So I wrote a log about Vriska playing the hyperchess thing with Doc Scratch. Here it is. Also, I never got any comments on THIS MEETING IS MANDATORY, so I guess I'll put that in a second spoiler.
Playing a Game
Are you ready to play again?
AG: uuuuuuuugh do i h8ve to?
While these games are largely irrelevant to your present situation, and are in fact entirely optional, I cannot foresee any outcome in which you do not agree to participate.
With the notable exception of the sophomoric attempt at violating causality you are about to engage in.
AG: Well may8e i don't want to pl8y your stupid game right now!!!!!!!!
AG: May8e i will just go 8ack and put some m8re irons in the fire
AG: and i8nore your stupid chess thing
You will not do that. As I have said, there is no foreseeable situation in which you would decline my offer.
Because, you see, you persist in your foolish belief that you can defeat me.
And I, in turn, persist in my foolish curiosity to find out if you actually can.
AG: Yeah
AG: Wellllllll...
AG: I'll play
AG: 8ut i want to m8ke it clear that i could h8ve left if i wanted to
AG: So if you'll conc8de that point than we can play
I need not concede the point of a foolish girl.
It is the operative phrase which you use, "if I wanted to", that belies your inability to affect your circumstances.
There was no possible outcome in which you did want to.
And consequently I have no need to utilize dishonesty to secure your agreement to play.
AG: I h8 you!
There is no need to drag me into your unnecessary romantic struggles.
AG: oh my god!!!!!!!!
AG: you cr88p!
AG: I don't h8 you like that!
AG: Ewwwwwwww!
Regardless, it would make me more comfortable if you were to cease your childish jibes.
AG: F8ck you!!!!!!!! i don't c8re if you're comfortable
I will disregard that.
Now, do you have the Battlefield pulled up on your computing device?
AG: Just call it a computer, white text guy
I would object to the nickname you have chosen to give me had it not been necessary for me to conceal my true name.
AG: 8lah 8lah 8lah cut the 8ullshit i'm r8y
Indeed. Now, as usual, I will inform you of my moves in advance.
Firstly, I will move my leftmost pawn forward along the circumfrential axis of the cube. Secondly, I will move the third bishop into the pawn's threatened area, 1D26. Following this pattern, I will repeat it for the fifth and sixth ranked pawns, filling their quadrants with the guards at 1C3, 1I4, 1V3, and 1K1. Afterwards, I will move the second-rank knights forward into the contested belt, and threaten its space with the fourth bishop and two back-rank rooks. After this defensive posture, I will move my queen and an entourage of four agents to the back face, column 4, and send the rightmost knights to the right face. I will then move the initial pawn into the contested belt, crossing behind it with the third bishop. I will then send my knights on the right face to the bottom face in , and they will be captured. In the following turn you will make a catastrophic blunder and my queen will perform an avec cheval to the bank ranks to capture your king.
Any questions?
AG: Yeah i have a qu8stion.
AG: Here it is.
AG: did you know th8t I DON'T C8RE?
Forgive me for answering a question with a question, but were you aware that lies hold no meaning to an omniscient being?
AG: SH8T 8P!
AG: ok my 1H8 8ishop moves to left face.
I can see your moves. There is no need to narrate.
I am a tad disappointed by how completely predictable you can be.
Every single game, your first move is always with the bishop at H8. Eight, eight, eight, hate.
I barely need exercise my talents of prognostication to determine your actions in advance.
You are very nearly a waste of my talents.
AG: Really? This is fascin8ing. Just completely gr8 how everything you say is calcul8ed to try to make you sound like an arrog8nt douche8ag who is b8tter than everybody.
AG: 8ut really now that I think a8out it you're just 8eing a whiny gru8!
AG: And you never seem to notice that I can read you like a 8ook
AG: You think you can control everything 8ut really you are just pr8tending.
AG: All of your posturing as an unfl8ppa8le manipul8or is a front for how powerless you are!!!!!!!!
AG: For example you didn't think that I could
AG: ........
What.
AG: Um
What has happened to the rest of your scorn?
Are you not eager to propel your ignorant waste all over my immaculate garments?
AG: OK I've got it
AG: Left-face 8ishop to 5H6
AG: Ch8ck.
WHAT
HOW IS IT POssible that you have done that?
There should not have been an outcome in which you registered that move as a possibility.
AG: It's 8ecause you can't control me, asshole.
AG: 8ecause you don't know 8verything a8out what I can and c8n't do!
No.
No, wait.
I see it now.
It took me longer than usual to instantly deduce the exact cause of your advantage.
You are receiving assistance.
AG: Uh........
From your little friend in the tree.
I wonder how long it is taking her to learn the subtleties of our game.
AG: ........
You are obviously speechless because of the accuracy of my insight.
AG: AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
AG: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
AG: Wrong again, dum8ass!
AG: Haaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
NO
NO
AG: y8s!
AG: y8s!
No matter.
Whatever has caused you to expand your mind in that single unpredictable way
Has no bearing on how this game will proceed.
I will continue as outlined.
And I will win.
AG: No you won't!
AG: For a moment I was g8ting worried that you really were omnisci8nt!
AG: 8ut that r8 there was totally wrong!
AG: It's like incorrect and false 8ecame m8sprits
AG: And filled all the pails!
AG: (sorry may8e that joke was over the line)
AG: Your move.
Omniscient is a word that does not accurately describe every one of my aspects.
Yet you will learn that to your limited sensibilities the distinction is entirely irrelevant.
Your move.
AG: And now you are tr8pped in my we8! Do you see your king?
AG: He's........
AG: IN CH8CK AGAIN!
AG: Your move.
Indeed. Queen avec cheval to 2L26. Checkmate.
AG: :::: (
AG: hey!!!!!!!!
AG: that wasn't the 8ack ranks!
AG: You had to 8reak your precious prediction!
AG: Just to 8eat me!
AG: A w8ste of your talents!
AG: Haaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaa aaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa!
AG: Alavidha, White Text Guy.
AG ceased trolling.
AG began trolling.
This means nothing.
Nothing.
Do you understand?
AG: >:::: D
AG ceased trolling.
THIS MEETING IS MANDATORY, YOU STUPID F---S
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] THIRTEEN MINUTES AGO opened memo on board THIS MEETING IS MANDATORY, YOU STUPID FUCKS
PCG: ALRIGHT ALL YOU STUPID FUCKS
PCG: HERE'S HOW IT'S GOING TO GO DOWN
PCG: 3D GLASSES GOT THESE COMPUTERS SET UP
PCG: ON THIS FUCKING METEOR SOMEHOW
PCG: SO NOW WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A PLAN.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 30 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: WAIT DON'T BAN ME WHEN I'M YOU 31 MINUTES IN YOUR FUTURE TWO MINUTES IN MY PAST YOU STUPID GRUBFUCKER
PCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
PCG: TOO FUCKING LATE YOU ASSHOLE
PCG: WE'RE NOT GOING THROUGH THIS WEIRD TIME SHIT AGAIN
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] THIRTEEN MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PAT: uHHHH, sO WHAT IS THIS MEETING ABOUT,
PCG: SEEING AS THIS IS A MEETING AND NOT A TRADITIONAL MEMO
PCG: I WON'T BAN YOU FOR SPEAKING OUT OF TURN
PCG: HERE IS WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO.
PCG: WE ARE GOING TO TROLL THOSE WORTHLESS ASSHOLE HUMANS OUT OF THEIR MINDS
PAST twinArmageddons [PTA] THIRTEEN MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PTA: oh jegu2
PTA: that'2 not a plan you moron
PTA: what ii2 that even 2uppo2ed two accomplii2h
PTA: we can't change the future/pa2t/prede2tiined clu2terfuck
PTA: we 2hould ju2t waiit two diie wiith diigniity.
PCG: NO
PCG: MY PLAN IS GREAT, WE WILL GET OUR REVENGE ON THOSE WORTHLESS MALFORMED PUPAS LIKE FUCKING CRAZY
PTA: you people are all 2o carpiing 2tupiid
PCG banned PTA from responding to memo.
PAST twinArmageddons 2 [PTA2] TWELVE MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PTA2: fuck you
PCG banned PTA2 from responding to memo.
PCG: ALRIGHT
PCG: NOW THAT THE BAG OF HOT SEDITIOUS AIR IS GONE
PCG: I WILL CONTINUE WITH THE MEMO
PCG: LET'S HAVE A ROLL CALL SO WE CAN SEE EXACTLY WHICH STUPID FUCKS ARE IGNORING THIS MANDATORY MEETING
PCG: JUST RESPOND WITH A CONFIRMATION
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] TWELVE MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PAG: thi8 is soooooooo dum8, karkat!
PAT: uHHHH,
PAT: i AM HERE ALREADY, i GUESS,
CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAC: :33 < *an adorable kitten is listening to this purrthetic memo*
PCG: OH NO
PCG: NONE OF THIS CURRENT/FUTURE SELF BULLSHIT
PCG: THIS MEMO IS FOR PEOPLE I AM TRYING TO TALK TO RIGHT NOW
PCG: BY WHICH I MEAN TWELVE MINUTES IN THE PAST
PCG: IF YOU MISSED THE MEMO YOU ARE DONE HERE
CAC: :33 < but i am listening to it now
CAC: :33 < what is the diffurrence?
PCG: SHUT UP
PCG: JUST GO TROLL YOUR PAST SELF AND TELL HER TO STOP WHATEVER STUPID ROLEPLAYING SHIT SHE'S DOING AND GET HER CREEPY FAKE TAIL OVER HERE
CAC: :33 < ummm
PCG: WHAT IS IT
PAST caligulasAquarium [PCA] ELEVEN MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCA: i don't knoww wwhy you havve been identified as the leader
PCA: or wwhy you assume wwe're obligated to listen to your glubbing land dwweller bullshit
PCA: but i'm here anywway i guess
PCG: LOOK I'M TRYING TO SORT THINGS OUT WITH NEPETA RIGHT NOW
PCG: SO EVERYONE HOLD YOUR GODDAMN SEAHORSES ON THIS ROLLCALL FOR A MINUTE
CAC: :33 < if you want me to leave then i will depurrt
CAC: :33 < i will go over to the rainbow rumpus purrtytown
CAC: :33 < you can come as long as you are not purrticularly disagreeable
CAC ceased responding to memo.
PCG: HANG ON A SECOND EVERYONE
PAST carcinoGeneticist 3 [PCG3] 10 MINUTES AGO responded to memo on board R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN.
PCG3: THANK YOU NEPETA, FOR ALERTING ME TO THE PRESENCE OF YET MORE OF THIS TAWDRY ROLEPLAY-INFESTED CLOAK AND DAGGER RUBBISH.
PCG3: HOW VERY INTERESTING.
CGC: *H3R TYR4NNY F4C3 P4LMS 1N 4 R34LLY D1GN1F13D 4ND 1NT1M1D4T1NGLY JUD1C14L M4NN3R*
CGC banned PCG3 from responding to memo.
PCG: SHIT
PCG: EVERYBODY CONTINUE
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] TEN MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCT: D --> I will observe your low-b100ded e%crement
PCT: D --> At least I believe that your b100d caste is low
PCT: D --> Because your incorrigibly awful behavior is a bright indicator of your lowness of birth
PCT: D --> Although if you are of a higher caste than I profusely apologize
PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] TEN MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PTC: MoThErFuCk bRo Im iN oN yOuR MoThErFuCkInG mEmO
PCG: OH GOD NOT YOU
PCG: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO PARTICIPATE HERE
PCG: JUST GO DO WHATEVER RIDICULOUS CLOWN SHIT YOU USUALLY DO
PTC: MoThErFuCk Im NoT AlL gOiNg tO lEaVe A gOoD bRo aLl AlOnE
PCG: FINE
PCG: JUST KEEP QUIET
PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] TEN MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PGA: While This Interface Seems Unnecessary Given That We Are All In The Same Room
PGA: I Will Attend This Meeting
PGA: And You Should Know That Aradia Is Busy With Something Right Now.
PCT: D --> Is she using the manual uplink catalyst?
