MSPA fan fiction 2

[Quixotic]

So I came up with this really bizarre bit of inspiration this afternoon, and somehow it's managed to balloon into some kind of full fledged story, which this is the first chapter of.

It's future-fic (as seems to be my style) taking place 4 sweeps (8-ish years) after all these Sgrub shenanigans. I wanted to write something more troll-centric. This is basically a "what if", and I guess kind of mature, since it brings in bloody violence almost instantly. And there's shipping. Sort of. Anyway, here we go!

Conquest

Chapter One: The Mess You Left

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Karkat Vantas growled, smearing a fist full of sopor slime across his face, as if doing so would urge it to sink in deeper. He rolled, nestling further into the warm nest of his recuperacoon, its soothing glow ebbing away at his mounting frustration but doing nothing to let him actually sleep. He'd always been a light sleeper, but the gifts of increased age, paranoia, and status had turned that quirk into a full blown dysfunction.

He'd been curled up in his respiteblock for hours already, and no amount of meditation or counting bubbles in the sopor slime had left him any closer to legitimate rest. Insomnia was an unrelenting bitch.

But it was an unrelenting bitch that was about to save his life.

His eyes blinked open groggily, reacting to the sound of something shifting. His eyes widened as he saw it - something sharp and metal glinted in the darkness in front of him. It was a scythe, and its tip was just brushing his neck, poised to slit his throat.

He knew exactly what was about to happen, and the only suitable reaction he could muster was unfettered rage.

"Oh, fuck no," he roared, impulsively grabbing at the blade. He lurched back, clawing at the weapon like the cornered animal he was in the cramped space of his recuperacoon, doing anything he could to keep that fucking blade from slashing him open. He refused to be murdered while he was half naked and covered in slime.

Whoever was holding the scythe pushed back with equal force, and its edge grazed his collar bone. With that he'd had enough, and rammed his shoulder into the side of the recuperacoon, sending the whole arrangement sprawling onto its side - with any luck, his assailant included.

Green slime spilled out across his respiteblock, coating its metal floor and overwhelming the paperwork he'd unwisely left lying around. His living space was drab and utilitarian, but nothing he wasn't used to. He briefly cursed the fact that this station had set him so far apart from the rest of the living quarters. No wonder no one had heard him yelling yet - except the theoretical guards that really should have been waiting outside. They had completely dropped the ball.

The scythe withdrew from his sight as he squirmed out into the open, but not before he reached back and snatched the sickle he'd kept hidden in a cranny of his coon ever since he'd been promoted and the paranoia had set in. He clawed his way out, snarling, just in time to narrowly avoid his assassin's scythe from slicing open his face.

"You're fucking kidding yourself if you think it'd be that easy!" Karkat shouted, deflecting the blow with his own weapon, and swinging blindly. He could see his attacker now: a black clothed figure in the dark, darting through shadows while brandishing their weapon. It was a blade mounted on a long pole that had a break in its middle, connected by a steel chord. Though suitably unorthodox, it looked like something a Threshecutioner would carry.

If he had been less distracted with staying alive, it might have looked familiar.

He charged the figure, deciding that taking the offensive suited him better, and unloaded the same kind of indiscriminate fury that had gotten him through Sgrub all those sweeps ago. Metal clashed, and despite his ability to hit much harder than his assailant, Karkat was being out-maneuvered. In one simultaneous action each of their blades sunk into flesh. His opponent's sunk in deeper.

Red and turquoise blood decorated the walls and floor, mingling with sickly green.

Karkat gasped, too stunned by the sudden gash across his chest to move. Candy red blood seeped through his fingers, running down his bare abdomen and speckling the floor. His enemy utilized that moment of weakness, and moments later the thick chord of the scythe had found its way around his neck. He choked, dropping to his knees, a bloodied hand grasping at his throat. Even as he was being suffocated, he was reluctant to drop his weapon. Something about it was bothering him.

Turquoise blood dripped down its edge. Turquoise like text he'd seen so many times before. Familiar like the compartmentalized pole of the scythe. Like the way she moved in the dark so easily, like she didn't even need to-

"Terezi," he rasped, feeling the realization sink in. "You...bitch."

For a moment, the tension at his throat relaxed. That was all he needed.

Ramming his elbow into her gut, he wrenched the chord away from his neck. He twisted around, grasping, finding cloth between his fingers, then an arm. Forgetting about his weapons, he fought for any grip on her he could get, to keep her from running away as he felt her begin to retreat. "Don't-" he started.

He lost his grip as a foot planted itself against his chest, right over the open wound. He howled, and was kicked to the floor in a puddle of slime and blood. She grabbed her fallen weapon from the floor. He glared up at her, panting. She went for the door.

"Don't!" he shouted again, reaching after her as she fled. "Don't you run away from me! Fuck!"

The door slammed behind her, leaving behind a trail of blue. Then he was alone in his quarters, bleeding. Nothing else moved around him. No guards. No alarms. Typical. He sighed in exhaustion, pressing a blood covered hand to his forehead.

Black romance sucked.

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Classic kind of "What the hell?" styled ending to the first chapter. Proper explanations in the second chapter, I swear.

[chronicallyCrafty]

Skaian. SKAIAN. I have been loving this fic since you started it but that recap was just the best. Keep on keepin' on, this is a glorious fic :3!

[Beep]

Yo, Qui, I really wanna see where you go with that fic. :33

[Graven_Image]

Wow. Black romance DOES suck.

[kmsumrall]

Wasteland Alternia: 2

Part 1

This was typed out right when I hit the 'awake for 22 hours' mark so i expect some typos and such.

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Equius took the last piece of sheet metal and placed it over his fist and, using a moderate amount of pressure, shaped it in a rounded cylinder shape. From there he bunched up the excess into a crude handle. Squeezing the opening near the top he made a small spout with a slight lip. This time he wrapped the excess around the newly made spout to give it some reinforcement. Using some broken metal from an earlier attempt he cut up a hard rubber mallet to make a stopper.

Standing back, the troll admired his handiwork. Perhaps they were not as good as the soulbot or the tools from his hive, the canteens were still high quality in spite of the sub par materials. As an after thought, Equius poked holes into the handles. There. That would help facilitate transportation when using of a belt or pack with loose straps that could be repurposed.

The moons were still high in the sky but night was already half way over. Much of his time had been spent trying to find large enough sheets of metal that were not too brittle or too heavy for continued travel. Regardless of the time used to make the canteens the ability to transport life sustaining liquid was second only to the protection provided by a well made tool of destruction.

Carefully, Equius gathered up his creations and delivered them to the angry mutant blood troll.

“About fucking time! I’ve already finished making the tent. And a way for you to carry the shit around. Great use of your blue blood time, making misshapen water sacks. Anybody could have done that in less time and better shape!”

“You- How dare you-!”

“Blah blah blue blood bullshit blah blah wasteful moron keeps wasting time blah blah blah fucking blah. Go help out the girls with the girls work, maybe get something useful done.”

Clenching his fists, the strong troll turned and walked away. If not for the fact that they might be the only trolls left and the Empress’s edict that Karkat remain treated as the leader he would have left the mutant as a bright red stain on the landscape. That troll’s actions were deplorable, absolutely intolerable and the depravity of following his word was an act that made Equius sweat in uncomfortable ways. It might be worth arranging an accident to happen if only to cleanse the crater smeared world.

Because Karkat needed a large space to properly cut the sail to create the tent the others had taken a spot behind a dune to figure out how to weaponize debris. The sounds of mirth told Equius that the endeavor had devolved into something different.

The Empress sat next to Nepeta while Vriska sat behind her, braiding her hair, adding rings of some sort. They were all talking very animatedly, clearly no longer even pretending to get ready to start the journey. This called for some well advised discipline.

“Excuse me, but is this the most proper course of action at this moment?”

Vriska looked over and batted her eyes. “Are you trying to say that looking our best is wasteful? You want the Empress to look baaaaaaaad? What is wrong with you, being so mean to the only royal around?”

“I just want to make sure we will be ready to leave soon. That your task has been finished. The red- Karkat, is becoming anxious.”

“Ha! Anxious? We are the best and already made the things we had to make because we are not time wasting freaky strong trolls!” The eight pupiled troll pointed at a pile of metal next to them. “See? We have perfected our creation of the most prefect weapons ever!”

