MSPA Fanfiction III

[BlastYoBoots]

@BYB Awesome addition. Bec Droll must be adorable.

No, look out, that's Bec Noir! You just think he's Bec Droll because he's farther away!

@BlastYoBoots Every update you write has me clapping in delight like a vaguely demented seal. Totally worth the wait and SO GOOD. Clever plot, excellent writing and thousands of words of CD being adorable; everything is wonderful.

Wow. ._.

Is it really that good? I never write narrative stuff at all, this has been one huge experiment.

OKAY I have read the whole of Out now and I am highly impressed :3 You have a really good handle on Rose, in particular, and I love your representation of Fate/Skaia's will. Also, congrats on writing something serious with CD as the main character. His cheery demeanour is the main thing that makes this so delightful, I think!

CD isn't actually all that high on the list of "characters I enjoy reading about". He was really just the only one that fit into the concept I'd imagined, at first. Hopefully I've remained somewhat faithful to him; I keep worrying that it comes off more as using him. I think I've gotten better about that as it progressed, but I dunno.


STORY COMMENTS REAL FAST BL4R:

@Biscuits, fantastic wizards, throughout I was wondering what sort of reason and then holy shit. I agree that Eridan could totally do that at the end, but I disagree that Rose would respond with anything less than using all her remaining energy to kick his ass. Or at least a curt and angry "fuck you".

@cerulean, Karkat's diary is always hilarious, and that was cute as hell.

@X15, I only know the barest details about Mass Effect and that was still amazing.

@Aero, can't wait for detailed pirate adventures. Tavros's legs backstory seemed a teensy bit forced, though. Maybe if you had included a funny detail or two about, say, the month or so before he got his robot legs or something. Not sure.

@Metaflare oh jesus I want more super sburb world.

@Kass, that was clever (Bleed Out). It's so easy for her to win either way, red or black. Makes it even more revealing that she didn't win in canon and drove Tavros away instead.

@Katrika, Vriska would totally write that. Only things missing were (1) Mindfang doing horrible things to people for fun/awesomeness, and (2) Kanaya's plans needing Mindfang's genius alterations to work properly, 8ecause her meddling never quite works, of course!


I read and commented on those latest fics as fast as I could because I have like 20 earlier pages of awesome fics to catch up on, and probably won't get the chance to even make a dent until I hammer out the last chapter of Out. I've been knocking around the ending in my head since before I wrote it, can't wait to finally finish.

[Decker]

AO3 has an almost three week waiting list? Jesus.

[QuetzaDrake]

@BYB Awesome addition. Bec Droll must be adorable.

No, look out, that's Bec Noir! You just think he's Bec Droll because he's farther away!

Oh well in that case excuse me while I go get some major hugs stabs~

[Graven_Image]

Knight of Doom

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When you first hear about it, you can't believe it.

The Knight of Doom? You? No, that sounds like some fairytale codswallop. There's no way anything "of Doom" exists in the real world.

But it's true, your sprite tells you. You're destined to become a chivalrous weaponsmaster the likes of which this world has never seen, destined to bring Doom to the forces of evil.

You're going to become that figure that the pubgoers will sing songs about in years to come. Tales of your heroic deeds will be passed in confidence across frothing mugs of alcoholic beverages.

They're going to get so many details wrong.

But you don't care because you just found out you're a knight.

---

Pilfering an axe from your parent's storeroom (may they rest in peace), you set out to fulfill your destiny and bring some closure to the lives of anything Evil you can set your sights on.

And it is glorious.

You never knew you were so good at killing things. Nor did you ever stop to think why circumstances seem to gravitate towards an untimely downfall for anyone you fight.

You would suppose it's the "doom" half of your title. And you would be right.

---

You make your way through one your world's many sprawling cemeteries, another of your band of 36 at your side.

Being the Knight is great fun. You've found countless ways to dispatch your opponents, "marking" them for destruction by transferring the ambient doomedness of everything surrounding you onto them.

