MSPA Fanfiction III

[Kassiopeia]

@Toreador oh my god yes This is great. as thankfully rare as it was unfortunately acidic and clearly marked ‘North’, ‘South’, and ‘Dennis' both made me chuckle IRL. Excellent stuff. Your Dave voice is pretty neat too!

[Author]

Happy Birthday, Rose!

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Rose was quite thoroughly shocked. Fourteen people were there, and one large box between Aradia and Vriska. Aradia was smiling amiably at Rose, and Vriska was staring at Aradia with a look of slight horror.

But still, it was her birthday. And they'd all remembered. Except for John, apparently.

She would get him for that later. But first, she must have presents. Strangely, Aradia refused to give her the big box.

"Aradia, give me the box."
"Not till you open all your presents! It ruins the surprise!"

Rose sighed. She'd never convince Aradia to give it up before Aradia chose to. So she opened her presents. Strangely, there was one from John, even though he wasn't there. Finally, Aradia gave her the big present, with a wide grin. Rose shook it gently, and heard some muffled words.

"Is... something alive in here, Aradia?"

Aradia nodded. "We think you'll really, really, like it!"

Rose opened the present, and a gasping John jumped out of the box.

"I... I couldn't breathe. I was in there for hours! Aradia jammed me in that box!
WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS TO ME!"

Everybody stared at Aradia, shocked. She shrugged.

"Well, Dave told me 'sharing is caring, but only do it ironically.' I decided to finally share John with Rose! They're good friends, and me and Vriska haven't let her talk to him for a while!"

VRISKA/ARADIA/JOHN IS THE BEST OTP.

THE BEST.

My ridiculous shortfic solely to say "I WROTE ON ROSE'S B-DAY" is far less good then Toreador's.

[Graven_Image]

Toreador, I command you to continue that fic.

YOU WRITE THAT SECOND CHAPTER THIS INSTANT

[ToreaderTornado]

Toreador, I command you to continue that fic.

YOU WRITE THAT SECOND CHAPTER THIS INSTANT

I WOULD BUT I NEED SLEEP

And also time to come up with it. I kind of just got hit by inspiration while watching the movie 'Clue', of all things. Inspiration was all like, hey dude, nice movie, oh and- WHAM- face full of fucking creativity.

But yeah, I plan to continue this. I'm already getting an idea of what I want to do for Doze.

[CeeJay]

Sure ways to get CJ to read your fic, number 1: Reference Homestar Runner.

I like it, ToreaderTornado. I'm already excited for the rest.

[Author]

I wonder how fast I can get people to rage.

I don't know what Homestar Runner is.

EDIT: AGH FUCK 100th POST. AND NO A&O.

Better wait for Alpha & Omega on post 123.

[raequiem]

I have an idea in mind for a Rose birthday fic, which hopefully I will be able to post before midnight. But probably not.

Depending on your timezone, you may still manage it!

*shakes CJ pompoms* YOU CAN DO IT! 8D

[-Benedict]

Rae, look what you made me do. I know it's a Tavros memo instead of a live battle, but dammit I had so many rhymes.

tHE SICK BURNS, dON't STOP,

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CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board tHE SICK BURNS DON'T STOP,

