MSPA Fanfiction III

[KarneWarrior]

Rose Lalondes 101 things I will never do in a RPG. Again.
41-45

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41: I will not toss the immortal dog a bone, metaphorical or otherwise.

Bec Noir was reclining in the plush seat of power on Derse. Briefly he entertained the thought of blowing it to smithereens, but he decided against it, if only for the comfort of the chair.

Idly he chewed on the present sent by a anonymous admirer. Not that the admirer would remain anonymous for long. He had several agents out working the populace to find out who sent him this miraculous gift. It would not take long for Noir to find out who sent him this pig femur.

No, Noir was, for the first time, content. But not for long. Since the bone was fake, sent by Rose and John, and also because it was infused with Catnip, which strangely enough works just as well on dogs.

42: I will not play the theme from Harry Potter whenever Eridan walks into the room.

Eridan had no idea what was going on. Whenever he would enter a room, the entire meteor would suddenly burst into a orchestra. Although, when he was pressed later on in his life, and after he matured a little, he admitted to liking the drama.

43: Aradia is not the terminator.

"I am g0ing t0 the kitchen. I require s0me natural greases, the artificial stuff is making my j0ints itch."

"No Aradia, don't leave us!" Rose said theatrically, John silently sobbed behind her.

"D0n't w0rry. I'll be back."

Aradia palmed the door shut and allowed herself a little smirk. She wondered how long it would take for them to catch on.

44:I will not remark to Vriska that Equius' hair looks sort of like Nick Cages.

Vriska pulled the box out from under her bed. It was far to dangerous to simply leave it in the shrine, people could find that if they tried. If they really wanted to. All the luck in the world couldn't prevent them from finding her most prized possession.

A lock of EquiusNicolas Cages hair. She had used all her guile and sneakiness to steal it from the unsuspecting EquiusNick Cage. And if Aradia found out that Vriska had a lock of EquiusNick Cages Hair, she would pound her face in again. Most likely with help from EquiusNick Cage.

45: Salamanders are friends, not footballs.

"Forty Yards." Called John, pointing.

"Hogwash. I say thirty." Responded Rose. She was in the right; Thirty yards would punt the Salamander into low orbit.

"Uh, guys..." said Secret Wizard, but It was to late. Johns foot came at him full force and hit him just below his chin. It hurt, but salamanders are resilient creatures.

"Forty." Said John proudly.

Yes John just punted Secret Wizard off the Meteor. No this is not going to be canon. Yes this is animal cruelty. Yes I am aware. This is a perfectly funny fic and I am going OUTSIDE WITH IT.

Encounters with the fandom are so intense!

[QuetzaDrake]

Heheheheh, Bec Noir chewing rawhide. Adorable.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Yes, the list is back and still wonderful.

QuetzaDrake, your icon is especially appropriate.

[raequiem]

Decker: Headcanon. And the stuff you mentioned is stuff that bothered me too - I had so much trouble with Equius, you have no idea. I'll mess with it later.

Karne: You know I love this series, right? Right? I love this series. Just sayin'.

Follow-up to number 45:

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Just another day in a lab on an asteroid full of aliens. It surprised John that he could get bored of such a life, but here he was with nothing to do. He'd even started kicking salamanders at Rose's behest this morning, just for something to do with his time.

There was a scuffling sound at the door, and John turned to look. A bedsheet covered in asteroid dust. A pallid yellow face. An alarming number of anguished-looking bubbles.

"W-why, Heir?" the Secret Wizard warbled. "Why did you kick me into orbit? Did I displease you? I'm sooo sooooooorryyyyyyyy!!" Tears streamed down his (her?) face, only adding to the bubbles pouring from her (his?) mouth.

John felt something inside break at the sight of the weeping salamander. He threw himself off the couch and ran to the little creature, picking it up and hugging as hard as he dared. "No, I'm sorry! It was wrong! Please don't cryyyyy!"

Rose paused in her knitting to watch the spectacle at the door. "Pathetic."

[Decker]

Bottom paged. Dang.

[Wigmund]

Yay! More of Karne's list....
But...but...Rules 36-40 have been done before...
Rule 38 is what got me into all this fanfic writing.

[KarneWarrior]

Oh right. Fixed that.

...

Wait the fic that got the famous horror author Wigmund into writing was

@_@

A Grub-fic?????

E: what happened was I forgot to add 36-40 to my sig, so...

[ceruleanTresses]

Rose Lalondes 101 things I will never do in a RPG. Again.
41-45

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41: I will not toss the immortal dog a bone, metaphorical or otherwise.

Bec Noir was reclining in the plush seat of power on Derse. Briefly he entertained the thought of blowing it to smithereens, but he decided against it, if only for the comfort of the chair.

Idly he chewed on the present sent by a anonymous admirer. Not that the admirer would remain anonymous for long. He had several agents out working the populace to find out who sent him this miraculous gift. It would not take long for Noir to find out who sent him this pig femur.

No, Noir was, for the first time, content. But not for long. Since the bone was fake, sent by Rose and John, and also because it was infused with Catnip, which strangely enough works just as well on dogs.

42: I will not play the theme from Harry Potter whenever Eridan walks into the room.

Eridan had no idea what was going on. Whenever he would enter a room, the entire meteor would suddenly burst into a orchestra. Although, when he was pressed later on in his life, and after he matured a little, he admitted to liking the drama.

43: Aradia is not the terminator.

"I am g0ing t0 the kitchen. I require s0me natural greases, the artificial stuff is making my j0ints itch."

"No Aradia, don't leave us!" Rose said theatrically, John silently sobbed behind her.

"D0n't w0rry. I'll be back."

Aradia palmed the door shut and allowed herself a little smirk. She wondered how long it would take for them to catch on.

44:I will not remark to Vriska that Equius' hair looks sort of like Nick Cages.

