with the same nonresults. In an act of desperation he even tried he normal everyday weak as shit sickle but that remained nowhere to be found.

Angry at himself for even thinking things would go right for a change the angry troll picked up a piece of twisted metal and waited. He listened closely and... There! Karkat lifted the makeshift weapon up high and-

“K-Karkat!”

The troll stopped himself too quickly and tumbled backwards, falling down hard. From behind a piece of broken ship emerged a shaky cat-girl.

“Nepeta?” Karkat got up, rubbing his back. “Great, you aren’t a fucking meat stain on the landscape. Have you-”

“Karkat! KarkatKarkatKar!” The two fell as Nepeta tackled the troll down. “Oh Karkat! I woke up and I was all alone and I could still feel the scream and-”

“Get the fuck off me! Just...” He trailed up, hearing the young girl’s sobs. Awkwardly patted her on the back the troll said “There there you blubbering uh... not pansy.”

Nepeta sat up and wiped her eyes with a sleeve. “Wha-What do we d-do now?”

“First you’re going to get the fuck off my stomach!” As she scrambled off Karkat brushed dirt off his shirt. “We are going to find everyone else. I’m still the fucking leader around here and I’ll be shitfaced falling down dead before I let anyone die without my permission! Shit, they’ll be musclebeast excrement without me to tell them not to get fucking eaten!” He looked at her with a calculating expression. “Hey... Do you have any of your claws?”

“Umm...” Nepeta looked at her hands.

“Not that idiot! Your weapons! The shit you made during the game!”

“That’s what I was trying...”

“Hey!” came a voice from the distance. “Anyone else alive over here?! If not then don’t answer, I don’t want crazy Ms. Crazytown’s voices bothering me too!”

“Vriska! Get your eight-eyed ass down here!”

“Karkat? Damn, I was hoping you’d be crushed too.” The troll leapt off of what was once a cockpit and deftly landed next to the pair. She brushed her hair back and gave them a slight smile. “Oh, did I interrupt a lover’s meeting? Jumping to a new Matesprit already? You don’t even know if Ms. Smellsalot is dead!”

“Shut the fuck up before I choke you with your own missing robot arm! Try to take out your dice.”

“Why would I do that? If you want the little kitty dead you do it yourself. There are much better uses for my innumerable talents.”

Karkat waved the twisted metal at her. “I am still your leader and I will-”

“Be a dumb ugly hivehead? Fiiiiiiiine, gaze upon perfect weapon perfection.” Vriska held out her hand.

After a moment of silence Nepeta spoke up. “Vriska? There’s nothing there.”

The eight-eyed troll looked. “Whaaaaaaaat?! How did this happen?! The joke is on you because that is not my only pair! Take this!” Again nothing appeared. ”No! Did you take them and are in cahoots against me to take my dice away and make me diceless?! Well it won’t work because unlike you losing losers I don’t keep all my weapons in my strife deck!” She reached behind her and pulled out-

Nothing.

“What?! Whawhawhawhawhawhawhawhat is going on?! Where are my balls?! What else are you conspiring to take away from me!?”

“Stop searching your nook like a exploratory cocoonatricion with a pupa problem! It’s just as I thought, our sylladices are broken.” Karkat ran a hand through his hair.

The cat-girl jumped from foot to foot. “Nepeta is very scared and worried about this. What does it mean?”

“How the fuck should I know? Maybe going through the portal fucked us up. Maybe somebody didn’t protect us enough when the Black King released his scream.” He held up a hand as Vriska started to protest. “The point is, who the fuck cares? We are alive and that’s all I care about. Frankly the idea of being alone in this shit is slighter worse than being with all of you. Vriska, use that eight-eyed mutant ability of a power and locate the others.”

