MSPA Fanfiction IV

[KarneWarrior]

I'm the...

PRINCESS OF PROCRASTINATION?!?!?!?!?!?!

BUT I'M A MAN!

I'M A MANLY MAN!

FUCK.

[Decker]

I am the Rogue of Character Expansion.
I even spelled Rogue right.

[crash826]

And now someone should write a fanfic thread author's Sburb session.

...YES.

HELL YES.

HELL

FUCKING

YES.

[Kassiopeia]

And now someone should write a fanfic thread author's Sburb session.

oh god yes

and.
well, my title is right there in my title. "wizard" may be pushing it though.

[Decker]

I don't see why. Mage is an accepted role. Close enough.

[Kassiopeia]

oh no, ahaha, it's just that wizard implies that I'm actually good at what I do XD

[Decker]

None of that now.

[lucidSeraph]

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Your name is LUCIEN MACMILLIAN, and you are a MISERABLE FAILURE OF A HUMAN BEING. You went to GRADUATE SCHOOL and you're not entirely sure why you did that. WHAT A FUCKING STUPID IDEA. Argh. Right now you're between sessions and you're bored as shit because you refuse to actually DO YOUR JOB, which is WRITING. Instead you are a PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY who WRITES ALL THESE FANFICTIONS.

Your forum handle is lucidSeraph, if you had a chumhandle it'd be loquaciousCervidae and you Have a habit of typing a bit too fast so you sometimes forget punctation capitalization and spelling, also you're a bit long-winded and like run on sentences, and also also you

use completely unnecessary textual effects

like weird alignment shit

because you fancy yourself some sort of goddamn postmodernist.

[Douhneill]

Bard of Long-winded fics
Page of plot twists
Thief of Lost updates
Liker of crack pairings
Princess of Procrastination
Rogue of character expansion

Do we need more? Also, who would write this?

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Your name is DANIEL IBAÑEZ and who am I kidding you're just wasting time again. You should be working to be a PASTRY COOK but your lack of a JOB is forcing you to have to start over NEXT YEAR. Well done. Whenever you're not handing out RESUMES to pretty much EVERY PLACE POSSIBLE, you're ONLINE doing NOTHING AT ALL. You used to write FANFICS, but ever since the CHAPTER 5 INCIDENT you can't bring yourself to continue the story.

Your forum handle and chumhandle are currently Douhneill and sleightofHand for reasons nobody cares about and you Don't give a darn About where you Capitalize words in a sentence.

[DJ-P0N3]

Our session is big enough.
Do we need to write our own introductions?
Because I can, I just don't know if I want to use my real name.

[KarneWarrior]

Whoever does needs to make me the only one to get Godtier.

I fly around the battlefield PISSED OFF and also in a frilly pink dress What was a frilly pink dress but is now in baddass tatters. Like Noirs rags.

I keep the hat though. I bedazzle that bitch like Kanaya on Cocaine.

[Decker]

I...didn't think this was going to be an actual thing.

[Twigwise]

That's a fantastic idea. If I knew any of you people or actually posted any of my fic's I'd try writing it. But I don't so I'll lurk again, patiently awaiting someone to write it :P

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I'm totally the Scribe of Unpublished Stupidity. *Shot* Or like, the Maid of Should-Shut-Up-Because-She-Has-No-Reason-To-Be-Involved-In-This-Having-Only-Shared-One-Really-Bad-Fanfic-So-Far

Hey, Karne! In response to your question on the last page, I love reading your OC stuff, personally. I don't comment because, I mean, what am I supposed to say? I can't just go on saying "OH MAN I love this so much it's so well written and I love how the grublets are developing blahblah" because in all honesty, while it's awesome, it's harder to find stuff to say about characters that aren't established. So I just sit and lurk. If that makes you feel any better.

[Kassiopeia]

well, if Seraph's gonna do it~

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Your name is KASSIOPEIA JONES and you are a RIDICULOUS GIRLNERD. You have a variety of INTERESTS, most of which involve MAKING SHIT UP FOR AMUSEMENT. You have a bit of a taste for GOTHIC LITERATURE although this is somewhat at odds with your SUNNY DISPOSITION. As a result, you have a fascination with CHARISMATIC EVILDOERS but would not HURT A FLY.

Your chumhandle is empyreanEnmity and you tend to TYPE ERRATICALLY IN CAPSLOCK in order to EMPHASISE WORDS or INDICATE YOUR EXCITEMENT and though you are a literature student you DON'T REALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT PUNCTUATION

edit: fixed up some stuff

[DJ-P0N3]

I...didn't think this was going to be an actual thing.

Well it needs to be.
It needs to be a collab too.
I think it should.

