MSPA Fanfiction IV

[Graven_Image]

^ Fanfic of the year. All years.

[Embargo]

Someone write it then.

[Doodled]

Quick! Break out the shitty self-portrait of Karkat!

[Decker]

Guys, I think HiHH Chapter 11, the one that was delayed twice and I'm just now getting around to? I think it's my kismesis. I want to throttle for being so frustrating to write it but I am enjoying every minute of it. Is that wrong?

I'm just glad to hear that you're working on it.

[mutecebu]

Horosphere - that was amazing. Two medals for you.

[Decker]

@horosphere. That's great. The screen even looks like AO3.

[Douhneill]

Oh, dear. Are we writing MORE fanfic writer fanfic?

[Graven_Image]

I'm still waiting for the self-inserts to arrive at my house.

ETA plz.

[horosphere]

No, we're not, Karkat is. Or rather I'm drawing Karkat writing fanfic about MSPA fans writing fanfic about trolls and oh gog what is this I don't even

I just hope SkaianRedeemer isn't creeped out by it or anything. And yeah I had AO3 open in another browser window (to read the fic Seraph had just posted) so that is indeed exactly what Karkat's screen is.

Also, true fact: Karkat is an unbelievably shitty writer. I mean, gog DAMN.

[Dermonster]

I'm still waiting for the self-inserts to arrive at my house.

ETA plz.

Well since I'm currently stalking you outside your house with a semi-automatic shotgun, ETA is when I run out of ammo.

And even then you might have to wait for a bit until I pass out form exhaustion from bashing their heads in with the shotgun handle.

[lucidSeraph]

No, we're not, Karkat is. Or rather I'm drawing Karkat writing fanfic about MSPA fans writing fanfic about trolls and oh gog what is this I don't even

I just hope SkaianRedeemer isn't creeped out by it or anything. And yeah I had AO3 open in another browser window (to read the fic Seraph had just posted) so that is indeed exactly what Karkat's screen is.

Also, true fact: Karkat is an unbelievably shitty writer. I mean, gog DAMN.

wait

does that mean

that karkat reads my fanfic

[Doodled]

I need a fanfic idea.

I mean, I could continue the murder mystery, or the HS/HS cross-over...

But I dunno.

:P

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Doodled: I really enjoyed your HS/HS crossover! I do hope to see more of it.


I'm of the firm opinion that Karkat reads everyone's fanfic. He's just not like to admit it.

KARKAT: [...] Look, you people, I’ve already told you, what happened between Eridan and me in the locker room was strictly Bro Stuff! I was being helpful! Sometimes a stuck zipper is just a stuck zipper, no matter how much you… or your readers… [mutters] or he… want it to be to be otherwise!

Also, on that note, *IMAGE SAVED*.

Now where were we? Oh, right. My vigorous, 8-hour make-out session with this clump of contiguous word-types.

[Graven_Image]

Wait.

Doodled.

Homsar types in white text.

Quid pro quo, Homsar is Free Country's First Guardian.

!!!!

[horosphere]

@SkaianRedeemer:

wait

does that mean

that karkat reads my fanfic

uhhhh well I meant that I was reading your fanfic, and just that AO3 in general is what Karkat had on his screen

I mean I dunno, your fics don't usually have enough huge piles of romantic tension to be Karkat's sorta thing, I think. He'd probably read any fanfic about the kids anyway, though. If only to complain about them afterward.

On the other hand I can totally image Kanaya being strangely fascinated by purple Dave (and then trying to convince canon Rose to read House of Leaves). Also holy crap Kanaya would probably love Haunted and fangirl like crazy over Poe I mean seriously.

[lucidSeraph]

uhhhh well I meant that I was reading your fanfic, and just that AO3 in general is what Karkat had on his screen

I mean I dunno, your fics don't usually have enough huge piles of romantic tension to be Karkat's sorta thing, I think. He'd probably read any fanfic about the kids anyway, though. If only to complain about them afterward.

On the other hand I can totally image Kanaya being strangely fascinated by purple Dave (and then trying to convince canon Rose to read House of Leaves). Also holy crap Kanaya would probably love Haunted and fangirl like crazy over Poe I mean seriously.

