MSPA Fanfiction III

[nightmarechild]

> Hey kid, skip this bullshit I'm bleeding:

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Spades Slick swore under his breath. He was losing a lot of blood. He figured since he was probably going to die out here with no one but the bitch to help, he would see how this kid’s story ended. After a few failed commands and a lot more swearing he figured out how to fast forward.

He watched the journey go about in fast motion, he smirked at the death of the royalty, he remembered that. All of a sudden there was a lot of static. Zooming out he saw that they were in an empty void. There was something in the middle that he couldn’t make out. Then all of a sudden there was a flash and the static took over.

He cursed and rewinded it to see frame by frame in case the static let up. After a few painful hours of repeating the same phrase over and over he found a clear frame. Taking a breath knowing whatever would cut the signal must be powerful, he zoomed in.

“No, no no no no no…God fucking DAMMIT!” His fiery raging slowly subsided to tears. It couldn’t be, yet there was the proof. He saw himself completely prototyped. And there was no mistaking that eye scarring shade of green. It was a bittersweet moment of irony because, after all, looking through the eyes of an innocent he was his own worst enemy to begin with.

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I know that it's not confirmed but this is if Jack turns out to be Lord English and not just the demon.

[mythmonster2]

So then, shall we have a shortfic deluge, like after Jade: Wake Up?

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Based on all the people in the main chat thread who said that in the Intermission, Spades was basically going to kill an alternate of himself, now that Lord English is almost guaranteed to be Jack.

Hello There
He was finally there. Spades Slick looked down at his hitlist.
1000/1000 CLOCKS DESTROYED
14/15 GREEN TORSOS DEAD
A single tear, shed as he looks at the final stat:
3/4 BLACK SCOFFLAWS OFFED
“Droog. Deuce. Boxcars. Trust me. This motherfucker is going to die. And we’ll have won. You guys… you didn’t die for nothing. I’ll make sure of that.”
He peered down into the keyhole and pulled out the Spades Key. Briefly, he wondered why there was a spade, of all things, on the treasure. He pulled out Occam’s Razor and readied himself to strike as soon as he ran the barcode over the scanner. The keyhole clicked and opened. Spades jumped in. And came face to face with himself.
“Hello there.”

Bluh bluh, crappy, sorry.

[Sushi Database]

You know, there are people who hate Mondays, right? Well, Karkat isn't one of them. Karkat's one of those people who hates Sundays instead. Reason: Sundays let Mondays happen.

This is quite possibly the single most insightful thing anyone has ever said about Karkat

[TacticGamer]

Karkat will not hate Jack because he will be happy(or mad, I guess?) when he finds out that there's another one who hates himself!

[egregiousBass]

This idea for a fic was requested by someone on a chan. I can't remember which, or where. But I liked the idea. It'll be a series if I continue this. I haven't though of a title yet.

Also, graphic depictions of violence, but you're used to this with Wigmund, so eh.

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Imagery of spirals and cueballs clouded Spades Slick's mind. Mysterious music filled his ears as his mind assumed the shape of a pretzel. He became engrossed in it. Is this the true path to opening the vault?

No, of course not. It's just Clover's frisky little jig to distract Slick while Cans beats up his partners in crime.

Slick snapped back to reality on the sound of Hearts Boxcars being punched out of the current calendar year. This was no time for spiritual questing. He had to act fast or this hulking giganto would pummel them all into various points across time and space.

Slick had the tool to end this. Forgoing Clover's warning, he jammed Crowbar's crowbar into the vault. Nothing happened.

Seriously? With all the weird time shit going on, Slick had expected something spectacular. Though here he was, trying to open the world's most secure safe with a crowbar. What an idiot.

Meanwhile, Clubs Deuce was sparring with Cans. The brute threw a barrage of punches, but Deuce handily parried. Perhaps his inability to sense danger kept him so focused. With some quick thinking, he ran in Clover's direction; Cans' next punch rode past Deuce and hit the little purple bugger right in the face, whisking him to places unknown. Apparantly his luck didn't last forever. Or maybe he was punched into paradise, who knows.

Knowing he couldn't win like this, Cans turned his attention to Slick. He was gonna punch that fucker so hard not even he knew where he'd end up. Before Eggs started taking strides towards him, however, Duece had placed his bull penis cane around the brute's left leg. The latter tripped in a most undignified manner. The whole mansion shook.

Losing no time, Slick drew his Cast Iron Horse Hitcher and dealt a mean blow to Cans' noggin. Blood splashed onto the finely crafted head. Deuce whacked the downed hulk upside the head with his C4 cluster. No worries, it's a stable explosive. A few more hits from Slick's hitcher and Cans stopped squirming. The brute had been slain with no additional casualties.

"Where's Droog?", Slick inquired. The droll answered with childlike excitement. "He got punched into next week!"

Next week, hm? That's nothing to get overly worried about. The two of them could hold out without him until then. The real issue was that his safecracker had been thrown into an outdated calendar. There was no telling when he'd be back, if at all. In any case, Slick knew he wouldn't see this vault open with two of his men out of commission.

Just then, a flash above. With a roar, Hearts Boxcars came barreling in from the ceiling. He crashed through the floor and into the room below. Slick yelled down the hole.

"How the hell did you get here?"
"I punched myself back." Slick decided not to think too hard about this.

"Er...Boss?" "What?" "Come down and look at this."

Deuce promptly hopped down the hole. Slick, on the other hand, went downstairs like any normal person would. As he opened the relevant door, a sickly odor wafted against his face.

It appeared to be some sort of interrogation chamber, with the interrogated still slumped in a chair. He was tied up, gagged and blindfolded, a sad motionless shape in the middle of the room. A shaded lamp shone down on the victim. It looked like someone had been busy here and dropped everything when the Midnight Crew had come in. He couldn't quite make out the victim's features from where he was. Deuce and Boxcars were standing a short distance away, unsure of what to do.

