colonymired: the thread: the game: tha au: the ic tumblr: the spaceballs joke

[Rjinswand]

Trigger Warning: Intimate partner abuse and violence, suicide imagery


Now mirrored in a more readable format!

It is the dying days of the ALTERNIAN EMPIRE. HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION's fleets of INTERSTELLAR CONQUEST heedlessly spread outwards into the galaxy, while back home on Alternia, the FIRST GUARDIAN scratches another day off the countdown to oblivion.

But every world with the potential to harbor intelligent life plays host to a FIRST GUARDIAN, even the remote colony of NEW ALTERNIA. It is in the most desolate backwaters of the IMPERIAL FRONTIER. A population of Troll colonists, bureaucrats, soldiers, and imperial functionaries lords over the crude mammalian lifeforms their surveyors designated the WITLESS KRAMPINE.

But even this lonely and unsung frontier world is fertile ground for the ULTIMATE ALCHEMY. Seeds planted long ago are ready for harvest...

Player List
Ipocond Srebron/echoMesmer
Emerdal Ahriman/maleficMachinist
Khruson Sendiri/olympianWorldview
Magella Cupruma/euclideanOrder
Rasvata Dhruvat/wingedMessenger
Tygryss Luaidhe/ersatzExplorer
Votanaz Ghaearn/eccentricWarmonger
Ordovit Calamin/wrackedWicked

This is a mostly freeform, partly PDQ SGRUB RPG based on an Alternian colony world. But everyone in the game already knows that, due to our multifarious PLOTS and SCHEMES.

edit: who the fuck are we kidding this isn't PDQ at all

not recruiting, we are full up

if you're in the game: trolls, post 'em if you got 'em

EDIT: OOC thread is here: http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...candy-cane-otp

[Rjinswand]

WM: While there is no way for me to succinctly convey it in text without compromising the modicum of dignity I still possess, you may rest assured that at this very moment I am, in fact, laughing out loud.
20 minutes later

WM: yeah im laffin
WM: fucking fuck ass jegus fucker
WM: fuck you and the piece of garbage muscle beast your throbbing bone bulge rode in on you shit-blooded troll-shaped pile of garbage

Your name is RASVATA DHRUVAT. Born into the highest echelons of the land-dwelling aristocracy, you were once a PROMISING YOUNG OFFICER [+4] in the Troll Empire's INTERSTELLAR FLEET OF CONQUEST, before an UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT YOU REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT[-2] ruined your career and saw you DISGRACED IN THE EYES OF THE TROLL NOBILITY and your good name RUINED. Even your BELOVED OWL LUSUS won’t talk to you. Lusii can’t talk anyway, of course, but you still feel RATHER HURT. Cast out of POLITE SOCIETY, you were posted as a government courier on a DESOLATE COLONY. You still excel at this lowly duty, owing to your INCREDIBLE SPEED. [+4] Despite all of this, you still BELIEVE IN ALTERNIA, and frequently devise SCHEMES to BRING THE LIGHT OF YOUR ANCIENT AND GLORIOUS CIVILIZATION to THE BACKWARDS NATIVES of the Colony. You consider yourself a CONNOISSEUR of Alternian ART and ARCHITECTURE [+2]. You own a pair of ANTIQUE DUELLING RAYGUNS, but haven’t ever used them outside of FLARP[+2], a shameful game for wrigglers you SECRETLY INDULGE IN.

Your handle is wingedMessenger, and you tend to type extremely formally, maintaining proper grammar and capitalization and eschewing the use of contractions. Sometimes, however, you get extremely angry and fuck that shit youre not going to pussyfoot around with stupid grammarwords from morons who marry books thats stupid stupid dumb

hex color code #2B0057

[blazelust]

...

[travestyCartoonist]

EW: alrighte thine vile brigands

EW: thou has forced my hande



Your name is VOTANAZ GHAEARN.

You spend most of your time playing ONLINE ROLEPLAYING GAMES in a constant effort to escape from your INCREDIBLY BORING LIFE and FILTHY LIVING CONDITIONS. You tend to write PRETTY AWFUL FICTION about your adventures in these games, which you are CONVINCED ARE REAL and foist upon LITERALLY EVERYONE. You believe yourself to be a SHAPESHIFTING ELVEN WIZARD who for some reason has been reincarnated into YOUR FAT ASS. You play several of these games because NONE OF THEM GET YOU EXACTLY RIGHT. You live with your parents, who JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU. You enjoy a multitude of genres of BLACK AND/OR HEAVY METAL BANDS, and you have been known to get OBNOXIOUSLY BELLIGERENT when someone classifies these bands incorrectly. Despite this you maintain A NUMBER OF FRIENDSHIPS, even if most of them are just people you have KILLED IMAGINARY MONSTERS WITH. In secret, you dabble in DARK SORCERY despite knowing full well that MAGIC ISN’T REAL. You hope to someday unlock your ELVEN WIZARD POWERS and fly around with dragons or some SIMILARLY RIDICULOUS BULLSHIT.

Your chumhandle is eccentricWarmonger and when you engage your friends in dialogue you do so withe all the eccentricitie of the olden sorcerores.

What will you do?

[Helia]

MM: You go++a believe me, I zzaw i+ wi+h my own eyez!
MM: +roll illumina+i is <oming and +he firezz of +he world are brewing!
MM: Ge+ your mazk on, ma+e, it’z <oming!

Your name is Emerdal Ahriman. You are of the middle caste and were raised by your ENORMOUS SERPENT LUSUS. He was generous with BONE-SNAPPING HUGS but would often BITE you. The venom has AFFECTED YOUR MIND and left you EXTREMELY PARANOID. Your PARANOIA has served you well and mostly KEPT YOU OUT OF TROUBLE.

You are somewhat OBSESSED WITH EXTINCT CULTURES and have an encylopediac knowledge of their DOOMSDAY PROPHECIES most of which you believe are IMMINENT. You never go far without your APOCOLPYSE KIT, including your TRUSTY GASMASK. You like to write about and develop INSANE CONSPIRACY THEORIES and you dabble in MECHANICS. You also enjoy PRETENTIOUS, OBSCURE FILMS and secretly, you make ACTIVITY FIGURINES of the various GODS of the extinct cultures you are obsessed with . You are NOT VERY POPULAR among civilized trolls because they think you are OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND.

You have a tendency to FLIP OUT whenever you see evidence of the IMPENDING ARMAGEDDON or the TROLL ILLUMINATI, which is ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Your BITE AND YOUR CLAWS are VENOMOUS which would be cooler if you hunted prey, which you ONLY DO WHEN BORED AND ALONE, or when you are hungry or you use it when using your ridiculous HUNT FETCH MODUS, which spawns a SMALL, DELICIOUS WOODLAND CREATURE you need to hunt and kill and then reach inside every time you need something. Luckily, the size of the item does not correspond to the animal. So you kind of use it ALL THE TIME.

Your Chumhandle is maleficMachinist and you speak with a bit of an a<<en+ from +he lo<al ex+in<+ <ivilizza+ionz.

[sisterScientist]

EE: okay so maybe +his was a +errible idea
EE: bu+ i’m kind a +errible person?
EE: so i+ balances!
EE: righ+?
EE: brb +throwing up everywhere



Your name is TYGRYSS LUIADHE and your alchemical designation is LEAD. You are not actually a troll and probably do not deserve it, but your IRRATIONAL FASCINATION WITH TROLL CULTURE compels you to adopt it as your own. It compels you to DO A LOT OF STUPID THINGS. Chief among them is PRETENDING TO BE A TROLL ON THE ALTERNANET. You were okay with being a LYING LIAR WHO LIES but now you are second guessing yourself. You do that a lot.

Overall, you have PRETTY LOW SELF ESTEEM and are generally INEPT AT CONFORMING TO BASIC SOCIAL CONVENTIONS, though your ANTHROPOLOGICAL SIDE and UNCANNY ABILITY TO EMPATHIZE lend you the ability to READ PEOPLE and balance nicely with your DISGUSTING SENTIMENTALITY and fondness for GRAND AND SWEEPING STATEMENTS OF GREAT EMOTION, unbefitting your troll persona as they may be.

Despite being kind of TERRIBLE AT EVERYTHING, you have GRAND AMBITIONS to travel the stars and have MARVELOUS ADVENTURES just like in the GRAND EPICS (I.E. TRASHY NOVELS) you love so much. If you could, you would be a TRAITOR TO YOUR PEOPLE and become a SPACESCOUT FOR THE TROLL EMPRESS, but that would require you to be something other than a PALE SICKLY BAG OF VILE RED BLOOD.

Your chumhandle is ersatzExplorer and when you talk to your friends on matters of the esoteric and often just silly you do so in a sof+, hesi+an+ voice +hat som+imes falters.

What will you do?

[A Very Terrible Lizard]

OW: For all your countless Faults, you are No Longer a Tiny Wiggler.
OW: You should be able to handle a game Meant for Tiny Wigglers.
OW: Our Time is Better Commanded towards the Study of Our Animated Featurettes.
-- olympianWorldview [AG] ceased trolling euclidianOrder [EO] --

Your name is Khruson Sendiri. This day, like yesterday, and the day before yesterday, is simply another example of the terrible offense perpetrated against you by Troll society, an offense you don’t deserve.

No one but you realizes it yet, but you are The Best.

That no one recognizes you are The Best is indicative that all the Empire is rotten. Needless to say, you’re wildly EGOTISTICAL which makes you a little hard to get along with [-2]. You’re also monstrously VINDICTIVE, but that is at times a virtue in Alternian society. You have sworn to never rest until all the Empire hails you as The Best.

This drive to prove yourself to the Empire has led you to look beyond Alternia for DISTANT SOCIETIES [-2], ones that would recognize you as The Best, no matter what your blood color is. Most of your many and varied interests revolve around this study. You collect EXOTIC MILITARY REGALIA [+2] from distant stars, training with them, seeing yourself hailed as The Best by distant aliens that understand your greatness. You are obsessed with the ANIMATED FILMIC FEATURETTES [+2] of alien civilizations, fascinated with the complex sociological and moral components presented in these highly sophisticated fables. You’ve even mastered XENOLINGUISTICS [+2] to understand the content of these genius artworks. Sometimes, the featurettes are strange and terrifying, revealing of ancient terrors beyond the most distant lights of existence and the abject triviality of all being, but you avoid those. You prefer the ones where peasants rise from mediocrity to become The Best.

In your official life as an Agent of the Imperial Colony Fleet, you’re only be a LOWLY SUB-ACCOUNTANT for the COLONIAL STORAGE REFECTORY [-2], but you’ll prove to everyone your hidden potential. You are DESTINED FOR GREATNESS, and you have littered your path with the corpses of any who forget it. The failure of Her Imperial Condescension to recognize your glories has led you to master the high arts of TREACHERY AND VENGEANCE [+4]. You’ve gone so far as to use the alien systems of mysticism detailed in your featurettes to ENLIVEN YOUR PRANA [+2]. One day, however, you will ascend to the heights of power, perhaps leader of the OPPRESIARCHY or the REGNAL CONQUISTANAUTS, and everyone who ever denied that you were The Best will rue the day.

In the meantime, you perform your duties, sabotaging your enemies, supporting your allies, and preparing for the day that the WHOLE CORRUPT SYSTEM falls down and all recognize that you are The Best.

Your handle is olympianWorldview, and you speak with a distinctly Regnal Tone, so as to Demonstrate unto All Present that You are truly The Best.

STRENGTHS

Collector of Military Exotica +2
Xenolinguist +2
Animated Filmic Featurette Fan +2
Treachery and Vengeance +4
Enlivenated Prana +2

WEAKNESSES

Egotistical -2
Sub-Accountant -2
Fetishist for Exotic Cultures -2

Hex Code
"f87a13"

[fussyfangs]

EM: oh of cours3 ill play!!!
EM: it sounds lik3 it could b3 kinda fun
EM: wait … it isnt multiplay3r is it
EM: oh gog it is


Your name is IPOCOND SREBRON and your alchemical designation is SILVER.

You are one of the few blessed with JADE GREEN BLOOD and a virgin mother grub lusus, who is now sadly deceased. You have her MATRIORB [+2] in a lockbox under your recuperacoon, but you think it is incredibly gross and are not sure what to do with it.