HAHA she totally would! She would bug Rose for the whole soundtrack and then be very upset that it got blowd up with the rest of the Earth.

[Doodled]

Wait.

Doodled.

Homsar types in white text.

Quid pro quo, Homsar is Free Country's First Guardian.

!!!!

And if you can decipher what he's actually saying...

...

Yeah...

[Wigmund]

I mean I dunno, your fics don't usually have enough huge piles of romantic tension to be Karkat's sorta thing, I think. He'd probably read any fanfic about the kids anyway, though. If only to complain about them afterward.

Now I'm imaging Karkat reading my stuff.
"GOG DAMN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? DOES THIS NOOKSTAIN EVEN HAVE AN IDEA ABOUT HOW TO WRITE A PROPER FIC? I- WAIT, HALF THIS SHIT ABOUT ME AND JADE!"

[Graven_Image]

I can see him reading mine.

CG: ALRIGHT, I'VE BEEN READING FOR TWENTY CHAPTERS, AND EVEN MY MOST BASIC QUESTIONS ARE STILL NOT ANSWERED.
CG: WHO THE HELL ARE QUOTE AND TIM AND ALL THESE?
CG: WHO ARE THESE OTHER GUYS?
CG: WHY DO I CARE?
CG: CAN I STOP READING NOW?
CG: PLEASE?

[Doodled]

CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: WHY DOES IT KEEP HAVING TROLLS DIE.
CG: AND WHY THE HELL DOES IT HAVE NEPETA EVERYWHERE?
CG: ...
CG: OH SHIT, NOW EVERYONE'S MAKING OUT.
CG: AND DYING.
CG: AT THE SAME TIME.
CG: FUCK!
CG: OKAY OKAY, MAYBE THIS GUY HAS SOME OTHER ONES...
CG: ...
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS STRONG BAD?!?!

That's what he would say about mine. :P

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Graven: And yet, he does not stop.

And then he finds horror!Cal fics...

[lucidSeraph]

CG: WHY THE FUCK IS DAVE RANDOMLY A LALONDE IN THIS ONE?
CG: HE'S STILL JUST AS INSUFFERABLE. WHO THE FUCK CARES.
CG: OKAY MAYBE THIS DIPSHIT HAS SOME OTHER FICS.
CG: ... MORE FUCKING DAVE!? AND THIS TIME HE'S... JOHN.
CG: HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER I DIDN'T THINK I COULD HATE ANYONE THIS MUCH.
CG: LIKE
CG: ... WOW WHY DOESN'T THIS BLUE DAVE EXIST. I'D LIKE TO PUNCH HIS TEETH OUT.
CG: WOW.
CG: OKAY AND THEN THERE'S SOME BULLSHIT ABOUT THE HUMAN LUSII... THINGS... WHO THE FUCK CARES? SERIOUSLY.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK EVER.

[Domoz]

Oh man, I've been kind of waiting for a reason to start this back up XD
Oh Kanaya, you and your breeding duties.

*Ahem*
[1/?]
Try again

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Kanaya did not know that Mother Grubs grew up so fast. One day it had been a matriorb stuck to a wall and the next moment it was an egg. The next time she checked back there was an adult, if a little small, Mother Grub living in the hollowed out center of a metor.

This worried Kanaya to no end. She had trouble feeding the thing, first of all, and she knew it was only a matter of time before...
Well she just didn't want to think about it.

Kanaya had a hard time smuggling so much food to the Grub without the others catching on, the Mother Grub seemed to be growing bigger by the minute.

One day when she walked in holding an armful of plants, Kanaya noticed a strange black ball sitting by the first leg of the Mother Grub. After feeding her, Kanaya picked it. It was strange, it almost seemed to be made of out some sort of chitin...

There was no loud dramatic thump as the egg of the Imperial Drone hit the ground, only a troubled squeak, coming from the troll herself.

This, Kanaya was certain, was sure to be quite the task.

[horosphere]

"I- WAIT, HALF THIS SHIT ABOUT ME AND JADE!"

...and then he goes back and reads them all again. Twice.

Also holy crap Kanaya would probably love Haunted and fangirl like crazy over Poe I mean seriously.