The uncomfortable looking pile held a spear, badly made claws, and for some reason, dice. Equius picked up the spear and gave it an experimental shake. The tip was loose and the pipe was slightly too long, and rather heavy. Much too heavy for a normal troll to carry around, let alone wield in heated battle. The claws were already falling apart and would slice a troll wrist open before it cut an enemy. The dice were worthless and he felt worse for even thinking of rolling them.

“This is unacceptable. These can barely qualify as poorly made let alone weapons. Carrying this spear wear someone out quickly, and the length makes it very difficult to properly transport. Nepeta, I already told you we do not have the correct tools to recreate a claw based weapon. I suggested-”

“Nu-uhhh!” went the cat-girl as she stuck out her tongue. “Those are going to be great! Just purrrfect! Vriska said-”

“Your first mistake was thinking that all blue bloods, while indeed superior , were trustworthy and worth listening too. You will hurt yourself using that wrist death trap. Now-”

“Oh don’t act like such a big fish in a small pond! So my weapon is a little heavy, so what? Just pack it in with the tent pole you are going to carry and it’ll all be fine! Besides, you spent all that time making canteen for some reason. And meteors wiped out all life! There isn’t any fauna around at all, aquatic or otherwise. We are only making weapons because Karkat was whaling so loudly!”

Equius wiped some sweat of his brow. “I apologize for speaking against you, my Empress, but I feel I must insist that we postpone our departure until I create more suitable weapons for you and Nepeta. I will go speak with Karkat about-”

“Baaaaaaaah! You talk too much with all that useless talking! Hey, I have a great idea ladies. Why not have Equius carry the pod with us? He is so freakishly strong and freaky that we could all ride in it too!”

Feferi put a hand to her cheek thoughtfully. “We can’t all ride inside like suckerfish on a big mouthed many toothed beast but taking the pod with us would be sooo coool! We would have scaled protection against the pressure.”

“Wow, that would be fun!” said Nepeta enthusiastically.

The strong troll clenched his fists. “I will already be carrying-” Equius stopped. He looked around. With a very calm, very controlled voice, he said, “Where. Is. Aradia.”

Vriska backed up slightly as Nepeta hid behind her. Feferi stood her ground and attempted a placating grin.

“I thought she was around... here?”

“Here? HERE?! I requested you do one simple thing along with your very simple task and you failed both! Failed! You morons! Undeserving morons! She can’t move right now! And you leave her alone?!” Equius stomped down on the weapons, cracking the ground under his foot. “We trolls are the most resilient and powerful race in the universe due to our upbringing on this planet! You think the creatures that trolls train on would die because of simple meteors? No! We need to arm ourselves for protection! More importantly, I spent my night finding the correct materials for water holding devices! You spent all night playing with hair! Hair! Then you compare my work to yours?! All while you’ve left Aradia Sgrub knows where. I will not carry around a escape pod like a low intelligence flop-eared pack animal! Fuck! I’m starting to question even trying-”

Equius.
The troll stopped, anger leaving as quickly as it came. “Aradia? Where are you? Where did they leave you?”
I am over here. Where I should be.
Equius jumped over a dune and beheld his love propped up against a wing. He gently picked her up. “Are you ok? If something happened to you I-I-”
I am fine. I am ok with being here.
“Are you sure? I have to make sure you are ok! Even if no one else can hear you...”
I know. It is not yet their time. You need to be nicer to the others. Without you, they will die. You are the second most important troll to their survival.
“Of cour- Second?”
Yes. The red blood is much more important than you.
“But-but-”
The other have realized their mistakes. You will help them to make new weapons. This will help prepare them for the time when you can no longer help.
“I will do it. Of course I will. I will do anything for you. I need you.”
And then you will submit to Karkat’s will.
“Submit? Allow myself to be... subservient?”
Do you doubt me?
“No, not you. Never.”
As they embraced Equius noticed that some blue liquid had fallen on his love’s shoulder. Odd. As he wiped her off he felt a tap on his shoulder. Nepeta was wringing her hat round and round.

“Ummmm... Equi? Equius? Would you... We are sorry we made.... made you mad....” She trailed off under his gaze.

Placing Aradia back against the wing, Equius stood up, took off his shades, and wiped them on his shirt. The other stood by nervously.

“Feferi,” he said after a moment, “I am sorry for my harsh words and anything I might have said that could have offended you.

The Empress smiled. “No, we have to apologize for taking you for granted. What you do is very important!”

“I have an idea where we can finish the creation of the weapons tonight, as long as we all work efficiently and quickly. Nepeta, go find as much six inch flat metal as you can. If it is sharp, good. If not, that is fine. Feferi, you should look for metal poles that are approximately shorter than your height. Serket-”

“Hey! Don’t include me in you after-tantrum makeup makeout session! I have to go and redo all the work I put into carving my sweet dice again!”

Equius grinned. “Oh, I have ideas for your, ‘dice’.”

~

Karkat tied the last of the leather strips salvaged from a wayward chair to his bundle, pulling tight. The roll stressed against the ties but didn’t burst open.

“So,” he muttered to himself, “all we have to do is unroll this and those poles will weigh down the sides while these poles will prop it up...” The troll picked up the tent roll to test how it felt it against his back. It was heavy, but one troll should be able to carry it for a day without too much issue, provided they weren't prone to excessive whining.

As he walked over to where the other were he heard the telltale sounds of waste and lack of focus known as laughter. He dropped the bundle, scowling. “If I walk out and find you guys are acting like-”

Instinct took over and Karkat barely ducked under a small but heavy projectile.

“Heeeeeeeeey! Why did you bunp my arm?! I completely had him in my sights!”

“Vriska! Don’t you remember the stories of how the ancient trolls drove the whalesized goliatoids out? Slingshots are dangerous!”

The troll lowered the y-shaped pipe she was holding. “Yeah I know that. Why do you think I fired? Nepeta, did you finish my ammo bag yet?”

“Not yet, I gotta finish this belt first.”

“Use tighter stitches, Nepeta. Only then will the quality of your work be worthy to wear.”

“Hey!” shouted Karkat. “You listen when your glorious leader talks! I want to know what you cocoonfucker are doing-” he stopped, seeing what Equius held. “Where did you find that?”

“It was lodged in one of the outboard engines, and was possibly a contributing factor to our abrupt landing.” The strong troll held it out.

Karkat took the Regisword and gave it a few experimental swings. “About fucking time you recognized my superior skills with a superior weapon. Why didn’t you break it up to give everyone an edged weapon?”

“Would you like me to do that?”

“Fuck no! I’m keeping the power all to myself!” The angry troll looked around at everyone. Feferi was weighing poles in her hands, Vriska was carving rocks, Equius was pinching metal sheets and Nepeta was trying to not play with the string she pulled out of a discarded Dersian uniforms. Aradia was still laying around like a broken dead fuck.

“Looks like you mothergrubbers are neck deep in doing shit that should have already been done. You all get to finish that while I get to sleep in lonely comfort. Test out this tent if you manage to get done before the sun burns you to small inedible troll crisps. Good day.”

“But-”

“I said good fucking day!” And with that, he left.

Part 3

Writer's notes

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I'm very tired but i do want to put notes here. i was going to dedicate maybe a page to creating weapons/supplies from shit debris, and have the rest be the start of the walking. I got up to 3 pages of written stuff before i realized what was going one. It just meant to be a simple 'we made a spear from a pipe and a piece of glass' thing, but then i remembered Equius made robots. Well, i can't do robots here, no tools/parts, but he would be able to use his freakish strength to crimp metal. Basically, i see him knowing the most about metal and how it works, brittleness, density, weight, all that crap. I might be over explaining myself. This started as a Karkat chapter, but after I had written a page I realized it should place it in Equius's POV. Honestly, I expected everyone to already be walking out into the new Alternian Wasteland

Made a slight change based on a suggestion of subject of a paragraph.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Quixotic: Yess... more blackrom fics, always awesome if frightening, so rare.

@chronicallyCrafty: Everyone loves the Karkat Vantas! He's a terrific rage case.

@kmsumrall: I'm in a hurry to get the heck out of here so I don't yet have a chance to read but I'll make sure to when I get back!

[Nanakii]

Skaian- Oh, ok~. Yeah, that helps clear things up even more, I think I probably should go back and reread it again, once I get some more time. Thanks for the additional clarification!

Qui: Ah man, that's just super! I can't wait until you post more. I echo the rest: Man, Black Romance does suck.

[Katrika]

Poor Equius.

[Graven_Image]

I had this idea for a fanfic. It involved a doomed timeline, itself an offshoot of an alternate timeline, in which the kids' future selves all self-prototype.

