THREAD : Y'all are so cool for liking my derpy, weird swap/highschool AU so much. I have a little panic attack every time I post a fic, especially one which involves ISSUES as sensitive as this one. The fact that you actually like it and want more is so inspiring to me :'D The next chapter will be up as soon as I can write it!
Wig: Princess Bride is my favorite movie of all time and this fic brightens my day every time I look at it.
Domoz: Where is the cop thread is there more stuff like this because I need this AU like oxygen
Arms: Oh god, so funny. That is amazing and you should feel amazing for creating it.
Sionnan: Erm. Um. The brothers drawing together! Bro angsting when Dave starts wearing the Stillershades instead of the pointy ones! ... Honestly I have no good ideas, I just want to read more Striders forever
I'm the same person here as I am on AO3 and Deviantart, and pretty much everywhere else. Check out my fics and arts and stuff!
Land of this shit and also all that other shit as well
Re: MSPA Fanfiction IV
THREAD - y'all are excellent. So was the last one - everyone is incredible and I f5 the balls off of this mo' all the dang time. This fandom's pretty pro
@Sionnan: Bro bestowing his (undoubtedly) infinite wisdom about the ladies. ahahaha, seriously Sionnan, your fics always brighten my day, easily my favorite slice of the entire fandom. Thanks for doing what you do /bunp
These are cellos. Notice the midget size, rounded shoulders and incredibly effeminate players.
This is not a cello. Notice the hollowed out shoulders, the girthy intrument and the fact that the player is black. This is called a double bass, or contrabass. Whatever, it has like five different names in English.
Obviously, Hearts Boxcars plays the bass.
I neglected this thread over christmas and now there's a new one?! Jegus. Anyways, I just wanted to pop in to say that if anyone is still following Hivebent Homicide, a new chapter is up along with a teaser. Keep being amazing fanfic thread.
@egregiousBass: that picture is mildly disturbing. who the hell plays the cello shirtless?
@JordanTH: I think its the long hair. I thought the same thing initially too.
@wolfoblivion, they're Apocalyptica, a heavy metal cello band. Make of that what you will.
Bluh, have a new entry to the Multidave epoch (previous part here). If you can think of better names, please let me know. Also, am I doing conversations right?
Sionnan, do more Dave at school! Davedavedavedave
Lord English' Time-Transcending Helping Hands
"So how does 'Dog' sound?"
"I like it."
Honestly, Dave was like the epitome of cool. It didn't really matter what his name was, he'd still be the awesomest kid on the block. Even if it were, like, "Aberdeen Strider" or something. In fact, that would be hella ironic.
But still, it got tiring to be named after whichever color they happened to be wearing. So the Daves brainstormed new names for each of their alternate selves, and were confronted with their collective lack of imagination. Except for the surfer Dave. He proved to be a great help.
Black would henceforth be called Ace, after the spiffy Midnight Crew suit. The paragon of implacability and serious business. The feltsuit-wearing Green was rechristened Cue. Red, who wore the plushy smuppet suit, became Flare.
The excentric Dave suggested - almost begged - to be called "Spots". Like one of those stupid names you'd call a puppy. None of the other Daves felt like bargaining with his obsession with animals, so Spots it was.
Davesprite was a tough one. How do you name a wise feathery asshole like that? Eventually, the Daves decided that the necessary reverence they already employed to beseech His Cawingness sufficed. No further clarification was required.
When it came to naming Sleeves, Spots immediately suggested "Dog". The group seemed to like it. Except for Sleeves.
"No seriously, are you unironically calling me 'Dog'?"
"Why not? 's a cool name."
"My name ain't Dog."
"It totally is dude. Democracy commands it."
"YOU'RE THE MAN NOW DAWG."
"Good dog! Best friend :D"
Sleeves indulged in a long, empathic facepalm, pushing his shades off-center. This signalled to the others that the naming process was complete.
Normally they would've engaged in a mansion-wide rap battle to celebrate and weaponize their new names, but Mr. Scratch had kindly asked them to remain within the notheast wing for the duration of the evening. There were some 'folks' he was bring over. In return, he had treated the Daves to a banquet. He'd also said that, maybe, they would catch a glimpse of the mysterioso whose efforts netted them their stay in this weird victorian pocket dimension.
The banquet was glorious. Never before had a Strider been so glad to see vegetables. Typical coolkid phlegmatism was thrown out of the window in lieu of egregiously gobbling on turkey and grapes. There was no wine, unfortunately. Mr Scratch knew that they were all still minors.
The Daves had no qualm in forgoing etiquette and ruining the pristine condition of the fancy dining room. The mansion tended to reset itself to its original state every so often, along with their clothes. It was a miracle they even sat at the table and used silverware. But throughout the cacaphony of forks, glasses and tableside bickering, strange noises emnated from below.
