MSPA Fanfiction IV

[Metaflare]

SBURB FORTRESS 2

Chapter 2

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Did imps know fear? Probably. Otherwise they wouldn't have been cowering in the shadow of the nearby building, watching in every direction for the hero they knew would be coming.

Every direction but up, that is.

In the BLU organization, Johnny was what was known as a "scout" - fast, but lightly armed and armored. In theory, a good Scout could run up to enemy lines, see their numbers and loadouts, and run back. In practice, they generally used their speed to quickly claim objectives, or to surprise enemies at point-blank with what weapons they had.

No objectives? Then death from above.

Johnny had spotted the imps from a distance. Luckily, the Land of Bridges and Darkness meant plenty of access routes and plenty of hiding spots. No bridges led directly to the building, but they didn't need to. A close pass was enough.

He took a few steps back for a running start, and then jumped as far as he could. At the peak of his jump, he kicked his legs as hard as he could - a technique he picked up when he was younger that shifted his momentum for an extra bit of distance. All things considered, he could long jump about 25 feet. He landed softly on the roof of the building, looked down on the imps, and began his attack as subtly as he knew how.

He took out his baseball bat and called out to them. "Yo, wassup?"

Then he jumped down, bat held high.

All told, there were about 5 imps huddled together. They all existed in various states of fishyness, thanks to the Scout's earlier prototyping. Upon hearing the battlecry, two of them immediately fell over and began flopping in terror; two of them screamed (glubbed?) and began running as fast as their little foot-flippers could carry them.

The last one kept his head straight, brought his arms up in a combat stance, and would maybe have put up a fight if Johnny hadn't landed directly on his head.

"BOINK!" Johnny shouted. He pushed off of the imp just before it exploded into grist. This push carried him directly into the path of one of the absconding imps, which naturally led to the imp being directly in the path of the baseball bat. "BONK!"

Johnny LOVED sound effects.

With well-practiced ease, he stowed his bat and pulled out his pistol. He fired three shots, which were sufficient to catch the other fleeing imp. Three down, two to go. And of course the two remaining imps were still flopping uselessly.

He threw his arms out, exasperated. "Are any of you guys even payin' attention to me? What is your guys' PROBLEM?!" He took his bat out again; no need to waste ammo on these knuckleheads.

As he walked forward, though, something didn't feel quite right.

That something was the ground. Ground isn't supposed to shake like that.

He looked around again, and noticed the massive, scaly ogre coming around the side of the building he had just jumped off of. How the hell'd he miss that?

He didn't spend any time wondering, though. He was too busy being frozen in fear. And then screaming loudly. And then he did his best to avoid peeing his pants.

---

On another plane of existence, Dell Conagher was very much enjoying the safety of Dustbowl base. Like Johnny, he was alone here, but at least he could amuse himself with the computers that one could find at any given BLU base. Earlier, he had been using it to help Johnny on the homefront. Now, he was using it to play Texas Hold'em with Ivan the Heavy Weapons Guy.

OPEN CHATLOG

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baconEnthusiast began pestering bulletHappy at ?? : ??

bE: Aww, come on, I thought you were an expert at this or somethin'!
bH: NO, YOU ARE THINKING OF WEAK RED HEAVY! REAL MEN PLAY REAL MAN GAMES. LIKE THE HANGEDMANS. AND SOMETIMES TENNIS. NOT STUPID BABY CARDS.
bE: Yer just sad 'cause I'm kickin' yer keester.
bH: ENGINEER IS CHEATING! HEAVY MUST BE USING ENGINEER'S TINY ROBOT TOYS. BUT THEY ARE FIRING POOR CARDS AT ME INSTEAD OF BULLET.
bE: It's a computer game. It's on the screen.
bH: POOR COMPUTER CARDS INSTEAD OF COMPUTER BULLET. DO NOT THINK YOU CAN TRICK ME WITH YOUR FANCY COMPUTER WORDS, ENGINEER!
bE: If you want, we could go back to... what'd ya call it? The Hangedmans?
bH: HEAVY WILL NOT PLAY THE HANGEDMANS WITH ENGINEER. ENGINEER CHEATS AT THE HANGEDMANS TOO.
bE: Oscilloscope is a word, Ivan, I even opened up the dictionary.
bH: ENGINEER MUST HAVE BUILT CHEATING DICTIONARY! ENTIRE GAME IS STUPID!
bE: Whoa, calm down there. 'S just a game.
bE: And, umm, don't damage that there computer. I need that.
bH: STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
bH: crunch.
bE: D'you say something?

bulletHappy has lost connection to TexasHoldEm.exe.

bH: CHEATING BABY COMPUTER SAID SOMETHING.
bE: ...Yer gonna have to fix that. And find a new computer, pronto.
bE: I ain't gonna screw up this mission 'cause y'all done lost yer temper.
bH: IS COMPUTER'S FAULT. WEAK METAL CANNOT SUPPORT STRONG BLU TEAM.
bH: NEEDS STEEL, LIKE HEAVY'S FISTS!
bE: ...Dangnabit...