The rest of the world does the work for you.

It suprised you as much as your companion to find out that doom and luck and many other nebulous concepts were quite quantifiable things. She, being the Thief of Life, imagines all sorts of dastardly plans to manipulate these amounts and give the two of you a leg up on stealing more of her namesake.

It's the perfect plan, she says, as you look out into the cavernous depths of a monster-infested mausoleum. You'll simply mark the entire structure, and the two of you carve your way in, snag the treasure, and get out.

At first just as perfect as she claims. You bisect and behead and amputate with abandon, clearing every subsequent floor of more minions and obtaining more grist than either of you could ever carry.

At the bottom, guarded by an undoubtedly ferocious brute of an ogre, is an axe emblazoned with the symbol of Doom. It's yours.

If you can get to it, that is.

---

Halfway through the ensuing battle, you hear a sickeningly familiar rumble. It's a sound you heard a few days ago, when this entire mess started.

There's a meteor coming.

You mentally kick yourself for not realizing what dooming the whole building entailed.

The Thief snatches the axe while neither you nor the ogre is looking. This triggers some godforsaken self-destruct business for the entire thing.

The two of you abscond like the devil was after you.

And if you equate the devil to a personification of Doom, he sort of is.

---

You make it out of the entrance just as the dungeon finally crumbles into an unrecognizable patch of rock. You clear the blast radius just as a meteor smashes it into a barren crater.

The two of you firmly resolve not to pull any more truly brilliant feats of manipulation until after another few weeks at least.

She hands you the axe. The prize is yours.

Being the Knight of Doom is great fun.

But you could say everything's "fun," until someone slips a meteor out of orbit.

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Two more fraymotifs:

Plus the full list.

DJ of Hope: Clubbed to Death
Bard of Energy: Human After All
Prince of Fury: Mind Heist
Mage of Shadow: The Dream is Collapsing
Knight of Doom: Dia
Thief of Life: Some Chords

[ceruleanTresses]

Mindfang and the 4 Lusii

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A shitload of time ago, the stupid cue8all dude kept all the stories in the world locked up in a wooden 8ox 8ecause he was greedy, and no8ody else had any stories to tell! Lots of trolls had tried to get the stories from the white dude, 8ut no8ody could do it. The mean guy kept the 8ox way up in the sky, and 8ack then there were no planes or anything I guess. Everyone was sad with no stories. The gr8 pir8 Mindfang was in a good mood, so she decided to help out all the whiny gru8s!

Mindfang had super cool spider powers as well as her completely natural powers of manipul8ion! She spun a long thread of her we8 all the way up to the sky and she clim8ed up his sticky thread and she got to the cloud where the white guy was. She asked him, "Can I have the stories, pleeeeeeeease?" She was only 8eing polite 8ecause she was in a good mood, she wasn’t scared or anything 8ecause that would 8e soooooooo stupid! She was the gr8est!

8ut the asshole laughed at Mindfang and said, "Oh, these are very expensive stories. You wouldn't be able to pay for them, little spider-troll." Mindfang wasn't scared. She was the 8ravest troll ever! She had all the 8ravery! All of it! She said, "How much do these stories cost, theeeeeeeen?"

The white guy who might have had a stupid name like Scratch said, "They're very, very expensive." (This was in the days 8efore money was invented. Stupid, right? Money is the 8est! And if there had 8een money, Mindfang would have had all of it, 8ecause she was so very gr8!) "You'll have to bring me four rare and fierce lusii: a snake that swallows people whole, a leopard with its sharp teeth like spears, a hornet that stings people, and Tinkerbull, a fairy bull. 8ring me all four of them, and I'll give you the stories." Scratch laughed again, 8ecause he knew that would 8e too hard for Mindfang, and he wanted to keep all the stories up in the sky just for himself. He was an ass!!!!!!!!