Vriska pulled the box out from under her bed. It was far to dangerous to simply leave it in the shrine, people could find that if they tried. If they really wanted to. All the luck in the world couldn't prevent them from finding her most prized possession.

A lock of EquiusNicolas Cages hair. She had used all her guile and sneakiness to steal it from the unsuspecting EquiusNick Cage. And if Aradia found out that Vriska had a lock of EquiusNick Cages Hair, she would pound her face in again. Most likely with help from EquiusNick Cage.

45: Salamanders are friends, not footballs.

"Forty Yards." Called John, pointing.

"Hogwash. I say thirty." Responded Rose. She was in the right; Thirty yards would punt the Salamander into low orbit.

"Uh, guys..." said Secret Wizard, but It was to late. Johns foot came at him full force and hit him just below his chin. It hurt, but salamanders are resilient creatures.

"Forty." Said John proudly.

Aaaah I love these so much! I'm pretty sure they were what drew me to the fanfic thread in the first place.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Wigmund's jump from hybrid fics to Horror!Cal made Cal all the more shocking!

Speaking of Grubfics, I've been planning on doing one last one for the holidays for about a month now, but I'm just now realizing... uh... that I need twelve six-letter names . It's the obstacles you don't think of, isn't it? The other grubfics and hybrid fics already got the good ones!

And now Tavros is trying to stab his at-the-moment best friend and he's crying and it's just not the right time to be writing about babies! Of course, HiHH is also settled on a conversation about babies. How did that happen? I am trapped in a cell of my own creation!

(I am twelve degrees of behind on the catching up on fanfic thing, but for what it's worth, chronicallyCrafty's If The Fates Allow was fantastic and I am now one less chapter of Exiles behind! So slow. I am so slow.)

[Douhneill]

What's this? Douhneill continuing a series of fanfiction that includes narration? This must be some sort of joke!

Heirman - Chapter 4
Prologue, 1, 2, 3

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He was beginning to have his doubts as to how he'd win.

After his encounter with Kanaya, he realized that the rest of his brothers and sisters weren't going to go down easily - most, if not all, were much better fighters than he was. And look how he got out of his last few fights.

Fortunately, Kanaya's city takeover plan was hers and hers alone, but Dr. Lalonde had decided to keep an eye on any further aggressive activity, just in case. Kanaya, of course, was still in diagnostics to make sure the virus hadn't compromised her systems, whereas Sollux and Gamzee were off on other liberation missions taking over on the front lines. Taking on the robot leaders was a job for Heirman.

"Your next target is in the Alternian mine. The entrance has been changed, and the trees are obscuring satellite surveillance, so you're going to need to find the entrance on your own."
The doctor had changed considerably since Kanaya's stunt. As if Zahhak stealing 11 of her first creations wasn't enough trouble for her.
"Gotcha."
"There's likely to be security both inside and outside of the mine, so be on the lookout."
"I will."
John wasn't exactly looking forward to facing off against whoever was in the mine at the time, but he didn't want to spend much more time here. He started to make his way toward the teleporter.
"And John."
"Yes?"
"Keep an eye out for the red one."
"I understand."
"Good. Then go get 'em, tiger."

He was in front of the old entrance. It seemed like it was caved in. No going in this way. He started to follow the face of the cliff. Wherever the new entrance was, it was probably somewhere along this thing.

There wasn't much along the lines of obstacles as he went along. Every so often the greenery was too thick to progress naturally and he'd have to switch modes to get past. Since he didn't have much to face off against he began thinking about the situation at hand. Zahhak hadn't done much in the way of "world takeover" since he had taken the other robot masters. Most of the outside world still hadn't known of his existence, or even the fact that there were robots that were owned by any hostile person, before Kanaya's stunt.

Then again, 11 robot masters alone wouldn't be enough to take on entire armies, and the factory Sollux was in was building war machines, so it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to assume Zahhak's army still isn't ready for conquest. Which would mean he intended the robot masters to be used to help fabricate the army by taking over everything involved in production. They're completely automated, so nobody would notice any changes so long as production rates stay relatively the same. Which means there's only a matter of time before Zahhak is ready to make his-

He heard a whistling up ahead. The same, sad blues tune. He pushed forward, toward the source of the sound, and came upon a clearing, about 30 meters across. there was a figure in one of the trees. A figure in red. He stepped farther into the centre of the area to get a better look at the one he assumed had been helping him for the past few days. It must have noticed him, since it stopped whistling and changed its seating position to get a better look at him.

"So, you're number 1."
"Pardon?"

The figure was definitely a robot. It wore armour resembling regular clothing, much like himself; A red suit with a white bow tie and a strange insignia on his right pocket. It wielded a large shield akin to those held by other robots he had faced in the past, and wore large black sunglasses as well as a scarf. Its white hair was filled with bits of leaves and bark. There was something oddly Lalonde-esque about this robot.

"You're number 1. Lalonde's first robot master."
"Are you asking me or telling me?"
The other robot was unnervingly still. Most robots, even drones, have some sort of mannerism to make them seem more human (as well as to easily spot a malfunction), but this guy was perfectly still, staring straight at him.
"I suppose there's no other explanation, since all the rest of her creations were taken by Zahhak."
This statement made John freeze up. This guy was thinking, rationalizing. He was a robot master. But only Dr. Lalonde was knowledgeable enough in the field of robotics to make robot masters, and John had never met this one before.
"You don't have enough skill to take on Zahhak, though."
"Who are you?"
"Fight me, Heirman."
"What?"

The robot in red stood up in his tree and opened fire on John. John barely dodged the first few shots, and ran to take cover behind a tree on the other side of the clearing. Peeking around cover, he saw his opponent still standing in his tree, wide in the open. He took a few shots, only to have them get blocked by his opponent's shield.

"You're as annoying as the rest of those shield robots."
"Never compare me to a Joe!"