PCT: D --> Or the full upload stem?
PGA: I Am Not An Expert On Your Robot Designs
PGA: But She Has A Wire Sticking Out Of Her Head
PCT: D --> That would be the upload stem then
PCT: D --> It is a beautiful piece
PCT: D --> A perfect cog in a perfect creation
PAT: uHHH, EQUIUS
PAT: yOU'RE BEING KIND OF CREEPY
PGA: Really?
PAG: tavroooooooos are you sure 8ecause 8quius has never 8een creepy 8efore
PCG: OK THAT'S ENOUGH OF MUSCLEHEAD'S HORRIBLE ROBOT FETISH FOR NOW
PCG: I'D LIKE TO KEEP WHAT'S LEFT OF MY SANITY INTACT IF AT ALL POSSIBLE
PCG: I'LL DEAL WITH THE DEAD PSYCHO LATER
PCT: D --> She is wonderful
PCG: STFU
PCG banned PCT from responding to memo
PCG unbanned PCT from responding to memo
PCG: NO WAIT I CAN'T BAN YOU PEOPLE YET UNTIL I KNOW WHETHER YOU'RE ON BOARD OR NOT
PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] NINE MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCC: I'm ) (ere! W) (at are we supposed two be onboard wit) (?
PCG: YOU UTTER ONE INSIPID PUN ABOUT BOATS AND YOU'RE BANNED, FISH PRINCESS
PCA: hey wwait listen boats are fuckin awwesome
PCG: OH JEGUS SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU WATERY GLUB GLUB FUCKNUTS
PCG: WHERE THE FUCK IS TEREZI AT LEAST YOU DIPSHITS LISTEN TO HER
PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] NINE MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PGC: OH MY GOD, K4RK4T
PGC: NO ON3 C4R3S!
PCG: THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME AND GUESS WHAT?
PCG: IT TURNED OUT TO BE ESSENTIAL TO SUCCESS
PGC: NO 1T TURN3D OUT TO B3 3SS3NT14L TO YOU M4K1NG YOURS3LF LOOK L1K3 4 MORON
PGC: YOU 4ND YOUR NUBBY HORNS PR3T3ND1NG TO B3 4 B1G F34RL3SS L34D3R
PCG: SHUT UP AND LISTEN
PCG: YOU ARE SETTING A BAD EXAMPLE
PCG: EVERYONE LISTEN UP
PCG: YOU ALL KNOW THE HUMANS
PCG: AND HOW THEY FUCKED UP ON A GRAND SCALE
PCG: LIKE THIS SCALE IS SO GRAND IT's BALANCING HUNDREDS OF GRAND PIANOS
PGC: H3Y B4L4NC3 1S MY TH1NG
PCG: YOU KNOW WHAT THIS ISN'T WORTH IT
PCG banned PGC from responding to memo.
PCG: THE REST OF YOU LISTEN
PCG: WE'RE GOING TO TROLL THESE KIDS
PCG: WE'RE GOING TO MAKE THEM WISH THEY HAD NEVER HATCHED
PCG: OR AT LEAST BEEN ECTOBIOLOGIZED INTO EXISTENCE OR WHATEVER
PCT: D --> I still refuse to believe that you are telling the truth about that
PCG: OH I WISH I WERE MAKING THIS SHIT UP IT WAS LIKE WATCHING THE INSIDE OF THE MOTHER GRUB
PGA: It's Actually Not That Diabolical In There
PGA: Just A Lot Of Goo And Green Blood
PGA: And This Matriorb
PCT: D --> Lies
PCT: D --> The b100d of a mother grub is clearly of the highest caste
PCT: D --> Pink or violet
PCC: -Equius t) (is line of conversation is making me uncomfortable!
PCG: AND IT'S MAKING ME PUKE UP MY GASTRIC WEAVE
PCT: D --> I apologize, your highness
PAT: sO, uHHHH, bACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND,
PAT: hOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO, yOU KNOW, tROLL THESE KIDS,
PCG: THANK YOU, TAVROS
PCG: THE TRANSTIMELINE TROLLING FEATURE IS UNDER THE WINDOW SECTION OF THE LABS' TROLLIAN ACCOUNT
PCG: EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES NO SENSE FOR THEM TO EVEN BE EQUIPPED WITH THIS THING
PCG: BUT I DIGRESS
PCG: WAIT HANG ON IT APPEARS THAT TEREZI HAS FOMENTED MUTINY IN A MEMO IN THE FUTURE WHICH IS RUNNING PARALLEL TO THIS VERY MEMO BUT IN THE PAST
PCG: I HAVE TO GO DEAL WITH THIS
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN.
CGC: WH4T DO YOU GUYS TH1NK 4BOUT K4RK4TS N3W PL4N
CGC: TO TROLL TH3S3 K1DS
CGC: P3RSON4LLY 1 TH1NK H3 H4S F1N4LLY SN4PP3D 4ND 1T DO3SNT M4K3 4NY S3NS3
CGC: 1 F1GUR3D M4YB3 W3 COULD T4LK 4BOUT 1T H3R3 1N S3CR3T WH1L3 H3 ST4NDS OV3R TH3R3 M4K1NG H1S BOR1NG 1NSP1R4T1ON4L SP33CH
CGC: 1M PR3TTY SUR3 H3S STOPP3D BOTH3R1NG TO 1NV4D3 P4RTYTOWN, H3 H4S L34RN3D H1S L3SSON >: ]
CGC: OBV1OUSLY TH1S 1S JUST FOR US H3R3 1N TH3 PR3S3NT TO R3M4RK ON
CGC: 1F YOU 4R3 FROM TH3 P4ST 4ND 4R3 CUR1OUS 4BOUT TH1S 4ND W4NT TO S4Y SOM3TH1NG YOU W1LL NOT B3 B4NN3D 4S 1S TH3 G3N3R4L RUL3 H3R3
CGC: BUT 1 W1LL POL1T3LY 4SK YOU TO K33P YOUR 1NT3RJ3CT1ONS TO 4 M1N1MUM!
CGC: 1 W1LL H4V3 ORD3R 1N TH1S RUMPUSBLOCK >
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 7 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG: YOU THINK I STOPPED KEEPING TABS ON YOUR VAPID, SEDITIOUS BULLSHIT???
PCG: THINK A FUCKING GAIN.
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.
PCG: SHIT
PCG: ALRIGHT
PCG: SO DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS
PCG: THAT THEY HAVEN'T ALREADY ASKED IN THE FUTURE
PAST arsenicCatnip [PAC] 7 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PAC: :33 < *a kitten appears looking confused*
PCG: FUCK
PAC: :33 < *she says she told herself to come see karcat's boooring memo*
PAC: :33 < *but she doesn't know why or when we will be talking to these purrple*
PCG: PURRPLE? REALLY?
PAC: :33 < purrhaps i was stretching it
PCG: KARKAT SAYS SHIT WHATEVER
PCG: HE SAYS JUST TROLL WHENEVER YOU WANT
PCG: HE ADVISES YOU TO TRY TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR CONVEVERSATIONS TO AVOID CONFUSION
PCG: OTHERWISE, HE SAYS, WE WILL END UP MAKING OURSELVES LOOK STUPID IN FRONT OF THE HUMANS
PAC: :33 < *she meows out loud that that sounds complickated*
PCT: D --> This idea stri% me as e%tremely f001ish
PCA: this is the most unproductivve load of shit we could possibly be doin right noww
PCA: i'm in
PCA ceased responding to memo.
PCT ceased responding to memo.
PAC ceased responding to memo.
PCG: FUCK YOU GUYS
PCG: WHEN MY MASTERFUL PLAN FIXES THIS WHOLE SHITTY SITUATION AND WE CONQUER OUR NEW UNIVERSE YOU GRUBFUCKERS WILL GET NONE OF IT
PCG: YOU CAN ALL HAVE FUNNY HATS
PCG: THAT SAY WHAT ASSHOLES YOU ARE ON THEM
PAG: hahahahaha
PAG: oops --hahaha
PAG: this l8ks like a fun idea karkat
PAG: 8ut hang on eight seconds i have some stuff to do
PAG: :::; )
PGA: I Believe This Is As Good A Use Of My Time As Any
PCG: FUCKING FINALLY
PCG: THIS MEMO IS MAKING ME SO GODDAMN ANGRY I'M THROWING OUT PROFANITY LIKE MOTHERFUCKING GAMZEE
PTC: hAhAhAhA bRo I aM AlL fUcKinG uP iN tHiS sHiT lIkE iT's My MoThErFuCkInG wRiGgLiNg DaY
PCG: UGH SHUT UP
PAT: uHHHH,
PAT: yOU KEEP SAYING, tHAT I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT TROLLING
PAT: sO WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO
PCG: FFFFF I DON'T CARE JUST PICK ONE AND MAKE HIM FUCKING MISERABLE
PCG: IT'S NOT THAT HARD
PCG: OK IF WE'RE DONE HERE I'M GOING TO GO MESS WITH TEREZI'S MEMO FOR A WHILE
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist 2 [FCG2] 28 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG2: WAIT DON'T YOU'RE JUST GOING TO MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF
FCG2: AND CONSEQUENTLY ME
PCG: HAHA YEAH NO I HATE YOU
PCG: IN YOUR FUTURE YOU'RE GOING TO ASK ME NOT TO BAN YOU IN MY FUTURE THAT IS HIS PAST BUT I'M JUST GOING TO BAN YOU ANYWAY SO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT
FCG2: I FUCKING HATE YOU
PCG: AWW I FUCKING HATE YOU TOO
PCG banned FCG2 from responding to memo.
PCG: OK ARE WE DONE HERE OR ARE WE GOING TO BE INDECISIVE MORONS LIKE TAVROS?
PAT: uHHHH,
PCG banned PAT from responding to memo.
PCG: OK GOOD I'M CLOSING THIS DOWN.
PCG banned PAG from responding to memo.
PCG banned PTC from responding to memo.
PCG banned PGA from responding to memo.
PCG banned PCC from responding to memo.
PCG banned PCG from responding to memo.
PCG closed memo.
Last edited by -Benedict; 10-29-2010 at 11:08 PM.
ha ha what's all this old crap Past Me put in his signature, get that stuff outta there
Here's an attempt to write something short, and out of context, but emotive.
When she was sure no one had found their way into her room, Kanaya pulled an old box out from its hiding place.
It was wooden, and nearly as old as she was. One of the few things among her possessions that she neither made herself nor gained from the ruins near the place she lived. She used it to keep memories.
Thumbing through the sheets, first were those of Vriska. Pictures she’d sent her, print-outs of her favourite conversations. A gemstone Spinneret Mindfang had won in her roleplaying game, that she’d given her. Along the side of the box was a journal - again, old and worn. Its earliest entries were stories her child self had written about her dreams. Later they gave way to anecdotes of Vriska’s adventures. Then there were tales she’d penned of the Tentacle Therapist that she’d admired for so long.
The pictures and prints of Vriska gave way to much newer stock - shots of Rose, and some of their conversations, first for reference and later for keepsakes.
In her hands, she held the final transcript, to be put in the box with the others. She hesitated. It was almost too painful to read, let alone store, but it was too important to dismiss. Green splotches formed on the page.
For a second, I thought that THIS MEETING IS MANDATORY was cannon!
0_0
Well, I tried to tie it into how things went canonically- it runs sort of parallel to the R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN memo, except... in the past? I kept going over and over the timeframes and the particular opinions and attitudes of various trolls at various times in order to keep everything as close to canon as possible. I just thought the idea of Karkat and Terezi sort of fighting for everyone's attention would be really fun to write- but oh man were the time shenanigans hard to sort out.
@Tenebrais- That's really great- I usually never know what to think about Kanaya and her weird redrom issues, but that was nice. (As a side note, how long could she have admired 'the Tentacle Therapist' for? Wouldn't she have only found the walkthrough once she started playing the game?) Still, I think the idea that Kanaya keeping a sort of scrapbook of her failures is really fitting.
ha ha what's all this old crap Past Me put in his signature, get that stuff outta there
Wow, my shit has no place being on the same page as these wonderful works.
