Dammit all these awesome fics coupled with my ADHD have completely ruined my plans of writing today. Your combined awesomeness/d'awwww is screwing me over.
Doesn't help that about halfway through what I originally thought would be a good way to start the story, I realized it was completely unnecessary and had to scrap it. Writing is hard.
In short - You guys are completely ruining my life.
Not that it's a bad thing, mind you.
Originally Posted by WayToVague
Hey I wrote a short pesterlog between John and Jade after the whole squiddle nightmare fiasco.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 18:24 --
EB: hi jade!
GG: hi john!
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 18:26 --
DAAAAAAAANG MAN! BEST EVAR!!!!!!!!
Last edited by Douhneill; 11-14-2010 at 02:21 PM.
Reason: lol squiddles
If you feel that there's no way things could get any worse, that means things will only get better!
...That, or you're possibly being fed on by a dementor. Eat some chocolate, stat.
Anyway I finally refitted HINTS OF CANDY RED with more stuff. I forgot about the fact that Karkat's computer exploded before Sollux fell asleep so I had to rework everything. Also I have a way better title now.
END OF ANONYMITY
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]
CG: OKAY, DAME SMELLINGTON
CG: NOW THAT WE'VE ESTABLISHED THE CHAIN OF COMMAND
CG: YOU'RE GOING TO START SERVING ME ASAP.
GC: K4RK4T, 1'M TRY1NG TO D34L W1TH G4MZ33 R1GHT NOW.
GC: 1 N33D TO K33P H1M FROM D3STROY1NG MY H1V3!
GC: H3 H4S NO 1D34 WH4T H3'S DO1NG, H3'S JUST DR4W1NG CLOWNS ON TH3 W4LLS
GC: 1TS L1K3 H3 TH1NKS 1TS JUST 4 G4M3 OR SOM3TH1NG
CG: MAYBE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ASAP MEANS.
CG: IT STANDS FOR
CG: AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
CG: WHICH MEANS THAT WHEN IT ISN'T POSSIBLE,
CG: E.G. WHEN SOME SLIME-ADDLED JACKASS IS ENDANGERING YOUR LIFE THROUGH WILLFULL IGNORANCE
CG: YOU DON'T START SERVING ME.
GC: OH MY GOD K4RK4T!
GC: TH4T'S SO SW33T TH4T YOU'R3 4CTU4LLY CONC3RN3D W1TH MY W3LL-B31NG!
CG: DON'T READ TOO MUCH INTO IT, SENATOR BLINDSWORTH.
CG: IF MY PLAYERS ARE DEAD I CAN'T HUMILIATE SOLLUX
CG: BY BEATING HIM AT THE GAME HE FUCKING DESIGNED HIMSELF.
CG: SHUT UP
CG: LISTEN I'M GOING TO GO BE A FANTASTIC LEADER AND ORDER SOME SENSE INTO CLOWN BOY
CG: BE RIGHT BACK
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]
CG: HEY, MORON
TC: wHoA, wHaT aRe YoU mOtHeRfUcKinG sAlTy AboUt ToDaY, mY jUgGaBrO
CG: FIRST OFF, I'M NOT A PART OF YOUR FUCKING CREEPY CLOWN RELIGION
CG: SECONDLY, I NEED MY SERVER PLAYER FOR A WHILE.
TC: sO yOu WaNt mE tO bE yOuR mAgIc MiRaClE gOd AlL uP iN yOuR hIve?
CG: I WOULD NEVER FUCKING WANT THAT, ARE YOU INSANE
TC: hEhE, yOu FuCkiNg KnOw It BroThEr
CG: OH RIGHT.
CG: OKAY, WOW, I WALKED IN TO THAT.
CG: BUT LISTEN, TEREZI IS MY SERVER PLAYER
CG: AND SHE CAN'T VERY WELL SERVE ME IF SOME MORON IS TEARING APART HER FUCKING TREEHIVE LIKE A GODDAMN LUMBERJAEGER
CG: SO DROP THE MIRACLE GAME FOR A MINUTE AND CHILL OUT
CG: DO YOUR IDIOTIC THING
TC: i ThiNk I cAn Be DoWn WiTh ThAt
TC: tHe ChiLlInG
CG: FOR ONCE GETTING YOU PSYCHOS TO COOPERATE ISN'T A FEDERAL FUCKING ISSUE.
TC: : o) HoNk HoNk HoNk
CG: ALRIGHT THEN
CG: ALL HAIL YOUR GLORIOUS LEADER!
