TROLL!COPS: The AU

[frostedWarlock]

I dunno I was bored

Edit: Now the first thing you see on this page will always be crowboob. Muahaha?

[Wigmund]

Crowboob?

Created accidentally by Dave's temporal shenanigans, Crowboob is his counterpart from a gender-swapped universe.
She now finds herself in the Troll!Cops AU and begins her wave of vigilantism.

[Redikalus]

@Wigmund: Not bad for your first mystery, liking it so far
@crepuscularDissembler: Thanks! I've been reading a lot of good manipulator villains recently and wanted to try my hand at it.
@frostedWarlock:

[frostedWarlock]

Crowboob?

Created accidentally by Dave's temporal shenanigans, Crowboob is his counterpart from a gender-swapped universe.
She now finds herself in the Troll!Cops AU and begins her wave of vigilantism.

Dammit now I want her to be an actual character.

[gingerale]

Or she could just be Dave's time traveling daughter who had to come to the past to solve something going on in the future. ^^

[inexpediency]

Or she could just be Dave's time traveling daughter who had to come to the past to solve something going on in the future. ^^

I fully support this theory.

But who's the mom???

[DJ-P0N3]

Or she could just be Dave's time traveling daughter who had to come to the past to solve something going on in the future. ^^

I fully support this theory.

But who's the mom???

Either Jade or Terezi
Thats the mystery

She never removes her mask

[inexpediency]

Or she could just be Dave's time traveling daughter who had to come to the past to solve something going on in the future. ^^

I fully support this theory.

But who's the mom???

Either Jade or Terezi
Thats the mystery

She never removes her mask

Also maybe she never met her mom and future!Dave never told her

[frostedWarlock]

Or she could just be Dave's time traveling daughter who had to come to the past to solve something going on in the future. ^^

I fully support this theory.

But who's the mom???

Either Jade or Terezi
Thats the mystery

She never removes her mask

Also maybe she never met her mom and future!Dave never told her

Someone needs to apply for this character now

But it can't be me because I'm already Dave.

[KOACD]

Holy moly. Crowboob may just be the best super hero ever.
No, wait.
The best thing to emerge from this thread.
Her gleaming existence makes this forum seem like a wet pile of ash in comparison. She makes the entire concept of humanity gawk with jealous awe.
But seriously.
She is amazing.

[Wigmund]

I so desperately want to take on the challenge of Crowboob...but I'm still working on the Teapot Mystery.

Can I handle two challenges at once? Oh fuck yeah.

Birds Of A Feather

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The Don of the Strider Mafia was not one to put off by strange shit coming from the past or future. Hell, half the time it was himself and something he was dragging along coming in for a visit. A veritable fucking party of temporal shenanigans going non-stop for him.

But this...this freaked him out. Worse than that time a dog with his face popped up for a short time and then disappeared. After that he had steeled himself for more strange shit, but this just took the cake.

Standing in front of him was CrowBro...but that wasn't right. He was CrowBro.

And this one had boobs. Rather nice ones he thought. But still, boobs did not belong on CrowBro.

Don Strider and a half dozen time-clones were gathered in one of their many warehouses in the Foundry searching through some damn fine shit they had just snagged from the Kingpin. They were having a mighty fine time trying to find their intended target when there was a pop and CrowBoobs appeared.

And for the past minute they have all been frozen, staring at each other.

Sighing to himself, he figured he had to break the ice. He had shit to do multiple times today.

"Nice costume gal, but I'm sorry to tell you it's not Halloween. That was a couple of months ago, enjoyed it several times myself this year."

He walked up cautiously to the imposter taking note of what he saw. She seemed to be about his height and was wearing a suit that looked a lot like his own CrowBro suit, but those were easy enough to obtain at any costume shop. Her suit seemed to be a silvery formfitting and obviously armor plated bodysuit complimented with dark brown gloves and thigh-high boots plus lighter brown helmet and cape-wings. She had a belt on brandishing his crow-head symbol. As he got close, her hand dropped to a flashlight on her belt.