So who else was available? The mission was to activate the game-thing. Sblurb? Someburb? Something. Dell's computer had it running, and it had somehow kicked Johnny the Scout into another dimension. It hurt the Engie's head trying to figure out how Johnny's radio could still connect to the BLU comm network, and that really said something.

But now Dell needed to get in. Doublecross Station was gone - transported wholly into the game - but a meteor had struck its former location almost immediately after. It wasn't the first meteor to hit Earth that day. It wouldn't be the last either. More objects were on the way.

BLU High Command wasn't sure yet where they were going to land, but Dell felt like the meteor at Doublecross had been too convenient. And he didn't want to stick around long enough to find out if his suspicions were correct. And that meant he couldn't wait around for Ivan to fix his damn computer.

He looked at his sheet of radio frequencies and began to cycle through them. Dell wasn't the type to lose his composure, but he was closer to flying off the handle than he had ever been.

Commentary:

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Criticism or angry death threats are still totally welcome.

I really want to color-code everything in the chatlogs but the difficulty there is that I've potentially got 18 characters that all need unique and thematically-appropriate text colors. I've considered using cool colors for BLU and warm colors for RED, but again, it's gonna be kind of hard finding 9 easily distinguishable shades each of blue/green/black and red/yellow/orange. If I figure something out that makes sense I'll retroactively do it to all the older chatlogs.

I'll try to figure it out ASAP because until I do, I can't think of a way to let Scout talk with Soldier, Sniper or Spy (all of them will be bS of some variety) without making it stupidly confusing.

And please tell me if my action scenes make any sense! This one kind of sucked because imps are just imps, and the Scout is kind of a big deal. Next chapter should be more balanced in that regard.

You're doing really good with this! You've gotten their personalities down pretty well. And the Heavy is comedy gold as always

It's not Indystuck. But it's not bad.

It's also an AU. In what way, you ask? I'll let yooouuu find out...


The Brother Striders

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Your favorite record shop is gone. Toast. Kaput.

A meteor hit it not two mintues ago.

In the crater is a young child. Suddenly, you know the reason you were sent here.

And with a frustrated yell, you curse paradox space and all its minions for dooming you to this fate.

---

He's grown quickly. He needs to learn.

So you teach him, just like you were taught.

You do not relent. You were not shown mercy, so why should you show it in turn?

One session, after being beaten particularly badly, he starts to cry.

"What? You're crying? No!"

You stomp in front of him to get his attention.

"You are a Strider! You are the Dave Strider! And Dave Strider doesn't show tears! Understand?"

The thing about Dave is that he's decidedly non-newtonian. If he decides to be soft, he'll be a quivering jello mold for who knows how long.

But if you hit him hard enough, he toughens up. It starts to bounce off.

That's the Dave he needs to be.

---

You teach him everything he can learn.

The flash step. The critical strike. Anything and everything.

But there is so much he is absolutely unable to figure out. For that, you have to wait.

---

The two of you make it in. Bringing down your swords together, you cleave the meteor into clean quarters, sending it careening away from your home below.

Good job, you tell him. You're finally getting to be the Dave Strider.

He blows it off as more meaningless sensei drivel from you.

Let him. You're too proud to care.

---

It's only a few dozen hours later.

You need sleep.

You can't let yourself go through with this.

But it must be done.

He's sound asleep on the stone bed. Good. Less screaming for you to have to deal with.

A swing, and the blade cuts into flesh and stone. It's done. You know his head must be bursting right about now, filling with all the intricacies of time.

He'll finally get all of those techniques he couldn't, the ones you didn't let yourself use on him in the interests of fairness.

He'll need them.

---

It's time.

---

He stands, ready to teleport to the aid of his friends.

Flash step.

Grab him.

Flash step.

He tumbles onto the asteroid, coughing out dust as he gazes up at you uncomprehendingly.

"This isn't your fight, Dave. You'll be safe here."

"What? No! Dang it, Bro, I can do this! I'm sick of living in your shadow!"

"Then we'll both get what we want, won't we?"

