Homestesque (Dat Damsel)

[PaperHelmet]

First, a little disclaimer and explanation.

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After reading the majority of Homestuck, myself and a couple of friends had an idea...
"Hey! How about instead of doing something not fun and dumb, let's do something fun and not dumb! Let's do a HOMESTUCK-ESQUE D20 SESSION!"
For those who are unfamiliar, "D20" is the term used to refer to table-top games involving 20-sided dice, and usually a referee, or "dungeon master."
That's right. We played Dungeons and Dragons. MSPA style... Sorta. Even though we didn't get super far the first session, I felt we struck gold, as far as fun gold that's cool goes.
And so, as sort of a weird way to placate my DM-ing urges, I have devised this adventure, Homestesque. As a seperate story from the D20 game, I'm letting you guys take control of my friend's characters, and even rename them! Their fate is in your malicious, nonsensical hands. God help them. And remember. This adventure isn't Homestuck. It's simply Homestuck-esque.
First of all, I would like... LOVE rather, to thank my patron diety Andrew Hussie, for weaving the intrepid fantasy-scape that is MSPA, and all that comes with it, as well as the many artists and musicians that helped him do it. All material used in my story I attribute IN ITS ENTIRETY to Andrew, 'cause if it wasn't for him, I and many others would be very bored individuals. Unless we found something else to do. But that's not the point.
Second of all, I would like to shout out and give a big bro hug to Armada of this very forum. Though we've never actually exchanged text, he was the one who showed me through his work that this kind of thing is possible. I hope to clink glasses and chug a hearty root beer with him someday.
All templates and additional art and flashes used in this forum adventure are copywrite Andrew Hussie, 2009-2010. Any music that is not made by myself is property of its original creator and is used purely as tribute.

Now that that's over with...

The sun is shining. The grass flows gently in waves of calming caress. The sun's light glares opalescently off of the eggshell townhouses that encase the quiet cul-de-sac. And, as an added bonus, the sound of wind chimes echoes across the complex, a siren song to a weary traveler, looking for a patch of green ecstasy to lie upon, and drift away to a land of blissful ignorance. This is a ballad sung by none other than lady Serenity herself, breaking the shadowy gloom of a scalding summer's day with her crystalline voice.

What a great day to stay in a musky bedroom for hours and play video games!




A DYNAMIC DUO stand at the foot of one of the complex' many townhouses, engaging in idle chitchat before ascending to their awaiting FRIEND, who has invited them over to play a brand-new GAME. As per custom in their society, they were given names on their 13TH BIRTHDAY, and not a day sooner. You may be wondering exactly how this works, but you shouldn't 'cause its confusing and pretty pointless to know.




This guy's name would happen to be... uh... that... that is to say... uhh...
...
... fucksickles. I seem to have forgotten. It was pretty cool too. Shit.

Any idea what it was?


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GENERAL UPDATE:

This adventure now has a MIRROR on an MSPFA hosting site! This should make it a lot easier for newer readers to blaze through the retro updates!

[Flamerider64]

> Lee Lester

[Spinnii]

Neil Garnette

[Pokolo]

Just ask him.

[Filio]

I really don't come up with names, so...

Neil Garnette

[crash826]

Mikhail Garnette.

[Varkarrus]

Martin Mann

[PaperHelmet]

Oh, goddamnit, that's right. How the hell'd I forget that?

Your name is NEIL GARNETTE. Normally, you work on Saturdays as a PIZZA CHEF, but on account of being VICE-MANAGER, you gave yourself the day off.
You have a variety of INTERESTS. You are skilled with COMPUTERS AND PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES. You play GAMES that meet your expectations or have a deep stake in your CHILDHOOD. You also play the BASS GUITAR, and have become quite good at it, as well as the DRUMS. You are an aspiring LAWYER, and as such have a large knowledge of LAWS AND SOCIAL REGULATIONS. Actually, you seem to have large knowledge of PRETTY MUCH FUCKING EVERYTHING, and nobody knows why. Not even yourself. You are proficient in the art of DEBATE, and have on many occasions PROVEN SOMEONE WRONG. Your EYE is covered by a protective PATCH because some GIGANTIC ASSHOLE shot a PAINTBALL at you while walking back home from a SHITTY MOVIE.
Your online handle is genialCalamity and when you speak, you do so in a very.. precise, gradual way. You also type fairly fast.




