MSPA Fanfiction IV

[Katrika]

David Geromy Strider.

[Metaflare]

The best of all.

David Kamina Strider

The word filter makes this even more awesome

[crash826]

The best of all.

David Kamina Strider

The word filter makes this even more awesome

I know.

[midnightAgony]

A compromise:
David Kamina Geromy Nuclear Tomato Strider.

[Kawa]

I am so working a reference to nuclear tomatoes into the next Population.

[SataiDelenn]

I haven't posted here in a while, but I've finally caught up on reading everything. Lots of it is awesome, there's too much to comment specifically on right now, alas. (The one thing that jumps to mind is the line "Always the calm, never the storm" in your LOWAS poem, Katrika, I liked that a lot.)

But while I was off on Christmas vacation, I was listening to Mitsuda's Sailing to the World album, and it brought to mind this scene. It's a followup of my previous few pesterlogs that take place while the kids are in a John-piloted ship on the way to meet the trolls. (here and here, if you wanna read 'em)

(If you want to listen along, this is the song that started me off.)

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Ugh. Just...ugh.

Where had it all gone wrong? This was supposed to be perfect. It was supposed to be flawless and beautiful, the blackest kismesissitude trollkind had ever seen. He'd spent six solar sweeps looking forward to the day when he would find someone who lived up to his impossible standards, someone he could hate beyond reproach and beyond measure. Fuck his teenage troll hormones, he'd actually begun to get morose about it from time to time, entertaining such fantastically brainless notions as MAYBE I'M MY OWN KISMESIS WOULDN'T THAT BE AMAZING.

Then along came Egbert. This ugly pink beanbag of a human had somehow managed to get under his skin in a way no one ever had before. Oh sure, Vriska made him angry enough to want to puke, and there were times when Sollux drove him completely up a hive stem, and sometimes he felt like strangling Terezi with his bare hands. And God knew, talking to himself from other time periods in memos was becoming an exercise in how long he could stand to gnash his teeth in one sitting. But Egbert...

That stupid mischievous grin. That idiotic vacant stare. The way he sat with his lusus father whatever, playing that Earth piano and baking Earth cakes without so much as a drop of mutant cherry-red blood spilled between them. How he dared to bleed that blood and not turn a single head with it. His moronic obsessions, his cheerful demeanor, his fits of shit-flipping over things that made no fucking sense. All of it, every second that he spent hunched over Trollian watching in disbelief, stirred in him a hatred purer than he'd dreamed possible. It was perfect. It was glorious. He'd never felt such inspiration in his life.

...but then...

EB: haha, i bet your horns are really huge and pointy, maybe shaped like S shapes or something, and you’re probably kind of skinny but lumpy just like in mac and me.
EB: with a weird shaped head and no hair, and big buggy eyes. and you probably have some crazy powers like flying or glowing or whatever, and you’ll share them with me in a touching display of intergalactic tolerance and friendship!
EB: that’s totally how it’s going to go when we meet.

God dammit. God dammit. He looked out at the endless sea of stars as the meteor drifted with its usual inevitability and tried to summon a semblance of wrath at the sheer asininity of the things John had said. Instead, there was just a kind of grudging acceptance lodged in his nook. He had no idea what to do with it. Lousy stupid goddamn troll disease. Or human emotion. He didn't even know anymore.

What was it about Egbert, anyway? Every time he thought about the fact that in less than fifteen minutes the human kids would be landing on this meteor, a funny shiver went through him. He should never have started that stupid trolling campaign. Never. His past self who'd thought of that was a fucking font of anti-genius. It was a good thing he hadn't been the Knight of Time, because if he had been, the sheer number of Karkat corpses littering paradox space with his own sickle impaling them through the head would have sent the timeline careening into oblivion. Why did thinking about meeting John make him so...calm?

It clearly wasn't the kismesissitude he'd wanted, not anymore. It was a fucking stab in the face to realize that, a huge pile of steaming disappointment, but there it was. He was troll enough to admit it, at this point. And inexplicably, the realization didn't make him loathe Egbert even more. Matespritship was obviously not what was going on here, either, since the idea of making himself emotionally vulnerable in the human's presence filled him with an urge to vomit bile all over every inch of the asteroid. And there was nothing to auspistice, unless you counted how much he wanted to punch Strider's insufferable face in every time he saw it, just on principle—maybe John would end up mediating that shit, but really that was too hypothetical to even consider.

...moirallegiance? That was just dumb. He didn't need a moirail. He didn't want a moirail. And Sollux was his best friend anyway, usually, probably, so screw moirallegiance with a dipshit fleshmonkey. So what the fuck?

...wait. Wait just a nooksniffing minute. What was it that Kanaya had said, way back when they had first begun to discover their roles and titles in this shitstorm of a game? It had started with Eridan...


-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

CA: ok kar you said you wwanted an update wwhen wwe found out about our roles here
CA: and even though i dont evven fuckin understand this shit and youre not evven on my team
CA: here i am updating you
CG: OH, YOUR LUSUS FINALLY CAVED AND TOLD YOU?
CA: somethin like that
CG: OK, THAT'S REALLY FUCKING INFORMATIVE.
CG: LOOK, I'M KIND OF BUSY HERE.
CG: AND BY BUSY I MEAN UP TO MY STEM IN OGRE INNARDS AND TEREZI LICKING SHIT OFF OF MY SICKLE IN THE MOST GRANDIOSELY DISGUSTING WAY POSSIBLE
CG: SO LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.
CA: maybe if i could get a wword in edgewwise
CA: i wwould havve told you already
CA: it looks like im the prince of hope
CG: WHAT.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.
CA: i wwas thinkin you could tell me
CA: im kind of here and confused right noww about this
CA: like wwhat am i supposed to be doin
CA: i mean prince ok i totally get that
CA: but hope thats like
CA: wwhat even is that to be a prince of
CA: i should havve been the prince of conquest or somethin deservvin of my nobility
CA: maybe prince of vvillainy i dont knoww
CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE THE GAME JUST SERVED YOU A MASSIVE HELPING OF BEING A USELESS PIECE OF SHIT.
CG: IT WOULDN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE IF ANYONE DID NEED A PRINCE OF HOPE, WHICH IS STUPID AND THEY DON'T.
CG: YOU'RE SO FAR FROM THE PERSON I'D PEG TO DO THAT JOB THAT IF I THINK ABOUT IT ANY HARDER I MIGHT PASS OUT FROM THE STENCH OF ROTTED THINK PAN JUICES.
CA: i guess
CA: wwhat wwith the wway ivve been feelin lately and watchin fef splash around in the glub zone wwith someone else
CA: but fuck that im just goin to change my title
CA: say hello to the PRINCE OF WWAR
CA: all landdwwellers and underlings take heed and cowwer
CG: YOU ASSHOLE.
CA: wwell not you obvviously kar
CA: and not our friends i guess
CA: but all the other sandscrapers
CA: all of them
CG: IN CASE YOU FORGOT, THERE ARE NO OTHER “SANDSCRAPERS,” AND NO OTHER GLUBTASTIC FRUITFUCKERS LIKE YOU EITHER.
CG: ALTERNIA HAS BEEN SCHOOLFED SO HARD WITH FUCKING SPACE DEBRIS, I DOUBT IT'S EVEN RECOGNIZABLE AS A PLANET ANYMORE.
CA: wwell
CA: ordinarily id say its just a setback like the great wwarlords of old had to wwrestle wwith
CA: but in this case theres still plenty of underlings and agents wwho can tremble at the sight of ahabs crosshairs and its legendary princely wwielder
CA: not to mention a bunch of fakey fake royal pretenders wwith delusions of fuckin grandeur
CA: so really its not a setback at all and evveryone wwill wwatch as i completely dominate both kingdoms wwith my tactical genius
CA: especially that treacherous pirate wwench ill showw her good
CA: shell rue the day she evver turned dowwn a rivvalry wwith me
CG: OH MY GOD, YOU FUCKING TOOL.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased being trolled by caligulasAquarium [CA] --


