[13:15:04] Mike: "Disgruntled: I've seen some shit. ø ø' "
[13:15:43] Kavi Cordi: SHIT THAT DONT GET UN-SEEEEEEEEEN
[13:23:46] Mike: LIKE MY FAAAACE. ø ø
[13:23:48] Mike: http://upload.majhost.com/gallery/Oc...less/angry.png
[13:24:02] Kavi Cordi: Kavi Cordi BOLTS OFF TO SCHOOL
[13:30:50] Mike: They should use her face for a "Stay in school" campaign.
[13:30:52] Mike: It works.
Well, it's not the Mushroom Farmer fic I promised, but I just watched a certain episode of Teen Titans recently and was struck by inspiration. So, guess who just dropped in on Dave? That's right, Cal's back! This fic will continue, and then it'll really pack in on the plot of that one episode... ain't spoiling it for you though some of you may be able to guess it. Most likely gonna be in two or three parts.
Cal: Part 1
Dave Strider was walking down the street. It felt like he’d been in Rose’s stuffy S.E.E.R. HQ all day which, as he glanced at his watch, he almost had. It was nearing 5:30 and the sun was beginning to set over the city. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he found the sunset mixed with the polluted air in a strange way that looked… beautiful. In fact, he was so caught up in it that he almost missed a streak of blue and orange in a dumpster. And a familiar face.
“Holy shit. Cal?” he asked himself out loud. Incredulous, he picked up the doll from the dumpster, wiping off a banana peel from the dummy’s leg and a… green thing off Cal’s back. He looked it up and down, and then turned him around. Yup, right there, if he tipped Cal’s awesome hat just a bit, he could still see the jagged handwriting: Bro Strider. Dave coughed. For some reason there was an awful lot of dust under Cal’s hat. But it was Lil Cal in the flesh. Plastic. Cloth. Whatever it was. Dave thought what to do with the little guy for a second. Take him home? Dump him again? He looked at the signature again. Nah, Bro sure as hell wouldn’t stand for dumping Cal again. And, another thing Dave would never admit: Cal reminded him of Bro. He had died when Dave was only 16.
He decided to take Cal to his room without letting any of the other Daves see him. Wouldn’t it be a surprise for them? Well, since they were all from the future, he guessed not. But, hell, he had found Cal and it was reason to celebrate. He put Cal on the bed, sitting him up and deciding how he’d go about this. All of a sudden, Dave gripped the bedpost as an overpowering dizzying feeling took over. The state lasted for a full minute, in which he sat down and put his head in his hands. And once, during that little spell, he could have sworn he heard a little voice saying “Dave…”
But eventually he stood up and brushed it off as the normal effects of staying up for over 30 hours and listening to Rose’s boring-ass report on Kingpin’s latest heist. Hell, he had busted that shit up as CrowBro. Ah well. He looked at Cal and decided he’d introduce him to the rest now then take a rest. He pressed a button on the microphone hanging from the wall and made his announcement:
“Striders and Gentlestriders, this is alpha Dave and I need all of me in the main room in 5 minutes. Got an important announcement to make.” He decided to quickly wash off Cal in the tub before setting out for the main room of the mansion. Gotta make sure he looks his best.
He looked over all the various versions of himself, all in the Dave Mafia outfit of a black suit with the broken record insignia on the left chest. Or right depending on if they were flipped turnways. However, he noticed that they all looked… nervous? Nervous as a Strider could be without losing his cool, of course. Well, they knew what was coming; hell most of them had made this announcement themselves. He decided to start immediately.
“All right dudes, pretty sure y’all know this, but I found a little somethin’ from our past. You know him, you love him, give it up for the little dude of cool: Lil Cal!” he said the last bit as he whipped off the bed cloth he used as a cover for the puppet. Unfortunately, he hardly got the reaction he expected. Most of them, in fact all of them looked just as nervous as before. Some of them just got up and left, muttering an excuse about business.
“Aight, but if any of y’all wanna hang with the lil dude, he’s gonna be sitting outside my room, all right?” With the look he was given, he doubted Cal would move at all for the duration he was here. “OK, imma go and rest, y’all get back to your businesses.” Was that a shudder he saw in one of himself?
To call it rest was being far too nice. Dave had nightmares unlike any he had since he was just a little kid in the old apartment. And the worst part was how vivid they were. Every bomb exploding, John’s lifeless eyes as the blood drained from his face through his mouth, every strand of hair in Jade’s unmarked face except for the fact she had no eyes and her nose was ripped clean off, every drop of sweat as Terezi writhed in pleasure with Karkat on top her… it was as if it was all real. He bolted up at least six times that night and by the time Rose called him at 10:30 AM he felt more tired than when he went to bed.
“What?” Dave snapped at the phone.
“Well, that is a nice way to say good morning.” Rose replied, smooth as marble. “Had a nice rest? I’ve called you at least three times. Every time a Dave brushed me off, saying he knew what you were going through tonight.”
“Rest? Fuck yeah. Slept like a baby. Nope, no nightmares at all. Didn’t see you getting your head run over by a Gamzee-truck or nothing, nope, not at all.”
“Why don’t you ask one of yourselves? They should know what happened.”
“C’mon Rose, you know how that happens. I ask one of ‘em, bam, universe changed, I’m a paradox clone, and I’m gonna get run over by a buncha kids on the way to the candy store or some shit.”
