MSPA Fanfiction III

[Graven_Image]

My Future Self and Me

Part 6: Other People and Jade Again

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OPEN PESTERLOG

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carcinoGeneticist began trolling turntechGodhead

CG: ALRIGHT, WHAT DID YOU DO.
CG: EVERY TROLL IN THE HOUSE JUST CAME DOWN WITH A MASSIVE CASE OF TIME-INDUCED MIGRAINE.
TG: yeah that was gonna happen
TG: sorry i didnt warn you
CG: SORRY DOES NOT BEGIN TO CUT IT.
CG: WHAT DID YOU DO?
TG: see thats a question that will be asked of me several times today
TG: already has in fact
TG: so here
TG: this will answer all of you at once and save me some time

OPEN MEMO

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CURRENT turntechGodhead open memo on board HITCHIKERS GUIDE TO THE TIMELINE

TG: alright i know this whole rigmarole is gonna start turning a few heads
TG: and undoubtedly all of you chitnous mouthbreathers will come barging into my trollslum just itching for a fight
TG: so i figure i’ll put it all here and let future me be the detour sign
TG: so come on pile it in
??? arsenicCatnip AT ?:?? responded to memo
AC: :33 < *the furrocious lioness crawls in, frightened by all the commotion!*
AC: :33 < *what’s going on? she asks*
TG: yeah whats going on is you not doing any more of that
TG: seriously i will cold slap someone if i see another word of rping going on in this
TG: i am srs bsns today
AC: :|| < sorry
TG: right so
TG: anyone else coming in here
TG: no
TG: or can i just assume that youre all reading this
??? carcinoGeneticist AT ?:?? responded to memo
CG: YEAH I’M HERE.
CG: THIS BETTER BE GOOD, STRIDER.
TG: and thats two down
TG: anyone else
??? gallowsCalibrator AT ?:?? responded to memo
GC: PR3TTY MUCH 3V3RYON3 1S R34D1NG TH1S D4V3
GC: 4S 1T TURNS OUT WORD GOT 4ROUND 4BOUT TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH YOU 4ND T4VROS
TG: who
GC: 4D1OSTOR34DOR
GC: TH3 OR4NG3 ON3
TG: oh right him
TG: and
GC: W3R3 NOT 4LL SUCH GLUTTONS FOR PUN1SHM3NT 4S CR4BM4N 4ND C4TWOM4N OV3R TH3R3
AC: :[[ < hey!
AC: :[[ < i’m not a glutton!
CG: IT’S A HUMAN FIGURE OF SPEECH, NEPETA.
AC: :xx < oh.
GC: 4NYW4Y
GC: WH4T 1M S4Y1NG 1S K33P GO1NG
GC: W3R3 4LL W4TCH1NG YOU
TG: right
TG: feel free to chime in any time
TG: so
TG: lets start from the top
TG: we screwed up
TG: badly
TG: and in the process screwed you guys over even worse
CG: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT
CG: BUT THAT’S ALL PART OF THE ALPHA TIMELINE AND CAN’T BE CHANGED.
CG: WE’RE STILL HERE RIGHT?
CG: OUR DREAMSELVES STILL GOT VAPORIZED BY AN INDESTRUCTIBLE JACK NOIR.
TG: but not the indestructible jack noir you thought it was
TG: search your feelings
TG: you know it to be true
CG: WAIT
CG: I REMEMBER TWO THINGS
CG: WHAT THE CRAP?
TG: that my friend is a consequence of a little technique we just used
TG: a technique i have dubbed
TG: the time slip

Jade slowly opened her eyes.

Tick.

The world around was almost eerily still.

Tick.

She glanced around. There was Bec, lying like a good dog in front of the fireplace. But... what happened?

Tick.

She looked down. What she saw did not surprise her. But it did give her a start.

Her skin was glowing dark-ish green, like a sprite's should. But it was also brass. Her entire form was now living, bending brass, flexible like her old skin but hard like the clock’s metal. She also had a clock face embedded in her chest. That would entertain Dave to no end, she knew.

It was after this brief period of self-inspection that she realized, oh right, she had a past self to tend to.

And there she was, lying in the snow. How convenient.

OPEN SPRITELOG

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JADESPRITE: oh hey!
JADESPRITE: are you alright?
JADE: umm i think so
JADE: what did you do?
JADESPRITE: i did what dave told me to do!
JADESPRITE: i improvised!
JADE: neat!
JADE: so what now?
JADESPRITE: now we wait for dave to get finished explaining to the trolls
JADESPRITE: tick
JADESPRITE: oops
JADE: hehe what?
JADESPRITE: i don’t know what happened there I
JADESPRITE: tick
JADESPRITE: i can’t really control the ticks
JADE: so
JADE: what do we do while we’re waiting for dave?
JADESPRITE: i think we can just kick back and relax...
JADESPRITE: i mean bec can handle anything this game will throw at us
JADE: yeah it looks like this is the safest place in the medium right now!
JADESPRITE: so
JADESPRITE: tick
JADESPRITE: you want to play jenga?
JADE: DO I! :D

[ceruleanTresses]

No, good sir/madame. You have made MY day! There has never been a better pairing. Never.