Mindfang clim8ed slowly 8ack down her sticky thread to the earth. How would she get all those creatures for that nasty greedy 8astard???????? She was smart, 8ut sometimes she needed a little help! When she got home, she told the whole story to her moirail, Kanaya, and Kanaya told her how to capture the snake. She said, "Take A Good Long Thick Branch And Some Strong Ropes To The Stream Where The Snake Lives...." and she told her the rest of her plan. Sometimes Kanaya could 8e really smart! 8ut of course she was the only person whon Mindfang ever needed help from ever, 8ecause even the gr8est pir8s need a moirail sometimes.

Mindfang did what Kanaya said, and as she got near the stream she 8egan to mum8le, "This one's longer than he is. No, it's noooooooot! Yes, it is! No, it's not!!!!!!!!" over and over. Soon the snake came out and asked Mindfang what she was mum8ling a8out. Mindfang told the snake that Kanaya and she were arguing a8out how long the snake was, and whether it was longer than that stick. She was a very good liar! She had all the levels!!!!!!!! The snake said "Well, sure I'm longer than that stick! I'm very long! I'm a huge snake! Just put your stick next to me and measure". So Mindfang did that, and she tied the snake to the stick with her rope to keep him straight, and when he was all tied up - Mindfang took the snake up to the sky and turned him over to Scratch. That was the first thing done. 8ut Scratch just said, "Where's the other three?"

(Mindfang was totally thinking what an ass he was right then! I mean, sheesh, not even a thank you???????? No wonder he had no friends!!!!!!!!)

So Mindfang went 8ack down to earth to get the second creature for the loser, which was the leopard with sharp teeth like a knife. Again she asked her moirail, "Kanaya, how am I going to capture a leopard?". And Kanaya said, "Go Dig A Big, Deep Hole... " and she whispered the rest of the plan in Mindfang's ear. So Mindfang did what Kanaya said, and she covered it with 8ranches and dirt so it was hidden, and she went home for dinner. 8eing so awesome is hungry work, after all! In the morning, sure enough, a leopard had fallen into her pit. Mindfang offered to help the leopard get out of the pit, 8ut as soon as the leopard got close enough, Mindfang tied the leopard to long sticks with her sticky we8, and took him up to the sky and gave him to Scratch. 8ut that ungrateful 8astard just said, "Where's the other two?"

(Mindfang was also thinking a8out how stupid he looked! He didn’t even have a face! He was very lucky that Mindfang was willing to hang out with him!)

So Mindfang went 8ack down to Alternia to get the third creature for Scratch, which was the hornet with the stinger. Again Kanaya told her what to do. She said, "Take A Pot Full Of Water, And... " she whispered the rest of the plan in Mindfang's ear. So Mindfang went to the tree where the hornets lived, and she poured out some of the water all over their hive, and then she cut a leaf from a 8anana tree and held it over her head, and she poured the rest of the water all over herself. (This part of the story is kind of repetitive, 8ut that’s okay, 8ecause Mindfang is awesome! Yeah!!!!!!!!) Then she called out to the hornets, "Hey hornets! Yeah, you, small stinging dum8asses! Come see! It is raining! Quick - get inside my pot here and it will keep all of you dry. I am so awesome!!!!!!!!" The hornets thought that was a good idea, so they all flew into Mindfang's pot, and then she spun a we8 across the opening so the hornets couldn't get out no matter how much they 8uzzed, and she carried them up to the sky and gave them to Scratch. 8ut Scratch just said, "Where's the last one?" (8ut he wasn't laughing anymore now. He knew how awesome Mindfang was! He was trem8ling in his stupid little suit!)

So Mindfang clim8ed 8ack down to earth again to get the fourth creature for Scratch, which was the fairy 8ull Tinker8ull. What a stupid name! For the fourth time, she asked his moirail Kanaya what she should do. She already knew, of course, 8ut she cared for Kanaya and wanted her to feel like she was useful! Kanaya was pretty awesome too, 8ecause an awesome pir8 needs an awesome moirail! Anyway, Kanaya had a plan for this one too. She said, "Take A Scalemate, And..." she whispered the rest of her idea in Mindfang's ear.