While the rest of the group was caught up in rap-enhanced food fights, Spots abandoned his Irish porkpie and slipped away. His curiosity was the only one unaffected by the doctrine of cool. Treading lightly down the oaken stairs, he caught sight of an ornate door cracked ajar. With unhealthy fascination, he peeked in. What he saw was unlike anything he had ever seen.
In actuality, what he saw was a rehearsal of the Felt's upcoming performance for the Noble Circle of Horrorterrors. It looked like an Earthly symphonic orchestra, but Spots had only ever listened to really shitty J-pop music all his life. Doc Scratch, normally a timpanist, stood in as the conductor. It was Lord English' custom to influence the plane of reality no more than was absolutely necessary.
The string section consisted of several dozens of violins played by Eggs and Biscuits, two cellos recursively amplified with Trace and Fin's time powers, and Quarters and Matchsticks on the double bass, rounded off with a freelance bassist. Standing next to Scratch was a female violin soloist of exceptional class and skill.
The door Spots peered through was located near the back left of the hall, right next to the bassoonist Doze. Fortunately, he didn't notice, thanks to his natural cognitive stupor. The other woodwinds were Itchy on piccolo and Clover on clarinet. At the piano behind them sat Die.
To their right, Stitch manned the harp. Further yet was the brass section; Sawbuck on trumpet, Crowbar on trombone and Cans with a french horn.
A solemn cello note was produced and looped between Trace and Fin, signalling the beginning of Rhapody in Green. What followed was a fairly commonplace example of new age classical music. Provided 'new age' even meant anything in this timeless dimension.
A gesture from Scratch and the music stopped. A bassist groaned.
"Perhaps you would do well to rehearse that particular stanza?"
He could not pull off a double stop like that. It was simply impossible without the luxury of timey-wimey cheating powers.
"PLEASE DON'T FIRE ME, SIR! I MUST EAT AND I HAVE NO-
The dersite's begging made Snowman smirk.
"Why would I hire you if I have knowledge of an inadequate performance a priori?" Boxcars' eyebrows twitched in trying to interpret his coy omniscience-talk.
"It will simply fall to Matchsticks to perform the first note of the 413rd metre in your stead." The skull-faced bassist grinned mockingly. With his time-freezing powers, he could reposition his hands as leisurely as he pleased.
"Da capo al fine."
And so the piece was retaken, performed flawlessly from start to finish. At the very end, Quarters began working his magic, encasing the entire orchestra in a time-reversal field which narrowly missed Spots, and the song echoed through the mansion again, this time in reverse.
The crux of the Felt's performance was not virtuosic playing, or even the music at all. Its purpose was to confirm their mastery of time before the Horrorterrors. Diplomatic ties are easier to maintain when your own competence is demonstrable.
Had Lord English been present, he would've selected this reversed performance and pasted it over the first iteration so that the audience would only witness the reverse.
The song came to its end, or perhaps its beginning, and Quarters cancelled the time reversal. The orchestra motioned to begin playing again. Doc Scratch signalled that it was no longer necessary. Even with no memory of a rehearsal, they would play this piece admirably.
The next entry required a single three-minute long bassoon note. Doze engaged his time retardation field. Spots, who observed him from close by, noticed nothing out of the ordinary. On the other hand, he saw everything else speed up.
"What brings you here so late at night, good sir?"
"Naught in particular, old bean. And thee?"
They were the only ones up at this hour. Everyone else had gone straight to bed after the food massacre, even Ace, who was going to ironically asess the aftermath to be all business-like. Except Spots, who had like disappeared or something.
"Any sign of our missing man?"
"Nope. When I find him Ima slap him in the face."
"Of course not. That's for hysterical terriers. I'm a jackal, always cool and suave like Rudolph's hairless groin."
The halls seemed to radiate a sickly shade of green at night, coupled with the echoed ticking of clocks. Hardly inviting, but Davesprite didn't sleep and Dog didn't feel like sleeping.
"Tbh I think those other guys are a bunch of tossers."
"Aren't we all?"
"No I mean, remember our last talk in the alpha timeline?"
"How we were all like 'What's greco-roman shit doing in this game' and acting all cool and tough to eachother instead of getting shit done? And how I was all like 'So long motherfucker' in an awesome way and then I died?"
"That was pretty stupid, huh?"
"Uh-huh. It's the same deal with Ace, Cue and Flare. Being all 'Oh man, gotta look out for my identity' or some shit." He pointed at the other Dave with the devil horn gesture.
"But you 'n me, we're different, know what I'm saying?"
"Like we're not running on coolguy autopilot?"