Slick took a closer look. The captive was covered in blood. Next to the chair was a table bearing a set of razors, and similar instruments of torture. Slick had experience, both as interrogator and interrogated. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to cut into him until he bleeds out or lapses into a shock. This was either a highly unprofessional interrogation or just a pointless torture. He was relieved. Now he didn't have to figure out what information Lord English could've wanted from this poor fellow. In any case, time to head out. Nothing to see here but a bloody corpse.

On that note, the straddled shape began to shift, coupled with muffled groans of pain. Deuce started and jumped behind Boxcars. Slick pondered wether he should euthanise this person or leave him here sadistically. Droog would surely go for the former, but heck, Droog he ain't.

Still, it would be nice to know a few details. Maybe the Midnight Crew could take over the interrogation. He untied the gag, but left the blindfold on. No point in revealing who they were.

An agonised, high-pitched moan came out. What the hell? Is this a child I'm looking at here? Boxcars's expression turned to outrage. Slick's confidence wavered. There had been very few children on Derse, due to the immortal nature of its denizens, so he didn't really know what to think about this.

Boxcars lost his patience. "LIBERATE OR EUTHANISE. CHOOSE. NOW." Slick decided. "Deuce, get some opium."

The droll duly fetched a syringe of the stuff from his Battledrobe. Opium, the great gift of the prohibition era. Slick took the needle and pumped it into the prisoner's aorta. The squirming lessened. He undid the blindfold, revealing a pair of orange eyes with dilated black pupils. Did the pain or the opium do that?

Within a minute, Boxcars was carrying the unconscious body out of the mansion. He was bigger than a child by Derse standards, but he didn't exactly look like a Dersian either. Besides, the wasteland they lived on was rife with all sorts of different folks. He wasn't bleeding anymore, luckily, but Boxcars still handled the body with care.

After loading it onto the sterile back seat of the Midnight Crew's Innocuous Infiltration Infiniti, Boxcars took the driver's seat. Slick took the passanger's. Deuce sat in the back with the rescued victim.

As they rolled down the avenue on the way to the safehouse, Slick collected his thoughts. This was incredibly silly. The Midnight Crew were a band of nefarious thugs. What were they going to do with this kid? He figured he would ask the boy his name when he'd wake up, and try to find the parents. Or something. Droog would've called him out on this. He'd probably off the boy wether Slick liked it or not. Good thing Droog ain't here, then.

Crits are especially welcome.

[sebastian]

bass: Cans is the one that punch you through time, not Eggs. eggs is the one that time travel from the future and you must fight many copies of him.

[egregiousBass]

bass: Cans is the one that punch you through time, not Eggs. eggs is the one that time travel from the future and you must fight many copies of him.

Crap. Thanks for the heads-up. And god bless F3.

[Katrika]

Eheh, well, this fic is about two characters from the Homestuck RP I'm in, but hopefully the mood still gets across.

Lonely

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It was kind of lonely.

Moccus Arbaka lounged on a hill on New Alternia and pondered the thought. He’d thought it before, during Sgrub, but here, under this unfamiliar sky, it was even more pronounced. He glanced at his trollslum roster, at the 17 lonely names, and sighed. Before, he’d monitered the electronic pulse of the 2.5 billion trolls with computers on Alternia. He’d never really interacted with most of them, true, but they were there. And now…

17 trolltags, not including his own, all shown in the gray square of ‘offline’. After all, why bother going on Trollian anymore? It was so much easier to talk in person. It was so much easier to get wrapped up in building the new world, the new society. He knew that he was longing for something that didn’t exist anymore. Maybe someday, if they did everything right, it would rise up again, but for now, it was kind of lonely.

“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were avoiding me, Moccus!”

With a jolt of surprise, Moccus looked up into the petulant face of his moirail/matesprit/it’s-complicated Euboea, and smiled. Suddenly, it didn’t seem so lonely anymore.

[JudgeDeadd]

Well that's a cute lil' piece of writing.

[Katrika]

Moccus is having internet withdrawal, tsk tsk.

[TacticGamer]

work on backfire, you grubfucker

[Katrika]

Well I guess I can't procrastinate anymore!

(I honestly didn't think people would mind the delay! I'm one of those writers who thinks their own work is BLUH)

[Douhneill]

Well I guess I can't procrastinate anymore!

(I honestly didn't think people would mind the delay! I'm one of those writers who thinks their own work is BLUH)

Ditto. Except in my head, I like the work, so I'm gonna continue anyway, just to annoy people. Then people are amused instead of annoyed and I feel like pulling an acrobatic pirouette off the handle to win a medal.

[Katrika]

This is why I have a Writing Buddy. Writing Buddies are buddies who nag you to write even when you don't wanna.

[Katrika]

Okay so, this part of Backfire is pretty slow. So it's 4.5, not 5.

Backfire, part 4.5

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turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: rose
TG: where the fuck is my penis
TG: and dont give me any coy bullshit
TT: I can’t believe you’d suspect me of coy bullshit.
TG: okay now is not the time to focus on that statement
TG: now is the time to give me back my penis
TT: It’s not like I have it in a jar or something.
TT: I have been attempting to fix this little problem for a while, now
TG: i think you arent grasping the severity of this problem rose
TG: i am wearing a bra right now
TG: it has ruffles
TT: Ruffles? Why Dave, I never thought you’d be the type!
TG: rose i swear to god
TT: Look, Dave, I’ll fix it. I swear.
TG: youd better

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

gardenGnostic [GG] has started pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GG: dave dave dave!!
GG: something horrible has happened!!!
GG:
TG: let me guess
TG: you are suddenly a boy
GG: yes!!!!
GG: how did you know?!
TG: the same thing happened to me
GG: but…
GG: you’re already a boy!
TG: ….no
TG: not anymore
GG: oh noooooooooooooo!!
TG: geez garden girl
TG: calm down
TG: rose will fix it
GG: but…um…
TG: what
GG: i need to pee now!!
TG: oh god

[sebastian]

Okay so, this part of Backfire is pretty slow. So it's 4.5, not 5.