Mindfang took that scalemate and she covered it with sticky sap from a tree. She took the doll to a FAKEYFAKE tree, which is the kind of tree that fairy 8ulls like to play under. Then Mindfang took out some candy, which fairy 8ulls specially like to eat. She put some candy in the scalemate's hand, and she put more candy in a 8owl at it’s feet, and she tied a rope around it’s neck. (This might remind some of you of that person called Terezi, 8ut the idea was totally Mindfang’s! And also Kanaya’s, I suppose.) Then Mindfang hid 8ehind the tree, with the other end of the rope in one of her hands.

Pretty soon the lusus came along, with his charge. The morons saw the scalemate, and they asked if they could have some of the yummy candy. Mindfang pulled the rope so the scalemate nodded, "Yes," so the morons ate the candy. When they were done, the morons said "Thank you." 8ut the scalemate didn't answer. The morons said "Thank you" louder, 8ut the scalemate still didn't answer. They were so stupid!!!!!!!!

Now the morons got angry. The dum8 one with the 8ig horns said, " hIT THAT DRAGON ON IT'S MOUTH, aND MAKE IT CRY, iF, uH, iF IT WON'T TALK TO US," So the fairy 8ull hit the scalemate- whap! 8ut his head stuck to the sticky sap, and he couldn't get his head off. He kicked the scalemate with his feet, pow! - 8ut they got stuck too. So the fairy 8ull kicked the scalemate with his forefeet, and they got stuck too.

Mindfang came out from 8ehind the tree and tied up the fairy 8ull with her we8, and she carried him up to the sky too and gave him to Scratch the mean 8astard. That was the fourth and last lusii. So Scratch had to admit that Mindfang had paid his price, and he gave Mindfang all the stories. Mindfang carried them all 8ack down to earth, and she shared them with her moirail Kanaya, and with all the other whiny useless trolls, 8ecause stories are for telling, and not for keeping in wooden 8oxes.

She was so wise!!!!!!!!

(Story copyrighted forever to Vriska Serket!)

These are ridiculously awesome, all the time. HOW DO YOU MAKE THEM SO AWESOME.

Edit: Also, thanks, BlastYoBoots!

[Katrika]

I'm working on another RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

=D

[Decker]

You have Vriska's personality pretty much nailed.

[JudgeDeadd]

So I've only just read Graven's "The Bard and the DJ", and loved the imagination and the beauty with which these stories were spun.

And "Trials and Errors" promises to be a fascinating series of competent stories.

[DJ-P0N3]

@BlastYoBoots
Chances are you're right.
I don't know Rose as well as I like to think I do.
I blame my sub-conscious for shipping RoseEridan
It really needs to stop that.

[BlastYoBoots]

The funny thing is that he'd only enjoy the violent reaction. Kismesis and all.

[DJ-P0N3]

Oh sweet lady irony, why must you tease me so?

[Katrika]

Mindfang And The Strange Moss-Covered Rock

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Once upon a time, Mindfang the pir8 was walking along a path in her awesome and stylish 8right red 8oots when something caught her eye! It was a strange, moss-covered rock!

"How iiiiiiiinteresting!" Mindfang said sarcastically, 8ecause she had much more important things to 8e 8e interested 8y. "Isn't this a strange moss-covered rock!"

KA8OOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!! Everything went 8lack! Down fell Mindfang, fast asleep!

An hour l8r Mindfang woke up,her head spinning. She wondered what had happened! 8ut she didn’t wonder long, 8ecause she was so gr8 and smart that it was easy for her to figure everything out! She was the 8est!!!!!!!!

