Pirates vs. Ninjas RPG: The Forum Adventure (Back for Real!)

[DairunCates]

>Jack: Break down the door.

Don't be ridiculous. You've been planning this moment for a year. A loud noise could alert the guards and ruin the entire plan. You just can't throw out an entire plan JUST to look cool.


QoH: Booooooooooring.
???: Your majesty. If you're bored, maybe we could go over our future plans to...
QoH: No. That's sounds boring too. How about we trick some of Spades' men into a suicide mission? We haven't messed with them in a while.
???: I hardly think The Ace of Spades would like that.
QoH: That's WHY we're doing it. It's a healthy reminder that we're not afraid of him. Besides, then he'll know which of his men are worth keeping. The one's that come back alive are CLEARLY better.
???: I'm afraid of him.
QoH: That's just because you haven't know him as long as I have. He may have his fangs, but he'd never kill one of the Flush. We're too valuable to him. But fine, if you don't want to do that then think of something else. It's not like something fun is just going to come right to me.


???: Uh... Someone appears to have lodged the front door in our wall.
QoH: Oh hey. Jack's here. Perfect.


On second thought. That was just too fun to resist.

Jack: The door was unlocked. So, I just let myself in. Hope you don't mind.
QoH: Oh course not, Jack. You know you're my favorite plaything. You're ALWAYS welcome. So. What brings you here today?
Jack: Oh, you know. The usual. Bring you the mail, chat a bit about politics, maybe have a cup of tea, and shatter your pride and dignity like it's made of crystal.
QoH: Sounds delightful, but do you really think a harmless little insect like you can honestly take me?
Jack: A broken heart is not something to be underestimated. You should know that of all people, your majesty.
QoH: Ah. So you found out about that, huh?. It's revenge for the girl then, is it?
Jack: Not revenge. Closure.
QoH: I'll be sure to ask you the difference after I'm done beating you into submission once again.

What do you do next?

[Fengar]

>Fling candles at her.

[goggleman64]

Bring the fight out of her room, where she might be less familiar with the terrain / have less lethal traps and weapons hidden *everywhere*.

[Seeker]

Jack: LV 57 FLASHSTEPTECH: BRO'S APPRENTICE

[Kiroth6]

Bring the fight out of her room, where she might be less familiar with the terrain / have less lethal traps and weapons hidden *everywhere*.

Good idea! But, before you do that use her own traps against her, spring as many of them as possible.

Grab the ribbon from the curtain beside you and use it like a whip to...

>Fling candles at her.

[DairunCates]

>Jack: Grab the ribbon from the curtain beside you and use it like a whip to fling candles at her.

This candle gives you an idea.


QOH: Whoa-ho. Did you really think something that silly was going to hit me? Since when did your attacks get so direct?


QoH: ...and for that matter, when did we start stuffing pot roasts in the candle holders, Mina?

>Jack: LV 57 FLASHSTEPTECH: BRO'S APPRENTICE

Jack: I'd say around the time I snuck around while you were distracted and replaced Mina. Amazing what you can pull off with only a week of Feykinja training.
QoH: Ah... Clever.
Jack: Don't think your traps will help you either. Did you forget who helped you set them up?
QoH: Ah... REALLY Clever. Don't think that'll impress me though. That just means we both know where they are, and that's not the only trick up my sleeve.

What do you do next?

[AProcrastinatingWriter]

>Sloppy makeouts.

...er...as a distraction. >_>;

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And stab her in the stomach while you do that.

[goggleman64]

> Jack: Fight her backwards so she trips on that pot roast.

> Jack: Do you have a wire in your tie, that lets it function as a whip? Because that would be awesome.

> Jack: Kick her in the nads. Then, when she's smugly explaining that she doesn't have those, and calling you a simpleton, kick her in the throat.

[Fengar]

>Bend over, it's obvious something is about to come from behind.

[ion496]

> Eat the POT ROAST. It is obviously a delicious meal.

[Andorxor]

>Wait.Patience is a virtue.Your plan is set into motion you just must wait until it is complete.

[Xander]

Steal the trick from her sleeve.

[Seeker]

AWWWWW YEAH My command was used

>Jack: Hidden blades.
Everywhere.

[One With Nothing]

Death: reclaim pot roast.

Mina: be surprisingly effective flunky, but not effective enough.

QoH: Turn the situation to your favor, specifically by making Jack an offer he can't refuse (at least, not without severe consequences)

[Kiroth6]

QoH: Turn the situation to your favor, specifically by making Jack an offer he can't refuse (at least, not without severe consequences)

Doesn't that one usually work a lot better before you kill his girlfriend?

> Throw the chair. It doesn't even have to hit anybody.

[OverkillinOliver]

>QoH: Reveal the trap door conveniently placed right behind you for circumstances like this.

[goldedge2]

QoH: Gloat evilly.

[DairunCates]

>Wait.Patience is a virtue.Your plan is set into motion you just must wait until it is complete.