BUT I'M POSTING ANYWAY
In My Dream
In your dream, she's still there.
She runs up to you, and you smile.
You take her in your arms, and you begin to fly.
She moves in for a kiss.
Suddenly, everything is blue and red. And when it clears, she isn't there anymore.
In your dream, you've killed them.
Your greatest mission, completed.
The girl who caught your eye, suitably impressed.
The two of you kiss over the pile of green- and yellow- and red-stained corpses.
In your dream, you've done it.
Your greatest mission, accomplished.
The empire you've built, suitably impressive.
You look down on the populace of your dynasty, and smile.
In your dream, you're flying.
You soar upward in the night like some sort of bird.
Your grin is as wide as the sky above you.
You look down, and you're not scared.
You move your legs, and smile when they do.
In your dream, they hate you.
After all the killing and lying you've done, they've finally caught on.
Every last one of them hates you to the core.
And you smile and laugh, because that's what you wanted.
In your dream, you turn a corner.
You see a band of capracious minstrels.
They offer you some sopor slime pie.
The three of you chill the fuck out.
You don't dream anymore.
You haven't for a while.
But you're okay with that.
You... Oh.
Oh God.
Let's go visit someone else's dream.
In your dream, you can see something.
It's a girl. Her hair is blonde, her skin a pale white.
You don't know who it is.
But you know you're interested.
In your dream, you're smiling.
She looks up at you, behind her ruby shades.
She smiles, too.
You kiss, and you're happy.
In your dream, you're happy.
You kiss him, and you smile.
He looks down at you, staring through your red shades.
He's smiling.
In your dream, everything's horrible.
Blood and guts, spilled on the ground.
You try to look away.
But it's everywhere, even at the tips of your claws.
And, you have to admit, you kind of like it.
Yeah, just the dreams the trolls have before the game, I guess. I kind of got lazy with Equius, Karkat and Terezi.
Midterms are over! Yay! I'm celebrating by sharing with you guys this thing I wrote a while back... It may be a little outdated but I feel it serves its purpose.
Why Alternia Never Invented Musicals (And Likely Never Will), aka "It Sucks To Be Me (Hivebent Version)"
With apologies (but not many) to Avenue Q
gA
Good Evening Eridan
cA
hey kan
gA
How Is Your Solar Cycle Proceeding
cA
disappointin as usual
you know that fuckin moirail of yours is ignorin my kismetic advvances again
gA
At This Point I Cannot Say I Blame Her
cA
look at me kan
im one of the last twwelvve members of our species left and i alwways thought
gA
What
cA
nah, fuckin forget it
its stupid
gA
We Have Gotten This Far
You Might As Well Spit It Out
cA
wwhen i wwas only twwo swweeps old or so
i thought i wwould groww up to be the greatest fuckin conqueror alternia had evver seen
i wwould gain a glorious reputation for killin all a the land dwwellers
and i wwould fill all the quadrants
all of them
gA
Uh Huh
cA
but now wwere stuck in the vveil and i got a one in elevven chance wwith any one a you
but all i gots a moirail wwho dont wwant me no more
gA
Nope
cA
fuck
gA
Indeed
cA
it sucks to be me
gA
Well
cA
it sucks to be me
gA
Likely
cA
it sucks to be dependin on shitbloods for all your concupiscent needs
it sucks to be me
gA
To Be Perfectly Honest With You It Enrages Me Somewhat To Hear You Speak As If You Alone Are Facing Difficulties
cA
wwhat
gA
I Am Finding It Impossible To Show Too Much Sympathy For You When I Am Having Troubles Of My Own
cA
like wwhat
gA
I Believe I Am Somewhat Visually Desirable
And Also Not Completely Lacking In The Cartilage Nub Area
cA
sounds about right i guess
gA
Ok
I Am Also Somewhat Of An Aficionado When It Comes To Activities Often Considered Relating To The Flushed Quadrant
Such As Auditory and Visual Expression
And As You May Be Aware My Cardiac Tissue Could Be Considered Above Average In Size
So Why Dont I Have A Matesprit
Fuck
Its Hard
cA
and no one understands
i told you
gA
Its Hard To Be In Love
cA
and in hate
gA
To Not Have A ♥
cA
to not havve a ♠
gA/cA
It sucks to be me
cA
hey equ, sol, could you settle somethin for us, you got a sec
cT
D --> Certainly, sir.
gA
Whose Existence Is More Likely To Cause Personal Anguish
Eridans Or Mine
tA/cT
...ours
cT
D --> We live together, closer than I would like to admit
tA
iive pretty much hated thii2 fucker ever 2iince the day we met.
cT
D --> So he goes out of his way to make me really upset
tA
ehehe hell ye2.
cT
D --> Every day is an aggravation
tA
that2 only becau2e iit2 2o ea2y two pii22 you off.
cT
D --> You are a socially incompetent lowb100d
D --> And you stay up until dawn writing your fudging codes
tA
oh yeah?
at lea2t iim not an uptiight priick wiith an aniimal fetii2h and a tendency two 2weat when excited.
cT
D --> You make that VERY SMALL laboratory we share a HELL
D --> E%cuse my language
tA
2o do you.
that2 why iim iin hell two.
cT
D --> It’s unfortunate to be me
tA
no.
iit 2uck2 two be me.
gA
It Is Difficult To Be Me
cA
it sucks to be me
(all 4)
Is there anybody here it doesn’t suck to be?
It sucks to be me!
cC
Glub!
W)(at are you all getting so -EXCIT-ED about?
tA
the eternal 2uckiitude of our liive2.
cC
O)( boy
)(onestly, you guys do t)(is every ot)(er day! 38(!!
Youre not t)(e only ones w)(o )(ave it bad you know!
I was )(atc)(ed to rule our race
And I was going to revolutionize -EV-ERYT)(ING!
It would )(ave been )(ard but I could )(ave done it.
But now t)(eyre all D-EAD 38(
And were stuck in t)(e Medium
And I )(ave no one to save
-Except my useless ex-moirail w)(os unbearable
and doesnt know w)(en to give up! 38(
cA
ouch fef
cC
It sucks to be me!
It sucks to be me!
I say it sucka-sucka-gluba-gluba-suck! It sucks to be me!
cG
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SHITHEADS DOING?
cA
oh hey kar
wwere talkin about howw our livves suck
cG
GREAT.
WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU CALL ME OVER EARLIER, ASSWIPES.
tA
becau2e then the re2t of u2 wouldnt be able two get a word iin dumba22.
cA
oh fuck
its gam
tC
hEeEeY wHaT aRe My FaVoRiTe MoThErFuCkErS uP tO
gA
We Are Discussing The Universes Metaphorical Gravitational Pull On Our Existences
tC
wHoAaAaAaA
hOw DoEs ThAt EvEn WoRk
cG
SHE MEANS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HOW THE COSMOS HATES US, YOU TAINTCHAFING MORON.
tC
wElL dAmN
hOw ArE yOu AlL kNoWiNg AbOuT hOw ThE wOrLd Is AlL uP iN tHe HeAd AbOuT uS
yOu KnOw WhAt Im AlL tHiNkInG
cG
DON’T CARE.
tC
iM tHiNkInG wE cAnT bE aLl KnOwInG wHaT tHe UniVeRsE iS uP aNd ThInKiNg AbOuT aLl ThEsE gLoRiOuS mOtHeRfUcKeRs JuSt ChIlLiNg On ThIs GoDdAmNeD aStErOiD
jUsT sPiNnInG tHrOuGh MoThErFuCkInG sPaCe
YoU kNoW wHaT iT iS
cT
D --> I must respectfully request that you refrain from answering that inane question
tC
mOtHeR
cT
D --> Please
tC
fUcKiNg
tA
jegu2 chrii2t.
tC
MiRaClEs
:o)
cG
URGH.
YOU ARE SO FUCKING BAD AT THIS.
ALL OF YOU SIT DOWN
SHUT THE FUCK UP
AND LISTEN.
cC
)(ere )(e goes carping again 38(
cG
I JUST SPENT 600 HOURS LEADING A GROUP OF EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE AND SOCIALLY INEPT SCREWHEADS THROUGH A GAME THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO SAVE OUR UNIVERSE FROM BECOMING ROYALLY FUCKED
WHICH AS IT TURNS OUT WAS A COMPLETE FUCKING WASTE OF TIME
BECAUSE NOW I’M STUCK HERE WITH ALL OF YOU
WAITING FOR THIS UNIVERSE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO INHERIT TO EXPLODE
WHICH IS APPARENTLY MY FUCKING REWARD FOR WINNING A GAME THAT GOT ME STABBED MULTIPLE TIMES BY A GUY I TRUSTED
AS WELL AS FORCED ME TO GRUBSIT TINY VERSIONS OF MYSELF AND ELEVEN OF MY CLOSEST FRENEMIES
AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF
I FINALLY MET THE ONE PERSON IN TWO FUCKING UNIVERSES WHOM I HATE MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF
AND HE’S A COMPLETE FUCKING MORON INCAPABLE OF ANY EMOTION OTHER THAN STUPID
tA
2tupiid ii2nt an emotiion numnut2.
cG
SHUT UP.
OH AND TRY HAVING TEREZI ASKING YOU EVERY TEN MINUTES WHAT YOUR INSIDES TASTE LIKE.
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
THIS IS THE MOST FUCKED UP MATESPRITSHIP EVER.
cT
D --> For the si% hundred and twelfth time, lowb100d, we get it
D --> Your entire e%istence is completely worthless
D --> Can we move on
cA
i kinda feel better noww
tA
eheheh.
iit doe2 kiinda 2uck two be you.
sorry KK.
cC
Well were all in t)(e same boat now!
tC
tHaTs WhAt AlL iVe BeEn SaYiNg LiTtLe FiShY pRiNcEsS
wEvE jUsT gOtTa Be AlL wIlLiNg To LeT tHe MiRaClEs TaKe Us WhErE tHeY wIlL
aNd NoT lEt ThE wOrRyInG aLl Up AnD gEt Us DoWn
KnOw WhAt Im SaYiNg
cG
NOT A FUCKING CLUE.
gA
I Believe He Is Trying To Imply That We Should Make The Most of Our Time Here Together Until Such A Point At Which We Are Able To Amend Our Situation
I had plans to do "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" too...maybe I'll get to that someday :3
This...this...I don't even...what...how...
It's so BEAUTIFUL. ;_;
It must be voiced. It WILL be voiced. It will take time to get all the parts together, but I'm going to try to make this happen for Singing Saturday sometime soon.
<Halfassured> I want a rocketpony. Pchoooooooooorse
AG: Yes!
AG: I got one of the other trolls to help me.
AG: You haven’t met yet, though. I’ll have to introduce the two of you once this hours-long 8rouhaha is over.
I see what you did there.
Morthol Dryax on Formspring / My chumhandle's hourslongBrouhaha, have fun "talking" to me since I'm never online!
John placed the large steel door against the wall, marveling at the torn hinges and busted deadbolt lock. The Heretic Bishop nodded in acceptance of the boy’s power and stepped inside. Canary Delight waddled in after him, holding a box as carefully as he could. Debonair Debutante smiled at the trio, holding out a hand. John blushed a deep red and scurried past the pretty Prospitian.
Stalwart Separatist was already inside, standing next to a pule of bodies, cleaning a knife on someone shirt. “About damn time,” he said, before John could comment. “Get to work, Debutante. Bishop, cover the fucking door like... some kind of guard at a post. The good kind!” The big man picked up his rifle as Canary packed explosives at the other entrances.
As Debutante typed away John wandered over to a large glass cylinder in the middle of the factory floor. Inside was as mas of black and white fleshy ooze, mashing into each other and separating again. Soon the semblance of a face formed, staring at Egbert with a mix of anger and pain. The boy looked to the Stalwart Separatist, but the was looking out a window, agitated.
Before he could ask what was wrong, the far door burst open and shots rang out. Bishop took a few in the gut before rolling behind a terminal. Not missing a step a large headed Prospitian leaped out, firing revolvers reloadlessly. Separatist threw a few knifes at the attacker and picked up an assault rifle. The knife were shot down out of the air and the intruder got behind a pillar.
