I WILL POST AGAIN IN THIS THREAD WHEN I HAVE TIME I SWEAR TO GOD
You guys are great.
The corgis are always on to something. Always.
Your chumhandle is corgiliciousCorgitude and you Give maD shOut Outs tO mans best frienD DOG TUMBLER
Originally Posted by Slayer0
DAMN YOU WEIRD TIME SHIT
Originally Posted by RappinPicard
FOX NEWS ALERT: BILL COSBY KILLED BY BP OIL SPILL
Originally Posted by DgallowsCalibrator
id love it if that 8 player session really became a thing.
id love to see what future every kid has to say about their past selves.
"What are you doing with your bucket just sitting out there? GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE!"
"Lol what? :B"
"No no no, the yarn of destiny never connected Frigglish to the animosity revolving around the eternally serious government funded shit, it simply isn't canon what are you doing"
"You are not nearly as helpful as I initially hoped that you would be"
"HURRY UP AND CONNECT FUCKASS"
"BOO HOO HOO IM TRYING "
Originally Posted by PetPeeve
The narrator is telling the Geek Chorus to RELAX. We've had crazy people here be "disappointed" about events that haven't happened yet (how is that even a thing?), and formspring questions threatening regequits (oh dear gods no, anything but that) over a reset button that hasn't been pushed.
I think it's been made abundantly clear that Mr. Andrew Hussie has read the Evil Overlord's guide and does not need any warnings of obvious traps and pitfalls. So stop pointing them out. Wait for for him to fall in one, and THEN you can point and laugh, but don't bet on it happening.
On the other hand, being unhappy that the story may not take the direction you want? Don't do that unless you want to be pointed to and laughed at for being a big dork. As Andrew has said countless times, Homestuck is not your fanfiction.
Originally Posted by jacobin mutterings
Son this shit ain't Lord of the Rings here. It's Lord of the Flies. Everything that's happened to the trolls is sad and fucking regrettable. There is no great confrontation between good and evil for the fate of the world, it's just a pack of fucked up kids from a fucked up planet getting completely screwed forever. Kick down son and lighten up on the moral superiority.
e - okay it's also outright hilarious. eat me, tragecomedy is a thing that exists.
Agh, sorry for doublepost, but I had another spur-of-the-moment-idea thanks to recent updates. Without further ado, here is what is probably my longest work for this thing yet,
Canon!? We have an evil, scary Tavros. We don't need no stinking canon.
I wonder if it says anything that I like this AU better than I like canon now...
Ach! Hans, run! It's the lhurgoyf! AVGN Quote of the Moment-I-Have-Time-To-Update-It: "When we heard that a Ghostbusters game for Nintendo was coming out, we were so excited, we shit our pants! Literally, shit came out our asses and we rocketed through the roof! "
Hey Deeum, looking at the OP Fanfic lists, you've got mythmonster's I'm Here listed under my name. Just want to let ya know.
Alright, I've cleared my mind and I've come up with something awesome. But first I'm gonna drop this: The Windy Thing
...15 years ago, during the Green Sun Disaster...
The boy tossed and turned and woke with a start, "MOMMY NO!" He stopped and looked around...this wasn't the airplane...where was he?
He turned around to see that he was on a couch in someone's house and there was a girl on the couch next to him. She was watching that terrible 'Squiddles' cartoon. She glanced at him when he sat up and gave him an annoyed look, "You're awake. Mother was most concerned that your unconsciousness was going to be permanent."
"My what? Where's my mom and dad? Who are you?"
"So many questions from someone who should be thanking me for keeping him company while the world goes crazy."
"Didn't you see the explosion? The news says something happened to Hiveburg and the military is gonna come to the city because everyone's gone insane."
"I...I...I only remember that me, my dad and mom were in our plane and we were flying...oh...oh noooo..."
The girl rolled her eyes as the boy started to sob uncontrollably. She was glad her mother cleaned the blood off of him before she brought him down here. Pity she couldn't find any clothes for him.
"I...I'm sorry John."
"What for? And how do you know my name?"
"Your dad told Mother and myself your name when he brought you to the house. You were unconscious and covered in blood. Your plane crashed nearby."
"Where's my mom?"
Rose looked away from the boy so he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes, but he figured out what was going on.
He curled up on the couch, covered himself and sobbed horribly. Rose tried not to cry, but she couldn't help it. So much was going on and she didn't know what to do. But at least she could try to comfort this strange boy. John leaned into her when she wrapped her arms around him and started to cry with him.
An hour later, he cried even more when his father showed up with his hat in his hands and tried to explain to his son what had happened to his beloved mother.
...13 years ago...
