TROLL!COPS: The AU

[crepuscularDissembler]

Awww. Karkat's failure at blackrom is a multi-universal constant.

Learning how to draw Karkat's hair is like a strange and mystical journey that every MSPA fanartist must go on. Each person comes up with their own unique answer.

(Wow I make up some weird delusional stories late at night)

[Unlogic]

Hello, I've never really written fanfiction before, but this thread is full of amazing ideas, and I had to write this.

Him Again

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A homeless man walks down the street, his oversized green coat trailing behind him. The coat has been heavily patched, and is rather in need of more of them. "What will I do today?" he thinks to himself. But of course he already knows.
- - -
A young man stands in his bedroom
aaaaaaaohmygoshhowdidyou...
It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is this young man's birthday.
ok, how did you even know that? Who...
Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!
are you even listening...
What will the name of this young man be?
look, whoever you are...
The strange man walks out the door, his long coattail trailing behind him.
weird.
Several hours later, John finds "Zoosmell Pooplord" taped to his back.
- - -
A man insults Offices Serket's waistline as she walks down the street. Before she can arrest him, he disappears into the crowds.
- - -
Tavros Nitram is leaving a successful meeting at Nakdoofenpap Headquarters, and by successful, he means Mr. Pupa made those fools an offer they wouldn't dare refuse. He is being wheeled back to his limousine when an improbably dressed homeless man crosses his path and stops.
uH, cAN i HELP YOU, uH, sIR,
The man stares at him. Intently.
uH, cAN YOU PLEASE, uH, mOVE, sIR,
The man is continuing to stare at Tavros. It's starting to creep him out.
wELL, iF YOU DON'T, uH, nEED ANYTHINg, uM, i'LL JUST BE,
NOOOOOOOOOOOO
uH, wHAT,
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!
And he ran away, screaming his head off.
uH, wELL THEN,
And although Mr. Pupa would never admit it, the man's sudden proclomation disturbed him in a way he didn't really understand.
- - -
Sign up for FREE information about GREAT DEALS on WeightSystem's patentedweight loss systems!
>Officer Vriska Serket, 1895 Main Street...
- - -
You are one of the top Problem Sleuths in the city.
wwhat
Solicitations for your service are numerous in quantity. Compensation, adequate.
wwhos saying that
It is a balmy summer evening.
like fuckin hell it is
You are feeling particularly hard boiled tonight.
there you are
What will you do?
get away from my fuckin window
- - -
HeY tHeRe, My MiRaCuLoUs MoThErFuCkEr, GoT aNyMoRe MiRaClEs FoR mE tOdAy?
...The story must stay true.
hUh?
...
WhAtEvEr, As LoNg As YoU kEeP uP tHe MoThEfRuCkInG mIrAcLeS. gReEn SlImE fRoM tHe GrEeN cOaT, hElL mOtHeRfUcKiNg YeAh.
- - -
This is the moment he has been waiting for. The only inhabitant of the Alternian Police Department is Officer Medigo, unconscious and downloading updates. The man removes a red hooded outfit from the depths of his coat. It has wings attached to the back and is utterly ridiculous looking. He slipped it onto Aradia's prone robotic frame as quickly as he could, which wasn't quickly at all, and began to head back toward the door. As an afterthought, he swaps all of Officer captor's spare left shoes with identical white ones...
- - -
[color="#a1a100"]hey, how diid you get iin here?!/COLOR]
D --> Get him
Oops. Too slow.
H3H3H3H3H3H3
YOU GET TO SM33L J41L NOW, MR M4N >:]
- - -
LET GO OF ME, FUCKASS
TH3N M4YB3 YOU SHOULD STOP ST34L1NG STUFF
OH 4ND YOU H4V3 COMP4NY TOD4Y
FUCK
H3H3H3H3 >:]
1N YOU GO
And then this happened.
- - -
Tell me when these body image issues started, Ms. Serket.
8veryone is calling me fat!
8v8ry8ne!!!!!!!!
- - -
An elderly receptionist sits at a desk, doing whatever elderly receptionists manage to do when there is nobody needs reception.
RIIING RIIING RIII
"Hello, Alternian City Sanitorium, how may we serve you today."
A familiar man walks through the door.
"Hold for one moment please..."
CLICK
"Oh, it's you again."
"..."
"You're going to yell at me again aren't you?"
THE STORY ISN'T RIGHT!
"Uh-huh."
She reaches past the buttons labeled "Security' and "Emergency" and presses one labeled, simply, "AH".
THE BROWN ONE IS STILL ALIVE! THE RED ONE IS STILL DEAD!
"You're going back to your room now."
THERE ARE ACTUAL UNEQUIVOCAL ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS FORMING!
Guards arrive to take the man away.
"You're going back to your room now."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"Nice to see you again, too, Andrew."
- - -
The man, Andrew, is taken to a room reverved for him. The room number is unintelligable, crossed out and replaced with 413. Across the walls, and down the ceiling, are the same four words, repeated over and over and over again.