Everyone thinks you look rather girly, but you are VERY DEFINITELY A BOY. You are sensitive and artistic and fancy yourself a STORY-TELLER ARTIST [+2]. You are also RATHER PRETENTIOUS. You have a deep fascination with BYGONE ERAS [+2] and THINGS BEYOND THE KEN OF TROLLKIND [+4]. You like reading medical tracts and learning about HORRIBLE MALADIES and MAKING UP STORIES about older, distinguished trolls who are kind of like you but much more interesting, talented and lucky. You tell yourself it’s not WISH-FULFILLMENT but who are you kidding, you ridiculous wiggler.

Sometimes, you HEAR THINGS THAT ARE NOT THERE [-2], but they’re faint and indistinct. You hope it’s merely your OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION [+2]. You may or may not be in DEEP DENIAL.

You have a tendency to FLY OFF THE HANDLE AND RANT [-2] and are A BIT OF A CRYBABY. You are NERVOUS and TWITCHY and have TROUBLE READING PEOPLE. You were sent to the colonies to be toughened up and learn to interact with other trolls, but so far, you just hide in your respiteblock and draw. You have a deep dislike and fear of other trolls and so you DO NOT HAVE MANY FRIENDS [-2]. As a result, you’re RATHER LONELY and this makes you GRUMPIER THAN USUAL.

Your handle is echoMesmer and you speak like the words ar3 trying to just kinda lik3 . . . run out of your mouth b3for3 you have tim3 to arrang3 th3m into orderly s3nt3nc3s

you also r3ally r3ally r3ally lik3 thr33s and groups of thr33s!!!

What will you do?

[sisterScientist]

>TYGRYSS: Troll Rasvata














-- ersatzExplorer
[EE] began trolling wingedMessenger [WM] at 1:17 --


EE: vaaaaaaaaaaaaa+aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
EE: vaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa+taaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
EE: VA+A +HIS IS ME +ROLLING YOU
EE: COME EXPERIENCE MY +ROLLING
EE: i+ is +he bes+ +rolling
EE: i have s+udied for years to reach +his level
WM: Hello, Tygryss.
EE: hi!
EE: sup
WM: Truly, you embody what is best about Alternian culture. To see you so totally embody the very idea of Trollishness is cause for a single patriotic tear to roll down my cheek.
EE: well shucks
EE: i+ ain'+ a +hing, miss
WM: Things are boring in the capital, as per usual. This is an orderly planet, there is very little for Her Imperious Condecension's Government to do.
EE: aw damn
EE: i was hoping you'd have some+hing in+eres+ing going on
EE: i'm so +ired of this s+upid jungle
EE: did you know +ha+ +he jungle smells
WM: So little is going on that the last high priority message sent from the interior to the colonial government was a new FLARP module.
EE: hahahahaha dang
WM: That is how bored the officers of Her Imperious Condecension's Government are.
WM: They have not only found the time to FLARP, but had me run to the to the far off settlement to find a module they had not yet played approximately seven hundred times.
WM: It is dire.
EE: +ha+'s pretty bad =:/
WM: Although,
WM: I remain as gratified as ever that you have placed me in your confidence, and shared your secret with me.
EE: oh
WM: So it is perhaps time I made a confession of my own:
EE: oh?
WM: Although it is a childish game for wrigglers and the mentally infirm, I- on infrequent occasions-- deign to participate in FLARP.
EE: ohhhhhhhhhhh
EE: yeah, i can see +ha+ =:V
WM: So I took the liberty of making additional copies of the module before I passed it along to my superiors; I felt it looked rather interesting.
WM: It is called SPOR. Have you heard of it?
EE: huh
EE: no
EE: but i wouldn+
EE: i don't play many games
EE: well excep+ for those silly colony building games i do
EE: used +to do
EE: i mean
EE: yeah
WM: Documentation of the module is scanty, of course, as FLARP is not for the faint of heart (confession number two: my duelling scar is from a FLARP session gone bad)
EE: hahahaha really??? i +though+ you got i+ defending her imperial condescencion's honor!
WM: I remain perpetually vigilant, of course, but so far Her Imperious Condenscion has not seen fit to require me to shed blood for her Empire.
WM: If she did,
WM: I would be happy to
WM: of course.
EE: of course darlin
WM: In any case, SPOR did come with a brief document summarizing the interface and basic game concepts; It is a very odd game.
WM: In addition to standard strife, a second player-- the server-- apparently has the ability to build onto the first player's hive.
WM: This reminded me of my wriggling days, to be honest.
WM: On Alternia, we all build our own hives. Architecture is drilled into us at an early age.
WM: But after that, our upbringing mostly concentrated on the navigation of the twin hazards of Alternian life, violence and romance. But I never forgot those hive-building days.
WM: Reading about SPOR gave me an odd sense of nostalgia for those lost old days, when the world had so much promise.
EE: oh
EE: well +ha+ coun+s me ou+ +hen
EE: ive been sleeping in +his s+upid +ree for three weeks now so yeah
EE: i+ really sounds nea+ +hough =:<
EE: i always wan+ed a hive and a lusus
EE: i mean i have the planets fa++es+ fangbeast but s+ill!
WM: Do you build your own dwellings on New Alternia?
EE: no, we mos+ly jus+ expand on na+ural forma+ions like caves
EE: +here are some pretty grand ci+ies +hough
EE: well, were
EE: we're ac+ually exploring +he ruins of one righ+ now
EE: which is pre++y weird
WM: Oh? I have passed by the ruins on occasion, but have yet to see them closely.
EE: well, we're in +he Grea+ Grey Jungles
EE: and +they're like
EE: +o++ally uninhabi+able
EE: nobodys ever lived here ever
WM: I would probably roast alive at that latitude.
WM: Frightful!
EE: so yeah +hese ruins are super wierd and i +hink i'm ge++ing hive fever
EE: i'm s+arting to worry about +he old guy
EE: he was supposed to be back a+ camp three days ago
WM: Oh no! I do hope he is all right; he is a hero of the Empire.
EE: yeah =:<
EE: blargh i made myself sad now
WM: I am sure he is all right.
WM: He is a formidible adventurer!
EE: yeah, +he only things ou+ here are horrible eldri+ch mons+ers from the blackes+ nigh+mares of +rolls
EE: so he should be fine
WM: Reminds me of the lusus of
WM: somebody I knew
WM: back on Alternia.
WM: Just...
WM: somebody.
EE: =:/
EE: +ha+'s no+ cagey a+ allllllll
WM: I can't imagine you would be very interested in hearing me wax nostalgic about the old days. Tell me more about these ruins!
EE: blarrrrrrrgh
EE: fiiiiiiine miss cagey-bri+ches
EE: you don+ see it much in the new ci+ies or the capitol but most of the archi+ecture tends +owards organic shapes here
EE: like
EE: curving domes and delica+e arches and s+uff
EE: no+hing really frilly +hough
WM: The noble Box is much more durable in a harsh environment. Another Alternian improvement! Progress marches on!
EE: well u+ili+arianism has its place bu+these are all about s+ructural harmony
EE: but anyway +hese ruins are weird! the main struc+ure is a +erraced pyramid with a big s+a+ue on +he top and it's surrounded by seven pillars
EE: i can+ find any structures like i+ and none of the museums have anything on record that looks the least bi+ like it =:/
WM: And all of this was in the Grey Jungle? Highly irregular. What did the statue look like?
EE: i+s a gian+ frog
WM: Giant frogs built the temple. Mystery solved!
EE: yeah bu+ frogs aren'+ na+ive here, +hey were brough+ over from al+ernia wi+h +he musclebeas+s and s+uff
WM: Time travelling giant frogs, then.
WM: Joking, of course. Time travel is utterly impossible.
EE: man fuck +ime +ravel
EE: i+ jus+ gives me a headache
WM: Well, rather than attempting to unravel the mysteries of temporal mechanics, would you like to play SPOR? I can place it on BitTrollent for you.
EE: mmmmmmmmaybe???????
EE: is i+ jus+ gonna be us or are o+her people playing?
WM: The game can accomodate any number of players, I believe, as long as they are in a closed circle of player and servers.
WM: Every player needs a server, and every server needs a player. I am not sure why. I for one would be content to remain a server, as a game in which I have the ability to throw all of Ipocond's furniture through his hive walls is richly satisfying in and of itself.
WM: But the documentation was quite adamant about that. As nothing is more embarrassing than being killed whilst FLARPing, I shall abide by it.
EE: oh
EE: maybe i'll play?
EE: bu+ probably no+
WM: Here are the links, in case you do: bittrollent.alternia.com/trollents/spor_client.dmg bittrollent.alternia.com/trollents/spor_server.dmg
EE: eurgh okay
EE: i'll pass +hem on +o ipocond and emer i guess
WM: All right.
WM: But do me a favor,
WM: and don't tell Ipocond there's a Server application as well. I kind of want to mess with him.
EE: >:/
EE: blah okay
EE: i+ WILL be pre++y funny =:V
EE: i know he's your one +rue ha+e bu+ try no+ to break his face okay?
WM: I will leave his face unbroken, I promise.
EE: thank you

-- ersatzExplorer [EE] stopped trolling wingedMessenger [WM] at 1:35

[fussyfangs]

>BE THE GREEN GUY



You are now the green guy. You're sitting around your luxurious, vintage respiteblock, dicking around on Alternianet and being HORRIBLY UNPRODUCTIVE.

>IPOCOND: BE TROLLED BY TYGRYSS

-- ersatzExplorer [EE] began trolling echoMesmer [EM] at 2:12 --

EE: ipoconnnnnnnnnd
EE: hello hello hello!
EM: ohhh
EM: uh
EM: who ar3 you
EE: >:/
EE: +his is +ygryss, duh
EM: oh
EM: right
EM: hi
EE: hi!
EM: did Rasvata s3nd you :I :I :I
EE: well
EE: not really
EE: i sen+ me
EM: oh gog sh3 did didn't sh3 dont li3
EM: this is on3 of h3r stupid tricks again!!!
EE: man wha+
EE: no
EM: okay okay okay
EM: what do you want th3n
EE: well she found a neat game
EM: oh
EE: i+'s a hive building game!
EM: oh one of thos3!!!
EM: is it multiplay3r :I :I :I
EE: i +hough+ you migh+ wanna play?
EM: i thought you might ask that!!!
EM: uhhh
EE: i dunno how many people play
EE: im no good a+ games
EM: i dont lik3 to play with oth3r trolls :I :I :I
EM: th3y always fuck up my stuff
EE: me nei+her bu+ it looks nea+
EM: w3ll
EE: anyways here's +he link bittrollent.alternia.com/trollents/spor_client.dmg
EM: fiiin3 ill look
EM: but no promis3s
EE: okay! =:>
EM: and if Rasvata tri3s anything i will quit lik3 imm3diat3ly!!!
EE: geezzz
EE: fiiine
EM: so t3ll h3r to k33p h3r filthy purpl3-blood hands off my bon3 bulg3
EE: okay condy
EE: i will relay your message!
EM: thank you!!!
EE: +hough your bone bulge is probably safe
EE: i'm more worried she'll break one of your horns
EM: oh nooo
EM: sh3s r3ally into this kism3sis thing with m3 :( :( :(
EM: i want3d no part of it!!!
EE: wha+ exac+ly happened wi+h you guys anyway???
EM: uhhh
EM: ask h3r :I :I :I
EE: va+a is all bluh bluh cagey broad abou+ i+
EE: i will unravel +his mys+ery!!!
EM: oh gog j3gus dont
EM: i will lit3rally di3 of sham3 if you do!!!
EE: i+ is +oo la+e ippy =:V
EE: i have scen+ed adventure and in+rigue!
EM: anyway i will s3t up this w3ird gam3 thing i gu3ss
EE: okay =:3
EM: but uh im gonna bring a fri3nd with m3
EE: oh okay! wha+ever =:>
EM: as a buff3r against macaroni-horns
EE: heee

-- echoMesmer [EM] ceased trolling ersatzExplorer [EE] at 2:25 --

[Rjinswand]

>Be the other girl

You are now the other girl. Your official duties for the day have been discharged, you've returned to your hive, and you've checked up on Tygryss. You're basically stuck in your hive, now-- the weather outside is snowy and inclement. "Temperate zone", your throbbing bone bulge. What are you going to do with yourself?

