MSPA Fanfiction III

[raequiem]

John: Do the windy thing.

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No! You cannot do the windy thing! You don't even know what the windy thing is! And you are sick of stupid voices telling you to do things when you don't know how!

Your head hurts so much. You keep hearing things - voices, words, commands - and you don't know what to do about them. You don't understand the things you hear - once you hear "...secret wizard! Behold my..." but you don't know what a secret wizard is, or what you are supposed to behold. Another time you hear someone say "... okay Bro, it's gonna be o..." and another is just "...aknaknaknaknaknaknakna..." over and over.

So many voices, so many sounds, how are you hearing all these things, you don't understand, you're so confused and your head hurts so much. The Breeze picks up around you, tugging your hair and clothes and body, swirling and spiraling and growing and lifting you up off the ground, higher and higher into the vortex, into the Gale.

Your head doesn't hurt anymore. You're smiling, your cheeks hurt from it and there are tears on your face. The Gale whips you around and it should hurt, it should be scary, you should be screaming but you laugh instead. You know somehow that this Gale spreads farther than you can see, that it's whipping over your whole world, whipping out the bitter green flames. Deep blue text appears in front of your eyes, and you answer it vaguely, only halfway paying attention because your whole world is this, right here, floating on the Breeze that's turned to a Gale, looking down over the world and feeling light as a cloud.

You touch down, finally, eventually, and weep out the hysterics until they're nothing more than dry, sobbing laughs.

Tavros: Do the windy thing.

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You are already doing the windy thing, but you don't know it yet.

You don't realize it's happening until Vriska idly takes control of your mind, shoving your consciousness aside, and your rocket chair drops almost ten feet.

Whoa! Vriska, can you stop for a second?
Why?
I want to try something...

She releases her hold. "This better be good, Pupa." For once in your life, you ignore her quips and concentrate. Up. Forward. Left. The rocket chair's handling was always remarkably intuitive, almost like... Feeling unusually certain, you cut the engine. Vriska gasps. "Tavros-!"

You remain aloft. You smile to yourself and give this new sense a little mental twist...

The wings on the dead rocket catch the Breeze easily, spinning it around to face Vriska. Your wind is whipping her hair around her face, and she lifts a hand to move it, never taking her eyes off you.

"Vriska, I'm flying! I'm really flying!" You're so happy, you almost don't notice the way it makes her mouth twist unpleasantly, almost angrily.

"Great. Awesome. You done playing around?" Without waiting for an answer, she turns and blasts off into the distance. You sigh and let the Breeze carry you in her wake.

Wind is a cheerful element, I think.

[Tenebrais]

I've seen a fair bit of fic from Bro's perspective, and at least one from Dad's. I think there's been one of Mom too at some point?

Still, there's one that's been rather overlooked.

Guardian

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You guard your home. You were born there. You arrived in it. You guard it and ensure that no one can desecrate it.
This is not difficult. There is no one else to guard it from.

Time passes. You watch the seasons change. The warm season brings an explosion of green things. In the cold season, they die back a little, but less each time. The basin around your home fills with green. It is an attractive colour.

You are very hungry, but you have not seen food in many seasons. You do not count their cycles. You couldn’t count very high anyway.

With a great many seasons more, the mountains change. They shrink and wear. Water floods in, and, with time, drowns your green basin. It is a shame, in some ways, as your green things were pretty. But, powerful though you are, you cannot fight the ocean.

You have some good fortune. There are moving things in the water. At last you are able to sate your hunger. They do not taste very good. But they are food.

Your basin fills further, and becomes something like a lake. With time, your mountains are islands. And they turn green. The green things grow very tall and sturdy. The moving things come out of the water and live on the land. They start to taste better too. You want to eat them all, but in the back of your mind you know you should let some live. Your patience is rewarded. The ones you leave become bigger, stronger. Some of them learn to fly. Soon, the flying ones are all that survive - there is not enough space on your islands for large creatures to survive.

You discover that you are not limited to your island. You can go anywhere you choose. You see unfamiliar places, strange creatures. You do not need to worry about food. There is still not yet anything that tastes very good, but it is an improvement on when they lived in the water. Though you travel the world, you come back every day to guard your home. It is the purpose you have given yourself.

Something happens, rapidly changing the air. It is thick with dust and poisons. The large creatures start to die, much to your chagrin. Even the tall green things of your island die out. You try to find a way to save them, but you cannot clear the air. You can only let the dust settle.

It does, eventually. Not all of the moving things have died. The smallest will thrive through anything. Larger than them, are the furry creatures. They seem to have thrived. As the seasons pass on, they thrive more and more. A great deal of time later, the furry things dominate the landscape. And they taste good.

You are drawn instinctively to a particular kind of the furry creatures, in one of the hot lands. They are less furry than the others, and they have a spark in them. You don’t know what that means, but you know it when you see it.
You decide that it is best to stay at your home from now on.

Time passes, as time is known to do. From your island, you begin to see strange sights. A creature, or possible a floating island, off in the distance. You investigate. It seems to be made of the tall sturdy green things. It is also inhabited by the furless creatures. They have changed greatly in a short time. They dress themselves not in the hides of their prey but in more complicated materials made, you think, from green things. They are colourful. They also wield sticks made of metal. They try to attack you, but you have been attacked by far fiercer creatures. You know how to deal with predators.

Time passes yet again. The occasional floating island seems to be bigger each time, and the creatures on it dressed differently, with different tools. You discover they have created a kind of stick that throws stones. It is faster than anything you have seen before. You train yourself by fighting the creatures and their stone-throwing sticks. You are, of course, forced to kill them in doing so, but you never felt sympathy for your prey.

One of them comes to your island. This is a smaller craft than others you have seen, piloted by just one creature. He seems very interested in your home. You approach to ward him off. He points his stick at you, but something seems to stay his hand. Water leaks from his eyes. He drops his weapon, a sign you understand to be one of peace for their kind. You decide you will not fight him. You have become very curious about these creatures over the years, and you try to find other ways to interact.

You offer him food. It is the only thing you can think to do. He laughs, and shows you some of his own kills. You cannot help but be impressed that this creature, with no natural weapons and only a stick, has taken down such fierce wildlife.
You soon learn that something has been missing from your life until now. You decide you enjoy company.
You try to communicate to him your name, but he only gives you a strange look. He decides instead to call you Bec, or so you learn after paying careful attention to the sounds he makes. You can accept this.
All too soon the man has to leave again. You only understand a few words of his speech, but you are certain he has more important places to be. You are disappointed. But you know you will meet again.

True to your intuition, he returns, several seasons later. Already he shows the signs of age. His hair is pale, his body weakened. You had forgotten how short-lived these creatures were. He brings with his craft a younger specimen of his kind. Your intuition tells you she is important, and she soon catches your interest. As the old man introduces the two of you, she reaches out and pats you on the head. You find yourself wagging your tail. You are very glad he brought her.
Just this once, you allow the old man to enter your temple. The girl must remain outside, though. You are insistent on that and you do not entirely understand why. But you don’t care either. The man goes in alone, and comes out hours later with a full satchel.

He builds - which is to say he grows - the house from a seed within the temple. Though you have never seen such a spire before, you know it is familiar. The three of you soon make a home there, and he establishes a laboratory in which to study what he has salvaged from the temple. You are a little annoyed at the desecration, but you will allow it for your friend.
While he is working, you spend time playing with the girl, whose name you learn is Jade. You find this fact remarkably easy to learn. She is very affectionate - more so than the man - and you enjoy spending time with her. You run when you feel like it, teleport when you don’t - a feat she finds completely enchanting. She tries to talk to you in her language, which you still only partially understand, but it is clear she is weaving fantastic stories that make her happy. And you are pleased with this.

The time comes when the man goes on his last adventure. You know it to be his last. He will travel to the realm you know far more about than you should, and upon his return, he will die. Though you know this, it does not become any less sad when it happens. You try to comfort Jade when she cries. She grips your body tightly and buries her face in your fur. There is little else you can do. Soon, when she is able to keep her eyes dry, she takes the body of the man and preserves it, as he did to the furred creature in the laboratory. Once the man is set up on his plinth in the entrance hall, you sit at his feet, and howl. You decide then that this spot shall be yours to guard.

For several seasons more, you do your best to keep Jade happy and healthy, and she looks after you in turn, feeding you the most delicious food you have eaten. She finds new friends, friends you know to be important but cannot communicate to her. It doesn’t matter. Even without your guidance, they come to mean the world to her.

It does not feel like it has been long when the Reckoning comes. You have known your whole life this day was approaching. When you look up into the stars and see the colossal meteor bearing down on your home, you mentally kick yourself for spending most of this important day asleep. There is not enough time now for Jade to save herself. You cannot allow her to die. You do the first thing your instincts and intuition tells you to.