Madame. Also, thanks.

[Metaflare]

oh shit looks like things are gonna get more confusing Graven. yaaaay!

[Author]

I had a AradiaVriska fic written.

Then my computer logged me out of the forum, and I LOST THE POST.

I will now distract myself with ridiculous pesterlog between Aradia and Sollux.

IT IS ALSO ARADIAVRISKA.

Lessons

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-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] at 3:27 PM. --
TA: aradia.
AA: 0h hey s0llux!
AA: whats up?
TA: what the hell is vrii2ka doing?
TA: 2he'2 cackling eviilly and readiing a book.
TA: iit'2 2urpri2ingly worrying.
AA: 0h d0nt w0rry s0llux!
AA: i just t0ld her s0mething to keep her busy.
TA: oh god what diid you 2ay?
AA: just something to make sure you felt better!
AA: you d0nt really appr0ve 0f her, even though she's my matesprit.
AA: and y0ure my m0rail! I have t0 f0ll0w y0ur ideas!
TA: a2 touchiing a2 that ii2
TA: iit2 really creepy how 2he ta1a100urn2 the page2 and laugh2 maniiacally.
AA: it was just t0 get y0ur mind 0ff 0f us d0ing th0se things y0u d0nt appr0ve 0f!
AA: inv0lving... h0useh0ld 0bjects.
TA: what. didi. you. 2AY!
AA: I t0ld her that she wasn't all0wed t0 ravish me unless she learned h0w t0 d0 it pr0perly! S0 y0u can st0p w0rrying!
TA: 2trangely Aradiia that make2 me almo2t twiice a2 worriied.
TA: ju2t... tell her two 2top cackliing. Iit2 creepiing me out and iit2 two dii2tractiing.
AA: fiiiiiiiine. :P
TA: ...plea2e never do that agaiin. iit2 friighteniing.
AA: alright 'tholluxth'
AA: l8r!
-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] at 3:40 PM. --
TA: DAMMIT ARADIIA THAT2 JU2T A2 BAD!

I can't write Sollux at all.

LIVE!ARADIA IS STILL THE BEST ARADIA. MY HEADCANON FOR HER KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

I consider Live!Aradia to act like Luna Lovegood: quirky, highly amusing, and INCREDIBLY ADORABLE.

[Kassiopeia]

Thank you everyone!!!!!

All I can think about is A, hotdamn what a good Jack and B, about that RoseBec Noir picture. Was that your inspiration? Because I don't find them blowing things up together farfetched at all.
I am excited to know that there is going to be more and more parts of this, because I am going to read them like a boss.
OH. And I am very, very happy about Jack saying "dollface" because he SURELY talks like a 30's gangster. SURELY. There can be no other truth. That is surely his typing quirk, if he were to have one.

Oh my, I don't remember any specific RoseBec Noir picture, but it was all totally inspired by the discussion of the pairing in that thread, yeah!

Speaking of which here is more, because my work ethic is currently modelled on Hussie and his one-man army.

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1: Prototype
2: Tarantula Coffee
3: Blast Radius

Rose returns to her house that evening aching and dishevelled. It's all she can do to put the salamander to bed in the bath before slumping on the couch in exhaustion. The couch, like everything else in the house, is bleeding-edge minimalist, and still smells faintly of the furniture warehouse. Rose buries her face in the plasticky leather and waits for her breathing to slow. She could go up to her room and find a more comfortable resting place, but sleep doesn't sound like a pleasant prospect right now, and the couch is just uncomfortable enough to keep her alert.

A light switches on with a click and she is on her feet almost before she has time to consciously register the change. Jack Noir is sitting in the corner of her living room, like a tarantula in a nice clean fridge.

"Dollface," he says, "Don't go straight for the wands. Maybe I want to cut you a deal."

"Oh, certainly," she says, "The murder of a beloved pet is often the precursor to human trading agreements, absolutely."

"Don't get snippy with me, sugar," he says, "I could turn you to stardust right here and now."

"Oh, threats. Truly, a textbook business move. Your mastery of the persuasive arts is unmatched." Her hand strays to the wand that remains permanently buckled to her hip.

"Easy there," says Noir. It's strange, hearing that smooth voice come from the snaggle-toothed mouth. "Don't mean you no harm. For now."

"Well, bastion of trustworthiness that you are, I nonetheless choose to disbelieve you. What exactly do you want?"

Rose can't believe she's talking like this. Why are the words still coming out of her mouth? An insane kind of courage posesses her, and a swelling fury like an ocean wave. What is this thing doing in her house? Noir looks wrong, like a broken limb, like a severed thumb, a mutant dogfaced scarab sitting in her armchair. His wings beat gently, and the movement disgusts her.

"I want you to work for me," he says, "You show potential."

"Ah, yes," she says. She searches her mind for something sarcastic to say, but the flood of rage seems to have subsided. Now she's just exhausted. She wants her Mom to come and deal with this. She wants to sleep undisturbed.

