MSPA Fanfiction III

[lucidSeraph]

IT MUST BE GREEN DAVE DAY GUYS

Flip it Four Ways

Green

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Even to a native Texan the heat here was oppressive. The air was approaching something like liquid, slick and thick. This wasn't even Harley's land yet (Heat and Frogs, he guessed. Once Harley got there anyway) and it was already living up to its name of Hellmurder Island.

Gog damn. He loosened his tie before giving the fuck up and changing out of Four Aces Suited and into his old red T-shirt.

Or he tried to, anyway. Halfway through he was interrupted by a loud SHOOOOOSH!

“How HIGH do you even have to BE to wear pajamas like that!?”

“Oh my god you're asleep,” he said, immediately berating himself for stating the painfully obvious. How high do you even have to be to somehow speak in fucking Comic Sans? How is that even possible?

He didn't quite have time to actually contemplate that question before Davebot was attempting to strafe him. With lasers.

“Harley you dumpass STOP SHOOTING,” he shouted, whipping out the rocket board and hopping on. “And your pajamas are AT LEAST as retarded as mine.”

He headed for the tower and prayed to the god he didn't believe in that the devilbeast was somehow not actually paying attention or sleeping or something, because he really didn't want to get killed by his retarded alternate self.

“SHOOOOSH! Hey BRO watch out for the STAIRS!”

Huh. Actually, that was a good idea. He shot up the tower, nearly vertical and staying on the board only through sheer will, his alternate self's robot in hot pursuit. He whipped out Caldescratch and dove through the window, breaking it in the process.

Dave Harley's room was covered in posters of various European techno-pop bands, as well as a whole lot of Squiddles and Squiddle puppets. Robot parts were strewn everywhere. If anything, this one was even weirder than Dave Egbert.

The robot, meanwhile, was stuck in the window, unable to figure out how to actually fit through.

“god DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!”

And there was Harley on the bed, fast asleep. Strider deftly navigated the squiddle-and-robot piles, then stopped short.

The goddamn devilbeast was sitting right at the foot of the bed.

He considered time travel, but that would probably end in yet more dead Daves. Not a good plan. How the hell did you distract an omnipotent devilbeast?

He almost screamed when one hand fell on his shoulder and another clamped across his mouth.

“We really got to get more used to this,” future him said.

“... yeah, jegus. Maybe it would help if you … nevermind, it's going to happen anyway,” he said to himself. “What's the plan?”

Future him pulled out an irradiated steak and a green rocket board – apparently Dave Harley's. “Finished the conversation you're about to have and am about to abscond the fuck out of this universe. In the meantime, pooch here apparently can't resist delicious radioactive cow, so I'mma create a steak ruse.”

“A distaction. Fucking ace.”

“In the meantime, you scratch forward about, oh, a minute. It'll be done by the time you're back.”

He was already spinning up the disks.

A minute later, Devilbeast was gone, and so was future him. He turned back to Dave Harley.

“Right.

He slapped himself in the face. Doof, bitch.

“NAK!” shouted Harley as he flailed and fell out of bed. “Dude, what the hell – oh. Woah! You're actually here! Damn yo, took you long enough!”

He stood up, dusted himself off, and stuck out his hand for Strider. “Dave Harley! Nice to meet you, Dave Strider!”

Strider stared at the hand like it was the beak of the chief Horrorterror.

“... you knew I was coming?”

“Haha, of course! I've been totally stoked for this!”

“... how?” The impression he'd gotten from talking to Dave Egbert was that their title was always Knight, which meant that this Dave couldn't be a Seer. Unless...

“Lol, wut?” Harley said – actually pronounced 'lol' and 'wut' - “Duh, the Squiddles giggled to me that you were coming a while back! They were all like dude, this DAVE is coming and he's gonna be like ROSE, like, the raddest coolkid. And I asked Rose too and she was like, Yes I saw it in the future using my SEER of TIME powers and he's going to be like me and not like you. And you are totally cool! I asked if I could come see you later and the squiddles said no, which is totally weird because I know later I'm gonna go see the creepy me and prankster me and coolkid Jade and that there's a universe where coolkid Jade and me are in the same place but I can't see you for some reaso-”

“Wait, slow down. How the hell can you jump timelines? You're a Space player, right, not Time, you can't jump dimensions,” said Strider, backing up a little in response to both the sudden torrent of words and the idea of referring to the whispers of the Horrorterrors as 'Squiddle giggles'.