“Very well, no need to get snappy. You’re required at HQ, instantly.”
“Fine. Oh, and by the way Rose, you’ll never guess who I found in an alley all by his lonesome. Lil Cal! Lil bro’s gonna be rocking it up with us now.”
“Oh dear, I had dreaded seeing that little mannequin again. Please do not bring him to the headquarters, Strider.”
“Ah, fine. I’m on my way.” And with that he hung up. He brought Cal inside and laid him on the bed. Huh, that was weird. Did Cal just… blink? No time, he knew Rose would get on his ass if he spent more than ten minutes getting there. And it was a fifteen minute drive.
I know, my quotation grammar is absolutely horrible, I was never good at that.
EDIT: Ooh, ninjad by copRezi sprite. Looks great, like the symbol on the shoulder. Although is there any way to make her look more... I dunno, mature?
[13:15:04] Mike: "Disgruntled: I've seen some shit. ø ø' "
[13:15:43] Kavi Cordi: SHIT THAT DONT GET UN-SEEEEEEEEEN
[13:23:46] Mike: LIKE MY FAAAACE. ø ø
[13:23:48] Mike: http://upload.majhost.com/gallery/Oc...less/angry.png
[13:24:02] Kavi Cordi: Kavi Cordi BOLTS OFF TO SCHOOL
[13:30:50] Mike: They should use her face for a "Stay in school" campaign.
[13:30:52] Mike: It works.
I just look at that sprite and I still can't see anything but 6 sweep old Terezi in a police uniform. It's fine as is, but a little maturation would make it perfect. Sorry if I'm sounding a little harsh, I'm just a blunt guy.
[13:15:04] Mike: "Disgruntled: I've seen some shit. ø ø' "
[13:15:43] Kavi Cordi: SHIT THAT DONT GET UN-SEEEEEEEEEN
[13:23:46] Mike: LIKE MY FAAAACE. ø ø
[13:23:48] Mike: http://upload.majhost.com/gallery/Oc...less/angry.png
[13:24:02] Kavi Cordi: Kavi Cordi BOLTS OFF TO SCHOOL
[13:30:50] Mike: They should use her face for a "Stay in school" campaign.
[13:30:52] Mike: It works.
Recently found this thread and am chuckling at the idea of Karkat Gamzee and Nepeta pulling capers together, so i made a shitty drawing of such a caper to commemorate the discovery of an awesome thread.
Haha, that looks like just the perfect kind of plan that would happen when Gamzee or Nepeta gets to make the plan and Karkat just goes along with it grudgingly. Hm... that needs a fic.
Haha, that looks like just the perfect kind of plan that would happen when Gamzee or Nepeta gets to make the plan and Karkat just goes along with it grudgingly. Hm... that needs a fic.
Are you going to, or can I use this concept to slap some of my illiterate sludge onto this thread.
Haha, that looks like just the perfect kind of plan that would happen when Gamzee or Nepeta gets to make the plan and Karkat just goes along with it grudgingly. Hm... that needs a fic.
Are you going to, or can I use this concept to slap some of my illiterate sludge onto this thread.
Nah, you can, I'm working on this Cal fic and then the Mushroom Farmer that was my original plan.
Gone. It was gone. What used to be the lovely Nitram mansion was now a heap of smoldering wood and embers. Smoke caught in the chilly autumn air, and it only added to the sickening feeling that Karkat had in his stomach.
“:((< what are we going to do, Karkitty?”
What were they going to do? Every day it was getting colder and colder, and he knew that the homeless shelters wouldn’t take them in, what with their status as well-known crooks and the like. They were used to getting at least a floor to sleep on in the winter months from Mr. Pupa, but now they would be forced to go back to sleeping in the alleyways, in abandoned buildings, or even in some of the seedier bars in town. But more importantly, their steady funds that they had relied on for more than a year were gone, for the time being.
“LiKe WhO wOuLd BuRn DoWn ThE hOuSe Of A pOoR cRiPpLe KiD, tHaT’s NoT rIgHt MaN”
“Gamzee, you and I both know that Mr. Pupa lived here, it was easy to figure out even with all those fucking hiveshit ways he would bring us here.”
“BuT i MeAn, MoThErFuCk, NoT eVeRyBoDy KnEw AbOuT hIs AlTeR eGo.”
“DD: < that’s pawful! did someone just r33lly hate people in wheelchairs?”
“No, someone had to know that Tavros Nitram and Mr. Pupa were the same person.”
They all stared solemnly at the ashes for a while longer before retreating into the alleyways. The Nitram Mansion was in one of the classier sections of town, and if the trio were caught out in the open someone would have called the cops. Even while they had employment here they still hit up some of the houses for their precious heirlooms and other sources of cash. Eventually they made their way through the maze of alleyways and into the noticeably poorer districts of the city. They were on their own again, for the time being. Just like old times again.
***
A week had passed with no word from Mr. Pupa. Before, he had gotten one of the many consorts that littered the city to contact them, impatiently tugging on their clothes and sometimes even writing in their own blood to get the message across. But they hadn’t come across any consorts save the poor, dying salamander who’s only warmth in the fall were the mushrooms that he had harvested from god-knows-where. After filching a few from the unconscious amphibian, they had not met any others.