"Aha!” She thought. "This is a magic rock! And whenever someone come along and says the magic words, ‘Isn't this a strange hmm-hmmmmm hmmmmm?’ down they go! This is a good thing to know. And I know just how to use it!"

(She was very clever and also a trickster! She was very nice to everyone 8ecause she made their lives so much more interesting. She had all the friends! All of them!!!!!!!!)

So Mindfang went walking along the path until she came to Eridan's hive. Eridan had in front of him a nice variety of food! This food was certainly too good for Eridan, 8ut it was juuuuuuuust right for Mindfang! Mindfang said to Eridan, "Hello fishface! It is very hot tonight. Don't you thiiiiiiiink so????????"

"sure is," said Eridan. "it is so fuckin hot"

'I am going for a walk!" said Mindfang, cleverly, "Would you like to come?" "id fuckin love that, mind. youre so cool, unlike this hot fuckin night” said Eridan.

So Eridan and Mindfang went walking down the path. Eridan would not shut his stupid fishface a8out how gr8 Mindfang was! She was nice enough to agree with him. After a while Mindfang led Eridan to a certain place.

"Eridan! Do you see what I see????????'

"shit yeah mind" said Eridan. "isnt this a strange moss-covered rock'

KA8OOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!! Down fell Eridan! Mindfang ran 8ack to Eridan's place and made off with all Eridan's food!!!!!!!!

An hour l8r, Eridan woke up, his head spinning! Mindfang was nowhere in sight. And when he got home, he found that every single 8it of his food was gone! Eridan was very sad!

(Don’t waste your pity! He deserved it!!!!!!!!)

8ut Mindfang was very happy! She couldn't wait to play her trick again! Once more Mindfang went walking down the path. This time she stopped at Nepeta's hive. At Nepeta's feet was a great pile of meat! Mindfang loved meat, 8ut was always too 8usy to hunt it herself. (8usy, not lazy! Anyone who says lazy is a jealous liar!) So she said to Nepeta, "Hello Nepeta! Isn't it hot today!" ":33 < it is!" Nepeta agreed. "I am going for a walk," Mindfang said "Would you like to come?" ":33 < that sound purrfect," said Nepeta ":33 < thank you fur inviting me mindfang!"

So Mindfang and Nepeta went walking down the path. Nepeta just couldn’t shut her stupid protein chute a8out how gr8 Mindfang was! Mindfang would have 8een annoyed, 8ut she was a great enough person to handle all those compliments with grace! After a while Mindfang led Nepeta to a certain place. "Nepeta! Look! Do you see what I see????????"

Nepeta looked. ":33 < yes I do mindfang! isn't this a strange moss-covered rock!" KA8OOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!! Down fell Nepeta. Mindfang ran 8ack to Nepeta's hive and made off with the meat!

An hour l8r Nepeta woke up, head spinning! Mindfang was nowhere in sight. And when she got home, she found that every single one of her pieces of meat was gone! Nepeta was very sad!

(8ut not for long, 8ecause she found the note where Mindfang complimented her hat and got really happy 8ecause Mindfang was so gr8! Yeah!!!!!!!!)

Mindfang was very happy! She couldn't wait to play her trick again!

She played it on Aradia.

She played it on Tavros.

She played it on Karkat.

She played it on Sollux.

She played it on every single troll in the area! 8ut all this time, watching from 8ehind the leaves, was Terezi. She watched Mindfang play her awesome trick again and again on all the other trolls. Terezi got super jealous that Mindfang was smarter then her and decided it was time for Mindfang to learn a lesson!

So Terezi went deep into the forest to where the coconut trees grow. She clim8ed a coconut tree and threw down a great many coconuts. She carried the coconuts home in a 8asket then she sat down 8eside them to wait. She had way too much time on her hands!

In a little while, along came Mindfang. Mindfang's eyes lit up when she saw Terezi's coconuts! Mindfang loved coconuts. 8ut she was much too 8usy to gather the coconuts herself.