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THIS IS INCREDIBLY SILLY
THIS IS INCREDIBLY SILLY
THIS IS INCREDIBLY SILLY

[sebastian]

This was incredibly funny.

[kaoticAntagonist]

New fic, part of a midnight crew series im planning. It centers on Diamonds Droog. Hope it doesn't suck too badly.

Become a Member: Carbon Nadsat

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Standing on the dirty linoleum floor of the warehouse Droog bent down next to the body,careful not to stain his suit, and opened his briefcase. He pulled out a pair a gloves, put them on, and then retrieved a scalpel and his pair of pliers. Carefully cutting the shirt off he made incisions near the bullet wounds, wide enough that he could reach in with the pliers and pull the bullets out of the .

There were three of them, small. .22's he supposed. The bullets looked normal, but since they wasn't specially made to kill carapaces, or even trolls, and the body looked like it had been dragged here, he figured that it wasn't a planned hit. It was probably a bar-fight, or a old enemy finally getting drunk enough to settle a score. Killed the asshole, panicked, and tried to get rid of the evidence. They were nowhere near the sea, so he would have dropped the stiff in first empty building they found.

They were right to panic. Only an idiot would even try to hit a member of the midnight crews personal circle on purpose. Didn't matter to him though. The man had worked under Boxcars, which meant it was his job to take care of retribution. Droog had just been in the area, and Slick had said to check it out.

Well, he was done now. And it turned out to be a big, fat waste of time. Figured. Well, he was going home as soon as Slick got an answer about the mans murder.

He stood back up and straightened his clothes. Sometimes he wished that he didn't wear suits everywhere, but appearance was important. You couldn't just go around killing people in a t-shirt. The look was half of the battle. You had to be clean cut, stylish. You had to look like you owned the city. Especially if you did. Some people just didn't understand that. Even Slick though he was a bit obsessive about his clothes. They just didn't understand how much it mattered that people saw what you wanted them to see.

If you make them scared enough of your shadow and they will never see the man casting it.

He walked out to his car, and glanced at the moon. It was almost full. He stared at it impassively for a minute, before getting into the car and calling the pick-up crew to get rid of the body. He looked at a note he had made this morning reminding himself that he had to stop at the grocery store again. He sighed. It was almost 11 o'clock and he would be lucky if he could find a store that was still open. If he took the detour to report to Slick he would never make it in time.

Fuck it, he thought, Slick can wait a damn day about nothing

He started the car and began the long drive home.

A/N

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first of a series of midnight crew fics. needs revising and some editing, and a change to the title, but im going to post it now and fix it tonight. hope it turns out well.
Edit: Revised with some free time I had. Now to try and finish the Vris/Tav, and Rose fics ive been neglecting.

[gingerale]

So many good fics again! And a fun comic too! And that Andrew!

Wigmund's made me go "d'awwww" out loud at the end, hehehehe. Awesome work! Got to love Thollucth. ^^

Ooh, going to be follow following this MC story!

[Wigmund]

@mikash: That was cute Keep contributing to Troll!Cops
@Unlogic: So that's why Sollux' shoes never match! I could have sworn I wrote something about Sollux fretting over his shoes in Teapot Mystery, but I may have just thought about it and never wrote it in.
@kaotic: Oh wow, I can't wait to see what happens next.

Wigmund's made me go "d'awwww" out loud at the end, hehehehe. Awesome work! Got to love Thollucth. ^^

Thanks for the compliments everyone.