-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

CG: DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR ROLE IS YET?
GA: Not Yet
GA: It Seems To Be Something Im Supposed To Piece Together
CG: NOT THAT I EXPECT THE ANSWER TO THIS NEXT QUESTION TO BE YES
CG: BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON AND YOU'RE PROBABLY ONE OF THEM
CG: BUT I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE TALKED TO ERIDAN ABOUT ANY OF THIS?
CG: I PRETTY MUCH WISH I HADN'T BUT THE BLUE TEAM HAS TOO MUCH OF ITS SHIT TOGETHER FOR MY LIKING.
GA: I Havent
GA: Should I
CG: MAYBE. HE JUST REPORTED THAT HE'S THE PRINCE OF HOPE.
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?
GA: I Confess It Sounds Somewhat Strange
GA: Hmm
CG: HMM WHAT?
GA: The Thought Occurs
GA: His Relentless Emotional Theatrics And Frequent Bouts Of Shameless Megalomania Fueled Insecurity
GA: Would Probably Be Tempered By A Modicum Of Success At Becoming His Role
CG: SO YOU'RE SAYING THE GAME IS TRYING TO TEACH HIM NOT TO BE SUCH A SALTSWALLOWING DOUCHEBAG ALL THE TIME?
GA: In Essence I Suppose That Is What Im Saying
CG: WELL, IT'S GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE HE JUST DECIDED THAT INSTEAD HE'S GOING TO GO ON SOME KIND OF FUCKING MILITARY RAMPAGE AND CONQUER SKAIA OR SOMETHING.
GA: Somehow I Dont Think Hell Escape His Destiny So Easily
GA: Its More Likely That Over The Course Of His Attempts To Be Militant And Defiant
GA: He Will Fall Into The Role That He Was Given As An Incidental Consequence Anyway
CG: I JUST CAN'T SEE IT. THIS MENTAL IMAGE IS ELUDING ME COMPLETELY.
GA: Perhaps We Should Look At This From Another Angle
GA: Perhaps The One Who Needs Hope The Most Is The Most Likely To Become One To Embody It Once It Has Been Achieved
GA: When Theres Nowhere To Go But Up
GA: Up Becomes The Focus Of Ones Journey
GA: If You Will Excuse The Use Of Metaphor In This Explanation
CG: HUH.
CG: OK I'LL CHALK THAT UP TO THIS GAME'S SICK SENSE OF HUMOR.
CG: AND GET BACK TO WHATEVER POINTLESS SIDEQUEST WE WERE ABOUT TO DIP OUR FOOT STALKS INTO.
CG: LATER.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --


He was pretty sure the fishblood had never learned a damn thing, but...fuck, maybe Kanaya had been on to something there. Was that it? Did the immutable fact, stated for the record, that all this time they'd all been so convinced of their imminent deaths that they hadn't dared to think outside that grim little box...did it actually mean that that word was what was taking place here?

...hope. When there's nowhere to go but up...

Whatever, what did that even mean, anyway? He wanted to just shrug and dismiss the notion as grubknuckling dumbassery, but he couldn't. Not with the memory of Egbert's perpetual ignorance of reality fresh in his mind. Staring into the sparkling black, it was suddenly impossible to recall exactly what it had been like, the overwhelming helplessness and righteous fumbling rage, when they'd first arrived here. When they'd looked forward in time and realized that they were doomed no matter what. When he'd decided to shout his friends into making the humans as aware of that doom as they were, with razor-sharp venom-slick claws of bitterness jabbing him incessantly in the wrath stem. Those had been replaced with a kind of uncertainty that felt alien to his troll skepticism, one that dared to toss everything he'd known to be true out a hiverise window to plummet to its messy splattering demise.

Fuck. He'd let John give him hope.

Now what?

He could see the ship now, figure-eighting its way between the remaining rocks that made up the Veil, a pinprick among pinpricks but coming ever closer. There wasn't much point in further rotting his retinas staring at Trollian like some of his friends were doing—he guessed they were talking to the humans, but they couldn't see anything in the viewports anymore, and he figured they'd do enough talking to last them all several lifetimes when the ship got here. This was basically his last opportunity for some fucking peace and quiet.

“hey KK, what are you doiing out here?”

Oh come on.

“What. Can't I have five seconds to myself?”

“no, 2o 2uck iit.” The hacker's feet made soft crunching noises in the loose dust covering the rock's surface as he came closer. He leaned against the wall beside where Karkat was sitting and peered over his glasses at the eternity of space, punctuated every so often by other asteroids floating by. “do you thiink thii2 ii2 really goiing two work?”

“Probably not.” You lying shitstain. “I mean, I don't fucking know, why are you asking me? It's not even my plan. If it were, I'd say we had a chance in hell.”

“ii told you the2e aliien2 would ju2t make everythiing wor2e. now iin2tead of takiing iit liike men when the demon come2, we're goiing two end up groveliing or makiing 2ome 2tupiid heroiic 2acriifii2e or 2omethiing.”

“Fuck that. Heroic sacrifices are for nub-slurping chumps.”

“well then ii'll re2t a22ured that you'll be the fiir2t iin liine for that 2hiit. you'll be campiing out at three iin the morniing to purcha2e the 2hiit and all the bonu2 content the 2hiit come2 wiith.”

“Oh, shut up. I'm not the one with a fish-punning princess to protect.”

“no, iin2tead you're the one wiith a gro22 human freak to protect.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean.”

“eheheh. don't liie, KK, you're iin the fuckiing red for her.”

“No I'm not.”

“ye2 you are.”

“NO, I'm NOT. FUCK YOU.”

“iit'2 kiind of 2tupiid how you giive adviice two everyone el2e about thii2 2tuff and then refu2e two admiit iit your2elf.”

“IF YOU CAME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE JUST TO--”

“oh my god 2top yelliing. fiine, you have no de2iire what2oever two put a human iin any of your quadrant2 ever, forever.”

“DAMN STRAIGHT.”

“iif iit wa2 a 2en2iitiive 2ubject all you had two do wa2 a2k me two drop iit, god.”

“No, because I'm not a fucking pansy-ass drama queen like you.”

“2ure, 2houtiing at me from two feet away wiith ba2iically no provocatiion when all ii diid wa2 two a2k about the 2hiittiie2t plan ever two be biirthed from the mother glub of plan2, that'2 not drama queen behaviior at all.”

“Seriously, Sollux, could you STOP being so woe is me for ONE FUCKING MINUTE and just try to entertain the notion that we might actually have a shot at SURVIVING here? Maybe even WINNING?”

The two of them stared at each other for a long and silent moment, while in the distance the ship began to make a beeline for their cold, gray sanctuary. Eventually, Sollux pushed up his shades with one finger and shoved his hands into his pockets, stepping away from the wall to turn his back on Karkat. He shrugged.

“whatever. iit'2 your corp2emourn. well ii gue22 iit'2 all of our corp2emourn2, but iit alway2 ha2 been. 2o iif you want two prolong thii2 wiith your new aliien friiend2 and giive everybody fal2e hope, ii don't care. you're the gloriiou2 leader.”