This was not a good sign. It meant that a harsh winter was ahead, if all of the consorts had already gone into hibernation or were cramped in their hidey holes somewhere.
And so they sat, in the Lost District, in a partially destroyed house that at the very least shielded them from the cold.
“FUCK! I can’t believe that he just fucking abandoned us like that! After all we did for Pupa, and he doesn’t even give us the slightest hint or help!”
“:((< well, maybe he’s hiding somewhere, and can’t reach us right now! maybe he’s trying to find a way to make sure we’ll all be safe when we meet again!"
“It’s Mr. Pupa we’re talking about! The criminal mastermind with more irons in the fire than even Hephaestus! And you’re telling me that he’s scared of somebody?”
“ThAt’S gOtTa Be OnE wIcKeD mOtHeRf-fUcKeR,” stammered Gamzee.
The last week had not been kind to Gamzee. At first the team thought that Mr. Pupa would be in touch with them in a few days, so they kept going to bars and drinking the cold autumn nights away. But as they days went by, and their pockets grew emptier, they realized that they would need to save their money. Sadly, sopor slime had NOT been in the budget, it having been replaced by silly things like meat, vegetables, and fresh water.
“I c-c-cOuLd ReAlLy Go FoR a NiCe PiE rIgHt NoW, mY sKuLl’s PlAyIn PiNg-PoNg WiTh My ThInK pAn”
“:))<here, gamz33, it’s not pie, but it’s your second favorite!”
Nepeta handed a lukewarm Faygo to the shuddering clown that she had been keeping in her coat for the entire day. She had managed to get away with buying a few before Karkat realized and stopped this careless waste of their tight funds.
As he nervously began to chug the wicked elixir, the other two sighed and closed their eyes. Hopefully night fall would take their pains away into a blissful sleep, but they were trolls and this was all but impossible. A sudden crunch outside, like someone trying to alert someone else to their position, awoke them only moments later.
Karkat peeked his head out through a small crack in the wall, then instantly pulled it back. Green. A dark green that shone through the darkness, hinting at its preternatural nature. The Felt.
Fuck fuck fuck FUCK. he thought. This can’t be a coincidence. They’re not just traipsing down some alley at 8 o clock at night going for a stroll. They’re looking for something. Someone. Us.
“:((< what was tha-“
Karkat’s hand quickly clasped itself over Nepeta’s mouth, and they edged back into the shadows, towards where Gamzee lay, curled into a pathetic shape. The three lay utterly quiet, though not still on account of Gamzee, in the shadows, listening to the menacing crunch of leaves and broken glass in the alley outside. Just when they had thought that they were in the clear, and that they had not been spotted, a bright light illuminated the room and their shivering bodies. A square, stern, and menacing face appeared right next to the light, and it’s voice called out, “BOSS! I FOUND ‘EM!”
Fuck you, Matchsticks, Karkat thought to himself. The Pupa had once given them a rundown on the Felt, but only one bit of advice when dealing with them: Run. If you get captured, he had said, and you even think about telling them anything, then the crocodiles will come and eat you alive.
“Ah, the Karkat gang,” said a smooth, but powerful voice. “The Pupa’s dogs.”
“:((< we’d prefer to be called kittens, thank you!”
“Nepeta, shut up. Not the time.”
A head adorned with a maroon hat marked with a seven appeared in the doorway next.
“I don’t believe we’ve ever met. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Crowbar. And you all are our captives.”
“OfFiCeR wE dIdN’t TaKe It We SwEaR…”
“Tee hee! He thinks we’re police officers, Boss!” giggled the one in the purple hat.
“No that guy’s just outta his mind looks like the pupa’s got a bunch of grade a henchmen right there huh employing a crazy guy is he really that desperate I mean come on.”
“It’s a cryin’ shame, Itchy,” said Crowbar. “Now bag them up and lets go. We don’t want to attract too much atten-”
The distant sound of police sirens suddenly reached the ears of the crew.
“Now! Fin, Trace, Itchy, bag them up!” yelled Crowbar, before realizing that the trio had escaped in the moment of confusion.
“DAMMIT! Alright, change of plans. Hide from the cops, then we’ll go after them. Think we can do that, Trace?”
“Righto, bothth” he said, lisping through his gigantic underbite.
And with that, another light filled the room. This one was a bright green rather than white, and it came from a matchstick of a similar hue. As the eerie green light filled the room, time slowly grounded to a halt. With Fin leading the way out of the cops future trails, the team worked their way up to the rooftops where they wouldn’t have been seen. There was no rush, as Matchstick’s time stopping powers could last for as long as they needed it to. And once they had gotten situated, perched low on a rooftop with only one purple hat sticking out into the gloom, they waited.
As much luck as they had from Clover being around, Crowbar got a little nervous. Most of the cops were chumps, but a few of them like Ms. Scratch and Sniff here were something else.
“Bothth, I don’t get it, right here in the trail the jutht turn away!” whispered Fin.
Ahhh, so that’s how they got away.
“Itchy, distraction time. We’ll catch up with you later.”
“Got it, boss!” the yellow hatted speedster whispered, then raced off along the rooftops.
With cries of “GET HIM!” and “THERE HE GOES! CATCH THAT FELT!” the cars peeled away and after Itchy. And as Itchy bounded one way, the five others on the job followed an all-but-invisible trail to their targets.
