Rose mimicked the strange crescent mouth shape she had seen her friends use. She supposed this was happiness as she closed her advanced copy of the demonic book.
She had been training for an entire month for one spell. To summon one horror terror. She couldn't afford a mistake because this was different than the other terrors she had summoned. Then it was bridging them to a circle so she could communicate or (with the smaller ones) taking them across the bridge into her study. But this? This wasn't just traveling to the terror itself. This was asking to travel there.
The terror was so powerful that if one mistake was made in the spell it would deem her unworthy and snuff her out in a single breath along with thousands of others. She lifted her wands and began the long drawn out ritual.
Nothing at first...then she heard the cackling. It was laughter, but ever sound from the creatures great maw was the combined screams of anguish of every soul it consumed. It leaned forward slowly and Rose could see it's head. It had been branded on each cheek with the galaxy of flesh it had burned and consumed. The raw circular markings were a trademark along with it's fang.
A shining golden fang that had been forged out of the pure greed of the wicked. From the forest of suicide it had cut down the soul trees of those who struck themselves down and weaved the dry wood into a headdress. It increased their suffering by trillions just for a headdress.
With a sigh of the screams of those who would be digested in it's gullet for all eternity it's minions, which Rose didn't even realize were ready to kill her in eight different ways, were called off. Strange minions the terror had. Many different colors depending on which sin they had committed in excess. They had a thick thorny tentacle protruding from their face and two others to grip a scythe.
As the terror laughed again Rose truly realized what fear was, for, it was right in front of her, "Hee hee hee, I know who you are and why you are here. Convince me why I should not add you to my collection."
Rose was shocked but wasted no time kneeling down, "Great Ca'lakr'nii, I humbly wish for a mere atom of your strength. Only a breath of your infinite power on my wands and I will disturb you no further. I apologize for scorching your sight with a weakling such as me."
After much more laughter it leaned in again, she could see the suffering souls down in it's gullet, "On one condition hee heeee..." Before she could even ask why it showed the chains on it's wrists, "I shall not be limited to the form of a mere god."
She bowed again and raised her wands, a drip of blood on the tip of each on and she cried out to the demon minions in the void between universes, "FREE YOUR MASTER!"
They swarmed the chains and while they wouldn't have left any remains the terror didn't wait. It raised it's arms and snapped the weakened chains, effectively killing all the creatures. It cried out in triumph, "HEEHEEHEE HA HA HA! HEE HEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
Rose smiled and whispered to the poor doomed universes that would suffer the wrath of the freed power, "Run fools. I have freed sin. I have freed Cal."
@eB: you are the best. Romficdumps are the best ficdumps. I don't have time to gush all over every single fic the way I want to, but just know that it's all delightful and so are you.
@frolic: Your Slickvoice is spot-on. Especially in the chats. Pleeease write more?
@Graven: I was kind of looking forward to kitty!Rose. Tentacle!Princess!Rose is, of course, an acceptable substitute. Also I predict many pester-related shenanigans.
@Valter: Oh man, Karkat, you bastard. But John knows how to break the tension like a pro!
@nightmare:Oh fuck.
HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO
@everyone: STOP POSTING FICS ALL AT ONCE. God I hate getting ninja'd.
I'm the same person here as I am on AO3 and Deviantart, and pretty much everywhere else. Check out my fics and arts and stuff!
Karaoke Night Part 6
(Previous chapters are linked in my signature below)
D--> I shall now perform what is obviously a truly STRONG and majestic song from the Human's homeworld.
The music started up and Rose looked a bit confused. This song...it sounds familiar...
Oh god he's not gonna perform that one!
Rose clasped her hands over her mouth as Equius began...
D--> you let me violate you
D--> you let me desecrate you
D--> you let me penetrate you
D--> you let me complicate you
D--> help me
D--> i broke apart my insides
D--> help me
D--> i've got no soul to sell
D--> help me
D--> the only thing that works for me
D--> help me get away from myself
D--> i want to ---
I'm sorry Equius. But I'm gonna have to ask you to pick a different song. That one's....a bit...
Disturbing.
Exactly.
D--> Is this song not about making love to one in the STRONG and majestic manner of the noble musclebeasts?
*snerk* oh goodness no. Just pick something different.
D--> alright...
D--> Nepeta! Change it to my second selection.
:33 < Okie-dokie!
The music started up. Once again, Rose couldn't believe what she was hearing...
D--> Open your eyes I see
D--> Your eyes are open
D--> Wear no disguise for me
D--> Come into the open
D--> When it's cold outside
D--> Am I here in vain?
D--> Hold on to the night
D--> There will be no shame
D--> Always
D--> I wanna be with you
D--> And make believe with you
D--> And live in harmony harmony
D--> oh love
Rose, well everyone else there as well, just sat in disbelief as Equius actually pranced on the stage singing his blue heart out.
XDD < Make your dr33ms come true Equius!!!
Eventually, Equius' performance came to an end. He stopped, looked out at the audience and started sweating.
Oh god, get him off the stage before whoever is next has to swim up there.
Someone grabbed some towels and shepherded the poor fool off the stage.
Who's the next victim. Looking at the list of performers it looks like it's just you, Kanaya, Jade and John left.
Rose glanced towards the back of the room. Nepeta still had that smile on. And watching her intently...
Jade's next.
But...I thought I wasn't going to until the end.
Schedule change. Plus John's currently being chased down by Dave and probably won't be able to do anything except drink his food through a straw after Dave's done with him.
Oh...alright.
Jade glanced at Karkat and they both blushed.
X33 < eeeeeeee
She climbed on the stage, grabbed the mic and readied herself...
Hey, hey, hey ,hey
Watching ooh... yeah
Won't you come see about me?
I'll be alone, dancing and you know it baby
Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving me everything inside and out, out
Love's strange so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on
Slow change may pull us apart
I'll get us back together at heart, baby
Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me
Will you stand above me?
Look my way and never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down
Would you recognise me?
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Watching ooh..... yeah
Don't you try and pretend
It's my feeling we'll win in the end
I won't harm you or touch your defenses
Vanity and security
Don't you forget about me
I'll be alone, dancing and you know it baby
Going to take you apart
I'll put us back together at heart, baby
Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me
As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
As you walk on by
(As you walk on by)
Or will you walk on by?
Will you walk away?
Come on - call my name
Come on - call my name
Will you call my name?
I say
La la la...
Will you walk on by?
Would you call my name?
As you walk on by
Would you call my name?
When you walk on by?
Oh yeah
Come on and call my name
As you walk on by
Hey baby call my name!
When you walk on by
Would you call my name
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah....
I hope you all enjoyed that.
Jade bowed and scurried off the stage. Everyone was stunned.
I was expecting something softer from you Jade.
Really? I've had a soft spot for Billy Idol.
...
She clasped her hands together, looked up wistfully as images of Billy Idol danced in her head.
Those leather pants...
Karkat apparently overhead this because he looked down at his own pants and started to mutter something rather heated.
):33 < Oh lookie lookie, we're down to you and Kanaya.
:DD < And did I see duet listed for you two?
XDD < eeeeeeeee
Nepeta danced around the sound equipment. Everytime she got near her wall painting she'd stop and look specifically at two drawings on it. Rose couldn't tell from here thanks to the low lights what was painted but she could make out a large question mark between them.
Oh dear.
Come On Rose. I Am Quite Ready To Get This Performance Over With.
But...I...oh
What Is The Matter? We Did So Well During Our Rehearsal Earlier.
Oh alright.
>:33 < Yessssss. Purrfurm for me! Purrfurm for my pleasure!
A/N:
Oh dear, Rose and Kanaya are up next. What efur shall they purrfurm? :33
Hope you all are enjoying this. It's almost over.
Oh, and yes - Nepeta's the reason most everyone has performed a love song or something in that spirit. She limited the song selection before hand.
The Note Desperation Plays, part ten (Sunny Rubbish)
"I believe in miracles
Where you from?
You sexy thing! (You sexy thing)
I believe in miracles
Since you came along!
You sexy thing!" -The Ramones
"Hey, Nepeta!" Feferi called out, knocking on her door. She still had a towel wrapped around her hair, but she was ready to get back to work on writing a script for the corpsemourn. That dead body was not going to fondly remember itself!
But Nepeta didn't answer, and after a minute Feferi tried the doorknob. It was unlocked, and sure enough, Nepeta was gone. Perhaps she'd finished, and gone back to her room? It seemed pretty unlikely. Feferi looked around for a few minutes, then shrugged and sat down at her laptop. She began to read the last conversation.
~
Nepeta crept slowly into the new lunchroom. Somewhere along the trip between her room and the cafeteria, something peculiar had happened to the ship. The dim beeping sound emitted by Equius and Vriska's monitoring tech had warped into the chirping of cicadas and violarva. The metal panels on the wall ad bulged out into rock face, and vines had sprouted up to cover them. Nepeta thought she could hear the call of a yelper primate, in the distance.
I am fur from home, she thought. Further than I ever went with Pounce.
Strange creatures were here, in the cafeteri, lusii Nepeta had never seen before. Creatures with great big claws, and huge hairy feet, and one with four eyes, constantly blinking over where its cheeks should have been. To the back of the cafeteria, a waterfall ran over a small cave and flowed out the door Nepeta had just come in from. She hadn't noticed it before, that was odd.
"Nepeta," a voice boomed from across the room.
She almost jumped to hear one of the lusii addressing her. And it was one she hadn't noticed before. She could see it now, behind the waterfall. It was like... a small, walking tree, with arms growing out of the sides of his head. The hands were moving around, opening and closing, and sometimes splashing in the stream of the water in front of them. Nepeta's jaw dropped, captivated by the way they moved.
"Hey, Nepeta!" the tree monster said. "Come get some chili!"
She nodded slowly, her mouth still hanging open. It seemed this lusus had a boon to present her with. Careful to only walk along the edge of the river, Nepeta crawled on all fours to the mouth of the waterfall. She put her hands up to it, just barely not touching it, and took a deep breath.
Pet Valhalla, she thought to herself. It would be beautiful.
"What would be beautiful?" the tree lusus said, moving strange limbs like giant spoons to move around red sludge. It filled a bowl of the sludge and extended it out through the waterfall and above Nepeta's head. "Hey, have a bowl. I, uh, made it myself."
