Take A Dive (Aisleventure)

[Dfaran]

IMPORTANT INSTRUCTIONS IN SPOILER:

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So, the way this works is, every single suggestion results in an ending of some sort. The beginning is always the same. There is no continuity between endings, and they may reveal that they stem from totally different interpretations of the beginning situation. Or they may not. In any case, what happens in one ending won't impact what happens in subsequent endings.
Each person gets one suggestion per update. I'll take each and every one of those suggestions, except in exceptional circumstances. If you make multiple suggestions in a row, I'll only take the first one.
Repeats will generate repeat endings, so try to come up with some variety. Repeat endings will be marked in red. The goal is to generate as many different endings as possible.

The format is originally SonicLover's idea, and he was inspired by the text adventure Aisle. This scenario is all mine.

The board quivers beneath your feet. The water stretches out below you, sparkling and blue. It looks intimidatingly far away - but there's no turning back now. You can hear shouts of impatience from behind you. The only way out is down.
You gulp nervously and try to prepare yourself. This is it.

Input a command and press ENTER:
> _

[TheOtherJoe]

_Dive down into what I can only perceive to be water.

[Fengar]

>Pull out a knife and start killing anyone who complains about you taking too long.

[SonicLover]

>Activate your secret weapon

[piester]

> CANNON BALL!

[Laron]

Impress the impatient ones. JACKKNIFE!

[Deceptive]

Go back down the ladder.

[Dfaran]

_Dive down into what I can only perceive to be water.

You leap down into the water. Splash!
Hey, you did it! That was actually kind of fun.
"Hey, mom! Look! I did it!" you shout.
"I saw that!" she says. "Very impressive! I'm so proud of you!"

***You have made your mother proud!***

>Pull out a knife and start killing anyone who complains about you taking too long.

That's it, you've had enough of this nonsense. You spit out your regulator, rip your knife out of the sheath on your leg, and turn to brandish it at the woman behind you.
"I'll go when I'm good and ready!" you snarl. "As for you-"
You swipe at her with the knife. She looks unimpressed. It scrapes uselessly over her buoyancy compensator before she gives you a gentle push. You flail uselessly, then toppling backwards into the water, pulled by the weight of your air cylinder.
Unfortunately, your nervousness and hesitation were well-founded. You must have subconsciously known that you'd forgotten to turn your air on. Sadly, instead of doing the sensible thing and returning to the surface, you let yourself sink lower and lower while you fumble for your regulator. Then you let yourself sink lower still while you fumble with your secondary air source. Then you panic and try to ascend by inflating your BC...
If it's any consolation, the woman who shoved you gets charged with manslaughter, and the boat crew lose their license for not coming to rescue you. But you're still just as dead.

***You have drowned!***

>Activate your secret weapon

Water? But of course, it's just a mirage. You've lived on this planet long enough now that you know better than to fall for that. There's nothing out there but sand. It's okay, though. You have a plan.
"This is your last chance," you tell your captor. "Free us, or die."
Your captor merely laughs, of course. The guard pushes you forward. You give a salute to your accomplice - the secret signal. You step off the edge of the board, twist in midair, grab the end with your fingertips and flip yourself into the air, back up onto the hovering craft. The robot launches your weapon toward you. You catch it just as you land and immediately activate it. The guards have barely enough time to register what happens before the glowing green blade of your lightsaber slices them in half. Looks like Jabba's in for it now!

***You have trusted the force!***

> CANNON BALL!

You drop a cannon ball into the water.
PLUNK!
...actually, that wasn't very exciting. You turn and climb down past the people behind you, your head hung in shame.

***You have failed to make a big splash***

Impress the impatient ones. JACKKNIFE!

You leap into the air, fold your body up, then extend it gracefully as you fall. Your body describes a perfect hairpin turn in midair, and you enter the water with scarcely a ripple.
Glorious. Perfect. That will show those whiners! You can't rush true art! You surface quickly, then turn to see their no-doubt astonished reaction.
As you turn, the next kid does a belly flop. It splashes you in the face.

