MSPA Fanfiction III

[Tenebrais]

I'm sure you all know the drill by now. Get those word processors tappin'.


Because word processors tap. Definitely.


Fanfic directory (Soon to include thread 2)
Homestuck on AO3
MSPA fan-fiction
MSPA fan fiction 2

[Katrika]

Horray!

[Metaflare]

This thread is now blessed with my presence

[Katrika]

Anyway, the next part of Backfire will probably be up when my writing buddy returns to nag my ass into gear.

[Wigmund]

Hell yeah, let's kick this thing off with some...

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- unknown user [??] has begun pestering the members of the MSPA Forums --
??: haa haa
??: hee hee
??: i'm still watching all of you
??: i still stroke your face while you sleep
??: sweet dreams
??: don't let me bite
??: hoo hoo
-- unknown user [??] has stopped pestering the members of the MSPA Forums --

[Quixotic]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I'm sure you all know the drill by now. Get those word processors tappin'.

>Inspirational and to the point. Tenebrais is a thread-starting master.

Because word processors tap. Definitely.

>I didn't know this, but I found it very informative. I like the sentence fragment on the end. It carries a lot of punch.

Fanfic directory (Soon to include thread 2)
Homestuck on AO3

>Good links that shall be remembered! Convenience abounds.

There, in celebration of the new thread, I DVD commentary's Tenebrais' first post. ENJOY.

EDIT: Also, I hate you, Lil Cal.

[ToreaderTornado]

Well, here's a fic to kick off the new thread.

Tongue Twister

show spoiler

hide spoiler

help
why would you do this to us
she hungers
run
*smack*

Vriska mumbles, and begins to wake. Soporless sleep was terrible before she started living as her dream self, and it sure hadn’t gotten any better since.

*smack*

“Wake up. Now. Don’t play with me, I saw you open your eyes, now open ‘em again, and keep ‘em that way.”

Vriska complies, her pupils shrinking in the harsh light being shined on her. All seven of them we’re on full display.

“… On second thought, its fine if you keep the left eye closed. Freak…”

The other man in the room rather short, to have such a commanding voice, and that was about all she could get. With the line shining in from behind him, all she could make out was a silhouette. Whoever it was, they would pay. Vriska would see to that. Taking in her surroundings, she found that she was in a small, dark purple room. Cracks cobwebbed up the walls, and cobwebs cluttered the corners. She thought she could make out chains dangling from the walls.

“Whoever and whatever you are, you better let me out. I can do things to you beyond anything you can imagine. Each punishment I inflict upon you will be worse than the last!” All things considered, Vriska was enjoying her theatrics. Unfortunately, it is difficult to be intimidating while bound with chains, and her efforts fell flat.
“Yeah? Well, whoever and whatever you are, you are under arrest for criminal espionage and conspiring against the state of Derse. Maybe you should save the speeches for your last words,” her captor said. “Right now, you can tell me about your little plans for our Queen. If you cooperate, maybe I won’t jab out that freaky eye of yours before your execution. As is, you’re lucky I let you keep the giant candy corn on your head.”

Oh boy, Vriska was angry now. Maybe it was time to show this guy what other freaky stuff she could do. “So, you think I’m freaky, do you?” Vriska asked, the power in her voice rising. “Well, maybe you’re the freak!” Vriska glared at him, concentrating as best she could with the light in her eyes. “Why don’t you just let me out of these chains, so I can end your hideous existence, and put you out of your misery, freak.”

To Vriska’s immense surprise and disappointment, the other man began laughing. “Ha! You really think they would send just anyone in to interrogate you? We’re well aware of what you are capable of.” The man turned and dimmed the lights. Vriska now had a clear view of a shining, black carapace, in an outfit that featured a dragon-head hood, and cat’s claws, among other things. “I’ll leave you to mull over things for a while. The caged bird always sings, and the Astringent Researcher is always there to hear it. Just a matter of time.”

The door closed, and Vriska slumped against her chair. If she couldn’t manipulate him her way, she reasoned, she would have to take a page from Terezi’s book. Despite the chains, uncomfortable chair, and odd, eight-legged, two-mouthed rat nibbling at something in the corner, she smirked.

She was going to enjoy this.

Inspired by:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

Bleh... This isn't that great.

[KilroyWasHere]

This thread shall soon be blessed with the second chapter of The Greatest Heroes of Earth.

[Graven_Image]

Hello all you lucky people. Graven has made the scene.

And just like that, Graven has left again.

pschoooooo....

[Douhneill]

Hello all you lucky people. Graven has made the scene.

And just like that, Graven has left again.

pschoooooo....

Kinda like Knighttime, eh?

*edit* whoa, 100 posts. Would you look at that.

[crash826]

aaaah this is so bad never read this ever

In Retrospect, Probably A Bad Idea Ch. 1

show spoiler

hide spoiler

John sat by the Telepifier, grinning in anticipation. He'd been looking forward to this... the trolls were finally coming to their world! He was looking forward to messing with Karkat, to actually meeting Vriska, and- most of all- practicing the craft of pranks!
His ears perked up at the sound of the device whirring, as it processed the trolls into their world. He watched eagerly as their forms were transferred, and as the lord of his world were brought into the place they had given life. He grinned as the trolls manifested, looking strong and vicious, ready to conquer the universe.
And he fell to the ground, giggling like a little schoolgirl, as his alchemized pie-hurling device planted a raspberry and cream pie straight between Karkat's eyes.
The part where Karkat fell to the ground, bleeding from a sudden wound? It wasn't as funny.

CG: OH WHAT THE HELL. WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH.
Quoth Karkat, who was attempting to care for his new wound. It had carved through his hyper-insulated trolltanium jeans and even his invincible shirt! How had a human pie dealt so much damage? How could humanity possibly hurt someone so much with a goddamn raspberry-cream pie?

CG: HUMAN EGBERT, APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR DEATH PIE CRAP.
EB: geez, karkat!
EB: you're really weak, aren't you?
EB: i mean, you just got that hurt from a pie!
CG: SHUT UP AND DIE IN A FIRE.
CG: THIS STUPID EARTH CRAP ALMOST TOOK ALL THE TICKS OFF MY MASQUERADE METER.
EB: what?
CG: MASQUERADE METER. THE THING YOU LOSE FROM WHEN YOU GET HIT BY THE IMPS, MORON?
CG: HAS YOUR DAMN OLD JESTER LUSUS GHOST CODDLED YOU SO MUCH YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN HIT YET?