CAT: uHHH, ALRIGHT, lET'S GET THIS STARTED,
CAT: tHIS IS GOING TO BE THE MOST STRAIGHT UP, aMAZING, vERBAL SLAM EVER BROUGHT DOWN ON A BROTHER IN THE HISTORY OF PARADOX SPACE,
CAT: hEAR?
??? turntechGodhead [?TG] responded to memo.
?TG: oh man this is so pathetic its gonna just be completely hilarious
CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTC: aWwWwWwW mAn YoU gOt To KnOw AlL hOw ThIs Is GoInG dOwN mY mOsT HuMaN MoThErFuCkEr
CTC: wE aRe GoInG tO bRiNg DoWn ThE sLaM lIkE nOtHiNg EvEn KnEw It
CAT: sO, yEAH
CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCT: D --> You f00ls have yet to realize that it is MY verbal word bunches, and not yours, that will be proven to be the most STRONG
CAT: oH MAN, aRE YOU SERIOUS?
CTC: hEy, DaWg, LeT's AlL uP aNd GiVe HiM a ChAnCe To NoT aLl Be OnE cReEpY mOtHeRfUcKeR fOr OnCe
?TG: yeah theres basically no way hes not going to be a creepy motherfucker dude
?TG: ever heard of irony horsedick, look it up
CAT: uHHH, bEFORE YOU GET INTO THE NORMAL TYPE OF TROLLING, i SUGGEST WE DROP THE SICK BEATS,
?TG: right i got this
?TG: you know what armstrong, youve got no moves
?TG: you can kick up the beats and it still aint smooth
?TG: were rapping in style, no time for a fool
?TG: so get the fuck out the restll come to school
CAT: dAVE I SEE THE STRICT BEATS ARE GETTING OUT OF CONTROL,
CAT: bUT YOU CAN'T HOPE TO BEAT A REAL KICKIN TROLL,
CAT: wE'RE LAYING DOWN LAWS, oUTRAGEOUS LEGISLATION,
CAT: iF YOU WANT TO GET SICK WE NEED IDENTIFICATION,
CAT: uNACCEPTABLY RUDE, tHE WAY YOU'RE BEHAVIN,
CAT: lET'S ALL JUST CALM DOWN, wHILE I BEAT UP THIS
CAT: uHHH, hAVEN?
CAT: dOES THAT WORK, i THINK?
CTC: nO wAy, BrO, yOu'Re NoT fEeLiN' tHe BeAt
CTC: RePeAtEd CoNsOnAtIoN's WaY gNaRlY, nOt SwEeT
CTC: jUsT sWiTcH uP yOuR gRoOvE, aLl ReAdy tO gO
CTC: bRoS hAnD iN hAnD, uP aNd StARtIn ThE sHoW
?TG: i think thats enough, those rhymes should slow down
?TG: lets rewind and back up while i go to town
?TG: on some crazy motherfuckers of countenance alien
?TG: and wreck their weak-ass shit with a overflowed mailbin
?TG: of disastrous beats that will take down your ass
?TG: face pushed to the ground, meeting injury fast
CCT: D --> I've seen quite too much of this rhymed domination/
CCT: D --> And I think that it's time for my verbal subjugation/
CCT: D --> I'll bend you down low with my poetry flagrant/
CCT: D --> Consummate my talent, with you uncultured vagrants/
?TG: oh god
CAT: uHHH,
CTC: HeY wHoA mOtHeRfUcKeR tHaT sHiT's PrEtTy StRaNgE
CTC: iTs TiMe ThIs WhOlE bAtTlE gOt MaD rEaRrAnGeD
CTC: yOu SeE tHe OnE rEadY fOr ViCtOrY's HeRe
CTC: He'S tEaRiNg DoWn FoOlS lIkE a BaDlUcKkAnEeR
CTC: hE's qUeUinG uP bEaTs FuLl Of WhImSy AnD mIrTh
CTC: ThE'rE's NoThInG aLl LiKe It On ThAt HuMaN eArTh
CTC: YoU cAn tElL tHaT iT's Me By ThE sMiLe I fLAsH
CTC: aS i HoNk WiTh ThE rAmPaGe WiTh LyRiCs ThAt ThRaSh
CTC: DoN't ThInK i'M dOnE yEt, ThErE's MoRe WhErE tHaT's FrOm
CTC: I'm AlL uP iN eCsTaSy, No NeEd To Be GlUm
CAT: hEy BRO, i DON'T THINK, tHAT THAT STUFF'S REALLY LEGAL,
CAT: eCSTASY AND SOPOR, iT SEEMS PRETTY EVIL,
CAT: tHE STUFF THAT IT DOES TO THE HEAD OF A BROTHER,
CAT: cAN RUIN FOLKS BRAINS, oNE AFTER ANOTHER,
?TG: hey kid now you listen, theres no need for preachin
?TG: honestly i think your shits kind of reachin
?TG: your rhymes are derivative, lackin in vim
?TG: what you need to do is hit the language gym
CAT: i JUST DON'T THINK, iT'S REALLY THAT GREAT,
CAT: tO BE HIGH UP AS A KITE, BEING ALL SEDATE,
CCT: D --> Gamzee, I agree, those soporific to%ins/
CCT: D --> Just ruin your flow, make you lyrically bo%ed in/
CCT: D --> You can't dominate, you can't ga100p free/
CCT: D --> And you do a disgrace to your b100d purity/
CCT: D --> The highest of callings, your indigo fate/
CCT: D --> You squander, and waste, fail to subjugate/
?TG: hey wait now, can somebody shut his guys mouth
?TG: his preoccupations are turning this south
?TG: its really unnerving, his s&m fetishes
?TG: sadomasofreakshow, its just creepy, bitches
CAT: uHHH, yOU'RE ONE TO TALK, wITH THE STUFF THAT YOUR BRO DOES,
CAT: oR SHOULD I SAY DID, nOW THAT HE BIT THE DUST,
CTC: HeY mAn Be CoOl, DoN't BrInG uP sOrE sUbJeCtS
CTC: iT's IrOnY, rIgHt? ThAt'S tHaT tHiNg Of TuRnTeCh'S
CTC: We DoN't NeEd To ReAlLy GeT uP iN tHe HaTe
CTC: RaTcHeT dOwN fRoM tEn, To MaYbE aN eIgHt.
FUTURE arachnidsGrip [FAG] SIX MINUTES AND TWELVE SECONDS FROM NOW responded to memo.
CAT: oH NO,
FAG: Did someone say 8?
?TG: ffffff
FAG: Oh maaaaaaaan this is gr8, you guys are adora8le!
FAG: I think i'll particip8, without me it's horri8le!
FAG: I've seen what it's l8ke, without me involved
FAG: It's 8een really awful- path8ic evolved!
FAG: You need a fr8sh view, else the 8eats go cold
FAG: And what 8etter view than a view that's 8-fold?
FAG: You're c8ught in my we8, you shiver and sh8ke
FAG: I guess you're just trapped now- you can't catch a
FAG: 8reak!!!!!!!!
FAG: The 8eats lie there 8roken, just hurting my f88t
FAG: Ripping up r8d pshoooes, there's nothing that's fleet!
FAG: Can you imagine what'd happen if i hadn't come?
FAG: Despair and despondence, that's what it'd 8ecome!
FAG: You're useless, 8ll four of you, lying around
FAG: only half of what it t8kes to make 8eautiful sound!
FAG: What'll it 8e? Can eye get on 8oard?
FAG: I'm s8tting here w8-ing, so dr8dfully 8oooooooored!
?TG: ok how the fuck did you type that so fast
?TG: i mean its a crime that were stuck in the past
CCT: D --> It's a tr00lian feature, those timeline shenanigans
CCT: D --> When we become later, we'll have things in hand again.
CTC: HeY, mErCiFuL bEaTs, My StRonGeSt Of BroThErS!
CTC: yOu RhYmEd WiTh ShEnAnIgAnS, iNtEnSe LiKe No OtHeR!
CTC: iT's MiRaClEs, ReAlLy, HoW ThIs All PlAyEd OuT,
CTC: sO i ThInK i'M dOnE hErE, oVeR aNd OuT.
CTC ceased responding to memo.
FAG: H8y! That's no fair! Just as soon as I started!
FAG: Everyone runs like they're fucking retarded!
FAG: Wh8t's wrong with my 8eats, I wonder aloud?
FAG: I guess I'm just so gr8, I silenced the crowd!
CAT: i,
CAT: i GUESS, i THINK, tHAT WE'RE DONE HERE,
?TG: yeah this was flying off the handle towards the end
CCT: D --> I confess that all this is making me
?TG: dont say it dude
CCT: D --> Sweat.
?TG: god fucking damn it
?TG ceased responding to memo.
CAT: uHHH, oKAY,
CAT: i GUESS I'LL SHUT THIS DOWN
FAG: Hey, no f8ir!