As you flash step away, you hear the tail end of his angry bellow, a flurry of insults hurled at you from his naive, unknowing mind as the meteor begins it descent into Skaia.

Flash step.

---

You appear on the platform, alongside John, Jade, and Rose.

"...Bro?"

You take off your shades.

"No. Not anymore."

Crimson oculars gaze out onto a sight 13 years in coming.

"Hey guys. It's been a while."

And for the first time in 13 years, the Dave Strider shows tears.

---

His favorite record shop is gone. Toast. Kaput.

A meteor hit it not two mintues ago.

In the crater is a young child. Suddenly, he knows the reason he was sent here.

And with a frustrated yell, he curses paradox space and all its minions for dooming him to this fate.

OH SHIT

[Kawa]

He seems to be stuck in an endless recursion of time.

[catharticCarnifex]

@Rimbaum: Aw thank you! I was really worried about sticking to canon, so some parts I had to rewrite since either of those two were reacting weirdly. Glad you like it!

@Kassiopeia: Heeeeh, thanks. Yeah, he seems like the kind of guy who knows exactly what to say except when he really needs it... and it's in spoken form.

@Kerensky: Haha, wow, I think I need to read the first part of this. This is a pretty damn cool take on the whole SBURB thing, love it!

@Graven_Image: Whoah, wait, hold on. Bro = Dave? That's fuckin' awesome.

[Metaflare]

He seems to be stuck in an endless recursion of time.

Oh don't you even start with this i know what you're thinking

[DeadBrain]

@Graven_Image: So Dave is Bro.

Mindfuck, ahoy.

[Kawa]

He seems to be stuck in an endless recursion of time.

I stop now

[-Benedict]

He seems to be stuck in an endless recursion of time.

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IT KEEPS HAPPENING

Graven you rule a lot

[Graven_Image]

Thanks for the kudos, guys! It's just another one of those ideas that supercollided into existence in my brain and had to be put to digital paper.

He seems to be stuck in an endless recursion of time.

Sort of.

Not really.

[Ember]

Bit late, but Lantadyme, that is fucking excellent. God I miss Davesprite.

Welcome to the thread. I cant' wait to see what else you come up with.

[mutecebu]

@Graven:

And with a frustrated yell, you curse paradox space and all its minions for dooming you to this fate.

I just remembered that line. This was a good line.

[Zerovirus]

It's not a time loop though- Dave finds his way out after two turns of the timeline, one as Dave and one as Bro. And as Bro he gets out of the cycle and rejoins his friends, right?

Or am I just missing the joke?

[egregiousBass]

It's not a time loop though- Dave finds his way out after two turns of the timeline, one as Dave and one as Bro. And as Bro he gets out of the cycle and rejoins his friends, right?

It's still a time loop, just not an endless recursion, but your summary is correct. A real inescapable time loop would be Dave getting captured by Lord English, being rejuvenated and memory-wiped before being injected back into a previous moment.

Also damn, that was a great fic.

[Graven_Image]

You two are correct.

Dave is sent to earth as an ectobiolobaby, is found by Bro, goes into the game, gets god-moded by Bro, and is sent back in time by Bro. On Earth again, he finds his past self and takes up the title of Bro. He then goes into the game again, god-modes himself, sends himself back in time, and finally joins up with his friends.

A few minutes from their perspective, but 13 years from his.

[egregiousBass]

I like how you sliced Dave's biography in half and still have it be completely chronological. It messes with my grip on time.

Kind of like this drum solo.

[Wigmund]

Quadrantic Equation

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It was weird to be with the trolls, John thought. The spent so long tormenting the kids and now, after less than a day of playing this game, they're all friends.
Well friends and whatever those quadrants are that the trolls have spent so much time since they met up trying to organize the kids into.

John rubbed his forehead at the endless arguments, bickering and attempted make-out sessions that erupted when they first ran into each other. He shuddered as he thought about Vriska trying to drag him off to her lair.

He didn't want to know what she planned on doing to him if she ever got ahold of him. Dave just gave smirked at him every time he tried to talk to him about it, which didn't help and the other trolls were no help.

John was knocked off of his train of thought when there was a knock at his door.

"Who is it?"
"WHO DO YOU THINK IT IS, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF HUMAN SHIT?"
"Oh, come on it Karkat."

The door opened and in walked the perpetually angry troll leader. He looked slightly more pissed than usual. What now?