He couldn't believe it when his father told him that he was going to get married again. Sure, John liked Rose's mother...but having her as his own mother?
"You can't do this Dad! You can't marry again! What about Mom?"
His father took him by the shoulders and hugged him. James explained to his son that his mother would have wanted him to move on, she would want them both to enjoy life. It was hard for James to explain it in a way that didn't sound hollow and selfish, but he was never one to make speeches...or talk much at all.
Eventually, John had pulled himself around to accepting Lillian as his mother. She was nice and kind and constantly spoiled him. She was nothing like Rose had made her out to be. He never understood why Rose was so bitter towards her. His father said it was just a phase girls went through. So 6 months after his father told him about his intent to marry, he was ecstatic to serve as the ring bearer when Mrs. Lalonde became Mrs. Egbert. Rose never accepted the new last name, she didn't like it. John never knew why.
...10 years ago...
Mrs. Egbert could not have asked for a better son. He was so terribly interested in everything she did. He loved ectobiology, he loved chemistry, he loved the sciences. John did feel bad because he felt like he was a wedge between Rose and her mother. But they both told him that he wasn't.
He didn't want to do that to either of them. He loved them both too much to want to hurt them.
...7 years ago...
High School graduation, John was so excited that he was the valedictorian of his class. He had been accepted into Alternia City University where he already decided to study the ectobiological sciences so he could help Mrs. Egbert with her work. It was going to be great. A year later, he was excited to hear that Rose had followed in his footsteps and was the class valedictorian, but he was startled when she told her family that she wasn't going to college and instead decided to stay at the city's library in the archive department.
...4 years ago...
John was startled when he got a call from Rose. He hadn't spoken to her in years. She basically disappeared after high school.
Several days later, he was even startled even more when he was blindfolded and led deep into the city's sewers. After what felt like hours, the blindfold was removed and he found himself in a massive room. There was ectobiological equipment and Skaian artifacts everywhere. There was another guy wearing black shades and a black-haired woman there as well as Rose and a female troll that was standing next to her.
"Uh, Rose? What's going on here?"
"Well John, I've been busy for the past few years."
"Yeah, I can see that. So what's all this?"
Rose waved her arms as she walked towards him, "This, this is S.E.E.R. and I'm formally inviting you into our Society."
"The Society for the Elevation of Ectotechnological Research. I founded this group to help protect this city from the ravages of the artifact-powered street gangs by seeking to contain and understand these artifacts and finding better ways for them to help society as a whole."
Rose grabbed John by his shoulders and looked into his eyes.
"I want you to help us John."
"Sure, why not? What do you need me to do?"
Rose took a step back from John and reached into a pocket to pull out a ring.
"This artifact will let you tap the powers of the winds and enhance your strength and durability."
"OH SHIT! I CAN BECOME A SUPERHERO!"
Rose glanced at everyone else as John danced around like a fool, but she was startled when he suddenly kissed her and took the ring from her hand. Kanaya glowered at him.
"Thank you sis, you won't regret this!"
John placed the ring upon his finger and was transformed. His lab coat and slacks were transformed into a blue outfit with a ridiculously long hood.
"So, what do you plan on calling your superhero persona?"
John looked at himself in a nearby mirror, flexed a bit before turning back to face everyone in the room.
The guy with the black shades smacked himself in the face for some odd reason.
...2 years ago...
He'd never been in a police station before, so John was rather cautious when he walked inside the APD Headquarters.
They invited him there because they wanted to have a meeting with the city's resident super hero population so they could learn to coordinate with the police and not cause any more incidents like that incident involving CrowBro wiping out a DOOF team when they busted in on him going after a MC drug lab.
John walked around the HQ talking with the various police officers, he found himself chatting away with a sergeant who was incredibly impressed with Egbertman's strength and durability...creepily impressed and obsessed. John eventually excused himself and tried to find his way to the conference room he was supposed to meet up with Space Lass, CrowBro and the CuttlefishCuller (who was acting rather heroic whenever it struck her bizarre fancy).
He opened a door and stuck his head in to find out if it was the right place when a woman yelled at him.
John jumped back, "I'm s-s-sorry."
John started to apologize, but stopped when the woman opened the door wider so she could yell at him directly. She flipped her hair and glared at him.
And John's heart fluttered.
"I, uh, I...I, uh, I..."
"I, uh, wh8t? Spit it out you idiot!"
"I was just looking for the conference room where the supers are to meet up with the APD Command..."
"Does this look like a conference room? C8n't you read the sign?"
"I'm sorry, I was just wanting to ask for directions."
The woman glared at him, pouted her bottom lip and tossed her hair again.
