MSPA fan fiction 2

[Author]

HaRlEyQuIn

Chapter 3

John and Karkat shared a significant look. That was how bros communicated.

I lost it right there. Just broke down laughing.

Erm... SHORTFIC DISTRACTION!

You've Been Added

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Vriska was staring at her computer screen, blushing ever so slightly. She just couldn't believe what had happened. What had occurred due to that ridiculous, ludicrous, conversation.

Ten Minutes Ago: Open Pesterlog

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-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 5:22 --
AG: John, i just wanna tell you how im feelin.
EB: oh hey vriska!
AG: I'm gonna m8ke you, understand!
AG: I'm never gonna give you up!
EB: haha hilarious vriska.
EB: seriously whats up?
AG: eh, not much.
AG: karkat blew a gasket.
AG: Something about "SLOPPY INTERSPECIES MAKEOUTS."
EB: wait what?
EB: that sounds pretty dumb.
AG: I know right?
AG: anyway, I'll talk to you l8r, john.
EB: oh wait one second vriska!
EB: i keep forgetting to do this.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] added arachnidsGrip [AG] to his Chumroll at 5:27 --
EB: alright, see you vriska!!!!!!!!
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] at 5:27 --

You really hope that nobody can check your Trollslum. It would be bad if they saw a human on it.

This most certainly did not start as an attempt to troll the entire fanfic community.

Noooope.

@PostBeforeMe: Into The Dark was really good.

YOU FORGOT ONE THING THOUGH!

Tholluxth theakth with a lithp.

[Kawa]

Oh my. Now I have this mental image in my head of Vriska singing that song.

[Sushi Database]

The Note Desperation Plays, part eight (bee2wax)

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"Paranoia, paranoia
Everybody's comin to get me
Just say you never met me
I'm runnin underground with the moles,
Diggin holes." -The Long Winters


"CAPTOR. ENOUGH IS FUCKING ENOUGH, OPEN THE DAMN DOOR."

"mmn," Sollux said, shifting inside his recuperacoon and keeping his eyes squeezed closed. He was awake at this point but he wanted nothing to do with the world beyond the sopor. He submerged his head in it, hoping it would drown out the sound of Karkat banging on his door.

Knock Knock Knock. Right on the top of his recuperacoon. "Come on, Sollux, it's time to G-ET UP!"

"noo," he said. "fef pleathe"

"You've been sleeping for long enough!" Sollux could here the sound of Feferi moving around outside his recuperacoon. Putting on jewelery, probably, and... getting dressed. "Nepeta just texted me to let me know that she's heading over to my room, so I have to go. And YOU have to get up!"

"SERIOUSLY, YOU COULD AT LEAST ANSWER ME, I CAN HEAR YOU GUYS TALKING IN THERE."

"mmmmeh, what'th the big rush?"

She flipped open the lid and glared down at Sollux, who was still mostly submerged in sopor. "Something really bad has happened, Sollux. To Gamzee."

"GZ? what, wath he arrethted for therving poithon?"

"No." She closed the lid on him. "And I wont hear you blaming that on Gamzee. That's what you deserve for drinking as much as you did. When you PROMIS-ED you wouldn't, even!"

"i don't detherve thith. no one detherveth thith."

"I'll see you later, after lunch. We will still be swimming, Sollux, so get your head together. And get dressed already, Karkat is at the door."

When she opened the door Karkat was standing there, scowling. "Good morning, your majesty. I'm the representative from the Better Breakfast Bureau. Was your stay at Chateau Sollux everything you hoped it would be? Do you have any complaints to share about your morning? I'm humbly at your fucking service."

"Hmmm. Well, I don't remember calling for room service..."

"Where's my dossier on Gamzee's clown bullshit?" he snapped. "If you cant handle the assignment, just say 'no can do, karkat! That's just too much for my regal sensibilities to eel with!' I thought you might want to be involved, for ceremonial purposes at least, but-"

"Glub glub Clam down, Karkat! You only assigned it, like, forty minutes ago!"

"Forty minutes with no progress, that's a great start. You must be so proud of your accomplishments."

"I'm on way to Nepeta's, we're going to work on it together. Chill out a little bit. And Sollux is still in his recuperacoon, but he's awake."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, slipping past her and into Sollux's room. "I'm chill, I'm chill as shit. I'm cool as a grubdamned sea cucumber."

"oh god kk ith that you"

"Yeah, it's me." He kicked the recuperacoon. "Get up. We need your help."

"thith cant wait for another hour or thomething? i'm dying here, kk!"

"No. No, it cant wait for an hour. Gamzee is dead."

For a moment, neither of them said anything, and then the lid to the recuperacoon opened and Sollux poked his ead out, still covered in sopor slime and apparently, at least from the chest up, naked. "Like, dead dead?"

"Like the kind of dead where your heart stops beating and you lose all cerebral function and wild animals or sometimes Vriska devours your corpse, yeah, dead. The regular kind of dead."

"hopy thit," Sollux said. "thith ith huge. how'd he die?"

"We're trying to figure that out, but you encrypted the fucking access codes to check the camera logs, so we're waiting on your lightweight ass. So, again, get the fuck up."

"alright, alright. I'm coming. Dont yell, my head hurts." There was a whirring sound as the recuperacoon drained itself of sopor slime into a filter at the bottom of the tank. Sollux shivered. "toth me a towel, dude. it is friggin freethzing in here."

"Uggh. Why didn't you leave one out?"

"whatever, i wath pretty much dead to the world. i don't remember anything after you guyth did thots in the bar. Thankth." He took the towel from Karkat and ducked back into the tank to clean himself off. Karkat stared intently at the wall.

"Well, hurry it up. Do you have any idea how many things you are going to have to do today? I haven't forgotten about Trollian being broken. And then there's whatever that shit with Princess Berryboo is."

"Trollian ithn't broken, you're jutht a total idiot."

"Yeah? Then why have the humans disappeared from the network? Hmm, maybe it's the fault of the sysadmin? What an incredible leap of logic that would be!"

"My network," Sollux said with gritted teeth. He had climbed halfway out of his recuperacoon, towel wrapped around his waist. "Ith fine. There ith nothing wrong with the network, whatever you think that meanth. The univerthe ith broken."

"Well then, fix the fucking universe!"

"I'm trying to!" he shouted. "Fuck!"

"Well..." Karkat looked down at the floor. "Okay. Put some pants on already and let's look at some camera footage."

When Karkat turned around Sollux was fully dressed and sitting at his computer with a spoon in his mouth. There was a small, orangey-golden colored glass jar resting on his lap. "Alright. Mm. What camera are we looking at?"

"The one from Gamzee's bar... is that mind honey you're eating? When did you start eating mind honey?"

"I don't want to talk about that right now."

"If you have a problem, then we-"

"KK," Sollux said, staring him straight in the eyes with the most serious, no-bullshit look in his arsenal. "Do you want to check the camerath, or do you want to ride my bulge into the wild blue yonder over thomething you dont even underthtand?"

"The cameras. Fuck, eat whatever you want if you're going to be like that. Gorge yourself on sopor, our team has an opening for designated stoner anyway."

"Okay," Sollux said, talking to himself out loud and not responding to Karkat's comment. "Here's the camera feed for the past two days."

The camera was pointed down from the ceiling, directly at the bar itself. Sollux searched around with the scrollbar until he found the point where Karkat, Terezi, and Nepeta were getting ready to go.

"Okay, let's slowly- whoa!"

"What?"

"You didn't see that? Rewind, like, ten seconds and play it again. Watch Gamzee and Nepeta."

Sollux did. As the two of them watched, with Karkat and Terezi faced in the opposite direction on the footage, Nepeta placed a sneaky kiss on Gamzee. Then she pulled away and hung off of Terezi, and the three of them exited the bar together.

"Oh," Sollux said. Then he thought about it. "Oh. Nepeta wath-"

"Yeah. We're going to have to watch out for her. Fuck. Like this wasn't complicated enough."

"Okay. Um. Tho, I'm going to play it in x32 thpeed."

He did, and the two watched Gamzee zip around the bar in fast forward speed, wiping down tables, washing glasses, and finally mopping the area where Sollux had gotten sick. And then, almost all at once, he appeared to be thrown up against the wall. He struggled, smashed a bottle in mid-air, and slumped to the floor with two stab wounds in the gut.

"What."

Sollux rewinded and played the sequence slower. Gamzee seemed to stop cleaning. He looked up, and said something to the empty bar. And then... an invisible force threw him up against the wall, impaled him with an equally invisible weapon- presumably a sword- got hit with a bottle, stabbed him again, and then left.

"This footage has been tampered with," Sollux said. "Something invisible attacked Gamzee, but he reacted to it. He could see it, we cant."

"Is that even possible, to edit the footage like that? Who could do that? And with the logs encrypted..."

Sollux shook his head slowly. "None of us could do that. Well, no." He reconsidered, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "I could have done it, probably. Or at least I could've written a program to make it easier. Put the background of the bar and the outline of the attacker on separate video track layers, and edit from there. I mean, it wouldn't have been easy, but..."

"...but, you were unconscious the whole time between this attack and us viewing it right now, so even if we were going to entertain that line of thought, there's no way it could be right."

"Yeah. Pretty much. I gueth."

"So we're still at square one." Karkat shook his head.

"No. No way. Thith jutht meanth we have to change our approach. Thomeone tampered with the camera logth, that'th big. That will leave a trathe, no matter how much they covered their trackth."

"Great! Awesome. So, do your hacker thing, and... I don't know, do what you do. Search for intrusions. In the... mainframe."

"Thtop," Sollux said. "Pleathe thtop."

"Look, I don't know what you do. Get root access to the... thing. Upload security protocols."

"Right now, the thingth you are thaying are acthually phythically athaulting me. I am being attacked, and injured, by thtupidity."

"So, can you do the thing or not?"

He sighed. "Maybe? KK there'th a lot more tackth to try. Tho this athhole fucked with the camerath, whatever. Did they have time to dithable heat detectorth in the bar? What about bathewide? Did they thabotage our Trollian viewport window camth, too? What about the powerth granted to uth by our mythological roleth, can they edit their way hidden from thothe?"

"Oh. Well, great. So do... those things."