Karkat watched him walk away, clenching a fist and grimacing at the back of his friend's retreating head. What the fuck did he know? Big shocker, the Mage of Doom thought failure was a foregone conclusion. Well, okay, so he'd thought the same thing a few hours ago. But fuck, even then he'd felt like they had to do something, even if that something was just providing company for their misery. Fine, John's delusional asshattery had influenced his thinking on this. But maybe Sollux would have been better off letting the humans influence him too.

He picked up a chunk of rock and chucked it as hard as he could out into space with an incoherent shout of frustration. Yeah, he was the leader. And fuck Sollux for throwing it in his face like this, after their monumental failure on basically all fronts. But screw it. What was a leader good for, if not picking up the pieces and trying again? Sure, he might end up leading them to their deaths, but at least they'd die like true trolls. Fighting. Not curled up in this recuperacoon of hideous mind-numbing self-pity. They'd wallowed enough.

He stood up, brushed off the dust of the asteroid, and walked out to meet the humans.

We're ready. Bring it, Sgrub.

[Wigmund]

I like that one Satai. For some reason I got the mental image of Karkat standing on a much smaller asteroid like the Little Prince.


Quick question: Should I write another post-game marriage?

[crash826]

Sure why not.

[SataiDelenn]

! That's awesome. I love that book.

"Dessine-moi un mouton, s'il vous plait."
"WHAT? FUCK OFF, I DON'T SPEAK YOUR CRAZY MOON LANGUAGE."

Quick question: Should I write another post-game marriage?

Sure!

[decidingly]

Here are a few drabbles I've written over the past couple of days for some friends. They range in length and characters, but they're all pretty...silly.

Keyboard Troubles, a Kanaya and Sollux drabble filling the request "I want to see Kanaya throw all of the keys on a keyboard at Sollux. All of them."

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F1

He wasn’t paying attention; obviously, Sollux had important things to do at the moment. However, Kanaya needed his help as well. The viewport had closed again, leaving the troll without her visual advantage over the girl she had been talking to.

Friend. Such a strange word, almost foreign to troll-kind. Only Gamzee really pretended to make friends; the others simply encouraged each other to form quadrant relationships, or regarded one another as potential allies in an upcoming ruined adulthood.

F2, F3, F4, F5, F6, F7, F8, F9, F10, F11, F12

Kanaya carefully pried more of the keys off of her keyboard and flung them at her nearby associate; Sollux gave her a withering look. “What do you want, Kanaya?”

“My viewport is missing,” she informed him, sighing as he shook his head in disgust. “I require your assistance to open the window again.” Sollux muttered something about incompetent trolls handling expensive computers, and didn’t come over to help her. Kanaya decided to peel more letters off of the keyboard: first A came off, and then the rest of the alphabet subsequently followed. When Sollux didn’t respond to the letters of the alphabet, she took a more diplomatic stance.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 -- The numbers went up to zero and then she started in on the other keys, the symbols and extraneous things such as the space bar. By the last key -- escape, Kanaya thought, was the most fitting to be the final one -- Sollux had had enough.

“What do you want?!” From someone who was usually monotone, the outburst was a bit of a surprise. Kanaya walked over to him, holding the keyboard in her hands. The keys lay around Sollux’s chair in a small pile, and she picked a few up and held them out to the other troll along with the keyboard.

“My keyboard is mysteriously missing all of its keys. Could you please fix it, and then help me with the viewport?”

Show Me Your Teeth, a Karkat/Jade fill of the request, "teeth."

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“Harley, open your mouth up. What the fuck is wrong with your teeth?”

Jade made a noise that was slightly reminiscent of an angry snort, but it was kind of hard to talk while Karkat was busy holding her mouth open, examining the inside. She kicked him in the shins, getting the troll to let go of her just long enough retreat to a safe distance away.

“Nothing’s wrong with my teeth!” She was defensive, rubbing her jaw where Karkat had gripped it. Trolls were definitely a lot stronger than humans, causing some discomfort whenever one of them forgot to be a little bit careful. With Karkat, that was usually a lot. “You’re just used to sharp teeth, and humans don’t have those, okay? These are perfectly normal at home!”

Karkat snorted, eliminating the bubble of personal space that Jade had created. They were busy planning something for John’s birthday -- with much disagreeing -- when Karkat had realized the obvious difference in their molars. The others were off somewhere, busy with their own plans, leaving the two of them alone.

“Yeah right. Obviously, humans just never got the superior genes.” Karkat leaned in close again, and Jade put her hands in front of her face, hitting him on the nose. “Ow! Fuck you!” He hissed, trying to move her hands out of the way.

“Well, fair is fair! Let me look at your teeth!” It was the only thing Jade could think of that would keep Karkat from manhandling -- trollhandling? -- her jaw again. She lowered her hands slowly, to find the troll only inches away from her face. “Well?” She tried to sound expectant, but really she was just nervous. Those teeth looked sharp, after all.

“Fine, but just this once, okay? Never again!” Karkat opened his mouth reluctantly, and Jade poked at his sharp incisors, not wanting to be impaled. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was looking for, but the sight of someone’s teeth so close to her fingers wasn’t exactly a reassuring one. After a minute, he got tired of holding his mouth open and snapped it closed, making the girl jump. “Well? What the hell were you looking for, some sort of deranged treasure or something? Oh, let’s make fun of the trolls with their weird-looking teeth!” His imitation was ridiculous, and Jade stuck her tongue out at him.

“No, that’s not what I was looking at at all!” She refused to give in. “It was just fair, if you got to put your fingers in my mouth, then I got to do the same!” That sounded a bit weird and she knew it, but Jade couldn’t really care less at this point. Karkat made a face and stomped away, back to the birthday plans that were lying on a table. After a few moments of silence, he turned around again, obviously displeased with how this conversation had turned out.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Are you going to help me alchemize these videos or not?” Jade just sighed and walked back to the table, shoving Karkat in the shoulder as she neared. He poked her in the chin as a response.

“And keep those freaky alien molars in your mouth where they belong. Jegus, humans are so weird.”

Another shove, another poke.

New Year's Traditions, Dave/Jade for a fill that was "anyone/anyone, the importance of frogs."

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It was Jade’s first time celebrating the New Year, and as far as Dave was concerned, she had been missing out. Sure, he generally spent the night sprawled out on the couch with Bro, eating chips and watching horrible pop artists perform for the sheer irony of it all, but still. At least his celebration was something to remember -- especially the year that five minutes before that retarded ball dropped, Bro whipped out a katana and challenged him to a duel. They had finished just as midnight rolled around in Houston, and Dave had lost, as usual. Very memorable, if you asked him.

However, Jade had never celebrated the new year. Mostly, she told him, she curled up with Bec and spent the night talking to friends or playing with Anthro Chaps. It had never seemed very significant, since she had no television or radio around to listen to celebrations.

This year, however, was special. Sburb had been won, and their world returned -- at least, something that resembled their old world. Jade was quick to remind her friends that it was only an approximation, not a replica. There would never be another earth to replace the one they had lost. But this thought was quickly lost when the world began to prepare for the New Year.

Dave and Jade were staying in Rose’s house when the new year came upon them, and they were the only ones who wanted to stay up to see the ball drop. Rose had chosen to retire to her room early, claiming that she had had enough of countdowns to last a lifetime. Mom had disappeared somewhere, presumably to a party where she would get more alcohol. The two kids sat in front of the television: Dave on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, Jade sitting on the floor beside him, sprawled on her stomach.