CAT closed memo.

[Wigmund]

bULL AND RAM

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Tavros was sitting next to Vriska in the large dining hall that served all the crew after they had arrived on this new world. She was standing on her chair telling the story of her FLARP adventures back on Alternia to Jade.

Occasionally she'd get down and torment Tavros for a moment before kissing him and returning to her tirade. He wished she wouldn't tell these stories...especially the one about him being forced to leap off that cliff. He didn't like to be reminded of it, but she always told that story.

Constantly.

Vriska wasn't being especially cruel whenever she told it. Just her usual lack of empathy. She had actually gotten better about this stuff after she died in during their Sgrub session, but that improvement didn't make up for all the sweeps she spent being raised by a flesh-eating monster that required her to turn into a sociopathic murderer to save herself.

As Tavros ate dinner -which was some roast herbivore that was extremely common here, the humans all said it tasted like a mix between beef and pork, whatever those meats were - he noticed Aradia flew into the hall to get dinner.

He was so happy to see her alive again. They had so much fun FLARPing back on Alternia before the accident. It was also great to see her exhibit actual, honest emotions again after being so cold and detached for so long.

Plus, whenever he watched her fly around and being carefree it made his heart flutter.

But he ignored that feeling. He was with Vriska....or Vriska had chosen him to be with her despite his initial weak protests.

Aradia picked up her meal from the kitchens and ended up sitting where she could look at Tavros...and he at her...

He smiled to her.

She blushed and smiled back.

John had entered the hall as well, got himself some food and was sitting with Rose and Kanaya. They talked for a bit and then both Rose and Kanaya looked at him and Aradia.

Tavros was a bit confused. But he ignored that like he ignore a lot of other things. It just made life easier when it wasn't complicated. Kinda like staying with Vriska kept things simple.

He shuddered to think about the period after their session was interrupted and before the Rift when they had drifted apart. How much Vriska really tormented him and tried to hit on John to make him jealous. It was just simpler this way.

Tavros focused back on his meal when he noticed the small round vegetables served with it (peas? corn? the humans had so many names for various foods) rolling around his plate. Tavros was rather confused.

He glanced around, Vriska wasn't paying attention to him and his dancing food stuffs and Jade had wandered over to sit with John and Rose.

The veggies ended up spelling out a message...

WE NEED TO TALK AFTER DINNER, ARADIA

Tavros looked up at Aradia, but she wasn't looking at him anymore.

Confused, he finished his meal and went to his room. He started to read a book Rose's mother had given him before they arrived on the planet - "Peter Pan". He was terribly excited to find out it was their version of Pupa Pan. There were differences, but that made it even more fun to read it again and again to see how Pupa and Peter were different, yet similar in so many ways. Just like Humans and Trolls or the Dersites and Prospitans.