*Please note that this is not the finished product, nor any indication of an actual product. Production of the product will be done pending answering of the question at the bottom of this post.

OPEN SPRITELOG

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DAVESPRITE: i freaking hate you
JOHNSPRITE: come on, this is supposed to be fun!
DAVESPRITE: this is not fun
DAVESPRITE: alright
DAVESPRITE: these feathers are no definition of fun
ROSESPRITE: Oh, you think you've got it bad?
ROSESPRITE: I have to float around with the world's tackiest princess outfit.
ROSESPRITE: And these tentacles are no party, either.
JADESPRITE: i LOVE these lighting powers!!!
JOHNSPRITE: not now, jade, dave and rose are arguing.
JADESPRITE: aww :(
JADESPRITE: but i wanted you guys to watch me blow stuff up again!

Is this awesome (Y/N)?

[Metaflare]

Now Rose can live up to her chumhandle!

[Beep]

JOHNSPRITE FTW. :33

[Dermonster]

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[mutecebu]

>Y. Very Y.

I'm trying to decide if Jadesprite's prototyped with Bec or Mechabunny.

Compared to tentacles, feathers, and missing arms, I think a princess suit would be the last thing someone could complain about.

Skian: A Hand in Holding Hands = amazing.

[Graven_Image]

Compared to tentacles, feathers, and missing arms, I think a princess suit would be the last thing someone could complain about.

Fashion sense will always find a way.


And in response to everyone else, great! I'll start on it as soon as I finish HaRlEyQuIn, which probably won't end up being as long as 8irds of 4 F34TH3R was.

I need a punny name....

[-Benedict]

I dunno if you should put too much into it just now- we'll probably be seeing Jade's first tier prototyping sometime soon, so making something up would probably result in it being invalidated by canon almost immediately. But I guess it's an alternate doomed timeline, so anything goes. This looks like it'll be awesome.

By the way, are they all serving their nondoomed past selves, or are they playing through as sprites?

(Title= Pixel sprites? I dunno)

[Quixotic]

Okay, back with chapter two of this! Enjoy.

Conquest

Chapter Two: Black and Red

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He kicked open the door to the medical bay, leaving a trail of crimson behind him.

"Fix this," he barked to the startled medical staff, indicating the seeping wounds across his chest and neck. There were only two on duty at that time of day, but their shock at the colour of the fluids running down his body was enough to distract them from whatever they were doing with the medical equipment across the room. Yeah, yeah, stare at the blood, he thought. Never gets old, does it?

"C-Captain Vantas," the female to the right stammered. "What happened? Where are your clothes?"

He glanced down at himself and realized he was still only wearing the shorts he'd gone to sleep with. Also, that he was still covered in sopor slime. Goddamnit.

"Do I-" he started, but stumbled before he could finish, falling against the frame of the doorway and smearing big gobs of cherry blood across the spartan white walls. God, if he had been in this situation when he was younger, he would have shot himself. "Do I look like I'm in the mood to have a conversation?" he snarled, but there was no force behind it. He was too damn tired, and probably on the verge of passing out from blood loss.

In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have stayed to clean up Terezi's blood before coming to get patched up. But he didn't have a choice, did he? Not unless he wanted someone else to see the blood first. Not if it meant that they'd figure out who had done this to him and...

And what? Why was he protecting that psycho bitch again? What the hell was even going on? This was bullshit. This entire thing was bullshit.

"Complete bullshit," Karkat muttered to himself, sinking down to one knee. Next thing he knew, the medical officers were grabbing at his arms and trying to pull him onto the examination table. He dropped his sickle, only then realizing he had been clutching it the entire time.

When he started tuning into what was happening around him again, they were already slopping some kind of purple gunk all over his chest. It stung, tingled, and smelt awful but it wasn't the first time he'd seen its use. "Ugh," he groaned.

"Sir, we need you to explain what happened," the elder of the medical officers prompted. At least, Karkat figured she must have been older because she wasn't shitting her pants at the sight of him to quite the same degree.

"Fuck if I know," he drawled, but the increasingly irritated look on the officer's face prompted him to at least try giving a decent answer. He didn't like the idea of the person wielding the medical utensils being pissed off. Maybe when he was more inclined to have a shouting match with someone, but not right now. "Assassin, probably."

There was nothing uncommon about that answer for a person of any rank, and the medical officer hardly even raised an eyebrow. Just every day stuff, assassinations. Just another lump of fecal matter in the shit storm that was his day to day life.

There was one thing that was off, though.

"Wasn't there anyone guarding your respiteblock?" the officer asked after a moment. Once again the gears in his head began to turn over that subject, though at this point they were filled with so many metaphorical wrenches he could hardly get past the thought 'no, because they're assholes, is why.'

"You tell me," he finally said, noticing that while he'd been receiving treatment the on-duty patrol had shown up at the door, complete with black uniforms. "About time," he growled.

"We'll need a full report," the elder medical officer said to the patrol.

The head of the squad began prattling off something about how there was a 'lack of coordination' and 'a momentary oversight' but Karkat didn't even want to hear it.

"I just think it's funny," he said loudly, talking right over their explanation, "that you're gone just long enough for me to get a midday visitor playing doctor with my major blood vessels, but then you're here with a well thought out explanation the moment I survive the experience."

They looked at each other like they weren't sure what to say to that.

"Sir, what did the assailant look like?" one of them tried, stepping forward. "They will likely still be on the ship, and we can pursue them."

"Black clothes," Karkat started, knowing that was ambiguous to the point of uselessness since the whole fleet's uniforms were black. "I..." His mind turned with indecision, his gaze dropping to the floor. "I didn't catch their face."

After a few more uselessly probing questions, the squad left him to rest. He took the resting slab in the back corner of the room. With open wounds like that, he wouldn't be able to use a recuperacoon - not that he would have wanted to anyway.

He rested there in silence for the rest of the night, wishing for the days when he thought he hated himself more than anyone else ever could.