“Canary! Smoke that fucker! Debutante, screw the safety!” The small Prospitian rolled a few grenades out. John was blown back by the explosions, vision blurry as he got up. Debutante was furiously typing one handed, shoulder bleeding heavily. Amidt the gunfire one shot rang out clear and a large bullet burst from the gun of the enemy. Every thing seemed to slow down as the bullet got closer. The Heir of Breath closed his eyes, waiting for the projectile to hit.
But it didn’t.
John opened one eye, peeking out. The bullet just hung in the air in front of him. Every bullet was stopped, as if they ran into invisible jello. The boy placed his hand in the air and made a thought. Metal clinked as it all fell to the floor. John grinned.
“I am the Neo!”
Bishop got next to him, firing two tommy guns at the enemy’s cover. Stone flew all around as the pillar got smalled, exposing the Prospitian’s large head. Separatist stealthily moved in, holding a knife around his brass knuckles.
A roar shook the building and a oozing fist broke through the glass container, slamming the boss into the wall. another came out, grabbing Debutante.
“No!” John shouted, sending spent bullets at the monstrosity. John focused his power to crush the beast and it dropped the girl, retreating he felt a cold metal ring against his head.
“Dodge this.” John shut his eyes.
“Dodge this!” The Prospitian turned to the noise and was rewarded with a bucket to the face, covering his head with paint.
Jade leapt from a dark corner, tackling John into a rough embrace. With a flick of her wrist the girl painted a dark gash in the air. A furry face poked through and meowed urgently and the two children fell into the darkness.
Devilish Syndic screamed in anger, the paint burning off his head. He roughly picked up the Stalwart Separatist, slapping the renegade awake.
“Kill the rook! It is just to keep growing and then all of us will be dead!”
Separatist spit bleed and grinned. “Yeah? And then the bitch will take action. Fucking nice, right? I gots other people, and they’ll make sure the royal dog will have to go down to the Battlefield and end the whole damn pointless thing.”
“You don’t get it, you simpleminded short sighted fool! This is bigger than some petty feud! Those kids have the paint! They have one of the Cats! You were an Archagent once, you know what this means.”
The Prospitians stared at each other. Finally, Separatist spoke. “Kill it, Debutante. Run that command.”
“But-!”
“Just do it ok?” He turned back to Syndic. “So, Archagent, what now?”
~
“So, this guy can see the future?”
“The Cat of Ulthar? Kinda...” said Jade. “They have approximate knowledge of many things. It’s kinda like when I’d watch the clouds...”
John put an arm around his friend. “What do we do now? The Queen used you, the other guy used me... Who can we trust?”
“We can trust each other. We can’t win.” Jade shushed John before he could protest. “Trust me, we can’t win. But maybe we can fix it. Like you said, Dave and Rose and still in this, trying to fight! There is a way to help them!” Jade pulled her friend over to the other side of the giant link of the gianter chain. She pointed to a series of buildings that stood out in sharp contrast against the gold. “Let’s go break some rules!”
AG: John?
AG: Are you aw8ke yet?
AG: I’m just sending out random pesterings, 8ut you haven’t answered....
EB: I’m aw8ke
EB: whoa
EB: why did I just do th8
EB: I did it again
EB: vriska, wh8 did you do to me
AG: I told you
AG: You’ve 8een imprinted with my d8a.
AG: See, S8urb and Sgru8 are two versions of the s8me g8me
AG: A game that coll8cts information a8out its pl8yers and stores them...
AG: Somewhere.
AG: I honestly never found o8.
EB: ok, this m8y 8e a 8it off topic
EB: and the eights are still sorta freaking me out
EB: 8ut when I first read “imprinted” I read it as “impregnated”
AG: Umm, no.
EB: i know
EB: th8 would 8e 8ad.
EB: a little minivriska exploding out of my head or something
AG: Can I finish?
EB: Sorry.
AG: Anyway,
AG: When I imprinted my data onto yours, you gained most of my a8ilities and ret8ned most of your own
AG: It’s like two pl8yers for the sp8ce of one!
EB: I’m feeling...
EB: weird.
EB: is the a8ject horror at the prospect of something called an “Imperial Drone” normal?
AG: Yes.
AG: As is the urge to dress up as one and scare people.
AG: That’s, uh........
AG: That’s something I normally keep to myself.
EB: that sounds hilarious.
EB: 8ut I doubt Equius would approve.
EB: w8
EB: who’s Equius?
AG: Another random person whose opinion I don't give a crap a8out.
EB: I’ve noticed a lot of those.
AG: Uh huh.
EB: this isn’t going anywhere, is it.
AG: W8!
AG: I forgot!
AG: 8eing imprinted means I can communic8 with you........
AG: MIND TO MIIIIIIIIND
EB: riiiiiiiight.
EB: i’ll 8elieve that when I see it.
EB: anyw8y, imma try out these new troll powers you apparently g8ve me
EB: so long
ectoBiologist broke contact with arachnidsGrip
OPEN MENTALOG #1
“John!”
“Whoa, wait, what? Who are you?”
“It’s me, Vriska!”
“Huh.”
“What?”
“I imagined you with a less snarky voice.”
“Ok, yeah. This is not my snarking voice. Thiiiiiiiis is my snarking voice.”
“Ohhh. I see. There’s a slight difference.”
“Oh, and I sort of failed to resist the temptation on the drone thing.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes. I’m now locked in my room, for fairly obvious reasons.”
“What happened?”
“Hijinks.”
“Is that like Troll shenanigans but different?”
“No, that’s monkeyshines. Hijinks are like human shenanigans, but somehow even more hilarious.”
“Huh.”
OPEN EVENTLOG #1
John’s left eye hurt. He couldn’t tell why. All around him was the bleak expanse of the Land of Wind and Shade.
He wanted to head home, but he had no idea where the nearest return node was. Then, suddenly, he did. It lit up in the distance, somehow showing over the rocks that by all rights should have blocked it.
He immediately made his way there, thinking up a few things to ask Vriska once he got to his house.
OPEN EVENTLOG #2
Dave’s eyes hurt. His everything hurt. It was this stupid planet. Everything had to be so hot and conductive and muggy.
He was just plain sick of it.
His iShades beeped. It was Terezi.
“Just what I needed...”
OPEN PESTERLOG #5
gallowsCalibrator began pestering turntechGodhead
GC: H3Y D4V3
TG: sup
GC: YOU WONT B3L13V3 WH4T 1VE JUST FOUND OUT
TG: is it another fraymotif
TG: because i swear the music changes so much i forget which is which
GC: S4DLY, NO
GC: 1TS A LOT WORS3 TH4N TH4T
TG: well if theres trouble point the way
TG: youre a seer right and im a knight
TG: knights follow seers isnt that the story
GC: OH Y3S TH3R3S TROUBL3
GC: BUT 1 DOUBT WE C4N T4KE 1T ON R1GHT 4W4Y
TG: you arent making sense terezi
TG: whats goin down
GC: VR1SK4 JUST PULL3D A R34LLY STUP1D STUNT
GC: 4ND OUR R3S1D3NT G3N1US H4CK3R TR4CED H3R MOST R3C3NT P3ST3RLOG
GC: SH3S B33N T4LK1NG TO JOHN 4G41N
TG: i though i told him to cut that out
TG: but anyway
TG: this is super terribad why
GC: B3C4US3 SH3S DON3 SOM3TH1NG TO H1M
GC: H3R3
GC: LOOK 4T TH1S
gallowsCalibrator sent file “T3RR1B4D.jpg”
TG: um
TG: wow
TG: i can see the terribadness now
OPEN MENTALOG #2
“It’s weird.”
“What?”
“Being half-troll and half-human. It’s weird and nobody understands.”
“Hehehehe.”
“So, I’ve been thinking. Green is definitely not my color.”
“Well, duh! Your text is blue; I assume your blood is, as well...”
“My what.”
“You don’t remember? Trolls have different-colored blood, unlike you humans who only have the gross candy-apple red.”
“Yeah, that’s.... Listen. Do you maybe have anything in blue that you could send me a captcha code for?”
“...”
“Hello?”
“Oh, John. I’ve got soooooooo much more than that.”
OPEN PESTERLOG #6
tentacleTherapist began pestering gardenGnostic
TT: Jade.
TT: Are you there?
GG: yep!
GG: what is it?
TT: This is important.
TT: Have you had any contact with the Trolls?
GG: umm no I don’t think so!
GG: why are you getting so worked up about them?
TT: I have reason to believe they’re jostling among themselves, seeing who gets to adopt us as their pet projects.
TT: Our only reasonable discourse is to prevent any of them from gaining a stranglehold on our minds.
GG: oh I don’t think so rose. they seem like a nice bunch once the whole trolling thing is out of the way!
TT: That’s just it.
TT: They’re acting friendly to us now, but I believe this newfound friendliness conceals nothing but purrnicious intent.
TT: Whoops.
GG: what?
GG: OMG! you’ve been talking to arsenicCatnip!
TT: I need to go.
GG: oh, sure you do
GG: right wwhen this conversation got interesting!
TT: What was that...?
TT: That thing with the “W”?
GG: you know wwhat you’re right I think wwe should leave
tentacleTherapist ceased pestering gardenGnostic
Last edited by Graven_Image; 10-30-2010 at 10:42 AM.
This fic was initially inspired by the running gag that was running in the Romart thread when I suddenly lost connection to the internet for a few days: that they couldn't think of anyone to ship as an Auspice except poor, beleaguered Kanaya. The gag was funny, but is there really so little shipping fuel in Noble Office of the Ashen Quadrant? All right. Break out the crack pairings.
This fic is dedicated the Alternian third wheel. Crit welcome, especially considering the spaghetti I made of the end of Musical Thrones.
A Hand in Holding Hands
Part 1
***
Sealed inside a large metal box, bare stone beneath half of every footstep, metal shock-cold under every other, no chance to live. The encasing hum of electronics and machinery was an undercurrent to every moment, but even "moments" had lost meaning: sputtering, choking in the strangling grasp of a place that knew no time. Rose tried to embrace it, because pondering the dismal trap was a distraction from the snake-whisper at the top of her sylladex. She had stacked everything else on top of them, in hopes that the sheer nuisance of having to pick everything else up would deter her from picking at the root, and twice, so far, it had. The Thorns of Oglogoth lay buried. She kept the Quills of Echidna in her Strife Deck now. Much less powerful, much less dangerous: far more acceptable for polite company. Not that she could call them that.
She was mostly sure it had been two weeks since they had arrived in the Troll's session. Time there was a matter of ticks on a wall, and she had not started those until a few days after the fact. She felt reasonably sure "five" but Jade thought "six" and Dave was away every time the question came to mind. Dave was always away, and every time he left, Rose felt a sinking feeling in her gut. She wondered if the others caught it as well: if John wondered or even noticed when Dave slipped quietly out of the abandoned lab section the Trolls had afforded them. She wondered if Jade had bothered to read into his coy wink and nonsensical "Just going for a walk under the stars," when there were, after all, no stars. Did the Trolls notice that every time he slipped away, Aradia would unemotionally unplug herself from her computer and follow a minute behind? Likely, but if any knew what it implied they hid it well: these sudden disappearances had instead given rise to a barely coded, if tame, innuendo, where "going outside" was the unofficial go-word for a private date. Sollux and Feferi, Karkat and Terezi: a walk under the cloak of timeless void and imminent death to pretend there was some beauty in which to conspire. For Araida and Equius it was to admit there was a foulness in which to bicker and snip at one another, in good ambience. It served.