CG: WHO HAS SAVED PYROPE-KIND FROM THE EVIL CAPRICIOUS GODS OF MIRTH!
CG: ALRIGHT SO TA WALKED ME THROUGH THIS FIRST PART, WHERE YOU HAVE TO PUT ALL THESE WEIRD MACHINES IN MY ROOM
GC: OH TH1S 1S 4M4Z1NG
GC: K4RK4T C4N YOU S33 WH4T 1 4M DO1NG?
GC: 1 C4N DR4W ON YOUR W4LLS!
CG: WHAT THE HELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
GC: DR4W1NG ON YOUR W4LLS
CG: I CAN SEE THAT, YOU MORON
CG: WHY THE HELL, WHY ARE YOU DOING
GC: D3L1C1OUS C4NDY R3D!
GC: 1T SM3LLS SO GOOD!
CG: OH FUCK NO
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FIND OUT
GC: F1ND OUT WH4T
CG: I JUST MEANT
CG: HOW DID YOU FIND OUT HOW TO DRAW STUFF, I GUESS
GC: 1T'S 1 OF TH3 OPTIONS 1N TH3 TOOLB4R
GC: PR3TTY S1MPL3, 4CTU4LLY
GC: 1 PUT TH3 M4CH1N3S OUTS1D3.
CG: I HAVE TO SAY, I'M SIMULTANEOUSLY PISSED AND PLEASED THAT YOU'VE FIGURED THIS OUT SO QUICKLY
GC: SO DO 1 ST4RT BU1LD1NG ONTO YOUR H1V3 Y3T?
CG: I DON'T THINK SO.
CG: I NEED SOME KIND OF PUNCHED CARD OR SOMETHING
CG: THAT SOLLUX WAS WHINING ABOUT.
CG: AND THEN I NEED TO ALCHEMIZE SHIT.
CG: FIRST YOU HAVE TO OPEN THE CRUX THING.
CG: I HAD TO WHACK IT AGAINST THE CEILING BUT ANY HEAVY IMPACT SHOULD DO THE TRICK.
GC: K4RK4T 1 H4V3 4N 1D34!
CG: FUCK, NOT ONE OF THOSE
GC: NO, L1ST3N!
GC: OK, ST4ND 4 L1TTL3 TO TH3 L3FT.
CG: WOW DO I FEEL LIKE A DUMBASS.
GC: DON'T WORRY
GC: 1 F33L L1K3 YOU'R3 4 DUMB4SS 3V3RY D4Y.
CG: HEH, OKAY
GC: NOW C4PTCH4LOGU3 SOM3TH1NG.
CG: CAPTCHALOGUE WHAT?
GC: TRUST M3
CG: HOW ABOUT THIS SHITTY OLD FLARP MANUAL YOU MADE ME BUY
GC: 4ND BOOM!
GC: TH3R3'S 4 GR4Y SW1RLY TH1NG 4ND 4 R3D CYL1ND3R
GC: MOR3 C4NDY R3D!
GC: 1 4M S3NS1NG 4 P4TT3RN!
CG: UGH NO, THERE'S NO GODDAMN PATTERN
CG: PATTERNS ARE FOR QUILTING AND LAZY GAME DESIGNERS
CG: THE FACT THAT THIS DOWEL THING IS RED MEANS NOTHING
GC: WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y!
GC: >: )
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
TA: hey change of plan, we arent playiing thii2 game anymore.
CG: GUESS WHO THE RED LEADER IS?
CG: I'M THE LEADER. IT'S ME.
CG: YOUR PLAN TO CRIPPLE YOUR RIVAL TEAM HAS FAILED.
TA: ii know, 2he told me, ii dont care.
TA: the game ii2 bad new2, iit wiill cau2e the end of the world, not 2top iit.
TA: 2o forget iit, ju2t go back two whatever you were doiing.
TA: wriitiing your 2hiitty code or whatever.
CG: HAHAHA! SO PATHETIC.
CG: THIS IS YET ANOTHER FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO WEAKEN YOUR OPPOSITION.
CG: TEREZI AND I HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED A CONNECTION AND WE ARE MAKING GREAT PROGRESS HERE.
CG: WE ARE A GREAT TEAM, AND I AM A FANTASTIC LEADER.
CG: WE WILL BEAT THIS GAME IN NO TIME, WHILE YOUR TEAM IS CLEARLY STILL ASLEEP AT THE THORAX.
TA: oh god.
TA: no you iidiiot, ii dont care about the game anymore.
TA: ii ju2t quiit, iim not playiing, you 2hould two.