"Why would you want me to work for you?" she says eventually, "You're omnipotent."

"What kinda sovereign would I be if I didn't nurture talent when I saw it before my very eyes?" he says, "I saw you today. Blowin' up temples left right and centre. It was fuckin' masterful - pardon my language, doll - and I think you know exactly what you were doin'."

"Searching for a means to destroy you, naturally," says Rose.

"See, that's what I like about you," says Noir, "Maybe you were. And you were still showin' off."

Rose glared. He couldn't possibly be right. Maybe she had wanted him to see her, maybe she had wreaked destruction on the turtle temples with a little more flamboyance than was strictly necessary, maybe she had wanted Noir to be impressed, even - but it was all because she wanted him gone, wasn't it? She wanted him to know she was a force to be reckoned with.

"Well, my delusionally narcissistic streak is well-known," she said, "There's nothing I like more than attracting the attention of a monstrous flying psychopath from space."

"I could help you," he said, "Look. Token of my goodwill."

He holds his hand to his mouth and removes the Queen's ring. It's difficult, taking it off with only one hand and an ungainly canine mouth he isn't yet used to. For a moment his thoughts stray back to Her - oh, she would have been annoyed by the dog-face - and he feels a jolt of regret.

Rose watches impassively as Noir shrinks back to his unprototyped form. He's man-shaped now, or something like it.

I could kill him now, she thinks. He's defenceless. I have my wands. The war would be over. Everything would be over. There would be rest, and Mom would come home, and I could talk to John and Dave and Jade without them treating me like some diseased thing.

He watches her with beady white eyes.

"You're not goin' to kill me," he says, "Know how I know?"

"Yes," she says, "My telepathy skills are second to none."

"Pipe down, dollface. I know you're not goin' to kill me, because you're curious. You want to know what you could learn from me. Don't you?"

"If you say anything about curiosity killing the cat I will disembowel you." She should probably be more upset about Jaspersprite, but there is nothing but a vague numbness in her heart. He was here. Now he isn't. That's all there is to it. The amateur psychologist who still keeps residence in her mind suggests that there's something very wrong with her, but this way is, if nothing else, easier.

"We could do such things together, Seer," he says.

"I'm sure the world would be our mollusc of choice," she replies. She sighs and sits down on the couch again. She is so, so tired.

"Sleepy?" says Noir. It sounds like he might be trying to be sympathetic. This suits him about as well as the stupid shades he's wearing.

"No," says Rose. "If you really want me to work for you, you can get me a coffee."

"Fine," says Jack, to her surprise. He heads into the kitchen, his carapaced hindclaws clicking on the tiles like Mom's heels.

Rose hugs her knees and imagines planets burning. Maybe Jack could help them. Who cares about the battlefield? Who cares about Derse and Prospit? It's all so stupid. Maybe with Jack on her side she could break the game thoroughly enough for all of them to get out.

In the kitchen, Jack struggles with the accoutrements of human cookery. He has a good understanding of coffee, but in his world it's something served to you by terrified sub-agents in tiny black mugs. He's not totally certain what it's even made of. Unwilling to accept defeat, he starts searching for instructions. Rose's kitchen is as bare and clean and grey as the Queen's chambers back on Derse, and the single cookery book to be seen is a sleek silver volume which proves to contain nothing but cocktail recipes. Before he gets any further, a sigh from the living room draws his attention. Rose has fallen asleep, her tiny form propped up on the sofa, as peaceful as a dead pawn.

Jack replaces the ring on his finger and sits opposite her, wings fluttering absently. He can wait.

[Quixotic]

So, after a few days of obsessive lurking on all of the fanfiction threads (all of them), I have written up something incredibly silly. It is pretty terrible in comparison to the awesome stuff I've been reading here, but I wanted to contribute somehow, so here it is! Hopefully most of its terribleness is the intentional terribleness!

Apologies if someone has done this concept already--I haven't read all of the fics yet, since there are SO MANY OF THEM J3GUS CHRIST. Also, the shift in tense in the third paragraph was intentional.

Karkat's Diary

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KARKAT'S PERSONAL GODDAMN DIARY. DO NOT TOUCH. THIS IS A DIRECT ORDER FROM YOUR LEADER.

ONE DAY KARKAT WAS REALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF BECAUSE HIS TEAM WAS FULL OF STUPID GODDAMN NOOKSUCKERS WHO KEPT TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER OR GET THEMSELVES KILLED ALL THE TIME, I MEAN SERIOUSLY COME ON.

HE WAS ALSO SAD BECAUSE DESPITE HOW EFFORTLESSLY HE SLUNG ABOUT VICIOUS VERBAL BARBS, THE SORT THAT CUT DEEP INTO YOUR PSYCHE AND LEAVE YOU ETERNALLY SCARRED, NOBODY SEEMED TO TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY AS AN ENEMY.