Being a sprite feels different. Strange. In ways you think you understand better now but still cannot communicate, which frustrates you. You try to talk to Jade, and though you can now understand her perfectly, she cannot understand you. You try to tell her what you are feeling - a feeling that you have never felt before in your hundreds of millions of years of life.

A feeling of overwhelming pride.

Author's note

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Maybe this makes up for Exposure.

But then maybe not.

I'll get to work on finishing Windows soon, I just had to write this down.

[ceruleanTresses]

Tavros: Do the windy thing.

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You are already doing the windy thing, but you don't know it yet.

You don't realize it's happening until Vriska idly takes control of your mind, shoving your consciousness aside, and your rocket chair drops almost ten feet.

Whoa! Vriska, can you stop for a second?
Why?
I want to try something...

She releases her hold. "This better be good, Pupa." For once in your life, you ignore her quips and concentrate. Up. Forward. Left. The rocket chair's handling was always remarkably intuitive, almost like... Feeling unusually certain, you cut the engine. Vriska gasps. "Tavros-!"

You remain aloft. You smile to yourself and give this new sense a little mental twist...

The wings on the dead rocket catch the Breeze easily, spinning it around to face Vriska. Your wind is whipping her hair around her face, and she lifts a hand to move it, never taking her eyes off you.

"Vriska, I'm flying! I'm really flying!" You're so happy, you almost don't notice the way it makes her mouth twist unpleasantly, almost angrily.

"Great. Awesome. You done playing around?" Without waiting for an answer, she turns and blasts off into the distance. You sigh and let the Breeze carry you in her wake.

Wind is a cheerful element, I think.

I've seen a fair bit of fic from Bro's perspective, and at least one from Dad's. I think there's been one of Mom too at some point?

Still, there's one that's been rather overlooked.

Guardian

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You guard your home. You were born there. You arrived in it. You guard it and ensure that no one can desecrate it.
This is not difficult. There is no one else to guard it from.

Time passes. You watch the seasons change. The warm season brings an explosion of green things. In the cold season, they die back a little, but less each time. The basin around your home fills with green. It is an attractive colour.

You are very hungry, but you have not seen food in many seasons. You do not count their cycles. You couldn’t count very high anyway.

With a great many seasons more, the mountains change. They shrink and wear. Water floods in, and, with time, drowns your green basin. It is a shame, in some ways, as your green things were pretty. But, powerful though you are, you cannot fight the ocean.

You have some good fortune. There are moving things in the water. At last you are able to sate your hunger. They do not taste very good. But they are food.

Your basin fills further, and becomes something like a lake. With time, your mountains are islands. And they turn green. The green things grow very tall and sturdy. The moving things come out of the water and live on the land. They start to taste better too. You want to eat them all, but in the back of your mind you know you should let some live. Your patience is rewarded. The ones you leave become bigger, stronger. Some of them learn to fly. Soon, the flying ones are all that survive - there is not enough space on your islands for large creatures to survive.

You discover that you are not limited to your island. You can go anywhere you choose. You see unfamiliar places, strange creatures. You do not need to worry about food. There is still not yet anything that tastes very good, but it is an improvement on when they lived in the water. Though you travel the world, you come back every day to guard your home. It is the purpose you have given yourself.

Something happens, rapidly changing the air. It is thick with dust and poisons. The large creatures start to die, much to your chagrin. Even the tall green things of your island die out. You try to find a way to save them, but you cannot clear the air. You can only let the dust settle.

It does, eventually. Not all of the moving things have died. The smallest will thrive through anything. Larger than them, are the furry creatures. They seem to have thrived. As the seasons pass on, they thrive more and more. A great deal of time later, the furry things dominate the landscape. And they taste good.

You are drawn instinctively to a particular kind of the furry creatures, in one of the hot lands. They are less furry than the others, and they have a spark in them. You don’t know what that means, but you know it when you see it.
You decide that it is best to stay at your home from now on.

Time passes, as time is known to do. From your island, you begin to see strange sights. A creature, or possible a floating island, off in the distance. You investigate. It seems to be made of the tall sturdy green things. It is also inhabited by the furless creatures. They have changed greatly in a short time. They dress themselves not in the hides of their prey but in more complicated materials made, you think, from green things. They are colourful. They also wield sticks made of metal. They try to attack you, but you have been attacked by far fiercer creatures. You know how to deal with predators.

Time passes yet again. The occasional floating island seems to be bigger each time, and the creatures on it dressed differently, with different tools. You discover they have created a kind of stick that throws stones. It is faster than anything you have seen before. You train yourself by fighting the creatures and their stone-throwing sticks. You are, of course, forced to kill them in doing so, but you never felt sympathy for your prey.

One of them comes to your island. This is a smaller craft than others you have seen, piloted by just one creature. He seems very interested in your home. You approach to ward him off. He points his stick at you, but something seems to stay his hand. Water leaks from his eyes. He drops his weapon, a sign you understand to be one of peace for their kind. You decide you will not fight him. You have become very curious about these creatures over the years, and you try to find other ways to interact.

You offer him food. It is the only thing you can think to do. He laughs, and shows you some of his own kills. You cannot help but be impressed that this creature, with no natural weapons and only a stick, has taken down such fierce wildlife.
You soon learn that something has been missing from your life until now. You decide you enjoy company.
You try to communicate to him your name, but he only gives you a strange look. He decides instead to call you Bec, or so you learn after paying careful attention to the sounds he makes. You can accept this.
All too soon the man has to leave again. You only understand a few words of his speech, but you are certain he has more important places to be. You are disappointed. But you know you will meet again.

True to your intuition, he returns, several seasons later. Already he shows the signs of age. His hair is pale, his body weakened. You had forgotten how short-lived these creatures were. He brings with his craft a younger specimen of his kind. Your intuition tells you she is important, and she soon catches your interest. As the old man introduces the two of you, she reaches out and pats you on the head. You find yourself wagging your tail. You are very glad he brought her.
Just this once, you allow the old man to enter your temple. The girl must remain outside, though. You are insistent on that and you do not entirely understand why. But you don’t care either. The man goes in alone, and comes out hours later with a full satchel.

He builds - which is to say he grows - the house from a seed within the temple. Though you have never seen such a spire before, you know it is familiar. The three of you soon make a home there, and he establishes a laboratory in which to study what he has salvaged from the temple. You are a little annoyed at the desecration, but you will allow it for your friend.
While he is working, you spend time playing with the girl, whose name you learn is Jade. You find this fact remarkably easy to learn. She is very affectionate - more so than the man - and you enjoy spending time with her. You run when you feel like it, teleport when you don’t - a feat she finds completely enchanting. She tries to talk to you in her language, which you still only partially understand, but it is clear she is weaving fantastic stories that make her happy. And you are pleased with this.

The time comes when the man goes on his last adventure. You know it to be his last. He will travel to the realm you know far more about than you should, and upon his return, he will die. Though you know this, it does not become any less sad when it happens. You try to comfort Jade when she cries. She grips your body tightly and buries her face in your fur. There is little else you can do. Soon, when she is able to keep her eyes dry, she takes the body of the man and preserves it, as he did to the furred creature in the laboratory. Once the man is set up on his plinth in the entrance hall, you sit at his feet, and howl. You decide then that this spot shall be yours to guard.

For several seasons more, you do your best to keep Jade happy and healthy, and she looks after you in turn, feeding you the most delicious food you have eaten. She finds new friends, friends you know to be important but cannot communicate to her. It doesn’t matter. Even without your guidance, they come to mean the world to her.

It does not feel like it has been long when the Reckoning comes. You have known your whole life this day was approaching. When you look up into the stars and see the colossal meteor bearing down on your home, you mentally kick yourself for spending most of this important day asleep. There is not enough time now for Jade to save herself. You cannot allow her to die. You do the first thing your instincts and intuition tells you to.

Being a sprite feels different. Strange. In ways you think you understand better now but still cannot communicate, which frustrates you. You try to talk to Jade, and though you can now understand her perfectly, she cannot understand you. You try to tell her what you are feeling - a feeling that you have never felt before in your hundreds of millions of years of life.

A feeling of overwhelming pride.

So much adorableness in both of these! (The John one was really great too, but the Tavros one was SO CUTE.) And Beeeeeeeec, I suddenly love Bec.

Also, in addition to the adorableness, I really enjoyed Vriska's part in the Tavros one. The way she reacted was unsettling, and it fit her really well.

[Graven_Image]

@Tenebrais: Darn it, there's no emoticon for manly tears. Yes, this more than makes up for Exposure.

See, these powers can be used for good.

