TROLL!COPS: The AU

[gingerale]

Ooh, right. Forgot about the Kingpin. And Mindfang Pirates are missing too. Well I'm not exactly sure where they should be. I based all those locations on Wigmund's descriptions of the areas. ^^

[mythmonster2]

Personally, I think the Pirates would be based on the big island in the opening and I believe Kingpin operates somewhere in the Foundry. Not sure where. Maybe up near the Lost Ward? Also, I'm working on my Mushroom Farmer fic. Probably gonna grow as I go along, already have a plan involving an artifact. A certain item from the troll's session...

[Cheers]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

It's finally done. Whew.
(I think I'm probably the only person to do a colored piece with a Felt member that doesn't use the color green.)

(.....I hope at least one person realizes why I did this weird layout.)

Just going to delurk for a moment to say that this looks great. I really like the colours and I presume the layout represents Vriska's dice.


Also @Wigmund- I'm loving the Teapot Mystery fic and I can't believe I did not suspect Casey. At one point I thought Rose but dismissed it because it's not like her character. I should have made the connection. It shows that you hinted just enough at who the perpetrator was, but without giving away too much.

[Wigmund]

Oh what the hell, I was wanting to do this tomorrow, but why not today?

Teapot Mystery
Part 7 (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

show spoiler

hide spoiler

"A Conthort?!"
"G3T DOWN!"

Terezi tackled Sollux, knocking him to the ground as a tendril of black-purple energy struck at where they were standing. The two then crawled around the chamber's walls, trying to keep behind piles of rock, bones and gog knows what else. Every time they showed themselves, the sorcerer would fire off another tendril at them.
"Glubbiing hell!"
"W3ll 1 w4sn't 3xp3ct1ng th4t."
"What, that our perp iith a magiikth-thliingiing thalamander?"
"Th4t too, but your cho1c3 of curs3s 4s w3ll."
"Not now Pyrope."
"1 know, 1 know."
Terezi sat back against a pile of debris that was currently shielding them from the salamander's wrath and inhaled deeply. Sollux knew this, she was scoping the surroundings in her special way. Good thing they were pinned down or she might have started licking stuff. He was amazed that she hadn't come down with some horrible kind of rot from doing that on the streets of Alternia City.
"What'th out there?"
Terezi continued to breathe deeply as bolts of energy dug into their cover.
"Just th4t l1ttl3 sh1t. Why don't you try shoot1ng th3 bolts 4s th3y com3 1n?
Sounds l1k3 th3y t4k3 4bout th3 s4m3 t1m3 4s your 3y3bolts to ch4rg3 up."

Sollux stared at his crazy partner. Sure, why not. Couldn't hurt to try. They were dead if they stayed in their current location anyways.

Sollux charged his eyes and peeked out from behind cover to find another tendril coming for his face.

He fired his eyebeams and the two forces collided in midair. They mixed and erupted in a small clap of thunder that reverberated through out the cavern.

"1 t4k3 from th3 r4ck3t th4t 1t work3d?"
"Fuckiing hell, my earth are riingiing."

And with that, the two trolls came from behind cover and started to approach the consort who continued to furiously fire bolts at them. As they neared the eldritch circle, the consort dropped the wand and raised its knife and jumped behind Feferi's pinned body.

"Fuck that you liittle thhiit."

Sollux fired off another blast, catching the thing in its chest as started to bring the knife down for what would have been a fatal blow. The consort was lifted off of its feet and into a pile of bones.

Out cold.

Sollux and Terezi quickly got to work untying Feferi. Sollux helped her to her feet as Terezi walked over to the consort, reaching into her pack to pull out a long length of rope.

A noose had already been prepared for this occassion.

"You thought you could tortur3 th3 p3opl3 of th1s 4r34 by corrupt1ng th31r dr34ms d1dn't you?"
She picked up the barely conscious salamander by the scarf around its neck.
"You 1nv4d3d p3opl3's most pr1v4t3 s4nctums 4nd turn3d th31r dr34ms 4g41nst th3m."
Terezi placed the noose around the salamander's neck.

"Sollux...w)(at's Terezi doing?"
"Puniithhiing the wiicked."
"By lync)(ing it?!"

Terezi pulled the salamander along the floor by the noose until she found an overhanging rock that she could toss the loose end of the rope over.
"You 4r3 gu1lty of m4ny th1ngs."

"Sollux, stop )(er!"
"Why?"

"You 4r3 gu1lty of murd3r."
She tossed the rope and caught the free end as it looped around the rock above. She slowly started to pull the rope, dragging the salamander along and up into the air.

"T)(is is wrong Sollux and you know it!"