CG: YOU'RE EITHER BEING REALLY PERSISTENT WITH THIS TRANSPARENT RUSE, OR YOU REALLY ARE JUST THAT SAD AND INCOMPETENT.
CG: NEITHER CASE DESERVES MY RESPECT OR MY FRIENDSHIP.
CG: IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT, FRIENDSHIP CANCELED.
CG: THERE IT'S OFFICIAL, BYE BYE FRIENDSHIP!
TA: oh liike you havent 2aiid that liike a biilliion tiime2.
TA: you arent iin any po2iitiion two que2tiion my competence.
TA: youre the wor2t programmer iive ever 2een, you dont know anythiing about computer2, why do you bother.
TA: the only thiing youre good at ii2 yelliing and makiing huge mii2take2.
TA: and beiing UGLY AND HORRIIBLE IN EVERY WAY, AND HAVIING 2TUPIID LIITTLE NUBBY HORN2.
CG: TO BE HONEST I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT YOUR PROGRAMMING OR HACKING.
CG: WHAT IS A HACKER EVEN? JUST SOME SMUG ASSHOLE IN MOVIES DOING FAKE THINGS AND MAKING UP WORDS.
CG: IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL THING TO BE, IT'S JUST SOME BULLSHIT TITLE YOU GAVE YOURSELF SO YOU CAN FEEL JUST A TINY BIT LESS LOATHESOME.
TA: oh no, more chiildii2h burn2, ii dont have two prove anythiing two you, iim a great hacker, periiod.
CG: NO IT'S ALL SO CLEAR NOW, YOU WERE A FRAUD ALL ALONG.
CG: WHAT DOES ALL THIS NONSENSICAL CODE YOU WROTE EVEN DO?
CG: IT'S ALL NONSENSE.
CG: LIKE A BLUFF. YOU JUST SAY, OH KARKAT WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT I WROTE IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE HE'S TOO DUMB TO FIGURE IT OUT.
CG: WELL YOU'RE BUSTED, THESE VIRUSES HERE I BET DO NOTHING AT ALL.
TA: waiit, KK...
CG: I BET IF I RAN THEM NOTHING BAD WOULD HAPPEN.
CG: MIGHT EVEN IMPROVE MY COMPUTER'S PERFORMANCE!
TA: no don't.
CG: HOW ABOUT THIS IDIOTIC PROGRAM WITH THE RED AND BLUE CODE, WHICH IS A MEANINGLESS THING TO DO WITH CODE ANYWAY.
CG: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR SCAMS.
CG: WHY NOT SNEAK SOME BAD CLIP ART INTO THE FILES TOO, AND PRETEND THAT'S CODE???
TA: oh god, no dont run that, iim 2eriiou2.
CG: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?
TA: iim not 2ure, but iit would be really, really bad iif you ran iit, ju2t dont.
CG: AH HA. JUST AS I THOUGHT, YOU CAN'T EVEN COME UP WITH A GOOD LIE WHEN I PRESS YOU ON IT.
CG: YOUR BLUFF HAS BEEN CALLED.
CG: COMPILING AS WE SPEAK, IT WILL AUTORUN WHEN IT FINISHES.
CG: AND NOW I HAVE TO GO ATTEND TO SOMETHING OUTSIDE, BECAUSE TEREZI IS DOING SOMETHING JUST UNSPEAKABLY STUPID RIGHT NOW.
CG: WHOOPS, FORGET I SAID THAT. IT WAS PRIVILEGED INFORMATION.
TA: you are the dumbe2t grubfucker on the planet, ii 2wear.
CG: LATER DOUCHE BAG.
TA: KK DO NOT RUN THAT CODE.
carcinoGeneticist's [CG'S] computer exploded.
TA: oh my god.
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
GC: WHO 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG TO?
carcinoGeneticist's [CG'S] computer exploded.
GC: HOLY OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]
CG: OKAY, FUCK, SOLLUX MADE A DUMBASS VIRUS THAT BLEW UP MY COMPUTER SO USED HIS SHITTY ALCHEMY PROCESS TO MAKE A NEW ONE
CG: IT'S PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY
CG: BUT MY LUSUS DIED, WHICH I GUESS ISN'T THAT BIG A DEAL BECAUSE I'M NOT A GRUB AND HE WAS GETTING REALLY FUCKING CRABBY
GC: K4RK4T, TH4T'S HORR1BL3! HOW COULD YOU S4Y TH4T 4BOUT YOUR LUSUS! YOU DON'T 3V3N KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU W3R3 TO H4V3 4 LUSUS YOUR WHOL3 L1F3?
