GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO T3LL YOU
GC: TH4T YOU'R3 TH3 MOST D1SGUST1NG P13C3 OF FOWL 1 H4V3 3V3R S33N 1N MY L1F3
GC: 4ND 1 R34LLY M34N TH4T
GC: COM1ING FROM SOM3ON3 WHOS3 BOYFR13ND 1S 4 P4TH3T1C P3L1C4N W1TH 4 CLO4C4 FOR A B34K
GC: S3R1OUSLY YOU M4K3 M3 W4NT TO T34R OUT MY OWN F34TH3RS 4ND F33D TH3M TO MY H4TCHLINGS
GC: UTT3R D1SGR4C3
GC: 1S TH4T BL4CKROM 3NOUGH FOR YOU
GC: 1'M NOT F4M1L14R W1TH 34RTHL1NG M4T1NG R1TU4LS
GG: cluck cluck buc buc bok!
GC: S1GH >:[
I think you know what I mean.
I am just worried this rule is going to interfere with some fanfics.
But yeah, I guess I ought to leave 'freedom of speech' out of this.
- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 4:13 am –
CG: HEY JOHN YOU PILLWEEF.
CG: ANSWER ME THIS TIME.
EB: pillweef? what is that karkat?
CG: WHAT THE PILLWEEF?!
CG: I DID NOT TYPE THAT OR THAT OTHER ‘PILLWEEF’.
CG: SOMEONE IS PILLWEEFING WITH MY TROLLIAN CLIENT.
CG: JOHN WOULD YOU SHUT YOUR PILLWEEFING MOUTH SO I CAN PILLWEEFING THINK ABOUT THIS PILLWEEF.
EB: this is a preposterous amount of pillweefs.
EB: what is that anyway.
EB: a type of plant?
CG: HOW THE PILLWEEF SHOULD I KNOW.
CG: ITS PILLWEEFING PILLWEEF IS WHAT IT IS.
EB: this is just too funny karkat. i can’t take you seriously right now.
EB: come back when you have this problem resolved.
CG: JOHN DON’T YOU PILLWEEFING DARE.
CG: I WILL TEAR YOUR PILLWEEFING PILFWEEF FROM YOUR GOD PILLWEEFED PILLWEEF YOU PILLWEEF!
EB: hahahaha oh hahahaha..pffft..
EB: i am going to bust a gut!
CG: SHUT THE PILLWEEF UP JOHN.
CG: PILLWEEF IT.
CG: I AM DONE TROLLING YOU.
- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 4:19 am –
EB: come back karkat!
EB: tell me more of these ‘pillweefs’ you speak of!
Last edited by DJ-P0N3; 01-14-2011 at 07:17 PM.
Reason: How many times can I screw up this word?
you guys you guys
guess what time it is
its time for more
Homekrigg Geniusstuck: Part III.5
conqueringSavant [CS] is transmitting to gentlemanAdventurer [GA]
GA: FOUL SPAWN OF THE WRETCHED CHARLATAN OF A KING WHO SITS UPON A THRONE OF LIES!!!!!!
CS: Oh, bollocks.
CS: This would explain the multiple regicide attempts earlier.
GA: I SWEAR TO DELIVER THE CLEANSING FIRES OF JUSTICE TO YOU AND YOUR NEFARIOUS KIN!!!!!
CS: Did we not JUST establish how you would leave us be, forever?
GA: I AGREED TO NO SUCH THING, DEMON PRINCE!
GA: NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR SHIP UNDER MY CONTROL, SWIFT JUSTICE WILL BE ADMINISTERED SWIFTLY!!!
CS: What is the extent of your manipulation abilities, Tryggvassen?
CS: Or, to be more precise, why haven't you ignited the castle's lift cells yet, thus dooming us all to a terrifying and painful death?
GA: I HAVE PERFECTLY GOOD REASONS!!!!!
CS: Do tell.
GA: I WILL NOT DOOM HUNDREDS OF INNOCENTS FOR THE SAKE OF CRIPPLING BUT ONE FOE!