>RASVATA: Get pestered by Tygryss
Whoops, looks like Tygryss pestered you again while you weren't paying attention to your husktop.
-- ersatzExplorer [EE] began pestering wingedMessenger [WM] at 2:17 --


EE: hey so i gave ipocond +he link
EE: +ry +o play nice okay
EE: oh also k33p your filthy purpl3-blood hands off his bon3 bulg3


-- ersatzExplorer [EE] ceased pestering wingedMessenger [WM] at 2:45 --


>RASVATA: Troll Ipocond


-- wingedMessenger [WM] began trolling echoMesmer [EM] at 5:56 --

WM: Greetings to you and yours, Mr. Three-Prongs!
EM: oh gog its youuu
WM: Or perhaps "four prongs" since one horn just has the one?
EM: why ar3 you so conc3rn3d with my horns :I :I :I
WM: I suppose I shall just settle for "Mr. Prongs"
EM: ar3 you just h3r3 to annoy m3???
EM: b3caus3 this tim3 it wont work!!!
EM: i shall r3main cool calm and coll moth3rgrubbing l3ct3d!!!
WM: I am here to annoy you, true. But it is inaccurate to say that I am just here to annoy you, as that is not my sole purpose.
EM: oh nooo
EM: your3 gonna try and g3t m3 to hat3 you again ar3nt you
WM: I have been reliably informed that you are now the proud owner of the SPOR client.
EM: oh
EM: y3s
EM: what of it???
WM: Have you downloaded it yet over the feeble data-spichnter of your dilapidated hive's grubband connection yet?
EM: y3s i hav3
EM: and my hive is vintag3 thank you v3ry much!!!
WM: Oh, "vintage", I see.
WM: You had it imported block by block from Old Alternia.
WM: Yes.
WM: I am sure that is what happened.
EM: mayb3 i did what of it
EM: mayb3 this is the original hiv3 i built for mys3lf as a tiny wiggler :I :I :I
EM: fuck
EM: wiggl3r
EM: look what you mad3 m3 do!!!
WM: You are quite upset, I see, whilst I remain cool, calm, and collected. Game, set, match, my friend!
EM: bahhh
EM: what3v3r this is a fl33ting victory
EM: what did you r3ally want macaroni-horns???
WM: Macaroni horns?
WM: macroni horns???????
EM: MARACONI HORNS!!!
EM: you hav3 stupid blunt awkward horns
WM: you jadeblood assfuck my horns are fucking great fuck you you
EM: this must b3 why you pick on my b3autiful trid3nt all th3 gog damn tim3
WM: somebody at your shitty place in the haemospectrum couldnt dream of having horns fit to lick the fucking bone bulge of my horns
EM: and your3 just j3alous that MY lusus lov3d m3 til th3 3nd and your gr3at fucking flying muscl3b3ast wont giv3 you th3 tim3 of day any mor3!!!
EM: gog your obs3ssion with bon3 bulg3s
EM: h3r3 it com3s
WM: fffffff
WM: In any case,
EM: a scr33d about th3 imaginary uns33mly anatomy of th3 first thing that pops into th3 sopor bowl you call a h3ad
WM: sopor bowl????
WM: youre the soporbowl lettuceblood
WM: just a whole bunch of soporbowls taped together in a crude approximation of a troll
EM: im not th3 on3 who disfigur3d th3ir pr3cious high-blood3d fac3 playing a dumb gam3 for wiggl3rs
WM: with a spork stuck through the top because fuck you youre not one of our noble seadwellers, youre beneath the mighty trident
WM: Ahem.
WM: FLARP is what molds those wigglers into iron warriors fit to defend the fiefdoms of Her Imperious Condecension.
WM: Wait.
EM: oh gog if you lov3 th3 fucking 3mpr3ss so much why dont you just grab a buck3t and hoof it to h3r palac3 alr3ady
WM: How do you even know where the scar came from?
WM: I mean,
EM: ...
WM: that is not where the scar came from at all.
EM: i am not stupid 3nough to rat out my informant
WM: It was a horrible duel with a... hive... space... pirate... robot.
WM: And if you think my scar is bad, you should see the other guy. All that was left was a cheek!
EM: of cours3
EM: thats why you w3r3 disgrac3d!!!
EM: not b3caus3 your3 a drooling incomp3t3nd w3irdo
EM: sur3 i b3li3v3 it
WM: Look, have you installed the fucking game yet or not?
EM: y3s i fucking hav3!!!
WM: Excellent.
WM: I shall presently install the SPOR server.
EM: ... s3rv3r???
WM: See you soon, Mr. Sporkhorn~
EM: OH GOG WHAT AR3 YOU PLANNING TO DO TO M3
WM: Ta ta.

-- wingedMessenger [WM] ceased trolling echoMesmer [EM] at 6:28 --

[Helia]

>Be the weird guy.



You are now the weird guy. After a long day of hiding from imagined enemies and maybe very faulty connections between weak coincidences, you at last sit down at your computer that you dismantled and then put inside a large dead thing's carapace and added some bones. It runs off your venom which is pretty gross. You're not sure how, but it does.

>Emerdal: Troll Tygryss


-- maleficMachinist [MM] began trolling ersatzExplorer [EE] at 6:50 --


MM: Hey, +yg, you in?
EE: hi emer!
EE: i was jus+ abou+ +o troll you! =:>
MM: Well izn'+ +ha+ a <oin<idenze!
EE: wha+ is uppp
MM: Juz+ ge++ing fruz+ra+ed... Inze<+z all over my hive.
EE: ewww bugs
MM: Zomebody muzt be bringing +hem here...
EE: are they lowland squirebeetles or larcenous scuttlebrands?
MM: How +he hell zhould I know? +hey're juzt naz+y na+ive inze<+z.
EE: maybe you jus+ need +o clean up emer
MM: I am z<rupulouz wi+h my <leaning and you KNOW +ha+.
EE: well are +hey ea+ing your herds or carrying off your children?
EE: don+ ge+ sassy wi+h me mr sasspan+s
EE: =>:<
MM: ... I haven'+ go+ herdz, +yg.
EE: well +hen you don+ need +o worry!
MM: riiigh+, I'm +he zazzpan+z of +he +wo of uz!
EE: okay fussybri+ches i guess you don+ wanna play +his game va+a found
MM: oh god fu<k ano+her one

>Emerdal: Freak out.


MM: aaaaaa!
EE: EMER
MM: fu<k fu<k hang on i go++a do zome+hing
EE: ok
MM: okay i+z gone
EE: okay +hen :V
EE: did you ge+ your mask?
MM: zo??
EE: do you feel be++er now?
MM: ... yez
EE: good!
EE: va+a an ip are playing a hive cons+ruc+ing game
MM: wha+, +oge+her?
MM: hahhaha
EE: =:V
EE: do you wanna play +oo?
MM: i +hink i migh+ be +oo old +o play gamez. wha+ am I, a wriggler?
MM: I've go+ impor+an+ buzinezz +o do, you know!
EE: like hide under your recuperacoon??
MM: +ha+ +hing iz lined wi+h zpe<ial pro+e<+ive gel and when +he levelz of radia+ion ge+ +oo high you are gonna be begging +o ge+ under +here wi+h me!!
MM: um.
EE: okay well in the mean+ime before our firey mel+y dea+h arrives here are the files for va+a's thing in canse you wanna mess wi+h her
bittrollent.alternia.com/trollents/spor_client.dmg
bittrollent.alternia.com/trollents/spor_server.dmg

MM: well I do enjoy mezzing wi+h Vata
EE: i +hink va+a is nice!
MM: how did you ge+ her and ip +o play +oge+her? wha+ iz +hiz game anyway?
EE: i mean when she's no+ being mean
EE: oh i jus+ gave him +he client file and pre+ended no+ +o know how i+ works
EE: i feel bad abou+ i+ now +hough
MM: hahah oh gra<iouz, +yg, you are amazing
EE: nah im jus+ kind of +errible
EE: and bored
MM: you're no+ +errible, +yg.
MM: juz+ remember wha+ my old luzuz would zay.
MM: ... well. no+ wha+ he would zay. he didn'+ +alk mu<h. juz+ hizz and hug and bi+e.
MM: Bu+ wha+ever he'd +ry +o zay... remember +ha+!
EE: hahahahaha okay emer =:V
MM: god i'm zu<h a grub ge++ing noz+algi< over my luzuz
MM: do you ever +hink abou+ yourz?
EE: all the +ime :<
EE: i mean don+ ge+ me wrong i love my fangbeas+ and +he old guy bu+
EE: yeah
MM: bloody pa+he+i<...
MM: Okay zo +he game. wha+'z +he pi+<h?
EE: i+s called SPOR
EE: i +hink the goal is +o build up eachother's hives in some sort of race?
EE: va+a said i+ was a flarp +hing
MM: wha+ would razva+a know abou+ flarp?
EE: uh
EE: dunno!
MM: +yg.
EE: she like s+ole i+ from work
EE: maybe +hey briefed her on o+ or some+hing
MM: ... oh god i juz+ inz+alled zome+hing from +he empire??
EE: no no no
MM: wha+
MM: GODDaMMI+ +YG

>Emerdal: Freak out again.