[raequiem]

Tene, why must you post your fantastic Becfic right after my derpy windy things?

[Tenebrais]

Rae, why do you have to post your awesome windy things right before my silly Becfic?

[shadowedPhoenix]

Dang, Tenebrais. I'd wanted to write a 'Bec's history' kinda thing myself before, but you've beaten the heck out of whatever I could've written. Awesome.

[JudgeDeadd]

Crossover time. Yeah, you know you want it.

SCP-1025

Awww, I remember when I wrote one such fic for Gunnerkrigg Court fandom.

(I used to write actual SCPs for the SCP foundation wiki as well, but they sucked and apart from two joke ones, I don't know if any still remain).

[SataiDelenn]

Well, a followup to "John and Karkat anticipate their meeting" happened. I figure, once the kids get into the troll session they'll need a way to travel through space, right? Heh heh heh...

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gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: D4V3
TG: sup
GC: D4V3 1 H34RD YOU W3R3 G3TT1NG CLOS3 TO OUR M3T3OR
TG: yeah rose says itll be maybe fifteen minutes or something
TG: i dont know my conception of how much time is passing has been pretty fucked lately
TG: but i say itll take longer due to egberts lame movie reenactment antics
GC: OH?
TG: yeah hes flying this thing all being one-liner mcconnehay in here
TG: why we let him at the controls i have no idea
GC: H4H4H4 W3LL DONT WORRY
GC: ONC3 YOU G3T H3R3 TH3 SH1T W1LL B3 SO UNM4NN3RLY 1T W1LL 1NSULT 4LL TH3 HUM4N GR4NDMOTH3RS
TG: there will be no human grandmother uninsulted
GC: TH4TS TH3 SP1R1T, D4V3! >:]
TG: so is your boyfriend having his tantrum yet about us showing up
TG: and stealing all the troll girls with all our smooth moves and shit
TG: so smooth its like
TG: godiva chocolate got it on with some silk scarves and a babys ass
TG: and produced the smoothest fucking dudes who ever lived
GC: OH GOD, 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT K4RK4T?
GC: WHO C4R3S WH4T H3 TH1NKS, TH1S 1S GO1NG TO B3 TH3 S1CK3ST P4RTY S1NC3 TH3 BL4CK GRUB PL4GU3
GC: 4ND 1F H3 W4NTS TO B1TCH 4ND MO4N 4BOUT 1T H3 C4N JUST G3T UN1NV1T3D!! >:[
TG: whoa ok
TG: that was a lot less sarcasm than i expected
TG: and not at all a suspicious overreaction
GC: D4V3, PL43S3
GC: TH1NGS W1TH K4RK4T M1GHT B3 K1ND OF COMPL1C4T3D BUT TH3R3S NO W4Y H3S GO1NG TO RU1N TH3 CH1LL3ST COOLK1DF3ST OF 4LL T1M3
GC: WH1NY J3RKS 4ND TH31R SN4RKY HORS3SH1T, NO TH4NKS!!! >:[
TG: whatever
TG: dont really c't;'jyu'ioa[mghiadg
GC: WH4T TH3 H3LL?
GC: ...H3LLOOOOOOO??? >:O
TG: jegus flipping christ
TG: egbert is doing fucking barrel rolls or some shit
TG: turning this thing full ways instead of half ways
TG: whats is that guys even his problem
GC: 4R3 TH3 N4CHO3S F4LL1NG 1N TH3 4IR, D4V3?
TG: you could say that
TG: i dropped the turntop
TG: like it was hotter than six hephaestuses burning assholes all lined up
TG: ready for the coming of the great hearth stoker of shitfire city
TG: put my ragenasty tongs in the bucket watch them hiss and steam
TG: anyway yeah were more or less back right side up now
GC: D4V3 TH4T W4S TH3 L3WD3EST TH1NG 1V3 3V3R H34RD
TG: yeah
TG: i know
GC: JUST FOR TH4T 1M GO1NG TO L1CK THOS3 L1COR1C3 SH4D3S R1GHT OFF YOUR F4C3 WH3N YOU G3T H3R3
GC: YOUR T4STY R3T1N4S W1LL B3 M1N3 TO S4MPL3!
TG: what
GC: COUNTDOWN TO OP3R4T1ON: COOLK1D 3Y3 R3V34L, T M1NUS F1FT33N M1NUT3S!!!! H3H3H3H4H4H4H4 >:P
TG: yeah see you I guess

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]


ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

EB: hey terezi!
EB: PCHOOOOOOOO!!!

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

GC: H3H3H3H3H3

[-Benedict]

Personally I think happy pesterfics are the best fics, so if this weren't your seventh post I'd dig out that First Pwnst gif. I should put that thing on speed dial, with all the newbie coolkids showing up and being illegally awesome.

[Bufu]

"TG: godiva chocolate got it on with some silk scarves and a babys ass
TG: and produced the smoothest fucking dudes who ever lived"

this right here, this made snort and choke on the water I was drinking laughing, man. I hope you're pleased with yourself. But seriously, you've got such an awesome handle on their voices.

[zebtrestalala]

Yeah, so, uh, here's a hypothetical pesterlog. I would appreciate it if people could tell me whether I got the voices right or not. It's a bit difficult to gauge how these two would interact....

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--adiosToreador [AT] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at ?:??--

AT: uHHH, HEY,
AT: yOU'RE jOHN, RIGHT?
EB: yeah, but I don't think i've spoken to you before
EB: i imagine you're here to tell me how much i messed up?
AT: nO, ACTUALLY,
AT: i'M NOT ALL THAT MAD,
AT: i DON'T REALLY GET ALL THAT MAD, REALLY,
EB: oh, good.
EB: well, what did you want to talk to me about?
AT: wELL, UH, NOT MUCH
AT: iT'S JUST THAT KARKAT AND VRISKA HAVE BEEN GOING KIND OF NUTS, aPPARENTLY YOU'RE A BIG DEAL,
EB: oh yeah. karkat's kind of silly in a pissed off way.
EB: but vriska's pretty cooooooool.
AT: uMMMMM,
AT: i, UH, AM NOT ENTIRELY SURE I WOULD HOLD THE SAME OPINION,
AT: bUT THAT'S JUST, UH, MY OWN OPINION
EB: why not? she's a pretty cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything!
EB: by which i mean, she does some weird stuff, but she's friendly
AT: uMMM, WELL, IT'S JUST THAT,
AT: i USED TO BE HER KISMESIS
AT: oR MATESPRIT
AT: i WAS NEVER REALLY SURE WHICH SHE WAS GOING FOR IN THE END
EB: what are you going on about?
AT: oH, KARKAT NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT ROMANCE?
AT: hE USUALLY GOES A LITTLE NUTS ABOUT IT,
EB: oh, he went on about romance
EB: just that i should marry rose or something?
EB: i'm really confused about it.
AT: wELL, UH, I DON'T KNOW HOW WELL I'LL DO,
AT: kARKAT WILL PROBABLY BEAT ME FOR HOW BAD I MAIM THIS,
AT: bUT YEAH, UH, WE GOT THE QUADRANTS
EB: i know that
AT: i, UH, WASNT FINISHED,
AT: mATESPRITS ARE LIKE TYPICAL HUMAN LOVE
AT: mOIRAILS ARE, UH, KIND OF LIKE FRIENDSHIPS, JUST WITH RESPONSIBILITIES,
AT: kISMESITUDE IS, WELL, UH, NOT LIKE ANYTHING YOU HAVE, iT'S A RELATIONSHIP BASED OFF OF HATE,
EB: troll romance sure is weird!
AT: yES, AND THEN YOU HAVE AUSPITICISM,
AT: aND TO BE HONEST, i'VE NEVER BEEN IN ONE, AND DON'T KNOW MUCH,
AT: yOU SHOULD TALK TO KANAYA IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT, NOT THAT YOU EVER WOULD,
AT: bUT, UH, MY MAIN POINT WAS THAT,
AT: vRISKA ISN'T ALWAYS AS SINCERE AS SHE SHOULD BE
AT: i MAY BE A LITTLE BIASED IN MY OPINIONS, BUT, I THINK EVERYONE YOU TALK TO WOULD HAVE SIMILAR THOUGHTS
EB: well, she can be a little bossy
AT: uHHH, YEAH, tHAT IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT
EB: oh, alright, so Vriska's bad news?
EB: dave already tried to tell me that
EB: i guess i'll stay on my toes?
AT: yEAH, NOT THAT i DON'T WANT HER TO BE, UH, HAPPY,
AT: bUT JUST...BE, UH, CAREFUL?
EB: thanks, i guess
EB: is that all?
AT: uMMM, YEAH, I THINK
AT: oH NO, WAIT,
AT: yOU'RE THE WINDY GUY, RIGHT, tHE 'oF bREATH'
EB: yeah, why?
AT: i WAS TOO,
AT: tHAT WAS THE MOST FUN i'VE HAD, SOARING ON THE WIND
AT: mADE ME FEEL LIKE pUPA pAN,
AT: eXCEPT i DIDN'T NEED ANY PIXIE DUST
AT: i'D PROBABLY BE ALLERGIC TO THAT ANYWAY,
EB: you mean peter pan?
EB: trolls have peter pan too?
AT: pUPA PAN,
AT: i GUESS IT'S JUST COOL ENOUGH TO BE A UNIVERSAL CONCEPT }:)
EB: yeah, i guess...
EB: wait, what with the }?
AT: tHEY'RE MY HORNS! }:)
EB: trolls are even weirder than i thought!
EB: but cool!
EB: but anyways...
EB: i just don't really know how i managed to do that windy thing
EB: it just sort of came and went.
EB: and it was kind of crazy when it came
AT: rUFIO HELPED ME TO CONTROL THE WIND,
AT: bUT I KNOW THAT HE DOESN'T EXIST, SO I, UH, CAN'T REALLY DO IT NOW,
AT: tHAT AND MY ROBOT LEGS ARE PROBABLY TOO HEAVY,
EB: whooooooooa!
EB: trolls have robot legs? and horns?
AT: nOT ALL OF THEM,
AT: jUST PEOPLE WHO GET PARALYZED, lIKE ME,
AT: aND LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT,
AT: sO NOW I'M JUST KIND OF GROUNDED,
AT: nOT THAT THERE'S REALLY, UH, ANYWHERE TO GO,
AT: bUT AT LEAST I GET TO, UH, WATCH YOU DO IT,
AT: aND REMEMBER,
EB: oh man
EB: that must really suck
EB: well, AT, I'll try to make the most out of this
EB: for your sake!
AT: tHANKS }:)
AT: oH, AND MY NAME'S TAVROS,
EB: oh. alright
EB: well, talk to you later Tavros!
EB: i have a universe to save!
AT: uH, GOOD LUCK, I GUESS,