The red bot fired a powerful shot. The tree John was hiding behind fell over. John scrambled not to get hit. Another shot, another tree fell over. John was beginning to panic. John heard the bot charging another shot. He quickly weighed his options. Run? Maybe, but if the entrance was in the other direction, this would be a problem. Diplomacy? Unlikely to work. Fighting seemed like the best solution for the problem at hand.

"You won't win against your brothers and sisters if you keep fighting the way you do now, Heirman."
"What do you care?"

John stood out from under cover and began to take shots toward his foe. No dice. Stupid shield. The red robot shot back. John dove to his left to evade the shot.

"Let's see you dodge this, Heirman!"

The red robot fired a barrage of shots toward John. John tried to dodge, but couldn't avoid every shot. Shields at 97%. Another burst. 8 shots, John noticed. He just barely dodged all of them.

"A little better."

John noticed a smirk on the red-clothed machine's face as he fired his next 8 shots. A step, a duck, a roll, a jump, a dive. He was beginning to notice where the shots were going and how to dodge accordingly. His foe was following a pattern, and he was learning it.

"You're starting to get this, Heirman."
"Why are you doing this? Who are you?"
"Doesn't matter."
"What are you fighting me for?"
"Do you really care?"
"Huh?"

Another barrage. John began to dodge in the same way he had been dodging before. Step, duck, roll, jump, dive. Another barrage. Step, duck, roll, jump, dive.

"What do you mean: 'do I really care'?"
Step, duck, roll, jump, dive.
"Do you want to win against Zahhak?"
Step, duck, roll, jump, dive.
"Of course I do! Why do you think I'm here?"
Step, duck, roll, jump, dive.
"Then you're gonna have to play by my rules."
Step, duck, roll, jump, dive.
"Your rules?"
Step, duck, roll, pain. Shields at 92%. Red had changed his attack pattern.
"You need to pay more attention, Heirman."
"What is the point of all this?"
"If you can't even avoid my basic patterns, how do you expect to beat the rest of your brothers and sisters?"
More shots. John was beginning to follow the shots as they were fired. Step, duck, step, shoot, roll, dive, jump, step, duck, shoot.
"I. DON'T. KNOW."
"You're built for speed and power, and you use neither."
Every time the pattern started again, it seemed slower than the last. Step, duck, shoot, step, shoot, roll, jump, step, shoot, duck, step, shoot.
"And how is trying to kill me going to help?"
"How about this: if you can manage to hit me once, I'll surrender and tell you anything."
"Fine."

The red-clothed one started shooting again. Except this time, he didn't pause after 8 shots. John was dodging to the best of his ability, which, although he himself hadn't noticed, was far better than at the beginning of his fight. Strafing and diving through and around the barrage, John couldn't figure out how to get a clean shot on his foe due to that shield of his. He couldn't get behind him easily either, since he was up in that tree. He took cover behind a nearby tree to come up with a plan. There was the all-too familiar sound of a shot charging, and the tree began to fall above him once more.

Of course! John changed modes. Weaving his way around the shots being fired, he made his way to the tree his foe was standing on, and made one clean swipe with Kanaya's chainsaw. As the tree fell, John kept an eye on his opponent. A jump - he was a sitting duck. One clean shot to the back of the head marked the end of the fight.

"I win. Tell me what I want to know."
The red robot stood perfectly still in the middle of the clearing though its dark sunglasses. John couldn't read his expression.
"I was hoping this would last a little longer, but whatever. Ask me your questions."
"Why were you attacking me?"
"You'll understand next time you fight someone."
"What does that mean?"
"It means I'm training you. Damnit #1, can't you figure anything out on your own?"
"Why are you treating me like I'm some kind of idiot?"
"Because you haven't been learning. You probably weren't built to fight, but you are a Lalonde robot. Learning is your first function."
"How do you know so much about me and my brothers? Who are you?"
"If you want to know, ask your 'mother' about Dave."
"Dave?"
"One last thing. The cave entrance is in the other direction."

The robot known as Dave teleported away. John tried contacting Dr. Lalonde to try to follow where he was going, but got no response. He began to start along the cliff face in the other direction toward the mine entrance. This time, he thought about his fights with the robot masters.

Looking back now, he was completely sure he'd figure something out to win.

A/N

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So, since the primary robot master hasn't been defeated yet, you don't get any flashy GIFs. Sorry. I'll make one if you really want one, though it won't be coming right away.

ANYWAY, tried having longer fight sequences now, and the John/Dave battle took up the entire chapter 0_0. I don't know how well my narration turned out, as per usual, but my current weak point is definitely Dave's voice. It's hard trying to transfer the kids' and trolls' personalities while still imagining these characters as robots built by the same person and who know each other their entire existence, but I just completely screwed Dave up here. I don't know how to convey Dave's attitude onto a Protoman "I have to train you" mentality.

I should get a friend to read these things before I post them online.

Hey, whaddaya know. A semi-major post being number 300. Cool.

[Metaflare]

yaaaay its back
STOP BEING SO CRYPTIC PROTOMANDAVE >:[

also fight vriska

[SkaianRedeemer]

It's back!

Question about a possible typo, possible spoiler?

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"Then again, 12 robot masters alone wouldn't be enough to take on entire armies" Twelve? Are you/Heirman counting Equius here?

"It's hard trying to transfer the kids' and trolls' personalities while still imagining these characters as robots built by the same person and who know each other their entire existence, but I just completely screwed Dave up here."

I'm not sure you need to worry about the "built by the same person/know each other their entire existence" aspects in Dave's case, unless I'm misreading what you were saying. True, he's a LalondeBot, but he's also Proto Man, and Proto Man's personality doesn't exactly match with the other LightBots, and he certainly didn't know them (unless that's different here). True, he's not going to be his human self, either, but you have some more leeway with him.

[Douhneill]

It's back!

YAAAY!

Question about a possible typo, possible spoiler?