"8luh, fine. Th8t room's just down the hall. It's the 8ig dou8le doors m8rked 'Conference Room'."
John smiled at her, prompting her to do the same to him.
"Thank you, Miss...uh?"
"Vriska, Vriska Serket."
"Well, thank you again Vriska Serket."
John smiled at her as he back down the hall, only turning around to watch where he was going when she went back into the dispatch room and closed the door.
...6 months ago...
That was fun.
Well, except for that bit where he got shot in the chest. But hey, he got to help save the day and the life of the Sergeant Zahhak.
John wondered what got Rose so upset when he told her about the guys who took over the place.
He also wondered why Kanaya would jab him whenever he would smile at Rose.
She was a strange woman.
Egbertman was flying over the city for the first time in months. Rose, Mom and Dad had all insisted that he take time to heal up properly before going out on patrol. It took them a while to convince him, but they eventually did.
But now, he could enjoy protecting the city again.
As he flew near the Docks, he received word from the radio interceptor Dave gave him that something was going on.
Shit yeah, some action. John checked his new hammer and readied himself.
This was going to be fun.
Sorry, this felt a little weak. But I think I got a little rusty after not writing anything here in the past couple of days. Hope you all enjoyed this still.
I'm already got my next couple of fics planned out. Two more timelines and then what may become a multiple part story.
Prepare for a huge shift in several characters' lives >:3
Idea: Tavros is in fact capable of walking, on a set of powerful robotic legs.
In fact, much of his body is mechanical. He had suffered a terrible accident at a young age, the aftereffects of which were still present and were slowly killing him.
Then The Pupa emerged, and instead of letting his body wither away and die, he began to replace those damaged parts with steel and iron.
He just plays at being a crippled diabolical mastermind so that his subordinates are all the more surprised when he stands up and backhands them across the room.
Dockside, backbone of Alternia City's criminal activity. Everyone had a secret warehouse here, every gang would raid something here and every bit of contraband entering the city passed through here at some point.
And it was the favorite prowling ground for Egbertman when he was out on patrol. He was basically guaranteed action every night he flew around the area.
Tonight proved to be no exception when the receiver on his belt sparked to life as the police notified each other about a possible break-in at a warehouse/dock complex close to John's position. He loved this gadget Rose gave him following the Nakdoofenpap Tower incident, now he'd know what was going on without having to stumble upon it.
John flew to the approximate area the police were talking about and landed. Flying directly into a situation led to bad results he found out when he first started his superhero career. He was harder to kill, but he still could be badly hurt. Bullets stung like hell and having Kanaya pull them out hurt worse.
John crept through the darkened alleys that were between the incredible number of Dockside storage facilities, light industrial buildings and randomly stacked cargo containers. He could hear something crashing and breaking up ahead, but due to the darkness he couldn't see anything.
Eventually, the superhero reached the end of the shadows and took in what was happening in front of him.
Lots of pirates.
They were moving in and out of a warehouse and loading what looked like random containers into a collection of speed boats. John flew up to the top of the building, making sure to not reveal himself to his opponents. Had to get a good position to reveal himself from.
Best way to strike fear in the hearts of the wicked.
The Mindfangs worked diligantly under the gaze of their commander, the Marquise Spinneret. She stood aside a collection of pallets and yelled orders at them.
"Come on you lazy 8ums! Work faster! Work h8rder!"
"We don't h8ve all night!!!!!!!!"
She pulled out her sword and waved it in the air, her loyal crew just grunted and kept hauling the cargo from the warehouse to their boats.
One of them dropped a container and everyone froze. The Marquise shrieked in rage.
"Wh8t are you doing you fucking idiot!"
She jumped down from the pallet stack and started walking slowly towards the poor soul who had just incurred her wrath.
"Do you know wh8t you just dropped so carelessly? Doooooooo you?"
The man shook his head as he crawled backwards away from her, the rest of her crew watched for a bit before getting back to work.
"Do you realize just how lucky you are th8t you didn't 8low us all to Hell?"
Spinneret stopped and stared down at the cowering pirate, her eyes glinted as she smiled at him.
"You're s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sorry? Wh8t kind of pathetic shit is th8t?"
The man started to speak up again, but was stopped when the Marquise ran her sword through his chest. He just let out a miserable gasp and slumped down.
Spinneret wiped off her blade and put it back into her scabbard. She hated it when she had to do that to her own crew. But her love had told her that it was the only way to keep them in line.
You couldn't have your employees getting out of line, he said.
And he was right, he was always right about stuff like this. She didn't even have to yell at her crew to have them get back to work this time. Tavros was such a wonderful husband and ally.
She strode back to the pallets she was standing on top of and settled with leaning against them to watch the pirates collect what they had been sent here for.