John's Prankster's Gambit chose that specific moment to edit itself from the new development, and Karkat just... stared, in the manner of Equius.

CG: WHAT KIND OF SPECIES USES THE MASQUERADE METER AS A MEASUREMENT OF JOKES.
CG: A TERRIBLE NOOKSUCKER ONE IS WHAT.
EB: wait, you use the prankster's gambit as your gel gauge?
CG: YES, WE DO.
CG: STUPID EARTH JOHN.

Forty minutes later, with Karkat dead and covered with Jell-O and fake snakes, John began to reconsider his life choices.

[-Benedict]

I'm going to kick off the new thread with more Servers. This is the preface to A Rather Disturbing Interlude, which I have every intention of making hilarious. I can't stop writing Karkat and Sollux logs, it seems.

This Is The Preface To A Rather Disturbing Interlude.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY, ASSHOLE.
TA: gee, thank2 for greetiing me 2o poliitely, iim 2ure iit wiill help you two get thiing2 accomplii2hed
CG: OK, MAYBE I SHOULD TRY TO TONE DOWN MY RAGING CONTEMPT FOR YOU ALL A BIT WHEN PERSUASION IS MORE NECESSARY
CG: BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT POLITENESS IS WHAT'S TAKING PLACE HERE.
CG: GOT IT?
TA: whatever you 2ay, kk
CG: OKAY EVER MIND, STFU
CG: AND IN ACTUALITY, DON'T STFU BECAUSE I NEED YOU TO TELL ME SOMETHING.
CG: THAT IS, IT'S BECOMING PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS THAT YOUR BULLSHIT ABOUT ME PLAYING SERVER FOR YOU TO MAKE THINGS GO SMOOTHLY
CG: IS
CG: BULLSHIT. COMPLETE BULLSHIT.
TA: by the way, thank2 for that, you diid 2uch a fanta2tiic job there
TA: ii mean iive never diied before, that wa2 pretty amaziing
TA: 2o thank2
CG: OH MY GOD, STOP THANKING ME, IT'S DEMEANING.
CG: AND DISGUSTING.
CG: YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
TA: wa2 there a glubbiing poiint to thii2?
CG: GLUBBING?
TA: uh
CG: AHAHAHAHA DID YOU REALLY GET FLUSHED DOWN THE LOAD GAPER WITH FISH PRINCESS, THAT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS
CG: THE KISS WAS JUST SOME MAGIC CRAP THAT BROUGHT YOU BACK TO LIFE, ASSHOLE.
TA: the what?
CG: AHAHAHA THIS KEEPS GETTING BETTER
CG: I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT I MEAN, THIS WILL JUST BE HILARIOUS LATER.
CG: WE'RE GOING TO GET BACK ON TASK.
CG: WHY DID I REALLY HAVE TO PLAY SERVER FOR YOU?
TA: man kk ii dont even know
CG: ALLOW ME TO REITERATE:
CG: BULLSHIT. COMPLETE BULLSHIT.
TA: ok 2eriiou2ly iit2 pretty confu2iing
TA: mo2tly iit had two do wiith aradiia and her fate 2henaniigan2
TA: ii thiink ii have two tell you now that youve completely faiiled to gra2p the obviiou2
CG: I'M NOT GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT DIG
CG: BECAUSE IT WAS AWFUL.
TA: kk there2 only one team
CG: DO I NEED TO SAY IT AGAIN?
TA: waiit let me gue22, bull2hiitcompletebull2hiit
CG: DING DING DING! CAPTOR GETS A BRAIN POINT!
CG: OH MAN, I NEED TO WRITE THAT DOWN FOR LATER.
TA: 2ee the thiing ii2 that weve all been iin the 2ame 2e22iion
TA: and we all eventually connect two the other2
TA: two complete a double mobiiu2 chaiin to briing about 2ome crazy future 2tuff that aa wa2 on about
CG: WOW THAT'S RETARDED.
CG: YOU NEED TWO NOT GET PUSHED AROUND BY THOSE GIRLS AND THEIR CRAZY MURDER GAMES.
TA: ii 2ee what you diid there
CG: WHAT, THE MOCKERY?
CG: YEAH THAT WAS PRETTY COOL.
CG: SO IF I HAD TO CONNECT TO YOU FROM THE END OF OUR CHAIN, WHICH BLUE TEAM DIPSHIT IS IN CHARGE OF KANAYA?
TA: uh
TA: 2hiit
TA: youre goiing two get angry about thii2
TA: ii mean iit
CG: YEAH THERE'S PRETTY MUCH NO WAY THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
TA: yeah
TA: 2o
TA: look2 liike 2he'2 got equiiu2
CG: ...
CG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Also, I just realized that Mythmonster2 needs a for his CA->AC fic.

[Graven_Image]

TA: yeah
TA: 2o
TA: look2 liike 2he'2 got equiiu2
CG: ...
CG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

There is no better reaction.

[Rat]

I know the other thread just ended, but I wanted to clear up this misconception I kept seeing in it about MSTs and the mocking of others' creative works in general. Here's a crappy little diagram:

You |----------| Your Work

See how the two are clearly divided. You are not your writing. Making fun of your writing is not making fun of you. It's... making fun of your writing. That's it. Still a good idea to ask before MSTing another's fic, as far as I see it, but that's just how I've done it in the past.

Also since when was sporking fanfics such a burn? :P I mean it can be funny, but it's nothing to get upset about. Really.

[Graven_Image]

I finished 8irds of 4 F34TH3R about a month ago. It is no longer my own. It is Past Graven_Image's work.

And I have no problem with you ripping into PGI's stuff.

[Hollymonster]

A continuation of This awful thing. I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT I DID IN THIS CHAPTER (You'll know it when you see it. I feel terrible.)

The Times They Are A Changin', part 2 of ???

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-------

She wasn't quite as tired as she sounded. Like Feferi, she put enough faith in the denizens of the Furthest Ring's abilities to protect them from the maurauding Guardians long enough to get some decent rest.

Not everyone really believed this, however, and conspired to remove her from her "wannabe Cubicle of Vigilance", as Noir put it, even if only temporarily. She preferred the term "Bureau of Circumspection", personally. The towering, myriad screens and occasionally just as many holo-keyboards were far too refined in appearance and comfort to reside in than any crappy old cubicle.

"Seriously, Lalonde, get some fucking rest!" Karkat's voice rasped over the nearest active screen. "It's been Kanaya's shift for over an hour, and you're not gonna be any use to us when you can't even keep your fucking sightflaps open long enough to see when another nookload of guardians is on its way!"