NOT THAT IT WOULD HAVE MATTERED IF THEY DID BECAUSE ALL OF THEM ARE SO FUCKING STUPID THAT THEY COULDN'T POSSIBLY KEEP HIM INTERESTED ENOUGH TO MAINTAIN A LONG-TERM CALIGINOUS RELATIONSHIP.

BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE HEARD A STRANGE WHOOSHING NOISE. HE TURNED AROUND AND SAW THAT A TIME PORTAL HAD OPENED!

FROM THE PORTAL EMERGED A TROLL OF TERRIFYING HANDSOMENESS, HIS FACE TWISTED IN A VICIOUS SNARL. HIS HORNS, WHICH WERE NOT IN ANY WAY INADEQUATE, LOOMED OMINOUSLY FROM THE TANGLES OF HIS UNRULY BLACK HAIR.

YET DESPITE THE NEWCOMER'S OBVIOUS AWESOMENESS AND AURA OF LEADERSHIP, KARKAT FELT SOMETHING WELLING UP WITHIN HIM THAT HE HAD NEVER FELT BEFORE. IT WAS A HATRED SO PURE AND SEETHING THAT ANYTHING HE MIGHT HAVE HYPOTHETICALLY FELT FOR SOME THEORETICAL REPULSIVE PINK HUMAN PALED IN COMPARISON.

KARKAT KNEW THAT AT LAST HE HAD FOUND SOMEONE WORTHY OF THE OCEANS OF CALIGINOUS FEELING HE HAD TO OFFER. BECAUSE THE MOMENT HE HAD SEEN THE OTHER TROLL STEP OUT FROM THE BLINDING LIGHT OF THE PORTAL, HE HAD RECOGNIZED HIM AS...HIMSELF.

THE OTHER KARKAT SCOWLED. "HELLO PAST ME, YOU LOATHSOME PILE OF FOUR-SWEEP-OLD BEHEMOTH LEAVINGS. I TRUST YOU ARE SUITABLY AWED AND HUMILIATED BY MY PRESENCE, WHICH IS INFINITELY MORE COMMANDING AND NON-RETARDED THAN YOUR OWN. I'M YOU TWELVE HOURS FROM NOW, AND I'M ABOUT TO FUCK YOU UP ON A GALACTIC SCALE. PLANETS WILL REFORM THEMSELVES INTO FUCKING GIANT BECRATERED BONE BULGES JUST TO ASSIST WITH THE BRUTAL FORNICATION."

“OH YEAH?” KARKAT SPAT AT HIS FUTURE SELF. “YOU'RE TWELVE HOURS MORE SLEEP-DEPRIVED THAN I AM. I AM GOING TO POUND YOU INTO THE FUCKING GROUND. NO ONE WILL EVER HAVE BEEN KILLED HARDER THAN I AM ABOUT TO KILL YOU.”

“WELL I GUESS YOU WOULD KNOW ALL ABOUT GETTING PEOPLE KILLED, WOULDN'T YOU? WOULDN'T YOU THAY THAT'TH THO?” FUTURE KARKAT SHOT BACK SMUGLY.

KARKAT WINCED WITH A DELICIOUS COMBINATION OF PAIN AND PLEASURE. THE ACIDIC RAGE BUILDING UP WITHIN HIM WAS ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BEAR. HE SMIRKED. “JUST FOR THAT, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU EVEN HARDER THAN I WAS ALREADY GOING TO. BRING IT ON, ASSHOLE.”

AND THEN THEY PUNCHED AND KICKED EACH OTHER ALL NIGHT LONG. EVERY BLOW CONNECTED PERFECTLY, EVERY STRIKE WAS EXPERTLY CALCULATED TO DEAL MAXIMUM AGONY. THE SAVAGE STRIFE WAS PUNCTUATED BY VERBAL ASSAULTS FROM BOTH SIDES, EACH ONE MORE DEVASTATING THAN THE LAST—FOR AFTER ALL, WHO COULD BE MORE QUALIFIED TO STAB AT KARKAT'S GUILTS AND INSECURITIES THAN KARKAT HIMSELF?

AT LAST THEY BOTH COLLAPSED, PANTING WITH EXHAUSTION, THEIR BLOOD OF UNSPECIFIED HUE DRIPPING FROM THEIR MANY WOUNDS. EIGHT HOURS HAD PASSED SINCE FUTURE KARKAT'S ARRIVAL, YET IT HAD FELT LIKE MERE MINUTES.

KARKAT GLARED WEARILY AT HIS NEWFOUND KISMESIS, THEN LOOKED AWAY AND ALLOWED HIMSELF A RARE SMILE. AT LAST HE HAD FILLED HIS CALIGINOUS QUADRANT. NOT ONLY THAT, HE HAD FILLED IT WITH THE BEST POSSIBLE CANDIDATE IN PARADOX SPACE.

AND THE BEST THING ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION WAS THAT FOUR HOURS FROM NOW, HE'D GET TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.

(I SWEAR TO GOD VRISKA IF YOU ARE READING THIS I AM GOING TO BREAK OFF YOUR HORNS AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR PROTEIN SHUTE.)