"Yeth. You thould totally look into that. But the heat thignature thing is Vrithka'th tech, the Trollian viewport rig belongth to Aradia, and your girlfriend ith probably your best bet for her mythological role, what with being a Theer and all." He rolled back in his desk chair, turning to face Karkat. "Altho, while we've been talking I have had two other people methaging me to athk for me to help them with thomething. Not including your own requetht to "fix the univerthe", which I really am working on. Pluth, at thome point today, I'm going to have to go thwimming. Oh, and did I menthion that I'm thtill very, very hung over?"

"It may have come up," Karkat said. He had backed off considerably.

"Okay. Great. You go get working on the Gamzee thing. I have the utmotht confidenthe in you, KK. I'm thure you will thuceed with flying colorth."

"Ugggh. I really don't want to talk to Vriska."

"Then dont, TZ'th the one you athigned to invethigate. Delegate or whatever. Thtart getting the corpthemourn thet up."

"Hmm." Karkat set down on Feferi's reclining chair, which she kept in the room for when Sollux was busy coding. "I don't really want Terezi talking to Vriska either. I think that would be worse, actually."

Sollux sighed exasperatedly. "Well, do thomething, KK! Thomething thomewhere elthe. Figure it out. If I'm going to be awake- thankth again for that by the way- I have work to do. And get out of that chair, it'th not mine."

"Yeah, fine." Karkat stood and backed out of the room. "I'll leave you to it, but I will be messaging you to check back in on your progress."

Sollux was already tuning Karkat out. He maximized Trollian and sighed again. Great. That was one annoying wiggler dealt with. Now for the other two.

He clicked on the first message.

gallowsCallibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
GC: SOLLUX
TA: tz 2eriiou2ly what ii2 iit thii2 tiime
GC: OK4Y 1 KNOW YOU MUST B3 BUSY R1GHT NOW
TA: no you have no iidea what2over how bu2y ii am
TA: ii have 2o much on my nutriitiion plateau that the 2auce ii2 2tartiing two driibble ontwo the tablecloth
TA: iit2 liike ii wa2 at an all you can eat buffet for trouble and ii ju2t had two have a liittle biit of everythiing
TA: and before you 2ay all the trouble, ye2, all of iit
GC: SOLLUX 1 KNOW WHO K1LL3D G4MZ33
TA: perfect
TA: 2o report two karkat and let2 be done wiith iit
GC: N3V3RM1ND TH4T, 1 N33D TO F1GUR3 OUT HOW H3 GOT H3R3!
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU S41D TH3 HUM4N'S UN1V3RS3 W4S CUT OFF FROM OURS, BUT 1F TH4T'S TH3 C4S3 HOW 1S H3 H3R3
TA: waiit one of the human2 kiilled gz?
GC: Y3S! TH4T TURNT3CHGODH34D DOUCH3
TA: oh ii hate that guy
GC: H3 GOT 1N TH3 B4S3 4ND K1LL3D G4MZ33 4ND H3'S GO1NG TO B3 COM1NG FOR TH3 R3ST OF US
GC: BUT ONLY UNT1L YOU WR1T3 SOM3 K1ND OF COD3 TH1NG FOR H1M
TA: 2ome kiind of code thiing what the fuck
TA: why do ii have to do everythiing cant one of you a22hole2 ju2t get around to learniing ~ath
TA: ii mean come on
GC: >:\ OK4Y 1 KNOW 1TS SH1TTY BUT SOLLUX H3S GO1NG TO K1LL 4G41N 1F YOU DONT WR1T3 TH3 TH1NG
TA: why, becau2e he promii2ed he wouldnt?
GC: UH
GC: W3LL H3 D1DNT 3X4CTLY 3V3N PROM1S3
TA: tz
TA: has your logiical cortex been entiirely 2ub2iided by your gulliibility lobe
GC: >:( SO WH4T 3LS3 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO DO?
TA: what exactly diid he 2ay
GC: H3 S41D...
GC: TH4T 1F W3 F1N1SH3D BY TH3 N1GHT H3 WONT K1LL 4NYON3 3LS3
TA: he wont kiill anyone el2e
GC: UH Y34H
TA: well that ii2nt even a threat
GC: W3LL 1T SUR3 1SNT 4N 1NV1T4T1ON TO H1S WR1GGL1NG D4Y P4R4D3
GC: 1'LL POST TH4T WHOL3 P4RT
GC: TG: if he finishes by the end of the night i wont kill anyone else
TG: that fucking easy
TG: i mean i'll still probably take my aggression out on an alternate terezi but who the fuck cares about alternates
TG: anyway if he doesnt finish he has another day and then i kill someone else etcetera etcetera
GC: SO W3 H4V3 3L3V3N D4YS?
TG: no i'll probably lose patience after a few days and just kill you all
TG: i mean really i can always find more trolls
TG: you guys made a serious mess of your alternate timelines
TG: might want to talk to your robot ghost lady about that
TA: okay well
TA: he'2 left hiim2elf a loophole
GC: H4S H3?
TA: you dont 2ee iit?
GC: >:\
TA: he never expliiciitly 2tated that he would kiill anyone at the end of today iif you dont 2end hiim the thiing
TA: ju2t startiing the next day
GC: 1'M PR3TTY SUR3 H3 ST1LL 1NT3NDS TO DO 1T, THOUGH. 1T S33MS K1ND OF 1MPL13D.
TA: probably, but he doe2n't actually know
TA: even out2iide our tiimeliine, he doe2nt know for 2ure iif he'2 goiing two 2ucce22fully kiill 2omeone toniight
TA: 2o he'2 leaviing hiim2elf 2ome breathiing room two maiintaiin crediibiiliity
GC: HMMM.
GC: 4ND W3 KNOW FOR SUR3 TH4T H3 WONT 4TT4CK 4NYON3 B3FOR3 TON1GHT, B3C4US3 TH4T WOULD ONLY W34K3N H1S B4RG41N1NG POS1T1ON
TA: exactly
TA: oh my god ii ju2t fiigured iit out
TA: giive the ~ath thiing two karkat
GC: K4RK4T? H3 C4N COD3?
TA: oh god no he'2 terriible
TA: but ~ath is a pretty ob2cure language two read
TA: iif thiis guy knew iit enough two read iit he wouldn't need our help
TA: whatever karkat make2 wiill probably be riiddled in bug2
TA: plu2, thii2 keep2 karkat bu2y, plu2 plu2 iit take2 a problem off my dii2gu2tiingly overloaded nutriitiion plateau
GC: OK4Y, TH4T'S NOT 4 B4D PL4N!
TA: alriight awe2ome
TA: 2o thii2 ii2nt my problem anymore then, riight
GC: NO, 1 GU3SS NOT
TA: then
TA: are you goiing two leave me alone two do my work nowv
GC: UH 1 GU3SS SO
TA: alriight
TA: that2 one down

He tabbed over to hii2 other window.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
AA: s0llux
TA: 2o what do you want
AA: base p0wer 0utput has decreased 20%
AA: w0uld y0u happen t0 kn0w anything ab0ut that
TA: man that ii2nt even my job
TA: that2 eq2 problem
AA: 0.0
AA: is this a bad time
TA: no not at all ii wa2 ju2t about to 2et out the tea and crumpet2
TA: let2 make a grand old tiime of iit
TA: nevermiind that we havent talked iin day2 and you've been avoiidiing me
AA: ive been av0iding every0ne
TA: well maybe that2 the root of the problem
TA: maybe you 2houldnt be avoiidiing everyone
AA: equius is busy writing a p0em
AA: i th0ught we c0uld talk a little
AA: since we might n0t get a chance later
TA: why, what2 goiing to happen later
TA: ii2 what ii miight 2ay iif ii diidnt already know iit was our iimpendiing doom
TA: iits our iimpendiing doom, riight?
AA: why d0 y0u always lament the inevitable
AA: as if being miserable ab0ut it c0uld change 0ur fates
TA: 2o you are confiirmiing our iimpendiing doom, then
AA: i was h0ping we c0uld talk like we used t0
TA: liike we u2ed two when?
TA: liike when you were aliive? liike before you were a robot? before ff and eq?
AA: i supp0se
TA: do you even remember how we u2ed to talk, ar?
AA: n0
AA: n0t really
AA: but i remember remembering
AA: it feel s0 cl0se t0 being in reach
AA: like if i c0uld just reach a little higher i w0uld reach it
TA: you heard about gamzee, riight?
AA: yes
TA: tz thiink2 one of the human2 diid iit
TA: ii2 that the begiinniing of our iimpendiing doom, then?
AA: 0ur d00m never had a beginning
AA: n0r d0es it have an end
AA: it is happening and it has already happened
AA: the tail 0f the 0ur0b0r0s dev0ured int0 its 0wn maw
AA: a m0bius circuit in parad0x space
TA: thank2 aradiia
TA: you're alway2 there to cheer me up
AA: as much as i wish y0u c0uld av0id y0ur fate, y0u will n0t
AA: as the mage of d00m y0u are m0re tied t0 the end than any 0f us
AA: and yet even n0w y0u d0 n0t understand the sacrifice we have made t0 defeat the black king
AA: the sacrifices all 0f us have made
AA: i need to c0nserve as much 0f the base's p0wer as p0ssible f0r my trip back
TA: 2o why dont you get your boyfriiend to tiinker wiith the generator2
TA: iit2 not my job
AA: h0w many sp00nfulls are y0u eating n0w
TA: none of your bee2wax
AA: s0llux
AA: i did care f0r y0u
AA: it was never my ch0ice, 0r y0urs
TA: the honey ii2 the only thiing that make2 the headache2 2top
TA: and ii can control iit
TA: and iif ii'm 2o doomed anyway
TA: why would you even care
AA: I d0nt
AA: but i can alm0st remember caring
twinArmageddons [TA] stopped trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