MM: fu<k fu<k fu<k
EE: you ins+alled some+hing +he empire was +rying to COVER UP
MM: are you zure??
EE: +ha+s wha+ va+a said!
MM: don'+ lie +o me +yg, you're +he only perzon on my liz+ of +ruz+ablez!
EE: =:<
MM: okay... zo +hey wan+ed +o <over +hiz up?
EE: yeah i dunno why
MM: I guezz expozing <overupz iz good
MM: grea+ now i have +o keep my own pee for a mon+h...
EE: wha+
EE: ew emer
EE: ew ew ew
MM: liz+en +here are pipez +ha+ +ake any+hing +ha+ goez in +o +he zoil +o +he imperial hive
MM: and i go++a lie low if I'm gonna be playing around wi+h expozing <overupz!
MM: i+'z juz+ <ommon zenze!
EE: emer
EE: +he imperial hive is ligh+years away
MM: you +hink +ha+'ll z+op +hem?
EE: while her imperial condescension is far +oo concerned wi+h our bodily secre+ions i doub+ she cares abou+ s+erile was+e
MM: ... i guezz
MM: hey don'+ +ell razva+a abou+ +hiz whole... me being on +o +hem +hing?
MM: be<auze zhe'll defina+ely +urn me in
EE: i won+ :>
EE: va+a wouldn+ anyway
EE: oh whoops!
EE: le+ me put my horns on
MM: If you zay zo... &)
EE: =:>
MM: mu<h be++er!
MM: i hardly re<ognized you
EE: =:V
MM: OKaY.
MM: +he game.
MM: I guezz I'm on board.
MM: wha+ do I need +o do?
EE: um well i +hink firs+ you need someone +o pu+ you in +he game?
EE: +o be your server player i +hink
MM: oh, okay.
MM: you know, i remembering reading zome+hing abou+ a game on<e
EE: oh?
MM: in one of +hoze old prophe<iez.
EE: ohhh
MM: I +hink I dizmizzed i+ az bullzhi+.
EE: yeah i+ soulds pre++y bullshi+
MM: zo are you gonna bring me in or wha+?
EE: oh i'm probably no+ playing
EE: i'm no good a+ games
MM: aw, i+ won'+ be any fun wi+hou+ ya
EE: maybe i will?
EE: bu+ probably no+
MM: &D
MM: well, maybe iz be++er +han a no
EE: i+s really hard +o ge+ a s+eady signal in +he jungle
EE: so i make no promises!
MM: +ha+'z +rue
MM: you zhould move <lozer +o <iviliza+ion!
MM: i mean even I'm <lozer +han you. moz+ly +o keep an eye on +hingz. You know.
EE: i will, if +he old guy ever ge+s back
EE: oh my gog i am so sick of +his jungle
EE: +he nex+ malignan+ gibbering treeape i see i am going +o s+rangle i swear to gog
EE: argh sorry emer i'm jus+ going s+ir crazy
MM: I <an underz+and.
MM: Pluz if you lived <lozer I wouldn'+ have +o uze +he poz+al zervi<e.
MM: whi<h I'm no+. be<auze +hey're juz+ gonna read my le++erz and pull dead zkin <ellz off +he envelopez.
MM: no+ uzeful for keeping off +he grid, alaz.
EE: you know you can just wear gloves and +ape +he le++ers shu+
MM: I guezz.
MM: z+ill I don'+ +hink any mail+rollz <ome +o +he Big <ave On a <liff Overlooking a +oxi< O<ean.
EE: =:<
MM: i+'z go+ a lovely view, +hough. and +he za++eli+ez <an'+ zee me when i'm underground &3
EE: +rue! =:V
MM: Oh hey, I need +o know your horn zhape and zizez!
MM: I'm making zome+hing for you &3 &3
EE: wha+
MM: i+z a zurprize!
MM: i <an'+ +ell you
EE: aw geez
MM: nyahaha!
EE: you know it's not my birthingday for not another quartersweep right?
MM: well i+'z gonna +ake abou+ +ha+ long +o make.
MM: I go++a <a+<h +hingz and zkin +hingz and z+re+<h and <ure +hingz...
EE: ewww okay i don+ wan+_+o ruin your hardwork by being grossed ou+
MM: aw don'+ be like +ha+. I'm zure you've zeen worze in your +errible jungle +ree hovel.
EE: eh
EE: +rue
MM: How iz ol' noodlehornz anyway?
EE: well she's go+ her one +rue ha+e +o +roll +o bi+s so i guess she's good
EE: maybe she'll play some+hing else wi+h me :/
MM: Ipo and Va+a. a gloriouz example for uz all.
EE: er
EE: =:/
MM: Probably.
EE: +heir ha+e is as +rue and pure as any known by all benea+h +he infini+e canopy of space
EE: so good for +hem i guess
MM: I really go+ +o find zomebody.
MM: I'd prefer NO+ +o be +hrezhe<u+ioned.
EE: =:<
EE: you are no+ allowed +o die emer ok
MM: I will do my bez+!
EE: good =:>
EE: filling quadran+s is in+egral +o developing in+o a heal+hy and produc+ive member of +roll society!
MM: godz i love i+ when you quo+e from +he imperial <reed.
MM: &V
EE: in +ha+ o+herwise you end up food for crawling plague bearers =:V
MM: I +hink +ha+ any+hing +ha+ ea+z me will juz+ end up dying.
EE: +rue
MM: I go+ bi++en by a rainbowdrinker fly on<e and i+ fell down dead like ze<ondz af+er.
EE: yod ruin +he ecosys+em for genera+ions +o come
EE: oh gross
MM: I'm kind of hungry. I +hink I hear zome+hing z<u++ling around on +he grazz ou+zide.
EE: oh okay! i should get a drink or some+hing
MM: Okay. zo I'll inz+all +hiz and
MM: +alk +o ipo and va+a I guezz?
EE: okay! =:>
EE: le+ me know how +he game goes!
MM: I will.
MM: +alk +o you la+er, +yg! <&
EE: la+er emer =:V




>Emerdal: Troll Ipocond.

Guess you better talk to this guy now.

-- maleficMachinist [MM] began trolling echoMesmer [EM]

MM: Hey. Ipo<ond.
EM: oh
EM: its you
EM: th3 v3nom guy
EM: hi
MM: +he venom guy?
MM: I forgo+ +ha+ you're zu<h a pea<h, aren'+ ya.
EM: y3s
EM: th3 v3nom guy
MM: zo, I go+ +hiz game from +ygyrzz.
EM: y3s th3 hiv3building gam3 thingi3
EM: which is part of Rasvata's machinations against m3, no doubt
MM: Yeah. Do you know wha+ I'm zuppozed +o be doing wi+h +hiz? +yg waz a li++le <agey on +he de+ailz.
EM: ummm
EM: no
MM: you're no+ uzed +o i+? I +hough+ you were her one +rue ha+e.
MM: Well iz +hiz zome kind of flarp +hing?
EM: all i know is that Rasvata is g3tting r3ady to torm3nt m3 som3how with a s3rv3r cli3nt or som3 shit
EM: im h3r on3 tru3 hat3
EM: sh3 is not min3
EM: and i dunno this thing didnt 3xactly com3 with a manual!!!#
MM: I guezz you guyz need +o diz<uzz +ha+. maybe you'll ha+e her by +he +ime +he game iz won.
EM: i dont wanna hat3 h3r!!!
MM: Okay zo you've go+ no new informa+ion. <an you bring me in +o +he game?
EM: that would b3 an upgrad3!!! from th3 d33p loathing i f33l for h3r
EM: no i cant i dont hav3 th3 s3rv3r thingi3 y3t
MM: +hiz iz bleedin' adorable.
MM: your ha+e denial.
MM: Oh, well bollo<kz.
EM: is that th3 only r3ason your3 trolling m3???
MM: Well i+'z no+ like we zpeak +ha+ mu<h +o begin wi+h.
EM: i dont mak3 a habit of talking!!!
MM: ain'+ my faul+ nobody wan+z +o +alk +o you.
EM: no no no!!!
EM: you hav3 it all wrong!!!
EM: its M3 who wants to talk to nobody!!!
MM: +hen why are you +alking me af+er I +alked +o you?
MM: I+ woulda been eazier +o ignore me.
EM: uhhh
MM: I+'z okay +o be lonely, you know.
EM: im not lon3ly!!!
MM: you juz+ go++a rea<h ou+ +o make friendz
EM: i hav3 fri3nds!!!
MM: bu+ make zure +ha+ +hey're no+ gonna zell you +o +he bla<k invaza<op+erz firz+.
EM: th3 ... what???
MM: be<auze +hen you'll be found a+ +he bo++om of +he poizon zea wi+h no +ee+h or fingerprin+z and having your eyez ea+en by wha+ever beaz+z live in +he dep+hz
EM: how ... ch33ry :I :I :I
MM: Juz+ a fa<+!
MM: zo, friendz!
EM: y3s
EM: fri3nds
MM: +ell me abou+ all +heze loverly friendz of yourz?
EM: w3ll
EM: uhhh
EM: th3r3s Mag3lla!!!
MM: I'm no+ zure I'd <all Magella aNYBODY'z friend.
EM: Mag3lla is totally my fri3nd!!!
EM: shut up Mag3lla and i ar3 totally moirails
MM: You're HER friend. Bu+ maybe zhe'z no+ yourz.
EM: i dunno why sh3 puts up with m3 r3ally but sh3 do3s!!!
EM: and putting up with is lik3 fri3ndship :I :I :I
MM: hmm, if you zay zo.
MM: aw, <ome on. +hiz fan<iful dizeaze iz far more +han juz+ pu++ing up wi+h!
EM: anyway ar3nt you th3 w3irdo that liv3s in a cav3
EM: why ar3 you l3cturing m3 about fri3ndship
MM: I+'z a <ave zYz+EM.
MM: Be<auze I have friendz.
MM: a<+ual onez.
MM: zome of whi<h even know I exiz+.
EM: i dont lik3 what you ar3 insinuating!!!!
MM: Liz+en, Ipo...
MM: I'll be your friend. I've already go+ my Moirail quadran+ filled
EM: ... r3ally???
EM: why would you do such a thing???
MM: and na+urally we <an'+ be offi<ial un+il I've zpied on you for zeveral mon+hz +o make zure +ha+ you aren'+ in on i+.
MM: I dunno, i+'z juz+ ni<e +o have friendz!!
EM: in on what???
EM: im not in on anything!!!
EM: i dont know anyon3 important or int3r3sting
MM: Well, of <ourze you'll zay +ha+. Bu+ don'+ worry.
MM: I+'z no+ +ha+ impor+an+.
EM: uhhh
EM: if you say so
MM: &)
EM: man you must hav3 som3 w3ird-ass 3y3s
MM: Kinda.
MM: Hey, I know how +o <emen+ friendzhipz!
EM: oh???

bittrollent.alternia.com/trollentz/spor_server.dmg

EM: ... oooh
EM: thank you!!!
EM: thatll t3ach Rasvata to plot against m3!!!
MM: You zhould juz+ embra<e i+.
MM: i+'z impor+an+ +o be<oming a real grown up
EM: but its kinda gross :I :I :I
EM: and involv3s way too many fluids!!!
MM: I don'+ dizagree. Pluz my bodily fluidz kind of dizolve moz+ +hingz zo I don'+ know how +hiz iz even going +o work
EM: uhhh
MM: Bu+ i+'z be++er +han dying, righ+?
EM: ... why???
MM: I dunno.
EM: why ar3 your fluids corrosiv3???
EM: j3gus fuck
MM: I'm no+ really pozi+ive, +o be honez+
MM: I migh+ juz+ be z+oring +hingz improperly
EM: you ... stor3 ... fluids???
MM: Only when i+'z really impor+an+ +o no+ le+ +hem ge+ ou+ in +o +he zyz+em.
EM: ...
EM: uhhh
MM: I waz worried a+ firz+ abou+ +hiz game bu+ I don'+ +hink I need +o z+ore any+hing more +han normal.
MM: ... oh man I don'+ mean like
MM: quadran+ +hingz.
EM: OH GOOD
EM: that is slightly l3ss horrific than what I was imagining!!!
EM: thank you for unburd3ning my mind!!!
MM: you're wel<ome &D
EM: i gotta go now!!!
MM: okay!
MM: We will +alk la+er new friend!
EM: y3s!!!
EM: im sur3 w3 will!!!
-- echoMesmer [EM] ceased trolling maleficMachinist [MM]

[blazelust]

...

[Rjinswand]

>Rasvata: Indulge vulgar theatrics



-- maleficMachinist [MM] began trolling wingedMessenger [WM] at 3:47 --

MM: Razva+a.
MM: are you +here?
WM: Hello, Emerdal.
WM: You may rest assured that I am logging every word of this conversation in order to forward it to the many vast governmental conspiracies I am without doubt privy to.
MM: +ha+ zhi+ izn'+ funny, naz+ypaz+a
MM: wai+. razpaz+a.
MM: +here we go. +ha+'z +he +i<ke+.
WM: I find it extremely amusing.
WM: Droll, even.
WM: Droll trolls.
MM: I know exa<+ly how many <onzpira<iez you're in on, Va+a. and i+'z none.
MM: None of +he <onzpira<iez.
MM: Be<auze nobody high up would ever be dumb enough +o rizk being zeen +alking +o ya.
WM: But perhaps that is simply because I have...
WM: SEEN TOO MUCH.
WM: Ever think of that, Emerdal?
MM: I'll probably pro<ezz i+ la+er.
MM: I waz +alking +o +yg and Ipo<on. I downloaded +hiz game.
WM: Ah, the game.
MM: Yeah. Ipo<on mizzed +he zerver <opy bu+ I zen+ him +he link +o i+
MM: zo he <ould bring me in when we z+ar+ playing
WM: Oh, he missed it? How unfortunate. Oh well, good thing that got sorted out, right?
WM: fuck
WM: ):<C
WM: Anyway, here is a conspiracy for you:
MM: alrigh+.
WM: One of the outlying settlements in the interior got totally destroyed by a freak meteor impact. Hundreds of trolls have presumably been blown to smithereens.
MM: ...zeriouzly?
MM: are you zure i+ waz a me+eor??
MM: are you zure i+ wazn'+ fired from +he <api+al? Maybe +he emprezz zen+ a bomb zo zhe <ould z+ar+ a war wi+h +he area +he ze++lemen+ iz in +he gain a<<ezz +o all +heir powerful permafroz+???
MM: oh gog an a++a<k on her own people for +he in+erez+ of +he e<onomy fu<k fu<k fu<k aaaa