But Rose could see the doom, and Dave just had the better angle. She had seen them slip out, independent of one another, on the first night and she knew at once that there was only one reason both the Knight and Maid of Time would have found some common purpose on that asteroid. The lab was outside of time, but the demon had been born within, and had a ways to go to escape and find them. Every time Dave came back, she could only imagine that he and Aradia were only there to watch until, again, that their efforts failed. To sit around until the first of them died or maybe, jaded, the sixth, the seventh, or the fourteenth, when they would slip away again and buy them all another day. Rose felt trapped, knowing she had only one life to sell to hold off the demon, and that she would have to spend her time waiting alone, divided from the eldritch whispering in her heart. She had put that aside, on strong urging, but without them she felt helpless, and wondered if her hesitation was responsible for the demon’s continued success, why Dave never stayed more than an hour. Sometimes she pondered the opposite, and wondered how she would truly behave in face of the demon. Would she call on the Dark Gods in a moment of panic or desperation? And if so, was that the reason Aradia was never at her post, why the sixteen of them were never together?
"Okay, now you've got to admit that the pinnacle of 80s filmmaking was Ghostbusters II. I mean, come on."
"Egbert, you scrape of alien fecal matter on the boot of Luck’s ugliest leg, stop trying to piss me off. I've been over your archives like, twice, and it's obvious that the pinnacle of your human 80s filmmaking was John Travolta's hit sequel Staying Alive."
Not that being together was some kind of joy. Beyond John and Karkat hogging the television they had brought over in captchacards they had brought over with their beds, there were times when simply being around the Trolls was more than Rose could bear. But it was impossible to stay cooped up with Jade forever, and she had gotten to know them for better or for worse. There were some highlights. Feferi was nice to talk to, and her talks with Kanaya more than once went long into what most of them scheduled as “night” after the Witch and Sylph of Space had managed to string together a facsimile Derse and Prospit to let them go back to sleep. But there were also the secret rules to deal with at all times when dealing with the Trolls. These went far beyond the explicit rules Karkat had set in a long, shouted lecture upon their arrival ("Nepeta hunts an hour a day. Any consorts or pets loose are forfeit. And speaking of food, if anyone leaves any fucking lunch lying around I will personally find you and shove it down your oesophagus myself, and once you've had your warning..."). These rules were something mutually understood by the trolls that were at no point fully explained to the humans.
Vriska and Aradia were never to be unaccompanied by more than three persons. Eridan and Sollux never with less than two. Gamzee must have an escort every time he leaves the main room - something it did not take Rose long to discover had to do with the sopor facility they had set up in a lab. Don't go into Equius' room, "you wouldn't understand." It was hard to tell where the well-meaning gestures began and overwrought struck their territory. Rose also suspected there was some "rule" related to Aradia and Sollux, as Karkat, Terezi and Feferi had a habit of checking their hacker every time Aradia made her intermittent appearances. There was definitely another that had twice made Terezi intercept Feferi with meaningless chores when Fef had been en route to talk with Aradia with a trembling, nervous look on her face. But the rules were changing even for the Trolls.
"Are they older, perhaps?" Rose had asked Karkat the day after they were positive what was going on.
"What the hell kind of question is that? We're all the same age!"
"That's why I'm asking you. Do you have any idea when each meteor went to after your Reckoning?"
"Yeah: the same batch of grubs. Maybe you should go ask their Mother Grub who hit the ground first? Oh wait, she's been dead for sweeps."
Rose had often wondered just how old Dave was going to get thanks to his constant time travelling, ever since he had started going to John for shaving cream, which their Heir suspiciously had in bulk. The Trolls, on the other hand, were not so subtle about their aging. Rose had caught Eridan in a fight with Karkat when his voice began to warp hideously between his usual tone and a deep, raspy one as though possessed. Karkat, with an astoundingly casual shrug of his shoulder, called it "post-wriggling penultimate moult" and returned to John to pick up watching Xanadu.
Eridan and Tavros were the biological victims. Rose could not think of two more opposed to be suffering so in kind. Beyond the voice changes, which had progressed from a rasp to an undercurrent hiss the other Trolls did not seem to hear but gave the human prey animals the ventriloquist impression that the speaker was whispering from another direction, they were growing. Worse, as Kakat has implied and to their embarrassment, they were shedding. Shedding was no constant for the Trolls but in these major life stage jumps it clearly became a problem, and Karkat's inner neat-freak soon set to work, using a broom as a baton and whip combined to get them to clean up after themselves.
The itching was terrible, and it gave rise to the next change, a deep hormonal one that brought out sharp bursts of rage. Tavros mostly buried his if he felt them at all, though Rose saw one burst through when a moulting itch started out on a patch of live skin trapped under his robot leg, and it took Equius almost an hour to get it loose for him. Surprisingly enough, these violent waves, if not the changes in general, had begun to attract moirailic attentions from the other trolls in curious, pale flirtings Rose was stretched to recognize. Gamzee had offered the comparably-furious Tavros a free night’s rest on his horn pile, Karkat had silenced one of Eridan’s outbursts with a smack to the head and a series of threats that sounded almost genuinely concerned.
The new bodies emerging from the moult were surprising. Overall, they kept their basic shape; it was clear that, as adults, they would just as much resemble their teen selves as any human, but there were changes if one was willing to look. They were larger by proportion to humans, and more built. With clothes on there less to make out, but intimate living conditions bred a certain disregard for certain decencies, especially when one’s lower body was constantly under mechanical repair. Tavros’ skin met at sharper angles and appeared, on the surface, sublimely changed in a way that implied physical armour, and even with him it was clear that Rose was seeing the form of apex predators rise up in her new allies.
But the worst was Vriska. While she still engaged in a healthy and active dose of spiteful jabs with Terezi and a worrying tail of John, her primary circle was still her ex-kismesis and Tavros. Seeing her circle go through this sort of puberty had a symbiotic effect on her dreamself body, and she too began to grow, shift in voice and, when her imagination got the better of her, itch from time to time. While Sollux remarked that he was thankful he wouldn't be "trapped in this thtupid wriggling body for the retht of my life," it was clear that Vriska's situation was somehow off. As Rose had only seen adult trolls in two dimensions – on computer screens and movie posters – she could not put her finger on it, but Karkat was perfectly happy to put his boot through it instead.
"Hey moron," he said, clapping her upside the head with the butt end of his Broom of Office. "Just because you're making shit up as you go doesn't mean you don't have to clean the fuck up after yourself. Eridan! Tell your boyfriend that he either starts growing like a girl or he has to play by the rules like the rest of us."
Vriska had blushed up like a Christmas light and the next day had changed drastically. The shedding, as Karkat had implied, stopped entirely. The muscles were still there, if not even more enhanced, and any appearance of armour she was able to pick up at all on Eridan had been replaced with a dramatic increase in height. There was also a strange impression Rose got that Vriska's dreamself had replaced her teeth overnight with a new set of not entirely bone: some new material that caught the light at some angles and looked menacingly sharp. Vriska did not hide that she was growing new finger nails as well, though the word "claws" might be more correct, given her choice of grooming. Vriska’s reaction to Karkat had distressed Rose, and she had taken it to Kanaya. It had been one of their long nights, and they traded questions about Troll and human gender roles, stereotypes, and prejudices, especially considering the Troll's vestigial sexes. The unpleasantness evaporated over time - it tended to with Kan - and while Rose still had half a mind to trade words with Karkat about it, Kanaya had reassured her that she had no doubt that Vriska was already planning to do worse in her own time.
“I don’t suppose lashing out at your leader is exactly standard procedure,” she had said, sitting to Kanaya’s left as her friend typed, alone in the office. Rose sat atop the desk, one leg swinging back and forth.
“It is probably closer than any human equivalent. On the other hand, Karkat understands that we’re under a lot of stress right now. Some relief would be a help.”
“You mean there’s nothing he can do about it?” Rose said with a smile.
Kanaya half-grinned, on the opposite side of her face, in hopes of maintaining her usual look as the neutral auxiliatrix. “Perhaps.”
But the morning did not see any sort of elaborate or even simple revenge ploy. Karkat could be found curled up, as usual, on the couch. He had started the morning straight off with John before the rest of them were even up, watching, god help them, Zardoz. Jade was in one side of the room, playing games with Nepeta and their growing collection of toys and dolls, which Nepeta found endlessly fascinating. Kanaya was still in her room. Everyone else, including Dave and Aradia, were watching the late-pubescent trolls screaming at one another against the north wall, the laboratory’s surprise alarm clock that morning, with a dead zone about them of at least five feet.
“Listen, you little pus-sucking worm! If you don’t open your damn mouth and give me an answer…”
“maybe if you’d come and turn that rage somewwhere productive”
Vriska pushed Eridan aside with a jab from her finger. “Shut up, Eridan, if you were worth shouting at, you’d have known a loooooooong time ago. Tavros, dammit, open your mouth or I’ll show you what productive rage looks like!”
She decided to act on her threat immediately and hoisted him, robot legs and all, an inch off the ground and held him there, teeth barred and arm trembling before she was forced to drop him to the audible protest from the floor.
“uH, gEEZE VRISKA, i REALLY DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD BOTHER YOU SO MUCH.”
“Spine, Travros! Don’t you dare open your mouth again unless you’ve grown some nerve!”
“I…”
Vriska, as opposed to Karkat, had a much more trainwrecky aura about her explosions, whereas Karkat’s had long since become routine. It was really hard to look away, especially when Vriska was spouting off oxymoronic demands at the top of her lungs with absolutely no self-awareness. But to Rose's surprise, only the humans seemed to be interested in the fight after too long. Karkat had turned back to his film (he had an oddball respect for Sean Connery, costume notwithstanding), Nepeta had never really left her game and Gamzee outright wandered over to his computer within the fight’s perimeter to start whatever constituted his digital routine. Feferi watched the fight out of the corner of her eye, fingers twitching, and at one point Rose thought she heard Sollux say “Don’t…”, but Feferi composed herself and that was the end of it.
Eridan attempted to interpose himself between the two of them, not easy given how little ground Vriska had allowed. “Mindfang, why don’t you just—”
Vriska’s off-hand shot out toward his neck and lifted him into the air. She made a point not to meet his eyes. “Didn’t I tell you to piss off about the FLARP names?” she said in a whisper. The hissing undercurrent that ran through all three of their voices was worse when they actually whispered, and Rose saw Jade, Dave and John shudder as she heard Vriska as though whispering into her ear from over her shoulder. A small trickle of purple blood seeped into his scarf and down Vriska’s pinky where it hit exposed flesh.
“Cut it out!” Jade said from one side of the room. Vriska ignored her, and Rose instinctively checked with John, but there seemed to be nothing he could do. Karkat was indifferent. True, John’s pull with the Trolls was limited without Karkat’s backing, but his pull with Vriska might have just been enough…
“Hey, Tavros,” Vriska said as Eridan swung a wild kick at her. “If you’re just gonna sit there with your mouth shut, hold your head still. I wanna try something.”
Tavros instinctively winced at her request, unintentionally lowering his horns, which suited Vriska’s needs admirably. She slapped a hand on his head to hold him there while trying to raise Eridan up toward a horn-tip with the other.
“Hey!” Rose snapped.
Rose never did wonder why the three of them were up so early, though if she had she might have thought better about doing what she did. She should have given more thought to what exactly they were fighting about, or imagined what might be going through their heads, but she did not. More than that, in hindsight she wished she had better recalled her and Kanaya’s eighteenth pesterchum conversation. It had been another quid pro quo conversation, a back and forth exchange of cultural data in hopes of stripping any future conversations of wary misunderstandings, exactly like she was about to make. But she did not, and instead she stormed up to Vriska.
“Drop him, Vriska.”
Vriska reacted very slowly, taking her hand first off of Tavros’ head and making a show of a dramatic slow turn towards Rose. She lowered Eridan for need of his weight, but did not release him, but took up so much time doing so that Rose was able to take advantage of it.
“Sit down, Tavros,” she said, trying to be calm.
“Rose, I don’t really think—”
“Tavros: Sit.”
He did as he was bid, walking away and taking his seat carefully at the side of the room, but Rose could not watch, as she had to keep her eye on Vriska. But that was breaking another one of the unspoken rules. “Never look Vriska in the eye. Never.” Vriska disdainfully tossed back her hair. Rose kept eye contact.
“What did you say?” Vriska asked.
Eridan decided to throw in his own chip. “Don’t…” he gurgled. “Don’t need your help here.”