~

solomonsMinesweeper [SM] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]
SM: I say, there!
SM: Could I have a moment of your time, little girl?
AC: :33 *ac looks up from the book she is reading about clowns. her expression is gloomy and brooding!* oh hello *she says to the friendly stranger*
AC: :33 who are you?
SM: I'm one of the humans, from the universe you created with your friends.
AC: :33 oh okay.
AC: :33 well i'm a little bit busy right now.
AC: :33 one of my friends died today.
SM: Ah, loss. I'm sorry to hear that.
AC: :33 yeah.
AC: :33 i dont r33lly want to be rude but its weighing on my mind right now.
AC: :33 so i dont think now would be a good time to talk.
AC: :33 whoever you are.
SM: I understand.
SM: I remember the childhood death of my canine steed as if it were merely a few decades ago.
SM: But then I remember that he's in Pet Valhalla!
AC: :33 oh
AC: :33 whats pet valhalla?
SM: You've never heard of it? It's a realm where warrior pets live on to battle and get bellyrubs until the end of time, located on the third petal of the Lotus of Creation!
SM: I had to travel there astrally in one of my adventures, in order to stop a diabolical shark from unleashing Ragnabark upon the universe.
AC: :33 whoa!
AC: :33 what happened to the shark?
SM: I gave him the old one-two standard! Sharks have very sensitive snouts. A good left hook to the nose and he was sleeping with the fishes.
SM: Both literally and figuratively, wot!
AC: :33 haha!
AC: :33 okay well you s33m pretty cool.
AC: :33 how about you message me tomorrow.
AC: :33 when i have a little bit more time.
SM: Bully! I shall set it upon the calendar.
SM: Until tomorrow, then!
AC: :33 yeah okay!
solomonsMinesweeper [SM] stopped trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

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ugh solluxs text is so hard to read in the post preview

I know this is late, but Sushi, are you telling me that's the Evil Crazy Davesprite that Dave killed back in Shenanigans?
Because i am pretty sure that it's the Evil Crazy Davesprite that Dave killed back in Shenanigans.
Damn, this time shit is weird.

ironically asshole daves weird time shit is probably the most straightforward weird time shit in this story
trying to keep track of how time runs linearly between the troll's session, future jade in the underverse with at least some of the dead trolls, and future alternia (apparently accessible by future jade and dead trolls), that's some truly weird time shit

also i really really like hints of candy red/end of anonymity or whatever. and also wargames and the furthest ring and harleyquin

[Author]

Ragnabark.

Okay, that was just great.

[Acey Enn]

@PostBeforeMe: Into The Dark was really good.

YOU FORGOT ONE THING THOUGH!

Tholluxth theakth with a lithp.

Yeah, I know. I was just worried that it would come across as irritating if I typed it out, so I limited it to his typing quirk. But if enough people complain about it I'll edit it...the fic needs some editing anyway, IMO.

also my name is acey, just fyi

EDIT: I think I figured out a compromise. Would it work alright if I had Vriska mocking his lisp during their little chat?

[c_rowles]

WOO page 8! Everyone is awesome and I've finally got something to share in this end of the art forum.

It's not the SRS WORK I've been plodding away finishing, which is full of pathos and long pauses and weird metaphors I'll probably hack out later, but it's something, and it would not leave me alone until I'd written it.

It is Gamzee and WV chilling out being bros. I can honestly say it is the first of its kind, which is a shame because obviously it should be happening everywhere, all the time.

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“So what’s that fuckin’ stuff?”

The Vagabond blinked and looked down at the pink can in his hand. A wide smile bloomed on his face. “Ah, it came from behind the wall, in my ship, you see! Secreted away for centuries, for what purpose I know not, excepting to serve as refreshment for some visitor. Miraculous stuff, it is!” He took his new friend’s strange, soft-skinned hand and pressed the can into it. “Here, here, take it! You simply must try it!”

Gamzee regarded the can with the glossy-eyed look he regarded everything else in life with, then shrugged and opened it. At the hiss of escaping carbonation, the Vagabond clapped his hands together in delight.

“That’s the little bubbles! Aren’t they ingenious?”

Gamzee blinked, then chuckled. “Y’know, they kinda’ are, little dude. I mean, fuck, how do they get ‘em in there, anyway? Motherfuckin’ science and shit; huh, Sollux’d probably get it, but ‘s more like magic to me.”

“Sollux?”

“Oh? My friend. He’s fuckin’ chill, but like, sometimes he just needs to fuckin’ chill, you get me? But it’s all cool.” He shrugged, then tipped his head back and took a swallow from the can. Eyes closed, he savored the taste for a few moments, then slowly licked his lips.

It was more than the poor Vagabond could stand, and he bounced a little on the balls of his feet as he waited for the verdict. Finally, unable to contain himself, he blurted out, “Isn’t it wonderful? Have you ever tasted anything so sweet, so vitalizing?”

Gamzee looked at the can, but, instead of leaping for joy, he made a face. The Vagabond’s heart broke, and he stood crestfallen until his new friend deposited the can back in his hands, took him by the wrist, and led him in the direction of the ship he and his friends, the gray-skinned ones who looked like him and the small group of pinker ones, had arrived in. Grinning once again, baring sharp teeth that reminded the Vagabond of his own friends’, he said, “Fuck, man, if you’re lookin’ for some fuckin’ miraculous refreshment, ain’t nothing in the whole universe—fuck, in all the universes, ‘cause there’s a whole fuckin’ bunch now, I guess—like the stuff I’m gonna show you.”

Quickly polishing off the rest of the liquid in the can, the puzzled Vagabond hurried as best as he could to keep pace, not wishing to be dragged through the sand all the way to the ship.

- - - - -

Ten minutes later, the Vagabond was clutching an empty bottle, the wrappings around his face stained with red and his eyes wide with wonder. “This is… it’s…”

Gamzee nodded sagely. “Told you, dude. Nothin’ like it.”

“Where ever did you find it?”

“Brought it from home, long fuckin’ time ago,” came the reply, but the Vagabond was far too preoccupied and full of sugar to catch the subtle dimming of his new friend’s smile at the word ‘home’. “Not just that kind, either. There were more fuckin’ flavors than… than… I dunno. Shit there’s a whole fuckin’ load of. All fuckin’ kinds of crazy colors, too.”

“Green?”

“Hm? Fuck yeah, green. They had that.” Gamzee waved a hand in the air. “All the fuckin’ colors, sure.”

His beady eyes shining brightly in his round, black face, the Vagabond clasped his empty bottle tightly. “Oh, marvelous! Simply marvelous! All the tastiest things are green, so they are! Er, do you have any?” At a solemn shake of that shaggy head, his expression dampened slightly; however, as before, his friend immediately sprang into action, hurrying over to the oven at the far end of the room and pulling open the door. As the room began to fill with a strange, warmly sweet scent, he watched in amazement as the young troll procured a thick mitten, slipped it over his tender, vulnerable hand (the Vagabond, who had escaped many injuries thanks to his sturdy carapace, couldn’t help but feel a measure of pity for all of his poor, naked, alien friends), and drew forth two identical pastries, each in a round, shallow tin. The crust looked like an ordinary crust, but the filling, a viscous substance colored a stunningly bright shade of green, was quite unfamiliar.

“This, my man,” Gamzee said, drawing out every syllable with obvious pride, “is the best fuckin’ pie you’ll ever have.” He scooped up a steaming handful from one of the things and tipped it into his mouth, then pushed the pie towards the Vagabond.

His mouth watering at that beautiful color, he obligingly scooped up a mouthful for himself and ate. He was about as finicky as the sky was magenta, and the rush of strong flavor filling his nose and sinuses did nothing to dissuade him from quickly taking several more bites. Neither, for that matter, did the pleasant haze beginning to settle over his mind.

“Hey, uh… little dude?” Gamzee watched numbly as his pie vanished before his eyes. “Maybe you might, uh, wanna take it a little slower, like… uh, this shit’s kinda’ fuckin’ strong if you eat it all at once, I mean, uh… hey, you listenin’ and shit? …Little dude?”

After a minute of failing to get the creature’s attention, he shrugged, pulled the second tin over, and started to work on that. After all, it was perfectly good pie.

- - - - -

The sky above them was blue and endless as only a desert sky could be, but from their perspective, it was so much more. Just beyond the blue, other colors flickered and danced like trout beneath clear streamwater, singing in strange voices. The troll and the Exile lay flat on their backs, limply spread-eagled in the sand, gazing at the spectacle with wide, glassy eyes.

“Fuckin’ amazing,” breathed Gamzee.

The Vagabond agreed.

They lay unmoving for several more minutes before Gamzee tilted his head as far as his horns would allow and looked at his companion. “Y’know, you’re pretty fuckin’ sweet, too, little dude.”

“Really?” The Vagabond was only half-listening. The sky was singing an especially nice song now, lit by flashes of gold and pale rose pink, and he wanted to hear it.

“Uh-huh. I really… really feel you, y’know? Like we’ve known each other since we were fuckin’ grubs or somethin’. …’Course, you weren’t a grub, I don’t think. Nah, you came from those big fuckin’ glass things in the… the Veil, with the…” he flopped a hand in the air, gesturing. “Those glass things.”

The Vagabond nodded. He was feeling happy right now, though, and he didn’t want to think about that. He told Gamzee so, as best he could, then paused, and added, “Never wanted to be what they… what they made me for, y’know. Never.”

Gamzee wrinkled his nose as he struggled with some pretty heavy concepts, a couple of which were actually relevant to the conversation. “Shit, so what did you do?”

“Farmer!” He answered, with an enthusiasm that caught even him by surprise. “Vegetables! Delicious Vegetables. I raised them,” he said proudly. “Very, very many. Very.”

Gamzee said he thought that sounded like a fuckin’ riot. The Vagabond nodded.

“So you’re a peaceful dude, huh? Sweet. Motherfuckin’ awesome.”

The Vagabond reached across and, after several tries, managed to take hold of Gamzee’s sleeve and give it a tug. “But do you know what I shall be, in the future?” Once he had captured the troll’s attention, he proclaimed, “A Mayor! The democratic sort. That’s the only… the only sort there is, you know. There will be an election, a fair one, and parades, and all the other wonderful things that happen when there are Mayors!” He flung his bare arms into the air for emphasis; they shone like obsidian in the desert sunlight.

“No Mayors back home,” murmured Gamzee. “Just a big motherfuckin’ empire, you know? Way harsh.”

The Vagabond nodded sympathetically. All the nodding he was doing had begun to make the world tip over a bit too far, though, so he stopped rather quickly.