WM: So why are the Imperial Emergencification Facilipatchers hiding in their bunker playing SPOR?
MM: I be+ no aqua+i< +rollz were <augh+ in +he impa<+ righ+? be<auze +he emprezz +old +hem ahead of +ime +o ge+ ou+! I be+ +hey were warned and +ha+ +he ze++lemen+ only had half +he people i+ uzually doez
[COLOR="#008282"]MM: maybe +hey're being paid +O NO+ NO+I<E
WM: Maybe. But why was I sent across the entire (cold, freezing, miserable) city just to deliver their copies?
WM: Why was their demeanor so stoic, so solemn upon receipt of the game in question?
WM: Something does not add up.
MM: maybe +he game zendz ou+ zignalz??
MM: +ha+ i+'z +ime +o zend in +he no+-me+eorz??
MM: oh gog i+'z all <oming +ogeh+er!
WM: oh gog i actually seriously considered that possibility for a second i am clerly out of my fucking mind
WM: jegus fucking grubmother
MM: oh my jeguz fu<k +hiz iz i+
MM: +hiz iz
MM: +hiz waz on one of +hoze fu<king huge ro<kz wi+h wordz!
MM: abou+ me+eorz fu<k fu<k
WM: Rocks? With words?
MM: yeah. you know!
MM: a big ro<k. wi+h wordz and pi<+urez.
WM: Do you mean the mystic ruins out in the grey jungle? Tygryss was telling me about those.
MM: no, I've never been +o +he jungle. +hiz waz from
MM: uh. zomewhere elze.
MM: okay okay le+'z <alm down. +he me+eorz aren'+ hi++ing where +he game haz been delivered, righ+?
WM: ?-: C
WM: It was just one meteor, way out in the boonies.
MM: oh.
MM: okay +hen
MM: ... okay new idea: me+eorz hi+ zome+imez. wha+'z +he big deal?
MM: man you go+ me all amped up for no+hing.
WM: I am looking out my window and noticing a servere dearth of meteors bringing down the the capital around our auricular sponges.
MM: zo maybe i+ waz juz+ a me+eor and had no+hing +o do wi+h +he game.
MM: maybe +he game iz juz+ +o... i don'+ know, improve morale?
WM: It must be a pretty good game, then, if they had me courier it to the bunker as an emergency dispatch.
WM: Oh gog.
WM: I am trying to convince YOU of a conspiracy.
WM: How did my life go so wrong?
WM: How did it come to this?
WM: D-: C
MM: haha I don'+ know!
MM: foz+ering moiralleigan<e and o+her friendzhip dizeazez iz impor+an+.
WM: moiralleigence isn't a disease fucknuts
MM: okay, i guezz i+'z more of a <ondi+ion.
WM: A perfectly natural part of the quadrants. Matespiritship, moiralleigence, auspisticism,
WM: and,
WM: um,
WM: the other one.
MM: ahh you and ipo
MM: +ruly an inzpira+ion for uz all.
MM: +oo bad he'z no+ in +o i+. you zhould fo<uz more on +he redder azpe<+z. +hey're more fun.
MM: zo +hiz game. i+'z no+ zome kind of Flarp +hing iz i+?
WM: It has certain similarities with FLARP, in particular in the actions of the client player, who slays enemeis, collects look, and ascends the echeladder.
MM: ... you know a lo+ abou+ flarp.
MM: Zo, explain +hiz <lien+ and zerver +hing?
WM: Yes, well, please excuse me for being culturally fluent. We cannot all hide in caves with gross bugs all day.
MM: +here'z only bugz zome+imez and i am Z<RUPULOUZ WI+H <LEaNING aND DIZPOZING OF +HE INVaDING INZE<+Z.
WM: The client is something like a FLARP clouder, but instead of controlling the antagonists, she or he is able to manipulate the physical environment of the player by moving objects around, or building onto the player's hive.
MM: and i+'z a ra<e?
MM: +o build?
WM: Perhaps. The documentation with the game described the interface and game concepts, but was silent regarding the ultimate purpose of the game.
MM: hmm.
MM: I guezz you will be Ipo'z zerver?
WM: Yes. I feel his hive leaves much to be desired and is badly wanting improvement.
MM: I guezz Ipo will be my zerver. Doez +ha+ mean I will be yourz?
WM: I am not sure. The game requires a closed loop of servers and clients, and once the loop is closed, no additional players can join the session.
WM: I am not sure who else is going to play; I rather hope Tygryss joins us.
MM: Me +oo
MM: I+'ll be kind of boring wi+h only 3 of uz.
MM: hey we zhould ge+ magella +o play.
WM: Yes! She is cool, calm, and collected-- an asset to any team.
MM: +eam?
MM: +here are +eamz?
WM: Well, the closed loop of clients and servers seems to imply a certain degree of cooperation inherent in the game.
WM: So the presence of a skillful player helps everyone.
MM: zo we're all on one +eam. your +eam.
WM: Perhaps the participation of Magella would cancel out that of Ipocond.
MM: ahah.
MM: If we ge+ +yg in zhe'll probably wan+ +o bring in +ha+ weird guy.
WM: Which weird guy? Every guy I know is a weird guy.
MM: Um,,,
MM: Van+az.
MM: he'z alwayz zending me +heze z+oriez abou+ wizardz or zome+hing
MM: I'm going +o hold off inz+alling +he game un+il I know who iz for-zure playing, okay?
WM: You might want to have it installed and ready before then. I am installing the client, and it is taking forever.
WM: So as to avoid staring at a crawling progress bar as the deadly government conspiracy not-meteors rain down on your hiveblock.
WM: [-;C
MM: &I
MM: i don'+ appre<ia+e you making fun of me abou+ +heze +hingz, you know.
MM: I am very zeriouz.
MM: Bu+ I'll inz+all i+ zoon.
WM: All right. Even if this game turns out to have no greater significance, the results are guaranteed to be at least of architectual interest.
MM: i+'ll be a ni<e diz+ra<+ion from <oun+ing +he dayz un+il +he end +imez i zuppoze.
MM: anyway, +alk +o you la+er. Good lu<k wi+h your variouz quadran+ izzuez.

-- maleficMachinist [MM] ceased trolling wingedMessenger [WM] at 5:17 --

>Rasvata: Examine respiteblock

While you wait for the server to install and Ipocond you connect with you, you take a look at your respiteblock. You should probably tidy it up, but you've been increasingly distracted as of late. The floor is covered in the detritus of your TRICK SHOOTING MODUS, and your PATRIOTIC PORTRAIT OF THE EMPRESS and statue of a NOBLE SEA-DWELLER could probably use a good dusting. At least your collection of SHIPS IN BOTTLES and ANTIQUE FIREARMS are still well-organized.

You've always been fascinated by the dark underbelly of TROLL ORGANIZED CRIME. Or, at least, the romanticized version of it portrayed in TROLL FILM NOIR movies. You especially like the ones with Troll Humphrey Bogart. You can't get enough of that guy!

This secret interest extends into your equally shameful FLARP HABIT. Your favorite FLARP module, NEW FLARP CITY, casts the players as gangsters and criminals in a lawless and anarchic virtual rendition of the hives of Alternia. It makes crime and murder look so stylish! In the military, you were trained to murder everyone Her Imperious Condescension believed ought to be murdered, but it would be so much more CIVILIZED and RESPECTABLE if you could do so in a SNAPPY FEDORA and a SHARP SUIT.

Obviously, you tell no one of any of this. If anybody ever had the means to OBSERVER YOUR RESPITEBLOCK, you would be EXTREMELY MORTIFIED.

[travestyCartoonist]

>>Be the husky guy.



You are now VOTANAZ GHAEARN.



>>Votanaz: Pester Emerdal.



-- eccentricWarmonger [EW] began pestering maleficMachinist [MM] at 6:18 --

EW: hail
MM: Hey, zpeak of +he ... uh, wizard.
EW: have you beene speaking of me
MM: Uh, yeah, abou+ zome game +hing. +yg knowz more abou+ i+.
MM: I read +ha+ wizard +hing you zen+ me.
MM: +he la+ez+ one.
EW: ah yes
EW: i was particularlie pleased withe that one
EW: you shoulde have beene there emer
MM: I liked +he par+ wi+h +he dragonz.
MM: Uh. Been where?
EW: beene withe me. withe the dragons.
EW: you'd have enjoyed it
EW: ill never understand why you stoppede playing time of dragones and dragone-slayers
EW: its reallie the most realistic one thus far
MM: I don'+ really +ruz+ +hoze +hingz.
MM: I+ waz fun for a few weekz un+il I realized +ha+ i+ waz re<ording every+hing I waz +yping.
EW: well i suppose i can understand that
EW: but, really, im a sufficientlie powerfule sorceror to guard against such infractiones
EW: none of my friendes need fear
MM: Yeah, +ha+'z +rue. Nobody'z going +o mezz wi+h your dark magi<z and zo for+h.
EW: exactlie
MM: I appre<ia+e i+, ma+e, bu+ I z+ill have +o +ake pre<au+ionz and zo for+h.
MM: I +hink you'll be in +o +hiz game +ha+ Razva+a iz zending around.
MM: I+'z kind of Flarpy.
EW: flarpie
EW: like...outside
MM: No+ exa<+ly.
MM: I +hink i+'z like... you <onne<+ +o a zerver player. and you're +he <lien+ player.
MM: +he zerver player buildz up your hive.
MM: Uh... do you <all +hem hivez?
EW: well i suppose i could, if they weren't obviouslie caves
EW: my cave coulde use some renovatione, anyway
MM: Well wha+ever you live in. +he zerver player buildz up your... <ave +o ge+ i+ az big az pozzible I +hink? and +here are monz+erz for +he <lien+ +o z+rife
MM: I +hink i+'z like a ra<e or zome+hing.
EW: what are the playable classes
EW: this is cruciale
MM: I'm no+ zure ye+. I+'z z+ill inz+alling.
MM: You <ould probably be a wizard, man. every+hing haz wizardz or magez.
EW: so i have to aske
EW: whate is so special about this game that you are willing to riske exposure
EW: by using the alphabet interface device
MM: +yg azked me +o, for one +hing.
MM: and here'z +he +hing, apparen+ly, +here'z zome kind of myz+eriouz empire <over up around i+.
MM: Like +hey don'+ wan+ i+ ge++ing ou+. Razva+a haz been <ouriering <opiez all over +he <api+al.
EW: reallie
EW: fascinating
EW: e
MM: Yeah, +ha+'z wha+ I +hough+.
EW: i may not share your zeale for the hidden mysteries of this mundane worlde
EW: but that seemes impossible to resiste
MM: You won'+ +hink i+'z zo mundane when a gian+ pyramid-headed man rizez from +he zandz and z+ar+z zhoo+ing lazerz anywhere.
MM: ... a+ leaz+ +ha+'z wha+ I +hink +hiz +able+ meanz.
EW: i have not seene many sands around
EW: so im not sure im terriblie worried
MM: well i+ rizez from zome+hing and +ru+h be +old, I ain'+ zure +hiz +able+ iz from +hiz plane+.
MM: bu+ z+ill, go++a be prepared!
EW: you shoulde meet me on the astrale plane sometime and we can confer upone this togethere
MM: I'm no+ en+irely zure how +o ge+ +here, or I would.
MM: I'd be all over +ha+ az+rale plane z+uff.
EW: alrighte ill send you the .pdf latere
EW: i cant quite explaine it but truste me this is how i do it
MM: awezome, +hankz ma+e.
MM: azk +yg for +he filez, okay?
MM: +o +he game
EW: when you get there, i shall be in the forme of a great fangebeaste
EW: so be not afeared
MM: Yeah, alrigh+.
EW: alrighte i shall talk to tyg
EW: till we meet again, noble friend
MM: Zoundz good, Naz.

--eccentricWarmonger [EW] attached file: awakening_your_secret_wizard_self.pdf

-- eccentricWarmonger [EW] stopped pestering maleficMachinist [MM] at 6:47--

[sisterScientist]

>Tygryss: Examine Room

It’s not much in the way of a hive, but your MAKESHIFT TREE FORT is pretty cozy if you say so yourself. Most of the space is taken up by your ERRANT GUARDIAN'S collection of RIDICULOUS AND EMBARRASSING ARTIFACTS. The SCALE MODELS OF FAMED CITIES AND THEIR ENVIRONS CRAFTED BY THE IMPOVERISHED INDIGINOUS PEOPLE FOR THE TOURIST TRADE are innocuous enough, but your guardian's preoccupation with PRIMITIVE FERTILITY ICONS and his insistence on bringing them with you wherever you travel is flat-out mortifying. You have tried to explain to him that lugging them around and leaving them everywhere is both innapropriate and gross, but the resulting conversation proved even more inappropriate and gross, so you let the subject lie.