CG: DON'T TRY THAT ORPHAN SHIT ON ME, IT WON'T WORK.
CG: IF SOLLUX IS RIGHT ABOUT THIS GAME ENDING THE WORLD I WON'T BE CULLED ANYWAY.
GC: 3ND1NG TH3 WH4T NOW?
CG: YEAH TWIN TEAMS BRINGING IN ARMAGEDDON, CERTAINLY NOT EGOTISTICAL AT ALL
GC: TH1S 1S 4CTUALLY PR3TTY S3R1OUS BUS1N3SS NOW, 1SN'T 1T?
CG: YEAH, SO THAT'S WHY I'M THE LEADER OF YOU GUYS.
CG: WHEN SHIT GETS REAL, I HIT THE FAN.
CG: OR WHATEVER
CG: ANYWAY STOP DRAWING DRAGONS ON THE WALLS, IT'S UNSPEAKABLY STUPID
GC: NO. >: P
CG: SO ANYWAY
CG: FUCK, I FORGET WHAT'S NEXT.
CG: I'LL GO MESS WITH SOLLUX, YOU DEAL WITH THE CLOWN.
CG: LATER TEREZI.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
CG: HEY, MORON.
CG: ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT, I JUST CALLED GAMZEE THAT. I NEED SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
CG: AND I ALREADY CALLED YOU DOUBLEDOUCHE EARLIER, SO GIVE ME A MINUTE WHILE I COME UP WITH SOME NEW MATERIAL.
CG: OKAY, I CAME UP WITH A GOOD ONE, IT'S DORKUALITY, WHICH I THINK IS A CLEVER PORTMANTEAU,
CG: BUT YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME TO GO FUCK MYSELF YET SO I'M GETTING WORRIED.
CG: OH WAIT I CAN JUST CHECK ON YOU WITH THIS DUMBASS GAME.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK, WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?
CG: ACTUALLY, I GUESS YOU CAN'T READ THIS SINCE, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SLEEPING LIKE A SOMNAMPUTATOR.
CG: SO I GUESS YOU WOULDN'T CARE IF I LET YOU KNOW THAT YOUR DUMBASS CODE BLEW UP MY GODDAMN COMPUTER AND KILLED MY LUSUS
CG: MAYBE THE NEW MESSAGE BLEEP WILL WAKE YOUR DUMB ASS UP
CG: YOU'RE A DUMBASS.
apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
CG: OH GOD WHAT
CG: WHAT THE FUCK, AREN'T YOU DEAD
CG: VRISKA SAID SHE FUCKING KILLED YOU
CG: NO, WAIT, WHO IS THIS USING ARADIA'S HUSKTOP
AA: the reas0n that y0u think i am dead is because i am
AA: but because 0f what must 0ccur in the next few nights
AA: my death is 0f little c0nsequence in terms 0f my ability t0 play this game
CG: OH MY GOD
CG: THIS IS SO STUPID
CG: GHOSTS AREN'T A REAL THING.
CG: THEY'RE FAKE
CG: FAKEY FAKE FAKES, THE WAY VRISKA SAYS
CG: OR THE WAY YOU SAY, BECAUSE IT'S SO OBVIOUS YOU'RE USING HER COMPUTER IN A SADISTIC FINISHING MOVE
AA: i am n0t vriska
AA: if y0u feel the need t0 c0rr0bate my claims
AA: i suggest tr0lling her y0urself
AA: if y0u d0n't want t0 d0 that then i am 0kay with that
CG: OKAY EVEN IF I BOUGHT THIS FUCKING SPOOKY MAGIC GHOST NONSENSE
CG: WHICH I REMIND YOU, I FUCKING DON'T!
CG: WHAT IN THE NAME OF GIBBERING INSANITY DO YOU WANT?
AA: due t0 s0llux's less wakeful state
AA: it has fallen up0n me t0 remind y0u 0f what y0u must d0
CG: SO YOU'RE GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS SHITTY GAME?
AA: i will 0nly explain what is necessary t0 y0ur immediate survival
AA: f0r reas0ns that are c0mplicated but f0r n0w will be chalked up t0 the fact that i am playing f0r the 0ther team
CG: OH, GREAT
CG: NOW I HAVE MY OWN DEAD SPOOKY SPIRIT GUIDE.
CG: I CERTAINLY HAVE ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF THOSE.
AA: what y0u must d0 next is place y0ur dead lusus int0 the kernelsprite, bringing him t0 life as y0ur spirit guide
CG: OK GREAT JOKE VRISKA
CG: EPIC TROLL RIGHT THERE
CG: THIS IS JUST ABOUT FUCKING HILARIOUS.
