Not bad weird, just... weird. The gendery stuff started halfway through page 19 and it's been all this thread has talked about since. It's been funny, and I admit the Eridan one was a guilty laugh for me, but where's everything else?
When Homestuck was normal to begin with?
Originally Posted by QuetzaDrake
Well, that's cool. Honestly, there aren't enough stories where the hero is one of the deformed mutant hellspawn as well.
Shula was hanging out in the living room, fresh out of bed with the sun slowly making its way down the horizon. She still had her pajamas on and was watching the recordings from TV that morning. She didn't quite know why -- Nickelodeon had never appealed to her. This particular series was especially bluh, since most of the humor relied on fish puns. Shula already knew all the better fish puns from hanging around Peixes Lake on good nights and listening to the Aquatics chat among themselves. You'd pick up a lot of fish puns that way, and the trick was to not catch them yourself like uncle Sollux had done.
To be honest, she'd rather watch Squiddles.
The mind-numbing self-inflicted televisual torture stopped when the doorbell rang. Karkat got there first and opened the door for two old friends and their unholy offspring.
"Hello again cooldouche", Karkat greeted in his almost customary manner.
Dave adjusted his shades, unwilling to take them off even at that hour. "Same to you asshat."
"Hi Karkat", Jade started. "I don't think you've seen Dylan recently..."
The kid in front of Jade shifted his weight uncomfortably. Karkat guessed that this Dylan human took after his mother and would only show some balls when pushed. He thought himself probably right.
"No, I haven't seen this kid since he was at most half this tall", Karkat offered. "Anyway, come on in and try not to step on the nachos."
"Why the hell would you have nachos where we can step on them, dude?"
"Because we threw a little party yesterday and Gamzee fucked up."
With that, Dave understood everything. Nacho parties had a natural appeal to him anyway.
"Mom", Dylan spoke up. "That guy's kinda scary."
"Be brave hon. It's just Karkat -- he's always like that."
"That doesn't make it much easier, y'know?"
"Hey pappa, who's there?" Shula asked from her spot on the couch.
"The Striders, kid. And they brought their spawn along for some fucked up reason."
Jade pulled Karkat towards her.
"That'd be because Dylan would have to meet you guys sometime. Why not now?"
"Yeah okay whatever."
Shula considered making a break for it to her room and get changed, but by the time she got up, all three Striders were there. Jade and Dave went to the kitchen with Karkat to talk about whatever, while Dylan just stood there looking uneasy.
Might as well greet the kid, Shula thought to herself. Greet him, excuse yourself and then go get dressed.
"Hi, I'm Shula. GaiaPhoenix on teh internet. You're, ah... Dylan, I hear?"
Dylan had a little trouble forming a coherent sentence. Y'see, he was standing there in a place he could barely remember having visited before, face-to-face with a girl around and about his own age, in her pajamas. Rather soft, roomy pajamas with a silly little symbol over one breast.
Dylan was having a minor hormone problem, because he was a just a little too young and way too insecure to have yet experienced certain, shall we say, joys of life.
Now, one other important thing to know was that neither had Shula, in a way. She had enjoyed a little experimental fling with the Makara girl but she knew, even with her mostly Alternian mindset, that girl-on-girl was rather useless for the whole "save the species" thing that she herself was the first result of, even if it was as entertaining as it was useless.
Shula knew the words, but their meanings were without value to her. And this kid? She could almost taste the cold shivers.
Crap, she was starting to turn into her mom!
Supressing a toothy grin, Shula excused herself and went upstairs, swaying her hips just a little. Leave it to him to decide, she thought.
Dylan wasn't very keen on staying there in a mostly-strange living room. He peeked into the kitchen to ascertain his parents were still in one piece each (which they were) and slowly crept upstairs. There were a couple of doors in the upstairs hallway, one of which was obviously the bathroom. The opposite door was unmarked, but the third clearly opened up to Shula's room.
The sign on the door said as much. Knock knock!
Dylan found Shula messing around in a closet, still in those same godforsaken pajamas.
"I was just wondering," she explained unasked, "pants or skirt?"
"Umm... I'm sure either would look okay. I dunno much 'bout skirts."