Mama Captor is almost certainly gonna re-emerge in the future. She's going to be too much fun to write for if I develop her much more.
"2o my liittle Honeybee, you've met thii2 beautiiful 2mart woman who love2 you 2o much that 2he pretend2 to bee a 2uperviillaiin 2o you two can meet up," Stops to take a sip of her tea, "When are you ju2t gonna tell tho2e piiece2 of fuckiing 2hiit who would 2ay anythiing about thii2 two fuck off and giive me 2ome grandchiildren? All of your other 2iibliings have, II want 2omeone to 2poiil from you."

[kaoticAntagonist]

Midnight Crews' story title has been changed and I edited the story a bit. Should be a bit better now.

[mikash91]

So i was thinking about Mr. Pupa and his stooges and came to an awesome realization.

So in my "gunpowder-powered-cranium-launcher"TM Mr. Pupa sets up high profile jobs with huge payoffs for the trio but takes the overwhelming majority of the loot for himself leaving them with such a small percentage that even a single person would have trouble surviving and get's them horrid lodgings if any at all. And i was thinking "Where the hell did i get all this? It seems so familiar." and then it hit me. Pupa and the trio are a troll Group TNT from Alan Ford [which probably only a few Italians and ex-Yugoslavians have read] only they'r criminals instead of detectives.

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Number One

Fits well does it not?

[kaoticAntagonist]

I would disagree. To me Mr. Pupa doesnt waste resources. Keeping the Trio in poverty wouldn't keep them helpful. If anything it would breed resentment. He tries to keep them as happy as possible. Or at least Nepeta and Gamzee happy. Karkat is never happy. Plus Karkat knows full well that the Pupa is using them. He goes along because he doesnt have a choice, but is constantly trying to find ways to either get away from pupa or at least to get him to leave nepeta and gamzee alone. Pupa probably keeps them around not only because they are good thieves (which they are) but because he has plans that need them. Maybe he is searching for the mythical birthplace of the artifacts. maybe he wants to rule the city, or maybe he just wants to destroy everything. who knows. he himself probably doesn't. He is deeply insane. That probably why Vriska doesn't just drop him out a window. His mind is to dense with crazy to get it to do anything it doesn't want to. And now i realize that i just dropped a bunch a head-cannon here. my bad. ill go back and work on fics now.

[mikash91]

I kind of got the vibe Karkat did what Pupa wanted because he wanted to keep him from messing with his friends, Nepeta and Gamzee did what he wanted 'cause they trusted Karkat and Pupa used this to spend the bear minimum on the trio. Though this may be because i like the story opportunities it opens with them struggling to survive harsh winters hoping Pupa didn't just forget about them, and also i'm only up to page 11 of the thread so i'm not up to date on the common perception of the AU.

[Wigmund]

As kaotic said, Mr. Pupa has plans. We have no idea what those plans are, but they involve using the Karkat Gang, mind-slaving Vriska despite his overwhelming urge to kill her, employing a sadistic flesh-eating dark-magic wielding consort to control his murderous urges so he can stand marrying Vriska, causing shit with every major group in the city - including the military and so on.

Maybe I'll write something where we get the first ideas of what he's planning, but I'd rather just keep it all mysterious and seemingly chaotic on his part.

Right now, I'm piecing together a RoseKanaya fic for Troll!Cops. Someone mentioned I should write something involving that, so I'll grant their wish...once I figure out what will go on.

[mikash91]

Well i just got a face full of knowledge. Now i'm really psyched about readin' all that stuff you mentioned.

[mythmonster2]

And I decided to pump out another chapter tonight. This one's about as long as the rest, but quite a bit happens. I'm just not good at elaborating or making things very long. One of my faults as a writer, I suppose.
Cal Part 4 3 2 1

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Dave opened his car door and stepped into the pouring rain. Around him were the people Rose had called and told about Cal. Egbertman, Space Lass, Lalonde herself, and fortunately Officers Pyrope and Captor happened to be off duty. Naturally, Terezi had turned the car around as soon as she got the call. Or would have if she had been driving.

“All right guys, I’m sure Rose has told you all about what’s going on, but I’m recapping. It’s Lil Cal, a puppet from my past. Somehow, and I don’t know how, he’s come to life.” Dave noticed the uneasy looks on most of their faces. Were they here because they actually believed him, or were they going to try to stop him? “He’s threatening this whole city in some insane plot to get even with me. He has the twelve-orbed ring. He’s gonna give it to Droogs at midnight, but he’s playing with me. We have until then to stop him. If we don’t… this city’s fucked.”

