MSPA Fanfiction IV

[mutecebu]

I was screwing around doing some research on the game related aspects of, uh, the game

Dang it, Shinnoan!

[Kerensky287]

Hoo boy, it's gonna be interesting getting up to these more recent pages. I bet it's gonna be sadfic-city.

THANKS ANDREW HUSSIE

OR SHOULD I SAY

R.A. SALVATORE

OR JOSS WHEDON


Page 66

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Untitled (Dave goes back to confront Bro) fic by Sionnan
-Awww. The best thing about your Striderfics is the way they portray the brother relationship just perfectly. My brother and I have a 9 year age difference, so once in a while I play the Bro to his Dave and it goes EXACTLY like these. Criticism: it reminded me that Bro died and that made me sad.

Survivor chapter 5 by Tybian Sothoth:
-tybian is totally spades for vriskaaaaaa, spread the wooooord! Why'd you say 5 was too long? Is there an actual limit or something? Criticism: Made me wonder whether I should be shortening my own fics or something.

What Dreams May Come by Wigmund:
-I feel dumb because as I was reading this I was all, "Hey, where are Feferi and Kanaya?" Stupid stupid stupid. Me, I mean, not your fic. I'm not a fan of this particular cliffhanger ending, but I like the story in general. It needs a sequel. Criticism: Made me feel stupid stupid stupid.

Professor Layton crossover by Katrika:
-Yay, another series! I don't really know Professor Layton all that well, but I do find it hilarious that Layton instantly assumes that there is a puzzle involved with all the fucking shorts everywhere. Criticism: Part 2 isn't on the same page so I can't go straight over and read it. I'm too lazy to hit the "next page" button yet.

Survivor chapter 6 by Tybian Sothoth:
-Your != you're, again. Also, might I recommend spellcheck? Typing it up in Word and then copying it over is often a good idea, if you're willing to cope with it yelling about all the typing quirks. I also wonder why going underwater would save someone from the Vast Glub when Glb'golyb itself is underwater already? But yeah, this fic works best during chatlogs, my advice is capitalize on those.

Free-Country-Stuck chapter1 by Doodled (or as I like to call it, Homestark):
-You've got the voices down perfectly. I would like to skip ahead to the next chapter in this one too. Criticism: You're making me want to steal your StrongBad for a Sburb Fortress chapter (Poker Night jokessss) but it would be contrived and stupid on my part. Stop making me want to do stupid things.

Hup Boo Hoo Hoo by crash826:
-This fic makes me laugh when I think of how everyone was like, "Oh, Becsprite's going to be Jadesprited and Jadesprite will be so happy to be a dog! It'll be great!" And then she turned out to be a sad-sack. Criticism: I can't figure out what the alternate ending is about, and I figure I must be missing something for real.


Haha, take that, Page 66! Kerensky triumphs over all.

Page 67

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Untitled short tavros sadfic by Sionnan:
-Holy crap, deep. Very deep. I think. Criticism: Ewwww, scorpions. *shiver*

Free-Country-Stuck ch2 by Doodled:
-Headcanon: Homsar is the First Guardian in the real HSR stories. Also, "?EO: YOoOoO've GOT mai WahRNING!" Criticism: You make me want to read the rest of the series too much, and I have to do more important stuff first.

Get Over It by Domoz:
-Oh right! When you wrote this, Eridan wasn't a psychopath murderer. With that in mind, this fic feels REALLY WEIRD, but it was totally accurate at the time of writing and if I had read it when you posted it I probably would've been like, "Outstanding work, A+++, would read again." It's still really well written but now it's like watching episodes of Crocodile Hunter that involve stingrays. Criticism: If not for this fic, I wouldn't have made that terrible joke about Steve Irwin just now.

Indystuck Chapter 16 by Graven_Image:
-I realized that "not commenting on your fics because I like them so much" is like not eating a cake because it is too delicious. Tim is still the best. Can't wait till Urist starts doing stuff. This particular chapter introduces Miserysprite/Kingsprite, which I don't totally get because I never played much Cave Story. I should remedy that. Criticism: I don't fucking have time for Cave Story! Stop making me want to play it!

Civ 4 fic by KarneWarrior:
-On the one hand I'd rather this didn't exist because it means less Trials of Void, but on the other hand Civilization is great and diplomacy between the nations is going to kick ass. Criticism: Civilization 5 is waaaay better, you don't even know.

Page 68

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Comeuppance by linguisticDoctor:
-I find it funny how even though everybody (in RL) realizes John should absolutely be acting this way (in fic), it still comes off as rather heartrending that he gives up on Vriska. She's pretty much my least favourite character at this point and you still managed to make her somewhat sympathetic. Criticism: You made me give a damn about Vriska for a minute there.

Courtstuck by Metaflare:
-YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSS criticism:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Survivor ch7 by Tybian Sothoth:
-Your character is getting a little Mary Sue-ish, but there are like a billion chapters coming so I may be jumping to conclusions. Still, he now has Guardian powers, he's the sole survivor of the Troll civilization outside of the 12 players, and if his text color corresponds to his blood then either he's doing the same blood anonymity thing as Karkat, or he literally has grey blood, probably a mutant color. The fact that he's the only original character in the story doesn't help matters. Recommendations: Add more original characters, try to play up his flaws a little more than you have been, and perhaps throw in a good reason why Scratch actually picked up Tybian rather than any of the other trolls in the world.
-Of course, maybe you did that already in chapters you've written. If that's the case, good job!