Instead he said "Hello Terezi! It is so hot today!" Terezi smiled, "1T 1S V3RY HOT, M1NDF4NG!" "I am going for a walk, would you like to come?" "Y3S 1 WOULD” said Terezi.

So Mindfang and Terezi went walking, and Mindfang didn’t even mention how much cooler her 8right red 8oots were compared to Terezi’s 8right red shoes. She was very hum8le!!!!!!!! After a while Mindfang led Terezi to a certain place. "Terezi! Do you smell what I see????????" Terezi knew all a8out Mindfang's trick! "NO M1NDF4NG, 1 DO NOT S33 4NYTH1NG 4T 4LL!" "You muuuuuuuust smell it. Sniff very c8refully!!!!!!!!" Terezi sniffed. "1 ST1LL DON’T S33 4NYTH1NG” she said.

Mindfang 8egan to get angry. "You m8st see it! Sn8ff over h8re! Sn8ff r8ght wh8re I 8m point8ng. Do y8u smell it n8w?' "NO, M1NDF4NG," said Terezi. Mindfang stomped her legs "Y8u sm8ll it!!!!!!!! You j8st don't w8nt to s8y it!!!!!!!!!"

(Even the gr8st pir8s can lose their temper!)

"S4Y WH4T?" said Terezi. "Y8u kn8w!" "1S TH4T WH4T 1’M SUPPOS3D TO S4Y?" 'Y8s!" said Mindfang. "4LL R1GHT. 1’LL S4Y 1T TO M4K3 YOU H4PPY. ‘YOU KNOW’" said Terezi. "TH3R3! 1 S41D 1T. H4PPY NOW?”

"NO!" Mindfang shouted. 'Y8u're n8t s8ppos8d to s8y 'You kn8w!!!!!!!!'"

"WH4T AM 1 SUPPOS3D TO S4Y?”

"You're s8pposed to s8y, 'Isn't this a strange m8ss-covered r8ck!'"

KA8OOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!! Down fell Mindfang.

Terezi ran and got all the other trolls. Together they went to Mindfang's hive and took 8ack all the good things she had stolen from them.

An hour l8r Mindfang woke up, head spinning. Terezi was nowhere in sight. And when she got home, she found her hive was as empty as it was 8efore.

That was okay 8ecause she had e8n her fill and poisoned the rest of her food! This had 8een her plan all along!

She didn’t learn a lesson and she’s still playing tricks to this very day!

Yeah!!!!!!!!

AN:

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I love Vriska. She's so fun to write for!

[ceruleanTresses]

Hahahahahahahaha oh my god Katrika these are so great.

[Katrika]

Vriska totally writes them in a little diary whenever she's feeling sad. Then she reads them and smiles because she's so gr8!

Yeah!!!!!!!!

[Decker]

Katrika: I remember that story from when I was a little kid! This is great.

[Katrika]

I aim to please!

-sweeping bow-

[Caprisaurus]

@@ Katrika
Mindfang is like, the best thing to come home to and read : D
YEAH!!!!!!!!

[KarneWarrior]

Black Spade Red
[A Session Seven Fic]

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He breathed heavily, blood dripping off the tip of his nose from the cut on top of his eye. She made another cut on her hand. He would bleed out soon. Another fool down.

"Poor, poor Frost. Feel that pounding in your gut? That's the blood, leaking from you. Want to make it better? Kneel."

Frost spat blood at her feet. ████████ smiled, showing only white teeth. Before Frost could get his gun up █████████ was behind him, slashing out his legs with the knife. He fell screaming in pain to the floor.

"Frost, Frost, Frost. I told you to kneel." She kicked the gun away. "Glad you decided to listen!" She produced a string from her sylladex and tied it to his arm. Two more strings went to his torso and his other arm. His legs were left free. No use breaking a new toy.