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"Then again, 12 robot masters alone wouldn't be enough to take on entire armies" Twelve? Are you/Heirman counting Equius here?

WHOOPS. Mah Bad. Gonna go fix that now. Fix'd

"It's hard trying to transfer the kids' and trolls' personalities while still imagining these characters as robots built by the same person and who know each other their entire existence, but I just completely screwed Dave up here."

I'm not sure you need to worry about the "built by the same person/know each other their entire existence" aspects in Dave's case, unless I'm misreading what you were saying. True, he's a LalondeBot, but he's also Proto Man, and Proto Man's personality doesn't exactly match with the other LightBots, and he certainly didn't know them (unless that's different here). True, he's not going to be his human self, either, but you have some more leeway with him.

I see what you mean. My plan was to have the 16 homestuck characters as taking on Megaman roles. This means they'd essentially be the same characters (with similar typing/speaking patterns and personallity), but with a bit of Megaman stuff added on (John's quick learning ability), and I wasn't sure how well ProtoDave was parallelling Homesuck Dave. Maybe I'm just being too self-critical again.

[SkaianRedeemer]

I see what you mean. My plan was to have the 16 homestuck characters as taking on Megaman roles. This means they'd essentially be the same characters (with similar typing/speaking patterns and personallity), but with a bit of Megaman stuff added on (John's quick learning ability). Maybe I'm just being too self-critical again.

Well I definitely like your plan and it's been working out well with the others. If it's just the training situation that was causing trouble for Dave like you said, I'm sure you'll have him locked the next time he makes a speaking appearance.

[RogerMexico]

All The Ships

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Jade fluttered around her apartment trying to get ready for tonight. She had big plans and she had to get everything prepped before her date showed up.

There was a knock at the door. Oh god, they arrived early.

Jade ran up to the door and opened it.
"Hey there babe, did I keep you waiting?"
Dave gave Jade one of his trademarked smiles and handed her a bouquet of flowers.
"Oh hey Dave...what are you up to?"
Dave gave Jade a confused look.
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Dave...I already hav-"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU DOUCHEBAG?"
Jade looked past Dave at the angry troll stalking up the walkway to her place.
"Karkat?"
Dave spun around to block Karkat's path.
"Isn't it obvious shortstuff?"
"What are you doing here Karkat?"
Karkat glanced past Dave at Jade and blushed.
"Hey Jade...I was in the neighborhood...
and I realized I was passing your apartment...
...so I thought 'Hey, why don't I pick up Jade and we could grab some dinner'."
Jade sighed.
"I'm sorry Karkat, but I've already got plans for tonight."
"With me."
"No.
It's with-"

Jade was interrupted by a strange noise from coming from above.
Everyone looked up to see a gray streak smash into the ground.
"OH GOD TAVROS!
Are you alright?"
The crashed brown blood propped himself up and smiled sheepishly at the green-eyed girl.
"Oh, hey there Jade.
uh, Nice to see you here...
...at your place..."
"Bizarre that."
Both Dave and Karkat crossed their arms and glared at Tavros. He stood up and brushed himself off.
"Yeah, I also just happened to have stopped by one of those florists and pick up some...
...
oh drat, I crushed them."
Tavros leaned down and picked up a pathetic looking cluster of flowers, and that was before they got crushed underneath him.
Jade took his flowers and looked at the three suitors.
"Guys.
I've been trying to tell you.
I've already got plans with...
John?"
Everyone looked at her quizzically and then back down the walkway. The Heir of Breath was walking up to them with a grin on his face.

He waved to them.
"Hey there guys, looks like we've got a party starting up."
"No, I was just-"
Dave glanced over his shades at John.
"What brings you here?"
"Exactly, why the fuck are any of you here?"

John reached them and stood next to Jade. He sighed and put an arm around the confused girl.
"Well, I just wanted to admit something to Jade."
Everyone looked at him in growing horror.
"Jade, I can't deny my feelings any longer."
"Oh fuck John, what the hell is wrong with you."
John put a finger to her lips.
"I know my love. We can discuss our feelings later."
"WHAT THE HELL. I THOUGHT YOU HUMANS WERE FREAKED OUT BY INCEST."
John glanced at Karkat while clutching Jade.
"I did too.
But I recently came to the realization that I should keep it in the family."
Jade looked terrified.
"That's fucking sick bro."

John gave everyone a huge shit-eating grin.
"You got me, I just needed to recharge my prankster's gambit.
Thanks to this, I'm maxed out for the next two months."
He let go of Jade. She stood there and shivered for a moment.

Then she managed to get ahold of her composure and glared at the four boys gathered at her door.
"Alright. This is it.
Everyone inside. I'm not gonna have a 'Who Gets Jade' discussion out here in the open.
My neighbor is a nosy shit."

Everyone went into her living room and took seats.
"I'm sorry guys. I can't do anything with any of you.
I've already got plans tonight with..."
There was a knock at the door.
"Oh sweet fucking jegus."

Jade stalked over to the door and opened it.

"HeY tHeRe JaDe."
"Gamzee? What are you doing here?"
"I hEaRd ThAt ThErE wAs A fUcKiNg PaRtY bEiNg ThRoWn HeRe.
So I dEcIdEd To StOp By WiTh SoMe WiCkEd FuCkInG eLiXiRs."
Gamzee held up a case of Faygo. Jade gave him an exasperated look and pointed to the growing crowd in her apartment.
"Living room."
"FuCkInG hElLs YeAh!"

Jade followed the troll clown into the living room and started to sit down.

But not before there was another knock at her door.

She stomped over to the door and threw it open.
"WHO NOW?"
Eridan shrank under the fearsome roar from the exasperated girl.
"I...I...I...I wwas just..."
Jade stopped and gave Eridan a genuinely confused look.
"Uh...
What are you doing here Eridan?
I've didn't know you had feelings for me..."
Both the hipster trolls and the small cluster of flowers he was holding wilted.
"I knoww...I wwas just lonely..."