"You 4r3 gu1lty of k1dn4pp1ng th3 1nnoc3nt."

"Why iith thiith wrong Fef?"

"You 4r3 gu1lty of th3 consumpt1on of th3 corps3s of s3nt13nt b31ngs."
The salamander's feet left the ground. It started to kick furiously and scratch at the noose.

"Because t)(is is not )(ow justice is served! T)(is is not )(ow the system works!"

"You 4r3 gu1lty of th3 corrupt us3 of 1ll3g4l m4g1cs."

"How doeth the thythtem work Fef? IIth iit the thame one that routiinely letth thcum liike thiith loothe iinto the world tho they can harm otherth agaiin?"

"You 4r3 gu1lty of th3 murd3r of no l3ss th4n thr33 l4w 3nforc3m3nt off1c3rs 1n th3 l1n3 of duty."
The salamander spasmed furiously as it choked. It's yellow skin darkening ominously.

"Yes it is! But at least it keeps t)(ose w)(o c)(oose to follow it in line and let's us proudly claim we are better t)(an t)(ose t)(at glubbing DON'T!"

"Why doeth that matter Fef? Why thhould we thhackle ourthelveth to claiim we are better than thothe thcum?"

Feferi closed her eyes and screamed in rage and grief.

"Because the way you two are acting, you mig)(t as well be criminals! I )(ate you bot)( so muc)( rig)(t now! You're denying t)(e people of Teapot t)(eir chance to see justice served by do t)(is!"

Feferi glared at both of the cops who had stopped and stared at her. The salamander was still hanging in the air, the thing's kicks and twists weakening as it slowly choked.

"But, th1s...th1s TH1NG corrupt3d my dr34ms, us3d th3m 4g41nst M3!"
"T)(e consort did t)(e same to me as well!"
Feferi stalked over to Terezi, who was shaking with anger and still holding tightly to the rope. The sea troll grabbed Terezi's face and leaned in close to talk to her.
"Let me guess...it corrupted your dreams about true love. It twisted your )(appiness into c)(ains t)(at you freely put on of your own will.
T)(e salamander corrupted your )(appiness and you want revenge."
"Y3s."
"W)(at makes you glubbing t)(ink t)(at it didn't do t)(e same to M-E w)(en it snatc)(ed me from the cabin last nig)(t?"
Feferi held Terezi's face in front of her own and looked deep into the blind officer's glasses.
"T)(is t)(ing used my love for Sollux against me. And most likely used w)(atever Sollux feels for me against )(im."
"Th3n you should b3 ch33r1ng m3 on d4mm1t 4nd not l3ctur1ng m3 4bout wh4t 1s r1ght!"
"W)(at makes you t)(ink t)(at it didn't do t)(e same to eac)( and every person in Teapot? S)(ould we go and drag t)(em her so t)(ey can watc)( t)(e brave Alternian cops string up t)(is salamander? S)(ould we let t)(em know t)(is is )(ow justice works now?"

Feferi slapped the rope from Terezi's hands, the salamander dropped to the floor with a loud thump, it gasped for air heavily before passing out yet again.
"Not if I )(ave anyt)(ing to say about it."

Feferi jabbed a finger into Terezi's chest, pushing her back against the wall. Sollux started to approach her from behind, probably seeking to hold her back. Feferi turned her head slightly to let him see the corners of her eyes and fanged mouth.
"YOU FUCKING TOUC)( M-E I'LL R-END YOU LIMB FROM GLUBBING LIMB."

He found himself backed up against the opposing wall. Terrified at the purple-blooded troll who had his partner suspended above the floor with a mere finger.

"T)(e people of Teapot WILL see justice Officer Terezi Pyrope of t)(e Alternia City Police Department."
"But it will be according to t)(e system t)(at is in place."
"T)(e system t)(at makes us better t)(an t)(e scum t)(at t)(reaten us."
"NOT YOUR VIGILANTISM!"

Feferi pulled back and let Terezi drop to the ground. The officer clutched in pain at the spot Feferi had jabbed her finger and gasped for air. Sollux slowly peeled himself off the wall and circled around Feferi, trying to reach his partner.

"Fef...we're thorry.
We'll let the local courtth handle thiith..."
He made his way to Terezi, keeping the heavily breathing, furious woman he thought he knew in sight.
"You okay, Tthhii?"
"Oh j3gus th4t hurt. No blood 1t sm3lls l1k3, but my ch3st 1s go1ng to b3 sor3 for w33ks."

Sollux helped Terezi to her feet and leaned her up against the wall. Feferi just continued to glare at them.
"Okay, II'm jutht goiing to uthe the ropeth to tiie up the conthort. IIth that alriight?"