“What’s so exciting about this huge ball?” She pointed at the screen, where a florescent ball was suspended above the streets of New York City. This year, the theme seemed to be frogs, for whatever reason; Dave snorted as he saw all the people wandering around in giant hats shaped to look like them.

“Well, it’s gonna drop, and then people are gonna get their celebrations on and make out on screen. It’s kind of disgusting, if you ask me.” Dave couldn’t help but look at Jade’s face, eyeing her reaction as she realized what he meant. She pulled herself up into a sitting position, turning to look at her friend.

“So...all the couples in the square, they kiss?” Dave nodded in agreement; there was really nothing to say about that. Jade smiled, leaning her chin on her knees. She was staring at the TV thoughtfully now, as if lost in some sort of dream. A famous reality show host announced that the new year was only a minute away; as he spoke, a countdown appeared on the screen. Large numbers flashed across, slowly making their way down to zero. Jade scrambled up onto the couch, grabbing onto Dave’s hand as the new year drew closer.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The crowd was screaming now, intelligible words and phrases, singing and kissing in the streets of America’s iconic city. Dave looked away from the flashing ball that appeared on the screen, watching Jade’s face as she took in the spectacle. When she realized that he was watching her, she seemed a little bit shocked.

“Dave, aren’t you--” the words were cut off as Dave gently kissed her, taking Jade by surprise. It was the New Year, and he supposed that it couldn’t hurt. As long as she didn’t try to make a habit of it or anything. The kiss was over almost as quickly as it had started, and Dave turned back to watch celebrities flash across the screen. Jade only sighed, curling up so that she could place her head on his shoulder.

“Happy New Year,” Dave told her, a little bit hesitant to look back at the girl whose body now leaned against him. Jade murmured a soft response into his shoulder, which he took to mean a similar greeting. As people in frog hats passed across the screen, kissing each other and dancing, Dave supposed the frog hats weren’t so bad. Very Jade-like, actually. Cute.

It wasn’t a half-bad way to celebrate.

Hope everyone's staying classy in the future!

[Caprisaurus]

Here are a few drabbles I've written over the past couple of days for some friends. They range in length and characters, but they're all pretty...silly.

Keyboard Troubles, a Kanaya and Sollux drabble filling the request "I want to see Kanaya throw all of the keys on a keyboard at Sollux. All of them."

show spoiler

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F1

He wasn’t paying attention; obviously, Sollux had important things to do at the moment. However, Kanaya needed his help as well. The viewport had closed again, leaving the troll without her visual advantage over the girl she had been talking to.

Friend. Such a strange word, almost foreign to troll-kind. Only Gamzee really pretended to make friends; the others simply encouraged each other to form quadrant relationships, or regarded one another as potential allies in an upcoming ruined adulthood.

F2, F3, F4, F5, F6, F7, F8, F9, F10, F11, F12

Kanaya carefully pried more of the keys off of her keyboard and flung them at her nearby associate; Sollux gave her a withering look. “What do you want, Kanaya?”

“My viewport is missing,” she informed him, sighing as he shook his head in disgust. “I require your assistance to open the window again.” Sollux muttered something about incompetent trolls handling expensive computers, and didn’t come over to help her. Kanaya decided to peel more letters off of the keyboard: first A came off, and then the rest of the alphabet subsequently followed. When Sollux didn’t respond to the letters of the alphabet, she took a more diplomatic stance.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 -- The numbers went up to zero and then she started in on the other keys, the symbols and extraneous things such as the space bar. By the last key -- escape, Kanaya thought, was the most fitting to be the final one -- Sollux had had enough.

“What do you want?!” From someone who was usually monotone, the outburst was a bit of a surprise. Kanaya walked over to him, holding the keyboard in her hands. The keys lay around Sollux’s chair in a small pile, and she picked a few up and held them out to the other troll along with the keyboard.

“My keyboard is mysteriously missing all of its keys. Could you please fix it, and then help me with the viewport?”

Show Me Your Teeth, a Karkat/Jade fill of the request, "teeth."

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“Harley, open your mouth up. What the fuck is wrong with your teeth?”

Jade made a noise that was slightly reminiscent of an angry snort, but it was kind of hard to talk while Karkat was busy holding her mouth open, examining the inside. She kicked him in the shins, getting the troll to let go of her just long enough retreat to a safe distance away.

“Nothing’s wrong with my teeth!” She was defensive, rubbing her jaw where Karkat had gripped it. Trolls were definitely a lot stronger than humans, causing some discomfort whenever one of them forgot to be a little bit careful. With Karkat, that was usually a lot. “You’re just used to sharp teeth, and humans don’t have those, okay? These are perfectly normal at home!”

Karkat snorted, eliminating the bubble of personal space that Jade had created. They were busy planning something for John’s birthday -- with much disagreeing -- when Karkat had realized the obvious difference in their molars. The others were off somewhere, busy with their own plans, leaving the two of them alone.

“Yeah right. Obviously, humans just never got the superior genes.” Karkat leaned in close again, and Jade put her hands in front of her face, hitting him on the nose. “Ow! Fuck you!” He hissed, trying to move her hands out of the way.

“Well, fair is fair! Let me look at your teeth!” It was the only thing Jade could think of that would keep Karkat from manhandling -- trollhandling? -- her jaw again. She lowered her hands slowly, to find the troll only inches away from her face. “Well?” She tried to sound expectant, but really she was just nervous. Those teeth looked sharp, after all.

“Fine, but just this once, okay? Never again!” Karkat opened his mouth reluctantly, and Jade poked at his sharp incisors, not wanting to be impaled. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was looking for, but the sight of someone’s teeth so close to her fingers wasn’t exactly a reassuring one. After a minute, he got tired of holding his mouth open and snapped it closed, making the girl jump. “Well? What the hell were you looking for, some sort of deranged treasure or something? Oh, let’s make fun of the trolls with their weird-looking teeth!” His imitation was ridiculous, and Jade stuck her tongue out at him.

“No, that’s not what I was looking at at all!” She refused to give in. “It was just fair, if you got to put your fingers in my mouth, then I got to do the same!” That sounded a bit weird and she knew it, but Jade couldn’t really care less at this point. Karkat made a face and stomped away, back to the birthday plans that were lying on a table. After a few moments of silence, he turned around again, obviously displeased with how this conversation had turned out.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Are you going to help me alchemize these videos or not?” Jade just sighed and walked back to the table, shoving Karkat in the shoulder as she neared. He poked her in the chin as a response.

“And keep those freaky alien molars in your mouth where they belong. Jegus, humans are so weird.”

Another shove, another poke.

New Year's Traditions, Dave/Jade for a fill that was "anyone/anyone, the importance of frogs."

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It was Jade’s first time celebrating the New Year, and as far as Dave was concerned, she had been missing out. Sure, he generally spent the night sprawled out on the couch with Bro, eating chips and watching horrible pop artists perform for the sheer irony of it all, but still. At least his celebration was something to remember -- especially the year that five minutes before that retarded ball dropped, Bro whipped out a katana and challenged him to a duel. They had finished just as midnight rolled around in Houston, and Dave had lost, as usual. Very memorable, if you asked him.

However, Jade had never celebrated the new year. Mostly, she told him, she curled up with Bec and spent the night talking to friends or playing with Anthro Chaps. It had never seemed very significant, since she had no television or radio around to listen to celebrations.