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Backfire, part 4.5


GG: but…um…
TG: what
GG: i need to pee now!!
TG: oh god

I knew that was going to happen.

And it is still hilarious.

[SkaianRedeemer]

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GG: but…
GG: you’re already a boy!

Oh Jade.

[Katrika]

John decided to go back to sleep when he realized what happened. He's not putting up with this shit.

He may be the wisest of them all.

[Quixotic]

Oh hell, it's this again. I should have been done this last night, but I got all distracted by the flash and couldn't think properly for a few hours.

This was originally going to just be the introduction to a chapter that would also contain the "talk" but somehow it went on for long enough to be its own chapter. Whoops. Enjoy!

Conquest

Chapter Seven: Considerably Worse

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-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TA: hey.
TA: 2o yeah tz 2ay2 2he diidn't do iit.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
TA: apparently 2he wa2 off doiing 2omethiing for command at the tiime.
TA: even a2k them, they'll confiirm iit.
CG: WELL FUCK, COULD THAT "SOMETHING" HAVE BEEN EXCITEDLY STABBING ME TO DEATH?
CG: BECAUSE WOW THAT STORY IS BULLSHIT FROM TOP TO FUCKING BOTTOM.
TA: well, ok, ii thought 2o two.
TA: but the locatiion and everythiing wa2 wrong.
TA: 2o iif the record2 are riight 2he couldn't have been on your 2hiip la2t niight.
CG: YOUR POINT BEING?
TA: kk are you completely 2ure that iit was tz?
CG: THE HELL?
TA: ii meant iit.
TA: are you 100% 2ure?
CG: HAHAHA HOLY FUCKING GOD YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
TA: well ii'm not, 2o 2uck on iit!
TA: get off the fuckiing rage traiin for a 2econd and try u2iing your braiin.
TA: are you 2ure? diid you 2ee her face?
CG: YES I
CG: WELL NO I DIDN'T.
CG: BUT I AM SURE BECAUSE I SAW HER BLOOD COLOR AND FOR A FEW OTHER REASONS THAT ARE PRIVATE AND I'D RATHER NOT GET INTO RIGHT NOW.
TA: wow kk here'2 a protiip for free:
TA: tz ii2 not the only turquoii2e blood iin the galaxy.
TA: more new2 at eleven.
CG: OK, FUCK YOU. SERIOUSLY.
CG: I KNOW WHAT I SAW AND IT WAS TEREZI FUCKING PYROPE
CG: IN MY RESPITEBLOCK WITH A SCYTHE.
CG: WHAT POSSIBLE REASON COULD I HAVE FOR MAKING THIS UP?
TA: look ii'm a2kiing becau2e ii know iit'2 hard for you two be objectiive on the 2ubject
TA: and that maybe that could get iin the way of lookiing at thii2 rea2onably becau2e hone2tly you are kiind of ob2e22ed.
CG: WHOA WHOA WHOA FUCKING WHOAH.
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN OBSESSED
CG: I AM NOT OBSESSED.
TA: what ii mean ii2 that iit'2 not my job two be your per2onal "fuck off" pa22enger piidgeon
TA: or two run around tormentiing tz for your conveniience.
TA: my job ii2 two analy2e both 2iide2 and two mediiate at my own dis2cretiion
TA: whiich doe2 NOT mean iignoriing your walk-iin clo2et of hang up2 becau2e you deciide to throw a fiit about iit.
TA: what ii mean ii2 you 2hould be 2hutting up and cooperatiing wiith me iin2tead of ba2kiing iin thii2 priima donna bull2hiit
TA: when ii need two fiigure thii2 out 2o ii can keep you two from fuckiing offiing each other.
TA: iin other word2
TA: II'M YOUR AU2PI2TIICE BIITCH DEAL WIITH IIT.
CG: OH MY FUCK, WHY DID I BRING THIS UPON MYSELF.
CG: WHY DID I PLACE MR MOODSWING SEIZURE BEAMS IN CHARGE OF MY EMOTIONAL WELLBEING.
CG: ONCE AGAIN I AM DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN GREATEST MISFORTUNES.
TA: oh 2hut iit would you and stop beiing 2uch a grub!
TA: do you have any iidea what thii2 mean2?
CG: THAT MY INTERPERSONAL JUDGMENT IS LACKING?
TA: no iit mean2 command miight've ordered her two kiill you YOU FUCKIING IIDIIOT!
TA: GOD do ii have to wriite 2ome kiind of walkthrough for you?
TA: "don't fuckiing diie for obliiviiou2 moron2"?
TA: ii'm worriied, you a22hole!
CG: WAIT
CG: ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.
TA: no ii'm jokiing hahaha hiilariiou2 iisn't iit
TA: ye2 ii'm beiing fuckiing 2eriiou2.
CG: WELL IF MY DAY HADN'T BEEN RUINED ALREADY THAT WOULD HAVE FUCKING DONE IT.
CG: BUT HOW THE HELL WOULD THAT EVEN HAPPEN? ISN'T FEFERI SUPPOSED TO BE IN CHARGE?
TA: ii don't even know anymore.
TA: ii already talked two her twoday and 2he 2ounded pretty 2tre22ed out.
TA: whatever ii2 up, there ii2 confu2iion iin command.
TA: ii a2ked ff about tz already and 2he 2aiid 2he would look iinto iit.
TA: 2he 2aiid there wa2 more two tell me iif ii came and 2aw her but ii told her two tell you 2iince you would be there 2oon anyway.
CG: WELL SHIT DON'T TROUBLE YOURSELF ON MY ACCOUNT.
CG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME ALONG WE CAN MAKE IT A FIELD TRIP FOR THE WHOLE CLASS.
TA: fuck off kk.
CG: IT'S MOMENTS LIKE THIS THAT MAKE ME WONDER WHERE YOU GET OFF RAGGING ON ME FOR MY ROM PROBLEMS.
TA: ff ii2 not a rom problem.
TA: there ii2 no rom.
TA: there ii2 no problem.
TA: now iif you don't miind ii'm goiing two go do 2omethiing that ii2 le22 fru2tratiing than haviing thii2 conver2atiion
TA: liike maybe eatiing gla22 or talkiing to 2erket.
CG: GODDAMNIT SOLLUX YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GET ALL SHITTY ABOUT THIS.
CG: I JUST. UGH.
CG: TEREZI MURDERING ME FOR BLACK ROM JOLLIES WOULD BE ONE THING.
CG: BUT KILLING ME BECAUSE SOMEONE ORDERED HER TO?
TA: yeah well.
TA: ii gue22 we'll 2ee.
CG: RIGHT.
CG: I'M GOING TO COME OVER THERE TO DISCUSS THIS EARTH BUSINESS WITH YOU AND ARADIA IN A COUPLE HOURS.
CG: AND I GUESS LET YOU IN ON WHATEVER INSIDER DETAILS I'M PRIVILEGED WITH.
CG: I CAN'T IMAGINE THIS MISERY PARADE LASTING MUCH LONGER THAN THAT.
TA: fiine ok.
CG: OK.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --




Death cries and pain. Red and blue blood intermingled. Magenta and purple splattered across the throne room floor. Someone screaming his name, but all he sees is yellow. A feminine voice, laughing.

Sollux's head was overwhelmed with psychic noise, rising in a sharp crescendo as he struggled towards consciousness. It was too much. It was always too much. Every time he had one it felt like the pressure might kill him, and every time it didn't he still felt surprised.

He finally broke through to the surface, waking with a start. Blinking wearily and clutching at his head as the pain slowly began to leave, he struggled with the intense disorientation that came with waking up from a precognitive vision. Where was he? His respiteblock maybe? What was he covered in? Why the floor was above his head and the roof below his feet? Why was all his stuff upside down?

It took about as long for him to realize that he was the one upside down as it did for him to fall face first into his recuperacoon.

"Augh!" he cried, getting a mouth full of sopor slime as he found the upper half of his body submerged in glowing red ooze. His psionic powers activated reflexively, to keep him from drowning if nothing else, but the way he had fallen in had left his legs sticking awkwardly out of the top. The moment he started thrashing around was the moment he knocked the whole thing over.

Red and blue slime splashed everywhere, and Sollux came up coughing and spitting, trying to avoid swallowing any of it. After a hectic few seconds, he was satisfied that he wasn't going to ingest enough for it to do anything. Then it was just a matter of grumbling bitterly, going to get some water, and pondering what exactly he'd been dreaming about before he woke up.

The subject matter was thoroughly unsurprising - he really only ever dreamed of the same kinds of things - it was the faces involved that was troubling.

With a flick of his wrist, his recuperacoon flipped right side up, and the sopor slime now littering the floor began funnelling itself into the appropriate holes. Well, 'funnelling itself' in the sense that he was compelling it to with psionic powers, but at ten sweeps old exercises like this were so well practiced they were almost subconscious. Unfortunately, in the transition from the coon to the floor, the red and blue slop had mostly transmuted to purple slop, but he would deal with that tomorrow.

He'd been sleep-floating again, an occurrence that had alarmingly become more common with age instead of less. Sometimes his powers would simply activate in his sleep, usually surrounding one of his visions or a period of particular stress in his life. Tonight probably qualified as both.

The effects were usually innocuous enough - some variant of levitating himself or nearby objects. They were persistent, though, and rarely desisted after a single episode. He would need to go bother Aradia for something if he was going to have any chance of sleeping again that night without getting another face full of slime.

Not thinking it necessary to put on anything more than the shorts he was already wearing, Sollux existed into the dorm hallway, only to hear something that instantly made him regret that decision.

"Yeah? Well maybe you should stop being such a Goddamn tease!" Vriska shouted from somewhere down the hall, a sound briskly followed by a slammed door. There were footsteps. Whoever had just been in Vriska's room was coming in his direction.

He did the only thing he could think of and slunk back behind his door, holding it open just enough that he could see who was going to pass. If Vriska was yelling at them about being a tease, curiosity alone demanded that figure out who it was. What he wasn't expecting to see was the red bespectacled woman he had been stewing about all day.

"TZ...?" he breathed as she passed. What the hell was she doing on their ship in the middle of the night, talking to Vriska of all things?

She didn't notice him, her nose apparently focused on other things, and he felt the sudden compulsion to follow her. She'd been so elusive in the last while, he couldn't shake the feeling that it'd be one of his last opportunities to see what she was doing. He rubbed his feet against the floor, trying to shed any left over traces of his sopor slime, and slipped into the hallway after her.

Terezi turned right up ahead, in the direction Sollux recognized as the docking bay. There was something off about the way she was walking. It was ginger and unbalanced, like she was favouring one side. Despite his attempts at being stealthy, he could see that she was growing increasingly agitated, as if sensing that someone was following her. But it wasn't until he out rightly slipped on the puddle of slime around his feet and was forced to catch himself with the bright purple glow of his powers that she actually spotted him.

He was frozen in midair, with his arms spread out in exaggerated mid-flail, as she turned towards him, sniffing the air with sudden intensity. The expression on her face was uncertain.

"Sollux?" she said suddenly, just figuring it out. The uncertainty began to melt away, leaving behind smug satisfaction at having caught him. "Is that yoooou?" she called, grinning now. "Or does the delicious scent of wild berry smoothie deceive me?"

He frowned, something about the levity in her tone annoying him, and rearranged his body to be hovering in a more dignified position. "Yeah, hi."