So...yeah...that was a thing. Lots of credit goes to my friend Bert, who advised me on how to better capture Karkat's voice and also browbeat me into including the F word for accuracy. Also Maku, who helped me work up the confidence to post it and gave me general writing advice. They are awesome!

Edit: Thanks so much to everyone who said nice things! You guys made my day!

Hooollleee crap, I can't believe I missed this. This is a late comment, but this was frigging hilarious. Basically, I loved it. Lines like "PANTING WITH EXHAUSTION, THEIR BLOOD OF UNSPECIFIED HUE DRIPPING FROM THEIR MANY WOUNDS." and "HIS HORNS, WHICH WERE NOT IN ANY WAY INADEQUATE," totally made it for me.

[Wigmund]

Oh god, I need more Kass.

[ChemIisan]

I have a little story for all the squiddo's out there...

Once there was a CRAZY HAIRED lad named ChemIisan. I wouldn't play games with him. He sucks and it takes all the fun out of beating him. But one day this ChemIisan learned a new way to draw. SO off he goes, making lots of pretty images. He spent 10 minutes on a picturehe was pleased with... a picture of the god Gankro. SO he took the image and looked for the Fan-Fanart thread and...
IT WASN'T THERE.

HAPPY NIGHTMARES KIDDOS.

IMAGES:

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[lucidSeraph]

/finally, FINALLY blunders in here

KASS that was lovely.

/looks back at 20 pages

guess I'll start reading the rest of you fine people's stuff tomorrow, before I begin contributing my own.

... which will probably be sad Strider fic, because I remain the ironic walking bro shrine. x_X;

(Unless you are all sick of sad strider shenanigans, in which case I will not torment you all with it)

[mutecebu]

Graven: My future self and me is awesome.

[QuetzaDrake]

Kass: After having read both chapters, again, really spectacular. You write very eloquently and poetically, which fits a story concerning Rose and Jack teaming up, so-to-speak. I also really love how you describe Jack in general, from his inner thoughts, instincts due to prototyping, and his anatomy and body language and mannerisms. I definitely look forward to reading more.

[Dermonster]

One(Ichi[Itchy])

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Run.

You always run.

But I will always catch you.

Your life is so slow. So small.

Heh.

It amuses me, seeing how you react.

I close in on your face and caress it in my hand. Your eyes slowly widen and your pupils slowly, fraction by fraction, slide over to where I am. I drink in the fear. The understanding that someone not quite real is standing here. Always watching but never seen. I disappear in the half second that you think you see me.

A flicker on your eye. In your face. A movement too quick to see on the wall. Was that vase there before? You turn around to find nothing but wind. When you look back the vase is gone. A faint laugh dances on the stale air.

You run.

Heh.

Keep running.

But no matter how fast you run, I will catch you.

Even Light finds that, after it's long journey, that darkness is there, waiting for it.

[ArmsAreLoud]

A little indirect KarkatJade here. I'm satisfied with what I ended up with, but as always I liked the idea better than what came out of it. :l

ArmsAreLoud presents...

Karky's New Clothes

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I honestly could not believe what I was seeing.

There he was, stalking around in his signature slouch. And yet, you could hardly tell this grumpy troll was the same Karkat we all knew and sort of tolerated: he had embraced an entirely new outfit, something rare for a troll and rarer still for a stick in the mud like him.

His new garb was simple, yet still quite dashing. He had maintained a gray color palette, embracing various complimentary shades of the color for his garb; his slacks were of a darker shade, whilst his coat and matching fedora had been given a lighter color to compliment his white shirt.

It was a peculiar thing, that shirt. Not only was it clean, something that only I had bothered with at that point, but it was, dare I say it, IRONED. Karkat had gone through the trouble of ironing his shirt before putting it on. It was at this point I resolved to search my room for my own ironer because I was quite certain I was the only one who had ever bothered to obtain one.

This was an exceptional instance, the kind that only happens once every hundred sweeps. I felt it absolutely imperative to question him on the matter.

Karkat I Must Say I Am Impressed
You Look Absolutely Stunning
And Yet Still I Find Myself Wondering
Why Would You Do This

JUST SHUT UP.
JUST... SHUT THE FUCK UP I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

If I were to rank the usefulness of that conversation I would have to give it the status of absolutely useless. However, the furious red blush that accompanied it was extraordinarily useful.

It was at this point I decided that a discussion with Rose would be necessary; the humans appear much more tolerant of fashion than my fellow trolls, so if I were to sleuth out the source of Karkat’s sudden fashion statement I would likely find it among the Sburb players.