He walked slowly over to the unconcious consort, holding his hands out like he was being covered by an angry gun-toting thug who had a hostage.
"Are you okay wiith that Miithh Feferii Peiithketh?"

Feferi reacted to that simple sentence like a fully loaded freight train had just slammed into her. She snapped from her rage with a gasp of pure agony.
"O)(...o)( gog...w)(at..."

Sollux continued to stare at her like he was dealing with a hostage situation.
"II'm jutht goiing to tiie the perp up tho we can take hiim back to town. IIth that alriight Mitth Peiktheth?"

Feferi clasped her hands to her mouth and fell to her knees.
"Please...please...stop calling me t)(at Sollux..."

Sollux continued to stare her down as he tied up the salamander. When he was done with that, he stood up and walked over to the now sobbing mayor's aide.

"O)( gog...w)(at did I do? I ruined it all...I ruined w)(at we )(ad...I'm so sorry..."
Violet tears poured her face, staining her blouse and falling to the cavern floor where they left purple muddy splotches.

Sollux kneeled down next to her and just wrapped his arms around her. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry himself.

"You don't need to apologithe Fef...you're not the one who needth to be thorry."

Terezi walked over the tied up Salamander and lifted it from the ground, grunting as her chest hurt from the strain. Sollux pulled Feferi to her feet and let her head fall onto his shoulder. She dug her fingers deeply into his sides, he grunted in pain from the intense pressure, but he was okay with it.

"Terethii and mythelf are the oneth who thhould apologiithe for what happened."
"II'm thorry for thiith...II'm thorry...pleathe forgiive me Fef..."
"1 l3t my 4ng3r g3t out of control. 1...1'm sorry..."
Sollux laughed.
"Look at what you've done Fef. You've made Terethii apologiithe for thomethiing."
Feferi looked up at them, sniffling. Terezi started to cackle as she walked passed the two towards what smelled like fresh air.
"Fiirtht tiime that'th ever happened. You've worked a miiracle."
Feferi started to giggle and then hugged Sollux tightly.
"I love you too muc)( Sollux. I love you I love you I love you."
"II love you too you Thiilly fiithh. Now let'th get the glub out of here.

With that the two followed Terezi as she led the way out the cave through a different tunnel than the one they entered. When they reached the cave's exit, the three stopped and stared at what awaited them.

A cow. A whole field full of them. All looking intently at the people who just walked out of the dark hole in the ground.

Sollux screamed.

Feferi started to laugh maniacally as his fish puns sank in.

Terezi laughed just because.


They stayed in Teapot for several more days as they attended a trial in which the salamander was found guilty of the innumerable crimes committed against the town. They got to see the town relax as justice was truly served. They watched as a armored van from The Veil arrived in town to take away the criminal consort for storage in one of the deepest pits within the prison island's horrifying depths.

They left the following morning for home.

Terezi sprawled across the back seat, windows rolled down, taking in the various scents that drifted in over their four hour trip. She smiled as she listened to Sollux and Feferi happily sing along to some horrifically cheesy romantic rock ballads. They made a nice duet.

Maybe one day they'd realize that it was more important than anything else in the city...no, the world. One day they'd realize that the views of the few remaining noble houses from the Old World didn't matter anymore.

Let those backwards assholes have their scandal over a member of one of their most presitigous houses falling in love and maybe, just maybe, one day marrying a proud member of the APD who happened to have mustard-colored blood.

Maybe one day Sollux and Feferi would realize that, get this game they played over with and just admit their love to the world and each other.

Terezi hoped it was rather soon...
"H3H3H3H3"
"What are you laughiing about now?"
"Oh, noth1ng, noth1ng 4t 4ll."
she had a rather large bet on a date about two months from now.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Later, deep within the Consort Pits of The Veil Maximum Security Prison. A consort sat and fumed.

It had gained the fear of the others by brutally murdering and devouring the largest and strongest consort there days after its arrival. They stayed away from the salamander now.

Now, it just sat and waited. Watching everyone. Hating everyone.

Then it heard a voice.

"hELLO THERE."
"Huh?"
"i BELIEVE YOU ARE KNOWN AS, uH, cASEY vON sALAMANCER, wOULD THAT BE CORRECT?"
"Who this?"
"yOU MAY CALL ME pUPA, mR pUPA, aND, uH, i HAVE A PROPOSITION FOR YOU."

Misc Notes:
Teapot's done. Thanks for the compliments everyone, I kinda thought I wasn't doing much with the mystery portion - it felt like a suspense tale to me by time I got going. But bluh to what I think.