-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

CG: ENCRYPT THIS RIGHT NOW.
TA: what.
CG: GODDAMNIT SOLLUX IT IS NOT A DIFFICULT CONCEPT.
CG: I'M ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING PRIVATE SO I'M ASKING FOR SOME FUCKING PRIVACY.
TA: eheheh well ok.
TA: it'2 funny that you thiink that ii ever have conver2atiion2 that aren't encrypted.
CG: WELL SCALE THAT SHIT UP TO ELEVEN THEN.
CG: I SAY WITHOUT HYPERBOLE THAT THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.
TA: 2iigh.
TA: fiine kk ii wiill iindulge thii2 2udden and cryptiic reque2t.
TA: iif iit wiill make you 2leep better at niight.
CG: UNLIKELY.
CG: ARE YOU DONE?
TA: ii was done two second2 after you a2ked.
CG: OKAY THEN.
CG: SO TEREZI TRIED TO MURDER ME IN MY SLEEP.
TA: ok well...
TA: waiit
TA: ii
TA: do you mean liiterally or fiiguratiively.
CG: LITERALLY.
CG: AND WITH GUSTO.
CG: WHEN SLITTING MY THROAT DIDN'T WORK SHE TRIED TO STRANGLE ME TO DEATH INSTEAD.
CG: IT WAS ALL VERY THOROUGH.
TA: uh.
CG: YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY I BROUGHT THIS TO YOU FOR YOUR JUDICIOUS CONSIDERATION.
CG: GIVEN THAT YOU'RE OUR AUSPISTICE.
TA: 2o you mu2t be pretty exciited about thii2 huh.
CG: WHAT
CG: WHY THE SHIT STAINED FUCK WOULD I BE EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
TA: ii don't know.
TA: ii2n't a murder attempt like the piinnacle of the black rom experiience.
TA: we're talkiing about the hiighe2t tiiers of the black rom echeladder.
TA: "2ultry throat 2liicer."
CG: FIRSTLY, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
CG: SECONDLY, YEAH, SURE, MAYBE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE FUCKING MORONS.
CG: THIS SHIT IS UNHEALTHY.
CG: THERE'S NO RIVALRY IF YOUR KISMESIS IS BLEEDING OUT ON THE FLOOR.
TA: wa2 iit really that bad?
CG: SHE WASN'T FUCKING AROUND.
TA. hmm.
TA: ii can try talkiing to her.
TA: the problem ii2 that iit2 gettiing two iinten2e for you?
CG: NO
CG: YES
CG: I DON'T KNOW.
CG: IT'S JUST
CG: A CHANGE OF PACE.
CG: BUT IF SHE WANTS TO PLAY HARDBALL I WILL FUCKING MAN UP TO IT.
CG: LET THERE BE NO DOUBT ABOUT MY ABILITY TO PLAY BALL IN A BRUTAL MANNER.
CG: WE'RE TALKING CINDER BLOCKS HERE
CG: THROWN AROUND LIKE CHITTON BALLS.
CG: I CAN HANDLE THIS.
TA: kk...are you doiing alriight?
CG: IT'S FINE.
TA: keep iin miind that iif you're lyiing to me about thii2 you are ba2iically beiing a fuckiing moron.
TA: and makiing your reque2t for me to au2pii2tiice you two completely poiintle22.
TA: and, iin fact, really amaziingly iinconveniient and unplea2ant for me.
TA: thank you very much.
CG: GOD, WILL YOU STOP IT?
CG: SO I'M KIND OF NERVOUS.
CG: WHATEVER
CG: IT'S NOT EVEN A BIG DEAL.
CG: THIS IS MY FIRST PROPER CALIGINOUS RELATIONSHIP AND I THINK I HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET COLD FEET ONCE IN A WHILE.
TA: fiir2t caliigiinou2 relatiion2hiip that2 been goiing on for 2weep2 now.
CG: LOOK.
CG: IT WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS OK.
TA: ii know kk ii wa2 there.
TA: ii've 2een every twii2t and turn of thii2 traiinwreck.
TA: you've ba2iically turned 2wappiin quadrants into an art form.
TA: a gallery fiilled wiith 2hiity hemo-painted ma2terpiiece2.
TA: fuck.
TA: you don't even know iif you want me pale or a2hen.
CG: FUCKING SHIT ASS GODDAMNIT.
CG: I'M SORRY, ALRIGHT?
CG: I THOUGHT WHEN SHE CAME BACK IF WE HAD A GOOD AUSPISTICE MAYBE THINGS WOULD GO A BIT SMOOTHER.
CG: AND YOU'RE
CG: WELL YOU KNOW BOTH OF US.
TA: yeah okay.
TA: but you better get 2omeone el2e 2oon.
TA: before ii fiind my pale leaniing2 el2ewhere.
CG: FUCK, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
CG: IT'S BEEN TWO MISERABLE WEEKS AND YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME ALREADY?
TA: jegus kk ii'm not breakiing up wiith you ii'm giving you an ultiimatum.
TA: maybe you forgot but ii need a moiiraiil.
TA: danger two 2ociiety and all that.
CG: DON'T.
CG: DON'T FUCKING SAY 'JEGUS'.
CG: I KNOW WHERE TEREZI GOT THAT FROM AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
CG: THAT'S AN ORDER.
TA: yeah whatever kk.
TA: iim not even close to beiing iin your diiviisiion.
CG: OKAY FINE LOOK
CG: I'LL FIND SOMEONE ELSE SOON.
CG: I MEAN THAT.
TA: yeah fiine.
CG: SO WHERE ARE YOU NOW ANYWAY.
CG: I LOST TRACK OF COMMAND'S ENDLESS JUGGLING ROUTINE.
TA: almo2t done iin tech.
TA: they're 2endiing me back to speciial op2 tomorrow.
CG: IS THERE SOME KIND OF MISSION COMING UP?
TA: probably.
TA: riight ii need to go.
TA: i've got a compliicated 2et up here and thii2 ii2 fuckiing wiith my concentratiion.
CG: RIGHT.
CG: UH.
CG: DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS.
CG: BLACK ROM SHENANIGANS OR NOT, IF COMMAND FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS THEY'LL EXECUTE HER FOR SURE.
TA: wa2n't goiing two you dumba22.
CG: OK.
TA: later.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --


Karkat was just pulling on his uniform's jacket as his shuttle landed on the flagship's docking port. He grumbled with dissatisfaction as the shuttle landed in a particularly rough manner. The gel applied the night before had sealed his wounds, but that didn't keep any excess jostling from making it sting like a bitch.

He stumbled out of the gate as it opened, getting his bearing on the gigantic and mostly foreign spaceship. The roof of the docking port was a kind of transparent green bubble - on the other side was a vast cacophony of stars, planets, and the core unit of the Alternian fleet. He stared up at them for a moment, contemplating his place in the overall ranks. The fleet was huge; more like a mobile civilization than anything else. There were thousands of ships, and compared the sizes of the ones surrounding the Empress' flagship, the one he captained looked like a freshly hatched grub.

The docking bay was busy that day, with a number of shuttles and larger cargo ships coming in and out, dropping off supplies and passengers. He locked his shuttle behind him, inwardly dreading the briefing he was heading to. His role in these things was controversial at best, and the further away he was from that reality, the more comfortable he was.

He funnelled himself into one of the access hallways along with the other new arrivals, and was quickly swept up in the pedestrian traffic of the flagship. It was fairly quiet as he walked - none of the others trolls said much, so there was little to listen to besides the constant sounds of moving bodies. Despite the flagship's enormous size, no one was allowed on board that wasn't a VIT or at least properly sanctioned.

Bizarrely enough, he probably actually fit into the first category. Which really shouldn't have been a surprise. He'd once been one of the twelve most important trolls in the universe.

Since the reset, though...well, a lot of that had changed.

He took a few more uniformly colored but eclecticly structured hallways, and eventually found the appropriate shoot to go up to his designated briefing room. Well, time to get this over with.

He was one of the last to come in, not that it really mattered. The other Captains were seated around the circular table in the center of the room, looking aggressively disinterested in each other. That was fine as far as Karkat was concerned - but naturally, the moment he entered a few baleful glares were cast in his direction. He rolled his eyes back at them, taking his seat as far away from the others as he could.

Almost all order were given in person. Indirect messengers were only trusted as far as they were within range of a firearm.

He must have been at least a sweep younger than everyone else in the room, which probably had something to do with the hateful looks he was being given. The ships they all commanded were small but important, just like his - they were all hosting elite troops of Threshecutioners. Karkat had been working as a Threshecutioner himself not too long before. Until he was put in charge of a whole ship of them, anyway.

And really, that had been when all the bullshit started.

Finally the Admiral entered, and they all stood up to greet her. She had the same black hair that all trolls did, but cropped military short. Her horns arced back over her head and curled down beneath her ears - a display that made him self consciously touch his own longer-than-before but still-ultimately-nubby set.

She put down the folders with their assignments in them without so much as a word. One thing he liked about these meetings is that they weren't really about pointless preamble. Much unlike a younger version of himself.

"See that these objectives are completed before the end of the week," she finally said. Already, people were giving their halting little salutes and dismissing themselves before Karkat even got around to opening his.

As he did his eyes went wide. "The fuck?" he blurted.

The Admiral shot him a cutting glare. "Is there a problem, Captain Vantas?" The tone her voice was about as comforting as the sound of someone sharpening a machete.

He coughed, composing himself.

"I just want to know. Why this planet?" He swallowed. "In particular." A couple of the other captains had paused in the doorway, watching the conflict with interest. Questioning orders was usually not a thing that people did.

"Are you illiterate, Vantas?"

"What? No-"

"Then read the Goddamn folder and I'm sure you'll be fully informed." The Admiral bore her fangs, snarling. "Now get out of my sight."

Karkat needed no more reason to excuse himself then that. He hit the hallways back towards the shoot at a brisk walk, staring down at the folder in disbelief, ruefully shaking his head. This had to be some kind of mistake.

"Her Imperial Condescension" was in for one hell of a talking to.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@kmsumrall: I know what you mean about fics just getting away from you sometimes. But you seem to have the right amount of preparation scenes here, so you (and your Trolls) are probably good to go!

@Graven: I like Jadesprite. She reminds me of someone I know, who should never be given lightning powers ever but would enjoy them so much.

@mutecebu: Thanks!

[One]

Yeah I don't know if this is going to ever be an actual series. For now it'll just be a bunch of short stories.

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Musclebeasts could be fearsome creatures if provoked, and their FLARP counterparts were no different. The weakest beast in Alternia was still entirely capable of pulping a troll's head. What the strongest could do is better left unsaid.