Harley tilted his head and blinked a few times. He then took Strider's hands and pulled him back over, forcing him to have to make a conscious effort not to jerk away. He then smiled serenely. “Time and Space, Dave. Same thing. You'll figure it out eventually. Purple Rose will make you learn.”

Strider very slowly took his hands away from Harley, who kept giving him that serene smile.

“That makes about as much sense as a sunglasses wearing dog in a jester hat,” said Strider.

“Yes... yes, it does, doesn't it?” said Harley, his gaze distant.

“... dude, are you fucking asleep again? Earth to Harley, come in Harley, this is Houston calling Hellmurder Island which is now apparently on the goddamn purple grape soda moon,” he said, waving his hands in front of Harley's face. “Jegus, that's it. Space players are fucking space cadets.”

He snapped his fingers next to Harley's left ear, and the green-eyed boy's eyes suddenly refocused.

“Woah, dude, did I do that falling asleep while talking to you thing again? Shit! Dude, so sorry about that. Man, I've probably left a totally bad impression!” he said. “Shit, where was I? OH YEAH! I think that Bec is probably hungry and I'd better tell him that you're OK so he doesn't laser you to death, and do you want some ice cream because I LOVE ice cream and wait no hold up you're going to do the time thingy because I'm talking too much right?”

Harley looked around. Strider was nowhere to be seen, having already scratched elsewhere. Looked like someone had been messing with his steak irradiator though. Funky.

“Hey Bec!” he shouted cheerfully, prancing down the stairs. “Man where's my rocket board? I wanted to go surfing! Whatever BEC let's go SWIMMING boy!”

Minutes in the past to Harley and minutes in the future for Strider, he retrieved the purple record and began to spin a dark jungle beat that blended into a rock/electronica hybrid, a darker tune... and began to descend.

A/N

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I like this one a lot better than the last two; think I'm more hitting my stride here. Also, I've been picking out songs for each Dave. The next Dave is linked up above, but...

Green: Carefree Crank
Blue: Kesha - Tik-Tok Polka Metal (Blue Dave likes Ke$ha and Gaga unironically)

still don't have anything for Orange (which should be epic sadtimes but still sound like Alpha!Dave); Red I am saving for last

YAY

[sebastian]

I wonder what there is in homestuck that lend itself so well to alternate universes, now I'm curious to see the different versions for the other kids. I really problems imagining how cool!John could be.

[Decker]

I wonder what there is in homestuck that lend itself so well to alternate universes, now I'm curious to see the different versions for the other kids. I really problems imagining how cool!John could be.

I think it's because the character types in general work well in many different situations.

[X15lm204]

maaan I take a week and a half off to work on some projects for school and everyone starts spewing tons upon tons of awesome and the thread doubles in length

Anyway, here's a mostly standalone scene I wrote for an AU session that I'm currently outlining because I am a crazy person.

Penrose - Ashen

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> Be one of the Midnight Crew.

You are now the Courtyard Droll.

The only member of the crew left live.

Huh. Not much of a crew anymore.

Not that you were much of a crew at all for the last few days.

====>

You should have known this would happen when Noir left the Brute to die fighting the White King’s bodyguards.

You should have known this would happen when the Dignitary took what he thought was your prize and threw you off a cliff in the Land of Rock and Rain.

====>

You’re still speechless when you find the Archagent with the Draconian Dignitary’s spear in his back, and the Dignitary himself spitted on the Black Queen’s blade.

====>

She takes the white scepter from the Dignitary’s lifeless hands, cuts it in half, and leaves, barely sparing the time to laugh mockingly at you, kneeling in the blood of your former friends.

You wonder if any of them realized that what they had was a fake, and if that was what started the fight, or if your last remaining friends died for nothing but spite and ambition.

You suspect the latter.

> Retrieve JOKER from deck.

You examine the real WHITE KING’S SCEPTER.

This was what started this war? This little white stick with its eight small spheres and one large one? For this you and your friends braved death as you journeyed across three planets and eight Lands? This bit of nothing made the four best of friends kill each other for the honor of giving it to someone who would only claim it off a corpse?

You are beginning to think you’ve had quite enough of this war.

> Days later, but not many...

You return to the palace audience chamber to find that no one has bothered to clean up the corpses. However, you are not alone - the Mage kneels where you did not long ago, trying and failing to hide his tears behind a mask of fury, while the Rogue looks on in horror and confusion. The Knight and the Witch wait outside, unsure of what to do.

Finally showed up, have they? You were beginning to think they’d sleep through the whole game.