She had alchemised something for just such an occasion, but first she had to get ready. She dipped into the bathroom to change out of her bloodied T-shirt and into the flowing midnight dress she wore for special occasions. Her hair was crimped into raven curls. The dress clung to her lithe form as she walked back out to her bleeding puppet.

"Time to make a little show for your friends, Frost." She used the baton to control the specially alchemised strings. Frost floated painfully into the parlor, where the rest of the session was tied up and gagged. Flyer choked back a sob when she saw the lacerated Frost. Splendor looked livid.

But before anything could be done, there was a noise from above. ████████ was not worried about enemies, not at her level. She could simply make them unwilling actors in her play until they died by their own hands, and only at her behest. She loved to see them squirm away as the knife slowly came closer and then slit their throat.

But Jack Noir was no mans puppet.

It was anticlamactic, but then most villanous deaths are. The girl known as midnightDramatic died by her own method of death; a knife to the throat.

Thank god Underwood had found Jack on time. Unfortunately, it was to late to save Frost. He died with strings attached, and Flyer was unable to revive him, just as she was unable to revive Depths.

When Session Seven entered their universe, they entered three players short.

Sadfic is sad.

And OCs are very Out Of Character. Well, sort of. Midnight wouldn't kill anyone. That would break her toys. She's far to evil to simply murder people. She does much worse.

She destroys them.

[raequiem]

Katrika, I love these mythology stories. You write Vriska so good.

I should stop writing fic based on stuff I'm doing IRL. Today was cookie-baking day in the Rae household, so it's cookie-baking day for the trolls and kids too.

Christmas Cookies 1 - Nothing

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At some point Dave and Aradia had worked out a "day" that both humans and trolls could agree on, and even share meals during. Lunch/midmeal was almost over when John's dad sauntered into the cafeteria, whistling.

This could not be good.

John paused mid-bite. He swallowed. "Whatcha doin', Dad?"

The be-hatted man grinned, shifting his pipe to the other side of his mouth. "Nothing, John. I'm doing absolutely nothing."

A shudder ran through the cafeteria. This could only be a continuation of the ongoing Egbert prank-war. And with a grin like that, John was screwed.

But he didn't seem to know it. "Haha, yesss! Can I help?"

"Couldn't do it without you, son." Hair-ruffling might just be a universal gesture of fatherhood. The two of them strolled behind the counter, chatting.

John pulled out a carton of eggs. "I'll get started on these. A batch and a half sound good?"

"Should be about right. Should we make them chocolate?"

"Uh, could you maybe do some without chocolate? It's, uh, kinda creepy..."

John laughed. "Oops, sorry Tavros. I forgot. Hmm... maybe one batch of chocolate, and half a batch of peppermint?"

"Uh, that sounds yummy, whatever it is."

"You'll love it!"

Karkat went for seconds on lunch as John cracked an egg against the edge of a bowl. "Seriously, Egbert, what the fuck are you doing?"

The human poured the insides of the egg back and forth between the two shells. Something clear and snotty dripped out. "Dad said it, Karkat. Nothing!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"You'll see!"

---

Ten minutes later, Karkat was ready to kill someone.

"EGBERT, I SWEAR TO FUCK I WILL END YOU IF YOU DON'T TURN OFF THAT GOGDAMN MIXER!"

"WHAT?" John flipped off the mixer as Karkat screamed louder:

"I WILL RIP OFF YOUR BULGE AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT- Gogdammit." Karkat got a facepalmx2 combo as John snickered.

"Sorry, Karkat. What's on your mind?"

"Why the fuck do you have to mix this whatever-it-is so long? It's annoying as hell."

John tilted the bowl in his direction. "Take a look."

Karkat did so.

"... the fuck, Egbert?"

He'd watched him do it. The only thing he'd put in the bowl was some sugar and the snotty clear part of a few eggs. There shouldn't have been more than an inch of liquid in the bowl.

Yet it was half full of some kind of white fluff. A curious poke revealed that it was light and slightly sticky.