The blonde girl was far too used to Karkat's attitude. Far too used to it. "Firstly, I've been too busy currently ensuring that John didn't get overrun by First Guardians in the Land of Pulse and Haze."

"John's a big boy now, Lalonde." Karkat retorted. Somewhere in the background of the audio feed, there was a small explosion and what sounded suspiciously like Terezi cackling with glee. "He doesn't need to hold your fucking hand every time he gets clusterfucked by First Guardians."

"I doubt it. However, we needed the area clear of them anyway - We've detected a decent-sized Grist deposit in that locale." <i>And to think we once would have been able to utilize that grist on making frivolous things like Bill Cosby-shaped computers and even more elaborate and deadly weapons,</i> she mused wryly. While they could easily procure water from what was left of the Land of Light and Rain, over the past few years food had become... problematic to procure, and while they still had access to several alchimeters in the lab, the monsters that produced grist were all but extinct due to most of the cloning labs being gone. Most of the grist they managed to scrape up these days came from three sources: Whatever they could work out how to clone in what remained of the cloning labs (which was reliable, but usually drained the lab's reactor for several days, leaving them sitting in the dark and without the lab's valuable defence system), whatever monsters they could hunt down (Nepeta usually could bring in enough grist to make enough food for everyone to scrape by on for a day during the driest periods, but it was only a matter of time before wild monsters were hunted to extinction by this practice), or - not nearly as reliable, but when it happened they would be set for months - finding caches of grist that sprung up naturally on the worlds from time to time.

Of course, the First Guardians knew this and frequently showed up at such caches, meaning any recovery mission for such treasure invariably had to be armed to the teeth. But that was all par for the course these days.

"And you don't think Kanaya can handle sending someone to drag Egbert's nook out of the gogdamn fire?! Stop making her wait around for you to finish playing mission fucking control and-"

"There is more than enough space in the Bureau for both of us, Karkat." Kanaya interjected from the other seat. Rose had long ago came to the conclusion that more than one pair of eyes on the screen made protecting everyone else much easier, and had installed a second seat for the occasions when her self-imposed shifts overlapped with the shifts of others - usually Kanaya or Sollux, although she'd had to share space with Nepeta or Terezi more than once before. "I am certain that Rose will procure some rest as soon as she feels it is necessary." Karkat responded with a string of grumbled cusswords - which both girls knew was essentially Karkat for "Very well, I concede defeat on this argument for now" - and cut the connection.

Minutes later, just as Rose was finishing off her fourth cup of tea of the shift, John opened a connection line. "Thanks for sending Jack by to help with those guardians!... Oh man, oh man, Rose, this was a big one! So many Gushers. So many."

Rose could practically hear John doing a silly victory dance. Tapping commands into the keyboard, she brought the screen with the collective grist levels down to eye level, and sure enough there was a very sizeable amount of grist where there hadn't been before. "Well done, John. This should last us a good few months - and hopefully make Karkat slightly less truculent than usual by result." Rose cast a glance over to Kanaya, who was already quietly having gleeful visions of getting to alchemize new clothes for everyone for the first time in what had to be six months - which was probably for the best, as some of their more active teammates like Equius were practically wearing rags by this point. "A month or two of not needing to go out searching for grist just to eat will be a much needed morale booster, by any rate."

"Awesome! I'm gonna head back to Ecto- now - I'd go find Dave, but I'm covered in Karkat's stupid planet-blood and I smell really gross. I hope the blood washes out of my suit."

"Perhaps I might find some time to help you alchemize a new suit at some point in time after my shift if your current one is beyond repair." Kanaya suggested, the beginnings of a smile on her lips. "We have ample grist to make you one now."

"Oh, sweet!" John exclaimed, his voice practically dancing with glee. "Okay, see you guys when I get cleaned up!" John cut the connection, and Rose stood up, stretching. "I'm going to go make some more tea. Could you watch my screens for me while I'm in the kitchen area?"

"Of course." Kanaya swivelled her chair into a position in which she could view all the screens easily. " Please procure me something to eat while you are in there as well, if you can - Apparently lunch was not enough to sate me." Rose nodded, heading down the hallway to the transportalizer.

------


She and Gamzee had already noticed the sudden accumulation of Grist, and had set to work immediately.

Having lived on her own (aside from a dog that, despite being altogether extraordinary, lacked thumbs with which to operate a cookalizer), she knew how to cook her own meals. Gamzee had at first had trouble that "weird green hallucination-enducing goo" does not go in apple pie, but if she managed to get him past that particular roadblock for a few hours he was probably even better than she was at preparing meals. Thankfully, the chamber they'd set aside to make the "kitchen" was more than large enough to accomadate both of them as they worked.

Of course, they could just alchemize freshly-cooked meals if they wanted, but where's the fun in that? And Jade had been taught that a meal made from scratch and with love was much more special than any boring old ready-made dinner.

"Hey, you ever get weirded out by these motherfuckin' apples makin' faces at us?" Gamzee said, eyeing one of the impudent-looking fruits suspiciously inbetween measuring out flour, having dedicated himseld to making the pie crust today. "I mean, there's some motherfuckin' questionable implications implied by us hacking up these little dudes."

"Don't be silly, they're just fruit!" Jade giggled, peeling the face-patterned skin from one of the apples. "I'd only be weirded out if they made little 'eeek don't eat me!' noises as we cut them up or something."

"That was weird on your planet? We've got like five motherfuckin' types of fruit that make noise when you eat 'em!"

Jade winced "Yeah, don't remind me. I remember Vriska showing me one of those once." Taking a bite of a "screaming mango", one of the fruits in question last year, was an experience she didn't feel like repeating any time soon.

A flash of bright lilac light from the vicinity of the teleporter announced Rose's presence. "Hi, Rose! I guess you're done watching all those screens for the day?"

"Not yet. I'm just down for more tea, and to alchemize something for Kanaya as well." Rose replied, glancing over at the ingredient-laden countertop as she approached the Kettlenator. "I see you've both noticed our latest Grist windfall. Not that I'm complaining - it's been a while since we've had a decent-sized meal."

"Motherfuck yeah, Lalonde!" Gamzee cackled, throwing up the horns as he rolled out pastry. "It's gonna be like motherfuckin' 12th Perigee's up in here come dinnertime!"