***
It was a fuckin MiRaClE that any of them had gotten out of there alive.
Especially since Nepeta and he had to drag Gamzee’s limp body almost half the way there when he ended up collapsing halfway through. There was an old power plant half way into the Lost District, and Karkat could only hope that the energy that it gave off would end up messing with the Felt’s power.
“:??< karkitty who were those guys? and why did they come afurr us?”
“I think that that’s probably the Felt. And they’re probably the culprits for the mansion fire a week ago.”
“>:((< so they went and burned down that poor boy’s mansion? that’s horrible!!!”
“Yeah, and I don’t think we’re done seeing them today. Be on your guard.”
“:33<It’s a good thing we got the weasel to protect us if we’re in trouble, right???”
“Ugh, yes, I’ll use that stupid artifact if you need me to. Don’t expect me to don the costume though.”
“: ((< awwww…”
“Come on, Nepeta, it wouldn’t be practical. For now, let’s make sure that we’re well protected.”
And so the duo left Gamzee to go through his withdrawal from sopor in a small corner, and worked on barricading the entrance with bits of wood, metal, and dirt that had accumulated over the years.
“://< so do you think that those guys are going to try and find us again?”
“I don’t just think it, I know it.”
***
“Are we still tracking their past trails, Trace?”
“We’re still thmack on ‘em, bothth. Hey, watch this.”
Trace suddenly stuck his foot out in front of him into the open air. He swung it back, and a few seconds later a cloud of red dust was knocked up by an invisible force.
“Thee that? I got ‘em! I tripped ‘em up! They never even saw it coming!”
“Very good, Trace, now just make sure that we get there.”
“Tho, bothth, when we get there, can I think my teeth into one of ‘em for good meathure?”
“Fin, stop trying to live out your stupid fucking shark fantasies. Lord English told us specifically that there would be no violence, no casualties, just capture. So no force unless it’s needed. And no biting, that’s just disgusting! Do you know where they’ve been?”
“They probably have Herpes!” added Clover with a giggle.
“This is no time to be joking, Clover,” growled Matchsticks. “This is serious business. We have to get the information from those thieves.”
“Correct, Matchsticks, but remember who’s in charge here?”
“Right, sorry boss.”
“Hey, bothth, looks like they’re heading for the old power plant!” exclaimed Trace, finally piecing together the past trail.
“Good work, fellas, now we just bag ‘em.”
***
“MoThErFuCkEr…WoUlD sOmEBoDy TuRn DoWn ThE hEaT?”
Karkat and Nepeta, huddled together for warmth, eyed Gamzee nervously. He seemed to be having fever like symptoms from his withdrawal, and would go into a spasm every few minutes that was disturbing to watch. Neither of the two had ever seen Gamzee off of his drug, and they worried how long it had been since Gamzee had been sober.
“:((< are you okay over there Gamz?”
“To Be HoNeSt I aIn’T fEeLiN tOo MiRaCuLoUs RiGhT nOw”
He then proceeded to go into a fit, scratching ever inch on his body like a dog that had been overrun with fleas. He eventually just started to roll on the floor, teeth clenched in pain as his nervous system was thrown into overdrive, and his hands flailing across his body. Then he abruptly stopped, and curled into a ball again.
It was bad enough not having enough money to pay anything beyond the absolute essentials, but watching their friend be in so much pain was simply too terrible to watch. They had no idea where Gamzee had gotten his sopor before, so it was likely that once they had been able to buy the sopor from the local high-end stores that his drug-addled brain had forgotten.
Gog dammit, I shouldn’t be trying to piece together the past now thought Karkat. I should be trying to figure out how the hell we’re going to survive the Felt
And, as if on cue, a muffled voice echoed from outside, “Knock, knock, anybody home?”
And then a mixture of noises, of scraping, crashing, breaking, thumping broke the silence that they had held so dear. There stupid little roadblock wasn’t going to work. The felt were going to break in and catch them, and then it would be all over. No telling what those freaks could do.
With a burst of flame, the group of six burst into the hideout.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT WITH US?” shouted Karkat, leaving any hopes of stealth behind.
“We’ve been instructed to bring you in for questioning, Mr. Vantas,” said Crowbar. “It seems you might have some information on where our mutual friend the Pupa is staying, seeing as you are his…kittens.”
“WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! HE’S LEFT US ON THE STREETS FOR WEEKS!”
“No need to yell, Karkat. I’m sure you’ll be helpful none the less. We have so many questions to ask, and so little time before Lord English is ready.”
With that, Karkat reached into his pocket, his hands gripping the artifact in rage. No. He was not going to let these creeps take them in. Not after everything else that they had gone through.
Still, it’d be nice to have some help. Magpie? Egbertman? Fuckin’ CrowBro? Anybody. Hell, even the police would be nice.
“Yeah, I don’t think you’ll be wantin’ to do that Karkat. In case Pupa didn’t let you know, this crowbar right here can be very effective against artifacts. So if you want to keep it in one piece, I recommend that you just come nicely. Maybe Die will take it easy on your interrogation…” said Crowbar, a sneer across his face.
“Enough chit chat let’s just get this over with already!” exclaimed Itchy, before rushing at Karkat.