This year, however, was special. Sburb had been won, and their world returned -- at least, something that resembled their old world. Jade was quick to remind her friends that it was only an approximation, not a replica. There would never be another earth to replace the one they had lost. But this thought was quickly lost when the world began to prepare for the New Year.

Dave and Jade were staying in Rose’s house when the new year came upon them, and they were the only ones who wanted to stay up to see the ball drop. Rose had chosen to retire to her room early, claiming that she had had enough of countdowns to last a lifetime. Mom had disappeared somewhere, presumably to a party where she would get more alcohol. The two kids sat in front of the television: Dave on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, Jade sitting on the floor beside him, sprawled on her stomach.

“What’s so exciting about this huge ball?” She pointed at the screen, where a florescent ball was suspended above the streets of New York City. This year, the theme seemed to be frogs, for whatever reason; Dave snorted as he saw all the people wandering around in giant hats shaped to look like them.

“Well, it’s gonna drop, and then people are gonna get their celebrations on and make out on screen. It’s kind of disgusting, if you ask me.” Dave couldn’t help but look at Jade’s face, eyeing her reaction as she realized what he meant. She pulled herself up into a sitting position, turning to look at her friend.

“So...all the couples in the square, they kiss?” Dave nodded in agreement; there was really nothing to say about that. Jade smiled, leaning her chin on her knees. She was staring at the TV thoughtfully now, as if lost in some sort of dream. A famous reality show host announced that the new year was only a minute away; as he spoke, a countdown appeared on the screen. Large numbers flashed across, slowly making their way down to zero. Jade scrambled up onto the couch, grabbing onto Dave’s hand as the new year drew closer.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The crowd was screaming now, intelligible words and phrases, singing and kissing in the streets of America’s iconic city. Dave looked away from the flashing ball that appeared on the screen, watching Jade’s face as she took in the spectacle. When she realized that he was watching her, she seemed a little bit shocked.

“Dave, aren’t you--” the words were cut off as Dave gently kissed her, taking Jade by surprise. It was the New Year, and he supposed that it couldn’t hurt. As long as she didn’t try to make a habit of it or anything. The kiss was over almost as quickly as it had started, and Dave turned back to watch celebrities flash across the screen. Jade only sighed, curling up so that she could place her head on his shoulder.

“Happy New Year,” Dave told her, a little bit hesitant to look back at the girl whose body now leaned against him. Jade murmured a soft response into his shoulder, which he took to mean a similar greeting. As people in frog hats passed across the screen, kissing each other and dancing, Dave supposed the frog hats weren’t so bad. Very Jade-like, actually. Cute.

It wasn’t a half-bad way to celebrate.

Hope everyone's staying classy in the future!

Oh my god I loved these.
The first especially, with all the key throwing and then the line at the end
Oh Kanaya~

[Decker]

Quick question: Should I write...

Attention everyone! The answer to this is almost always "yes".

[Caprisaurus]

Here are a few drabbles I've written over the past couple of days for some friends. They range in length and characters, but they're all pretty...silly.

Keyboard Troubles, a Kanaya and Sollux drabble filling the request "I want to see Kanaya throw all of the keys on a keyboard at Sollux. All of them."

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F1

He wasn’t paying attention; obviously, Sollux had important things to do at the moment. However, Kanaya needed his help as well. The viewport had closed again, leaving the troll without her visual advantage over the girl she had been talking to.

Friend. Such a strange word, almost foreign to troll-kind. Only Gamzee really pretended to make friends; the others simply encouraged each other to form quadrant relationships, or regarded one another as potential allies in an upcoming ruined adulthood.

F2, F3, F4, F5, F6, F7, F8, F9, F10, F11, F12

Kanaya carefully pried more of the keys off of her keyboard and flung them at her nearby associate; Sollux gave her a withering look. “What do you want, Kanaya?”

“My viewport is missing,” she informed him, sighing as he shook his head in disgust. “I require your assistance to open the window again.” Sollux muttered something about incompetent trolls handling expensive computers, and didn’t come over to help her. Kanaya decided to peel more letters off of the keyboard: first A came off, and then the rest of the alphabet subsequently followed. When Sollux didn’t respond to the letters of the alphabet, she took a more diplomatic stance.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 -- The numbers went up to zero and then she started in on the other keys, the symbols and extraneous things such as the space bar. By the last key -- escape, Kanaya thought, was the most fitting to be the final one -- Sollux had had enough.

“What do you want?!” From someone who was usually monotone, the outburst was a bit of a surprise. Kanaya walked over to him, holding the keyboard in her hands. The keys lay around Sollux’s chair in a small pile, and she picked a few up and held them out to the other troll along with the keyboard.

“My keyboard is mysteriously missing all of its keys. Could you please fix it, and then help me with the viewport?”

Show Me Your Teeth, a Karkat/Jade fill of the request, "teeth."

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“Harley, open your mouth up. What the fuck is wrong with your teeth?”

Jade made a noise that was slightly reminiscent of an angry snort, but it was kind of hard to talk while Karkat was busy holding her mouth open, examining the inside. She kicked him in the shins, getting the troll to let go of her just long enough retreat to a safe distance away.

“Nothing’s wrong with my teeth!” She was defensive, rubbing her jaw where Karkat had gripped it. Trolls were definitely a lot stronger than humans, causing some discomfort whenever one of them forgot to be a little bit careful. With Karkat, that was usually a lot. “You’re just used to sharp teeth, and humans don’t have those, okay? These are perfectly normal at home!”

Karkat snorted, eliminating the bubble of personal space that Jade had created. They were busy planning something for John’s birthday -- with much disagreeing -- when Karkat had realized the obvious difference in their molars. The others were off somewhere, busy with their own plans, leaving the two of them alone.

“Yeah right. Obviously, humans just never got the superior genes.” Karkat leaned in close again, and Jade put her hands in front of her face, hitting him on the nose. “Ow! Fuck you!” He hissed, trying to move her hands out of the way.

“Well, fair is fair! Let me look at your teeth!” It was the only thing Jade could think of that would keep Karkat from manhandling -- trollhandling? -- her jaw again. She lowered her hands slowly, to find the troll only inches away from her face. “Well?” She tried to sound expectant, but really she was just nervous. Those teeth looked sharp, after all.

“Fine, but just this once, okay? Never again!” Karkat opened his mouth reluctantly, and Jade poked at his sharp incisors, not wanting to be impaled. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was looking for, but the sight of someone’s teeth so close to her fingers wasn’t exactly a reassuring one. After a minute, he got tired of holding his mouth open and snapped it closed, making the girl jump. “Well? What the hell were you looking for, some sort of deranged treasure or something? Oh, let’s make fun of the trolls with their weird-looking teeth!” His imitation was ridiculous, and Jade stuck her tongue out at him.

“No, that’s not what I was looking at at all!” She refused to give in. “It was just fair, if you got to put your fingers in my mouth, then I got to do the same!” That sounded a bit weird and she knew it, but Jade couldn’t really care less at this point. Karkat made a face and stomped away, back to the birthday plans that were lying on a table. After a few moments of silence, he turned around again, obviously displeased with how this conversation had turned out.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Are you going to help me alchemize these videos or not?” Jade just sighed and walked back to the table, shoving Karkat in the shoulder as she neared. He poked her in the chin as a response.

“And keep those freaky alien molars in your mouth where they belong. Jegus, humans are so weird.”

Another shove, another poke.

New Year's Traditions, Dave/Jade for a fill that was "anyone/anyone, the importance of frogs."