Gamzee pushed himself through the sand until he could look into the Vagabond’s eyes. “Sounds to me like we’re in the same fuckin’ boat, you know? Just two dudes tryin’ to chill out and be all fuckin’, like, doin’ what we’re feelin’, like what our hearts’re tellin’ us, but there’s all this shit killin’ our whole vibe and stuff. The whole world just needs to chill out and get down with that vibe; the whole fuckin’ universe, all of ‘em, you feelin’ me, little Mayor dude?”

The little Mayor dude in question asserted that he was, indeed, feeling him. Gamzee sighed heavily. “Y’see what I mean? You and me, we click. We’re tight.” He squinted his eyes for a better look at his friend, or, at least, the iteration of his friend that was in focus at the moment. “I’m feelin’ like we could be brothers, you know? Like, inside an’ shit. Lookin’ different doesn’t mean nothing. Hey, way I see it, black’s just a darker fuckin’ shade of gray anyway.” He closed his eyes, a pleasant smile settling on his face. “Heh, that’s a good motherfuckin’ line. Like that one. Gotta’ remember it.”

The Vagabond let his own eyes fall closed and thought privately that he liked that line, too.

how the trolls and the kids got to Earth and what they're doing there is a magnificent, brilliant plot twist that would blow all of your minds and make Hussie go DAAAAMN if I revealed it. Hint:

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nah, I actually just can't figure out a good reason.

[Ember]

C_rowles, that is adorable. I never would have thought of putting those two together, but you're right, it works so well. There was really only one thing that rubbed me the wrong way.

(it wasn’t)

Don't explain the joke!

But, yeah, adorable stoned-out alien hippies, smiles were had, A+.

[raequiem]

More sopor highs! C_rowles, you are a wonderful person and I am sending you mental hugs.

I think sopor highs are my new favorite thing. I may have to write some of my own now...

[NateDude]

Another fic that i forget the name of called Assez Majestuez made me write this.

Assez Majestueuz Polarien

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-- ectoBioligist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

EB: beep bop
TG: what
EB: bop beep bep
TG:
-- turntechGodheads [TG] brain exploded --
TG:
TG:
TG:
TG: boop beep

Yeah its complete crap, But i couldnt stop thinking about it.

[Shadow of the Lotus]

Another John/Rose pesterlog. This time a stand-alone. Was trying to copy the feel from this page.

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TT: Ok, I got your message.
TT: Excuse my tardiness in replying.
EB: haha, that's fine.
EB: i've been pretty busy myself!!!
TT: Goodness John, have you picked up another typing quirk?
EB: hehe, yeah...
EB: i don't know why i do. first vriska and now jade.
EB: i guess it's sort of fun to do!!!
TT: I don't understand the appeal.
EB: *shrug*
EB: anyways, you're not the only one with all these mysterious plans going on *wink*.
TT: So I've gathered.
TT: I've had some success in investigating the underlying nature of the game.
TT: Not enough, however.
TT: Has Jade gotten better?
EB: uh... no.
EB: not really.
TT: Shame, I could really use more help.
TT: I've been destroing reality all day and haven't had more than a finger lifted from any of you.
EB: sorry!
EB: it's just that you seemed to know what you were doing better.
EB: and well, i just didn't know what i could do.
EB: you're much better at that rose.
TT: Perhaps.
TT: But you could help now. Dave as well.
TT: I think I'm close to a breakthrough.
EB: oh wow, really?
EB: that's great!
EB: but i don't think i'll be able to help still.
TT: Why not?
EB: i have a new plan.
TT: Oh?
EB: yeah. i think if this works out we'll be able to meet up with the trolls.
EB: i still need some time to figure out what all needs to be done.
EB: and it is kinda dangerous.
EB: but it's something we will have to do anyways.
TT: Well John, what do you have in mind?
EB: i can't say for sure yet.
EB: oh geez, one second.
TT: John?
EB: sorry, my nanna was pulling some prank again.
TT: Another rung lost on your prankster's ladder.
TT: You can not hope to beat your dead grandmother in a pranksters off. She is simply the best there is.
EB: she really is too, it's crazy.
EB: and i think you mean prankster's gambit.
TT: It all sounds like nonsense really.
EB: hehe, yeah, it kinda is.
TT: I like it though.
EB: can you say anything else about what you're doing?
EB: i'm still too busy to help, but it'd be nice to know what mischief you're up to still!
TT: I can't say more than what I could use help with.
EB: oh.
TT: The others don't even know the basics of what I'm up to.
TT: I don't think they'd approve.
EB: that's nonsense!
EB: everyone knows you're the smartest, rose.
EB: whatever you're doing is probably the best thing we could do.
TT: I suppose.
TT: Don't tell the others any of what I've told you though.
EB: i promise.
EB: as long as you make a promise to me.
TT: And what would that be?
EB: don't get hurt.
EB: i don't know what you're doing, but it sounds dangerous.
EB: promise me you'll pull back if things look bad.
TT: I promise.
EB: ok, good!
EB: i'm going to work more on my stuff. talk to you later!!!
TT: ...
TT: Bye, John.

[c_rowles]

Don't explain the joke!

but... but explaining the joke was supposed to be the joke! Like some kind of ironic reacharound-y deadpan... thing...! /vague, frantic hand gestures god what do you want from meeee

kidding, I'm glad you liked the fic

also I've got a question for you and your pile of exile stories: what did you think about WV's speech here? His voice is such a pain in the ass to get figured out (far more so than any other character, for some reason); he's driving me nuts! Especially since he's the protagonist of another WIP story that's far less silly, and I want to make him sound good

[egregiousBass]

If you can't think of anything to write and you have nothing better to do, try this outrageous shipping meme. You might come up with something. But try not to give Kanaya a bunch of clubs.

...

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Open Pesterlog

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GA: Fef
CC: ) (iya!
GA: Im In The Absolute Worst Mood At The Moment
GA: My Auspiceticing Is Over
CC: Wait, w) (at? :o
GA: Im Sick To My Stomach Of Keeping That Slut Off Of Tavros
GA: It Hurts So Much And She Doesnt Realise
GA: He Can Have Her For All I Care
CC: No, you can't do that!
GA: Why Not
GA: Let Me Meddle Between You And Eridan
GA: Itll Be A Good Excuse To Quit
CC: Hold on for just a second.
CC: This could affect more of our friends than just Vriska and Tavros.
GA: Wondeful
GA: Here We Go
CC: I don't know if you've noticed...
CC: But Tavros is already someone's matesprit.
GA: Youre Kidding Me
CC: He's with Nepeta, Kan. And knowing Tavros, Vriska will have no trouble forcing her out.
GA: Aside From That
GA: And Gamzees Exceptional Dislike Of Vriska
GA: Will There Be Any Other Causes For Concern
CC: Nepeta's moirallegiance, I'm afraid.
GA: What. Why
CC: Equius used to be the positive force in that relationship, but their roles were reversed
CC: due to our leader's newest venture in redrom.
GA: So My Intuition Was Correct For Once
GA: I Didnt Think Eridan Would Cast Aside His Fanaticism This Early
CC: I know it's weird! But I'm so ) (appy for him! 38D
CC: But Equius doesn't like it one bit. Tolerating the lowest of the low as a leader is one thing, but to have it besmirch one of the highest of bloods...
CC: In fact, he's been getting exceedingly antsy to agress Karkat.
CC: Aradia volunteered to help, but she's out of touch.
GA: I Would Not Expect Otherwise From A Robot
CC: Basically, it fell on Nepeta to pacify Equius. She has him under control, for now.
GA: But Not Under The Stress Of A Broken Relationship
CC: -Exactly!
CC: You know Equius doesn't have control over his strength.
CC: And if Sollux were to get between them...
GA: This Is Complete Bullshit
GA: So What Youre Saying Is That My Refusal To Mediate Would Cause A Disproportionate Amount Of Sore Feelings As Well As At Least One Corpse
CC: 38(
GA: But What About You And Eridan
CC: Honestly, that's not an issue anymore. Eridan is channeling his feelings of rejection towards Sollux instead of me.
GA: How Does That Solve The Problem
GA: Wait
CC: It looks to me like their grudge has bloomed into something better.
GA: Ugh
CC: It lets them both put their negative emotions to good use. Sollux is so much more stable now, ) (ave you noticed? ΨvΨ
GA: This Is Just Great
GA: Youre All Making Excellent Progress In Your Love Lives Without My Help While Im Stuck Presiding Over My Onesided Crush To Prevent A Romantic Apocalypse From Happening
CC: Kan, I promise I'll think of something!
GA: Its Quite Alright
CC: Nonono, I insist! I ) (ad no idea you felt this way 38o
CC: I don't owe anyone my as) (en fidelity at t) (e moment, you know!
CC: -Even if I can't take over for you, I'll find a way to make it rig) (t!
GA: I Appreciate The Gesture
GA: But I Think I Should Be Getting Back To Our Destructive Suitor
CC: glub 38)

And that's how retarded Troll romance is.

[Katrika]

DID SOMEBODY SAY SHORTFIC?!

Huntress

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The mighty huntress purrowled through the wilderness. She found a family of hopbeasts, but they were not her purrey. She killed and ate them anyway like a good huntress-kitty. She then took a nap. She was really cute! She could afford to take a nap because her purrey was not an animal. Oh no! Her purrey was a place! She had many fun adventures and killed many animals and found the Fountain of Cute. She drank a little of the water but she was already so cute it didn’t change anything! Then she marked it down on her map and went home and made out with her matesprit Karkat and everything was great forever. And there were defurnately no meteors or scary things. The end!

[Acey Enn]

DID SOMEBODY SAY SHORTFIC?!

Huntress

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The mighty huntress purrowled through the wilderness. She found a family of hopbeasts, but they were not her purrey. She killed and ate them anyway like a good huntress-kitty. She then took a nap. She was really cute! She could afford to take a nap because her purrey was not an animal. Oh no! Her purrey was a place! She had many fun adventures and killed many animals and found the Fountain of Cute. She drank a little of the water but she was already so cute it didn’t change anything! Then she marked it down on her map and went home and made out with her matesprit Karkat and everything was great forever. And there were defurnately no meteors or scary things. The end!

Okay, I was already having a good day, but this just made it like a million times better. SO CUTE.