I need to work on DOOF Hard now, but I'm strongly resisting the urge to write something else involving Mama Captor where Sollux covertly brings her to meet Feferi and she's like, "Why the hell are you keeping this love secret, why the fuck do you care about what those inbred twits think and when are you going to give me grandchildren, my little honeybee, like the rest of your brothers and sisters have?"

I was going to do the head-canon splurge, but all of that's contained within my fics and various responses, no need to make a boring list. I'll just keep writing about everything I can in Alternia City

@Gingerale: The large crescent island was just more docks linked to the city by a tunnel system going to the rest of Dockside. I'd place the Mindfangs on the unoccupied side of the island where Foundry is. My first map listed that as a massive polluted 'wildlife preserve' because it's mostly rugged hills and swamps.

And I'm surprised no one's written something about a gang threatening the city's dam. The first episode of The Tick cartoon did that, which is a terrific inspiration for how Alternia City works.

[Kisame12]

Good name

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Karkat Vantas. You decide its not a bad name, even if his parents where some thieving shit bags. You hold the child at arm's length, the thought of killing the sleeping crap factory passing through your mind briefly. You voice as much and Drooge looks appalled so you discard the idea. Fucker has been so stiff about kids since he and his girl adopted a few months back. Whoever heard of two Dersites adopting a troll? A female at that.

You can't fucking believe how much Drooge has changed over the last few months. Sure, at work he was the same. Cold, calculating, efficient with little regard for life. A model employee if there ever was one. But when he goes home, or on the one odd occasion that the child came to the office with him, he turns a complete 180. The brat walked over him. Diaper changing and exchanges in 'baby talk' are things you never expected, or wanted for that matter, to see Drooge participate in. He even had to gual to berate you about your fucking language in front of the brat. You swear that if it becomes a problem you will waste that goat horned litt-

A gurgle from the child brings you out of your rant. The snot rag is staring at you with a look of absolute boredom. His parents corpses at his (and, subsequently, your) feet and, if the runt could speak, the best you can imagine him saying is "Are we done here? Cause I'm hungry and, in all honestly, your beginning to bore me." The runt was lucky you're in a good mood. People who don't pay off their debts to Jack normally lose their entire family.

You are about to just drop the brat in the nearest dumpster and go when you feel something grip your pants leg. You look down and see that Ms.Vantas still has some fight left in her. Admirable broad, still kicking after that kind of a beating. You stomp on her head until her grip loosens, your lovely suit now stained in florescent orange blood.

It occurs to you that most babies would be crying at the death of a parent, or at least you think they would. You're not exactly know for your parenting skills. But this brat, even while being held by a man fuck deep in his own mothers blood, had not shed one damn tear. Fucking miracle, seeing guts like that in a kid. You walk through the Vantas residence, no doubt paid for in borrowed money (your money to be exact) and eventually stumble upon the brats room. You place him in a bright blue crib, taken off the curb by his parents and reformatted for their own use. One side has been painted over with primer in a failed attempt to cover the name 'John' printed on the side.

Your about to leave when you hear a faint 'kaa-kaa' from the toddler. You turn around, not really sure why your humoring this. 'Kaa-kaa' He says again, pointing to a dirty crab doll on the floor. you pick it up and throw it into the crib, the brat quickly grabbing it and laying down. He is soon asleep and you find yourself chuckling. Watches his mother die and then falls asleep like it was nothing.

Karkat Vantas. It's a good name. Full of power, strength, and ferocity. And it's going to be the biggest in this city. You better start looking into adoption.

Ok. I'm probably going to regret posting this, but I couldn't resist. If you can stomach the fail, let me know what you think.

[Wigmund]

That's like an origin story of emesis' Midnight Crew+Trolls pics...awesome

EDIT: I need to get some sleep but horrible story ideas enter my head as I lay down to rest!

Cat Fight

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Situated in Dockside, The Cod Place was a popular bar and club of ill repute for the city's vast underworld. Many criminals stopped there to celebrate successful heists, bemoan run-ins with Officer Sh4ll-Not-B3-N4m3d-4loud or to perform much needed transactions that supplied fully two-thirds of the city's true economy.

The Karkat Gang liked the place because they were able to use it as a warm place to sleep when they were younger and the owner, Mr Bard, gave them drinks back then without asking for identification, ot that they need him to do that anymore, except for Nepeta, she didn't drink alcohol. Bad things happened when Nepeta drank alcohol.

Really bad things.

Tonight, the Gang was at the Cod celebrating a successful heist that was not related to Mr Pupa meaning they got to keep all of the proceeds. Food and supplies for weeks, and some extra to blow having fun.

"Here's to the heist guys. We couldn't have done it without each other."
Gamzee and Karkat raised their beers in a toast, Nepeta raised up a chocolate milkshake. They clicked their mugs together and drank down. God that was refreshing.