CS: remarkably unlike you.
CS: Is there a non-ersatz explanation you wish to provide?
GA: EXPLANATIONS OF THINGS ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, NEFARIOUS PRINCELING!!!!!!
CS: Would you like me to explain things?
GA: YES, EXPLAIN YOURSELF, VILLAIN!
CS: Very well.
CS: From what I have been told, these devices have moved ourselves and various large edifices into a land called the Medium, in which we are expected to locate and destroy a scepter that will be retroactively causing the meteor storm that chased us here.
CS: Additionally, our interlopers have made it clear that all of us entrusted with one of the six devices will be necessary to accomplish this and escape said Medium.
CS: From this, it can be determined that if you TRY TO KILL ME, you will be turning this whole thing into an unwinnable scenario.
CS: I would really like it if that were to not happen.
GA: WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE IS NONE OF MY CONCERN!!!
CS: Dear lord, I keep forgetting you're madder than I am.
CS: Just listen.
CS: If you kill me, we will all die.
CS: That's a BAD THING.
GA: THIS IS NONSENSE!!!! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNFAIR!!!
CS: Yes, how unfair.
CS: You suffer the torture of not being allowed to murder me, while I am granted the luxury of having a psychotic suigenocidal Spark assume full control over my surroundings.
CS: The injustice is palpable.
GA: NKM KMLNHYJU
CS: I'm sorry?
GA: I ATTEMPTED TO SMASH THIS DEVICE.
CS: That's counterproductive.
CS: Could you just...
CS: Go play around in this crazy stormy lost continent place while I try to figure out what to do.
GA: THERE ARE NO STORMS HERE, VILE SPARKSPAWN.
GA: MARK MY WORDS, WULFENBACH:
GA: YOU HAVE NOT HEARD THE LAST OF OTHAR TRYGGVASSEN, GENTLEMAN ADVENTURER!
gentlemanAdventurer [GA] broke transmission from conqueringSavant [CS]
This will continue to be an ordeal. Regardless, sitting around these doomsday devices isn't accomplishing anything. You reflect on positive experiences regarding apocalyptic machinery and are unable to find much in the recesses of your mind- save the time you dissected a globe when you were four.
You hear screaming from the corridors. Crashing echoes from every which way as the ship's crew attempt to discover the source of the abrupt teleportation. Crashes echo especially loudly from ways in which Jägers have congregated to shout battlecries.
Suddenly a rapid ticking fills your ears, and a strange black shape drops onto your head. AAAAAAAAAA GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT sword. Your rapier slices off one lock of your hair and one half of some strange demon clank. A mess of black gears wound so tightly that sprockets go flying when it bursts- and then every trace of it is gone, and a gigantic blue crystal appears in its place. How valuable is this strange object- and it disappears, and then the room turns white.
A... ladder, you suppose, with its rungs marked with increasingly goofy titles, stands in the middle of the room. Seeing nothing else, you begin to climb. You hand rests on a rung labeled "Regal Madsprout", and suddenly gaudily decorated coins flow out from the nothingness behind the ladder, and into... a pig?
This is just incredibly silly! What is going on?
The world once again flashes, and you are again onboard Castle Wulfenbach. A Jäger dashes down the hall.
"Aiiieegh! Hyu highnesch! Dere's all deez crazy leetle bitey tings wit all dese clankity perts end movin around reel fast! Dey eez gettin in ta containment tenks!"
"And these are making you run in fear?"
"Vot? Fear? Where?"
"Ohohahaha, hyu highnesch! Nut any of de fear! Dey is tiny and fun to heet! End dey splode up inta deez reel shinin-like stoff! We eez wantin hyu to com end be FIGHTIN' de tings! Eet eez hilareeze! Com on!"