"Now, is there a particular reason you've been stalking me?" she asked. "Or can I assume a general lack of respect for privacy?"

"Ugh. TZ, what are you even doing here?" he asked, drifting in her direction. "Don't you have urgent orders from Command you should be following?" She picked up on the skepticism in his tone, and just laughed.

"Nope! I finished that all up. Now I've got a clear schedule from now till the next time I need an alibi to prove that I didn't try to murder your boyfriend." She grinned cheerily, and turned to keep walking.

"He...what? I...I didn't even...TZ!" he snapped, managing to tear himself away from that swiftly derailing train of thought. He flew around to block her path. "Look, forget KK for a second. I just want to talk."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I, uh...I was having a dream about you just now."

"Pff hahahaha!" she said, waving him off. "Oh Sollux, that is so adorable. I wouldn't tell Aradia that if I were you, though. She might get jealous."

"No, okay, you know what?" he said. "No. You're trying to distract me by making me feel awkward, and it isn't going to work." The confidence in her expression flicked for a moment, but refused to give way. "This conversation is basically just confirming everything I've been wondering about you lately. TZ, would you just tell me what the hell is going on?"

"What I don't get is why you assume you know enough about what I'm doing to keep trying to stage these interventions at every available opportunity. Have you considered the idea that maybe there is nothing wrong with me, and that maybe you're just being a paranoid spaz?"

"No. I'm not." He gestured to her side. "You're not fooling me. I saw the way you're walking. You're injured, and if it'd happened during regular Thresher business then why would you feel the need to lie about it now?"

She actually snarled at him, which caught him off guard. "Maybe it's because I am getting pretty tired of all your nagging lately, and think maybe you should mind your own business."

"It is my business, TZ. You were there too when we decided on this-"

"Well, so much for 'forget about Khaaaykhaaay for a thecond,'" she said, making sure to emphasize her mockery of his speech impediment. "That lasted for the whole half a minute I expected it to."

"Why are you being so difficult?" he snapped.

"Because you are probably the least emotionally stable person imaginable to be doing this, you're too obsessed with Karkat to be neutral, and even if I needed an auspistice I sure as hell wouldn't pick you! You get that?" She was grinning again, but there was no humor behind it. "You're a shitty auspistice, Sollux! And if gutter-blood wants someone to keep me from getting him, he should man up and do it himself."

At first there were no words. Sollux felt paralyzed as she spoke - breathless as her words cut deeper than they ever should have. Until the words finally came, that is, and then they just wouldn't stop.

"Gutter-blood? Seriously?" he snarled. "Fine! You know what? Fine! I don't need this. You know, TZ, there really is something wrong with you. You've always been intense about this, but I never remembered you being such a bitch." The glow around him intensified as he felt himself lifting further off the floor. "So, hey, get this. You know that dream I mentioned? It was one of the prophetic ones. And you know what else? It wasn't looking so good in terms of you staying alive!"

He swallowed, his voice shaking with anger. She stared at him, her expression unreadable.

"So, maybe..." he continued, speaking very carefully now. "Maybe you should watch yourself before you get into trouble. I'm out."

With that he turned and flew down the hallway away from her. Somewhere behind him, he thought he heard her call out his name. "Sollux...?"

He didn't stop. He couldn't deal with that right now. He just couldn't.

Moments later he found himself hovering in front of Vriska's door, still too filled with with frustration to think rationally. He landed, and thumped on the door as loud as he could. If Terezi wouldn't talk to him, then maybe-

The door swung open, revealing a very irritated looking Vriska, her cheeks flush with cerulean.

"Vriska," he said. "What was Terezi doing here just now?"

Her eyes narrowed into slits, complimented but a fierce set of bared fangs.

"Fuck off, Captor," she hissed, "before I make you slap yourself silly." She slammed the door in his face.

"Fuck!" he yelled at no one in particular, punching the wall behind him. He was in the mood to do more, until Aradia's voice cautiously called out to him from down the hall.

"Sollux?" she asked. She was peeking out from her respiteblock, hair and face soaked through with sopor slime. Shit, he must have woken her up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he mumbled, instantly deflating as he began walking to her doorway. He rubbed his arm awkwardly. "I'd actually been planning on coming to talk to you before, uh...I got distracted."

"I noticed," she said, picking a bit of slime out of her ear. "I heard you yelling down the hallway."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. Is everything alright?"

"No. Not really," he admitted. "I think Terezi broke up with me. I am so fucking awful at this."

She sighed, wiping some wet hair out of her face. "No, you're not. Give me a few minutes to clean up and we can talk, if you think it'd help."

Sollux's mouth was hanging open to reply when the familiar sound of stomping boots distracted him. Karkat Vantas was plowing his way down the hall - a total of six hours later than he had originally indicated he would show up. It'd gotten so late, the two of them had stopped trying to wait up for him and had just gone to sleep. It looked like whatever had delayed him had done a good job of pissing him off, too.

"Oh, great, you're awake," he grumbled, approaching them. "Saves me some trouble."

"KK, what happened?"

"Well, if it puts it into perspective for you, things are now considerably worse than before. But this is not hallway fucking conversation. We need to go somewhere else, and we need to go there now."

Sollux and Aradia blinked wearily at each other, both in various states of sopor-covered undress. Karkat only seemed to notice their condition a few moment later, wrinkling his nose.

"But for fuck's sake, take a shower first, would you?" He was always striding off down the hallway before either of them could reply. "I'll find somewhere to go over this that isn't crawling with parasites."

'Considerably worse than before.' Oh, this was going to be good.

[SkaianRedeemer]

John decided to go back to sleep when he realized what happened. He's not putting up with this shit.

He may be the wisest of them all.

You wake up several hours later and immediately realize that you are now FEMALE. Your PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT has been totally zeroed in favour of your anonymous opponent. You return immediately to sleep, having a high enough COMMON SENSE rating to know when to hold it and when to fold it.