[Lexxy]

Mr. Bowdler, There's Something Wrong With Your Edit

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"OH ! WHAT'S YOUR ERIDAN?"
"Kar, it's VVri...I think I'm her."
"Oh come on man. I know you're . But come on. No one is that . ."
"Yes . I'm a and evveryone ."
"Well, that's . But you're yourself."

Karkat the , seatroll. This was odd, normally Karkat wanted to Eridan, but hearing about this - it triggered his . So now he had to the poor guy.

"So when did you Vriska?"
"It wwasn't until she me the other day and if I wwas her."
"I wonder ?"
"I don't knoww! Noww I'm with all these and I don't know what to do!"

Karkat the troll on his . He always when he had to like this face to face.
"Well, have you her this?"
"Oh gog no! I can't !
her! I can't her!"
"Too late for that."

Eridan Karkat with tears in his eyes.
"Just try her. If she you, I doubt she'll ."
"Oh, all right. I'll her. Thanks for Kar."

So Eridan Vriska and Karkat felt .

WARNING: UNEDITED VERSION HIDDEN BELOW!

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Fools Rush In

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"OH GOGDAMMIT! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM NOW ERIDAN?"
"Kar, it's VVri...I think I'm falling in lovve wwith her."
"Oh come on man. I know you're desperate. But come on. No one is that desperate. Not even Tavros."
"Yes I am. I'm a fuckin loser and evveryone knows it."
"Well, that's true. But you're being too hard on yourself."

Karkat sat down next to the poor, lonely seatroll. This was odd, normally Karkat wanted to have nothing to do with Eridan, but hearing about this - it triggered his romantic counselor mode. So now he had to help the poor guy.

"So when did you notice these feelings for Vriska?"
"It wwasn't until she approached me the other day and asked if I wwas interested in her."
"I wonder what prompted that?"
"I don't knoww! Noww I'm dealin with all these strange things and I don't know what to do!"

Karkat sighed and patted the sobbing troll on his back. He always hated when he had to do stuff like this face to face.
"Well, have you talked to her about this?"
"Oh gog no! I can't do that Kar!
Wwhat wwould I say to her! I can't be pathetic in front of her!"
"Too late for that."

Eridan looked at Karkat with tears in his eyes.
"Just try talking to her. If she approached you, I doubt she'll say no."
"Oh, all right. I'll talk to her. Thanks for helping me Kar."

So Eridan approached Vriska and Karkat felt satisfied with a job well done.

Oh gog, Lexxy's gonna kill me for this. So many rules violated. So many.

Can't ban you because I'm HAVING TOO MANY SEIZURES X_X

[crash826]

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Your name is DANIEL MIGNAULT and you are BORING. You sit around all day on the computer doing nothing, except maybe reading. You do a lot of that, too. Most of your time is spent inside, but you can appreciate stuff like DOGS and FANFICTION and VIDEO GAMES if you go to the trouble.
Your forum username is crash826, your chumhandle is inactiveIntellect and you are cursed. cuuuuuuuuursed!

[Douhneill]

ack! another Daniel!

[Decker]

I'll probably pass on doing too much writing, but here's a character if you feel like abusing him anyway.

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Your name is GABE DECKER and you are a generally laid back guy. You have a variety of INTERESTS including GAMING, READING, WRITING, and COOKING. You like to PROGRAM COMPUTERS. You are OKAY at it. You are THOUGHTFUL and INTROVERTED, if not a little SOCIALLY CRIPPLED. You pride yourself in your UNFLAPPABILITY.

Your forum handle is DECKER, You type fairly well but you seem to have some problems with punctuation, and comma placement.

[DJ-P0N3]

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Your name is NICHOLAS M. SOURBRUTEN and you wouldn't have it any other way. You are a big fan of MYSTERY NOVELS, and you are also very IMAGINATIVE. In fact you could say you could possibly IMAGINE THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE SHIT RIGHT NOW, you just lack the MOTIVATION to even attempt such a feat.

Your forum username is MayorSillyBiscuits, your chumhandle is politicalHabberdasher and You swear to god there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you speak or type.

[KarneWarrior]

Hey, Karne! In response to your question on the last page, I love reading your OC stuff, personally. I don't comment because, I mean, what am I supposed to say? I can't just go on saying "OH MAN I love this so much it's so well written and I love how the grublets are developing blahblah" because in all honesty, while it's awesome, it's harder to find stuff to say about characters that aren't established. So I just sit and lurk. If that makes you feel any better.

Thanks.

I guess you could maybe ask about anything you don't understand? Or tell me if I'm getting to sappy.

Because I need to be so sappy. I need this to be so gut-wrenchingly sweet that you'll start to cry when

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Iksti gets sniped

[Metaflare]

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Your name is ZACH WEHMAN and you don't finish ANYTH

[Tenebrais]

Hey guys, guys!
Guess what time it is!
If you guessed "it's time Tenebrais finished his damn series" you'd be right!