"Hey Karkat, whats-"
"You shut your fucking mouth, I'm going to be asking the questions for awhile."
"Oh god, what now? Are you still wanting me to be your kissymiss?"
Karkat blushed furiously and ground his teeth in barely-controlled rage. Oh shit, it's something else John thought, normally Karkat would have thrown something at him for that comment.
"Okay, it's not that. What's wrong Karkat?"

Karkat took a deep breath and took a seat near John, looking at him intently.
"What's your thing with Rose?"
Now it was John's turn to blush furiously and mumble incoherently.
"What?"
"Are you matesprits? Moirails? That friend disease?"
"Uh...I'm...I'm not sure Karkat..."
"YOU'RE NOT SURE? HOW CAN YOU NOT BE SURE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS FOR THAT GIRL?"

John got up and started to pace his room. Oh god, why was this happening?
"It's just something I've never thought about. I mean, I like Rose, she's a wonderful friend..."
He stopped and looked up at the ceiling.
"She's pretty, she's funny when she wants to be, she's kind and for some reason she puts up with me."
"oh...that's a big one..."

Karkat shuffled his feet on the floor, looking down at them.
"Why do you ask, I thought you were after Jade? Or was it Terezi?"
Karkat glared at John.
"None of your business, I'm here for someone else."
"Who?"
"I'm not going to fucking tell you!"
"Wait..."

John started to think about who it could have been. He only knew of a couple of trolls that Rose had any contact with...and she constantly rebuffed the only one who even tried to approach her romantically since they met up.
"It's grimAuxiliatrix? Oh what's her name?"
"Kanaya. Her name is Kanaya Maryam and yes, it's for her."

John was confused now.
"Why? Why would she send you to ask me about my feelings for Rose?
I didn't think she was interested in me."
Karkat performed a double facepalm/head pound combo at John's cluelessness.
"She's not interested in you! She's..."
"She's interested in Rose...I...didn't know there were Troll lesbians..."
"Another one of those stupid fucking human terms for romantic feelings for individuals of the same gender?"
"Yep."
"You fools."

John sat back down on his bed and lost himself in thought.
"To be honest Karkat..."
"What's that you shit-hive maggot?"
"Go talk to Rose, or get Kanaya to talk to her. I'm happy as long as Rose is."

Karkat's jaw dropped.
"You what?"
"It's more important to me that Rose is happy, that trumps my own feelings for her."

Karkat sorted this out in his mind, jumped up and hugged John...before throwing him back on the boy's bed and blushing.
"Erm...Thank you John. This will mean a lot to Kanaya."
"Moirails?"
Karkat gave a small smile, something John had never seen before on the grey troll's face.
"The best."
And with that Karkat left the room.

John settled back down onto his bed and then slipped off into a nap, it was a busy day. They'd joined the sessions, got the trolls over here, had to deal with all the drama resulting from that and now they were waiting for Skaia to finish generating the final reward. The trolls said theirs appeared immediately, but apparently all the bizarre shit going on in the kids' session messed with something.

He drifted off to sleep, only to wake up yet again when there was another knock at the door.

He got up and opened it up.
"Karkat, I told you.
I'm fine with whatever happens, as long as Rose is happy I am-"
John finally looked at who was there at the door.
"Oh...hey Rose. Hi there Kanaya."
The girls looked at each other and Kanaya nodded her head at Rose.
"Kanaya told me what you told Karkat earlier today."
"She did?"
"I Did, I Felt She Had A Right To Know Your Feelings For Her When I Finally Admitted My Own To Her."

John blushed and scratched his head nervously. What was going on now?
"Okay...I just said as long as Rose was happy, so am I. That's all that matters."
"I Know, It Is An Incredibly Noble Sentiment, One Not Often Seen Amongst Trolls."
"And it's something I want to talk to you, both of you about."

John and Kanaya gave Rose confused looks. She just smiled at them.
"I want to be happy with both of you.
And I want to know if we can set up an mutually beneficial arrangement where that can happen."

John and Kanaya glanced at each other and blushed.
"You mean..."
"...We Shall Share You?"
Rose smiled at them, wrapped her arms around their necks and brought them in close to her.
"Exactly. I want both of you to be happy."

Somewhere deep in the lab, Dave Strider was drawing shitty pictures with Terezi. His head jerked up. He sensed a disturbance in the force.
"...that lucky fucking bastard..."

A/N:

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Bluh, bluh another stupid fic.

[KarneWarrior]

I came here to write another Trial by Void but it was supposed to be a action sequence and that fic just completely changed my mood.

You lucky fucking bastard. XD

[Douhneill]

My god, is everyone making Dave into a shipping Jedi?

[KarneWarrior]

My god, is everyone making Dave into a shipping Jedi?