She shook her head. "No thank you, noble tree, the great kitty adventurer says as graciously as she can. She is busy looking for something to eat!"
"Uhhh," the tree said, and the hands coming from its head clapped together suddenly, making Nepeta jump. "Maybe you could, eat this? I mean, it is pretty good, I think. If you like, you know, spicy food."
She nodded slowly. "The kitty adventurer will try the red sludge, if you say it is good!"
"Well, I think it's, pretty good. I wouldn't say, I'd call it sludge really, though?"
Nepeta rose to a kneel and carefully took the hot bowl. Somehow, despite passing through the waterfall, it didn't seem wet at all. Steam was rising up from it, though, and she could see tasty beetles moving around in it. "ac will sun herself on that rock over there and try the food you have made! Thank you for your boon, noble tree!"
"Uhhh," Tavros said, watching Nepeta squirm around on the floor with the bowl of chili. "I'm not really sure what you, uh, mean by that, but have fun."
"TAVROS!"
"Oh, hey-"
Karkat stormed into the cafeteria. "Tavros. Where the hell is Vriska?"
Tavros ladled out another bowl of chili. "Umm, she's back in her room. Are you here, for lunch?"
"Her room? Why isn't she here?"
"Uhh. Well, you told her she couldn't get, um, close to the kitchen. Remember, in your memo?"
"No, but that was so she'd..." Karkat facepalmed. "She wasn't supposed to listen to me. She never listens to me! You've seriously been unsupervised?"
"It was fine. Equius told me how, to operate the cookalizer, so, um, I could make the chili. Would you like a bowl?"
Karkat stared at the red stuff. "What the fuck is chili?"
"You've, uh, never had chili? It was a food, uh, that Gamzee liked, so I thought-"
Karkat shook his head exasperatedly. "Whatever! I don't care about that. I need to- wait. You used a cookalizer for this?"
"Uhh, yeah. I need to, uh, to heat it up."
Karkat looked dumbfounded. "So you ignored my orders and Vriska obeyed them verbatim? What the fuck?"
"I, guess so?"
"Just when I thought I understood this team everyone switches personalities. Jegus. Yeah, give me a bowl."
Tavros pushed a filled bowl of steaming chili with a spoon in it across the counter to Karkat. "Be careful, it's kind of, uh, hot. I mean, it's spicy hot, but also-"
"Yeah, I get it, it's hot." Karkat tried a spoonful of the chili and shrugged. "So it's just like a spicy stew type-deal?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
Karkat sighed. "Okay. Great, it's fucking delicious. Good job."
"Uh, thanks."
Karkat sat down at the nearest table and put his head in his hands. "I have had the most idiotic day. Just... it's like everyone decided to pick today to try and piss me off in every way imaginable."
Tavros reached over and turned off the cookalizer, looking guilty. "Uhh. Sorry, I guess. I didn't think it was, um, a big deal."
"No, not-" he sighed. "Not that, Tavros. That isn't a big deal, like, at all."
"Oh. Uhh, okay. So, what-"
"It's Vriska that is driving me crazy," Karkat continued, cutting Tavros off midsentence. "She's been dodging me. All. Damn. Day. She's not responding to her messages, she left her section of the compound locked, she wouldn't answer when I knocked on her door, like, what the fuck?"
"Maybe she's just, uhh, busy?"
"Busy." Karkat rolled his eyes. "Busy with what. She's the only one in the hive who doesn't seem to have anything to do. The rest of us all have projects."
"She said she was, trying to talk to the John human, earlier, but the connection cut off."
Karkat stirred his chili sullenly. "And that's another thing that's pissing me off. Sollux says the universe is broken, so we're cut off from them for the forseeable future. The universe is broken? I mean, what the fuck does that even mean? Ugh. And of course he still has time in his schedule to cavort with his mermaid princess."
Tavros gave this a noncommittal shrug. The social aspect of food service had really been Gamzee's deal.
"Tavros," Karkat said. "Do you think you could help me deal with Vriska? I mean, you guys are pretty much fucking pale at this point, right? Do you get her? Like, at all?"
"Well," he said. "It seems to me that she's, uhh, sulking."
"Sulking." Karkat thought about this. "Why the fuck would she be sulking?"
"Well, you banned her, in the memo."
Karkat stared at Tavros like he was an idiot. "My memo- I always ban her in the memos! She practically gets off to getting banned in the memos! I mean-" Karkat stopped midthought. "I mean, not like I'm saying she's spades for me, I'm not saying that, god no, but you cant deny she pursues it. Right? I mean, am I being unreasonable here?"
"I think..." Tavros paused for a long time, almost half a minute. "I think that Vriska wants you to see her as a part, of the team. She's been trying, to fit in more, lately, and no one really seems to notice, and I think she's annoyed that no one will give her, a chance."
"Well, yeah. Because she's... fucking..."
Karkat's train of thought drifted to a stop as Nepeta crawled back towards the kitchen window and hung from the edge of it, returning her empty bowl of chili to Tavros.
"Thank you, Mr Tree," she whispered. "That was very spicy."
"You're, uh, welcome. But, I really don't know why, you are calling me that."
She nodded and then crawled away, out of the cafteria. Karkat and Tavros both watched her go, silently.
"See? See what I fucking have to deal with? When did I become a wrangler for doomed lunatics?"
"I think, probably, when you told Terezi, you were going to be the leader, of the red team."
~
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCallibrator [GC]
CG: HEY SO HERE'S WHAT WE'RE DOING NOW
CG: I TALKED TO SOLLUX AND HIS CAMERAS ARE ALL FUCKED UP, SOMEONE MESSED WITH THEM OR SOMETHING
CG: BUT HE HAD A FEW SUGGESTIONS ON WHERE TO GO FROM HERE
CG: SO I NEED YOU TO TALK TO ARADIA
GC: UGH Y3S TH4TS GR34T K4RK4T
GC: BUT 1 4LR34DY T4LK3D TO 4R4D14
CG: WHAT THE FUCK, WHEN
GC: 4FT3R YOU T4LK3D TO SOLLUX, 1 T4LK3D TO SOLLUX
GC: 1 4M SUPPOS3D TO B3 YOUR INV3ST1G4TOR, R1GHT? OBV1OUSLY H3 WOULD B3 TH3 F1RST P3RSON TO CH3CK 1N W1TH. 4ND H3 D1R3CT3D M3 TO 4R4D14
CG: OKAY, AWESOME.
CG: SO WHAT DID ARADIA FIND?
GC: 4PP4R3NTLY TH3 TROLL14N V13WPORTS 4R3 DOWN
GC: 1 D1DNT NOT1C3 B3FOR3 S1NC3 W3 DONT R34LLY US3 TH3M 4NYMOR3 BUT TH3Y W3NT OUT WH3N TH3 K1DS D1S4PP34R3D FROM TH3 N3TWORK
GC: W3'R3 TOT4LLY CUT OFF FROM TH31R S3SS1ON 1N 3V3RY W4Y 1'V3 B33N 4BL3 TO 1D3NT1FY, 3XC3PT M4YB3 THROUGH TH3 FURTH3ST R1NG
GC: 1 GU3SS W3 COULD G3T F3F3R1 TO CH3CK FOR SUR3
CG: WHY AM I GETTING THE FEELING THAT EVEN THIS DEAD END IS SOMEHOW THE GOOD NEWS IN WHATEVER YOU'RE ABOUT TO LEAD INTO?
GC: PROB4BLY B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 3XTR3M3LY P4R4NO1D 4LL TH3 T1M3
GC: BUT 3SP3C14LLY 4LSO B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 PR3TTY P3RC3PT1V3 WH3N YOU 4R3NT TRY1NG TO OUTSTUP1D YOURS3LF >;)
CG: SO WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS, THEN?
GC: 1 KNOW WHO K1LL3D G4MZ33
CG: WELL GEE
CG: THAT INFORMATION REALLY COULD HAVE BEEN MORE USEFUL TO ME YESTERDAY!
CG: OR MAINLY EARLIER TODAY, I GUESS, BUT THEN THE QUOTE DOESN'T WORK.
CG: TELL ME IT WASN'T ERIDAN.
GC: 1T W4SNT 3R1D4N
GC: 1T W4S D4V3
GC: TH4TS TH3 B4D N3WS
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS DAVE?
GC: >:/ OH Y34H, 1 GU3SS YOU GUYS D1DNT R34LLY T4LK MUCH
GC: H3 W4S TH3 HUM4N W1TH TH3 R3D T3XT
CG: OH
CG: I HATE THAT GUY
GC: Y34H
CG: I MEAN IT'S PLATONIC HATE BUT IT'S STILL PRETTY STRONG. HIS FACE JUST LOOKS SO SMUG AND PUNCHABLE. LIKE IT'S JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO PUNCH IT, OR MAYBE WAS EVEN PUT THERE INTO EXISTENCE FOR YOU TO PUNCH IT.
GC: >:\ W3LL
GC: H3'S K1ND OF CUT3 BUT TH4T'S B3S1D3 TH3 PO1NT
GC: 4ND NOT D3F1NT13LY NOT 4 THR34T TO YOUR QU4DR4NT, B3FOR3 YOU ST4RT TO FR34K OUT
CG: WHO'S FREAKING OUT? NOT ME, I'M NOT THE ONE FREAKING OUT.
CG: IF YOU THINK ONE OF THESE HIDEOUS ALIEN MEDDLERS IS ATTRACTIVE THAT'S YOUR OWN BUSINESS. I REALLY COULDN'T CARE LESS.
CG: HOW INSECURE DO YOU THINK I AM?
GC: PR3TTY MUCH COMPL3T3LY 1NS3CUR3
CG: WELL, YEAH.
CG: PRETTY MUCH.
CG: ANYWAY IF YOU SAY HE'S NOT A THREAT THEN I DONT FEEL THREATENED.