"No need to whip out your flashlight sis. I'm just going to escort you out of the building so me and my associates may complete our little shindig here before we have to attend another gig."
He had barely reached out for the chick when she kneed him in the crotch.

Hard.

Several of his time clones winced in pain. Remembered pain for those that were him repeating this loop in different roles, the rest sympathetic.

Don Strider collapsed to the ground, grasping himself and trying not to throw up from the pain.

Oh fuck that hurt.

Oh fuck she pulled out a flashlight.

Oh fuck that's not a flashlight.

Don Strider stared up at the chick who was doing a damn fine impression of CrowBro and raised his eyebrows in pain and confusing trying to ask 'Who the fuck are you and why did you feel the need to ruin my future chances of having children?' Unfortunately except for the first part that question was hard, even for Dave Strider, to convey through lovely eyebrow waggling.

Some of the time clones meanwhile had circled CrowBoobs and had pulled out some weapons. The ones he knew were himself in a couple of hours had pulled back and were watching from behind some heavy shit.

Oh fuck.

It was over quick. Well, at least for the chick it was. To Don Strider it seemed an eternity as he got to watch her go through himselves like they were a bunch of drunken consorts armed with wiffle bats.

She slashed two of the six clones that rushed her with the sword-thing, going through the like they were butter. No blood though, must have been a hot weapon, he thought numbly. The next Dave received a series of horrifingly painful yet beautifully delivered kicks that sent him down. Number four was behind her, but he ended up fairing no better as the one before him. Five and Six figured that going close in was suicide so they went for their handguns, not Dave's personal style, but sometimes you just faced shit that needed shooting, but they didn't have time to pull the guns as suddenly the bitch was on top of them.

Don Strider's eyes widened in terror as he knew what the fuck had happened. She fucking time displaced herself.

His eyes got even larger as he watched her grab his two last paradox clones and did something horrible to them.

He had never thought of using his time powers like that...he never would. What he just saw was so horrifying that he never would.

CrowBoobs dropped the corpses and walked up to the prone Dave and lifted him effortlessly so he was level with her visor.

Damn thing was tinted just like his was. He would love to find out who she was.

"I travel back in time and this is what I find?"
Dave smirked at her, regaining his composure somewhat.
"Find all kinds of strange shit doing that. What's upsetting you babe?"
"I travel back and find the man I spent my life looking up to was nothing more than a common criminal?!"
"Nobody's perfect, not even myself."
Boobs pulled Dave in close, he could hear her snarling inside the helmet.
"I expected better from the man who trained me."
"Oh-"
"From my own father."
"-what the fuck."

Her father? Wait...that meant that she was...

"Yeah, she's our daughter," one of his time repeating selves yelled from cover.
"What."

The woman dropped him to the ground and paced away in frustration.

"You're my daughter? I trained you?"
Dave got up, dusted himself off and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he tried to organize the sudden in-flow of what-the-fuck thoughts.
"Okay, I think I need an explanation. Would you care to provide one dear?
No sneaky shit on my part. Truce?"
She turned towards him, glared again - she's good at that through the visor, he taught her well - and then sighed.
"Fine. What do you want me to explain to you?"
"Well...everything. Like who you are, when and where you came from and who the hell your mother is."
"You never told me who my mother was."
"Well, if you took off the helm-"
"And you're not going to find out."
"Oh. Well then. That's fine. Could you answer questions one and both parts of number two?"

The woman paced back and forth as she started to explain relevant story details. He followed as best as he could, but there was a ton of shit.

She was the Magpie. What the hell - Raven would have sounded cool...wait, that one's overused by horrible fiction writers. But surely there was a better bird that she could have named herself after.

And she was his daughter from roughly thirty years in the future.

Or a possible future. Apparently someone had gotten ahold of something with horrifically bad juju. No one knew who when she was from, maybe it was Mr Pupa, maybe it was the Midnight Crew, it even could have been the military. But everyone knew the results.