Jade rolled her eyes and indicated that the whiny troll should join the others in her living room.

He joined the five other suitors in Jade's apartment.

"Guys...
I appreciate your intentions, but as I was trying to say earlier.
I've already got plans tonight with someone else.
They should be here at any moment and I wanted to be ready before they got-"

There was yet another knock at the door.

Jade sighed and looked up at her ceiling and muttered a small prayer to the Horrorterrors for patience.

The guys watched her disappear down the entry hall and heard the door open.

"Oh hey, you're here!
Just wait in the living room and I'll be ready in just a moment."

Jade ran through her apartment to her bedroom and closed the door.
The guys turned around to see who the newcomer was.

A huge smile made its way across John's face.
"Oh come on."
"Fucking fuck fuck fuckity fuck."
"oh...it's you..."
Gamzee gave the newcomer a friendly wave and offered up a wicked elixir.
Eridan just curled up into a small ball in the the chair he was sitting in and started to quietly sob.

The newcomer looked at them all and asked them,

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":33 < So what brings you all to Jade's apurrtment?"

Well, I'm several pages late on this, but damn Wig, this is hilarious. When Jade's secret suitor was revealed I accidentally spat all over my computer screen.

[egregiousBass]

@Katrika: 33 multiple daves.
@Seraph: Yeah, that too.

[Domoz]

Derp Derp Derp
Excuse me coming through beep beep
Other parts in my sig

wwhite magic Black Magic
part 4/6

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You don't really have anything to say on the subject of magic anymore.
You guess that display back there could have been magic. You guess. Maybe. Whatever it was, it screwed up your arm something fierce.

You decide against returning to the main room instead going to your room. You don't really want to deal with Vriska right now,surprisingly, especially not with a crippled arm.

There are a lot of stairs in your part of the lab. In fact that's pretty much all it is, a huge spiral staircase leading up to the highest part in the lab. You never really cared, this is probably the room you've spent the least amount of time in.

You start on the trek up the monstrous staircase,havvent these dumb fucks evver heard about elavvators, and you're glad you're alone when you reach the top, because you're out of breath. fuckin embarassing. You don't know why you came up here, really. You have no idea what to think about anything anymore, so you just sit on the cold floor and look out the window. Off in the distance you can see Skaia and something that you guess to be little bits of prospit floating around.

Suddenly something flashes up on your glasses.
You forgot you alchemized these actually, no one really bothered to pester you once you started playing this game.
It's Kanaya, that's not a surprise at least.

Open Pesterlog

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grimAuxilatrix[GA] began trolling calligulasAquarium[cA]
GA:Eridan
GA:Firstly I Am Pleased To Announce That Your Arm Should Be Returning To Working Order Quite Shortly
CA: wwell
CA: great i guess
GA:Well Its Good To See That You Are So Exited About This
GA:Theres Even More News In The Realm Of Magic
GA: I Have Been Perusing The Human Internet And I Believe I Have Worked Out How This White Magic Thing Works
CA:oh yes this is so exitin for you isnt it
CA:lay it on me then wwhats the big newws
GA:Slow Down With The Snark Please And Just Listen
GA:White Magic Is Based Entirely On Being Altruistic
GA: The More It Helps Someone The More Powerful The Spell Becomes
GA: And When You Use It To Hurt Someone Or For Your Own Personal Gain You Are Punished
GA:That Would Be Why Your Arm Stopped Working After You Cast That Spell
GA: Because There Was No Reason For It
CA: so basically
CA: youvve managed to pick the wworst person possible for wwhatever this is
GA:I
GA: Yes
GA: I Picked You Because You Seemed To Be The One Who Knew The Most About Magic
GA: I Knew Nothing About The Specifics Of White Magic At The Time
GA: But We Are Too Far Into This Ordeal Already To Turn Back
CA: oh thanks
CA: i just though id say that that makes me feel a wwhole lot better about this wwhole thing
CA: i mean fuckin hell kan
CA: wwhat are you trying to accomplish wwith this magic thing anyways
GA: Thats Not Important
CA: oh fuck me its important
CA: howw about this
CA: I wwont continue wwith this shit until you tell me wwhats up
GA: Why
GA:Okay Here It Is
CA: im wwaitin
GA: I Need You To Fight Rose
GA:And Keep Her From Doing Whatever It Is She Is Going To Do That Makes Her Screen Go Black
CA: wwait
CA:wwhat
CA: you mean the human rose right
CA: the one that bleww up my computer
GA: Yes
CA: wwell uh
CA:okay then
CA: and for the record you are the wworst auspistice evver
CA: the wworst
GA: Just Meet Me In The Common Area Okay

grimAuxilatrix[GA] ceased trolling calligulasAquarium[cA]

[bluelantern]

A small introductory fic http://tharal2814.deviantart.com/art...Name-190293531 for this idea http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...a-long-session

[lucidSeraph]

@Decker - Really great take on the flash-step thing, I like that idea quite a lot.

[Graven_Image]

Mage of Shadow

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You'd like to think of yourself as an ordinary girl.

But that's not necessarily true.

You're afraid of the dark. When you pass through shadow, you hear voices. Voices you can't quite understand.

If you stare hard enough into the umbral depths, you begin to see holes opening in the world, like wounds being gouged in the fabric of space. What you see inside defies description.

The experience is thrilling. Exhilirating.

Terrifying.

You stay in the light as much as possible, avoiding that sick rush you get when you cross a dark patch or enter an unlit room. Anything to keep the voices away.

Anything to keep the rifts closed.

The darkness is the enemy.

---

To get in, you just have to open a box.

But this is the toughest box you have ever tried to open.

It sits there, forged out of some black crystalline material, glinting weirdly in the sun. You've pulled and pried at it, to no avail.

And then the sun goes out.

Not really, of course. It's just the meteor getting close enough to eclipse it.