"I'd hope so, Strider", Shula joked. "It'd be kinda weird if you did know. Hell, I'll go with a skirt tonight, I guess."
Shula took out a skirt that Kanaya had made for her 17th birthday and placed it on her bed, next to the shirt she had picked out already. But then, almost all of her shirts were the same. Some had long sleeves, some had collars, but they were all black with a red circle-plus on.
"Turn around", she said flatly.
"I said, turn your nervous ass around."
Dylan turned his nervous ass around and stared at the door while Shula took off her pajama top, took a bra from a dresser hidden underneath her bed and put it on.
"Okay, you can look now", she announced as she pulled on a shirt.
"Nice symbol", Dylan attempted.
"Thanks. It has a bit of a special meaning to me, what with being the first Earthborn troll and stuff... and congratulations on your manners."
"What?" Dylan repeated.
"You only peeked for two seconds."
"Definately. I don't have a mirror in my room just to look good in, y'know?"
For the son of a renowned cooldude, Dylan was feeling particularly un-cool. This troll girl was running circles around him!
"Did you enjoy those two seconds, Dyllweed?"
Dylan had been warned about that kind of question. There was no right or wrong answer, but he had forgotten the correct, save response that Dave had taught him.
"I guess", he tried.
"Did you now? I'm not even your species you sick little monkey."
The words were insulting, but Shula said it with an unmistakably teasing tone.
"You look human enough. Moreso than the average ape."
"A good point, but I don't look human -- you look troll. Just ask pappa."
Dylan shrugged and took a careful step back. To him, Shula was looking downright predatory. The lighting in the average hive was rather dim, and this place was no exception.
"Have you ever made love, Dyllweed?"
"Mmmno... if I was as cool as my dad, I prolly would've had the chance before, but..."
"Wanna be coool, Dyllweed?"
"I dunno... what if you...?"
"Betcha fifty bucks it won't work?"
"But what if--"
"My problem, Dylan. Now shut up."
"I wonder where Dylan ran off to? Dave?"
"I'll go look around."
When Dave Strider found his uncool son sleeping with his second-best friend's daughter (who was kinda cool in his opinion) on top of him, he didn't quite know what to think of it.
The implications kinda freaked him out actually. But he was Dave Motherfucking Strider and he wasn't gonna show it.
Hell, with a bit of luck some of the girl's cool would rub off on the poor sucker. He was quite certain something had, at least.
I... just... my brain... I think my brain just died. It's not a bad thing per say, but just... DAMN. I suppose this was inevitable, but DAMN.
Sigquotes, or, The Metaflare Appreciation Station.
Originally Posted by Metaflare
Originally Posted by icu2jimy
So, Dave is Ironman?
TG: danananananana duh na naa
Originally Posted by Metaflare
Originally Posted by rampantVariable
What the hell is going on in this thread!? And don't say "mIrIcLeS!" or "Magic" or any possible permutation of either.
Originally Posted by Esrever
Just change "Sigquotes" to "Metaflare Appreciation Station."
Originally Posted by Metaflare
Originally Posted by Esrever
I am just not an RPG kind of guy.
I know, right? I prefer rocket launchers myself.
...OOOHHH, you're talking about games
Originally Posted by The Orange Man
Science is what you call magic once you figure out how it works.
Originally Posted by Esrever
My avatar is SCIENCE.
Originally Posted by redRevolvers
Originally Posted by BALLS AND ASHWALL
I just woke up and I had a dream last night where MSPA updated. Too bad it didn't update for real.
Originally Posted by Drillgorg
Oh a laptop, why didn't you say so? Just set the cookie on the keyboard and close the laptop.
Originally Posted by icu2jimy
Originally Posted by A Salad
Originally Posted by Drillgorg
Also Salad you can stop posting the Batman, we get it.
Good, I had almost fully exhausted my folder labelled 'Joker Boners.'
Originally Posted by FieryBlacksmith
Originally Posted by Captain Lhurgoyf
Whoah, wait, that's it! Billous Slick is a frog who is also the universe...therefore, he's a universe-sized frog...universe-sized....
Gurren Lagann. I watch too much of it.
I've said it once, and I'll keep saying it until it happens.