Suddenly, there was gust of air and the sound of laughter from the roof of the warehouse.
"Well, well, what do we have here? Pirates pirating pirated goods?"
Spinneret glared at the wanna-be hero as he looked down at the pirates who were giving the boy various confused and disgusted looks.
"Th8t was a horri8le joke 8oy!"
Egbertman scratched his head and smiled at everyone below.
"Yeah...yeah it was.
But still, stop whatever it is you're doing and surrender!"
"Or wh8t 8oy?"
"Or face the righteous justice of the hammer of Egbertman!"
Spinneret threw back her head and laughed.
"And I thought tonight was going to 8e 8oring, 8ut this will make up for it."
The pirate captain waved at her crew and then pointed at the superhero.
"Get him 8oys!"
John leapt down from the rooftop into the middle of the pirates, he activated his windy powers as he landed, creating a great burst of air that blasted everyone and everything nearby back from him. People and crates smashed into other people and crates.
"W8TCH OUT YOU STUPID FUCK!"
John laughed as he made his way through the pirate crew. They stood little chance against him when they were only using swords and clubs.
"I'm sorry, am I hurting you poor pirate playmates?"
John blasted another group of pirates away, then he made his way towards the speed boats. He readied one of his most powerful blasts and released it just as the Marquise screamed in rage and terror.
"NO IT'S ALL FUCKING EXPLOSIVE YOU STUPID 8OY!"
John had just enough time to turn around and give the Marquise Spinneret a confused glance before the speed boats exploded, throwing him back through the walls of the warehouse where he crashed into more cargo containers. The pirates in the warehouse ran in terror as flames roared outside and the contents of the crates John's fall busted rolled out.
John got up and looked at the spherical balls that were on the ground.
"Oh shit is quite right 8oy..."
John looked up to see Spinneret walking towards him, sword drawn.
"Do you h8ve 8ny id8a how much you just fucked up my pl8ns? Do you?"
Her eyes glowed with rage and John reached for his hammer only to find that he lost it in the explosion.
"Do you h8ve 8ny id8a wh8t I'm going to do to you 8efore I h8nd you over to Mr. Pupa?"
John quickly looked up at the pirate queen and saw that she was right up next to him. Smiling.
"Mr. Pupa? So the rumors that the Mindfangs have aligned with him are true then."
The Marquise Spinneret's seven-pupiled eye twitched involuntarily. John stopped and looked closely at her. He took a couple of steps back, only to find himself backed up against the crates again.
"Wait a moment...I think I've met you before..."
The pirate took a step back, her eyes glancing around nervously.
"I've never met you 8efore 8oy."
"Yes, it was at the APD HQ about two years or so ago. I went there to attend a meet the police command and I accidentally opened the door to dispatch."
Spinneret's eyes widened in terror...and something else...
"You're Vriska Serket aren't you."
"I AM THE MARQUISE SPINNERET OF THE MINDFANGS, 8OY!"
Spinneret swung her sword at John, but he ducked out of the way as her sword buried itself deep into the wood of the crate. The pirate screamed in terror and rage as a sound erupted from within.
John bolted forward, grabbing the pirate and they flew out of the warehouse just as it exploded in flames. The blast wave caught John and tossed him. He dropped Vriska and they tumbled along the docks. They slowly got up and Vriska glared at John. Blood covered her face from cuts on her forehead.
"You fool! You've ruined all of my plans!"
She stalked towards John, her hands clenching into claws.
"I won't let my loving husband get ahold of you now."
John slowly backed up, occassionally losing his balance when another round of explosions rocked the area. Flaming debris rained down around the two.
"I'm going to enjoy this 8oy. I..."
Vriska stopped and clutched her head in agony.
"GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! GET OUT OF MY HE8D YOU MONSTER! LET ME GO!"
"We can't let th8t happen, wh8t a8out our love?"
Vriska screamed and argued with herself as she rolled on the docks. John slowly made his way up to her.
"Let me help you..."
Vriska propped herself up on her knees and looked at John.
"8ack off! I don't need anything from yo-"
She stopped when something bounced next to her. Vriska and John looked in terror at the round white object that landed next to the troll.
The resulting explosion threw Vriska off the docks and into the dark waters of Alternia Bay.
John quickly got back to his feet and looked into the waters. There was nothing but a cerulean stain upon the surface.
He quickly looked around. No one else was coming. The pirates had fled when he destroyed their boats. Sirens were blaring as the city's overworked fire department made their way to the docks.
John took a deep breath and dived into the polluted waters.
First part of what will be a three-part series that will tie into the next two biographies I'm going to write.