They opened the Gates to someplace bad. Really bad. Beyond horrorterror bad. And naturally, everything there thought it was a fucking great time to throw the best party ever at their new neighbor's place. Pity it was destroying reality.

So during this time of incredible shittiness, Dave had trained his daughter and sent her back to prevent it. And now she was here, facing the realization that Daddy had a spotty past.

Wonderful.

"So if you're here to stop this shit from going down, why did you seek me out and kick me in the balls?"
Raven walked up to Dave and glared at him again. Damn she was good at that. So was he though.
"I don't know now."
"What was your original intention?"
"I thought you were going to be helpful, but now I see your nothing more than a vain criminal. Hell, I imagine CrowBro was nothing more than another way to gather attention for yourself."
"HEY! That's not why-"
"You fucking sicken me 'father'. Good bye."

And with that she flew out a window. She actually flew. Damn, he wished he could do that as CrowBro.

But fuck, he had a lot to think about now.

And an excuse to take it easy on the lady front for a good long time. Damn, that really hurt.


The Magpie left the Strider warehouse enraged. She silently flew across a city that she had never seen in one piece before. It was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as her father had told her.

The city she knew was in the process of being ripped into some other reality. Ruins dotted that one with what few survivors that were left spending more time preying upon each other than trying to futilely fight the things that came through the gate.

She was going to make sure that never happened.

Normally that would have meant she was a doomed paradox, but her actions this night had splintered the time line in unexpected ways.

She was here to stay.

Magpie landed somewhere in the area her father had called The Lost District and she found a somewhat undamaged building that was miraculously free of squatters to set up in. She checked the place out and was relieved to find that it still had power and water. Excellent.

She got what few supplies she had pulled along with her from the future besides her suit and equipment set up in the ruin.

She went into the bathroom, removed her helmet, shook out her black hair and smiled at her reflection.
"If my own father will not protect this city, then it is up to me."
She turned and looked out at the city's glow. From here she could see the skyline of the Glass City and City Central.
"And the scum that plague this beautiful city will never figure out what hit them."

A/N:

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I liked the idea of her parentage being Dave and a mystery mother that is either Jade or Terezi, so I went with this by just revealing that she has black hair (like both Terezi and Jade) and nothing else. Continuing this with Magpie's text color #82562E, I used this wonderful website to find a color mixed from Jade and Terezi's colors, then I used that color to mix with Dave's text color to determine Magpie's.

I went with Magpie because I wanted to avoid the overused 'Raven' motif. So I went with another trickster bird of the same family. Googling 'Magpies in mythology' should help other writers figure out what her as-yet unrevealed personality should be. In this fic, she's a bit angry about her father's past.

Hopefully this will satisfy most everyone. Have fun with her or just re-write it completely if you all wish to do so.

[frostedWarlock]

I'm surprised no one's come up with a better name for her. If her name is actually Crowboob do you realize how much of a slut she'd have to be to walk around with that name?

[inexpediency]

Maybe that's just the name the media gives her and it kind of sticks (much to her embarassment)

[KOACD]

Or maybe, she had some other name at first, but she encountered Dave.
By like, beating up a reporter that was behind him. Or maybe Eridan. Because she thought they were gonna jump him.
And then he tells her shes stupid and needs to look for the signs, because Eridan is obviously not a threat.
He calls her CrowNoob, and Eridan is about to pass out and he hears this, but he heard dave wrong.
Then he starts spreading the word about a new super hero named "CrowBoob", because Eridan is prone to failure.

[inexpediency]

Either way she's fast becoming my favorite character in this AU and she doesn't even have a set personality yet

GOD
DAAAAAAMMN

[KOACD]

I wish I could RP Dave so I could write that.

[DJ-P0N3]

She shows off her body to be ironic, she's not slutty, she's very hard to get.

[frostedWarlock]

If it didn't force me to RP with myself, I'd apply for crowBoob.