--ectobiologist [EB] ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT]--

Alternate ending:

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AT: rUFIO HELPED ME TO CONTROL THE WIND,
AT: bUT I KNOW THAT HE DOESN'T EXIST, SO I, UH, CAN'T REALLY DO IT NOW,
AT: tHAT AND MY ROBOT LEGS ARE PROBABLY TOO HEAVY,
EB: whooooooooa!
EB: trolls have robot legs? and horns?
EB: too cool!
EB: by Rufio, you mean that guy from Hook?
AT: wAIT, YOU HAVE A RUFIO ON EARTH?
AT: i JUST THOUGHT HE WAS AN IMAGINARY FRIEND,
AT: wHO WAS ALSO MY SELF-ESTEEM
EB: yeah dude, we got a rufio
EB: one sec
EB: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um8mMa5w41A
EB: right there
AT: oH, UHHHH,
AT: rUFIO KIND OF SEEMS LIKE A JERK,
EB: yeah, he kind of is at first,
EB: but then he teams up with peter/pupa pan and saves the day
EB: and then everyone's happy and everything
EB: not the best ending a movie could have
EB: but still a good take home message
AT: wELL, MAYBE, UH, i SHOULD BE THE CONSCIENCE OF, UH, MY OWN SELF ESTEEM,
AT: aND cONSCIENCE,,,
AT: hMMM,
AT: wELL, i GUESS i GOT SOME WORK AHEAD OF ME
AT: i'M PRETTY MUCH OBLIGATED TO HELP OUT rUFIO
EB: haha, yeah, i'm sure you can do it
EB: set that guy straight
AT: wELL, THANKS, JOHN,
AT: i THINK i'VE FILLED MY PALE QUADRANT NOW,
EB: still have no idea what that means
EB: but you're welcome!
AT: aLRIGHT, GOOD LUCK WITH, UHHH, WHATEVER YOU GOT TO DO,
AT: i'M GOING TO HAVE A LONG TALK WITH MYSELF,
EB: haha, sounds good.
EB: i'll probably talk to you again down the road!

--adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]--

any comments and crits would be nice.

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also: satai: I love your pesterlogs, you seem to get the interactions and the humor just right, and nail the characters. Good work!

also: rae: you weren't the inspiration for this pesterlog, but that is still a very nice description of the windy thing for both characters. Tavros seems so happy, and John seems a bit out of character but at the same time like himself.

Tenebrais: I appreciate the change from the content of Exposure (though now that seems like it could be the way things go), and I like the look into Bec's conscience as less of an omnipotent, apathetic creature and more as a loving, protective pet.

[SkaianRedeemer]

What was that, Egregious? I can't hear you over the sound of my typos :P.

Well. That's certainly a way to leave off. I gotta go for a week and since I failed to produce Chapter 9 in time, it had sure better not be on a joke about typos. ...There once was a Troll from Nantucket, who put all his genes in a-- no, no, that one's just going to get me in trouble. Forget it.

@raequiem: I really keep hoping Tavros does use his Breath powers to fly. It would be so happy. So happy.

@Tenebrais: Fantastic! Also, I think someone's covered all the guardians now! Except Grandpa? Correct me if I'm wrong. Not that there's a problem with getting more excellent guardian fics!

Loving the happy pesterlogs here. I’m not really sure what I can put into crit, zebtrestalala, since your fic works pretty well as it is, except that you should probably switch off the auto smilies.


Well, time for me... to go...
......................................*shifty eyes*


karmic_lizards

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KARKAT settles down in front of his computer and begins to recite his newest email song, typing a new few characters from “kk_email.exe” with each line.

KARKAT: There once was a Troll from Nantucket,
Who put all his genes in a bucket,
He lived in an AU
And soon his genes grew,
'To a boy with grey text who said "FUCK IT."

He has finished typing the file name.

KARKAT: You know. Hypothetically.

He hits Enter and the email appears.

KARKAT: Dear Karkat, Some friends and I were just wondering, what’s up with you and the other trolls’ special powers? Like yours! What kind of special power is “blood” anyway? Can you shoot blood out of your eyes like some kind of horned [pronounces “horn-ed” here and elsewhere] toad? Sincerely, Fanfic Folks of the Internet.

Sounding panicked, he begins to compose his response.

KARKAT: Oh shit, it’s the FFI again. Look, you people, I’ve already told you, what happened between Eridan and me in the locker room was strictly Bro Stuff! I was being helpful! Sometimes a stuck zipper is just a stuck zipper, no matter how much you… or your readers… [mutters]or he… want it to be to be otherwise!

He refreshes the page.

KARKAT: So let’s talk about something more agreeable: namely, the horned toad. I think, on this issue, you guys and gals and I are finally seeing eye to projectile-blood-shooting eye! I mean, if I had to be resurrected as some kind of earth creature, it would totally be one of them or maybe one of those beetles that shoot scalding hot water out of their butts! Which brings me disgustingly to the subject of our super powers.

KARKAT turns about and we see VRISKA is just about to pass by his chair.

KARKAT: Hey. Stheno. Some kids on the internet want to know why people who take one look at your stupid face suddenly lose the universe’s will to let them live. I mean, besides the obvious.

VRISKA tosses her hair out of the wait of her seven-pupilled eye and crosses her arms.

VRISKA: That’s a nice chair, Karkat, we wouldn’t want anything to happen t—

KARKAT’S chair collapses underneath him.

VRISKA: Yeah, like that.

She leaves, and KARKAT pulls himself to his feet and stands in front of his Crabtop.

KARKAT: Looks like it’s time for some footwork. And by footwork I mean “Stealing Tavros’ chair from under him… work.”

His imagination takes over the screen and we see him fighting a horde of mixed-prototyped imps.

KARKAT [offscreen]: Besides, my power’s not that hard to understand! I’m the Knight of Blood! When I wade into swaths of my enemies, I get stronger as I’m immersed in their torment and bodily leavings! Each droplet that coats my scythes makes me more powerful, faster, and all-around more awesome. It’s kind of like my favourite video game, which is way too awesome to exist in your pitiful human realms.

The shot switches to that of a digitized castle.

KARKAT [offscreen]: Now none of youse tell Kanaya about this because I’ll never hear the end of it, but it’s about an infighting family of rainbow drinkers, led by the infamous Troll Dracula, who’s being opposed by his estranged biological offspring, Alucardllort!

The screenshots progress to show that, yes, Karkat is talking about Symphony of the Night with crudely edited horns.

