I have nothing interesting to say so I'm going with an internet meme.
-Insert dramatic chipmunk here-
Originally Posted by KarneWarrior
So, maybe this needs a WARNING: The following story contains unstable quantities of Badfic. Radiation levels are at an alltime high. For safety's sake, use speelcheck after reading this story.
And also wash your hands.
HOMESTUCK: A GAME TO END ALL OF THE OTHER GAMES THAT WAS!
jhon egbert who was jade harleys brother was in his bedroom typing on a computor when he got an chat from his chum that said METORS and MAONSTERS were attacking bros place so jhon egbert wet on the platyform to go to skaia where he was in the Land of Wind and Shade. he did a backflip off of his House to get to the Land of FROGS and ICEE THINGS. he walked really fast to the hug tower where he found that Jade was making out with bec noir and also she was a goffic person.
and then bec noir said "get out kid before i stab you" and then jhon said "but she is my sister " and then bec noir felt bad because he was making out with jad harley. so he teleportalizated john egbert out of the black tower and then john was on the LAND OF CLOCKWORK and also LAVA
and dave was there and he was fighting the FINAL BOSS who was also KArkAt. john looked around and saw the gun on the grond and picked it up and shot and the bullets went into the final bosses eye. and then dave kicked the horns off of karkat which made him normal and humen.
karkat said to john and dave that "I AM SAD FROM THE THINGS THAT I HAVE DONE AND I WILL DIE FOR THEM AND THAN THE WORLD WILL BE HAPPY TOO" and john said " noooooooooooooo " and karkat breathed his last breath. and then dave and were happy becuz humenkind was saved from the trolls. but the laugh was over quickly though because then jade harley appeared and shoot dave in the heart. dave said "no, jade why are you doing this thing?????" and jade said back to dave " because I am with JKack Nore and now we are evil too" and then eridan laughed and jade and bec noir both laughed too because they saw that dave was dead.
but john walked away really fast and jade and bec noir couldnt find him because he was hiding in the bushes. and eridan tried to science john out but john was tricky and the science cudnt find him, and then bec noir said "let's have some tee guys" and they left to go to starbucks.
but john was still alive and he said 'I must avenge my friend dave and take my sister jade harely back!" and then he got the hammer and went off to find bec noir.
TO BE CONTINUED???????
I didn't know Dave wrote fanfics...
In dedication to Nepeta Leijon: The best meowrail anyone could ask for AO3TindeckTumblr
John Egbert waited.The starts above him blinked and got clouded by clouds. There were imps in his house. He did not see them, but have expected them for years. His warnings to Karkat were not listened to and now it was too late. Far too late for now anyways.
John was a regular kid for thirteen years. Today he wanted to play the game and he sad to Dad "i want to play the game daddy!"
Dad sad "NO! YOU WILL BE KILLED BY IMPS!"
There was a time when he believed him. Then five seconds later, he stopped. But now in the Medium, he knew there were imps.
"HEY LISTEN FUCKASS" His glasses crackered. "YOU MUST BEAT THE GAME"
So John got his hammer and smashed down the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" Said the imps.
"ILL SHOW HIM MY STABS" Said Bec Noir and shot green flames. John ran at him and tried to smash him. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"no! i must beat the game!" He shouted.
The glasses said "NO GRUBFUCKER! YOU ARE THE GAME!"
And then John was a godtier
I promise to never make something as retreaded as this.
You find her sitting outside, of course. Every night for the past three days, she has sat out here and eschewed sleep. Until now nobody has ever followed her, but tonight curiosity won out over sense. You have to know. You have to.
She doesn't reply immediately, doesn't even move. Her back is turned and she's sitting cross-legged on the ash strewn surface of the meteor. Her hood is down, the horn-flaps left unbuttoned and flapping despite there being very little wind. You can hear a slight ticking sound, see a red haze at the edges of your vision.