So here was Dyrna, still wearing a manic smile even as she prepared for a fight with a holographic PRIME MUSCLEBEAST, throwing knives held between her fingers. Silence and stillness reigned on the grassy plains surrounding Dyrna's hive.
The beast moved first, accelerating with ridiculous speed. Even as a simulation, the thing was still intimidating. It crossed half the distance between it and the young troll in just a few seconds, just long enough for Dyrna to hurl her knives.

A pair of pale fists were swung to knock the blades out of the air, but never made contact. The musclebeast looked about in confusion as the six knives swirled and soared through the air, changing course repeatedly, a kaleidoscope of flashing blades. Then they all pointed towards the beast.

Half a second later, the throwing knives launched themselves at the beast's vitals. Two sank into its eyes. One speared its throat. Three more stabbed deeply into its chest, piercing its holographic lungs and heart. It was already fading away before it hit the ground.

And in his high tower atop a glacier, Velker gritted his teeth. Dyrna knew how much he envied her psychic power, and had since that regretted conversation resolved to show them off as often as possible.

[Wigmund]

Oh god, the most recent update has inspired me. As well as art by Kazerad of Secret Wizard carrying Crumplehat.

LOWAS Burning

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The farmer stuck the dark earth with his plow. A distant thunder rumbled across the lands. He looked up and wiped the sweat from his brow. Truly this was a good life, but still it was a pain in the ass. His loving wife and child, who he would be reunited with later, were on the porch of their house. The wife was grinding some herbs and mushrooms for tonight's dinner and the child was playing with a strange metal container that had recently fallen from the sky. Truly it was a present from the Heir and the Breezes. Mushroom Farmer looked into the distance from which the thunder had come from. There was a bright glow.

"Such an odd sight, what could be causing that?" He said to no one in particular.

His question was answered as a wave of flame swept over his farm. Mushroom Farmer dropped to the ground and tried to avoid the worst of the fiery blast. His back was thankfully protected by the sack he was using to carry mushrooms, but his crops were lost. He crawled towards his house. He had to reunite with his loved ones.

But it was too late. They didn't have a chance to react to the flames. The house was gone. There was no one nearby. Mushroom Farmer buried his face into the blackened earth and cried.

Where were the Breezes that always arrived when it was terribly convenient? Where was the Heir who had protected the nearby village from the imps and other raiders? They had failed him. There was no one and no thing that could have helped his family.

"Do you want to behold my robes?"

Mushroom Farmer lifted his dirt stained face and beheld a Salamander in strange robes.

"Yes...yes I behold your majestic robes. But how are they so pristine when everything else has been burned and blackened? What powers do you have stranger?"

"Thank you for beholding my robes simple Farmer. I am the Secret Wizard and now..."
The Secret Wizard opened his robes, there huddling beneath them were the farmer's loving wife and child. They had a touching reunion.

"The Breezes protect you Wizard, but the nearby village will need help if we have fared this badly. Please go there as I need a place to sell whatever I can grow in these ashes."

The Wizard nodded to the Farmer and ran off to the village.

It was useless. Everything was gone. The only thing left was a curled up form in the middle of the flames. The battered hat nearby told Secret Wizard more than he wanted to now about the body's identity. Wizard picked up the near-lifeless body. The yet unnamed Salamander's eyes barely opened and he reached out for his friend that had acquired the sacred sheet from the skies.

"Crumplehat! Crumplehat, are you alright? You may have dishonored your ancestors beyond measure by picking up that foolish hat wear, but I don't want to see you depart this planet. There is too much for us to do."

"Wizard, my companion. The dishonored ancestors have come for me..."
Crumplehat lifted a blackened arm and stroked Secret Wizard's face.
"Do not weep for me friend. For I have lived my life and achieved my purpose. The Heir shall rescue us. The Breezes shall conveniently arrive..."

"Neither of those things happened. The Heir is in his tower and has not given any indication that he has noticed this tragedy. The Breezes were the source of this tragedy as they pushed the flames from the Seas of Crude across the lands. We are truly forsaken and the only answer is to make our own path."

"Foolishness shall dishonor us both my friend, just as my frivolous accessory has done to me. But if you seek to make your own way...take my hat...It came from the Heir...It...It..."

Crumplehat passed with the winds and his body was ready to join the shale. Wizard held the lifeless Salamander and wept for the only friend he had. He wept for the lost Salamanders who only wanted to live their lives, harvest those foul mushrooms and practice their primitive and simple worship of the Pipes that brought the Breezes that were responsible for this tragedy.

Secret Wizard beheld Crumplehat's accessory. Despite the inferno that raged around him and had claimed its previous bearer, the hat only had singed edges. He picked up the accessory and brought an unimaginable shame to his ancestors.

"Behold my hat and robe, for I am the Wizardhat, I now wield the powers of the sacred sheet and the crumpled hat.
No one shall block my path and I shall save LOWAS!"

Wizardhat waved his arms and the Breezes arrived conveniently and blew out the lingering flames. Though they pushed the inferno further inland, Wizardhat now knew his purpose was to chase them down and snuff them. It was what the Mushroom Farmer and his loving wife and child wanted. It was what the villagers would have wanted. It was what the Breezes would want despite their inconsistency in regards to the flames.
It was what the Heir would want if was paying attention to the world below.
It was what Crumplehat would have wanted now that he has joined the Breeze and his body has been returned to the shale by Wizardhat's own hands.

[Nanakii]

Qui- All I have to say right now is YES. Can't wait to see what happens next!~

[BPrinny]

Wasteland Alternia: 2

Part 1

This was typed out right when I hit the 'awake for 22 hours' mark so i expect some typos and such.

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Equius took the last piece of sheet metal and placed it over his fist and, using a moderate amount of pressure, shaped it in a rounded cylinder shape. From there he bunched up the excess into a crude handle. Squeezing the opening near the top he made a small spout with a slight lip. This time he wrapped the excess around the newly made spout to give it some reinforcement. Using some broken metal from an earlier attempt he cut up a hard rubber mallet to make a stopper.

Standing back, the troll admired his handiwork. Perhaps they were not as good as the soulbot or the tools from his hive, the canteens were still high quality in spite of the sub par materials. As an after thought, Equius poked holes into the handles. There. That would help facilitate transportation when using of a belt or pack with loose straps that could be repurposed.

The moons were still high in the sky but night was already half way over. Much of his time had been spent trying to find large enough sheets of metal that were not too brittle or too heavy for continued travel. Regardless of the time used to make the canteens the ability to transport life sustaining liquid was second only to the protection provided by a well made tool of destruction.

Carefully, Equius gathered up his creations and delivered them to the angry mutant blood troll.

“About fucking time! I’ve already finished making the tent. And a way for you to carry the shit around. Great use of your blue blood time, making misshapen water sacks. Anybody could have done that in less time and better shape!”

“You- How dare you-!”

“Blah blah blue blood bullshit blah blah wasteful moron keeps wasting time blah blah blah fucking blah. Go help out the girls with the girls work, maybe get something useful done.”

Clenching his fists, the strong troll turned and walked away. If not for the fact that they might be the only trolls left and the Empress’s edict that Karkat remain treated as the leader he would have left the mutant as a bright red stain on the landscape. That troll’s actions were deplorable, absolutely intolerable and the depravity of following his word was an act that made Equius sweat in uncomfortable ways. It might be worth arranging an accident to happen if only to cleanse the crater smeared world.

Because Karkat needed a large space to properly cut the sail to create the tent the others had taken a spot behind a dune to figure out how to weaponize debris. The sounds of mirth told him that the endeavor had devolved into something different.

The Empress sat next to Nepeta while Vriska sat behind her, braiding her hair, adding rings of some sort. They were all talking very animatedly, clearly no longer even pretending to get ready to start the journey. This called for some well advised discipline.

“Excuse me, but is this the most proper course of action at this moment?”

Vriska looked over and batted her eyes. “Are you trying to say that looking our best is wasteful? You want the Empress to look baaaaaaaad? What is wrong with you, being so mean to the only royal around?”

“I just want to make sure we will be ready to leave soon. That your task has been finished. The red- Karkat, is becoming anxious.”

“Ha! Anxious? We are the best and already made the things we had to make because we are not time wasting freaky strong trolls!” The eight pupiled troll pointed at a pile of metal next to them. “See? We have perfected our creation of the most prefect weapons ever!”

The uncomfortable looking pile held a spear, badly made claws, and for some reason, dice. Equius picked up the spear and gave it an experimental shake. The tip was loose and the pipe was slightly too long, and rather heavy. Much too heavy for a normal troll to carry around, let alone wield in heated battle. The claws were already falling apart and would slice a troll wrist open before it cut an enemy. The dice were worthless and he felt worse for even thinking of rolling them.