KARKAT [offscreen]: He could have that power in that game. In fact, Sgrub was a lot like that game, because just like a castle full of skeletons, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE IN SGRUB CAN ACTUALLY BLEED!

We return to a shot of the crabtop, and the screen shakes as a crash occurs offscreen.

TAVROS [offscreen]: Uh… yeah, you can borrow my chair, Karkat, that’s cool.

KARKAT returns, sits down and resumes typing.

KARKAT: As soon as the word “STRIFE” stamps itself onto reality, you’re pretty much out of luck! I mean, I only got to use my power like, twice! The first time was when Jack stabbed me, that was something else. The second time, I asked Terezi to prick her finger for me just before a minor boss fight and the next thing I know it’s a month and a half later and we’re in a passionate, loving relationship! I mean, what the hell happened?

The shot changes to one of the horn pile, where we see GAMZEE, asleep, FEFERI, sitting, and ARADIA.

KARKAT: Of course, not all our powers are stupid and useless. Feferi’s the Witch of Life! Now again, I don’t know much about witches or extra lives outside of video games, but I figure if you gave her a… mushroom or something [Aradia does] she’d probably hand you back either a… 1-Up or twenty handfuls of Magic Powders.

FEFERI hands ARADIA a brown, rope drawn satchel. ARADIA walks a bit screen right to reveal EQUIUS, hard at work. She reaches into the bag and whips a handful of powder at him, causing him to catch fire. Kismesissically satisfied, she walks past FEFERI and her glare to drop the bag in GAMZEE’S lap before she exits left.

KARKAT: But what you’ve got to keep in mind her, pFFIfers, is that the game intentionally gave us all powers that would be completely incompatible with our personalities. That means pretty much everyone has a stupid power in the end!

Shot of an empty part of the lab. NEPETA is suddenly dropped in from above and lands on her knees, legs splayed in a typical anime cute pose.

KARKAT: Let’s make a case study of the Rogue of Heart, our party’s backup healer. Now what kind of person did our favourite apocalypse-causing video game deliver the task of patching our wounds and keeping us from turning into a fine red paste? Num—

NEPETA: I love pâté!

KARKAT: …Number one: incredibly limited attention span.

A bullet point appears with a line attached to Nepeta’s mouth, the first of many that will soon clutter her. She begins to confusedly bat at it, but it follows her wherever she goes.

KARKAT: Number 2: Weapon designed for extremely close quarter use, coupled with number 3: Armour of Protection -1, Tripping Hazards +5. And let’s not forget her actual class, Rogue, meaning that, if we need her, we can’t find her. Last, if they find her first, she’s supported by a number of hit points barely outstripping a family of terrified muskrats.

NEPETA, who believes she has caught the bullet point about tripping hazards aimed at her tail after a few circular chases, smiles at the camera.

NEPETA: I’m just sensitive!

KARKAT: …to explosions.

We return to Karkat as the muffled sound of a bang in the distance.

KARKAT: So after all that technical explanation, I figure I should probably wrap this up in terms you Internet people can understand with your incredibly limited attention spans. A-hem.

Each of his final statements is accompanied by a photo meme.

KARKAT: [longcat] Stupid powers are STUUUUUUUUPID.

KARKAT: [lizard, spitting blood from its eye] Monorail lizard lubricates its own track!

KARKAT: [a glossy of himself, winking and making finger guns at the camera] And all your base are belong to Karkat!

He gets up and leaves, his sylladex depositing a sheet of paper that reads “YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO EMAIL MAKE YOUR TIME”

Easter Egg

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We return to the horn pile, as a flickering lighting comes from off screen right.

FEFERI [concerned]: Equius, are you all right?

EQUIUS: Not to worry princess! [thump] I’ve almost beaten it out!

FEFERI: Because I can get some wa--

EQUIUS: Fine, thank you!

Gamzee, who has been peering into the bag of powder, spritzes himself with some, instantly transforming him into a Cukeman.

Author’s Notes

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Really, why did they code Dark Metamorphosis when it only works on like, Bloody Zombies? It seems like a lot of wasted work. Just sayin’.

Anyway, I’m out of here. None of you folks burn the forums down when I’m gone, unless it’s through the power of awesome fic, in which case like, 50 points to... hrm... Ravenclaw. Also, 10 points to the first person to get the VVVVVV music out of my head. ...No, wait. Hold on a bit. I'm still enjoying it.

[raequiem]

*snort* We'll miss you, Skaian!

[Katrika]

Part 3 of Exiles is finished and should be up today pending Mayor's approval!

=D

[chronicallyCrafty]

PFFT Skaian that was WONDERFUL. I suddenly understand EVERYTHING!!

Will miss you dearly, but looking forward both to your return and to ch 9, since ch 8 was so goddamn beautiful.

[Katrika]

There are some details about SR's wanderings that I didn't have room for, should I let you guys in on them?

Exiles, part 3

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The Shy Reader sat in the waiting room, nervously adjusting and readjusting her bright green uniform. She racked her mind, trying to remember if she had done anything to warrant a summons from the White Queen.It must be about last week, she decided. She hadn’t meant to lose track of time and spend all day reading adventure novels! Surely the Queen would understand and not begrudge her the extra day to catalogue those new books?
The great doors swung open, jolting SR out of her thoughts. The Queen must be ready to see her. Accompanied by a royal guard, she entered the audience room and knelt before the great golden throne.

“You are excused.”

SR looked up in shock before she realied the Queen had been adressing the guard, not her. What was going on? She looked down again, bemused.

“Please look at me, Shy Reader. I have something very important to say.”

SR looked up slowly. The Queen was smiling kindly at her.

“You are to be sent to the Battlefield.”

A cold thrill of shock and despair ran through SR. She knew she was a mere pawn, but she had never really thought about leaving her library for the Battlefield. Hadn’t she served the Queen well in her role?

“Or rather…I am supposed to send you to the Battlefield. I have another mission in mind for you. Knowledge is a precious thing, is it not?”

“Y-yes.”

“It is a thing to be preserved and protected, you agree?”

“Yes!”

“Wonderful. My idea is this. You will be Exiled, and preserve the knowledge of the dead planet for future generations. Do you accept this mission?”

“…Yes.”

The Queen explained more, but SR was too preoccupied to listen. Even when the Queen winked and called for the guard to throw her in the dungeon until her Exile, SR was happy. Her Queen trusted her with an important mission. She was not going to the Battlefield. She was going to explore a whole new world. She was going to be a hero!

It was going to be amazing.

[chronicallyCrafty]

Hey dudes, it's been a sad, long while since I've contributed anything. School is sucking the life out of me, but I'm trying to stay on top of this ficcing thing. I asked my friends over on Facebook to give me Christmas carols to inspire me for fics of any fandom of my choosing, and the first one I wrote got the Homestuck treatment, unsurprisingly to anyone involved.

This particular one is inspired by “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (primarily the Frank Sinatra version).

And by the way, this...is my first attempt at writing the kids and the guardians, so concrit about how to do them better sure would be swell! And much appreciated

If the Fates Allow

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Out the open door, snow fell soft, mushy, and half-melted, from the darkening sky, illuminated with lights flickering red and green and white like cold-weather fireflies, and the chill reached in with sharp fingers to scratch at John’s nose and cheeks, wearing away at the warmth of their house. But he was numb to the cold, numb to the smell of snow and of pine and of fireplaces gathered round by families, and the lights blurred in his vision, mingling with tears he was trying hard to hold back. Within his house there were decorations lining every hallway, presents piled high under a majestic white pine tree topped with a golden angel, and Christmas cookies freshly baked and cooling atop the oven. He had awoken Christmas Eve morning to the smells of pies already being baked, and to his father’s annual Christmas prank (the shaving cream beard was not one of his more inspired jokes, but for that John was grateful), and to the sounds of Sinatra crooning over the radio. It was just like the start of the other eight Christmases before this one, at least that he could remember. Everything should have been perfect.

But there was his father with his coat on, one foot out the door and the other hurrying to follow, soft woolen scarf wrapped uncharacteristically sloppily around his neck.

“Got a call into work, champ,” he explained, the disappointment from his son leaching into his voice. “It’s some big emergency…but don’t worry, your dad’ll take care of it, and I’ll be right back before you know it. Okay?”

“Y-yeah,” John managed to squeak out, his young voice cracking like thin ice. “Yeah, okay Dad. I’ll just…wait here, I guess.” He ran a sleeve quickly over his face and beneath his glasses, smearing off tears and snot, and his dad reached out a white-gloved hand to ruffle his unruly hair.

“That’s the spirit, sport. I’ll see you soon. Go walk to a friend’s house if you get lonely.”
“…Sure, Dad.” Feeling a lump catch in his throat, John watched his father step out into the slush, his pale coat blending into the white flakes. A strong wind hit him, threatening to let loose his scarf, but both the man and the wool hung on tenaciously and battled bravely with the elements until Mr. Egbert disappeared into his car and drove off.