Finally, a reply. "Yes, Sollux?" There's a distinct echo to her words as always, but her tone is warmer - more alive - than it's ever been.
"You've been out here a lot, Aradia," you mumble. "It'th worrying everyone. It'th worrying me."
"I am busy."
You carefully walk around the aries, giving her a wide berth without really knowing why. Her eyes open and she looks up into your own mismatched ones, and you wonder if she's smiling, or if she is focusing too hard to show it. In the depths of her eyes you see a red glow that on closer inspection sharpens into an elegantly illustrated clock. You realise distantly that she's using her newfound powers.
"Buthy? Doing what?"
To her immense credit, her powers do not waver as she gives you an intense stare. It's not hateful, but it carries a connotation of 'this ought to be obvious'. She elaborates anyway, much to your relief: "I am holding the demon in the heart of Derse. Delaying our destruction. I will release him only once we are ready to face him."
Her words scrub away that newfound relief and replace it with an ice-cold horror.
"You can't keep that up!" you hiss, striding towards her. The Maid of Time's reply is careful, measured,and incredibly focused.
"I can. I must," she says quietly. "I cannot fail."
The shadows under her eyes have darkened to bruises, she's slouched ever so slightly. She's tired, in a word, and you feel a sudden pang of empathy. Her demeanour turns ice-cold again, and the ticking grows louder. You can see a faint maroon glow off in the distance, amongst the violet rubble of what was once Derse.
"Do you want thome company?" you ask, on a spur-of-the-moment decision.
She nods, ever so slightly, and you sit cross-legged next to her.
"HE SHOT ERIDAN."
"WITH A GIANT BLAST OF ENERGY."
"FROM HIS OWN FUCKING GUN."
"SOLLUX IS FUCKING INSANE, AND I'M THE LEADER, SO I HAVE TO TELL THAT SHIT-HEAD THE TRUTH..."
"H3'S YOUR FR13ND, 1 THOUGHT..."
"YEAH, AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE MINE..."
"SOLLUX THOUGHT TH4T 3R1D4N W4S TH3 K1LL3R, SO H-"
"HE KILLED HIM BACK."
"YES, THAT IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST EFFECTIVE PLAN OF ACTION,"
"AND IS IN NO WAY COUNTER-INTUITIVE WHATSOEVER.
THE AUDIENCE IN ATTENDANCE SOBS AT THE WONDERFUL DISPLAY
OF OUTRIGHT, SHIT-BRAINED IDIOCY."
"YOU DO H4V3 4 PO1NT..."
"BUT 1T'S NOT QU1T3 TH3 ON3 YOU'R3 TH1NK1NG OF..."
Well it's clear that trying to split the team through use of her was a pretty lame idea. Though talking to her was pretty fun.
Hmm, who are these douchebags? Wait aren't these the things that Equius was beating the shit out of? They never bothered you before, why is it now that they notice you?
Whatever the case, their starting to bug you with all the noise they make. Seriously, claw clacking and hoof clopping gets pretty agitating after awhile.
Tybian: DISPOSE OF THESE PESTS!
You proceed to open up a can of whoop ass. Holy crap, the scene is INTENSE! This would be great to watch in .gif format.
They put up shit for a fight, no wonder Equius was able to fight them with his bare hands. You feel like kind of a doofus for going all out on them.
It seems like many of the people you've tried talking to thus far have led you absolutely nowhere, and the ones you haven't spoken to will probably just do the same. You're supposed to be killing things by now, but you haven't so much as lifted a finger against any of them...in fact you SAVED one of them from finishing himself off in a moment of disgusting idiocy!
Holy shit, past you is a pretty huge ass.
Tybian: Try messaging CG
No. That will never happen. He's such a DICK.
Tybian: Feferi? Sollux?
Nah, you're pretty sure those two have no idea whats going on either. Their probably off doing their own separate boring things.
Hmm indeed voice in your head.
Tybian: You could try..