Jack: You're bluffing. I've studied all your tricks.
QoH: Actually, no. You don't get to be the Queen of Hearts without a bit of healthy paranoia. Besides, I killed your girlfriend. Did you REALLY think I didn't plan for you coming after me EVENTUALLY.
Jack: You're stalling...
QoH: No duh. I'm not above using dirty tricks. Hell. I thrive on them.

>QoH: Reveal the trap door conveniently placed right behind you for circumstances like this.

QoH: Besides... I didn't have you help with the trap door Mina installed last week.
Jack: What!?
Mina: Sorry I took so long, your Majesty.
QoH: Right on time, by my watch. Jack. You haven't been formally introduced...

>Mina: Be a surprisingly effective flunky

QoH: Meet my assistant, Mina Hart.
Jack: Uh. Charmed?
Mina: You won't be after I cut your throat.

>...but not THAT effective.

Jack: Oops... Watch your step.

>QoH: Sloppy makeouts.

Jack: Uhhh... That wasn't what I intended, but it works, I guess.

>Jack: Fight her backwards so she trips on that pot roast.

You consider using your belt as a whip (because keeping a tie whip is just asking for people to garrote you) and fighting her backwards, but gravity's already doing the work for you.

>Jack: Kick her in the nads. Then, when she's smugly explaining that she doesn't have those, and calling you a simpleton, kick her in the throat.

Even though you came to destroy everything this woman stands for. You feel that the last 6 seconds were embarrassing enough.

>QoH: Gloat evilly.

QoH: Alright. You got me, Jack, but all this has just been a fun little game, but you've barely done anything to me. Besides, stepping on that pot roast oddly seemed to refresh me. Give up, or I'll get serious.
Jack: From where I'm standing, it looks like you're the one that needs to give up. You don't even have a weapon.
QoH: Don't I?

>QoH: Steal the trick from her sleeve.

QoH: I took these from Mina's sleeve while we were falling.
Jack: Ah good. I didn't want to think you'd humiliate yourself THAT badly.
QoH: Ha. Ha. Keep joking. You know you can't kill me. Even if you could, then what? You make yourself a huge target and get chased for the rest of your life? Even if you run now, you'll still be hunted. Hate me or not, your only option is to stay by my side as my plaything. You wouldn't want to upset what's her name by dying, would you? Well, Jack. What do you say to that?
Jack: Duck.
QoH: Duck?

>Jack: Throw the chair. It doesn't even have to hit anybody.

QoH: Ohhh...

[Fengar]

>QoH: Deflect the chair back to Jack with the cards.

[OverkillinOliver]

>QoH: Defend yourself in the best way a villain would know... let a minion take the hit!

>Mina: Fulfill your life's purpose! Be the meat-shield!

[goggleman64]

> Jack: Goose.

> Jack: While QoH is momentarily busy, incapacitate Mina. Cripple, maim, kill; whatever seems best.

> Jack: Start springing traps on her; fight her in planned steps that lead you underneath the trap door -- then tactical retreat upwards!

[Andorxor]

>Jack:Wait until she steps into a trap,because removing the candle has triggered a complete change of the trap configuration of the room.

[ShadoWKilleR]

The chair effect will begin as soon as it lands, just wait for the major distraction to manifest itself as a raging mob.

[AProcrastinatingWriter]

>QoH's descendants: Flinch. What was that?

[DairunCates]

>>QoH: Deflect the chair back to Jack with the cards.

You don't have quite the time to push it back, but you manage to redirect it out of the way with one graceful arm sweep.

QoH: Oh please, Jack. I was dodging attacks like that when I was only 6.
Jack: That wasn't aimed at you.

>Jack: While QoH is momentarily busy, incapacitate Mina.

Mina: Ah crap.


QoH: Oh so what? You made me hit Mina. I've done worse to her intentionally as part of her training. This fight was really about me and you anyway.
Jack: My thoughts, exactly.
QoH: So. Should we both stop playing around then, because honestly, I'm still having fun.
Jack: This is not a game.
QoH: Then just kill me, Jack. There's no need to put so much thought and theatrics into it.
Jack: You don't get it, do you? Your life is not enough.
QoH: Jack, dear. I'm the top of the food chain. My life is worth a hundred of my peons. Nothing could be more valuable.
Jack: You're wrong. There's something FAR more important to you.
QoH: Oh? Then enlighten me, Jack. What's so important then?
Jack: Isn't it obvious? It's the one thing that allows you to have the illusion of true strength. It's the thing that separates you from your minions. It's the thing that keeps you quaking in fear, and keeps you from realizing how truly helpless you are deep down...



Jack: ...I'm here to take your pride. I'm going to beat you within an inch of your life, and I'm going to do it without any dirty tricks. I want you to know true fear before you die. I will accept NOTHING less for what you did to her. Prepare yourself.

You get the feeling that something BIG is about to happen.

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1 more panel, until...