“If I had any friends,” he mumbled out into the cold before shutting the door behind him. He sank against the back of it, rubbing his hands together to relieve them from brief numbness. John suspected his father knew, somehow, about his troubles at school, the classmates’ birthdays he was ridiculed for avoiding the cakes they brought in (seriously, who doesn’t like cake?!), the days he spent alone on the playground at recess because no one would reenact his favorite movie scenes with him (Nicholas who?). He suspected, but his father had never once called him on it, never once suggested he change who he was to suit someone else’s tastes. He just encouraged John’s movie fanaticism as much as he encouraged his perceived obsession with harlequins (seriously where had that even come from?)—though he never stopped baking.

Dad will be home soon anyway, he comforted himself, and with a deep breath he wiped the last of the tears from his face and stood, making his way with the briefest of glances to the urn of his grandmother’s ashes on the mantle to the stairs and up to his room. Maybe he wasn’t the only one alone on Christmas, he thought, hope springing up in his chest. There was only one way to find out.

-- ghostyTrickster [GT] signed onto Pesterchum! --

-- None of ghostyTrickster’s [GTs] chums are online! --

Stupid. Stupid stupid dumb.

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Somewhere across the vast expanse of chest-deep snow, Rose’s mother was in the laboratory working. On Christmas Eve.

She had made a big show about feeling awful for having to leave. “Dearest, you have no idea how sorry I am, leaving you alone like this! And the day before Christmas! Don’t worry, it won’t be for long, Mommy will fix that awful server problem and then she’ll be right back and we can celebrate Christmas together properly, alright? Don’t you fret! Everything will be just fine!”

Sounded like Mother had been getting into the wine again. She was always this dramatic when she got into the wine. (And she was always this dramatic, so you can see where this is going.)

“Sure, Mother,” Rose had responded, tucking her hands behind her back. “I will see you tomorrow afternoon, then.”

“Oh, Rosie, don’t be like that!” she had exclaimed, caught up in the emotional theatrics of the season, no doubt, pausing with one foot out the door. “When has Mother ever let you down?”

“Oh, never,” Rose had replied coolly to the door as it shut, leaving her in this huge house by herself.

The interior was warm enough. Best heating system money could buy aside, her mother had imported only the finest and most charming Christmas decorations from France, each piece chosen with the utmost care to suit Rose’s tastes. Delicate, dark glass ornaments winked at her with the light of the setting sun through the windows, dotted along the halls and hanging from their tree (only the best, a thirteen-foot tall Douglas fir that had had to be airlifted in—which was completely inane considering the mountains of presents that threatened to drown it in shiny, meticulously-folded wrapping paper). In their hearth was a never-ending fire, fed new wood automatically by some contraption inside whose mechanism Rose couldn’t even begin to guess at.

But the emptiness brought a certain measure of cold to it. Rose snatched up her book from where she had been reading at the kitchen table while her mother had been mixing her special batch of egg nog (which she knew better than to take even a sip of) and curled up by the fireplace, trying to concentrate.

It was stupid, really. Mom left her alone all the time. What made one day out of the year so special so as to make her this upset by it that she couldn’t even focus on one of her favorite novels?

The house seemed so, so quiet. And the quiet was horribly loud.

Rose started suddenly, the sound of scratching catching her attention. It was faint, coming from the direction of the front door, but she could hear it. It kept up, growing louder and louder the more she tried to ignore it, until finally she shut the book with a snap and stood, pulling on a coat merely to keep from freezing the moment she opened the door.

No one was there, but a quiet mew drew her gaze downward. A small kitten blinked bright eyes up at her and mewed again, and she could barely distinguish its white coat from the snow. Something sharp jammed through her heart like an icicle. This was it, she realized, freezing with her hand halfway to involuntarily stroke the cat with two careful fingers between the ears. Her first Christmas without Jaspers (her first Christmas without a friend, who else would waste their time listening to her prattle verbosely on and on about the state of the human psyche, who else would be willing to allow her to attempt to dig into the very depths of their mind and psychoanalyze them to their very core?).

“You look hungry,” she whispered, which was all the volume she could muster. The kitten mewed back at her. “I can’t let you in, but I can bring you some milk. Wait here.”

She closed the door gently and, willing her heart to stop pounding quite so hard, thank you, she hurried to the kitchen and poured a bowl of milk (the bowl she had used for Jaspers, before they had gotten him a proper one, a sturdy, heavy, porcelain thing that kept heat well). Thirty seconds in the microwave seemed to last forever, but finally, she had the warmed bowl in hand and in front of the door.

To her immense relief, the kitten was still there, mewling patiently as if it had understood her, and once the bowl was down it lapped at the warmed liquid with relish. Rose smiled the briefest of sad smiles but quickly closed the door again while the kitten was distracted.

No more reading for the night. Now that she knew what it was that was bothering her, there was no way she could concentrate. She headed upstairs and turned on her computer to find a way to distract herself. Someone else had to be online today, right?


-- tentacleTherapist [TT] signed onto Pesterchum! --

-- None of tentacleTherapist’s [TTs] chums are online! --

…Well honestly. What had she expected?

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Without fail, Bro was home for his birthday. Every year. Make no mistake, there was no irony lost in the act; more often than not he was late, or only present for a few hours at a time, or, occasionally, stoned off his ass. Sometimes a combination of the three, always to the point when Dave had to question (to himself, of course, it wouldn’t be very cool of him to question the unfathomable irony of the elder Strider) why he even bothered. And without fail, twenty-one days later when Bro failed to show up in their cruddy shithole of an apartment, Dave regretted that question, because whatever compunction his guardian had for showing up with complete accuracy on the day of his birth apparently did not extend to Christmas Eve.

“What, so some guy gets burned at the stake and impaled through the limbs or whatever and suddenly his birthday’s a goddamn miracle?” he had demanded once, when Dave was too little to know better than to ask after it. “Ain’t nobody gonna be raving about the day Strider crash-landed on this fucking planet after I die, so why bother?”

And that was that.

“Just do what all the other kids wish they were awesome enough to do: invite some friends over, have a party, get wasted,” had been his advice. “I won’t stop you. Hell, I’ll leave the beer in the fridge.”

But the irony was not lost on either Strider; Dave was too cool for friends, and besides, no parent with half a wit in their head would let their kid inside that hellish apartment for all the tea in fucking China. Or so some douchebag had yelled at Dave from a school bus window once, just in time for the brief silence between tracks on his walkman. Asshole.

Dave had developed a pattern over the years, with the house to himself. First, an early breakfast of not-getting-his-limbs-sliced-to-shreds by the pile of shitty weapons in the fridge and digging-through-puppet-ass-to-get-to-use-the-microwave. This year, he was lucky and ended up with some cereal, and—score—a bowlful of unspoiled milk to put it in. He ate in near-silence, beat-boxing to himself between spoonfuls, and ignored the view outside the small, grimy windows. He didn’t get the deal with white Christmases. It never snowed here anyway.

Leaving his empty bowl on the one clear spot on the kitchen counter, he headed over to their gaming station, doing his best to ignore the scrubby little bush thing that was supposed to pass for a Christmas tree. Bro had decorated it with what could not by any stretch of the imagination be construed as Christmas ornaments, and while Dave could see the irony in that if he turned his head and squinted real hard at it for a couple hours, it was not worth the amount of brain bleach he would have needed afterwards.

Breakfast was followed by three solid hours of video games, and then over to his turntables for a little practice before turning off his equipment to grace the internet with his presence. Truly, there was little difference between that day and any other day, except that it was just a little bit quieter and just a little less creepy, and as an early Christmas present Lil Cal decided to stop doing that disturbing thing where he would appear in locations in which Dave swore he hadn’t been left. For just one day, at least.

But really, the day was no big deal. Really. Just another one of the 365.25 days of the year. Nothing special.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] signed onto Pesterchum! --

-- None of turntechGodhead’s [TGs] chums are online! --

Man, why did he even bother? Everyone else in the world was gonna be busy today, anyway.