“Quiet,” Rose muttered. Eridan’s insistence that she was his kismesis (something she had long realized was not an exclusive classification) had never really been more irritating. Vriska stepped forward and leaned over Rose to emphasize her increased height, a sneer on her face that showed a full set of her terrifying new teeth. Rose was not entirely sure how much of Vriska’s new appearance was genetic and how much was just her gruesome imagination, but there was everything unpleasant about standing in the shadow of a would-be alpha Troll.
“Put… him…” Rose repeated, slowly raising her hand to Vriska’s face. As she did, she double-checked her hand. Do not draw your needlewands, she thought in a mantra. Vriska had a quarter of the echeladder on her. Anything short of the Thorns would be absurd. Don’t tempt Fate while she still has her dice. “…down.”
Rose did not know it, but now everyone was looking at her. Karkat had set himself in a pondering look from the back of the couch. Nepeta stalled in mid-play, a plastic dinosaur dangling from one hand. Gamzee even looked away from his YouTube Poop. And at the entrance to the room, Kanaya had arrived, at first blinking and rubbing out sleep, but now leaning in the door frame, arms crossed and completely absorbed. Vriska had started laughing, and intentionally or otherwise, her grip on Eridan tightened.
Rose’s psychological mind could not help but wonder if having Eridan at her mercy had re-lit some calignous flame in her heart, but with Vriska it was hard to tell, beyond that the ground she stood on could shift at any moment. Rose set her own teeth, and pointing to Eridan, she slammed her hand down in the air. “Now!”
Vriska’s expression shifted from confidence to surprise in an instant, but she recovered, and shrugged. “…Fine,” she said, as though it were no concern of her own. “Gamzee!” He took to his feet, face still stuck in a grin, and Vriska tossed Eridan into him. With one last look at Rose, she tossed her hair back again with a harrumph, and walked away.
Rose caught her breath at once and, wishing she had never even gotten out of bed, turned to leave, but John caught her eye with a not-at-all subtle wave of his arms. He pointed back to Eridan, was was seething at her, and Rose caught his meaning at once.
“Eridan,” she called, exhausted. “Come on, let’s have that looked at.”
Eridan reached reflexively to his wounds. “What? Why?”
Rose tried – very hard, to limited results – to sound honest. “Because I’m concerned.”
Eridan took a moment to really take this in, before he finally said: “…aw, man…” John gave her a thumbs up, and she rolled her eyes as her deflated, would-be kismesis limped over to her. But it was hard to avoid the looks of the others, as they returned to their work. Stranger was Tavros, who did not return to work, but rather watched her with a curious look that encompassed but only just began at gratitude. Eridan muttered darkly about how he had been upstaged, but he seemed a touch less honest about it, and Vriska, while she tried to return subtly to her work, simply sat at her keyboard, drawing circles above her desk, muttering. Kanaya watched her closest of all.
It would be a day and a half before anyone told her she had just done the clubbed equivalent of walking in and kissing them each hard on the lips.
Baby NaNo in Internet Heaven, I keep writing this fic in second person! Why would I even do that?
This is the most fascinating study of the troll biology and interpersonal relationships I've seen. o_o I am so psyched that this says part one. Rose o8< Vriska x Eridan yusssssss
Last edited by Sushi Database; 10-30-2010 at 06:44 AM.
AG: John?
AG: Are you aw8ke yet?
AG: I’m just sending out random pesterings, 8ut you haven’t answered....
EB: I’m aw8ke
EB: whoa
EB: why did I just do th8
EB: I did it again
EB: vriska, wh8 did you do to me
AG: I told you
AG: You’ve 8een imprinted with my d8a.
AG: See, S8urb and Sgru8 are two versions of the s8me g8me
AG: A game that coll8cts information a8out its pl8yers and stores them...
AG: Somewhere.
AG: I honestly never found o8.
EB: ok, this m8y 8e a 8it off topic
EB: and the eights are still sorta freaking me out
EB: 8ut when I first read “imprinted” I read it as “impregnated”
AG: Umm, no.
EB: i know
EB: th8 would 8e 8ad.
EB: a little minivriska exploding out of my head or something
AG: Can I finish?
EB: Sorry.
AG: Anyway,
AG: When I imprinted my data onto yours, you gained most of my a8ilities and ret8ned most of your own
AG: It’s like two pl8yers for the sp8ce of one!
EB: I’m feeling...
EB: weird.
EB: is the a8ject horror at the prospect of something called an “Imperial Drone” normal?
AG: Yes.
AG: As is the urge to dress up as one and scare people.
AG: That’s, uh........
AG: That’s something I normally keep to myself.
EB: that sounds hilarious.
EB: 8ut I doubt Equius would approve.
EB: w8
EB: who’s Equius?
AG: Another random person whose opinion I don't give a crap a8out.
EB: I’ve noticed a lot of those.
AG: Uh huh.
EB: this isn’t going anywhere, is it.
AG: W8!
AG: I forgot!
AG: 8eing imprinted means I can communic8 with you........
AG: MIND TO MIIIIIIIIND
EB: riiiiiiiight.
EB: i’ll 8elieve that when I see it.
EB: anyw8y, imma try out these new troll powers you apparently g8ve me
EB: so long
ectoBiologist broke contact with arachnidsGrip
OPEN MENTALOG #1
“John!”
“Whoa, wait, what? Who are you?”
“It’s me, Vriska!”
“Huh.”
“What?”
“I imagined you with a less snarky voice.”
“Ok, yeah. This is not my snarking voice. Thiiiiiiiis is my snarking voice.”
“Ohhh. I see. There’s a slight difference.”
“Oh, and I sort of failed to resist the temptation on the drone thing.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes. I’m now locked in my room, for fairly obvious reasons.”
“What happened?”
“Hijinks.”
“Is that like Troll shenanigans but different?”
“No, that’s monkeyshines. Hijinks are like human shenanigans, but somehow even more hilarious.”
“Huh.”
OPEN EVENTLOG #1
John’s left eye hurt. He couldn’t tell why. All around him was the bleak expanse of the Land of Wind and Shade.
He wanted to head home, but he had no idea where the nearest return node was. Then, suddenly, he did. It lit up in the distance, somehow showing over the rocks that by all rights should have blocked it.
He immediately made his way there, thinking up a few things to ask Vriska once he got to his house.
OPEN EVENTLOG #2
Dave’s eyes hurt. His everything hurt. It was this stupid planet. Everything had to be so hot and conductive and muggy.
He was just plain sick of it.
His iShades beeped. It was Terezi.
“Just what I needed...”
OPEN PESTERLOG #5
gallowsCalibrator began pestering turntechGodhead
GC: H3Y D4V3
TG: sup
GC: YOU WONT B3L13V3 WH4T 1VE JUST FOUND OUT
TG: is it another fraymotif
TG: because i swear the music changes so much i forget which is which
GC: S4DLY, NO
GC: 1TS A LOT WORS3 TH4N TH4T
TG: well if theres trouble point the way
TG: youre a seer right and im a knight
TG: knights follow seers isnt that the story
GC: OH Y3S TH3R3S TROUBL3
GC: BUT 1 DOUBT WE C4N T4KE 1T ON R1GHT 4W4Y
TG: you arent making sense terezi
TG: whats goin down
GC: VR1SK4 JUST PULL3D A R34LLY STUP1D STUNT
GC: 4ND OUR R3S1D3NT G3N1US H4CK3R TR4CED H3R MOST R3C3NT P3ST3RLOG
GC: SH3S B33N T4LK1NG TO JOHN 4G41N
TG: i though i told him to cut that out
TG: but anyway
TG: this is super terribad why
GC: B3C4US3 SH3S DON3 SOM3TH1NG TO H1M
GC: H3R3
GC: LOOK 4T TH1S
gallowsCalibrator sent file “T3RR1B4D.jpg”
TG: um
TG: wow
TG: i can see the terribadness now
OPEN MENTALOG #2
“It’s weird.”
“What?”
“Being half-troll and half-human. It’s weird and nobody understands.”
“Hehehehe.”
“So, I’ve been thinking. Green is definitely not my color.”
“Well, duh! Your text is blue; I assume your blood is, as well...”
“My what.”
“You don’t remember? Trolls have different-colored blood, unlike you humans who only have the gross candy-apple red.”
“Yeah, that’s.... Listen. Do you maybe have anything in blue that you could send me a captcha code for?”
“...”
“Hello?”
“Oh, John. I’ve got soooooooo much more than that.”
OPEN PESTERLOG #6
tentacleTherapist began pestering gardenGnostic
TT: Jade.
TT: Are you there?
GG: yep!
GG: what is it?
TT: This is important.
TT: Have you had any contact with the Trolls?
GG: umm no I don’t think so!
GG: why are you getting so worked up about them?
TT: I have reason to believe they’re jostling among themselves, seeing who gets to adopt us as their pet projects.
TT: Our only reasonable discourse is to prevent any of them from gaining a stranglehold on our minds.
GG: oh I don’t think so rose. they seem like a nice bunch once the whole trolling thing is out of the way!
TT: That’s just it.
TT: They’re acting friendly to us now, but I believe this newfound friendliness conceals nothing but purrnicious intent.
TT: Whoops.
GG: what?
GG: OMG! you’ve been talking to arsenicCatnip!
TT: I need to go.
GG: oh, sure you do
GG: right wwhen this conversation got interesting!
TT: What was that...?
TT: That thing with the “W”?
GG: you know wwhat you’re right I think wwe should leave
AG: John?
AG: Are you aw8ke yet?
AG: I’m just sending out random pesterings, 8ut you haven’t answered....
EB: I’m aw8ke
EB: whoa
EB: why did I just do th8
EB: I did it again
EB: vriska, wh8 did you do to me
AG: I told you
AG: You’ve 8een imprinted with my d8a.
AG: See, S8urb and Sgru8 are two versions of the s8me g8me
AG: A game that coll8cts information a8out its pl8yers and stores them...
AG: Somewhere.
AG: I honestly never found o8.
EB: ok, this m8y 8e a 8it off topic
EB: and the eights are still sorta freaking me out
EB: 8ut when I first read “imprinted” I read it as “impregnated”
AG: Umm, no.
EB: i know
EB: th8 would 8e 8ad.
EB: a little minivriska exploding out of my head or something
AG: Can I finish?
EB: Sorry.
AG: Anyway,
AG: When I imprinted my data onto yours, you gained most of my a8ilities and ret8ned most of your own
AG: It’s like two pl8yers for the sp8ce of one!
EB: I’m feeling...
EB: weird.
EB: is the a8ject horror at the prospect of something called an “Imperial Drone” normal?
AG: Yes.
AG: As is the urge to dress up as one and scare people.
AG: That’s, uh........
AG: That’s something I normally keep to myself.
EB: that sounds hilarious.
EB: 8ut I doubt Equius would approve.
EB: w8
EB: who’s Equius?
AG: Another random person whose opinion I don't give a crap a8out.
EB: I’ve noticed a lot of those.
AG: Uh huh.
EB: this isn’t going anywhere, is it.
AG: W8!
AG: I forgot!
AG: 8eing imprinted means I can communic8 with you........
AG: MIND TO MIIIIIIIIND
EB: riiiiiiiight.
EB: i’ll 8elieve that when I see it.
EB: anyw8y, imma try out these new troll powers you apparently g8ve me
EB: so long
ectoBiologist broke contact with arachnidsGrip
OPEN MENTALOG #1
“John!”
“Whoa, wait, what? Who are you?”
“It’s me, Vriska!”
“Huh.”
“What?”
“I imagined you with a less snarky voice.”
“Ok, yeah. This is not my snarking voice. Thiiiiiiiis is my snarking voice.”
“Ohhh. I see. There’s a slight difference.”
“Oh, and I sort of failed to resist the temptation on the drone thing.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes. I’m now locked in my room, for fairly obvious reasons.”
“What happened?”
“Hijinks.”
“Is that like Troll shenanigans but different?”
“No, that’s monkeyshines. Hijinks are like human shenanigans, but somehow even more hilarious.”
“Huh.”