Karkat barely had time to whip out his sickle, while Nepeta brandished her claws. Neither of them were going down without a fight, especially not when their suffering friend’s life might be on the line. As both of them futilely swiped at the yellow speed demon, he landed kicks and punches with rapid succession. As the leapt out of the way, they were met with a strike back into the direction that they came, along with a grin from Fin. It seemed hopeless.
This aura of hopelessness was further compounded upon when several of the pipes above them broke loose, spraying hot steam directly into their faces.
“Whoopsie!” giggled Clover, as he slid down one, landing a with a crack against Karkat’s skull.
Dazed and beaten, the two collapsed to the floor, only to see that Gamzee was standing again.
A thick, purple stream ran down his face, and his eyes had lost their typical bloodshot purple color. In fact, they were wide open.
“Outta the way, motherfuckers, miracles coming through.”
As Itchy raced towards him, Gamzee’s eyes narrowed in concentration, as the neurons in his head fired with more speed than they ever had in his life. He took a quick step to the right, and stuck his leg out. Itchy barreled over it, slamming into the wall opposite him.
“Son. Of. A. BITCH!” yelled Itchy, before charging again, his arms flailing in a flurry of punches.
Gamzee blocked every single one. His mind was ablaze with thought, with processes that seemed faster than instantaneous. Knowledge and intellect that had been blocked out for twenty some years had suddenly flooded his brain, setting forth a symphony of actions and reactions.
Despite Itchy’s impossible speed, his reactions were close to a normal humans speed, so Gamzee was even able to land a few good, if not a bit weak, punches into the green man’s stomach. He staggered back and collapsed from exhaustion.
“What…the…fuck?” grunted Karkat, struggling to his feet.
Trace and Fin readied themselves for whatever their new threat would do. In response, Gamzee stood absolutely still. The noise inside his head, the cacophony of processes that, for the first time in a long while, were actually uninhibited, had rose to a roar. Gamzee started humming in order to let some of the noise out, but it wasn’t enough. Reaching his arms out, he wrenched a thick pipe out of the wall, surprising the two shark-esque men. Dozens of calculations streamed through his brain, the right angle to swing it, their most likely reactions, the force at which to swing it, where he should aim the recoil, all instantaneous. And so seemed his swing, and how it managed to richochet off the floor, straight into Fin, who ended up slamming into Trace, and then the two of them were caught under the pipe as it was sent slamming into them.
Clover then decided to test his luck on this newfound threat, leaping through the rafters with his trusty little diamond cane at the ready. It was really for show, but as the jewels that adorned it could pack quite a punch. He flew down the pipework, jumping from one to the other, his glasses barely staying on his face, but yet they did. Everything was perfect, he had the perfect shot…
Until Gamzee tripped backwards.
“WHAT? That’s not lucky at all!”
Clearly, Clover had underestimated the power of Miracles. And also a Sober Gamzee.
As he was picking himself off the floor, a heavy pipe came crashing down on his head.
This was enough for Crowbar. Four of his men taken down by a drug-addled nobody? That was not gonna fly.
He rushed him, Crowbar in hand. If only he could result to firearms, but, no, he had to stick to nonlethal, this kid was important. With the most powerful swing that he could muster, he aimed for the kid’s face. And it stopped midswing.
Gamzee was looking seriously deranged right now. The way that he looked at Crowbar down the length of his weapon was enough to unsettle even him, and he had seen a few things in his life.
Caught off guard, the crowbar was whipped out of his hands and into his head, leaving his head reeling. Behind him, he heard Matchsticks nervously fumbling. Matchsticks knew that he had to get rid of this guy, and he had to get rid of him NOW. Gamzee thought the exact same thing. Well, that among other things. His mind, all in the matter of seconds, weighed the outcomes, planned the advance, analyzed the repercussions, and insured success.
Busy trying to light one of the green matchsticks on his coat, Matchsticks did not notice the crowbar that was flung towards his chest. A bit top heavy and tall, he could not keep his balance, and staggered back, only to lose control over his green matchstick. Gamzee was the one that gained control over it, striking it against the falling man’s coat and freezing time for himself.
And yet the beat inside his head rolled on, and on, and on. He was practically singing right now, the Bard to his overpowering mind. He staggered over to Nepeta and Karkat, bathing them in the green glow, and awakening them from their timelessness.
“:??< gamz what happened?”
“How the fuck did that happen, Gamzee? What did you do?”
“Shhhh, bro, we gotta get outta here”
And with that he showed them a series of cables that they could climb, and a nice little hatch at the top that led to the rooftops. Eventually, they managed to climb up and outwards, but they had all the time in the world.
“Go on ahead, I’ll catch up.”
Karkat and Nepeta climbed out the hatch, while Gamzee pulled out a small knife and began to work magic. A few second later he emerged, and the trio jumped away into the night.
***
Later, the Felt would wonder how the hell the entire system of pipes, scaffolding, and supports had managed to collapse on top of them in only a moments notice.
Clover chalked it up to miracles.
***
It was too much for him. The noise was overpowering, and he could barely drown it out even with the most intense concentration.
What Nepeta and Karkat had thought was him humming and babbling was actual coherent thought if they listened closely enough. Letters, numbers, equations, phrases, they all tumbled out of Gamzee’s mind without him ever missing a beat. Somehow he managed to match every single syllable that he made to a note, and it ended up making a melody of thoughts, with him as its Bard.