"Yeah, like we're by ourselves, with no-one to boss us around." Davesprite was cranking his wise feathery tact like you wouldn't believe.
"In a sort of orphan-y way?" Dog's tone was sullen. Still, it was a relief to hear that. Davesprite didn't feel like breaking anyone the bad news and standing in as a social worker.
Until a few (relative) days ago, Dave had known nothing else than to follow in Bro's gargantuan footsteps. It hadn't been an easy thing to lose. But it was liberating.
"Yeah, it's cool. I figured it out myself, you know? Besides, it's not awesome to go dyin' somewhere far away like that, ironic or otherwise."
"Heh, that's how I felt when I was non-sprite alternate future Dave. Can you believe the fucker didn't even come and find me?"
A brief silence.
"Hey, if you need a talk, hit me up anytime."
"Sure. But I think I'll be fine."
"Yeah, don't give a fuck. That's the spirit."
"I am the true strider, it is me."
"Implying that there is a true strider."
"Or a fake one."
"Or maybe he's the true strider?"
"Eh...I dunno, man."
"Hey, think about it. He didn't have Bro telling him what to do, maybe that's the only thing what kept us from turning into fruity prancing butterfly boys."
"Yeah, well, there's somethin else going on." Davesprite stroked his chin, pensively, intellectually, grammatically.. "And this may just be me overestimating my wise feathery insights, but I think that boy ain't right."
"I mean less-than-right, like, 'hey I'm so happy but actually I'm about to... Ah fuck it, am I sounding like Rose or what?"
"Five dollar words any second now."
"You egregious cod lord."
They laughed. That was actually pretty funny.
Feeling more relaxed, Dog felt just about ready to catch some shut-eye and yawned.
"Alright, man. I don't plan on tellin' anyone about dead paradox brothers and/or fathers, so how bout we keep this our secret?"
"You got it."
Some time later, he could swear he was hallucinating. He was just sleepy, not drugged or anything, right?
Spots was standing still in the middle of the hallway, apparantly frozen in a walking pose. No, not frozen. He could discern a little bit of movement. But still nothing that looked natural.
Dog briefly considered bleating like a goat and drawing lewd imagery on Spots' face. But not really.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"You were in slow motion."
"Really? I thought everything else was just going faster..."
"So where the fuck have you been?"
"Whu??? I've only been gone for a couple of minutes."
"More like five hours. You missed the whole banquet, dude."
Spots gasped. "Oh no, I was gonna help you clean up!"
"You weren't there to help us not clean up, that's for sure- hey!"
Here he was again, acting like Dog was free hugging property.
"No seriously, the fuck is up with you hugging me all the time?"
"It's only the second time today!"
"I'm gonna have to start charging you."
Dog pulled himself out. "So anyway, I was just headin' to bed. Wanna come with?" Yeah, like this kid ever needs sleep.
"No, I *yawn* I've..got stuff to do... and stuff."
"Yeah! Really exciting stuffy stuff. And it's not stuffy, it's actually really cool."
"Sure you won't fall alseep while you do your stuff?"
"No, I've got coffee to keep me awaka, and-" He covered his mouth.
"I wasn't supposed to tell you that!"
Yeah, it may not be healthy for a thirteen year old to be chugging coffee like that. Maybe Davesprite was on to something.
"Okay, you know what, I don't care. Go about your business."
"Aren't you gonna fuss about it?"
"What, do I look like Ace to you?"
"Are you sure?"
"Really?" Puppy dog eyes.
Exasperated facepalm. "FINE. I'll bug you about it. Tomorrow. Maybe."
He didn't even look up to check wether Spots was cheering. Weirdo.
"Also, stay away from those scary sons a bitches next time."
"You can't command me! But okay :)"
Last edited by egregiousBass; 12-27-2010 at 08:04 AM.
A Storybook Story
Part 3 (Parts 1 and 2 linked in signature below)
Tavrik frowned as he hid behind one of the many boulders lining the mountain path and waited for the Black Vigilante.
The pursuer raced up the mountain trail, but he stops when he sees a bend the trail. He began to check for sign of his quarry when he is interrupted by a large rock shattering on a boulder just a hairsbreadth above his head. The man spins around to see the mighty Tavrik emerging from behind a boulder.
"uh, Just so you know, I missed you on purpose."
"I'll give you that - so what's next?"
"well, I guess we shall face each other all sportsmanlike.
Just skill against skill alone."
"You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sickles, and then we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?"
"umm, I could just smash your head in with this rock from over here."
Tavrik rears back with another rock larger than the pursuer's head, but the Black Vigiliante holds up a hand as he drops his two sickles and starts to approach the giant.