He was absorbed in the story when there was a knock at the door.
umm, who is it?
It's me, Aradia.
May I c0me in Tavros? I want t0 talk ab0ut s0mething.
oh, uh, come on in.
Tavros sat himself up on his bed as Aradia walked into his room. She looked nice...not that it was anything special...she always looked nice.
Thank y0u.
No problem. um, What was it you wanted to talk about?
Aradia blushed and looked around his room, trying to avoid direct eye contact with him. Strange, usually she was so straight forward. She was before she had the accident and she was while in that robot body and she was still that way after her rebirth.
Is it alright if I sit d0wn, Tavr0s?
Tavros beamed at her, she blushed even more.
You know you are always welcome to. I don't like to make people ask permission for silly stuff like that.
S0rry, f0rce 0f habit. Thank y0u.
She plopped down cross-legged on the floor. Odd, there was a chair and desk right next to her. But Tavros remembered she would sit this way when they had a particularly hard challenge or puzzle during their FLARP games.
uh, what's up?
Aradia took in his room. She was looking at the posters he had up...well not really posters, they were sketches he did of the local wildlife. The human parents remarked he was incredibly good at it, they said the sketches looked incredibly life-like. He also had leaves and samples of what few flowers there were when they arrived on the planet...what was it just a week or two ago?
Y0u have taken up y0u're 0ld h0bbies haven't y0u?
Y0u always l0ved wildlife back h0me.
huh? Oh yeah, at least here it isn't always trying to kill me and I don't have to worry about being ambushed by others who wanted easy prey.
Musclebeast predat0rs?
uh, no, other FLARPers and Trolls who were looking for their first cull so they could gain prestige.
Tinkerbull eventually stopped letting me go outside because I would always attract someone wanting a fight.
Tavros frowned as he though back to those horrible days after he was crippled. Being so weak and helpless wasn't fun. It also prevented him from going out and watching the wildlife. He particularly liked watching the flying beasts.
0h...
Have y0u seen anything interesting since we g0t here?
I haven't taken the time t0 really l00k ar0und at anything.
That sn0w day was 0ne 0f the first I g0t t0 g0 0utside.
Mrs. Lal0nde said I was finally healthy en0ugh t0 brave the elements and n0t w0rry ab0ut any und0 afflicti0ns.
It was?
Wow...I didn't realize you were inside all the time since we got here...
also, thanks for the snowball. The snowball fight that erupted afterwards was...um...quite fun.
Aradia beamed at him. Tavros' heart skipped a beat.
But, yeah, I think there were some small flying things in a field not too far away that kinda looked like Tinkerbull.
Really? I w0nder what else is here.
I dunno. The parents won't let us stray too far from the house just for protection.
Kinda weird since I would go all over the place on Alternia and there were giant flesh-rending beasts and rogue FLARPers there.
And Vriska.
Tavros laughed.
Yeah, her too. But she followed us here didn't she? Can't count her out as, um, a risk that's no longer there to worry about.
True, but I think the parents are just c0ncerned ab0ut keeping every0ne t0gether while R0se's m0ther uses th0se little r0b0ts her and Equius have been building t0 expl0re the w0rld.
oh, that makes sense.
A nagging thought that had been at the back of Tavros' mind finally worked its way to the front and made itself known.
Uhh...I hate to be forward...but you didn't just come visit to reminisce about the old days and to chat about what I've been doing since we arrived on this world...
Aradia looked away. She had stopped blushing while they chatted earlier, but the maroon glow returned in force when Tavros changed the subject.
Actually, y0u are c0rrect...
um, so what was it you wanted to talk about?
It must have been important since you used my food to leave the note.
Aradia smiled, but still didn't look directly at him.
True...
I...um...
Tavr0s. I wanted t0....
0h g00dness...
I thought I was the only one around here allowed to "hem and haw" as Mr. Egbert puts it.
Aradia closed her eyes, took a deep breath and...
Iwantedt0kn0wwhaty0uth0ughtab0utme.
Tavros smiled...and then the smile faded as his mind processed what was just said and it was spelled out in big, bold FLAMING letters across the back of his skull.

Oh dear.

I'm s0rry Tavr0s...
I sh0uldn't have b0thered y0u...
Aradia started to get up to leave, but Tavros got up, put a hand on her shoulder and squatted on the ground in front of her. It was hard to sit like he used to with her in the old days with these robotic legs...but he managed.
Don't go. Please...
I...
Y0u d0n't need t0 answer Tavr0s.
I'm s0rry I br0ught it up.
No, I...I actually need to think about this Aradia.
I...
Yes?
Aradia watched as Tavros thought long and hard. His eyes darted around his room as he thought out what he wanted to say. What he need to say to the maroon-blooded troll sitting in front of him in his room.

He looked at her directly into her eyes. For the first time she had known him, he should a steely resolve that she had figured was there, but never had a chance to surface.
Aradia...
What?
I've...
I've always liked you...
Aradia frowned and sunk down a bit. Disheartened.
0h....
No. Aradia. I've always LIKED you.
You've always been kind to me.
You always helped me when I had problems.
You tried to get back at Vriska after my accident.
I've...
Tavr0s...I...
I've always liked you Aradia. I just could never bring myself to say anything about it.
You and Sollux seemed so close and so happy together, I didn't want to spoil it.
And then your accident happened and I lost contact with you.
I was so upset when that happened.
Tavros started to tear up as he dregged up half-forgotten memories and feelings.
You should have seen Tinkerbull try to cheer me up after that.
It was so funny looking back.
He smiled, so did Aradia. He noticed she was blinking back tears as was he himself.
Aradia. I've always wanted to tell you how I felt but I never could bring up the courage to say anything at all.
I was afraid.
I was afraid of how you would respond to this geeky, big-horned loser telling you how he felt.
Aradia clasped her hands to her mouth.
Tavr0s...
I never knew...
I...
And now I'm with Vriska...and...
And I can do something about it can't I?
He stood up and extended a hand to help Aradia up as well, she took it.
The only reason I've stayed with Vriska is because I thought it was what was meant for me.
But now...I see there is something - someone - better.
0h my. Thank y0u Tavr0s.
If y0u had sp0ken up all th0se sweeps ag0 my answer then w0uld have been the same as the answer I'm g0ing t0 give y0u n0w...
Now it was Tavros' turn to shrink.
oh...uh
I l0ve y0u Tavr0s and I've always wanted t0 be happy.
With y0u.
Aradia kissed him and then left the room.
Tavros was frozen in place.

First from the shock of what had just happened to him. And then he realized his legs had malfunctioned again.

Oh dammit.

The comm he used to contact Equius was beside his bed just out of arm reach.

Um....Aradia?
Could you come back?
I need some help?
Ar8dia????????
Vriska walked into his room...she....
She didn't look very happy....
Wh8t were you two t8lking a8out in here?
She was right up against him. Her eight pupils focused directly into Tavros' own eyes.
Wh8t were you doing 8ehind my 8ack, Taaaaaaaavros?
um...uh
well...
Spit it out!!!!!!!!
Oh shit.