Courtstuck-2 by Metaflare:
-The best thing about this story is that the way you write, I can almost imagine the characters' sprites as they're talking. "Heya maya. Hah. That rhymed." *Gumshoe laughing sprite* I know there's a lot more to this and I'm looking forward to reading it. Criticism: it's impossible to include the game's music in the background due to limitations of the medium.

Blind, Weak, Evil (trial by void) by KarneWarrior:
-Oookay, now we're getting somewhere! I mean, I was enjoying it in past chapters too - like I said, great exploration of early troll life. But now there's an antagonist, and it's becoming more of a "fiction" than a "fictional documentary." I like both aspects, and I'm looking forward to what comes next. Criticism: My nose hurts because I was drinking pop when I read this, and some of the pop went directly into my nose at the thought of a giant blind snake with a bird on its head.

Indystuck 17 by Graven_Image:
-I am ashamed to say I have no idea who any of the "troll" type people are in this. But I do love how they mostly seem irate because of all the stuff Tim's doing. When it comes to the characters I'm familiar with, you do an excellent job of making subtle references to each person's origins, like the way Steve spends way too much time building megastructures, or the way Kid has this bizarre masochistic obsession with ludicrous difficulty (just like anybody who plays IWBTG has to be). Criticism: Tim and Urist weren't in this chapter. Of course if they were I'd probably criticize their overexposure.

Sweet Burb and Hella Jeff by Nexev:
-Hahahaha, this is great. I can't think of anything productive to say about it, but saying something productive would probably work against the story's, uh, message. Criticism: You don't bogard fics in the shitter dude, you just don't.

Come Undone by lantadyme:
-Wh... wha....
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA T? /phoenix wright mode
That frogging thing, wow. Nice. Also, Casey/Salamancer is a potentially adorable character and I love what you've done with her. Criticism: Hearing about Casey's boo boos makes my heart hurt and my eyes water.

[Tybian Sothoth]

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Survivor chapter 6 by Tybian Sothoth:
I also wonder why going underwater would save someone from the Vast Glub when Glb'golyb itself is underwater already?

Survivor ch7 by Tybian Sothoth:
-Your character is getting a little Mary Sue-ish, but there are like a billion chapters coming so I may be jumping to conclusions. Still, he now has Guardian powers, he's the sole survivor of the Troll civilization outside of the 12 players, and if his text color corresponds to his blood then either he's doing the same blood anonymity thing as Karkat, or he literally has grey blood, probably a mutant color. The fact that he's the only original character in the story doesn't help matters. Recommendations: Add more original characters, try to play up his flaws a little more than you have been, and perhaps throw in a good reason why Scratch actually picked up Tybian rather than any of the other trolls in the world.
-Of course, maybe you did that already in chapters you've written. If that's the case, good job!

True, I wish I expanded a little more on his Glub survival bit, so I'll do so here. Mainly the bit comes from my experiences with swimming underwater. At first, your ears are plugged up so most of the sounds are muffled and distinction between "underwater noise" and surface noise is doing a flip flop. Overtime your ears adjust and you can differentiate again. I figured for the glub that sticking your head underwater during the worst point would block out the effectiveness and result in a close survival, plus I wanted to avoid having to retcon the entry order and insert him into the game. He's a background character following my interpretation of what is going on in the background during the Hivebent event, and my goal is to keep it as such.

As for the Mary Sue, I noticed that too after re-reading the earlier chapters awhile ago. I pointed my focus toward the flaws of his character and the flaws of his relationship standings with the other characters (and possibly their flaws with him) in the chapters that followed. Up until 7, my goal was to make the reader pity his situation and avoid categorizing him as either friend or foe. With 8 to current you start to get a better feel for how he really is in a psuedo-natural environment.

With Blood color, it's the same as his text color.

[egregiousBass]

Tybian - Kerensky

It's a match made in february.

edit: This was before Tybian actually wrote anything in his post.

[Tybian Sothoth]

Tybian - Kerensky

It's a match made in february.

Lies

Tybian Kerensky mang

[Metaflare]

@Keren: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSthanksSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSS to you too

[Sionnan]

I was screwing around doing some research on the game related aspects of, uh, the game

Dang it, Shinnoan!

Hahahahahaha. XD

@reviewers of the chess piece fic- I'm glad it didn't seem too short! I really wanted to write it, but I didn't want t make a huge deal out of it.

@Kerensky- as always, I am really happy to get your feedback. I'm definitely taking your suggestions to heart. Thank you!

[flutterShy]

...welp. 5 minutes of weeping in the soft scalemate pile(do you THINK it's safe to be in th hornpile?) got me this

... kanaya

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-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has started trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 06:00 --

CG: KANAYA. ANSWER ME. KANAYA?
GA: Im Here Karkat.
CG: EVIDENTLY NOT. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
CG: HE KILLED YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU WERE STANDING FOR.
CG: I CAN'T LET HIM LIVE AFTER THAT.
GA: Yes You Can
GA: I Know What You Are About To Say
GA: 'You Can't'
GA: But You Can
GA: For He Is Hope
GA: And Without Hope
GA: Then We Lose Everyone
GA: Not Just Feferi Or Me Or Tavros
CG: KANAYA. STOP TALKING LIKE THAT.
GA: Even Though It Is True?
CG: ...
GA: Karkat I Know Things From My Interactions With The Humans
GA: I Know That When It Looks The Worst
GA: Things Will Start Turning For The Best
GA: Do You Trust Me?
CG: ... YES.
GA: Good.
GA: I Will ... Miss You.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] has gone idle at 06:07 --

CG: KANAYA. WAKE UP.
CG: I AM ORDERING YOU TO WAKE UP.
CG: KANAYA.
CG: PLEASE.
CG: ... WAKE UP?