"The odds are a bit stacked in your favor when it comes to this."
Tavrik shrugs as he drops the rock.
"uh, Sorry. I can't help it that I'm so big and strong. I don't even exercise."
Now the Black Vigilante is not one to be called a shrimp, but the way Tavrik towered over him, the man might as well have not been there.
The man sizes the giant up and then charges him with several powerful blows at Tavrik's chest and stomach. He unleashes several incredible wrestling moves that would have destroyed any number of lesser men.
And the giant just stands there looking at him sadly.
"What, am I the only one taking part in this fucking dance?"
"You were doing so well. I just hate it when I kill people while they are embarrassed."
The Black Vigilante walks back and tries to charge the giant again, only to be stopped when Tavrik suddenly reaches for him. He ducks down and slips between the giant's legs.
"Damn good thing too."
"So, uh, why do you wear that mask and hood stranger?
Were you burned by acid or something like that?"
"No, it's just so fucking stylish. Running around, rescuing princesses while dressed up like this. I'm at the forefront of a brand new stylish trend."
Tavrik stops to consider this revelation when suddenly the Black Vigilante uses the lapse in attention to clamber up the giant's back and wrap his arms around the brute's neck in a choke hold.
"uh, I just figured out why you are so much trouble."
Tavrik backs up to boulder and starts trying to scrape the Black Vigilante off on it. The man in black grunts in pain, but still holds on.
"Why is that?"
"I'm a group fighter. Taking on gangs for charity, that kind of thing."
Tavrik gasps for air as he charges another boulder. The Black Vigilante winces in pain, but still holds on for dear life.
"What the fuck does this have to do with anything?"
"Well, it's just that when you fight groups, you fight in a different way than when you're just fighting one lone stranger."
Tavrik starts another charge, but begins to stumble.
He collapses. The man in black holds is grip for a bit longer, then gets up and rolls the unconscious giant over.
He checks for a heart beat and smiles when he finds that the giant still lives.
"Good night my friend. I don't envy the headache you will wake up with, but until then have sweet dreams."
Meanwhile, back at the ruins atop the Cliffs of Insanity, Prince Striderdink slips his boot into a foot print in the sand.
Nearby a dark stranger mounted upon a hoof beast watches. Also there are a half dozen armed soldiers as well as a great white riderless hoofbeast.
They watch Striderdink as he spins and dances across the ground. The stranger enjoys watching his Prince mime the epic battle that occurred here.
"There was a damn fine duel here. It went all over the damned place. Two masters at work."
"Wwho wwon? Howw did it end?"
Striderdink walks over to where John had fallen unconscious.
"The loser ran off by himself like a bitch. But the winner followed that path towards the frontier!"
"Shall wwe fuckin track both of these bastards?"
"We have no need for the loser - only the Princess matters.
Prepare yourselves, for we head towards the frontier! We must be ready for whatever treachery lies ahead my men."
"It's a trap?"
The stranger smiles as he watches his Prince vault up onto the white hoofbeast.
"Count Eridan, It's always a trap. That's why I'm still alive."
Then the party rides off after the tracks leading up into frontier mountains.
Back to our pursuit, the Black Vigilante crests a mountain to find Vriskini and Butterjade waiting for him.
Vriskini munched on an apple while she held a wicked looking knife to the throat of the blindfolded Princess. In front of them is a small, yet elegant, picnic. A tablecloth, two goblets and a wine container are laid out. Also are some fermented milk products and fruits. It was all really quite lovely.
The two foes study each other as the Black Vigilante walks up to the picnic scene.
"So, this is it I see."
The man in black nods at the woman and approaces the picnic. Vriskini pushes the knife harder against Butterjade's neck.
"Hold yourself my friend...
unless you really w8nt to see this lovely's 8lood all over my food."
"There is nothing to w8 for. You're trying to steal wh8t I've rightfully acquired."
Vriskini jabs the Princess's throat with the knife, drawing a small amount of blodd. Butterjade gasps in pain and shock.
"-and look at wh8t you are making me do."
"Well, it seems that we are at an impasse."
"Looks to 8e true.
Now you're o8viously no match for me in any way."
The man in black smiles at the vain woman.
"Is that so?"
"Well, if that is true.
How about a battle of wits?"
Vriskini laughs at the man in black.
The man nods.
"For the Princess?"
Nod, now Vriskini is smiling a terrible little smile.
"To the death?"
"Good, then pour out the wine."
He sits down across from Vriskini and the Princess as the two goblets are filled with wine. He reaches into his pocket and retrieves a simple packet and hands it over to Vriskini.
"Smell this, but do not touch it."
"Wh8t, I don't smell anything."
"Exactly, that is dersite powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the deadliest poisons known."