Your slumbering, overweight fangbeast, SLAYBELLS, takes up most of the floor space in your arboreal rumpus room, but that's alright by you. Bells is always sleeping, the fat old beast.

It was not easy to decorate your hovel, especially after you hung up your guardian's collection of INDIGENOUS ART to cover up the cracks in your shoddy carpentry. Gog, you hate these things. They're so tacky, and some of them are obviously fake. Not to mention more than a little disturbing.



















Why did you even hang that thing up, jegus.

>Tygryss: Get a drink you guess

You keep your refreshments in your HERMETICALLY SEALED CASK. You should keep important finds and artifacts in there, but instead you keep the lumpy and poorly wrapped gifts you've made and collected across the three continents for your friends. You have almost all of them now. Hopefully you'll get to an outpost soon; this thing is getting heavy.

Alongside your THOUGHTFUL GIFTS are a few volumes of DISTINGUISHED SCHOLARLY LITERAT---oh who are you even kidding. Gog, look at this awful shit. What is wrong with you.

Aside from that, there are a few sentimental trinkets, including a JAR OF VENOM, delivered to you on your last wriggling day by the Dirgestrix. You really don't understand how he can stand to drink this shit. Just look at it. It's so...blue. And so entrancing...

>Tygryss: Do it

Man what were you even thinking.


You grab a bottle of sweet, innocuous Faygo from the bottom of the cask and curl back up with your sleeping beast.

>Tygryss: Troll Ipocond




-- ersatzExplorer [EE] began pestering echoMesmer [EM] at 7:44 --


EE: why so rancorous ip
EE: every+ime i log on i see your li++le brigh+ red face
EE: i+s dis+ressing
EM: im not very sociabl3
EM: it that a crim3 now
EM: fff
EM: is
EM: is is is
EM: its so bloody cold h3r3 i cant typ3 prop3rly
EE: no i+ is no+!
EE: aww =:<
EM: anyway!!!
EM: what do you want
EE: maybe va+a will build you a fire when +he game s+ar+s!
EM: y3s
EM: out of my books no doubt :I :I :I
EE: okay yeah +ha+ would be awful
EE: oh whoops i forgot my horns again
EE: =
EM: its what will happ3n
EM: th3 scourg3 of all joy
EM: sh3 is th3 scourg3 of all joy, rath3r
EE: nah she'll jus+ like
EE: draw silly pic+ures of you on your walls
EM: and that would b3 unpl3asant!!! Nic3 wallpap3r do3snt grow on tr33s!!!
EE: nah va+a can be nice!
EM: oh y3s
EM: to YOU
EE: man wha+ =:/
EE: all i am is nice +o her +oo
EE: i+s no+ like +here's some special +rick
EM: sh3 start3d picking on m3 first!!!
EE: oh really??
EM: y3s r3ally
EE: +he mys+ery begins +o unravel!!!
EM: h3r and h3r blood snobb3ry :I :I :I
EE: she doesn+care as much abou+ +ha+ s+uff as youd +hink
EE: i +hink she mos+ly jus+ harasses you abou+ it ou+ of habi+
EE: and maybe because she's dissapoin+ted wi+h +hings
EE: she doesn+ have an easy life
EE: none of us do
EM: y3s w3ll
EM: why tak3 it out on m3
EM: what did i 3v3r do to h3r macaroni-horn3d ass :I :I :I
EE: because she liiiiiiiiiikes yoooooou
EE: in an ashen way!!!
EM: oh gog
EM: w3ll thats slightly l3ss horrifying than th3 thought of h3r f33lings for m3 b3ing ... flush3d
EM: still
EE: i would kill +o have ei+her
EM: sh3 can go find som3 oth3r poor soporsuck3r to hat3
EM: id gladly trad3
EE: well look a+ i+ +his way
EE: if rasva+a wasn+ in+eres+ed in you +he likelyhood of ge++ing culled would be MUCH higher
EM: gog
EM: right
EM: that bullshit
EM: anyway!!!
EE: i +hink i+s roman+ic
EM: look at m3 talking about that incons3qu3ntial macaroni-h3ad
EE: +he only +hing s+anding be+ween you and dea+h is +he one person whod like +o see you die mos+
EM: cl3arly w3 hav3 diff3r3nt d3finitions of "romantic"
EM: what did you want with m3???
EE: oh
EE: no+hing really
EE: im jus+ really bored
EM: still stuck in th3 horribl3 jungl3
EM: ???
EE: yes =:<
EM: bluh
EM: is it at l3ast warm th3r3
EE: i+s sweal+ering
EM: sounds h3av3nly right now
EE: maaan ill +ake cold over +his any day
EE: +hough admi+edly im...used +o cold
EE: having spen+ so much +ime on +he poles i mean
EE: i wan+ +o go alreadyyyyyy
EE: im sorry ive jus+ been so anxious la+ely
EM: oh
EM:
EE: i can+ even relax in my sleep!
EM: som3thing ... wrong???
EE: no, i+'s jus+ +ha+
EE: well
EM: ar3 you about to b3 cull3d or som3thing
EE: oh
EE: no
EM: oh
EM: wh3w
EE: well probably no+
EM: ...
EM: just spit it out :I :I :I
EE: well geez
EE: if you're gonna be like +ha+ >:U
EE: i+s jus+ a feeling
EE: my dreams are usually peaceful and repe+i+ive and nice
EM: oh
EE: bu+ la+ely +hey've been ge++ing cha+oic
EE: chao+ic even
EM: oh
EM: kinda lik3 my voic3s
EE: ...
EM: gu3ss that might signify som3thing
EE: voices?
EM: y3s
EM: voic3s
EM: p3st3ring cackling annoying voic3s EE: oh wow
EM: th3yr3 usually pr3tty qui3t but th3yv3 b33n playing up lat3ly
EM: mocking m3
EM: laughing at m3
EE: =
EE: huh
EE: +ha+s funny
EE: i go+ +roll deja vu
EM: mayb3 th3yr3 just my brain b3ing a us3l3ss mucl3b3ast bon3 bulg3 :I :I :I
EE: maybe, bu+ i don+ know!
EE: i some+imes dream abou+ +hings before +hey happen
EM: oh
EM: r3ally???
EE: bu+ mos+ of +he +hings i see in dreams are jus+ impossible
EE: so whooo knooows
EM: thats rath3r alarming
EM: no off3nc3
EM: mayb3 your3 accid3ntally swallowing sopor slim3 in your sl33p???
EM: it giv3s som3 trolls r3ally w3ird dr3ams
EE: mmmaybe?
EM: in small dos3s
EE: i+s jus+ +ha+ i always dream of +he same +hing
EE: well, place
EM: oh
EE: and +here are pic+ures on +he clouds
EE: and some+imes +hey're +hings i recognize
EE: or WILL recognise
EE: however you spell i+
EM: sounds ... trippy
EM: uhhh
EM: if you g3t too worri3d about that shit
EM: just talk to Mag3lla, okay???
EM: sh3 is pr3tty good at calming p3opl3 down
EM: sh3 calms M3 down r3ally w3ll
EE: aw man no
EE: magella doesn+ need +o worry abou+ me
EE: she has enough s+uff +o deal wi+h!
EM: sh3 lik3s m3ddling
EM: and h3lping
EE: yeah well
EE: some+imes when all you do is help o+hers i+s nice +o be helped yourself
EE: argh sorry
EE: some+imes i ge+ preachy
EE: and pi+hy
EM: no its fin3!!!
EM: b3tt3r than bitt3r and angry
EM: or incoh3r3nt
EM: lik3 3merdal :I :I :I
EE: aw, emer jus+ needs pa+ience
EE: and a hug
EE: and maybe a +roll clown
EM: isnt h3 v3nomous and corrosiv3???
EM: h3 told m3 h3 was
EE: well, yeah
EE: i+s jus+ his venom
EE: er
EE: spi+
EE: mos+ly
EE: i +hink
EE: his lusus bi+ him a lo+ when he was a wiggler
EM: oh
EM: gross
EE: i+s messed wi+h him a lo+
EM: that 3xplains a lot about 3m3r :I :I :I
EE: bu+ +ha+s wha+ paren+s are for i guess
EM: do3s h3 ... do3s h3 actually spy on p3opl3???
EE: i don+ +hink so
EE: +ha+'d require him +o leave +he safe+y of his cave
EM: oh
EM: good!!!
EE: no+ really
EE: he spends +oo much +ime alone
EE: i worry abou+ him a lo+ =:<
EM: so do i and im okay :I :I :I
EE: well, i+s okay +o be alone!
EE: bu+ no+ +o like
EM: oh i s33
EE: +urn inwards
EM: im sur3 a bit of moonlight will do wond3rs for 3m3r, y3s
EE: im pre++y sure he +hinks +he moon is a big spy sa+elli+e or some+hing
EE: or radiac+ive
EE: or bo+h
EM: w3 could g3t him an umbr3lla!!!
EM: t3ll him itll prot3ct him
EM: and th3n nick th3 k3ys to his hiv3
EM: sorry cav3
EE: i+'d have +o be a pre++y fancy umbrella +o ma+ch his fancy gasmask
EM: y3s
EM: mad3 out of r3al l3ath3ry hid3s of innoc3nt for3st dw3ll3rs
EE: i shall s+ar+ designing i+ righ+ away!!!
EM: oh
EM: w3ll t3ll m3 wh3n you g3t it to him!!!
EE: bu+ you can deal wi+h +he lea+hery par+
EM: oh
EM: uhhh
EE: yeah >:V
EM: i gu3ss ... i will!!!
EE: okay! :>
EE: oh shoo+ i comple+ely forgo+ abou+ +he game
EM: oh right!!!
EM: i b3tt3r t3ll Mag about it
EM: n3xt tim3 sh3s on
EE: okay!
EM: no way am i playing a gam3 with Rasvata without Mag!!!
EE: if you give i+ +o ella i'll go ahead and give i+ +o naz
EM: okay
EM: wait
EM: Naz is th3 oth3r cav3 guy right
EE: yeah
EM: oh gog
EM: okay i gu3ss
EM: but if h3 starts talking about astral proj3ction to m3 again gog h3lp m3 i will fly off th3 fucking handl3
EE: hahaha :V
EE: la+er ip!
EE: +ry no+ +o incur +oo much of va+a's wra+h!

ersatzExplorer [EE] has ceased trolling echoMesmer [EM]