[sebastian]

John decided to go back to sleep when he realized what happened. He's not putting up with this shit.

He may be the wisest of them all.

Until he (she?) need to pee, too.

[Katrika]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MORE CONQUEST!

[Summergale]

Oh hell, it's this again. I should have been done this last night, but I got all distracted by the flash and couldn't think properly for a few hours.

This was originally going to just be the introduction to a chapter that would also contain the "talk" but somehow it went on for long enough to be its own chapter. Whoops. Enjoy!

Conquest

Chapter Seven: Considerably Worse

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-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TA: hey.
TA: 2o yeah tz 2ay2 2he diidn't do iit.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
TA: apparently 2he wa2 off doiing 2omethiing for command at the tiime.
TA: even a2k them, they'll confiirm iit.
CG: WELL FUCK, COULD THAT "SOMETHING" HAVE BEEN EXCITEDLY STABBING ME TO DEATH?
CG: BECAUSE WOW THAT STORY IS BULLSHIT FROM TOP TO FUCKING BOTTOM.
TA: well, ok, ii thought 2o two.
TA: but the locatiion and everythiing wa2 wrong.
TA: 2o iif the record2 are riight 2he couldn't have been on your 2hiip la2t niight.
CG: YOUR POINT BEING?
TA: kk are you completely 2ure that iit was tz?
CG: THE HELL?
TA: ii meant iit.
TA: are you 100% 2ure?
CG: HAHAHA HOLY FUCKING GOD YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
TA: well ii'm not, 2o 2uck on iit!
TA: get off the fuckiing rage traiin for a 2econd and try u2iing your braiin.
TA: are you 2ure? diid you 2ee her face?
CG: YES I
CG: WELL NO I DIDN'T.
CG: BUT I AM SURE BECAUSE I SAW HER BLOOD COLOR AND FOR A FEW OTHER REASONS THAT ARE PRIVATE AND I'D RATHER NOT GET INTO RIGHT NOW.
TA: wow kk here'2 a protiip for free:
TA: tz ii2 not the only turquoii2e blood iin the galaxy.
TA: more new2 at eleven.
CG: OK, FUCK YOU. SERIOUSLY.
CG: I KNOW WHAT I SAW AND IT WAS TEREZI FUCKING PYROPE
CG: IN MY RESPITEBLOCK WITH A SCYTHE.
CG: WHAT POSSIBLE REASON COULD I HAVE FOR MAKING THIS UP?
TA: look ii'm a2kiing becau2e ii know iit'2 hard for you two be objectiive on the 2ubject
TA: and that maybe that could get iin the way of lookiing at thii2 rea2onably becau2e hone2tly you are kiind of ob2e22ed.
CG: WHOA WHOA WHOA FUCKING WHOAH.
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN OBSESSED
CG: I AM NOT OBSESSED.
TA: what ii mean ii2 that iit'2 not my job two be your per2onal "fuck off" pa22enger piidgeon
TA: or two run around tormentiing tz for your conveniience.
TA: my job ii2 two analy2e both 2iide2 and two mediiate at my own dis2cretiion
TA: whiich doe2 NOT mean iignoriing your walk-iin clo2et of hang up2 becau2e you deciide to throw a fiit about iit.
TA: what ii mean ii2 you 2hould be 2hutting up and cooperatiing wiith me iin2tead of ba2kiing iin thii2 priima donna bull2hiit
TA: when ii need two fiigure thii2 out 2o ii can keep you two from fuckiing offiing each other.
TA: iin other word2
TA: II'M YOUR AU2PI2TIICE BIITCH DEAL WIITH IIT.
CG: OH MY FUCK, WHY DID I BRING THIS UPON MYSELF.
CG: WHY DID I PLACE MR MOODSWING SEIZURE BEAMS IN CHARGE OF MY EMOTIONAL WELLBEING.
CG: ONCE AGAIN I AM DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN GREATEST MISFORTUNES.
TA: oh 2hut iit would you and stop beiing 2uch a grub!
TA: do you have any iidea what thii2 mean2?
CG: THAT MY INTERPERSONAL JUDGMENT IS LACKING?
TA: no iit mean2 command miight've ordered her two kiill you YOU FUCKIING IIDIIOT!
TA: GOD do ii have to wriite 2ome kiind of walkthrough for you?
TA: "don't fuckiing diie for obliiviiou2 moron2"?
TA: ii'm worriied, you a22hole!
CG: WAIT
CG: ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.
TA: no ii'm jokiing hahaha hiilariiou2 iisn't iit
TA: ye2 ii'm beiing fuckiing 2eriiou2.
CG: WELL IF MY DAY HADN'T BEEN RUINED ALREADY THAT WOULD HAVE FUCKING DONE IT.
CG: BUT HOW THE HELL WOULD THAT EVEN HAPPEN? ISN'T FEFERI SUPPOSED TO BE IN CHARGE?
TA: ii don't even know anymore.
TA: ii already talked two her twoday and 2he 2ounded pretty 2tre22ed out.
TA: whatever ii2 up, there ii2 confu2iion iin command.
TA: ii a2ked ff about tz already and 2he 2aiid 2he would look iinto iit.
TA: 2he 2aiid there wa2 more two tell me iif ii came and 2aw her but ii told her two tell you 2iince you would be there 2oon anyway.
CG: WELL SHIT DON'T TROUBLE YOURSELF ON MY ACCOUNT.
CG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME ALONG WE CAN MAKE IT A FIELD TRIP FOR THE WHOLE CLASS.
TA: fuck off kk.
CG: IT'S MOMENTS LIKE THIS THAT MAKE ME WONDER WHERE YOU GET OFF RAGGING ON ME FOR MY ROM PROBLEMS.
TA: ff ii2 not a rom problem.
TA: there ii2 no rom.
TA: there ii2 no problem.
TA: now iif you don't miind ii'm goiing two go do 2omethiing that ii2 le22 fru2tratiing than haviing thii2 conver2atiion
TA: liike maybe eatiing gla22 or talkiing to 2erket.
CG: GODDAMNIT SOLLUX YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GET ALL SHITTY ABOUT THIS.
CG: I JUST. UGH.
CG: TEREZI MURDERING ME FOR BLACK ROM JOLLIES WOULD BE ONE THING.
CG: BUT KILLING ME BECAUSE SOMEONE ORDERED HER TO?
TA: yeah well.
TA: ii gue22 we'll 2ee.
CG: RIGHT.
CG: I'M GOING TO COME OVER THERE TO DISCUSS THIS EARTH BUSINESS WITH YOU AND ARADIA IN A COUPLE HOURS.
CG: AND I GUESS LET YOU IN ON WHATEVER INSIDER DETAILS I'M PRIVILEGED WITH.
CG: I CAN'T IMAGINE THIS MISERY PARADE LASTING MUCH LONGER THAN THAT.
TA: fiine ok.
CG: OK.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --




Death cries and pain. Red and blue blood intermingled. Magenta and purple splattered across the throne room floor. Someone screaming his name, but all he sees is yellow. A feminine voice, laughing.

Sollux's head was overwhelmed with psychic noise, rising in a sharp crescendo as he struggled towards consciousness. It was too much. It was always too much. Every time he had one it felt like the pressure might kill him, and every time it didn't he still felt surprised.

He finally broke through to the surface, waking with a start. Blinking wearily and clutching at his head as the pain slowly began to leave, he struggled with the intense disorientation that came with waking up from a precognitive vision. Where was he? His respiteblock maybe? What was he covered in? Why the floor was above his head and the roof below his feet? Why was all his stuff upside down?

It took about as long for him to realize that he was the one upside down as it did for him to fall face first into his recuperacoon.

"Augh!" he cried, getting a mouth full of sopor slime as he found the upper half of his body submerged in glowing red ooze. His psionic powers activated reflexively, to keep him from drowning if nothing else, but the way he had fallen in had left his legs sticking awkwardly out of the top. The moment he started thrashing around was the moment he knocked the whole thing over.

Red and blue slime splashed everywhere, and Sollux came up coughing and spitting, trying to avoid swallowing any of it. After a hectic few seconds, he was satisfied that he wasn't going to ingest enough for it to do anything. Then it was just a matter of grumbling bitterly, going to get some water, and pondering what exactly he'd been dreaming about before he woke up.

The subject matter was thoroughly unsurprising - he really only ever dreamed of the same kinds of things - it was the faces involved that was troubling.

With a flick of his wrist, his recuperacoon flipped right side up, and the sopor slime now littering the floor began funnelling itself into the appropriate holes. Well, 'funnelling itself' in the sense that he was compelling it to with psionic powers, but at ten sweeps old exercises like this were so well practiced they were almost subconscious. Unfortunately, in the transition from the coon to the floor, the red and blue slop had mostly transmuted to purple slop, but he would deal with that tomorrow.

He'd been sleep-floating again, an occurrence that had alarmingly become more common with age instead of less. Sometimes his powers would simply activate in his sleep, usually surrounding one of his visions or a period of particular stress in his life. Tonight probably qualified as both.

The effects were usually innocuous enough - some variant of levitating himself or nearby objects. They were persistent, though, and rarely desisted after a single episode. He would need to go bother Aradia for something if he was going to have any chance of sleeping again that night without getting another face full of slime.

Not thinking it necessary to put on anything more than the shorts he was already wearing, Sollux existed into the dorm hallway, only to hear something that instantly made him regret that decision.

"Yeah? Well maybe you[i] should stop being such a Goddamn tease!" Vriska shouted from somewhere down the hall, a sound briskly followed by a slammed door. There were footsteps. Whoever had just been in Vriska's room was coming in his direction.

He did the only thing he could think of and slunk back behind his door, holding it open just enough that he could see who was going to pass. If Vriska was yelling at them about being a tease, curiosity alone demanded that figure out who it was. What he wasn't expecting to see was the red bespectacled woman he had been stewing about all day.

"TZ...?" he breathed as she passed. What the hell was she doing on their ship in the middle of the night, talking to Vriska of all things?

She didn't notice him, her nose apparently focused on other things, and he felt the sudden compulsion to follow her. She'd been so elusive in the last while, he couldn't shake the feeling that it'd be one of his last opportunities to see what she was doing. He rubbed his feet against the floor, trying to shed any left over traces of his sopor slime, and slipped into the hallway after her.

Terezi turned right up ahead, in the direction Sollux recognized as the docking bay. There was something off about the way she was walking. It was ginger and unbalanced, like she was favouring one side. Despite his attempts at being stealthy, he could see that she was growing increasingly agitated, as if sensing that someone was following her. But it wasn't until he out rightly slipped on the puddle of slime around his feet and was forced to catch himself with the bright purple glow of his powers that she actually spotted him.

He was frozen in midair, with his arms spread out in exaggerated mid-flail, as she turned towards him, sniffing the air with sudden intensity. The expression on her face was uncertain.

"Sollux?" she said suddenly, just figuring it out. The uncertainty began to melt away, leaving behind smug satisfaction at having caught him. "Is that yoooou?" she called, grinning now. "Or does the delicious scent of wild berry smoothie deceive me?"

He frowned, something about the levity in her tone annoying him, and rearranged his body to be hovering in a more dignified position. "Yeah, hi."

"Now, is there a particular reason you've been stalking me?" she asked. "Or can I assume a general lack of respect for privacy?"

"Ugh. TZ, what are you even doing here?" he asked, drifting in her direction. "Don't you have urgent orders from Command you should be following?" She picked up on the skepticism in his tone, and just laughed.