"Good to hear. I was getting tired of Alchemized ramen." Rose said as she poured the water over the leaves, savoring the scent. It seemed they'd refreshed the tealeaves as well. Oh god, is that Darjeeling? It smells delicious.

She was about to return to her post when she heard the telltale click of chitin on tile coming down the hallway - it seemed Jack had returned from his sojurn looking for a useable Rift. Casting an eye over at Jade, Rose decided to loiter in the kitchen a little longer, in case mediation would be necessary.

As soon Jade saw Jack stride into the room and towards the Kettlenator, obviously jonesing for a cup of coffee, the atmosphere in the kitchen went from "pleasantly warm" to "Ficticious arctic land full of undead ice dragons". Judging by the softly muttered "Motherfuck" and the fact he suddenly started focusing every iota of his attention on cutting the pie crust, even Gamzee had learned no pleasant interactions resulted from Jade and Jack in the same room.

Jack didn't even raise an eyebrow, scooping coffee grounds into Coffeetimus Prime (One of the alchemizations in John's "useful-if-ludicrous" line) with a tentacle at his own leisurely pace. "Dinnae ken if John got back to you yet, but his problem is a' dealt wi'. Guessin' he did, what wi' a' that..." The mutated dersite gestured with his free tentacle towards the in-progress apple pie, Jade's scowl deepening as he did so. "Oh, an' I passed Dave on the way here, and he said he'd be on his way hame in aboot an hour or so." The coffee finished pouring, and he lifted the cup to his lips. "I dinnae suppose there's any chance of me gettin' in to make somethin' tae fuckin' eat, is ther-"

"No, there's not." Jade said with that quietly furious, dangerously tense tone of voice she reserved specifically for talking to Jack Noir. "You'll just have to wait till we're done."

Rose had seen situations like this a thousand times before. They didn't always devolve into outright fights - usually the two of them would exchange barbs - Jade's unusually sharp for her, Jack's unusually playful for him - and either Jack would get bored and leave, or Jade would storm off in a huff. Nonetheless, it was never a good idea to leave the two of them alone. "So," Jack began, a smirk playing across his features, "does this mean I get some o' the pie this ti-"

"Sorry, Jack, but murderers don't get Pie." Jade snapped, turning back to slicing up apples with a note of ferocity that certainly hadn't been there before.

"Oh," Jack replied, and from his tone Rose just knew what he was saying wasn't going to end well. "So I take it you're no' havin' any either, what wi' that whole thing wi' the Droll-"

Jade momentarily looked like someone had dumped ice water over her, although the look was quickly replaced with that of someone who was quite ready to gnaw Jack's face off.

Rose hadn't realized how quick Gamzee's reflexes could be when off Sopor Slime until she realized that both of them were holding Jade back. "Man, don't bother. Motherfucker isn't worth it." Gamzee implored, getting flour on Jade's sleeve as he held her back from retrieving her Ahab's Crosshairs from her sylladex.

"Fuck you, Jack!" Jade yelled as Jack stirred his coffee idly as if nothing had happened. "You don't... Don't you <i>dare</i> compare that to all the people you killed!" She shook with restrained fury.

"Jack." Rose said, glaring over at the former Sovereign Slayer. "You want to leave this room. Now." Thankfully, Jack took the hint, albeit with a roll of his eye and a snort as he departed.

As soon as she was sure Jade wasn't about to sprint after Jack and punch him in the back of the head (She didn't want a repeat of the incident that had happened on their first Christmas in the veil, despite it being hillarious in retrospect), Rose let Jade's arm go, Gamzee taking that as the signal to do the same. As soon as she had her arms free, the dark-haired girl sunk to the floor, arms wrapped tightly around herself. She looked very much like she was about to cry.

Rose sighed, sitting down beside Jade, tea in hand. It was looking a lot like she wasn't going to get back to her shift after all. "Are you alright, Jade?"

"Y-yeah.. I just... I need a moment." Jade replied, sniffing slightly. "I just... why does he have to bring that up all the time? I-I didn't mean to do it..."

"Yeah, I know." Rose decided not to remind Jade that for Jack, that was a friendly joke. Nor the fact that he didn't know it was an accident - even though it had been a very useful accident at the time...


-----------


"Let us OUT!" Jade yelled, banging on the cage door. She had to admit, it was surprisingly devious of the little dersite to think to drag them into cages while they were sleeping.

Not that it made her or Rose's current situation any less fortituous, though. It would probably be a good idea for them to get as far away as possible before the Draconian Dignitary made his way there.

"Nuh-uh!" the Droll replied, pouting and folding his arms. "You'll just kick me in the face again, and then I'll probably lose my new hat!" It was an awesome hat, Jade had to admit. Possibly even moreso amazing than the original.

"I promise I won't," Jade said, and genuinely meaning it as long as he let them pass by in peace. "And I'll make sure Rose doesn't hurt you when she wakes up, either!"

The Droll looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yeah, but you can't kick me in the face while you're in there, either. And I'll get in trouble if I let you go. What's in it for me if I let you out of the cage?"

"Well..." Jade looked through her sylladex for something suitably useless and shiny. The Droll didn't seem too bright. "How about this cute little guy?" Jade said, holding up the Manthro Chap.

"Uhhh... That thing's kinda creepy." The Droll said, raising an eyebrow. "It's like those weird puppets in the Land of Heat and Clockwork, but with gross frog parts."

"Okay then, how about this?" a handful of Bec's shed hair, which sparked green-but-harmlessly every so often.

The little guy backed off warily. "No WAY, lady. I learned my lesson about touching things that do stuff like that ages ago." A pause. "....got any candy?"

"Err... lemme check." Jade felt bad about rummaging through Rose's stuff while she was asleep, but her sylladex was unfortunately candy-free as of present, and maybe, just maybe Rose had some...Ooh, jackpot. Rose surely wouldn't mind her taking those if it meant that they were both saved. "I think these are my friend John's favorite candy... Bodacious Black Liquid Sorrow flavor, it says on the box. They're black, so I guess they're licorice flavor?"

The Droll's face lit up instantly. "Ooh, yeah! Gimme Gimme!"

"Open the cage door first," Jade said sweetly. "Then you can have them."

"Yeah, but what if I open the cage door and you beat me up and don't leave me the licorice?" the diminuitive dersite said, looking thoughtful for a moment. "How about I give you these keys at the same time as you give me the licorice? Deal?" he enquired, holding up a ring of keys.

A swift exchange later, and Jade was fiddling with the ring of keys. "Hey, which of these keys fits the door?" she asked the the Droll, who was currently bolting down gusher after gusher.