Also, yes. Slutty to be ironic. I designed her wings to be less capelike to make her more obviously different from SeppuCrow, but I just realized that it frames her ass perfectly for viewing. IT FITS WITH HER PERSONALITY SO I GUESS ITS CANON

[Wigmund]

Completed the story. Hope you all like it.

Sorry I didn't come up with a better personality. But I figure she's just pissed right now that she found out her father was a thug in the past.

In a google search, it mentions the following about a Magpie's personality:

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* He would be a bold person if nothing else.
* He will be noticed and want to be noticed.
* they are very gregarious and friendly. One would think that this would make for a good persona to have at a party, but it doesn't always work out that way. The reason for this is that the Magpie will approach all things in a non standard way. He will have their own ways of doing just about everything in life and this is discordant to a lot of people.
* When the Magpie works in a crowd of people, he works, but sometimes that discordant individuality will put people off. These times will affect the Magpie as he wants to be noticed and not in a negative way.
* The Magpie will be very eclectic in his tastes and interests and very resourceful in finding just about anything he puts his mind to.
* He will always have projects on the go and many of them at once. To the outside observer it will appear to be simple chaos, but to the Magpie it’s not. He will focus on different projects bit by bit until they are complete - ignoring some for long periods before their interests bring them back that way.
* Magpie kind of pick at things in an opportunistic manner.
* The Magpie will be quite adept at mimicking sounds and producing interesting sounds. He will have talents for sleight of hand and theft as well.
* It should be noted that the type of theft a magpie totem engages in is different from others. While a Crow may be good a picking your pocket while you back is turned, a Magpie will look you in the eye, wink, dazzle you with their charm all the while brazenly taking money out of your wallet. It’s a subtle difference, but important.
Careers that allow the Magpie to be noticed use their charm, and talents of voice and/or thievery are good. What must be accounted for is that careers where the Magpie's discordant individuality is a detractor. Really the entire range of arts careers are good for Magpies including Actor, Musician, Painter, dancer, etc. These careers allow for eclectic eccentricism while utilizing vocal talents and allowing them to be bold and noticed.
* The Magpie is a powerful totem to have and if you come across one you may want to watch out. He may charm you with his voice and smile and wink in all the appropriate places, but you may find yourself one wallet lighter.

Yeah, it's from some crappy dream totem site, but hey, it's something to build on.

[Decker]

Also here is some stuff.

Miss Paint: Woman hired for redecorating the Asylum. Uses this to release Andrew at every opportunity.

Ms. Paint is the Harley Quinn to Andrew's Joker.

Edit: Too bad Raven is kinda taken by DC. Maybe they should both call themselves The Crow and argue with each other who the real Crow is? I imagine ladyCrow taking Strider's place in the future, becoming the new Crow. Kinda like Batman Beyond.

[Wigmund]

After finding the following poem related to Magpies the name seems appropriate.

One for sorrow
Two for mirth
Three for a funeral
Four for a birth
Five for heaven
Six for hell
Seven's the Devil his own self
Eight for a wish
Nine for a kiss
Ten for a bird that you won't want to miss.

Imagine her reciting it as she takes down gangs to freak them out.

Combine this with a natural talent at mimicking voices as well as a voice modulator built into the helmet and she can have her voice do stuff freaky ass vocal stuff like the Darkness as she taunts them with the poem.

[Decker]

One for sorrow.
Two for joy.
Three for a girl.
Four for a boy.
Five for silver.
Six for gold.
Seven for a secret to never be told.
Eight for a queen.
Nine for a king.
Ten for a girl with a diamond ring.

Wigmund's works better for the topic at hand though.

[HarMegidon]

There is like a million different magpie rhymes.

[sebastian]

Magpie must meet Egbert Man and fall for him.

Just to embarrass Dave.

But really I want to see the two of them meet.

Of course as for the Superhero Etiquette as first thing they must have a fight.

But then she see how heroic and charming and derpy he is and develop a crush/fall in love with him.

[Wild Bunny]

oh man.
I think I might apply to be the Magpie.
not sure, though.