***You have gotten water up your nose***

Go back down the ladder.

You squeeze your way past the line behind you. "'scuse me," you say. "Pardon me. Coming through."
There are three guys on the ladder, and they don't take kindly to your attempts to climb past them. They elbow you repeatedly in the gut as you clamber over them. When you reach the bottom, all of the queued swimmers are laughing at you and making chicken noises.
They don't know what you know, though: You've loosened all the bolts that hold the board up. The next person to jump off it will be in for a big surprise.

***You have gotten revenge!***

6 endings.
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The board quivers beneath your feet. The water stretches out below you, sparkling and blue. It looks intimidatingly far away - but there's no turning back now. You can hear shouts of impatience from behind you. The only way out is down.
You gulp nervously and try to prepare yourself. This is it.

Input a command and press ENTER:
> _

[momatoes]

Scream out a dedication to your one true love before diving to your doom.

[SonicLover]

>Toss a nickel into the water

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When I first saw the beginning I was a little discouraged by how it seemed a lot less open-ended than mine, but now things are going quite pleasantly.

[Fengar]

>Dance on top of the diving board.

[piester]

>SWAN DIVE, into the best night of your life!

[Deceptive]

Talk to the board.

[Dfaran]

Scream out a dedication to your one true love before diving to your doom.

"Marie!" you cry, "it is for you that I consign my soul to the abyss! This is the only way we can be together!" You toss yourself recklessly into the water. You plunge down, deep down, your breath escaping in silvery bubbles, the light fading around you.

Next thing you know, you are lying on the pool deck. A female figure is crouched over you - the lifeguard, Marie. She leans down toward you, an expression of concern on her face. She moves her mouth closer to yours, ready to resuscitate. This is it! This is what you were waiting for! Her beauteous lips will soon-
Slap!
"Ouch!" you say, stunned and bewildered.
"Nice try," says Marie. "You're only, like, the sixth guy to pull that stunt this summer."
Dang. Well, Chelsea's on next shift - maybe she'll fall for it.

***You have failed to pull off the 'pretend to drown and kiss the life guard' ploy!'***

>Toss a nickel into the water

You drop five cents off the edge.
"Whoever can dive to the bottom and retrieve that coin wins a prize," you announce. You're about to elaborate, outline the rules, and explain the nature of the prize when suddenly, the pool systems start making some odd noises. Before you can react, staff members come running out, lifeguards blow their whistles, and the pool is closed.
"Did someone throw something into the filtration system?" asks the pool manager, "because it's going to be very expensive to fix."
You try not to be noticed, but all of the swimmers behind you point to you simultanously. Urp.

***You have lost a lot more than five cents!***

>Dance on top of the diving board.

You spin, pirouette, leap daintily into the air, then land gracefully on your toes, flourishing your arms. The whole world is your stage - even this narrow platform! You display great agility in moving artfully over it without allowing yourself to fall off. At the end, you turn to your audience and bow.
"Are you going to jump, or what?" some guy asks.

***You have failed to impress your audience!***

>SWAN DIVE, into the best night of your life!

You leap metaphorically down into the icy waters of the restaurant. She meets you there, her evening gown more seductive than any bikini could be. Together, you kick your way to the dance floor, swim elegant laps back and forth across it, then float easily back to your table where your dinner is a poolside picnic on velvet chairs. You don't talk, but merely dry off in the sun with her, basking in the warmth of her presence. But the best part is yet to come - you bend down on one knee, hold out the ring box, and ask her to plunge into the deep end together with you, to swim in the same lane 'till death do you part. Of course, she says yes.

***Boy, was that a labored metaphor or what?***

Talk to the board.