GC: W3LL H3 1S 4 THR34T, R34LLY
GC: TO 4LL OF US
GC: 1 TH1NK H3 W4NTS TO K1LL US FOR WH4T 1 D1D TO H1S FR13ND
GC: OR 4T L34ST 1M PR3TTY SUR3 TH4TS WH4T H3 B3L13V3S
GC: H1S TRU3 MOT1V4T1ONS S33M UNCL34R
CG: AND THIS GUY GOT IN THE HIVE? HE COULD BE HERE NOW, IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
CG: HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ABOUT THIS?
GC: W3LL
GC: H3 F1RST M3SS4G3D M3 W1TH 4 THR34T Y3ST3RD4Y 3V3N1NG, B3FOR3 W3 W3NT OUT TO TH3 B4R
GC: 4T TH3 T1M3 1 THOUGHT H3 W4S FULL OF SH1T
GC: UNT1L OF COURS3 TH1S MORN1NG
CG: ONCE AGAIN, SOMETHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION
CG: YESTERDAY
GC: BOY, 1 SUR3 LOV3 HOW QUOT1NG TROLL S4NDL3R DO3SNT M4K3 M3 W4NT TO PUNCH STUFF 4T 4LL, R34LLY H4RD OR 4NYTH1NG
CG: STFU, THAT MOVIE IS SO GOOD.
CG: AND I SERIOUSLY CANT BELIEVE YOU DIDNT MENTION THIS IMMEDIATELY. YOU DIDN'T THINK THIS WAS RELEVANT? I'VE BEEN TROMPING THROUGH THE HIVE, TRYING TO GET A HOLD OF VRISKA, AND I COULDVE BEEN AT LEAST SPENDING MY TIME LOOKING FOR THIS INSUFFERABLE PRICK AND KILLING HIS ASS.
CG: THIS IS A PRETTY FUCKING BIG SECURITY BREACH. EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE FULLY ARMED AT ALL TIMES.
GC: NO TH4TS NOT N3C3SS4RY
CG: WHY THE STEAMING SHIT SANDWICH NOT?
GC: 1F H3 R34L1Z3S 1 TOLD YOU H3 W1LL M4K3 TH1NGS MOR3 COMPL1C4T3D
GC: R1GHT NOW 1 W4NT H1M TO TH1NK H3 HOLDS TH4T 4DV4NT4G3 OV3R M3, SO H3 K33PS T4K1NG H1S T1M3 TRY1NG TO M4N1PUL4T3 ME
GC: SO LONG 4S H3 DO3SNT TH1NK TH3 J1G 1S UP, H3'LL K33P PL4Y1NG SOFTB4LL
GC: H3 TH1NKS 1 W1LL H1D3 FROM TH3 GU1LT OF MY 4CT1ONS
GC: M41NLY 1 TH1NK B3C4US3 H3 DO3SNT UND3RST4ND TROLLS
GC: TH3 PO1NT 1S, 1 H4V3 R34SON TO B3L13V3 TH4T NO ON3 W1LL B3 4TT4CK3D B3FOR3 G4MZ33'S CORPS3MOURN
GC: 4FT3R TH4T, H3'S PROB4BLY GO1NG TO M4K3 SOM3 K1ND OF MOV3
GC: SO LONG 4S NO ON3 G1V3S 4W4Y TH4T W3 KNOW WH4TS UP, W3 M1GHT B3 4BL3 TO S3T 4 TR4P FOR H1M
CG: SO YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHERE HE'S GOING TO BE?
GC: WEEEEEELL NO NOT 3X4CTLY P3R S3 >:[
GC: BUT 1 H4V3 SOM3 1D34S
GC: 1 H4V3 4 N3W SOURC3 W1TH M4SH3D POT4TO T3XT 4ND H3 L3T ON SOM3 1NFORM4T1ON H3 4PP4R3NTLY L34RN3D FROM T4LK1NG TO M3 1N TH3 FUTUR3
GC: 4T L34ST 1 TH1NK TH4T W4S WH4T H4PP3N3D
GC: OR W1LL H4PP3N
CG: WOW, WHAT THE FUCK?
GC: 1 DONT KNOW, 1TS 4 L1TTL3 COMPL1C4T3D >:?
GC: BUT 4T 4NY R4T3 1 TH1NK W3 C4N TRUST TH3 1NT3L
CG: AWESOME, I WANT IN ON BRINGING HIM DOWN.
CG: THRESHECUTIONER STYLE STRAIGHT UP TURNWAYS THE BONE BULGE, LET'S DO THIS.
GC: UHH
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 N33D YOU TO WR1T3 SOM3TH1NG UP FOR US
GC: 1TS SORT OF OUR PL4N B JUST 1N C4S3 W3 SOM3HOW FUCK UP TH3 4MBUSH
GC: B3TT3R S4F3 TH4N SORRY, R1GHT?
CG: WRITE SOMETHING UP? LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, A MEMO? YOU WANT ME TO WRITE A MEMO?
GC: NOT 4 M3MO
GC: SOM3TH1NG 3LS3
GC: YOU KNOW ~4TH R1GHT?
CG: UHHH
CG: FROM A CERTAIN POINT OF VIEW, YEAH, I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THAT. I MEAN I DO PROGRAM VIRUSES ALL THE TIME IN ~ATH, SO YEAH, 1 CAN WRITE SOME STUFF.
GC: SUR3 YOU DO
GC: W3 N33D YOU TO WR1T3 4 COD3 FOR D4V3 SO W3 C4N H4V3 SOM3 L3V3R4G3 ON H1M
CG: WHAT'S WITH THAT "SURE YOU DO"?
CG: JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT A WHINY LITTLE PSYCHIC CITYHIVE DOUCHEBAG BEEKEPER DOESNT MEAN I CANT BE THE HACKER GUY. BEES ARE STUPID, THEY JUST BUZZ AROUND LIKE RETARDED OBESE HOUSEFLIES AND HAVE SEX WITH FLOWERS
CG: WHAT DOES ANY OF THAT SHIT HAVE TO DO WITH COMPUTERS, ANYWAY? YOU DONT HAVE TO ANSWER THAT, BECAUSE AS A CERTIFIED HACKER THAT DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ENCOURAGING STINGING INSECTS TO PROPOGATE AND NEST IN MY HIVE, I ALREADY PROVE MY OWN POINT JUST BY EXISTING.
GC: WH4T 1S 3V3N WRONG W1TH YOU >:\
GC: 1 DIDNT 3V3N S4Y 4NYTH1NG, DONT B3 SO S3NS1T1V3
CG: SO WHATEVER, IF YOU THINK SOLLUX COULD DO IT BETTER, FINE, I DONT GIVE A SHIT. I DONT CARE, WE'RE DIFFERENT KINDS OF PROGRAMMERS ANYWAY
GC: UGGGGH
GC: N3V3RM1ND SOLLUX, TH1S 4SS1GNM3NT 1S FOR YOU
GC: 1'M 4SS1GN1NG 1T TO YOU, B3C4US3 YOU G4V3 M3 TH4T POW3R WH3N YOU M4D3 M3 1NV3ST1G4TOR, 4ND 1 TRUST TH4T YOU C4N DO 1T, SO STOP B31NG 1NS3CUR3 4BOUT IT
GC: 4ND JUST DO 1T 1N C4S3 1 N33D YOU TO S4V3 M3 L1K3 TH3 4DOR4BL3 L1TTL3 H3RO YOU 4R3
GC: >;D
CG: BLUH
CG: OKAY, SURE, I'LL WORK ON THE THING. BUT NEXT TIME WE DO THIS, I GET TO BRING THE TARGET DOWN THRESHECUTIONER STYLE, NO NEGOTIATIONS.
GC: KARKAT, 1F W3 M4K3 1T THROUGH TH1S 4L1V3, YOU C4N DO WH4T3V3R STUP1D NONS3NS1C4L TH1NG YOU W4NT
~
GC: SORRY 4BOUT TH4T
GC: H4D TO T4LK TO MY BOYFR13ND
PF: I just skipped ahead in your timeline, so it wasn't really an inconvenience.
GC: HUH W31RD
GC: SO YOU GUYS C4N DO TH4T TOO. >:?
GC: TH3 HUM4NS COULDN'T, BUT NOW SUP3R4SSHOL3 N4NCHO D4V3 C4N
GC: UNL3SS H3'S BLUFF1NG 4BOUT TH4T, 1'M NOT SUR3
GC: H3 D1D S33M TO CH4NG3 FROM H1S F1RST CONV3RS4T1ON TO H1S S3COND
GC: BY WH1CH 1 M34N F1RST 4ND S3COND FROM MY P3RSON4L CHRONOLOGY
GC: BUT H3 M4D3 4 PO1NT OF M3NT1ON1NG 1T, WH1CH DO3SNT 4DD UP TO M3
GC: H3'S 3SS3NT14LLY 4DM1TT1NG TO PR3S3NT M3 TH4T 1 KNOW TH1NGS 4BOUT H1S FUTUR3 TH4T H3 DO3SN'T
GC: WH1CH TO M3 S33MS SUSP1C1OUSLY NON D4V3L1K3
PF: Hmm. You think maybe he's trying to get you to underestimate him?
GC: 1M NOT SUR3 WH4T H1S MOT1V3S 4R3
GC: H3 CL41MS TO B3 M4D B3C4US3 1 4CC1D3NT4LLY K1LL3D JOHN BUT 1T S33MS L1K3 1T GO3S D33P3R TH4N TH4T
PF: Who?
GC: OH
GC: JOHN 1S ON3 OF TH3 HUM4N PL4Y3RS 1N TH3 S3SS1ON
PF: Oh. Interesting coincidence, my name is Jonathon.
GC: WHY 1S TH4T 1NT3R3ST1NG OR 4 CO1NC1D3NC3? >:?
PF: Well, John is sometimes a shortening of Jonathon. I suppose it's not very interesting, just... noteworthy.
PF: Do you know the human's last name?
GC: UH
GC: H3 M3NT1ON3D 1T BUT 1 FORG3T
GC: 1'LL T3LL YOU 1F 1 R3M3MB3R, 1 GU3SS
PF: Please do.
GC: OK4Y SO
GC: T3LL M3 4G41N WH4T H4PP3N3D TH3 F1RST T1M3 YOU M3SS4G3D M3?
GC: FROM YOUR P3RSON4L CHRONOLOGY 1 M34N
PF: I believe I had accidentally scrolled to the end of your timeline.