A/N:

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I have no idea what I'm going to call this series? Aradia's? I dunno.

I used this website to pick out colors for the shift between Tavros' bULL and Aradia's Ram in the title.

I can't believe how much I've come to like this pairing while writing this

And look at all these other fics that emerged while I was working on this.
So much to read and enjoy.

[ceruleanTresses]

Here is part one of my Rose's birthday fic, several minutes late. It is pretty awful since I wrote it really quickly. Hopefully future installments will be more carefully written.

A Passive-Aggressive Birthday (Part One)

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A ray of sunlight peeked through the curtains, falling lightly across Rose Lalonde's face. She wrinkled her nose and stretched, not yet bothering to open her eyes, her mind still full of the warm cloudiness of sleep.
But as she gradually came back to full awareness, she felt something niggling at the edge of her thoughts. Something...yes, something bad. Something very bad. But what...
Reluctantly, she opened her eyes. Staring at her from across the wall was a calendar, opened to December, with...oh god no...three days already marked off, and the fourth one circled in gold leaf. Today was Rose's tenth birthday.
"..God damn it."

Rose emerged from her room to find a trail of candies leading down the hallway and disappearing around the corner. She picked one up with distaste and examined it. It had been painstakingly wrapped in dark blue foil, studded with star-and-moon-shaped rhinestones that had apparently been individually glued on. Removing the wrapping, she found a chocolate lollipop in the shape of a wizard's bearded face, complete with hat. Between finding the molds, making the candies, wrapping them, and arranging them on the floor, this project had probably taken her mother at least a dozen hours. Rose grimaced and tossed the candy aside.

After getting dressed, she followed the trail to the base of the stairs, where she discovered that her mother had moved out all the furniture in the living room to make space for...oh no, was that...ugh. The new centerpiece of the room was a marble statue of Rose, wearing a wizard's hat and wielding a pair of magic wands. The other wizard statues were arranged in a ring around it. Engraved on its pedestal were the words, “HAPPY TENTH BIRTHDAY, ROSE!!! I LOVE YOU!!!” Beneath that, in smaller text that Rose absolutely refused to get close enough to read, was almost certainly an elaborate and flowery ode to her. So this was why Mother had insisted on taking dozens of pictures of her at various angles last month. Damn her!

The party wasn't taking place at the Lalondes' house. There simply wouldn't be room there to contain the extravagant festivities. Rose nearly vomited when she opened the front door and found a pony-drawn carriage waiting for her on the side of the road. Ponies! Four gorgeous silky goddamned stupid ponies! They had ribbons in their manes! Were ponies even strong enough to pull a carriage that size? Rose would not be the least bit surprised to discover that her mother had specially commissioned unusually strong ponies from a breeder, years in advance.

Speaking of her mother, there she was in the carriage, waving. She set down her martini in an oddly-shaped cupholder apparently designed for that exact purpose, reached out an elegant hand to help Rose up into the cab, and immediately pulled her close and showered her with an unnecessary abundance of hugs and kisses. Rose endured them, then leaned back into the lavender plush seat as the driver—who was wearing a wizard hat, jesus christ!--wordlessly flicked the reins. The ponies pranced off down the street, their perfect manes flowing behind them. Today, the exasperated ten-year-old knew, would only get more ridiculous.

I wanted to use "jegus" that one time, but I don't think SBAHJ existed then. I weep for the lost opportunity.

Edit: Anyone know why the colortags won't work? I tried putting them in without the quotation marks around the dialogue, but it didn't work.

Edit No. 2: SpacetimeCounselor, that is the best thing ever. Equius is freaking hilarious.

[Kassiopeia]

OH HEY THERE'S MORE.

No illustrations this time. Because it's an intermission and because I couldn't be bothered to draw a lot of people sitting at their computers.

Notes from a Doomed Timeline

1: Prototype
2: Tarantula Coffee
3: Blast Radius

Intermission

4: Fluffy Teenage War Machine

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i

-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

GG: rose!
GG: hey, rose!
GG: are you there???
TT: Yes.
TT: Excuse me, Jade. Is something the matter?
GG: have you heard from dave lately?
GG: i think there might be something really wrong!
TT: There is probably nothing to worry about, Jade.
GG: rose i'm really worried and so is john!
GG: he's your server player don't you need his help???!!!
TT: No.
GG: rose what if he's really badly hurt or something! we don't know what happened after bec got prototyped! maybe the imps have superpowers now or something!!
GG: rose!
TT: They don't have superpowers, Jade.
TT: Delightful as this conversation is, I'm very busy.
GG: rose you're being awfully snippy today :/
TT: I'm sorry.
GG: rose?
GG: rose???
GG: sorry i didn't mean to upset you
GG: rose please answer i can't deal with worrying about you and dave and those things in the sky
GG: and karkat always trolling me what does that guy want anyway???
GG: please
TT: Stop bugging her kid
GG: what???
TT: Get outa here
GG: ugh you don't have to be so rude!!!!
TT: Go on, scram
GG: i guess john and i will just have to deal with this on our own!!!
TT: You do that, pipsqueak
GG: fine i will!!!! some friend you are rose!

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

At first Rose had been very keen to keep Jack away from her computer.

"It seems wrong," she had said, "You might mess with Dave."

Jack couldn't help but smirk a little at that. But it wasn't as though. he could have worked a computer anyway. The technology was too foreign. Rose had shown him how to use the coffee machine and made a vague attempt to explain what a television was for, but the little picture-boxes didn't hold much fascination for him.