"I'm going to have to dissolve the company," you say. You exhale slowly. There, you've said it.
The board members continue to tremble in their seats. Small, watery little men in their plain blue suits, every one of them. If they had any guts, they could stand up to you and preserve the company simply by saying "No". They won't, of course. They just stare up at your podium and protest feebly. They'll never realize that they don't need you. Well, you don't need them either, now.
Your father is still waiting in the room behind you, calling for you to get on with it. He doesn't understand either. He thinks it's easy. You've just put hundreds of employees out of work, with a single sentence! You've taken the responsibilities of an entire company away from them, and now those responsibilities will hang around your own shoulders until you can find a way to make up for the loss. Well, that's why he's the one living off your income, and not the other way around.
You briefly consider tearing down the building and putting in a swimming pool, then dismiss the idea as absurdly irrelevant.

***You have failed to entertain the notion of speaking to an inanimate object!***

11 endings.
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The board quivers beneath your feet. The water stretches out below you, sparkling and blue. It looks intimidatingly far away - but there's no turning back now. You can hear shouts of impatience from behind you. The only way out is down.
You gulp nervously and try to prepare yourself. This is it.

Input a command and press ENTER:
> _

[SonicLover]

>Phone your lawyer

[Fengar]

>Suddenly, dragons! Everywhere!

[Hype]

>Take that hoverboard the Doc gave you and go for it McFly- let's see if Griff and his gang catch you now.

[Deceptive]

Be forced to walk the plank by pirates.

[bhomer2]

inexplicably burst into flames.

[piester]

Pool Sharks: Be literal

[omegawill]

Jump into the time stream!

[momatoes]

> Consult the ancestral ghosts for guidance!

[Dfaran]

>Phone your lawyer

You pull out your waterproof cell phone and dial up your lawyer. You discuss the diving board with him.
"I just want to be sure," you say, "that the act of jumping off this board into an artificial body of water does not in any way constitute a waiver of my rights."
The lawyer assures you that it's okay.
"How about lawsuits? Will it open me to any potential lawsuits?"
The lawyer assures you that it won't.
"Can... can I sue them? If I skin my knee or something?"
The lawyer thinks it might be possible, but doesn't think it would be worth your time.
Well, that's the legal guidance out of the way. You've already consulted a doctor about any potential health risks and a diving expert about the best positions in which to enter the water. Now all you've got to do is call up the manufacturers to get instructions on the proper usage of the dive board, then call your parents and get their permission, and you can go ahead and jump!
Someone behind you pushes, and you topple prematurely into the pool.

***You have gotten in trouble with your parents for diving without their permission!***

>Suddenly, dragons! Everywhere!

The water ripples beneath you and a scaly blue snout pokes out, followed by a horned head. It flicks a forked tongue at you with impertinence. "Are you going to jump, or what?" he asks.
The dragons behind you continue to hiss and growl. You can feel the heat from their breath washing over your back.
You glance up at the lifeguard, circling overhead. His leathery, broad red wings pass briefly over the sun.
"Be patient," you say. "I didn't rush you when it was your turn." You grip the edge of the board with your talons and launch yourself smoothly forward, partially extending your wings to guide your descent. You slide beneath the surface with barely a ripple.
"There," says the blue dragon, "was that so hard?"

***But why do you need a diving board if you can fly?***

>Take that hoverboard the Doc gave you and go for it McFly- let's see if Griff and his gang catch you now.

Yes, that's right - the water may be scary, but you're no chicken! You kick the board forward and skim over the surface of the sea. Before the hoverboard can slow to a stop, you switch on the power packs that the Doc installed for you and go shooting forward!
Griff and his gang are hot on your tail. You grab the dorsal fin of a passing dolphin and ride along behind it as they chase you. Then, just when it looks like they're about to catch you, you flip off a wave like a quarter pipe and watch as they collide with it, less gracefully, and slam themselves into a patch of flame coral on the other side.

***Where you're going, you won't need... surfboards!***

Be forced to walk the plank by pirates.