You don’t know the Mage well - he showed up for every show this year but tended to hang around Slick, Droog, and Boxcars more often than not. The Rogue, though she only made one show - your last - you know better. It was nice to find someone who really shared your sense of humor.

The reminder that you’ll never be Clubs Deuce again hurts more than you thought it would.

> Set EXPLOSIVE DEVICE.

You take out your TWO OF CLUBS and place it on the ground between the Archagent and Dignitary. This is your last Club from two whole decks. You wonder if anyone has found the others, or realized their significance if they did. You doubt it.

You hesitate for a moment, watching the Mage and the Rogue, before gesturing for them to follow you.

> Abscond.

You take the shuttle all the way to the Moon while you wait. The Knight and the Witch do their best to comfort the Mage, and he finally lets his tears flow freely sitting between them. You wonder if the “friends” he’s crying for really deserve it. You’re not sure you think so anymore.

The Rogue watches you for the whole ride, trying to come up with something to say. There is nothing to say.

====>

The five of you look out towards the eight spire of the palace from a small tower on the Moon.

As you sit with your legs dangling of the edge, you hope for the sake of the others that their friends on Prospit - the Thief, the Seer, the Bard, and the Heir - are not unlucky enough to be in or around their own palace at the moment.

BOOOM

The spires, strengthened by prototyping, will not fall, but everyone within them is dead - the thousands of bureaucrats that make organizing the armies possible, the generals who issue commands, maybe even the Queens if you are lucky. Two armies have been brought to a screeching halt by one ever-underestimated Droll and two decks of cards.

> Retrieve JOKERS from deck.

You pull out the SCEPTERS, one in each hand. Their power flows through you, finally ready to be directed towards a worthy cause. As the children stare at you in shock, you fly down towards Skaia.

The soldiers will still fight, as they do. The Kings, though deprived of their scepters, still live, and will rally their troops.

This war will have to be ended by your hands.

One way or another.

They’ll all thank you for this, eventually.

> Years later, but not many...

A Capricious Derelict strolls across the desert sands...

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We know that, given the power and the will to change the nature of the game, SS uses the power to slaughter anyone who so much as looks at him funny. So what would CD do with similar power and will?

Yeah, now someone has to take this to its natural conclusion and write about a session in which HB gets his hands on a ring or scepter and turns all of Skaia into one huge hippie lovefest.

[Graven_Image]

You know how altblood trolls were a thing a while ago?

Well, I think I've started an altsession "thing".

Of which yours, X15, was a very good one.

[Katrika]

Vriska regails us all with a traditional story from Africa!

How Mindfang Got All The Wisdom In The World

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Once upon a time, everyone was a stupid 8uttwipe! They didn’t know how to play flarp, or 8e awesome, or act like a pir8!!!!!!!! This stupid cue8all dude was hiding all the wisdom away. He kept the wisdom stored in a clay pot like a stupid wriggler! He decided to give the pot to the gr8est person he knew, which was of course Marquise Spinnerette Mindfang! She had all the wisdom! All of it!!!!!!!!

Everytime she looked in the pot, she learned something new. It was so gr8!!!!!!!! 8ut clever Mindfang thought, "I will keep all this wisdom to myself. I don't want to share it with everyone. I’m the gr8est, after all!" Mindfang thought it would 8e a gr8 idea to keep the pot with the wisdom safe at the top of a tall tree, where no8ody else could get it. She was so smart like that! She got a rope and tied the rope to the clay pot. Then Mindfang tied the rope around her waist, so the pot hung down in front of her, and she 8egan to clim8 the tree. She was the 8est clim8er in the world! She was the 8est anything in the world! She had all the levels!

(All of them!!!!!!!!)

8ut it was hard clim8ing the tree with the pot 8umping her in the knees all the time. Mindfang was 8eginning to 8e very annoyed and 8ruised and tired. Even someone as gr8 and awesome and her was having trou8le! All the time a stupid 8ut may8e a little cute dum8ass had 8een standing at the 8ottom of the tree watching. Suddenly the dum8ass said, "oH GREAT MINDFANG, wHO IS SO MUCH BETTER THEN ME, wOULDN'T IT BE EASIER IF YOU TIED THE POT TO YOUR BACK INSTEAD?"

Mindfang tried tying the clay pot full of wisdom to her 8ack, and it really was a lot easier. In no time she reached the top of the tree. 8ut then she stopped and thought. "I'm supposed to 8e the one with all the wisdom, and here this adora8le dum8ass was smarter than me!!!!!!!!" Mindfang was so angry a8out this that she threw the clay pot down out of the tree. It smashed into pieces on the ground. Of course all the wisdom got out and flew away all over the world. That is how people learned to play flarp, and to 8e awesome, and to act like a pir8, and all the other things that people know how to do. And it was all thanks to her! It turned out that she had totally planned it that way all along! She had all the irons in the fire! And the 8est part of it is that that awesome and gr8 pir8 was me!