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It was Jade’s first time celebrating the New Year, and as far as Dave was concerned, she had been missing out. Sure, he generally spent the night sprawled out on the couch with Bro, eating chips and watching horrible pop artists perform for the sheer irony of it all, but still. At least his celebration was something to remember -- especially the year that five minutes before that retarded ball dropped, Bro whipped out a katana and challenged him to a duel. They had finished just as midnight rolled around in Houston, and Dave had lost, as usual. Very memorable, if you asked him.

However, Jade had never celebrated the new year. Mostly, she told him, she curled up with Bec and spent the night talking to friends or playing with Anthro Chaps. It had never seemed very significant, since she had no television or radio around to listen to celebrations.

This year, however, was special. Sburb had been won, and their world returned -- at least, something that resembled their old world. Jade was quick to remind her friends that it was only an approximation, not a replica. There would never be another earth to replace the one they had lost. But this thought was quickly lost when the world began to prepare for the New Year.

Dave and Jade were staying in Rose’s house when the new year came upon them, and they were the only ones who wanted to stay up to see the ball drop. Rose had chosen to retire to her room early, claiming that she had had enough of countdowns to last a lifetime. Mom had disappeared somewhere, presumably to a party where she would get more alcohol. The two kids sat in front of the television: Dave on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, Jade sitting on the floor beside him, sprawled on her stomach.

“What’s so exciting about this huge ball?” She pointed at the screen, where a florescent ball was suspended above the streets of New York City. This year, the theme seemed to be frogs, for whatever reason; Dave snorted as he saw all the people wandering around in giant hats shaped to look like them.

“Well, it’s gonna drop, and then people are gonna get their celebrations on and make out on screen. It’s kind of disgusting, if you ask me.” Dave couldn’t help but look at Jade’s face, eyeing her reaction as she realized what he meant. She pulled herself up into a sitting position, turning to look at her friend.

“So...all the couples in the square, they kiss?” Dave nodded in agreement; there was really nothing to say about that. Jade smiled, leaning her chin on her knees. She was staring at the TV thoughtfully now, as if lost in some sort of dream. A famous reality show host announced that the new year was only a minute away; as he spoke, a countdown appeared on the screen. Large numbers flashed across, slowly making their way down to zero. Jade scrambled up onto the couch, grabbing onto Dave’s hand as the new year drew closer.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The crowd was screaming now, intelligible words and phrases, singing and kissing in the streets of America’s iconic city. Dave looked away from the flashing ball that appeared on the screen, watching Jade’s face as she took in the spectacle. When she realized that he was watching her, she seemed a little bit shocked.

“Dave, aren’t you--” the words were cut off as Dave gently kissed her, taking Jade by surprise. It was the New Year, and he supposed that it couldn’t hurt. As long as she didn’t try to make a habit of it or anything. The kiss was over almost as quickly as it had started, and Dave turned back to watch celebrities flash across the screen. Jade only sighed, curling up so that she could place her head on his shoulder.

“Happy New Year,” Dave told her, a little bit hesitant to look back at the girl whose body now leaned against him. Jade murmured a soft response into his shoulder, which he took to mean a similar greeting. As people in frog hats passed across the screen, kissing each other and dancing, Dave supposed the frog hats weren’t so bad. Very Jade-like, actually. Cute.

It wasn’t a half-bad way to celebrate.

Hope everyone's staying classy in the future!

Oh my god I loved these.
The first especially, with all the key throwing and then the line at the end
Oh Kanaya~

[Kawa]

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...

...it's the woobie show!! Population 14: Nitram

(insert spazzy Kermit gif here)

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Nitram Organics.

That's what the little sign said that feebly separated Tavros' little plot of farmland from the rest of the colony. Some of the humans that had come to visit from the nearby town thought it was a cute little sign, defiant in its absolute lack of charisma.

"I wonder where all the aliens are", one of the humans wondered out loud. She was a pretty regular young lady, unworthy of much further elaboration but important enough for this story for a few token details. For example, she had chestnut brown hair down to her shoulders and had recently had her nineteenth birthday. And her name was Maurie.

"They're, uh, all sleeping I'm, uhmm, afraid", the farmer cq. main character stammered as he walked up pulling several crates full of fresh fruits and veggies, his sturdy robot legs resounding on the tiles. He had a large hat stuck between his horns to keep the midday sun out of his face and no shirt on.

"Like ommagawd look Ma! It's a real, honest-to-god alieeen", Maurie shrieked.

"That's nice hon", her mother replied absentmindedly.

"Can I, uh... can I help with something?"

"Yeah mister alien. Why is everybody sleeping?" Maurien asked as the rest of the group continued along.

"Umm... that'd be because we uh, we're nocturnal, ma'am. I'm only awake now because of, eh... because my crops aren't."

Tavros fidgeted with his hat.

"And the sun here 'round midday is, uhh, a real killer, also."

"I think I should know that word, 'nocturnal', but I forgot. What did that mean again?"

"Trolls don't, ehm, wake up until it's... dark out."

"Ah okay. Hey why do you call yourselves trolls anyway? You're nowhere near the trolls in mah old picture books, 'n if you're at least half as good lookin' as the average alien here in Nevada..."

"You should uh, see us on your Earth human internet. You'll know why we're trolls."

"...I think I can imagine."

"Hold on, I got eh, I got a message."

-- carcinoGenetict [CG] started trolling adiosToreador [AT] --

CG: HEY ASSHOLE
CG: STOP CHATTING UP DUMB TOURIST GIRLS
CG: PEOPLE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE

-- carcinoGenetict [CG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT] --

"Aaaw, sometimes that guy, uh, really gets to me, y'know?"

"Who?"

"Karkat. He's ah... pretty good friend of mine, but he's a little, uhmm, cranky sometimes", Tavros mumbled. "Okay, actually? He's, uhh, almost always cranky. All the time", he corrected himself. "He used to be much worse when, uh, when we were younger, but sometimes I, uh, I really feel like taking one of these tomatoes, and uh, throwing a couple at him and watch him go nuclear over it."

"I think I can imagine what that must be like", Maurie admitted. "And what's with the funky robot legs? Something he did to you?"

"Uhhhm, no actually. It's ah... It's a long story, but Karkat doesn't have anything to, ah, do with it. In fact, uh, he fainted when he walked in just when I got 'em. Or at least, that's what they told me."

"You weren't awake? I should hope so, cos that must've been painful."

"I was asleep at the time. You go to sleep a cripple, and you wake up with legs of steel."

Maurie was shocked to hear this half-robot beefcake (with a noted emphasis on the beef) was a cripple with bad self-esteem, and yet a good enough farmer to grow several crates full of reasonable-quality crops in the middle of a desert.

She felt like helping the poor alien.

But how?

And then Maurie got an idea.

"What's your name anyway, farmboy?"

"Uhmmm... Tavros. Tavros Nitram."

That's when Maurie noticed the symbol on the side of the crates. It was a little confusing why an alien would be named after an Earth concept, unless the farmer's name wasn't Taurus at all and he just assumed that name to blend in. It wasn't worth much concern anyway. Maurie had a mission to fulfill.

"Do you have a... girlfriend?" she carefully asked, uncertain about what term to use.

"Uhhh, sorta... kinda."

Tavros hadn't much trouble mapping "girlfriend" to "matesprit", but...

"She's uh, confusing and... scary, I guess, too."

He momentarily shuddered, a low twang reverberating through his legs.

"To be honest she, ah... she frightens me."

Maurie couldn't believe her ears. This guy was an even bigger woobie than he seemed to be at first glance! The thought made her shudder in turn.