PF: About five or six days from now, I'd estimate.
PF: You called me Mr Mashed Potatoes, and told me something about an Abstractivator and made a reference to who I believe must be my employer, Haston.
GC: WH4T TH3 H3LL 1S 4N 4BSTR4CT1V4TOR?
PF: I've encountered the term in the work of Drs Harley and Lalonde. Their reports make reference to the device, which they are currently building under the direction of a man named Alan Moon.
PF: I admit that I'm fuzzy on the details, but Roz has mentioned it a few times. She says its function is to solidify game abstractions into physical matter that can be interacted with.
GC: >:? G4M3 4BSTR4CT1ONS? WH4T, L1K3 3CH3L4DD3RS 4ND STUFF?
PF: And sylladexes, and all kinds of things. In theory.
PF: I dont know why we need it, nor the practical application of the machine.
PF: I dont think it works yet, either.
PF: But that's what Roz says the end goal is.
GC: HUH
GC: W3LL TH4T'S W31RD BUT 1'M GO1NG TO GU3SS TH4T FUTUR3 M3 KNOWS SOM3TH1NG TH4T PR3S3NT M3 DO3SNT
GC: OR 4 LOT OF TH1NGS MOR3 L1K3LY
GC: TH4T TH1NG 1S PROB4BLY GO1NG TO B3 1MPORT4NT SOM3HOW
PF: Most likely, I suppose.
PF: Honestly I dont understand any of this, I wasn't really even given specific instructions on what to say to you.
PF: I'm just supposed to help you direct the other trolls we've contacted to complete a series of tasks, or something like that.
GC: W3'R3 SUPPOS3D TO DO SOM3TH1NG FOR YOU HUM4NS WH1L3 4 CR4ZY 3XHUM4N HUNTS DOWN TH3 L4ST OF OUR R4C3?
GC: W41T
GC: WH1CH OTH3R TROLLS H4V3 YOU GUYS CONT4CT3D?
PF: If memory serves, I believe their trollhandles are arsenicCatnip, centaursTesticle, and grimAuxilliatrix. I tried to get in touch with twinArmageddons as well, but he seemed unwilling to hear me out.
GC: 1NT3R3ST1NG
GC: 4LR1GHT
GC: 1N TH4T C4S3 YOU N33D TO T3LL WHO3V3R T4LKS TO 4C TH4T SH3'S PROB4BLY GO1NG TO B3 TH3 T4RG3T N3XT
GC: 4ND 1F YOU W4NT H3R TO L1V3 TO DO 4NYTH1NG TH3Y'LL H4V3 TO SOM3HOW PROT3CT H3R
GC: PROB4BLY
GC: H3'S DROPP3D H1NTS TH4T H3 WOULD T4RG3T H3R N3XT 4ND 1T M4Y B3 JUST TO DR4W MY 4TT3NT1ON 4W4Y
GC: BUT 1 TH1NK H3'S HOP1NG I'LL OV3RTH1NK 1T 4ND L34V3 H3R VULN3R4BL3 SO WH3N H3 G3TS H3R 1T W1LL B3 TH4T MUCH MOR3 CRUSH1NG
PF: I would like to help, but I'm really not sure what I could do. Aren't you trolls in another universe or something?
GC: Y34H
GC: W3LL SOM3HOW YOU M4N4G3D TO TR4NSM1T D4T4 1NTO 4NOTH3R UN1V3RS3
GC: 4ND YOU H4V3 FULL 4CC3SS TO OUR T1M3L1N3 4ND T1M3 TO BROWS3 1T 4T YOUR L31SUR3
GC: SO F1GUR3 1T OUT
GC: 4ND G3T B4CK TO M3 B3FOR3 TON1GHT
gallowsCallibrator [GC] stopped trolling pipeFan [PF]
~
GA: Nepeta Is That You Again
GA: I Really Need To Know When We Are Holding The Corpsemourn
CC: )(--EY KANAYA! 38) Glub glub w)(at's t)(is about Nepeta?
CC: Do you know w)(ere s)(e went?
GA: Feferi Finally
GA: Yes She Babbled For A While And Then Left Without Answering My Question
GA: Presumably She Might Be Found At The Cafeteria
GA: I Am Almost Certain She Was Under The Influence Of Something Or Other
CC: 38( Yea)(, I t)(ink s)(e maybe )(ad a crus)( on Gamzee or somet)(ing!
GA: What
GA: When Did This Happen
CC: I dont know! Last nig)(t w)(en everyone else was partying, I guess!
GA: What Extremely Tragic Timing For Her To Develop Scarlet Attractions
GA: No Wonder She's Drowing Her Sorrows In
GA: Well
GA: Whatever She's Drowning Her Sorrows In
CC: S)(e seemed kinda goofy w)(en we were working on t)(e script for t)(e corpsemourn earlier...
CC: Glub glub glub you t)(ink s)(e's using sopor???
GA: Possibly
GA: If Gamzee Is Her Fixation That May Be Her Way To Both Numb The Pain And Connect With The Shared Interests Of A Potential Matesprit Posthumously
CC: We )(ave to make )(er stop, Kanaya!
GA: I'm Not Sure It Would Be Appropriate For Us To Intervene
GA: The Poor Girl Clearly Needs Some Kind Of Closure And The Ceremony May Not Be Enough
CC: If s)(e's taking sopor, it's our responsibility as )(er friends to get involved! T)(at stuff can do FUNNY T)(INGS to a young troll's )(ead!
GA: Perhaps
GA: And Yet We Never Intervened For Gamzee
CC: Yea)(, but... )(e was already a user w)(en we met )(im! T)(at's different!
GA: I'm Not Sure It Is Different
GA: And At Any Rate It Is Not True
GA: I Knew Gamzee Before He Baked Sopor
CC: 38O
CC: W--ELL I DIDN'T!
CC: I t)(oug)(t I introduced you to Gamzee?
CC: Glub glub glub am I all mixed up???
GA: You Did Introduce Us
GA: But My Lusus Actually Arranged A Meeting Between Us Prior To That
GA: But He Seemed To Have Not Recognized Me When You Introduced Us In Trollian
GA: And I Thought It Would Be Less Awkward To Go Along With It
CC: )(ow did your lusus know )(im, t)(en?
GA: I Would Think You Would Know
GA: My Blood Is Something Of An Anomaly Within The Hemospectrum
GA: Jade Green Blood Is Technically Lower Than Blue On The Scale
GA: But There Are Many Blues, And Most Of Them Are Entirely Irrelevant To Our Society At Large
GA: They Do Little But Live Comfortably, Plot Against Each Other, And Eventually Die At The Hands Of Sea Trolls
GA: Jade Green Is The Color Of The Mother Grubs Blood
GA: From Which All Trolls, Be They Royal Purple Or A Laboring Orange, Are Hatched
CC: Well yea)(, everyone knows t)(at jade is important!
CC: But w)(at does t)(at )(ave to do wit)( Gamzee?
GA: I Was Three And A Half Sweeps Old
and Mother was dead set on finding me a proper matesprit. I was young, of course, but the usual standards didn't really apply to jadebloods. Imperial drones skipped their houses. The other boys and girls in their classes tended to fixate on them. Many even believed that having a jadeblood as your matesprit increased the dominance of your genes throughout the next generation of trolls. When a female jade troll found a matesprit, they would mature into mother grubs themselves, capable of laying thousands of eggs. Future Soldiers for the Alternian Armada. Alternia needed the mother grubs.
It wasn't set in stone. There were pills you could take to stop the changes, if you wanted to. Some jades grew into mother grubs even without finding a matesprit, like Mother. But to most, it was assumed that a jadebloods top priority should be filling his or her quadrants. Since jadebloods were extremely rare (and male ones rarer still), it was assumed that if a jadeblood were to find a mate, they would look for one outside their caste. And more often than not...
"Above your caste," Mother told me approvingly. "It's an incredible opportunity, and you were invited specifically. Kanaya, his lusus is descended from General Capra, the General Capra, who captained the first vessel off-world! Direct descendance!"
I rolled my eyes as soon as I was sure she was looking at me and would see it. Nobody really makes a big deal out of the bloodline of their lusus. It was considered unfashionably snobbish.
"It's not a big deal, Mother," I said. The other the passengers on the train car eyed us curiously across the seat division but of course they couldn't understand a word we were saying. Mother Grubs give up their natural vocal cords when they underwent the change. But they were still as intelligent as any adult troll inside, and the Mother Grubs had developed a new language they used amongst each other, signing simultaneously with three pairs of clawhands. I'd learned it as my first language, although it was considerably harder to speak with only two hands. "It's a scheduled playtime. It's not even courtship."
"Everything is courtship." She took a comb from her purse with her bottom two clawhands and started to comb my hair while continuing to sign with the other four. I had sort of longer hair back then, and I fidgeted a little when the comb hit a snag. "This is how courtship begins. You meet a nice troll. You get to know them. And if it turns out that you suit each other, you try to take it further. You're never going to find a matesprit if you dont at least find some friends first, Kanaya! Ah, stop fidgeting!"
"But it hurts," I whined. I was a bit of a brat when I was younger. I'm not proud.
CC: Glub glub you're rambling again, Kanaya!
GA: I'm Not Rambling
GA: This Is Narrative
GA: You Have To Be Patient If You Want To Hear The Story
CC: 38P Being patient is really )(ard!
CC: So you were going to go meet Gamzee?
GA: Yes
GA: Mother Was Apparently Friends With The Old Goat
GA: And A Landdwelling Indigo Blood Was Considered A Favorable Pair For A Jadeblood
GA: He Was Noble, But Just Down To Alternia Enough For A Lower Pairing To Be Considered Socially Acceptable
Gamzee's house was extremely far away, but we'd obtained clearance for the trip. A redblood would have had to walk for perigees across dangerous territory to make the journey. A yellowblood might've been able to make the trip in a week, with access to a automobeetle. Fast, long-distance transportation like we were using was usually reserved for blues, or the few adult trolls that lived on the home planet. Mother had submitted an appeal for access on the basis that the trip was intended to find me a matesprit, and just like that all the paperwork cleared itself up. I of course had no idea what kind of troll this purpleblooded boy would be. I did know, however, that I had no intention of try to make him flushed for me. I wasn't really interested in boys. Or girls, for that matter. As far as I was concerned at three sweeps old, I was destined to form a mating pair with a rainbow drinker. But I wasn't excited to go on this trip for Gamzee. I was excited because I was going to see the ocean.