The Jäger dashed a little furher down the hall before seizing a decorative battleaxe from the wall and making an about-face towards the commotion, shouting maniacally.
superawesomeBloodcurdler [SB] is transmitting to conqueringSavant [CS]
SB: hahahahaha i luv thos 1s thay r so funy
SB: nd al ov the imps, 2, thay r runing aroand nd geting puncxed nd freking owt
SB: thiss es the best prt ov the gam, 'cos ov how funy al ov the litl giys r nd alsoe the jagger giys r the gr8ist
CS: Excuse me, who are you?
SB: o im ZIMMY nd i m the 1 who iz the best
SB: 'cos i wus @ the top ov the lader nd wus the culist 1 who did al the best kileng
CS: You're in the group with Unfortunate Guardsman and Wandering Ocularis, right?
SB: o my gud the teexers wer the dummist 1s
SB: who cars aboat dem
SB: i wantid 2 tok 2 u 'cos i m frum the fyuxer!!!
CS: The what?
SB: fuk (haha i sed fuk( i dedn-t lyk the speling claz 'cos it stincs but i thinc its futur or somthing
CS: You're from the future.
SB: no wut i did wus me in the fyutur trixed anni in 2 comeing bak in tym nd then she (nd she is me ZIMMY( toled me al aboat wut wus gona hapen, so i no al the things frum the fyutur (but donet tel the othur 1s( but then the fyutur anni and fyutur ZIMMY got kiled 'cos of tym travel
SB: im sad aboat that
SB: but i no so meny fyutur sekrets aboat evurething, o k?
SB: thats wy im the see-er of blud
CS: Let me get this straight.
CS: You are Zimmy, Guardsman and Ocularis are the dumbest, and you know secrets from the future.
CS: This is because future you tricked future "Anni" into taking her back in time, where she shared secrets with you, her past self.
CS: And then they both died "because of time travel?"
SB: woaw yes thats wut im saing and i ges i speled a lot ov wurds rong
CS: And now you're contacting me.
SB: 'cos im BOOOOARD!!!
CS: I'm not in need of misspelled divinations right now. I need my father.
SB: o hey thats gud
SB: i no wear he is
SB: yeah i can c him weeling his cxair bed thing al aroand the rume ful ov shutey lazr wepons
SB: theirs al thees fukn dum docters cxaisng him aroand 2.
CS: He's wheeling his chair/bed around the armory while being pursued by doctors?
SB: i ges
CS: Well. Thank you, I suppose.
SB: yea im guna stop toking 2 u 'cos ur boaring
SB: by gligmages
superawesomeBloodcurdler [SB] ceased transmitting to conqueringSavant [CS]
Rude dimensional interlopers aside, you have work to do.
Last edited by -Benedict; 01-15-2011 at 03:56 PM.
Originally Posted by XFactorInfinity
I really, really hate the way you type. That's an impossibly mean thing to be honest about, but it's true, and I wanted you to know it. It's nothing against you, and I'm sure you're a pretty okay person, I think?
But the way you string sentences together sounds like a mad libs from a buffy factory took all of the worst parts of the nineties and internet culture and condensed it into an impossibly unpleasant grammatical structure. It's like what an intern at Game Bro Magazine writes like, probably. Before editing. It has so much bullshit, why I gotta read -Benedict try to form a coherent sentence dude
Huh, that new rule seem like it came out of nowhere. Concerned parents I guess? Somebody ought to think of the children.
Anyway I came up with this AU some time ago, and I thought it was pretty cool so I wrote a prolouge and maybe it'll lead somewhere idk.
I'm tired so there might be mistakes and I'm pretty sure I switch tense some places in there, just a warning.
The Death of the Maid
Once upon a time in a land far, far away there were two kingdoms. The kingdom of Prospit and the kingdom of Derse. The kingdom of Prospit was known for being peaceful and forgiving, whereas the kingdom of Derse was known as being strong and unforgiving. Yet, still it was Prospit who started the war. The war that almost destroyed an entire country.
There were many reasons for such a war beginning.
She had never gone to church before. Her mother didn’t really support of such things and instead wanted her to work and be useful. And once she saw the great cathedral in Derse, she thought that perhaps that was one of the reasons her town had been obliterated.