HAHA she totally would! She would bug Rose for the whole soundtrack and then be very upset that it got blowd up with the rest of the Earth.

oh gog the more I think about this the more perfect it seems. In the last verse the way Poe says "come here--no I won't say please", Kanaya would just, like, melt on the spot, seriously. Also at least 90% of the song makes entirely too much sense interpreted through the lens of how Kanaya probably sees Rose and/or Vriska (much moreso than how we as readers see either).

Now I want to find some way to do... something with "Kanaya fangirls over Poe" but I have no idea what that could be. aaaaaaaagh

EDIT:

CG: HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER I DIDN'T THINK I COULD HATE ANYONE THIS MUCH.
CG: LIKE
CG: ... WOW WHY DOESN'T THIS BLUE DAVE EXIST. I'D LIKE TO PUNCH HIS TEETH OUT.
CG: WOW.

This is also the one of the truest true things ever.

[PingZing]

Rebbe - I read all of those, but oh my goodness, Camaraderie was fantastic.

Seraph - More PurpleDave? Fantastic! I love that Mom has a Don Quixote statue this continuity...

Wigmund - You made me feel sorry for Vriska. Well-played sir, well-played indeed.


Posting something of my own. I had a scene in my head that just wouldn't leave me alone. I don't know if I did it justice, but here it is.

Candlelight and Clockwork: Rose

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Somewhere in the periphery of his awareness, John hears a match flare. The acrid smell of briefly burning sulfur rouses him from his stupor, and he groans. He feels the air in the room shift and he catches a whiff of smoke. He feels the ground tremble slightly as the sound of footsteps approaches. A warm hand gently presses against his forehead, and he shivers at the difference in skin temperature. For an instant, the hand feels too cold and dry, before he realizes it's his skin that feels feverish and clammy. He shivers again, uncontrollably this time, and clutches the blanket closer to his chest.

What? A blanket? Where am―

“We wondered when you were going to wake up. I was beginning to fear I would need to take drastic measures."

John opens his eyes and is met with the sight of Rose sitting over him wielding a glass of water and a small smile. He is in a dimly-lit room, with sporadically placed candles providing flickering illumination. Underneath him is an unfamiliar bed, but the room's design and candy-colored light from the gaps in the curtains tell him it's probably Rose's. The flames from the candles make shadows jump and shudder erratically and for a moment, John is certain that Rose's shadow is larger than it should be. In an instant the illusion vanishes and he shakes his head.

“Rose? What's going on?”

“It would appear that in the course of your travels, you neglected to recall the simplest piece of advice given to you by your father regarding cold weather,” she says, and sets the glass down on a table beside the bed.

“What?”

A third voice chimes in from John's left, “He warned you about colds, bro.”

John turns his head and sees Dave leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed, smirking.

“He warned you, dog,” says Rose. John turns to her in surprise. Her expression is desperately trying to hide her amusement, but the twitches at the corners of her mouth give her away.

“I didn't think you'd get in on Dave's, uh...” John trails off.

“Preposterous foolishness?” Rose suggests.

“Ridiculous nuttery?” John says.

“Harebrained hilarity?” Rose returns, grinning.

“Unmitg―“

“Okay, whatever silly thing you're about to say?” Dave cuts in, “Don't say it. I can just see it fucking bubbling up through the cracks in your ridiculous prankstery brain, so you cap that shit right now, or I'm going to contract diabetes this very second. Like, it'll take all the insulin in goddamn Larry King's home and then some just to keep me stable if this gets any more saccharine.”

“Huh? What do you mean, Dave?”

Dave is silent for a moment, nonplussed. He glances at John, then at Rose, then back at John. “...Egbert, you're my best bro, but I cannot believe how dense you are sometimes. Look, Rose, can you handle the explanation? I've got some goddamn temporal cluster-predestination-fuckery to take care of. Apparently. I'll be back in exactly twenty-seven minutes. Or so I hear.” And with that, Dave steps out of the room.

John blinks for a moment and turns to Rose. “'The explanation', huh? Dave makes it sound like some super-secret plan to...I dunno, really!”

Rose leans back and looks up. “Tell me John, what's the last thing you remember before waking up here?”