Now, though, she slumps in her chair, holding her head in her hands, and seems almost grateful when Jack takes the laptop away.

ii

-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

GG: rose
GG: i hope you're not really mad at me! i'm so sorry if i upset you before!
GG: we spoke to dave
GG: he's ok. but there's really bad news
GG: i don't know if i should tell you like this
GG: are you there?
GG: okay i guess i'll try talking to you again later
GG: we miss you
GG:

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

Rose sighs and drops her headset. It hits the water below with a distant splash.

"Little mice botherin' you again?" says Jack.

"They're doing their best to appear effectual," she says, "Perhaps if Jade used fewer exclamation points I might be more inclined to take her seriously."

"You're a cold bitch, Seer," he says.

"I aim to please," she says, curtsying in mid-air. The wind ruffles her already rain-drenched hair. It's freezing up here. The cold eats into her bones, replacing the marrow with a dull ache, but she doesn't care.

Jack nods and darts on ahead, a fleet black silhouette against the brilliant sky. She is no longer so disgusted by him: after all, she has seen far worse. He's still unsettling: he doesn't exactly breathe, and there is something about his presence that makes her heart beat slightly faster. And not in that way - she has considered this, and determined that what her life does not need right now is another incredibly inappropriate romantic interest - more like a mouse in the sight of an owl. More like prey. But it's a purely physical reaction. She is no longer the least bit afraid. She isn't afraid of anything any more.

iii

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

EB: ok rose, well i guess you are off being a huge witch now
EB: that's fine, i hope you're having a good time with your cat and your broomstick
TT: Jaspersprite died.
EB: oh holy shit really? man rose i am so sorry.
EB: that sucks. everything pretty much does these days.
EB: idk if you've spoken to dave but you should probably know
EB: jack noir killed his bro
EB: a week ago. we don't know why.
EB: i haven't heard from my dad either
TT: ...
EB: rose? is everything okay?
TT: I just don't understand why Noir would do something like that.
EB: :/
EB: i know it's your thing, but don't be sarcastic about this
EB: not cool, man.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

She can tell Jack is reading over her shoulder before she turns around. He wants her to spin round in outrage and shout about how dare he. And he'd flick her a grin like the blade of a knife and come out with some ridiculous quip. You knew I was a snake when you met me, baby.

So she doesn't turn around. She folds her arms on the desk.

"Hello, Jack," she says.

"Evenin', Seer. I made coffee."

He's been helping her stay awake. Brewing ever-more-potent espresso, reading to her sometimes. It's been hard finding the right book. She can't touch Lovecraft any more, and having Jack read her Anne Of Green Gables just seems blasphemous, much as she might like to go back to the stories of her childhood. Eventually they settle on Raymond Chandler. Jack's voice suits Philip Marlowe surprisingly well. She isn't sure why he's so keen to keep her out of the grip of the things in her dreams. Maybe he's frightened of them himself. It seems unlikely that he'd care very much that they upset her.

"Thanks," she says, taking a mug and sipping. You killed my friend's brother.

"Went back to the battlefield today," he says, "Catchin' up with my crew."

"How charming." She pulls one of the Thorns from her belt, hidden under the desk.

"Friend of mine copped it," he said, "Sad thing."

"You don't have friends," she said. "You told me yourself. You don't have any friends whom you would think twice about slaughtering. And of course I could never possibly doubt your Machiavellian gangster machismo."

The wand rests comfortably against her palm. If she attacked him, would he kill her? If she killed him, would she regret it?

Yes. And yes.

"Shut up and drink your coffee, you snooty broad," he says. It's almost affectionate.

She takes a large sip. Swallows the coffee, sets down the mug, folds her hands in her lap, with the base of her wand under her thumb for security.

"You killed Dave's brother," she says. "The weird puppet guy."

Jack shrugs. "It was a fair fight, believe it or not."

She doesn't answer.

"Don't tell me you really care," he says, "Deep down. You know you ought to, but you don't. Think you're like me that way. Maybe if it had been one of your little friends you'd give a damn, but you don't."

Rose gives him a long stare, then turns back to her computer.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TT: Dave. I am so very sorry to hear about your brother.
TT: Please don't try to contact me.
TT: I'm trying to find us all a way out of this.
TT: See you on the other side.
TG: what the fuck rose wait

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

AND NOW, COMMENTS:
@Cerulean - Oh Rose. XD I love the idea of a wizard statue of mini-Rose toooo.
@Wigmund - aaaa, Aradia all up in this thread! You guys do a good job of making her interesting :P
@SpacetimeCounselor - there is no part of this that isn't fantastic. Oh my god. I cannot even pick out my favourite line because every single one is followed by one yet more hilarious.
(and goddamn, Equius's poetry will never not be comedy gold. )

[raequiem]

@sC: This is the best. You are the best. Oh my god I'm going to sit here and reread this and giggle like an idiot for hours now.

@Wig: This is a perfect example of this thread making me ship things I'd never consider otherwise. I like!

@cT: Ahahahaha, oh Mom, you're so great. Little Rose is perfectly pouty and precious.

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Colortags should just be [COLOR="hex code of your choice"], with the quotes. And [/COLOR] at the end.

@Kassi: The thought plickens! I was wondering when this part would come up. Anxiously awaiting more!

[KilroyWasHere]

Kassie. Kassie, Kassie Kassie. You continue to be the greatest individual on Earth. These fics. I adore them.

Also, I am currently writing something that I actually sort of like! So that's cool. It should be up tomorrow.

[ceruleanTresses]

Yay for new NfaDT! These are invariably awesome.