Tybian: I'm only just saying
Absolutely hell no
Tybian: Oh come on, it wouldn't be that bad
Won't it? I'M PRETTY SURE IT WOULD BE DUDE. DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY IT
Tybian: Contact AG
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Tybian: Shut up and do it
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling foreverParadox [FP] --
FP: NO NO NO!!!
FP: FUCK YOU AND NO!!!
AG: Why do you have to 8e such a 8a8y
AG: You know you want to talk to meeeeeeee
AG: I know everything a8out this game
AG: I have all the answers
AG: All of them!!!!!!!!
FP: / AM SER/OUS/Y GO/NG TO HATE MYSE/F FOR TH/S!!!
FP: BUT A/R/GHT!!!
FP: /ET'S TA/K!!!
AG: Good ::::)
AG: So what does little 8a8y need
AG: You're looking preeeeeeeetty mad right now
FP: / WANT A C/EARER P/CTURE OF WHAT MY WHO/E PURPOSE FOR BE/NG HERE /S!!!
FP: / HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANYWHERE W/TH K////NG YOU ASSES YET!!!
FP: AND YES, /T'S MAK/NG ME ANGRY!!!
AG: So the only thing you can think of
AG: Is to ask the people you're trying to kill
AG: To help you
AG: You're such an idiot!!!!!!!!
FP: SHUT UP!!!
FP: //STEN TO MY PRED/CAMENT!!!
FP: / COMMAND /T!!!
AG: Do I have hoofs?
AG: Do I look like I listen to demands?
AG: Whatever, just say what you want to say XXXXP
AG: I'll huuuuuuuumor you ::::|
FP: / WAS SENT HERE BY A MAG/C GUY /N A WH/TE SU/T TO K/// A// OF YOU!!!
FP: BUT / CAN'T SEEM TO F/GURE OUT HOW TO GO ABOUT DO/NG SO!!!
FP: WHEN / TRY P/NPO/NT/NG SOMEONE TO MAKE THEM MY TARGET THEY W/// USA//Y BE GONE THE MOMENT / GET THERE!!!
FP: /'M NOT SURE /F /'M JUST /AZY OR WHAT!!!
FP: /T DOESN'T SEEM //KE MY FUTURE SE/F HAS MADE ANY BETTER PROGRESS!!!
AG: That's soooooooo stupid
AG: If you had any kind of guts in that 8ag of tears and you call a 8ody
AG: You would have killed us a long time ago
AG: Well, you would have killed them
AG: Not me
FP: WHY NOT YOU TOO???
AG: 8ecause I'm just that good!!!!!!!!
AG: I find the fact that were even discussing this as pretty hilaaaaaaaarious
AG: You are such a shitty assassin
AG: Why he chose you I will never know
FP: GOD SHUT UP!!!
AG: Always crying to no8ody when you totally get schooled
AG: Getting all upset whenever you would walk into the water and try to 8reathe
FP: YOU FUCK/NG D/D THAT TO ME!!!
AG: That fact that you tried calling me your kismesis was also
AG: Now here you are groveling at my feet to help you kill everyone
AG: Such a 8a8y
FP: SHUT UP!!!
AG: 8a8y 8a8y 8a8y
FP: / SA/D SHUT UP!!!
AG: 8a8y 8a8y 8a8y OOOOOOOOH
FP: I SAID
AG: Your quirk is missing :::;)
AG: That's it!!!!!!!!
FP: THE FUCK-
AG: Show me that god tier anger
AG: Give me you're 8est little 8a8y tantru-
AG: Wait is that you doing that?
AG: Whoa, that's pretty cool 8888O
AG: Did he give you that power?
AG: What did he do to you?
AG: No really tell me
AG: TELL ME!!!!!!!!!
arachnidsGrip [AG] computer has exploded.
Last edited by Tybian Sothoth; 01-24-2011 at 05:00 PM.