Rose stepped in, taking charge immediately. “We will need to team up. If this puppet was able to best Dave in single combat, he will most likely be able to take any one of us down as well.”

“1’m go1ng w1th D4v3.” Terezi spoke almost instantly.

John said, “Of course. I’ll go with Jade.”

“Then I gueth that it’th me and you, Lalonde.”

“All right,” Dave couldn’t help but be nervous, “Let’s do this. We have to stop him.”

The duos went their separate ways. It was pitch dark, and the flashlight Dave brought wasn’t helping much. Fortunately, after being given a quick description of Cal, Terezi was on the lookout for any “blu3 gush3rs 4nd or4ng3 cr34ms1cl3s w1th chocol4t3 str1p3s”. The rain didn’t diminish her smelling abilities at all, but she couldn’t help but be distracted by Dave’s nervousness.

“H3y, com3 on. W3’ll f1nd h1m. For sur3.” Dave only responded by feeling the mark left on his chin, remaining uncharacteristically unwitty. He had hardly spoken a word since leaving the rest. However, that drought was broken with a sudden flash of movement.

“He’s over there!” He began running towards Cal, who had jumped out from the bushes he was hiding in.

“Ov3r wh3r3?” Terezi, on the other hand, seemed to be totally lost. She sniffed the air like a bloodhound, but all she could smell was the same black licorice of the dark forest. That smell was soon interrupted by another one, a much more powerful one: the smell of candy red blood falling from Dave’s mouth.

“Help me Terezi!” Dave lunged with a stab, but Cal teleported behind him and elbowed him in the back of the head, flooring Dave.

Terezi still sniffed helplessly. A thought came into her mind, maybe he had somehow de-odorized himself completely, knowing she’d be here. She fumbled for her pumpkin-smelled flare gun she had brought on a whim and fired it into the air.

“1 c4n’t sm3ll h1m! 1 c4ll3d for h3lp!” Just in case not everyone saw it, she also radioed Sollux with the situation and the location. Fortunately, he and Rose had already seen the flare, and so had John and Jade, who burst through the foliage immediately after Terezi finished her radio message.

“H3lp D4v3!” The cherry cough syrup blood was starting to worry Terezi, she smelled way too much of it to be safe. But to her astonishment, John and Jade were just standing there, staring at Dave with a look of confusion.

They saw Dave fighting nothing. He was flash-stepping and slashing and stabbing as in any of his regular fights, except for the fact that he had no opponent. And yet somehow, Dave was thrown against a tree. His shirt was ripped, revealing a large number of cuts from his collisions with the forest floor. He doubled over and coughed up blood, then turned to Jade, who only gasped. His sunglasses had fallen off, and his eyes were wild with frenzy.

“HELP ME! HE’S KICKING MY –“ but Dave was cut off as he ducked under one of Cal’s hook punches. But before Dave could bring his sword up into Cal’s exposed abdomen, he was kneed in the face and fell backwards. A flash of lightning, accompanied immediately by thunder, struck. Cal was gone.

Dave turned upon his friends and exploded.

“WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU GUYS HELP ME? DON’T YOU SEE WHAT HE DID TO ME?” As if on cue, he doubled over and spat out some more blood.

Terezi was cowering, and pleaded, “D4v3, 1 couldn’t sm3ll h1m. 1t’s l1k3 h3 w4sn’t th3r3!”

“Then what about you two, huh? You showed up halfway through the fight and all you did was just stare at me like I was crazy!”

And uncomfortable silence descended. John broke it. “Dave… there wasn’t anyone there. Terezi’s telling the truth. You were fighting thin air. And you lost.”

Dave stepped back. “Then how the fuck do you think this happened to me?” He gestured to his beaten body, covered in scrapes, cuts and already sporting quite a few bruises. “Did I do this to myself?” When nobody answered, he shouted again, “Well? If I wasn’t fucking fighting Cal, how did I get these then? How!?”

Jade stopped him, “We don’t know, Dave! We don’t know. But you weren’t fighting Cal. He wasn’t here.” As he looked into her eyes, he realized that the drops on her face weren't rain; they were tears.