Windows: Chapter 12
Windows on AO3

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======> SWITCH 1

Some things are simply universal constants. Genetics. Computers. John Cusack. Among these many things is the game of Tag, or It, which anybody from an intelligent species will recognise as a game where one person is “it” and chases the other participants until he or she catches one and that person becomes the new “it”. In many universes and many civilisations it has served to keep children healthy and train them for the world Out There.
Still, few cultures play the game armed. Any anthropologist that spent time among trolls would be able to guess their species was one that did.

And so a young Karkat found himself sneaking around his neighbourhood, sickle ever at the ready to fend off whoever was presently It. Last he saw it was the guy with the spear. Laos, he thought the name was. Something like that.
Karkat peered around the corner of the hive he was hiding behind. Three other kids were running from Laos, who charged them in a way only a boy with a spear could. He wasn’t really all that fast; they got away from him fairly easily. He turned and saw Karkat.
Ever quick to action, Karkat ran immediately. Laos may have been slow, but Karkat was no sprinter either. He chased him across the neighbourhood, around several hives, and back to the courtyard he’d first spotted him in. But he was wearing out, and could run no more. Laos was pretty clearly out of breath too, but managed to make a weary thrust with his spear, gashing Karkat’s arm.

A bright red trickle of blood poured out.

Karkat quickly moved to cover it, but it was too late - Laos had seen it.
“Nah, let me see that,” Laos said, roughly grabbing Karkat’s arm. He saw the blood, and laughed. “Hey everyone!” he called out. “Check it out! Karkat’s a pillweef!”
Quickly, the other kids emerged from their hiding places around the suburb and came to see the freakish blood. They joined the laughter, and the name-calling. His blood was so low it was off the hemospectrum. He was a pillweef.

Ever quick to anger, Karkat raised his sickle and swung at Laos, scratching his cheek. Amber blood trickled from the wound as he frowned and raised his spear. As Karkat readied to fight, the other trolls started to close in.


Karkat pressed the button for the last time. He couldn’t bear to watch any more. A silhouette of a boy clinging to dear life as a group of trolls beat the shit out of him sank mercifully into a pile of sludge, which filled the last jar.
He didn’t need to watch the screen to know how the story had gone from there. He hit a low point. Really low. Nepeta bugged him about something, and he told her he never wanted to talk to her again. She didn’t really listen, but they spoke to each other a lot less after that.
Next he’d gone to Sollux. He could remember it with perfect clarity.


-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --
CG: SOLLUX STOP WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING AND LISTEN.
TA: hey KK what2 up
CG: I’VE GIVEN UP ON EVER HAVING FRIENDS.
CG: IT’S JUST NOT GOING TO WORK IN THE LONG RUN.
CG: SO I’M TELLING YOU NOW THAT THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL TALK TO YOU.
TA: KK
TA: that ii2
TA: the mo2t
TA: 2tupiid thiing
TA: ii have ever heard you 2ay
TA: and youve 2aiid 2ome pretty 2tupiid thing2
TA: 2eriiou2ly what happened
CG: I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
TA: 2ure whatever
TA: at lea2t you de2erve to have friiend2
TA: and iit2 not 2ome 2tupiid fluke
TA: 2o 2hut your 2orry flap and lii2ten
TA: you 2ound even wor2e than me
TA: you 2hould try talkiing two 2omeone
TA: AA ha2 2ome friiend2 who could probably help you out
CG: WHY THE FUCK DO I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MORON GIRLFRIEND’S CIRCLE OF JERKS?
TA: 2he2 not my giirlfriiend
TA: but whatever add gallow2caliibrator to your chumproll
TA: make that gallowsCalibrator
TA: or adiosToreador
TA: he2 alriight once you get two know him
TA: kiind of weiird about fiidu2pawn
TA: apparently caught a really rare one and i2 2tupiidly happy about iit
CG: SOLLUX I REALLY DON’T CARE, OKAY?
CG: I’M GOING TO GO NOW AND NEVER TALK TO ANYONE AGAIN.
TA: yeah riight
TA: 2ee you iin an hour or two then
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked twinArmageddons [TA] --
TA: you know that doe2nt 2top me riight
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
TC: WhOa WhAt ThE mOtHeRfUcK
TC: WhAtS uP tHeRe
TC: My MoThErFuCkInG bRoThEr FrOm AnOtHeR mOtHeR
TC: FrOm ThE sAmE mOtHeR
TC: I gUeSs
CG: WHO THE TAINTCHAFING FUCK ARE YOU.
CG: DID SOLLUX PUT YOU UP TO THIS?
TC: WhOs SoLlUx
TC: Im JuSt YoUr NeW bEsT fRiEnD
TC: PrObAbLy
TC: LiFeS a MiRaClE lIkE tHaT
CG: OH GOD NO.
CG: HAVING YOU AS A BEST FRIEND WOULD BE THE WORST FUCKING THING IMAGINABLE.
CG: I AM POPPING A FUCKING RAGE BUBBLE JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.
TC: HaHa MaN yEaH tHaT iS dEfInItElY a ThInG
TC: I jUsT fIgUrEd LiFe NeEdS mOrE mIrAcLeS
TC: So I pUt SoMe RaNdOm NaMe InTo TrOlLcHaT
TC: AnD hErE iS sOmE gUy WhO nEeDs A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
CG: WHY THE HELL WOULD I NEED A MIRACLE?
CG: HAVE YOU BEEN EATING SOPOR SLIME OR SOMETHING?
TC: MaN i NeVeR tHoUgHt Of ThAt
TC: WhAt DoEs SoPoR sLiMe TaStE lIkE
TC: YoU sPeNd AlL tHiS tImE sLeEpInG iN iT
TC: BuT nEvEr ThInK tHeSe ThInGs
TC: ThInK i ShOuLd TrY iT
CG: DON’T BE A FUCKING MORON, THAT STUFF DOES THINGS TO YOUR
CG: NO YOU KNOW WHAT
CG: DO IT.
CG: EAT THE FUCKING SOPOR SLIME
TC: AlRiGhT mAn HeRe GoEs
TC: gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
TC: HeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHe
TC: azsxdcfvgbhyjnuikuhgyhftgrdeswrdtfyguhijokpiuytffr ddes
CG: ARE YOU JUST ROLLING YOUR FACE AROUND IN THE KEYBOARD?
CG: FUCKING GOD.
CG: YOU ARE SERIOUSLY GOING TO GIVE ME A FUCKING ANEURYSM AT THIS RATE.
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOUR NAME IS.
CG: BUT I FUCKING HATE YOU.
CG: I HATE YOU, AND I WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU
CG: AND DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING FORGET THAT.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] --