Does that make Nepeta Yoda?

Is someone going to draw fanart of that?

[Douhneill]

My god, is everyone making Dave into a shipping Jedi?

Does that make Nepeta Yoda?

Is someone going to draw fanart of that?

I totally would, except my regular art is crappier than a sewer.

[Wigmund]

It was a disturbance in the cool/ironic force that Dave sensed - John just got into a relationship (of sorts) with two girls (kinda) at once, surpassing Dave.
Nepeta's in a squee-induced coma from the disturbance in the shipping force caused by the multi-part relationship that just happened.

[egregiousBass]

John and Kanaya glanced at each other and blushed.
"You mean..."
"...We Shall Share You?"
Rose smiled at them, wrapped her arms around their necks and brought them in close to her.
"Exactly. I want both of you to be happy."

Now I have to follow that up with a horrorfic about how dysfunctional that is.

Maybe never.

[Kawa]

Why would it be dysfunctional?

Here, have some five minute stupidity: http://helmet.kafuka.org/trollslum/shippingjedi.png

[egregiousBass]

Why would it be dysfunctional?

I really never plan to explain myself whenever I overthink something that's supposed to be just fluff, but okay =P

It's not really a big deal to me. I just find it jarring when there's a semblence of toying with people's feelings.

Being in a successful relationship entails both giving and taking, of which the taking is being ignored here. Her reason to include John is "I want you to be happy" and not "I want you to make me happy", or even "I like you." That's never said, there's only the absurd amount of stress on altruism. If you don't get satisfaction from your partner, then you're just not able to return them the kind of attention they need to have theirs. How would you feel if your girlfriend were only that as a kind of favor?

And besides, as good as it feels to be able to discharge your affection, it may not be worth it by a long shot. Love is a drug: If Rose leaves John aside, he'll eventually put her behind him and gets the chance to find a fulfilling, focused engagement elsewhere. But if she humors him with a half-spirited effort and he'll keep wanting her affection even if it's wishy-washy and strained in between maintaining her far more exciting affair with Kanaya.

It's also quite doubtful how a thing like this would work to begin with, especially for these three. I acknowledge that polygamy is possible, and that there are many societies that have it (or, more specifically, polygyny), but actual polygamous relationships are still far outnumbered because there aren't enough women, obviously. The ones that exist are exclusive to the economically priviledged, which is very similar to how marriage was an issue of business in our pre-industrial societies. Romantic affection was for the upper aristocracy and/or extramarital affairs and that was fine.

But this is nothing like that. These are real, vulnerable sentiments that are being dealt with, and just declaring yourself shared goods just to appease a second person is very naïve and careless IMO. Add that there can be a lot of animosity between co-partners (in one African language, "co-wife" and "jealousy" are the same word), and also that neither John nor Kanaya are accustomed to the concept, in Kanaya's case even strongly deterred, and I can't help but feel this arrangement going to shit faster than you can say "chainsaw".

But don't take offense; rather, be proud that the fic made me think about all of this =P

Also Karkat was very cute in this one.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@apocalypticCritic: INDEED!

@crash: "written something the length of a college thesis about some kids and aliens watching Squiddles." My lifelong secret dream! :33 But seriously, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

@Sionnan: Same! And like Rose said, being involved in the storyline over multiple episodes only made things worse... or better. My best friend's niece just picked up a surprise love of Batman: TAS independent of anyone from the 90's generation, which may have been what inspired me writing this the way I did.

@Graven: Have we already made a series of endless recursion jokes? Damn.

@catharticCarnifex: Really enjoyed this! Karkat's point of view had some wonderful touches to it!

@Graven: Have we already made a series of endless recursion jokes? Damn.

@Wigmund: I can definitely see where egregious is coming from, though I personally made the assumption that Rose was referring to some sort of quadrant balancing. I suppose given the discussion kerfuffle that I was mistaken? Either way, I thought John's feelings on this were sweet, however you read the outcome.

@Graven: Have we already made a mention about how there are an incredibly large number of possible pairings thanks to the quadrants but I remain surprised every time someone unearths a new one?

[Kassiopeia]

@Bass polyamory (as opposed to polygamy) isn't *that* uncommon. Without wanting to go into a massive amount of detail - not my area of expertise by any means, I just have a few poly friends - there are people who would say that being polyamorous is part of their sexual orientation as much as what gender they're attracted to.

Though I do take your point wrt the fragility of emotions going on here and the fact that they're probably all too young to handle that kind of situation.

e: sorry if this sounded kind of snappy ;3; I didn't mean to come across that way.