Yeah!!!!!!!!

[Caprisaurus]

@@ Katrika
Oh gog, that was a nice read considering the recent update. : D
But
Due to Vriska's typing quirk wouldn't pirate be rendered "pir8" or "Pir8te"??
I haven't looked at her quirk much but I know ate is usually replaced by an 8

[Zerovirus]

Oh wow, I could actually see Vriska spinning up a tale like that. Awesome lols were had on this side of the computer screen.

So who's the Dumbass? Tavros? John? Terezi?

[Wild Bunny]

katrika, reading that makes me think that that's what Vriska's diary/journal would be like. All these great stories about how amazing she is. haha!

everybody, good job! I'm having fun reading all of this

[Katrika]

Oh man, I need to edit the pir8s!

Vriska found Anansi stories online and decided to MODIFY them.

(If pressed, she will claim that the Anasi loser copied HER, of course. She has all the originality.)

[Decker]

She has all the originality.

All of it?

[Caprisaurus]

She has all the originality.

All of it?

All of it.

(YEAH!!!!!!!!)

[Katrika]

I'll do another, then!

Just w8 a little 8it!

:::;D

[Kassiopeia]

Seraph you are so fantastic BUT YOU DON'T NEED ME TO TELL YOU THAT AGAIN. Cannot pick out my favourite part of this, although space cadets made me giggle. You have such a good handle on all the Daves (green!Dave is my favourite. SO CUTE.) (also I am excited for purpleDave) (also gogdaaaamn, that reminds me I need to check out Poe/reread House of Leaves a million times)

[Katrika]

Mindfang and Tavros

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One day, Marquise Spinnerette Mindfang the pir8 stole some food from a loser. It were extra gr8 delicious food, so she 8aked it carefully in the 8aking 8ox. Then she sat down to eat it up.

Just as Mindfang was a8out to put the first 8ite in her mouth, she heard a knock on her door. "Oh, no!!!!!!!!" thought Mindfang. "Who can that 8e?" 8ut she opened the door, 8ecause she was nice and all that shit. There was Tavros, who looked very tired. Tavros said, " uH, mINDFANG, pLEASE LET ME IN, i'VE TRAVELLED SO FAR TODAY, aND i'M SO TIRED AND HUNGRY,” So what could Mindfang do 8ut let him in?

8ut Mindfang was too selfish to share her totally legitam8ly earned food with any8ody else, even a guest! So she came up with an awesome plan. Just as Tavros sat down at the ta8le and 8egan to reach for some food, Mindfang yelled at him, "Taaaaaaaavros, your hands are all dirty! You can't eat with your hands all dirty!!!!!!!! Go wash them!" Tavros' hands really were dirty, from wheeling around all day. So Tavros slowly wheeled to the 8each and washed his hands, and then slowly wheeled 8ack to the ta8le.

8ut meanwhile Mindfang started go88ling up the food. 8y the time Tavros got 8ack, the food was half gone. And just as Tavros sat down and reached for the food again, Mindfang started yelling again, "Tavros, your hands are still dirty! Go wash them agaaaaaaaain!" And they were dirty, 8ecause Tavros used them to wheel himself from the 8each. Sadly, Tavros wheeled away and went to wash his hands again.

8y the time Tavros had wheeled all the way 8ack, he saw that super cool and quick and smart Mindfang had eaten up the other half of the food, and the food was all gone. She was so fast!!!!!!!! Tavros looked at Mindfang and said, " THANKS, uH, fOR INVITING ME TO LATEMEAL, iF YOU'RE EVER NEAR MY HIVE, pLEASE COME 8Y AND LET ME RETURN THE FAVOR,” And Tavros 8egan wheeling slowly away to his hive.

Well, as time went 8y, Mindfang the gr8 and totally awesome pir8 8egan to think more and more a8out how Tavros had promised to feed her a free latemeal. Mindfang wanted to give Tavros the chance to give stuff to her, and she wanted to get her free latemeal. So one day she walked over to Tavros hive.