The man takes the packet back and Vriskini grins in excitement as he takes the two goblets. He turns around for a moment and then turns back with the two goblets and an empty poison packet.
He rotates the goblets in a shell game maneuver before putting one goblet in front of himself and one in front of Vriskini.
"Alright, where is the poison? The battle of wits begins.
It ends when you decide and we drink.
Then find out who is right and who is dead."
"I thought you were going to challenge me!
This is soooooooo simple! I just have to figure out if you are the kind of person who would poison his own go8let or his enemy's?"
Vriskini leans back as she studies the Black Vigilante.
"Now, a clever person would put the poison into his own go8let, because only a gr8 fool would reach for what he was given. But I am not a fool, so I cannot choose the go8let in from of you.
8ut you had to know th8t I am no fool; in fact, you had to have counted on it, so I cannot choose the wine in front of me."
"So I take it you've made your choice then?"
No. 8ecause dersite powder comes from Derse, as everyone knows.
And Derse is entirely popul8ed 8y criminals. And criminals are used to having no8ody trust them, as you are not trusted 8y me.
So I cannot choose the wine in front of you."
"Truly, you have an amazing fucking intellect."
"W8 until I get going! This is nothing...
Where was I?"
"Of course - Derse, and you must have suspected that I knew where the powder came from, so I cannot choose the wine in front of myself."
Vriskini laughs at the man in black, her pleasure growing as she gloats as the fool.
You've 8eaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own go8let, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
8ut, you've also 8ested my duelist which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."
"Do you have a point?"
"YES! I have figured out everything! I know where the poison is!"
"Then make your choice."
"I will and my choice is-"
Vriskini suddenly stops, reaches for her head with both hands and uses her pathetic mind powers to make the Black Vigilante turn around while she switches which goblet is in front of her. The man turns back around confused as Vriskini reaches to the goblet in front of her.
"-this one. Let's drink!"
The two adversaries pick up their drinks and nod to each other. They both drink and Vriskini begins to laugh at the Black Vigilante.
"You choose poorly."
"You only think so! I switched our glasses after I manipul8ed you!
The man in black sits quietly as he watches Vriskini gloat at him.
"You 8lundered! There are many such 8lunders, but this is the gr8est one! Never go against me when death is on the line!"
The horrid woman continues to laugh at him until her eyes roll back and she keels over.
The man in black gets up and unties the Princess.
"Who are you?"
"All you need to know is that I'm not one to be fucked with."
They walk off the path into the wilds, Butterjade takes one last look at her captor.
"Funny to know that your cup was the poisoned one."
"They both were. I spent several years building up an immunity to Dersite powder."
And with that they head off.
Meanwhile, back at the mountain pass where Tavrik fought the Black Vigilante, the Prince is inspecting the terrain. The others waiting behind him.
"Some fucker killed a giant!
There will be suffering amongst our foes if she dies!"
He leaps back onto his horse and the party charges onwards.
Part 3 complete. The Black Vigilante has defeated the bandits and now has the Princess, but will Prince Striderdink be able to rescue her?
And now, a direct sequel to Population: 12, with the oh-so descriptive title...
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --
CG: HELLO AGAIN, BIGWORDS.
TT: Oh, hello Vantas.
TT: Don't you usually contact Egbert instead?
CG: NORMALLY I WOULD BUT THIS CONCERNS YOU MORE THAN HIM.
CG: CONGRATULATIONS ON FREAKING TEREZI OUT WORSE THAN TWENTY BUCKETS EVER COULD.
TT: Oh? And what would it be that I've done to cause so large a reaction?
CG: SUFFICE IT SAY
CG: WE PORKED
CG: AND... WOW, NOW THAT I TRY TO TYPE IT OUT IT'S KINDA FREAKING ME OUT TOO
TT: You... "porked".
TT: That's an excellent choice of words, there.
TT: I presume you did this some time after our little heart-to-heart?
CG: A COUPLE HOURS, AND THAT WAS FREAKY ENOUGH.
CG: TO BE ENTIRELY HONEST, I WONDER IF NOT DOING SOMETHING THAT... NICE IS WHAT MADE US ALL SO SOCIOPATHIC.
TT: Now there's another word I never expected you to use, Mister Vantas.
TT: You went from "porked" to "sociopathic", and that amuses me to no end.
TT: Congratulations on your self-knowledge.
CG: WELL, THAT WASN'T EVEN THE REALLY FREAKY PART. IT FELT TOO GOOD FOR THAT.
TT: Then what?
CG: HOLD ON, LET ME JUST SHOW YOU.
CG: WHERE'D THAT WEBCAM GO?
TT: Oh my god, Karkat. Is that what it seems like?