"That's why I had to mix it so long. I had to whip the egg whites into stiff peaks."

"That sounds obscene. Looks it, too." Karkat brought the finger to his mouth, only to have it slapped away by John's father, who had crept up behind him.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, Karkat. Raw eggs - you'll get salmonella."

"How the fuck would I even get your retarded alien fish disease." But he was being ignored.

"Got everything, Dad?"

"Freshly alchemized. Dark chocolate chips, candy canes, and vanilla and peppermint extract. Some colored sugar to sprinkle on top, too."

"Hmm... hey Karkat, feel like smashing something?"

"Every second of every day."

And that was how Karkat found himself with a hammer, a bag of candy canes, and the biggest smile he'd had in a long time.

"You know you don't have to completely pulverize-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YES I DO."

---

John's dad pulled the trays out of the oven. He inhaled deeply. "Mmm, perfect."

"I'll go let the others know." John ran off, leaving Karkat with his father and that incredible smell.

"Here." A spatula was produced, a cookie pried free. "Try one, but be careful - they're hot!"

The troll snatched the cookie and bit down. Much harder than necessary, it seemed. "Hey, it's hollow! You fucked up!"

"No, that's how they're supposed to be. That's why they're called 'nothings', because there's nothing inside."

Karkat chewed thoughtfully. The crisp, sugary cookie reminded him of the toasted marshmallows they'd made a few weeks ago.

He swallowed. "That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard." He stuffed the other half of the cookie in his mouth, slightly muffling his continued tirade. "Seriously, who ever heard of a hollow cookie being a good thing? How did you even do that anyway, magic? Miracles? It makes no sense." He popped a few more cookies off the tray and stuffed them in his pockets.

"You and your kid are both batshit, you know that?" He walked out before he caught the elder Egbert's reply, munching on another warm crispy cookie.

A/N

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Nothings are a real thing, and they look like this:

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and are yummyfantastic in every way. They're pretty much my favorite Christmas cookie. If you really care that much I can PM you the recipe, but basically you whip egg whites and sugar and vanilla until you have something like the inside of a marshmallow, then mix in chocolate chips and bake. There's also a modified recipe that uses peppermint instead, which is also tastydelicious.

I gave Dad a slightly different shade of blue, I hope it's understandable.

This is going to be a series, hopefully it'll all be posted by midnight tomorrow, since I don't want to write fic on Christmas :P Each kid will have one of my family recipes to make.

Yay, seasonal fic!

EDIT: Ninja'd by sadfic. Damn, Karne.

[Katrika]

Ahahahaha, that was awesome, Rae. Now I want cookies!

[Summergale]

She played it on every single troll in the area! 8ut all this time, watching from 8ehind the leaves, was Terezi. She watched Mindfang play her awesome trick again and again on all the other trolls. Terezi got super jealous that Mindfang was smarter then her and decided it was time for Mindfang to learn a lesson!

8ut all this time, watching from 8ehind the leaves, was Terezi. She watched Mindfang play her awesome trick again and again on all the other trolls.

She watched Mindfang play her awesome trick again and again on all the other trolls.

She watched Mindfang play

watched

I kid, I kid, it was very good

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Rae: I've had those! So good. Also, "retarded alien fish disease".

[Caprisaurus]

@@ Rae
Ughhh stop making me love your ficcss ; n;
I laughed through Karkat's part, especially the candy canes.
The mental image was too strong to not have
-resumes working on sadfic with Jade-

[raequiem]

@Kat: Well you can't have mine! *hoards*

@Skaian: That's the only way I can remember how to spell salmonella.

@Capri: HEY YOU *pouncegreet* I thought Karkat would like that part of the recipe XD

[Caprisaurus]

@@ Rae
-returns with hug-
I would also totally love the recipe for them because while I cannot make them right now they sound delicious : D
And I love your Karkat you have his personality NAILED.