Right now he just wished he could shut it off. Only sopor had been able to do that before, and only sopor could do it again. His mother had done it with drinking. His grandfather had done it with smoking. He had done it with sopor.
“We need to get him to a doctor, and quick.”
***
“I Do Not Think That This Is A Good Idea. I Should Report You For Even Being In Here.”
“LISTEN, BITCH. OUR FRIEND IS IN DANGER HERE OF GOING INSANE. HE’S IN PAIN, RIGHT NOW. HE NEEDS HELP.”
“:((< even though karkitty said it in a way that is very m33n, gamz33 n33ds some help right now dr. maryam!”
“Yes, I Can See That, But I Do Not Even Know How To Begin To Treat This Madness.”
Gamzee only clutched his head and moaned, scribbling entire trains of though onto the doctor’s office walls with a pencil that had seemingly appeared from nowhere. Occasionally, he would have a moment of lucidness and apologize, before proceeding to erase everything off the wall, only to slip again into a fit of madness.
“:33< well, uh, before, he used to take sopor slime in order to ‘chill out,’ but he’s been off it for a week!”
“Well Perhaps That Is The Problem. Perhaps We Should Let His Withdrawal Pan Out. It Is Appalling That He Attempted To Ingest That In The First Place, Let Alone Made A Habit Of It.”
“Look, he’s not going to make it a week if you don’t do something about this,” said Karkat, exasperated.
“That May Be True. As Much As It Pains Me To Do This, I Will Help Out Mr. Makara”
She had known these trio from somewhere before. Perhaps before, when she had helped out at the orphanage, or when she was growing up, someplace else than the wanted posters plastered all over town. With a grim smile, she decided to be their secret auxiliatrix, and let them into the resting room to take some of the slime with them.
***
A few days later, a message from Mr. Pupa finally arrived. He had a new job for them, and he had a new place they could stay in the winter.
When Nepeta and Karkat described what had transpired that night, Gamzee had no recollection of what had happened. As always, he chalked it up to MiRaClEs.
So yeah. It's a bit long. Also, Matchstick's color is Pink Because Red+White.
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. It's my first Troll Cops Fic.
Also: I didn't know Kanaya's color, so could someone let me know so I can fix it?
Last edited by zebtrestalala; 01-12-2011 at 11:19 AM.
Reason: Does this color seem right?
Also, is it just me, or does it sound like Gamzee's "Condition" is not only hereditary, but has been getting more intense. The Old Goat was able to control it with simple tobacco, his mother needed alchohol, he needs to remain in a permanent drug-addled haze.
Also: Idea: Maybe Mister Pupa knows about the Miracles. One of the reasons he uses Karkat's gang is to make sure they have the money to feed Gamzee's habit. He's hoping to figure out some way to harness the power of Sober Gamzee, but he's smart enough to realize that he can't outsmart the Miracles, and any attempt to do so would probably result in "Mister Miracle" Taking over his network AND the city government, just to have enough problems to keep his mind busy.
Edit: "Clover chalked it up to a Miracle". Best line ever.
Last edited by Bloddyredcommie; 01-11-2011 at 10:49 PM.
That's like an origin story of emesis' Midnight Crew+Trolls pics...awesome
EDIT: I need to get some sleep but horrible story ideas enter my head as I lay down to rest!
Cat Fight
Situated in Dockside, The Cod Place was a popular bar and club of ill repute for the city's vast underworld. Many criminals stopped there to celebrate successful heists, bemoan run-ins with Officer Sh4ll-Not-B3-N4m3d-4loud or to perform much needed transactions that supplied fully two-thirds of the city's true economy.
The Karkat Gang liked the place because they were able to use it as a warm place to sleep when they were younger and the owner, Mr Bard, gave them drinks back then without asking for identification, ot that they need him to do that anymore, except for Nepeta, she didn't drink alcohol. Bad things happened when Nepeta drank alcohol.
Really bad things.
Tonight, the Gang was at the Cod celebrating a successful heist that was not related to Mr Pupa meaning they got to keep all of the proceeds. Food and supplies for weeks, and some extra to blow having fun.
"Here's to the heist guys. We couldn't have done it without each other."
Gamzee and Karkat raised their beers in a toast, Nepeta raised up a chocolate milkshake. They clicked their mugs together and drank down. God that was refreshing.
Gamzee put down his empty mug and motioned to Flothers that he needed a refill.
"So My FuCkInG pAl, WhAt'S nExT?"
"To be honest man, I'm not going to worry about that. We're set for the foreseeable future with the proceeds from this and the last thing we pulled for Pupa."
":?? < So we're going to taking it 33sy and have fun?"
"I guess so."
":33 < I want to go to the Zoo! Can we go to the Zoo?"
Nepeta bounced around her seat happily at the thought.
"Sure, why not. I've never been there for legitimate reasons. You fine with the zoo Gamzee?"
Gamzee paused in the middle of his second beer and stared off into space. It always took questions some time to push their way through the sopor-induced haze of his mind. But when they did, he generally responded to what you actually asked him.
"Oh FuCk YeAh! I hAvEn'T bEeN tO tHe ZoO sInCe I wAs...Oh...Oh My..."