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] has disconnected at 06:12 --

CG: KAN?
CG: ... KAN?
CG: ... kanaya...
CG: ... i miss you.

[Kerensky287]

True, I wish I expanded a little more on his Glub survival bit, so I'll do so here. Mainly the bit comes from my experiences with swimming underwater. At first, your ears are plugged up so most of the sounds are muffled and distinction between "underwater noise" and surface noise is doing a flip flop. Overtime your ears adjust and you can differentiate again. I figured for the glub that sticking your head underwater during the worst point would block out the effectiveness and result in a close survival, plus I wanted to avoid having to retcon the entry order and insert him into the game.

That's a good point, actually. We never got a clear explanation for how the Glub worked - it might be reasonable to assume that the sound's distortion upon leaving the water creates a memetic hazard or something, which would also put forward evidence for why high-bloods (ie Sea Dwellers) are affected last. He may have straight-up dodged the Glub by having his head underwater at the very worst moment, and then taking it out before the glub reached water-harmful levels. Or something. I dunno, theoretical glubology is not exactly my field.


I JUST WANT TO SAY IN CASE IT WASN'T CLEAR TO OTHERS: The fact that I give some people serious criticism and some people joking criticism is not a statement of quality on ANYBODY'S part. There is a serious writing critique thread for that somewhere. There are definitely times when something sticks out at me though, and I guess part of the point of comments is to point out stuff that authors may not have noticed. Self-editing is boring as hell and if people remember what somebody said about a part of their work, they're less likely to make the same mistake again in the future.

I'm also really bad at criticizing stuff which is why most of my Criticism sections are just jokes. I wanted to make sure THAT was clear too. Like, Sionnan just said that she was taking my suggestions to heart and all I said recently about her fics was that scorpions are gross and Bro's death made me sad. Oh man I hope my joking criticism isn't seriously screwing some people up, that would make this all terrible.

(I'm off work today so I'm going to keep doing more pages, by the way. I want to post them one by one as I do them but I don't know whether it'd be better forum etiquette to do a post at a time (wasting space), or to edit them into existing posts (so people might miss them). Either way, page 69 is almost done. I finished my comments on The Survivor ch8 before seeing anybody else's posts, by the way. Just a bit of trivia.)

[Kassiopeia]

@linguisticDoctor Eridan has ruined both princes and hope ):
Also, my feeling is that Vriska wouldn't just kill Terezi like that. Apart from anything she seems to be blackrom-crushing on Terezi pretty hard, and I get the impression that you don't just all-out kill your kismesis. On the other hand, I didn't think she'd randomly murder Tavros either >:

[Sionnan]

@Kerensky
>Like, Sionnan just said that she was taking my suggestions to heart and all I said recently about her fics was that scorpions are gross and Bro's death made me sad. Oh man I hope my joking criticism isn't seriously screwing some people up, that would make this all terrible.

Dude, not at all! In an earlier review you left of a Sollux fic, you pointed out some awkward wording. Which was totally true! The Bro thing I laughed at, no worries.

[arcaneCalligramancer]

oh hey Sionnan super-thanks for picking LEVEL 100 IRONY TECH - UNIRONIC APPRECIATION for your prompt like a week ago, I was a terrible person and didn't say thanks before!

[Kerensky287]

@Kerensky
>Like, Sionnan just said that she was taking my suggestions to heart and all I said recently about her fics was that scorpions are gross and Bro's death made me sad. Oh man I hope my joking criticism isn't seriously screwing some people up, that would make this all terrible.

Dude, not at all! In an earlier review you left of a Sollux fic, you pointed out some awkward wording. Which was totally true! The Bro thing I laughed at, no worries.

Phew, thank goodness. Anyway, just working away here.

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Survivor ch8 by Tybian Sothoth:
-Haha, of course a memo chapter comes RIGHT after one of the chapters where I mentioned that your dialog works brilliantly in this series. You must have some sort of accidental psychicness maybe. I dunno, but the memo is just outstanding here, particularly where Vriska gets banned, then comes back and bans Tavros too. I am feeling a little iffy about the characterization of Equius here, but I also think he's probably one of the hardest characters to write.

Hourglass by Kassiopeia:
-I love that the pianofic is canon, at least in this fic. Are more of these "hours" fanfic-excerpts? If so, I gotta read more of them. Hour of the Maiden in particular helps nail down the fact that you are the master of the Kismesis relationship, and while I'm not usually one for romantic fics, the blackrom stuff you do just flat-out works. Criticism: I suspect most of these "hours" are not actually fic-excerpts and if that's the case, it needs to be remedied.

egregiousBass's philosofics:
-I would probably be more knowledgeable about philosophy in general if my high school philosophy class hadn't sucked so bad. It seems like there are "philosophical in-jokes" here that I just don't get. Like, as a former astrophysics student I get what the copernican revolution was but I don't get what it has to do with philosophy.
-Gamzee is pretty much the most perfect philosopher ever, though. I'm a big fan of the Socratic method, even though he kind of screwed it up at the end for Karkat with such a shocking statement (emphasis: HE screwed it up, not you, I realize that was intentionally written that way).