Mindfang got to Tavros’ hive just a8out latemealtime, as the sun was rising over the sea. Tavros was sitting 8y a ta8le, daydreaming, like stupid wrigglers do!!!!!!!! Tavros saw Mindfang, he said, " hI THERE, mINDFANG, hAVE YOU COME TO HAVE LATEMEAL WITH ME?" And Mindfang said, "Duh, you stupid sack of shit, what else????????" She was getting hungrier and hungrier.

Just as Mindfang was reaching for some of the food, Tavros stopped her. Tavros said, "mINDFANG, pLEASE DON'T EAT DINNER WITH YOUR GLASSES ON, tHAT'S NOT HOW WE DO THINGS AT MY HIVE,” Tavros was planning on swapping Mindfang’s delicious food with rotten fruit! Luckily, Mindfang was so smart and 8rilliant that she knew instantly what he was planning, and flawlessly manipul8ed him without using her gr8 and extensive power into eating the 8ad food while she ate all the good food.

She was so smart!!!!!!!!

(Story copyrighted forever to Vriska Serket, suckers!!!!!!!!)

AN:

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Vriska would never write a story where she loses, even if in the original Turtle tricks Anansi into floating away down the river and eats all the food.

[ceruleanTresses]

Vriska regails us all with a traditional story from Africa!

How Mindfang Got All The Wisdom In The World

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Once upon a time, everyone was a stupid 8uttwipe! They didn’t know how to play flarp, or 8e awesome, or act like a pir8!!!!!!!! This stupid cue8all dude was hiding all the wisdom away. He kept the wisdom stored in a clay pot like a stupid wriggler! He decided to give the pot to the gr8est person he knew, which was of course Marquise Spinnerette Mindfang! She had all the wisdom! All of it!!!!!!!!

Everytime she looked in the pot, she learned something new. It was so gr8!!!!!!!! 8ut clever Mindfang thought, "I will keep all this wisdom to myself. I don't want to share it with everyone. I’m the gr8est, after all!" Mindfang thought it would 8e a gr8 idea to keep the pot with the wisdom safe at the top of a tall tree, where no8ody else could get it. She was so smart like that! She got a rope and tied the rope to the clay pot. Then Mindfang tied the rope around her waist, so the pot hung down in front of her, and she 8egan to clim8 the tree. She was the 8est clim8er in the world! She was the 8est anything in the world! She had all the levels!

(All of them!!!!!!!!)

8ut it was hard clim8ing the tree with the pot 8umping her in the knees all the time. Mindfang was 8eginning to 8e very annoyed and 8ruised and tired. Even someone as gr8 and awesome and her was having trou8le! All the time a stupid 8ut may8e a little cute dum8ass had 8een standing at the 8ottom of the tree watching. Suddenly the dum8ass said, "oH GREAT MINDFANG, wHO IS SO MUCH BETTER THEN ME, wOULDN'T IT BE EASIER IF YOU TIED THE POT TO YOUR BACK INSTEAD?"

Mindfang tried tying the clay pot full of wisdom to her 8ack, and it really was a lot easier. In no time she reached the top of the tree. 8ut then she stopped and thought. "I'm supposed to 8e the one with all the wisdom, and here this adora8le dum8ass was smarter than me!!!!!!!!" Mindfang was so angry a8out this that she threw the clay pot down out of the tree. It smashed into pieces on the ground. Of course all the wisdom got out and flew away all over the world. That is how people learned to play flarp, and to 8e awesome, and to act like a pir8, and all the other things that people know how to do. And it was all thanks to her! It turned out that she had totally planned it that way all along! She had all the irons in the fire! And the 8est part of it is that that awesome and gr8 pir8 was me!

Yeah!!!!!!!!

8ahahahahahahaha! That is so exactly what she would write!

Edit: Ninja'd by additional hilarity! These are freaking great.

[Caprisaurus]

@@Katrika
I love you for this tale SO MUCH.
So much genius 3

[Katrika]

Should I write more tomorrow?

[ceruleanTresses]

Should I write more tomorrow?

A-durrrrrrrr, yes. :P

[Caprisaurus]

Should I write more tomorrow?

Yessss pleasseee!!
3

[Katrika]

[Caprisaurus]

You write out your awesome Vriska tales, and I'll attempt to conceive something that has this stuff including but not limited to;;
Tavros, Vriska, & Jade in formal wear
and
Vriska and Tavros having to dance in said formal wear : D
(nothisupdatedidnotwantmetoshipTavrosandVriskawhat makesyouthinkthis??)

[Decker]

I'm out of ideas.

[Graven_Image]

I'm writing more of my Alt-session character sketches. Anyone want a hint as to what this one is?

[Katrika]

Yes.