Socrates Fanfiction

[MalkyTop]

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Based on Plato's famous Republic.

You are Socrates. You are a well-known philosopher and generally awesome guy. You're feeling particularly rhetorical today. What argument will you obliterate with your mighty rhetorical skills?

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Oh my freaking god what am I thinking why did I make this.

[Wojjan]

> "Mr. Socrates, can someone truly love?"

[Dragon Fogel]

>The argument that MalkyTop is terrible at anything and that this adventure was a bad idea.

[Znex]

>The argument that MalkyTop is terrible at anything and that this adventure was a bad idea.

[Tseralith]

Which icecream flavour should I choose?

[blueation]

screw that, find Socrates and disprove a^2+b^2=c^2
and with that comes a^2+b^2+c^2=d^2

[The Dr.]

The argument your face is misshapen

[Znex]

screw that, find Socrates and disprove a^2+b^2=c^2
and with that comes a^2+b^2+c^2=d^2

Pythagoras proved that one, though.

[blueation]

Pythagoras proved that one, though.

That's exactly the reason why he should disprove it.

IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE I SAY!

[Telamon]

Disprove that all is one.

Subsequently, disprove that all is many.

[MalkyTop]

> "Mr. Socrates, can someone truly love?"

Someone uncertain of the status of love comes up to you and poses you the above question. You delve into the debate with gusto and with your usual procedure.

"Young man, have you ever been married?"

"...No..."

"Ah, you make the proof harder. Well, first I think we must define 'love.' Would you not agree that true love would be unconditional and would transcend all faults of the subject you adore?"

"Yes, I guess so."

"Good. In that case, then love means that one enjoys another's poor attributes as well as the good, am I not right?"

"No, you're right."

"Which means that, even if, say, the one you love has an annoying habit, you would love her anyways, correct?"

"...I guess."

"Yet human nature always seeks perfection. Do you not seek perfection? Would you buy a cracked pot?"

"I guess I see your point..."

"And a human itself cannot be perfect. And because a human is not perfect, then nobody can truly be satisfied with another. Meaning that there is no such thing as true love. This is the reason why there are so many marital disputes. The love we think of is merely superficial. By our definition of 'true love,' it is impossible."

"Oh...."



You have dealt significant damage to the concept of love. Divorce rate in Athens has gone up. Depression has also gone up.

>The argument that MalkyTop is terrible at anything and that this adventure was a bad idea.

A young girl has come up to you. You can barely understand what she's saying, but you catch the gist of it. She basically believes that everything she does is horrible and that this adventure was a bad idea. You decide to prove otherwise.



"Shut up."

Another victory for Socrates. Strangely enough, the smack has healed her and magically gave her some self-respect. The average morale of the city goes up by .0000001%

screw that, find Socrates and disprove a^2+b^2=c^2
and with that comes a^2+b^2+c^2=d^2

It has come to your attention that you supported a mathematical equation that is obviously false. You'll show yourself!

Which icecream flavour should I choose?

A little boy comes up to you this time and poses the above question.

"Let's see. Would you say you would have a favorite flavor of ice cream?"

"Yeah, mister, watermelon!"

"I see. And would you not also say that your favorite is the one you like the most."

"Uh, yeah. Duh."

"Patience. And if your favorite is the one you like the most, wouldn't you be most inclined to choose it above all others?"

"...You could just say I could get watermelon."

Ice cream justice in Athens has increased.

Disprove that all is one.

Subsequently, disprove that all is many.

No.

No, no, no.

Uuuuuuuuugh.



You are now Plato.

You have been working on this fanfiction for months now. You started it back in like, middle school, but, you know, you were busy. You never finished it. But it got quite popular and now everybody is counting on you to finish it, even though now you're in college and you're busier than ever. You're getting sick of requests from strangers to finish the damn thing so you've tried to start it up again but nothing is coming out right. This is stupid.

You've gotta find a way to finish this fanfiction. And to make sure it's good.

[Dragon Fogel]

>Ask yourself, "What would Socrates do?"

[Wojjan]

>Plato: Make Socrates explode.
ALTERNATIVELY:
>Plato: Convey own philosophical thoughts through Socrates.

[MalkyTop]

>Ask yourself, "What would Socrates do?"

"By writing fanfiction, and good fanfiction, you need a plot, yes? Besides that, you need to keep true to the characters of the work you are writing about, am I not correct? And then you need to add in all the other elements of good literature which includes good grammar, a good style...some humor wouldn't hurt, yes? Now in writing about a real person, you must know how this person acts. Understand him well so you can write him in entirely new situations that don't altogether repeat life. Is this not true? Then we must go through what I have not done in my lifetime in order to work out a suitable plot for a fanfiction, am I not right? But it must be said that any sources that report my life cannot possibly record my whole life, is this not so? In this case, you may have trouble...."