:33 < Even when trapped by karma's cycle,
The dreams we left behind will open the doooooooor!
Evven if the univverse stands in our way,
OUR SEETHING BLOOD WILL DETERMINE WHAT WE'LL BE.
wE'LL, uH, bREAK THROUGH TIME AND SPACE.
And DEFY 4LL THOS3 wh0 w0uld 2top u2 TO TAK-E hOlD oF Our Path!
TENGEN TROLLPA GURREN LAGANN
Daaaaaaaaaaaayum, Shula! You so. Uh. Quick developing!
Originally Posted by HarMegidon
I just am asking why she is selling sausages at a funeral.
Originally Posted by inexpediency
Everyone is a hedgehog...on the inside.
Originally Posted by Tesseract
On a deadness scale of normal to doorknob I would rate her as double doorknob
Originally Posted by Jitka
fuck yeah sodium hexametaphosphate
that is my favorite hexametaphosphate
Malakin:because its actually the truman show just with ponys
crash826:far too much sense
Malakin:think about it
Malakin:it all makes sense
Originally Posted by Catbread
Those sound like some pretty badass park rangers.
Originally Posted by ranasan
Wow... it's like if someone managed to manifest Missingno. from Pokemon Red and Blue into the real world, grind it up into a fine powder and then snort it.
18:21 Girard so I learned something at the barber:
18:22 Daniel ?
18:22 Girard The entirety of England, London in particular, is actually a stage for the biggest production of the musical Oliver ever made.
18:22 Girard England is a giant musical.
18:22 Girard This explains the small children with cockney accents and giant hats who dance in the streets.
18:23 Daniel ...DAMN YOU MARY POPPINS!
18:23 Daniel DAMN YOU TO HELL!
There's two ways the sequel can go. Either (most likely) nothing happens from this affair, or, the kids and trolls completing sburb/sgrub together left some 'alterations' on the trolls so that Shula is gonna have a little surprise.
The Land of Dew and Glass was a beautiful place, Sollux Captor had to admit to himself. The wetness of the dew against the multi-colored glass made it, even in the bright sunlight, a warm and comforting thing rather than blinding and surprising. As his appreciative dual gaze took in the glass, to the wet dew sliding down Feferi Peixes' face, he had a sudden realization that he was safe - safe and home. As such, when she turns her hand and offers one small, somewhat delicate palm to him, he gently wraps it in his slightly larger, calloused one. They share a smile, even as he leaned his forehead against hers just for a brief moment, before he pulls back from her.
"We don't have time two waiit, Fef." Sollux said gently.
"But Sollux..." She says, giving a little sigh. "Can't we just wait? We don't ever get enoug)( time alone..." Ydon's Entente lays on the ground on top her foot, and his glasses have slid down on his sharp nose, even as she gently reaches up her other hand, delicately draping it around his horns, fingers delicately rubbing the base of them, which makes him relax quite a bit, as well as making him blank out momentarily.
"Hey, come on, Fef, stop that..." He finally says after a few minutes, even as she gives him a mischevious smile.
"You don't really want me too, do you~." Feferi teases him, glubbing in amusement, purple eyes sparkling.
"No, not really." He admitted, one hand reaching up to entangle in her long black locks.
They state that way, not intimitly entwined, but close enough that the radiant heat flushing from his mustard yellow cheeks makes her own flush a tiny bit, her fins twitching faintly. After another few minutes, he finally steps back, and that step back makes everything change in an instant. "Feferii --" He chokes out, even as both of their eyes drop in horror to his stomach, where the tip of a silver knife dripping in mustard - no, not mustard, but yellow blood - barely peeks out of his skinny stomach.
"Sollux!" Feferi screams, even as behind him, there's a cosmic spark of energy and the flash of Jack Noir - now Becsquire Noircrow - twists it in his gut, cutting open Feferi's small hope of even having a chance to save him. Sollux places his hands over the large gash in the front, even as he collapses to his knees, black shirt staining, gray pants staining as well as a flash of gold appears in his eyes as Feferi agilely kicks up her trident, her eyes glittering as the weapon twirls around in her grip, crying out angrily.