"This one." The Droll fished a key out of his pocket, his face made of gleeful smiles. "I didn't say those keys had the key to the cage on them."

"OOOH, YOU JERK!" Jade kicked the cage door hard, hurting her foot. "I hope those things give you an upset stomach!!"

Three agonizing minutes of the Droll screaming in agony and for someone, anyone to help over his radio later, Jade more than slightly regretted saying that.

Thankfully, in his death throes, he'd dropped the cage door key near enough to the bars for Jade to stretch through and reach it.

[nextian]

There is no rule against crit. The opposite: the art forum exists to facilitate critique. I just didn't want anyone to sign up for being commented and end up being mocked! I CAN SEE THAT ENDING BADLY.

[Katrika]

Nepeta wrote a new fic to celebrate the thread.

The Lioness and the Dragon

show spoiler

hide spoiler

The purroud lioness perked up her ears. She knew that high pitched scream! It was her matesprit, Karkitty! She zoomed back to her den like a lightning bolt. Zoom zoom zoom! When she reached it, she saw that Karkitty was being menaced by a furocious dragon! The dragon glared at him with candy red eyes, and he shook in fear. But he had no reason to be afraid! His mighty huntress was there to protect him! She went GRRRRR at the mean ugly dragon, who apologized for being so mean and purromised to leave the two of them alone! Karkitty hugged the lioness happily. “My hero!” He purred, “However shall I repay you?”

“It was my purrleasure,” she mewled. He smiled at her cutely. They were so cute together, the cutest couple ever! She went back to hunting as her looked after the sleeping kittens.

THE END

[kmsumrall]

Aaaaaand We Came to an End of an awesome thread and I was too busy sleeping to get in my pun-filled post. Well, It's Ok Sollux, cause Blue Blood Don't Cry and I won't either. I'll just take the remnants of my idea and go ThaThunk with it across the desk. I'll go and-
Shut up, Equius, I'm trying to talk! Geez, you try and deal with The Alternians and the Trolls and all you get is lip. Whatever. I still have to Live The Dream, stay Sober, and hope that Secret Agent Doc Scratch! doesn't put me into some kind of Wasteland of Alternia.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Funny? no. Self indulgent? more than likely.
This is meant to be incredibly silly! Bwahahahaahahah

[Quixotic]

A continuation of This awful thing. I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT I DID IN THIS CHAPTER (You'll know it when you see it. I feel terrible.)

The Times They Are A Changin', part 2 of ???

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-------

She wasn't quite as tired as she sounded. Like Feferi, she put enough faith in the denizens of the Furthest Ring's abilities to protect them from the maurauding Guardians long enough to get some decent rest.

Not everyone really believed this, however, and conspired to remove her from her "wannabe Cubicle of Vigilance", as Noir put it, even if only temporarily. She preferred the term "Bureau of Circumspection", personally. The towering, myriad screens and occasionally just as many holo-keyboards were far too refined in appearance and comfort to reside in than any crappy old cubicle.

"Seriously, Lalonde, get some fucking rest!" Karkat's voice rasped over the nearest active screen. "It's been Kanaya's shift for over an hour, and you're not gonna be any use to us when you can't even keep your fucking sightflaps open long enough to see when another nookload of guardians is on its way!"

The blonde girl was far too used to Karkat's attitude. Far too used to it. "Firstly, I've been too busy currently ensuring that John didn't get overrun by First Guardians in the Land of Pulse and Haze."

"John's a big boy now, Lalonde." Karkat retorted. Somewhere in the background of the audio feed, there was a small explosion and what sounded suspiciously like Terezi cackling with glee. "He doesn't need to hold your fucking hand every time he gets clusterfucked by First Guardians."

"I doubt it. However, we needed the area clear of them anyway - We've detected a decent-sized Grist deposit in that locale." <i>And to think we once would have been able to utilize that grist on making frivolous things like Bill Cosby-shaped computers and even more elaborate and deadly weapons,</i> she mused wryly. While they could easily procure water from what was left of the Land of Light and Rain, over the past few years food had become... problematic to procure, and while they still had access to several alchimeters in the lab, the monsters that produced grist were all but extinct due to most of the cloning labs being gone. Most of the grist they managed to scrape up these days came from three sources: Whatever they could work out how to clone in what remained of the cloning labs (which was reliable, but usually drained the lab's reactor for several days, leaving them sitting in the dark and without the lab's valuable defence system), whatever monsters they could hunt down (Nepeta usually could bring in enough grist to make enough food for everyone to scrape by on for a day during the driest periods, but it was only a matter of time before wild monsters were hunted to extinction by this practice), or - not nearly as reliable, but when it happened they would be set for months - finding caches of grist that sprung up naturally on the worlds from time to time.

Of course, the First Guardians knew this and frequently showed up at such caches, meaning any recovery mission for such treasure invariably had to be armed to the teeth. But that was all par for the course these days.

"And you don't think Kanaya can handle sending someone to drag Egbert's nook out of the gogdamn fire?! Stop making her wait around for you to finish playing mission fucking control and-"

"There is more than enough space in the Bureau for both of us, Karkat." Kanaya interjected from the other seat. Rose had long ago came to the conclusion that more than one pair of eyes on the screen made protecting everyone else much easier, and had installed a second seat for the occasions when her self-imposed shifts overlapped with the shifts of others - usually Kanaya or Sollux, although she'd had to share space with Nepeta or Terezi more than once before. "I am certain that Rose will procure some rest as soon as she feels it is necessary." Karkat responded with a string of grumbled cusswords - which both girls knew was essentially Karkat for "Very well, I concede defeat on this argument for now" - and cut the connection.

Minutes later, just as Rose was finishing off her fourth cup of tea of the shift, John opened a connection line. "Thanks for sending Jack by to help with those guardians!... Oh man, oh man, Rose, this was a big one! So many Gushers. So many."

Rose could practically hear John doing a silly victory dance. Tapping commands into the keyboard, she brought the screen with the collective grist levels down to eye level, and sure enough there was a very sizeable amount of grist where there hadn't been before. "Well done, John. This should last us a good few months - and hopefully make Karkat slightly less truculent than usual by result." Rose cast a glance over to Kanaya, who was already quietly having gleeful visions of getting to alchemize new clothes for everyone for the first time in what had to be six months - which was probably for the best, as some of their more active teammates like Equius were practically wearing rags by this point. "A month or two of not needing to go out searching for grist just to eat will be a much needed morale booster, by any rate."