CG: YES. TEREZI LAID AN EGG. I REALLY OUGHTA PUT IT DOWN THOUGH.
CG: IT'S NOT EXACTLY AS STURDY-LOOKING AS YOUR EARTH CHICKEN EGGS.
TT: An egg. Seriously? Harley would have an aneurysm over this.
CG: EVERYTHING WORKED OUT JUST LIKE JADE PREDICTED, EXCEPT THAT.
CG: THIS IS WHY TEREZI IS HAVING SESSIONS WITH KANAYA RIGHT NOW.
TT: It stands to reason that if this egg were to hatch, it would reveal a grub.
TT: The question is, ofcourse, how long would that take?
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA.
TT: Know what, Vantas? Call me back if and when it does hatch.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --
TT: So what's this about Terezi?
~~~ A few months later, but not too many ~~~
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --
CG: CHECK THIS OUT!
TT: its threa in the morngin vantas
TT: whats this al about/
CG: OH THIS'LL WAKE YOU RIGHT UP!
CG: COS GUESS WHAT?
CG: I'M A DADDY!!
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] sent tentacleTherapist [TT] the file "GRUB.JPG" --
TT: Oh my god.
TT: It's cuter than I expected.
CG: THAT'S WHAT TEREZI SAID.
TT: Is it a boy or a girl?
CG: I CAN'T REALLY TELL. WE'LL FIND OUT EVENTUALLY.
TT: So now what happens?
CG: WELL, THE USUAL THING WOULD BE TO FIND A COZY STALACTITE, SPIN A COCOON AND PUPATE.
CG: FROM THERE ON IT'S JUST GROWING UP.
TT: You don't have any stalactites in your hive, don't you?
CG: FUCK, NO I DON'T.
TT: Does it have a name yet?
CG: NAH, THAT'S STILL UP IN THE AIR AT THE TIME.
TT: How about Zazzerpan?
CG: OH HELL NO!
TT: Good. I was just kidding.
CG: ANYWAY, I'M GONNA GO AND GET ME SOME MATERIAL SUITABLE FOR BUILDING A COZY STALACTITE NOW.
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --
TT: And there's the other lucky troll. How'd your sessions go?
GC: WOW, TH4T'S SOM3 PROF3SS1ON4L1SM K4N4Y4'S GOT 1F YOU KNOW 4BOUT THOSE
GC: TH3Y W3NT F1N3, R34LLY
GC: 3XC3PT MY NOOK ST1LL F33LS FUNNY
TT: I didn't need to know that.
GC: W3LL 1 D1DN'T N33D TO KNOW 4LL TH4T STUFF YOU TOLD US L4ST T1M3 >8D
TT: An excellent point.
GC: YOU M1GHT B3 WOND3R1NG BY NOW
GC: "WHY D1DN'T K4RKL3S US3 TH3 W3BC4M TO SHOW YOU TH3 GRUB?"
TT: Again, an excellent point. I did wonder that at some point.
TT: Why is that?
GC: B3C4US3 H3'S SM1L1NG L1K3 4N 1D1OT.
If I were to write a Population: N where N >= 14, it seems reasonable to assume that the new grub would be referred to by name. I leave it up to you people to come up with one, and also to assign a gender.
And so it is here. I hope I won't let you down with this.
A Homestuck/Bioshock crossover
Your name is Karkat Jack Vantas. You’ve recently arrived at an underwater city called ’Exceed’ and you’re now following the advice of a creepy ghost lady. Fuck it, you probably have to do this to survive, but that doesn’t mean you can’t rage about it.
I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose... Exceed.
Your name is Sollux Ryan and you are the mastermind behind the underwater city of Exceed. You made this place to free people from oppression everywhere. A place where those who want to, can rule. Not those that are born with the right. Sadly you’ve got a lot of enemies and your city is slowly dying. But that doesn’t mean you’ll give up.
We’re gonna have to draw her out of hiding. But you’re gonna have to trust me.
Your name is Atlas Medigo but people usually call you ’Aradia’ for some reason. Probably because calling a girl a man's name is a bit weird. You’re trying to free the city of ’Exceed’ from the oppressor. You’re also pretty sure you’re dead. And for some reason most people don’t tell you you’re wrong. You guess you’re okay with it though.
Use this. Free them from their torment.
Your name is Feferi Tenenbaum. You actually have the highest position on the caste scale, but the current empress refuses to acknowledge you and has tried to assassinate you a number of times. You therefore fled to Exceed when Sollux invited you. You realised you were pretty good at biology and DNA modification and were therefore in charge of the ‘Little Collectors’ project. You now regret what you’ve done and hope someone will help you and your ‘children’ escape.