"Taurus, are you happy?"

"My name's, uhm, Tavros, actually. And I guess, ah, I guess I kinda am. I enjoy working the farm."

"And aside from that?"

Maurie took a step closer.

"I doubt you're happy about your girlfriend", she continued.

At that precise moment, Karkat peeked out from behind the curtains, wondering why that awkward dumbass wasn't shutting his protein chute. He sighed when he saw why, but also noticed that the abovementioned scary girlfriend was also spying on Tavros and Maurie, and she didn't look too happy about it. That seemed like a pretty good moment to get out of sight.

"I'm uh... I guess I'm not?"

"Y'know Taurus... I've always had a bit of an interest in aliens..."

Maurie was now so close to Tavros that, under any other kind of circumstance, it would've been uncomfortable. She began to whisper.

"...so tell me, farm boy... how much did they leave intact?"

"Uh..."

"MAURIIIEEE!"

Yeah, nobody would've expected Maurie's mom to return, at first so not at all interested in what her daughter was up to, now shrieking like a more protective kind of mother in a cheap comedy movie. Nobody who noticed the faint blue glow in the mother's otherwise brown eyes.

"Are you seriously trying to seduce an alien, Maurie!? You come along back to the tour bus right now young lady!"

Behind the curtains of her window, Vriska Serket grinned.

Right before she could be snatched away, Maurie just barely managed to plant a kiss on Tavros' nose, though she had aimed a little lower.

Vriska wasn't happy about that little detail ofcourse, and made a note to punish herself later... and maybe that dumb pixie-brained farmer, too.

Tavros, for his part, just shrugged and finally put all those crops in storage.

Title implies the Leijon kid is there, but I don't have all the info just yet. Captor twins are also still not set in stone yet so go ahead!

[Graven_Image]

OK, I'm back, from a week of no innernets. WHOO.

Have some pesterstuff I whipped up while reading the backlog (Doomed Timeline and Pop: 13 14 (NINJA'D) are awesome, BTW)

Pesterlog 3618

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diskJockey began pestering prettyFurious

DJ: So, uh
DJ: How'd it go
PF: what
DJ: The whole death thing
DJ: and coming back with superpowers
DJ: You still keen on it for the rest of us?
PF: oh yeah
PF: aside from destroying stuff without meaning to I got a pretty awesome new wardrobe
PF: check it

prettyFurious sent file checkmeout.PNG

DJ: Neato
DJ: So
DJ: What's with the crown?
PF: part of the costume I guess
DJ: Kind of frivolous, don't you think?
PF: SCREW YOU
PF: i'm the prince and it's my crown and i highly doubt your rebirth thing will come with anything near this level of awesome
PF: i got a cape
PF: a CAPE.
DJ: A cape?
PF: I GOTS ME A CAPE MOFO.
PF: black with that angry Fist symbol of Fury on the back
DJ: Wow
DJ: Man, I still don't even know what mine is
PF: if we're lucky you'll be the minstrel of destruction or something useful
PF: you'll probably be stuck with some wimp power
PF: like love or some crap like that
DJ: Hehe, yeah
DJ: DEEJAY OF HOPE, GO!
PF: lol
PF: man if deejay was even a choice could you imagine
PF: you'd probably be chomping at the bit trying to get new vinyls out of the catacombs or something
DJ: hehe, yeah
DJ: probably not, since I'm mostly silicon these days.
PF: that's what she said
DJ: I
DJ: D'oh ho you got me again
DJ: Do you have like a key bound to automatically punch that in?
PF: a wizard never tells his secrets
PF: or a prince in this case
PF: oh speaking of
PF: you know my name right
PF: DON'T TYPE IT
DJ: oh you mean
DJ: Wait why?
PF: i am not he anymore
PF: i decided that my new name is now just Prince of Fury
PF: since yknow we're going to be gods in this new universe we're making we won't need our own names
DJ: Oh god.
DJ: Do you realize how pretentious that sounds?
PF: well Thief and Maiden are on board with it
PF: and that's 3 for 3
PF: you've been outbid have a nice day
DJ: Eheheh.
DJ: So, in a few millenia, will we be calling you "The God Formerly Known as Prince"?
PF: FFFFF
PF: IT'S AN AWESOME THING AND YOU KNOW IT
PF: dang it, now i'm getting mad again
PF: just
PF: just leave me alone for a bit
DJ: You gonna replace your name with a screwed-up symbol next?
DJ: The world needs to know.

--- prettyFurious's keyboard has been destroyed! ---

DJ: o.O
DJ: oops

[Katrika]

Kawa.

Have I ever told you that your fics have given me the mental image of my hotheading farmgirl fantroll meeting farming Tavros and IMMEDIATELY challenging him to a 'farm-off'?

She's rather proud of her farming talent, after all, and has a competitive streak about, and mostly ONLY about, the silliest things. Like pinball and farming.

[KarneWarrior]

Rebirth
Decrepit

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They moved the door aside easily enough. Aradia had mapped the landscape of the entire planet and knew exactly which weathered old boulder was actually the door to Kanaya's tomb.

Inside the air was damp and stale. It seemed to resist movement in and of itself, acting more like water than air. Aziel found it hard to breathe, and even Aradia found it hard to move with her broken actuators and toothless gears. The walls dripped with water, old, worn reliefs turning what would have been a beautifully worked wall into a lumpy mass of grey stone.

Cobwebs hung in empty sheets, the spiders that lived and made them long starved of anything else to call food. Aradia used a small laser to burn them away. They would never come back.

They emerged after a minute of walking into a massive chamber. The ceiling soared into the blackness, columns reaching shattered and majestic fingers into the velvet sheets hanging above them. Aradia's glassy eyes shimmered in the torchlight as the old pots and statues of sixteen generations of worship were revealed. For the first time since she came again, she felt alive.

In the darkness something made a thud. It was distant, but audible. The mood changed from the sense of wonder to the wary sense of "I'm walking through a dungeon full of very dangerous traps maybe acting like a tourist isn't the best of plans".

The shadows fled from the torch, raching fingers back into what had once been their sole domain, and retreating again as if stung. The empty halls and chambers of Kanayas tomb became dry and desolate. More and more columns were broken, and something had made gouges in the wall. Aziel fitted his entire fist in one before another thud sounded and he snatched it out.

The reliefs were readable now. There were pictures of Kanaya mediating between enimies, between the Gods. Aziel, having spent almost two weeks in camp with Aradia, knew each of them by name, although he still knew them as gods and goddesses.

There was a picture of Egbert bestowing the burden of the Skull on Kanaya. Her back was hunched under the weight, but the others threw laurels and daisies at her feet and she smiled. It was a good weight to bear.

There was a picture of Kanaya, much older now. Vriska had her by the throat, and was reaching for the skull. A worn figure stood in the doorway, weapons readied. The Exile of the Demon Serket, as seen nine hundred years ago.

The pillars were also shaped into statues. Each of the gods stood, backs bent to keep the ceiling high. Each of them had the look of grim determination. The Jester was the only one not holding the roof. Instead he stood, watching the dual arches at the end of the room.

"this is the edge of where we are safe," murmured Aradia.

"What lies beyond the door?"

"tavr0s' defense, then nepetas defense, and then..."

"Yours."

"n0. equius'."

They stepped through the archway. It collapsed behind them.