She and her ‘friends’ were completely different from the rest of the town, and as such they were seen as outcasts, even though the king and queen had officially taken them in, and all twelve stood under their protection. Some had even become the heirs to the throne as the rulers did not have any kids themselves. The girl, however, was nothing, but a lowly maid.
But she was okay with that. It gave her the possibility to walk around in the city, whenever the queen felt gracious, which was not often. But one day it happened and the girl went to the cathedral she had seen the day she had come to the city, walking in a line, a great metal ring around her neck and both hands and feet bound in chains.
She had never seen something quite like it. The castle was big to be sure, but not in a way as this. The castle was also a fortress, but the cathedral was not build for protection. It was built for awe and salutations. Walls and ceiling were covered in stained glass windows, revealing stories, unknown to her eyes. She stood watching the ceiling, trying to reach it, when a voice spoke behind her.
“What brings you to this church, my child?”
Quickly turning she looked up at a big man. He was not large, like the king, but he was tall and the clothes he was wearing seemed to somehow make him look bigger than he was. She could see from the materials of his clothes and his hat, that he was an important and therefore rich man. She especially noted the diamond sewn onto his chest, just above the place his heart would be.
“I am sorry I disturb, my lord, but I only came as I found the building majestic,” she said, being as humble as could and should be. “I will leave at once if that is your wish.”
“My child,” he answered in a soft and cold, but not completely uncaring, voice. “The church of the gods of the outer ring is a place for those who wish to stay.”
He started walking up the aisle, motioning the girl to follow. She did.
“I am the dignitary, but you can call me Draca. I am the one who takes care of this church and preach the words of the gods to whoever wishes to listen. Tell me, child,” he said turning his head as he stood before an altar. “Who are you?”
“My name is Aradia Medigo,” the girl said, doing a curtsy to show her respect. “I have recently been taken in by the king and queen and I am now being trained in the ways of a maid.”
“Ah, yes. I had heard the majesties had taken in some strange children. It is true then that your village was destroyed?”
“Indeed it is true, my lord,” Aradia nodded in agreement.
“You said you did not know of the gods,” Draca said after a pause. “Do you wish to learn?”
“Ve-very much so, my lord,” Aradia replied, eyes beaming and head furiously nodding.
“Then I shall teach you.”
Aradia’s life was now neatly divided in two. She would learn how to become a maid and once the queen said yes, she would go to church to learn of the ways of the gods. Luckily, Draca has a large influence and has as such granted the acceptance of the queen for such activities. Aradia is always completely concentrated during her lessons and while the maid training teaches her how to walk and talk, the training from the dignitary teaches her how to think and write. And she starts becoming a real woman.
They’re standing in the tower looking down upon the city. Aradia was soon to be done with her maid training and as a consequence, her training in the cathedral. She had grown, that was to be said, but the dignitary still towered over her.
“Do you believe in the world they made for you?” he asks her.
“Pardon, my lord?” she says quickly turning her focus to him.
“You heard me, child. Do you believe in the world they have created here?”
“I... How could I not? This is the real world is it not?” she says looking through the streets and to the castle.
“If you did not understand the question then you have not learned,” he says coldly as always. “I do not mean believe as in believe if it is real. I mean believe as believing in it. Is this the world you want?”
She looks to her feet and shakes her head. “It is not, my lord.”
“I have told you the legends of doom many a time. The legend of the prophets, those that claimed to be beyond the gods,” he continued. “Both kingdoms shall fall, but from the ashes a new rule shall rise.”
“A rule led by 16. From the kingdom of peace and the kingdom of war. Of light and darkness. Of weakness and strength,” Aradia finished. “Yes, my lord. But why do you bring the story up at this point?”
“The end is coming soon, my child,” he tells her. “You must prepare.”
It takes her a little while to realise what he means. “My lord, are you suggesting, that perhaps...?” she asks but is interrupted by the dignitary.