Gamzee put down his empty mug and motioned to Flothers that he needed a refill.
"So My FuCkInG pAl, WhAt'S nExT?"
"To be honest man, I'm not going to worry about that. We're set for the foreseeable future with the proceeds from this and the last thing we pulled for Pupa."
":?? < So we're going to taking it 33sy and have fun?"
"I guess so."
":33 < I want to go to the Zoo! Can we go to the Zoo?"
Nepeta bounced around her seat happily at the thought.
"Sure, why not. I've never been there for legitimate reasons. You fine with the zoo Gamzee?"
Gamzee paused in the middle of his second beer and stared off into space. It always took questions some time to push their way through the sopor-induced haze of his mind. But when they did, he generally responded to what you actually asked him.
"Oh FuCk YeAh! I hAvEn'T bEeN tO tHe ZoO sInCe I wAs...Oh...Oh My..."
Oh shit, flashback. Karkat quickly snapped his fingers in front of the clown's face, bringing him back to the current reality.
"YeAh MoThErFuCkInG zOo."

The three occupied themselves with their drinks and talking about what they wanted to do with their free time. They rarely had moments like this, but they had learned long ago to pack them with whatever they could get away with.

You never knew when you'd have time like that again.

Or when those times would be rudely interrupted.

Karkat, Gamzee and Nepeta were too busy chatting with each other and laughing to notice a woman making her way towards them.

"Seriously Nepeta, you want to see the lemurs more than the big cats?"
"X33 < They're just soooo cute! If I had known about them befur I would be a lemur and not a kitty!"
"Well you know about them now."
"B|| < You efur hear of a lemur-burglar?"
":PP < Besides, there's no lemurs in the city for me to burgle besides those at the zoo!"
Karkat looked at his catgirl friend woozily. She was his catgirl friend, not his cat girlfriend, that would be sick if she was a cat and his girlfriend, though she was cute...

Karkat was going to agree with Nepeta's suddenly practical logic but he was stopped by a pair of arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders. He glanced out of the corner of his eyes to see lips he swore he had seen before.
"Are you guys having another party?"
Karkat's eyes widened as the alcohol haze was burned away by the sudden need to be acutely aware of what was going on RIGHT NOW.
"What? What are you doing here?"
Nepeta was confused, she looked back and forth between Karkat and the new woman.
"I'm just out having fun. I can have fun can't I?"
"Well yeah, it's just that I didn't think your kind visited this place."
"My kind? Just because I'm the Magpie doesn't mean I can't visit seedy dives looking for lovely shiny things."
Nepeta's beaming smile that usually occupied her face slowly started to fade as something sank in.
"Oh...okay. But Maggie, I was planning on spending the night with my friends."

Maggie, obviously drunk, took in the others at the table.
"Oh it's you two. Hi clown and kitty."
She waved at them before turning her attention back to Karkat. Nepeta motioned for Daunchy to come over.
"Did you remember the important thing Karkat?"
Karkat's eyebrows raised in confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
"Karkat! It was important that you remembered it!"
"What the fuck are you talking about."
Daunchy arrived at the table and started to converse with Nepeta.
"I'm disappointed that you didn't remember it. How could you forget this?"
To Karkat's horror, Maggie turned around and raised her skirt exposing her ass to all in the room. There was a little bird on her underwear. Gamzee's mind shut down and his vision glazed over. Nepeta's eyes flared and she placed her order.

"Oh god, can't you leave me alone? I..."
"What? You didn't enjoy our rooftop escapades?"
"No! I mean...I..."
"You were definitely enjoying it that night."
Maggie purred as she rubbed his horns. Karkat tried to control himself. Damn those sensitive things. Nepeta's smile was completely gone and her eyes were focused on Maggie.

Karkat wondered what her problem was.

"Come on Karkat, let's leave these two and go somewhere quieter."
Karkat babbled nervously, trying to get the drunken woman away from him. Nepeta's drink arrived and she downed it in one swig.

Karkat's mind screamed an all-stations alert and his head whipped towards the now empty glass sitting in front of Nepeta.

"WHAT WAS THAT?"
Nepeta stood up, focused on Maggie who was still messing with Karkat's horns.
">:[[ < A Swamp Wizard."

There were very few things that had an express passage through Gamzee's brain haze.

News that Nepeta had just down one of the most powerful alcoholic drinks in the city in one gulp was one of them.

In fact, that news had its own ticker tape period because shit was about to get real.