But before he could respond, another voice joined the verbal fight.

“Strider. They're speaking the truth. Officer Captor and I accidentally stumbled across you two almost as soon as we left the meeting spot. We were about to go another direction when we heard you shout. We witnessed what they did. You fought nothing.”

Dave opened his mouth to shout again, but Sollux cut him off by showing his cell phone to Dave. Dave almost swatted it out of Sollux’s hand, but a shout from the screen caught his attention. It was him. Sollux had apparently taken a video of Dave’s fight, and it played out exactly as it had ten minutes ago for Dave, with one crucial difference: Lil Cal wasn’t there. Despite the lack of an opponent, Dave still fell back on the wet screen of the phone, then got back up, only to be thrown into a tree by what seemed to be nothing but air. Dave looked away. He felt the cuts on his back surge in pain as he relived the experience in his mind, not hard considering it was only five minutes ago.

Dave, having already lost his cool back in the alleyway, was visibly shaken. “No. No that’s impossible. How… how could I have fought nothing and still gotten beaten up?”

“That is precisely what we are going to find out, Dave. Now, come with us, and we’ll take you to the hospital. Officer Megido was luckily a stone’s throw away from here, and her car is ready to take you to the hospital right now.”

“No. NO! That’s not possible! Maybe he has another artifact or something so y’all can’t see him, but HE’S REAL! You have to believe me.”

“Then I’m sorry, Dave.” Rose nodded to a person behind Dave. And then there was blackness.

[complexTalent]

I can't wait til I'm not drawing so I can read some fics. And when it's not 3 a.m.

I thought of this like a month ago, hahaa... gonna put it under a spoiler for SEIZURE WARNING.

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[Deeum]

Wigmund: Can I just.. fangirl somemore? 'cause the whole 'Honeybee' nickname is just too damn precious for it's own good. I was grinning like an idiot when reading it. (I kind of wanna draw Sollux's mom now.)

ComplexTalent: I saw it on tumblr and had KITTENS. Wonderful job~

Hello unlurkers! You make me insanely happy to see you guys here.

[gingerale]

Hee! Great updates in here again!

Wish I really had something to contribute with. ;_;

[sebastian]

So i was thinking about Mr. Pupa and his stooges and came to an awesome realization.

So in my "gunpowder-powered-cranium-launcher"TM Mr. Pupa sets up high profile jobs with huge payoffs for the trio but takes the overwhelming majority of the loot for himself leaving them with such a small percentage that even a single person would have trouble surviving and get's them horrid lodgings if any at all. And i was thinking "Where the hell did i get all this? It seems so familiar." and then it hit me. Pupa and the trio are a troll Group TNT from Alan Ford [which probably only a few Italians and ex-Yugoslavians have read] only they'r criminals instead of detectives.

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Number One

Fits well does it not?

There are some similarities. (and they would be a good fit in the TNT group ) but from the various fanfics I got the impression that when they do a job he give them money enough that they can kick back and relax for a while, so I don't think he starve them. Also that would be inefficient, if they end in jail because they dtole something to survive he can't use them when he need them unless he use resources to free them, which is again inefficient.

Of course Pupa is insane so who can tell for sure.

[Wigmund]

Wigmund: Can I just.. fangirl somemore? 'cause the whole 'Honeybee' nickname is just too damn precious for it's own good. I was grinning like an idiot when reading it. (I kind of wanna draw Sollux's mom now.)

Mama's a fun character. She's a sweet mother who swears like a sailor and she just wants her seven children to be happy, especially her little Honeybee.

I want to do more involving her, maybe her giving Sollux and Feferi 'The Talk' that's looming at the end of Apiculture.

[mythmonster2]

Yes. That would be amazing.

[Wigmund]

Shit, I wish I could edit my posts...I forgot Mama's horns >_<

[Blox]

@complexTalent
Glorious Seizures /ships these two so hard/

@kaoticAntagonist
Yessssss MC fics can't wait for more 8D

@mythmonster2
Oh gosh it's finally happened, Dave has become too ironic for his own good and has turned insane xD
/Awesome awesome awesome/


/Finally has a contribution
Spoiler'd for longness C:

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[super_aceX]

/Finally has a contribution
Spoiler'd for longness C:

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Oh gog, I nearly woke my sister up when I saw it, NOOOOO PUPA NOOOOOO! KARKAT WHY!?!