Courtstuck-3 by Metaflare:
-Franciska von Karma is a huge bitch. Bluh bluh. Anyway I already read a bunch of the later chapters so I'm just going to criticize the you in the past for not asking future-you for more pages to post immediately.

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Consortquences by Nexev:
-I guess it's a little late to say "Continue somehow" but if you can keep up this kind of "intentionally stupid" behavior with the consorts I can see it being hilarious. Criticism:
-Oh sorry kind of spaced out there

Homestuck meets Bertolt Brecht by egregiousBass:
-I just love how they are not only aware of their flaws in this, but are willing to follow through with a plan they know will fail because they are so accepting of said flaws. Is that a philosophical thing too? Criticism: These philosofics are making blood flow to long-dead parts of my brain and it's giving me the thinking equivalent of when your leg falls asleep. My thoughts are tingly thanks to this fic.

Indystuck 18 by Graven_Image:
-Tim's kind of a dick. But he's supposed to be, so... well done. I still wish I could figure out who anybody was outside of the central protagonists, though. Criticism: Tim has a time-slowing magical ring and I don't, and that makes me jealous.

Adorable Little Freaks by ArmsAreLoud:
-Goddammit Andrew Hussie/Eridan, way to murder this fic out of canon. I mean, ectobaby fics are reasonably common, but that doesn't stop them from being adorable. And Karkat's reaction in this one is priceless.

Homestuck meets Sophocles by egregiousBass:
-Before I tackle the story itself (or read any further posts that probably clarified this), I think Kass was referring to Thomas Hobbes, the person that the cartoon tiger was named for. If I remember correctly (and I probably don't) he was a guy who subscribed to the philosophy of "Humans are inherently evil".
-Now on to the fic itself! I'm gonna start off with the criticism: you made me feel really, really bad about laughing at suicide. Like, I'm sure SOMEONE out there is gonna get offended by this whole deal. But it's a fucking HILARIOUS fic about suicide. It's like when Ricky Gervais does his routine on the holocaust. You just don't expect it to be successful and that makes it funnier and that makes it more guilt-trippy.
-Geez, I dunno if I can go on with all this guilt.
-- [Kerensky] committed suicide! --

Blue Breezes Soft by Karijou:
-I love this AU so much. You guys need to continue it. I admit I had been wondering what the hell could be done to make Blue Rose interesting, but you've managed to make her bright without being cold-hard-logic-y, and her being a fan of CYOA books just makes solid sense to me. I loved the nudge at occasional deaths that have no relationship to the choice that lead to them, too. I infer from the dialog that this AU has altblooded trolls as well, which I am also a fan of. Criticism: There's more than enough quality, but not enough quantity. *points finger* You know what to do.

Cancer by penguinbound:
-Me when starting to read the story: "Cancer, heh, sounded like the disease for a second... oh. OH. Oh gawd. Okay it is about the disease. Uh... hornpiles."
-Is there more to this? As horrible as it sounds, having a deeper Karkat - ie, one where he's grumpy because of a tragic life rather than because he's an ol' crab (lolpun) - is something I could certainly see myself as comfortable with.
-Criticism (for serious): In writing, a balance has to be struck between description and characterization. You wrote down the events of the story nicely, but didn't mention much about human!Karkat's thoughts or feelings at any point. In future installments I'd love to see some dialog, or at the very least some reactions from Karkat other than just going along with what's happening. As I just mentioned, a Karkat with a deeper personality is certainly something I could get into, but you have to flesh out that personality first.

[Metaflare]

I HAVE BEEN BUSY

weeping in the horn pile
feeefffff ;-;

[Kassiopeia]

@Kerensky Thanks for the comment The "hours" aren't excerpts as such, more... snapshots, I guess. I didn't want to flesh them out too much but there are a few I could develop. (also yes I did mean Hobbes the philosopher XD I had to study his Leviathan last term. It does amuse me that Calvin and Hobbes are named after pretty much the most pessimistic and joyless thinkers the Renaissance produced though.)

[SkaianRedeemer]

Don't worry, this one's short.