AA: i have t0ld y0u that i am n0t vriska
AA: when y0ur lusus bec0mes y0ur sprite he will explain the rest
AA: and i will n0 l0nger have reas0n t0 speak t0 y0u
CG: OH NO
CG: IT'S SO TERRIBLE THAT I WON'T HAVE TO BE BOTHERED MY A DEAD GIRL ANYMORE
CG: WON'T YOU PLEASE RECONSIDER, MISS ARADIA, MA'AM?
AA: i will leave n0w
AA: talking t0 y0u is am0ng the few things i am n0t 0kay with
CG: ARADIA ISN'T DEAD AND SHE'S A CREEP
CG: LET'S JUST GET ON WITH THIS.
GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3?
GC: 1 GU3SS 1 SORT OF F33L B4D FOR BLOW1NG VR1SK4'S 4RM OFF 1N R3V3NG3 NOW
CG: ARE YOU SERIOUS
GC: H3H3H3 NO
GC: 1'M NOT SORRY 4T 4LL!
CG: FUCKING CREEPY BLIND GIRL.
CG: AGAIN, LET'S JUST GET ON WITH THIS.
GC: 4LR1GHT TH3N, C4NDY R3D L34D3R!
CG: HOW MANY TIMES AM I GOING TO TELL YOU?
CG: YOUR GUESSES ARE WAY OFF BASE, I MEAN IT.
CG: AND IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER, JEGUS.
Last edited by -Benedict; 11-26-2010 at 08:00 PM.
ha ha what's all this old crap Past Me put in his signature, get that stuff outta there
Thanks for the support guys! I'm going to work on another pesterlog-type story between John and Dave and try to build upon what is apparently an amazing piece of work.
I also wanted to state that the hardest part when writing this was coming up with the time at which this conversation takes place. I thought about it for a good forty minutes before finalizing on 18:24.
Last edited by WayToVague; 11-14-2010 at 02:32 PM.
Eh, you might as well quote it instead of just linking it:
Originally Posted by BlastYoBoots
I kind of dismissed the idea of Grandpasprite for Jade, thinking it'd be fun for a little while but get dull fast. Then something in one of the fanart threads made me think of this:
badassGrandpa [BG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]
BG: Stay the hell away from my granddaughter!
BG: Yes, I'm talking to you, you yellow son-of-a-grub.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
BG: Watch your language, boy.
BG: I don't recall you having sought my approval before approaching my charge in SUCH a forward manner!
BG: I'm not a man-like-construct who approves of cowardice, least of all from potential suitors.
CG: JEGUS CHRIST THIS IS SO FUCKING RETARDED.
CG: YOU WEREN'T EVEN ALIVE UNTIL A FEW MINUTES AGO!
BG: You take that tone again with me and you're a dead man, mister.
BG: You're the one who's been courting my paradox-daughter behind my back.
CG: ALRIGHT, LET'S SAY FUTURE ME WILL BE BRAINDEAD ENOUGH TO GO RED FOR AN UNATTRACTIVE ELF WHOSE IDEA OF A GOOD TIME INVOLVES COATING HERSELF IN LIVESTOCK LEAVINGS.
CG: EVEN IF I'M DOOMED TO BE IMPACTED ENOUGH TO MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE, PROBABLY FROM POUNDING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL DURING THIS SHITHEADED CONVERSATION
CG: I STILL DOUBT THAT I WOULD GIVE A FLYING GAS EMISSION ABOUT GHOST DAD'S OPINION HERE.
CG: I'M SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF TAKING CRYPTIC ORDERS FROM GHOSTS AND ROBOT GHOSTS AND SHIT-FOR-BRAINS SPRITE GHOSTS.
CG: SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND REALIZE I'M CALLING THE SHOTS HERE.
BG: You're doing a piss poor job of convincing me to approve of a ruffian such as you, especially for an INTERSPECIES relationship!
BG: I'll bet my bottom boonbuck you wouldn't have the guts to spout nonsense like this at the business end of my rifle.
CG: I COULD RIP YOU INTO GHOSTLY FUCKING DATA BITS SO FAST YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TIME TO SAY "I'M SORRY MY BENEVOLENT FELLOW, GO PRANCING IN THE YARDS WITH MY RETARDED GENETIC OFFSPRING".
CG: NEED I REMIND YOU THAT MY ANGRY GRUBFUCK POWER SPAWNED YOUR UNIVERSE AND EXISTENCE FROM UTTER NOTHINGNESS?