“This is unacceptable. These can barely qualify as poorly made let alone weapons. Carrying this spear wear someone out quickly, and the length makes it very difficult to properly transport. Nepeta, I already told you we do not have the correct tools to recreate a claw based weapon. I suggested-”

“Nu-uhhh!” went the cat-girl as she stuck out her tongue. “Those are going to be great! Just purrrfect! Vriska said-”

“Your first mistake was thinking that all blue bloods, while indeed superior , were trustworthy and worth listening too. You will hurt yourself using that wrist death trap. Now-”

“Oh don’t act like such a big fish in a small pond! So my weapon is a little heavy, so what? Just pack it in with the tent pole you are going to carry and it’ll all be fine! Besides, you spent all that time making canteen for some reason. And meteors wiped out all life! There isn’t any fauna around at all, aquatic or otherwise. We are only making weapons because Karkat was whaling so loudly!”

Equius wiped some sweat of his brow. “I apologize for speaking against you, my Empress, but I feel I must insist that we postpone our departure until I create more suitable weapons for you and Nepeta. I will go speak with Karkat about-”

“Baaaaaaaah! You talk too much with all that useless talking! Hey, I have a great idea ladies. Why not have Equius carry the pod with us? He is so freakishly strong and freaky that we could all ride in it too!”

Feferi put a hand to her cheek thoughtfully. “We can’t all ride inside like suckerfish on a big mouthed many toothed beast but taking the pod with us would be sooo coool! We would have scaled protection against the pressure.”

“Wow, that would be fun!” said Nepeta enthusiastically.

The strong troll clenched his fists. “I will already be carrying-” Equius stopped. He looked around. With a very calm, very controlled voice, he said, “Where. Is. Aradia.”

Vriska backed up slightly as Nepeta hid behind her. Feferi stood her ground and attempted a placating grin.

“I thought she was around... here?”

“Here? HERE?! I requested you do one simple thing along with your very simple task and you failed both! Failed! You morons! Undeserving morons! She can’t move right now! And you leave her alone?!” Equius stomped down on the weapons, cracking the ground under his foot. “We trolls are the most resilient and powerful race in the universe due to our upbringing on this planet! You think the creatures that trolls train on would die because of simple meteors? No! We need to arm ourselves for protection! More importantly, I spent my night finding the correct materials for water holding devices! You spent all night playing with hair! Hair! Then you compare my work to yours?! All while you’ve left Aradia Sgrub knows where. I will not carry around a escape pod like a low intelligence flop-eared pack animal! Fuck! I’m starting to question even trying-”

Equius.
The troll stopped, anger leaving as quickly as it came. “Aradia? Where are you? Where did they leave you?”
I am over here. Where I should be.
Equius jumped over a dune and beheld his love propped up against a wing. He gently picked her up. “Are you ok? If something happened to you I-I-”
I am fine. I am ok with being here.
“Are you sure? I have to make sure you are ok! Even if no one else can hear you...”
I know. It is not yet their time. You need to be nicer to the others. Without you, they will die. You are the second most important troll to their survival.
“Of cour- Second?”
Yes. The red blood is much more important than you.
“But-but-”
The other have realized their mistakes. You will help them to make new weapons. This will help prepare them for the time when you can no longer help.
“I will do it. Of course I will. I will do anything for you. I need you.”
And then you will submit to Karkat’s will.
“Submit? Allow myself to be... subservient?”
Do you doubt me?
“No, not you. Never.”
As they embraced Equius noticed that some blue liquid had fallen on his love’s shoulder. Odd. As he wiped her off he felt a tap on his shoulder. Nepeta was wringing her hat round and round.

“Ummmm... Equi? Equius? Would you... We are sorry we made.... made you mad....” She trailed off under his gaze.

Placing Aradia back against the wing, Equius stood up, took off his shades, and wiped them on his shirt. The other stood by nervously.

“Feferi,” he said after a moment, “I am sorry for my harsh words and anything I might have said that could have offended you.

The Empress smiled. “No, we have to apologize for taking you for granted. What you do is very important!”

“I have an idea where we can finish the creation of the weapons tonight, as long as we all work efficiently and quickly. Nepeta, go find as much six inch flat metal as you can. If it is sharp, good. If not, that is fine. Feferi, you should look for metal poles that are approximately shorter than your height. Serket-”

“Hey! Don’t include me in you after-tantrum makeup makeout session! I have to go and redo all the work I put into carving my sweet dice again!”

Equius grinned. “Oh, I have ideas for your, ‘dice’.”

~

Karkat tied the last of the leather strips salvaged from a wayward chair to his bundle, pulling tight. The roll stressed against the ties but didn’t burst open.

“So,” he muttered to himself, “all we have to do is unroll this and those poles will weigh down the sides while these poles will prop it up...” The troll picked up the tent roll to test how it felt it against his back. It was heavy, but one troll should be able to carry it for a day without too much issue, provided they weren't prone to excessive whining.

As he walked over to where the other were he heard the telltale sounds of waste and lack of focus known as laughter. He dropped the bundle, scowling. “If I walk out and find you guys are acting like-”

Instinct took over and Karkat barely ducked under a small but heavy projectile.

“Heeeeeeeeey! Why did you bunp my arm?! I completely had him in my sights!”

“Vriska! Don’t you remember the stories of how the ancient trolls drove the whalesized goliatoids out? Slingshots are dangerous!”

The troll lowered the y-shaped pipe she was holding. “Yeah I know that. Why do you think I fired? Nepeta, did you finish my ammo bag yet?”

“Not yet, I gotta finish this belt first.”

“Use tighter stitches, Nepeta. Only then will the quality of your work be worthy to wear.”

“Hey!” shouted Karkat. “You listen when your glorious leader talks! I want to know what you cocoonfucker are doing-” he stopped, seeing what Equius held. “Where did you find that?”

“It was lodged in one of the outboard engines, and was possibly a contributing factor to our abrupt landing.” The strong troll held it out.

Karkat took the Regisword and gave it a few experimental swings. “About fucking time you recognized my superior skills with a superior weapon. Why didn’t you break it up to give everyone an edged weapon?”

“Would you like me to do that?”

“Fuck no! I’m keeping the power all to myself!” The angry troll looked around at everyone. Feferi was weighing poles in her hands, Vriska was carving rocks, Equius was pinching metal sheets and Nepeta was trying to not play with the string she pulled out of a discarded Dersian uniforms. Aradia was still laying around like a broken dead fuck.

“Looks like you mothergrubbers are neck deep in doing shit that should have already been done. You all get to finish that while I get to sleep in lonely comfort. Test out this tent if you manage to get done before the sun burns you to small inedible troll crisps. Good day.”

“But-”

“I said good fucking day!” And with that, he left.

Writer's notes

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I'm very tired but i do want to put notes here. i was going to dedicate maybe a page to creating weapons/supplies from shit debris, and have the rest be the start of the walking. I got up to 3 pages of written stuff before i realized what was going one. It just meant to be a simple 'we made a spear from a pipe and a piece of glass' thing, but then i remembered Equius made robots. Well, i can't do robots here, no tools/parts, but he would be able to use his freakish strength to crimp metal. Basically, i see him knowing the most about metal and how it works, brittleness, density, weight, all that crap. I might be over explaining myself. This started as a Karkat chapter, but after I had written a page I realized it should place it in Equius's POV. Honestly, I expected everyone to already be walking out into the new Alternian Wasteland

I was waiting for this to update. Keep writing.

Okay, back with chapter two of this! Enjoy.

Conquest

Chapter Two: Black and Red

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He kicked open the door to the medical bay, leaving a trail of crimson behind him.

"Fix this," he barked to the startled medical staff, indicating the seeping wounds across his chest and neck. There were only two on duty at that time of day, but their shock at the colour of the fluids running down his body was enough to distract them from whatever they were doing with the medical equipment across the room. Yeah, yeah, stare at the blood, he thought. Never gets old, does it?

"C-Captain Vantas," the female to the right stammered. "What happened? Where are your clothes?"

He glanced down at himself and realized he was still only wearing the shorts he'd gone to sleep with. Also, that he was still covered in sopor slime. Goddamnit.

"Do I-" he started, but stumbled before he could finish, falling against the frame of the doorway and smearing big gobs of cherry blood across the spartan white walls. God, if he had been in this situation when he was younger, he would have shot himself. "Do I look like I'm in the mood to have a conversation?" he snarled, but there was no force behind it. He was too damn tired, and probably on the verge of passing out from blood loss.