“Whatever. Bitch and moan all you want you always come back to me to save the day.” The troll put her hands to her head, palms facing out. She closed her eyes and concentrated. A view started pulsing from the effort and her breathing grew heavy. Tears started forming on the corners of her eyes. “Fuck! I can barely sense you two! Damnit! Putting up the shield-”

“Just like the sylladices. Did you get anything useful, or are you completely helpless now? You know, beyond the normal helpless.”

Vriska pointed to the middle of the wreckage. “Someone is still alive over there. Two of them, maybe three? They must have all the luck being together otherwise I wouldn't have sensed anything.”

“Nepeta, start looking. You are the smallest and you haven’t done anything expect make me hit my head on rocks.”

“Purrfect idea!” The cat-girl bounded to the broken pieces of warship, occasionally stopping and sniffing before moving to the next pile.

“So what now fearless leader?” Vriska sat down onto a ripped chair. Karkat settled for a flat rock. “Do you even know where we are?”

“Of course I know where we are. I always know exactly where I am and where to go and what to do. When you become leader the universe spits out a detailed walkthrough of the rest of your life so nothing bad will ever happen to you ever again! Fuck, just look over there and tell me you don’t know where the fuck we are.”

Vriska closed one eye and stared at the mountain in the distance. “I see... a sign? It says... Troholood? What the hell is that?”

“Troho- That’s the sign overlooking Troll Hollywood! How could you not recognize that the most important place in troll flimography? That mountain is on half the- Wait, how the fuck can you even read that from all the way over here?”

Vriska leaned back in the chair, crossing her arms and legs. “This eye isn’t just to accentuate my perfect looks you know. So this is Alternia? I didn’t think Troll Hollywood was that close to the Vast Uncharted Heat Sand Plains. Ha, I made Dualscar Flarp there once. Funniest thing in the world watching him try to take it.”

“This isn’t the VUHSP idiot! This is Alternia! In the future! Where the exiles were? Any of that sound familiar? Shit, we might even find them and-”

“Get stabbed repeatedly for exiling them? You can have the knifes to the gut. All of them. Just count this blueblood out.”

“You will do as I say-”

“Ooooh, so forceful! Too bad for you I’m not a sweating- Look out!” Something large flew into the air, blotting out the green moon overhead. Both trolls scrambled away as a chunk of engine landed where they were once sitting. Karkat brandished his metal as Vriska selected up a few oddly shaped rocks to throw. The wind picked up, blowing dust in their faces. Karkat swore and shielded his eyes but Vriska stared into the oncoming storm.

“Karkat!” she screamed, “Something really strong is coming!”

The angry troll looked up only to be barreled over by a blur of green and blue. As Karkat struggled under this he heard the piercing laughter of his combat companion.

“What the fu- Nepeta! Get off me!”

“Karkat! This sneaky kitty found them!”

Something roughly pulled the troll off him and Karkat stared into cracked black shades. “I apologize for her uncouth behavior, former leader. Nepeta’s overeagerness has been very hard to get rid of.”

“Fuck off Equius! If you wanted to you’d have held her back! Where were you?”

Equius perspired slightly and drew back. “When the warship started to break apart I felt it was my duty to protect the Empress from harm.”

“Fuck you! What happened to protecting me from harm huh? Leader not important enough anymore?”

“We are back on our homeworld. Clearly she is of the higher rank and should be treated thusly. I am only here now because Nepeta convinced the Empress of the importance of your survival.”

“Clearly you have your head up your nook! Whatever! Where is she? Only damn troll with any sense, even with the glubs.”

“She and Aradia currently reside in an undeployed escape pod.”

“You took that fucking piece of walking fetishist fuel to an escape pod but not me?! Fuck!” Karkat put a hand to his head. “We need to locate the others, or at least make sure they are dead. Equius, you and Vriska try and get the ship’s computers up and running. See if you can hunt down the other half. Nepeta, do some scouting and search for stuff. Food, water, housing, anything you can find. Don’t go further than half a mile away. I’m going to see if the escape pod is big enough to hold us until the sun goes down. Stay out here as long as you can but get under cover if you start to feel too hot.” The troll left as Nepeta purr in acknowledgement and Equius perspired in consent.