The ocean!
Of course, I knew it was dangerous. Purple seagrifts were known to prowl the beach in some areas, looking for lowerbloods to sell into slavery. It wasn't that I wasn't scared, but- they wouldn't challenge me on the domain of a fellow purple, would they? There were territorial laws. And besides, I could handle myself. Sand and zombies, my whole life, but today I would go to the beach. I would make a sand castle and I would drink pink citrusade and I would maybe even (!) splash in the waves! In preparation for the trip I had constructed, out of pliable foamboard found adrift in the dunes, a surfboard. Weeks had been devoted to sanding it out to just the right width recommended by SurfNuts.prp. And bringing it onto the train, without Mother seeing it? A miracle of deception. I was still proud of myself for pulling it off, even as I felt guilty about lying to her.
But only by omission. It was a grey area. Right?
We arrived at our station after about seven hours. I was tired, and cramped from sitting down the whole journey. As we disembarked I was amazed to see that it was still bright outside. I elbowed Mother excitedly, bringing it to her attention. She seemed amused.
"That's zone lag," she signed to me, smiling. "It's because we crossed time zones. It's almost like we traveled in time, isn't it?"
At the pick-up station we gathered our bags and continued out to the welcome zone. Here, lusii and trolls were gathered with signs, waiting for friends to arrive. One huge Sea Goat lusus, taking up almost half the space in the waiting area, had a sign around his neck that said 'WeLcOmE kAnAyA!" Mother recognized the lusus and glided over to it, signing excitedly. It bleated back a welcome of its own, but I didn't understand goat language. Mother tapped me on the shoulder with a claw.
"The Captain will be taking us to his seaside castle," Mother signed excitedly to me. "A castle, can you believe that?"
I rolled my eyes again, but waited until the Goat wasn't looking. I didn't want to offend him, but I really didn't care about purpleblood stuff like big castles. It was just a really big hive, right? My hive was huge already. Big deal.
I wasn't sure what I was expecting for personal transportation. I kind of figured I would ride on Mother to the actual castle, wherever it was. I couldn't imagine an automobeetle large enough for the Goat. But once again, I was underestimating the indulgences of the aristocracy. When we got out to the beetle pen, he made a loud whistling sound and a modified Takuro Goliath lifted up out of the chaos of feeding beetles and flew through the air, finally landing right next to us. It had to be about half the size of my hive. The Goat rapped on the shell, and the inner compartment opened. He gestured for me to get in first.
I was a little hesitant, and the steps were high up. I think Mother pushed me up? Inside the Goliath's shell the inner chitin were molded into comfortable faux-Musclebeast leather seats. This was how the other 1% traveled, it seemed.
I kind of tuned out the rest of the trip because most of it was the Goat bleating things I didn't understand, and Mother signing things while facing away, and the two of them just chatting it up and having fun. Probably talking about how many buckets they could get me and that boy to fill. I wasn't there. I was already at the beach, splashing in the waves, making jewelry out of shells.
Somewhere along the way I fell asleep, and when I woke up Mother was gently shaking me and we were there. I felt groggy but it was dark outside and that meant it was time to be awake. It's hard to get used to the weird hours other trolls keep, but it was kind of expected that I socialize. So I got out of the beetle and followed them into the castle, sort of in a daze. I could hear the waves against the ocean, but it didn't look the way I imagined it. Just a vague expanse of black. It would be different in the light. I would play when it was light.
"The Captain says Gamzee's room is upstairs," Mother signed to me. "Down the hall on the right. You go introduce yourself while we have tea, alright? Just be friendly."
I nodded dumbly. Sure, right, Gamzee. Be friendly. Whatever, I wanted to nap until it was bright out so I could go outside and see the ocean. But I climbed the stairs and headed down the hall. I knocked on the first door I came to, but no one responded. After waiting a minute, I nervously opened the door. It was a bathroom. Feeling foolish, I knocked on the next door down and heard movement inside.
"JuSt A sEcOnD dUdE!" the voice inside said.
The door opened and Gamzee stared out into the hallway. It's hard to describe my first impression of him, because I hadn't really given much thought to what he would look like. His hair was shaggy and out of control, just like it would be for years to come. And he looked kind of disoriented. But Gamzee wasn't wearing face paint. It's weird to think of how that seems strange, looking back.
"Oh, HeY," he said. "ShIt, YoU'rE tHaT gIrL tHaT's CoMiNg OvEr."
"YeAh, I kNeW yOu WeRe CoMiNg OvEr BuT i ThOuGhT iT wAs, LiKe, GoNnA bE lAtEr."
"You didn't notice that your lusus had left? He was picking us up from the station."
"NaH," he said. "He DiDn'T rEaLlY sAy AnYtHiNg. My RoOmS kInD oF a MeSs, I dUnNo, MaYbE wE sHoUlD hAnG oUt DoWnStAiRs..."
He seemed so awkward, and I felt a wave of pity for him. Did he know why we were supposed to be getting to know each other? "I'm sure it cant possibly be messier than my room. Let's stay up here, I don't want Mother being nosy in our business."
He nodded dimly, accepting this. It was a lie, of course- I kept my room immaculate. But it was a harmless lie, and if it set him at ease it didn't bother me. He opened the door to his room and it really wasn't as bad as he'd made it out to be. Some clothes had missed the laundry hamper, and empty cans of Tab littered the floor, but there was nothing really disgusting. Just a boy's room.
I made a beeline to his husktop, determined to get this friendship shit out of the way. "Let's put on some music. What do you listen to?"
"Uh, I dUnNo," he said, pacing around. "NoT lIkE aNy FuCkIn ThInG iN pArTiCuLaR, i GuEsS, jUsT wHatEvEr MoThErFuCkIn ThInG iS oN."
I nodded and pulled up Grubtube, loading an instrumental piece I was fond of. "Have you heard of Dudamel?"
He shook his head, bewildered. "Is ThAt A sInGiNg DuDe ThAt DoEs MuSiC oR sOmEtHiNg?"
"No, he's..." I paused the song at the beginning, letting it buffer a little. "He's sort of a composer."
"HuH, i DuNnO aNyThInG aBoUt ThAt," he said. He was still being awkward, but I think maybe he had decided that I was okay. The video had loaded enough, so I hit play.
Then we just kind of spaced out for a while.
CC: Are you sure Gamzee wasn't baking sopor at t)(e time? )(e sounds like )(e was kind of distracted!!
GA: I'm Positive
GA: The First Few Hours Of Our Acquaintance Were Not Exactly Terribly Interesting
GA: Mostly We Just Listened To Music And I Made Him Tell Me About What It Was Like Living By The Ocean
GA: We Had A Mild Rapport But He Seemed Nervous
CC: )(a)(a, Gamzee nervous!
GA: Yes It Certainly Seems Bizarre In Retrospect
GA: But The Consistent Impression I Got Of Him Was That He Didnt Really Get Out Much
GA: His Lusus Had Told Him Not To Go Outside Alone Which Was Probably Wise Advice
GA: But His Lusus Was Apparently Rarely At Home
CC: 38( Gamzee never really talked about )(is )(ome situation...
GA: Its Not As Dramatic As It Sounds
GA: But I Didnt Understand The Reason For His Unease Until Dawn
GA: When It Was Time For Us To Go To Sleep
We were in the bathroom, brushing our teeth when it occurred to me that he didn't have a recuperacoon in his room.
"Hey, Gamzee," I said with my mouth full of toothbrush. "Where do you sleep, anyway?"
He pointed back to his room. "BaCk WiTh AlL mY sTuFf, In My RoOm."
"Right, but..." I spit out toothpaste and rinsed. "Right, but I didn't see your recuperacoon anywhere."
He looked blank. "My ReCuPeRaWhAt?"
"You know, your..." I thought for a moment. Did purples have some kind of snooty high-blood word for it? "The place where you go to sleep."
"Oh YoU mEaN mY bEd? ThAt'S a WeIrD fUcKiNg WoRd FoR iT."
"A bed." It was a simple word, and it appealed, but I still didn't remember seeing a recuperacoon in his room. "Well, okay, but where is it?"
"Uh... It ShOuLd StIlL bE iN tHe MiDdLe Of ThE rOoM, i ThInK? bUt ThErE's A gUeSt BeD fOr YoU, kAnAyA."
I leaned back into his room, scanning for a recuperacoon. There wasn't one, at least, not one I could see. But in the middle of his room, there was a strange, soft table with cushions positioned at the head of it. "Gamzee, is... is that your bed?"
"YeAh, ThAt'S wHeRe I, uH," he sighed uncomfortably. "WhErE i GeT mY sLeEp On, OvEr ThErE."
"I don't see any sopor."
He looked blank. "WhAt ThE mOtHeRfUcK iS sOpOr, DuDe?"
I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. The implications of what he was saying were slowly setting in, and before I could think of a response there was a knock on his bedroom door. Mother peeked in. "Kanaya! Are you ready to sleep?"
"Yeah," I said. "I'll, uh, see you in the evening, Gamzee." Gamzee nodded an acknowledgement.
As soon as the door was closed I tugged on Mother's lowest claw to me. "Mother! He doesn't sleep with sopor! He didn't even know what I was talking about!"
Mother nodded. "No, purples don't use sopor, traditionally. The Captain is all about tradition."
"That's..." I couldn't wrap my head around the concept. Sleep without sopor? Every night? It was unthinkable. The nightmares were bad enough to endure for one night. Without sopor, a troll's psychic connection to the Great Web ran wild. The deceased were free to molest the minds of living to their undead hearts content. "That's child abuse. Is there a recuperacoon for me, at least? I thought there'd be one."
Mother held up a plastic tub of green slime. "I brought some sopor from home, dear. It'll be fine."
"So I just, what, smear it all over myself and... lie on that flat thing? That's how purple's sleep? That's ridiculous."