John pauses for a moment and thinks. “Well, I had just woken up on the battlefield after going to sleep on my Quest Bed thing. And after what I saw in the clouds I...didn't really want to go back to my planet. Not right away, anyway. And since I didn't really know what to do on the battlefield without talking to you, I decided to come here. Oh! Rose, did you know I can fly now?”

“Yes, as a consequence of ascending to the God-tiers and realizing your role as the Heir of Breath. Or perhaps because you're inhabiting your dream self's body, which is capable of flight. I'm not entirely certain.”

“I guess I shouldn't be surprised you know all this,” John laughs. “No one can beat Rose Lalonde in a Seer-off. You are simply the best there is.”

“So what happened after that John?”

“Well, I was...I uh...” John trails off. He frowns and looks down for a moment. “I don't remember.”

“Then allow me to attempt to fill in the gaps. I was watching you through my crystal ball--” Rose pauses for a moment to glare at a snickering John. John holds his hands up in surrender, and Rose continues, “I was watching you fly to my planet when you fell unconscious. You crashed into a sand dune and I found you about ten minutes after that."

“Okay...but what does that have to do with my dad’s advice?”

“John, what does every parent tell their child about going out in cold weather?”

“Uh...don't eat yellow snow?”

“Y-what? No, John. They tell you to dress warmly. Because if you don’t, you’ll catch a cold. Which is strictly speaking, false, as colds are caused by pathogens rather than inclement weather. However, unpleasant weather does have a variety of effects that lead to a higher chance of catching a cold.” John's eyes begin to glaze over. “Regardless, you’ve been traipsing around a windy, chilly planet for quite some time now, and I refuse to believe that an apparently all-cake diet has bolstered your immune system. It’s likely you caught something a few days ago, and it’s just now manifesting,” Rose finishes triumphantly.

John nods. “I guess that makes sense. Except...” He frowned. “If I just hit the God-tier, that means I'm my dream self right now, right? And I think ascending is supposed to heal me...I think it’d be kinda weird if it left me sick!”

Rose’s face falls. “Oh. Yes, I suppose that does make sense. No sense in allowing a player to ascend and then allowing them to be done in by simple illness. Perhaps you’re simply exhausted then? Either way, you’ve got a fever and you fell unconscious a few hundred feet up in the air. It’s a miracle you’re not seriously injured.”

“Oh, why'd you have to bring it up? Now I feel awful again...” says John.

His fever returns in full force, and he fails to repress a shiver that shakes him from head to toe. Alternating waves of heat and chill make him sweat and shiver as he draws the blanket closer to his body and squeezes his eyes shut. He’d been feeling fine while he was speaking, but now that his body has caught up to his mind, it's presenting the bill for damages incurred. Bruises, check. His entire left side is tender whenever he shifts. Soreness, double check. Every limb aches as though he's run a marathon after a championship weightlifting tournament. A buzzing in the back of his head had been gradually transforming into a headache over the course of his time spent awake, and is making its presence known. John is suddenly very grateful for the dimness of the room after he recalls how bright Rose's planet typically is. Speaking of which...

“Rose?”

“Yes, John?” Rose had remained silent as John took stock of his maladies. She leans forward.

“Why are you using candles, anyway? It's not like it's dark outside.”

It's difficult for John to tell in the low light, but he could swear Rose is blushing. Her face remains impassive, but her voice betrays her. “I simply prefer candlelight to the gaudy pastels this planet insists on bombarding its occupants with with.”

John peers at the candle more closely, realizes he's missing his glasses, and finds them on the bedside table. He puts them on and examines the candle before grinning triumphantly. “I knew it!”

Rose looks at the candle herself and raises a single eyebrow, “What, may I ask is it that you knew, John?”

John turns to Rose, trademark full-faced grin present on his face. “Dribbly candles! You're pretending to be a wizard!”

Rose takes a deep breath before she lets out a protracted sigh and gently lowers her face into her palm.

Notes

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blah blah blah blah my god I made them talk a lot. I began writing this in present tense and didn't even realize it until halfway through the third paragraph when I realized I'd switched back to past tense. I shrugged and decided I'd give it a try, you be the judge of whether or not it worked.

There is more to this, but it is sadly only partially written. If some things seem under-explained, that's probably why. There will be a second part at the very least.