terminallyCapricious has been added as a friend!


When he thought about it, that means Gamzee had saved his life, really. By coming out of nowhere and distracting him with blind rage, he forgot all about the stuff with his neighbours.
The blood colour thing all blew over in the end. No one around had the authority to get him culled yet and, after carefully avoiding them for a while, everyone just kind of moved on. But from that day on he knew that his blood was going to cause him trouble, and he’d resolved to go to great lengths to keep it hidden.

His mind clear, he turned to business. There was another button, with a DNA helix on it. He pressed it, and the twelve vats of green goo dropped into one large trough, mixing everyone together in a rather grotesque way. Machinery whirred into life, meaningless lights blinked, then with a blinding flash and a loud crackle, twelve grubs appeared on the platform in the middle of the room.
Karkat was nonplussed. What just happened here? Had he somehow created a new generation of trolls? Suddenly everyone had offspring? He cringed at the thought.
But no. That one there was bright red, a freakish mutant colour, and had his very horns. These weren’t just his friends’ children. They were him and his friends, and he’d just created them.

He fought the instinct to kill them all immediately. He had a hunch that it would be a bad idea. And fighting that urge got harder and harder as the grubs all noticed him and clung to him, playing with him like the world’s most exciting wriggling frame. It was sickening. Hopefully they’d all pupate quickly and he could leave them to whatever fate awaited them.

Sadly, he was there fully a day, making sure they didn’t get themselves killed. It was so strange to see them all playing nice with each other. Brutal Alternian society hadn’t instilled them all with violence or belligerence yet. It was a testament to how important experiences are in a life.

After today, Karkat realised that more than most.

A/N

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12 Chapters
16,636 words
Six months

Yeah this took far too long. But it's done! And I feel the timing was pretty ideal as the recent rule thing gave me a perfect invented epithet for Karkat's blood. It is now my head-canon that a Pillweef is exactly that. >:]
I'm pretty sure this took longer to write than House Party, my first serial fanfic from way back. I'm not actually sure what I'll do with this done! Maybe go back to my AU fics from the first thread. I've had so many ideas for Starfound but the point I've been at for the last half a year or so I'm still more-or-less stuck on. Ah well, c'est la vie.

[Decker]

Hey guys, guys!
Guess what time it is!
If you guessed "it's time Tenebrais finished his damn series" you'd be right!

I love this time!

[Graven_Image]

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Your name is CJ GRAVEN and you LOVE YOU SOME FANFIC. You're typing from a Wii at the moment, though, and don't have time to tell anyone anything before you have to sleep.

Your forum name is GRAVEN_IMAGE and you like to think you type without errors, even when using a wiimote.