[kaoticAntagonist]

The only way to make that cooler was If that sword was a lance

[Wigmund]

Because I can't resist writing more about Mama Captor and, to be honest, I want to take the SolluxFeferi romance into the open especially after the latest flash. There's only so much to do with The Culler, she can do more as Mayor's Aide Feferi Peixes like the aide in SWAT Kats.
Motherly Advice

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Sollux couldn't believe what he was seeing in his mother's living room.

There was his mother...and The CuttlefishCuller...and three cups of tea sitting out...

Oh fuck.

"Ah, there you are my Honeybee. II beliieve we've got 2omethiing to talk about," Mrs. Captor motioned to the empty seat in between herself and Feferi.

"Uh...what'th happeniing here?" Sollux closed the back door and moved up to the seat, but didn't sit down. He just looked back and forth between the two women who were looking up at him, "Why iith thhe here Ma...er...Mother?"

"Mother?" One of Mrs. Captor's eyebrows raised, "2iit your a22 down boy or el2e II'll ju2t beat thii2 wii2dom iinto you."

Sollux's mother stared at him, her gaze unwavering, "Don't thiink that ju2t becau2e you're a twenty-2iix year old cop that can 2hoot la2er2 out of hii2 eye2 wiill dii2uade me. II'm your mother, Honeybee, II brought you iinto thii2 world whiile 2creamiing and cu22iing, II'll take you out of iit the 2ame way."

Sollux quickly sat down and picked up the cup of tea, Feferi was blushing and trying to not look at either of the Captors, Mrs. Captor just turned back to Feferi and smiled at her.

"2o, II take iit that you are the one they call 'The Cuttlefii2hCuller', am II correct?"
Feferi smiled at the woman who just scared the living shit not only out of Sollux, but out of her as well, "Yes Ma'am, I am-"
"Niice co2tume you've got there Mii22 Feferii Peiixes."
Feferi blushed and started to mutter, "II can tell liittle mii22y, mo2t people iin thii2 ciity miight be thiick as cow 2hiit on a cold wiinter'2 day, but II'm not mo2t people."
Mrs. Captor took a sip of her tea and smiled at the two thickies sitting with her, "2o what prompted you to dre22 up a2 a cephalopod and act out the2e 2uperviillaiin fanta2iie2?"

Sollux and Feferi glanced at each other and they both sighed.
"I...I started do t)(is because I developed a crus)( on Sollux and I wanted to find a way to meet up wit)( )(im."
"How 2weet, do contiinue."
"I first met )(im at a conference w)(ere )(e was providing security. We ran into eac)( ot)(er w)(ile )(e was walking around and we started to talk."
"II ended up lothiing track of tiime...we talked the niight away. Terethhii wath piithhed."
Feferi giggled and Sollux blushed, his mother just gave them both a small knowing smile, "I wanted to meet )(im again, but I'm t)(e mayor's aide and daug)(ter of )(ouse Peixes...t)(ere was no way we could meet up wit)(out causing a scandal for eit)(er of us."
Feferi looked over at Sollux, he took her hand and squeezed it, "Keep goiing giirl, there'2 more to thii2 2tory."

"I decided to adopt a persona t)(at would let me roam t)(e city and find Sollux. So I decided to become The Culler."
"And then thhe broke iintwo the Mutheum of Natural Hiithtory, II wath thent iin two iinvethtiigate. II found her prowliing around the thephalopod ekthiibiit."
"I was wearing suc)( a glubbing stupid version of this costume. I used large pipe cleaners as tentacles! )(e)(e)(e)(e"
Mrs. Captor just smiled at the two as the reminisced.
"II wath tho fuckiing confuthed about what the hell wath goiing on. Thhe kept droppiing iinnuendo on me."
"You've alway2 been a liittle thiick dear," another sip of tea.
"T)(en )(e cuffed me. But I escaped from t)(em and slipped the cuffs on )(im w)(ile I kissed )(im."