The Bigger Picture

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Hello.
GG: Um, hello?
You'll have to excuse me for my hindered omnipotence, but you do presently exist in an alternate universe's game session, a few times removed from my base of power.
Am I speaking to the physical Jade Harley or the Sprite?
GG: im not jade any more or even bec im some kind of horrible THING
GG: :(:(:(:(:(
Ah, yes. I see I've found the proper client, then.
GG: you WANT to talk to me??
GG: who are you?
GG: and why dont you have a chumhandle??
I'm an associate of your friend, Rose.
GG: oh no oh no oh no
GG: I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU!
GG: i dont want to talk about ANYTHING that has to do with YOU KNOW WHAT
GG: im leaving now!!
You'd like to see less of the Green Sun, I believe.
GG: ...yes
That's what I thought.
I can help if you wish, I just need you to do me a tiny favour.
GG: what kind of favour?
GG: i know the kind of favours you're asking Rose and I don't want a part of it!!
I thought you wanted to die.
GG: I DO!!
GG: but i dont want her to be hurt too i just got her back and now youre just going to throw her away and she won't LISTEN to me!
I'm afraid she's going to be more hurt than you might like, especially soon. Bad news is coming down the pipeline and that's just the start.
I can only hope she has enough of a professional etiquette to keep on track when her kismesis contacts her; I'm afraid my limited powers are proving frustrating yet again.
GG: oh no what now
I'm still waiting to hear if you will pass on my message. I'm truly not asking much it will take only a few future seconds of your time.
GG: WHAT ABOUT ROSE!!
My dear, I receive your messages on a typewriter, none of your attempts to pass on First Guardian effects to your text are going to reach me.
GG: but... my friends!
My message is about your other friends, if that helps.
GG: you know about that?
Of course.
Now, about the Sun.
GG: okay, start talking
I'm afraid I can only do so much, but hopefully enough to pass on my one sentence.
The procedure is quite simple but explaining it to you in text would be like telling a woman how to use her own hand.
Even if you knew how to use your hand, the conscious application of effort would interfere with what would otherwise be simple instinct.
GG: i guess that makes sense
What you have to understand is that your powers originate from the Green Sun, so all of your actions have to be in relation to that.
What I would recommend doing to deal with your problem would be to turn away from it.
GG: IVE TRIED
Not physically. Your ephemeral self, pivot that. Direct your powers after the fact over your shoulder until you get used to the Sun.
Which all things going properly, you won’t have time to do.
GG: you mean because ill be dead
Yes.
Strange to think of it as the ideal outcome, isn’t it? I suppose I’ve had more time to get used to it.
GG: no i understand
GG: ive been dead for years i just want to get back!!
I hope you find you’re that enthusiastic when the Green Sun falls and you have to say goodbye to all your old friends one last time.
GG: john :'(:'(
GG: i want to talk to him but the game wont let me!!!
GG: it says sprites arent supposed to talk to god tiers because were supposed to say goodbye to them before they ascend because they arent supposed to get any more free advice
GG: i havent seen him for years and now i cant see him and soon i wont be able to see him ever again!
GG: sometimes i wish i had just let him fall
GG: omg thats so horrible :'(
Indifference with mortaility comes with the role. But you have the benefit of your best friend. His pack loyalty is the reason your physical self is alive at all.
GG: i know
GG: my bec side says that i should be doing everything i can to help but that means stopping rose and i dont want to!
GG: i want to die
GG: and if her dreamself dies that means ill get to live with her too
If.
GG: what do you mean
You'll see. Perhaps you should listen to your canine self.
Now, if you please, my favour.
GG: but i can still see the sun!!
I can't tell you any clearer than I have. Keep trying, be persistent.
Now please, I am not a begging man.
GG: ok…
I'm afraid I can give you no guarantee of your fate when we die.
There are too many factors: sprite, dreamself, First Guardian, and the latter has no history in "death" that I can call on.
But I wish you the best of luck.
GG: thank you, I think
When you get back to your godhead bubble, and your friends…
Tell Kanaya I wish her well.
GG: is… that it?
Yes.
GG: why not tell her yourself
I'm afraid I can't reach the realm of the Horrorterrors any more than you.
GG: no silly i mean the physical her
GG: wait
GG: oh no that is the bad news isnt it
I tried to pass on a message of condolences but I fear she and I have drifted apart.
That's why I can only ask you to pass on "wish you well" because I'm afraid I don't think she'll believe anything of length or sentiment coming second-hand.
Is she well?
GG: yes
GG: shes my
GG: well i dont really know
GG: living forever with your friends is nice but we never age so i dont know how seriously to take our relationships sometimes
GG: shes family
Then for what it's worth, I wish you well as well, from someone who once was family, as well.
GG: thank you
And for what it is worth, try to listen to your best friend.
I know you wish you could be with all your friends but I think you may find inviting Rose into your fold will not exactly be a time to celebrate.
There is so much left to be done in these universes that you would not want one tiny joy to embrace what you would see as evil.
GG: i guess
You'll see. My Master is coming. I can't speak with much idealism as I never intended to be there to join him, but all being best, you will find his existence to bring a better world even for you.
GG: i dont think so!!
GG: from what i hear hes whats making such a mess for the horrorterrors!
GG: theyre my friends too you know :(
Jade, have you considered just possibly using all of the infinite powers at your disposal to see into the future?
If not, might I recommend it?
GG: no no no no!
GG: i am not using these powers
GG: i am not helping your master
GG: shut up!!!
All right then. Don't say I didn't try, but I suppose we can have so much in common and still be at odds.
You will pass on my message?
GG: ...
GG: yes i will
Thank you, Miss Harley
GG: youre welcome mister vanilla milkshake :D!
My goodness, is she still doing that?
GG: haha yep!
Wish her well for me as well, then.
GG: i will!
And if you are going to pass that along to Terezi I had best improve my message to Kanaya.
But since she is still unlikely to believe me, simply wish her "Happiness" if you will.
GG: okay
GG: she is happy
Good.
Goodbye, Jade Harley. I hope your friends are wrong about my master.
GG: bye mr scratch
GG: i hope youre right

[Kerensky287]

This'll probably be my last page today.

Page 71

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Survivor ch9 by Tybian Sothoth:
-I kind of like the input/action thing you've got going but at the same time it seems to let the story lose focus a bit too easily. This chapter's a pretty good example of that, actually; a lot of these story segments could've been lumped under one or two "commands", which would help a lot with the flow of the story. I get that you're trying to make it feel like the commands are being suggested by readers, but some of them just feel a little redundant.
-More grammar nitpicks: there/their/they're is direction/possessive/they are. I know that there are a lot of people who have trouble with those kinds of homonym sets, but as a self-appointed Comprehensive Judge I reserve the right to bitch about those as much as I want.

Courtstuck-4 by Metaflare:
-I love Maya's little freakout in this chapter. Gotta read ahead so I can properly comment on chapters where stuff starts really going on!