"Try to live outside your cultural bubble sometime, dear," she said, and that was all there was to it. She showed me to the guest room and I applied some of the sopor to my face and hoped it was enough to get to sleep.
And then I slept, for a little while.
CC: Well, I use sopor!
GA: So You Have Told Me
GA: And Apparently Many Other Purples Do As Well
GA: But Many Others Do Not
CC: --Eridan doesn't sleep wit)( sopor, either.
GA: Really
GA: I Assumed He Did
GA: Since You Do
CC: Na)(, )(e's all about tradition too.
CC: I t)(ink it's crazy but I could go wit)(out it if I )(ad to, since I've spent so muc)( time wit)( my lusus!
GA: At Any Rate
GA: I Had Difficulty Sleeping
I woke up after only two hours in bed, and it was barely bright outside. I'm not sure what woke me up at first, because I did still feel tired. I stayed in bed for another hour, looking out the window. My room didn't face the ocean but once I opened the window I could hear it; cawing gulls prowling the shores for crustaceans, and the gentle cadence of waves. The air smelled salty and alive with opportunities. I left my room and wandered the halls of Gamzee's castle.
It was very quiet. Everyone was still asleep, of course, but I couldn't work up the courage to go outside. I kept thinking about Gamzee. About him nervous to go to sleep, tossing and turning on that weird soft table. Could a troll get used to sleeping like that, over time? I assumed it must be possible... but if you could, I didn't think Gamzee had managed it. Poor boy. And like that, my sleepy wanderings put me in front of the door to his room.
I hesitated for about twenty minutes, a few times ducking out like a cluckfowl and going back to my room. But in the end, my fear of breaking the rules was beaten by boredom. I knocked.
I expected to have to knock for a while, but Gamzee opened the door within a minute. He was pretty much wearing what he had been last night, and there were horrible bags under his eyes. I gave him a pitying smile.
"I thought you might not be able to sleep. Do you want to hang out?"
"Uh, YeAh, SuRe. CoMe On In."
I came inside and he sat back down on his bed, rubbing his eyes. "YoU pReTtY mUcH fUcKiN nAiLeD iT, kAnAyA i CoUlDnT sLeEp At AlL."
"Nightmares?" I had sat down at his husktop and was once again looking for some music to play.
"NaH, jUsT tHe SaMe WeIrD sCrEaMiNg MoThErFuCkErS gEtTiNg AlL uP oN mE aBoUt HoW i ShOuLd Be AnD sTuFf. I wAs JuSt FeElInG nErVoUs, YoU kNoW?"
"Nervous about what?"
"I dUnNo. LiKe, AbOuT yOu."
"Me?" It honestly hadn't occurred to me to consider Gamzee's thoughts on me. He wasn't giving off any of the signs Mother had told me to look for. Had I misread him?
"YeAh LiKe I mEaN yOu SeEm PrEtTy CoOl AnD aLl BuT i DoNt EvEn KnOw WhAt EvEn ThE fUcK iS gOiNg On, ThE oLd GoAt JuSt ToLd Me To TrY aNd ImPrEsS yOu AnD nOtHiNg I gOt HeRe Is ReAlLy LiKe An ImPrEsSiVe ThInG sO i DuNnO iF i'M dOiNg ThIs RiGht."
I was taken aback by his honesty, and a little amused. "He told you to impress me?"
"YeAh He SaId I sHoUlD gIvE iT tHe CoLlEgE tRy AnD i CaNt EvEn BeGiN tO fIgUrE oUt wHaT tHaT iS."
I laughed. "Typical. Mother asked the same of me. It's matchmaking. It's stupid, anyway. Dont worry about it."
"I dOnT wAnT tO mAkE tHe GoAt AlL dIsApPoInTeD tHoUgH, tHaT's ThE lAsT mOtHeRfUcKiN tHiNg I'd Be WaNtInG tO gO aNd Do." He stretched out on his bed and sighed. "ShIt HaS gOt Me AlL cOnFuSeD, dUde."
"I didn't really want to come," I said, blushing a little. "I mean, you seem really nice, Gamzee, so dont take any offense. But. The reason I agreed to come was mainly, really, because I wanted to see the ocean."
"MaN," Gamzee said. "tHaT sHiT iS wIlD dAnGeRoUs, ThOuGh."
"Even during the day? Aren't you curious about it? How often do you go outside?"
He didn't answer immediately, and at first I thought the question had offended him somehow, but it turned out that he was just thinking. "LiKe. MaYbE oNcE a PeRiGeE, i GuEsS?"
That's absurd." I stood up from his husktop. "Gamzee, we've got to go outside."
"I dUnNo, ThOuGh, ThE gOaT iS aSlEeP..."
"That's why we should go outside." It felt odd to be the enabler, but I was caught up in the moment. "They'll never know. And besides, aren't you supposed to be trying to impress me?"
"YeAh, BuT i'M nOt SuPpOsEd To Go OuTsIde."
"I came to see the ocean. I would be impressed by the ocean." I crossed my arms theatrically and tapped my foot. "Come on, Gamzee. Let's give it the college try."
He scratched his head then gave me a toothy grin. I knew I had won. "AlRiGhT, wHatEvEr ThE fUcK tHaT mEaNs."
I stopped at the guest room and grabbed the tub of sopor and one of my bags on the way out.
Gamzee was really nervous as we crossed the yellow walkway out of his hive and towards the shore. He had a hand up to his eyes, shading his vision. I had no trouble with the light, of course.
"DaMn," he said. "It'S rIgHt AbOuT aS bRiGhT aS a MoThErFuCkEr OuT hErE, kAnAyA. wHoA, wHaT's ThAt ThIng?"
He was refering to the object I had just removed from my bag. "It's a surfboard. You've never been surfing?"
He shook his head. "I dOnT kNoW wHaT kInD oF tHiNg ThAt Is."
"It's... see, you stand on it, in the water, and you ride it as the waves move it. I cant believe you live next to the beach and you've never tried to go surfing."
"LiKe I sAiD, i DoNt Go In ThE wAtEr. BuT, uH, i DoNt ThInK tHeRe'S eNoUgH wAvEs FoR a ThInG lIkE tHaT tO eVeN wOrK."
He was probably right. I shrugged. "Well, I'll try it anyway." I came up to the very edge of the water and prepared to carefully dip a toe, just to see how cold it was. Instead, a wave washed over both my bare feet and soaked my pajama bottoms up to my ankles. It wasn't as cold as I had expected. I stared to wade into the water, grinning at Gamzee. "Come try it, Gamzee! The water's perfect!"
He followed behind nervously, but wouldn't go further than getting his feet wet. I was already up to my waist and was climbing up on the surfboard. It was too risky to go out much further than the break zone, but we could still ride the waves a little bit from that far. I turned my back to the waves and they crashed against my back.
So much water. More water than I'd ever seen at one time, and it was all around me. The big planetary bathtub. I held my board in front of me and hunched over, watching over my shoulder for a worthy wave.
"That one!" I shouted out loud, and pushed off with my feet deep in the sand under the surf. The wave didn't have as much force as I'd hoped for, but it still carried me all the way to the sand. I laughed hysterically, grinning with delight, and picked myself up to try it again.
Gamzee watched from the beach, and after about a half hour, I started to feel a little self-conscious. I was having fun, but obviously he was terrified we were both going to get devoured by a rampaging sea lusus, or something equally ridiculous. I stretched and walked back to him, sitting down next to him on the sand. "Hey! You want to try the board?"
He shook his head politely. "NaH, tHaNkS, i'M cHiLl JuSt SiTtInG hErE."
"You look tired." I laid back on the sand, covering my already wet pajamas with sand. No worries, I'd just go back in the water later. "You aren't up during the day much, huh?"
"NaH, nOt ReAlLy."
"Where I live..." I took a deep breath. "There's nothing but sand and zombies, as far as the eye can see. And the zombies get really bad at night, so I guess I've gotten used to staying up all day and sleeping all night. It's not too weird, when you do it all the time."
"I'm TiReD, lIkE, aLl ThE tImE, bUt WhEnEvEr I cLoSe My EyEs ThEsE lOuD sCrEaMiNg MoThErFuCkErS gEt AlL oN mY cAsE oN hOw I'm NoT a GoOd TrOlL aNd A dIsGrAcE tO mY bLoOd AnD i'M jUsT tIrEd Of It."
"'Screaming Motherfuckers?'"
"YeAh ThEy TaLk AbOuT hOw I'm LeTtInG dOwN tHe DaRk CaRnIvAl AnD tOnS oF wEiRd StUfF lIkE tHaT. i DoN't GeT wHaT iT's AlL aBoUt."
"Do you..." a thought had occurred to me. I had thought about it earlier but I wasn't sure it was appropriate. Now, I reached for the tub of sopor. "When your lusus lets you go out, does he make you wear suntan slime?"
"YeAh, I dId ThAt OnCe."
"This is like..." I opened the tub. "This is like suntan slime for... for sleeping, I guess. You put it on when you go to sleep."
"WhOa, DoEs It MaKe YoU sO yOu DoNt GeT bUrNeD?"
I shook my head. "It makes it so you have better dreams. Try some."
He reached into the tub, scraped up a handful of the slime, and then tasted some of it. "WhOa, It TaStEs PrEtTy GoOd!"
"You don't eat it!" I swatted his hand. "Don't eat it. Just, smear it all over your face, okay?"
He emptied the tub of the rest of the sopor and applied it to his face. He looked a little ridiculous, because he didn't understand how to go around his eyes, but it would work. The effects kicked in remarkably quickly. "WhOa. WhOa!"
"How do you feel?"
"LiKe A... mOtHeRfUcKiN..." he slumped forward onto the sand. His eyes were closed.
"Gamzee?" I shook him once, and he didn't respond. I decided he was out. I turned back to the waves and watched the tides come in and relaxed.
Then we both just spaced out for a while.
CC: 38\ Is t)(at it?