In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have stayed to clean up Terezi's blood before coming to get patched up. But he didn't have a choice, did he? Not unless he wanted someone else to see the blood first. Not if it meant that they'd figure out who had done this to him and...

And what? Why was he protecting that psycho bitch again? What the hell was even going on? This was bullshit. This entire thing was bullshit.

"Complete bullshit," Karkat muttered to himself, sinking down to one knee. Next thing he knew, the medical officers were grabbing at his arms and trying to pull him onto the examination table. He dropped his sickle, only then realizing he had been clutching it the entire time.

When he started tuning into what was happening around him again, they were already slopping some kind of purple gunk all over his chest. It stung, tingled, and smelt awful but it wasn't the first time he'd seen its use. "Ugh," he groaned.

"Sir, we need you to explain what happened," the elder of the medical officers prompted. At least, Karkat figured she must have been older because she wasn't shitting her pants at the sight of him to quite the same degree.

"Fuck if I know," he drawled, but the increasingly irritated look on the officer's face prompted him to at least try giving a decent answer. He didn't like the idea of the person wielding the medical utensils being pissed off. Maybe when he was more inclined to have a shouting match with someone, but not right now. "Assassin, probably."

There was nothing uncommon about that answer for a person of any rank, and the medical officer hardly even raised an eyebrow. Just every day stuff, assassinations. Just another lump of fecal matter in the shit storm that was his day to day life.

There was one thing that was off, though.

"Wasn't there anyone guarding your respiteblock?" the officer asked after a moment. Once again the gears in his head began to turn over that subject, though at this point they were filled with so many metaphorical wrenches he could hardly get past the thought 'no, because they're assholes, is why.'

"You tell me," he finally said, noticing that while he'd been receiving treatment the on-duty patrol had shown up at the door, complete with black uniforms. "About time," he growled.

"We'll need a full report," the elder medical officer said to the patrol.

The head of the squad began prattling off something about how there was a 'lack of coordination' and 'a momentary oversight' but Karkat didn't even want to hear it.

"I just think it's funny," he said loudly, talking right over their explanation, "that you're gone just long enough for me to get a midday visitor playing doctor with my major blood vessels, but then you're here with a well thought out explanation the moment I survive the experience."

They looked at each other like they weren't sure what to say to that.

"Sir, what did the assailant look like?" one of them tried, stepping forward. "They will likely still be on the ship, and we can pursue them."

"Black clothes," Karkat started, knowing that was ambiguous to the point of uselessness since the whole fleet's uniforms were black. "I..." His mind turned with indecision, his gaze dropping to the floor. "I didn't catch their face."

After a few more uselessly probing questions, the squad left him to rest. He took the resting slab in the back corner of the room. With open wounds like that, he wouldn't be able to use a recuperacoon - not that he would have wanted to anyway.

He rested there in silence for the rest of the night, wishing for the days when he thought he hated himself more than anyone else ever could.


-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

CG: ENCRYPT THIS RIGHT NOW.
TA: what.
CG: GODDAMNIT SOLLUX IT IS NOT A DIFFICULT CONCEPT.
CG: I'M ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING PRIVATE SO I'M ASKING FOR SOME FUCKING PRIVACY.
TA: eheheh well ok.
TA: it'2 funny that you thiink that ii ever have conver2atiion2 that aren't encrypted.
CG: WELL SCALE THAT SHIT UP TO ELEVEN THEN.
CG: I SAY WITHOUT HYPERBOLE THAT THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.
TA: 2iigh.
TA: fiine kk ii wiill iindulge thii2 2udden and cryptiic reque2t.
TA: iif iit wiill make you 2leep better at niight.
CG: UNLIKELY.
CG: ARE YOU DONE?
TA: ii was done two second2 after you a2ked.
CG: OKAY THEN.
CG: SO TEREZI TRIED TO MURDER ME IN MY SLEEP.
TA: ok well...
TA: waiit
TA: ii
TA: do you mean liiterally or fiiguratiively.
CG: LITERALLY.
CG: AND WITH GUSTO.
CG: WHEN SLITTING MY THROAT DIDN'T WORK SHE TRIED TO STRANGLE ME TO DEATH INSTEAD.
CG: IT WAS ALL VERY THOROUGH.
TA: uh.
CG: YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY I BROUGHT THIS TO YOU FOR YOUR JUDICIOUS CONSIDERATION.
CG: GIVEN THAT YOU'RE OUR AUSPISTICE.
TA: 2o you mu2t be pretty exciited about thii2 huh.
CG: WHAT
CG: WHY THE SHIT STAINED FUCK WOULD I BE EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
TA: ii don't know.
TA: ii2n't a murder attempt like the piinnacle of the black rom experiience.
TA: we're talkiing about the hiighe2t tiiers of the black rom echeladder.
TA: "2ultry throat 2liicer."
CG: FIRSTLY, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
CG: SECONDLY, YEAH, SURE, MAYBE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE FUCKING MORONS.
CG: THIS SHIT IS UNHEALTHY.
CG: THERE'S NO RIVALRY IF YOUR KISMESIS IS BLEEDING OUT ON THE FLOOR.
TA: wa2 iit really that bad?
CG: SHE WASN'T FUCKING AROUND.
TA. hmm.
TA: ii can try talkiing to her.
TA: the problem ii2 that iit2 gettiing two iinten2e for you?
CG: NO
CG: YES
CG: I DON'T KNOW.
CG: IT'S JUST
CG: A CHANGE OF PACE.
CG: BUT IF SHE WANTS TO PLAY HARDBALL I WILL FUCKING MAN UP TO IT.
CG: LET THERE BE NO DOUBT ABOUT MY ABILITY TO PLAY BALL IN A BRUTAL MANNER.
CG: WE'RE TALKING CINDER BLOCKS HERE
CG: THROWN AROUND LIKE CHITTON BALLS.
CG: I CAN HANDLE THIS.
TA: kk...are you doiing alriight?
CG: IT'S FINE.
TA: keep iin miind that iif you're lyiing to me about thii2 you are ba2iically beiing a fuckiing moron.
TA: and makiing your reque2t for me to au2pii2tiice you two completely poiintle22.
TA: and, iin fact, really amaziingly iinconveniient and unplea2ant for me.
TA: thank you very much.
CG: GOD, WILL YOU STOP IT?
CG: SO I'M KIND OF NERVOUS.
CG: WHATEVER
CG: IT'S NOT EVEN A BIG DEAL.
CG: THIS IS MY FIRST PROPER CALIGINOUS RELATIONSHIP AND I THINK I HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET COLD FEET ONCE IN A WHILE.
TA: fiir2t caliigiinou2 relatiion2hiip that2 been goiing on for 2weep2 now.
CG: LOOK.
CG: IT WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS OK.
TA: ii know kk ii wa2 there.
TA: ii've 2een every twii2t and turn of thii2 traiinwreck.
TA: you've ba2iically turned 2wappiin quadrants into an art form.
TA: a gallery fiilled wiith 2hiity hemo-painted ma2terpiiece2.
TA: fuck.
TA: you don't even know iif you want me pale or a2hen.
CG: FUCKING SHIT ASS GODDAMNIT.
CG: I'M SORRY, ALRIGHT?
CG: I THOUGHT WHEN SHE CAME BACK IF WE HAD A GOOD AUSPISTICE MAYBE THINGS WOULD GO A BIT SMOOTHER.
CG: AND YOU'RE
CG: WELL YOU KNOW BOTH OF US.
TA: yeah okay.
TA: but you better get 2omeone el2e 2oon.
TA: before ii fiind my pale leaniing2 el2ewhere.
CG: FUCK, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
CG: IT'S BEEN TWO MISERABLE WEEKS AND YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME ALREADY?
TA: jegus kk ii'm not breakiing up wiith you ii'm giving you an ultiimatum.
TA: maybe you forgot but ii need a moiiraiil.
TA: danger two 2ociiety and all that.
CG: DON'T.
CG: DON'T FUCKING SAY 'JEGUS'.
CG: I KNOW WHERE TEREZI GOT THAT FROM AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
CG: THAT'S AN ORDER.
TA: yeah whatever kk.
TA: iim not even close to beiing iin your diiviisiion.
CG: OKAY FINE LOOK
CG: I'LL FIND SOMEONE ELSE SOON.
CG: I MEAN THAT.
TA: yeah fiine.
CG: SO WHERE ARE YOU NOW ANYWAY.
CG: I LOST TRACK OF COMMAND'S ENDLESS JUGGLING ROUTINE.
TA: almo2t done iin tech.
TA: they're 2endiing me back to speciial op2 tomorrow.
CG: IS THERE SOME KIND OF MISSION COMING UP?
TA: probably.
TA: riight ii need to go.
TA: i've got a compliicated 2et up here and thii2 ii2 fuckiing wiith my concentratiion.
CG: RIGHT.
CG: UH.
CG: DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS.
CG: BLACK ROM SHENANIGANS OR NOT, IF COMMAND FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS THEY'LL EXECUTE HER FOR SURE.
TA: wa2n't goiing two you dumba22.
CG: OK.
TA: later.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --


Karkat was just pulling on his uniform's jacket as his shuttle landed on the flagship's docking port. He grumbled with dissatisfaction as the shuttle landed in a particularly rough manner. The gel applied the night before had sealed his wounds, but that didn't keep any excess jostling from making it sting like a bitch.