By the Way They Dance by sarasvati:
-You've got Dave's rantstyle down pat. You've also got Jade's angrystyle down pat. And yes, this is exactly as awkward as that conversation would have to be. Adorable ending though. Criticism: You've almost made me give a damn about shipping, and that is not really a road I want to go down.

[egregiousBass]

egregiousBass's philosofics:
-I would probably be more knowledgeable about philosophy in general if my high school philosophy class hadn't sucked so bad. It seems like there are "philosophical in-jokes" here that I just don't get. Like, as a former astrophysics student I get what the copernican revolution was but I don't get what it has to do with philosophy.

I'm going to pretend you totally wanted an explanation, so: Immanuel Kant dates from a period where people were wondering how you could ever achieve a 100% certain objective judgment with science. Descartes said yes and proposed a whole lot of mind-related hullabaloo involving proof that God exists, Hume said no because every idea you have is construed from sensory experiences one way or the other and senses do not provide objectivity. Kant proposed that you can reach objectivity in scientific research by keeping your own point of view in mind (hence copernican revolution); by submitting the object of your research to conditions you decide. That's what an experiment is, basically.

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But the terms I used specifically are:

A priori: 100% certain, does not require further explanation. Ideally this is what scientific knowledge is.
A posteriori: Not certain, based on an asessment, subjective.

Analytical judgment: Where one argument is a property of the other. These are always a priori. For example, "Circles are round" or "Homosexuals are gay". If it's not one, it's not the other. They're not very useful, obviously.

Synthetic judgment: Like "Diamond is more dense than coal" or "E=mc²", whatever. Hume insisted these are always a posteriori, but according to Kant, some are definitely certain, such as "3+2=5" or "The combined size of a triangle's corners is 180°".

Basically I just had my philosophy exam when I wrote that. I'll have forgotten all of this by the end of the year.

Homestuck meets Bertolt Brecht by egregiousBass:
-I just love how they are not only aware of their flaws in this, but are willing to follow through with a plan they know will fail because they are so accepting of said flaws. Is that a philosophical thing too?

I am very pleased with your tingliness. But just to explain: Brecht was a 20th century playwright who created "Epic Theatre". He tried to appeal to your intellect instead of your emotions. He had the actors dress up as clowns and change the backdrop in plain view just so the viewer wouldn't be immersed and lose the bigger picture. And instead of acting out their roles, actors keep a certain distance from their character, often outright stating what they're doing wrong so the viewer is aware of the warning conveyed in the play. And if that isn't anvilicious enough, there's a narrator as well. ribbit.

As for that Sophocles thing, I really don't think suicide is funny usually, but in one of his plays called Antigone, everyone starts killing themselves in the last few scenes as part of a really silly chain reaction, save for the antagonist who has to live on despite it all. But it's still a srs bsns tragedy.

@Kass from many pages back: I did Greek&Latin throughout most of high school, but I'm not going to pursue the classical direction :T

[Metaflare]

Turns out I can write better in second person than in first OR third.

Who knew?

Courtstuck-8

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You run into your sister's old room, now turned into a small memorial for her. A jar sat on top of a mantle, the name MIA FEY written as delicately as possible. You grab it and turn around to face the Candlesprite. "Oh man, I hope this works..."

You open the jar and toss the ashes into the sprite.

Open Spritelog

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MIASPRITE: ugh...what the heck...?
MAYA: ...sis...?
MIASPRITE: uhh...hi, maya! i have no idea what's going on but i guess i'll help whenever i can!
MIASPRITE: or at least that is what the game is telling me to tell yo-oof!
MAYA: SIS!!! :'D

Open Pesterlog

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-- ladiesMan [LM] began pestering takeThat [TT] --
LM: yo yo nick
LM: what up
LM: nick
LM: nick cmon man ansr me
LM: o i c how it is
LM: dont wnna tlk 2 the losr
LM: well NEways
LM: imma play this game
LM: the cop dude says i cn blow ppl up with it
LM: wich is shweet
LM: ttyl
-- ladiesMan [LM] ceased pestering takeThat [TT] --

You sigh. You had made it to your office before Edgeworth told you about the meteor impact. But you had literally just talked to Maya moments prior. This just doesn't add up...

And then suddenly your desk was thrown through the wall and a large white machine was in it's place.

This just isn't your day.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Turns out I can write better in second person than in first OR third.

Who knew?

Quick, start Courtstuck: The Text Adventure!

I don't really want to know who Larry wants to blow up.

[Metaflare]

I don't really want to know who Larry wants to blow up.

LM: imma play this game
...
And then suddenly your desk was thrown through the wall and a large white machine was in it's place.

[SkaianRedeemer]

I figured I would give Larry the benefit of the doubt on that but okay.

[Nox]

Aww man. So much deliscious sadness.

lD, you are magnificent.

Nox, I will glee happily if that actually happens.
Though I guess I just kind of jinx'd it.

This would be a great way for Eriden to get a well deserved ass-kicking and put Vriska through the emotional wringer like I have always hoped for. Trouble is in THIS story every other troll is already dead. (Cept for Aradia) so don't root for this exact variant of events unless you want more deaths.

[Tybian Sothoth]

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http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4515717
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4517215
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4521451
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4525474
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4526712
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4526848
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4531039
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4532950
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4535661
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4539642
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4543269
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4548832
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4553210

The Survivor
Chapter 14

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Tybian: Go crazy

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THAT'S IT. YOU'RE DONE WITH HER. YOU'RE DONE WITH THIS ASININE "MISSION" AND YOU'RE FUCKING DONE BEING STEPPED ON.