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-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --
GA: Hello Again Rose
TT: Hello, Kanaya.
GA: I Was Wondering If I Could Receive Some Information From You
GA: You See Our Fearless Leader Has Taken An Interest In Fashion
GA: I Personally Find That Shocking And A Little Bit Ridiculous
TT: Based on what I know of him, I would be inclined to agree.
TT: So, what could possibly cause our poor little Karkitty to develop a sense of style?
GA: I Was Thinking It May Be One Of You Four
GA: It Certainly Was Not Me And There Are No Others Among Our Group Who Would Have An Interest In Fashion Or Such A Strong Hold On Karkat As To Force Him To Develop One
TT: How very insightful. Well, I can promise you that I have little interest in Karkat discovering his masculine suave through an assortment of classy outfits.
TT: Nor would I expect Dave or John to feel the need to dress him up as they are too busy mimicking the clothing choices of their own favorite trolls.
TT: So that would leave Jade.
GA: Indeed It Would
GA: Thank You Rose You Have Been A Great Help
[color==#008141]TT: It was my pleasure, I assure you.
-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] –

It should be obvious what I decided to do next.

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-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --
GA: Hello Jade This Is Kanaya I Am A Friend Of Roses I Am Not Sure If We Have Spoken Before
GG: nope!! i don’t think we’ve ever spoken, either. but a friend of rose’s is a friend of mine!
GG: besides you trolls seem to be getting nicer so it’s not really worth avoiding you like it was before. :P
GA: Oh Well That Is Good Then
GA: Well
GA: I Suppose I Should Be Straight Forward With This
GA: Would You Happen To Have An Interest In Fashion
GG: yeah, i love fashion!!! i used to have a machine that would change my wardrobe but it blew up.
GA: Oh My I Am So Sorry To Hear That
GA: That Sounds Like An Absolutely Exquisite Machine
GG: yeah, it’s ok though.
GG: woops, gotta run!!! karky’s pestering me, and i found a few more hats in my grandpa’s room i want him to try out!!
GG: hope we can talk again soon kanaya!!
-- gardenGnostic [GA] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GG] –
GA: Wait You Have A Pet Name For Him
GA: Oh
GA: She Left
GA: Hrm

Upon removing myself from the screen, I felt an immense feeling of satisfaction. This little tidbit of information was just too juicy to pass up.

I had to inform Nepeta immediately.

Why am I still doing the ArmsAreLoud presents thing? I honestly don't know and think it's rather silly!

In other news I HATE COLOR TAGS AND COLOR TAGS HATE ME AEK[OapfPSDJOFIPJSDJIPOFSJIPVSDJPGO

[nightmarechild]

Because I have to mentally justify everything

Nothin' personal:

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Bro's vision slowly restored focus and he saw the new and improved Jack Noir still crackling with energy and screaming. After spitting out a mouthful of, something, he quickly looked around. His sword was to far away. He wouldn't be able to crawl that far. He looked back at Jack and sighed, and then it clicked.

Bro smirked in realization. Anyone else would take that ring off as soon as the felt the prototyping begin knowing the power would probably kill him. And Bro knew that there was only one reason anyone would be willing to take that risk.

The outburst of energy had calmed Jack immensely, and the smirk piqued his curiosity, “Judging by the look on your face you’ve pieced it together. Smart, would’ve been a valuable asset had you been on our side. Suppose you know why I can’t let you live. Well don’t worry I won’t kill them. If they die they lose, and whether they win or lose, the game ends.”

“Kinda bleeding here, wrap this up.”

“Yeah yeah, kids done leads to me and everyone here being deconstructed as fast as we were constructed, and I can’t let that happen.” Jack crackled with green lightning and made a growling sound, “It’s nothing personal, just can’t risk them winning.” They both chuckled, “Well out of respect for someone who can kick my ass even with three times power I’ll make this quick. We cool?”

After a chuckle that said ‘I would have done the same’ Bro Strider had only one thing to say to the man who was about to kill him, “I’ve got only one thing to say do the monster formerly known as Jack Noir.” He smirked again, knowing the only thing that could cause someone to take that much of a risk, “How far along?”

It was Jack’s turn to smirk, “Smart boy I see.” He took his sword out of his chest and pointed it at Bro, “Nine months tomarrow, should be any day now.”

Two swords were driven into two chests, Jacks sword into Bro’s chest, and Bro’s sword into his successor's chest. The figure started crackling with energy that Bro’s sword had absorbed from the strange flying turntable.

“Caw Caw Motherfucker.” Davesprite had complete rage in his eyes and voice as he felt the power run through him, “I’ll give you TEN seconds!”

Jack might have been powered up by an omnipotent hell dog but he wasn’t stupid. He took that ten second head start for all it was worth.

I am beating myself up for not working harder on that.

[Dermonster]

Two(Dos[Doze])

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I wait.

I always wait.

I see rocks crumble to dust. Oceans drain before my eyes. Stars flicker and die in my vision.

But I will always wait. An immovable rock in the sands of time.

You yell. You plead. I ignore. A touch and all is dust. Time moves on ever forward.

The Guards fumble. I move when they aren't looking. A fraction of an inch.

Time passes and you find a statue in the hallway outside your bedroom.

It was always an odd statue. Green. With a blue hat. The number two. You could swear it was in the gardens a few decades ago. Faulty memory, you suppose. It looks like the eyes follow you. Nothing but superstition, of course.