CG: WHERE'S MY FATHERLY FUCKING DEFERENCE?
CG: OH, AND FOR THE RECORD I USED THAT LANGUAGE WITH YOUR PARADOX-BITCH AS WELL.
BG: Just wait until I wring your neck with these ghostly hands, you uncivilized ingrate!
CG: I'LL SET A TABLE FOR FUCKING TWO, FAKE CUSTODIAN MORON.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] has blocked badassGrandpa [BG]
Since you people like grubs so much, have some of mine.
It has been many thousands of years since the task of troll reproduction was taken away from the individual and given to a controlled system of mother grubs. The transition was forced in by the tyrannical dynasty that continues to rule to this day, and while the populace had responded with outrage, it became wedged in common knowledge throughout the millennia as some sort of fundamental, god-given order. To make it function efficiently, trolls would have to be denied parents and be taught to hate romantically (against the penalty of death), abbhor friendship and most of all, respect the blood caste system. Thanks to this, the new social construct persisted.
But despite the complete restructuring of troll society, a newborn is still ignorant of these conventions. The complex system of romance that the troll race takes pride in is still just an invention. No grub recognizes the hierarchy of blood, or restricts their whole social experience to a few confusing, exclusive quadrants. Through a gradual process beginning from pupation, the troll loses its childlike bliss and is moulded into a society centered around discrimination and war.
As twelve paradox clones experience their first waking day, a Witch of Life watches in amazement. She sees her lifelong friend play with the same grubs he now plots to kill, and a charming little maiden who would grow up to be a hurtful spider. Her own dear Sollux looks so peaceful and carefree, a state which has all but disappeared. She glances at the countdown, and is reminded of how her friends will soon be launched back in time, and be made victims of the terrible society that she just helped terminate.
But then, she thinks of the future. Sgrub has given her the means to creation. She swears the future troll race will have loving parents, ample friends and the right to raise their own grubs. There will be no land dwellers or sea dwellers, everyone will be born equal. In fact, she can't wait to descend into her new universe, to finally fulfill the dream she has treasured since she was a pupa.
Tiny little pesterlog; supposed to be happening at around the latest update at this point. Basic premise: "John decides to pester Rose to try and figure out if she likes him after the talk he had with Karkat about him needing to 'marry' Rose."
EB: um........ hi rose.
EB: how are you doing?
EB: having fun ripping stitches and prying seams and all that havoc stuff?
TT: Not really.
TT: Whatever base amusement might have been possible has long been squeezed from its fruit in full.
TT: Its rind a desert serving primarily to remind that sweetness is gone and has been longed replaced with rapt attention directed at more serious manners.
EB: sounds like a fruity rumpus factory!
EB: uh... nothing.
EB: so, i guess you're bored?
TT: I've found a lot of information.
TT: Although how it all adds up still escapes me.
EB: well, math can be kinda hard sometimes.
TT: I'm not doing literal math, John.
EB: well yeah.
TT: I'm more than capable of adding 1 and 1 together.
TT: And before you finish typing; yes, it is two.
EB: i know you know, rose.
EB: but uh...
EB: what do you think about two?
EB: i dunno.
TT: I don't have any particular opinion on two?
TT: It's one more than one, one less than three.
TT: A respectable member of the number citizenry living an otherwise ordinary number life.
TT: Perhaps two could use a bit more exercise.
TT: Am I being expressive enough?
EB: bluh, not that.
EB: like, you know, 1 and 1.
TT: Yes; two.
TT: I'm sorry, John. Unless you have a point with this all I think it'd be best if I continued my investigation.
EB: i mean like a couple, you know...
TT: Ah, have the trolls been bothering and fussing over that with you as well?
TT: I can't understand their preoccupation.
EB: i know!
EB: i think we're all a little young to be thinking of marriage!
EB: or uh, even dating. i guess i've never really thought about anything like that before.
EB: uhm... have you?
TT: Not in the slightest.
TT: Honestly, John, was this all you wanted to bring up.
EB: uh, yeah!
EB: that was all, haha.
EB: just those silly trolls.
EB: nothing else.
EB: well uh, have fun breaking stuff, rose.
TT: Bye, John.
Oh hey, plans fell through, look at that. And then look at this maybe why don't you?
That's right it's another baby nuClones fic.
"Eridan, look!" Eridan did not. ")(E)(E)(E)(E. Yeah! That's it! Glub, glub, yeah! Eridan, look! You're watching my finger and I'm swimming!"