GA: Pretty Much
GA: I Played A While Longer And Then After Two Hours I Woke Up Gamzee And We Went Back Inside And Talked Until Our Lusii Woke
GA: Then We All Had Breakfast And There Was Some More Social Interaction But Nothing Personal And Relevant Like That Morning On The Beach
GA: I Guess I Didnt Make Much Of An Impression On Him But I Sent Him A 12th Perigees Present Later
GA: A Recuperacoon
GA: What Events Connected The Gamzee I Met Then To The Piehead Who Joined Our Session Are Beyond My Ability To Reconstruct
GA: But Now Especially I Wonder
CC: Wonder w)(at?
GA: Whether He Ever Tried Surfing
GA: I Left The Board With Him
GA: I Can Only Hope He Did
GA: Anyway
GA: I Suppose I Should Let You Get Back To Writing The Script For His Corpsemourn
CC: Actually, I was c)(ecking w)(ile you were typing and it looks like t)(e script Nepeta wrote covers t)(e w)(ole event! We're ready to go as soon as everyone else is!
CC: Glub glub glub, maybe Nepeta is just a functioning user! 38P
GA: Perhaps
GA: How Does Three Hours From Now Sound
CC: T)(at s)(ould probably work! I'll message everyone and let t)(em know!
GA: I Think I'm Going To Log Off
GA: Typing That Was A Little Exhausting
GA: And Before The Corpsemourn Everyone Will Need Some Formal Attire Alchemized
CC: )(a)(a, I'll leave you to it!
CC: )(ave fun! 38)
grimAuxilliatrix [GA] is an idle troll
Whoa so that took a long time huh. o_o I doubt I'll finish TNDP within even this new thread, at the rate we're getting new pages. It's crazy.
The stuff about jadebloods and mother grubs was an idea to try and make myself more interested in Kanaya, who otherwise struck me as a little boring. I like the concept, but rereading it it occurs to me that it sounds like a weird, heavy-handed metaphor for femininity. So, uh... that wasn't what I was going for, okay? I just wanted to write about alien girls who grow up to become huge bugs. Seriously.
I almost never write in first person, but Kanaya had been getting very little attention so far and she seemed like the perfect person to flesh out Gamzee's life a little. Plus, I've been feeling a little self-conscious about my abuse of the pesterlog format (see: first half of this part), so it was a neat change of pace to try something... different.
I think I'm still better at pesterlogs, though. Oh well.
ALSO: Feferi doesn't use a single fish pun in all her talking with Kanaya, because I could not bring myself to give a shit. If it helps, insert the words "trout", "carp", and "clam" every third word or so.
ALSO ALSO: If you count preludes and epilogue, this is the 36th part of Bad End! Shenanigans was 9 parts (3^2), Zazzerpan was 16 parts (4^2), and of course the two together make 25 parts (5^2), so this seems somehow relevant. Whee, numbers.
Last edited by Sushi Database; 12-14-2010 at 07:36 PM.
Graven, I'm confused. In the main continuity Dave strifed with BRO and Cal before sending rose into the medium, what happened there to make it different?
Wow Equius. Where did you get that song? I mean I certanly wouldn't describe it as strong.
I can hardly wait for Kanaya's and Rose's number. I hadn't guessed any of the other songs, so I probably can't guess this one either.
Originally Posted by Sushi Database
The Note Desperation Plays, part ten (Sunny Rubbish)
Why have I not read Shenanigans yet? Urgh... There are not enough hours in a day.
So anyway I wrote a small fic a little while ago.
It's my first fanfic, so don't expect too much. It's probably a bit sad, so now you're warned.
Also, listening to 'Ace of Trump' while reading this, certanly sets a mood.
Four carapaces, one band
It has always been the four of them. They had worked together pretty tight. Jack had been the superior of the four and the others had accepted that. They didn’t want to discuss it with someone like him. Only Draconian Dignitary would now and then make Jack change his mind about a certain subject. The only thing they never got in a fight about was the band. They played jazz and blues music. And they were good. Probably even the best.
Jack played the piano. And he was truly amazing at it. He was able to move his fingers and hands faster than the eye could really comprehend what happened, and he could truly turn his feelings into music. Both those of sadness and those of rage. Mostly the latter. And people from all over Derse came to hear his powerful solos.
The Hegemonic Brute played the double bass. It went well with his deep bass voice, and he was truly the backup of the band. Jack had a hard time not playing too fast, whenever the brute was away for one reason or another.
The Courtyard Droll played the oboe. No one really knew why and when he had started playing it, but he had talent that was for sure. He was able to just keep on playing without having to breathe and though he was mostly in the background, music wise, he was still a valued part of the band.
Lastly there was the Draconian Dignitary and his saxophone. He was a master of the instrument. Whenever Jack would start getting out of hand, the Dignitary only had to start a solo on his own, which was usually enough to cool Jack down to the right tempo. Where Jack was the one behind the upbeat jazz of the group, the Draconian Dignitary was the one behind the blues and their ballads.
Back when the kids had yet to enter the game, playing together was a simple matter. There was no real use for the agents at this point, since the armies of both sides weren’t great enough for anything to happen. Back then it was a simple 9-5 job and the four of them practiced pretty much every night, and played in the club every Saturday. That changed when the kids entered the session.
They were still able to practice often, but it was more difficult to keep it in a schedule when the agents where often send on critical missions, and Jack having to do the paperwork.
Then Jack conquered the ring.
And the Hegemonic Brute fell on the battlefield.
The Droll was the one that took the loss the hardest. He was the only one that seemed to truly care, but of course he knew better than that. The other two missed him as well, which was shown as they held a small ceremony for the brute. It wasn’t grand. There were hardly any people left on Derse. But it was public for the few that were still there, and the three men played for their fallen comrade. Jack of course took off his ring. Nobody was able to tell he was the Sovereign Slayer.
The tried playing a couple of times after that, but it didn’t work well. Without the brute to hold the tempo, Jack went too fast, the dignitary too slow and the droll hardly knowing what song they were playing. Jack once tried to play the double bass himself using the tentacles the ring had granted him but it didn’t work. And when the final prototyping happened, Jack’s rage was so great it was hard to play with him anymore.
The droll was the next to fall. He too had a small ceremony but this time they didn’t play. Both Jack and the dignitary knew the droll would’ve been sad if he had known, but there was nothing they could do. Jack didn’t even attend the ceremony as he was too busy wreaking havoc. He had stopped playing the piano long ago, though you could still on quiet nights hear the sound of a saxophone in the streets of Derse.
Finally the draconian dignitary fell. Even Jack had a hard time recognizing the arch agent, but he knew it was him. It had to be with that carapace. It had taken a ridiculous amount of damage he could see. The body was covered in cuts and bruises from head to toe. He had taken sixteen shots from what looked like a harpoon gun, some even still in the body, and judging from the burn marks he had taken some powerful spells head on. Jack wondered if that was what had taken him down, but it didn’t matter. The last of his agents was dead. Soon the kids would come for him.
He returned to his tower and went down towards the basement. He locked himself into a room not too close to the bottom but not too far either. It was a simple door in the middle of the hall. Nobody would suspect it to hold some of the things dearest to the slayer of the black king and queen.
Inside stood four instruments, nicely placed in a circle so those who played could easily look at each other. The double bass was now covered in dust and it was easy to see the oboe hadn’t been used for some time either. The piano was also getting a bit dusty; however the saxophone was still in prime condition. It hadn’t been long since it had last been cleaned. Jack wasn’t surprised. The dignitary had always taken great care to his instruments, both the ones he played music with and the ones he fought with.
Jack shut the door behind him and sat down at the piano. Testing it a little he could hear it was still in tune, and so he decided to do something he hadn’t dreamt of doing for the longest time.
Jack took off the ring and put it on the piano. Even if someone heard him he could take out whoever it was. Only the trolls and the kids would be problematic to fight without the ring. He put his hands to the keys, and then he started playing. He put all of his feelings into it; however the rage soon ran out and instead he played using his sorrow and the happiness he had felt back when they had all played together. The music was wild, yet still sad. Soon it was upbeat; soon it was slowed to almost a halt. He played for a long time. He didn’t know how long, he wasn’t the knight of time or some shit, but for long enough. When he was done sat there for a while, looking into nothing. He got up from the chair he had been using and started to clean all the instruments.
When he was done he left the room and locked it. He put the key away, to get rid of it later, and put on his ring.
As long as he was Jack Noir he would miss them. Hegemonic Brute, Courtyard Droll and Draconian Dignitary. But as the Sovereign Slayer, he would not remember. He would be too full of rage.
It was the only thing he could do not to cry.
I apologize for Jack having feelings, and therefore being OOC. I hope you enjoyed it, I think I might try to write more.
Never pesterlogs though. Colouring seems like such a hassle.
Oh my gosh, Bufu! FRIENDSHIP ANEURYSM! ♥ Troll!Dave getting beaten up should not have me so delighted, but STRONGJohn, Rose and Jade are just so wonderful and STRONGDAD is just so brilliant and oh, I could read about these kids being bros forever. I love all the little wordbuilding hints and the little quirky twists that make them trolls, but still unequivocally them. You are ridiculously good at Pesterlogs, it is crazy.
Troll!Dave is so precious and magical, it is no wonder he has a unicorn horn.
Graven, I'm confused. In the main continuity Dave strifed with BRO and Cal before sending rose into the medium, what happened there to make it different?
Fake answer: alternate timelines.
Real answer: authorial lack of research.
Here's something silly I wrote to test a new editor. It has this interesting function where you set a target word count and it shows your progress towards that goal. It's untitled, but if anybody has a reasonable title in mind after reading this, I'll archive it as such.
I set the word count to one thousand, not counting the bbcodes I inserted later.
If there was anything about the kids that Karkat didn't like, it'd have to be how John could be so incredibly chummy with him. Didn't he even realize that Karkat hated him with the burning intensity of a thousand dying suns? No, not John Egbert. John was almost like Tavros in a way — he seemed incapable of showing hatred, if he could even -feel- it in the first place. This puzzled Karkat to no end, even though Kanaya had told him it was all just a particularly freaky cultural difference — that while to a troll, the only people you would be "nice" to were your matesprit (and maybe to a lesser extent your friends), while to a human, the ideal was to be nice to everyone by default, and angry only towards those who truly deserved your anger. This would keep Karkat awake all day if the timeless nature of the Void didn't make concepts such as "night" and "day" completely useless.