It only took a moment for Karkat to find where the strong troll had been under ground. “Are you alive down there?”

“Karkat! Thank the glub!” Feferi poked her head out of an opening and beckoned him in. “Before Nepeta came I thought Equius and I were the only ones left. Honestly, thought of spending my last days with him scared the glub out of me!”

The inside of the pod was more spacious than he first thought, which increased his anger that Equius did not think to help anyone else. “That sweating moron has a lot to answer for. I though he said the unsweating robot was here.”

The royal blood pointed to a corner. There sat the body of Aradia, but the normal clicks and whirls and and ominous red glow were not present. What used to emanate a quiet intelligence now just hung limp. “What the fuck is wrong with her?”

“I don’t know. Before we went through the portal she got blasted in. I think I saw the other’s blow up! Equius said she isn’t a brainless barnacle but I think the fight took her out!”

“The mental shield burned out Vriska’s power too. Fuck, even as creepy as she was Aradia would have been useful.”

“Equius keeps acting like she is still talking and its very creepy! Much more creepy than standing in the shadows and watching!” She grabbed onto his arm. “Karkat, what are we going to do?”

“Aren’t you the fucking Empress? It’s time like this that define what a leader is! Luckily I’m a leader through skill and respect and not from some stupid unneeded birthright. I’ve got the others working right now but the sun is coming up soon. Normally I’d have you out there as well but you are more sensitive than the others and Equius would complain and then sweat all over everything I don’t feel like dealing with the bitching. So instead you have the joyful task of making this the most comfortable escape pod in existence.”

“You got it Commandant!”

~

“Alright you fuckers, what have you got for me?”

“The mighty but empty-pawed lioness looks sheepishly at her forgiving crabmander and says that she found no animals around at all.”

“Of course that outdoorsy cavedweller could not match my superior hacking talents! One of my many talents and abilities that will benefit us more than-”

“What my lesser blueblood companion is trying to say is that we were able to extract some useful data from the computers. The approximate location of the other half is now known to us. If you give me enough time I should be able to design a tracking device.”

“Just use the robot body. It was useful in the during to game to track shit, shouldn’t be hard to do the same now. We shouldn’t have to rely on this Dersian shit when we know superior troll technology will last forever, even if it isn’t possessed anymore.”

“Your instance on her nonoperation is becoming most vexing,” Equius said, scowling. “Regardless, it is a good suggestion. Aradia will be able to monitor our route in real time and make suggestions if there is a unnavigable obstacle.”

“Whatever freak. As long as the brainless soulless machine doesn’t get us lost you can pretend anything you want. Feferi?”

“I’ve tried to make this more comfortable than sponge on reef but without any Sopor Slime I fear we’ll be angling for some scary dreams!”

Karkat shook his head. “Or, we wake up as our dreamselves. If that does happen, and let me stress I don’t think any of the dreamselves are alive anymore, you will not go around Prospit or Derse. You will not look at the clouds or talk to the dark gods. You will stay in your tower and you will sit like good little pupa’s until you wake up. And if you do have dreams like before we went into this fucking game then don’t scream loud enough to wake me.”

~

As the other’s settled into a fitful sleep Karkat stayed awake. He watch as they twitched and moaned from unknown nightmares.

He was scared to sleep. Scared to dream. Scared that his dreamself would wake up to a destroyed Prospit, a destroyed Skaia.

But what scared him most was the thought that keeping everyone alive was worse than letting them die.

Part 2
Part 3

Writer's notes

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I was playing Fallout when this story came to mind. Hopefully I'll be scripting the whole thing and outlining the parts, but I'm bad at that. Plus I have idea's for action panels but I'm not so good on writing those anymore.

Is this on the page bottom? god bless it.