Karkat was frozen in terror, a condition that worsened when Nepeta punched Maggie hard enough to send her back a good ten feet.
">:[[ < Stay away from him you BITCH! KARKITTY'S MINE!"
She then threw herself onto the table and pounced at the prone woman, who, despite being drunk as hell, had incredible reflexes.

The two started to fight, throwing each other around and tearing at each others hair and clothing.

Karkat was looking straight ahead at his other companion in terror.
"Gamzee"
"YeAh?"
"What the fuck is going on?"
"YoU gOt TwO fUcKiNg BaBeS fIgHtInG oVeR yOu My MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcUlOuS fRiEnD."
"Me? They're fighting over me?"
Behind them, the two women knocked over several tables, sending other patrons flying. It was a flurry of hair, brightly colored clothing and animal-themed caps.
"WhAt? YoU dIdN'T cAtCh ThOsE fUcKiNg ViBeS?"
Karkat leaned forward, genuinely curious about what Gamzee was trying to say.
"What vibes? What are you talking about?"
Gamzee leaned forward as well, genuinely confused why his friend was. It was obvious what was going on...wasn't it?
"DoN't FuCkInG tElL mE tHaT yOu HaVeN't NoTiCeD tHe HoT bItChEs TrIpPiNg OvEr ThEmSeLvEs To GeT aT yOuR hOrNs?"
"What girls are you talking about? Sure, I've talked to plenty of women."
Gamzee's eyebrows raised in shock at what he was hearing.
"But they weren't interested in me - not like that."
"WhOa, I tHoUgHt I wAs FuCkInG oBlIvIoUs."
"What?"
There were loud crashes around them as the fight tumbled around the Cod Place. Daunchy screamed in terror as the combatants used him as a weapon temporarily.
"YoU MeAn YoU dIdN'T rEaLiZe ThOsE wOmEn WaNtEd YoU?"
"Like who?"
"LiKe ThAt FuCkInG sCiEnCe BiTcH aT tHe FoRt."
"You mean Jade?"
"YoU eVeR tAkE uP hEr OfFeR tO mEeT uP sOmEwHeRe OfF bAsE?"
Gamzee's eyebrows and ears waggled naughtily.
"No...I just thought she was being nice."
"WhAt AbOuT tHaT mAgGiE nEpEtA's FiGhTiNg RiGhT nOw OvEr YoU?
HeLl, LeT's NoT fOrGeT nEpEtA! ShE's WaNtEd YoU sInCe BeFoRe I mEeT yOu TwO fUcKeRs."
"Maggie's just odd and Nepeta..."
Karkat's eyebrows furrowed in yet more confusion.
"Nepeta likes me? I mean, likes me likes me?"
Gamzee gave his obviously clueless friend a deadpan stare.

The sounds of destruction had subsided by now as the largest men in the bar had tackled the two women and pried them apart. Mr Bard walked up between them and started talking to them both. Karkat was too busy with his indepth conversation with Gamzee to watch what was going on. Otherwise he would have seen that the Cod Place's owner had set up something between the women.

They followed him into the back and there was suddenly commotion on the stage that dominated the bar.

"You can't be serious about that. Nepeta doesn't like me that way."
"WhY tHe FuCk Do YoU tHiNk ShE kEePs ThAt ShIpPiNg WaLl?"
"I thought was just into shipping everyone she ever met."
"ShE dId It To GeT yOuR fUcKiNg AtTeNtIoN!"
"Then why did she constantly mention it when we ran into Jade and Maggie for the first time?"
"BeCaUsE sHe WaS jEaLoUs AnD wAnTeD tO eMbArRaSs YoU!
DoN't TeLl Me YoU'rE rEaLlY tHiS tHiCk MaN!"
"I'm not thick!"
"I nOtIcEd BeFoRe YoU dId!"
Karkat stopped and thought about that for awhile.

Meanwhile, Flothers and a badly battered Daunchy pulled a large plastic tub onto the stage and then started to fill it with something.

"Really? You've noticed this all the time and never told me?"
"FuCkInG hElL! I fIgUrEd ThAt If I wAs NoTiCiNg ThIs MirAcUlOuS sHiT gOiNg On, YoU mUsT hAvE."
"I thought all those women were just being nice to me.
I mean, I'm not that great of a person. Why'd they like someone like me?"

Gamzee was taken aback by this. His best friend doubting himself?

On the stage, the two women came out in their underwear and animal caps. Well, Maggie came out in her underwear, Nepeta had to borrow some garments from the dressing area for the women that worked at the Cod Place. Mr Bard was on stage yelling something to the very excited audience.

Pity Karkat was completely oblivious to all this as his mind retreated within itself. He was obviously troubled by these revelations, but Gamzee found himself distracted by what was going on now elsewhere.