Jeez, that thing is big.

And now your entire neighborhood is enshrouded in darkness.

You hear the voices, louder than ever. You see the holes appear, and the things behind them spring into existence. Your eyes and ears are assaulted, even as your heart races and your breath quickens in some sick primordial joy.

The voices are not mirthful or jeering as they always are. They merely repeat one sentence over and over.

You have to get out, they say, as they guide your hands to the black box again.

You tear it in half like a stack of tissues.

You have to get out

---

It's days before you venture back into the penumbra. The world you find yourself in is baked with light at all hours.

You find yourself escorted to the entryway of one of the cavernous dungeons that riddle the planet's surface. You have a single torch to light your path.

You can't make yourself go in. You can already see what lies inside, waiting for you.

You find it a bitter irony that the end of your world and the trials you've faced on this one scare you far less than a mob of shadows collectively going bump in the night.

You go in, guided by some impulse decision or possibly the shadow itself.

You close your eyes and try to block out the carousing laughter.

Too scared, it seems to say. Little girl can't look her future in the eye. Child can't see what she needs to become.

She's got no courage, no spirit... and no light!

You hit a dead end, with a single mount for the torch.

You put it in.

The wall swivels. No doors open. No treasures reveal themselves. It's just you and the shadow.

That sick rush rises up in the back of your head. You're half-petrified, half-ready to jump for joy.

What is this? Why do you feel this way in the shadow? This anticipation, this readiness for something spectacular?

It is now that you've been waiting for, the shadows say. That rush was in waiting for this moment.

You do not have to fear us.

For we are yours.

And the darkness enshrouds you. You panic, writhing in the shadows' embrace.

And then you stop, because the voices are silent.

Your vision is clear.

Do not fear us, a voice in the back of your mind says.

We are yours.

---

You make your way out of the dungeon, the darkness parting itself to provide you a clear path.

You emerge into the light-soaked landscape of the world, trailing the dusk behind you like a long inky cape.

It is only now that you can decipher the emblem inscribed on the doorframe.

Three diagonal lines, akin to an animal's claws.

It is the symbol of Shadow.

It is your symbol.

As you spread cooling darkness throughout the desert, you realize the purpose of your journey into the depths.

You found no treasure.

You found no spoils of war.

You merely found yourself.

You are the Mage of Shadow.

And that is perfectly fine by you.

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NON-PROSEY AUTHOR'S NOTE:

The Mage's fraymotif starts out as Vampire Killer, before turning into The Dream is Collapsing sometime after her ascension.

[-Benedict]

Graven, you rule so I am stealing your idea for a morbid flash fiction.

My Turn

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You leap, and the landscape of the world attacks. The Land of Hands and Blades whirls, gropes, searching blindly for the rogue that disturbs its peace. Slice slice slice! The Knave falls to the ground, bleeding out, his ethereal hacksaws dangling uselessly from a bloodsoaked edge. It has been judged and sentenced to death.

You do not look back, leaping, dodging nimbly- there comes the Knave, flying out of the aether of time and into his death, stopping the bladed hand of the clock from sweeping into you, falling over, dead. You do not look back. Ha, ha, how these mad clones jump to your protection, how invulnerable you are with ranks and ranks of myrmidons falling to the blades of this place. You twirl past spinning death, and it stops itself by the hand of your foolish doppelganger, cut neatly in half.

Slice! Slice! Slice! Slice! Hands of the Clock come down, and slow themselves on more bodies, all screaming, reaching for you who never pays them mind. Through a trail of dead Knaves you dance, and the Clock yet more furiously reaches for you. You leap over a chasm, jump off of the head of another fleeting shadow, and just barely make it to the edge, before whirling blades come and are stopped by the bones of the army of you.

Is it disturbing? Yes, yes. It is glorious in its horror, all of the ways you could have died but were blessed by fate, by the hordes of yourself that died in your place.

Another chasm yawns, and you leap. You leap, and a Knave appears to dive underfoot, and you jump and you are still not there, and another comes and you pull it underneath yourself and you leap once more, and this time there is no Knave to break your fall.

You fall, and you know what to do. These hacksaws, ripping open the fabric of time- you have not yet had occasion to use them, but now the army of Knaves has failed you, and as you fall into the abyss you tear a hole. The hole throws you back, back to where you fell, certainly now a Knave will make himself present to--

You feel a heavy boot on your back. It shoves itself off of your body, jumping to the other side of the pit, continuing on its journey across the deadly landscape. You fall, and this time your saws slice only air, and you die.

In a doomed world, a Seer receives the news that a Knave has fallen clumsily into a pit in his Land, and now they party is short a member. A Prince mourns, a Maid is stricken with grief, and together they go forward into a session now hopeless. The Knave's mysterious doppelgangers, finally giving out, and now he cannot continue with them to their-- no, now it is oblivion. They all fail, in turn, with no Knave to bring them miraculous aid. They fall at the hands of a king empowered by paradox space to judge the doomed.

Meanwhile, a Knave of Time continues on his way, laughing at the last clone that he hopped off of into safety.

[Graven_Image]

Graven, you rule so I am stealing your idea for a morbid flash fiction.

My Turn

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You leap, and the landscape of the world attacks. The Land of Hands and Blades whirls, gropes, searching blindly for the rogue that disturbs its peace. Slice slice slice! The Knave falls to the ground, bleeding out, his ethereal hacksaws dangling uselessly from a bloodsoaked edge. It has been judged and sentenced to death.

You do not look back, leaping, dodging nimbly- there comes the Knave, flying out of the aether of time and into his death, stopping the bladed hand of the clock from sweeping into you, falling over, dead. You do not look back. Ha, ha, how these mad clones jump to your protection, how invulnerable you are with ranks and ranks of myrmidons falling to the blades of this place. You twirl past spinning death, and it stops itself by the hand of your foolish doppelganger, cut neatly in half.