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-- foreverParadox [FP] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

CG: NO
FP: NO YOU!!!
CG: WHATEVER IT IS I DON'T HAVE TIME
FP: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND L/STEN TO ME!!!
FP: / HAVE HAD /T UP TO HERE W/TH A// OF YOU!!!
FP: EVERY S/NG/E ONE OF YOU!!!
FP: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT!!!
CG: NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
CG: WHY DON'T YOU CLUE ME IN INSTEAD OF BITCHING AND EXPECTING ME TO KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR BROKEN AND SAD LIFE
FP: /'VE DEC/DED /'M DONE FUCK/NG AROUND!!!
FP: YOU CAN THANK VR/SKA FOR TH/S CHANGE OF HEART!!!
FP: BY THE END OF THE HOUR A// OF YOU W// BE-
CG: WAIT WAIT
CG: VRISKA?
CG: WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU?
FP: WHAT!!!
FP: WHY WOU/D YOU CARE???
FP: YOU'VE NEVER G/VEN ME A SHRED OF SYMPATHY BEFORE!!!
FP: WHY WOU/D YOU SUDDEN/Y G/VE TWO THROWS WORTH OF A SH/T ABOUT ME NOW!!!
CG: BECAUSE
CG: WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM VRISKA FOR AWHILE
FP: ???
FP: BUT / JUST SPOKE TO HER!!!
FP: JUST NOW!!!
CG: DO YOU KNOW WHERE SHE WAS?
FP: UHH!!!
FP: / D/DN'T CHECK!!!
FP: WHY DOES TH/S MATTER???
CG: BECAUSE SHE APPARENTLY BROKE OFF HER "TRUCE" WITH TAVROS
CG: AND HE SAYS THAT SHE DIED
FP: BUT THAT'S /MPOSS/B/E!!!
FP: DO YOU TH/NK /T WAS T/ME SHENAN/GANS???
FP: WAS / SPEAK/NG TO A PAST VR/SKA???
CG: NO, TAVROS SAYS YOU NEVER SPOKE TO HER WHILE THEY WERE QUESTING.
CG: WAIT
CG: OK HE SAYS YOU SPOKE TO HER ONCE
CG: IT WAS JUST HER USING HIS HANDLE
CG: I GUESS TO FUCK WITH YOU
FP: WHAT THE HE//!!!
FP: AND HERE / THOUGHT / COU/DN'T HATE HER ANYMORE!!!
CG: LISTEN, I KNOW THIS IS PROBABLY A BAD TIME TO PUT YOUR GENOCIDE OF US ON HOLD
CG: BUT I NEED YOU TO FIND THE STUPID BITCH
CG: IF I KNOW HER, SHE'S PROBABLY COOKING UP SOMETHING THAT WILL PUT THIS SESSION FURTHER INTO JEOPARDY
FP: SO YOU'RE ASK/NG FOR MY HE/P???
CG: IF YOU WANT TO FUCKING THINK OF IT THAT WAY FINE
CG: YES, I'M ASKING YOU TO FUCKING ASSIST ME WITH SOMETHING I HAVE NO WAY OF SOLVING ON MY OWN
FP: G/AD/Y!!!
CG: COME ON I ALREADY FUCKING SAID-
CG: WAIT ARE YOU SERIOUS?
CG: JUST LIKE THAT?
FP: YOU HAVE NO /DEA HOW BAD/Y / WANT TO F/ND HER R/GHT NOW!!!
FP: AND HONEST/Y, / WAS NEVER CUT OUT TO K/// YOU GUYS!!!
FP: JUST TH/NK/NG ABOUT BE/NG STUCK /N A UN/VERSE THAT /S COMP/ETE/Y EMPTY JUST SOUNDS...
CG: STUPID?
FP: STUP/D!!!
FP: YEAH THAT!!!
CG: ALRIGHT IT'S A DEAL
CG: YOU FIND AND KILL THE SPIDER BITCH
CG: AND WE'LL LET YOU HELP US OUT
FP: GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!!!
FP: / WOU/D HAVE NEVER GUESSED THAT OF A// PEOP/E TO HAVE A SW/VE/ ON THE/R HEAD /T'D BE YOU!!!
CG: OK SHUT THE FUCK UP
CG: I DON'T NEED YOU SHINING MY SHOES WITH COMPLIMENTS
CG: YOU'RE STILL A CRYBABY, BUT FOR ONCE YOU AND I HAVE THE SAME GOAL IN MIND
CG: NOW GET THE FUCK TO FINDING HER AND LEAVE ME ALONE
FP: A/R/GHT /ATER!!!

-- foreverParadox [FP] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

CG: UGH
CG: WHAT A DUMBFUCK
GC: H3H3H3H3
GC: YOU'LL GROW TO L1K3 H1M
GC: H3 ONLY R34LLY WH1N3S WH3N H3S LON3LY
GC: 1 B3T HES R34LLY H4PPY R1GHT NOW
CG: OH GOD PLEASE STOP
CG: I AM REALLY REGRETTING THIS RIGHT NOW
CG: YOU HAVE NO FUCKING SHADOW OF AN IDEA
GC: >:]

[KarneWarrior]

Trollhouse
Black & White Morality

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Karne stared at the screen in a mixture of rage and horror. His teeth ground in his mouth, and his brow furrowed as he clicked back and forth and back and forth.