Now, this guy's name is...... um...
Oh my god I can't believe this shit is actually happening...
Could you please refresh my memory? Promise it won't happen again. Really.

[Sinister Penguin]

> Bruce Wayne

[ApolloniusRatifier]

Kevmon Machop

[KawaiiMelon]

John

No last name.

[PaperHelmet]

Even though you know this isn't your name...

Oh god. This one. Please. God let it be this one. Jesus Christ. PLEASE.

[KawaiiMelon]

John Christ

[Laboot]

> Ace Bayne

[Pharmacy]

Tyler Steel

[Dudemaster47]

Gaylord Bantra

[Znex]

> Bryce Wine

[PaperHelmet]

Well... yeah okay. It's not the name of Gotham's first son. But it's still pretty rad. It'll do.

Your name is TYLER STEEL. Though you don't really dig ONLINE GAMES, you decided to make an exception and join your two buds. Besides, the game does look kind of cool.

Indubitably so, you do dig your INTERESTS. You are very keen on the art of MUSIC and its many GENRES, possibly ALL OF THEM. You know a variety of PRETTY OBSCURE BANDS THAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF. You play a mean BASS GUITAR, and compose, remix, and mash-up songs with MUSIC PRODUCING SOFTWARE. You are an avid collector of COMICS. Not the stupid JAPANESE KIND. The real stuff. Especially BATMAN. God DAMN you love BATMAN. You find the PROHIBITION ERA to be quite the fashionable era indeed, and as such decorate your room and body with SUSPENDERS and PORKPIE HATS. You play VIDEO GAMES fairly regularly, and have become immersed in the culture surrounding them. You are also interested in OBSCURE PULP HORROR CHARACTERS but have NEVER READ ANYTHING INVOLVING THEM.

Your online handle is baritonalApathy and you speak pretty normaly . . . maybe make a few erors but hey whatever.



What will you do?

[Laboot]

> Dare to peek under Neil's eye patch.

[RetroLudus]

>Tyler: Impersonate Batman, and pretend Neil is The Joker.

[Flamerider64]

> Step inside.

[Skub]

> Switch hats

[Artful Lounger]

Dudes: Ascend.
Ascend the stairs and enter the townhouse to be more precise.

[BSBen]

Party: Roll for climbing stairs. (Agility? Climbing? Balance? I dunno.)

Author: Make stairs check extraordinarily high for some reason.

[PaperHelmet]

Tyler: Impersonate Batman, and pretend Neil is The Joker.



Impersonate Batman? What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? You're THE goddamn Batman!

You are having a little trouble pretending Neil is the Joker though. Which is just as well. All you'd really do is lock him in an easily escapable cell.

Switch hats.



It's probably just the way the HATS are represented, but Tyler's HAT makes you feel like a pilgrim. You wonder very briefly if the almighty LORD will bless your TURKEY or some shit like that.

And you feel like Neil's HAT is forcin' some hella whimsizzle wickedly pump-fo-shizzle rhyme-a-lime's into your chillaxin' skulluzzle. Also you want to lower your PANTSIZZLE to around knee length.

You switch back. You think your HAT is the best. That is all.

Party: Ascend. Roll for climbing stairs.



Alright STAIRS, it's time we put our feet down. No more de-railing. We're gonna walk all over you.

You activate the RED EXPLOIT IVORY. Hopefully, the odds will land in your favor.









Out of a possible 20, the party rolls a 2. Uggggh.

If it weren't for the fact that the EXPLOIT IVORY had the power to make nigh impossible shit happen, nobody would ever use the fricken' thing.

On top of your abysmal roll, it seems your friend's DAD has left one of his BRONZED CARNIVORES on the STAIRS, making it pretty damn difficult to cross. The thing's pretty heavy, so you'll probably break several things if you try to move it.