[DocBeard]

Man, Lotus, what happened to your baseball fic? I was looking forward to that. It seems like in times of turbulent, fast moving plot the more character based fic would prosper, but that seems not to be the case.

The log's pretty good, though John suffers from the same case of robotization we've seen in the main comic and nothing gets said except "all the kids are now keeping secrets". Which is really what I'd think should separate John from his friends. Still the whole "John picking up other people's quirks" thing made me chuckle, and its great seeing you writing again.

[Katrika]

The next Nepeta-fic will have her rescuing the delicate blossom Karkat from danger.

=D

Honestly, Nepeta is the troll I like to write the most. She's appropriately adorabloodthirsty.

[egregiousBass]

DID SOMEBODY SAY SHORTFIC?!

Huntress

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The mighty huntress purrowled through the wilderness. She found a family of hopbeasts, but they were not her purrey. She killed and ate them anyway like a good huntress-kitty. She then took a nap. She was really cute! She could afford to take a nap because her purrey was not an animal. Oh no! Her purrey was a place! She had many fun adventures and killed many animals and found the Fountain of Cute. She drank a little of the water but she was already so cute it didn’t change anything! Then she marked it down on her map and went home and made out with her matesprit Karkat and everything was great forever. And there were defurnately no meteors or scary things. The end!

I imagine a deranged Nepeta who's writing this fic to escape from reality where she's waiting for death in the Veil and is not Karkat's matesprit =P

It is Gamzee and WV chilling out being bros. I can honestly say it is the first of its kind, which is a shame because obviously it should be happening everywhere, all the time.

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“So what’s that fuckin’ stuff?”

The Vagabond blinked and looked down at the pink can in his hand. A wide smile bloomed on his face. “Ah, it came from behind the wall, in my ship, you see! Secreted away for centuries, for what purpose I know not, excepting to serve as refreshment for some visitor. Miraculous stuff, it is!” He took his new friend’s strange, soft-skinned hand and pressed the can into it. “Here, here, take it! You simply must try it!”

Gamzee regarded the can with the glossy-eyed look he regarded everything else in life with, then shrugged and opened it. At the hiss of escaping carbonation, the Vagabond clapped his hands together in delight.

“That’s the little bubbles! Aren’t they ingenious?”

Gamzee blinked, then chuckled. “Y’know, they kinda’ are, little dude. I mean, fuck, how do they get ‘em in there, anyway? Motherfuckin’ science and shit; huh, Sollux’d probably get it, but ‘s more like magic to me.”

“Sollux?”

“Oh? My friend. He’s fuckin’ chill, but like, sometimes he just needs to fuckin’ chill, you get me? But it’s all cool.” He shrugged, then tipped his head back and took a swallow from the can. Eyes closed, he savored the taste for a few moments, then slowly licked his lips.

It was more than the poor Vagabond could stand, and he bounced a little on the balls of his feet as he waited for the verdict. Finally, unable to contain himself, he blurted out, “Isn’t it wonderful? Have you ever tasted anything so sweet, so vitalizing?”

Gamzee looked at the can, but, instead of leaping for joy, he made a face. The Vagabond’s heart broke, and he stood crestfallen until his new friend deposited the can back in his hands, took him by the wrist, and led him in the direction of the ship he and his friends, the gray-skinned ones who looked like him and the small group of pinker ones, had arrived in. Grinning once again, baring sharp teeth that reminded the Vagabond of his own friends’, he said, “Fuck, man, if you’re lookin’ for some fuckin’ miraculous refreshment, ain’t nothing in the whole universe—fuck, in all the universes, ‘cause there’s a whole fuckin’ bunch now, I guess—like the stuff I’m gonna show you.”

Quickly polishing off the rest of the liquid in the can, the puzzled Vagabond hurried as best as he could to keep pace, not wishing to be dragged through the sand all the way to the ship.

- - - - -

Ten minutes later, the Vagabond was clutching an empty bottle, the wrappings around his face stained with red and his eyes wide with wonder. “This is… it’s…”

Gamzee nodded sagely. “Told you, dude. Nothin’ like it.”

“Where ever did you find it?”

“Brought it from home, long fuckin’ time ago,” came the reply, but the Vagabond was far too preoccupied and full of sugar to catch the subtle dimming of his new friend’s smile at the word ‘home’. “Not just that kind, either. There were more fuckin’ flavors than… than… I dunno. Shit there’s a whole fuckin’ load of. All fuckin’ kinds of crazy colors, too.”

“Green?”

“Hm? Fuck yeah, green. They had that.” Gamzee waved a hand in the air. “All the fuckin’ colors, sure.”

His beady eyes shining brightly in his round, black face, the Vagabond clasped his empty bottle tightly. “Oh, marvelous! Simply marvelous! All the tastiest things are green, so they are! Er, do you have any?” At a solemn shake of that shaggy head, his expression dampened slightly; however, as before, his friend immediately sprang into action, hurrying over to the oven at the far end of the room and pulling open the door. As the room began to fill with a strange, warmly sweet scent, he watched in amazement as the young troll procured a thick mitten, slipped it over his tender, vulnerable hand (the Vagabond, who had escaped many injuries thanks to his sturdy carapace, couldn’t help but feel a measure of pity for all of his poor, naked, alien friends), and drew forth two identical pastries, each in a round, shallow tin. The crust looked like an ordinary crust, but the filling, a viscous substance colored a stunningly bright shade of green, was quite unfamiliar.

“This, my man,” Gamzee said, drawing out every syllable with obvious pride, “is the best fuckin’ pie you’ll ever have.” He scooped up a steaming handful from one of the things and tipped it into his mouth, then pushed the pie towards the Vagabond.

His mouth watering at that beautiful color, he obligingly scooped up a mouthful for himself and ate. He was about as finicky as the sky was magenta (it wasn’t), and the rush of strong flavor filling his nose and sinuses did nothing to dissuade him from quickly taking several more bites. Neither, for that matter, did the pleasant haze beginning to settle over his mind.

“Hey, uh… little dude?” Gamzee watched numbly as his pie vanished before his eyes. “Maybe you might, uh, wanna take it a little slower, like… uh, this shit’s kinda’ fuckin’ strong if you eat it all at once, I mean, uh… hey, you listenin’ and shit? …Little dude?”

After a minute of failing to get the creature’s attention, he shrugged, pulled the second tin over, and started to work on that. After all, it was perfectly good pie.

- - - - -

The sky above them was blue and endless as only a desert sky could be, but from their perspective, it was so much more. Just beyond the blue, other colors flickered and danced like trout beneath clear streamwater, singing in strange voices. The troll and the Exile lay flat on their backs, limply spread-eagled in the sand, gazing at the spectacle with wide, glassy eyes.

“Fuckin’ amazing,” breathed Gamzee.

The Vagabond agreed.

They lay unmoving for several more minutes before Gamzee tilted his head as far as his horns would allow and looked at his companion. “Y’know, you’re pretty fuckin’ sweet, too, little dude.”

“Really?” The Vagabond was only half-listening. The sky was singing an especially nice song now, lit by flashes of gold and pale rose pink, and he wanted to hear it.

“Uh-huh. I really… really feel you, y’know? Like we’ve known each other since we were fuckin’ grubs or somethin’. …’Course, you weren’t a grub, I don’t think. Nah, you came from those big fuckin’ glass things in the… the Veil, with the…” he flopped a hand in the air, gesturing. “Those glass things.”

The Vagabond nodded. He was feeling happy right now, though, and he didn’t want to think about that. He told Gamzee so, as best he could, then paused, and added, “Never wanted to be what they… what they made me for, y’know. Never.”

Gamzee wrinkled his nose as he struggled with some pretty heavy concepts, a couple of which were actually relevant to the conversation. “Shit, so what did you do?”

“Farmer!” He answered, with an enthusiasm that caught even him by surprise. “Vegetables! Delicious Vegetables. I raised them,” he said proudly. “Very, very many. Very.”

Gamzee said he thought that sounded like a fuckin’ riot. The Vagabond nodded.

“So you’re a peaceful dude, huh? Sweet. Motherfuckin’ awesome.”

The Vagabond reached across and, after several tries, managed to take hold of Gamzee’s sleeve and give it a tug. “But do you know what I shall be, in the future?” Once he had captured the troll’s attention, he proclaimed, “A Mayor! The democratic sort. That’s the only… the only sort there is, you know. There will be an election, a fair one, and parades, and all the other wonderful things that happen when there are Mayors!” He flung his bare arms into the air for emphasis; they shone like obsidian in the desert sunlight.

“No Mayors back home,” murmured Gamzee. “Just a big motherfuckin’ empire, you know? Way harsh.”

The Vagabond nodded sympathetically. All the nodding he was doing had begun to make the world tip over a bit too far, though, so he stopped rather quickly.

Gamzee pushed himself through the sand until he could look into the Vagabond’s eyes. “Sounds to me like we’re in the same fuckin’ boat, you know? Just two dudes tryin’ to chill out and be all fuckin’, like, doin’ what we’re feelin’, like what our hearts’re tellin’ us, but there’s all this shit killin’ our whole vibe and stuff. The whole world just needs to chill out and get down with that vibe; the whole fuckin’ universe, all of ‘em, you feelin’ me, little Mayor dude?”

The little Mayor dude in question asserted that he was, indeed, feeling him. Gamzee sighed heavily. “Y’see what I mean? You and me, we click. We’re tight.” He squinted his eyes for a better look at his friend, or, at least, the iteration of his friend that was in focus at the moment. “I’m feelin’ like we could be brothers, you know? Like, inside an’ shit. Lookin’ different doesn’t mean nothing. Hey, way I see it, black’s just a darker fuckin’ shade of gray anyway.” He closed his eyes, a pleasant smile settling on his face. “Heh, that’s a good motherfuckin’ line. Like that one. Gotta’ remember it.”

The Vagabond let his own eyes fall closed and thought privately that he liked that line, too.

You are exactly right. WV and Gamzee are now fated interuniversal stonerbuddies.

[Shadow of the Lotus]

Man, Lotus, what happened to your baseball fic? I was looking forward to that. It seems like in times of turbulent, fast moving plot the more character based fic would prosper, but that seems not to be the case.