OPEN EVENTLOG #1
John’s left eye hurt. He couldn’t tell why. All around him was the bleak expanse of the Land of Wind and Shade.
He wanted to head home, but he had no idea where the nearest return node was. Then, suddenly, he did. It lit up in the distance, somehow showing over the rocks that by all rights should have blocked it.
He immediately made his way there, thinking up a few things to ask Vriska once he got to his house.
OPEN EVENTLOG #2
Dave’s eyes hurt. His everything hurt. It was this stupid planet. Everything had to be so hot and conductive and muggy.
He was just plain sick of it.
His iShades beeped. It was Terezi.
“Just what I needed...”
OPEN PESTERLOG #5
gallowsCalibrator began pestering turntechGodhead
GC: H3Y D4V3
TG: sup
GC: YOU WONT B3L13V3 WH4T 1VE JUST FOUND OUT
TG: is it another fraymotif
TG: because i swear the music changes so much i forget which is which
GC: S4DLY, NO
GC: 1TS A LOT WORS3 TH4N TH4T
TG: well if theres trouble point the way
TG: youre a seer right and im a knight
TG: knights follow seers isnt that the story
GC: OH Y3S TH3R3S TROUBL3
GC: BUT 1 DOUBT WE C4N T4KE 1T ON R1GHT 4W4Y
TG: you arent making sense terezi
TG: whats goin down
GC: VR1SK4 JUST PULL3D A R34LLY STUP1D STUNT
GC: 4ND OUR R3S1D3NT G3N1US H4CK3R TR4CED H3R MOST R3C3NT P3ST3RLOG
GC: SH3S B33N T4LK1NG TO JOHN 4G41N
TG: i though i told him to cut that out
TG: but anyway
TG: this is super terribad why
GC: B3C4US3 SH3S DON3 SOM3TH1NG TO H1M
GC: H3R3
GC: LOOK 4T TH1S
gallowsCalibrator sent file “T3RR1B4D.jpg”
TG: um
TG: wow
TG: i can see the terribadness now
OPEN MENTALOG #2
“It’s weird.”
“What?”
“Being half-troll and half-human. It’s weird and nobody understands.”
“Hehehehe.”
“So, I’ve been thinking. Green is definitely not my color.”
“Well, duh! Your text is blue; I assume your blood is, as well...”
“My what.”
“You don’t remember? Trolls have different-colored blood, unlike you humans who only have the gross candy-apple red.”
“Yeah, that’s.... Listen. Do you maybe have anything in blue that you could send me a captcha code for?”
“...”
“Hello?”
“Oh, John. I’ve got soooooooo much more than that.”
OPEN PESTERLOG #6
tentacleTherapist began pestering gardenGnostic
TT: Jade.
TT: Are you there?
GG: yep!
GG: what is it?
TT: This is important.
TT: Have you had any contact with the Trolls?
GG: umm no I don’t think so!
GG: why are you getting so worked up about them?
TT: I have reason to believe they’re jostling among themselves, seeing who gets to adopt us as their pet projects.
TT: Our only reasonable discourse is to prevent any of them from gaining a stranglehold on our minds.
GG: oh I don’t think so rose. they seem like a nice bunch once the whole trolling thing is out of the way!
TT: That’s just it.
TT: They’re acting friendly to us now, but I believe this newfound friendliness conceals nothing but purrnicious intent.
TT: Whoops.
GG: what?
GG: OMG! you’ve been talking to arsenicCatnip!
TT: I need to go.
GG: oh, sure you do
GG: right wwhen this conversation got interesting!
TT: What was that...?
TT: That thing with the “W”?
GG: you know wwhat you’re right I think wwe should leave
tentacleTherapist ceased pestering gardenGnostic
By the time this is over each kid is gonna have like, three of the troll's quirks.
God I can't stay mad at Noir.
He's just.
He's like when a tiny puppy murders a squirrel and brings the corpse into your house as a present to you and it's wagging its tail and is SO PROUD of itself.
Then it goes into your house, tears your couch apart, and shits on all of your carpets.
Thank you all for the kind words. SC, those are pretty good sprites. Not exactly what I was going for, but who cares.
8irds of 4 F34TH3R
Act 3: Aggrieve
OPEN MENTALOG #3
“See, now you look good.”
“I thought I looked good before!”
“No, you looked a reasonable facsimile of good. That was the best good we could come up with without giving you a set of my clothes. Now you look fantastic!”
“As far as I can tell, this is just what I was wearing before, but blue.”
“And that makes it soooooooo much 8etter. Now you’re color-coordinated!”
“I wasn’t aware that that was an issue among trolls.”
“Not the vast majority, no.”
“Ok, now that the wardrobe is out of the way, what else was there? Weapons, fraymotifs?”
“Ohh, yes. I’ve got the perfect fraymotif here. It’s called ‘Spider’s Claw’. I’ll send it to you now.”
“Alright. Time to get my music appreciation on.”
And it was. The harsh electric guitar of Spider’s Claw would definitely not suit him, half-troll or not.
“Say, what if I were to plug this into Showtime?” “Would that even work?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
Now, that was much better. The guitar was much smoother now, playing the familiar verse of his oft-used, hardly-neglected default fraymotif, before segueing into the high-paced chorus of Vriska’s.
“So, what do we call this?”
“Heck if I know.” “Hmm.”
“I have an idea.” “I’m going to regret asking, but... what is it.”
“Spider Time.” “I would belittle that name, but I’m pretty sure that’s the best you can do.”
“I resemble that remark.” “Yes. Yes you do.”
“So, what about weapons?” “Well, there’s this little number I have, called the Fluorite Octet...”
OPEN PESTERLOG #7
carcinoGeneticist began trolling turntechGodhead
CG: I’VE SAID IT BEFORE.
TG: not you again
CG: AND I WILL COPYPASTE IT AGAIN.
CG: YOU ARE BLUNDERING.
CG: HYPERCOMPETITIVE MINDSCREW MURDER-THICKETS ABOUND.
CG: YOU KNOW TEREZI HAS GOTTEN EGBERT KILLED.
CG: AND YOU’RE STILL LISTENING TO HER?
CG: I THOUGHT YOU HUMANS COULDN’T GET ANY MORE IDIOTIC.
TG: yeah she killed john
TG: by accident
TG: and she seems to be really beaten up over something her alternate self did
TG: and if she was really trying to get john killed shed be doing something along the lines of what spinneret mindflip is doing
TG: namely turning him into some freakish troll hybrid
CG: SHE WHAT
CG: WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED OF THIS.
TG: i dunno dude I mean you are sort of a tool
TG: i guess terezi thought if she told you youd get the whole gang together to
TG: i dunno
TG: stand on spidergirls transporter pad and wish really hard
TG: and then youd give up and go nap in a bucket or something
TG: then she could go back to her terminal or mainframe or whatever and actually get crap done
CG: OK SHUT UP.
TG: really says something about your leadership abilities, doesnt it
CG: STOP
CG: CEASE TYPING.
CG: I COMMAND YOU.
TG: i mean no wonder shes comin over here she obviously doesn’t like what she sees over yonder
CG: ALRIGHT THAT’S IT.
CG: IF AND WHEN I EVER MEET YOU I’M DOING THE THING WITH THE RAGE SNAKE.
TG: good luck
TG: i mean
TG: not dying and all
TG: rage snakes are srs bsns.
CG: GOOD
CG: FREAKING
CG: BYE.
carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling turntechGodhead
carcinoGeneticist blocked turntechGodhead from NOW until TWO HOURS LATER
OPEN PESTERLOG #8
gallowsCalibrator started pestering turntechGodhead
GC: D4VE
TG: please be good news
GC: SORT OF
GC: F1RST OFF
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T W4S V3RY BR4V3 4ND 4LSO V3RY H1L4R1OUS WH4T YOU JUST D1D TO K4RK4T
TG: oh man you saw that
GC: 1 WOULDVE JUMP3D 1N
GC: BUT 1T W4SNT 4 M3MO
GC >|: |
TG: ok
TG: second off
GC: S3COND OFF
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 KNOW WH4T VR1SK4’S UP TO
GC: SH3’S BUFF1NG UP JOHN SO SH3 C4N S3ND H1M AFT3R YOU
GC: B3C4US3 SHE TH1NKS TH4T 1M ST1LL GO1NG TO TRY TO K1LL H1M
GC: US1NG YOU
TG: thats nuts
TG: i wouldnt kill john
TG: not if you told me
TG: not if anyone told me
TG: its just plain fail logic
GC: W3LL SH3 TH1NKS TH4T 4ND NOW 1M SUR3 JOHN TH1NKS TH4T TOO
GC: YOUR3 1N TROUBL3 UNL3SS W3 DO SOM3T1NG QU1CK
TG: and what do you propose
GC: SOM3TH1NG ALONG TH3 L1N3S OF WH4T MS SP1NN3R3T M1NDFL1P 1S DO1NG
TG: ...
TG: you
TG: you just
TG: no
TG: i can fix this mess myself
TG: i dont need your freaky trollatron whackjob to futz with my genetic code
GC: F1N3
GC: BUT WH3N YOU TRY TO B34T SOM3 S3NS3 INTO JOHN AND F41L
GC: 1LL BE W41T1NG
Thank you all for the kind words. SC, those are pretty good sprites. Not exactly what I was going for, but who cares.
8irds of 4 F34TH3R
Act 3: Aggrieve
OPEN MENTALOG #3
“See, now you look good.”
“I thought I looked good before!”
“No, you looked a reasonable facsimile of good. That was the best good we could come up with without giving you a set of my clothes. Now you look fantastic!”
“As far as I can tell, this is just what I was wearing before, but blue.”
“And that makes it soooooooo much 8etter. Now you’re color-coordinated!”
“I wasn’t aware that that was an issue among trolls.”
“Not the vast majority, no.”
“Ok, now that the wardrobe is out of the way, what else was there? Weapons, fraymotifs?”
“Ohh, yes. I’ve got the perfect fraymotif here. It’s called ‘Spider’s Claw’. I’ll send it to you now.”
“Alright. Time to get my music appreciation on.”
And it was. The harsh electric guitar of Spider’s Claw would definitely not suit him, half-troll or not.
“Say, what if I were to plug this into Showtime?” “Would that even work?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
Now, that was much better. The guitar was much smoother now, playing the familiar verse of his oft-used, hardly-neglected default fraymotif, before segueing into the high-paced chorus of Vriska’s.
“So, what do we call this?”
“Heck if I know.” “Hmm.”
“I have an idea.” “I’m going to regret asking, but... what is it.”
“Spider Time.” “I would belittle that name, but I’m pretty sure that’s the best you can do.”
“I resemble that remark.” “Yes. Yes you do.”
“So, what about weapons?” “Well, there’s this little number I have, called the Fluorite Octet...”
OPEN PESTERLOG #7
carcinoGeneticist began trolling turntechGodhead
CG: I’VE SAID IT BEFORE.
TG: not you again
CG: AND I WILL COPYPASTE IT AGAIN.
CG: YOU ARE BLUNDERING.
CG: HYPERCOMPETITIVE MINDSCREW MURDER-THICKETS ABOUND.
CG: YOU KNOW TEREZI HAS GOTTEN EGBERT KILLED.
CG: AND YOU’RE STILL LISTENING TO HER?
CG: I THOUGHT YOU HUMANS COULDN’T GET ANY MORE IDIOTIC.
TG: yeah she killed john
TG: by accident
TG: and she seems to be really beaten up over something her alternate self did
TG: and if she was really trying to get john killed shed be doing something along the lines of what spinneret mindflip is doing
TG: namely turning him into some freakish troll hybrid
CG: SHE WHAT
CG: WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED OF THIS.
TG: i dunno dude I mean you are sort of a tool
TG: i guess terezi thought if she told you youd get the whole gang together to
TG: i dunno
TG: stand on spidergirls transporter pad and wish really hard
TG: and then youd give up and go nap in a bucket or something
TG: then she could go back to her terminal or mainframe or whatever and actually get crap done
CG: OK SHUT UP.
TG: really says something about your leadership abilities, doesnt it
CG: STOP
CG: CEASE TYPING.