>Troll Votanaz




-- ersatzExplorer
[EE]
began pestering eccentricWarmonger
[EW]
at 8:30 --


EE: hey naz!
EW: hail
EE: hows wizarde +rickes
EW: emer was just tellinge me to pestere you
EW: oh, the trickes are resplendent
EW: be assured
EW: have you reade my latest missive
EE: oh yes
EE: i+ was s+irring in scope, moving in dea+aile
EE: a +ear came +o mine eye
EW: then you knowe, the trickes are at the very heighte of resplendence
EE: my envy for you is grea+e sirrah
EW: if you wishe i could send you the .pdf i gave to good sir emer
EE: okay! =:>
EW: then we coulde all meete on the astral plane
EE: oh
EE: is +ha+ dream s+uff?
EW: i assure you, it is quite reale
EE: no i mean
EE: like lucid dreaming
EE: because i already do +ha+
EE: and i+s kinda dumb la+ely
EE: bu+ wha+ever, id like +o read i+ anyway
EW: that explaines why youve beene in my astrale wanderings as of late
EE: oh? =:V
EW: i shoulde have knowne
EW: yes ive seene you, as your spirite truly is
EE: oh
EE: righ+e
EW: you and i are kindred spirites you know
EE: yeah i know
EW: but i digresse
EW: emer saide there is a new game making the roundes
EE: oh righ+!
EE: va+a s+raigh+ up s+ole i+ from work :V
EW: scandalous
EE: +roll is FIERCE
EW: it certainly has emer all aflutter with its implicationes of coverups and such forthe
EE: yeah =:/
EE: i feel really bad abou+ +ha+
EE: i should have explained i+ +o him be++er!
EE: bu+ a+leas+ hes doing some+hing o+her +han poking dead +hings wi+h s+icks
EW: you knowe, everieone always behaves as if emer is somehow strange
EW: ive founde him to be quite relatable reallie
EE: he's no+ s+range =:/
EE: he jus+ has a hard +ime dealing wi+h +hings
EW: aside from you, none of the trolles are quite so pleasant
EE: aww :>
EE: well maybe +his game will help you ge+ +o know everyone be++er!
EE: +hey're all qui+e nice once you ge+ +o know +hem
EW: so telle me about this game
EE: i don+ know much, +o be hones+!
EE: i+s a sandbox game, i+ looks like
EW: emer could not confirme the presence of wizards or wizardly doings
EE: i dunno wha+ +he goal is, bu+ you build up eacho+hers hives
EE: maybe you have +o reach a wizard
EE: in +he sky
EE: and he has lazeres
EW: if you are trying to pique my interestes youre doing an excellete job
EE: hurrah! =:V
EW: but you knowe me i am always up for a hearty rounde of strife
EE: well i dunno if +here's much s+rife
EE: bu+ maybe you can +urn someone's hive in+o a cas+le! =:O
EW: cave
EE: or cave!
EE: here are +he files
EE: bi++rollen+.al+ernia.com/+rollen+s/spor_clien+.dmg bi++rollen+.al+ernia.com/+rollen+s/spor_server.dmg
EW: thanke you
EE: i'm probably no+ gonna play +hough
EW: oh?
EE: im jus+ no+ ready ye+
EW: truly that is a blow against our teame
EW: as i tolde emer none of my friends need feare any nefarity
EE: well i have +his sinking feeling +ha+ i'm gonna be found ou+ soon anyway
EE: so maybe i'll play
EE: i dunno
EW: i do not thinke you have anything to worry aboute,
EW: but i will endeavor to cast protectione spells your way
EE: you always know how +o charm a girl naz =:V
EE: +hank you =:>
EW: truly it is my great curse
EW: now if you could excuse me
EW: my instant hot meale is prepared
EW: and a hearty respite awaits
EE: oh =:I
EW: i shall installe these files
EE: i wish you'd ea+ some+hing o+her +han junk food!
EE: bu+ i won'+ nag you
EE: la+er naz!
EW: farewell, kind maiden

-- ersatzExplorer [EE] ceased trolling eccentricWarmonger at 8:48 --




>Troll Rasvata




-- ersatzExplorer [EE] began pestering wingedMessenger [WM] at 8:51 --


EE: hey va+a!
EE: i gave emer and naz +he game
EE: and ip is gonna give i+ +o ella
]WM: Have you reconsidered, then? Are you going to play it?
EE: ehhhhhhh
EE: maybe
EE: i dunno
EE: im waffling s+ill =:<
WM: I think you should give it a try. There is more to this game than meets the eye, I think.
EE: i dunno
EE: i don'+ really wan+ anyone +o see my dumb +ree for+
EE: or my dumb pale face
EE: or +hese s+upid horns
WM: If somebody gives you trouble about your face, it is their own faces they should be worried about, as I shall knock their blocks off. ]-:<C
EE: +hank you =:>
EE: i jus+ feel awful, you know?
EE: ive known all of you for years bu+ i've been lying +he whole +ime =:<
EE: bu+ anyway
EE: wha+'s up?
WM: I am starting to think that this game is much more important than we thought at first, and unravelling its mystery might be no insignificant undertaking
EE: oh
EE: how so?
WM: Her Imperious Condesecension's Government seems to have a mysterious stake in it all.
EE: why would +hey care abou+ a dumb game for silly wigglers? =:/
WM: I am not sure, exactly. There are various odd connexions between the game and the meteor that recently destroyed an outlying settlement.
EE: wai+ wha+
WM: At least to the extent that the same organs of the colonial government seem concerned with both.
EE: a me+eor
EE: really???????
EE: +ha+s really really REALLY weird
WM: I know.
WM: Do not tell anyone else, but I am rather afraid, although I can't say of what, exactly.
WM: A sort of undirected ominousness.
EE: no i mean
EE: gah like +he las+ +hree conversa+ions ive had have been abou+ +his
EE: +he ominousness
EE: and also li+eral me+eors in my dreams!
WM: Oh? Tell me more.
WM: Your dreams tend towards the prophetic and baffling.
EE: yeah =:I
EE: bu+ la+ely +hey've jus+ been baffling
EE: and la+ely i've been seeing
EE: well
EE: everyone
EE: and some+imes some of us are +oge+her!
EE: i +hough+ when you men+ioned +he game i+ was jus+ us playing +oge+her
EE: bu+ now i don'+ know
EE: because i also saw a lo+ of me+eors
EE: and +he fores+s burning
EE: +he clouds are red wi+h flame and everyone in +he ci+y is scared and i don+ know wha+ +o do
EE: and +ha+'s only +he s+ar+ of i+
WM: Please wait a second. Something's going on outside...
EE: okay! >:=
EE: okay!
WM: The Governor's ship just left! That is very strange.
WM: Where could he be going?
EE: +ha+...+ha+ IS really s+range
EE: bu+ i+ makes sense
EE: well, if you're emer
EE: +he governor is +he mos+ impor+an+ person in +he colony
WM: I feel like I am becoming more Emer-like by the day. Government conspiracies, hidden messages in FLARP modules, the end of the world...
WM: He was telling ME to calm down, last time I talked to him. So very embarrassing.
EE: well you DO ge+ kinda worked up some+imes darlin
EE: bu+ i +hink +his s+uff is +oo weird no+ +o worry abou+
WM: I know. )-: C
WM: I try to maintain decorum, but sometimes...
WM: Well, you know how I get sometimes.
EE: yeah
EE: i +hink maybe if you le+ up on +he decorum and +ried +o relax a li++le more i+d be easier no+ +o ge+ so flus+ered
WM: Thank you for continuing to put up with me, by the way.
EE: aw va+a
EE: +he pleasure is all mine
WM: [-: C
EE: =:>
WM: There, a smiling face! I am relaxing and letting up on the decorum, as per your instructions.
EE: i+ warms +he chamers of my main circula+ory pumps +o see i+!
WM: Anyway, I think that given all of the various ominous signs and signifiers, you might at least consider installing SPOR?
WM: Perhaps it's all nothing, but you never know.
EE: yeah, i guess i will
EE: bu+ i'm gonna hold off on s+ar+ing i+ up
WM: All right. There is some sort of finnicky client-server loop that needs to be sorted out first, anyway.
EE: oh blargh
EE: oh +ha+ reminds me
EE: so far +here's you, ip, ella, emer, naz
EE: and maybe me
EE: is +here anyone else we should invi+e?
WM: No, I do not believe so. As such we stand fully accounted for. Well. Almost.
WM: So anyway, just...
WM: Be careful out there, okay?
EE: okay =:<
WM: Don't get hit my any meteors or anything. )-: C
EE: i have Slaybells, so i should be fine!
EE: i'm more worried abou+ you
EE: i+ seems like your s+uck righ+ in +he middle of +he governmen+'s oh man i really sound like emer now
WM: We are all Emerdal now.
WM: |-: C
EE: hahahaha awww
EE: i +hink emer s+ores enough fluids for all of us =:U
WM: Oh gog, if it has come to that sort of Emerdal-ian hygeinic practices, the meteors cannot come soon enough.
WM: What is he even doing with all of those fluids, anyway?
WM: Wait,
WM: do not tell me.
EE: oh if you +hink +ha+'s gross never ask +he old guy abou+ +he mon+hs he spen+ s+randed on +he sou+hern icecap
WM: I have read his book, so I know all about that,
WM: to my lasting chagrin.
EE: oh bluhhhhhhhhhhh
EE: i ha++++++e his book
EE: he never s+ops quo+ing from i+
EE: and he likes +o quo+e +he gross bi+s bes+ =:/
WM: Oh dear.
EE: anyways i hope he ge+s back soon! =:<
WM: I... I do too.
EE: i haven+ seen any+hing in +he clouds abou+ him
EE: and if +hings are as bad as we +hink +hen
EE: yeah
EE: =:<
EE: im gonna +ry +o have a quick ca+nap and see if i can make any sense of +his s+uff
EE: maybe i'll see her imperial condescension in +he clouds
EE: riding a me+eor and sipping a ho+ cup of bile
EE: or some+hing equally silly
WM: Okay. Your dreams do tend to be insightful, in a baffling and incomplete way.
EE: i'll be back soon!
WM: Take care.
WM: And sweet dreams.
WM:
EE:

[Helia]

Emerdal: Read PDF.

You open up the PDF in Trollian UNTRACEABLE. You built it yourself and it's pretty shitty because you are GARBAGE at programming things and you're not sure you actually removed any tracing programs from it at all but whatever.



...Oh jegus.




What the fuck is this garbage? Astral projection? Waking up in the morning? You can't believe this pile of shit. Votanaz is a nice guy and all but this astral thing is just the deepest heights of sheer insanity. You'll take COLD, HARD FACTS over this stuff, thank you very much! Cold hard facts from great literature!




"And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth, and the moon became as blood." - Jesse Ventura.

You are almost positive Jesse Ventura said that.

[Rjinswand]

Rasvata: Check on server installation

How long is this fucking thing going to take to install? Maybe you should have invested in a more powerful HUSKTOP, but you didn't want to deal with the labyrinthine rules of the Imperial Customs Regulajudication Specialists just to import a fancy piece of huskware from a more civilized part of the empire. Oh well, no sense wasting this time. Meteors or no, conspiracies or no, FLARP is FLARP, and certain preparations are necessary-- especially on an exceptional occasion like being Ipocond's clouder.

Ipocond, who is absolutely not your kismesis.

Nope.

Definitely not.

The very thought of it makes your bile ducts want to vent their contents out of your wordmaw.

Rasvata: Get into character

Rasvata? Who is this Rasvata? You are clearly WRATHFUL MERCURY, one of the most feared crime bosses in NEW FLARP CITY.

You and your gang made that town.

Rasvata: Pose in a hard-boiled manner

oh my god this is going to be so awesome

[blazelust]

...

[travestyCartoonist]

Votanaz: Install SPOR.



Those .DMG files aren't going to be done for a while. You might be able to free up some bandwith if you stopped playing ONLINE ROLEPLAYING GAMES but you aren't likely to do that any time soon, so you'd better find something to do while you wait.

Votanaz: Consume hearty respite.



Yeah, you already did that. It's not like you really have to be told, after all.

Votanaz: Retrieve spellbook.



You retrieve your BLACKESTE MAGICKE TOME from beneath your RECUPERASTOCKING. You can't even lift this thing, so heavy does its parchment lie with the blackest secrets and necromancy the four hells of this world have to offer.

Votanaz: Cast protective ward for your friend.



Oh, of course. Poor Tygryss is worried about the other trolls finding out her DARK SECRET. You do what any good friend would do and attempt to cast spells of good fortune her way. Of course nothing happens because magic is completely fake bullshit. It didn't somehow become real in the last twenty minutes. Even if it had, this is a BLACKESTE MAGICKE TOME, do you really think any spells of good fortune are going to come from this?

You're terrible at this whole thing, really.

Votanaz: Astral project you are self.



Well, if the BLACKESTE MAGICKE TOME won't work, you can always depend on your ELVEN SHAPESHIFTING WIZARD POWERS to help a friend in need. You concentrate your skills and begin to project your astral self in the general direction of the astral plane.



Then you totally fall asleep. Jesus you're bad at this.

[fussyfangs]

>BE THE SULKY GREENBLOOD

You are now, once again, the sulky greenblood.