He is ugly. Ugly. Ugly.UGLY!
Your name is Kanaya Steinman. You used to be a designer and since they were looked down upon on Alternia you decided to come to Exceed instead. Here, you found out you had talent as a doctor. You became a surgeon, a very successful one. But one day you met the most perfect woman in existence, and your thoughts revolved around her all the time. You became crazy, and here you are trying to make this worthless woman into the most beautiful woman in the world. And you know you can’t do it. But that doesn’t stop you from trying.
Turns out Ryan's chain is made of gold, and ours are the sort with the big iron ball around your ankle.
Your name is Tavros Wilkens. You came to Exceed in search of good, honest work, but became a smuggler to get more money. You’re a cripple thanks to your boss and even though they say she is gone, you don’t really believe it.
Come into the light, little moth, come in.
Your name is Gamzee Cohen and you’re a famous artist. Music, art, films you have made it all. You originally game to Exceed since it sounded like a goddamn miracle, but you soon find out you had a knack for everything artistic and you quickly became famous. You even have four disciples: Pamela Mendera, William Vestly, Arthur Riggun and Wen Queenta. Sadly, they aren’t quite as good at following the times as you are. What a pity. You do love sophor slime pie, though it is hard to come by.
This war, terrible thing, too, but not for Suchong.
Your name is Jack Suchong, and you’re a respected scientist. You’re the one who created plasmids, the big guardians and you had a finger in most scientific breakthroughs. And you let everyone know that. You especially enjoy testing new plasmids and see what they can do. You don’t mind if something goes wrong now and then. Not at all.
Look, Mr. Bubbles. It’s an angel.
Your name is... Well your name used to be Nepeta Leijon, but know you’re mostly referred to as ‘little collector’ or ‘tiny drone’. Your job is to walk around with your best friends, Mr. Bubbles and Mr. Glub, and collect ‘dreams’ from the fallen animals. You really like that. Such wonderful colors.
Your name is... Well your name used to be Equius Zahhak, but after your moirail, Nepeta, became a small collector you gave up your free will to protect her. Of course you don’t remember that, you don’t remember anything. All you know is that you have to protect the little ones, at all costs. Even if that means sacrificing your life. You also have a huge drill on your right arm, which is pretty cool.
Your name is... Well, used to be, Eridan Ampora. You sacrificed your free will for the girl you loved, once you found out she did not feel the same way about you and now you walk the city of Exceed protecting the little ones she created. You’re an excellent marksman which is the reason why you have a huge rivet gun at your disposal. You guess you’re also the handyman of Exceed but you mostly just repair stuff if you accidently find something that needs fixing.
Would you kindly?
Your name is Vriska Fontaine, and you are THE conwoman. You have so many irons in the fire, it’s almost impossible to keep up with. But you do anyway. You’re also the arch nemesis of Sollux and you’ve fought for the control of Exceed for quite some time now. You’re were so sure you would win. Too bad you’re dead.
Karkat Jack Vantas was currently on his way back to Alternia. He had been gone for some time, but he was on his way home to meet with his lusus. Karkat had even gotten a present from him, but it told him not to open it until he arrived, so he just had to wait. And it reminded him of something his lusus had told him long ago.
“Son, you’re special. You were born to do great things. Now stop cursing every two words!”
None of them knew just what great things he would accomplish.
A wet hand grabs onto the step with a wet clap, and a half drowned troll pulls himself out of the water. Lying on the steps, catching his breath, he looks back and sees the wreck of the space-ship he was flying in, as well as the fire spreading across the water. He looks up; trying to see the end of the gigantic tower he stands beneath. He slowly gets up, realising he has to find a way to escape. Walking up the stairs he finds an open door, leading into darkness. He cautiously enters and the door slams shut behind him. He whips around, running back to try and open the door, but it doesn’t budge. Suddenly the light turns on with a loud sound, and he jumps backwards in surprise when he sees the gigantic statue of a troll, suspended in midair.
“What the fuck is this?!”
Karkat took a quick look around. Like he expected there were nobody else around, which is why he was surprised, and a bit anxious, about the light turning on out of nowhere. He gives the giant face a closer inspection and believes he has seen the face before. But he can’t quite put a name or a place on it. Underneath the statue hangs a banner with the words: “No gods or kings. Only trolls.”