"Awesome! I'm gonna head back to Ecto- now - I'd go find Dave, but I'm covered in Karkat's stupid planet-blood and I smell really gross. I hope the blood washes out of my suit."

"Perhaps I might find some time to help you alchemize a new suit at some point in time after my shift if your current one is beyond repair." Kanaya suggested, the beginnings of a smile on her lips. "We have ample grist to make you one now."

"Oh, sweet!" John exclaimed, his voice practically dancing with glee. "Okay, see you guys when I get cleaned up!" John cut the connection, and Rose stood up, stretching. "I'm going to go make some more tea. Could you watch my screens for me while I'm in the kitchen area?"

"Of course." Kanaya swivelled her chair into a position in which she could view all the screens easily. " Please procure me something to eat while you are in there as well, if you can - Apparently lunch was not enough to sate me." Rose nodded, heading down the hallway to the transportalizer.

------


She and Gamzee had already noticed the sudden accumulation of Grist, and had set to work immediately.

Having lived on her own (aside from a dog that, despite being altogether extraordinary, lacked thumbs with which to operate a cookalizer), she knew how to cook her own meals. Gamzee had at first had trouble that "weird green hallucination-enducing goo" does not go in apple pie, but if she managed to get him past that particular roadblock for a few hours he was probably even better than she was at preparing meals. Thankfully, the chamber they'd set aside to make the "kitchen" was more than large enough to accomadate both of them as they worked.

Of course, they could just alchemize freshly-cooked meals if they wanted, but where's the fun in that? And Jade had been taught that a meal made from scratch and with love was much more special than any boring old ready-made dinner.

"Hey, you ever get weirded out by these motherfuckin' apples makin' faces at us?" Gamzee said, eyeing one of the impudent-looking fruits suspiciously inbetween measuring out flour, having dedicated himseld to making the pie crust today. "I mean, there's some motherfuckin' questionable implications implied by us hacking up these little dudes."

"Don't be silly, they're just fruit!" Jade giggled, peeling the face-patterned skin from one of the apples. "I'd only be weirded out if they made little 'eeek don't eat me!' noises as we cut them up or something."

"That was weird on your planet? We've got like five motherfuckin' types of fruit that make noise when you eat 'em!"

Jade winced "Yeah, don't remind me. I remember Vriska showing me one of those once." Taking a bite of a "screaming mango", one of the fruits in question last year, was an experience she didn't feel like repeating any time soon.

A flash of bright lilac light from the vicinity of the teleporter announced Rose's presence. "Hi, Rose! I guess you're done watching all those screens for the day?"

"Not yet. I'm just down for more tea, and to alchemize something for Kanaya as well." Rose replied, glancing over at the ingredient-laden countertop as she approached the Kettlenator. "I see you've both noticed our latest Grist windfall. Not that I'm complaining - it's been a while since we've had a decent-sized meal."

"Motherfuck yeah, Lalonde!" Gamzee cackled, throwing up the horns as he rolled out pastry. "It's gonna be like motherfuckin' 12th Perigee's up in here come dinnertime!"

"Good to hear. I was getting tired of Alchemized ramen." Rose said as she poured the water over the leaves, savoring the scent. It seemed they'd refreshed the tealeaves as well. Oh god, is that Darjeeling? It smells delicious.

She was about to return to her post when she heard the telltale click of chitin on tile coming down the hallway - it seemed Jack had returned from his sojurn looking for a useable Rift. Casting an eye over at Jade, Rose decided to loiter in the kitchen a little longer, in case mediation would be necessary.

As soon Jade saw Jack stride into the room and towards the Kettlenator, obviously jonesing for a cup of coffee, the atmosphere in the kitchen went from "pleasantly warm" to "Ficticious arctic land full of undead ice dragons". Judging by the softly muttered "Motherfuck" and the fact he suddenly started focusing every iota of his attention on cutting the pie crust, even Gamzee had learned no pleasant interactions resulted from Jade and Jack in the same room.

Jack didn't even raise an eyebrow, scooping coffee grounds into Coffeetimus Prime (One of the alchemizations in John's "useful-if-ludicrous" line) with a tentacle at his own leisurely pace. "Dinnae ken if John got back to you yet, but his problem is a' dealt wi'. Guessin' he did, what wi' a' that..." The mutated dersite gestured with his free tentacle towards the in-progress apple pie, Jade's scowl deepening as he did so. "Oh, an' I passed Dave on the way here, and he said he'd be on his way hame in aboot an hour or so." The coffee finished pouring, and he lifted the cup to his lips. "I dinnae suppose there's any chance of me gettin' in to make somethin' tae fuckin' eat, is ther-"

"No, there's not." Jade said with that quietly furious, dangerously tense tone of voice she reserved specifically for talking to Jack Noir. "You'll just have to wait till we're done."

Rose had seen situations like this a thousand times before. They didn't always devolve into outright fights - usually the two of them would exchange barbs - Jade's unusually sharp for her, Jack's unusually playful for him - and either Jack would get bored and leave, or Jade would storm off in a huff. Nonetheless, it was never a good idea to leave the two of them alone. "So," Jack began, a smirk playing across his features, "does this mean I get some o' the pie this ti-"

"Sorry, Jack, but murderers don't get Pie." Jade snapped, turning back to slicing up apples with a note of ferocity that certainly hadn't been there before.

"Oh," Jack replied, and from his tone Rose just knew what he was saying wasn't going to end well. "So I take it you're no' havin' any either, what wi' that whole thing wi' the Droll-"

Jade momentarily looked like someone had dumped ice water over her, although the look was quickly replaced with that of someone who was quite ready to gnaw Jack's face off.

Rose hadn't realized how quick Gamzee's reflexes could be when off Sopor Slime until she realized that both of them were holding Jade back. "Man, don't bother. Motherfucker isn't worth it." Gamzee implored, getting flour on Jade's sleeve as he held her back from retrieving her Ahab's Crosshairs from her sylladex.

"Fuck you, Jack!" Jade yelled as Jack stirred his coffee idly as if nothing had happened. "You don't... Don't you <i>dare</i> compare that to all the people you killed!" She shook with restrained fury.

"Jack." Rose said, glaring over at the former Sovereign Slayer. "You want to leave this room. Now." Thankfully, Jack took the hint, albeit with a roll of his eye and a snort as he departed.