That was less helpful than you thought.

>Plato: Make Socrates explode.

You don't think you could do that, actually. From what you remember of Socrates, he was a pretty nice professor and had a nice mustache-beard combo. Even though his way of teaching was utter crap.

>Plato: Convey own philosophical thoughts through Socrates.

You are a college student! You don't care about philosophy! That's too much thinking!

If the philosophy involves beer, you suppose you're all for it or whatever.

[blueation]

be all over it, Socrates style.
ALL over it.
(read: be annoying as hell to people while trying to convince them of something)

[Wojjan]

>Whine on your dA account

[MrGuy]

Socrates: Be a dark and edgy superhero.

THE MIGHTY SPRIG: Begin terrorizing Athens with your... hemlock... beams.

[Dragon Fogel]

>Dress up as Socrates and attend the forum today. Maybe you'll find inspiration there. Or at least beer.

[Telamon]

Do what everyone else is doing these days: Add vampires and werewolves.

[Wheeeeeeatthins]

Plato, this is not a FANFICTION without at least one SELF-INSERT MARY SUE! Let's get your self-insert character, WAY-DOPE, writer of hundreds of popular dialogues, to come swinging in on a rope strapped to the chin with COMBAT KNIVES! Also he is drinking hard liquor from the flask and being caressed by several attractive women at all times, all the while wearing ancient greek shades and not giving a fuck because he is just that cool and popular and handsome

[Rextly]

>Socrates: Meet two excellent dudes who mispronounce your name.

[piester]

Add as much booze and explosions and chicks and stuff to it as possible, you want to prove that you can be a MAN and still write really bad fan fiction.

[Fungo4]

Have Socrates solve 1/0 and transcend to some all-knowing nirvana dealy.

[MalkyTop]

>Whine on your dA account

You write out a long journal about writers block and how stupid it is and how it's so hard to write without your muse and how fans don't help by urging him to write and stuff. It's rather long-winded and boring and whiny.



Oh look, a comment!



...

>Dress up as Socrates and attend the forum today. Maybe you'll find inspiration there. Or at least beer.

Yes, this fake beard makes you feel much smarter. And itchier.



With your costume on, you wander your way over to the Forum hoping to find some sort of free beverage.



blah blah blah blah blah



"Hell-OOOOOOOO, fellow Fourumies! Your Socrates has come!"



"The Forum is Roman, you dumbass."

"Oh really. Well, is there some beer here?"

"Yeah yeah...it's over there..."



While you wander towards the beer table, the proceedings go back to usual, as if you've never interrupted.

Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah. So boring.

be all over it, Socrates style.
ALL over it.
(read: be annoying as hell to people while trying to convince them of something)

You decide to intervene once more. This may or may not because you've had a few drinks.

"NAW, NAW MAN, THAT'S TOTES WRONG."

"...Sir--"

"Thas Socrates to you, home boy."

"...Socrates, how much did you drink..."

The room wobbles uncertainly. "You are totally distracting me from my point."

"I thought that was just you being drunk."

"Oh, drunk, am I? Am I really drunk?"

"Yes."

"No, see, like, drunk is like...when you're drunk..."



"...Drunk is...bunnies...er...it's like pencils...uh...

"...Shit."



You've been arrested for public drunkenness. A good thing came of this though. The whole ordeal has given you loads of inspiration for your fanfiction, which you are currently writing on a notepad. It involves Socrates as a hardboiled crime fighter who looks within himself to find the meaning in everything. He's sort of a super detective and his logic is unbeatable. No question is too little to ask! Also he has hemlock beams.

His sidekick is Way-Dope, a criminal that was turned to the side of justice because of Socrates (or, rather, The Mighty Sprig; that's the name you made up just now). Way-Dope has martial-arts power and he's also attractive. He can elicit confessions because he is ULTRA-MANLY and also ULTRA-HANDSOME. No criminal can withstand beatings from that! What a good team.

This chapter involves Socrates trying to calculate 1/0 and thus achieve ultimate knowledge and immortality, but as he searches, he finds himself on the trail of a bit conspiracy group that are formed of vampires and werewolves. You're planning for helicopter chases and knife fights and explosions and all that cool shit.

It's almost done, so all you have to do is post it up on...a....computer...

Well, you can get out of jail. All you have to do is pay...uh...the bail.........

Well, you're sure you have a friend...who....uh....er....

Or...uh...well.........

Huh. Looks like you're going to have to find a way to break out of jail.

[MrGuy]

Realize that you aren't trapped at all, as no one ever bothered to lock the doors. What's more, your outfit is identical to a prison guard outfit.