The log's pretty good, though John suffers from the same case of robotization we've seen in the main comic and nothing gets said except "all the kids are now keeping secrets". Which is really what I'd think should separate John from his friends. Still the whole "John picking up other people's quirks" thing made me chuckle, and its great seeing you writing again.

I've been a bit discouraged on writing recently; well, I guess more like the past 3 months or something. The baseball fic is among a couple i've just out-right abandoned by now. Main thing I'm doing right now is poking around the smouldering remains of the fire for John/Rose. Hoping to find a couple embers that could relight a little love for the couple. Hell, you could say that I'm trying to throw in a couple 'logs into that fire.

[Acey Enn]

That's a shame, Lotus. Can you at least tell us your original plans for the baseball fic? I was really interested in what direction it would go...

[Beep]

Hell, you could say that I'm trying to throw in a couple 'logs into that fire.

[Shadow of the Lotus]

That's a shame, Lotus. Can you at least tell us your original plans for the baseball fic? I was really interested in what direction it would go...

Yeah. I'll just say my plan on a couple fics so that people do know where they were going.

I think the only two fics I had partially written but that weren't finished were the baseball fic and the alternate-timeline horror story.

Baseball fic:

Let's see, John had just met Jade I'm pretty sure in that fic. The basic idea of where that was going was that John, Rose, Dave, and Jade were going to watch a red sox yankess game with Ms. Lalonde sitting a row behind. I had ideas of Jade getting confused over the game, Rose and ms. Lalonde sparring silently, and Dave getting bored and leaving to get drinks (with Jade following). There was probably going to be this scene of John and Rose just talking about baseball like dorks, etc... Would have had some scene of John cheering up Rose (since she'd be aggravated by the silent passive-aggression from her mother) and making her smile by talking about baseball and other stuff, (Ms. Lalonde wold go to the restroom or something I guess?). John would have been rooting for the red sox with Rose btw. Oh, ha. Almost forgot this idea. In that game, Derek Jeter didn't play. I imagined Ms. Lalonde holding up a #1 foam finger or something and it getting all droopy when she learned about that. I actually picked a real game and was going to write scenes to match with the action. I think the Red Sox had a come-back win just barely in the game. That was going to be the culmination. Rose getting all psyched about the Red Sox coming back and winning. Was going to stick away from anything like kissing or hand holding as, since this was pre-sburb, that stuff just wouldn't make much sense.

Horror-fic:

Man, I had so much planned out for this one. It felt like I had such a great idea, but I just never got into it like I hoped I would.

Here is what I had done.

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TG: rose
TG: come on
TG: i know i own at this game and all but youre being hella unhelpful here
TT: i've already said my mind on the matter.
TT: and really, i don't care.
TG: look
TG: i found the stupid magic lamp already
TG: rubbing the shit out of it just so some fatass genie can come and grant our wishes
TG: i have the timetables
TG: so hey john and jade get to be alive again
TG: no sweat
TT: yes, they do.
TT: so why haven't you reversed yet?
TG: yeah ok
TG: its not like i was getting nagged at by a broad for the past month about pushing forward
TG: nah its cool
TT: the only reason i advocated continuing with the game was to see if we could bring john back.
TT: stop wasting time. i'm sick of this.
TG: chill out damn
TG: and stop leaving jade out
TT: she could still be alive.
TG: not the point
TG: and could you stop typing like egbert already? jesus
TT: i'll type how i want.
TG: see like
TG: i thought youd get less fucking mopey here since we can save them both now
TG: damn
TT: whatever.
TG: i dont feel comfortable reversing until we wake you up
TG: just trust me on this alright
TT: i don't care strider.
TT: just reverse. i'll be fine.
TG: nah
TG: im already on your planet anyways
TG: so you should just shut up and help me
TT: delightful.
TG: the ruins on my planet pointed to the island im on now
TG: something about you and jaspers
TG: i think its how we wake you up
TT: I suppose that could be the case.
TT: Fine, what do you need?
TG: finally
TG: i dunno yet
TG: gotta check out this island first
TG: just respond to me alright?
TG: kinda annoying when you just ignore what im saying
TT: Explore as you wish; just hurry up so we can get out of here.
TG: on it

Click. Dave didn't have to reach up and press a button or otherwise physically turn off his i-shades as he turned from his conversation with Rose. All that was needed was a thought; a mental nod that he was done with his business. Only a slight nod was needed, but from a cool guy like Dave all you were ever going to get was a slight nod; mental or otherwise. The past three months had been hard. Dave's best friend, John, had done something stupid. The idiot had listened to some troll alien and had gotten himself killed. Damn. Dave still could hardly believe how stupid John was. Sure, John had always been a little stupid. But to go and get himself killed? Dave lifted his arm up and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

It had been hard to press on after John's death. Another of Dave's friends, Jade, was relying on John to save her from a meteor. Sure, Rose was right that Dave didn't know for sure she was gone. Hell, how could he? Dave had pestered Jade for hours to try and get her attention after John's death; not a single response. Dave clinched his fist at the memory. Did Rose think he didn't want to save them too? Of course Dave did. There wasn't a fucking thing he wanted more than to just see John and Jade again.

The first month without John and Jade had been the hardest.

It had taken days for Dave to talk about his pain to Rose. Conversation had been frantic at first; Rose had been much more open about her struggle than Dave had. Oddly enough, it had helped Dave take the edge off. He had shoved aside his mourning; Rose needed help and it had been easy to ignore his own pain by trying to comfort Rose. Not that Dave really helped much. Dave clenched his fist. Damn, Rose was still being mopey. You'd think she'd be happy or some shit like that. Dave had found a powerful artifact. The timetables enabled Dave to travel to the past. With this power, Dave could travel back and stop John from dying.

And what I had planned out (aka, here is my outline)

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Idea

Rose killed Jaspers.

Set in alternate reality; how Rose 'awakened.' Realization that she killed Jaspers; drowned him in the river. Accident still, but Rose is still responsible. Talk with Dave etc....



Further defined;

Start by describing Rose's point of view of the day Jaspers disappeared.

Dave is in Rose's land; exploring in general but also trying to figure out a way to wake up Rose. He wants to make sure her dream self is awake before he reverses all the way. He finds a strange machine which is centered on Rose. It is somewhat like an appearifier except that it doesn't have any appearifier. There is a slot for his timetables.

Dave wants Rose to wake up but Rose is rather resistant to the idea. Dave has found evidence to suggest that the key to awakening Rose is to deal with her relationship with Jaspers. Dave asks Rose for the day that Jaspers disappears, etc... Rose resists and doesn't want to reveal it. However, when Dave brings up John and pushes on the issue, Rose relents; partially. She reveals a day near the event. Although Dave realizes it isn't quite right, he finds the view interesting anyways.

Time view: 3 - 7 (Dave view) ; 1 (Rose view) ; 8 ; 2

Normal progression

1) Rose told
1a) Code maybe?
1B) Jasper's talking: One day you and jaspers will swim and talk under water.
1BA) You will use magic
1BB) Jaspers won't need magic

Make sure to have the information relayed in a way that makes it sound like Jaspers is talking in the third person but still be interpretable as if it was someone else talking about Jaspers. Does need to sound as if Jaspers is saying it though.

2) Rose drowns Jaspers (climax)
3) Hides corpse in box under bed
4) Ms. Lalonde asks where Jaspers is.
5) Ms. Lalonde tries to cheer Rose up with magic stuff; Rose refuses "magic is a lie".
6) Rose won't let Ms. Lalonde in her room; "smell"
7) Ms. Lalonde demands to clean Rose's room. Rose panics and throws box underneath bed outside; lands in the waterfall thing.
Rose runs to shoreline and finds Jaspers' corpse

Box = all "memories" Rose has left of Jaspers.

[BPrinny]

You've Been Added

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Vriska was staring at her computer screen, blushing ever so slightly. She just couldn't believe what had happened. What had occurred due to that ridiculous, ludicrous, conversation.

Ten Minutes Ago: Open Pesterlog

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-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 5:22 --
AG: John, i just wanna tell you how im feelin.
EB: oh hey vriska!
AG: I'm gonna m8ke you, understand!
AG: I'm never gonna give you up!
EB: haha hilarious vriska.
EB: seriously whats up?
AG: eh, not much.
AG: karkat blew a gasket.
AG: Something about "SLOPPY INTERSPECIES MAKEOUTS."
EB: wait what?
EB: that sounds pretty dumb.
AG: I know right?
AG: anyway, I'll talk to you l8r, john.
EB: oh wait one second vriska!
EB: i keep forgetting to do this.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] added arachnidsGrip [AG] to his Chumroll at 5:27 --
EB: alright, see you vriska!!!!!!!!
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] at 5:27 --

You really hope that nobody can check your Trollslum. It would be bad if they saw a human on it.

Delicious, delicious, JohnxVriska pesterlog.

The Note Desperation Plays, part eight (bee2wax)

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"Paranoia, paranoia
Everybody's comin to get me
Just say you never met me
I'm runnin underground with the moles,
Diggin holes." -The Long Winters


"CAPTOR. ENOUGH IS FUCKING ENOUGH, OPEN THE DAMN DOOR."

"mmn," Sollux said, shifting inside his recuperacoon and keeping his eyes squeezed closed. He was awake at this point but he wanted nothing to do with the world beyond the sopor. He submerged his head in it, hoping it would drown out the sound of Karkat banging on his door.

Knock Knock Knock. Right on the top of his recuperacoon. "Come on, Sollux, it's time to G-ET UP!"

"noo," he said. "fef pleathe"

"You've been sleeping for long enough!" Sollux could here the sound of Feferi moving around outside his recuperacoon. Putting on jewelery, probably, and... getting dressed. "Nepeta just texted me to let me know that she's heading over to my room, so I have to go. And YOU have to get up!"

"SERIOUSLY, YOU COULD AT LEAST ANSWER ME, I CAN HEAR YOU GUYS TALKING IN THERE."

"mmmmeh, what'th the big rush?"

She flipped open the lid and glared down at Sollux, who was still mostly submerged in sopor. "Something really bad has happened, Sollux. To Gamzee."

"GZ? what, wath he arrethted for therving poithon?"

"No." She closed the lid on him. "And I wont hear you blaming that on Gamzee. That's what you deserve for drinking as much as you did. When you PROMIS-ED you wouldn't, even!"