Karkat was still a bit anxious but decided the only way to go was forward. He found some stairs, and walking down, more light suddenly turned on. Continuing his descend he found himself in a circular room with three signs hanging on the walls and a gigantic round... Thing, in the middle of the room. The door to the thing was open and inside he found a lever. Pulling it the door behind him closed shut and it seemed to sink into the water. Karkat saw a sign telling him he was now 10 fathoms underwater and then another one telling him he had passed 18 fathoms. A screen rolled down before the window he was looking out of, and a commercial, supported by a light hearted tune, was projected onto the screen. Karkat didn’t understand the commercial as it only showed a troll with fire on his finger and the text ‘Fire at your Fingertips! Incinerate! Plasmids by Ryan Industries’. Karkat was pretty sure that wasn’t possible. Before he could finish his train of thought, a new picture appeared. In front of him was now a troll, sitting leisurely in a chair and smoking a pipe. The troll had four horns and was wearing shades. It was the same figure that had been on the statue in the lighthouse.
“I am Thollukth Ryan,” a recording began to play. “And I’m here to athk you a quethtion: Ith a troll not entitled to live their life and dethtiney?” The picture changed to that of a normal troll, standing in the middle of the street.
“No, thayth the Emprethth. They mutht therve me.” The picture changed again, now showing the troll bowing before a looming shadow.
“No, thayth the army general. They mutht therve the army.” Once again the picture changed, showing the troll in a normal soldier uniform. He had many bullet wounds.
“No, thayth the collector drone. They mutht therve the rathe.” The picture now showed the troll weeping before a collector drone. Then the picture changed back to the troll in the chair.
“I rejected thoethe anthwerth. Inthtead I chothe thomething different. I chothe the impoththible. I chothe... Ektheed!” The screen rolled away and in front of Karkat was now one of the most amazing sights he had ever seen. Laid out in front of him was a gigantic underwater city. Signs flashed, fish swam and the light from the windows mingled with the water creating a beautiful scene.
“A thity where the artitht could live out hith dreamt. Where the sthientitht could create what they wanted. Where a troll could live their dethtiney,” the recording continued. “And with hard work, Ektheed can become your thity ath well.”
The recording stopped, but still Karkat continued to float through the water. Moving under a bridge he noticed a huge hulking beast, seemingly fixing a leak and a gigantic fishbeast swam by him. Suddenly he heard voices again. They were coming from a radio sitting next to the door.
“The lighthouse is all lit up like a bonfire... Looks like some kind of plane crash. Or maybe a spaceship...” a voice said.
“We’re in the middle of the ocean on a deserted planet,” another voice said. “How could it-“
“Hey! Hello?! Who’s there?! What’s going on?!” Karkat yelled at the radio.
“I don’t know, but you best go over there. And be quick. There are splicers coming.” The dialogue between the two voices continued unaffected, and Karkat realised they probably couldn’t hear him. Maybe they didn’t even know he could hear them.
“You have to be kidding- How do you even know someone’s coming?” the second voice said, sounding very distressed. Karkat figured ‘splicers’ were a bad thing.
“The spirits told me and there’s a bathysphere on its way. That means we got company,” the first voice said, ending the discussion.
Karkat slowly floated into an opening in a wall, and was met with another strange commercial, this time for ‘Telekinesis’. Then the batysphere started drifting upwards. Karkat didn’t understand what was going on, but the guy that was going to pick him up, better had some fucking answers.
Personally, I don't think this is very good. But it gets the job done. So now we're getting ready for part 1: Welcome to Exceed.
If you want to know the reasons behind my cast choices, feel free to drop me a pm or something.
I chose 'Exceed' since Sollux wants it to exceed Alternia in every aspect and it also lies close to the word 'exile' which I thought was fitting.
MOVE ALONG, PEOPLE! NOTHING TO SEE HERE!
Pesterchum: paperConsumer (deviceJuggler is my troll account)
Since in eastern mythology the fenghuang (which is somewhat like a phoenix) is the female counterpart to the dragon and the Chinese constallation of the Vermillion Bird Of The South, which has the element of fire, uses the same stars as the constallation of Cancer, I'd suggest Shula or Sigurd.
Like I said before, I STILL want to see girlfriend trouble. Ie, Bro has girl over. Girl is not gone by the time Dave gets back. Shenanigans ensue.
ALSO do you want to do that laundry day thing together? We could set it up as an LJ thread and then hack it into a fanfic. Call it a collab.
I'll tackle the girlfriend thing next, because I've got a few good thought for how that would go over.
Yup, laundry thing is still a go, and the fanfic idea sounds great to me. I'll natter at you for more details over at LJ
Also, to everybody else- if you're curious about wth Lucid and I are going on about, I've got a Homestuck RP I'm trying to start up. It's supposed to take place before the Homestuck series proper and flesh out backstories and stuff. Check it out if you're interested! The link is in my sig, and we need more players.
Strider brothers fics (many thanks go to egregiousBass for compiling them):
Musical Interlude- Dave tries to ironically score in the ongoing fight to one-up his brother. By joining the school chorus.