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-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 4:13 PM --

GG: hello!! :)
GT: oh, wow. hi there!
GT: i don’t think i’ve talked to you before!
GG: heehee! no you havent!! :D
GG: my names jade
GT: ok hi jade! my name’s john.
GG: its good to finally talk to you john!
GT: “finally?”
GT: what do you mean? have you been internet-stalking me??
GG: :O! oh noooo!!
GT: hehe i was just kidding!
GG: oh ok! :D
GG: john this is a very special day!!
GT: haha well yeah it’s christmas eve.
GG: oh right heehee! i mean aside from that silly!!
GG: john did you know that today you are going to be talking to three very important people?!
GT: whoa what really??
GT: am i gonna be visited by three ghosts or something like in a christmas carol?
GT: which one are you?
GT: you sound too happy to be the ghost of christmas future.
GG: hahaha john what are you talking about? XD
GG: were not ghosts but yes i am one of those people!
GG: but im not from the future!!
GT: oh yeah? then how did you know i would be talking to three people today?
GT: huh????
GG: lol because i am going to introduce you to them john!!
GG: boy arent you mr suspicious! heehee!!
GT: oh wow huh i guess that makes a lot more sense.
GT: for a while there i thought you were psychic or something.
GG: that’s ridiculous john!! :D
GT: haha yeah i guess so.
GT: so when do i get to meet these other important people?
GG: patience john!!! you will soon!
GG: but i get to talk to you first!
GT: haha ok! what do you want to talk about?
GG: well why dont you tell me about yourself john!
GG: what sorts of things do you like? :)
GT: …um.
GG: um what!!
GT: um i don’t know it’s just that some people think what i like is pretty weird!
GG: well i dont think so! you like movies dont you john??
GT: well.
GT: yes! how did you know?
GT: are you sure you’re not internet-stalking me?? :P
GG: joooooohn! you were just talking about that movie with the ghosts! D:
GT: i could have been talking about the book!
GG: noooo that would have been rose!
GT: rose?
GG: she is one of the people you are going to meet!
GG: but she likes books and you like movies! thats how it is!!
GG: and i dont think thats weird at all!!! :D
GT: really?
GT: even if i told you
GT: that
GT: i
GT: …
GG: that you what?
GT: that i
GT: …………….
GG: what john spit it out!! :O!
GT: thatilikenickcage
GT: *shifty eyes*
GG: ummmmmm!
GG: whos nick cage???
GT: …
GT: jade.
GT: JADE.
GG: what john!!
GT: this cannot go on any longer.
GT: you need to go out
GT: right now
GT: and rent con air.
GT: trust me you will thank me later!
GG: ummmmm i cant exactly do that right now!!
GG: but i will ask grandpa about it later maybe when he gets back!
GT: ok good!
GT: because it is basically the best movie ever.
GG: ok john! :D
GG: hey john listen i have to go for a bit
GG: there is someone else i need to talk to!
GT: oh ok. you sure are popular jade!
GG: heehee!
GT: ok well i don’t want to take up too much of your time if you’re busy.
GT: but i had fun talking to you! sorry i wont be able to talk to your important friends tonight but maybe later!
GG: no john you will still talk to them tonight!
GG: but right now it is my turn to talk to them!
GT: hmm ok well i doubt it.
GT: about me talking to them tonight, not you talking to those important people!
GG: heehee you’ll see john!
GT: maybe.
GT: anyway you’re pretty cool jade!
GT: thanks for messaging me! can we talk again later?
GG: i think talking again later is something we will most definitely do!!
GT: awesome! ok bye jade!
GT: merry christmas!!
GG: merry christmas john!!
GG: bye!

-- ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 4:44 PM --

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-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 9:43 PM --

GG: hello rose!!
TT: Oh, hello.
TT: I suppose I am to be baffled as to how you know my name, yet I have not had the pleasure of speaking to you prior to this moment.
GG: oh i think i must have seen it on the internet somewhere!!
TT: A likely story.
GG: well its either that or im a psychic!!
GG: which one is more believable? :)
TT: You make a very convincing point.
TT: Although I admit I would be highly intrigued if you were in fact capable of reading my mind.
GG: really??
TT: You would not be?
GG: i guess i never really thought about it before!!
TT: Imagine the implications. Someone who could read minds would perceive the world in an entirely different manner than anyone else.
GG: o.o oh wow.
GG: i guess so!!
TT: Well then.
TT: As we have established that you are not, in fact, capable of reading my mind, I suppose I must admit I suffer from the same incapacity.
TT: And as I have not had the pleasure of coming across your name at any given point before now, please do enlighten me.
GG: wow rose you really do talk a lot!!
GG: but in a good way! :D
GG: my names jade!
TT: It’s nice to meet you, Jade.
TT: I’m a little surprised you think my verbosity is a positive trait, however.
GG: how come?
GG: i think its really impressive and also kind of relieving!
TT: Relieving?
GG: yes because now i know that if theres a word for something i dont know
GG: you probably will rose!
GG: and i think thats really great!!
TT: Well that certainly is a refreshing way to look at it.
TT: I confess I have never considered that a possibility before.
GG: heehee! i bet there are a lot of things you havent considered possible before that maybe are!
TT: What an utterly comprehensible statement. I suddenly understand everything.
GG: lol!
GG: well for example
GG: did you ever expect to be talking to not one but THREE new friends tonight?
TT: Are you implying that we are already falling victim to that elusive flight of fancy called friendship?
GG: well i enjoy talking to you rose!
GG: and i hope that youre enjoying talking to me too!
GG: and if that isnt the beginning of a friendship then i dont know what is!!
TT: Hm.
GG: hmmmm????
TT: Nothing.
TT: You mentioned three people.
TT: Are you implying you are not alone?
GG: i am not alone but there are other new people for you to talk to!
GG: but that can wait because i am talking to you now! :)
TT: I believe I am more than capable of multitasking.
TT: But fine.
TT: There is a certain measure of comfort in the knowledge that at least one of us has some company.
GG: yes i think it is important to not be alone on christmas
GG: that is why i messaged you!
TT: And how did you know I was alone?
GG: ummmmmmm……
TT: Could it be you are, in fact, a psychic?
GG: nooooooo!
GG: thats not really how it is at all!!
GG: i just kind of
GG: guessed
TT: You guessed.
TT: Color me completely convinced.
GG: hehehehe!
GG: no really i did guess!
GG: based on what i already know about you!
TT: And pray tell what nuggets of wisdom have I shared with you that would have brought you to this conclusion?
GG: hmm well
GG: you mentioned that something that you do a lot is not usually thought of as something good!
GG: so i think that you must be lonely a lot rose :(
GG: but dont worry that wont last very long!!
TT: Ah, but I mentioned that particular fact after you had already messaged me.
GG: …oops.
GG: you caught me rose!
GG: maybe i know things that other people might not yet but……..
GG: i am not a psychic!!
TT: Very well.
TT: I will play along with that delusion for the time being.
GG: heehee!
GG: well rose actually i have to go right now!
GG: there is someone else i need to talk to!!
TT: One of those other friends you mentioned?
GG: yes!
GG: but dont worry you will get to talk to him soon enough, and also another friend!
GG: i have been waiting for this day for a long time!! :)
TT: What a completely logical thing to say.
TT: Very well. I suppose I will be speaking to you again in the near future?
GG: oh yesssss!
GG: yes you will! very soon!!
TT: Goodbye then, Jade. It has been…
TT: Interesting.
GG: i had fun talking to you too rose!
GG: bye! merry christmas!
TT: Merry Christmas.

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:34 PM--

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-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 20:35 --