As soon as she was sure Jade wasn't about to sprint after Jack and punch him in the back of the head (She didn't want a repeat of the incident that had happened on their first Christmas in the veil, despite it being hillarious in retrospect), Rose let Jade's arm go, Gamzee taking that as the signal to do the same. As soon as she had her arms free, the dark-haired girl sunk to the floor, arms wrapped tightly around herself. She looked very much like she was about to cry.

Rose sighed, sitting down beside Jade, tea in hand. It was looking a lot like she wasn't going to get back to her shift after all. "Are you alright, Jade?"

"Y-yeah.. I just... I need a moment." Jade replied, sniffing slightly. "I just... why does he have to bring that up all the time? I-I didn't mean to do it..."

"Yeah, I know." Rose decided not to remind Jade that for Jack, that was a friendly joke. Nor the fact that he didn't know it was an accident - even though it had been a very useful accident at the time...


-----------


"Let us OUT!" Jade yelled, banging on the cage door. She had to admit, it was surprisingly devious of the little dersite to think to drag them into cages while they were sleeping.

Not that it made her or Rose's current situation any less fortituous, though. It would probably be a good idea for them to get as far away as possible before the Draconian Dignitary made his way there.

"Nuh-uh!" the Droll replied, pouting and folding his arms. "You'll just kick me in the face again, and then I'll probably lose my new hat!" It was an awesome hat, Jade had to admit. Possibly even moreso amazing than the original.

"I promise I won't," Jade said, and genuinely meaning it as long as he let them pass by in peace. "And I'll make sure Rose doesn't hurt you when she wakes up, either!"

The Droll looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yeah, but you can't kick me in the face while you're in there, either. And I'll get in trouble if I let you go. What's in it for me if I let you out of the cage?"

"Well..." Jade looked through her sylladex for something suitably useless and shiny. The Droll didn't seem too bright. "How about this cute little guy?" Jade said, holding up the Manthro Chap.

"Uhhh... That thing's kinda creepy." The Droll said, raising an eyebrow. "It's like those weird puppets in the Land of Heat and Clockwork, but with gross frog parts."

"Okay then, how about this?" a handful of Bec's shed hair, which sparked green-but-harmlessly every so often.

The little guy backed off warily. "No WAY, lady. I learned my lesson about touching things that do stuff like that ages ago." A pause. "....got any candy?"

"Err... lemme check." Jade felt bad about rummaging through Rose's stuff while she was asleep, but her sylladex was unfortunately candy-free as of present, and maybe, just maybe Rose had some...Ooh, jackpot. Rose surely wouldn't mind her taking those if it meant that they were both saved. "I think these are my friend John's favorite candy... Bodacious Black Liquid Sorrow flavor, it says on the box. They're black, so I guess they're licorice flavor?"

The Droll's face lit up instantly. "Ooh, yeah! Gimme Gimme!"

"Open the cage door first," Jade said sweetly. "Then you can have them."

"Yeah, but what if I open the cage door and you beat me up and don't leave me the licorice?" the diminuitive dersite said, looking thoughtful for a moment. "How about I give you these keys at the same time as you give me the licorice? Deal?" he enquired, holding up a ring of keys.

A swift exchange later, and Jade was fiddling with the ring of keys. "Hey, which of these keys fits the door?" she asked the the Droll, who was currently bolting down gusher after gusher.

"This one." The Droll fished a key out of his pocket, his face made of gleeful smiles. "I didn't say those keys had the key to the cage on them."

"OOOH, YOU JERK!" Jade kicked the cage door hard, hurting her foot. "I hope those things give you an upset stomach!!"

Three agonizing minutes of the Droll screaming in agony and for someone, anyone to help over his radio later, Jade more than slightly regretted saying that.

Thankfully, in his death throes, he'd dropped the cage door key near enough to the bars for Jade to stretch through and reach it.

YEAAAAAH! More of this. I read the first chapter back when you posted it, and I was all excited for more. I really like the concept. I especially liked the idea in this chapter of them having to hunt for near-exist grist monsters to make food. Talk about playing a session to its exhaustion.

I hope to see more soon. =D

[Red Pen]

I'm going to kick off the new thread with more Servers. This is the preface to A Rather Disturbing Interlude, which I have every intention of making hilarious. I can't stop writing Karkat and Sollux logs, it seems.

Please never stop writing Karkat and Sollux logs.

[Valter]

Because word processors tap. Definitely.

Actually, Q10 does make typewriter tapping sounds when you type. It's at least half the reason I use it.

There is no rule against crit.

Actually, Lexxy has specifically mentioned otherwise! At least for the fan threads. Lemme see if I can track down a quote.

[Nakkirz]

Hollymonster, you broke my heart. ;n;
BUT that was awesome to read! And everything else in here has been/will be, as well.

[Douhneill]

Alriiiiiiiight! My first fic of the new topic!!!!!!!!

Time to see if I can actually be a good narrator!

Heirman - Chapter 1
prologue, 2, 3

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Teleporting was weird.

He had always thought it'd be cool to teleport around, turning his atomic structure into a less physical form in order to get where he wanted to, but now that he tried it, he wasn't sure he ever wanted to do it again after he was finished. The battlefield he was sent to didn't help his argument for using the teleporter, either.

Heirman, are you there? What do you see?
I'm in some sort of forest. Zahhak's army is fighting against... I'm not quite sure what.

After getting another look around the forest he had arrived in, John wasn't sure what to make of what he was seeing. The machines were content just, attacking anything that moved, including each other. He supposed it was a result of them not having an appropriate robot master at their command.

This... is horrible.
John, the sooner you dispatch the robot master in charge of this area, the sooner the chaos will end.
Y-yeah, got it.
And Heirman?
Yes?
I've picked up a teleportation signature in the area. I don't know who or what it could be, but keep an eye out.
Roger.

John took a deep breath. He double-checked to see if he had everything he needed, which was rather unnecessary. All he had was his Heirbuster, after all, and it was embedded into his hand. He fired it once, to make sure it worked. It did. A pellet of energy whirred past his head from behind.

He turned to see a war robot in the distance. Or, he assumed it was a war robot. He had never seen anything like this back at the lab, with its completely black body and menacing "face" painted in white. The weapon it was holding was crude and beaten, so it had probably just fought against its own squad.

It fired another shot. John quickly moved to the side to evade. Energy weapons, although cheaper to use in the long run than using physical bullets (not to mention being more powerful), were surprisingly slow. John pointed his index and middle finger at his opponent, and fired his shot. It hit leg, and the robot fell over on its side, firing wildly. John got hit. He focused, took aim, fired, and took off his assailant's head.