Oh shit, flashback. Karkat quickly snapped his fingers in front of the clown's face, bringing him back to the current reality.
"YeAh MoThErFuCkInG zOo."
The three occupied themselves with their drinks and talking about what they wanted to do with their free time. They rarely had moments like this, but they had learned long ago to pack them with whatever they could get away with.
You never knew when you'd have time like that again.
Or when those times would be rudely interrupted.
Karkat, Gamzee and Nepeta were too busy chatting with each other and laughing to notice a woman making her way towards them.
"Seriously Nepeta, you want to see the lemurs more than the big cats?"
"X33 < They're just soooo cute! If I had known about them befur I would be a lemur and not a kitty!"
"Well you know about them now."
"B|| < You efur hear of a lemur-burglar?"
":PP < Besides, there's no lemurs in the city for me to burgle besides those at the zoo!"
Karkat looked at his catgirl friend woozily. She was his catgirl friend, not his cat girlfriend, that would be sick if she was a cat and his girlfriend, though she was cute...
Karkat was going to agree with Nepeta's suddenly practical logic but he was stopped by a pair of arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders. He glanced out of the corner of his eyes to see lips he swore he had seen before.
"Are you guys having another party?"
Karkat's eyes widened as the alcohol haze was burned away by the sudden need to be acutely aware of what was going on RIGHT NOW.
"What? What are you doing here?"
Nepeta was confused, she looked back and forth between Karkat and the new woman.
"I'm just out having fun. I can have fun can't I?"
"Well yeah, it's just that I didn't think your kind visited this place."
"My kind? Just because I'm the Magpie doesn't mean I can't visit seedy dives looking for lovely shiny things."
Nepeta's beaming smile that usually occupied her face slowly started to fade as something sank in.
"Oh...okay. But Maggie, I was planning on spending the night with my friends."
Maggie, obviously drunk, took in the others at the table.
"Oh it's you two. Hi clown and kitty."
She waved at them before turning her attention back to Karkat. Nepeta motioned for Daunchy to come over.
"Did you remember the important thing Karkat?"
Karkat's eyebrows raised in confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
"Karkat! It was important that you remembered it!"
"What the fuck are you talking about."
Daunchy arrived at the table and started to converse with Nepeta.
"I'm disappointed that you didn't remember it. How could you forget this?"
To Karkat's horror, Maggie turned around and raised her skirt exposing her ass to all in the room. There was a little bird on her underwear. Gamzee's mind shut down and his vision glazed over. Nepeta's eyes flared and she placed her order.
"Oh god, can't you leave me alone? I..."
"What? You didn't enjoy our rooftop escapades?"
"No! I mean...I..."
"You were definitely enjoying it that night."
Maggie purred as she rubbed his horns. Karkat tried to control himself. Damn those sensitive things. Nepeta's smile was completely gone and her eyes were focused on Maggie.
Karkat wondered what her problem was.
"Come on Karkat, let's leave these two and go somewhere quieter."
Karkat babbled nervously, trying to get the drunken woman away from him. Nepeta's drink arrived and she downed it in one swig.
Karkat's mind screamed an all-stations alert and his head whipped towards the now empty glass sitting in front of Nepeta.
"WHAT WAS THAT?"
Nepeta stood up, focused on Maggie who was still messing with Karkat's horns.
">:[[ < A Swamp Wizard."
There were very few things that had an express passage through Gamzee's brain haze.
News that Nepeta had just down one of the most powerful alcoholic drinks in the city in one gulp was one of them.
In fact, that news had its own ticker tape period because shit was about to get real.
Karkat was frozen in terror, a condition that worsened when Nepeta punched Maggie hard enough to send her back a good ten feet.
">:[[ < Stay away from him you BITCH! KARKITTY'S MINE!"
She then threw herself onto the table and pounced at the prone woman, who, despite being drunk as hell, had incredible reflexes.
The two started to fight, throwing each other around and tearing at each others hair and clothing.
Karkat was looking straight ahead at his other companion in terror.
"Gamzee"
"YeAh?"
"What the fuck is going on?"
"YoU gOt TwO fUcKiNg BaBeS fIgHtInG oVeR yOu My MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcUlOuS fRiEnD."
"Me? They're fighting over me?"
Behind them, the two women knocked over several tables, sending other patrons flying. It was a flurry of hair, brightly colored clothing and animal-themed caps.
"WhAt? YoU dIdN'T cAtCh ThOsE fUcKiNg ViBeS?"
Karkat leaned forward, genuinely curious about what Gamzee was trying to say.
"What vibes? What are you talking about?"
Gamzee leaned forward as well, genuinely confused why his friend was. It was obvious what was going on...wasn't it?
"DoN't FuCkInG tElL mE tHaT yOu HaVeN't NoTiCeD tHe HoT bItChEs TrIpPiNg OvEr ThEmSeLvEs To GeT aT yOuR hOrNs?"
"What girls are you talking about? Sure, I've talked to plenty of women."
Gamzee's eyebrows raised in shock at what he was hearing.
"But they weren't interested in me - not like that."
"WhOa, I tHoUgHt I wAs FuCkInG oBlIvIoUs."
"What?"
There were loud crashes around them as the fight tumbled around the Cod Place. Daunchy screamed in terror as the combatants used him as a weapon temporarily.