>IPOCOND: BE TROLLED BY EMERDAL

-- maleficMachinist [MM] began trolling echoMesmer [EM] at 10:47 --

MM: Hey, grumpy, why zo ran<orouz?
EM: i am always rancorous!!!
EM: and gog th3r3s no myst3rious r3ason for it i just dont lik3 trolls
EM: or krampin3
EM: or anyon3 much
MM: Aw.
EM: 3xc3pt Mag i gu3ss mag is okay
MM: Zhe iz okay indeed.
EM: and mayb3 you and th3 w3ird gr3yt3xt whatsh3rfac3
MM: I like her, bu+ I'm no+ zure I +ruz+ her...
MM: Oh well +hank you!
MM: and you mean +yg.
EM: but oth3rwis3 id rath3r not b3 p3st3r3d
EM: y3s tyg
EM: sh3s w3ird though!!!
EM: w3ird3r than you and thats r3ally saying som3thing
MM: Iz zhe?
MM: Wha+ do you mean?
MM: I'm no+ weird, I'm juz+ <au+iouz.
EM: i g3t th3 f33ling sh3s not t3lling us som3thing
EM: som3thing important
EM: also th3 voic3s dont lik3 h3r
MM: Liz+en Ipo, if +here'z one +hing I learned in all my yearz of zervi<e
MM: i+'z +ha+ +he voi<ez in zomebody'z head are uzually wrong.
MM: Like if you +hink a fangbeaz+ iz +elling you +o kill everybody? Don'+ liz+en +o +ha+ fangbeaz+.
EM: y3s but th3yr3 usually pr3tty n3utral on th3 subj3ct of oth3r trolls
EM: also th3y dont t3ll m3 to kill anyon3!!!
MM: no+ ye+.
EM: im not that far gon3 :I :I :I
MM: I've heard +Ha+ before.
EM: w3ll its moot th3s3 voic3s ar3 probably just my OV3RACTIV3 IMAGINATION and nothing to worry about :I :I :I
EM: Mag always t3lls m3 not to worry!!!
MM: I'm juz+ zaying, one day your buddy zayz he'z fine and +he nex+ day you rea<h over and z+i<k your hand in +o a pile of goo +ha+ waz your Moiral'z fa<e!
MM: be<auze YOU DID +Ha+!
MM: You +urned hiz fa<e in +o a pile of goo!
EM: id n3v3r do that!!!
MM: and he dezerved i+! You KNOW WHa+ HE DID!
EM: not to Mag :I :I :I
MM: YOU ZaW HIM
MM: aND I+
MM: KEEPZ
MM: HaPPENING!!





EM: uhhh





MM: zorry
MM: i'm okay now
MM: I don'+ really know wha+ +o +ell you. Maybe i+'z your imagina+ion.
EM: i hop3 so!!!
EM: now
EM: what did you want :I :I :I
MM: No+hing, really. <an'+ friendz +alk +o ea<h o+her?
EM: p3opl3 usually only talk to m3 wh3n th3y want som3thing :I :I :I
MM: well, I'm pre++y zure I don'+ wan+ any+hing.
MM: Friendzhip lezzon 1: you <an +alk +o o+herz for fun!
EM: oh
EM: but talking is hard :I :I :I
MM: you're juz+ no+ uzed +o i+.
MM: no+hing impor+an+ needz +o be a<<omplizhed or zaid.
EM: but th3n whats th3 point???
MM: juz+ +o +alk.
MM: for fun. zo you feel lezz lonely.
EM: in my pictur3-driv3n storyt3lling books, 3v3ry word is important and w3ighty :I :I :I
EM: shouldnt lif3 b3 lik3 that
EM: with no idl3 chatt3r
EM: no wast3
EM: no horribl3 pointl3ss difficult small talk???
MM: Haha, no.





MM: zmall +alk iz okay when you like who you're +alking +o.
MM: z+ory+elling bookz have a limi+ed number of pagez +o ge+ +hingz a<rozz.
MM: life doez no+ have zu<h a limi+
MM: bookz don'+ zhow every minu+e of every day of +he livez of +he people zo who knowz wha+ poin+lezz <ha++er +hey have!
EM: i suppos3 you hav3 a point :I :I :I
EM: okay l3ts pointl3ssly chatt3r
EM: t3ll m3 som3thing compl3t3ly irr3l3vant but int3r3sting about yours3lf
MM: Uhh. I made zmall zof+ figurez of godz of ex+in<+ <ul+urez!
MM: zome+imez when I am feeling z<ared I +ake +hem in +o my worry room and have a nap on +he big ro<k un+il my worry blanke+.
EM: ... worry room???
MM: Yeah. I+ iz where I go when I ge+ +oo worried.
MM: i+ iz deep in +he <ave zyz+em I live in zo no+hing <an zee me.
MM: everybody zhould have a worry room!
EM: oh
EM: i ... s33
EM: do you uh
EM: us3 it a lot
MM: No+ +ha+ of+en.
MM: everybody needz a pla<e +o go when +hingz ge+ +oo ho+ +o handle.
EM: uh ... huh
EM: but dont you liv3 alon3 in a cav3 :I :I :I
MM: Wha+ abou+ you? +ell me abou+ +he z+ory+elling bookz you like.
MM: Juz+ be<auze I live alone in a <ave doezn'+ mean +ha+ I don'+ ge+ worried abou+ my invizible enemiez!
EM: uh
EM: you hav3 ... invisibl3 3n3mi3s???
MM: everybody doez.
MM: +hey are invizible.
MM: zo you wouldn'+ know





EM: uhhh
EM: but
EM: if th3yr3 invisibl3
EM: how do YOU know???
MM: you don'+ wan+ +o know.
MM: +ruz+ me.
EM: uhhh
EM: s33 you say things lik3 that
EM: and i only g3t curious!!!
EM: so spill :I :I :I
MM: <an'+.
MM: i+ iz my requizi+ ze<re+!
MM: I haven'+ even +old +yg all my dealz.
EM: okay okay okay
EM: forg3t I ask3d grumpypants!!!
MM: i+'z a good ze<re+ +hough.
MM: very jui<y. all your mindz will be blown.
MM: all +he mindz.
EM: so why dont you t3ll som3on3 alr3ady???
MM: zomebody already knowz.
MM: and honez+ly i+ probably izn'+ zafe +o +ell anybody un+il I'm dead.
EM: oh
MM: Or everybody elze iz imminen+ly dead.
EM: your3 kind of morbid :I :I :I
MM: I prefer +he +erm exiziz+enia+rolliz+
MM: have you ever read +rollen<ran+z and Guilden+roll are Dead?
MM: I +hink you'd like i+.
EM: uh no
EM: i hav3 not
MM: I+'z abou+ +wo minor <hara<+erz from one of +roll Zhakezpeare'z playz.
MM: and abou+ how every+hing +hey do iz fu+ile.
EM: so its fanfiction???
MM: kind of. bu+ i+ waz publizhed zo i+'z <LaZZY.
EM: bluh!!!
EM: sorry Rasvata is trolling m3
EM: ill talk to you wh3n i g3t rid of h3r okay???
MM: Okay.

-- maleficMachinist [MM] ceased trolling echoMesmer [EM] at 11:31 --

[Rjinswand]

>Rasvata: Troll Ipocond in a hard-boiled manner

A big six like you isn't gonna be messed with by some four-flusher in glad-rags who doesn't know his onions! You'll troll the lug until he's ironing his suitcases in his recuperacoon!


-- wingedMessenger [WM] began trolling echoMesmer [EM] at 10:49 --

WM: *WRATHFUL MERCURY, the hardboiled criminal mastermind of New Flarp City, kicks down your door*
EM: oh gog what
WM: *casually lights a cigarette and blows a smoke-ring in the dumb palooka's face*
EM: ...
EM: no r3ally what in gogs nam3 ar3 you doing Rasvata
WM: Aw, horsefeathers! Tht's enough ishkabibble outta you!
EM: oh is this on3 of thos3 flarp things again
EM: i told you if it involv3s oth3r trolls im not fucking int3r3st3d
EM: 3sp3cially if it involv3s YOU
WM: Look at you, all gatting about like you're the felinoid's sleeping garments!
EM: uh okay
WM: When really you're nothin' but a... uh... hayburner.
WM: No wait that's an inferior automobile or money-losing musclebeast.
EM: Rasvata
EM: ar3 you drinking sopor slim3???
WM: Who's this Rasvata, fella? Surely you recognize WRATHFUL MERCURY, the toughest hoofer in this hotsy-totsy town!
WM: You're in deep with the Troll Mob, cat, and you owe them all the clams. All of them.
WM: Literal bivalve mollusks, obviously. We use them as currency on the mean streets of NEW FLARP CITY.
EM: uhhh
WM: You've crossed the wrong bearcat this time, piker! I'm ossified on horse linament and coffin varnish!
EM: sounds unh3althy Rasvata :I :I :I
WM: --SPOR client wingedMessenger is connecting to SPOR player echoMesmer--
WM: Pretty nice joint you got here, high-hat!
EM: oh gog
EM: what ar3 you doing???
WM: Wouldn't it be a shame if something happened to it?
EM: oh gog what3v3r your3 planning STOP IT RIGHT NOW


EM: STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT
WM: Don't get all in a lather, goof!
WM: Cough up the protection scratch and you won't have to fret your noodle over any more accidents like this!

WM: WHERE'S THE DOUGH, MESMER???
WM: WHERE ARE MY PRECIOUS CURRENCY BIVALVES??????
EM: ... i dont hav3 any???
WM: WHERE ARE THEY
WM: FORK OVER THE MOLLUSKS, DRUGSTORE COWBOY
WM: THE CLAMS
WM: GIVE ME THE CLAMS
WM: THE HEAVY SUGAR
WM: THE JACK
WM: THE KALE
EM: youv3 compl3t3ly lost your mind Rasvata
WM: MAZUMA, RUBES, SIMOLEONS
WM: so's your old lusus shithive maggots
EM: what
EM: my lusus di3d long ago Rasvata
EM: sh3 isnt h3r3 :I :I :I
EM: oh good youv3 stopp3d th3 maddn3ss for now!!!
EM: good!!! thank you!!!
EM: nic3st thing youv3 3v3r don3 for m3!!!
WM: yes your fuckhole hive is much nicer this way isnt it
WM: but it still needs a little something

[Helia]

>Be Emerdal.
You are now Emerdal.

Once you set the client and server to installing, you realize it would be kind of rude to not even TRY this astral plane stuff, right? Better just humor Votanaz and give it a shot. You head down the depths of the cave system to your WORRY ROOM.

>[S]Emerdal: Go to the Astral Plane
Music by Ilan Eshkeri

[blazelust]

...

[travestyCartoonist]

Votanaz: Wake up.



That was productive. You awaken from your slumber groggy and parched. Only one thing will quench your malaise.

Votanaz: Imbibe enchanted elixir.


Oh, gross! You grabbed an old bottle by mistake!


Actually it looks like all of these are old. You are out of enchanted elixir, which sadly means one thing.


You're going to have to leave your room.

Votanaz: Gear thyself for battle.




As ever, your STRIFE SPECIBUS is prepared, and your PORTFOLIO is loaded with a variety of deadly and possibly enchated AXES. You feel pretty confident you can handle whatever awaits you in the uncharted lands beyond your door.

Votanaz: Go upstairs.



You refrain from making any CLEVER JOKES ABOUT STAIRS, instead opting to simply ascend them to your next destination.



Oh, the atrocity! Your HERD insists that the cave be decorated in TRADITIONAL KRAMPINE REGALIA, despite the repulsive garishness which is obvious to even the most uncultured eye. Anyway, you are in the HALLWAY. Ahead of you lies the DOOR TO THE DEN, which is between you and the kitchen. You are certain one of your PATERNAL HERD-MINDERS is in the den, watching TRADITIONAL KRAMPINE ANIMATED SPECIALS. You abhor these crudely drawn spectacles and their artless attempts at music nearly as much as you abhor dealing with your PATERNAL HERD-MINDER. You resist the urge to dash back downstairs. Remember what you're here for, after all.

Votanaz: Open the door.



Huh? Oh, it's just your GRAND-PATERNAL WISDOM-BEARERS. Having their heads mounted in this matter is TRADITIONAL FUNERARY PRACTICE in your culture, and there is nothing weird about this in the slightest.

Votanaz: Enter the den.



As expected, your PATERNAL HERD-MINDER is seated in his RESPCLINER with a glass of EGG-DERIVED SPIRIT. Sickening images of red-suited elves dance upon the viewing screen. You totally hate this shit. You decide to attempt to sneak past without being noticed.