He looked to see where he was hit. There wasn't even a scratch. A quick diagnostic check revealed he had a damage absorption subroutine that would immediately heal any wounds he endured, so long as it had enough power. It was down to 95%. He looked at the crowds again. There was a basic pattern to the grouping of machines, but he wasn't in the right frame of mind to think clearly as to what that meant. What he did notice, however, was that a large portion of them were being drawn away toward something.

"Well, here we go."

He charged in blind. He didn't know exactly where to look, but he figured that whoever was in charge would be where the enemies were the most condensed. The majority of the foes he came across (imps, he called them) were to busy shooting each other or the nearby wildlife to bother with John, and he was particularly lucky that the majority of the rest were too beaten to be able to land a proper shot, but he still didn't know exactly where he should be going. As he stopped to get his bearings, he heard a strange sound toward the west. Almost as if someone was whistling. He would have followed the sound, but there was an unusually large number of imps headed in that direction, so he called up the good doctor for advice.

Doctor, is there some sort of radar I could use to find whoever is in charge here?
Having trouble finding your family, are we? I'm picking up an RM signal towards the north. This should be your primary target for the time being.
Thanks.

Whomever was making that sound wasn't using a Lalonde power source. It wasn't who he was looking for. He headed north.

As he moved farther up, he began to notice a different kind of robot that he would pass by in the distance. It wasn't acting irrationally, and it wielded a shield as well as a gun. He made sure not to disturb those ones. Eventually, he came across a large... Well, he called it a tent, because it was tent-shaped, but it seemed to be some sort of facility. He sneaked around until he found the doors, which were guarded by two more of those shield-toting robots.

Another whistle. The door guards immediately put up their shields to defend against whatever it was that made the sound. John took the opportunity to fire a few shots into their sides before they realized they were being hit by something else. When they turned to try to find their assailant, more shots were fired from their original foe, and they were taken out. John tired to make out who his mysterious helper could have been, but only noticed a faint bit of red that vanished once he caught sight of it.

Doctor Lalonde!
Yes, Heirman?
Is that unknown signal still around?
No.
I thought as much.
Your target is very close. Do you see it?
Whoever it is, they're inside this building.
Be careful.
I will.

He opened the door and walked in. Upon entering, John was sure that "Tent" was the proper title to use for the building. It was all one large, dark room, safe for the "stage", which was lit with a multitude of burning candles, and littered with piles and piles of junk.

"WeLcOmE! tO tHe GrEaT gAmZeE's FlYiNg CiRcUiS!"
Spotlights were turned on, and Gamzee was highlighted hanging from the ceiling of the tent.
"Hey there, little brother."
"JoHn? ArE yOu FuCkInG sErIoUs? WhAt ThE hElL aRe YoU dOiNg HeRe?"
"I'm here to stop you, Gamzee."
"HaH! aS iF a LaB bOy CoUlD sToP mE!"
"Try me."
Gamzee did an acrobatic pirouette off the handlebar he was standing on, and landed in a giant green cream pie placed in the middle of the stage. He gave himself his own applause. John fired a shot. Gamzee was caught off guard and fell over into the strange green substance.
"DoN't MaKe Me KiLl YoU, mAn."
"You could always just surrender, you know."
"CoMe On, JoHnNy-BoY. yOu KnOw I dOn'T wAnNa Be In CaHoOtS wItH tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR. bUt I'm BoUnD bY mY pRoGrAmMiNg, SaMe As YoU aRe."
"Then let's just get this over with."

John began to fire shots toward Gamzee. Gamzee returned fire with his own gun, and a forcefield began to rise around the giant pie that was Gamzee's playground. John fired as many shots as he could before the forcefield completely surrounded his target. He now had to figure out how to get to him. Gamzee, however, wasn't hindered by the forcefield, and John had to take cover behind a huge pile of unicycles.

"WeLl, BiG bRoThEr, HoW dO yOu ExPeCt To StOp Me WhEn YoU cAn'T eVeN dEaL wItH mY pEa ShOt?"
"Don't worry. I'll think of something."

John heard the shield dissipating. He peeked around his piece of cover in order to see what was going on. Sitting next to Gamzee was a rather large cannon aimed right for him.

"Oh, shit."

It fired. John retreated behind the pile of horns, but felt a strong pain in his backside regardless. He looked. The cannon had fired some kind of acid that went through the cracks in the pile. John could hear the cannon being readied to fire again. He had to do something quick, or he'd be toast. So he started climbing the pile to avoid the next shot. It worked, although now the pile was starting to get melted away by the acid. He was going to have to think quickly. Gamzee probably had the same shield he had, so shooting him wouldn't get the job done fast enough, and staying there was suicide, so he decided to try something drastic. Climbing to the very top of the pile, he charged his Heirbuster and took aim.

"WoW, jOhN. i KnEw YoU wErEn'T tHe BrIgHtEsT cAnDlE oN tHe CaKe BuT tHiS iS rIdIcUlOuS. I aLmOsT fEeL sOrRy FoR kIlLiNg YoU ThIs WaY."

Gamzee aimed the cannon right towards John. It began to charge. Gamzee reloaded, and...

Warning!
Auto-Repair Down. Left leg stability 50%
Right arm stability 87%
Heirbuster capabilities decreased
Warning!

In hindsight, it probably wasn't such a good idea to try to blow up a cannon loaded full of incredibly powerful acid. But it worked, for whatever that meant with his battle with Gamzee. He pulled himself up, trying to get an understanding of where he now lies in the building through the warning obscuring his vision. He was going to have to ask how to close that later. Right now, he had a little brother who was in dire need of help.

"JoHn, YoU aRe OnE cRaZy MoThErFuCkEr."
"So are you, Gamzee."
"HeH. iT'S a MiRaClE i'M sTiLl ArOuNd AfTeR a StUnT lIkE tHaT."
"So, are you ready to go home?"
"I'd LiKe ThAt."

Doctor Lalonde, I've done it. Take us back.

Even after all that, teleporting was still weird.

A/N

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Alright, boys and girls! Who's next?

[-Benedict]

Man, this is cool- it's like an Microsoft Paint Adventures Fan Adventure Fan Fiction- or an MSPAFAFF. I'd say go with Karkat next- fingers crossed for him being in some kind of insane wish-gratification personal hell with being forced to fight John and all. What was Gamzee's weapon drop, anyway? I'm thinking maybe a Sopor Shot would calm Karkat down after some kind of intense maniacal ecstatic murder frenzy.