"Gamzee...Gamzee? What's going on?"
Karkat's gaze followed his friend's and he froze yet again. He felt the blush starting at his toes, making its way up his body, as he watched what was going on.

Nepeta and Maggie had climbed into the pool and started to fight each other yet again.

Pudding was everywhere.

People were cheering.

Gamzee was uttering something about miracles.

Karkat's mind broke.

But he couldn't stop watching.

After what felt like an eternity, Nepeta stood victorious over the face-down Maggie. She pumped her fists into the air and stalked off the stage towards her old table.

When she got there, Karkat stared up at her stupidly. His mouth was hanging open and he just muttered something stupidly as she looked down at him. He continued babbling as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him up off his feet to kiss him passionately. The blush spilled over his neckline and raced up to his horns in record time.

Nepeta raised one of his hands into the air, leaving him dangling by one arm. Unable to comprehend what was going on.
">:33 < KARKITTY IS MINE! THIS ONE IS MINE BITCHES!"

Back on the stage, two similar looking fellows retrieved the unconcious girl from the pool. Her father was going to have a long talk with her.

Karkat finally started to approach reality again and he looked up at the still barely dressed Nepeta.

"Zoo good?"

A/N:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

What the fuck is this

Why did this enter my mind and why did I post it here? Oh god so many questions.

[Wallycaine]

...Wigmund, that is far, far too awesome. I may have come close to waking people up because I was laughing so hard. It's just... I have no words.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Pudding wrestling should become Nepeta's default response to shipping problems. Just shove them in a pudding pit together, and let them work it out.

[Cheers]

I figured I should stop lurking and actually contribute in some way.

Here's a quick doodle of Officer Equius...


...and some Egbert Man under the spoiler

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[Ocfos]

Wigmund, keep making things like that, because that was awesomely hillarious!

Also, since i'm beginning to get rather good at manips, i might make some Troll!Cops sprites in case people would be interested. :v

[Cheers]

You should definitely make those sprites, starting with Officers Sollux and Terezi since the first comics were about them.

[kaoticAntagonist]

i would be interested. thanks!

[Ocfos]

Alright, i'll get working as soon as i've finished these images for my own Sgrub session. :v

[gingerale]

Teapot mystery finiiished! Woo! \o/

But that other fic of yours, Wigmund. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

[Blox]

Oh my gosh Wigmund, that was amazing xD
I am way too tempted to ship those two now D8 what is it with all my ships being broken and muddled /flails/

I don't even know what my OTP is any more... What the hell, I give up. I'll just support everything :B

[sebastian]

I think it is kinda obvious but Casey was the Rose's apprentice before he/she turned to the dark side.

possible background story, Rose sent her in an attempt to infiltrate the group of the Secret Wizards but while she was there something happened, maybe they discovered her and did something to her, maybe she took an excessive interest in their dark rituals, whatever is she went hiveshit maggot and went rogue. Rose fell responsible and tried to find her alive if possible to try to restore her sanity, but after the Teapot Massacre the chance of this happening are really slim.

[sebastian]

You can't hope to beat Wigmund in a fanfic-off! He is simply the best there is. I loved the fanfic, beside the obvious stratospheric hilarity factor (and the implied fanservice) it open so many possibilities, I don't think Karkat like Nepeta "that" way and now he have to choose what to do, and now Maggie could see herself as single and while on the rebound fall for someone else (cough*Egbertman*cough). And i think that her "Daddy" will want to have a little chat with a certain Weasel.

I *love* this thread.

[Wigmund]

Thanks for the praise everyone for Cat Fight I didn't know how well that would work. But it gets rid of Maggie from Karkat's life and lets me ship NepetaKarkat here. And Gingerale: you should laugh, laugh at the thought of Gamzee lecturing Karkat about the ways of love. Do you all realize how damned hard it is to type Gamzee's quirk when he's having a thoughtful conversation bemoaning that his friend is denser than he is?

I wanted to show that Karkat was a dense idiot when it came to love. Sure he can give advice because he's watched every romantic flick in existence, but when it comes to his own relations, he completely fails. Sure, he's liked women and even wanted to love some of them, but he didn't think the feelings were truly returned, he just thought they were being nice to him. He couldn't see what they liked about him because he didn't believe those traits existed.

As for Nepeta, he's noticed that she's grown up, like in The Raid, he got embarrassed when he saw Nepeta in that well-fitting uniform. But he's convinced himself that her attempts to get his attention were little more than her playing around. She's too shy to directly confront him with her feelings, well, that was until she got drunk (bad thing) and had to fight off a rival. Yeah, Karkat's gonna have to figure out what to do now.