"i don't detherve thith. no one detherveth thith."

"I'll see you later, after lunch. We will still be swimming, Sollux, so get your head together. And get dressed already, Karkat is at the door."

When she opened the door Karkat was standing there, scowling. "Good morning, your majesty. I'm the representative from the Better Breakfast Bureau. Was your stay at Chateau Sollux everything you hoped it would be? Do you have any complaints to share about your morning? I'm humbly at your fucking service."

"Hmmm. Well, I don't remember calling for room service..."

"Where's my dossier on Gamzee's clown bullshit?" he snapped. "If you cant handle the assignment, just say 'no can do, karkat! That's just too much for my regal sensibilities to eel with!' I thought you might want to be involved, for ceremonial purposes at least, but-"

"Glub glub Clam down, Karkat! You only assigned it, like, forty minutes ago!"

"Forty minutes with no progress, that's a great start. You must be so proud of your accomplishments."

"I'm on way to Nepeta's, we're going to work on it together. Chill out a little bit. And Sollux is still in his recuperacoon, but he's awake."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, slipping past her and into Sollux's room. "I'm chill, I'm chill as shit. I'm cool as a grubdamned sea cucumber."

"oh god kk ith that you"

"Yeah, it's me." He kicked the recuperacoon. "Get up. We need your help."

"thith cant wait for another hour or thomething? i'm dying here, kk!"

"No. No, it cant wait for an hour. Gamzee is dead."

For a moment, neither of them said anything, and then the lid to the recuperacoon opened and Sollux poked his ead out, still covered in sopor slime and apparently, at least from the chest up, naked. "Like, dead dead?"

"Like the kind of dead where your heart stops beating and you lose all cerebral function and wild animals or sometimes Vriska devours your corpse, yeah, dead. The regular kind of dead."

"hopy thit," Sollux said. "thith ith huge. how'd he die?"

"We're trying to figure that out, but you encrypted the fucking access codes to check the camera logs, so we're waiting on your lightweight ass. So, again, get the fuck up."

"alright, alright. I'm coming. Dont yell, my head hurts." There was a whirring sound as the recuperacoon drained itself of sopor slime into a filter at the bottom of the tank. Sollux shivered. "toth me a towel, dude. it is friggin freethzing in here."

"Uggh. Why didn't you leave one out?"

"whatever, i wath pretty much dead to the world. i don't remember anything after you guyth did thots in the bar. Thankth." He took the towel from Karkat and ducked back into the tank to clean himself off. Karkat stared intently at the wall.

"Well, hurry it up. Do you have any idea how many things you are going to have to do today? I haven't forgotten about Trollian being broken. And then there's whatever that shit with Princess Berryboo is."

"Trollian ithn't broken, you're jutht a total idiot."

"Yeah? Then why have the humans disappeared from the network? Hmm, maybe it's the fault of the sysadmin? What an incredible leap of logic that would be!"

"My network," Sollux said with gritted teeth. He had climbed halfway out of his recuperacoon, towel wrapped around his waist. "Ith fine. There ith nothing wrong with the network, whatever you think that meanth. The univerthe ith broken."

"Well then, fix the fucking universe!"

"I'm trying to!" he shouted. "Fuck!"

"Well..." Karkat looked down at the floor. "Okay. Put some pants on already and let's look at some camera footage."

When Karkat turned around Sollux was fully dressed and sitting at his computer with a spoon in his mouth. There was a small, orangey-golden colored glass jar resting on his lap. "Alright. Mm. What camera are we looking at?"

"The one from Gamzee's bar... is that mind honey you're eating? When did you start eating mind honey?"

"I don't want to talk about that right now."

"If you have a problem, then we-"

"KK," Sollux said, staring him straight in the eyes with the most serious, no-bullshit look in his arsenal. "Do you want to check the camerath, or do you want to ride my bulge into the wild blue yonder over thomething you dont even underthtand?"

"The cameras. Fuck, eat whatever you want if you're going to be like that. Gorge yourself on sopor, our team has an opening for designated stoner anyway."

"Okay," Sollux said, talking to himself out loud and not responding to Karkat's comment. "Here's the camera feed for the past two days."

The camera was pointed down from the ceiling, directly at the bar itself. Sollux searched around with the scrollbar until he found the point where Karkat, Terezi, and Nepeta were getting ready to go.

"Okay, let's slowly- whoa!"

"What?"

"You didn't see that? Rewind, like, ten seconds and play it again. Watch Gamzee and Nepeta."

Sollux did. As the two of them watched, with Karkat and Terezi faced in the opposite direction on the footage, Nepeta placed a sneaky kiss on Gamzee. Then she pulled away and hung off of Terezi, and the three of them exited the bar together.

"Oh," Sollux said. Then he thought about it. "Oh. Nepeta wath-"

"Yeah. We're going to have to watch out for her. Fuck. Like this wasn't complicated enough."

"Okay. Um. Tho, I'm going to play it in x32 thpeed."

He did, and the two watched Gamzee zip around the bar in fast forward speed, wiping down tables, washing glasses, and finally mopping the area where Sollux had gotten sick. And then, almost all at once, he appeared to be thrown up against the wall. He struggled, smashed a bottle in mid-air, and slumped to the floor with two stab wounds in the gut.

"What."

Sollux rewinded and played the sequence slower. Gamzee seemed to stop cleaning. He looked up, and said something to the empty bar. And then... an invisible force threw him up against the wall, impaled him with an equally invisible weapon- presumably a sword- got hit with a bottle, stabbed him again, and then left.

"This footage has been tampered with," Sollux said. "Something invisible attacked Gamzee, but he reacted to it. He could see it, we cant."

"Is that even possible, to edit the footage like that? Who could do that? And with the logs encrypted..."

Sollux shook his head slowly. "None of us could do that. Well, no." He reconsidered, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "I could have done it, probably. Or at least I could've written a program to make it easier. Put the background of the bar and the outline of the attacker on separate video track layers, and edit from there. I mean, it wouldn't have been easy, but..."

"...but, you were unconscious the whole time between this attack and us viewing it right now, so even if we were going to entertain that line of thought, there's no way it could be right."

"Yeah. Pretty much. I gueth."

"So we're still at square one." Karkat shook his head.

"No. No way. Thith jutht meanth we have to change our approach. Thomeone tampered with the camera logth, that'th big. That will leave a trathe, no matter how much they covered their trackth."

"Great! Awesome. So, do your hacker thing, and... I don't know, do what you do. Search for intrusions. In the... mainframe."

"Thtop," Sollux said. "Pleathe thtop."

"Look, I don't know what you do. Get root access to the... thing. Upload security protocols."

"Right now, the thingth you are thaying are acthually phythically athaulting me. I am being attacked, and injured, by thtupidity."

"So, can you do the thing or not?"

He sighed. "Maybe? KK there'th a lot more tackth to try. Tho this athhole fucked with the camerath, whatever. Did they have time to dithable heat detectorth in the bar? What about bathewide? Did they thabotage our Trollian viewport window camth, too? What about the powerth granted to uth by our mythological roleth, can they edit their way hidden from thothe?"

"Oh. Well, great. So do... those things."

"Yeth. You thould totally look into that. But the heat thignature thing is Vrithka'th tech, the Trollian viewport rig belongth to Aradia, and your girlfriend ith probably your best bet for her mythological role, what with being a Theer and all." He rolled back in his desk chair, turning to face Karkat. "Altho, while we've been talking I have had two other people methaging me to athk for me to help them with thomething. Not including your own requetht to "fix the univerthe", which I really am working on. Pluth, at thome point today, I'm going to have to go thwimming. Oh, and did I menthion that I'm thtill very, very hung over?"

"It may have come up," Karkat said. He had backed off considerably.

"Okay. Great. You go get working on the Gamzee thing. I have the utmotht confidenthe in you, KK. I'm thure you will thuceed with flying colorth."

"Ugggh. I really don't want to talk to Vriska."

"Then dont, TZ'th the one you athigned to invethigate. Delegate or whatever. Thtart getting the corpthemourn thet up."

"Hmm." Karkat set down on Feferi's reclining chair, which she kept in the room for when Sollux was busy coding. "I don't really want Terezi talking to Vriska either. I think that would be worse, actually."

Sollux sighed exasperatedly. "Well, do thomething, KK! Thomething thomewhere elthe. Figure it out. If I'm going to be awake- thankth again for that by the way- I have work to do. And get out of that chair, it'th not mine."

"Yeah, fine." Karkat stood and backed out of the room. "I'll leave you to it, but I will be messaging you to check back in on your progress."

Sollux was already tuning Karkat out. He maximized Trollian and sighed again. Great. That was one annoying wiggler dealt with. Now for the other two.