"YOU )(URT SOLLUX!" Feferi screamed, the trio of prongs stabbing in the air even as he warps out of the area, his knife stabbing between the prongs, only narrowly deflected by her quicker reflexes. There was nothing but a clash of weapon against weapon, her black hair getting cut narrowly by his knife. Neither of them quite got a grip on the other as they twirled and whirled in a battle stricken moment, which seemed like seconds, but in reality was minutes, but even then, not quite fifteen minutes before Feferi has to stop to breathe, panting heavily, eyes flashing behind her goggles.
"Fine! Do it T)(------EN! I DON'T CAR------E!" Feferi shouted, unsteadily wavering as she took a defensive stance, standing over Solluxs' legs as he sprawled on the ground, shallowly breathing. The young male troll wrapped one bloody hand around her gray ankle, looking up at her tiredly, whispering his words. "Fef... Feferii... iit's okay. Don't..." He didn't get to finish his sentence in time as in defiance of him and the world at large, she threw her arms open, accepting the knife that wrenched her gut - and her heart open. Sollux gave a cry, and this iteration of Jack Noir gives a vicious smile then disappears.
Feferi drops to her knees as Sollux struggles to get to his, his hands covering that gap in her stomach, staining that mustard yellow with her own purple, royal color. She looks up at him, cheeks flushed, breathing heavily, both of them crying softly before she brings up his hands and kisses them, and he pulls her into his lap, and they both sit there, breathing shallowly, his lips pressed to her. She reaches up, hands loose around one of his horns. "Sollux... I'm sorry." She finally breathes. "Iit's okay, Fef... iit's okay..." He whispers.
She gives him a slow, wan smile, then her eyes close, and she takes one more shallow breath, before it stops, and Feferi Peixes dies In Sollux Captors' arms. With his last strength, he reaches to his computer glasses and types something out slowly.
-- twinArmageddons [TA] has started trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
TA: ii am sorry, kk
TA: ii triied
TA: but fate works in weiird ways
TA: ask aradiia
TA: we'll both miiss all of you
-- twinArmageddons [TA] has ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
Sollux looks down at the princess in his lap, and his hands tangle in her hair again. He clears his throat and whispers, "No matter what, Fef, no matter what, Ii'll always be there for you, Ii'll always be there wiith you. Ii love you..." He closes his eyes then, and tangled in the dreams of their matespritship, they escape into the clutch of death.
Don't even ask. Enjoy the sad. Don't murder me.
From Almost Human's Fanventure:
Originally Posted by CaptainZaven
Originally Posted by Almost Human
"Almost Human! Why are you trying to help my bully?"
"Why are you trying to hit my girlfr-Wait...bully?"
Story of my life.
Then, the continuation, after Zaven gets the girl:
What is it with this fandom and being able to make me run into the hornpile so fast?!
-clings to hornpile-
I'm not leaving now, no no no no no.
Otherwise, that fic was awesome don't stop please.
It may be a series depending on how it's recieved.
Vriska had all the luck.
Why else would she have been able to find her Denizen’s lair mere moments before her search began. Her fanged lips curved into a smile. This was going to be a cakewalk, and soon she will be even more perfect then everyone else.
Vriska allowed herself a brief chuckle at that thought, like it was possible to be any better than those grub-suckers even now. After all, they aren’t the ones who got God Tier.
Obviously her Denizein was not much for drama though. It was merely a humble unassuming cave, like millions that dotted her planet. But it’s not really her problem if her Denizen had no taste. With a smile she walked into the cave.
It was kind of funny really; this place was like if that dumb Pupa tried to actually fight someone. It looks like it was supposed to be big and scary, but with all the rather unlucky minions dripping and hitting themselves and dropping like flies against the might of her fraymotifs, it really just winds up being rather pathetic. Then again, she did have all the levels. ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!
It was not long till she reached the main room of the Denizen’s lair. It was rather large and even though Vriska would never admit it, it gave her a bad vibe.
A chuckle resounded throughout the lair. A cruel, mocking chuckle.
Vriska’s face became a vibrant blue, NO ONE laughed at her and gets away with it. Well maybe Tezeri, but STILL.