Slice! Slice! Slice! Slice! Hands of the Clock come down, and slow themselves on more bodies, all screaming, reaching for you who never pays them mind. Through a trail of dead Knaves you dance, and the Clock yet more furiously reaches for you. You leap over a chasm, jump off of the head of another fleeting shadow, and just barely make it to the edge, before whirling blades come and are stopped by the bones of the army of you.

Is it disturbing? Yes, yes. It is glorious in its horror, all of the ways you could have died but were blessed by fate, by the hordes of yourself that died in your place.

Another chasm yawns, and you leap. You leap, and a Knave appears to dive underfoot, and you jump and you are still not there, and another comes and you pull it underneath yourself and you leap once more, and this time there is no Knave to break your fall.

You fall, and you know what to do. These hacksaws, ripping open the fabric of time- you have not yet had occasion to use them, but now the army of Knaves has failed you, and as you fall into the abyss you tear a hole. The hole throws you back, back to where you fell, certainly now a Knave will make himself present to--

You feel a heavy boot on your back. It shoves itself off of your body, jumping to the other side of the pit, continuing on its journey across the deadly landscape. You fall, and this time your saws slice only air, and you die.

In a doomed world, a Seer receives the news that a Knave has fallen clumsily into a pit in his Land, and now they party is short a member. A Prince mourns, a Maid is stricken with grief, and together they go forward into a session now doomed. The Knave's mysterious doppelgangers, finally giving out, and now he cannot continue with them to their-- no, now it is oblivion. They all fail, in turn, with no Knave to bring them miraculous aid. They fall at the hands of a king empowered by paradox space to judge the doomed.

Meanwhile, a Knave of Time continues on his way, laughing at the last clone that he hopped off of into safety.

Being copied is the greatest thing I can think of.

And this is prety good. It shows just how much danger an Of Time player is in. You think the entire timeline folds itself to accommodate you... Until it's time for you to GET YOURS.

[Sionnan]

I usually wouldn't belt out two fics in 24 hours, but Dave seems to be the theme of the day.
Write for the audience they say.

Bro teaches Dave the secret behind the flash step.

Rhythm

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They sat on the rooftop, overlooking the dirty, gray city. The sun was bright and high overhead, but there was a nasty chill in the air.
Dave shivered, but if it bothered Bro, he didn't show it. Cal sat in a tiny wooden chair of to the side. Dave saw his brother drop something in Cal's lap before he went to sit down, but he didn't see what it was.

Dave had bugged him over and over to teach him the flash step, something Bro said was a Strider family secret.

Bro just said “Not yet little man.”

Eventually, Dave just stopped asking. He turned to his music instead of his fighting skills. Dave learned how to mix together songs. To take bits and pieces of rhythm and make them flow together until it fell into the wrinkles of the brain. There was something primal to it. Older than primal. There was no way to tell someone how or why it worked, there was just tuning yourself to world and following the rhythm.

He was listening carefully to some pieces of an album he wanted to put together when Bro walked up behind him and plucked Dave's headphones off of his head.
“Hey!”
“Roof bro.” Bro picked one of Dave's replica swords off the wall and tossed it to him. “You're ready. Bring Cal.”
“If I'm ready, can't I use one of your swords?” Dave said. The sword he was holding cost a month of his allowance, but it was still a cheap copy.
“Not that ready!” Bro laughed. “Not Bro. You're my student now young grasshopper. Call me...Sensei.”
“Like those old samurai movies you watch? This is so retarded.”
“Wanna play? Gotta pay, grasshopper. And those movies are great. You don't know what you're talking about. Roof.”

And there they were sitting, both cross-legged and facing each other. Cal stared into space from his chair as they sat here in silence. Bro told Dave one thing before he sat down.

“Listen.”

So Dave sat with his eyes closed. He concentrated on the wind, the cars below, people talking, television, radios.

Finally he opened his eyes. “What the hell am I listening for, Bro...”
Bro held up one finger.
“...Sensei.”
Bro nodded and put his finger down.
“It's hard to hear at first. Over all the other noise.” Bro reached over to Cal and picked up what looked like a little grey remote. He pressed a button and tossed it back on Cal's lap.
Tick, tick, tick, tick.
It was a metronome, an expensive one. Bro often complained about how hard it was to find batteries for it, but he used it almost constantly. Bro had tuned it to a very, very specific frequency. Dave thought it was the most...mundane rhythm he ever heard. The kind that faded into the background.
“Listen” Bro repeated.
Dave sighed. This mystic man on the mountain crap was getting old. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes anyway.
“Block out all the noise you can, and listen.”
“Wait, what?”
“You heard me, Grasshopper. Block all the noise from around you. All the cars, all the people, and listen to what's left.”
“Even the metronome? What am I supposed to be listening to if I'm blocking out all the noise?”
“Fer fucksakes Dave, just do it.”
“Jesus. Fine. Sensei.” Dave sighed and closed his eyes.
He pushed it all out of his mind. The cars were the first to go.
Tick, tick, tick.
The people.
Tck, tck, tck.
TV's. Radios. Wind.
Tk, tk, tk.
Breathing, heartbeat, white noise.
T, t, t,
He pushed.
T, t, t,
He pushed.
T, t, t,
“I can't stop hearing the metronome.” Dave whispered.
“I turned it off ten seconds ago.”
Dave opened his eyes and all the noise of the world came rushing back to him. The metronome lie silent on Cal's lap.
Bro grinned.
Dave looked around. “Then what was...”
“That was the rhythm, Grasshopper. The rhythm of time. The beat that everyone follows deep, deep down.”
“Sounds like a crock of shit.”
“It does, doesn’t it? Again.” Bro pressed the button and the tick started up again.
Tick, tick, tick.
Dave closed his eyes, he breathed deep, and pushed all the sound out. He pushed at the metronome especially hard. He still heard the muffled sound.
T, t, t,
Dave opened his eyes, the metronome was silent.
“This is some stupid trick isn't it?”
“Again.”
Tick, tick, tck, tk, t, t, t, t
“Again.”
tck, tk, t, t, t, t
“Again.”
Tk, tk, tk, t, t, t, t
“Again.”
tk, t, t, t, t, t
“Hold this. Don't look at it.” He shoved something cold and metal into Dave's hand. His fingers closed around it.
“Again.” Bro's finger tapped the button.
T, t, t, t, t, t, t.
Dave opened his eyes. Bro was showing him the metronome. It was off. “Look in your hand.”
Dave opened his fingers and looked in the palm of his hand. It was the battery from the metronome.
Dave looked up at him suspiciously. Bro simply stood up and pulled his sword out of the sheath. Dave stood up too, holding his own sword.
“Now watch.”
They stood facing each other, with Cal sitting at the side like some sort of silent referee.
Dave waited, eyes locked on Bro.
He waited.
He waited.
Bro vanished. Dave looked down at Bro's shadow covering his. He felt steel at his neck.
Bro laughed. “Did you see it?”
Dave was getting impatient. He wanted to learn this, but now all he was now was confused. “No, I didn't see it. What did that have to do with anything?”
“Fine. I'll show you again, oh impatient grasshopper.”
Bro walked back over to where he was standing before.
“Now. Listen.”
“What?”
“Listen.” Bro tapped his sword on the ground.
Tap, tap, tp, tp, t, t, t
“Hold that sound in your mind. Open your eyes.”
Dave opened his eyes. Bro's sword was still, but Dave still heard the sound.
T, t, t, t, t, t,