I originally hadn't planned the pudding fight being refereed by The Bard was just a bonus -can't have two hot women fighting in his bar tearing up shit and not try to make a profit from it. I didn't mention it because Karkat and Gamzee didn't notice it, but Mr Bard wore his referee uniform.
What I originally thought up was Nepeta and Maggie starting a conversation with each other about romance and women's clothing before fighting over Karkat. I had the idea of Nepeta terribly embarrassing Karkat by not only confronting him with her feelings, but also with the news that she goes commando because the stuff he reluctantly buys for her from the local stores don't fit properly and he gets too embarrassed when they near the places that do proper fittings for women's clothing. But I'm a guy with little to no idea how that would actually proceed, so pudding wrestling and bar-room brawl for all.

[Redikalus]

I spend a day away from the thread in order to move back to college and Nepeta and Maggie have a mud pudding wrestling match.
Well, shit.
Already said, but worth repeating: hilarious fic Wigmund.

possible background story, Rose sent her in an attempt to infiltrate the group of the Secret Wizards but while she was there something happened, maybe they discovered her and did something to her, maybe she took an excessive interest in their dark rituals, whatever is she went hiveshit maggot and went rogue.

Thinking about doing something with this unless someone else already is.

@Cheers: That Egbertman costume is the kind of part dorky, part awesome I would expect John to come up with.

[Bloddyredcommie]

In my headcanon of this AU, Gamzee could outsmart Mister Pupa and outfight The Magpie. That is, IF he could go 48 hours without dulling his mind with sopor slime.

[complexTalent]

Hopy shit this thread exploded. I wish I was faster at contributing! Now that I have all the time in the universe I can sit around and read the fics. I love what I've read so far (looking at you, Wigmund).

okay well since i am pretty addicted to this thread LOL i shall post some of my artworks up on here

show spoiler

hide spoiler

show spoiler

hide spoiler

show spoiler

hide spoiler

show spoiler

hide spoiler

fffff okay that all for now x_x

Oh man, it's you. I've seen these on DA and I love your style so much.

In my headcanon of this AU, Gamzee could outsmart Mister Pupa and outfight The Magpie. That is, IF he could go 48 hours without dulling his mind with sopor slime.

YES

[cyclicCircumferentia]

Hmmm, after listening to Tribal Ebonpyre a million times, I can't help but picture the croc consorts having an underground tribal village in the Underground. I kinda imagine frequent sacrificial rituals for the croc gods. (or whatever god they'd believe in) The sacrificial ritual will be something like this, but with more absurd dancing and chanting.

In my headcanon of this AU, Gamzee could outsmart Mister Pupa and outfight The Magpie. That is, IF he could go 48 hours without dulling his mind with sopor slime.

YES

Seconded!

[Bloddyredcommie]

YES

[QUOTE=complexTalent;4497482]Hopy shit this thread exploded. I wish I was faster at contributing! Now that I have all the time in the universe I can sit around and read the fics. I love what I've read so far (looking at you, Wigmund).

okay well since i am pretty addicted to this thread LOL i shall post some of my artworks up on here

show spoiler

hide spoiler

show spoiler

hide spoiler

show spoiler

hide spoiler

show spoiler

hide spoiler

fffff okay that all for now x_x

Oh man, it's you. I've seen these on DA and I love your style so much.

YES

I imagine something like this happening.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I just imagine Karkat's gang getting thrown into jail at some point. Gamzee spends the entire time clutching his head, groaning, basically a non-character.

Then, at one point he stops clutching his legs, looks up and says something along the lines of us.
"WaTcH oUt MoThErfuckers. This is GoiNg to be motherfucking miraculous"
And then shit gets real.
(As Scary Smart Gamzee takes over from Silly Sopor Gamzee, his text gets less wobbly)

[sebastian]

In my headcanon of this AU, Gamzee could outsmart Mister Pupa and outfight The Magpie. That is, IF he could go 48 hours without dulling his mind with sopor slime.

And that is why he use sopor slime, when he is not high things are just too clear, he understand so much that it actually hurt, that why he use the slime to dull his mind. In the comic PS238 there is this kid which is essentially omniscient, he can recognize patterns, he can, for example, see a leaf fall and from that predict a market crash or a terrorist attack two week from now, and this from every single thing that happen, so he had to pass large part of his time in an empty white room so that his mind don't shut down from information overload, Gamzee is kind of like that and that is why he always able to escape from the cops or always being able to be at the right place at the right time. He can see MiRaClEs.

[cyclicCircumferentia]

Time for a ghostyTrickster title card!




Bigger one is under spoilers!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[Redikalus]

That is delightfully spooky CC! I love the title cards you've done so far!