[QuetzaDrake]

Kass: Aw, now I kinda wanna know how the conversation between CD, DD, and Jack went. Another great addition.

[Kassiopeia]

@Rae, Kilroy, Cerulean, Quetza: AAA THANK YOU GUYS 3 I am so glad you're enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it.

Also, there may well be CD and DD in the next section. Either them or Kanaya. Exciting!

[BlastYoBoots]

Jack would voice Chandler perfectly. And Chandler is amazing. Which is appropriate, because your fic is amazing.

[Kassiopeia]

Jack would voice Chandler perfectly. And Chandler is amazing. Which is appropriate, because your fic is amazing.

Well I mean. He is Jack Noir.

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(also thank you very much. And thank you to everyone! I get a bit paranoid responding to comments because I do not wish to fill up the thread with me going "aaaa oh my god", but rest assured that it is very very much appreciated )

[BlastYoBoots]

Just compensate with more chapters of your fic and I'm sure we'll forgive you.

[Ember]

I am still loving this so much.

what her life does not need right now is another incredibly inappropriate romantic interest

Made me giggle way more than I should have in the middle of reading a fic like this. "Ectobiological brother... Gray-skinned lesbian from outer-space... Yeah, no more of that."

[Kassiopeia]

I am still loving this so much.

what her life does not need right now is another incredibly inappropriate romantic interest

Made me giggle way more than I should have in the middle of reading a fic like this. "Ectobiological brother... Gray-skinned lesbian from outer-space... Yeah, no more of that."

You have NO IDEA how difficult it was to stop myself including more-or-less that exact line Poor Rose.

[nightmarechild]

Have some more stuff that no one was asking for.

Maturity part 4:

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Feferi regretfully swam on farther. As much as she would love to make the cripple and the traitor suffer even more an empress had much more important responsibilities and politics was politics. She was even more pissed off than usual that the nearest high blooded land dweller that could act as an ambassador lived so far away, she hated being misinformed. After a bit more swimming she walked across the shore to the house. Good thing the ambassador had a house close to the shore, kept his survival chances higher.

As she walked up to the front door realization struck her, “No…NO-“

She was interrupted by an old friend seemingly appearing behind her, “Well well well what have we here? To what do I owe the honor, Lady” The last word made Feferi quiver with rage, only he could make it sound so dignified and insulting at the same time.

“Nothing. I will find another ambassador-“ She began to say with a sharpness to her words.

“No no no our empress must NEVER be kept waiting, I insist you come into my house. I am lucky I am dressed for the occasion, you deserve nothing lesser than an ambassador in a finely tailored suit.”

“Cut the passive aggressive act!” He ignored that and continued pulling her into his house before immediately strutting over to a wine rack. Gamzee had been seemingly reborn when he finally quit his addiction. He gained a new respect for the blood caste but still didn’t think lower of anyone, along with that he embraced his higher blood and started playing the part. How ironic that the young empress absolutely loathed him for it.

“Could I have the great honor?” He pored her a glass of wine as she sat down, knowing it was easier to just go along and get it over with.

“Sure, I’m going to need all the help I can get to get through this.” While the Trolls had evolved to suffer nearly no negative consequences (hence why children could drink) Feferi either had a low tolerance or Gamzee’s wine brewed for his supor slime resistant tongue.

“Now now kismesprit we rarely see each other so let’s enjoy it. Hmm?” The pet name spiked her anger once more even though it was true. They’re feelings, while opposite, complimented each other. They had pulled a double reacharound quadrant fill. She hated him like a kismesis and he loved her as a matsprit, her hate he found ‘cute’ and that just made her even more pissed leading to a never ending cycle.

“Ugh allright lets just get this over with.” Feferi groaned with a sip of wine.

They talked for a solid hour about the state of the land and sea dwellers and managed to make compromises that wouldn’t lead to world war 587. After that their conversation moved to more personal matters. Neither complained seeing as they saw each other three times a sweep, if they were lucky. They talked about how their romances were going, caught up on old personal news, and shared hate/love poetry.

When Gamzee paused in the middle of a sentence to rise from his seat Feferi groaned and brought her hand to her face, she always hoped he would forget, “So…will you make me the happiest land dweller on the planet?”

“Only because I can try to break your toes, and because I love this song, creeper.” She took his hand and they moved to the dance floor.

They danced, they swayed, he danced like no other, and she stepped on his feet in every move (probably on purpose). When it finally ended they were exhausted and collapsed on to Gamzee’s expensive couch, Feferi made sure to spill wine on it.

“A thousand thank you’s for the wonderful honor, Lady.”

She would have made a snarky comment but she was as always dumbfounded how a junkie had gained so much finesse, not to mention how much it tired her out not to kill him. He chuckled and she turned her head immediately regretting it. She knew what came next and how much it repulsed her.

Gamzee leaned forward romantically putting a hand on the side of her head and kissed her better than they did in all the movies. She grinded her nails into his free arm like only one with as much hate as her could and bit her fangs so hard into his bottom lip that she tasted purple blood in her mouth. The smirk he had along with knowing his blood was in her mouth almost made her vomit. She pulled away and walked straight to the door. Gamzee didn’t try to stop her, he just grinned through the pain and actually fetched her trident for her.

She hesitated at the door, “That suit…was it one of a kind?”

“Yes my highness.”