CG: I COMMAND YOU.
TG: i mean no wonder shes comin over here she obviously doesn’t like what she sees over yonder
CG: ALRIGHT THAT’S IT.
CG: IF AND WHEN I EVER MEET YOU I’M DOING THE THING WITH THE RAGE SNAKE.
TG: good luck
TG: i mean
TG: not dying and all
TG: rage snakes are srs bsns.
CG: GOOD
CG: FREAKING
CG: BYE.
carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling turntechGodhead
carcinoGeneticist blocked turntechGodhead from NOW until TWO HOURS LATER
OPEN PESTERLOG #8
gallowsCalibrator started pestering turntechGodhead
GC: D4VE
TG: please be good news
GC: SORT OF
GC: F1RST OFF
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T W4S V3RY BR4V3 4ND 4LSO V3RY H1L4R1OUS WH4T YOU JUST D1D TO K4RK4T
TG: oh man you saw that
GC: 1 WOULDVE JUMP3D 1N
GC: BUT 1T W4SNT 4 M3MO
GC >|: |
TG: ok
TG: second off
GC: S3COND OFF
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 KNOW WH4T VR1SK4’S UP TO
GC: SH3’S BUFF1NG UP JOHN SO SH3 C4N S3ND H1M AFT3R YOU
GC: B3C4US3 SHE TH1NKS TH4T 1M ST1LL GO1NG TO TRY TO K1LL H1M
GC: US1NG YOU
TG: thats nuts
TG: i wouldnt kill john
TG: not if you told me
TG: not if anyone told me
TG: its just plain fail logic
GC: W3LL SH3 TH1NKS TH4T 4ND NOW 1M SUR3 JOHN TH1NKS TH4T TOO
GC: YOUR3 1N TROUBL3 UNL3SS W3 DO SOM3T1NG QU1CK
TG: and what do you propose
GC: SOM3TH1NG ALONG TH3 L1N3S OF WH4T MS SP1NN3R3T M1NDFL1P 1S DO1NG
TG: ...
TG: you
TG: you just
TG: no
TG: i can fix this mess myself
TG: i dont need your freaky trollatron whackjob to futz with my genetic code
GC: F1N3
GC: BUT WH3N YOU TRY TO B34T SOM3 S3NS3 INTO JOHN AND F41L
GC: 1LL BE W41T1NG
This new Dave doesn't waste any time covering the situation. According to him, there isn't a lot of it to waste.
John just thought it was all awfully overdramatic, considering the denizen was out of the picture. What could they have done wrong?
All John knew was that the Dave that was here before the new Dave is looking pretty sulky, and the new Dave isn't all that happy either. He's listening to them talk, yeah, but it's a lot of complicated time stuff, and something about different timelines and which one is real.
Then they started about existentialism and destiny and suddenly he didn't unnderstand anything.
"A few key things have to happen," and it's the new-er Dave talking, "to make the right things happen in the real timeline--"
"Why do you keep saying the real timeline?" That's the current Dave talking. "This is the real one. I would've known by know if I'd gotten my shit mixed up."
John pipes up out of nowhere then, looking at the old Dave. "Can I just call you C-Dave? That makes things less confusing, since you're the current one, and this Dave is kind of like 2Dave from the year 3030 or something."
Both Daves give John the kind of look that's reserved for somebody talking about you like you're standing right in front of them when you really are. He shuts up appropriately.
"Anyway, it's not like I'm that much farther ahead," says 2Dave. "In fact I've only got about a month on, uh, C-Dave." John smiles at that, just slightly. "Look, to keep it nice and short, I found out that things are supposed to go differently than they have here for certain things to happen in the--"
C-Dave laughs in a bitter sort of way, like a skeptical action hero. "Real timeline, yeah. I get it. So what's gonna happen here then?"
"I'm pretty sure you talked about that sort of thing with Rose before you came back here to help John, right?" 2Dave has a weird tone in his voice, like he's trying to hide something.
"Yeah, I did, but..."
"How about we talk about this in a freeze frame?"
John looked even more dumbfounded then as both Daves disappeared and reappeared just as quickly as they'd left. Now he couldn't tell which Dave was which, one running his hand through his hair with a heavy sigh; the other just standing there, implaccable.
The Dave with his hand in his hair spoke first: "So you understand then?"
Which would make this one C-Dave: "Yeah, I get it." And without so much as a nod, 2Dave vanished into thin air, presumably back to the future.
C-Dave-- the only Dave here now-- looks down at his feet, then takes off his shades and looks straight at him.
"Right. So here's what's gonna happen."
--
"Fade out?"
"That's the best way I can put it. We're not gonna die or anything, no corny Heaven or Hell bullshit. This timeline is just gonna gradually fade away, and then we'll be gone."
John was quiet then. Dave was sure that meant that he understood how it was going to happen. But of course as soon as John spoke, there went that dreamy idea.
"But you're a time traveller! You'll probably regenerate or something, like Doctor Who! Maybe 2Dave was like your future incarnation. And since that would make me your traveling companion, I'll probably just get shunted off to some weird parallel timeline that the Doctor almost always ends up visiting in a later episode--"
"No!"
John's mouth snapped shut. Dave's eyes were shooting daggers right at John's head, as intent as madman. "It's gonna be completely clean. I don't get to escape this retarded fate right out of an indie flick and neither do you. Hell, at least you get two choices: I can kill you right here, right now, or we can just sit and dangle our feet over the edge of the world while it disintegrates in front of us."
Silence. Dave can tell that John is obviously hurt by what he said, but he has to say it. He has to at least offer it, because Dave knows that Death is probably a lot better than what they have coming.
"What then?"
"Huh?"
John looks him right back in the eyes, brow creased in determination-- real or feigned, Dave can't tell. "What happens then? If you kill me, or if you don't, either way-- is it the same result?"
Dave gaped at John, his mouth instinctively shutting as quickly as it had dropped. John was almost asking for it right then and there, and it caused a strange pang in Dave's chest for some reason. To see John accept it like that, if there was nothing he could do about it...
"I don't know, dude. This timeline is doomed. We can't exist inside of nothing or some shit like that. Maybe you being dead would make a difference, maybe not. There's no real way to know for sure."
John's lips grow a bit thin at that, his face going pale. Dave does know what will happen if John dies: the timeline will fix itself, then he can save John the way Rose suggested in the first god damn place. But for John to die now, he would have to do the deed.
When Dave looks up from his thoughts, John is walking toward the edge of the Denizen's cliff. His heart almsot stops in his chest, and time feels like it's slowing down in that nauseatingly familiar way--
But John just sits down, and dangles his feet over the edge of the world.
And a moment later, Dave joins him there.
--
They could both see (how could they not see) the world disentegrating around them. John thought hard, looking for some kind of loophole, the kind there have always been in movies. If you can't cut the wires then you chuck the bomb off the top floor, and even though it's always a strong enough explosion to blow up the whole building, it's never enough to do any harm after you get rid of the thing.
But how do you do that here? How do you get rid of time? He racked his brain, but remembered that he had a specialist right next to him-- kind of like Jack Harmon from Mission Impossible!
...wait no that's such a shitty example obviously you meant Lyle from the Italian Job haha really funny mix-up there John.
Dave's face is implacable. John can't really see his friend's eyes behind those glasses, but Dave's lips are pulled taut and flat, as if he's biting back on something he'd rather not say. It wasn't an expression that Dave wore often (save for recently), nor probably any Strider worth their grit.
Very briefly, John reconsiders Dave's offer. But only briefly. John was sure that there had to be some way out of this.
Mostly sure.
--
All around them the world is falling apart, lines of pure white dragging across bits and pieces of the landscape just like paste splattered on a photograph. In other places it looks like a child's failed drawing, thin white lines scribbled furiously on top of a boulder or star or pebble. It's indiscriminate, and it's fast, but it seems like it's never getting closer to them until they look away and back again, and there go a few more inches of horizon.
Dave says he's seen it happen before, in the moments before he rewinds from a paradox, and the way it happens visually seems to vary from time to time. It's not a joke, but John chuckles a little anyway, softly.
They're sitting back to back now, in the middle of the Denizen's den. Just because the world is being erased doesn't mean they want to fall into a pit of nothing.
John hadn't given up on figuring a way out. It's just that Dave kept telling him how it wouldn't work. It wasn't meanspirited, it was just the truth. Dave was the expert, after all.
At one point John asked what would happen if they broke the Timetables against each other. Dave had nothing to say to that for a while, but eventually: "If anything, that would just get it over with faster."
Neither can decide if that's better or worse.
--
It's upon them now.
Dave has his sword out. Not to kill his friend, it's just the way he reacts to things he can't fight. John would be doing the same, all things considered, but even now he can't bring himself to hold that horrible warhammer.
Mere feet in front of them, the ground is getting scribbled out and pasted over. John half expects to see a bisection of the earth, looking at it from the side, but it's literally nothing: it's the absence of not just matter, but space, time, perception. There's nothing there and never has been or will be. His hands shake at the thought of that getting to him. Dave's hands are steady, if only because he knows that time doesn't have anything personal against him.
It creeps closer. The minutes go by slowly and far too quick, each pressed against the others back rather than face each other and see the fear there. Their eyes focus instead on the ground beneath their feet, and how close that absence is getting to them.
Inches. An inch.
Less than that.
And then it's upon them. John notices first, and his shuddering intensifies. He wants to lash out and hit it. He wants to break time even more than it is now and have it set back the way it's supposed to be just like a broken bone.
Dave whips around and grabs John by the shoulders, turning his friend to face him. John's eyes are consumed by absolute fear: there's no way or reason to be brave in the face of this, and Dave doesn't blame him at all for it. He still doesn't like seeing it. He hates seeing it.
"What's it gonna be John?"
Dave wants to punch himself for saying it so bluntly, but he has to say it. He has to at least offer it. In his mind, he wants so bad to believe that he can fix this and this will be better than nothingness and wishes with all he's got for John to reconsider. He loathes himself for it, but--
John's lips barely move, his voice sounds like a whisper in a room without echoes.
Dave's grip on his friend's shoulder turns hard, and John goes limp with rage and resignation.
"DO IT--"
Dave's sword extends against John's chest, through it--
And it's over.
--
The world around Dave warps without reason, exploding with colors that refuse to resolve themselves, but just then he hears his own voice--
"Or something, anyway."
He's staring over his own shoulder at his dead friend's face, whose gaze is fixed right back on him.
Then he knows exactly what's happening, and he quickly wipes his eyes before replacing his shades back to their rightful place. The other Dave turns around, not really comprehending what's happening. This Dave just wants to get it over with.
"What's going on?"
"...I've got some bad news."
But at least this will make things right. And then he can take Rose's advice, and none of this will have ever happened.
--
Back on his own Land now, Dave stares up at Calsprite, who laughs endlessly in his creepy, horrible way.
"And I know how to make damn sure it never does."
End
A/N:
MAN I HATE HOW THIS TURNED OUT. I'm on such a writer's block right now, but DAMN I had a really clear image of what I wanted to do with this fic, just like I originally had a clear image of what I wanted to do with "The River" that faded just as soon as I started trying to write the beginning of it.
I'm sorry this ended really lackluster, but I couldn't leave this unfinished, after all. It's kind of a weird thing I have when I personally tell somebody that I'll write a fic for their picture or their idea. I'm committed to it at that point, and have to at least make an damn good attempt to finish it, regardless of whether it's good or not.
So hopefully it was at least mildly funny in some spots. Thanks for reading.
Hmm, when sitting in the same forum as great writers, what should a writer of unknown quality do? Why, contribute, of course!
Until someone gave me a better course of action, I shall do so!
I haven't really realized just how intricate and beautifully intricate Homestuck is. I was moving through the archives rather blindly, only focusing on the cool flashes.
Now my brains are full with speculations. And since it's nearing exam time, my mind was thinking about philosophy and biology almost every second!
Removed by mod: reason - inappropriate content.
Apologize if the colors used here is incorrect; I am bad with colors.
Originally Posted by Tenebrais
Those sprites are great, too!