But I am here. Watching.

Waiting.

And soon the time to strike will come.

No matter how hard the waves crumble the rock, it finds more stone waiting just around the corner.

[Nakkirz]

Dermonster, these Felt oneshots are awesome! Keep 'em up.

Also, that Rose and Jack fic is really creepy and cool. Kass, you're awesome

OH HELL, everyone's awesome in here!!!!!

[Dermonster]

Three(Tres[Trace])

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I know.

I always know.

Your past is like an open book.

I see what you did.

I know how you did it.

But my questions do not lie there.

Tell me what I want to know.

...

No? I see.

You have a son, correct? You saw him this morning.

I know where he is. Where he lives. Surprised are you? No location is safe from me. You have been there, so then shall I.

Or maybe I shall visit your daughter. My oh my, she does seem to be crossing paths with so many others trails. And staying with them in one place for quite some amount of time.

Still nothing? Let's examine your trail then. Ooh, now this is interesting. You having an affair? Oh how sordid. An affair on your affair? How will the public like that?

So tell me then, Tell me what I want to know. Or maybe your past will tell everyone else.

You cry and I laugh.

I always know. And what I don't know, I find out.

The past is always so much brighter when in the darkness.

[flutterShy]

All For One, Part 3

Part 1
Part 2

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-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited tentacleTherapist [TT] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited ectoBiologist [EB] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited turntechGodhead [TG] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited adiosToreador [AT] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited twinArmageddons [TA] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited grimAuxiliatrix [GA] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited gallowsCalibrator [GC] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited arachnidsGrip [AG] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited centaursTesticle [CT]to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited terminallyCapricious [TC] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited caligulasAquarium [CA] to join memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --

CG: SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, EGBERT
EB: that's what I've been trying to tell you, karkat! we were talking, and she went idle, then disconnected!
TG: don't yell at him dude hes trying to help
CG: I WILL YELL AT WHOEVER I WANT TOO, ASSHOLE
TT: What is going on? Do we have to spend time on this nonsense?
AA: it is und0ubtably s0 that we must
TA: thats not helpiing the siituation though
AC: :33 < *ac wriggles her tail and declares that we all must go looking for them!*
CT: D--> Absolutely not, Nepeta.
AC: :33 < *ac whines and pouts*
TC: whAt iS aLl up In thIs moTherFuckIng PlaCe
GC: H3H3H3H3
AT: uHHHH, TEREZI, SHOULD YOU BE LAUGHING LIKE THAT
AG: Whateveeeeeeeer are you talking about, Tavros?
GA: I Unfortunately Have To Agree With TT Here, This Is Not At All Helpful To Our Situation
CA: wwhatevver, just get fef back
CG: WILL ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT YOUR FESTERING GRUBNOOKS UP
TT: ... Yes, Karkat?
CG: UGH, JUST LET ME TALK HERE
TG: yeah whatever
AC: :33 < *ac wriggles her tail impatiently, purring*
EB: ...
TT: ... Karkat?
CG: OKAY, FINE, I GET THE POINT, MAYBE SOLLUX OR EGBERT SHOULD TAKE THIS ONE SINCE EV-I-DENT-LY NO ONE CARES FOR A GOOD LEADER TO TAKE THEIR TIME AND ACTUALLY SHARE ALL OF THE DETAILS. EGBERT?
EB: okay, look, you don't have to be sarcastic, that is so Roses thing
TT: John!
AA: and s0 it begins
TC: sO whAt bEgiNs
CT: D--> I believe Aradia is referring to the argument, Gamzee.
TC: Oh, wEll ThaT is JuSt FucKed uP
TA: ii don't know about that
CA: what the fuck do you know, you are the last one fef talked too!
TA: don't yell at me, she's the one that contacted me!
CA: yes, see? I told her not to consort with you nasty lowbloods!
CG: HEY YOU TAKE THAT BACK
TA: oh great
CA: MAKE ME YOU GLUBBING GRAY TRAITOR
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned caligulasAquarium [CA] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
TA: good job, karkat
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned twinArmageddons [TA] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
AT: uHHH, KARKAT, iSN'T THAT SORT OF NOT HELPFUL
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned adiosToreador [AT] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
AG: Heeeeeeeey! That wasn't right!
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned arachnidsGrip [AG] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
CG: NEITHER WAS THAT, BUT DO I GIVE A FUCK? NO. ANYONE ELSE?
CT: D--> Nepeta, disconnect now. We will not consort with these low-bloods.
AC: :33 < *ac whines and protests that she wants to stay and play!*
CT: D--> Now, Nepeta.
AC: :33 < *ac protests!*
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned arsenicCatnip [AC] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned centaursTesticle [CT]from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
CG: ANYONE ELSE?
TT: Yes please.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned tentacleTherapist [TT] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
EB: now you did it, we're screwed
AA: n0t really
AA: it will all become clear, just wait
GC: H3H3H3, 1S 1T 4LW4YS W41T1NG
AA: s0 it is
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned apocalypseArisen [AA] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
CG: OKAY, THAT IS FUCKING IT, I AM THE ONLY ONE TALKING FROM NOW ON, IF ANYONE ELSE TALKS, THEY ARE GETTING BANNED
TC: whOa, wHy iS tHat MotHerFuckEr
TG: thank god
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned terminallyCapricious [TC] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned turntechGodhead [TG] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
CG: OKAY, DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY MORE STUPID GRUBMITE QUESTIONS
GA: I Do Have One
GA: What Do We Do Now?
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned grimAuxiliatrix [GA] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
CG: I WILL TELL YOU LATER
CG: OKAY, SO EGBERT, GRAB DAVE AND ROSE, AND HEAD STRAIGHT OUT FOR HER LAND
CG: YOU DID GET HER INTO THE MEDIUM DIDN'T YOU
EB: ... uhhhh, not really
CG: ... GOOD JOB, STUPID FUCK UP
CG: I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has banned ectoBiologist [EB] from responding to memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has closed memo on board TEAM WE'RE ALL FUCKING SCREWED --