“The rule shall be led by the 16. Knight, seer, witch, mage, heir, thief, prince, page, sylph, rogue, bard, maid. Only together the 16 can begin a new world. The prophets cannot have more power than the gods, but perhaps they gods have given them a sign and told a true prophecy. And perhaps you are one of these, Aradia.”
Aradia was shaking and though her face showed feelings of bewilderment and fear, her eyes were beaming with something else entirely.
“The king is on the frontlines now and the queen holds the power of the kingdom. Tell her I wish to speak with her about this matter as well as letting you become my maid when you have finished your training.”
“Of course, my lord,” Aradia said before doing a curtsy and quickly running to the castle. She was excited. She couldn’t wait to tell the queen and her friends in the castle. It was like a dream coming true.
And the dream shattered with a single slap.
It was swung at her by the queen herself, as elegant and graciously as everything else the queen did.
“Do you mock me, peasant?” the queen asked her. The voice was cold as ice. “Should I, who have given you the clothes you wear, the manners your use, the food you eat and the bed you sleep in, give you up to a man as the dignitary?”
The queen snorted mockingly, looking down at the maid, who had fallen on her end from the slap.
“Rather, you should thank me, darling,” she continued. “A man like the dignitary is a man to fear.”
And with that the queen had the maid locked in her room.
She did not come out until two days later and neither food nor water had she gotten. She was not allowed to leave the castle after that episode and to fully mock her, the queen made sure she was the one serving as the dignitary came for dinner. The maid grieved, but did not let it show and started to use the royal library. The mage of the castle, who was a friend of hers, had granted her permission to read all she wanted.
The royal library was a magnificent one. It was as large as the library of the chapel and while it did not hold as many books it held some of a much different variety. Books of enchantments and magic were not uncommon and one day the maid came upon a very strange spell in a language unreadable to her. She showed it to the mage and together they began to decipher what would happen if the ritual, that was demanded, was done.
They had done it. It was deciphered and she knew what consequences the ritual would have. She fled from the castle, book in the bag. Her friends were watching her back as she ran to tell the dignitary.
The doors to the chapel slammed open and a wind blew into the great emptiness of the chapel.
“Less force would be appreciated,” the dignitary told whoever was at the door. “I am currently lightning incense, so wind should not blow.”
“I come bearing grave news,” Aradia told him, pulling down a hood she had used to conceal her face, and pulling the book out of the back.
“I see you have returned Aradia,” Draca said turning to her. “But why now, is the question on my mind.”
“Take a look at this my lord,” she told him, handing him the book. He looked at it feign interest.
“Can you read it?” she asked.
“It is written in the language of the ones calling themselves the developers. They said they were able to create the world as much as the gods, and so they were punished,” his interest was no longer feign. “Where did you get this? No, never mind, it is of no importance.”
He finished the text and closed the book, his back to Aradia, but she could still she his hand was shaking.
“I cannot believe such a ritual exists.”
“It is what the prophets dreamed of. It is going to become true if this ritual happens.”
“Then we will make sure it does not. I will keep the book here,” Draco told her, turning to face her again. “It is most safe with me.”
“But what about the queen?” Aradia asked him. “Surely we must tell her too.”
“No we must not,” he corrected her. “She will not think straight if it is about destroying both her kingdom and the enemies. In the worst case she might even perform the ritual just to defeat the enemy. Go back to the castle. We shall talk about this again soon.”
Aradia opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again and ran back to the castle.
But the wheels of destiny works in odd ways. The maid died by the hands of the mage, thanks to a thief and a strange potion. And soon the ritual and its consequences were unleashed upon the world.
In this AU I'm basing the characters on their title i.e. maid, mage, knight etc. The dignitary is a dignitary, though I'll admidt I don't know what such a person does so it's probably inaccurate.
Biostuck is going to be a backburner project. It's hard to write it.
Some really amazing fics I didn't read when they first came out due to me not being there. You've all done good.
MOVE ALONG, PEOPLE! NOTHING TO SEE HERE!
Pesterchum: paperConsumer (deviceJuggler is my troll account)