“Good.” With a heart racing and filled with passionate rage her mouth curled up for once in a very long time. (Specifically the last time a matter needed to be ‘discussed with the land dwellers’ about rebellion)

[Dermonster]

Six(Hex[Die])
(This one may be more... mature, I think. Violence and whatnot. Actually this may not be safe at all, but it's the way the fic wrote. I think it's pretty vague, though.)

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I like dolls.

They can hold so much power, you know?

They call it voodoo and such. Pins and dolls.

I call it a tool.

It's what I do you see. Traverse the infinite time lines.

I search for things. Of course, sometimes I don't know where they are. And sometimes they need to be persuaded...



There is a pop, a flash of ozone, and you look up, startled. There is a man in the room. Green skin, green hat (The number six), Green eyes. All green. He has this odd look about him, like an addict in withdrawal. It is then that you see the man laying on the ground next to him.

He looks like... you. But different. There's so much blood. He's pale and terrified, Legs twisted at odd angles, almost catatonic. He opens his mouth to speak and no words comes out. All that is heard is a garbled mess of sound.

Where is he? You start and turn back to the man.

Wha-

WHERE IS HE?

'I don't know what your talking about.' You manage to stutter.
Cut the bullshit. Where is he? I know you know, We've been tracking you for months. Where. Is. He.

'I... I don't know. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.'

Funny. That's what he said too.

There is a horrendous mess of sound, blind panic in your copies eyes. He tries to crawl to the door,and makes it two feet before-

He pulls a gun and lets fly a shot Four hundred and thirteen and your doppelganger collapses in a heap of fluid.

He turns to you. Spill it.

You gape in horror, but your training kicks into overdrive. His location must never be revealed.

I wo-, you say, before you are cut off by a knife to your side. Then I guess I have another example.

And then you know only pain. Hours later, he asks again, but you can't speak over the blood in your mouth. He sighs.

He pulls out a doll and does something you can't quite make out over the agony.

A puff of ozone.

You collapse on the floor and grown, call out for help, useless habit. You watch the proceedings in a haze before a sentence rings out.

Funny, that's what he said too.

You open your eyes, Ohgodohgodohgodohgod imgonnadieomgonnadieomgonna die The door, you lunge!

Escape!

(Four hundred and fourteen)

Blackness.



It takes time to get it right, of course.

Persuasion is a difficult task.

But then again, I get a lot of practice.

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WHY CANT I SLEEP ARG.

Not my best work, I don't think.

WHY CAN I ONLY WRITE INTERROGATION SCENES.

I ALSO WAS FORCIBLY FORCED TO WATCH CONTACT FOR THE FIRST TIME FOUR HOURS AGO.

SO BEAUTIFUL. THEY SHOULD HAVE SENT A POET.

[sweetcloverandhelaljohn]

What happens if I mix Yellow Submarine with Homestuck?

Yellow Submahomestuck (Rescuing the trolls)

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Dave: hey thats a funny place to leave a goldfish bowl
*points at the Anti-Troll Missile encircling four trolls*
John: in sburb, all things are possible.
Rose: It's not a goldfish bowl.
Dave: just a big glass bowl then
Rose: Hey, it's blue glass.
Jade: hey, it must be from kentucky!!!
*Rose knocks, and the four trolls become visible*
John: hey, there's someone inside!
Jade: four fellows!
Dave: what are they doing in there
Rose: They're not having a ball, that's for sure.
Jade: it can't be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rose: It's us!
John: but we're here!
Rose: It's our...
Jade: troll friends...
Dave: of...
John: us!
Dave: the resemblance is truly striking
John: if i could come in there, i think the theory put foward by einstein...
*Jade covers his eyes in a 'here we go again' posture, Dave pinches his nose in disgust, and Rose spins away, singing*
Rose: Any old Ein, any old Ein, any any any old Einstein…
John: could well be applied here. the people in the ball are obviously extensions of our own personalities suspended, as it were in time, frozen in space…
*Rose, Jade, and Dave kick and knock on the ball*
John: according to the now famous theory of relativity...
Dave: john
John: which briefly explains...
Dave: john!
John: it’s simply a matter of taking two eggs...
Dave: john!
*The other three leave, grab a marble column, and run at the ball…*
John: beating lightly...
*They crash into it, and are knocked back*
John: then adding a little salt and pepper to taste!
Dave: JOHN!
John: dave?
Dave: how do we get them out
John: break the glass.
*They all shrug*
Rose: We can't.
Dave: its kid proof
Jade: nothing is kid proof!!!! >:O
Rose: Hey, have you got your flute with you? A flute solo could shatter it.
Jade: no, i havent.
Dave: have a look in your pocket
Jade: hey, i've got a hole in my pocket!!!!! :O hey, i wonder if...
*Jade plants it on the globe, and thick smoke pours out*
Jade: yeah, it still works...
Dave: jade we take back all we said in this land
John: you're a genius
Rose: Sheer genius.
Jade: i know, i know, i know!!!
*They admire the colored smoke*
Jade: like colored television!!!! :P
Dave: like crystals yo
Rose: Hey, they're decanting!
*The trolls step off the platform, the trolls being Karkat, Tavros, Kanaya, and Feferi*
Rose: Hello, Kanaya.
*Jade holds a flute, Feferi a triangle. They play it.*
Jade: yeah, without a doubt. :P
Dave: were the opposite of each other
Tavros: gOLLY, yEAH,
John: i believe you're a friend of me.
Karkat: NO I'M NOT, IDIOT.
John: well, i'm the windy man, goo goo g'joob.
*the kids and trolls sit and have a chat.*

[BPrinny]

Hey guys what's going on-

everything on page 25

...Proceed.