He clicked on the first message.

gallowsCallibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
GC: SOLLUX
TA: tz 2eriiou2ly what ii2 iit thii2 tiime
GC: OK4Y 1 KNOW YOU MUST B3 BUSY R1GHT NOW
TA: no you have no iidea what2over how bu2y ii am
TA: ii have 2o much on my nutriitiion plateau that the 2auce ii2 2tartiing two driibble ontwo the tablecloth
TA: iit2 liike ii wa2 at an all you can eat buffet for trouble and ii ju2t had two have a liittle biit of everythiing
TA: and before you 2ay all the trouble, ye2, all of iit
GC: SOLLUX 1 KNOW WHO K1LL3D G4MZ33
TA: perfect
TA: 2o report two karkat and let2 be done wiith iit
GC: N3V3RM1ND TH4T, 1 N33D TO F1GUR3 OUT HOW H3 GOT H3R3!
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU S41D TH3 HUM4N'S UN1V3RS3 W4S CUT OFF FROM OURS, BUT 1F TH4T'S TH3 C4S3 HOW 1S H3 H3R3
TA: waiit one of the human2 kiilled gz?
GC: Y3S! TH4T TURNT3CHGODH34D DOUCH3
TA: oh ii hate that guy
GC: H3 GOT 1N TH3 B4S3 4ND K1LL3D G4MZ33 4ND H3'S GO1NG TO B3 COM1NG FOR TH3 R3ST OF US
GC: BUT ONLY UNT1L YOU WR1T3 SOM3 K1ND OF COD3 TH1NG FOR H1M
TA: 2ome kiind of code thiing what the fuck
TA: why do ii have to do everythiing cant one of you a22hole2 ju2t get around to learniing ~ath
TA: ii mean come on
GC: >:\ OK4Y 1 KNOW 1TS SH1TTY BUT SOLLUX H3S GO1NG TO K1LL 4G41N 1F YOU DONT WR1T3 TH3 TH1NG
TA: why, becau2e he promii2ed he wouldnt?
GC: UH
GC: W3LL H3 D1DNT 3X4CTLY 3V3N PROM1S3
TA: tz
TA: has your logiical cortex been entiirely 2ub2iided by your gulliibility lobe
GC: > SO WH4T 3LS3 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO DO?
TA: what exactly diid he 2ay
GC: H3 S41D...
GC: TH4T 1F W3 F1N1SH3D BY TH3 N1GHT H3 WONT K1LL 4NYON3 3LS3
TA: he wont kiill anyone el2e
GC: UH Y34H
TA: well that ii2nt even a threat
GC: W3LL 1T SUR3 1SNT 4N 1NV1T4T1ON TO H1S WR1GGL1NG D4Y P4R4D3
GC: 1'LL POST TH4T WHOL3 P4RT
GC: TG: if he finishes by the end of the night i wont kill anyone else
TG: that fucking easy
TG: i mean i'll still probably take my aggression out on an alternate terezi but who the fuck cares about alternates
TG: anyway if he doesnt finish he has another day and then i kill someone else etcetera etcetera
GC: SO W3 H4V3 3L3V3N D4YS?
TG: no i'll probably lose patience after a few days and just kill you all
TG: i mean really i can always find more trolls
TG: you guys made a serious mess of your alternate timelines
TG: might want to talk to your robot ghost lady about that
TA: okay well
TA: he'2 left hiim2elf a loophole
GC: H4S H3?
TA: you dont 2ee iit?
GC: >:\
TA: he never expliiciitly 2tated that he would kiill anyone at the end of today iif you dont 2end hiim the thiing
TA: ju2t startiing the next day
GC: 1'M PR3TTY SUR3 H3 ST1LL 1NT3NDS TO DO 1T, THOUGH. 1T S33MS K1ND OF 1MPL13D.
TA: probably, but he doe2n't actually know
TA: even out2iide our tiimeliine, he doe2nt know for 2ure iif he'2 goiing two 2ucce22fully kiill 2omeone toniight
TA: 2o he'2 leaviing hiim2elf 2ome breathiing room two maiintaiin crediibiiliity
GC: HMMM.
GC: 4ND W3 KNOW FOR SUR3 TH4T H3 WONT 4TT4CK 4NYON3 B3FOR3 TON1GHT, B3C4US3 TH4T WOULD ONLY W34K3N H1S B4RG41N1NG POS1T1ON
TA: exactly
TA: oh my god ii ju2t fiigured iit out
TA: giive the ~ath thiing two karkat
GC: K4RK4T? H3 C4N COD3?
TA: oh god no he'2 terriible
TA: but ~ath is a pretty ob2cure language two read
TA: iif thiis guy knew iit enough two read iit he wouldn't need our help
TA: whatever karkat make2 wiill probably be riiddled in bug2
TA: plu2, thii2 keep2 karkat bu2y, plu2 plu2 iit take2 a problem off my dii2gu2tiingly overloaded nutriitiion plateau
GC: OK4Y, TH4T'S NOT 4 B4D PL4N!
TA: alriight awe2ome
TA: 2o thii2 ii2nt my problem anymore then, riight
GC: NO, 1 GU3SS NOT
TA: then
TA: are you goiing two leave me alone two do my work nowv
GC: UH 1 GU3SS SO
TA: alriight
TA: that2 one down

He tabbed over to hii2 other window.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
AA: s0llux
TA: 2o what do you want
AA: base p0wer 0utput has decreased 20%
AA: w0uld y0u happen t0 kn0w anything ab0ut that
TA: man that ii2nt even my job
TA: that2 eq2 problem
AA: 0.0
AA: is this a bad time
TA: no not at all ii wa2 ju2t about to 2et out the tea and crumpet2
TA: let2 make a grand old tiime of iit
TA: nevermiind that we havent talked iin day2 and you've been avoiidiing me
AA: ive been av0iding every0ne
TA: well maybe that2 the root of the problem
TA: maybe you 2houldnt be avoiidiing everyone
AA: equius is busy writing a p0em
AA: i th0ught we c0uld talk a little
AA: since we might n0t get a chance later
TA: why, what2 goiing to happen later
TA: ii2 what ii miight 2ay iif ii diidnt already know iit was our iimpendiing doom
TA: iits our iimpendiing doom, riight?
AA: why d0 y0u always lament the inevitable
AA: as if being miserable ab0ut it c0uld change 0ur fates
TA: 2o you are confiirmiing our iimpendiing doom, then
AA: i was h0ping we c0uld talk like we used t0
TA: liike we u2ed two when?
TA: liike when you were aliive? liike before you were a robot? before ff and eq?
AA: i supp0se
TA: do you even remember how we u2ed to talk, ar?
AA: n0
AA: n0t really
AA: but i remember remembering
AA: it feel s0 cl0se t0 being in reach
AA: like if i c0uld just reach a little higher i w0uld reach it
TA: you heard about gamzee, riight?
AA: yes
TA: tz thiink2 one of the human2 diid iit
TA: ii2 that the begiinniing of our iimpendiing doom, then?
AA: 0ur d00m never had a beginning
AA: n0r d0es it have an end
AA: it is happening and it has already happened
AA: the tail 0f the 0ur0b0r0s dev0ured int0 its 0wn maw
AA: a m0bius circuit in parad0x space
TA: thank2 aradiia
TA: you're alway2 there to cheer me up
AA: as much as i wish y0u c0uld av0id y0ur fate, y0u will n0t
AA: as the mage of d00m y0u are m0re tied t0 the end than any 0f us
AA: and yet even n0w y0u d0 n0t understand the sacrifice we have made t0 defeat the black king
AA: the sacrifices all 0f us have made
AA: i need to c0nserve as much 0f the base's p0wer as p0ssible f0r my trip back
TA: 2o why dont you get your boyfriiend to tiinker wiith the generator2
TA: iit2 not my job
AA: h0w many sp00nfulls are y0u eating n0w
TA: none of your bee2wax
AA: s0llux
AA: i did care f0r y0u
AA: it was never my ch0ice, 0r y0urs
TA: the honey ii2 the only thiing that make2 the headache2 2top
TA: and ii can control iit
TA: and iif ii'm 2o doomed anyway
TA: why would you even care
AA: I d0nt
AA: but i can alm0st remember caring
twinArmageddons [TA] stopped trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

~

solomonsMinesweeper [SM] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]
SM: I say, there!
SM: Could I have a moment of your time, little girl?
AC: :33 *ac looks up from the book she is reading about clowns. her expression is gloomy and brooding!* oh hello *she says to the friendly stranger*
AC: :33 who are you?
SM: I'm one of the humans, from the universe you created with your friends.
AC: :33 oh okay.
AC: :33 well i'm a little bit busy right now.
AC: :33 one of my friends died today.
SM: Ah, loss. I'm sorry to hear that.
AC: :33 yeah.
AC: :33 i dont r33lly want to be rude but its weighing on my mind right now.
AC: :33 so i dont think now would be a good time to talk.
AC: :33 whoever you are.
SM: I understand.
SM: I remember the childhood death of my canine steed as if it were merely a few decades ago.
SM: But then I remember that he's in Pet Valhalla!
AC: :33 oh
AC: :33 whats pet valhalla?
SM: You've never heard of it? It's a realm where warrior pets live on to battle and get bellyrubs until the end of time, located on the third petal of the Lotus of Creation!
SM: I had to travel there astrally in one of my adventures, in order to stop a diabolical shark from unleashing Ragnabark upon the universe.
AC: :33 whoa!
AC: :33 what happened to the shark?
SM: I gave him the old one-two standard! Sharks have very sensitive snouts. A good left hook to the nose and he was sleeping with the fishes.
SM: Both literally and figuratively, wot!
AC: :33 haha!
AC: :33 okay well you s33m pretty cool.
AC: :33 how about you message me tomorrow.
AC: :33 when i have a little bit more time.
SM: Bully! I shall set it upon the calendar.
SM: Until tomorrow, then!
AC: :33 yeah okay!
solomonsMinesweeper [SM] stopped trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

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ugh solluxs text is so hard to read in the post preview

I know this is late, but Sushi, are you telling me that's the Evil Crazy Davesprite that Dave killed back in Shenanigans?
Because i am pretty sure that it's the Evil Crazy Davesprite that Dave killed back in Shenanigans.
Damn, this time shit is weird.

ironically asshole daves weird time shit is probably the most straightforward weird time shit in this story
trying to keep track of how time runs linearly between the troll's session, future jade in the underverse with at least some of the dead trolls, and future alternia (apparently accessible by future jade and dead trolls), that's some truly weird time shit

also i really really like hints of candy red/end of anonymity or whatever. and also wargames and the furthest ring and harleyquin

I eagerly await these with roughly the same fervor as I await HS updates.

DID SOMEBODY SAY SHORTFIC?!

Huntress

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The mighty huntress purrowled through the wilderness. She found a family of hopbeasts, but they were not her purrey. She killed and ate them anyway like a good huntress-kitty. She then took a nap. She was really cute! She could afford to take a nap because her purrey was not an animal. Oh no! Her purrey was a place! She had many fun adventures and killed many animals and found the Fountain of Cute. She drank a little of the water but she was already so cute it didn’t change anything! Then she marked it down on her map and went home and made out with her matesprit Karkat and everything was great forever. And there were defurnately no meteors or scary things. The end!

There can never be enough Nepeta-written shortfics.

[Acey Enn]

Nepeta is the best fanfic writer and I wish I was her.

[BPrinny]

She's also the best shipper. No one can beat Nepeta Leijon in a ship-off or a fic-off.

[egregiousBass]

She's also the best shipper. No one can beat Nepeta Leijon in a ship-off or a fic-off.

This person is better at maintaining shipping walls, though.