And then Dave saw Bro step out of rhythm.

THIS. This is getting added to my personal head canon. I love the idea that the rap is less of a hobby and more of a way to keep his sense of the rhythm honed. Also, it makes me think that everything has a beat, a rhythm that's part of it, and partly the reason why the flashstep works is because bro is thwarting the rhythm by moving out of sync, on the downbeat rather than the upbeat, so it disorients people's innate sense of rhythm. I LOVE FIC THAT MAKES ME THINK.

[SataiDelenn]

Heirman - Chapter 4

Lots of neat stuff in this thread; ProtoDave makes me so happy. Your Heirman is making me want to see Homestuck/MMX next... XD

[Bratmon]

Rose Lalondes 101 things I will never do in a RPG. Again.
41-45

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41: I will not toss the immortal dog a bone, metaphorical or otherwise.

Bec Noir was reclining in the plush seat of power on Derse. Briefly he entertained the thought of blowing it to smithereens, but he decided against it, if only for the comfort of the chair.

Idly he chewed on the present sent by a anonymous admirer. Not that the admirer would remain anonymous for long. He had several agents out working the populace to find out who sent him this miraculous gift. It would not take long for Noir to find out who sent him this pig femur.

No, Noir was, for the first time, content. But not for long. Since the bone was fake, sent by Rose and John, and also because it was infused with Catnip, which strangely enough works just as well on dogs.

42: I will not play the theme from Harry Potter whenever Eridan walks into the room.

Eridan had no idea what was going on. Whenever he would enter a room, the entire meteor would suddenly burst into a orchestra. Although, when he was pressed later on in his life, and after he matured a little, he admitted to liking the drama.

43: Aradia is not the terminator.

"I am g0ing t0 the kitchen. I require s0me natural greases, the artificial stuff is making my j0ints itch."

"No Aradia, don't leave us!" Rose said theatrically, John silently sobbed behind her.

"D0n't w0rry. I'll be back."

Aradia palmed the door shut and allowed herself a little smirk. She wondered how long it would take for them to catch on.

44:I will not remark to Vriska that Equius' hair looks sort of like Nick Cages.

Vriska pulled the box out from under her bed. It was far to dangerous to simply leave it in the shrine, people could find that if they tried. If they really wanted to. All the luck in the world couldn't prevent them from finding her most prized possession.

A lock of EquiusNicolas Cages hair. She had used all her guile and sneakiness to steal it from the unsuspecting EquiusNick Cage. And if Aradia found out that Vriska had a lock of EquiusNick Cages Hair, she would pound her face in again. Most likely with help from EquiusNick Cage.

45: Salamanders are friends, not footballs.

"Forty Yards." Called John, pointing.

"Hogwash. I say thirty." Responded Rose. She was in the right; Thirty yards would punt the Salamander into low orbit.

"Uh, guys..." said Secret Wizard, but It was to late. Johns foot came at him full force and hit him just below his chin. It hurt, but salamanders are resilient creatures.

"Forty." Said John proudly.

Yes John just punted Secret Wizard off the Meteor. No this is not going to be canon. Yes this is animal cruelty. Yes I am aware. This is a perfectly funny fic and I am going OUTSIDE WITH IT.

Encounters with the fandom are so intense!

I love that fic. WRITE MORE, GOGDAMMIT.

Follow-up to number 45:

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Just another day in a lab on an asteroid full of aliens. It surprised John that he could get bored of such a life, but here he was with nothing to do. He'd even started kicking salamanders at Rose's behest this morning, just for something to do with his time.

There was a scuffling sound at the door, and John turned to look. A bedsheet covered in asteroid dust. A pallid yellow face. An alarming number of anguished-looking bubbles.

"W-why, Heir?" the Secret Wizard warbled. "Why did you kick me into orbit? Did I displease you? I'm sooo sooooooorryyyyyyyy!!" Tears streamed down his (her?) face, only adding to the bubbles pouring from her (his?) mouth.

John felt something inside break at the sight of the weeping salamander. He threw himself off the couch and ran to the little creature, picking it up and hugging as hard as he dared. "No, I'm sorry! It was wrong! Please don't cryyyyy!"

Rose paused in her knitting to watch the spectacle at the door. "Pathetic."

Yes. So much yes.