"Fef, that's not me or you." Eridan craned his head away from the computer just enough to look at the aquarium, where Feferi was tracing her finger in arcs across the class. Sure enough, his grub clone was sitting at the bottom, watching the giant finger go back and forth with patient consistency. Feferi's grub was upside-down in mid-water, looking up at the glimmering surface of the water above her.
"I know it's not us, crabby. But they're so smart! Oh, look, here you come!"
The baby Eridan clone was crawling up the edges of the aquarium with all his little legs, and stopped at Feferi's finger and began trying to gnaw at it through the glass.
"------E-E-E-E!! Eridan, look!"
Eridan watched her, at least. He just could not understand the fascination. Up until a day ago the only Troll that had seen a grub in person in a thousand years had been equipped with cameras or a scythe, and the latter seemed to have no desire to go anywhere back near the things since. Personally, he could not see the appeal any more than Karkat. They were just crawly little things that felt really weird when they moved up your arm. Why was almost everyone else so damn excited?
"Okay! Okay. I have to get out of here or I won't get anything else done. Eridan, will you watch these two until Nepeta comes back?"
"Sure, Fef," he agreed with a yawn. Like they needed watching. No grubs in Troll history had ever needed watching and didn't enough of those always survive to start the next generation? He felt fairly confident that he could leave the room completely unattended for the next two hours and that both grubs would probably still have all their legs. But sure enough, after his first check just twenty second after being left alone, he found his young clone floundering on the surface of the water after an ill attempt to reach the island set in the middle of the tank.
"no no stupid" he said to himself, and scooped the grub out of the water and into his hand. The grub thrashed about for a bit, having landed on its back, and he took the opportunity to dry it off with the end of his scarf. It gurgled and squealed, but it did not take long to dry such a tiny thing and soon it was standing upright and looking around the bright world of air it had once again returned to visit with a wide-eyed, open-mouthed astonishment that drew towards lights and motion.
"Yeah, she's cute darting around like a big ole' shrimp, isn't she?" Eridan said when he clone decided to look back in the direction of his tank and tank-mate. "You better not screw up with her when you're bigger, you know. If she's anything like herself, she'll be the best moirail you ever had and you don't want to screw that up. And maybe while you're growing up you take some tips from the pro here we can keep you from growing up into another loser that strikes out all the time like, uh... like me. Say, uh..." He partially wondered why he was talking so freely to the infant all of a sudden, but it felt so natural. "Do you maybe want to go visit the other grubs?"
Two tiny grub eyes looked up into Eridan's, shimmering and soft, and he half smiled down at his copy, before it abruptly vented purple waste over his palm. "oh fuckin gross" he said. "wwhy'd you have to go and do-- No, don't go to sleep! Don't go to..." But it was too late. Tiny claws gripping tight, the grub clutched onto Eridan's pointer finger and immediately zonked out. He tipped his hand, trying at first to dump the baby back in the water, but the grip was so tight that even holding his hand entirely upside-down had no effect. Wanting to clean his hand, he was tempted to pull the grub off, but he just looked so peaceful that he could not find it in him to do. Feferi's clone did another lap of her tank while her tank-mate made barely audible snoring sounds.
"noww you see" Eridan said, pointing to his own hand. "this is exactly the type of loser thing i wwant you to avvoid"
This fic used to be called "Wet Grubbings" but I renamed when I decided to put it in my sig and figured the name was kind of stupid.
@egregiousbass: Yes, even more grubs! KarneWarrior, I hope you don't mind how everyone's grabbed your idea and ran with it! It's just too sweet.
@Lotus: Poor John! But I loved Rose's response about "2".
@gingerale: *ridiculous pep speech about sowing your fandom wild oats* In summary, totally draw whatever you've got time for because that would be awesome.
Last edited by SkaianRedeemer; 11-19-2010 at 11:48 PM.
Reason: Periods don't follow exclaimation marks don't be silly.
Made-up (fictional) interactions created by forumers (fans) should go in the fan-fiction thread in the art forum.
Righto. Guess I should repost this here, then (with minor edits for consistency).
Spidermom Is Only Looking Out For Your Best Interests
SPIDERMOMSPRITE[SM] began trolling VRISKA SERKET[AG]
SM: Have I ever told you how disappointed you make me?
AG: Only eight million times, mom.
SM: And what's this I hear about you courting that brown-blood in the wheelchair? I thought I raised you better than that, young lady!
AG: You raised me to be a remorseless and efficient killer.
AG: Never having any friends outside of FLARP and that creep Equius which,
AG: 8y the way,
AG: TH8NKS FOR TH8T!!!!!!!!