You tremble in fear. Sharks circle anxiously below you. They jab you in the back with their cutlass until you have no choice. You fall from the board!

Fortunately, your trained manatee is there to save the day! She catches you on her back. You retrieve your rapier from where it is strapped to her side, then climb the side of the boat and sneak into the master cabin while the pirates are still trying to figure out where you landed.

The captain suspects nothing, and is easily subdued. The other pirates quickly fall in line. The ship is yours - and you're off to go exploring!

Three months later, you are in port to buy new supplies for your ship. You decide to go visit the local authorities. You quickly find your way to the castle and walk up to its gate.

You stand before the Castle of the Four Winds, a slightly intimidating bastion of stone. The castle's inner gardens are known as a popular shopping plaza during the day, and as an open-air discotheque during the night. The castle entrance is to your east.

A fearsome-looking dragon, at least one-and-a-half stories tall with seemingly polished, bright purple scales and brilliant wings stands guard next to the castle entrance. It eyes you warily, as if trying to make up its mind whether or not to let you pass unharmed.

***To see what happens next, go see SonicLover's Castle of the Four Winds***

inexplicably burst into flames.

For no reason at all, your skin is consumed by fire! The pain is agonizing! You scream horribly and stumble off the board, into the water.
The flames are quickly extinguished, but for no reason at all, the 'water' is actually an incredibly strong acid! Your body is quickly dissolved. It hurts. A lot.

***You have inexplicably died***

Pool Sharks: Be literal

A creature surfaces beneath you. It is covered in green felt. It has solid black eyes with white irises and pupils shaped like the number 8, and its teeth are covered in blue chalk. A triangular rack of a dorsal fin cuts through the water behind it.
You shudder with horror, defensively covering the blue stripe that marks the perimeter of your torso with your arms.
Before you can do anything, a great wooden beam strikes you from behind. You flail and scream as you topple into the shark's mouth. Its celluloid jaws close over your body.

***You have been sunk in the shark pocket***

Jump into the time stream!

You step bravely forward and allow yourself to be immersed in pure time. Your Chronomalous Armor protects you from the whirling eddies of causality, but the time is still chillingly cold. Historic events sweep past you. You paddle furiously for a particular year, knowing that you'll never reach it in time but hoping that maybe, just maybe, when the current of the past washes you ashore, you'll be at least within a decade of your destination.
Suddenly, you hear a roaring downstream! The time stream falls suddenly away in a spray of random events, and before you can react, you are carried over the brink! You fly out of the stream entirely as is cascades downward, and suddenly you are adrift in the placid sea of possibility that lies outside of time! What will happen to you now?

***Or is "will happen" even the correct tense anymore?***

> Consult the ancestral ghosts for guidance!

You resume the ritual. The lit branch continues to wave over your head as you sweep your wide-sleeved arms in the proscribed motions. You maintain careful balance on the log. The Chanters behind you continue to chant. The Resounder continues to bang steadily on his drum. Steeling yourself against the pain, you slice the sacred runes into your bare torso with a silver knife. You carefully collect each drop of blood with an obsidian pot. Meditating on the sacrifice you have made, and struggling to focus against the intense pain, you stir the pot three times with your right ring finger.
You then clear your mind entirely of thought and tip the pot of blood into the murky waters of the pool.
The drumming and chanting stops. You freeze in place. Everyone waits, tensely.
Suddenly, a voice! You listen intently to the message of the spirits:
We're sorry, but your call could not be connected. Please hang up and perform the ritual again.

***You have gotten a bad connection!***


19 endings.
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The board quivers beneath your feet. The water stretches out below you, sparkling and blue. It looks intimidatingly far away - but there's no turning back now. You can hear shouts of impatience from behind you. The only way out is down.
You gulp nervously and try to prepare yourself. This is it.

Input a command and press ENTER:
> _

[Fengar]

>Be the board.

[piester]

> Jump like a normal and completely sane person IN SPAAAAACE.