HOLY CARP, 14 PERSON MEMO

[geeP]

In other news I HATE COLOR TAGS AND COLOR TAGS HATE ME AEK

TT: Hello, Kanaya.
TT: How very insightful. Well, I can promise you that I have little interest in Karkat discovering his masculine suave through an assortment of classy outfits.
TT: Nor would I expect Dave or John to feel the need to dress him up as they are too busy mimicking the clothing choices of their own favorite trolls.
TT: So that would leave Jade.
TT: It was my pleasure, I assure you.



If you've got OpenOffice you may find something like this handy.

[Ember]

Kaaaaass, you are giving me shivers!

[Kerensky287]

Graven.

Admit it.

You did that just so Jade would have a nervous tick.



EDIT: And holy crap everybody keep up the writing! There are enough good stories on this page alone that it'd take too much time to go back over and praise every single one but you guys are all awesome. All of you.

I might do another chapter of Hearthcrossed tonight btw but probably not. It's getting late and I haven't decided which of 2 directions to take the next chapter.

[c_rowles]

Kass holy cow, I love your story. You're a double threat: art and writing!

Jack is completely spot-on, and I love all the little semantic disconnects between him and Rose. Rose's speech is perfect; she really feels like a thirteen-year-old with an overblown vocabulary, and her personality shows clearly through the long words instead of being hidden by them.


haha I hope I'm not being redundant; but as long as you keep pouring out awesome things, I'll keep commenting on them.

[Dermonster]

I poured out three in an hour and a half. Where is the love?

Also each one took like ten minutes. I think.

[c_rowles]

Where is the love?

patience, young grasshopper.

patience.

[Ganato]

AND THIS IS THE REASON YOU SHOULD MAKE QUICK REPLIES INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR TWO FORUM PAGES OF FANFICS TO PILE UP

Hearthcrossed

I've never watched Firefly so I don't think I would get the story. So I haven't read it. I apologize.

te storee of eg
by eg
(The Story of Eggs
By Eggs)

Hah! Seems really well caught personality wise, even though we never really learned who the felt were.

Contact

This was amazing. Rose actually being angsty and the first meeting between the kids and the trolls actually being awkward. I mean, meeting people from the internet for the first time in real life is probably very awkward.

So yeah, First Snow was supposed to be a one-off fic. But I realized I wanted to do more with alive!Aradia.

Why yes. Ending it as a one-shot fic was certanly a bad idea.
This was great. Live!Aradia seems very interesting and I would like to see more of her new relationships with the others.
Not nesecarrily in more First Snow fics but maybe just stories with Live!Aradia.

Bwaaah, more alive!Aradia. Clearly this is too adorable. It is also related to what I have a snippet of which I'm going to rewrite because blurg OOC? It's not even colourtagged.

I like the concept. Also the personalities are pretty close. I'll wait for you rewrite before I make up my mind completely.

What Day Is It?

Heh.
The cool-kid can't match the coolness of a robot.

My Future Self and Me

And then Jade got a new 'tick'.

Oh wait this joke has already been used right? Damnit.

So I made one of those pesterlogs. This one is Dave and Feferi, and I think it turned out alright this time.

Oh god, this was awesome! How do you even make so many fish-puns? I don't get it!
Also as the others said, you cannot hope to troll Dave

Really interesting. Not many fanfics are written from Jack's point of view so I really want to see more of this.

Lessons

I have never thought about an AradiaVriska relationship.
The thought kinda freaks me out.
As well as Vriska with her book.

THE FELT fics

Ooh, nice. Good concepts for how to use their powers in some actually Mafia-like way.

Karky's New Clothes

And then Kanaya was a happy designer.

Nothin' personal:

I would really like a re-write of this, 'cause the story seemed solid, but I wasn't really able to follow at some points.

ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL THE PEOPLE WHO READ AND ENJOYED 'Four carapaces, one band'! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!
I'll try writing some more soon.
Possibly something a bit more happy.