SM: Friends are a weakness! You keep them around only so long as it proves convenient and kill them as soon as they aren't.
AG: And for your information, I jumped him off a cliff with his own 8rain and crippled him myself!
SM: If that's the case, then why is he still alive? You should have mated with him, then killed and eaten him by now!
SM: I want grandchildren I can recognize, Vriska!
AG: We're only 6 sweeps old! We're too young for that!
AG: And you wouldn't know who they were either, anyway!
SM: I'd been laying eggs less disappointing than you by the time I turned four!
AG: That's 8ecause you're a great 8ig SPIDER. I'm a TROLL! It doesn't work that way!
SM: A fine excuse!
SM: Oh, what a life I've lived! To be fed measly hors d'oeuvres for six solar sweeps, only to get my head cut off by my own daughter!
Is there a way to do quote-boxes without automatic italics?
@Wigmund: Hybrid grubs. Red talking Kade. Fffffffff. You have no idea what you've unleashed.
I have an idea. A terrible awful idea of what I've unleashed. In fact, I'm gonna unleash more right now
MUSINGS ON THE ECTOBIOLOGICAL RECOMBINATIONS OF HUMANS AND TROLLS
(continuation of OH WHAT THE FUCK!)
What a bloody fuck stupid title... Karkat muttered as he read the note John had left by the door of the ectobiology lab when he left.
Well, it can't get any worse than this. Let's see what the stupid maggotfucker has written about you all, shall we Kade?
That's right, he is. Well here we go...
It seems that my tampering with the ectobiology equipment at the Troll's asteroid has resulted in the recombination of us kids with the trolls - creating Human/Troll hybrids...
Karkat stopped reading, Jegus fuck, that's boring. Didn't John mention he figured out how you little abominations are mixed?
Well, you and those eleven abominations.
Alright, let's skip his fucking rambling and get to the point.
....combinations seem to be as follows (organized by us kids):
With me - Vriska, Nepeta and Equius
With Rose - Kanaya, Eridan and Gamzee
With Jade - Karkat There you are little Kade, Feferi and Tavros
With Dave - Terezi FFFFFF, Sollux and Aradia
As to why the ectobiolo....
Well shit, I guess this means I have to break it to the other new parents that they've finally got some fucking responsibilities around here.
This and the previous bit are my first fanfics ever. And also, the first time I've written stories since elementary school.
Hopefully these haven't been too terrible.
So, uh, Nursery Fic! Now I want art of Kitten and Archer and all the rest of da extra grubs.
Karkat stared at his grubself. The ugly little thing was chasing a piece of yarn that Nepeta was dangling in front of him.
“What’s his name?”, she asked cheerfully.
“Eh? How the fuck would I know? It’s a grub.”
“You gotta name him!”
Karkat sighed. Leave it to Nepeta to harp on about such a stupid thing. “Fine. His name is Fucking Waste of Time.”
“Oh noooooo!” Nepeta wailed, “You can’t name him THAT! You need to name him something like-“
“Like what? Like Kitten? That’s hardly a name. And Archer? What the fuck was Equius thinking? I thought Kanaya had more sense then to name her grub Bobbin. That moodswinging moron Sollux let Feferi name his grub Beeboy! Beeboy, Nepeta!”
“Those are all purrfectly nice names!” Nepeta crossed her arms stubbornly.
“There are no points in time at which those are nice names. And even there were, Gamzee named his grub MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE. WITH the stupid capitalization. Jegus, these aren’t pets!”
“I don’t see how that means it’s okay if you name your grub Fucking Waste of Time!”
“It’s either that or everyone renames their grubs something reasonable.”
“You are no fun!”
“This isn’t about fun, you moron!”
As the two of them bickered, the unwatched grubs took advantage of their distraction to get up to mischief. Rufina gnawed on Rufio’s horns affectionately. Beeboy levitated the grubtreats to himself, smirking smugly. Kitten had woken up and started to chew up a scarf Eridan had left lying around. Swift Justice To The Wicked was eating the crayons and fingerpaint and had started to burp colored bubbles. Archer seemed to be trying to tunnel his way out of the room. Bobbin was wriggling out of the clothes Kanaya had made for her. Aradia (the second) was exploring the wonderful world of the cleaning closet. Ishmael was ferociously ripping apart a fangirl plushie. Feffy was babbling happily and nonsensasically to a squiddle toy. MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE had somehow gotten into the sopor slime. Lastly, Fucking Waste of Time had learned his first word.