“SHOW YOURSELF!!!!!!!!” Vriska screamed at the empty lair.
A giggle resonated throughout the lair as a slim figure cam to view. Behind her glasses there was an eye patch covering one of her eyes, though the other eye was completely normal. Her red shoes made a tapping sound that echoed throughout the accursed cave, a double pronged horn glistened in the sunlight streaming down from the cave. With a crooked smile the figure raised a mechanical arm, the hook on the end sparkling in what was the most intimidating way a sparkling item could ever hope to sparkle.
Vriska gulped, she knew who this was, gog, she WAS her.
“This is impossible!!!!!!!!!! Marquiss is not real!!!!!!!!!” Vriska shouted flustered.
Marquiss, frowned “Uh, do I LOOK like I’m not real?” Marquiss said annoyed.
Vriska couldn’t answer that, even with the full might of her VISION EIGHTFOLD she couldn’t pierce through whatever illusion that was used to make her very own flarp character appear before her.
“I thought not.” Marquiss said with a grin. “Anyway, we both know why you’re here. You thought you could kill me, then you were going to take the grist windfall that resulted. All the grist.” Marquiss’s grin widened even further, reminding Vriska of the no good meddlesome Seer that was once her partner. “ All of it. However, I don’t really feeeeeeeel like dying right now. So I have a better idea.”
Marquiss started advancing towards her, and Vriska, all her confidence wiped away like ashes in a tornado when faced with the prospect of fighting the greatest Petticoat Seagrift in flarp history, began to back away. “I hardly had anything to doooooooo after waking up, so I’ve been watching you. I have to say, you’ve got a pretty sweet gig. Friends, a pretty sweet moirail, someone hopelessly head over hears for your blackrom. It’s looks reaaaaaaaal fun. So! How’s this? We Denizens can shape shift. Thanks to this, I can just kill you and take your place! No one would ever know.”
“That’s… that’s not true!” Vriska sputtered out. “Kanaya will find out!”
“Oh, yes, your meddlesome meddler friend, I think you’ll find that people tend to not care if something is a bit shady if the change is positive, your friends would like me alloooooooot more than you.” Marquiss said with a chuckle. Her skin started to darken as a metamorphosis took place, linbs grew and lengthened, and soon MArquiss was no longer recognizable. Standing in her place, with a carapace as blue as the see surrounding LOMAT, a large, eight clawed scorpion loomed over Vriska. It’s eight stingers dripping with lethal venom. The troll was lucky enough to guess where the stinger was going to strike, and thus was able to dodge the first few blows, but both of them knew she wouldn’t last. Luck never did, she was going to die alone here.
And no one, not that pathetic Pupa, not that irritating sea dweller, not even her annoying meddlefriend, was going to care.
Somewhere, a resolve deep down strengthened her, this was wrong. She was not going to lose her. She was the best troll, no one was going to beat her.
Not even the best flarp character.
She pulled out her Flourite Ocetet from her strife specibus and rolled them. Eight pips gleamed up at her from a single blue die, surrounded by seven different die, all of which landed on seven, quite a lucky roll she’d have to say. With a crackle of energy the dice casted Mega MasterFlare and a blazing light erupted from them.
Marquiss gave a blood curling streak as she was roasted alive in the flames, in a matter of seconds however the cries died out and ceased.
Vriska soon replaced Marquiss’s screams however when a tidal wave of grists exploded from where Marquiss burned so little seconds earlier. Her screams however were of triumph as the facsimiles of TrollBetty Crocker’s vile creations surrounded her.
It was over.
She was the best troll. She knew it.
~Months in the future, but not many~
The best troll sat in front of a computer, trapped in a lab thanks to the best plan that she orchestrated. She would never admit it, but Marquiss was right, she DID have a pretty sweet life here, even if she didn’t get the Ultimate Reward. Vriska Serket stood up and walked out of the lab, a crooked grin on her face as she prepared to battle the Demon.
She already defeated the best flarper.
How much harder could the best agent be?
I belive it is pretty tolerable, but that's just me.
I always wanted to see the denizens, they were the head bosses of a world created entirely for a player, they were the end of the personal quest, as thus I thought they were all supposed to be mindscrewers.