Mrs. Captor started to laugh, she put down her tea and started to roll in her chair until she couldn't breathe, "That'2 a good talent to have honey! II'm 2ure my liittle Honeybee appreciiate2 that talent 2ome niight2."
Feferi and Sollux glanced at each other and blushed, Mrs. Captor squinted at them both, "2o you haven't gone that far have you? 2ollux, you are a noble 2oul in 2trange tiime2."
One of Feferi's tentacles twitched and jarred something on a table behind her. Mrs. Captor looked at her and arched that eyebrow yet again at her costume.
"Any way you can change out of that? II'd rather not have to clean up broken gla22 becau2e of your nervou2 2pa2m2 giirl."
Feferi blushed, "I could...but..."
"The bathroom'2 down the hall, 2econd door on the riight. A2 much a2 2ollux miight enjoy iit, II'm not goiing to make you change iin front of hiim."

Feferi got up and excused herself and then disappeared down the hall. Mrs. Captor turned to her son and sighed.
"That mu2eum break-in happened two year2 ago. Why diidn't you tell me you met a new giirl?"
"II...II wath hethitant...II wath afraiid..."
Mrs. Captor moved to the couch and had Sollux come sit next to her, "You're afraiid that you could lo2e her liike you lo2t Aradiia."
Sollux just nodded and wiped away the mustard tears that started to stream from underneath his shades. They heard a gasp and looked up to see Feferi in a sundress, her hand was over her mouth, purple tears were forming in her eyes.
"I...I'm sorry Sollux...I never knew t)(at you two were toget)(er..."
"IIt'th alriight FF...That wath yearth ago..."

Sollux got up and took Feferi's hands, "Thiinthe then, II met you and II've never been happiier...II..."
"Ju2t 2piit iit out boy."
"II love you Feferii."
"I love you too Fis)(sticks."
"Now iif you two would ju2t admiit iit iin publiic."

The two lovers turned around to face Mrs. Captor who had gotten up from the couch and moved up to them, she placed her arms around them, drawing them in close to her.
"Bu-but Mrs. Captor...t)(e )(ig)( )(ou-"
"Fuck tho2e iinbred twiit2 giirl. The only people'2 opiiniion you 2hould care about ii2 your own and 2ollux'2."
"But-"
"Don't you 2tart up eiither. You two need to ju2t head out there and admiit your love. Ye2, 2ome wiill complaiin, but tho2e people are piiece2 of fuckiing 2hiit and don't fuckiing matter."
Sollux and Feferi looked at each other, smiled and embraced.
"That'2 better."

The two began to kiss, Mrs. Captor just smiled at them, "Next thiing II want two talk about ii2 when can II expect grandkiid2 from you Honeybee?"
Sollux's eyes bulged and he pulled away from Feferi, coughing, "Wh-wh-what?!"
"[color=ff9933"]Grandkiid2. The re2t of your 2iibliing2 have giiven me liittle bundle2 of joy to 2poiil. Even you're baby 2i2ter. You're the la2t one.[/color]"
Feferi just stood there in stunned silence, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Mrs. Captor looked at her and beamed a huge shit-eating grin.
"Don't worry Feferii, you don't need to ru2h. II ju2t 2aiid that to get 2ollux'2 goat."
She hugged the two again, "II just want you two to bee happy. Now II've got to get 2ome 2tuff done around here, 2o you two need to 2kedaddle ."

She chased the two out the front door and watched them walk away hand-in-hand, Mrs. Captor smiled and walked back inside her house. She sat down on the couch and picked up her phone.
"So, how d1d 1t go?"
"Perfectly, maybe now they'll stop all that coy bull2hiit and ju2t admiit theiir love to everyone."
"H3H3H3H3, 1 k1nd4 doubt 1t, but w3 c4n hop3. C4n't w3 Mrs. C4ptor?"
"II've told you Terezii, you can call me Mama. Anyone who help2 my 2on ii2 famiily to me."
"W3ll th3n M4m4, do you w4nt to h1t up th3 Cod Pl4c3? 1 h34r th3y'v3 4rr4ng3d 4noth3r f1ght b3tw33n N3p3t4 4nd th3 M4gp13."
"Of cour2e, II'm alway2 up for a good driink."
And with that, the two conspirators laughed.

Oh dammit, I read the latest updates while doing this... Fuck canon, these two are gonna be alive and happy in TrollCops.

[gingerale]

Yeah, don't you dare to kill Fef in this one like Andrew did, Wig! Bluh.. I love those two together too much here. >.<