GG: hi dave!!
TG: hey
GG: haha! arent you going to ask how i know your name??
TG: no way im a goddamn celebrity on the internet
TG: my names been whoring itself out on the fucking information highway for almost a decade
TG: dave strider queen whore on the technological streets
TG: everyone lining up to get a piece of this shit
GG: heehee! dave you are so silly!
GG: but its true you were the easiest to find!
GG: i was browsing your comics before and they are very good!!
GG: if a little weird!!!! ._.
TG: if you think theyre weird it just means theyre doing their job
GG: and what is that job dave??
TG: being ironic
GG: oooohhhhhhh!!!
GG: …
GG: i dont get it
TG: haha whatever thats fine
TG: if you said you got it right off the bat i wouldnt believe you
TG: this is some deep shit
GG: the deepest!!
GG: dave i think that is very cool and also very mysterious!!!
TG: fuck yes youre talking to the coolest coolkid ever brought to life in this universe
TG: but speaking of mysterious
TG: who are you
GG: oh noooo! lol!
GG: i forgot to introduce myself didnt i???
TG: sure seems that way
TG: if i were any less of a coolkid i might be a little offended with the lack of pleasantries but im sure you just got distracted by my aura of awesome and forgot
GG: yes that is exactly what happened!!
GG: but i remember now so i will tell you! my name is jade!! :D
TG: ok just to be clear
TG: is it jade
TG: or jade!! :D
GG: ._.
TG: that was a joke
TG: youre supposed to laugh
GG: oh heehee sorry!!
GG: it is just that im used to people making fun of the way i type!
GG: but im sure you wouldnt do that dave!
GG: you are just too cool to do mean things like that!! :)
TG: damn right making fun of the way people type is so stupid
TG: and not even in an ironic way
TG: except leetspeak that is just retarded
GG: heehee ok dave i promise i will never use retarded leetspeak!
GG: so you will never have a reason to make fun of the way i type!!
TG: now were getting somewhere
TG: hey jade you arent too bad
TG: most people who come to pester me are just brainless sycophants who want to give me ludicrous amounts of understandably deserved praise
TG: or morons who dont get my irony
GG: i am glad you like me dave!! i like you too
TG: ok great
TG: so since you have only been mildly weird so far i gotta ask
TG: what are you doing on pesterchum its fucking christmas eve
GG: the same thing you are doing!!
GG: talking to people silly
TG: well yeah ok but shouldnt you be out celebrating or having quality bonding time with your parents or something
GG: well……………
GG: grandpa left early this morning do to some work so hes not around :(
TG: oh shit so youre alone too
GG: noooo! i have bec with me!! :D
TG: whats a bec
GG: hes my dog!
GG: and my best friend in the whole world!!
GG: actually hes my only friend in the whole world ._.
GG: well until now!
TG: …
GG: what?
TG: nothing
GG: oh heehee that sounded depressing didnt it??
GG: but its ok dave!
GG: this is going to be the best christmas ever because
TG: because
GG: you know why????
TG: not a clue
GG: because this year i get three new friends to celebrate it with!
GG: and so do you!!
TG: you sound pretty confident about that what makes you think i want new friends
TG: or even any friends
GG: :( i know you dont mean that dave!!
GG: youre just being ironic! right?
TG: the girls got it johnny tell her what shes won
TG: its a first class one way ticket to i dont care island
GG: daaaaaaave!! ._.
TG: what
GG: oh wait was that a joke too?? :/
TG: …
TG: yeah
TG: you got me just another joke
GG: heehee ok then!
GG: i think the first one was funnier actually but im starting to get it!!
TG: great congratulations
TG: so you were saying something about three new friends or some shit
TG: do i have to go on a magical quest with you to find the other two or is this not that kind of game
GG: lol! no you will meet them before we go on the magical quest!!
TG: oh ok
TG: when
GG: right now!
GG: the time for you to meet them is right now!!
GG: i am going to introduce you to my friend
TG: uh
TG: ok sure i guess

-- gardenGnostic [GG] suggested that turntechGodhead [TG] pester ghostyTrickster [GT] --

GG: have fun dave!!

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:12 --

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Jade leaned back against the headboard of her bed, taking a brief respite from all this pestering. The others seemed to be well into it now, getting to know each other, trading jokes and quips and, slowly, facts about themselves. Just like she had seen in her dream.

Outside her window, there were no Christmas lights, no fake snow, no ringing bells or nosy neighbor carolers. Inside, too, there was very little at all. Neither Jade nor her grandfather had ever bothered to seek out even an evergreen tree to decorate, or the materials with which to do so. But while Christmas failed to reach its materialistic, commercialized tendrils this far out into the Pacific Ocean, there had always been a sense of Christmas cheer about her tower. Red and green blinking lights on her and her grandpa’s various projects served to bring some illumination when the sun went down, and there was Bec curled up nice and warm against her side, seemingly slumbering peacefully as she finally met her three (other) best friends.

Jade had never really had a reason to put too much stock in the Christmas season or its supposed miracles, but perhaps there was something to it, after all, if today was the day that they had all found themselves desperate for company. And now that they had met, neither Christmas nor any other day would be quite so lonely anymore for any of them.

Their conversations went long into the night, and Jade fell asleep several times, but luckily her dreambot was there to pick up the slack. By the time their respective guardians stumbled through the doors of their respective homes, blinking bleary eyes at the bright rising winter sun, her three new friends had fallen asleep at their desks, messages to each other half-typed. In puffy clouds high above a golden city, Jade watched John’s dad lift him from his seat to tuck him into bed, Rose’s mom drape her shoulders in a fluffy warm blanket, and Dave’s bro merely glance into his room and lift his pointy shades from his face to fold them upon his desk before stumbling into bed himself.

She smiled, turning her gaze from the clouds to a distant tower holding a sleeping boy, and then at the sky again, where kilometers away, invisible to the naked eye, two similar towers housed two other young, troubled dreamers.

“Soon,” she said, a wide smile growing on her face. “Soon we’ll get to meet for real. But I think that this is the start of something really excellent!!”

Jade turned from the clouds and drifted back down towards the city. She had learned so much about her new friends tonight, and she dreamed of the day when they, too, would be able to learn about the world she lived in.


GG: i think that this is the start of something really excellent!!

-- ghostyTrickster [GT] is now an idle chum! --

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! --

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“Are you there, Ms. Lalonde?”

“Yes, Mr. Egbert.”

“You sound distressed.”

“Shouldn’t I be? I don’t like the thought of leaving Rose alone on Christmas Eve, or any of these kids.”

“I don’t, either, but they won’t be alone.”

“Wasn’t that the big man’s plan? The little brats gotta be alone so they’ll stop being antisocial losers and talk to each other like they’re supposed to.”

“Nice, Strider. Very sensitive. It’s a wonder that poor boy’s managed to grow up with any ounce of sanity the way you—”

“Now now, Ms. Lalonde, Mr. Strider, that’s enough bickerin’.”

“Hass is right. It’s Christmas Eve, and we’re doing this for the kids. It’ll all come out alright in the end.”

“Indeed.”

“Alright, well, we just needed to check in, right? Promise I’ll stay out all evening without the tiniest bit of concern about Dave, no need to worry about me.”

“For once Strider’s irresponsibility is working in our favor. Imagine that.”

“Lalonde…”

“You may go about your business, Mr. Strider. Thanks for your participation.”

“Yeah, sure, no problem. Merry fucking Christmas.”

*click*

“…”

“Ms. Lalonde, while I have you here, is everything progressin’ smoothly?”

“The technology is right on schedule, Mr. Harley. Skaianet should be prepared well in advance.”

“Good. I have some business that needs attendin’, now, so I trust you two have everything well in hand?”

“I believe so.”

“Good, good. Then I’ll be off. Merry Christmas t’ you both.”

“Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Harley.”

“Merry Christmas, Hass.”

*click*

“You’re probably busy, Ms. Lalonde. I don’t want to keep you.”

“It’s no trouble. I suppose I am lucky in that I have the advantage of the sun here. Rose should be asleep before too long.”

“Good luck with her, ma’am. As I hear it, she’s growing up to be quite the pistol.”

“It’s what she’ll need to be, I’m afraid. But this is what we signed on for, Mr. Egbert, and that’s all there is to it.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Well…”

“So…”

“Perhaps there is some work I should be doing after all. I will bid you good night, Mr. Egbert. Merry Christmas.”

“Good night, Lily. Merry Christmas.”

[Katrika]

Oh wow! I was wondering how they all met, and that's a heartwarming explaination!

It's also maybe a tad refreshing to see a fic where Bro is a jerk? After all the sadfics?

[chronicallyCrafty]

Oh good, heartwarming is definitely one of the adjectives I was going for!

Haha, part of me thinks it's mostly a facade, but I also think that the sadfics are sadder if Bro puts on a little cloak of jerkitude, at least in the beginning. Maybe it's just me?

[Katrika]

Can't it be both? He might be a natural jerk who loves Dave.

I kinda like the idea of ambiguous personalities. Like how Vriska alternates between being a complete bitch and trying, however misguidedly, to help people.

[chronicallyCrafty]

Can't it be both? He might be a natural jerk who loves Dave.

...that is kind of what I was trying to say, but I tried to type it too fast and I think it came out entirely wrong! Whoops!

tl;dr: we are in agreement! that is all X'D

[SataiDelenn]

Thanks for the comments, guys! I'm glad you enjoyed. Oh man, illegally awesome. Sweet.

this right here, this made snort and choke on the water I was drinking laughing, man. I hope you're pleased with yourself. But seriously, you've got such an awesome handle on their voices.

yessss causing choking with laughter, goal one: achieved. :P

If the Fates Allow

That was adorablawesome. I'm a sucker for Christmas so this was pretty great. I kept wanting to read your take on John and Dave's first conversation, heh. ...and on other Homestuck carols, now...

[Katrika]

Huzzah for agreement!

[chronicallyCrafty]

Thanks Satai! I do have Homestuck planned for one of the other songs I was given, if I get to it! Not sure about writing that conversation though! I don't feel like I have their voices down well enough to do it justice just yet, but...maybe someday! You, on the other hand, have such a glorious grasp on those two! judging from the two things I've seen you post. Bet you could do it better :3