At any rate, the various cultural differences confounded the young troll. Every time he and his cohorts would look back at the time-shifted Trollian viewports, there was something else on the screen that would throw them another cultural curveball. And when the kids had crossed over, it was like every tenth thing any of them said was yet another puzzle for Karkat to lose sleep over. It was a good thing, he thought, that he had plenty of practice in staying awake.
One of those things, for example, was the lusus issue, as they had decided to call it. The trolls had been raised by (usually fearsome) beasts from the caves they had pupated in, never having seen their parents — and it went without saying that some of the lusii weren't exactly capable of loving parental hugs, no matter how sturdy the trolls were. The humans on the other hand had no such concept as a lusus. After her grandfather (another strange and alien concept) had died, Jade was raised mostly by her pet goddog Becquerel, who would seem like a lusus to any troll who'd see it. It was even deceptivily fearsome, in a way. In that way, Jade was the most troll-like of the four. No wonder Karkat found himself a little flushed towards her over time. But he shouldn't let that distract himself — he had more culture clash to ponder, and was supposed to be matesprits with Terezi.
Oh gog, the quadrants. To those humans who understood the concept, the quadrants seemed like a pretty cool way to have up to four separate but valid relationships without being accused of two-timing, but -ofcourse- Karkat had to get himself stuck in a... what did John call it? A love dodecahedron. Karkat was surprised the goober was capable of pronouncing the word, considering his difficulty with "ectobiolobabysitting". Regardless, Karkat found himself in such a situation — on one hand, he had a matespritship with Terezi. One the other, Terezi was being her usual disturbingly flirty self to Dave, and Karkat didn't know what to think of that. One the gripping hand, Nepeta had obvious flushed leanings towards the young wannabe Treshecutioner. To Nepeta, this was perfectly okay since her only other relationship was moirailistic to that asshole Equius. On the other other other hand, Karkat felt somewhat flush towards Jade, even though he himself had told Dave and John he wouldn't stand for sloppy alien makeouts...
Aaaand then his imagination ran off like small prey would run from Nepeta! In utter predictability, Karkat promptly found himself imagining a short makeout session with Jade. Stupidly, he had forgotten that Terezi was lying right next to him — if she were awake, she would smell the undeniable red flush on his face. They had been sharing a single bed (and bam there goes another cultural difference!) long enough for him not to turn red at the sight of an underdressed blind chick. This meant that if Terezi were to wake up and inevitably ask what was wrong, he couldn't lie his way out. After a few tense moments, Karkat decided to just try to stay calm, enjoy his runaway imagination (if it was even still playing after all that complete bullshit) and not make any sudden moves or funny noises that might wake his matesprit. Or maybe he should just take out his PDA and leave a message for Jade to read in the morning/evening/whatever...
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 03:14 --
CG: JADE, I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT AWAKE RIGHT NOW
CG: FRANKLY I'M KINDA COUNTING ON THAT SO YOU'LL READ THIS IN THE MORNING
CG: SERIOUSLY, IF THIS WOKE YOU UP SORRY ABOUT THAT, GO BACK TO SLEEP AND JUST LET ME TYPE THIS AT AN OKAY PACE
CG: YOU KNOW HOW JOHN, ROSE AND KANAYA HAVE THIS CRAZY TRIANGLE-LIKE RELATIONSHIP?
CG: I THINK... I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A BIT OF A PROBLEM. Something like that may be a solution...
CG: ?
CG: Good day Jade.
Karkat needed to take his mind off of this thing, leave the rest for later. He retrieved some earphones from his sylladex (hooray for anything not cryptography-based!) and opened one of his favorite tracks, with the volume turned way down. It was all very relaxing, and Karkat found himself in a reasonably deep sleep shortly after. The horrorterrors would handle the rest of the day. Or night. Whatever.
The next morning, Karkat had almost torn the little cable of his earphones apart in forgetting that he was wearing them, but that was okay. Terezi had already gotten up, it seemed, since Karkat found himself alone on the slab that he just couldn't seem to remember was called a mattress. Realizing what had caused the snagging feeling, Karkat took off the earphones and prepared to put away the PDA when he noticed it showed a new window.
K4RK4T V4NT4S, YOU'R3 4 HYPOCR1T3 4ND 4 P3RV3RT. 4ND 1 LOV3 YOU FOR TH4T >:]
Oh my, Conquest and Notes and kareoke? And all of these very well done sad ficss? God I love you all so much (I actually read Conquest during class, hehe <<).
I cannot wait for more you three, gogogo!
Buuuufu, you will be writing more AU kids right? Riiight? (That was also really well done, loved all of the kids and how you wrote em~).
Kawa. Karkat's feelings toward Jade are much more adorable than they have right to be.
And now...
The Greatest Heroes of Earth: Part 2
Samuel L. Jackson, star of such brilliant films as Snakes on a Plane, Pulp Fiction, and The Exorcist III, gazed down from the balcony of his home. The Knight of Space sighed, pulling his current pistolKind weapon - the Serpent's Disembarkation - from his sylladex. He looked at the volcano beneath him.
-- reptilianAeronaut [RA] began pestering sweaterProliferator [SP] --
RA: Hey bill
RA: Morgan juSt told me about our quentin problemS
RA: You know anything about it
SP: Sammy!
SP: Well I just knew you would be pestering me any minute now
SP: With the typings
SP: And the clickings
RA: Oh god bill Stop it
SP: Oh you know what I mean!
RA: YeS bill i do
RA: Now can you focuS on the matter at hand
SP: Sure!
SP: What is the matter at hand anyway
SP: Does it involve these animals we have everywhere in all our lands
RA: No
RA: Why would it do that
RA: Our conSortS arent part of thiS in the leaSt
SP: Well darn it!
SP: I really like my consorts they just want to hop and jump on me and hang around on me
RA: ThatS nice bill
RA: Now Shut up So i can Send you thiS file
reptilianAeronaut has sent sweaterProliferator file: thebigmanSplan.txt
SP: Hm
SP: Well I see!
SP: Ill get right on this Sammy and make sure you tell Morgan and Arnold I said hi
RA: YeS whatever i have a bit of a Situation here
RA: Got Some important Space Shit to do
-- reptilianAeronaut [RA] has ceased pestering sweaterProliferator [SP] --
SP: Bye Sammy!
Far away, in the Land of Mirth and Confections, a fatherly, elderly black man smiled down at his laptop. It could have been obtained anywhere. It looked alchemized, to be sure, but it had that mysterious quality computers gain when they are owned by old people for a long time.
Bill Cosby stood, closing his computer with a click. The King of Heart captchalogued the machine in his Story Modus. It could only be retrieved if he were to tell a long-winded story that had absolutely no relevance to the situation at hand. As such, it was his perfect compliment.
He smiled, revealing his smileKind Abstrata. Bill Cosby would never hurt something, even an imp or a giclops. His smile, in fact, stopped the charging imps in their tracks. They had been prototyped by all four players, and this one had a very charming sweater on. Bill smiled at it in particular as he walked down the hill.
Time passed.
The four legends of the silver screen (and one smaller screen) stood on a small platform in front of the Black King.
He looked alarmingly normal. He wore a charmingly knitted diamond-weave sweater. He held in one hand what appeared to be an Oscar award. In the other, what seemed to be a large barbell. The King's head was no longer the proper kingly head it should have had.
Now it was a giant snake.
"I have HAD IT with these motherfucking snakes in our motherfucking SESSION!" Samuel L. Jackson yelled, unleashing his recently found 2xpistolKind on the ebony monarch. Somehow, it did something...
______
They'd done it.
They beat Sburb. They had completed the Ultimate Alchemy. They had created their own universe.
The actors looked at each other. They seemed to agree on what should be done.
They opened the door...
And stepped out on Earth. The old Earth.
It seemed neater this way.
I apologize for the yellow that is Jackson's text.
Fair warning: this entire story leads up to an exceptionally weak bit of wordplay. I haven't been able to get it out of my head so I decided to write it out of my head.
Legends
The old man leaned heavily on his cane as he made his rounds, a faint smile as he watched the bustle of the village around him. A pair of young women mending a tent bowed their heads as he passed, quietly giving the customary "Good evening, Grandfather," that a man of his age and station was entitled to. Dusk was settling on the village, and it was rather quiet compared to most of the day. Nonetheless, there was still a great deal going on. Even with the hunters out, there was much to do to keep a village this size running. A wistful smile crossed his face as the old man reflected on days long gone, when that keeping was his responsibility. Those times were long gone, now, but he could not complain. His new role was pleasant for a man of his years.
Continuing on his plodding course, he came across a group of the village's children at play, watched over by an man with a wan expression. As he neared, the man smiled deferentially and stepped back, murmuring, "The day treats you well, Storyteller?" A simple nod from the old man was all he had time for as the children scurried forward.
"Grandfather!"
"Tell us a story, Grandfather!"
"A story, yes!"
"Tell us another one about the Knights!" cried a young boy, who was promptly shoved by one of his companions.
"No, no, tell us a story about the Trickster!" shouted another.
"Children. Children! Settle down." chided their caretaker, and the hubbub gradually quietened.
One of the children had a distant expression on her face, looking not at the elderly man before them, but up into the sky as the last fading rays of day disappeared over the horizon.
"Why does the sun set, Grandfather?"
A faint smile came across the old man's face at the question, a contented sigh escaping him as he settled down on a nearby tree stump.
"An excellent question, little girl."
She blushed and looked down shyly.
"Let me tell you all a story about the Joker and the Thief of the Light."
Notes:
It's barely even Homestuck related with all the context you get, but the basic concept is that it's set in a world in a universe the kids have created with the trolls - basically, a post-Homestuck era. Someone wrote a story about the four kids becoming like gods in the universe they created (be damned if I can find it now, though), and combined with http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySjXFjLTagQ , I couldn't help myself.
Aw, man, Bufu. I'm a sucker for troll!kids, and that was a very nice piece on them. Li'l bit confused on what Jade's emoticons are supposed to represent, but I like Rose's flowers, STRONGDAD made me chuckle, and aww, poor Dave! So much fun to read. I like.
Why do I do things that give me nightmares?
Originally Posted by sarasvati
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