Calmly, cooly, he called for Eridan, who sauntered out of the male trolls shared bedroom.

"wwhat?"

"Eridan, do you know what this is?" Eridan strutted towards the television/computer screen. He looked at the latest update and cocked an eyebrow.

"Lucky?"

Karne had to restrain himself from punching the young man right then and there, but for the sake of his own life, he did so.

"Eridan, this is what we call Canon. Do you know what happens if Canon changes while you aren't there to BE it?"

"do wwe explode or somethin because i got shit to do."

"You change, Eridan. You change to fit it. And what does the Canon say you are?"

Eridan paused for a few seconds, and then said, "a badass."

Karne threw him into the couch, screaming "You are VRISKA!" only to find a thin stick of wood crackling at his neck. He swallowed, watching the wand fizzle with magic energy.

"dont evver call me that again or ill bloww a hole through you the size of a wwhale."

"Eridan, clam down. We need to check on the girls." Karne backed off, hands in the air. In this, his home environment, he had no powers, nothing to save him if Eridan decided to go psycho.

But Eridan tucked the wand back into his pocket, spinning and throwing his cape out. The two headed across the house to the girls room.

Kanaya wasn't there, and niether was Feferi. Again showing almost no respect for the trolls, Karne thrust his hand in Kanaya's recoupracoon and waved it around as though trying to fish out Kanaya. He was rewarded for his efforts with a very slimy training bra, which he discarded before wiping his hand on his pants.

"She's not there." He said dryly.

"fef aint around here either. wwhered she go, you think?"

"Most likely she vanished. Since you became a villain, you're likely to die t-" He stopped, faced again with a crackling wand.

"i dont fuck around anymore. eridan ampora is a neww man!"

"True, true, true, just don't taze me, bro. I'll see if I can scrounge up something that'll let us find YOUR Feferi, not someone's fanfiction. She has to have gone somewhere- or at least Kanaya had to, and since they both died in the same manner they're logically going to be in the same place."

"take me there."

"Fine. I'm not about to argue with the man holding a science stick. Not here, anyway."

"wwhere are wwe goin?"

"A Blank." And that's all he would say. He rummaged about in some drawers, pulling out a blank piece of paper before holding out his hand for Eridan to grudgingly take a hold of. Then they Jumped.

____________________------------_______________________

It was dark and dry. The air felt like paper when you moved through it and the horizon - if you could call it that - was as black as ink. There was a smell like a dusty library that simply hung there, never seeming to move with the air. The ground was the exact same color of the sky, and it felt like standing on half-melted ice. Eridans glasses flashed, even though there was no light.

"wwhere are wwe, Jumper?"

"Like I said. We're in a Blank."

"That's a great glubbin lot of help, that. maybe ill get evven more help if you got a hole in your chest."

"Don't flatter yourself. We're equals, here, both gods in our own right. But I have experience. Taking you down like this would be like taking candy from a wriggler." Eridan sneered but put the wand away. Hopless and arrogant as he was, he could still tell when a action would go against his hope of survival.

Karne waved one of his hands. A strange setup of machinery appeared in the air, dropped a short distance and hit the ground without audible noise. It was stationary for a second, then began to slide silently away. Karne scowled and waved his hand again, and the ground turned into a large clock. The machine stopped it's slow slide and remained motionless.

"There." Karne said, hands on his hips and a goofy smile on his face. He kicked the machine and it whirred to life. Eridan sauntered over to it and looked over the buttons. Reaching out to press one, he withdrew his hand before Karne could slap it away.

"No touchy. This is for big boys over the age of sixteen."

"fuck you."

"I'd rather not."

On the machine sprouted a monitor that hadn't been there before. It flickered with static and snow for a few moments before Karne delivered another sharp kick. Kanaya's face flickered for a second, fearful. Karne pointed at the monitor, twisting his finger. The camera moved accordingly.

"Well, I guess it isn't a Canon problem at all. How long have you been here, Scratch?"

"Only a couple minutes." Doc Scratch replied from the shadows.

"wwhy did you take fef?!" screamed Eridan, pointing the wand at Scratch. The doctor waved his hand and Eridans wand went flying in a shower of diamond crystals. Eridan fell backwards onto his rump.

"Karnewarrior, is it?"

"Aye. That it is."

"Well, you did cause quite a scare. My employer thought that his schemes were ruined. Luckily, it was a simple matter to divine the whereabouts and the means. Especially since I had some quite useful help."

"Help, Scratch?"

"Indeed. It seems in your haste to get your friends out of the Rift, you broke a few rules. You have a made quite a few enimies, Mr. Karne."

Karnes eyes narrowed and he took a step back, holding out his hand to help Eridan back up. "You didn't."

"I did. The guild was quite ready to let me in on your little universe hopping secret. In fact, I didn't even have to make contact with them. It turns out that I was in contact with one of them the whole time."

"Oh my god, Rose is..."

"Yes she is. And, best of all, she's on my side." As much as a faceless white ball could smile, Scratch was smiling now, as the second interloper revealed herself.

"I'm so pleased to meet you, Mr. Karne. It's so sad we'll have to cut the meeting short." She raised her hand and fired.

A/N

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For those of you who don't remember, this is the fanfic where I took upon myself the burden of keeping the twelve trolls safe for a few weeks before I can dump them off somewhere.

For those of you who cheated and read the authors note first: First off; bad things happen. Second off, this is going to pit me against my favorite trolls, and everyone is a Mary Sue. And I mean EVERYONE.

Which means significant property damage.