"YoU MeAn YoU dIdN'T rEaLiZe ThOsE wOmEn WaNtEd YoU?"
"Like who?"
"LiKe ThAt FuCkInG sCiEnCe BiTcH aT tHe FoRt."
"You mean Jade?"
"YoU eVeR tAkE uP hEr OfFeR tO mEeT uP sOmEwHeRe OfF bAsE?"
Gamzee's eyebrows and ears waggled naughtily.
"No...I just thought she was being nice."
"WhAt AbOuT tHaT mAgGiE nEpEtA's FiGhTiNg RiGhT nOw OvEr YoU?
HeLl, LeT's NoT fOrGeT nEpEtA! ShE's WaNtEd YoU sInCe BeFoRe I mEeT yOu TwO fUcKeRs."
"Maggie's just odd and Nepeta..."
Karkat's eyebrows furrowed in yet more confusion.
"Nepeta likes me? I mean, likes me likes me?"
Gamzee gave his obviously clueless friend a deadpan stare.
The sounds of destruction had subsided by now as the largest men in the bar had tackled the two women and pried them apart. Mr Bard walked up between them and started talking to them both. Karkat was too busy with his indepth conversation with Gamzee to watch what was going on. Otherwise he would have seen that the Cod Place's owner had set up something between the women.
They followed him into the back and there was suddenly commotion on the stage that dominated the bar.
"You can't be serious about that. Nepeta doesn't like me that way."
"WhY tHe FuCk Do YoU tHiNk ShE kEePs ThAt ShIpPiNg WaLl?"
"I thought was just into shipping everyone she ever met."
"ShE dId It To GeT yOuR fUcKiNg AtTeNtIoN!"
"Then why did she constantly mention it when we ran into Jade and Maggie for the first time?"
"BeCaUsE sHe WaS jEaLoUs AnD wAnTeD tO eMbArRaSs YoU!
DoN't TeLl Me YoU'rE rEaLlY tHiS tHiCk MaN!"
"I'm not thick!"
"I nOtIcEd BeFoRe YoU dId!"
Karkat stopped and thought about that for awhile.
Meanwhile, Flothers and a badly battered Daunchy pulled a large plastic tub onto the stage and then started to fill it with something.
"Really? You've noticed this all the time and never told me?"
"FuCkInG hElL! I fIgUrEd ThAt If I wAs NoTiCiNg ThIs MirAcUlOuS sHiT gOiNg On, YoU mUsT hAvE."
"I thought all those women were just being nice to me.
I mean, I'm not that great of a person. Why'd they like someone like me?"
Gamzee was taken aback by this. His best friend doubting himself?
On the stage, the two women came out in their underwear and animal caps. Well, Maggie came out in her underwear, Nepeta had to borrow some garments from the dressing area for the women that worked at the Cod Place. Mr Bard was on stage yelling something to the very excited audience.
Pity Karkat was completely oblivious to all this as his mind retreated within itself. He was obviously troubled by these revelations, but Gamzee found himself distracted by what was going on now elsewhere.
"Gamzee...Gamzee? What's going on?"
Karkat's gaze followed his friend's and he froze yet again. He felt the blush starting at his toes, making its way up his body, as he watched what was going on.
Nepeta and Maggie had climbed into the pool and started to fight each other yet again.
Pudding was everywhere.
People were cheering.
Gamzee was uttering something about miracles.
Karkat's mind broke.
But he couldn't stop watching.
After what felt like an eternity, Nepeta stood victorious over the face-down Maggie. She pumped her fists into the air and stalked off the stage towards her old table.
When she got there, Karkat stared up at her stupidly. His mouth was hanging open and he just muttered something stupidly as she looked down at him. He continued babbling as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him up off his feet to kiss him passionately. The blush spilled over his neckline and raced up to his horns in record time.
Nepeta raised one of his hands into the air, leaving him dangling by one arm. Unable to comprehend what was going on.
">:33 < KARKITTY IS MINE! THIS ONE IS MINE BITCHES!"
Back on the stage, two similar looking fellows retrieved the unconcious girl from the pool. Her father was going to have a long talk with her.
Karkat finally started to approach reality again and he looked up at the still barely dressed Nepeta.
"Zoo good?"
A/N:
What the fuck is this
Why did this enter my mind and why did I post it here? Oh god so many questions.
You need to make a continuation from this. :v
It's too hillarious to let go!
Everything of importance is in the spoiler below.
Currently on pesterchum as tiresomeKleptomaniac - Throw Khia Nemensi a pester! c:
[13:15:04] Mike: "Disgruntled: I've seen some shit. ø ø' "
[13:15:43] Kavi Cordi: SHIT THAT DONT GET UN-SEEEEEEEEEN
[13:23:46] Mike: LIKE MY FAAAACE. ø ø
[13:23:48] Mike: http://upload.majhost.com/gallery/Oc...less/angry.png
[13:24:02] Kavi Cordi: Kavi Cordi BOLTS OFF TO SCHOOL
[13:30:50] Mike: They should use her face for a "Stay in school" campaign.
[13:30:52] Mike: It works.
and Gamzee /so tempted to try and draw his grandpa - moustache? C</
Karkat seems so unimpressed x3
Originally Posted by KOACD
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