"Nope! I finished that all up. Now I've got a clear schedule from now till the next time I need an alibi to prove that I didn't try to murder your boyfriend." She grinned cheerily, and turned to keep walking.

"He...what? I...I didn't even...TZ!" he snapped, managing to tear himself away from that swiftly derailing train of thought. He flew around to block her path. "Look, forget KK for a second. I just want to talk."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I, uh...I was having a dream about you just now."

"Pff hahahaha!" she said, waving him off. "Oh Sollux, that is so adorable. I wouldn't tell Aradia that if I were you, though. She might get jealous."

"No, okay, you know what?" he said. "No. You're trying to distract me by making me feel awkward, and it isn't going to work." The confidence in her expression flicked for a moment, but refused to give way. "This conversation is basically just confirming everything I've been wondering about you lately. TZ, would you just tell me what the hell is going on?"

"What I don't get is why you assume you know enough about what I'm doing to keep trying to stage these interventions at every available opportunity. Have you considered the idea that maybe there is nothing wrong with me, and that maybe you're just being a paranoid spaz?"

"No. I'm not." He gestured to her side. "You're not fooling me. I saw the way you're walking. You're injured, and if it'd happened during regular Thresher business then why would you feel the need to lie about it now?"

She actually snarled at him, which caught him off guard. "Maybe it's because I am getting pretty tired of all your nagging lately, and think maybe you should mind your own business."

"It is my business, TZ. You were there too when we decided on this-"

"Well, so much for 'forget about Khaaaykhaaay for a thecond,'" she said, making sure to emphasize her mockery of his speech impediment. "That lasted for the whole half a minute I expected it to."

"Why are you being so difficult?" he snapped.

"Because you are probably the least emotionally stable person imaginable to be doing this, you're too obsessed with Karkat to be neutral, and even if I needed an auspistice I sure as hell wouldn't pick you! You get that?" She was grinning again, but there was no humor behind it. "You're a shitty auspistice, Sollux! And if gutter-blood wants someone to keep me from getting him, he should man up and do it himself."

At first there were no words. Sollux felt paralyzed as she spoke - breathless as her words cut deeper than they ever should have. Until the words finally came, that is, and then they just wouldn't stop.

"Gutter-blood? Seriously?" he snarled. "Fine! You know what? Fine! I don't need this. You know, TZ, there really is something wrong with you. You've always been intense about this, but I never remembered you being such a bitch." The glow around him intensified as he felt himself lifting further off the floor. "So, hey, get this. You know that dream I mentioned? It was one of the prophetic ones. And you know what else? It wasn't looking so good in terms of you staying alive!"

He swallowed, his voice shaking with anger. She stared at him, her expression unreadable.

"So, maybe..." he continued, speaking very carefully now. "Maybe you should watch yourself before you get into trouble. I'm out."

With that he turned and flew down the hallway away from her. Somewhere behind him, he thought he heard her call out his name. "Sollux...?"

He didn't stop. He couldn't deal with that right now. He just couldn't.

Moments later he found himself hovering in front of Vriska's door, still too filled with with frustration to think rationally. He landed, and thumped on the door as loud as he could. If Terezi wouldn't talk to him, then maybe-

The door swung open, revealing a very irritated looking Vriska, her cheeks flush with cerulean.

"Vriska," he said. "What was Terezi doing here just now?"

Her eyes narrowed into slits, complimented but a fierce set of bared fangs.

"Fuck off, Captor," she hissed, "before I make you slap yourself silly." She slammed the door in his face.

"Fuck!" he yelled at no one in particular, punching the wall behind him. He was in the mood to do more, until Aradia's voice cautiously called out to him from down the hall.

"Sollux?" she asked. She was peeking out from her respiteblock, hair and face soaked through with sopor slime. Shit, he must have woken her up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he mumbled, instantly deflating as he began walking to her doorway. He rubbed his arm awkwardly. "I'd actually been planning on coming to talk to you before, uh...I got distracted."

"I noticed," she said, picking a bit of slime out of her ear. "I heard you yelling down the hallway."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. Is everything alright?"

"No. Not really," he admitted. "I think Terezi broke up with me. I am so fucking awful at this."

She sighed, wiping some wet hair out of her face. "No, you're not. Give me a few minutes to clean up and we can talk, if you think it'd help."

Sollux's mouth was hanging open to reply when the familiar sound of stomping boots distracted him. Karkat Vantas was plowing his way down the hall - a total of six hours later than he had originally indicated he would show up. It'd gotten so late, the two of them had stopped trying to wait up for him and had just gone to sleep. It looked like whatever had delayed him had done a good job of pissing him off, too.

"Oh, great, you're awake," he grumbled, approaching them. "Saves me some trouble."

"KK, what happened?"

"Well, if it puts it into perspective for you, thinks are now considerably worse than before. But this is not hallway fucking conversation. We need to go somewhere else, and we need to go there now."

Sollux and Aradia blinked wearily at each other, both in various states of sopor-covered undress. Karkat only seemed to notice their condition a few moment later, wrinkling his nose.

"But for fuck's sake, take a shower first, would you?" He was always striding off down the hallway before either of them could reply. "I'll find somewhere to go over this that isn't crawling with parasites."

'Considerably worse than before.' Oh, this was going to be good.

aaaa I love Conquest so much you have no idea

Everyone is spot on in characterisation and I can just picture all this happening! (Also the fact that Aradia is alive is a major plus too, ) So basically I've stayed up way too late reading this, good night and I love the fic

[sebastian]

Oooooh, more Conquest goodness.

The only problem is that now I've to wait for the next chapter.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Great chapter, Quixotic, but a minor concern:

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If Sollux spent the entire chapter in a state of "sopor-covered undress", why does it only bother him when Karkat walks in? I'm not specifically referring to the scenes with Aradia, Terezi or even Vriska, but more the whole walking-the-halls thing. You do briefly mention him cleaning sopor so maybe you're just referring to Aradia at the end there?