Upon my Death
The collective will of the last survivors from the Two Worlds

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[The stones are tall. You have to stretch to read the top ones, and squat to read those at the bottom. These stones are recent, although not so recent that they still draw a crowd. They are the commands of the Gods, and they read thusly:]

Egbert: Let there be peace, amongst every cloud, every wharf, every nation. Let there be no more war. Let there be no blood spilled. Let there be prosperity, not poverty, not homelessness, no war. No weapons! No blood! Let there be peace, so that if he ever rises again, he will find not sixteen children but a million men to oppose every one of his designs! Let no man kill another, let no-one stand alone. Let there be peace.

Lalonde: Let there be knowledge, learning, science. Schoolhouses in every last town. Let there be a scholar in every household, let everything to be known, be known. Let wisdom flow freely from those who have it, for it costs nothing to give away. Let the old teach the young, and the young to listen to what they say. Let there be knowledge.

Strider: Let there be music, the beat of drums, the song of a flute and the screech of guitars. Let there be dancing on every rooftop, and fiddles playing every dawn. Let no man ever go unentertained. Let there be music of every range. Let no-one quiet those who play, for his personal gain. Let there be music.

Harley: Let there be love, from every man to every other, from every child to every creature upon this world, let them work to end as much pain as they can. Let there be no hate to fill their hearts with darkness and hate, so when the demon comes again he will be vanquished by brothers from every nation that may spawn. Let there be love.

Karkat: Let there be protection, guards, soldiers, peacekeepers. Let them be the bane of evil and vice. Let them be rightous, virtuous, generous, and yet have no fear in applying the knife to those who deserve a little nick here and there, for ending the music the love and the harmony, let them bring back the criminals the evils and darkness and give them to those who can keep them from pure families. Let there be protection.

Aradia: Let there be respect, for those fallen, for those who are wounded, for those who have given a portion of their lives in the defense of Renaissance. Let them be revered, risen above their brothers, let them give their legs to those who lost their own protecting. Let the dead be remembered and rejoice the lives they led. Let there be respect.

Tavros: Let there be nature, birds, deer, hopbeasts. Let the world stay green and tranquil, let the rain fall pure and untainted. Let no industry destroy natural beauty, or the animals whom enjoy it. Let no man harm another, for nature is within all of us as surely as industry. Let there be peace amongst man and the forests which give him lumber. Let there be nature.

Sollux: Let everything be two, watched, no side left uneven, nothing left completely whole. Let everything be split into halves to balance and protect the world. It is through division that the whole can be seen. Let there be two rulers, as we are blessed with two eyes two ears and two legs. Let there be backup. Let there be two.

Nepeta: Let there be play, in the children, in our men, in our world, for as long as it may last. Let there be play in every house, in every tavern and work. Let the cheer be spread amongst those alive to see it, so that the dead may see their works untarnished. Let there be cheer for every fish from the sea and game from the hunt. Let there be play.

Kanaya: Let there be purity. Let each heart be untarnished. Let one man starve if only to see another two men feast. Let one man sell his home to see a family live happily. This is the path to happiness. Let no man be too far above another to see him. Let no king turn away from the voice of a peasant. Let each man be treated as a king. Let there be purity.

Terezi: Let there be law. Let us bring those who would destroy the happiness of others to justice. Let us keep from those unable to protect themselves that which would harm them and make them lame. Let us see to it that our society does not drown in its own filth. Let us see to it that our nation stays pure and untainted. Let there be law.

Vriska: [The following carving is coated in graffiti and scratched out. The lesson is illegible.]

Equius: Let there be industry. Let there be factories to provide goods. Let there be mines to draw from the earth valuble metals. Let each gem be polished and shined. Let the cities flourish and the towns grow. Let each man have a job constructing that which would make life easier. Let each man be an inventor, a factory in his own right. Let there be steel and iron. Let there be industry.

Gamzee: Let there be miracles. Let each day be enjoyed as if it were your last. Let each unknown be a source of mystery and inquiry. Let each moment be seen as what it is. Let there be miracles.

Eridan: Let there be hope. Let the hills ring with the hope of scorned lovers that they may be loved again. Let the rejects, the desolate, let them hope to be great that they may work at it and bring the day whence the downtrodden become rulers. Let the hope of our nations be beacons that we may draw the darkness from it's health and mind. Let us become a city on a hill, to have all the world look upon us as the place one would hope to look for. Let them wish to sail every ocean to come to our lands. Let there be hope.

Feferi: Let there be beauty. Let it shine from every waterfall, every lake and in the opceans waves. Let the artist find himself a muse in the water, in the air or in fire. Let the elements dance upon the minds of the people, bringing beauty and miracles into their lives. Let the soft gurgle of a mountain brook wash away the worries and cares of the mundane in pure, cleansing water.

[Under the commandments, unseen by the walking passersby, there is a small paragraph in dark black paint.]

Jack Noir: Let there be bloodshed. Let there be war. Let there be corruption and crime and murder. Let the strong prove it and the weak be trodden into the ground. Let the streams be tained red with the blood of angels and valkyries. Let the ocean tides sweep away the corpses of good men. Let evil take their place. Let the commands of the gods go unheeded. Let there be a Black Revolution.

[It is signed with a spade.]

[Katrika]

Karne, I am on the edge of my seat.

[Doodled]

I had two ideas, but they'd probably turn out poorly, since I think I wouldn't do too good at keeping the characters talking the way they normally do...

1. The characters of Homestuck formed a band to travel the universes as.

2. They saved everything, etc. etc. And are now having a video game party, causing Eridan to have the world's largest ego, blah blah blah

Then again, those ideas aren't very good anyhows...

[DJ-P0N3]

I am not gonna lie.
I like the first one a lot.

[Doodled]

I am not gonna lie.
I like the first one a lot.

*shrug*

It's not copyrighted, nor copylefted.

Go for it, if you want to.

[DJ-P0N3]

I am not gonna lie.
I like the first one a lot.

*shrug*

It's not copyrighted, nor copylefted.

Go for it, if you want to.

Dave = DJ
Jade = Guitarist
Rose = Violin
John = Piano

Yeah...that'll work.

[Loyal]

@Wig:

Out came the man who was presiding over the ceremony, the righteous Hearts Boxcars. He had apparently begged on his hands and knees to Jade for this role and Karkat heard the huge Dersite had sobbed like a little girl when she said yes. He strode down the aisle, Clubs Deuce trailing behind him like a shadow until they reached the podium where CD split off and took a seat next to Mrs Egbert.

I lost it riiiiight about here.

[Wigmund]

@Wig:

Out came the man who was presiding over the ceremony, the righteous Hearts Boxcars. He had apparently begged on his hands and knees to Jade for this role and Karkat heard the huge Dersite had sobbed like a little girl when she said yes. He strode down the aisle, Clubs Deuce trailing behind him like a shadow until they reached the podium where CD split off and took a seat next to Mrs Egbert.

I lost it riiiiight about here.

Thanks Loyal.

I kinda figured if HB was around when the kids and trolls were getting hitched, he'd almost certainly be the preacher.



Also, crossposting a link to yet another Troll!Cops fic, this one about Tavros Nitram/Mr. Pupa: The Boy Smiled

[Decker]

@Wigmund

"Well...we've talked about it, but since the only other groups on this planet seem to be a couple of human, troll and mixed medieval civilizations rather far away from us - we felt that there was no need for a formal thing tying us together. We're quite happy with what we have."
Another swig from the beer.
"Besides, she'd have far more than my balls if I EVER strayed and started fooling around on her."

The first thing that went through my head when I read this was "That's because she would take you to the cleaners in divorce court."

Also, I find it funny that HB is apparently registered for this sort of thing.