He stumbled out of the gate as it opened, getting his bearing on the gigantic and mostly foreign spaceship. The roof of the docking port was a kind of transparent green bubble - on the other side was a vast cacophony of stars, planets, and the core unit of the Alternian fleet. He stared up at them for a moment, contemplating his place in the overall ranks. The fleet was huge; more like a mobile civilization than anything else. There were thousands of ships, and compared the sizes of the ones surrounding the Empress' flagship, the one he captained looked like a freshly hatched grub.

The docking bay was busy that day, with a number of shuttles and larger cargo ships coming in and out, dropping off supplies and passengers. He locked his shuttle behind him, inwardly dreading the briefing he was heading to. His role in these things was controversial at best, and the further away he was from that reality, the more comfortable he was.

He funnelled himself into one of the access hallways along with the other new arrivals, and was quickly swept up in the pedestrian traffic of the flagship. It was fairly quiet as he walked - none of the others trolls said much, so there was little to listen to besides the constant sounds of moving bodies. Despite the flagship's enormous size, no one was allowed on board that wasn't a VIT or at least properly sanctioned.

Bizarrely enough, he probably actually fit into the first category. Which really shouldn't have been a surprise. He'd once been one of the twelve most important trolls in the universe.

Since the reset, though...well, a lot of that had changed.

He took a few more uniformly colored but eclecticly structured hallways, and eventually found the appropriate shoot to go up to his designated briefing room. Well, time to get this over with.

He was one of the last to come in, not that it really mattered. The other Captains were seated around the circular table in the center of the room, looking aggressively disinterested in each other. That was fine as far as Karkat was concerned - but naturally, the moment he entered a few baleful glares were cast in his direction. He rolled his eyes back at them, taking his seat as far away from the others as he could.

Almost all order were given in person. Indirect messengers were only trusted as far as they were within range of a firearm.

He must have been at least a sweep younger than everyone else in the room, which probably had something to do with the hateful looks he was being given. The ships they all commanded were small but important, just like his - they were all hosting elite troops of Threshecutioners. Karkat had been working as a Threshecutioner himself not too long before. Until he was put in charge of a whole ship of them, anyway.

And really, that had been when all the bullshit started.

Finally the Admiral entered, and they all stood up to greet her. She had the same black hair that all trolls did, but cropped military short. Her horns arced back over her head and curled down beneath her ears - a display that made him self consciously touch his own longer-than-before but still-ultimately-nubby set.

She put down the folders with their assignments in them without so much as a word. One thing he liked about these meetings is that they weren't really about pointless preamble. Much unlike a younger version of himself.

"See that these objectives are completed before the end of the week," she finally said. Already, people were giving their halting little salutes and dismissing themselves before Karkat even got around to opening his.

As he did his eyes went wide. "The fuck?" he blurted.

The Admiral shot him a cutting glare. "Is there a problem, Captain Vantas?" The tone her voice was about as comforting as the sound of someone sharpening a machete.

He coughed, composing himself.

"I just want to know. Why this planet?" He swallowed. "In particular." A couple of the other captains had paused in the doorway, watching the conflict with interest. Questioning orders was usually not a thing that people did.

"Are you illiterate, Vantas?"

"What? No-"

"Then read the Goddamn folder and I'm sure you'll be fully informed." The Admiral bore her fangs, snarling. "Now get out of my sight."

Karkat needed no more reason to excuse himself then that. He hit the hallways back towards the shoot at a brisk walk, staring down at the folder in disbelief, ruefully shaking his head. This had to be some kind of mistake.

"Her Imperial Condescension" was in for one hell of a talking to.

Delicious fic is delicious. I look forward to what you have in store for this.

[Katrika]

Dah-dah dada! Part two is here, dear readers!

Backfire, part 2

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Rose stared blankly at the rainbow sea. Everything had all gone wrong, and she had no idea why. She had tried to contact Dave (Daphne?) a few times, but he (she?) had brushed her off. Even worse, she was starting to have trouble remembering what had happened. Of course Daphne was a girl. Of course Jaden was a boy. It had always been that way…right? No. That wasn’t right. She had to remember. She had to keep remembering. She grabbed a blank notebook from her sylladex and started to write.

Hours later, she rubbed her ink-stained hands and stared at the result. She didn’t remember finding the spell, she didn’t remember using it, and she certainly didn’t remember the things she’d written down, but she trusted herself. After all, she mused, if you couldn’t trust yourself, who could you trust? Now that she knew what was going on, she could start planning on how to reverse it.

The obvious solution was, of course, to perform the counterspell. She couldn’t imagine being so irresponsible as to not have had it ready before she’d done the spell. However, just as she couldn’t remember preparing the actual spell, she had no memory of the counterspell. Even if she could find the counterspell, there was yet another issue. If something had gone so disasterously wrong with the spell, the counterspell wouldn’t work. A missed step in the spell, an incorrect ingrediant…all of those changed the spell, and so using the counterspell would be not only useless, but dangerous. No, using the counterspell was most definitely not an option.

The only other option she could think of was incredably risky. Then again, so was everything else she’d been doing. It was her fault this had happened, and it was her responsibility to correct it. Besides, she told herself, if she prepared correctly, the risks should be minimal. After all, it’s not like she was planning on selling her soul. Just bargaining for information. Surely there could be no harm in that?

She picked up the Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious and flipped to the index.

[mewtant-307k]

Oh my GOD Quixotic, I cannot get enough of this! I love the way you write Karkat, and the far-in-the future space-fleet type setting is very refreshing. KEEP IT COMING BRO.

[Katrika]

Oh man, Quixotic, you rock. Your fic rocks. They keyboard you type on rocks.

[One]

Last sporking for a while. Might as well leave it here.

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Another week, another session.

Kalypsis knocked on the door of the coastal hive, wondering how a game of FLARP could possibly end in somebody's home.
The door opened just a crack. Odd. Why would anybody in their right minds leave their front door oh god what the hell is that smell

Kalypsis gagged and fell back to a safe distance. The hive reeked.
Like if somebody filled a vat full of blood, then mixed rotting carcasses into it, followed by a few heaping helpings of eggs far beyond their expiration date. And then for good measure, buried the whole mess in a mound of fecal matter.

The door was slowly prodded open with a spear, revealing the horrors that lay beyond.

Well, the part about the blood and rotting carcasses was correct. The floor was absolutely covered in dead animals, pools of multicolored blood mixing into some kind of macabre painbow. It seemed that all the furniture had been removed to make room for more bodies.

The first and foremost question in her mind was "how the fuck did Dyrna acquire so many dead bodies", followed by "what happened to the original occupants of this hive" and "why".

She could answer all of them. One: do I really want to know? Two: Deceased, most likely cause of death: psychotelepathic brownblood, three: because this was Dyrna, who loved to hate on bluebloods.

Fortunately, the hive was only one story tall. Unfortunately, moving through the house was best suited to somebody with three hands: two for balance, one for holding the nose shut. As a result, Kalypsis was either stumbling constantly or choking constantly. Dyrna was going to suffer for this.

The search took only around three minutes. It would have taken shorter if she wasn't constantly having to balance on decaying animals. But at last, in what probably used to be a kitchen, she found something.

A note.

"sorry, seadweller, but your 7reasures in ano7her cas7le!
"

Sometimes, Dyrna could be a real bitch.